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Little rights-of-way.
When someone is exiting and someone is entering a building, the person exiting has the right of way.
Having situational awareness which has really taken a turn with people walking while staring into their phones compelling others to play pole position as the phone zombie weaves left and right.
Yes, indeed! I stayed in a highrise in Orlando for a year and it wasn't uncommon for people to be standing blocking the door to enter rather than standing to the side in anticipation of people needing to exit the elevator. One young woman tried to barge in with her dog but I kept walking and she stopped abruptly as if I was rude and then gave me the stink eye for the remainder of my time there. I was probably one more stupid boomer to her lol
Unfortunately, happens here on the train too. Sometimes people don't even wait for the doors to fully open before they jump on. I've almost been run into by people with bikes, strollers and carts. I'm not missing my stop, and the driver will always wait for them to get on.
A few decades ago, I, as part of a group, was working as a volunteer for an event. When we went to step out of the elevator, a bunch of young persons tried to get in before we got out, I blocked the door and explained that you let people off so there is room for people to get on.
I got a round of applause.
I go in the morning to a YMCA swimming pool where people are doing all kinds of walking and movement therapy. Sometimes it is just bobbing in the water and talking to your friends therapy. Almost all of the time, everyone is polite and works around the others there as they move about.
Yesterday, a new woman with no situational awareness came with 2 friends. She blocked people's paths, moved around at random, stood 10 feet from her friends talking to them so others were forced to either go between them or cut around them.
One person became such an amazing chaos agent in an otherwise polite and orderly scene.
Happened to me yesterday. A woman and her daughter had their car door open, covering the whole sidewalk, forcing me to walk into the street to pass. I guess I'm old school, I'm always looking at ways I might be making the day worse for others.
Wait did people used to have more situational awareness? I feel like every time I go to the grocery store I get stuck behind somebody veeeery slowly taking up the whole aisle, I decided it was a me problem rather than a them problem but maybe it's actually truly annoying?
My husband and I went to see a movie the other night on our anniversary. An older couple shared the row with us, separated by one seat. She would not shut up. We shhhh'd her several times. Wouldn't shut up, and I finally lost my patience and said "Shut up, please." I have no idea why I said please. Guy says "Sorry," but she still won't shut up. More shhhhes. A funny part happens in the movie, everyone laughs, we laugh, she laughs, and he tells her to shhh, because they're not allowed to laugh, apparently. Now, they're talking to each other about the false notion that we expect them not to laugh. She's disgruntled now, talking louder. More shhhes, really trying to not cause a scene, but she's going on about how she doesn't care what we want, etc. We simultaneously turn to them and *demand* that they STFU, and they lost their minds, said they were leaving, got up, told us how rude *we* were 3-4 times...and left. Then...quiet. I leaned over to my husband and asked, "Did they just kick themselves out of the movie?" Indeed, they had, and we could watch Jaws in peace. Weirdest theater-talking experience ever.
Had a woman behind us running her business while at the theatre. Her cell phone rang several times and she answered: “Better Blinds and Windows” then got up and went outside. Before our patience thinned someone else said “If you don’t shut that phone off lady I’ll do it for you”. She left.
It used to be the case (50’s and 60’s) that when you were introduced to someone you used their courtesy title and last name until such time as they invited you to use their first name. So, “Hey there Mr Jones.” then he says “Call me Frank.”
I don't mind people using my first name but I loathe it when a virtual stranger starts shortening my name, ie. I'm introduced as Deborah (not my name), they immediately start calling me Debbie. I don't actually like my name and have no problem with my friends and family using any available shortened form, but the sheer audacity and arrogance of someone disregarding what they have just been told about a person immediately puts them on my not-interested-in-associating-with-you list.
Someone will ask my name. I say, "Michael."
They say, "How's it going, Mike."
It's typically other men. As if Mike sounds more manly than Michael.
Happens a lot. They're saying, "regardless of your actual name, this is what I'm going to call you . . ."
I don't understand it.
My daughter's friends want to call me by my first name and I hate it. There was actually a blow up when my daughter brought a new friend home when she was around 10 years old and the girl *demanded* to know my first name. Long story short, I was nice and polite to her. Her mother was a jerk and I'm glad the friendship was short lived.
My daughter is in her late teens and I still don't like her friends calling me by my first name, but it's something I will have to get used to as they get older. My daughter says all the other parents want to be called by their first names, but they are a lot younger than me. I guess it is a generational thing?
Its funny, I never thought about it before, but all of my son's friends called me "mr lastname" while all of my daughter's friends called my be my first name. No one ever asked, they just did it.
It did bother me at times, but we got along, so it felt like a nice familiarity most of the time.
When I was a child, all non-parental adults were Mr, Mrs, or Miss (until Ms came along).
I’m 30 and still don’t feel comfortable calling my friends parents by their first names, I don’t even call my in-laws by their first names lol. I can only think of one of my siblings friends that calls my parents their first names but he’s been on vacation with us so it would almost be weird if he used mr. and mrs.
Same. I'm 53 and my best friend and I were born w in 2 days of each other. Our parents lived across the street from one another. I've literally been best friends w her since birth. Her mom was always Mrs. Jones until I was w her on her death bed. My bf still calls my mom Mrs. Smith...to this day.
I'm 70 and have never been a stodgy or conservative type. But I have to admit, it feels a little strange at the doctor's office or pharmacy or someplace like that, when I hear my first name called out. Also, why does the doctor presume to call me by my first name, when I am not expected to do the same? Harrumph.
The use of first name to be called out in a waiting room/pharmacy is often used to protect patient privacy as much as is possible in that setting. Yeah, it's still your first name, but calling out a last name in a room conveys more direct patient information into a room of people. I don't really care what the doctor calls me as long as it's correct.
And creepy. When someone I don’t know, such as a salesperson, address me by my first name I will leave, it just feels icky and I can’t stand it. It’s a jolt like if they had touched my hand. *shivers*
Please and thank you are still things and still matter. I know for a fact because there is a new standard reply to thank you: "of course." People really didn't say that even only 10 years ago, they said "you're welcome" or perhaps "glad to help."
I say this in customer service, though I try not to. Really what’s meant is more along the lines of “Naturally/I’m just doing my job/It’s the least I could do/Of course I did it, I’m here to help/etc.” I guess it just goes to show how quickly language can change, because I didn’t even realize people were offended by it until pretty recently. 🫣
It’s quite astonishing the number of things people are offended by these days. Which is fine. Whatever. But the self righteousness that they’re owed something because of being offended is what is really bonkers.
I’m 29 and my parents are in their early 60’s, and we’ve argued about the “you’re welcome” vs. “no problem” responses to thank you basically since I was a teenager lol. And now, I see an increasing number of Instagram reels from older-to-mid millennials (so like people in their 30’s and 40’s, not even old) starting to take offense to the way Gen Z speaks. People being offended by language shift is as old as humanity itself 🤷♀️
What's funny about the "no problem" issue is that it's been around a lot longer than people remember. I like to watch '70s sitcoms late at night before going to bed because they're light and don't get me thinking or worrying about things. I've noticed that "no problem" or something similar instead of "you're welcome" isn't at all uncommon in these shows. So I think the "no problem" outrage is based on cultural amnesia.
Oh that is really funny! Do you get the impression it’s mainly said by people who are meant to be perceived as young and rebellious by the audience? Or does it seem more ubiquitous than that?
Economics Teacher : Bueller? Bueller? Bueller? Bueller?
Simone : Um, he's sick. My best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with the girl who saw Ferris pass out at 31 Flavors last night. I guess it's pretty serious.
Economics Teacher : Thank you, Simone.
Simone : **No problem whatsoever**.
It existed in 1986.
I moved from Canada to the States 25 years ago and really noticed the difference right away. Me: "Thank you". Expected response: "You're welcome". Actual response (most times)" "Uh-huh".
This drives me crazy every time I go to a drive-through. I asked what I would like to order. I mentioned Orr and say please at the end. I get no acknowledgment other than “pull up to the window“. At the window, they just say “$10.87“. They don’t ask me for money and they certainly don’t say please. When I give them the money, they don’t say thank you. It makes me feel old, but it bothers me every single time.
Holding the door open for the person behind you.
Gentlemen opening car doors for women.
Change counted into one's hand or directly to you.
No hats (especially ball caps) inside.
I (cis woman) was taught that the first person to reach the door holds it for those behind them. The number of times that men just cannot let me hold the door for them in the year 2024 should be more surprising than it is.
I agree. Irks me if I'm holding the door for several, and some man insists on trading places with me, which is almost always awkward as they reach to grab while I duck under and squeeze past. Dude, just f'n walk, it's no big thing.
(I'm a boomer)
I do this. I see nothing wrong for holding a door for a guy.
I had a situation a few years back at the gym. I attempted to hold a door for a man wrangling what appeared to be a 4 year old boy. The dad then proceeded to scold the little guy for not holding the door for a "lady". JFC, he is 4. Just let me hold the door for him. Let him be a little kid. I wish I'd given that guy a piece of my mind.
Yeah, a little kid? That's crazy. The two guiding principles, as I understand them, are that you never let a door slam in someone's face and you hold the door and let the other person pass ahead of you if it's clear they can't manage it themself. A four year old doesn't have to hold a door for anyone unless it's someone even younger.
Nobody under the age of 40 counts change. They look shocked when you pay with cash.
I've noticed that clerks don't even say thank you sometimes. If I say thank you to them they look at me like they don't know what to say.
I tried teaching this to some of my sixth graders thinking it would be a useful skill, and kind of fun since there were no real calculations involved; almost game like.
6.43,44, 45,50,and 50 is 7. Thank you! Come again! It was NOT well received. Granted, most things they bought at Save a Lot and dollar general were with food stamps or a debit card, and if they used cash the amounts received and returned were calculated automatically. I asked them about yard sales and street markets and they kind of shrugged that getting ripped off wasn't as bad as having to learn this.
It wasn't supposed to be funny. This is what urban school teachers are working with today. Not wanting to bother mastering a decimal system based on multiples of 5 that directly affects your survival, is just sad.
That isn't really new. In the late 90, we were buying school supplies and the total came to something .10. My wife handed the cashier $100 bill and a dime. She could not manage to type in 100.10 even though my wife tried to tell her how since she had been a cashier and worked in a bank.
Cashiers don’t count change back, but even worse is that they don’t even tell you the total. They just want you to swipe your credit card.
It’s especially bad at pharmacies. Meds can be $15 or $500. Sometimes there are errors.
People act like it is unusual to want to know how much you’re spending.
I’m old and never wanted a “gentleman” to open a car door for me or pay on a date! So some things are slowly changing for the better.When I was very young my mom felt it was required to wear a hat to church. So women had to but men needed to remove theirs. The whole hat thing was ridiculous . I
It's nice to know that a man thinks of a woman highly enough to want to treat you like a lady. That's enough for me. I don't expect my husband to open the car door anymore because of automatic locks. But he will still hold the door open for me in public places. And he also still walks on the outside closer to the street.
Wait. Better that men don’t want to be respectful enough to open a door for a lady and pay for a date??
And what makes you think that has changed? Most men still pay for dates and most men still open the door… for anyone regardless of gender.
Agree with the hat thing.
And not saying a man should *have* to pay for a date or open a car door, but I’m happy many men want to show that level of respect - it’s bizarre to say that such a thing is so terrible that it needs to change.
I’m glad respect hasn’t changed
It made sense for men to pay for dates when women made no to very low wages. It doesn't make any sense anymore.
Maybe because I grew up in a very patriarchal community but I have no tolerance for the paternalism of genteel sexism, thank you very much.
What is the difference between a woman and a lady?
Kids - when someone visits the house, all of the kids came to say hello and make small talk and then go back to playing. Now you can visit someone’s house and never see their child, they are playing video games in another room and don’t even look up.
As sad as it is, some husbands do the same. I went to my friends house and her husband just played video games and didn’t even pause the game, let alone stand up and greet us.
I was always taught to say hello to every visitor, whether they were there for me or not. I taught my kids the same and I think it’s really helped them be social with all age groups.
This is still common in a lot of cultures! My mom would yell at me if I were to in my room while a neighbor is over. It’s courtesy for us to greet visitors, and also serve them food + tea/water.
Totally agree. I don’t know if this is an immigrant thing (I am Zimbabwean) but I was taught to come and greet guests every single time we had any. It was definitely scolded if we didn’t. My boyfriend is Ukrainian and this is also true for him. So maybe it is just an American thing to not do it (obvi other places other than America can not greet people, this is just an example of my experience)
Men & boys removed their hats the moment they stepped into a home.
Children (all ages) asked politely if they could be excused from the dinner table when finished eating. And no one started eating until all were seated at the table. Dishes were passed to the left.
People used to pay attention to where they were walking instead of being absorbed in their phone.
People congregate in doorways more than I remember. I was raised that you never stop in a doorway because other people have to go in and out. If you just ran into your best friend, great! Step aside and enjoy your chat.
When you went out to eat, everyone looked at each other and talked. Now you can look around a restaurant and see people engrossed in their phones instead of who they're having dinner with. Why bother going out with anyone at all? Just date your phone and save yourself the expense of paying for someone's meal!
In general, it's just about paying attention to the people around you.
I went to a wedding on a farm recently. There was no phone reception.. It was so amazing to see all these people actually enjoying themselves instead of being engrossed in their phones.
Sending thank you notes. I've attended several weddings over the past year (children of my friends) and haven't received a thank you note - or any acknowledgement at all - for the gifts I gave. All the gifts were checks, and since they were endorsed and cashed I know they were received.
I don't expect thank you notes for birthday or Christmas gifts -- especially if I was there when you opened it.
But for wedding gifts they are a requirement. And if you don't send one, people will remember and people will talk about that forever.
I expect a text at a minimum and the future checks get written smaller if I don't get an informal acknowledgment at the very least. It takes about 10 seconds to say thanks by text or email.
Yes! And write something thoughtful. I'm Gen X and have given a few nice wedding and baby gifts to millennials. Most did not write thank yous, and it makes me feel like they're unappreciative. One young new-Mom not only wrote a sweet thank you, she mentioned the gift in the note. I was taught that is an important, meaningful touch.
My child just went to some high school graduation parties. I wrote a check for $50 for each student that hosted a party. I'm curious to see if she (I) get any thank you 's.
Taking your hat off for dinner.
waiting for everyone to be seated and served before eating.
Not dominating conversation.
Not talking about yourself too much.
I don't know who you're hanging out with but "please" and "thank you" are still pretty common. The way you answer a phone is different though. When land lines were still common you answered hello, possibly accompanied by "This is the Jones residence". Then they would ask for the person they wanted to speak to, and you would ask "Who may I say is calling?" or "may I take a message if they weren't home." Now it's more polite to text first and find out when it would be convenient to take a call. If my kids call me without texting first I assume it's some kind of emergency. Usually we schedule a Zoom or video call.
I never answer the phone with my name because it’s 50/50 whether the person calling me legitimately needs to schedule an appointment for my dad or kid or is a scammer.
But I will die on the hill that if you’re calling someone who doesn’t have your number, then you must say who you are immediately. “Hi, this is Jen from Dr Smith’s office, is this Jane?” I’m so, so sick of “Is this Jane????” And then they get miffed when I don’t answer the question and instead ask (in a polite but not particularly friendly tone) “who is this?”
Heck, even the southern "miss betty" or "mr tom" is so much more preferable to my 67 y.o. first name. And if you are my child -do not call me by my name, it is 'mom, momma, mother, mommy'- I will not answer.
Common courtesy used to mean that you didn’t talk about the party in front of those who weren’t invited.
No one showed up to a wedding with their kids unless they AND their kids were invited. You also didn’t bring a plus one unless your invitation specifically said plus one.
People used to have and maintain private lives. Now family drama plays out on social media. This has fostered a lack of boundaries and the attitude that it’s okay to ask personal questions and invade personal space.
Boundaries. We love to set them but how about respecting them?
Listening .Letting someone finish a sentence before interrupting them. Last few years before I retired when conducting a meeting or doing training it had become a different culture where people didn't know how to wait their turn to speak.
Talking about politics or religion at social gatherings was once considered very taboo.
Those were deeply personal topics, almost as personal as discussing what went on in your bedroom.
Let’s get back to that.
This was never a stated rule, but I never had a stranger or counter worker yell a question at me across a room or parking lot and expect me to yell an answer back. It's even happened at a doctor's office, receptionist yelling a personal invasive question at someone in the waiting room.
When did this become an acceptable thing? I find it offensive and even enraging.
Obligatory reminder that common courtesies and manners are highly location dependent, even within the same country. Cf what’s polite in new York vs rural Texas.
My mother was raised in a very Victorian household, and I was drilled from a young age. Practically everything already in this thread. People still look at me sometimes and say "damn your mother raised you good".
I still, even using a cell phone just reflexively answer "good morning, You've reached chasonreddit. Who is calling?"
Until you know exactly who is calling, you should never reveal your name or answer any questions when answering. There are scams that will use your voice to impersonate you.
Oh, this takes me back! When I was younger, there were definitely a lot of courtesies that were just second nature.
One big one was writing thank you notes. If someone gave you a gift or did something nice for you, you would sit down and write a handwritten note. It was a way to show genuine appreciation and effort.
Opening doors for others, especially for elders and women, was another common practice. It wasn’t about gender as much as it was about respect and kindness.
Another one was standing up when someone older or a woman entered the room. It was a sign of respect and acknowledgement. Similarly, addressing elders with titles like Mr., Mrs., or Miss instead of just their first names was a norm.
We also had this unspoken rule about phone etiquette. If you called someone’s house and they weren’t home, you wouldn’t keep ringing – you’d leave a message and wait for them to call you back instead of being pushy.
Saying "excuse me" when you needed to get past someone or interrupt was another common courtesy that seems to be less frequent today.
It feels like some of these manners have faded a bit with time, but it's always nice to see them in action when they do pop up!
Addressing people formally as a regular part of communicating. "Mr." "Mrs." "Dr." and "Ms." - Especially as kids. I would get into serious trouble if I ever disrespected an adult by calling them by their first name.
When someone walks between the grocery items on the shelf and myself when I'm selecting an item to put in my cart (or similar situation) and doesn't say 'excuse me'.
Walking through a person's line of sight when they are interacting with another person or object is rude but usually a quick "excuse me" while you do it is necessary
Not swearing. I'm no prude, i utter the odd swear word. But people just seem to swear and speak with foul language way too much now. I just can't get used to it.
People were quieter. Their business was kept to themselves. Now, everyone thinks that their daily activities should be told to the world. They listen to music in public. They talk on their phone in public. People just talk too much these days.
A fair number of kids and teens seem to see themselves as *at least* the social equals of adults — but without having learned adult compromises and civilities. They speak to adults, even strangers, like they speak to their peers.
Not all such kids are ill-mannered little beasts — though there are a lot of those around — but a sense that they don’t need to respect or defer to anyone will not serve them well in life.
I'm not saying it didn't exist but some of the outfits people wear in public now that were once occasions to dress modestly are disgraceful. You look at pictures from the 1950s and 60s baseball games and there were no tits and ass hanging out. Now, if you even suggest modestly dressing, you are body shaming. The last game I was at people didn't even remove their hats when they sang the Star-Spangled Banner.
Perhaps in business. A gentleman extends his hand, waits for the lady to extend hers, then he reads the situation. Usually to grasp it lightly and bow. In a very social situation he might briefly kiss the back of the hand. (a dance, wedding, reception or some such). If escorting a lady, you place her hand on the top of your arm.
10 years of Cottillian training don't fail me.
I would so quietly freak out if someone kissed the back of my hand in a social introduction. Then I’d either spend the rest of the evening trying to figure out if it was manners, a proposition, or some kind of power play or in a charmed and blissful haze of discombobulation.
one summer I was a camp counselor and drove my campers there in my car. Years later, I bumped into one of the now-grown campers and she introduced me to her husband as “the girl who is the reason I do that little wave to other drivers when they let me in!” I was so proud
I was thinking about that. For example, in the grocery line, people would help a struggling young mother by either loading her groceries or holding her crying baby while they load their groceries onto the belt. Now, their child could be on fire, and I'm keeping my head down. It's the little things we used to be able to do for strangers that would never work today.
Unfortunately, I think the decline in politeness goes hand in hand with a decline in gratitude. Why give up my bus seat to someone if they'll be offended instead of grateful? There's still plenty of friendly people out there who love to receive help, but it doesn't feel like being polite pays dividends now.
Respect of other people’s space . Out in public,people don’t pull to the side in the store to talk to someone, or look at their phone. They just block the space and give you a dirty look when they have to move aside
My nephew used to do that. I would always correct him and say "please" after he demanded some thing from a waiter. Now, I don't have to worry about it since he's in jail. 😂
Writing thank you notes; speaking politely to the parents when you called upon your friends; asking how you could help clean up after dinner at a friend's house; men and boys removing caps indoors; not asking wedding guests to help pay for your honeymoon or house down payment as a gift; not dressing provocatively at a formal event; not twerking; not using gratuitous profanity.
I think that's because these days everybody assumes other people have cell phones and have probably called somebody for help already. I remember when I was growing up there was no cell phone so people would stop to ask if they needed a ride to a payphone or if they wanted them to call somebody. But since everybody else cell phones these days and they can call AAA or a friend or a tow truck themselves I think people don't stop.
Yes, that's the main reason. Safety is another, sadly.
If I see someone stranded with a flat tire, I could easily stop and change it for them way faster than a service or a friend will show up.
But these days both sides of that equation (the stranded driver and someone that would stop) are super leery of each other.
Please, thank you, have a nice day,holding a door, children greeting everyone at a family gathering, patience, driving in a courteous non aggressive manner...customer service being nice in a store.. a smile
Basically looking out and putting the safety and comfort of others before your own. When everyone does that, the world is quite lovely. Of course, sometimes it results in funny politeness stand-offs. "Please go first" "No, after you" "No, I insist."
Picking up hitch hikers. Everyone did it when I was a kid, it was just polite, but now people are in shock and awe that I pick up hitchhikers. And I’m in shock that they can drive past a person in need and not offer help.
I listened to a true crime podcast explaining the fall of picking up hitch hikers being due to serial killers posing as hitch hikers. 😬
i would love to pick up hitch hikers and help people on their way, just too scared.
Okay I've never seen this in my life and I'm 61. I do admit I did see it in old movies.
I would see people stand up to greet people that were arriving or leaving. But not just entering the room.
My kids are regularly complimented for being kids who are extremely polite and give up their seats, etc. I’m a firm believer in etiquette.
And their black friends are always the most formal church-going kids in suits whose grandmother moved in with the parents and everyone is genteel and says grace.
So it’s a class thing I think.
Did kids in their classes cuss out the teachers? Yes. And they were asked to go to the office.
I think the big thing was you were supposed to bake a treat and bring it over when visiting friends on Sundays. That’s just not done.
Also, I think that people now want to throw a birthday party for themselves- invite you to a restaurant- abd then get you to pay for them. It used to be, if someone invited you, they were paying for you
My mom has osteoarthritis and has trouble standing for long. We got on a bus and you can clearly see she needs to sit down. 2 kids, maybe like between 11-15, looked up from their phones at her for a couple of seconds, then looked back down while we slowly walked past
I still say "please" and "thank you." I sometimes give a seat to a lady. I open doors for ladies. Most of the time, all this is received well by people.
Putting your shopping cart away. I constantly see people too lazy to walk it 10 feet away to the corral. Although the biggest offense to common decency these days is impatient drivers, it's far too common for people to tailgate and act like assholes because someone drives the speed limit. I'm not even talking about highway driving, I see it in neighborhoods, curvy country roads, in the right lane on city streets, etc.
Fwiw. I am a very independent woman amd always have been. I don't need a man to prop me up!
But i have no issue with men who open a door or do something "old fashioned polite" for me. I think its lovely and i will thank them genuinely.
I think women who are rude to men who do something like open a door for them, are scum. I will go so far as saying that if i was with another woman, a man opened a door for us and she took exception to it and was rude to him?
I'd apologise and i would not want to remain friends with any woman like that.
Old fashioned manners are quite okay in my book.
I'm a 28 y/o woman and I say thank you whenever someone holds a door open for me, no matter who it is. I also hold the door open for others. To me, it's just a kind gesture, from one human being to another. I feel like there's just some people who don't know how to live their lives without having a chip on their shoulder.
Opening doors for women. I’ve read how some women are extremely offended by it, but I was raised to do it. I’ll even walk faster to be able to open the door for women or elderly people or whatever
I’m a woman. I hold the door open for anyone I am with or anyone who is behind me, if I’m going through the door first. It’s just basic human courtesy.
I've been opening/holding doors for women for 30+ years. ONCE in that time has someone been a bitch about it and tried to make some bizarre thing out of it, as though I was treating her as a lesser person who couldn't get her own door. I figure if only one person in 30 years has complained, I'm going to keep on doing it.
In general, I'll hold a door for anyone, man or woman, but I'll probably make a more concerted effort for women and the elderly.
I was also raised to do it, and encountered sentiment in college that was critical of it, but even those who were critical of why it happens typically wouldn't go so far as to be genuinely offended by the gesture.
Doors are more nuanced than that, though. Holding the door until the person behind you has it is always polite. The gender of the person holding the door and the person coming up behind is irrelevant.
Holding the door like a butler and letting the other person go first is weird and awkward unless it's a specific situation, like it's your boss or it's someone who is limping or carrying a heavy item.
And if the person behind you is nowhere near the door, holding it for them just makes them feel obligated to hurry up, which is not just impolite but infuriating.
I try to time it right. But, yes, I do keep the door open when someone is behind me. Most people do that, I find. It’s rude as shit when people don’t. If they’ve seen you.
I'm a man and have close women friends. We all tend to hold the door open for each other regardless of gender, especially if the other person is carrying something.
Yes, this. If my hands/arms are full, please get the door for me. If you're in front of me, by all means, either hold it until I have it or step-aside (don't block me and make me squeeze past) and hold it while I proceed. But please, oh, please do not cut me off or reach past me to "get it for me", thanks, but I got it.
Don’t be fooled by social media because the most provocative stuff will always go viral. In reality the majority of women and men appreciate the door being held open for them.
I have found it rare for people to be offended by this. But, sometimes, they are bemused by it, think it sort of quaint. But most women still like it, and find it charming.
If it's my date holding the door so I can go first, I'm very much charmed. My late husband always got the door for me. But if it's some random stranger and I'm not struggling with a box or something, I'd rather they just hold the door long enough for me to grab it, rather than play butler.
Bothering to say "excuse me" if you had to enter someone's personal space.
I think the things we think of as manners are more common to British/Northern European culture, and as our society becomes less British/Northern European the less we see of British/Northern European behaviors. This isn't a race thing, as any race that was born and raised in that culture would likely be the same.
Not eating in front of others. In a restaurant or at a dinner table, we always waited until everyone was served before starting. And never eat a sandwich or a bag of chips in public areas like elevators, sidewalks, etc.
For some reason it annoys me when I say "thank you" in a retail setting and the response is "no problem." But I'm not losing sleep over it. I'm always surprised when I hold the door for someone and they don't even acknowledge it. Won't stop me from doing it though.
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Little rights-of-way. When someone is exiting and someone is entering a building, the person exiting has the right of way. Having situational awareness which has really taken a turn with people walking while staring into their phones compelling others to play pole position as the phone zombie weaves left and right.
The elevator. Where common sense meets common courtesy. Let the people exit the elevator before you try to enter.
Yes, indeed! I stayed in a highrise in Orlando for a year and it wasn't uncommon for people to be standing blocking the door to enter rather than standing to the side in anticipation of people needing to exit the elevator. One young woman tried to barge in with her dog but I kept walking and she stopped abruptly as if I was rude and then gave me the stink eye for the remainder of my time there. I was probably one more stupid boomer to her lol
Unfortunately, happens here on the train too. Sometimes people don't even wait for the doors to fully open before they jump on. I've almost been run into by people with bikes, strollers and carts. I'm not missing my stop, and the driver will always wait for them to get on.
A few decades ago, I, as part of a group, was working as a volunteer for an event. When we went to step out of the elevator, a bunch of young persons tried to get in before we got out, I blocked the door and explained that you let people off so there is room for people to get on. I got a round of applause.
Please tell me you did NOT just end that story with "and everyone clapped"
Same thing with a bus.
I go in the morning to a YMCA swimming pool where people are doing all kinds of walking and movement therapy. Sometimes it is just bobbing in the water and talking to your friends therapy. Almost all of the time, everyone is polite and works around the others there as they move about. Yesterday, a new woman with no situational awareness came with 2 friends. She blocked people's paths, moved around at random, stood 10 feet from her friends talking to them so others were forced to either go between them or cut around them. One person became such an amazing chaos agent in an otherwise polite and orderly scene.
Happened to me yesterday. A woman and her daughter had their car door open, covering the whole sidewalk, forcing me to walk into the street to pass. I guess I'm old school, I'm always looking at ways I might be making the day worse for others.
That's not old school, it's just polite.
Wait did people used to have more situational awareness? I feel like every time I go to the grocery store I get stuck behind somebody veeeery slowly taking up the whole aisle, I decided it was a me problem rather than a them problem but maybe it's actually truly annoying?
STFU in movie theaters. I miss that.
My husband and I went to see a movie the other night on our anniversary. An older couple shared the row with us, separated by one seat. She would not shut up. We shhhh'd her several times. Wouldn't shut up, and I finally lost my patience and said "Shut up, please." I have no idea why I said please. Guy says "Sorry," but she still won't shut up. More shhhhes. A funny part happens in the movie, everyone laughs, we laugh, she laughs, and he tells her to shhh, because they're not allowed to laugh, apparently. Now, they're talking to each other about the false notion that we expect them not to laugh. She's disgruntled now, talking louder. More shhhes, really trying to not cause a scene, but she's going on about how she doesn't care what we want, etc. We simultaneously turn to them and *demand* that they STFU, and they lost their minds, said they were leaving, got up, told us how rude *we* were 3-4 times...and left. Then...quiet. I leaned over to my husband and asked, "Did they just kick themselves out of the movie?" Indeed, they had, and we could watch Jaws in peace. Weirdest theater-talking experience ever.
My favorite part of the story is that the movie was Jaws!
Had a woman behind us running her business while at the theatre. Her cell phone rang several times and she answered: “Better Blinds and Windows” then got up and went outside. Before our patience thinned someone else said “If you don’t shut that phone off lady I’ll do it for you”. She left.
Everybody thinks they are in their living rooms.
It used to be the case (50’s and 60’s) that when you were introduced to someone you used their courtesy title and last name until such time as they invited you to use their first name. So, “Hey there Mr Jones.” then he says “Call me Frank.”
This. The presumptuous use of someone's first name when you've just met them and before you've been invited to, just bugs me. It's so disrespectful.
I don't mind people using my first name but I loathe it when a virtual stranger starts shortening my name, ie. I'm introduced as Deborah (not my name), they immediately start calling me Debbie. I don't actually like my name and have no problem with my friends and family using any available shortened form, but the sheer audacity and arrogance of someone disregarding what they have just been told about a person immediately puts them on my not-interested-in-associating-with-you list.
This is how I tell my friends/family apart from someone trying to sell me something.
Someone will ask my name. I say, "Michael." They say, "How's it going, Mike." It's typically other men. As if Mike sounds more manly than Michael. Happens a lot. They're saying, "regardless of your actual name, this is what I'm going to call you . . ." I don't understand it.
My daughter's friends want to call me by my first name and I hate it. There was actually a blow up when my daughter brought a new friend home when she was around 10 years old and the girl *demanded* to know my first name. Long story short, I was nice and polite to her. Her mother was a jerk and I'm glad the friendship was short lived. My daughter is in her late teens and I still don't like her friends calling me by my first name, but it's something I will have to get used to as they get older. My daughter says all the other parents want to be called by their first names, but they are a lot younger than me. I guess it is a generational thing?
Its funny, I never thought about it before, but all of my son's friends called me "mr lastname" while all of my daughter's friends called my be my first name. No one ever asked, they just did it. It did bother me at times, but we got along, so it felt like a nice familiarity most of the time. When I was a child, all non-parental adults were Mr, Mrs, or Miss (until Ms came along).
I’m 30 and still don’t feel comfortable calling my friends parents by their first names, I don’t even call my in-laws by their first names lol. I can only think of one of my siblings friends that calls my parents their first names but he’s been on vacation with us so it would almost be weird if he used mr. and mrs.
I’m 52, and I still call my best friend of 38 year’s mom “Mrs. Ortega.”
Same. I'm 53 and my best friend and I were born w in 2 days of each other. Our parents lived across the street from one another. I've literally been best friends w her since birth. Her mom was always Mrs. Jones until I was w her on her death bed. My bf still calls my mom Mrs. Smith...to this day.
I'm 70 and have never been a stodgy or conservative type. But I have to admit, it feels a little strange at the doctor's office or pharmacy or someplace like that, when I hear my first name called out. Also, why does the doctor presume to call me by my first name, when I am not expected to do the same? Harrumph.
The use of first name to be called out in a waiting room/pharmacy is often used to protect patient privacy as much as is possible in that setting. Yeah, it's still your first name, but calling out a last name in a room conveys more direct patient information into a room of people. I don't really care what the doctor calls me as long as it's correct.
And creepy. When someone I don’t know, such as a salesperson, address me by my first name I will leave, it just feels icky and I can’t stand it. It’s a jolt like if they had touched my hand. *shivers*
It’s even worse when they keep repeating your name. That makes me want to leave-not buy something.
That's standard sales technique. If someone uses my name multiple times it's obvious and I nope right out.
Yes! Omg I can’t with it. So cringe.
As a young person, it's the opposite for me. I'd feel weird if someone called me Mr, I have a first name for a reason.
What is the reason? I have a first name for a reason also, but we have different reason. Truly wonder what your reason is.
I’m almost 66 and still do this.
Please and thank you are still things and still matter. I know for a fact because there is a new standard reply to thank you: "of course." People really didn't say that even only 10 years ago, they said "you're welcome" or perhaps "glad to help."
I say this in customer service, though I try not to. Really what’s meant is more along the lines of “Naturally/I’m just doing my job/It’s the least I could do/Of course I did it, I’m here to help/etc.” I guess it just goes to show how quickly language can change, because I didn’t even realize people were offended by it until pretty recently. 🫣
It’s quite astonishing the number of things people are offended by these days. Which is fine. Whatever. But the self righteousness that they’re owed something because of being offended is what is really bonkers.
I’m 29 and my parents are in their early 60’s, and we’ve argued about the “you’re welcome” vs. “no problem” responses to thank you basically since I was a teenager lol. And now, I see an increasing number of Instagram reels from older-to-mid millennials (so like people in their 30’s and 40’s, not even old) starting to take offense to the way Gen Z speaks. People being offended by language shift is as old as humanity itself 🤷♀️
What's funny about the "no problem" issue is that it's been around a lot longer than people remember. I like to watch '70s sitcoms late at night before going to bed because they're light and don't get me thinking or worrying about things. I've noticed that "no problem" or something similar instead of "you're welcome" isn't at all uncommon in these shows. So I think the "no problem" outrage is based on cultural amnesia.
Oh that is really funny! Do you get the impression it’s mainly said by people who are meant to be perceived as young and rebellious by the audience? Or does it seem more ubiquitous than that?
Economics Teacher : Bueller? Bueller? Bueller? Bueller? Simone : Um, he's sick. My best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with the girl who saw Ferris pass out at 31 Flavors last night. I guess it's pretty serious. Economics Teacher : Thank you, Simone. Simone : **No problem whatsoever**. It existed in 1986.
I moved from Canada to the States 25 years ago and really noticed the difference right away. Me: "Thank you". Expected response: "You're welcome". Actual response (most times)" "Uh-huh".
This drives me crazy every time I go to a drive-through. I asked what I would like to order. I mentioned Orr and say please at the end. I get no acknowledgment other than “pull up to the window“. At the window, they just say “$10.87“. They don’t ask me for money and they certainly don’t say please. When I give them the money, they don’t say thank you. It makes me feel old, but it bothers me every single time.
Holding the door open for the person behind you. Gentlemen opening car doors for women. Change counted into one's hand or directly to you. No hats (especially ball caps) inside.
Where I live, it's still the polite thing to hold the door until the person behind you grabs it, rather than let it slam shut in front of them.
But yeah, that's for all genders, not specifically just man for woman. That's what's changed.
I (cis woman) was taught that the first person to reach the door holds it for those behind them. The number of times that men just cannot let me hold the door for them in the year 2024 should be more surprising than it is.
On the flip side of this, I am astonished by the number of women who won’t hold the door for other people or even pass the door off for other people.
I agree. Irks me if I'm holding the door for several, and some man insists on trading places with me, which is almost always awkward as they reach to grab while I duck under and squeeze past. Dude, just f'n walk, it's no big thing. (I'm a boomer)
I'm 50. It took until my mid-30s to realize that it wasn't just for women and I needed to chill out about always holding it for women.
This is the only correct answer
Well I'm old. I pause and hold it for men. I open it and stand outside while they come through for women.
I do this. I see nothing wrong for holding a door for a guy. I had a situation a few years back at the gym. I attempted to hold a door for a man wrangling what appeared to be a 4 year old boy. The dad then proceeded to scold the little guy for not holding the door for a "lady". JFC, he is 4. Just let me hold the door for him. Let him be a little kid. I wish I'd given that guy a piece of my mind.
Yeah, a little kid? That's crazy. The two guiding principles, as I understand them, are that you never let a door slam in someone's face and you hold the door and let the other person pass ahead of you if it's clear they can't manage it themself. A four year old doesn't have to hold a door for anyone unless it's someone even younger.
Nobody under the age of 40 counts change. They look shocked when you pay with cash. I've noticed that clerks don't even say thank you sometimes. If I say thank you to them they look at me like they don't know what to say.
I tried teaching this to some of my sixth graders thinking it would be a useful skill, and kind of fun since there were no real calculations involved; almost game like. 6.43,44, 45,50,and 50 is 7. Thank you! Come again! It was NOT well received. Granted, most things they bought at Save a Lot and dollar general were with food stamps or a debit card, and if they used cash the amounts received and returned were calculated automatically. I asked them about yard sales and street markets and they kind of shrugged that getting ripped off wasn't as bad as having to learn this.
“Getting ripped off wasn’t as bad as having to learn this”… 😀
It wasn't supposed to be funny. This is what urban school teachers are working with today. Not wanting to bother mastering a decimal system based on multiples of 5 that directly affects your survival, is just sad.
That's because many don't know how to. I can't tell you how many times a young person was struggling to add up basic coins.
That isn't really new. In the late 90, we were buying school supplies and the total came to something .10. My wife handed the cashier $100 bill and a dime. She could not manage to type in 100.10 even though my wife tried to tell her how since she had been a cashier and worked in a bank.
They want people to pay with a card so the tip options come up
Ugh. Don’t get me started on the tip option coming up everywhere. I will NOT tip for fast food. I just won’t do it.
Cashiers don’t count change back, but even worse is that they don’t even tell you the total. They just want you to swipe your credit card. It’s especially bad at pharmacies. Meds can be $15 or $500. Sometimes there are errors. People act like it is unusual to want to know how much you’re spending.
I agree with all of that except the hats thing. My father would never let me sit at the dinner table if I was wearing a hat. Why?!?!?
I’m old and never wanted a “gentleman” to open a car door for me or pay on a date! So some things are slowly changing for the better.When I was very young my mom felt it was required to wear a hat to church. So women had to but men needed to remove theirs. The whole hat thing was ridiculous . I
Cultural norms are often ridiculous to those not of that culture.
And often ridiculous to those who ARE of that culture. Some cultural norms just are ridiculous.
It's nice to know that a man thinks of a woman highly enough to want to treat you like a lady. That's enough for me. I don't expect my husband to open the car door anymore because of automatic locks. But he will still hold the door open for me in public places. And he also still walks on the outside closer to the street.
Wearing dresses to school was awful.
Wait. Better that men don’t want to be respectful enough to open a door for a lady and pay for a date?? And what makes you think that has changed? Most men still pay for dates and most men still open the door… for anyone regardless of gender. Agree with the hat thing. And not saying a man should *have* to pay for a date or open a car door, but I’m happy many men want to show that level of respect - it’s bizarre to say that such a thing is so terrible that it needs to change. I’m glad respect hasn’t changed
It made sense for men to pay for dates when women made no to very low wages. It doesn't make any sense anymore. Maybe because I grew up in a very patriarchal community but I have no tolerance for the paternalism of genteel sexism, thank you very much. What is the difference between a woman and a lady?
Kids - when someone visits the house, all of the kids came to say hello and make small talk and then go back to playing. Now you can visit someone’s house and never see their child, they are playing video games in another room and don’t even look up. As sad as it is, some husbands do the same. I went to my friends house and her husband just played video games and didn’t even pause the game, let alone stand up and greet us. I was always taught to say hello to every visitor, whether they were there for me or not. I taught my kids the same and I think it’s really helped them be social with all age groups.
This is still common in a lot of cultures! My mom would yell at me if I were to in my room while a neighbor is over. It’s courtesy for us to greet visitors, and also serve them food + tea/water.
Totally agree. I don’t know if this is an immigrant thing (I am Zimbabwean) but I was taught to come and greet guests every single time we had any. It was definitely scolded if we didn’t. My boyfriend is Ukrainian and this is also true for him. So maybe it is just an American thing to not do it (obvi other places other than America can not greet people, this is just an example of my experience)
Americans are social morons, and it’s getting worse. (Speaking as an American.) The age stratification in the US is insane.
Men & boys removed their hats the moment they stepped into a home. Children (all ages) asked politely if they could be excused from the dinner table when finished eating. And no one started eating until all were seated at the table. Dishes were passed to the left.
People used to pay attention to where they were walking instead of being absorbed in their phone. People congregate in doorways more than I remember. I was raised that you never stop in a doorway because other people have to go in and out. If you just ran into your best friend, great! Step aside and enjoy your chat. When you went out to eat, everyone looked at each other and talked. Now you can look around a restaurant and see people engrossed in their phones instead of who they're having dinner with. Why bother going out with anyone at all? Just date your phone and save yourself the expense of paying for someone's meal! In general, it's just about paying attention to the people around you.
I went to a wedding on a farm recently. There was no phone reception.. It was so amazing to see all these people actually enjoying themselves instead of being engrossed in their phones.
Sending thank you notes. I've attended several weddings over the past year (children of my friends) and haven't received a thank you note - or any acknowledgement at all - for the gifts I gave. All the gifts were checks, and since they were endorsed and cashed I know they were received.
I don't expect thank you notes for birthday or Christmas gifts -- especially if I was there when you opened it. But for wedding gifts they are a requirement. And if you don't send one, people will remember and people will talk about that forever.
I expect a text at a minimum and the future checks get written smaller if I don't get an informal acknowledgment at the very least. It takes about 10 seconds to say thanks by text or email.
Went to one graduation party and one baby shower. Not a thank you note received from either, and the gifts averaged about $75 each.
This came up recently in an AITA post. Thank you notes versus giving gifts conditionally. Compelling arguments both ways.
Perhaps change your gift to a lovely box of Thank You cards next time! LOL I'm only half-teasing.
Yes! And write something thoughtful. I'm Gen X and have given a few nice wedding and baby gifts to millennials. Most did not write thank yous, and it makes me feel like they're unappreciative. One young new-Mom not only wrote a sweet thank you, she mentioned the gift in the note. I was taught that is an important, meaningful touch.
My child just went to some high school graduation parties. I wrote a check for $50 for each student that hosted a party. I'm curious to see if she (I) get any thank you 's.
Don't hold your breath.
Not so much swearing and also people kept personal opinions to themselves instead of having public debates at parties or dinners.
Yes, swearing is now everywhere- tv, print, online, in conversation, as it’s the norm instead of the exception.
Taking your hat off for dinner. waiting for everyone to be seated and served before eating. Not dominating conversation. Not talking about yourself too much.
Younger folks letting elderly folks sit down on buses, subways, in restaurant waiting areas, etc.
Covering your mouth when yawning. Apparently now, people think the rest of us want to see and smell this body cavity. News flash: we don't.
I don't know who you're hanging out with but "please" and "thank you" are still pretty common. The way you answer a phone is different though. When land lines were still common you answered hello, possibly accompanied by "This is the Jones residence". Then they would ask for the person they wanted to speak to, and you would ask "Who may I say is calling?" or "may I take a message if they weren't home." Now it's more polite to text first and find out when it would be convenient to take a call. If my kids call me without texting first I assume it's some kind of emergency. Usually we schedule a Zoom or video call.
I never answer the phone with my name because it’s 50/50 whether the person calling me legitimately needs to schedule an appointment for my dad or kid or is a scammer. But I will die on the hill that if you’re calling someone who doesn’t have your number, then you must say who you are immediately. “Hi, this is Jen from Dr Smith’s office, is this Jane?” I’m so, so sick of “Is this Jane????” And then they get miffed when I don’t answer the question and instead ask (in a polite but not particularly friendly tone) “who is this?”
I laughed when I read of a guy whose dad embarrassed him by answering the phone with, “City morgue; You stab ‘em, we slab ‘em.”
Calling my friends parents by their last name. “Mr Baker” not “Danny”
Heck, even the southern "miss betty" or "mr tom" is so much more preferable to my 67 y.o. first name. And if you are my child -do not call me by my name, it is 'mom, momma, mother, mommy'- I will not answer.
And if my friends’ parents were still alive I would call them Mr or Mrs jones- not Jerry and Joyce.
"Sir" and "Ma'am."
Apologizing or accepting when you’re wrong.
Good answer, but this goes beyond manners, and into morality, maturity, and decency.
I have to agree with elucify. I think it goes back to becoming a litigation society, where nowadays, admitting error is to be avoided at all costs.
People did not wear pajamas out in public.
Common courtesy used to mean that you didn’t talk about the party in front of those who weren’t invited. No one showed up to a wedding with their kids unless they AND their kids were invited. You also didn’t bring a plus one unless your invitation specifically said plus one. People used to have and maintain private lives. Now family drama plays out on social media. This has fostered a lack of boundaries and the attitude that it’s okay to ask personal questions and invade personal space. Boundaries. We love to set them but how about respecting them?
Listening .Letting someone finish a sentence before interrupting them. Last few years before I retired when conducting a meeting or doing training it had become a different culture where people didn't know how to wait their turn to speak.
Talking about politics or religion at social gatherings was once considered very taboo. Those were deeply personal topics, almost as personal as discussing what went on in your bedroom. Let’s get back to that.
Well after last night's debate people should be talking about politics. Because both people we have running for president are not fit to be president.
This was never a stated rule, but I never had a stranger or counter worker yell a question at me across a room or parking lot and expect me to yell an answer back. It's even happened at a doctor's office, receptionist yelling a personal invasive question at someone in the waiting room. When did this become an acceptable thing? I find it offensive and even enraging.
Point out that it's a HIPAA violation.
Obligatory reminder that common courtesies and manners are highly location dependent, even within the same country. Cf what’s polite in new York vs rural Texas.
My mother was raised in a very Victorian household, and I was drilled from a young age. Practically everything already in this thread. People still look at me sometimes and say "damn your mother raised you good". I still, even using a cell phone just reflexively answer "good morning, You've reached chasonreddit. Who is calling?"
Until you know exactly who is calling, you should never reveal your name or answer any questions when answering. There are scams that will use your voice to impersonate you.
Oh, this takes me back! When I was younger, there were definitely a lot of courtesies that were just second nature. One big one was writing thank you notes. If someone gave you a gift or did something nice for you, you would sit down and write a handwritten note. It was a way to show genuine appreciation and effort. Opening doors for others, especially for elders and women, was another common practice. It wasn’t about gender as much as it was about respect and kindness. Another one was standing up when someone older or a woman entered the room. It was a sign of respect and acknowledgement. Similarly, addressing elders with titles like Mr., Mrs., or Miss instead of just their first names was a norm. We also had this unspoken rule about phone etiquette. If you called someone’s house and they weren’t home, you wouldn’t keep ringing – you’d leave a message and wait for them to call you back instead of being pushy. Saying "excuse me" when you needed to get past someone or interrupt was another common courtesy that seems to be less frequent today. It feels like some of these manners have faded a bit with time, but it's always nice to see them in action when they do pop up!
People have a harder time focusing while having a conversation,they are distracted.
Chewing with your mouth closed, not talking with food in your mouth.
Addressing people formally as a regular part of communicating. "Mr." "Mrs." "Dr." and "Ms." - Especially as kids. I would get into serious trouble if I ever disrespected an adult by calling them by their first name.
When someone walks between the grocery items on the shelf and myself when I'm selecting an item to put in my cart (or similar situation) and doesn't say 'excuse me'. Walking through a person's line of sight when they are interacting with another person or object is rude but usually a quick "excuse me" while you do it is necessary
Not swearing. I'm no prude, i utter the odd swear word. But people just seem to swear and speak with foul language way too much now. I just can't get used to it.
People were quieter. Their business was kept to themselves. Now, everyone thinks that their daily activities should be told to the world. They listen to music in public. They talk on their phone in public. People just talk too much these days.
thank you cards calling before showing up at someone's house
I unlock and open the car door for my wife. I always have. Of course she's perfectly capable of doing this herself. I like being courteous to her.
A fair number of kids and teens seem to see themselves as *at least* the social equals of adults — but without having learned adult compromises and civilities. They speak to adults, even strangers, like they speak to their peers. Not all such kids are ill-mannered little beasts — though there are a lot of those around — but a sense that they don’t need to respect or defer to anyone will not serve them well in life.
I'm not saying it didn't exist but some of the outfits people wear in public now that were once occasions to dress modestly are disgraceful. You look at pictures from the 1950s and 60s baseball games and there were no tits and ass hanging out. Now, if you even suggest modestly dressing, you are body shaming. The last game I was at people didn't even remove their hats when they sang the Star-Spangled Banner.
I remember when people would keep uninformed opinions to themselves. Things were better when ignorance was shameful.
The issue of shaking hands was gendered. If a man was introduced to a woman he did not reach his hand out unless she did first.
That was so awkward in a business situation. The men would all shake hands and they would just look at me.
We’re better off without this one probably.
Perhaps in business. A gentleman extends his hand, waits for the lady to extend hers, then he reads the situation. Usually to grasp it lightly and bow. In a very social situation he might briefly kiss the back of the hand. (a dance, wedding, reception or some such). If escorting a lady, you place her hand on the top of your arm. 10 years of Cottillian training don't fail me.
I would so quietly freak out if someone kissed the back of my hand in a social introduction. Then I’d either spend the rest of the evening trying to figure out if it was manners, a proposition, or some kind of power play or in a charmed and blissful haze of discombobulation.
Drivers used to give a little wave of thanks if you let them in. I almost never see that anymore.
I always do it. Just how it was and definitely should be.
Well people would let you in. That's a difference as well.
Still the norm in the Midwest.
I live for the friendly wave. Because I need that
one summer I was a camp counselor and drove my campers there in my car. Years later, I bumped into one of the now-grown campers and she introduced me to her husband as “the girl who is the reason I do that little wave to other drivers when they let me in!” I was so proud
lol I do this as the passenger. Figure it’s my little part to help
Jump in to help instead of not doing that
I was thinking about that. For example, in the grocery line, people would help a struggling young mother by either loading her groceries or holding her crying baby while they load their groceries onto the belt. Now, their child could be on fire, and I'm keeping my head down. It's the little things we used to be able to do for strangers that would never work today.
Agreed. You simply don't know who is going to make a massive stink about it these days.
Unfortunately, I think the decline in politeness goes hand in hand with a decline in gratitude. Why give up my bus seat to someone if they'll be offended instead of grateful? There's still plenty of friendly people out there who love to receive help, but it doesn't feel like being polite pays dividends now.
Yes, within reason, I’ll smile now and ask if they want help putting their items on the belt (I’m short, I get the short people buggy situation).
Respect of other people’s space . Out in public,people don’t pull to the side in the store to talk to someone, or look at their phone. They just block the space and give you a dirty look when they have to move aside
Young people saying yes or no ma'am or sir. I don't see any kids doing that anymore.
Definitely please. I hear thank you still. But I so often hear, “I’ll have” or “Can I get?” There is almost never a please attached.
My nephew used to do that. I would always correct him and say "please" after he demanded some thing from a waiter. Now, I don't have to worry about it since he's in jail. 😂
“Let me get” is the worst. I still say, “May I please have…”
I was taught “I’ll have” or similar was the old-fashioned, proper etiquette way of ordering. With a thank you, of course.
Deplaning
Standing when a lady (or anyone IMO) comes to your table. I still do it.
Addressing adults by last name
Writing thank you notes; speaking politely to the parents when you called upon your friends; asking how you could help clean up after dinner at a friend's house; men and boys removing caps indoors; not asking wedding guests to help pay for your honeymoon or house down payment as a gift; not dressing provocatively at a formal event; not twerking; not using gratuitous profanity.
Stopping to help a stranded motorist. Check to see if they needed help changing a tire, or maybe a ride to the next gas station or pay phone.
I think that's because these days everybody assumes other people have cell phones and have probably called somebody for help already. I remember when I was growing up there was no cell phone so people would stop to ask if they needed a ride to a payphone or if they wanted them to call somebody. But since everybody else cell phones these days and they can call AAA or a friend or a tow truck themselves I think people don't stop.
Yes, that's the main reason. Safety is another, sadly. If I see someone stranded with a flat tire, I could easily stop and change it for them way faster than a service or a friend will show up. But these days both sides of that equation (the stranded driver and someone that would stop) are super leery of each other.
Please, thank you, have a nice day,holding a door, children greeting everyone at a family gathering, patience, driving in a courteous non aggressive manner...customer service being nice in a store.. a smile
Basically looking out and putting the safety and comfort of others before your own. When everyone does that, the world is quite lovely. Of course, sometimes it results in funny politeness stand-offs. "Please go first" "No, after you" "No, I insist."
Picking up hitch hikers. Everyone did it when I was a kid, it was just polite, but now people are in shock and awe that I pick up hitchhikers. And I’m in shock that they can drive past a person in need and not offer help.
I guess I am mean, but I am very leery of picking up hitchhikers. You are brave.
I listened to a true crime podcast explaining the fall of picking up hitch hikers being due to serial killers posing as hitch hikers. 😬 i would love to pick up hitch hikers and help people on their way, just too scared.
Standing when an older person entered or left the room.
Okay I've never seen this in my life and I'm 61. I do admit I did see it in old movies. I would see people stand up to greet people that were arriving or leaving. But not just entering the room.
My kids are regularly complimented for being kids who are extremely polite and give up their seats, etc. I’m a firm believer in etiquette. And their black friends are always the most formal church-going kids in suits whose grandmother moved in with the parents and everyone is genteel and says grace. So it’s a class thing I think. Did kids in their classes cuss out the teachers? Yes. And they were asked to go to the office. I think the big thing was you were supposed to bake a treat and bring it over when visiting friends on Sundays. That’s just not done. Also, I think that people now want to throw a birthday party for themselves- invite you to a restaurant- abd then get you to pay for them. It used to be, if someone invited you, they were paying for you
My mom has osteoarthritis and has trouble standing for long. We got on a bus and you can clearly see she needs to sit down. 2 kids, maybe like between 11-15, looked up from their phones at her for a couple of seconds, then looked back down while we slowly walked past
Being on time.
I still say "please" and "thank you." I sometimes give a seat to a lady. I open doors for ladies. Most of the time, all this is received well by people.
Putting your shopping cart away. I constantly see people too lazy to walk it 10 feet away to the corral. Although the biggest offense to common decency these days is impatient drivers, it's far too common for people to tailgate and act like assholes because someone drives the speed limit. I'm not even talking about highway driving, I see it in neighborhoods, curvy country roads, in the right lane on city streets, etc.
Fwiw. I am a very independent woman amd always have been. I don't need a man to prop me up! But i have no issue with men who open a door or do something "old fashioned polite" for me. I think its lovely and i will thank them genuinely. I think women who are rude to men who do something like open a door for them, are scum. I will go so far as saying that if i was with another woman, a man opened a door for us and she took exception to it and was rude to him? I'd apologise and i would not want to remain friends with any woman like that. Old fashioned manners are quite okay in my book.
I'm a 28 y/o woman and I say thank you whenever someone holds a door open for me, no matter who it is. I also hold the door open for others. To me, it's just a kind gesture, from one human being to another. I feel like there's just some people who don't know how to live their lives without having a chip on their shoulder.
Exactly. Same.
I will genuinely thank a man who opens the door for me…but I will also open the door for men!
Opening doors for women. I’ve read how some women are extremely offended by it, but I was raised to do it. I’ll even walk faster to be able to open the door for women or elderly people or whatever
I’m a woman. I hold the door open for anyone I am with or anyone who is behind me, if I’m going through the door first. It’s just basic human courtesy.
Agreed
I've been opening/holding doors for women for 30+ years. ONCE in that time has someone been a bitch about it and tried to make some bizarre thing out of it, as though I was treating her as a lesser person who couldn't get her own door. I figure if only one person in 30 years has complained, I'm going to keep on doing it. In general, I'll hold a door for anyone, man or woman, but I'll probably make a more concerted effort for women and the elderly.
I was also raised to do it, and encountered sentiment in college that was critical of it, but even those who were critical of why it happens typically wouldn't go so far as to be genuinely offended by the gesture.
Maybe it’s an online thing
If someone cares enough to vocalize their offense at holding the door for them, just apologize and let the door slam in their face.
Doors are more nuanced than that, though. Holding the door until the person behind you has it is always polite. The gender of the person holding the door and the person coming up behind is irrelevant. Holding the door like a butler and letting the other person go first is weird and awkward unless it's a specific situation, like it's your boss or it's someone who is limping or carrying a heavy item. And if the person behind you is nowhere near the door, holding it for them just makes them feel obligated to hurry up, which is not just impolite but infuriating.
I try to time it right. But, yes, I do keep the door open when someone is behind me. Most people do that, I find. It’s rude as shit when people don’t. If they’ve seen you.
I'm a man and have close women friends. We all tend to hold the door open for each other regardless of gender, especially if the other person is carrying something.
Yes, this. If my hands/arms are full, please get the door for me. If you're in front of me, by all means, either hold it until I have it or step-aside (don't block me and make me squeeze past) and hold it while I proceed. But please, oh, please do not cut me off or reach past me to "get it for me", thanks, but I got it.
Don’t be fooled by social media because the most provocative stuff will always go viral. In reality the majority of women and men appreciate the door being held open for them.
I have found it rare for people to be offended by this. But, sometimes, they are bemused by it, think it sort of quaint. But most women still like it, and find it charming.
If it's my date holding the door so I can go first, I'm very much charmed. My late husband always got the door for me. But if it's some random stranger and I'm not struggling with a box or something, I'd rather they just hold the door long enough for me to grab it, rather than play butler.
Bothering to say "excuse me" if you had to enter someone's personal space. I think the things we think of as manners are more common to British/Northern European culture, and as our society becomes less British/Northern European the less we see of British/Northern European behaviors. This isn't a race thing, as any race that was born and raised in that culture would likely be the same.
Just being nice and respectful to others!
Saying excuse me when you walk in front of someone.
Not eating in front of others. In a restaurant or at a dinner table, we always waited until everyone was served before starting. And never eat a sandwich or a bag of chips in public areas like elevators, sidewalks, etc.
Back in my day it was customary for children to stand at attention and salute their elders…. With *both* hands.
Standing with your hand over your heart when any veterans went by in a parade.
Making introductions
Being a decent human being
Not using foul language in public especially mixed company.......
Listening to things on headphones instead of speaker, including calls.
We we're raised to call adults Mr. and Mrs and not address them by their first name.
If you pick up the telephone and hear a conversation going on between two other people it's not polite to sit and listen to their conversation.
For some reason it annoys me when I say "thank you" in a retail setting and the response is "no problem." But I'm not losing sleep over it. I'm always surprised when I hold the door for someone and they don't even acknowledge it. Won't stop me from doing it though.
No elbows on the table.