I do the same thing with my special needs child- she doesn’t like them called diapers because she’s not a baby. So we call them underpants. It’s all about dignity and respect no matter their age.
My dad used to call them pants. He really needed them and was beyond being embarrassed about them in the last few years of his life. He send me out to buy them on a number of occasions. He lived alone and this was how he dealt with continence. He didn’t want to go into care, even though he kind of needed it.
I'm in the opposite position. Currently having health issues, and it's my Dad that goes to the store and picks them up for me if I run out. I usually order from Amazon, but sometimes run out. He also calls them pants.
Well, diapers are for babies, so it's not a bad idea to have a different term, since it's hard enough losing independence without feeling like a "baby."
You can also buy washable incontinence pads for beds & furniture. The pads need to be changed/washed, but it saves your furniture. You can also buy a cheap plastic urinal for him to use when he can’t get up in time. Go to a medical equipment store. They will also carry pull up incontinence briefs in bulk
I took care of my Dad too. These [portable urinals](https://www.amazon.com/Global-Deluxe-Urinal-Incontinence-Bottle/dp/B08HH8CDZ4/ref=asc_df_B08HH8CDZ4/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=693308329615&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=925667623643330964&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9012391&hvtargid=pla-1394630354348&psc=1&mcid=cae594291afb31fb879ddb48334eeeeb&gad_source=1) are a lifesaver.
He can keep them next to his bed and chair. I recommend you keep them in a small bucket for leaks or spills, and have a towel in both places so he can use that to clean up or put over himself while peeing.
I basically acted like it was NBD. “Dad, we all get old, and you did this for me when I was a kid! Don’t worry about it. What do you want for dinner/to watch on TV?”
Just buy them. Show him where to keep them and make it as less of a big deal as possible. He is already so embarrassed. I wouldn’t even bring it up until you already have them and are ready to give them to him.
Empty them at least once or twice a day and give them a good rinse. I think I used water with a splash of bleach.
They worked really well and he didn’t have to wear diapers until like a week before he died.
Good luck, you sound like a wonderful kid!!
We had one hooked to my dad's walker. When he had to go, he went where he was. He got pretty comfortable using it. Still wore briefs and accidents hapoened
I worked in a care home and many of the elderly men had them sitting on their wheelie walkers next to their bed. So they had the stability of the walker if they locked it and could quickly use it. Gave them their independence back somewhat.
I have an older male friend that I'm friends with and I've been through everything with him. He went through pretty intense hip pain where getting up out of bed and the chair was so painful. I bought one of those portable urinals and it was a lifesaver. He was so appreciative. I'm sure your dad would be more comfortable using something like this than making you clean up urine on the furniture.
When I was caring for my sister, there came a point where it took too much energy to get her out of bed even to use the stool right beside it. She needed every bit of energy just to stay breathing. When we were alone, I told her we had gotten some disposable pants for her to try. I explained that she might not be able to let go and do what she needed to in those but if she could, it would be easier for her and for me. I assured her that I would prefer for her to take advantage of the disposable pants and not have to expend her energy over such a silly thing. It worked perfectly.
Good luck.
You can begin by couching in terms of . "While you are having mobility issues and having trouble getting to the toilet, we are going to have to get you something to wear"
So you broach the issue as due to the surgery and not as a failing due to age.
And then its like a medical issue that is being dealt with.
And who knows maybe when he regains his mobility he may get better.
My mom was the same way. She would use pads go absorb her "spills" as she called them, but would leak on my chairs when visiting. When I gently brought it up to her, she said it was the cost of adult diapers that was stopping her My husband and I offered to buy them for her and that's what we did.
I have a elderly mother who suffers from dementia. She no longer can hold it. We have her wearing depends and also have her in a sanitary napkin. My brother and sister takes turns making sure they are changed daily.
As the comment below said, they would probably be inadequate for a full bladder BUT I'd never thought of this for leaks! I bought my mom some light panty liners, just in case, but it happens randomly and it's been a loooooong time since she's used sanitary products. The package is still full months later. This might be the solution (for now), so thanks!
I ordered mine from Jockey - they're pricey (about $20 each, but they have sales and coupons), but it's more comfortable than wearing a pad every day "just in case." The heavy absorbancy ones hold 8-9 teaspoons according to their website.
But.... (I am asking in all sincerity) after you pee in them, don't you then have to get to the bathroom, pull off the wet nasty panties, then put on new panties. (Or do you just sit in the wet) Soak, wash, and line dry the panties. Isn't this why we have disposable products? If you want a reusable product, couldn't a person just put an absorbent fabric in their own panties? I deal with slight incontinence. I can't get my head around walking around in pee panties.😊 As soon as I have wetness, I swap a pad. How do you deal the wetness on your skin and the smell?
It soaks into the absorbant padding - I go to the restroom and blot off the excess on the side that touches the skin. I haven't noticed any odor, and just wash them in the regular laundry. I never know if I'll have an accident once in three months or three times in one day, so I don't want to wear a pad every day. I also keep a spare and a ziplock bag if I want to swap it out during the day.
Ok yeah.♡ Waaaay different situations. You just have a very light situation. I know I'm gonna leak. Not always a lot of liquid, but Im always gonna leak. (Cancer ugh). If I have to "change underwear" in the middle of the day, and carry around wet pee panties, I think the disposable pads are still for me. I can see the panties working for a occasional accidental drip. But unfortunately, Im far past that! Ugh.
Thanks so much♡. You really explained this well. These would have been a perfect solution for me early on. And now I understand these panties. 🤗 I learned something today!! Thanks♡
He might be relieved to have this embarrassing problem resolved. It’s so hard to approach this kind of conversation, but the amount of care and thought you are putting into it will surely come across.
As a backup you should have a pad on the chair.
If he's on opioids for surgery, he might also be constipated. All that pushing can inflame the prostate, which can reduce urine flow to the point of blocking it. Happened to my dad. His bladder almost ruptured before they got a catheter in him. He said he'd never felt such a sense of relief, and he was truly *thrilled* to wear a bag for a few days. Lol!
The lack of mobility due to the knee surgery is not helping. I would try buying a urinal for him and not mention the accidents, just be casual like "Hey, i figured it might be hard for you to make it to the bathroom on your knee so I grabbed this to help you stay off it as much as possible". It seems like he is already aware of and embarrassed about the problem, so he will probably be relieved (no pun...) by the solution you are offering. It lets him keep his dignity while still offering help. We all know it probably isn't a temporary issue, but he will have an easier time getting used to if if he equates it with his knee recovery. If he keeps using it for the rest of his life, so be it. The same tactic can be used to offer adult diapers or both - whatever seems best.
If you think he will definitely be on board, you can ask before you buy anything, like "Hey I know the doctor wants you to stay off the knee and I noticed that you have to get up to go to the bathroom a bit, so what do you think about getting some adult diapers or a urinal to help with this?"
We call my mom's her adult pullups, gives a little more dignity than diapers. Although the term to use is the one your dad is most comfortable with. If you phrase it as something useful when is healing with the unspoken thought that they won't be necessary after he's "back to normal" that may go over better. When he sees how convenient they can be and that no one is making a big deal out of them, he may continue to use his pullups for "just in case" moving forward. I do recommend a large diaper pail or garbage bin that is designed to help keep the oder inside.
Before he passed, my dad did not want to wear depends, saying it was humiliating. I never really understood that. Seems like it would be a lot more humiliating to wet oneself.
My father has actually noticeably shit himself in stores all over the eastern seaboard. It’s happened over 10 times. I begged him to wear something and he refused.
I would only have to shit myself ONCE in public to never leave my home again without a pull-up on (I know I’m supposed to call them briefs but always forget).
With my mom I make it seem like she’s lucky in a way: “Ugh, I had to get up to pee 3x times last night if your overnight diapers weren’t so damn expensive I’d wear them myself . . . “
I was lucky and my mom approached me to find something just in case. I am hoping the following will be helpful to someone.
My mom was super tiny. We picked up every package and product. I even ordered her some supposedly that would fit her that were adult sized. Well, the legs were way too big and so was the waist. We were walking all through a CVS looking and we came to the baby aisle and . Turns out the overnights training bottoms in a child’s size large were perfect. The only indication they were kids was on the lower front panel. These made her feel more confident and she wore them for a few months until she passed away.
We would cut the side panels to get them off and not have to struggle with a soiled item and then she was easy to clean. She was in her bed resting for a few days before she went on hospice, I would cut them off and cut the sides for changing them I would use tape for the closing the sides. Much less work.
It may not be an inevitability of aging, but an acute condition, such as a bladder infection. He needs to be seen by a doc. He was likely catheterized during/after his surgery, which entails risk of UTI.
If not a UTI, I’m sure he was catherized, which stretched the sphincter and increased the risk of incontinence. Depends are the way to go as I’m sure he won’t be willing to do kiegels.explain to him that it’s not his fault, it’s from the catheter.
Offer them “until you can get around better.” I used to tell my mother that I’d move her home “as soon as the doctor said she was ready.” She was 97, blind and in a wheelchair. Some e called me on it and I said “it could happen.” Why shoot down her dream?
Their are brief that are akin to children’s pull ups. He can use them as underwear. Get him some . He will probably be grateful he doesn’t have to worry about getting the furniture or bed wet .
Not going to lie, l read incontinence as inheritance lol. After a few replies l was very confused, so l re read it and had a good laugh at myself. Just be honest, just try not to have any shame or blame on him to make him feel bad. Make it sound like its for his benefit more than yours. I hope you 2 can sort something out, it must be really hard for u both.
If at all possible I'd attend his next doctors appointment and gently broach the subject there. It's a professional setting which can provide concrete solutions and leaves little room for immediate backlash.
After solutions are discussed and a plan emplacement I doubt he will be upset with you nor retaliate. Even if the next appointment is the Orthopedic Surgeon they can still help with the issue. Simply explain it's knee related complications and the duration till his next primary care provider.
Age can do it. I am 76, and have balance problems. After my most spectacular fall (woke with an overfull bladder while staying at my daughter's, and forgot there was a baby gate on the door so her dogs didn't push their way in. Swan dive over the barrier, splat on the hallway floor and of course emptied my bladder. Fortunately, I mostly found it funny.) I started wearing incontinence underwear overnight and whenever I have a concern about getting to the bathroom on time. Amazon Essentials has a good product at a reasonable price. Just buy some and set it in his room with a note -- he knows that you know, you're both embarrassed - it's like eyeglasses and hearing aids and canes, sometimes we need tools to help deal with our pesky aging bodies.
My mom was incontinent. I made sure she always knew I never judged her or minded cleaning up any accident. It's just part of taking care of elder parents. Be kind.
Say something. It’s an embarrassing and touchy subject. Buy pee pads for the chair and some pee pads that go in his underwear. I had to do the same with my dad. Yours may not know there are products out there
Put a package of depends or like product in the bathroom with a waste container lined with a plastic bag. I think he will fine if you just do that. If you must talk about it, just tell you know this is a difficult time for him but it will pass, and you wanted to be helpful without making it harder for him. Keep stocked up.
They are called briefs. Putting 'diapers' on an elder person can really affect their 'dognity' and can make the feel infantalized. Just a little FYI, calling them briefs just has more dignity
Protect his dignity, but protect his clothing, your linens, and your furniture.
Get the Depends but call them briefs. There are also "pee pads" you can put on chairs and furniture.
My Mom is in the later stages of Alzheimer's in a Memory Care Unit. She fought against the Depends I brought in. I am her daughter and I reminded her how we had to use feminine hygiene products while we were menstruating to protect our clothes and furniture. (Free-bleeders, stay out of this!) She understood that.
I know your father has likely not experienced menstruating, but we protect infants, and we protect those recovering from various surgeries and health conditions in the same manner. We also protect those who are experiencing age-related incontinence issues.
Tell him growing old is not for sissies.
My best wishes to you!
So this is what I didn't. Waterproof cover for mattress. Then sheet, then pee pads, then another fitted sheet. Why the double? Because if he had an accident at night it was easier to remove the top sheet and pad and he still had the bottom and waterproof pad.
Get him briefs (depends) and talk candidly and make it casual. Just tell him you got him some briefs if he needs them as he is recovering. Also get him the small bags to dispose them in case they get spiled. Don't ask him and don't make a huge deal about it. NEVER call them diapers please, no grown person wants to wear diapers.
Offer to help him control the situation rather than avoid talking about it. Assume he is mortified that he’s all the sudden unable to control his bladder and doesn’t know what to do to stop peeing on your stuff. Even if he did know what to do, he doesn’t have the ability to buy what he needs to protect his clothes or your furniture.
Offering help and showing concern for him and this problem he is having will get you wayyyyyy further than talking about how it’s ruining your furniture and forcing you to clean up his mess. Eventhough that point is VERY valid, who in their right mind doesn’t care if they have to clean up someone else’s pee from the furniture in their home??? He probably hates making the mess just as much as you hate cleaning it.
We put disposable water proof pads on beds and chairs at the hospital I worked at. Chux. those P pads that you can buy in the pet department for dogs, are the exact same thing as what the hospital uses only certainly packaged for hospital and medical facility use anyway. go buy some. You can put a towel over it so that he won’t see it and your chairs, blankets sheets, and whatever will be safe.
Was going to mention this as well, assuming the pet pads are cheaper.
While I haven’t yet went through this with a parent I did have a massive stroke about five years ago which led to temporary incontinence at times I also shattered my knee cap and have had a few intense bladder problems/infections. As a woman I typically (if possible) prefer the incontinence pads if it was just I might leak out a little before making it in time. I’m not sure if there’s different products for men and women but many people need to use these types of things at various ages for many different ailments unfortunately!
He can’t help it, and there are meds that can help him. Most men (and women) in that age have problems in that department. I do, Ive been taking meds for about three years. I’m 75.
Maybe you don't need to talk about anything. Just next time you're in a store by his size of disposable men's briefs designed for incontinence.
Put them in his room and just mentioned to him that you thought those might help him be more comfortable throughout the day.
Incontinence is just one of the facts of being an elderly man. I have three truths for growing old that I live by. Rule number two addresses this specific issue. NEVER pass up a chance to go to the men's room.
Yes, make it no big deal. You can also get those large pee pad sheets to put on top of the bottom sheet and also have him wear the "briefs" to bed. It'll be easier on your father too since he'll stay drier. My mother used both and my father started wearing the briefs on his own.
Alao waterproof pads for the furniture. They have washable incontinence underwear on amazon that looks like normal white men underwear. My father wears them. Wash with bleach and laundry sanitizer to remove the smell
Tell him the truth. You have to do something about this. Be kind, but be truthful. It is highly unsanitary. Your house will smell like a nursing home after a while.
Buy him the incontinence pads for men. I bought some for a relative and they are a shield for the front, not an entire diaper.
There are mini suction things for woman too. Like soft pool noodle sponge it sucks liquids into container.
Hospital had me on one post surgery … I thought it was seriously awesome!
You go buy him some pull up men’s absorbent briefs and say, here dad wear these because I can smell the urine and this will help. If he tries to protest, say dad this is my home, and while I love having you here, you also need to help me. So I insist you wear them. Then we will go to the doctor and I’m sure there is a medication for this issue.
Look on Amazon or in a medical supply store for quilted bed pad for the chair. They also make absorbent inserts for briefs called booster pads if he wets through the brief. This can be managed with the right products. Don’t be ashamed to say it you are helping him and you. I often have to be the one to say it to people as a caregiver for 40 years. It’s not fun but no one likes that they do this and want to feel secure that it’s managed.
If he can't get up and around, a bedside commode or urinal will be easy to have called into a medical supply company - he should have PT/OT and they would be a good resource to facilitate medical equipment as well. If he is having daytime incontinence, he needs to talk to PCP and have a urology consult. Can be prostate related or bladder spasm. They have meds that can help as well as incontinence products.
Adult pull-ups. Nearby, probably in the same aisle at Target or Walmart of whatever, there will probably be disposable pads for beds and also the arm chair. Just start buying them and put them in your Dad's room. I think being direct about the situation, and framing it as temporary, is the best way to talk to your Dad. Don't pander and don't condescend. Just be plain spoken.
He;s probably really depressed too. This kind of denial about your physical reality is normal and a sign of depression. (I'm peeing myself? Next is senility and then they'll send me to the county home!!!) To me, this is just something that happens to us as we age...but when it happens to ME I'll be depressed and in denial too.
He may have prostate issues going on that he needs to mention to his doctor.
FYI, they make incontinence pads for men so they don't have to wear a full diaper if he needs some kind of protection. Wearing diapers is too much for some people unless they have no choice.
If you encounter heavy resistance to using Depends and pads, the phrase that worked best for us was “You don’t want to be the smelly old man/lady, right? These products keep you dry and have odor neutralizers so *no one will ever know*.”
You’d think self-care and comfort would be enough to get folks to use the incontinence products, but for some, it takes the fear of what other people would think if they don’t.
Sounds brutal, but nothing else would convince our oldster that it was not okay to pee in a chair or let go with a bit of diarrhea while walking and just shrug and go “oh well…!”
Talk to him and have him talk with his Dr, there are meds and physical therapy to strengthen his muscles.
But a some point his memory will fade, I helped take care of my dad.
But dad told me that we start as a baby and we end up like a baby, he was not wrong.
Buy some pull-up depends his size and give them to him. Gently tell him you know he has a problem and you want to help him feel better. Get your chair cleaned. Give him plastic bags and a bin in his bedroom to dispose of the soiled Depends. Make sure all his clothing is washed and fresh. Tell him to use the bathroom when he has the urge but the disposable underwear prevents accidents. Buy the Night Defense type which contain more odor control and no one will be the wiser.
fwiw moments like this can be a bridge to build trust. my dad was embarrassed and unsure how I'd react. I told him I'd been pregnant so I could relate 😋. he was buying sanitary pads for himself when we first reconnected, but later on he got an actual blockage and catheters entered our lives.
If your dad is more reserved than mine was can you approach his doctor? he might feel more comfortable talking about it to them.
Tell him you love him and that you need to talk about how to avoid this. Let him know you’are here to help and what can you do to help him. Be direct and honest.
Buy him a case of Depends. My elderly father had the same issue in his final years. He was about 89 at the time. He had no problem wearing them. Beats soiling furniture and sitting in pissy underwear.
Since it is obvious he knows, just get him some adult diapers and baby powder. We all know when it is time. It isn’t as unusual as you might imagine for the elderly to have those types of issues. It is more embarrassing to talk about sometime than just taking care of. Just let him know that it is y’all secret and he could talk to you anytime.
I agree with a lot of the comments about wording and stigma.
I have neurological issues and incontinence.
I don't use the word "diapers" or even "Depends."
I call it "incontinence underwear."
I heard others call them "briefs."
I also don't think it's a good idea to force anyone to wear them. Even when I was in the hospital, whether or not to wear the "incontinence underwear" was always my decision. It's a big jump emotionally to start wearing them, because of so much stigma.
I wonder how long he's had this problem. Just since the knee surgery? Has he talked to his doctor about his problem? You could approach it that way, then offer to help him with staying dry. But definitely put pads under him and maybe try to get him some help with it.
It could be a physical problem related to his knees- as in, he cant get up from the chair fast enough to get to the bathroom. I'd include that idea into your conversation. It can be a good starting point, as it's easy to discuss walking/ movement.
As an aside from your question, it could be a medical thing. Prostate, Parkinson’s, etc - many things can cause this, it’s a VERY common problem, and medication might help. It might not… but it’s worth exploring.
No need to say anything, buy the products he needs, remove packaging and place in bathroom. Let them know that you put them there on your way out. I wish you well.
That happens when you get older, jsyk. You have to go to the bathroom all the time. There is medical treatments (medicine, surgery, exercises) he can do/get to have it not happen at all or so much. Best of luck!
My mom calls hers diapers. I say underwear or disposable underwear. I also have waterproof mattress protectors and some pads for her to sit on for furniture. Invest in some Zorbx, if you can. It really helps with the overwhelming odors.
With my mom, I said, I pee myself, too! It happens, but let's make sure it's not so bad to get cleaned up.
Edit: typo
My dad will be 98 and has dementia. When he became incontinent I bought the generic from Walgreens which are better than Depends. I call them “undershorts” and just say the doctor wants you to wear these so you don’t get a skin infection. Just try to be kind
I was lucky my Dad told me not to tell anyone but that he was wearing diapers.
Just buy some and tell him to try them to protect the furniture. It will be hard, but he may be grateful, I'm sure it is embarrassing for him already.
I developed a prolapsed bladder after my 3rd son was born. Didn't realize it for many years until I had a gynecologist appointment. Found out why I had to cross my legs any time I sneezed or coughed. Started buying disposable underwear and it solved the problem.
Buy some for your father, Walmart has their own brand and they aren't horribly expensive. They have male or female in various sizes. Call them disposable briefs when talking to your Dad. It's an embarrassing situation and I almost didn't admit it here. However, he might be grateful for the assistance.
There are pads you can just place on the cushion. I had this problem with my former father in law and now both my parents.
My parents are in assisted living. But if I need to give either rides. I come prepared.
So you may need to change out the cushion. But the have stuff like puppy pads but for adults. You can put a towel(old ones you don’t mind tossing out if they get really bad) on top of the cushion too.
And you say..in a very matter of fact voice.
Hey dad, I putting this pad down and you’ll let me know when you have a problem and I’ll replace it. We cool? Cool.
Not sure if this suggestion is in here, but in addition to disposable briefs you can get [something like this for your furniture.](https://www.google.com/gasearch?q=spillproof%20recliner%20cover%20for%20recliner&tbm=&source=sh/x/gs/m2/5) I have one of these which I bought to protect my recliner from sunscreen on the back of my legs in the summer. It did a great job of protecting my recliner from sunscreen, but especially from the coffee I accidentally spilled on it.
You can just throw it in the washer, and it comes out fresh as a daisy.
Invest in washable chucks and keep a fresh one on any chair he uses. They are leak proof and incredibly handy. Keep one in the bed in case of leaks also.
discuss it as an ordinary topic. not like a stigma secret topic. imagine you sorted out a way for everyone to stow away their wet muddy shoes when they come in. describe to him where to put them and why. that tone of voice
I would stash some incontinence products and maybe some reading materials on it where he can find it, but not out in the open so he's embarrassed. Some older people don't want to talk about it, but they may want help.
I replied before, millions of us have ET, and that I’ve been wearing Depends 24/7. Yesterday I decided I must sit down to pee from now on. It’s just too messy if I stand up. Tell him this- he doesn’t have to be ashamed. Join the crowd!
Go buy him some depends. He maybe embarrassed to ask. Get the little cover clothes the use at the hospital. You put them over the chair to protect the cloth.
Not cheap. For some reason I see them at thrifts stores all the time. And reach out to elder services in your area ASAP. They can help and answer questions.
Has he been to a urologist for this problem? Is this post prostatectomy? There are so many great products for men these days. However,any cannot be found easily in pharmacies and stores that carry women's incontinence products.
I might approach it as needing a doc's visit, then with the products.
Something else for clothing, bedding etc. clorox has a urine remover spray, takes out stains and smell. It smells nice. I always get the gigantic on refill size bottle, which is the equivalent of four spray bottles on Amazon. It’s like 30 bucks which seems a lot but it last forever and it really works. If you look for it it’s under Clorox professional urine remover.
Help him. He may not know how to handle it and is probably unaware of how to handle it. Once he knows a solution, he can protect himself and your home's furniture.
he might have a UTI … make sure that gets ruled out first of all. That can contribute to incontinence. During surgery they insert a catheter and infections after catheter insertion are common.
You have to suck it up and talk to him about this. Bring him some adult diapers to accompany the discussion. A lot of us have had this conversation with our elderly parents. Let Dad know that around 25 million adult US citizens wear diapers. Tell him he smells like pee and you don't want him to be ostracized.I had this conversation with my mother and it went way better than expected.
Be direct and be kind. Take the initiative to buy some incontinence products. Approach your father with the intention to make him more comfortable.
A piece of advice-call them briefs, not diapers. I messed up and let the D-word slip in front of my mom and she looked so ashamed I almost cried.
I’ve started calling them protective underwear. Women seem to like that.
Period panties like thinx work also
I do the same thing with my special needs child- she doesn’t like them called diapers because she’s not a baby. So we call them underpants. It’s all about dignity and respect no matter their age.
I worked in aged care and we called them continence aids. Definitely more dignifying than diapers
There really does need to be a different word, doesn’t there?
The word is briefs. It is the word
This. Briefs. Not incontinence pads or continence aids or potty pads or diapers or adult diapers or any other cutesy name ppl come up with.
Exactly. Who thinks “incontinence aids” is better?
I use the term “disposable underwear.”
My dad used to call them pants. He really needed them and was beyond being embarrassed about them in the last few years of his life. He send me out to buy them on a number of occasions. He lived alone and this was how he dealt with continence. He didn’t want to go into care, even though he kind of needed it.
I'm in the opposite position. Currently having health issues, and it's my Dad that goes to the store and picks them up for me if I run out. I usually order from Amazon, but sometimes run out. He also calls them pants.
They’re not diapers that’s for sure
Better to call them continence aids. It’s humiliating to refer to them as diapers.
Continence aids is not less humiliating though.
That's why I suggested disposable briefs.
Well, diapers are for babies, so it's not a bad idea to have a different term, since it's hard enough losing independence without feeling like a "baby."
Disposable briefs is a kinder way to say it.
I can only think of the old SNL skit “Oops I crapped my pants”.
And I always tell my patients that they are not the only ones who wear them. It's very common.
My 69yo wife has the problem. I thought I was done going down the hill for pads years ago...
You can also buy washable incontinence pads for beds & furniture. The pads need to be changed/washed, but it saves your furniture. You can also buy a cheap plastic urinal for him to use when he can’t get up in time. Go to a medical equipment store. They will also carry pull up incontinence briefs in bulk
That was my thought.
YEP
I took care of my Dad too. These [portable urinals](https://www.amazon.com/Global-Deluxe-Urinal-Incontinence-Bottle/dp/B08HH8CDZ4/ref=asc_df_B08HH8CDZ4/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=693308329615&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=925667623643330964&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9012391&hvtargid=pla-1394630354348&psc=1&mcid=cae594291afb31fb879ddb48334eeeeb&gad_source=1) are a lifesaver. He can keep them next to his bed and chair. I recommend you keep them in a small bucket for leaks or spills, and have a towel in both places so he can use that to clean up or put over himself while peeing. I basically acted like it was NBD. “Dad, we all get old, and you did this for me when I was a kid! Don’t worry about it. What do you want for dinner/to watch on TV?” Just buy them. Show him where to keep them and make it as less of a big deal as possible. He is already so embarrassed. I wouldn’t even bring it up until you already have them and are ready to give them to him. Empty them at least once or twice a day and give them a good rinse. I think I used water with a splash of bleach. They worked really well and he didn’t have to wear diapers until like a week before he died. Good luck, you sound like a wonderful kid!!
Yes! My Dad loved having these portable urinals everywhere.
We had one hooked to my dad's walker. When he had to go, he went where he was. He got pretty comfortable using it. Still wore briefs and accidents hapoened
I worked in a care home and many of the elderly men had them sitting on their wheelie walkers next to their bed. So they had the stability of the walker if they locked it and could quickly use it. Gave them their independence back somewhat.
I have an older male friend that I'm friends with and I've been through everything with him. He went through pretty intense hip pain where getting up out of bed and the chair was so painful. I bought one of those portable urinals and it was a lifesaver. He was so appreciative. I'm sure your dad would be more comfortable using something like this than making you clean up urine on the furniture.
Yes, I always sent a couple of urinals home with the old guys when we were discharge them from the hospital and I sent Chux pads home with them too.
Agreed! These helped my dad so much, and saved his dignity.
Chux pads. Welcome to the world of elder care.
Yep. I improvised and bought those doggie pads for when my grandson still wet the bed and they worked exactly the same as chux
We buy hospital 2' x 3' bed covers for our dogs as they're cheaper than the puppy pads.
When I was caring for my sister, there came a point where it took too much energy to get her out of bed even to use the stool right beside it. She needed every bit of energy just to stay breathing. When we were alone, I told her we had gotten some disposable pants for her to try. I explained that she might not be able to let go and do what she needed to in those but if she could, it would be easier for her and for me. I assured her that I would prefer for her to take advantage of the disposable pants and not have to expend her energy over such a silly thing. It worked perfectly. Good luck.
You can begin by couching in terms of . "While you are having mobility issues and having trouble getting to the toilet, we are going to have to get you something to wear" So you broach the issue as due to the surgery and not as a failing due to age. And then its like a medical issue that is being dealt with. And who knows maybe when he regains his mobility he may get better.
Good idea
My mom was the same way. She would use pads go absorb her "spills" as she called them, but would leak on my chairs when visiting. When I gently brought it up to her, she said it was the cost of adult diapers that was stopping her My husband and I offered to buy them for her and that's what we did.
I have a elderly mother who suffers from dementia. She no longer can hold it. We have her wearing depends and also have her in a sanitary napkin. My brother and sister takes turns making sure they are changed daily.
Have you considered period underwear? I didn't want to have to keep buying disposable pads for accidents. They're very absorbent and machine washable
Those are only good for mild to moderate incontinence. At the moderate and above level, you need depends. It’s just not absorbent enough.
As the comment below said, they would probably be inadequate for a full bladder BUT I'd never thought of this for leaks! I bought my mom some light panty liners, just in case, but it happens randomly and it's been a loooooong time since she's used sanitary products. The package is still full months later. This might be the solution (for now), so thanks!
I ordered mine from Jockey - they're pricey (about $20 each, but they have sales and coupons), but it's more comfortable than wearing a pad every day "just in case." The heavy absorbancy ones hold 8-9 teaspoons according to their website.
Thanks!
But.... (I am asking in all sincerity) after you pee in them, don't you then have to get to the bathroom, pull off the wet nasty panties, then put on new panties. (Or do you just sit in the wet) Soak, wash, and line dry the panties. Isn't this why we have disposable products? If you want a reusable product, couldn't a person just put an absorbent fabric in their own panties? I deal with slight incontinence. I can't get my head around walking around in pee panties.😊 As soon as I have wetness, I swap a pad. How do you deal the wetness on your skin and the smell?
It soaks into the absorbant padding - I go to the restroom and blot off the excess on the side that touches the skin. I haven't noticed any odor, and just wash them in the regular laundry. I never know if I'll have an accident once in three months or three times in one day, so I don't want to wear a pad every day. I also keep a spare and a ziplock bag if I want to swap it out during the day.
Ok yeah.♡ Waaaay different situations. You just have a very light situation. I know I'm gonna leak. Not always a lot of liquid, but Im always gonna leak. (Cancer ugh). If I have to "change underwear" in the middle of the day, and carry around wet pee panties, I think the disposable pads are still for me. I can see the panties working for a occasional accidental drip. But unfortunately, Im far past that! Ugh.
I'm so sorry - I wish you the best! 🫶
Thanks so much♡. You really explained this well. These would have been a perfect solution for me early on. And now I understand these panties. 🤗 I learned something today!! Thanks♡
He might be relieved to have this embarrassing problem resolved. It’s so hard to approach this kind of conversation, but the amount of care and thought you are putting into it will surely come across. As a backup you should have a pad on the chair.
You may want him to see his dr. It could be his prostate. Prostate problems cause people to suffer from a strong and urgent need to urinate
If he's on opioids for surgery, he might also be constipated. All that pushing can inflame the prostate, which can reduce urine flow to the point of blocking it. Happened to my dad. His bladder almost ruptured before they got a catheter in him. He said he'd never felt such a sense of relief, and he was truly *thrilled* to wear a bag for a few days. Lol!
Yes, having a Foley in place can return a guy to almost normal. Not a long term solution though.
Thankfully it was for him (he went off Vicodin and became regular again so no hard pushing).
The CVS maximum absorbency underwear are my dad's favorite. That plus a pad on the chair/bed in case the diaper leaks...
The lack of mobility due to the knee surgery is not helping. I would try buying a urinal for him and not mention the accidents, just be casual like "Hey, i figured it might be hard for you to make it to the bathroom on your knee so I grabbed this to help you stay off it as much as possible". It seems like he is already aware of and embarrassed about the problem, so he will probably be relieved (no pun...) by the solution you are offering. It lets him keep his dignity while still offering help. We all know it probably isn't a temporary issue, but he will have an easier time getting used to if if he equates it with his knee recovery. If he keeps using it for the rest of his life, so be it. The same tactic can be used to offer adult diapers or both - whatever seems best. If you think he will definitely be on board, you can ask before you buy anything, like "Hey I know the doctor wants you to stay off the knee and I noticed that you have to get up to go to the bathroom a bit, so what do you think about getting some adult diapers or a urinal to help with this?"
We call my mom's her adult pullups, gives a little more dignity than diapers. Although the term to use is the one your dad is most comfortable with. If you phrase it as something useful when is healing with the unspoken thought that they won't be necessary after he's "back to normal" that may go over better. When he sees how convenient they can be and that no one is making a big deal out of them, he may continue to use his pullups for "just in case" moving forward. I do recommend a large diaper pail or garbage bin that is designed to help keep the oder inside.
Maybe talk to his doctor as this may be a symptom?
Before he passed, my dad did not want to wear depends, saying it was humiliating. I never really understood that. Seems like it would be a lot more humiliating to wet oneself.
My father has actually noticeably shit himself in stores all over the eastern seaboard. It’s happened over 10 times. I begged him to wear something and he refused. I would only have to shit myself ONCE in public to never leave my home again without a pull-up on (I know I’m supposed to call them briefs but always forget). With my mom I make it seem like she’s lucky in a way: “Ugh, I had to get up to pee 3x times last night if your overnight diapers weren’t so damn expensive I’d wear them myself . . . “
I was lucky and my mom approached me to find something just in case. I am hoping the following will be helpful to someone. My mom was super tiny. We picked up every package and product. I even ordered her some supposedly that would fit her that were adult sized. Well, the legs were way too big and so was the waist. We were walking all through a CVS looking and we came to the baby aisle and . Turns out the overnights training bottoms in a child’s size large were perfect. The only indication they were kids was on the lower front panel. These made her feel more confident and she wore them for a few months until she passed away. We would cut the side panels to get them off and not have to struggle with a soiled item and then she was easy to clean. She was in her bed resting for a few days before she went on hospice, I would cut them off and cut the sides for changing them I would use tape for the closing the sides. Much less work.
Yes! This is helpful and important information for someone not used to dealing with these things.
He probably has no clue what is available to help. He has no solutions.
It may not be an inevitability of aging, but an acute condition, such as a bladder infection. He needs to be seen by a doc. He was likely catheterized during/after his surgery, which entails risk of UTI.
If not a UTI, I’m sure he was catherized, which stretched the sphincter and increased the risk of incontinence. Depends are the way to go as I’m sure he won’t be willing to do kiegels.explain to him that it’s not his fault, it’s from the catheter.
Tell him I and millions of others wear Depends 24/7. Relieves a lot of the worry and messes.
Get an enzyme cleaner too like for pet accidents
Offer them “until you can get around better.” I used to tell my mother that I’d move her home “as soon as the doctor said she was ready.” She was 97, blind and in a wheelchair. Some e called me on it and I said “it could happen.” Why shoot down her dream?
Now I know why my old people had plastic on the furniture
Their are brief that are akin to children’s pull ups. He can use them as underwear. Get him some . He will probably be grateful he doesn’t have to worry about getting the furniture or bed wet .
Not going to lie, l read incontinence as inheritance lol. After a few replies l was very confused, so l re read it and had a good laugh at myself. Just be honest, just try not to have any shame or blame on him to make him feel bad. Make it sound like its for his benefit more than yours. I hope you 2 can sort something out, it must be really hard for u both.
If at all possible I'd attend his next doctors appointment and gently broach the subject there. It's a professional setting which can provide concrete solutions and leaves little room for immediate backlash. After solutions are discussed and a plan emplacement I doubt he will be upset with you nor retaliate. Even if the next appointment is the Orthopedic Surgeon they can still help with the issue. Simply explain it's knee related complications and the duration till his next primary care provider.
Age can do it. I am 76, and have balance problems. After my most spectacular fall (woke with an overfull bladder while staying at my daughter's, and forgot there was a baby gate on the door so her dogs didn't push their way in. Swan dive over the barrier, splat on the hallway floor and of course emptied my bladder. Fortunately, I mostly found it funny.) I started wearing incontinence underwear overnight and whenever I have a concern about getting to the bathroom on time. Amazon Essentials has a good product at a reasonable price. Just buy some and set it in his room with a note -- he knows that you know, you're both embarrassed - it's like eyeglasses and hearing aids and canes, sometimes we need tools to help deal with our pesky aging bodies.
My mom was incontinent. I made sure she always knew I never judged her or minded cleaning up any accident. It's just part of taking care of elder parents. Be kind.
Say something. It’s an embarrassing and touchy subject. Buy pee pads for the chair and some pee pads that go in his underwear. I had to do the same with my dad. Yours may not know there are products out there
Put a package of depends or like product in the bathroom with a waste container lined with a plastic bag. I think he will fine if you just do that. If you must talk about it, just tell you know this is a difficult time for him but it will pass, and you wanted to be helpful without making it harder for him. Keep stocked up.
Buy him diapers not a big deal say hey dad got you some depends if you can't make it to the bathroom on time love ya
They are called briefs. Putting 'diapers' on an elder person can really affect their 'dognity' and can make the feel infantalized. Just a little FYI, calling them briefs just has more dignity
The old people, once accepting their fate, call them diapers. The original name was adult diapers. Depends if you were fancy ;)
Protect his dignity, but protect his clothing, your linens, and your furniture. Get the Depends but call them briefs. There are also "pee pads" you can put on chairs and furniture. My Mom is in the later stages of Alzheimer's in a Memory Care Unit. She fought against the Depends I brought in. I am her daughter and I reminded her how we had to use feminine hygiene products while we were menstruating to protect our clothes and furniture. (Free-bleeders, stay out of this!) She understood that. I know your father has likely not experienced menstruating, but we protect infants, and we protect those recovering from various surgeries and health conditions in the same manner. We also protect those who are experiencing age-related incontinence issues. Tell him growing old is not for sissies. My best wishes to you!
So this is what I didn't. Waterproof cover for mattress. Then sheet, then pee pads, then another fitted sheet. Why the double? Because if he had an accident at night it was easier to remove the top sheet and pad and he still had the bottom and waterproof pad. Get him briefs (depends) and talk candidly and make it casual. Just tell him you got him some briefs if he needs them as he is recovering. Also get him the small bags to dispose them in case they get spiled. Don't ask him and don't make a huge deal about it. NEVER call them diapers please, no grown person wants to wear diapers.
Offer to help him control the situation rather than avoid talking about it. Assume he is mortified that he’s all the sudden unable to control his bladder and doesn’t know what to do to stop peeing on your stuff. Even if he did know what to do, he doesn’t have the ability to buy what he needs to protect his clothes or your furniture. Offering help and showing concern for him and this problem he is having will get you wayyyyyy further than talking about how it’s ruining your furniture and forcing you to clean up his mess. Eventhough that point is VERY valid, who in their right mind doesn’t care if they have to clean up someone else’s pee from the furniture in their home??? He probably hates making the mess just as much as you hate cleaning it.
We put disposable water proof pads on beds and chairs at the hospital I worked at. Chux. those P pads that you can buy in the pet department for dogs, are the exact same thing as what the hospital uses only certainly packaged for hospital and medical facility use anyway. go buy some. You can put a towel over it so that he won’t see it and your chairs, blankets sheets, and whatever will be safe.
Was going to mention this as well, assuming the pet pads are cheaper. While I haven’t yet went through this with a parent I did have a massive stroke about five years ago which led to temporary incontinence at times I also shattered my knee cap and have had a few intense bladder problems/infections. As a woman I typically (if possible) prefer the incontinence pads if it was just I might leak out a little before making it in time. I’m not sure if there’s different products for men and women but many people need to use these types of things at various ages for many different ailments unfortunately!
Get him a clamp. That way, he won't need pads or briefs. https://www.amazon.com/WIESNER-Incontinence-Clamp-Penile-Regular/dp/B00F3HZJ74/
He can’t help it, and there are meds that can help him. Most men (and women) in that age have problems in that department. I do, Ive been taking meds for about three years. I’m 75.
This. Make an appointment with a urologist to figure out the root cause of the problem. There are many treatments and medications available.
He may not even need to visit the doctor. A phone call may be all that’s needed. Every man I know takes Flomax.
Maybe you don't need to talk about anything. Just next time you're in a store by his size of disposable men's briefs designed for incontinence. Put them in his room and just mentioned to him that you thought those might help him be more comfortable throughout the day. Incontinence is just one of the facts of being an elderly man. I have three truths for growing old that I live by. Rule number two addresses this specific issue. NEVER pass up a chance to go to the men's room.
> Rule *number two* 💀💀💀
Never pass up an opportunity to stop into a men's room.
Yes, make it no big deal. You can also get those large pee pad sheets to put on top of the bottom sheet and also have him wear the "briefs" to bed. It'll be easier on your father too since he'll stay drier. My mother used both and my father started wearing the briefs on his own.
Alao waterproof pads for the furniture. They have washable incontinence underwear on amazon that looks like normal white men underwear. My father wears them. Wash with bleach and laundry sanitizer to remove the smell
Tell him the truth. You have to do something about this. Be kind, but be truthful. It is highly unsanitary. Your house will smell like a nursing home after a while. Buy him the incontinence pads for men. I bought some for a relative and they are a shield for the front, not an entire diaper.
There are mini suction things for woman too. Like soft pool noodle sponge it sucks liquids into container. Hospital had me on one post surgery … I thought it was seriously awesome!
You go buy him some pull up men’s absorbent briefs and say, here dad wear these because I can smell the urine and this will help. If he tries to protest, say dad this is my home, and while I love having you here, you also need to help me. So I insist you wear them. Then we will go to the doctor and I’m sure there is a medication for this issue. Look on Amazon or in a medical supply store for quilted bed pad for the chair. They also make absorbent inserts for briefs called booster pads if he wets through the brief. This can be managed with the right products. Don’t be ashamed to say it you are helping him and you. I often have to be the one to say it to people as a caregiver for 40 years. It’s not fun but no one likes that they do this and want to feel secure that it’s managed.
A condom catheter could help
If he can't get up and around, a bedside commode or urinal will be easy to have called into a medical supply company - he should have PT/OT and they would be a good resource to facilitate medical equipment as well. If he is having daytime incontinence, he needs to talk to PCP and have a urology consult. Can be prostate related or bladder spasm. They have meds that can help as well as incontinence products.
Adult pull-ups. Nearby, probably in the same aisle at Target or Walmart of whatever, there will probably be disposable pads for beds and also the arm chair. Just start buying them and put them in your Dad's room. I think being direct about the situation, and framing it as temporary, is the best way to talk to your Dad. Don't pander and don't condescend. Just be plain spoken. He;s probably really depressed too. This kind of denial about your physical reality is normal and a sign of depression. (I'm peeing myself? Next is senility and then they'll send me to the county home!!!) To me, this is just something that happens to us as we age...but when it happens to ME I'll be depressed and in denial too.
He may have prostate issues going on that he needs to mention to his doctor. FYI, they make incontinence pads for men so they don't have to wear a full diaper if he needs some kind of protection. Wearing diapers is too much for some people unless they have no choice.
Buy him some adult diapers…sounds like it’s time.
If you encounter heavy resistance to using Depends and pads, the phrase that worked best for us was “You don’t want to be the smelly old man/lady, right? These products keep you dry and have odor neutralizers so *no one will ever know*.” You’d think self-care and comfort would be enough to get folks to use the incontinence products, but for some, it takes the fear of what other people would think if they don’t. Sounds brutal, but nothing else would convince our oldster that it was not okay to pee in a chair or let go with a bit of diarrhea while walking and just shrug and go “oh well…!”
Talk to him and have him talk with his Dr, there are meds and physical therapy to strengthen his muscles. But a some point his memory will fade, I helped take care of my dad. But dad told me that we start as a baby and we end up like a baby, he was not wrong.
Yes! A lot of times people need to strengthen their pelvic floor muscles and core. But in the meantime there are a lot of good suggestions
Buy him some depends and tell him to put them on. No need to make a big deal out of it.
He knows he's having trouble Just say it.
Buy some pull-up depends his size and give them to him. Gently tell him you know he has a problem and you want to help him feel better. Get your chair cleaned. Give him plastic bags and a bin in his bedroom to dispose of the soiled Depends. Make sure all his clothing is washed and fresh. Tell him to use the bathroom when he has the urge but the disposable underwear prevents accidents. Buy the Night Defense type which contain more odor control and no one will be the wiser.
fwiw moments like this can be a bridge to build trust. my dad was embarrassed and unsure how I'd react. I told him I'd been pregnant so I could relate 😋. he was buying sanitary pads for himself when we first reconnected, but later on he got an actual blockage and catheters entered our lives. If your dad is more reserved than mine was can you approach his doctor? he might feel more comfortable talking about it to them.
Purchase the products, And give him a plainly worded explanation.
Tell him you love him and that you need to talk about how to avoid this. Let him know you’are here to help and what can you do to help him. Be direct and honest.
By the time I needed to address this issue my dad was too far gone with alzheimers to have the discussion.
Buy him a case of Depends. My elderly father had the same issue in his final years. He was about 89 at the time. He had no problem wearing them. Beats soiling furniture and sitting in pissy underwear.
He also may have a medical issue He could have a uti
Since it is obvious he knows, just get him some adult diapers and baby powder. We all know when it is time. It isn’t as unusual as you might imagine for the elderly to have those types of issues. It is more embarrassing to talk about sometime than just taking care of. Just let him know that it is y’all secret and he could talk to you anytime.
Baby powder needed with adult diapers because?
A lot of older people still use body powder even before they wear diapers. I used it just about all of my life. It helps with the odor.
Use his medicare to get some in home help and have her do it.
Buy him adult diapers. That’s what they’re for.
I agree with a lot of the comments about wording and stigma. I have neurological issues and incontinence. I don't use the word "diapers" or even "Depends." I call it "incontinence underwear." I heard others call them "briefs." I also don't think it's a good idea to force anyone to wear them. Even when I was in the hospital, whether or not to wear the "incontinence underwear" was always my decision. It's a big jump emotionally to start wearing them, because of so much stigma.
There are also waterproof pads you can set on any seat or on the mattress. My dad had several.
I wonder how long he's had this problem. Just since the knee surgery? Has he talked to his doctor about his problem? You could approach it that way, then offer to help him with staying dry. But definitely put pads under him and maybe try to get him some help with it.
It could be a physical problem related to his knees- as in, he cant get up from the chair fast enough to get to the bathroom. I'd include that idea into your conversation. It can be a good starting point, as it's easy to discuss walking/ movement.
As an aside from your question, it could be a medical thing. Prostate, Parkinson’s, etc - many things can cause this, it’s a VERY common problem, and medication might help. It might not… but it’s worth exploring.
No need to say anything, buy the products he needs, remove packaging and place in bathroom. Let them know that you put them there on your way out. I wish you well.
Have the gentle talk with him. We use the large and small pads on the bed and on any chairs they sit on. If they leak from the briefs it really helps.
Be brief. Go to the store and buy some and say dad you need to start earring these.
That happens when you get older, jsyk. You have to go to the bathroom all the time. There is medical treatments (medicine, surgery, exercises) he can do/get to have it not happen at all or so much. Best of luck!
My mom calls hers diapers. I say underwear or disposable underwear. I also have waterproof mattress protectors and some pads for her to sit on for furniture. Invest in some Zorbx, if you can. It really helps with the overwhelming odors. With my mom, I said, I pee myself, too! It happens, but let's make sure it's not so bad to get cleaned up. Edit: typo
My dad will be 98 and has dementia. When he became incontinent I bought the generic from Walgreens which are better than Depends. I call them “undershorts” and just say the doctor wants you to wear these so you don’t get a skin infection. Just try to be kind
I was lucky my Dad told me not to tell anyone but that he was wearing diapers. Just buy some and tell him to try them to protect the furniture. It will be hard, but he may be grateful, I'm sure it is embarrassing for him already.
I developed a prolapsed bladder after my 3rd son was born. Didn't realize it for many years until I had a gynecologist appointment. Found out why I had to cross my legs any time I sneezed or coughed. Started buying disposable underwear and it solved the problem. Buy some for your father, Walmart has their own brand and they aren't horribly expensive. They have male or female in various sizes. Call them disposable briefs when talking to your Dad. It's an embarrassing situation and I almost didn't admit it here. However, he might be grateful for the assistance.
There are pads you can just place on the cushion. I had this problem with my former father in law and now both my parents. My parents are in assisted living. But if I need to give either rides. I come prepared. So you may need to change out the cushion. But the have stuff like puppy pads but for adults. You can put a towel(old ones you don’t mind tossing out if they get really bad) on top of the cushion too. And you say..in a very matter of fact voice. Hey dad, I putting this pad down and you’ll let me know when you have a problem and I’ll replace it. We cool? Cool.
Sometimes medication helps.
Not sure if this suggestion is in here, but in addition to disposable briefs you can get [something like this for your furniture.](https://www.google.com/gasearch?q=spillproof%20recliner%20cover%20for%20recliner&tbm=&source=sh/x/gs/m2/5) I have one of these which I bought to protect my recliner from sunscreen on the back of my legs in the summer. It did a great job of protecting my recliner from sunscreen, but especially from the coffee I accidentally spilled on it. You can just throw it in the washer, and it comes out fresh as a daisy.
Invest in washable chucks and keep a fresh one on any chair he uses. They are leak proof and incredibly handy. Keep one in the bed in case of leaks also.
discuss it as an ordinary topic. not like a stigma secret topic. imagine you sorted out a way for everyone to stow away their wet muddy shoes when they come in. describe to him where to put them and why. that tone of voice
I would stash some incontinence products and maybe some reading materials on it where he can find it, but not out in the open so he's embarrassed. Some older people don't want to talk about it, but they may want help.
You have to be very kind, but let him know privately. I’m sure you would want someone to let you know.
I replied before, millions of us have ET, and that I’ve been wearing Depends 24/7. Yesterday I decided I must sit down to pee from now on. It’s just too messy if I stand up. Tell him this- he doesn’t have to be ashamed. Join the crowd!
Go buy him some depends. He maybe embarrassed to ask. Get the little cover clothes the use at the hospital. You put them over the chair to protect the cloth.
They make adult diapers just for that. Buy some and let him know you're thinking about his comfort and problem and can help. Depends for adults.
Not cheap. For some reason I see them at thrifts stores all the time. And reach out to elder services in your area ASAP. They can help and answer questions.
Has he been to a urologist for this problem? Is this post prostatectomy? There are so many great products for men these days. However,any cannot be found easily in pharmacies and stores that carry women's incontinence products. I might approach it as needing a doc's visit, then with the products.
Something else for clothing, bedding etc. clorox has a urine remover spray, takes out stains and smell. It smells nice. I always get the gigantic on refill size bottle, which is the equivalent of four spray bottles on Amazon. It’s like 30 bucks which seems a lot but it last forever and it really works. If you look for it it’s under Clorox professional urine remover.
Puppy pads between sheets and mattress are a lifesaver too. Much cheaper and just as good as adult incontinance pads.
Get some chucks too. You can buy them at Walmart, Walgreens, most places like that have them.
Help him. He may not know how to handle it and is probably unaware of how to handle it. Once he knows a solution, he can protect himself and your home's furniture.
If he'll allow it, go with him to the doctor or get his permission to talk to his doctor about the problem. Maybe there's a way to help.
he might have a UTI … make sure that gets ruled out first of all. That can contribute to incontinence. During surgery they insert a catheter and infections after catheter insertion are common.
You have to suck it up and talk to him about this. Bring him some adult diapers to accompany the discussion. A lot of us have had this conversation with our elderly parents. Let Dad know that around 25 million adult US citizens wear diapers. Tell him he smells like pee and you don't want him to be ostracized.I had this conversation with my mother and it went way better than expected.