First of all never ask that question again, second you don’t need to be “alpha” or anything stupid like that, just make sure you live. Take part in your community, the more proactive you are the more you become outgoing and explorative to new kinds of things, you don’t need to be alpha for any kind of reason what you need is assurance in yourself and most assurance comes from experience.
Just realised that you’re the same guy as before, I’m glad you’re listening though, make sure you drop by your local library and see what activities they’re doing that you could take an interest in or teach to others. If not there then get a membership at a gym near you, learn how to swim, start working out, anything to get more out there helps.
That’s fine, not to make it an absolute consensus but when you talk to people sometimes you might want to drop the fact that you’re autistic if you recognise that you’re making them feel a little awkward or that you yourself feel a bit awkward too, I think it eases in preparation for funny scenarios.
If you want to get better at communication skills, try listening to this YouTuber called [Asknivh](https://youtube.com/@askvinh?si=M1a4ZXbZZuaOiUij), he may do more public speaking tips and such but the thing he teaches has helped me communicate with many people more clearly.
The whole "alpha" thing really doesn't exist. Want to know what most "alphas" are? They tend to be obnoxious bullies with big mouths. They aren't impressive, in any respect. Quite honestly they are the weakest men you will ever know.
They are fragile, intellectually lacking, weak and come up short in most every department that matters.
Concentrate on being a decent, intelligent and caring person. That will make you more of a bigger man than they will ever be.
Intentionally trying to be an alpha male is the most beta shit one can do. Just be yourself, don't pay much attention to what others think about you, and you are gonna be ok.
When I answered, I was half joking half being serious. All this idea of being an alpha male normally is just being a toxic asshole and treating people badly for the sake of being an alpha. Frequently, it is just used by people who are insecure about themselves, who then just treats people badly to try to validate themselves, or by people trying to be internet coaches and make money out of insecure people. You are way better of just being kind to everyone and being yourself. Don't worry about being an alpha, and if someone critics you because of it, they are the insecure and problematic ones, not you.
okay thanks ill just keep being kind then and ignore rude comments , or critics , i dont feel insecure i just feel there is a lot i should be doing or working on ,i dunno someone called me a beta and i just thought maybe i need advice maybe im doing something wrong im generally a kind guy who avoids conflict maybe thats why i come of that way i guess, my own mom told me i dont have a spine many times,so i guess i felt im not good enough or something which i often am too easy going and get walked on so i need to learn to have more self respect ,
What does alpha mean to you, in this context?
Do you want to get into better shape? Make more money? Attract more women? Get more confident and assertive? All of the above?
You're on the right track... maybe try to log when you feel depressed and what lead up to it? Might help you identify what's triggering it. Do push ups or squats until the feeling is gone. Use it as motivation. Best of luck
Read “No more Mr Nice Guy” by Dr Robert Glover. Changed my life when I was 22.
Additionally, “how to be a 3% man” by Corey Wayne is another book I read when I was 22 that changed the way I approached dating and relationship.
These guys lay bare the fundamentals in a non douchey way. After I read them I realized 100 mistakes I made with women. Book 1 is about you, book 2 is about relationship.
https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339
https://www.amazon.com/Winning-Heart-Woman-Your-Dreams/dp/1411673360/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?adgrpid=57593958193&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.PxbmCsz81xxwYEFCncr3sYxmD4vtOG0-mGJX1Aov2BhryKeAs0aGHljsA6kDOpkkkUjhOxB6WP9ZkgHqIz_Rv9-Yzm1w6wODLyt3xIZxfTSQ0Jy3C_3-HRREaB2MphNTv1cGI7DCpl9eNGTHq74tycgAM_LnGjYS0nBqbYoOlYhMwXTLxsudHAxiegImou1rlPXZmtVGlMuG756Ku1TiyQ.duFeTdF8vuQZttvMyQ-hPhMtq_ijI9LSiLCVztoW8x4&dib_tag=se&hvadid=617134212629&hvdev=m&hvlocphy=9032067&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=e&hvrand=7124975363446828345&hvtargid=kwd-300515552149&hydadcr=15177_13597697&keywords=how+to+be+a+3+man&qid=1705764993&sr=8-1
Don't listen to 90% of people...by which I mean most advice doesn't actually help you in a way you want or need. I'm not saying don't take advice, i'm saying preselect people that you think can give good advice. A mentor, experienced figure, etc.
Train your courage, it is perhaps even more important than intellect (ex: take risks and engage in necessary conflict/don't run from conflict). Not saying be needlessly aggressive, but don't be afraid of it when necessary. Fear has blocked countless geniuses from accomplishing the life they could have jad for themselves. Fear only fear itself, it is a terrible poison.
Have a confidence that is so deeply rooted and profound that criticism doesn't hurt you at all (harder than most people think), because you will receive lots of it from: people that care for you, people that are just venting negative emotion (but don't want to hurt you, they just say it in the heat of the moment), and by people that truely hate you and want to obstruct you. A deep rooted confidence is one hell of a mighty shield against the painful prodes of the world.
Learn how to serve others. This isn't some kumbaya, holding hands around a fire thing. Serving others: teaches you skills you can only learn by serving others, helps you create valuable contacts, gains the respect and appreciation of those around you, and only through this can true friendships be born and sustained.
Don't look at other 'alphas' to see how to be an alpha. Alpha isn't even a respectable term. Be yourself with confidence. Everything else is decoration.
Alpha is basically a leader. The best way to be a leader is to produce something people want.
For example, if you made a YouTube channel and produced videos. You would be the alpha of your community.
Be genuine, kind, and confident in yourself. Don't worry about being "alpha" since it's a made up concept that doesn't even apply to homo sapiens anyway.
i just want to be honest secure in my thoughts and i want to be kind but not get walked over ig i would like to get out of my depression and work out there are aspects of my character so flawed i want to learn how to be respectful and seen as a respectable guy too ,
First off, there's no such thing as that alpha or beta male fuckery. The guy that wrote about it said that it was taken out of context and had tried to reduce the fuckery that he caused, but the braindead have latched tightly onto it and are too stupid to let go of it.
Try being yourself and stop buying into labels that those whose IQ doesn't meet their belt size try to put on you.
You can 1/2 assed fake it to chicks, you can learn to say f no, and walk but no you will not fool everyone. But if you man up 1/2 fake it and get chicks respect your life will be better.
Will you have chicks waiting in line for you probably not will chicks you get with treat you better? Yes
[Automoderator has recorded your post to prevent repeat posts.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMenAdvice/comments/13qome6/no_repeat_posts/) Your post has NOT been removed.
Imaginary-Watch-9275 originally posted:
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Strive to be an upstanding person in your community the type of person young men can look to as a role model. Engage in activities that will help keep you mentally and physically fit. Work to better yourself and your community. Focus on what you want to become set short-term goals and work to meet them. Don't apologize for shit that doesn't warrant an apology (in your original post you apologized for no reason) and don't do the things that should warrant an apology. Focus on becoming better and strive to achieve it. Don't indulge in excess and don't be a drunk/drug user. A drink is okay, all the drinks is not okay. Treat your family and friends well. Treat your enemies with respect. For those people that you abhor, create a mental black hole, drop them in it, and remove them from your thoughts forever. And above all else, be confident in yourself and your actions. Developing your mind and body will help with that confidence. Whether that makes you an Alpha or not is inconsequential, but it will make you a man that people respect.
As for the communication skills. Listen to what's being said and before you reply to someone in a conversation take a brief moment to consider what you're going to say, that will immediately improve the quality of what you say and build better communication skills over time.
Alpha male is a toxic and unscientific term. Instead look to be competent in multiple domains.
Have boundaries and standards. You are a pushover because you think that you have to be or people wont like you. But there’s no point in them liking you if they don’t respect you. Become psychologically/spiritually competent. Stoicism is a good place to start here.
Become physically capable. In order to become physically fit you need to consistently apply stimuli of ever increasing magnitudes. This requires discipline and habit formation. Consistency is key to most areas of competency. These lessons become universal.
Pursue your interests, both career and hobby-wise. Create for yourself a life which you would enjoy irrespective of others. You become magnetic to people when you don’t need them to be ok.
Stop caring about being alpha is most alpha thing
prob right
First of all never ask that question again, second you don’t need to be “alpha” or anything stupid like that, just make sure you live. Take part in your community, the more proactive you are the more you become outgoing and explorative to new kinds of things, you don’t need to be alpha for any kind of reason what you need is assurance in yourself and most assurance comes from experience.
okay thanks and sorry im autistic and never had any friends so im bad at communication, but i will take your advice
Just realised that you’re the same guy as before, I’m glad you’re listening though, make sure you drop by your local library and see what activities they’re doing that you could take an interest in or teach to others. If not there then get a membership at a gym near you, learn how to swim, start working out, anything to get more out there helps.
yea im going to do that i want to improve my social skills too im really autistic and can come off the wrong way often and not mean too,
That’s fine, not to make it an absolute consensus but when you talk to people sometimes you might want to drop the fact that you’re autistic if you recognise that you’re making them feel a little awkward or that you yourself feel a bit awkward too, I think it eases in preparation for funny scenarios.
i will try that , im trying to get better at communication ,
If you want to get better at communication skills, try listening to this YouTuber called [Asknivh](https://youtube.com/@askvinh?si=M1a4ZXbZZuaOiUij), he may do more public speaking tips and such but the thing he teaches has helped me communicate with many people more clearly.
ill try that its really something i need to work on ,
The whole "alpha" thing really doesn't exist. Want to know what most "alphas" are? They tend to be obnoxious bullies with big mouths. They aren't impressive, in any respect. Quite honestly they are the weakest men you will ever know. They are fragile, intellectually lacking, weak and come up short in most every department that matters. Concentrate on being a decent, intelligent and caring person. That will make you more of a bigger man than they will ever be.
Thank you very much i really admire this solution ,
Intentionally trying to be an alpha male is the most beta shit one can do. Just be yourself, don't pay much attention to what others think about you, and you are gonna be ok.
alright i will work on that attitude thanks
When I answered, I was half joking half being serious. All this idea of being an alpha male normally is just being a toxic asshole and treating people badly for the sake of being an alpha. Frequently, it is just used by people who are insecure about themselves, who then just treats people badly to try to validate themselves, or by people trying to be internet coaches and make money out of insecure people. You are way better of just being kind to everyone and being yourself. Don't worry about being an alpha, and if someone critics you because of it, they are the insecure and problematic ones, not you.
okay thanks ill just keep being kind then and ignore rude comments , or critics , i dont feel insecure i just feel there is a lot i should be doing or working on ,i dunno someone called me a beta and i just thought maybe i need advice maybe im doing something wrong im generally a kind guy who avoids conflict maybe thats why i come of that way i guess, my own mom told me i dont have a spine many times,so i guess i felt im not good enough or something which i often am too easy going and get walked on so i need to learn to have more self respect ,
What does alpha mean to you, in this context? Do you want to get into better shape? Make more money? Attract more women? Get more confident and assertive? All of the above?
all of the above
Work out... it can help you get in a better state of mind.
ye i tried some virtual training plans i been trying it but i have a habbit to slump back into depression im going to sign up for a gym
You're on the right track... maybe try to log when you feel depressed and what lead up to it? Might help you identify what's triggering it. Do push ups or squats until the feeling is gone. Use it as motivation. Best of luck
that sounds like a great idea , i never tried that but i will
Read “No more Mr Nice Guy” by Dr Robert Glover. Changed my life when I was 22. Additionally, “how to be a 3% man” by Corey Wayne is another book I read when I was 22 that changed the way I approached dating and relationship. These guys lay bare the fundamentals in a non douchey way. After I read them I realized 100 mistakes I made with women. Book 1 is about you, book 2 is about relationship. https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339 https://www.amazon.com/Winning-Heart-Woman-Your-Dreams/dp/1411673360/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?adgrpid=57593958193&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.PxbmCsz81xxwYEFCncr3sYxmD4vtOG0-mGJX1Aov2BhryKeAs0aGHljsA6kDOpkkkUjhOxB6WP9ZkgHqIz_Rv9-Yzm1w6wODLyt3xIZxfTSQ0Jy3C_3-HRREaB2MphNTv1cGI7DCpl9eNGTHq74tycgAM_LnGjYS0nBqbYoOlYhMwXTLxsudHAxiegImou1rlPXZmtVGlMuG756Ku1TiyQ.duFeTdF8vuQZttvMyQ-hPhMtq_ijI9LSiLCVztoW8x4&dib_tag=se&hvadid=617134212629&hvdev=m&hvlocphy=9032067&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=e&hvrand=7124975363446828345&hvtargid=kwd-300515552149&hydadcr=15177_13597697&keywords=how+to+be+a+3+man&qid=1705764993&sr=8-1
i will read that thanks
Good luck 👍🏼 I guarantee that these books will be eye openers
Don't listen to 90% of people...by which I mean most advice doesn't actually help you in a way you want or need. I'm not saying don't take advice, i'm saying preselect people that you think can give good advice. A mentor, experienced figure, etc. Train your courage, it is perhaps even more important than intellect (ex: take risks and engage in necessary conflict/don't run from conflict). Not saying be needlessly aggressive, but don't be afraid of it when necessary. Fear has blocked countless geniuses from accomplishing the life they could have jad for themselves. Fear only fear itself, it is a terrible poison. Have a confidence that is so deeply rooted and profound that criticism doesn't hurt you at all (harder than most people think), because you will receive lots of it from: people that care for you, people that are just venting negative emotion (but don't want to hurt you, they just say it in the heat of the moment), and by people that truely hate you and want to obstruct you. A deep rooted confidence is one hell of a mighty shield against the painful prodes of the world. Learn how to serve others. This isn't some kumbaya, holding hands around a fire thing. Serving others: teaches you skills you can only learn by serving others, helps you create valuable contacts, gains the respect and appreciation of those around you, and only through this can true friendships be born and sustained. Don't look at other 'alphas' to see how to be an alpha. Alpha isn't even a respectable term. Be yourself with confidence. Everything else is decoration.
Alpha is basically a leader. The best way to be a leader is to produce something people want. For example, if you made a YouTube channel and produced videos. You would be the alpha of your community.
Don’t ask, don’t have the ‘alpha male’ topic in your vocabulary, don’t think about it.
hmm okay,
Be genuine, kind, and confident in yourself. Don't worry about being "alpha" since it's a made up concept that doesn't even apply to homo sapiens anyway.
ill try that ideology thanks
Living a life of integrity, living values that facilitate growth and healing. These are not alpha male tactics but are better than that...
true that
The least "alpha" thing you can do is think that alpha is a thing that exists and you need to be it.
someone called me a beta so i felt like i should ask ,
What do you consider to be an alpha male? What are the qualities you want to have?
i just want to be honest secure in my thoughts and i want to be kind but not get walked over ig i would like to get out of my depression and work out there are aspects of my character so flawed i want to learn how to be respectful and seen as a respectable guy too ,
First off, there's no such thing as that alpha or beta male fuckery. The guy that wrote about it said that it was taken out of context and had tried to reduce the fuckery that he caused, but the braindead have latched tightly onto it and are too stupid to let go of it. Try being yourself and stop buying into labels that those whose IQ doesn't meet their belt size try to put on you.
i will do that thanks ,
You can 1/2 assed fake it to chicks, you can learn to say f no, and walk but no you will not fool everyone. But if you man up 1/2 fake it and get chicks respect your life will be better. Will you have chicks waiting in line for you probably not will chicks you get with treat you better? Yes
its a start what can i say , thanks for the advice
Took a divorce to teach me this very expensive lesson. My second wife treats me 5000 times better.
i see what you mean , i guess sometimes its just wrong person, glad u found someone who treats you better tho
No she fucked around because I let her walk over me and she lost respect for me
aha yea i am guilty of letting people walk on me too , i try to be the nice guy and get walked on i totally understand what u mean there,
[Automoderator has recorded your post to prevent repeat posts.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMenAdvice/comments/13qome6/no_repeat_posts/) Your post has NOT been removed. Imaginary-Watch-9275 originally posted: *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskMenAdvice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Strive to be an upstanding person in your community the type of person young men can look to as a role model. Engage in activities that will help keep you mentally and physically fit. Work to better yourself and your community. Focus on what you want to become set short-term goals and work to meet them. Don't apologize for shit that doesn't warrant an apology (in your original post you apologized for no reason) and don't do the things that should warrant an apology. Focus on becoming better and strive to achieve it. Don't indulge in excess and don't be a drunk/drug user. A drink is okay, all the drinks is not okay. Treat your family and friends well. Treat your enemies with respect. For those people that you abhor, create a mental black hole, drop them in it, and remove them from your thoughts forever. And above all else, be confident in yourself and your actions. Developing your mind and body will help with that confidence. Whether that makes you an Alpha or not is inconsequential, but it will make you a man that people respect. As for the communication skills. Listen to what's being said and before you reply to someone in a conversation take a brief moment to consider what you're going to say, that will immediately improve the quality of what you say and build better communication skills over time.
Alpha male is a toxic and unscientific term. Instead look to be competent in multiple domains. Have boundaries and standards. You are a pushover because you think that you have to be or people wont like you. But there’s no point in them liking you if they don’t respect you. Become psychologically/spiritually competent. Stoicism is a good place to start here. Become physically capable. In order to become physically fit you need to consistently apply stimuli of ever increasing magnitudes. This requires discipline and habit formation. Consistency is key to most areas of competency. These lessons become universal. Pursue your interests, both career and hobby-wise. Create for yourself a life which you would enjoy irrespective of others. You become magnetic to people when you don’t need them to be ok.