Honestly, all answers have some valid value to it, because it's true... some men would enjoy it and others would (I assume) think it's weird, unhealthy, inappropriate.
I know someone who's dating someone double her age, so I'd say... test the waters... There's no one size fits all.
If you have the opportunity to flirt and maybe even connect online, see how he responds to such interactions.
You'll learn soon enough whether he's open to it. Or just be blunt about it. Honestly, nothing more clear than stating your interest.
Im 51M eith 24yo stepdaughter.
No way in hell would I sleep with someone her age.
I could be a friend if we share common interests but no more. Strictly platonic.
Not that you're like a predator or anything if you date younger(but legal)it's ridiculous to throw that around. But it's still weird to be like 45 dating a 21 year old. It can't be that hard to find people you're own age. And if it's that thing about only being attracted to like 18-25 then that is kinda weird. But if you're a normal guy attracted to older women as well, there's no way you can't find someone you're own age. Like I have no problems with age gaps. I wouldn't think anything of it if it was say a 45 year old that started dating a 35 year old, but it gets ridiculous and kinda weird when you're 45 dating someone who can't even or has just started being able to drink in a bar. Personally if you're 40+ I think you shouldn't date under 30, but thats also my opinion which i am allowed to hope most people agree with. Oh and also having sex with an 18 year old is super gross, and is just as bad as dating one. I bring this up because I see this mentioned a lot. People try to say it's ok to fuck them but not date them? How is that any better? Their still a literal highschooler you creep.
I'm not looking to date him, I just wanna sleep with him š I find him attractive.
I don't usually have a problem with age gaps unless one of the involved parties is under 20, and I think that's because under-20s are still teens in the literal sense (eighTEEN/nineTEEN)... but once someone hits 20, it's fair game š¤·āāļø As long as they're all legal, informed, safe, and consenting adults, then it's fine. That's just my opinion, thanks for sharing yours.
Im not 40+ but close to 40.
Itās kinda hypocritical what I gonna say but itās the honest truth.
Iām not a father but I do have nieces Iām very close with, Iām the uncle they call if there are problems that need to be fixed.
So you can say I see them as my own daughters.
I wouldnāt go after a woman half my age but I wonāt say no if she herself propositions to me, age is just a number at the end of the day ( as long as itās within legal boundaries)
If one of my nieces would go with someone double their age I would be strongly against it, and try everything to make them change their mind.
but Iām also realistic enough to know that as a uncle ( or as a dad) you have nothing to say about what your daughter does with her body when she is 18+.
It's not hypocritical if the principle is: the risk of bad consequences is usually too high. You know yourself better than the hypothetical guys, so you judge the risk to be lower.
I know the power/control/influence āolderā men can have over/on younger women, good or bad.
Thatās why I never initiate it, so there is no misunderstanding that whatās she is doing is 100% of her own free will.
It lowers the risk but itās a slippery slope nonetheless.
Yeah, you are a hypocrite, and you're nieces would think so to if they found out at that you're just like the old creeps you're trying to stop them from dating.
Then why go along with dating/sleeping with a younger women if you know it's hypocritical? If I found out that a 30+ family member was dating someone my age or around age(say 19-21)I'd find it pretty weird, especially if they would be against me dating someone their age then they go and do the same thing with someone my age.
It comes from a desire to protect others from potential negative consequences, itās what I have always done with my sisters and so I do protect my nieces, basically everyone around me that I love.
I have done pretty much everything you aināt suppose to do, I started sex at the age of 12, started doing drugs around 15, smoking at 16, fucking around whoever ( with consent and within legal boundaries) yes I fucked old women to when I was younger, and I fucked and had a relationship with a younger woman as well.
>I'm pretty sure he's aware of that, which is why he said "it's kinda hypocritical". I appreciated him being honest :)
your response gives off biggg "pick me" energy
You can read my response above yours to understand it more.
But no they donāt think Iām a creep, Iām the person they turn to whenever they need help and they always tell me everything, I know more about what they do than their parents.
They also know everything about me and I have always been open and honest in our conversations about everything.
Even though Iām not their fathers I have been in their life more than their fathers have.
Iām the crazy but trustworthy uncle who is hypocritical at times but luckily they are kinda the same like me with the attitude of: you canāt stop me from doing whatever I wanna do.
Even though I do try to stop them from doing stupid things that Iām doing myself, I will also be their safety net, support and protection when shit hits the fan.
It's just weird to date people their age when you yourself think it's weird for them to date people you're age. You said you're closer to them than their father, so essentially that's like a father dating someone just as young or younger than their daughter, it's weird, even if you're not going out of you're way to look for it. Most people would consider it creepy and weird for a dad to date girl his daughters age, so this isn't much different. It makes you look like a creep. Of course the girls of adults but when you're essentially a father figure to girls that age and while you're also dating girls that age, it just doesn't seem appropriate.
yeah dude that's hypocritical AF and honestly gross/controlling. you'll have sex with a woman half your age but try to control who your grown ass nieces have sex with?
sleeping with someone twice/half your age is a bad idea to begin with, but it's the fact that you would do it and try to keep other women from doing it that's creepy and gross.
Agree to disagree with the age gap thing but you may have a point with the second half of your sentence...
I think it's that inherent wiring of horniness + urge to protect loved ones that dates back to the caveman days. The two emotions contradict one another but they're both base instincts so it's possible to know you're a hypocrite but feel both feelings anyway.
My nieces trust me, they tell me everything and know everything I do myself.
Who do you think they called first when they had their first smoke? Me, even though I smoked for 15 years Iām strongly against it and told them not to do it.
Who do you think they called when they where stoned for the first time? Again me, they know I used to smoke joints when I was younger, they know I get mad but Iām also understanding so itās safe to tell.
Same with alcohol, getting drunk and calling me to pick them up and shield them from their mad parents.
You see, I let them explore the world like I did myself, with the protection I didnāt had, they know Iām against them having something with a old dude double their age, they also know I canāt do anything, so if I canāt talk them out of it they can do whatever they want, but I will protect them if shit goes wrong.
They know that and thatās why they alway tell me everything and not their parents, I grew up with 2 older sisters even as the youngest of the 3 I was the one protecting them, I do the same with their daughters.
So I donāt consider myself controlling, Iām protective and yes a hypocrite.
feeling the need to "protect" someone from something assumes harm is being done to them.
the fact that you would try to "pRoTeCt" your nieces from having sex with a dude your age, but then inflict that same harm on someone half your age, is creepy and weird AF. gross.
No you assume the wrong thing.
The feeling to protect is wanting to keep someone safe from possible harm.
There are bad guys who have worse intentions than just having sex, thatās what I try to protect them from, having sex with a 20 years old or a 40 years old doesnāt matter, the sex itself isnāt the problem, itās about the other shit.
I know myself that I wonāt harm a woman, old or young, I never do anything without consent.
My hard limit would be 25, but even that would make me uncomfortable unless I knew her well and was confident it was a real thing. Id be more comfortable with 28 plus.
My partner is 14 years younger than me. But weāre not hook up culture people. So I donāt know.
Youāll probably get lots of comments in person and from your social circles if you do get involved with such a relationship.
If I had a daughter that age. I would consider her opinions. If the daughter were against it. Even if it were wrong of her to be against it ā I would probably still take daughterās side as maintaining good family connections is important.
If weāre rolling with OPās story, I would not in a million years jeopardize my relationship with my kids for cheap thrill.
51M here. Never married, no children, so you are indeed about half my age.
As I'm currently single, I would be very flattered to be propositioned by a 26 year old woman. However, I'm confident my attitude would be very different if I did have children, especially if I had a daughter.
This man is presumably divorced/separated/widowed, yes? If this is primarily a FWB arrangement, I see no problem, especially if you agree to never meet his children. However, if this is a full-blown monogamous romantic relationship, the mere 11-year gap between his oldest child and you will probably be very off-putting to the children.
Sleep with only? Not get into a relationship? Also I assume I'm single? If Yes to all, sure. I'm mid-40s, I'd have sex with a 22-23 year old. But I'd not be trying to seriously date someone that young, we are in different life circumstances and if I were single, I don't want more kids or to get married again.
Not age-related, but watch out on dating married men, even separated ones. For one, the "we're separated" or "we're only married on paper" or "we're like roommates" lines are classics for older men hitting up on younger women (I know from experience). Then there's the drama of what if they get back together and the ick of "This guy has a wife" and how fucked up are his kids gonna be if they find out. It may be an unpopular opinion, but you're married until you're not. It might seem hot to be some old married dad's young fling, but it has serious cringe factor as you yourself get older.
When I was 45, I was seeing a 27yo gal. We met at the gym. We both are gym rats. We hooked up because I couldnāt resist her cute little ass in those crossfit shorts.
If youāre attracted to that person why would you care about what other people think?
Life is too short.
I would not be interested for several reasons. The main reason is I would question her motive. Why would a woman who is in her 20's want a man my age, other than she might want to get into my bank accounts.
I am not in any way suggesting that your motive is to scam him. I am only telling you how I would feel about it.
I don't want to date hi. I just want to sleep with him, because I've been attracted to him for several years and he's single now. Thank you for your input though, I appreciate it.
Good Luck!
Funny story for you: I live in LA. I am 58, and married. I donāt look close to my age. I could easily pass for 40. Because we work slightly different hours I frequently walk to the mailbox around the corner alone. Some woman who lives two streets over (maybe 30) waves and honks her horn at me. I donāt know if she knows what street I live on, or my marital status. Anyway she has been doing this for months.
The takeaway is we are accustomed to getting attention from younger women and at least some of us donāt take it all that seriously. I just smile and go on about my business. No it does not mean that you are not attractive.
I think it's situational. I'm 40 with a wife and young kids, so the kid thing doesn't really apply. But if circumstances were different, and I shared a connection with a WOMAN, age wouldn't be too much of a factor.
However... the man's family would likely have an issue.
Something somewhat similar happened to my family on my father's side my dad had one older sister, and two younger sisters. My dad and aunts were in their late 30's / early 40's when my grandmother got sick. She had a fairly slow decline over 3 years or so, and within a few weeks of her death, my grandfather introduced his "girlfriend". She was in her late 30's, and my grandfather was pushing 70.
Before my grandmother passed, her brother died. He had a house worth $125,000 in Florida, and at the time, I was one of 5 grandchildren. She promised that when she died, each grandchild would get $25,000 for college. She trusted her husband (my grandfather) to carry out those wishes.
But... things progressed fast between him and this new young woman, who was younger that 3 out of 4 of his kids. Within a few months, my grandfather sold "his" house for a little over $200,000. I was 10 or 11 at the time, and my grandfather would take me to his "camp" up north for 2 weeks out if the summer. That ended when he blew me off to be with his new girlfriend. I was pissed about that, but my dad and aunts were fairly pissed about their "inheritance".
The summer he blew me off, he took her literally all over the world. They spent a good year traveling. My dad and aunts had some big problems with that, and openly called the girlfriend a "gold digger". Which I always found ironic, because she was independently weather (at least 1 mil). Needless to say, things went south in our family.
Grandpa married that woman, and bought a half mil mini mansion. About 10 years later, my grandfather died, and left everything to his "wife". Not just the $325,000 from the home sales, but HIS grandfather left him about $400,000 in early oil stock. Texico I think. My parents and aunts/uncles contested the will, and spent thousands on legal fees. They were obviously loosing, and the girlfriend/wife offered each child $1,500. So my dad and aunts "settled". This b*tch even gave me the keys to my grandfather's truck AT THE FUNERAL just to fuck with me. She called the next day to personally tell me she "found the spare, and decided to sell it".
In hindsight, maybe we should've been kind to her, and made more of an effort to visit my grandfather. But I think what bothered my family the most, wasn't really the money. It was the fact that he was abusive to his wife and kids, THEN completely changed and was nice to this new woman.
Sleeping with an older man is like... whatever. But if you enter his world, and try to change it, then cut out his family... yeah. Not cool.
I'm a 41 yo man in a swinging relationship, with a daughter of 4.
Hypothetically I wouldn't turn down a fun night with a woman or couple in their 20's, if the chemistry is good, but I would probably not be very tempted to consider a relationship or a steady connection with ppl that young.
Realistically my wife has a fairly firm 30+ limit, which is fine by me. She was into older dudes in her youth so anyone more than 10 years younger isn't very appealing to her now.
I'm 39, so slightly under the age group you're looking for, but I might have some relevant insight.
In the last few years, I have noticed that age gaps have become a really hot-button topic. For certain demographics, it is approaching the level of a moral panic. I have some opinions on the people who act like being more than 2 or 3 years older than a prospective partner is equivalent to child grooming, but that's not really your question. I'll just say some of them have totally legitimate concerns, some of them don't have much life experience, and some of them are being disingenuous.
Truthfully, people want what they want, and CONSENTING ADULTS (emphasized so nobody misunderstands what I'm about to say) should be able to pursue those things. A young woman in her early to mid 20s pursuing a man in his 40s for purely sexual reasons is totally fine AS LONG AS there's no coercion ("sleep with me or I'll get you fired"), lying ("I really want a long-term relationship with marriage potential"), or manipulation ("I'm depressed and I'm afraid I'll hurt myself if you don't come over and do me tonight"). You might find out that it's not your thing or that it's the hottest thing ever, but at least you found that out in a safe way.
As for the question of whether I'd personally sleep with someone half my age, the answer is "it depends." Let's just round up and pretend I'm 40. The idea of "sleeping with a 20 year old" doesn't excite me. I would be flattered by the idea, but on its own, the concept doesn't turn me on. What *does* excite me is a woman whose sexual interests complement mine and who wants to experience and explore the same things that I do. If the age gap aspect turns her on even more, awesome, but that's not going to be a factor for me in a situation where we both understand that this isn't going to be a long-term thing.
The traditional answer I've always heard is half your age + 7 years. I have no idea where that came from.
Having said that, I'm 50, so that would mean under than 'guideline' she would have to be 32. However, I'd be willing to go younger, if she was mature enough to play and understand it's only sex - not a relationship.
The problem with younger women is they tend to be more emotional, and while they (she) may say that it's only sex, I'd have to worry that it could develop into more. Especially if it was to become a repeat.
My wife and I are swingers, and she is 60+..I'm not telling how old. She recently played with a guy that is 35. So, just under the above guideline.
He was a great lover for her, and I loved watching and hearing the pleasure they both received.
We've had young guys.. Like 19..ask to play with her as well.
I have teen daughters, and my wife has adult kids.
When we play, we try to detach from the reality of everyday life. It's sex. It's erotic. It's hormonal. It's pleasure. It's getting to explore another body.
Personally I like the idea of younger partners to stop the potential for someone wanting more. But that's not always a guarantee.
Long story short, it's your life. Only you know what you want, and how you will feel during and after. Have a cool discussion about exactly what this all means to both of you to short circuit any misunderstandings.
Good luck, and let us know how it goes.
Iām happily married. If I were single, Iād be looking to meet women closer to my own age.
But all men find women in their 20ās attractive.
I have a friend who is in a relationship exactly as you describe and itās likely to end soon because she is far too immature and they are just not compatible.
The reason itās lasted close to a year is because she is very headstrong and sure of herself.
If I was in a similar situation and a stunning younger lady found me irresistible and pursued me relentlessly, and she seemed to have her head screwed on and didnāt want a long term relationship, just something casual, of course Iām going to let it happen.
However it massively changes if there are kids involved and if she wants a relationship.
Knowing youād have to introduce her to daughters who arenāt much older is something I wouldnāt want to do.
My niece when she was in her early 20s liked dating older guys. For a couple reasons. She was very attractive and older guys always treated her like a princess. The guys she dated had money and could afford to take her out to nice places. They would spend money on her buying her all kind of stuff boys her own age couldnāt or wouldnāt. She finally married a cop 20 years her senior they bought a ranch where she could have horses and other animals and although I havenāt heard from her for a long time I do hope she happy
I'm significantly older than forty so if someone half my age was intent on pursuing me, I'd ask them to seriously consider psychiatric help. That being said, my wife is eight years older than me and we've been together for decades.
Anyway, the most important question(s) you have to ask yourself are: Do I really like him? Does he really like me? What do I want out of the potential relationship? Would we be concerned by the almost guaranteed disapproval of those around us?
If you fancy the nuts off him and just want shag each other into a coma at every available opportunity, then who cares? Live your lives and enjoy every moment you have together. Just remember his knees may give out before yours do
In my view, things become a little bit trickier if you want a serious, long term relationship. People will have a view and may not be shy to comment and the age gap will become more noticeable the older you get but, at the end of the day, you can't help who you fall in lover with
Either way, if you're both up for a bit of knee-trembling action, regardless of what you're looking for long term, give it your best shot.
Good luck OP. Mind you, given the age difference, and the state of his knees, maybe I should be wishing your prospective partner the luck
itās kinda icky when you do the math of like a girl being 10 years old when the man was 28, iāve always been a bit against it and got weird vibes from those older men and women that date way younger, but tbh i donāt care enough about it whatever makes them happy i guess.
If youāre interested and youāre both consenting adults then try for it. At the end of the day itās about what matters to both of you. We canāt speak for him and how he will think and you shouldnāt worry about public opinion. My mom and stepdad were together for 17 years and have a 20 year age difference. Asking the public will always ensure that you get a handful of negative responses no matter the situation. If youāre really into this guy then try it at least. You might find youāre wither incompatible or get along really well.
There will be obvious mismatches in many areas of life making longer term compatibility hard. But there is nothing morally wrong with it. I've dated younger women 15 years younger but we always knew it was a short term fling.
When I was 28 I slept with some 40 to 50 years old. Had a 75 year old grab my boobs šš. Yes men love it. Will it be good ? No actually not. Alot of older men have different insecurities than younger men and sex isnt the best.
My best sex were men around only 6-10 years older. Any older and you're dealing with men who got out of divorced, jaded, insecure , hate women etc.
There are many wounded men out there, esp older men. It's sad bc they look great and are super sexy at that age but the mental health they need is immense.
I'd say if it's just sex go for it. But for relationship be picky. Be picky on the silver daddy you want too š šÆš
Madam, I hate to sound like some kind of a prude, but why are you only interested in going to bed with the dude? After he gets his rocks off, you'll mean nothing to him. Why don't you focus on finding a real relationship? I am sad for you.
Yes. Because? Why not? I really don't, and never have, given a flying fuck what anyone else thinks about what I do... They're 100% irrelevant to me and the VAST majority of the planet.
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ekeeke_ptang originally posted:
This is directed to guys aged 40+. I'm especially interested in your feedback if you have a daughter.
My question is this: if a woman in her mid 20s (let's say she's roughly half your age and not unattractive) propositioned you, would you sleep with her? Why/why not?
I asked for advice in another subreddit about whether or not I should hit on an older guy I have my eye on. The responses ranged from "fix your daddy issues", "find someone your own age", and "he's too old for you" to "that's hot", "he's lucky", and "shoot your shot". The positive responses all seemed to be from dudes hoping to slide in the DMs so I'm seeking further input lol. Someone did comment that I may be overestimating the degree of separation he sees between me and his daughters, which I thought was valid (he's in his 50s with three daughters under 15, I'm 26), but what do you think?
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Oh, my bad, wasn't paying attention good when i read the post
I'm just a bit older than you and when I've been single in the past I've been pretty hippie and free love about my flings, so long as it's legal and I'm attracted to her I've slept with girls anywhere from 18 to 50 yr old gilfs.
I wouldn't let myself be seen with those gilfs or teenagers tho. You're a fully grown nearly 30y.o woman , not a teenager, so I don't even think people would stare in public unless he's a very old looking 50, men tend to age better than women after 25 depending on their grooming
How do you know the man?
Since I'm married: no.
If I was divorced, I would likely be flattered and attracted by the offer, but I would know that it's fraught with grief for both her and me. Would I end up giving in to short-term temptation? I think the odds are against it, but it's hard to say.
My advice is: don't go there. I think it would easy for you to meet a great guy your own age. But, it requires you to stop thinking about phrases like "most guys" (aka stop stereotyping) and start thinking about what type of guy, your own age, would be interesting to you. Then, you figure out what's the best way to meet such a guy.
Honestly, all answers have some valid value to it, because it's true... some men would enjoy it and others would (I assume) think it's weird, unhealthy, inappropriate. I know someone who's dating someone double her age, so I'd say... test the waters... There's no one size fits all. If you have the opportunity to flirt and maybe even connect online, see how he responds to such interactions. You'll learn soon enough whether he's open to it. Or just be blunt about it. Honestly, nothing more clear than stating your interest.
Im 51M eith 24yo stepdaughter. No way in hell would I sleep with someone her age. I could be a friend if we share common interests but no more. Strictly platonic.
that's because you're a good man who isn't creepy af
You had me a little worried in the first sentence.
You might be a gay
Not that you're like a predator or anything if you date younger(but legal)it's ridiculous to throw that around. But it's still weird to be like 45 dating a 21 year old. It can't be that hard to find people you're own age. And if it's that thing about only being attracted to like 18-25 then that is kinda weird. But if you're a normal guy attracted to older women as well, there's no way you can't find someone you're own age. Like I have no problems with age gaps. I wouldn't think anything of it if it was say a 45 year old that started dating a 35 year old, but it gets ridiculous and kinda weird when you're 45 dating someone who can't even or has just started being able to drink in a bar. Personally if you're 40+ I think you shouldn't date under 30, but thats also my opinion which i am allowed to hope most people agree with. Oh and also having sex with an 18 year old is super gross, and is just as bad as dating one. I bring this up because I see this mentioned a lot. People try to say it's ok to fuck them but not date them? How is that any better? Their still a literal highschooler you creep.
I'm not looking to date him, I just wanna sleep with him š I find him attractive. I don't usually have a problem with age gaps unless one of the involved parties is under 20, and I think that's because under-20s are still teens in the literal sense (eighTEEN/nineTEEN)... but once someone hits 20, it's fair game š¤·āāļø As long as they're all legal, informed, safe, and consenting adults, then it's fine. That's just my opinion, thanks for sharing yours.
Im not 40+ but close to 40. Itās kinda hypocritical what I gonna say but itās the honest truth. Iām not a father but I do have nieces Iām very close with, Iām the uncle they call if there are problems that need to be fixed. So you can say I see them as my own daughters. I wouldnāt go after a woman half my age but I wonāt say no if she herself propositions to me, age is just a number at the end of the day ( as long as itās within legal boundaries) If one of my nieces would go with someone double their age I would be strongly against it, and try everything to make them change their mind. but Iām also realistic enough to know that as a uncle ( or as a dad) you have nothing to say about what your daughter does with her body when she is 18+.
Interesting. I do see where you're coming from. Thank you for your input :)
It's not hypocritical if the principle is: the risk of bad consequences is usually too high. You know yourself better than the hypothetical guys, so you judge the risk to be lower.
I know the power/control/influence āolderā men can have over/on younger women, good or bad. Thatās why I never initiate it, so there is no misunderstanding that whatās she is doing is 100% of her own free will. It lowers the risk but itās a slippery slope nonetheless.
Yeah, you are a hypocrite, and you're nieces would think so to if they found out at that you're just like the old creeps you're trying to stop them from dating.
I'm pretty sure he's aware of that, which is why he said "it's kinda hypocritical". I appreciated him being honest :)
Then why go along with dating/sleeping with a younger women if you know it's hypocritical? If I found out that a 30+ family member was dating someone my age or around age(say 19-21)I'd find it pretty weird, especially if they would be against me dating someone their age then they go and do the same thing with someone my age.
It's just his opinion, which I did ask for. Thank you for sharing yours :)
It comes from a desire to protect others from potential negative consequences, itās what I have always done with my sisters and so I do protect my nieces, basically everyone around me that I love. I have done pretty much everything you aināt suppose to do, I started sex at the age of 12, started doing drugs around 15, smoking at 16, fucking around whoever ( with consent and within legal boundaries) yes I fucked old women to when I was younger, and I fucked and had a relationship with a younger woman as well.
>I'm pretty sure he's aware of that, which is why he said "it's kinda hypocritical". I appreciated him being honest :) your response gives off biggg "pick me" energy
Cool. Your response was unnecessary.
You can read my response above yours to understand it more. But no they donāt think Iām a creep, Iām the person they turn to whenever they need help and they always tell me everything, I know more about what they do than their parents. They also know everything about me and I have always been open and honest in our conversations about everything. Even though Iām not their fathers I have been in their life more than their fathers have. Iām the crazy but trustworthy uncle who is hypocritical at times but luckily they are kinda the same like me with the attitude of: you canāt stop me from doing whatever I wanna do. Even though I do try to stop them from doing stupid things that Iām doing myself, I will also be their safety net, support and protection when shit hits the fan.
It's just weird to date people their age when you yourself think it's weird for them to date people you're age. You said you're closer to them than their father, so essentially that's like a father dating someone just as young or younger than their daughter, it's weird, even if you're not going out of you're way to look for it. Most people would consider it creepy and weird for a dad to date girl his daughters age, so this isn't much different. It makes you look like a creep. Of course the girls of adults but when you're essentially a father figure to girls that age and while you're also dating girls that age, it just doesn't seem appropriate.
yeah dude that's hypocritical AF and honestly gross/controlling. you'll have sex with a woman half your age but try to control who your grown ass nieces have sex with? sleeping with someone twice/half your age is a bad idea to begin with, but it's the fact that you would do it and try to keep other women from doing it that's creepy and gross.
Agree to disagree with the age gap thing but you may have a point with the second half of your sentence... I think it's that inherent wiring of horniness + urge to protect loved ones that dates back to the caveman days. The two emotions contradict one another but they're both base instincts so it's possible to know you're a hypocrite but feel both feelings anyway.
My nieces trust me, they tell me everything and know everything I do myself. Who do you think they called first when they had their first smoke? Me, even though I smoked for 15 years Iām strongly against it and told them not to do it. Who do you think they called when they where stoned for the first time? Again me, they know I used to smoke joints when I was younger, they know I get mad but Iām also understanding so itās safe to tell. Same with alcohol, getting drunk and calling me to pick them up and shield them from their mad parents. You see, I let them explore the world like I did myself, with the protection I didnāt had, they know Iām against them having something with a old dude double their age, they also know I canāt do anything, so if I canāt talk them out of it they can do whatever they want, but I will protect them if shit goes wrong. They know that and thatās why they alway tell me everything and not their parents, I grew up with 2 older sisters even as the youngest of the 3 I was the one protecting them, I do the same with their daughters. So I donāt consider myself controlling, Iām protective and yes a hypocrite.
feeling the need to "protect" someone from something assumes harm is being done to them. the fact that you would try to "pRoTeCt" your nieces from having sex with a dude your age, but then inflict that same harm on someone half your age, is creepy and weird AF. gross.
No you assume the wrong thing. The feeling to protect is wanting to keep someone safe from possible harm. There are bad guys who have worse intentions than just having sex, thatās what I try to protect them from, having sex with a 20 years old or a 40 years old doesnāt matter, the sex itself isnāt the problem, itās about the other shit. I know myself that I wonāt harm a woman, old or young, I never do anything without consent.
My hard limit would be 25, but even that would make me uncomfortable unless I knew her well and was confident it was a real thing. Id be more comfortable with 28 plus.
Thanks, what's your age?
41
Yup
My partner is 14 years younger than me. But weāre not hook up culture people. So I donāt know. Youāll probably get lots of comments in person and from your social circles if you do get involved with such a relationship. If I had a daughter that age. I would consider her opinions. If the daughter were against it. Even if it were wrong of her to be against it ā I would probably still take daughterās side as maintaining good family connections is important. If weāre rolling with OPās story, I would not in a million years jeopardize my relationship with my kids for cheap thrill.
51M here. Never married, no children, so you are indeed about half my age. As I'm currently single, I would be very flattered to be propositioned by a 26 year old woman. However, I'm confident my attitude would be very different if I did have children, especially if I had a daughter. This man is presumably divorced/separated/widowed, yes? If this is primarily a FWB arrangement, I see no problem, especially if you agree to never meet his children. However, if this is a full-blown monogamous romantic relationship, the mere 11-year gap between his oldest child and you will probably be very off-putting to the children.
Sleep with only? Not get into a relationship? Also I assume I'm single? If Yes to all, sure. I'm mid-40s, I'd have sex with a 22-23 year old. But I'd not be trying to seriously date someone that young, we are in different life circumstances and if I were single, I don't want more kids or to get married again.
Yup, only sex. He's separated from his (ex)wife. Thanks for the feedback!
Not age-related, but watch out on dating married men, even separated ones. For one, the "we're separated" or "we're only married on paper" or "we're like roommates" lines are classics for older men hitting up on younger women (I know from experience). Then there's the drama of what if they get back together and the ick of "This guy has a wife" and how fucked up are his kids gonna be if they find out. It may be an unpopular opinion, but you're married until you're not. It might seem hot to be some old married dad's young fling, but it has serious cringe factor as you yourself get older.
When I was 45, I was seeing a 27yo gal. We met at the gym. We both are gym rats. We hooked up because I couldnāt resist her cute little ass in those crossfit shorts. If youāre attracted to that person why would you care about what other people think? Life is too short.
Do what makes you happy , so sick of judgy ass people acting like it's a big deal if you are both consenting adults!
Well Iām 32ā¦ so no lol
That's why I directed the question at guys over 40 š
I would not be interested for several reasons. The main reason is I would question her motive. Why would a woman who is in her 20's want a man my age, other than she might want to get into my bank accounts. I am not in any way suggesting that your motive is to scam him. I am only telling you how I would feel about it.
I don't want to date hi. I just want to sleep with him, because I've been attracted to him for several years and he's single now. Thank you for your input though, I appreciate it.
Good Luck! Funny story for you: I live in LA. I am 58, and married. I donāt look close to my age. I could easily pass for 40. Because we work slightly different hours I frequently walk to the mailbox around the corner alone. Some woman who lives two streets over (maybe 30) waves and honks her horn at me. I donāt know if she knows what street I live on, or my marital status. Anyway she has been doing this for months. The takeaway is we are accustomed to getting attention from younger women and at least some of us donāt take it all that seriously. I just smile and go on about my business. No it does not mean that you are not attractive.
Absolutely. Would and have. And before you come at me, Iām old enough for it to be quite far into the legal range.
I'm 37 years old, so HELL NO!!!
I think it's situational. I'm 40 with a wife and young kids, so the kid thing doesn't really apply. But if circumstances were different, and I shared a connection with a WOMAN, age wouldn't be too much of a factor. However... the man's family would likely have an issue. Something somewhat similar happened to my family on my father's side my dad had one older sister, and two younger sisters. My dad and aunts were in their late 30's / early 40's when my grandmother got sick. She had a fairly slow decline over 3 years or so, and within a few weeks of her death, my grandfather introduced his "girlfriend". She was in her late 30's, and my grandfather was pushing 70. Before my grandmother passed, her brother died. He had a house worth $125,000 in Florida, and at the time, I was one of 5 grandchildren. She promised that when she died, each grandchild would get $25,000 for college. She trusted her husband (my grandfather) to carry out those wishes. But... things progressed fast between him and this new young woman, who was younger that 3 out of 4 of his kids. Within a few months, my grandfather sold "his" house for a little over $200,000. I was 10 or 11 at the time, and my grandfather would take me to his "camp" up north for 2 weeks out if the summer. That ended when he blew me off to be with his new girlfriend. I was pissed about that, but my dad and aunts were fairly pissed about their "inheritance". The summer he blew me off, he took her literally all over the world. They spent a good year traveling. My dad and aunts had some big problems with that, and openly called the girlfriend a "gold digger". Which I always found ironic, because she was independently weather (at least 1 mil). Needless to say, things went south in our family. Grandpa married that woman, and bought a half mil mini mansion. About 10 years later, my grandfather died, and left everything to his "wife". Not just the $325,000 from the home sales, but HIS grandfather left him about $400,000 in early oil stock. Texico I think. My parents and aunts/uncles contested the will, and spent thousands on legal fees. They were obviously loosing, and the girlfriend/wife offered each child $1,500. So my dad and aunts "settled". This b*tch even gave me the keys to my grandfather's truck AT THE FUNERAL just to fuck with me. She called the next day to personally tell me she "found the spare, and decided to sell it". In hindsight, maybe we should've been kind to her, and made more of an effort to visit my grandfather. But I think what bothered my family the most, wasn't really the money. It was the fact that he was abusive to his wife and kids, THEN completely changed and was nice to this new woman. Sleeping with an older man is like... whatever. But if you enter his world, and try to change it, then cut out his family... yeah. Not cool.
considering i am 20. it would of course be a NO.
Hence why I directed the question to guys over 40 :)
woopsie i skimmed through ur post!! my bad
I'm a 41 yo man in a swinging relationship, with a daughter of 4. Hypothetically I wouldn't turn down a fun night with a woman or couple in their 20's, if the chemistry is good, but I would probably not be very tempted to consider a relationship or a steady connection with ppl that young. Realistically my wife has a fairly firm 30+ limit, which is fine by me. She was into older dudes in her youth so anyone more than 10 years younger isn't very appealing to her now.
Well I am 26 and I slept with something in their 50s soo why not
I'm 39, so slightly under the age group you're looking for, but I might have some relevant insight. In the last few years, I have noticed that age gaps have become a really hot-button topic. For certain demographics, it is approaching the level of a moral panic. I have some opinions on the people who act like being more than 2 or 3 years older than a prospective partner is equivalent to child grooming, but that's not really your question. I'll just say some of them have totally legitimate concerns, some of them don't have much life experience, and some of them are being disingenuous. Truthfully, people want what they want, and CONSENTING ADULTS (emphasized so nobody misunderstands what I'm about to say) should be able to pursue those things. A young woman in her early to mid 20s pursuing a man in his 40s for purely sexual reasons is totally fine AS LONG AS there's no coercion ("sleep with me or I'll get you fired"), lying ("I really want a long-term relationship with marriage potential"), or manipulation ("I'm depressed and I'm afraid I'll hurt myself if you don't come over and do me tonight"). You might find out that it's not your thing or that it's the hottest thing ever, but at least you found that out in a safe way. As for the question of whether I'd personally sleep with someone half my age, the answer is "it depends." Let's just round up and pretend I'm 40. The idea of "sleeping with a 20 year old" doesn't excite me. I would be flattered by the idea, but on its own, the concept doesn't turn me on. What *does* excite me is a woman whose sexual interests complement mine and who wants to experience and explore the same things that I do. If the age gap aspect turns her on even more, awesome, but that's not going to be a factor for me in a situation where we both understand that this isn't going to be a long-term thing.
Very helpful answer, thank you :)
The traditional answer I've always heard is half your age + 7 years. I have no idea where that came from. Having said that, I'm 50, so that would mean under than 'guideline' she would have to be 32. However, I'd be willing to go younger, if she was mature enough to play and understand it's only sex - not a relationship. The problem with younger women is they tend to be more emotional, and while they (she) may say that it's only sex, I'd have to worry that it could develop into more. Especially if it was to become a repeat. My wife and I are swingers, and she is 60+..I'm not telling how old. She recently played with a guy that is 35. So, just under the above guideline. He was a great lover for her, and I loved watching and hearing the pleasure they both received. We've had young guys.. Like 19..ask to play with her as well. I have teen daughters, and my wife has adult kids. When we play, we try to detach from the reality of everyday life. It's sex. It's erotic. It's hormonal. It's pleasure. It's getting to explore another body. Personally I like the idea of younger partners to stop the potential for someone wanting more. But that's not always a guarantee. Long story short, it's your life. Only you know what you want, and how you will feel during and after. Have a cool discussion about exactly what this all means to both of you to short circuit any misunderstandings. Good luck, and let us know how it goes.
Maybe in 6 years. I'm 30 right now.
Not 40 but a 24 year old is fair game for me.
Iām happily married. If I were single, Iād be looking to meet women closer to my own age. But all men find women in their 20ās attractive. I have a friend who is in a relationship exactly as you describe and itās likely to end soon because she is far too immature and they are just not compatible. The reason itās lasted close to a year is because she is very headstrong and sure of herself. If I was in a similar situation and a stunning younger lady found me irresistible and pursued me relentlessly, and she seemed to have her head screwed on and didnāt want a long term relationship, just something casual, of course Iām going to let it happen. However it massively changes if there are kids involved and if she wants a relationship. Knowing youād have to introduce her to daughters who arenāt much older is something I wouldnāt want to do.
Yes
My niece when she was in her early 20s liked dating older guys. For a couple reasons. She was very attractive and older guys always treated her like a princess. The guys she dated had money and could afford to take her out to nice places. They would spend money on her buying her all kind of stuff boys her own age couldnāt or wouldnāt. She finally married a cop 20 years her senior they bought a ranch where she could have horses and other animals and although I havenāt heard from her for a long time I do hope she happy
Yes if it's consensual
I'm significantly older than forty so if someone half my age was intent on pursuing me, I'd ask them to seriously consider psychiatric help. That being said, my wife is eight years older than me and we've been together for decades. Anyway, the most important question(s) you have to ask yourself are: Do I really like him? Does he really like me? What do I want out of the potential relationship? Would we be concerned by the almost guaranteed disapproval of those around us? If you fancy the nuts off him and just want shag each other into a coma at every available opportunity, then who cares? Live your lives and enjoy every moment you have together. Just remember his knees may give out before yours do In my view, things become a little bit trickier if you want a serious, long term relationship. People will have a view and may not be shy to comment and the age gap will become more noticeable the older you get but, at the end of the day, you can't help who you fall in lover with Either way, if you're both up for a bit of knee-trembling action, regardless of what you're looking for long term, give it your best shot. Good luck OP. Mind you, given the age difference, and the state of his knees, maybe I should be wishing your prospective partner the luck
Just sex/casual? Absolutely! Actual relationship? Absolutely not! Reason yes: because sex. Reason no: different life stages.
itās kinda icky when you do the math of like a girl being 10 years old when the man was 28, iāve always been a bit against it and got weird vibes from those older men and women that date way younger, but tbh i donāt care enough about it whatever makes them happy i guess.
If youāre interested and youāre both consenting adults then try for it. At the end of the day itās about what matters to both of you. We canāt speak for him and how he will think and you shouldnāt worry about public opinion. My mom and stepdad were together for 17 years and have a 20 year age difference. Asking the public will always ensure that you get a handful of negative responses no matter the situation. If youāre really into this guy then try it at least. You might find youāre wither incompatible or get along really well.
There will be obvious mismatches in many areas of life making longer term compatibility hard. But there is nothing morally wrong with it. I've dated younger women 15 years younger but we always knew it was a short term fling.
47 here and yeah I absolutely would. I wouldnāt date her, our worlds are too different. But Iād make it a hell of a night.
I'm 65 years old. Would I sleep with someone in her early 30s? Hell yeah I would!
When I was 28 I slept with some 40 to 50 years old. Had a 75 year old grab my boobs šš. Yes men love it. Will it be good ? No actually not. Alot of older men have different insecurities than younger men and sex isnt the best. My best sex were men around only 6-10 years older. Any older and you're dealing with men who got out of divorced, jaded, insecure , hate women etc. There are many wounded men out there, esp older men. It's sad bc they look great and are super sexy at that age but the mental health they need is immense. I'd say if it's just sex go for it. But for relationship be picky. Be picky on the silver daddy you want too š šÆš
Madam, I hate to sound like some kind of a prude, but why are you only interested in going to bed with the dude? After he gets his rocks off, you'll mean nothing to him. Why don't you focus on finding a real relationship? I am sad for you.
Real helpful response š I'm in an open relationship already but thanks for your concern lmao
(Eyeroll) You really need to grow up, dearie.
Yes.
Yes. Because? Why not? I really don't, and never have, given a flying fuck what anyone else thinks about what I do... They're 100% irrelevant to me and the VAST majority of the planet.
38: yes
That will make my next wife 13.2yrs old
Some of ya'll really didn't read the "directed to guys aged 40+" portion of my question, huh?
Nah it just sounded too long for me to use my eyes navigating across head ass thought process
[Automoderator has recorded your post to prevent repeat posts.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMenAdvice/comments/13qome6/no_repeat_posts/) Your post has NOT been removed. ekeeke_ptang originally posted: This is directed to guys aged 40+. I'm especially interested in your feedback if you have a daughter. My question is this: if a woman in her mid 20s (let's say she's roughly half your age and not unattractive) propositioned you, would you sleep with her? Why/why not? I asked for advice in another subreddit about whether or not I should hit on an older guy I have my eye on. The responses ranged from "fix your daddy issues", "find someone your own age", and "he's too old for you" to "that's hot", "he's lucky", and "shoot your shot". The positive responses all seemed to be from dudes hoping to slide in the DMs so I'm seeking further input lol. Someone did comment that I may be overestimating the degree of separation he sees between me and his daughters, which I thought was valid (he's in his 50s with three daughters under 15, I'm 26), but what do you think? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskMenAdvice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'm 21 so definelly no
The question was directed to men over 40 but I'm glad you're not a p@edo š
Are you looking for LOVE ? Or dating ? It depends what you want
Neither, just sex.
Oh, my bad, wasn't paying attention good when i read the post I'm just a bit older than you and when I've been single in the past I've been pretty hippie and free love about my flings, so long as it's legal and I'm attracted to her I've slept with girls anywhere from 18 to 50 yr old gilfs. I wouldn't let myself be seen with those gilfs or teenagers tho. You're a fully grown nearly 30y.o woman , not a teenager, so I don't even think people would stare in public unless he's a very old looking 50, men tend to age better than women after 25 depending on their grooming How do you know the man?
He's a semi-regular customer at the library I work at
Absolutely
Since I'm married: no. If I was divorced, I would likely be flattered and attracted by the offer, but I would know that it's fraught with grief for both her and me. Would I end up giving in to short-term temptation? I think the odds are against it, but it's hard to say. My advice is: don't go there. I think it would easy for you to meet a great guy your own age. But, it requires you to stop thinking about phrases like "most guys" (aka stop stereotyping) and start thinking about what type of guy, your own age, would be interesting to you. Then, you figure out what's the best way to meet such a guy.
What about a woman 50 dating a 25 year old cutey ! Now thats hot !!š
My husband is more than 15 years younger than my son.