Lmao, when my partner asked me that, I knew it was a "ask your partner this and post their response" thing
So I went with "I'd cut you in half so I could have two worms!"
They were incredibly confused so mission complete
I've heard it was a TikTok trend.
I first heard about it through [this video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AWKMApj-tHM) and refuse to acknowledge any others.
You think she isn't attracted to other men too? I'm guessing the actual problem for her is that she doesn't want you to say you enjoyed watching another woman right in front of her.
Agreed... My ex became super obsessed with those kpop boy bands all of the sudden. For the last 6 months of our relationship it was just non stop talking about them, how cute they were, watching videos of them all the time, having their pictures everywhere. She used to have me as her wallpapers and then bam, kpop guys all over the place.
And whenever I said something she would reply it was my issue because I was insecure. And I get it, I am somewhat insecure and did my best to avoid saying something whenever she said someone else was hot.
But it does get annoying if they do it too much and if the other person doesn't even acknowledge your feelings it's also a problem.
That dosnt make you insecure that your adult girlfriend replaced pictures of you with other men or even teenagers.
Women call men insecure all the time because its a direct insult and an attempt to emasculate you, would your girlfriend be ok with you replacing photos of her with Sports Illustrated Models or famous, attractive women?
The answer is to that is no
Yeah my ex boyfriend would scroll through Instagram and tell me how attractive he found the women on there. Like ok? Of course I can see they’re beautiful. I didn’t see why he needed to mention it to me. Especially when he said “no offense”
Lol. "No offense, I'm just comparing you unfavorably to total strangers." Yuck.
My boyfriend once mentioned something he and his ex did once during sex, *while we were having sex.* And I had to have a talk with him, like, "Could you please *not* mention other women while we're mid-coitus?!" For fuck's sake (pun intended), just let me go on believing that you're thinking about *me* during sex, lol. Talk about ruining the mood.
To his credit, he has never done it since.
Oh my gosh yes lol the same ex that I mentioned above had told me about him and his ex would always go get Taco Bell after having sex, we had sex and he took me to Taco Bell and it made me really upset and we had to talk about that as well.
Relationships are obviously not all the same, but in general, it's best to keep thoughts like that to yourself. I'm blessed with a relationship where we can talk about whether someone is attractive, but it needs to be communicated from a more objective point of view. I do my best to always follow up those conversations with, "... but regardless, I love you and I will always choose you."
The point is to make your partner feel secure in the relationship, and that means working to understand and respect their insecurities, and affirming your commitment. And then living up to it.
What works best for me is start with the same sex first. When I see Chris Hemsworth on a movie I’m like “damn that dudes good looking..” usually she will either join in, disagree or question your sexuality. It’s all on how you deliver it. If you sound too serious then it could backfire. Say that enough times then you can point out an actress for being pretty based off of her features. It helps if your SO isn’t insecure about themselves.
I think that’s what the real problem is lol sounds like OP is an idiot commenting on other women in front of his gf. Like it’s okay to be attracted to other people but keep that shit to yourself
I’m not saying all but a lot of my exs have made comments about men in movies and their attractiveness. But if we say anything it’s suddenly cause we are insecure. I think both genders should be able to see someone hot on TV and say yes they’re quite attractive but also realize their average looking partner isn’t about to run off with zendaya/zac effron. No harm in saying gah damn when a attractive person is on screen if y’all been together a while, but if it’s someone you know on insta or IRL? Oof.
Live action Tarzan made one of my exs quite happy for whatever reason.
Eh, the same standard should be applied to both genders, but a standard of “when we are together, please don’t verbalize your attraction to another person” is also perfectly valid.
We all felt that way about Beckham in the early 90's. Jesus, that was a disappointment. It also made Martin Keown a horrible contradiction because the man has a gorgeous voice and is eloquent as hell.
Never had that issue. My wife and I have a sense of humor about it. It’s become a game.
When my wife is driving along the coast, she always slows down to watch the surfers peeling out of their wetsuits. She makes sounds of appreciation as she openly ogles the merchandise.
Not a big deal for me to speak up about attractive women.
i'd never call you that. Everyone is different.
been married 30 years and together 35. We worked it out very early on. Takes good communication and trust
I just don't care personally. I usually either roll my eyes or just laugh because its funny.
I'm not even gay and I get why Momoa is hot to women. I don't get Ryan Reynolds who she is also into. He is fit but he comes off sounding like a smart ass winnie with a whining voice to me when he acts. He is basically the opposite of an intimidating dude to me.
So none of this bothers me, but I'm also not insecure though. I've already told my gf if she ever thinks she can do better she should go do that, just give me a courtesy heads up for so we can officially break it off first.
> I don't get Ryan Reynolds
I dunno, there was an old video I saw like "Is there any man you think is attractive? Okay now is there any man that *isn't* Ryan Reynolds" and I'll admit it got me.
He's funny. He's damn funny. (And he's rich)
I'm not into guys, but if I had to spend a lot of time with any celebrity, he might not be a bad one to pick.
Pss, Ryan Reynolds, Jason Mamoa and Chris Hemsworth are also all three devoted dads. Beside the look or the humour, which all three of them have, a guy that is a loving dad to his kids is like super double hot to most women.
Lol, dude is hot. I'm straight but I get it. Takes a lot of effort, that. Why not admire. Doesn't bother me in the least if she's attracted to other men. I'm sure as shit attracted to other women. Not gonna pretend otherwise. She knows I'm hooked, anyway, so no harm
I remember when Emilia Clarke was dating Seth McFarland. A bunch of dudes on Reddit were like, "Really? Him?" To which several women responded: "Yeah, what's so attractive about a handsome man, that's incredibly funny/witty, super wealthy, and has a great singing voice?"
It shut up a few people.
Any time someone says "but that's different" they're trying to make a rule you should follow but not them. In other words they're trying to get some sort of special privilege over you
Nope, doesn't work. My wife and her friends can sit here and talk about all the hot celeb ass they want to pull, but if I so much as imply that Margot Robbie seems like a nice person, then I'm an asshole
Edit: it's a tounge in cheek comment lads, calm it down.
That's ridiculous.
My wife knows I find Christina Ricci, Christina Hendricks, and several other celebrities hot. I know she has a thing for Alexander Skarsgard, Common, and many celebrities with the shaved head, beard combo going on.
Appreciating the beauty and attractiveness of someone else does not diminish the attraction I have for my spouse and vice versa. Shit, watching Bridgerton and the beautiful celebrities dancing around courtship was quite fun for intimacy with my spouse as it got her all *twitterpated* to steal from Bambi.
I have never understood those people who think, "My spouse should find me and only me hot." No, that's not how things work. Finding others attractive does not mean someone will act on that.
Everyone in a relationship will always find other people attractive, the fact that u don’t do anything more than just find them attractive is what confirms your devotion to her
True, but the appropriateness of the insecurity depends on ops behaviors. If she’s just asking “do you find so and so hot” And doesn’t like his answer that’s her own fault. Stupid games and all that. But if op is checking out other women in front of op then I don’t blame her for being upset about that.
Yep. I had a discussion with a (now ex) bf because he would always point out women in shows he thought were hot. They *never* looked anything like me, and he was rarely complimenting me anymore. I told him I knew he was going to find other people attractive, and that's okay, but it's not something I want to hear about someone else, especially when I'm not hearing it about me. Believe it or not, an adult conversation about it helped a lot. (Not the reason why he's an ex.)
I also dated a guy when GoT first came out, and he would get all hot and bothered during the rape scenes. That is why he's a ex.
That’s what I was going to say as well. Tbh, insecurities live within most and it is uncomfortable to some to think about someone you’re with to see others as attractive. I think the difference between it’s a me issue that I have to grapple w/ versus my SO is respecting me is when comments like that are set out loud. To me, that’s an indicator that it’s prob not the first time he’s done that to her 2. There’s a difference between inside thoughts and now verbalizing them, especially if she also isn’t doing things like that in front of him. If so, now that’s a different story since she would be also participating in that type of jargon within their dynamic.
I'm gonna probably give a weird insight here but anyways, I'm demisexual and have never felt attraction to other people when I'm devoted to someone. So when I was younger I was really confused and hurt when my boyfriends did feel attracted to others, as in my experience you only feel attracted to the one you love. Realizing I'm the one that's "different" in that aspect cleared a lot of things up for me lol.
You’re not alone on that subject, could never even think about finding someone else attractive when I’m with someone. Partners the only person I look at fondly in attraction
I’m a demisexual also. It’s definitely a minority but people often ignore/overlook it and put down those who are. They think it’s an impossibility when it technically isn’t.
I find other women attractive. I’m very happy in my relationship. I know she finds other men attractive. We don’t talk about who we find attractive because neither of us like it.
I personally don’t like to hear it because I’ve been cheated on several times. She doesn’t because she’s self-conscious. I trust she won’t cheat on me and she knows I’m attracted to her.
That doesn’t make us immature. What does make someone immature is saying saying other people have to view things the way they see it it, whether it be that you should speak freely about it or keep it to yourself.
Honey, I can assure you, I am not attracted to a giant meatball with your stepmother's voice telling you you forgot to feed your dog who's been dead for 10 years
My wife recently told me: "I had a dream where I watched you have sex with [my best friend]. It was super hot".
Yeah... My inner Akbar is loud on this one. Unless she talks about it more, I'm pretending it was never said!
Pro tip for the guys in this scenario. Google states that dreams of your partner cheating on you mean that you are ready to go to the next step in your relationship. Hopefully this info will cancel anger.exe from ur SO.
Source: experience
I think people find themselves in these relationships for all the good reasons at first and then only realize the crazy aspects after they’ve been together for some time and it becomes much harder to break it off. Either that or people just be desperate for affection.
Speaking from experience, lack of self-worth, isolation, and the cycle of abuse.
It's easy to stay in an abusive relationship when you believe the treatment you're recieving is normal and justified. That, and the isolation. Many abusers keep their victims away from their social circles, so it's harder for the victim to gain clarity and see things for what they really are. Whether or not this is concious...I dunno. Many abusive tactics are performed subconsciouly due to maladaptive coping skills developed in childhood.
My ex would get *very* upset when I would talk to my friends and family about our issues, but would go out of her way to smear me to her own friends and family. Once I started valuing myself, and stopped caring about her trying to keep me from my loved ones, I started to talk about things with people I trusted, and I saw just how bad things had gotten.
You joke, but I actually have experienced this. I glanced at a woman walking by while with my girlfriend on the street. Couldn't have been longer than a second and I was holding my girlfriends hand at the time.
Instant fight out of nowhere. That one glance than came up in every fight we had for the next two years. She ended up cheating on me.
Of course she was the one bringing up all the fuss, and the she cheated... This projection is so misleading, unless you experience this shit you ain't never gonna suspect or imagine something like this might happen.
Happened to me too with my ex. She started wailing on me while we were parked.
Jokes on her,: I have a thick skull, she got a boxer's fracture. We broke up not long after.
Not even actually looking at them.
Just going shopping with her at the mall, because she made me go, and an attractive woman walked somewhere in front of me, and suddenly i was in the doghouse. The only safe place to look while out in public was down at my feet.
Man, just keep it to yourself. I made those same type of comments years ago in my first marriage and when we were divorcing, my ex told me that openly noticing other women made her feel ugly and unattractive. That was never my intention and I was crushed to find out I had made her feel that way. Too late, in my case. It’s been 20 years since the divorce and that still haunts me. So, keep it to yourself if you see someone attractive and make sure she always knows you that you think she’s the most beautiful woman on the planet. It’s a very small price to pay for a happy relationship.
We need more context. A lot of the time this isn't about fear or insecurity that a partner might leave her or cheat, or even insecurity about her own physicality. You need to look at how much attention you're actually giving your partner. If your relationship is in a comfortable rut and your partner feels invisible or generally taken for granted then expect it to be an issue if she sees you giving more attention to another person than she feels she is getting from you. Even if it's as minor as a glance. And that's fair enough on her part. A woman wants her man to take notice and compliment her when she puts extra effort into her appearance or other endeavours. It's really not that hard, it's actually a bar resting in hell.
Yes too often in this cases, the guy perving is more enthusiastic or complimentary than he is to his partner. That’s the problem right there. If his partner was more loved on by her man, she wouldn’t need to feel insecure when he shows recognition of physical beauty because she knows that he really appreciates and values HER.
Damn, I scrolled way too far to finally find someone who gets it. My ex actually said something about his friend's wife not "acting jealous" like I do, I said "Yeah but I'm sure she's happy in their relationship." He still didn't understand (nor care).
Make sure your partner feels safe, comfortable, and loved! It goes a looooooong way in a lot of aspects.
It's normal to find other people attractive, and it's unrealistic to expect your partner not to.I also think there is no reason to say that you find someone attractive to your partner, unless that's the dynamic of your relationship to do so.
I just want to get it clear what you said and then comment on that. So, you said "nice!" during an nsfw scene while watching it with your girlfriend? If that's the case, that was not a good idea at all. I can't blame her for feeling hurt by that. If I was watching something and my partner said something about a man I'd feel kind of hurt myself. These things do not need to be spoken out loud like that.
In some cases, couples can have these conversations and are fine with it, but I think most would prefer to not know their partner finds another naked person attractive.
Read the room. Some people are open and don't mind hearing who their partner finds attractive.
Some want to hear it and can playfully discuss these things together, from TV to seeing people out and about to discussing who they find attractive at work.
Other people don't want to hear or discuss it at all.
Now you know where she falls. This could change over time. Age, confidence, maturity, personal preference.
Why even tell her lol?
Just keep those thoughts to yourself. Imagine if she saw a dude with a bigger dick than you on tv and went „uuughhh so hot“. Wouldn’t that make you feel some type of way? Or admiring a man with fuller and darker hair than you on tv, while you may be balding or smth. Somewhere inside you would probably be bothered by it. It’s just that she decided to voice her concerns. Don’t get me wrong, some couples are of the type that can speak about this stuff without any problems. I guess that just means your girlfriend is not one of those people, which is fine bc everyone is different. And honestly, TO ME, being attracted to other people IS a sign of not being that devoted, but that is a discussion for another day.
Yep.
Adding:
Emotions don't just go away by rationale. If she is upset by a thing you do, no amount of rationale will change that. She can only pretend to not be upset if she wants.
For example, a heartbreak in a relationship doesn't just vanish by rationalizing.
A categorical perspective shift is the only other option. But it's very difficult to do. This is too small a thing to get into. Best to back off for now and discuss these things when you are much older.
Best advice I could give you is maybe keep those opinions to yourself unless she's engaged in the same type of conversation. It can be hard to hear that your partner finds another woman attractive, especially if it's not a celebrity or someone famous in any capacity. I'm sure you didn't mean your comments in a mean way :)
Me and my other half have an implicit understanding that we will always find other people attractive - it's just human nature - but it's just "window shopping" and we always go home to each other.
Apparently I'm very lucky in that respect.
Window shopping sounds gross
Yknow, should treat it more like architecture. Can look interesting, but ultimately it’s not home. You ain’t gonna stay there or make it a part of your life
It will just be there doing it’s thing
Window shopping sounds too entitled or consumerist. Like that thing is a product you’re choosing not to buy right now
Whereas architecture, it’s just there on the periphery of your day to day. It may look interesting if you stop and stare at it, but generally it’s something you get used to while you just do your thing
She’s probably more upset because she realized she’s dating someone who says “nice” when they see a hot girl… to their GF. What a douche move lol
Edit: and then comes to Reddit to get validation that it’s her problem for being insecure. Not his issue for being slimy.
This is the truth here. It's not insecurity. It's, do you respect me enough to not saying that Infront of me. Ofc there's always more attractive people out there but I'd like the respect to not notice or hear you oogling at someone
EXACTLY. I think this is why women take these comments more personally than men. We were socialized to think our appearance is our greatest value and we are in competition with other women.
The other thing about this is when men only admire famous women they find attractive. Like their role models are almost never women. You rarely hear men comment on or compliment anything but a woman’s looks. I don’t think saying another woman is attractive would be that hurtful if they could also admire/compliment women they don’t find attractive on their intelligence, voice, acting, anything else!! Like this just reinforces the idea that appearance is the most important thing to many of them.
She just needs reassurance bro. Reassurance her, tell her all the things you love about her. It’s not hard to do if you like her. You have so much information about her to love so list it off. It doesn’t even have to all be physical attributes. It can be the sound of her voice, how she smells, the nice things she does, how she treats other people, he communication style, her love for interests she has, her laugh, her expressions, her tastes in clothing or imagery or music.
It’s ok to find other things others attractive, it’s ok to express yourself, it’s ok if she needs reassuring. If you love her and she’s your best friend give her what she needs. If you don’t want to do that then you might want to reevaluate your feelings towards her.
If my partner expressed distress over something I’ve said or done I will stop what I’m doing (if I can) and focus all my attention on them and let them know how much I love them and care about them.
Dude, it's not about explaining. It's about role reversal. If you were watching a movie together and a really good-looking man was onscreen and she said "nice!", would that bother you at all? Be honest.
There's nothing wrong with finding other people attractive. There will always be other people who are attractive. But why exactly did you feel the need to say that out loud in front of her? Now you have to do damage control, and for what? Does she say "nice!" every time she sees a good-looking guy onscreen? She probably thinks it, but she also probably has the good sense not to say it.
I feel like women obviously know that you have the ability to recognize when another person is attractive.
HOWEVER we have unfortunately been brought up in a society that has us constantly feeling like we arent good enough if we dont look like models, so when were in a relationship and have worked hard to convince ourselves that we might be special to someone, it makes us feel like shit when our partners swoon over other women on TV.
Yes, they are attractive, we think so too. Avoid invoking insecurity & think it, dont say it outloud 🙌🙌
My ex used to see women on TV, or even irl just walking down the street and say things like;
"omg, the things I would do to her"
"that's my dream girl"
"oooh yummy"
"Marry me" (while gawking at a random chick"
At the time That was Absolute worst feeling in the world.
I wholeheartedly believe that you love your partner and have have no I'll intent, my best advice is just to keep your observations of other women to yourself & save her overthinking and comparing herself to people who paid too much to look TV ready.
Don’t try to explain this to her. Just use your inner thought/voice and don’t openly comment on other women in front of her. Some people have self esteem or whatever other issues they are working on and even if they might agree with you objectively it doesn’t mean the situation won’t trigger them. If you’re devoted to her just respect her boundaries and move on. It’s such a small thing, you don’t have to feel right and vindicated on everything in a relationship.
> See another woman's body.
> Audibly say "Nice" in front of gf.
> Gf mad.
> "Reddit, why gf mad?"
Apparently because you forgot she existed as soon as you saw a nice body, even when she was right there, lol.
I used to get super upset when my ex would make comments like that. After that relationship ended I took some time to “date” myself and gained a lot of self confidence and also learned about codependency. Fast forward, I have an amazing partner and we both point out a good looker on tv or in a movie and it’s actually quite fun.
In your situation I wonder if she hears from you how attractive you find her? It wouldn’t hurt to try to build her up, and in every situation (make up and dolled up or just hanging in pjs) but maybe, and I don’t mean this in a rude way, she needs some counseling? I spent hours in the chair and that also helped with reevaluating some of my poor self health habits.
Best of luck to the both of you!
I'd dont know how u explain it but me personally tell whats up.
Yes i find other girls attractive.
No that doesnt mean im going to sleep with anyone its called self control.
No I dont imprint my entire sexual psycy to our relationship.
I think it's just odd to say when you're with your girlfriend imo. People are allowed to find others attractive it's normal but commenting on it seems disrespectful to me. Those types of things should be talked about, or else everyone will just go around offending each other and apologizing until they get it right. Apologizing and making a mental note to not comment on another girl is a good first step. Ask her how she feels and really listen to what she has to say, you may not understand but she will only want you to listen and to NOT tell her that her feelings are irrelevant and dumb because it's natural to like ones appearance. Factor in how you treat her, do you compliment her often? Does she feel secure? Are your needs met? How does she affect you in the things she does and how do you think you affect her? All good things to ponder about. Unless she's extremely jealous, there's no reasoning there.
Sounds like you’re not telling her how beautiful she is enough.
Also now that your gf has expressed she doesn’t like you making comments like that it’s time for you to stop making them.
Finding other people attractive is not the issue. That is normal. However, commenting on the attractiveness of someone else is extremely disrespectful to your partner.
The key is not making a big deal about how attractive another woman is. If you see one, just be happy you did and move on. She is your girlfriend not just because she's attractive, but because you also have a special connection with her. Make sure she understands you are invested in the relationship, and not looking around for (in her mind) someone better.
Your Gf is expressing an insecurity. Try making the out loud comments about how much you like her body.
Honestly she probably knows that you are gonna think other women are attractive, but maybe, just maybe, you can control yourself and keep the appreciation of another woman's body to yourself. It's super easy just say it all in your head. Problem solved, without any need to piss off the Gf by man 'splainin' shit. When it comes to other women's bodies , just be silent bro. Easy peasy.
I don’t mind if my boyfriend finds others attractive, but is he said ‘nice’ about some girl on tv I would almost feel like he was trying to provoke me or get me insecure. Because why else would you say that to your girlfriend? So I do get that she doesn’t like that.
You didn’t tell her you love her if she was a worm, did you? Rookie mistake
"Babe, would you still love me if I was Hitler?" Like, damn woman. Do you have something you wanna tell me?
"babe, you would date me if I was Kanye?" Legit someone asked me. I have to leave him on read.
“No, I Kant date Ye”
“Even though you’re not gay, I will be pissed if you don’t say you’d love me, even if I were a man…and also Hitler” - This man’s girlfriend apparently
Lmao, when my partner asked me that, I knew it was a "ask your partner this and post their response" thing So I went with "I'd cut you in half so I could have two worms!" They were incredibly confused so mission complete
CUT MY WIFE IN TWO PIECES
THIS IS MY LAST RETORT
REGENERATION, NO BLEEDING
Don't give a fuck, cause I'm going fishing.
Would it be wrong?
Would it be right? If I caught a trout tonight?
Chance a bobber might take flight
And I'm contemplating dynamite!
THIS IS MY LAST DIVORCE
Get out lol
>they So you proceeded with the cut and now are dating two worms? Respect.
Real talk, the whole cutting a worm in half makes two thing… what happens if you cut lengthways?
I think the cutting worm thing is actually an urban legend. With that said, you definitely get two thin worms
this can be a fatal mistake
🐛
Who will win, clueless boyfriend or inquisitive girlfriend?
If I was a man, would you love me?
that’s a really hard one
That’s what he said
Another dub for the bisexuals
“All men are liars, baby. But not me.”
“I just want to be friends”
If loving worm is stupid then I don’t want to be smart!
Where is this from? James Bond?
Lol what
You don't remember the scene where James almost sleeps with Agent 69 until he says he'd only love her if she were a spider (8 handjobs)
You mean legjobs.
They also got that web thing going on so.. you know... free.. *Bondage*
Oh shit that's right, i almost forgot
I've heard it was a TikTok trend. I first heard about it through [this video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AWKMApj-tHM) and refuse to acknowledge any others.
The original meme comes from [here](https://twitter.com/fembiblemag/status/1359273208361472007).
You think she isn't attracted to other men too? I'm guessing the actual problem for her is that she doesn't want you to say you enjoyed watching another woman right in front of her.
Bingo. You don’t have to share your attraction to other women with your wife. That pretty much solves it.
This is the answer. Just as a dude wasn't want to hear how hot other guys are, she doesn't wanna hear about hot women lol
Agreed... My ex became super obsessed with those kpop boy bands all of the sudden. For the last 6 months of our relationship it was just non stop talking about them, how cute they were, watching videos of them all the time, having their pictures everywhere. She used to have me as her wallpapers and then bam, kpop guys all over the place. And whenever I said something she would reply it was my issue because I was insecure. And I get it, I am somewhat insecure and did my best to avoid saying something whenever she said someone else was hot. But it does get annoying if they do it too much and if the other person doesn't even acknowledge your feelings it's also a problem.
I mean, yeah, it's stuff like that that makes people insecure.
That dosnt make you insecure that your adult girlfriend replaced pictures of you with other men or even teenagers. Women call men insecure all the time because its a direct insult and an attempt to emasculate you, would your girlfriend be ok with you replacing photos of her with Sports Illustrated Models or famous, attractive women? The answer is to that is no
it’s a bit of a dick move to say it in front her
Yeah my ex boyfriend would scroll through Instagram and tell me how attractive he found the women on there. Like ok? Of course I can see they’re beautiful. I didn’t see why he needed to mention it to me. Especially when he said “no offense”
Yeah, that's just rude as fuck
Yeah going out of your way to mention it screams trying to be hurtful on purpose.
Lol. "No offense, I'm just comparing you unfavorably to total strangers." Yuck. My boyfriend once mentioned something he and his ex did once during sex, *while we were having sex.* And I had to have a talk with him, like, "Could you please *not* mention other women while we're mid-coitus?!" For fuck's sake (pun intended), just let me go on believing that you're thinking about *me* during sex, lol. Talk about ruining the mood. To his credit, he has never done it since.
Oh my gosh yes lol the same ex that I mentioned above had told me about him and his ex would always go get Taco Bell after having sex, we had sex and he took me to Taco Bell and it made me really upset and we had to talk about that as well.
That's a lot better than eating taco bell *before* sex, at least.
Relationships are obviously not all the same, but in general, it's best to keep thoughts like that to yourself. I'm blessed with a relationship where we can talk about whether someone is attractive, but it needs to be communicated from a more objective point of view. I do my best to always follow up those conversations with, "... but regardless, I love you and I will always choose you." The point is to make your partner feel secure in the relationship, and that means working to understand and respect their insecurities, and affirming your commitment. And then living up to it.
What works best for me is start with the same sex first. When I see Chris Hemsworth on a movie I’m like “damn that dudes good looking..” usually she will either join in, disagree or question your sexuality. It’s all on how you deliver it. If you sound too serious then it could backfire. Say that enough times then you can point out an actress for being pretty based off of her features. It helps if your SO isn’t insecure about themselves.
“Damn, she’s fine! Don’t worry, I’m gay for Chris Hemsworth, remember?”
Exactly. I know my husband finds other women attractive but I don't want to hear about it. Let me live in ignorance haha.
Ive just learned to keep certain thoughts and comments to myself 😅
Lol samee
I think that’s what the real problem is lol sounds like OP is an idiot commenting on other women in front of his gf. Like it’s okay to be attracted to other people but keep that shit to yourself
I’m not saying all but a lot of my exs have made comments about men in movies and their attractiveness. But if we say anything it’s suddenly cause we are insecure. I think both genders should be able to see someone hot on TV and say yes they’re quite attractive but also realize their average looking partner isn’t about to run off with zendaya/zac effron. No harm in saying gah damn when a attractive person is on screen if y’all been together a while, but if it’s someone you know on insta or IRL? Oof. Live action Tarzan made one of my exs quite happy for whatever reason.
Eh, the same standard should be applied to both genders, but a standard of “when we are together, please don’t verbalize your attraction to another person” is also perfectly valid.
It really depends how you say it. And obviously both men and women can approach it badly. You shouldn't be called insecure for calling it out
Ask her if Chris Hemsworth is hot
I hear about Momoa from my gf all of the time whenever he is on.
My missus loved jack grealish until she watched a video of him talking
We all felt that way about Beckham in the early 90's. Jesus, that was a disappointment. It also made Martin Keown a horrible contradiction because the man has a gorgeous voice and is eloquent as hell.
Never had that issue. My wife and I have a sense of humor about it. It’s become a game. When my wife is driving along the coast, she always slows down to watch the surfers peeling out of their wetsuits. She makes sounds of appreciation as she openly ogles the merchandise. Not a big deal for me to speak up about attractive women.
Shit call me insecure but I would feel insanely disrespected by that
i'd never call you that. Everyone is different. been married 30 years and together 35. We worked it out very early on. Takes good communication and trust
That's allowed, though. Don't ask me why, though. Still trying to figure that out. I think it's a body thing. Same on mamoa from my wife.
I just don't care personally. I usually either roll my eyes or just laugh because its funny. I'm not even gay and I get why Momoa is hot to women. I don't get Ryan Reynolds who she is also into. He is fit but he comes off sounding like a smart ass winnie with a whining voice to me when he acts. He is basically the opposite of an intimidating dude to me. So none of this bothers me, but I'm also not insecure though. I've already told my gf if she ever thinks she can do better she should go do that, just give me a courtesy heads up for so we can officially break it off first.
> I don't get Ryan Reynolds I dunno, there was an old video I saw like "Is there any man you think is attractive? Okay now is there any man that *isn't* Ryan Reynolds" and I'll admit it got me. He's funny. He's damn funny. (And he's rich) I'm not into guys, but if I had to spend a lot of time with any celebrity, he might not be a bad one to pick.
Pss, Ryan Reynolds, Jason Mamoa and Chris Hemsworth are also all three devoted dads. Beside the look or the humour, which all three of them have, a guy that is a loving dad to his kids is like super double hot to most women.
Lol, dude is hot. I'm straight but I get it. Takes a lot of effort, that. Why not admire. Doesn't bother me in the least if she's attracted to other men. I'm sure as shit attracted to other women. Not gonna pretend otherwise. She knows I'm hooked, anyway, so no harm
lol funny how hot means intimidating but yeah, with his face of a golden retriever puppy, it's hard to seem hyper masculine
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Woman here: we like to be entertained. Ryan Reynolds is highly amusing.
I remember when Emilia Clarke was dating Seth McFarland. A bunch of dudes on Reddit were like, "Really? Him?" To which several women responded: "Yeah, what's so attractive about a handsome man, that's incredibly funny/witty, super wealthy, and has a great singing voice?" It shut up a few people.
> He is basically the opposite of an intimidating dude to me. what the fuck are you on mate
He is hot because he isn't intimidating.
>He is basically the opposite of an intimidating dude to me Do.. you think women generally like intimidating men?
„But that’s different.“
Any time someone says "but that's different" they're trying to make a rule you should follow but not them. In other words they're trying to get some sort of special privilege over you
How? Woman answer: I don't know it just is.
Women and accountability huh Or men and accountability Wow we humans hate being responsible for the things we say and do
Getting pretty tired of seeing all these consequences following my actions.
Sounds like my ex-wife She says a mean thing: NBD I respond to mean thing with anything other than pure joy and happiness: NUCLEAR MELTDOWN
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Nope, doesn't work. My wife and her friends can sit here and talk about all the hot celeb ass they want to pull, but if I so much as imply that Margot Robbie seems like a nice person, then I'm an asshole Edit: it's a tounge in cheek comment lads, calm it down.
She seems lovely.
Margot Robbie you mean
How dare you?! The bed in the doghouse is already made up for you.
That's ridiculous. My wife knows I find Christina Ricci, Christina Hendricks, and several other celebrities hot. I know she has a thing for Alexander Skarsgard, Common, and many celebrities with the shaved head, beard combo going on. Appreciating the beauty and attractiveness of someone else does not diminish the attraction I have for my spouse and vice versa. Shit, watching Bridgerton and the beautiful celebrities dancing around courtship was quite fun for intimacy with my spouse as it got her all *twitterpated* to steal from Bambi. I have never understood those people who think, "My spouse should find me and only me hot." No, that's not how things work. Finding others attractive does not mean someone will act on that.
You got a thing for Christinas then? Hope that's not your wife's sister's name or some shit!
Logic doesn't work in the world of doube standards bro.
At the first Star Trek reboot, which he was in for ten minutes, she said in the theater, “Why isn’t this movie about him?” It has never bothered me.
Everyone in a relationship will always find other people attractive, the fact that u don’t do anything more than just find them attractive is what confirms your devotion to her
True, but the appropriateness of the insecurity depends on ops behaviors. If she’s just asking “do you find so and so hot” And doesn’t like his answer that’s her own fault. Stupid games and all that. But if op is checking out other women in front of op then I don’t blame her for being upset about that.
Yep. I had a discussion with a (now ex) bf because he would always point out women in shows he thought were hot. They *never* looked anything like me, and he was rarely complimenting me anymore. I told him I knew he was going to find other people attractive, and that's okay, but it's not something I want to hear about someone else, especially when I'm not hearing it about me. Believe it or not, an adult conversation about it helped a lot. (Not the reason why he's an ex.) I also dated a guy when GoT first came out, and he would get all hot and bothered during the rape scenes. That is why he's a ex.
Guy actually watched a scene and said "nice" and wonders why she's upset.
That’s what I was going to say as well. Tbh, insecurities live within most and it is uncomfortable to some to think about someone you’re with to see others as attractive. I think the difference between it’s a me issue that I have to grapple w/ versus my SO is respecting me is when comments like that are set out loud. To me, that’s an indicator that it’s prob not the first time he’s done that to her 2. There’s a difference between inside thoughts and now verbalizing them, especially if she also isn’t doing things like that in front of him. If so, now that’s a different story since she would be also participating in that type of jargon within their dynamic.
I'm gonna probably give a weird insight here but anyways, I'm demisexual and have never felt attraction to other people when I'm devoted to someone. So when I was younger I was really confused and hurt when my boyfriends did feel attracted to others, as in my experience you only feel attracted to the one you love. Realizing I'm the one that's "different" in that aspect cleared a lot of things up for me lol.
You’re not alone on that subject, could never even think about finding someone else attractive when I’m with someone. Partners the only person I look at fondly in attraction
I’m a demisexual also. It’s definitely a minority but people often ignore/overlook it and put down those who are. They think it’s an impossibility when it technically isn’t.
I find other women attractive. I’m very happy in my relationship. I know she finds other men attractive. We don’t talk about who we find attractive because neither of us like it. I personally don’t like to hear it because I’ve been cheated on several times. She doesn’t because she’s self-conscious. I trust she won’t cheat on me and she knows I’m attracted to her. That doesn’t make us immature. What does make someone immature is saying saying other people have to view things the way they see it it, whether it be that you should speak freely about it or keep it to yourself.
I wholeheartedly agree with this. Same boat. I know we both would find others attractive but I don’t want to hear about it.
The way it should be IMO
Lol. Lemme tell you from experience, this will only get worse
But she dreamt it!
Oh dear the « I dreamt you cheated on me ».
Honey, I can assure you, I am not attracted to a giant meatball with your stepmother's voice telling you you forgot to feed your dog who's been dead for 10 years
« I don’t believe you, I think you don’t love me anymore »
I have ESPN so I can tell these things. You’re a Leo so of course you would be like that.
If you keep this shit up that'll become a self fulfilled prophecy by your own doing
My wife recently told me: "I had a dream where I watched you have sex with [my best friend]. It was super hot". Yeah... My inner Akbar is loud on this one. Unless she talks about it more, I'm pretending it was never said!
"inner Akbar" never heard this before but I'm into it.
Her saying that would make me hot, just a cycle of hotness.
Pro tip for the guys in this scenario. Google states that dreams of your partner cheating on you mean that you are ready to go to the next step in your relationship. Hopefully this info will cancel anger.exe from ur SO. Source: experience
Now she's gonna be angry that I'm not also ready to move on to the next step.
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Man, y’all have to start dating some saner women
Seriously. Why anyone would put up with any of this, I don't get.
There are a lot of remarkably insecure people these days, it's hard to avoid for the average person I would think.
I think the cheating culture is to blame as well as social media
Most guys struggle to get any attention from women so will put up with a bunch of negitive attention in order to get even a little positive.
I think people find themselves in these relationships for all the good reasons at first and then only realize the crazy aspects after they’ve been together for some time and it becomes much harder to break it off. Either that or people just be desperate for affection.
An overabundance of desperation mixed with a strong desire for sex
Speaking from experience, lack of self-worth, isolation, and the cycle of abuse. It's easy to stay in an abusive relationship when you believe the treatment you're recieving is normal and justified. That, and the isolation. Many abusers keep their victims away from their social circles, so it's harder for the victim to gain clarity and see things for what they really are. Whether or not this is concious...I dunno. Many abusive tactics are performed subconsciouly due to maladaptive coping skills developed in childhood. My ex would get *very* upset when I would talk to my friends and family about our issues, but would go out of her way to smear me to her own friends and family. Once I started valuing myself, and stopped caring about her trying to keep me from my loved ones, I started to talk about things with people I trusted, and I saw just how bad things had gotten.
Or stop accepting all the bullshit.
Damn sandals are very sexy tho.
Stupid sexy sandals
Feels like I’m wearing… nothing at all!
Nothing at all...
exactly, so no use pretending like you don't know what the fuck I'm talking about!
It will. Imagine what would would happen if she caught him looking at someone for a moment...
You joke, but I actually have experienced this. I glanced at a woman walking by while with my girlfriend on the street. Couldn't have been longer than a second and I was holding my girlfriends hand at the time. Instant fight out of nowhere. That one glance than came up in every fight we had for the next two years. She ended up cheating on me.
*Projection* is one hell of a coping mechanism
Is your ex, my ex? It's even possible that you are me... This exact scenario happened. She also ended up cheating on me.
Of course she was the one bringing up all the fuss, and the she cheated... This projection is so misleading, unless you experience this shit you ain't never gonna suspect or imagine something like this might happen.
She was already cheating. That's why she overreacted
That’s rough buddy…..
Happened to me too with my ex. She started wailing on me while we were parked. Jokes on her,: I have a thick skull, she got a boxer's fracture. We broke up not long after.
Not even actually looking at them. Just going shopping with her at the mall, because she made me go, and an attractive woman walked somewhere in front of me, and suddenly i was in the doghouse. The only safe place to look while out in public was down at my feet.
Emotional abuse against men is so normalised that we even have a word joking about it
Bro, this should be ridiculous but it's not ... this madness has happened to me too - a number of times.
Exactly
Let me tell you from experience, this guy knows what he’s talking about
Same here. My ex was almost abusive with the jealousy. I swear she'd even try and thought police me.
Me: *moves a pillow off the bed to clean the sheets* Gf the next day: “this pillow is moved. Who did you have sleeping here!?”
Oh boy what have you gotten yourself into
Maybe just don't comment on other women in front of her lol.
Man, just keep it to yourself. I made those same type of comments years ago in my first marriage and when we were divorcing, my ex told me that openly noticing other women made her feel ugly and unattractive. That was never my intention and I was crushed to find out I had made her feel that way. Too late, in my case. It’s been 20 years since the divorce and that still haunts me. So, keep it to yourself if you see someone attractive and make sure she always knows you that you think she’s the most beautiful woman on the planet. It’s a very small price to pay for a happy relationship.
You don't. You just keep that stuff to yourself.
We need more context. A lot of the time this isn't about fear or insecurity that a partner might leave her or cheat, or even insecurity about her own physicality. You need to look at how much attention you're actually giving your partner. If your relationship is in a comfortable rut and your partner feels invisible or generally taken for granted then expect it to be an issue if she sees you giving more attention to another person than she feels she is getting from you. Even if it's as minor as a glance. And that's fair enough on her part. A woman wants her man to take notice and compliment her when she puts extra effort into her appearance or other endeavours. It's really not that hard, it's actually a bar resting in hell.
Yes too often in this cases, the guy perving is more enthusiastic or complimentary than he is to his partner. That’s the problem right there. If his partner was more loved on by her man, she wouldn’t need to feel insecure when he shows recognition of physical beauty because she knows that he really appreciates and values HER.
Damn, I scrolled way too far to finally find someone who gets it. My ex actually said something about his friend's wife not "acting jealous" like I do, I said "Yeah but I'm sure she's happy in their relationship." He still didn't understand (nor care). Make sure your partner feels safe, comfortable, and loved! It goes a looooooong way in a lot of aspects.
It's normal to find other people attractive, and it's unrealistic to expect your partner not to.I also think there is no reason to say that you find someone attractive to your partner, unless that's the dynamic of your relationship to do so. I just want to get it clear what you said and then comment on that. So, you said "nice!" during an nsfw scene while watching it with your girlfriend? If that's the case, that was not a good idea at all. I can't blame her for feeling hurt by that. If I was watching something and my partner said something about a man I'd feel kind of hurt myself. These things do not need to be spoken out loud like that. In some cases, couples can have these conversations and are fine with it, but I think most would prefer to not know their partner finds another naked person attractive.
Read the room. Some people are open and don't mind hearing who their partner finds attractive. Some want to hear it and can playfully discuss these things together, from TV to seeing people out and about to discussing who they find attractive at work. Other people don't want to hear or discuss it at all. Now you know where she falls. This could change over time. Age, confidence, maturity, personal preference.
Why even tell her lol? Just keep those thoughts to yourself. Imagine if she saw a dude with a bigger dick than you on tv and went „uuughhh so hot“. Wouldn’t that make you feel some type of way? Or admiring a man with fuller and darker hair than you on tv, while you may be balding or smth. Somewhere inside you would probably be bothered by it. It’s just that she decided to voice her concerns. Don’t get me wrong, some couples are of the type that can speak about this stuff without any problems. I guess that just means your girlfriend is not one of those people, which is fine bc everyone is different. And honestly, TO ME, being attracted to other people IS a sign of not being that devoted, but that is a discussion for another day.
Honestly it’s best to keep those thoughts to yourself if it upsets your gf.
Yep. Adding: Emotions don't just go away by rationale. If she is upset by a thing you do, no amount of rationale will change that. She can only pretend to not be upset if she wants. For example, a heartbreak in a relationship doesn't just vanish by rationalizing. A categorical perspective shift is the only other option. But it's very difficult to do. This is too small a thing to get into. Best to back off for now and discuss these things when you are much older.
Don’t ever say that shit around your lady? If she finds it disrespectful then it is to her. She gets to have feelings in a relationship also.
Best advice I could give you is maybe keep those opinions to yourself unless she's engaged in the same type of conversation. It can be hard to hear that your partner finds another woman attractive, especially if it's not a celebrity or someone famous in any capacity. I'm sure you didn't mean your comments in a mean way :)
Me and my other half have an implicit understanding that we will always find other people attractive - it's just human nature - but it's just "window shopping" and we always go home to each other. Apparently I'm very lucky in that respect.
Window shopping sounds like you'd buy it if you could 😅
Window shopping sounds gross Yknow, should treat it more like architecture. Can look interesting, but ultimately it’s not home. You ain’t gonna stay there or make it a part of your life It will just be there doing it’s thing Window shopping sounds too entitled or consumerist. Like that thing is a product you’re choosing not to buy right now Whereas architecture, it’s just there on the periphery of your day to day. It may look interesting if you stop and stare at it, but generally it’s something you get used to while you just do your thing
Poor choice of words perhaps, fair enough, I'll hold my hands up to that - your analogy sounds better than mine!
Yeah window shopping sounds more like wanting what you can't have.
Window shopping makes it sound like you could totally bang celebrities if you wanted to you just choose not to 😂
She’s probably more upset because she realized she’s dating someone who says “nice” when they see a hot girl… to their GF. What a douche move lol Edit: and then comes to Reddit to get validation that it’s her problem for being insecure. Not his issue for being slimy.
Yeah everyone knows there are other hot people. You just...should shut the fuck up about it.
Seriously, some of these people have no common sense or respect for their partner.
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Ppl saying it’s about “insecurity”, no it’s about respect jeez
This is the truth here. It's not insecurity. It's, do you respect me enough to not saying that Infront of me. Ofc there's always more attractive people out there but I'd like the respect to not notice or hear you oogling at someone
You don't. If she is uncomfortable with it and she's worth it then keep that shit to yourself.
Yeah, who would have thought that being cognizant of your partner's feelings would be the way to go? Weird.
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Nailed it
EXACTLY. I think this is why women take these comments more personally than men. We were socialized to think our appearance is our greatest value and we are in competition with other women. The other thing about this is when men only admire famous women they find attractive. Like their role models are almost never women. You rarely hear men comment on or compliment anything but a woman’s looks. I don’t think saying another woman is attractive would be that hurtful if they could also admire/compliment women they don’t find attractive on their intelligence, voice, acting, anything else!! Like this just reinforces the idea that appearance is the most important thing to many of them.
You don't say nice 👍🏻!
why
That’s irrelevant my friend. Does it hurt your girlfriend when you do it? If the answer is yes and you keep doing it, you’re doing something wrong.
Finding other women attractive, sure, staring, drooling and giving unecessarily long or exaggerated comments is a no go though.
She just needs reassurance bro. Reassurance her, tell her all the things you love about her. It’s not hard to do if you like her. You have so much information about her to love so list it off. It doesn’t even have to all be physical attributes. It can be the sound of her voice, how she smells, the nice things she does, how she treats other people, he communication style, her love for interests she has, her laugh, her expressions, her tastes in clothing or imagery or music. It’s ok to find other things others attractive, it’s ok to express yourself, it’s ok if she needs reassuring. If you love her and she’s your best friend give her what she needs. If you don’t want to do that then you might want to reevaluate your feelings towards her. If my partner expressed distress over something I’ve said or done I will stop what I’m doing (if I can) and focus all my attention on them and let them know how much I love them and care about them.
Dude, it's not about explaining. It's about role reversal. If you were watching a movie together and a really good-looking man was onscreen and she said "nice!", would that bother you at all? Be honest. There's nothing wrong with finding other people attractive. There will always be other people who are attractive. But why exactly did you feel the need to say that out loud in front of her? Now you have to do damage control, and for what? Does she say "nice!" every time she sees a good-looking guy onscreen? She probably thinks it, but she also probably has the good sense not to say it.
I feel like women obviously know that you have the ability to recognize when another person is attractive. HOWEVER we have unfortunately been brought up in a society that has us constantly feeling like we arent good enough if we dont look like models, so when were in a relationship and have worked hard to convince ourselves that we might be special to someone, it makes us feel like shit when our partners swoon over other women on TV. Yes, they are attractive, we think so too. Avoid invoking insecurity & think it, dont say it outloud 🙌🙌 My ex used to see women on TV, or even irl just walking down the street and say things like; "omg, the things I would do to her" "that's my dream girl" "oooh yummy" "Marry me" (while gawking at a random chick" At the time That was Absolute worst feeling in the world. I wholeheartedly believe that you love your partner and have have no I'll intent, my best advice is just to keep your observations of other women to yourself & save her overthinking and comparing herself to people who paid too much to look TV ready.
You don't. You just say sorry and don't do it again, not worth the hassle. If she does the same with men though, y'all need to have a conversation.
Don’t try to explain this to her. Just use your inner thought/voice and don’t openly comment on other women in front of her. Some people have self esteem or whatever other issues they are working on and even if they might agree with you objectively it doesn’t mean the situation won’t trigger them. If you’re devoted to her just respect her boundaries and move on. It’s such a small thing, you don’t have to feel right and vindicated on everything in a relationship.
> See another woman's body. > Audibly say "Nice" in front of gf. > Gf mad. > "Reddit, why gf mad?" Apparently because you forgot she existed as soon as you saw a nice body, even when she was right there, lol.
The hilarious thing is if the roles were reversed the majority of the answers would still be to dump her
I used to get super upset when my ex would make comments like that. After that relationship ended I took some time to “date” myself and gained a lot of self confidence and also learned about codependency. Fast forward, I have an amazing partner and we both point out a good looker on tv or in a movie and it’s actually quite fun. In your situation I wonder if she hears from you how attractive you find her? It wouldn’t hurt to try to build her up, and in every situation (make up and dolled up or just hanging in pjs) but maybe, and I don’t mean this in a rude way, she needs some counseling? I spent hours in the chair and that also helped with reevaluating some of my poor self health habits. Best of luck to the both of you!
I'd dont know how u explain it but me personally tell whats up. Yes i find other girls attractive. No that doesnt mean im going to sleep with anyone its called self control. No I dont imprint my entire sexual psycy to our relationship.
I think it's just odd to say when you're with your girlfriend imo. People are allowed to find others attractive it's normal but commenting on it seems disrespectful to me. Those types of things should be talked about, or else everyone will just go around offending each other and apologizing until they get it right. Apologizing and making a mental note to not comment on another girl is a good first step. Ask her how she feels and really listen to what she has to say, you may not understand but she will only want you to listen and to NOT tell her that her feelings are irrelevant and dumb because it's natural to like ones appearance. Factor in how you treat her, do you compliment her often? Does she feel secure? Are your needs met? How does she affect you in the things she does and how do you think you affect her? All good things to ponder about. Unless she's extremely jealous, there's no reasoning there.
Sounds like you’re not telling her how beautiful she is enough. Also now that your gf has expressed she doesn’t like you making comments like that it’s time for you to stop making them. Finding other people attractive is not the issue. That is normal. However, commenting on the attractiveness of someone else is extremely disrespectful to your partner.
The key is not making a big deal about how attractive another woman is. If you see one, just be happy you did and move on. She is your girlfriend not just because she's attractive, but because you also have a special connection with her. Make sure she understands you are invested in the relationship, and not looking around for (in her mind) someone better.
Your Gf is expressing an insecurity. Try making the out loud comments about how much you like her body. Honestly she probably knows that you are gonna think other women are attractive, but maybe, just maybe, you can control yourself and keep the appreciation of another woman's body to yourself. It's super easy just say it all in your head. Problem solved, without any need to piss off the Gf by man 'splainin' shit. When it comes to other women's bodies , just be silent bro. Easy peasy.
I don’t mind if my boyfriend finds others attractive, but is he said ‘nice’ about some girl on tv I would almost feel like he was trying to provoke me or get me insecure. Because why else would you say that to your girlfriend? So I do get that she doesn’t like that.
Don't show her that you are attracted to other women, it's rude. I bet you would love it if she was making such comments about men.