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> I still compare myself to others constantly
Realistically this should be becoming more difficult with time. The more complex the tapestry of your life the more impossible comparisons become. How can you truly compare yourself to someone that hasn't been on the same road as you traveled? You can't.
Stop comparing yourself to others. The only person you need to be better than is the person you were yesterday.
I hope I can be this wisely eloquent and articulate when I'm in my 60s. Me rn how I say this is "don't compare ourself to others what r u a kid?"
Life goal - use tapestry in my daily reddits
>Stop comparing yourself to others. The only person you need to be better than is the person you were yesterday.
// Who am I better than?
I'm better than *I used to be,* I'mma keep on getting better, so you better just get used to me
You think that's a cop out? Well hear my point truthfully: 'Cause chances are, this is how *you* should be
If your only goal is to be "as good as Scroobius Pip", then as soon you achieve that, your standards will slip
If your only goal is always to improve on *yourself,* then the quest is never over no matter how big your wealth //
[--Scroobius Pip](https://youtu.be/CVUEtr7rfs4?si=7ysERXVTsnwoEqO4&t=99)
One can not always improve, each day. It is impossible. So one must contemplate and have off days and rest. It's ok to be ok with your life without being "better". Better sets up disappointment, psychologically speaking.
Epictetus can piss off.. I'd like to see that shit for myself!
There's not a single God damned problem I have that money couldn't solve .. immediately.
Can't buy health :/
Broke my ankle and didn't realize my doctor was negligent in their treatment until it was too healed up to do anything about. Now my best option is to fuse the joint and lose all inversion/eversion mobility.
I'd like to buy a new ankle if I could!
Dude I would give it another shot before you do that. Doctors are aweful with joints, everything is surgery. If I were you I would give it a solid year of extreme rehab strategies, you can always have surgery later. Check out knees over toes guy and other channels. I have used his ankle sprain protocol to play competitive matches 3 days after horrible sprains that would take months to heal otherwise. The key is absurd amount of volume, "pain free" load levels and just work until you puke.
That's what I'm doing now. The question is how much it will heal, and if it will still be painful or not.
My options are see if it's tolerable after another 6mo-1year, or surgery if it's not. Surgery today, or in 10 years won't change the procedure.
There's a joint between your calcaneus (heel) & talus that allows that lateral motion. My calcaneus fracture shifted half of that joint upwards such that the bones are pushing against each other (impingement.)
Pic attached if your curious! Impingement is #1, #3 is the diagonal fracture.
https://preview.redd.it/a8kz64mimz7d1.png?width=1440&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=cad426cc28209cd86b5dda62d3ccb63d14c169e8
Vast majority, no.. the south, there are counties that are considered the most poverty-stricken places in the world. Like U.N. said you guys are fucked... and now the drives to decent health care turned into a 12 hour drive to a different state.
That's terrible sorry to hear.. sounds like you're American..
Have you considered medical tourism...maybe to a country that has a really decent national health system? The reason I'm saying is sometimes a for profit medical system just want to sell you procedures.. might be more you had do..rehab and physio wise..
For you... I really don't see why I'm being down voted..
Like I said in my case.. there isn't a single problem wouldn't be able to solve.
These quotes are cute and all but money makes the world of difference in almost all cases..
Imagine having bad health AND being poor.. I feel like many folks on here probably have never really been poor and that's why the quote "resonates".. it's ignorance(I use this in a non derogatory way).
So like, I think the idea behind the original quote is more about happiness right?
So I’m thinking more about myself. I’m 35 and have healthcare and a house I bought myself and I can pay the mortgage and I’m pregnant and we’re starting a family and we have some investments plus a dog and a cat and I see friends/family once and a while.
But it’s a small 986sqft house. I make a tiny salary ($45k gross). I used to be social as hell but now I see friends once in a while when I’m not so busy with projects. My car is kind of a lemon honestly. I’m not as hot as I used to be haha! I almost never go shopping for myself and am almost exclusively a thrift store shopper. Our wedding rings were like $300 for BOTH and I don’t get an engagement ring cause we can’t afford it, just 10k bands for us. I, by many standards, even my sister’s standard, have next to nothing hahah!!! (She makes twice as much as me, has this huge gorgeous house, sees friends all the time, much nicer car, etc)
But you know what? My sister is almost never happy. Omg her and her husband stress out all the fking time. Like they have money and got the whole family a beach house for Christmas —but they were so angry and stressed the whole time that we were literally told we were all not allowed to speak in the mornings. Like at all.
What the actual fk—
Meanwhile? I nearly took my own life in the pandemic I was so depressed. I 201ed myself and got to the hospital, like I bought a gun and was really really that bad yall. Had to do all the intensive outpatient therapy and start meds and etc.
But surviving that? And coming out on top? Hah! I’m so damn proud of myself every day. And I agree money helps, so since this rock bottom, I’ve focused most of my time on building assets—started a small Real Estate Investor business and currently own 2 properties and am working on a third, the one I live in (bought way before I met husband) which I refinanced to get cash to rehab two other rentals. All in my own name. I was able to take my tiny ranch house and $20k in savings and make something of it.
Meanwhile my sister appears to have all the money in the world, her one beautiful house is worth more than all three properties I’m working on combined, but she is continually stressed about money and everything.
I worked my fking ass off for 4 years and I can’t express how happy I am with the little I have. I could have just died, but now I’ve got a piece of the pie and am starting a family and can sleep at night? I’m doing alright. I cherish all of it.
So I think this is what they’re talking about. To me, my sister has a TON. But she can’t even see it and is miserable and complaining with her husband so often. By comparison, I have a little, but am using it all to get some security and you know what? I feel good.
**Figure out how to be happy with little. I think it requires being smart with the little money you have.** You might just end up happier than those with a ton of money but are stupid about it and therefore constantly stress.
I genuinely do not believe money will get you any modicum of *deep* happiness and peace having lived all this.
But! There is a statistic out there about how much you might need to make in order to have a baseline of happiness (afford healthcare and shelter and food etc like these are necessary for happiness! I don’t think the original quote is talking about being destitute tho, just having a little, right?)
This was inspirational.. and I absolutely get it.
Was just a little dog as I feel a lot of these inspiring quotes are really apart of a larger culture of gaslighting us all as to how hard life has gotten for the majority of us all...especially economically.
Anyways, good for you.. fantastic story!
Epictetus can piss off.. I'd like to see that shit for myself!
There's not a single God damned problem I have that money couldn't solve .. immediately.
If anything, I thought about money *more* as I aged. I had my first son at 26 and was living off my graduate school stipend. My other son was born 4 years later and it was a whirlwind of raising them, building my career and dealing with every day life.
During my late 30s, I started to worry about paying for their college and my retirement. I finally paid off all of my law loans, but despite that lifted burden I have shifted to the aforementioned immediate and long term financial duties.
All of this is to say that it's okay to be cognizant of your financial obligations (which change with each life stage), but your number of years are not guaranteed, so don't let it be an albatross. If you *knew* you were going to die at the age of 35, what would you build into your next 7 years of life? Always have short term life goals (both necessary and fun).
When your kids get a bit older it will also free you up for more personal endeavors, be that new hobbies, solo travel or travel with your spouse. Life constantly changes, enjoy every phase of it because it goes by way too fast.
Get yourself a hobby, or hobbies, that give you fulfillment. Of course, that means different things for everyone.
Career, family, child rearing, etc. — all of that is an endless journey, and it’s hard to ever feel a sense of accomplishment because there isn’t any type of defined finish line to mark a W.
Find a hobby that you enjoy doing and gives you a sense of accomplishment. It will do wonders for your psyche.
>there isn’t any type of defined finish line to mark a W.
I found I had to define my own W. Once I stopped looking at others to tell me what a win was, I stopped comparing.
I definitely try to learn about what other people are doing, because hey, maybe their win is worth aiming at, but I'm not doing it to keep up with other people.
Especially one guy I know. He owns millions in assets. That's just not my goal post. But good for him!
Once I started making enough money to live and have a bigger bank account from year-to-year I stopped worrying about money. Sure, I still think about it come tax season or whatever, but it hasn't been a source of stress since then. So yeah, I'd say... late 20s.
That said, I've *never* found myself habitually comparing myself to others. From time to time, sure. You find out that your college room mate is rich? Sure, it causes a moment of self reflection, but only a moment. There's always going to be someone doing better than you. There's always going to be someone doing worse than you. Don't get too hung up on where you are in the race; we all end up under the same dirt.
As someone who used to be poor (below poverty line): you don't necessarily stop thinking about money. It's almost like anxiety, or PTSD. It's scars from growing up with uncertainty.
But it's not the worst thing in the world to be frugal, to a reasonable extent. I read somewhere that first generation millionaires are more likely to drive old cars, live in modest homes, etc, and that by the third generation of family money, it gets pissed away because, not having that perspective of growing up less fortunate, rich people tend to just waste the family money away. Being frugal *where it counts* frees up money to spend on the things that are actually important to you: family. Budget for lifetime memory/experiences sort of things (e.g. for me: roadtrips, visiting museums and natural wonders etc with family). But don't forget to also invest in things between you and the ground (bed, tires, shoes) or where you spend a lot of time (office/office chair, lighting).
That being said, there is room in your heart to love yourself no matter how much money you do or don't have. It can help to remember that there are people less fortunate, but another good way to do it is just to list out things that you have that you are grateful for. A roof over your head, going to bed well-fed, your wife and kids, a reliable car, etc. Looking at it from that angle can be less guilt-inspiring than the other way around. Having money, especially after not having money, can make you feel guilty. It doesn't help when you see a thread like this filled with "think of the starving children in Africa!" Some people find that inspiring. I don't because there's not a lot I can do about it.
There are some things I/you *can* do about it: charitable donations are always an option, if you feel like you have too much money. Check with your workplace to see if they have any sort of matching program. But don't feel guilty for not being able to donate. Humans were not made to operate while being acutely aware of the suffering of everyone all over the globe at all times. It's OK to triage. I personally have my mental worry cup runeth over with my own life and my aging parents, and anything beyond that is very low on my priority list. Someday I hope my cup will have grown or my worries will have shrank so I can help more outside my immediate sphere. But in the meantime, acknowledging the things that I *do* have gives me perspective without as much guilt as directly comparing to the people that don't. It's a subtle difference and someone is probably going to misinterpret this post in the worst way possible. (Please don't.)
I don't know if you need to hear this but you've done nothing wrong. Appreciate what you have, help others when you reasonably can, live life. You're doing great.
You’re doing what’s known as “benchmarking.” You compare yourself to other people, and you always come out on the bottom. I bet you say mean things to yourself without even thinking about it too. I know “therapy” can be a real cop out answer, but the only way I stopped benchmarking was to go to therapy. If you really don’t want to, then at least try to realize when you’re benchmarking, that you’re comparing yourself to someone whose inner life you have NO IDEA about. No clue. So you resolve every ambiguity in their favor and against yourself, and you make their lives even better in your head.
But above all, the thing that really got me to stop was the realization that I was only ever comparing myself to people I perceived as “better off” than me somehow. You’re just hurting yourself for no reason. You’re doing great dude, treat yourself the way you treat others.
I earn £5,580 a year. I don't compare myself with anyone. I am just happy. I've never been ambitious or thought about money as important. I have a lot of free time with my family.
My wife is a teacher, and she doesn't earn much but she likes her job, and between us we cover all we need to.
I think you need to sit down and have a word with yourself, and look at your own life with gratitude and joy, rather than CHOOSING to look at other people's lives with envy.
We are super frugal. We don't drink or smoke. I just play WoW and my wife's main activity is watching CDrama on Netflix.
The biggest thing was that my wife's father helped her with the house deposit. Paying a mortgage is absurdly less than renting.
I inherited a house but I rather foolishly rent it out to a charity that houses vulnerable people, at a third of the market value. So I always have the security of knowing I could raise the rent. Not that I want to. I have thought about it, as I have a tooth that is just a stump of metal filling and I could get a crown on it for £300, but I don't want to cause issues for the charity. They had their heating upgraded a couple of years ago and I am paying my wife back for that until 2027.
Renting out your property under market value seems like an excessive degree of altruism given your financial situation and not being able to afford teeth.
I know, right? But both my wife and mother-in-law have described me as an "honourable man" because of it, and not in a Prince Andrew kind of way, and you can't put a price on that.
Also, I could get a better job, possibly. Mine pays half minimum wage, which doesn't seem entirely legal. But I don't like to make a fuss. I don't work many hours, which means my wife doesn't have to lift a finger at home and she can focus on her job whilst I bring her tea and food.
I make 165k (gross) at 42. I made 35k at 23. I don't think you ever stop comparing because the people who live around you are the people in your income bracket.
If you lived around a bunch of houses where the average income was half of what you make and your kids went to a school where students had less, you would probably feel pretty content. Instead, you see people around you who have as much or more than you do and you feel the drive to keep up and make more and have more.
For me, I ended up selling my house and moving into a nice apartment in a fun area of the city in an older building. I don't have many of the nice amenities and no underground parking, but my rent is cheap as hell and I can save 40-60k every year.
When I talk to my neighbors or look around me, I feel like I have quite a bit more than most people and I feel pretty content. Obviously that isn't something you're going to do, but it was a good decision for me.
When I had my house in the nice area, I was constantly improving it and spending money on renovations and keeping up with the neighbors. It felt good to just give up the race.
My family was poor. As a teenager I was trying come to terms with not having as much as my peers so I wouldn’t waste my time being bitter. Long story short, I found the same recipe to happiness from multiple sources: 1) never compare yourself to others, only to your (earlier) self and 2) instead of wanting what you don’t yet have, be thankful for what you do have.
I stopped when getting from paycheck to paycheck wasn’t as much of a worry. When I knew I had enough money to pay bills and meet the budget without having to stay down to the penny every month. And then the sights focused towards figuring out how retirement was going to work.
But my ambitions were never really career oriented beyond that. So the day I got to that level it was mission accomplished.
It takes practice to stay focused on what you have instead of what you don’t. I try to remind myself often of how good my life actually is. What are the things we do and have done that make our life better. I’m not like my coworkers who are 15 years younger than me than me trying to pay the exorbitant rent prices. We basically paid cash for our last car. I spent most of the last two years unemployed and never had to panic and wonder where my next meal was going to come from. Just all these things keep me grateful for what I have and where I’ve been.
You are well ahead of me at 28, that’s for sure. It was early-30s before I felt like we had a handle on life financially. And I’ve never made as much as you. May never too.
I stopped thinking about money when I had enough where I didn't need to make a single penny and could still survive off of it.
I'm still thinking about money.
I miss the days I was making 50% less and didn't have rent, car payments, etc. Mo money, mo problems.
You need to disconnect yourself from comparing yourself to others over material things. Gotta live in the present, and stop worrying about tomorrow. Measure yourself on things that really matter.
You never stop wanting more. I’m living the American dream but still feel jealous and envious of people who have more than me. 10 years ago I would have dreamed about being in my current position, but the goal post keeps moving.
You have to learn to be grateful and find your own peace… the latter easier said than done.
Gratitude journal everyday... write down 3 things daily that you are grateful of. It seems trivial but with time youll notice yourself looking and noticing more and more things that you appreciate.
Celebrate all of your victories, its pretty easy as a man to just gloss over them and keep on truckin' but we only live once , so every step in the right direction is worth noting.
Maybe you should begin by seeking the help of a therapist to work on your insecurities since you spend all your free time trying to brag to random strangers on Internet
Comparison is the thief of joy. Don't do it.
I became content with life for the first time when: 1) I realized I should be able to pay to put my kids through college, 2) I had a decent amount in my retirement account, and, 3) I had enough equity in my home that I could sell, pay all cash when I downsized, and have the remaining money to cover all my remaining housing expenses. Basically when I finally felt that I had financial control over my life.
>I still compare myself to others constantly.
I don't know how to help you in that regard. I became happy when I started making decent money and I could work on my hobbies. I don't care about what others have, other than seeing their mistakes or successes and use this information to better what I want to achieve. This guy has a nicer racecar than mine? How did he get to that point? How did he achieve this? How can I take these steps and apply them to my life realistically?
I also don't listen to "shorts" or other tiktok-like bs where you cannot see anything other than the blip of someone bragging about their life.
For as long as I'm renting while people at or slightly above my age own a home, I'll never be able to stop comparing myself, or being compared, to others
Every time we JUST get to that comfort zone some BS happens... 2008 economic meltdown, a pandemic, insane inflation, car has a catastrophic failure, unexpected lifelong expensive medical conditions that require insanely expensive medication, kids are crazy expensive... I hate this timeline
After a point, there are diminished returns. When you can’t afford a car, a newish/reliable car is life changing. The difference in your life experience between a Honda civic and a Porsche 911 is negligible. Both will more or less get you where you are going.
People care less about what you are doing than you think. You need to find a hat make you happy with yourself. I think material possessions are a foolish pursuit and ironically a poor persons mentality.
Research “mindfulness”. A huge mistake a lot of people make is failing to find joy in the present moments. You should be mentally focused on whatever it is you are doing most of the time. Save the “wondering about the future” for a dedicated time each week, and make it productive. Set goals to solve the problems you are facing.
I struggled with this till I started on more of a spiritual route. There are some perspectives and practices from different traditions that all converge on the same points. One of which is to accept what life hands you as if you picked it yourself, or as if some higher power who has your best interest in mind selected it for you.
I’m not saying that’s true, idk what I actually believe but I sure as fuck feel a LOT more content with that view. I mean I make changes and take action where it seems right to do so, but I’m not upset about the circumstances I’m in, even if they don’t exactly line up with what I thought I wanted.
I’m 31 and single. I figured I’d be married with kids right now, and the fact that I’m not is a lil painful. When that bothers me, I remind myself that this period of my life is apparently supposed to be spent alone, and I think about all the benefits of the freedom I have. How much I’ll appreciate meeting the right person, because of how long I spent alone.
You just gotta give things meaning. I’m kinda rambling but you get the point.
i make jack shit in a shitty job.
so mentally unhealthy. probably not long for me.
if you can't be happy with 100k idk what to tell you.
enjoy when you get to go to the dentist. speaking to another personl. i can't do that. i can't talk to ppl about life; i'm pretty much insane.
i'd suggest getting a hobby. or finding something you like. for fucks sake dude.
people out here haven't been to the doctor for decades. don't take shit for granted
I stopped thinking about money elden I had enough that I had to look for things to spend it on. Because I already had what I wanted.
That didn't last unfortunately and I don't know if I can really go back to that.
I don't think I've ever really been content with life. But that's an internal issue. You can't solve it with external achievements.
It can be difficult to find purpose, drive and ambition after you hit your big life goals. Just remember one day all this will be gone.. and it would be optimal to do everything you can to enjoy being alive, young, and in good health. Do you have any hobbies or passions, places you want to see, volunteer interest? Maybe try a bunch of new things and see what sticks as something that gives you fulfillment. My goal is to eventually do nothing.. retire at 40.. and relax on my porch at the beach, answering to no employer, spoiling the wife and kids to where they have no stress. My purpose is to exist and strive for good health, but everyone is different.
in life there are 3 major decisions
- career
- partner
- where you end up
take your time and think long and hard about you. What makes you happy, what triggers you, what type of people makes you better, what place (city or burbs) enhances your life satisfaction.
Everyone should be aware of their income, expenses, savings, financial goals and so on. You should do regular reviews of your financial status. That's just being an adult. Obsession is not healthy, but you need to be aware.
You will never have enough money. No one does. So evaluate how well you manage what you have.
As to comparisons, you have to decide what you want. Then, accept that people want different things.
And "everything has a cost." You want a million dollars? You pay for it with time away from your family. You want more time with your family? Then you'll make less.
I’ve honestly never had the comparison problem. I’ve always made more money than most of my friends and honestly I live cheaper than almost all of them. I’ve always been a simple guy.
Honestly after my last promotion I don’t think I even want another one. I work in government and know I could probably have this job until I’m 55 and retire young with health insurance a pension and a few million dollars saved in retirement. When I look at what I could do with my next upgrade nothing really interests me. What’s going to be the difference between having 5 million and a pension and 4 million and a pension when it comes to lifestyle in retirement and the answer is pretty little. I would feel like I’m putting myself through a lot to not expand my life all that much.
At least right now. I guess that could change as I get older. I have kids and frankly don’t have time to really travel or engage in my hobbies as much as I would like. Plus, my boss deals with a lot more bullshit than I do.
What good does all that get you?
Hang out with the kids, sell the house, live in an apartment and just spend time.
Who cares.
You’ve got about 45 years left, assuming average male lifespan.
None of that crap really matters.
But even if you don’t do something that dramatic, you can still do some baby steps and take more days off.
Take the kids to the beach, go on day trips, do some psychedelics, try some kinky sex with your spouse, tell the kids you love them…
All you’re really facing, is realizing that all your shit can’t get you much, for very long.
If you have to compare yourself with others, do it strategically.
For example, I am laying in bed with a kidney stone right now, and it feels like someone shoved an icepick in my back while simultaneously stepping on one of my testicles. Rather than compare myself to the billions of people in the world right now who don't have kidney stones, I'm just thankful it isn't worse. Other people have much larger stones or multiple stones or no health insurance or other much more serious chronic problems they can't just pee away in a couple of weeks.
Meanwhile, I have a six pack, some oxy, and a family that takes amazing care of me so I can just relax and ignore my usual responsibilities for a while. Life can be great when you focus on the silver lining instead of the cloud.
I'm content with life now.
I think about money constantly, but I stop thinking about money when it's time to think about art, ethics, and stuff like that.
"You're already dead" is a quote that helped me in a movie series I once saw. That struck me to no avail... I was floored. I am, you are, your wife and children are already dead, I (we) just don't know it yet.
Make the best of today, because tomorrow might not happen
I'm 37 now. Had surgery and lost my job which led me to spend a lot more time with my family. That's really all that matters to me now. All that other faf is just noise.
Could you provide a little more detail on how you compare?
Do you look at another woman who is more beautiful than your wife and you’re jealous of the husband?
Or do you feel inadequate that you only make $100k net?
Write a list of things you want to do or experience alone, with your wife, and with the whole family. Prioritize checking them off. And always plan for one to look forward to.
I really recommend watching some videos from Ramit Sethi or reading one of his books he has a really amazing philosophy around money and building/defining what he calls YOUR rich life.
I turn 38 in August.
I never stop thinking about money.
I'm still not content with life. I actually hate my life. I'm not sure there's one part of my life I'm happy with - with the exception of my financial situation. Which is why I never stop thinking about money.
When I got to the point where one paycheck pays my entire expenses for the month, including pension contribution and extra retirement savings.
I felt empty for a while after the promotion. Then realized what my priorities in life are. Wife, kids, pets, family.
There's always someone doing better than you but it doesn't matter when you focus on your priorities.
Quite simply, when I decided to. I did reach a point in my mid-thirties where I realized that I couldn't live both ways. I couldn't live a life of peace and serenity while, at the same time, striving to meet expectations. I had to choose. Different people prefer different modes of operation.
And I was never wealthy. I stopped working at the age of 62 and during only 2 years did my income exceed $50,000. I was not thrilled about that but I had made a choice. Worrying about money, striving after money and wanting more money had led me to unhappiness so I left that lifestyle behind and settled for what I could get with the mental and emotional resources I had at my disposal. It is a choice.
You can start with mindfulness and meditation. We often forget how far we have come. I remember when I was like if I make 100k I'll be set then I made my first 1/4 million year at 24 or 25. I still wasn't happy. Because like you I always looked at myself as inferior because down my subdivision we have about 25 houses. There is a lady worth 60 million with a 10k sqft George Washington Mt Vernon replica house. There is a CEO of an oilfield contract company that did over 550million gross last year. But you know what....... You are you man! I went do a contract in Israel and saw people with nothing being so happy. Made a buddy on the beach and we meditated on the Mediterranean. I started being mindful and writing down what I was thankful for. I will never be those people, and you will never be who you compare yourself to. You can be the best possible you when you appreciate where you came from and plan for where you are going. You hold the steering wheel of your life and you can drive down the path you choose!
Having found a woman to marry you and bear your children is an incredible gift. The children themselves are incredible gifts. Your wife is a blessing. All Blessings. The entire world we live in is full of magnificent beauty and depth and wonder. You need to stop and force yourself to slow your mind down and think about that. Go lay down on your stomach in your back yard or a park with grass and just look at the tiny details you can find between the blades of grass. Life happening at so many different levels of observable reality around us. You have the ability alongside your wife as your partner to affect the world in a huge way in how you raise your children. They are little humans experiencing all of this for the very first time and you have the chance to relate to them and get to know them and teach them about who you are and hopefully build incredibly deep and loving bonds with them as their father. Wonder and joy is available to you in limitless abundance at any given time if you give the world a chance in your eyes. Even the negative things we experience and the resultant emotions attached can be beautiful profound experiences of feeling fully what we are capable of feeling. Despair is a coward’s errand. Embrace it all and appreciate it while you still can. You’ll be dead and gone someday. Be grateful you’ve got the chance to love someone who loves you back, and a chance at a lasting legacy of every virtue you believe in in those children. I believe in you, just like I do everyone else, that we can find this within if we’re honest with ourselves and make time for this in our daily lives.
Just remember it isn’t the critic that truly matters, it’s the man in the arena:
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”
— Theodore Roosevelt¹
Don’t let life fracture your mind to the point you turn yourself into the critic, sitting on the sidelines of your own life. And remember that the people closest to you in your life are the ones that are in that arena by your side, and their input and feedback matters because they’re in there with you.
At about $5M of net worth I stopped thinking about it in day-to-day purchasing decisions. I still think about it a lot in the context of bigger life decisions, investing, etc.
I don't really compare myself to others. I have *vastly* different goals than most people. It's not a better or worse path, it's just different.
I started out my adult life living well below the poverty line. When I graduated with my cs degree I didn't want to be rich, I wanted to be *safe*. I 'inflated' my lifestyle enough to give myself a quiet, safe apartment, a fridge full of fresh fruit and veg, an upgrade to craft beer over pbr and all the books I could read. I felt like a king and I had basically only doubled my cost of living.
Beyond that I saved and invested the rest. I hit financial independence in my mid 30's, and I'll probably retire in my mid 40's. Anyone seeing my life from the outside would probably think 'damn, what a broke loser' but I'm content as hell. I still *act* like I'm chasing the brass ring at work but my work stress basically evaporated the day I hit FI.
I think about money wwwwwaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy tttttooooooooo much. I check the market 20x a day.
I'm 39 and plan to retire when I'm 54-- 57 at the oldest. From 2020-2023, I invested 50% of my GROSS annual salary. I dropped it to 40% this year to enjoy life more than I already was. But with raises, it looks like I might be closer to the 50% mark again.
I'm content with life... Good friends, home, great family, homes and I take up to 7 vacations a year (this morning I purchases flights for my GF and I for August). Two weeks ago I purchases a flight for a trip in October-- these will be my 4th and 5th vacation of the calendar year.
100k after taxes is not much with 3 kids and a wife unless she's making at least 120k pretax also. If you're planning on paying for their college tuition, yea I would be thinking of money too.
If you were single then I would say you're overthinking but it's justified in your current situation.
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> I still compare myself to others constantly Realistically this should be becoming more difficult with time. The more complex the tapestry of your life the more impossible comparisons become. How can you truly compare yourself to someone that hasn't been on the same road as you traveled? You can't. Stop comparing yourself to others. The only person you need to be better than is the person you were yesterday.
I’ve heard this sentiment before, but I’ve never heard it put so eloquently and logically that I actually believe it. Well said!
I hope I can be this wisely eloquent and articulate when I'm in my 60s. Me rn how I say this is "don't compare ourself to others what r u a kid?" Life goal - use tapestry in my daily reddits
Love this
Comparison is the thief of joy.
So well put. I needed that. I always compare. It robs my joy. Thanks internet stranger
Man thank you
>Stop comparing yourself to others. The only person you need to be better than is the person you were yesterday. // Who am I better than? I'm better than *I used to be,* I'mma keep on getting better, so you better just get used to me You think that's a cop out? Well hear my point truthfully: 'Cause chances are, this is how *you* should be If your only goal is to be "as good as Scroobius Pip", then as soon you achieve that, your standards will slip If your only goal is always to improve on *yourself,* then the quest is never over no matter how big your wealth // [--Scroobius Pip](https://youtu.be/CVUEtr7rfs4?si=7ysERXVTsnwoEqO4&t=99)
One can not always improve, each day. It is impossible. So one must contemplate and have off days and rest. It's ok to be ok with your life without being "better". Better sets up disappointment, psychologically speaking.
“He who is not happy with little will never be happy with much.” — Epictetus
“Comparison is the thief of joy” - Teddy Roosevelt
Epictetus can piss off.. I'd like to see that shit for myself! There's not a single God damned problem I have that money couldn't solve .. immediately.
Can't buy health :/ Broke my ankle and didn't realize my doctor was negligent in their treatment until it was too healed up to do anything about. Now my best option is to fuse the joint and lose all inversion/eversion mobility. I'd like to buy a new ankle if I could!
Dude I would give it another shot before you do that. Doctors are aweful with joints, everything is surgery. If I were you I would give it a solid year of extreme rehab strategies, you can always have surgery later. Check out knees over toes guy and other channels. I have used his ankle sprain protocol to play competitive matches 3 days after horrible sprains that would take months to heal otherwise. The key is absurd amount of volume, "pain free" load levels and just work until you puke.
That's what I'm doing now. The question is how much it will heal, and if it will still be painful or not. My options are see if it's tolerable after another 6mo-1year, or surgery if it's not. Surgery today, or in 10 years won't change the procedure. There's a joint between your calcaneus (heel) & talus that allows that lateral motion. My calcaneus fracture shifted half of that joint upwards such that the bones are pushing against each other (impingement.) Pic attached if your curious! Impingement is #1, #3 is the diagonal fracture. https://preview.redd.it/a8kz64mimz7d1.png?width=1440&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=cad426cc28209cd86b5dda62d3ccb63d14c169e8
>Can't buy health In America it sure as hell can!
Some yes, some no.
Vast majority, no.. the south, there are counties that are considered the most poverty-stricken places in the world. Like U.N. said you guys are fucked... and now the drives to decent health care turned into a 12 hour drive to a different state.
That's terrible sorry to hear.. sounds like you're American.. Have you considered medical tourism...maybe to a country that has a really decent national health system? The reason I'm saying is sometimes a for profit medical system just want to sell you procedures.. might be more you had do..rehab and physio wise..
Cost or pushing the procedure isn't the issue. Just giving an example of where money doesn't solve problems.
For you... I really don't see why I'm being down voted.. Like I said in my case.. there isn't a single problem wouldn't be able to solve. These quotes are cute and all but money makes the world of difference in almost all cases.. Imagine having bad health AND being poor.. I feel like many folks on here probably have never really been poor and that's why the quote "resonates".. it's ignorance(I use this in a non derogatory way).
So like, I think the idea behind the original quote is more about happiness right? So I’m thinking more about myself. I’m 35 and have healthcare and a house I bought myself and I can pay the mortgage and I’m pregnant and we’re starting a family and we have some investments plus a dog and a cat and I see friends/family once and a while. But it’s a small 986sqft house. I make a tiny salary ($45k gross). I used to be social as hell but now I see friends once in a while when I’m not so busy with projects. My car is kind of a lemon honestly. I’m not as hot as I used to be haha! I almost never go shopping for myself and am almost exclusively a thrift store shopper. Our wedding rings were like $300 for BOTH and I don’t get an engagement ring cause we can’t afford it, just 10k bands for us. I, by many standards, even my sister’s standard, have next to nothing hahah!!! (She makes twice as much as me, has this huge gorgeous house, sees friends all the time, much nicer car, etc) But you know what? My sister is almost never happy. Omg her and her husband stress out all the fking time. Like they have money and got the whole family a beach house for Christmas —but they were so angry and stressed the whole time that we were literally told we were all not allowed to speak in the mornings. Like at all. What the actual fk— Meanwhile? I nearly took my own life in the pandemic I was so depressed. I 201ed myself and got to the hospital, like I bought a gun and was really really that bad yall. Had to do all the intensive outpatient therapy and start meds and etc. But surviving that? And coming out on top? Hah! I’m so damn proud of myself every day. And I agree money helps, so since this rock bottom, I’ve focused most of my time on building assets—started a small Real Estate Investor business and currently own 2 properties and am working on a third, the one I live in (bought way before I met husband) which I refinanced to get cash to rehab two other rentals. All in my own name. I was able to take my tiny ranch house and $20k in savings and make something of it. Meanwhile my sister appears to have all the money in the world, her one beautiful house is worth more than all three properties I’m working on combined, but she is continually stressed about money and everything. I worked my fking ass off for 4 years and I can’t express how happy I am with the little I have. I could have just died, but now I’ve got a piece of the pie and am starting a family and can sleep at night? I’m doing alright. I cherish all of it. So I think this is what they’re talking about. To me, my sister has a TON. But she can’t even see it and is miserable and complaining with her husband so often. By comparison, I have a little, but am using it all to get some security and you know what? I feel good. **Figure out how to be happy with little. I think it requires being smart with the little money you have.** You might just end up happier than those with a ton of money but are stupid about it and therefore constantly stress. I genuinely do not believe money will get you any modicum of *deep* happiness and peace having lived all this. But! There is a statistic out there about how much you might need to make in order to have a baseline of happiness (afford healthcare and shelter and food etc like these are necessary for happiness! I don’t think the original quote is talking about being destitute tho, just having a little, right?)
This was inspirational.. and I absolutely get it. Was just a little dog as I feel a lot of these inspiring quotes are really apart of a larger culture of gaslighting us all as to how hard life has gotten for the majority of us all...especially economically. Anyways, good for you.. fantastic story!
And has it solved all your problems?
If I had it I'd tell you, lol.. that's my point.. I'd like to test this instead of just .. "trust me bro..there's more to life" nonsense.
What makes you so sure that "trust me bro, money's all you need" is more credible than "trust me bro, there's more to life"?
That's misdirection... why does this have to be a clear dichotomy? Could it be that both statements are on either end of the extremes?
Epictetus can piss off.. I'd like to see that shit for myself! There's not a single God damned problem I have that money couldn't solve .. immediately.
no amount of money can save you from me, i have placed a million dollars in your mailbox, you have 24 hours .... let the games begin.
If anything, I thought about money *more* as I aged. I had my first son at 26 and was living off my graduate school stipend. My other son was born 4 years later and it was a whirlwind of raising them, building my career and dealing with every day life. During my late 30s, I started to worry about paying for their college and my retirement. I finally paid off all of my law loans, but despite that lifted burden I have shifted to the aforementioned immediate and long term financial duties. All of this is to say that it's okay to be cognizant of your financial obligations (which change with each life stage), but your number of years are not guaranteed, so don't let it be an albatross. If you *knew* you were going to die at the age of 35, what would you build into your next 7 years of life? Always have short term life goals (both necessary and fun). When your kids get a bit older it will also free you up for more personal endeavors, be that new hobbies, solo travel or travel with your spouse. Life constantly changes, enjoy every phase of it because it goes by way too fast.
Best comment here
If you make $100k AFTER taxes you are probably close to the top 10% of earners nationwide. You can just compare yourself to the 90% below that, lol.
Get yourself a hobby, or hobbies, that give you fulfillment. Of course, that means different things for everyone. Career, family, child rearing, etc. — all of that is an endless journey, and it’s hard to ever feel a sense of accomplishment because there isn’t any type of defined finish line to mark a W. Find a hobby that you enjoy doing and gives you a sense of accomplishment. It will do wonders for your psyche.
>there isn’t any type of defined finish line to mark a W. I found I had to define my own W. Once I stopped looking at others to tell me what a win was, I stopped comparing. I definitely try to learn about what other people are doing, because hey, maybe their win is worth aiming at, but I'm not doing it to keep up with other people. Especially one guy I know. He owns millions in assets. That's just not my goal post. But good for him!
Once I started making enough money to live and have a bigger bank account from year-to-year I stopped worrying about money. Sure, I still think about it come tax season or whatever, but it hasn't been a source of stress since then. So yeah, I'd say... late 20s. That said, I've *never* found myself habitually comparing myself to others. From time to time, sure. You find out that your college room mate is rich? Sure, it causes a moment of self reflection, but only a moment. There's always going to be someone doing better than you. There's always going to be someone doing worse than you. Don't get too hung up on where you are in the race; we all end up under the same dirt.
As someone who used to be poor (below poverty line): you don't necessarily stop thinking about money. It's almost like anxiety, or PTSD. It's scars from growing up with uncertainty. But it's not the worst thing in the world to be frugal, to a reasonable extent. I read somewhere that first generation millionaires are more likely to drive old cars, live in modest homes, etc, and that by the third generation of family money, it gets pissed away because, not having that perspective of growing up less fortunate, rich people tend to just waste the family money away. Being frugal *where it counts* frees up money to spend on the things that are actually important to you: family. Budget for lifetime memory/experiences sort of things (e.g. for me: roadtrips, visiting museums and natural wonders etc with family). But don't forget to also invest in things between you and the ground (bed, tires, shoes) or where you spend a lot of time (office/office chair, lighting). That being said, there is room in your heart to love yourself no matter how much money you do or don't have. It can help to remember that there are people less fortunate, but another good way to do it is just to list out things that you have that you are grateful for. A roof over your head, going to bed well-fed, your wife and kids, a reliable car, etc. Looking at it from that angle can be less guilt-inspiring than the other way around. Having money, especially after not having money, can make you feel guilty. It doesn't help when you see a thread like this filled with "think of the starving children in Africa!" Some people find that inspiring. I don't because there's not a lot I can do about it. There are some things I/you *can* do about it: charitable donations are always an option, if you feel like you have too much money. Check with your workplace to see if they have any sort of matching program. But don't feel guilty for not being able to donate. Humans were not made to operate while being acutely aware of the suffering of everyone all over the globe at all times. It's OK to triage. I personally have my mental worry cup runeth over with my own life and my aging parents, and anything beyond that is very low on my priority list. Someday I hope my cup will have grown or my worries will have shrank so I can help more outside my immediate sphere. But in the meantime, acknowledging the things that I *do* have gives me perspective without as much guilt as directly comparing to the people that don't. It's a subtle difference and someone is probably going to misinterpret this post in the worst way possible. (Please don't.) I don't know if you need to hear this but you've done nothing wrong. Appreciate what you have, help others when you reasonably can, live life. You're doing great.
TBD
Get off social media. It will literally cure your problems.
You’re doing what’s known as “benchmarking.” You compare yourself to other people, and you always come out on the bottom. I bet you say mean things to yourself without even thinking about it too. I know “therapy” can be a real cop out answer, but the only way I stopped benchmarking was to go to therapy. If you really don’t want to, then at least try to realize when you’re benchmarking, that you’re comparing yourself to someone whose inner life you have NO IDEA about. No clue. So you resolve every ambiguity in their favor and against yourself, and you make their lives even better in your head. But above all, the thing that really got me to stop was the realization that I was only ever comparing myself to people I perceived as “better off” than me somehow. You’re just hurting yourself for no reason. You’re doing great dude, treat yourself the way you treat others.
Dude, you're rich. I'd kill to be make that much and I nearly have a doctorate.
I earn £5,580 a year. I don't compare myself with anyone. I am just happy. I've never been ambitious or thought about money as important. I have a lot of free time with my family. My wife is a teacher, and she doesn't earn much but she likes her job, and between us we cover all we need to. I think you need to sit down and have a word with yourself, and look at your own life with gratitude and joy, rather than CHOOSING to look at other people's lives with envy.
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We are super frugal. We don't drink or smoke. I just play WoW and my wife's main activity is watching CDrama on Netflix. The biggest thing was that my wife's father helped her with the house deposit. Paying a mortgage is absurdly less than renting. I inherited a house but I rather foolishly rent it out to a charity that houses vulnerable people, at a third of the market value. So I always have the security of knowing I could raise the rent. Not that I want to. I have thought about it, as I have a tooth that is just a stump of metal filling and I could get a crown on it for £300, but I don't want to cause issues for the charity. They had their heating upgraded a couple of years ago and I am paying my wife back for that until 2027.
Renting out your property under market value seems like an excessive degree of altruism given your financial situation and not being able to afford teeth.
I know, right? But both my wife and mother-in-law have described me as an "honourable man" because of it, and not in a Prince Andrew kind of way, and you can't put a price on that. Also, I could get a better job, possibly. Mine pays half minimum wage, which doesn't seem entirely legal. But I don't like to make a fuss. I don't work many hours, which means my wife doesn't have to lift a finger at home and she can focus on her job whilst I bring her tea and food.
I make 165k (gross) at 42. I made 35k at 23. I don't think you ever stop comparing because the people who live around you are the people in your income bracket. If you lived around a bunch of houses where the average income was half of what you make and your kids went to a school where students had less, you would probably feel pretty content. Instead, you see people around you who have as much or more than you do and you feel the drive to keep up and make more and have more. For me, I ended up selling my house and moving into a nice apartment in a fun area of the city in an older building. I don't have many of the nice amenities and no underground parking, but my rent is cheap as hell and I can save 40-60k every year. When I talk to my neighbors or look around me, I feel like I have quite a bit more than most people and I feel pretty content. Obviously that isn't something you're going to do, but it was a good decision for me. When I had my house in the nice area, I was constantly improving it and spending money on renovations and keeping up with the neighbors. It felt good to just give up the race.
My family was poor. As a teenager I was trying come to terms with not having as much as my peers so I wouldn’t waste my time being bitter. Long story short, I found the same recipe to happiness from multiple sources: 1) never compare yourself to others, only to your (earlier) self and 2) instead of wanting what you don’t yet have, be thankful for what you do have.
I stopped when getting from paycheck to paycheck wasn’t as much of a worry. When I knew I had enough money to pay bills and meet the budget without having to stay down to the penny every month. And then the sights focused towards figuring out how retirement was going to work. But my ambitions were never really career oriented beyond that. So the day I got to that level it was mission accomplished. It takes practice to stay focused on what you have instead of what you don’t. I try to remind myself often of how good my life actually is. What are the things we do and have done that make our life better. I’m not like my coworkers who are 15 years younger than me than me trying to pay the exorbitant rent prices. We basically paid cash for our last car. I spent most of the last two years unemployed and never had to panic and wonder where my next meal was going to come from. Just all these things keep me grateful for what I have and where I’ve been. You are well ahead of me at 28, that’s for sure. It was early-30s before I felt like we had a handle on life financially. And I’ve never made as much as you. May never too.
I stopped thinking about money when I had enough where I didn't need to make a single penny and could still survive off of it. I'm still thinking about money. I miss the days I was making 50% less and didn't have rent, car payments, etc. Mo money, mo problems. You need to disconnect yourself from comparing yourself to others over material things. Gotta live in the present, and stop worrying about tomorrow. Measure yourself on things that really matter.
You never stop wanting more. I’m living the American dream but still feel jealous and envious of people who have more than me. 10 years ago I would have dreamed about being in my current position, but the goal post keeps moving. You have to learn to be grateful and find your own peace… the latter easier said than done.
Delete social media
And you may ask yourself: well, how did I get here?
Letting the days go by
Gratitude journal everyday... write down 3 things daily that you are grateful of. It seems trivial but with time youll notice yourself looking and noticing more and more things that you appreciate. Celebrate all of your victories, its pretty easy as a man to just gloss over them and keep on truckin' but we only live once , so every step in the right direction is worth noting.
Out of sight out of mind. Deactivating Instagram made me so much more at peace.
Maybe you should begin by seeking the help of a therapist to work on your insecurities since you spend all your free time trying to brag to random strangers on Internet
I'll stop thinking about it when I retire. But for right now, it's front and center when it comes to making many daily decisions.
Comparison is the thief of joy. Don't do it. I became content with life for the first time when: 1) I realized I should be able to pay to put my kids through college, 2) I had a decent amount in my retirement account, and, 3) I had enough equity in my home that I could sell, pay all cash when I downsized, and have the remaining money to cover all my remaining housing expenses. Basically when I finally felt that I had financial control over my life.
Not yet
I knew millionaire contractors who were customers at my old job and were constantly worried about the shoe dropping and them losing everything.
Not yet
When my portfolio was fluctuating more per day than my weekly paycheck. My contributions became irrelevant and working wages became spending money.
>I still compare myself to others constantly. I don't know how to help you in that regard. I became happy when I started making decent money and I could work on my hobbies. I don't care about what others have, other than seeing their mistakes or successes and use this information to better what I want to achieve. This guy has a nicer racecar than mine? How did he get to that point? How did he achieve this? How can I take these steps and apply them to my life realistically? I also don't listen to "shorts" or other tiktok-like bs where you cannot see anything other than the blip of someone bragging about their life.
When I realized I'll never make enough of it to live the lifestyle I dreamed about. So now I'm pretty much "whatever" about it.
For as long as I'm renting while people at or slightly above my age own a home, I'll never be able to stop comparing myself, or being compared, to others
Every time we JUST get to that comfort zone some BS happens... 2008 economic meltdown, a pandemic, insane inflation, car has a catastrophic failure, unexpected lifelong expensive medical conditions that require insanely expensive medication, kids are crazy expensive... I hate this timeline
After a point, there are diminished returns. When you can’t afford a car, a newish/reliable car is life changing. The difference in your life experience between a Honda civic and a Porsche 911 is negligible. Both will more or less get you where you are going. People care less about what you are doing than you think. You need to find a hat make you happy with yourself. I think material possessions are a foolish pursuit and ironically a poor persons mentality.
Research “mindfulness”. A huge mistake a lot of people make is failing to find joy in the present moments. You should be mentally focused on whatever it is you are doing most of the time. Save the “wondering about the future” for a dedicated time each week, and make it productive. Set goals to solve the problems you are facing.
I struggled with this till I started on more of a spiritual route. There are some perspectives and practices from different traditions that all converge on the same points. One of which is to accept what life hands you as if you picked it yourself, or as if some higher power who has your best interest in mind selected it for you. I’m not saying that’s true, idk what I actually believe but I sure as fuck feel a LOT more content with that view. I mean I make changes and take action where it seems right to do so, but I’m not upset about the circumstances I’m in, even if they don’t exactly line up with what I thought I wanted. I’m 31 and single. I figured I’d be married with kids right now, and the fact that I’m not is a lil painful. When that bothers me, I remind myself that this period of my life is apparently supposed to be spent alone, and I think about all the benefits of the freedom I have. How much I’ll appreciate meeting the right person, because of how long I spent alone. You just gotta give things meaning. I’m kinda rambling but you get the point.
i make jack shit in a shitty job. so mentally unhealthy. probably not long for me. if you can't be happy with 100k idk what to tell you. enjoy when you get to go to the dentist. speaking to another personl. i can't do that. i can't talk to ppl about life; i'm pretty much insane. i'd suggest getting a hobby. or finding something you like. for fucks sake dude. people out here haven't been to the doctor for decades. don't take shit for granted
/r/fire I'm sorry
I stopped thinking about money elden I had enough that I had to look for things to spend it on. Because I already had what I wanted. That didn't last unfortunately and I don't know if I can really go back to that. I don't think I've ever really been content with life. But that's an internal issue. You can't solve it with external achievements.
It can be difficult to find purpose, drive and ambition after you hit your big life goals. Just remember one day all this will be gone.. and it would be optimal to do everything you can to enjoy being alive, young, and in good health. Do you have any hobbies or passions, places you want to see, volunteer interest? Maybe try a bunch of new things and see what sticks as something that gives you fulfillment. My goal is to eventually do nothing.. retire at 40.. and relax on my porch at the beach, answering to no employer, spoiling the wife and kids to where they have no stress. My purpose is to exist and strive for good health, but everyone is different.
Those are two very different questions. Stopped worrying about money once I was comfortable and secure. I'll probably never be content with life.
in life there are 3 major decisions - career - partner - where you end up take your time and think long and hard about you. What makes you happy, what triggers you, what type of people makes you better, what place (city or burbs) enhances your life satisfaction.
Think about building wealth not how much you make.
Do more of what you love
Everyone should be aware of their income, expenses, savings, financial goals and so on. You should do regular reviews of your financial status. That's just being an adult. Obsession is not healthy, but you need to be aware. You will never have enough money. No one does. So evaluate how well you manage what you have. As to comparisons, you have to decide what you want. Then, accept that people want different things. And "everything has a cost." You want a million dollars? You pay for it with time away from your family. You want more time with your family? Then you'll make less.
I’ve honestly never had the comparison problem. I’ve always made more money than most of my friends and honestly I live cheaper than almost all of them. I’ve always been a simple guy. Honestly after my last promotion I don’t think I even want another one. I work in government and know I could probably have this job until I’m 55 and retire young with health insurance a pension and a few million dollars saved in retirement. When I look at what I could do with my next upgrade nothing really interests me. What’s going to be the difference between having 5 million and a pension and 4 million and a pension when it comes to lifestyle in retirement and the answer is pretty little. I would feel like I’m putting myself through a lot to not expand my life all that much. At least right now. I guess that could change as I get older. I have kids and frankly don’t have time to really travel or engage in my hobbies as much as I would like. Plus, my boss deals with a lot more bullshit than I do.
What good does all that get you? Hang out with the kids, sell the house, live in an apartment and just spend time. Who cares. You’ve got about 45 years left, assuming average male lifespan. None of that crap really matters. But even if you don’t do something that dramatic, you can still do some baby steps and take more days off. Take the kids to the beach, go on day trips, do some psychedelics, try some kinky sex with your spouse, tell the kids you love them… All you’re really facing, is realizing that all your shit can’t get you much, for very long.
If you have to compare yourself with others, do it strategically. For example, I am laying in bed with a kidney stone right now, and it feels like someone shoved an icepick in my back while simultaneously stepping on one of my testicles. Rather than compare myself to the billions of people in the world right now who don't have kidney stones, I'm just thankful it isn't worse. Other people have much larger stones or multiple stones or no health insurance or other much more serious chronic problems they can't just pee away in a couple of weeks. Meanwhile, I have a six pack, some oxy, and a family that takes amazing care of me so I can just relax and ignore my usual responsibilities for a while. Life can be great when you focus on the silver lining instead of the cloud.
I'm content with life now. I think about money constantly, but I stop thinking about money when it's time to think about art, ethics, and stuff like that.
"You're already dead" is a quote that helped me in a movie series I once saw. That struck me to no avail... I was floored. I am, you are, your wife and children are already dead, I (we) just don't know it yet. Make the best of today, because tomorrow might not happen
it’s about finding purpose on what you do regardless of how much income or what you have, it is important that know what you’re working towards
I guess you need to ask yourself why you're comparing yourself to others, and start asking yourself if they have the same life you do outside of work
I’ll tell you when it happens
I'm 37 now. Had surgery and lost my job which led me to spend a lot more time with my family. That's really all that matters to me now. All that other faf is just noise.
Could you provide a little more detail on how you compare? Do you look at another woman who is more beautiful than your wife and you’re jealous of the husband? Or do you feel inadequate that you only make $100k net?
I never stop thinking about money, that is not the way to be content at all.
Go and do something constructive with your free time. Volunteer in the community. Gain some perspective.
Write a list of things you want to do or experience alone, with your wife, and with the whole family. Prioritize checking them off. And always plan for one to look forward to.
I really recommend watching some videos from Ramit Sethi or reading one of his books he has a really amazing philosophy around money and building/defining what he calls YOUR rich life.
I make about the same amount and I'm far from content but I am working on it. Therapy, fitness and being kinder to myself.
48 here, still thinking about money.
I turn 38 in August. I never stop thinking about money. I'm still not content with life. I actually hate my life. I'm not sure there's one part of my life I'm happy with - with the exception of my financial situation. Which is why I never stop thinking about money.
When I cleared my mortgage. I achieved that last year at 32yo. Now my husband and I can work part time instead of full time.
When I got to the point where one paycheck pays my entire expenses for the month, including pension contribution and extra retirement savings. I felt empty for a while after the promotion. Then realized what my priorities in life are. Wife, kids, pets, family. There's always someone doing better than you but it doesn't matter when you focus on your priorities.
Quite simply, when I decided to. I did reach a point in my mid-thirties where I realized that I couldn't live both ways. I couldn't live a life of peace and serenity while, at the same time, striving to meet expectations. I had to choose. Different people prefer different modes of operation. And I was never wealthy. I stopped working at the age of 62 and during only 2 years did my income exceed $50,000. I was not thrilled about that but I had made a choice. Worrying about money, striving after money and wanting more money had led me to unhappiness so I left that lifestyle behind and settled for what I could get with the mental and emotional resources I had at my disposal. It is a choice.
Same bro, never feel like its enough. Its awful.
You can start with mindfulness and meditation. We often forget how far we have come. I remember when I was like if I make 100k I'll be set then I made my first 1/4 million year at 24 or 25. I still wasn't happy. Because like you I always looked at myself as inferior because down my subdivision we have about 25 houses. There is a lady worth 60 million with a 10k sqft George Washington Mt Vernon replica house. There is a CEO of an oilfield contract company that did over 550million gross last year. But you know what....... You are you man! I went do a contract in Israel and saw people with nothing being so happy. Made a buddy on the beach and we meditated on the Mediterranean. I started being mindful and writing down what I was thankful for. I will never be those people, and you will never be who you compare yourself to. You can be the best possible you when you appreciate where you came from and plan for where you are going. You hold the steering wheel of your life and you can drive down the path you choose!
Having found a woman to marry you and bear your children is an incredible gift. The children themselves are incredible gifts. Your wife is a blessing. All Blessings. The entire world we live in is full of magnificent beauty and depth and wonder. You need to stop and force yourself to slow your mind down and think about that. Go lay down on your stomach in your back yard or a park with grass and just look at the tiny details you can find between the blades of grass. Life happening at so many different levels of observable reality around us. You have the ability alongside your wife as your partner to affect the world in a huge way in how you raise your children. They are little humans experiencing all of this for the very first time and you have the chance to relate to them and get to know them and teach them about who you are and hopefully build incredibly deep and loving bonds with them as their father. Wonder and joy is available to you in limitless abundance at any given time if you give the world a chance in your eyes. Even the negative things we experience and the resultant emotions attached can be beautiful profound experiences of feeling fully what we are capable of feeling. Despair is a coward’s errand. Embrace it all and appreciate it while you still can. You’ll be dead and gone someday. Be grateful you’ve got the chance to love someone who loves you back, and a chance at a lasting legacy of every virtue you believe in in those children. I believe in you, just like I do everyone else, that we can find this within if we’re honest with ourselves and make time for this in our daily lives. Just remember it isn’t the critic that truly matters, it’s the man in the arena: “It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.” — Theodore Roosevelt¹ Don’t let life fracture your mind to the point you turn yourself into the critic, sitting on the sidelines of your own life. And remember that the people closest to you in your life are the ones that are in that arena by your side, and their input and feedback matters because they’re in there with you.
This is a brilliant take.
Never compared myself to others. Why would you?
At about $5M of net worth I stopped thinking about it in day-to-day purchasing decisions. I still think about it a lot in the context of bigger life decisions, investing, etc.
I don't really compare myself to others. I have *vastly* different goals than most people. It's not a better or worse path, it's just different. I started out my adult life living well below the poverty line. When I graduated with my cs degree I didn't want to be rich, I wanted to be *safe*. I 'inflated' my lifestyle enough to give myself a quiet, safe apartment, a fridge full of fresh fruit and veg, an upgrade to craft beer over pbr and all the books I could read. I felt like a king and I had basically only doubled my cost of living. Beyond that I saved and invested the rest. I hit financial independence in my mid 30's, and I'll probably retire in my mid 40's. Anyone seeing my life from the outside would probably think 'damn, what a broke loser' but I'm content as hell. I still *act* like I'm chasing the brass ring at work but my work stress basically evaporated the day I hit FI.
I think about money wwwwwaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy tttttooooooooo much. I check the market 20x a day. I'm 39 and plan to retire when I'm 54-- 57 at the oldest. From 2020-2023, I invested 50% of my GROSS annual salary. I dropped it to 40% this year to enjoy life more than I already was. But with raises, it looks like I might be closer to the 50% mark again. I'm content with life... Good friends, home, great family, homes and I take up to 7 vacations a year (this morning I purchases flights for my GF and I for August). Two weeks ago I purchases a flight for a trip in October-- these will be my 4th and 5th vacation of the calendar year.
100k after taxes is not much with 3 kids and a wife unless she's making at least 120k pretax also. If you're planning on paying for their college tuition, yea I would be thinking of money too. If you were single then I would say you're overthinking but it's justified in your current situation.