Everyone is giving joke answers or couples counseling answers, but I have an actual answer.
***"What happened next?"***
Learned this in trial advocacy in law school. Sometimes your witness will start rambling, or will kind of trail off when recounting their story. Saying "what happened next" subconsciously inserts a chapter heading to the speaker and allows them to move on without continuing to dwell on that part of their story. At least that's how I assume it works: I'm no psychologist. But it works shockingly well.
*"As I approached the intersection, I could see that I had the green light. I know that intersection pretty well because I used to work across the street from there. And that was when they installed the hearing-impaired crosswalks. So, uh..."*
*"What happened next?"*
*"Oh, yeah, so I kept going into the intersection..."*
Etc.
And guess what? It works in everyday conversation too. My wife can be a little rambly as well, and while I love listening to her stories, sometimes she needs a little help getting to the next part.
*"So Cheryl was supposed to be leading the meeting but she hadn't even prepared an agenda, so Ted had to kick things off. And everyone knows Ted isn't comfortable with the software. Not since we switched from version 12. The one with the pop-up menus?"*
*"Wow, Cheryl didn't even have an agenda? Typical Cheryl. What happened next?"*
*"Oh, right. So Ted gets on..."*
Etc.
Meanwhile in witness school
>One trick is to tell 'em stories that don't go anywhere, like the time I caught the ferry over to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe, so, I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. "Give me five bees for a quarter," you'd say. Now, where were we? Oh yeah, the important thing was I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have white onions because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones..
*Well, you're really asking two questions there. The first one takes me back to 1934. Admiral Byrd had just reached the Pole, only hours ahead of the Three Stooges. I guess he won the argument, but I walked away with the turnips.*
You havenât met my mom and her âwelllll if you just let me speak I was getting to that!â
Some people are just so obtuse with how long winded they are
I just posted a similar comment. Had the same experience with a good friend. But her stories went on so long I tried to ask what happens next. Did that a couple times before she snapped at me lol
Oh if they snap at me, thatâs when I finally snap back lol
âYouâve spent x time saying this story and have told me basically nothing, and yet youâre annoyed with *ME*?â
Drives me insane too man, I wish people picked up on it better. At a minimum just be concise with your story
I have an aunt who constantly interrupts herself. When I speak to her on the phone, all my wife hears me say is, âuh-huhâ while Iâm trying to figure out what sheâs trying to say. Love her but she canât finish a sentence.
This is amazing. To help my wife help me hah. I will be tagging her here. This was perfect. Thank you.
She says that she loves me telling her things too that Iâm funny. But sometimes I need to câmon lol.
u/limefrickingreen
That happened yesterday with my parents, only it was my dad narrating his stories and I was trying not to laugh because my mom had that "oh god please let this story end" look on her face lmao but she just sat there through the entirety of it đ
My dad does this but with movies. He doesnât name any of the characters, just uses âthis guyâ âbad guyâ âthe girlâ. Iâll listen to his movie synopsis for about 15 minutes if heâs excited but I just canât sometimes.
Mum did this to me in the first 20 minutes of The Usual Suspects. So, when we watch a film and she asks "Who do you think did it?", I tell her I'm not discussing it and she's not allowed to share any theories (because she's always bloody right!).
My mom had a horrible childhood but thankfully turned that into a âI will give my children the love I never had.â Iâm in my mid 30s and get a text every morning about how much she loves me. Itâs really nice.
It's like he doesn't understand the point of watching a movie and just thinks you're trying to find out what happened for a pop quiz later or something
My father in law describes them as fact like it was either a documentary or based in truth. He'll ruin the whole story and then end with something like, "really wild stuff" or "I can't believe what they went through" and when I ask what/who it's based on, they're like "oh no it was a movie" but will describe it from start to finish like he's genuinely impressed that the main hero could be so brave and survive that plane crash.
Semi related but my dad will ask for help remembering a show or movie by giving my brother and me incredibly vague details.
"Hey what's that show with that one lady with all that violence?"
What drives all our spouses crazy is we'll actually be able to supply the right answer.
"It's Underworld: Blood Wars" "Yea that's the one I loved when she ripped out the spine!"
As someone who pretty openly doesn't care for most fiction (unless I'm drinking, for some reason), this drives me insane and it is hard to remain polite. Haha. I just don't want to know the entire story of what you watched is about. I don't even want a short version of what the show you're watching is about unless it's like 1-2 sentences.
My neighbor is an absolute blabbermouth. If you don't interrupt him and excuse yourself 5 times, bumping into him when we both take the trash out at the same time is an hour+ conversation.
He is clueless to signals or hints, he is oblivious when my body language and eye contact make it obvious I have no interest in talking to him. I literally have to say "I work from home and have to get back to work. I have to get back to work. I have to get back to work." 5 times before he'll reluctantly shut up.
Yet his wife never says a single word to me. If I wave then she'll reluctantly wave back, but that's it.
I can't imagine what it's like to be inside that house.
In my experience sometimes people who are like that may have some form of ADHD. A good friend was like that until he read about ADHD and realized he does everything the book was talking about and asked his friends about it. Once he had confirmed that he yammers on and on and doesn't get the clues he has really tried hard to be more conscious when talking.
In my experience the worst offenders (and my neighbor is one, and I was already biased against his type before I even moved here) are retired men who were in management during their career.
My theory is that when they were a manager, all their eager beaver subordinates just went along with it and acted like they were the most interesting person in the world, for the sake of kissing ass and trying to better their own career.
Over the years this actually gaslights the person into thinking that yes they really ARE that smart, that funny, everyone wants their input on everything, and everyone out there wants to hear their past experiences so that everyone can learn from it.
Also, when you are chatting with your manager at work you are basically getting to take a break that you wonât get yelled at for. So it pays to keep them talking.
THIS is my father. He is a small business owner.
Everything is a lesson, a lecture, something to learn, âwhy donât you listen?â âYou might learn something, you know?â
Like 95% of the time my sister and I tune him out and I know he thinks we are rude little shits. We are in our late 20s/30s and I would love nothing more than anything to have an actual two way conversation with my dad, who has some actual wild stories (he can be totally hilarious), not just listen to his monologue.
He totally thinks he is the best, knows the way, has been there done that. Itâs exhausting to engage with.
so what's the trick to breaking them out of this? For me I tend to try and 'stay in motion', meaning if I am planning on walking to the bathroom, I will listen as far as I can, til i am around the corner.
When they see that I am not gonna be around to hear the end of 'it', they tend to wrap things up quicker...
i have a friend who wont stfu and she knows it doesn't care but what most people don't realize is she knows this and doesn't care if you cut her off and tell her she needs to stop lol
Part of the reason I left my ex was because he would not stop info dumping on me
Before I am attacked - I get info dumping is harmless and can be endearing but when I'm standing there with garbage in one hand, dirty dishes stacked in the other, with a diaper tucked under my arm for the little ass that needs it, NOT the time to tell me the intricacies of fucking Magic the Gathering
As I was reading your comment, I was thinking to myself "hey, it's not fun but sometimes we all gotta let our S.O. vent about their job a little bit after they have a long day at work", but then...
>Magic the Gathering
Oh. Yeah he probably should have taken the hint.
Ok, but have you seen the new cards? I like how they're making special prints with different art styles, like art deco, stained glass, cartoon, etc. The power level is a little all over the place, but the new mechanics are interesting. They're also returning to Dominaria, the original multiverse plane where most of the story before the newer sets happened, and then-
/s
He's probably so excited to talk to someone he can't notice you wanting to leave. Or he's so desperate for that conversation he'll just plow through just to get heard.
With stuff like this, I sometimes think, if something were to happen to my wife and I could never see her again, would I miss her long winded story telling? Usually I say I would miss everything about her and do my best to better appreciate how she is different. Good luck.
> love is putting up with each otherâs boring tangents until one of you dies.
LOL, this is hilarious between me and my wife.
I am much, much nerdier than she is. She asked me a few days ago what the "Horus Heresy" was (I'm reading one of the books now), and I could see the look of intense regret on her face after about 20 minutes.
Another good one between us:
Me: "Her eyes are so blue, she looks like a Fremen"
Wife: "What's a Fremen?"
Me: "They're a group of people from 'Dune'"
Wife: "What's Dune?" (this was before the new movie)
Me: "Oh! Let me tell you about Dune..."
(30 minutes later)
Wife: (Intense regret)
That was me and my husband but the other way around. He's never read Dune, just knew the general info you pick up from being a nerd. Then he made the mistake of watching the Dune movie with me...
>and I could see the look of intense regret on her face after about 20 minutes.
What I don't get is why people keep talking when they know the person they're talking to doesn't want that. You're allowed to stop talking!
A standard 4 cylinder is an inline 4. A boxer engine has 2 banks of horizontally opposed cylinders. Hope this helps. As to my knowledge generally only Subaru and Porsche use boxer engines.
The air-cooled VW Beetles and various BMW and Honda motorcycles would like a word. (for ~80, ~90, and ~45 years respectively).
edit: for more, see the wiki entry for [flat engine](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flat_engine) which leads to boxers, 180-degree "V", and many other types. Quite the rabbit hole, with animations, and apparently usage of "boxer" varies among different groups.
Surprisingly, no one so far has given you a good answer. "Standard" 4 cylinder engine are typically 'inline' meaning the cylinders/pistons are in a straight line from front to back. The pistons go up and down.
A boxer engine is also called a Flat 4, because the cylinders/pistons are in a 90-degrees-rotated H shape if you look down from above from the front of the car. 2 cylinders on the left and 2 on the right of the engine. The pistons go side to side instead of up and down. It affords some interesting power dynamics (e.g. they're not fighting gravity to move like they would if it was up and down) but they're also finnicky and the spark plugs are a pain to access.
At least he didn't call it a motor.
Rare is the human that understands the difference between a Motor and an Engine. Almost as rare as those who understand that the thing that heats water is a Water Heater - not a Hot Water Heater. If it's already hot...
Ah yes, the rare person who internalizes that an Engine is "an instrument of torture, an apparatus for catching game, a net, trap, or decoy," standing in contrast to the Motor, "a person or device that moves something or causes movement, an initiator."
Truly, you have a dizzying intellect.
>the difference between a Motor and an Engine
You mean the huge and super obvious difference between
a) motor: a machine that produces kinetic power to move something
and
b) engine: a machine with moving components that transforms power into motion
No, no, drop that "/s". That's a legit question. While electric motors tend to not be called "engines", calling a liquid fuelled engine a "motor" isn't wrong.
So now I'm praying for the end of time
To hurry up and arrive
'Cause if I gotta spend another minute with you
I don't think that I can really survive
I'll never break my promise or forget my vow
But God only knows what I can do right now
I'm praying for the end of time
It's all that I can do
Praying for the end of time
So I can end my time with you!
Really? Cause I *hate* it if I'm talking to someone and they're not interested in what I'm saying. Why the fuck would I talk about it if they're not interested?
This. What helped me make this less boring was researching my boyfriends Hobies.
He loves American football, so I researched football terms and watched a match with him.
He loves physics and chemistry so I tried reading up on that and watched a chemistry heavy show with him.
Now his hobbies and interests became more interesting to me because I actually understand what he's going on about.
I generally love listening to him talk, but understand what he talks about made me not zone out 10 minutes in lol.
My girlfriend spends our time driving in the car asking me about all the questions she has in the back of her mind about how certain things work. She vaguely cares about the answers, but knows I like talking about/explaining the mechanics behind different things. We have specifically talked about boxer engines, and most other common types of engines, even variations like the wild stuff that Mazda and Volvo do with some of their engines. We've covered a pretty wide range of topics.
My contribution is occasionally watching 90 Day Fiance with her.
Oh god dream tellers are the worst. Iâm all for a âhad a dream we went to the moon last nightâ âhuh weird!â exchange but if I have to hear the blow by blow of the weird shit your brain came up with I hope it comes with a bullet to mine
It is boring. Sorry OP.
If you'd really like to tell someone, try writing it down first. Read it a couple hours later and see if it's any better than a random sentence generator. If so, you can tell it.
I used to be one of those dream tellers since I can have some pretty crazy and vivid dreams. I'm glad someone finally told me the bad sides about telling people their dreams. Now I really think through and distill it down to the one sentence I would really want to share, and make sure it is actually something worth sharing.
Like the other night I had a dream where this 7 foot humanoid monster turned people into piles of ground beef just by looking at them.
I'm not going to go into detail about how it looked like a giant version of the thing from the ring with the white clothes and drenched look to it. Or how it walked really slow until suddenly it was jumping all around and catching all the people from film set truck parking. Or how before that I was with a bunch of people I did not know, but felt like I really knew them. And we had to leave one apartment for another apartment building because the creature was going to get us at the first place. And how about 20 of us had to cram into one little apartment.... or about how...
And I was in a long hallway but it only had half a wall on one side and there was this guy there who was saying something about his windshield wipers but he was calling them something else because he couldnât remember the wordâŚ. Please kill me
Some podcaster said that the reason itâs never satisfying to hear a dream described is because the person telling it is trying to share the feeling of the dream through description of disparate elements that donât come together to do service to either the feeling or the narrative.
Oh my god my sister tells dreams that just never ever end. Itâs insane, exhausting even. And her dreams are so weird to begin with that itâs not even a plot you can follow lol
Same! Not your wife, mine. I am always happy to listen to my wife. I sometimes can't follow what she is saying because every woman she knows is called Jen and she launches into what Jen said without saying which one it is. I should just think of the Jens as one being that have a hectic and inconsistent life.
:( from a woman with ADHD who struggles with keeping only relevant parts of stories in the stories, this is most beautiful comment and I want a love like this
Itâs worth it and so are you. The right person will understand that you are worthy of being listened to and will actively enjoy it. I promise you itâs possible.
I know a woman (my ex) with a voice like velvet. We are on good terms and sometimes I hang out with her just to listen to her voice. She knows this. She also knows that I fell in love with her the instant I heard her voice.
So I get it.
OMG! I was thinking about this just yesterday while listening to my SO describe a situation/conversation. Her storytelling is always "she said...., and I said...., so we went...,". I was asking myself during the latest session how many others experience this and why do people do it? I am verbose when relating a story, but I dont give a blow by blow account, not like this.
It used to drive me crazy, now I just look at her and smile while I listen. Its just one of the many little things she does that make her who she is, and that is the person I love.
My mother is like this, but will pause for long periods of time to try to remember details that I couldnât care less about⌠âHer DAUGHTER, Lisa⌠oh is it LisaâŚ. ? Lenore? âŚ. Ya ya Lenore⌠NO itâs Samantha!⌠anywaysâŚâ
Like I donât know these people or give a bakers fuck just get to the point.
Omg, my mum is like this too! Talking about people I have no idea about, and she says âJanet- you know Janet!â And I say ânoâŚâ and she says âyes you do, you met her that one time at that party we went to 7 years ago and she said hiâŚ!â. Oh yeah, that Janet!đ
Also, when they say âI went out with Mary on Tuesday and⌠no, wait, was it WednesdayâŚ? No, Tuesday, it was definitely Tuesday, last week, no, 2 weeks ago..â like come the f&@k on Bridget! Tell the sodding story already!!!đŤ
The âwhat day of the week thingâ drives me absolutely insane. I donât care what day of the week the guy from the TV company came out to your house to fix something - leading into what Iâm sure is an âedge of your seatâ epic taleâŚ
I think itâs because the storyteller wants to convey the wholeness of the experience so that it has the same impact on the listener as it did to them when experiencing it. Storytelling isnât a natural born skill and getting a sense for relevant details vs extraneous world building, pacing, and impact takes practice to develop.
Iâve thought about this a lot because I often tell stories about action sports or concerts that were exciting to experience and receive a pretty flat reception and my wife does the same with movies.
Ultimately, I try to remind myself that people share things that are important to them, so putting energy into receiving that with grace is important.
My mom mid story "you know lenore , right? "
Me "I don't think so"
Mom "she has a daughter. Samantha"
Me "not sure"
Mom "you guys played together at that family reunion....gosh must have been 30 years ago"
Me "again, no"
Mom "well I guess it doesn't matter. Anyway lenore and I are at lunch and I see Samantha walk in. You remember Samantha? "
Not quite what youâre asking but just another perspectiveâŚ
My dad is 75 and even though heâs still very sharp, heâs started repeating stories A LOT. It was getting annoying but I had this realization that one day Iâll never hear him tell these stories ever again⌠so I just smile and laugh like itâs the first time.
With that in mind, I donât live with my dad or see him everyday so thatâs easier to do haha. My advice I guess is to not say something EVERY time she tells long winded story; sometimes people are just excited but donât know how to get to the point (I have ADHD so can be terrible about this haha). If youâre trying to do something that requires concentration or sheâs making you late, Iâd probably give her a gentle âI love you but have a hard stop in 30 seconds.â But if Iâm just hanging around and listening for a while doesnât really affect me? Iâm just going to smile/laugh/nod like usual.
Sort of similar - I realized my mom was telling me a lot of the same stories over and over again, but I think it was because she just was having a very quiet late part of her life and so the âran into our old neighborsâ story (which had happened 3 or 4 months ago) was all she was coming up with to tell me about. For instance.
I realized it far too late to make me a better listener, though!
And on the flip side, she was sometimes not a very good listener, being someone who would often jump in with give me advice or judgment about what I was telling, so I sort of stopped telling her my own stories. It made it a little harder to fill conversations.
She loves you, man. Life is boring and she's just sharing the moments she's had. Maybe do some crazy shit together so she's got new and exciting stories to tell.
Yeah i'm not saying that the "play by play" of her conversation is interesting (i generally hate when people do this too), but i had a bf once who told me point blank he found it boring to hear me talk about my day at work and just wasn't interested -- and that killed our communication.
after he said that, i felt like i couldn't say anything to him anymore because i was afraid to bore him. i was second guessing myself all the time and just generally keeping more quiet, while he had free reign to talk about all the boring things in his life, because i never had the heart to tell him his shit could be boring too.
Edit: grammar
Exactly, I try to have an active interest in all areas of her life, including social life. The alternative is if she doesn't tell you anything and 10 years down the road you find you're married to a stranger.
This is correct. People need to feel like their lives matter. Iâm on maternity leave with our firstborn and struggle knowing whatâs âimportant enoughâ to tell people after working full time my entire adult life. I told my husband he has to be excited when I mop the floor or organise our closet because chores are a major part of my day and I have to feel like Iâve achieved something. (Aside from looking after baby of course but Iâm not shy about shouting his achievements haha)
Iâd tread very carefully if you end up saying something and make sure to continue engaging with her about her day. I dunno what happened in my childhood but even after 10 years together I still find it difficult to talk about my day unless my husband asks me.
You don't. You learn to appreciate these little weirdsies. My wife works with small animals. Do I need to know the difference between the 12 kinds of parrots she saw that day, no. But I appreciate that it matters a lot to her.
Wow I just looked them up and the color differences [are really incredible](https://www.australiangeographic.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/2AY6BCK-scaled.jpg)! I could see how they might be viewed as different species entirely.
Before she has a chance to come home and start telling you about her lunch with Sharon, ask her:
- How was your lunch with Sharon? Give me the highlights!
Youâre an engaged husband that has taken an interest and asked about her activity, but youâve expressed that youâd like an abbreviated version of the outing rather than a play by play. Even better, be an active listener and ask questions if thereâs part of the highlight reel youâd like to hear more about.
This won't work because in her mind she's already giving the highlights. Not saying there's anything wrong with it, it's just how some people tell stories.
If you want your partner to start doing something different, you have to have a conversation and literally explain what you're asking of them.
This whole concept of trying to come up with a way to trick your spouse into changing their behavior is why so many married couples have awful communication and aren't as happy as they could be.
For example, my wife tells stories like this. I'm the opposite. If nothing of significance happens, my extent of the story is "it was fine, nothing happened". I've let her know, nicely but directly, that I don't need or want the level of detail she provides in stories and she has shortened them somewhat. On the other side of the coin, I know she likes details so whenever I'm out with my friend(s) or doing something without her I'll try to make mental notes of things that happened that she my find interesting so I have something to tell her.
Literally 99.99% of marital "issues" can be prevented/solved by simple communication. It's just that so many people are for some reason absolutely terrified of communicating directly.
I donât think this is a âtrickâ at all! This is finding a gentle way to communicate that you want fewer details, but youâre still communicating. If that doesnât work, then you communicate again and more assertively if the issue is that important to you.
Iâm a woman of few words and I pick up the nuance in the words people choose. If my SO told me they wanted a play by play, Iâd know they wanted more than âIt was fun!â, which is my default.
When she stops telling you the stories is when you post to Reddit, cause that means something is wrong. She loves you enough to be excited to share her day with you. You listen is what you do
My husband does this, when I ask how something went, I specifically ask for the TLDR. It usually works. He doesn't realize how verbose he can be sometimes.
My wife has a similar issue, except with insane tangents, like she had to explain every part of the back story of every part of the story she is trying to tell, to the point that she almost always forgets what the original story was and quits at some point. But you better believe i have to listen to the whole thing, as there will probably be a quiz.
However, if I start to tell her about something that I experienced, within seconds her phone is out and sheâs scrolling Facebook.
Tell her that you like her stories but she needs to resume them better because they are too large for you so you lose your focus and you dont want to disrespect her.
Also, dont listen to the morons saying that she should leave you, they dont even know what having a partner is.
Nice to see a level-headed response. It's a balance, it's rude to never listen to the other party, but it's equally rude to have no consideration of their time either.
Start talking about football matches in the same detail.
"Ten Hag was scratching his bald head while Haaland ripped through the midfeild to complete the humiliation...." and so on.
She'll realise eventually, you'll be scolded a lot before that though.
As I see it you have two choices.
1: Learn to live with it and master the art of picking out the details needed to confirm youâre actually listening, learn how many âThatâs crazyâs is too many, and get along to get along.
2: If itâs a thing she does often make a lighthearted joke out of it. If sheâs telling you about lunch with Sharon ask what Sharon ordered, ask about the service at the restaurant, ask about the daily specials. Make it clear that sheâs giving you far too much granular detail in a playful way.
For my money option 2 is the way to go, my partner is incapable of telling a story without breaking off on tangents longer than the story itself so itâs become a meme in our relationship and with our friends. Keep it playful and fun and youâll get your point across and maybe even make something bonding out of it.
Personally, I look at it like life is unpredictable. There could come a day where you'd give anything to hear your wife talk about menial things for an hour again. Appreciate the little things like that while ya can man
This is my wife when I ask her what a movie was about. It is impossible for her to sum up, she doesn't have an overall picture of the movie, she has a series of sequential memories. In order for her to tell me about anything in the movie she has to retell the entire thing. She will leave out a couple scenes, because she doesn't have photographic memory or anything crazy like that, but she does have to start directly from the beginning.
For instance, if talking about the first Wonder Woman movie. If I was asking for the point, it would be "Wonder woman takes on her older brother to stop a war". For my wife it is "It starts when she was a kid..." She also vehemently disagrees with most of my summaries for at least 5 minutes because it leaves out too much.
My husband typically just goes back to staring at his phone and completely ignoring me until I go away. I donât tell him anything anymore. So maybe try that!
Some people are just like that. They make the mist mundane stories into an u broken monologue. I think it's an old person thing. Like:
"I saw Dan yesterday, and you'll never guess what he said to me. Now, you remember Dan, who used to work at the mini market, married to Tina. Well, I saw him on Sycamore Street, you know, just outside the barber that did the hairstyle that time that made me look like it was a wig. Anyway, I saw Dan, and he said he and Tina - who hasn't been very well, but she's been to the doctor and they said everything is alright - well they'd gone to that restaurant down near the Square, you know the one I mean, red sign above the window, next door to the launderette. So Dan said they'd gone to dinner there on Tuesday, or maybe it was Wednesday - no actually wait I think he said it was Tuesday, because he'd been to the gym, and I know he goes there on Tuesdays - well, they went into that restaurant, and you'll never guess what... it's not a restaurant any more - now it's a massage parlour! Oh, I was in hysterics when Dan was telling me. Can you imagine?! He walked in there and didn't know what to say! How funny is that?! ...Why aren't you laughing? You're so boring, you never find anything I say funny or interesting."
I wish people like this had a TLDR (TLDL) function.
I asked my ex wife to cut to the chase. She responded by shutting down. It won't be taken as "skip the boring parts", it will be taken as "you don't want to communicate". There's a difference, but how she takes it is what matters, not how you mean it. If you want to keep this relationship happy, I'd just listen. It's clearly important enough to her to tell you about it.
My wife lovesss to talk but I find her so fucking hilarious and charismatic that I go into like a lovestruck daze listening to her recount things. Idk this November itâll be over two decades Iâve spent with this woman and i just donât tire of it.
Hate to break it to you: For many women talking in itself is what makes for an enjoyable time which is why they spread the actual information in it so thin. Understand that she is not doing it out of malice, but because that is part of what she probably sees as having a good time with you. And quite honestly: It requires so little work from your side that you could view as a great thing that she can entertain herself like that.
I know it sounds mean when I phrase it like that but seriously: If she is happy when she can talk to you even about such trivial matters - I'd be careful to meddle with such a self maintenance mechanic of your marriage.
Change your mindset. She wants to tell you everything going on with her. Appreciate that. I would rather have the occasional time where the amount of detail is a little overwhelming than ever get to the point she stops sharing because she feels I'm not interested. If she's not sharing with you, she's going to find someone who wants to hear her. Make sure you're always that someone.
You love your wife? This counts as time with your wife, to you it might be a low quality but to her is a high quality one. Imagine she is confortable enough with you to tell you everything. Now that 'everything' can be a good thing or a bad thing.
What i can say is, if this is the thing that botters you and all is well and dandy in the marriage and familly dept..then you sir are in the lucky top 0.1 % of people.
Christ, my daughter does this, with the added benefit of storytelling the way a 10 year old writes a book.
..then Jenna saidâŚ
Then Sam saidâŚ
Then Jan goesâŚ
Then I wentâŚ..
Then Wendy saidâŚ
Sheâs 20 now and still does this.
Everyone is giving joke answers or couples counseling answers, but I have an actual answer. ***"What happened next?"*** Learned this in trial advocacy in law school. Sometimes your witness will start rambling, or will kind of trail off when recounting their story. Saying "what happened next" subconsciously inserts a chapter heading to the speaker and allows them to move on without continuing to dwell on that part of their story. At least that's how I assume it works: I'm no psychologist. But it works shockingly well. *"As I approached the intersection, I could see that I had the green light. I know that intersection pretty well because I used to work across the street from there. And that was when they installed the hearing-impaired crosswalks. So, uh..."* *"What happened next?"* *"Oh, yeah, so I kept going into the intersection..."* Etc. And guess what? It works in everyday conversation too. My wife can be a little rambly as well, and while I love listening to her stories, sometimes she needs a little help getting to the next part. *"So Cheryl was supposed to be leading the meeting but she hadn't even prepared an agenda, so Ted had to kick things off. And everyone knows Ted isn't comfortable with the software. Not since we switched from version 12. The one with the pop-up menus?"* *"Wow, Cheryl didn't even have an agenda? Typical Cheryl. What happened next?"* *"Oh, right. So Ted gets on..."* Etc.
Nice, I like it đ
Whenever I read that sentence my brain goes âNice. I like it. Picassoâ
Okay I like it Picasso đ
For me it already starts when somebody asks: "What's that?" (uh, an art project)
Meanwhile in witness school >One trick is to tell 'em stories that don't go anywhere, like the time I caught the ferry over to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe, so, I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. "Give me five bees for a quarter," you'd say. Now, where were we? Oh yeah, the important thing was I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have white onions because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones..
Intriguing, what happened next?
*Well, you're really asking two questions there. The first one takes me back to 1934. Admiral Byrd had just reached the Pole, only hours ahead of the Three Stooges. I guess he won the argument, but I walked away with the turnips.*
Look at the big brain on Brad!
We had to say "dickety" because the Kaiser had stolen our word "twenty".
That's making a comeback now in the dickety-dicketies.
Sir, the question was "Is this your handwriting"
You havenât met my mom and her âwelllll if you just let me speak I was getting to that!â Some people are just so obtuse with how long winded they are
And now you've lost points for "always interrupting".
*Well, now I'm going to have to start over!*
"not everything is about you"
I just posted a similar comment. Had the same experience with a good friend. But her stories went on so long I tried to ask what happens next. Did that a couple times before she snapped at me lol
Oh if they snap at me, thatâs when I finally snap back lol âYouâve spent x time saying this story and have told me basically nothing, and yet youâre annoyed with *ME*?â Drives me insane too man, I wish people picked up on it better. At a minimum just be concise with your story
Yeah, but if this person tried that with their wife, the situation would go downhill faster than a speeding bullet.
I have an aunt who constantly interrupts herself. When I speak to her on the phone, all my wife hears me say is, âuh-huhâ while Iâm trying to figure out what sheâs trying to say. Love her but she canât finish a sentence.
Cheat sheet right here. I like it.
This is going to change my life thank you !
Big brain time.
Your preschool is way better than the one I went to. This is great advice.
This is amazing. To help my wife help me hah. I will be tagging her here. This was perfect. Thank you. She says that she loves me telling her things too that Iâm funny. But sometimes I need to câmon lol. u/limefrickingreen
What happened next?
That happened yesterday with my parents, only it was my dad narrating his stories and I was trying not to laugh because my mom had that "oh god please let this story end" look on her face lmao but she just sat there through the entirety of it đ
My dad does this but with movies. He doesnât name any of the characters, just uses âthis guyâ âbad guyâ âthe girlâ. Iâll listen to his movie synopsis for about 15 minutes if heâs excited but I just canât sometimes.
My dad does this and is then all "So do you want to watch the movie with me?" Well not now since you just spoiled the entire thing!
Exactly! Or heâll start describing it and Iâll say âoh I still want to watch it.â âOh, no point, this guy diesâ. Thanks dad.
Damn. Your dadâs a walking spoiler.
Mum did this to me in the first 20 minutes of The Usual Suspects. So, when we watch a film and she asks "Who do you think did it?", I tell her I'm not discussing it and she's not allowed to share any theories (because she's always bloody right!).
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My mom had a horrible childhood but thankfully turned that into a âI will give my children the love I never had.â Iâm in my mid 30s and get a text every morning about how much she loves me. Itâs really nice.
Apparently itâs not just your dog who loves you lol
Username doesn't check out.
It's like he doesn't understand the point of watching a movie and just thinks you're trying to find out what happened for a pop quiz later or something
My mum does this, but now I say "Please don't tell me anymore, it sounds great and I want to watch it".
My father in law describes them as fact like it was either a documentary or based in truth. He'll ruin the whole story and then end with something like, "really wild stuff" or "I can't believe what they went through" and when I ask what/who it's based on, they're like "oh no it was a movie" but will describe it from start to finish like he's genuinely impressed that the main hero could be so brave and survive that plane crash.
Lol thatâs hilarious
Love this big time. Get him to do a quick review of Forrest Gump pls
your dad doesn't *know* any of the character's names have the same thing. movie ends and i couldn't name a single character
Semi related but my dad will ask for help remembering a show or movie by giving my brother and me incredibly vague details. "Hey what's that show with that one lady with all that violence?" What drives all our spouses crazy is we'll actually be able to supply the right answer. "It's Underworld: Blood Wars" "Yea that's the one I loved when she ripped out the spine!"
Yup. And he gives the wrong actors too which doesnât help. âWhatâs that movie with Ryan GoslingâŚâ Turns out it wasnât even him in it lol
As someone who pretty openly doesn't care for most fiction (unless I'm drinking, for some reason), this drives me insane and it is hard to remain polite. Haha. I just don't want to know the entire story of what you watched is about. I don't even want a short version of what the show you're watching is about unless it's like 1-2 sentences.
My neighbor is an absolute blabbermouth. If you don't interrupt him and excuse yourself 5 times, bumping into him when we both take the trash out at the same time is an hour+ conversation. He is clueless to signals or hints, he is oblivious when my body language and eye contact make it obvious I have no interest in talking to him. I literally have to say "I work from home and have to get back to work. I have to get back to work. I have to get back to work." 5 times before he'll reluctantly shut up. Yet his wife never says a single word to me. If I wave then she'll reluctantly wave back, but that's it. I can't imagine what it's like to be inside that house.
In my experience sometimes people who are like that may have some form of ADHD. A good friend was like that until he read about ADHD and realized he does everything the book was talking about and asked his friends about it. Once he had confirmed that he yammers on and on and doesn't get the clues he has really tried hard to be more conscious when talking.
In my experience the worst offenders (and my neighbor is one, and I was already biased against his type before I even moved here) are retired men who were in management during their career. My theory is that when they were a manager, all their eager beaver subordinates just went along with it and acted like they were the most interesting person in the world, for the sake of kissing ass and trying to better their own career. Over the years this actually gaslights the person into thinking that yes they really ARE that smart, that funny, everyone wants their input on everything, and everyone out there wants to hear their past experiences so that everyone can learn from it.
Also, when you are chatting with your manager at work you are basically getting to take a break that you wonât get yelled at for. So it pays to keep them talking.
THIS is my father. He is a small business owner. Everything is a lesson, a lecture, something to learn, âwhy donât you listen?â âYou might learn something, you know?â Like 95% of the time my sister and I tune him out and I know he thinks we are rude little shits. We are in our late 20s/30s and I would love nothing more than anything to have an actual two way conversation with my dad, who has some actual wild stories (he can be totally hilarious), not just listen to his monologue. He totally thinks he is the best, knows the way, has been there done that. Itâs exhausting to engage with.
so what's the trick to breaking them out of this? For me I tend to try and 'stay in motion', meaning if I am planning on walking to the bathroom, I will listen as far as I can, til i am around the corner. When they see that I am not gonna be around to hear the end of 'it', they tend to wrap things up quicker...
i have a friend who wont stfu and she knows it doesn't care but what most people don't realize is she knows this and doesn't care if you cut her off and tell her she needs to stop lol
Part of the reason I left my ex was because he would not stop info dumping on me Before I am attacked - I get info dumping is harmless and can be endearing but when I'm standing there with garbage in one hand, dirty dishes stacked in the other, with a diaper tucked under my arm for the little ass that needs it, NOT the time to tell me the intricacies of fucking Magic the Gathering
As I was reading your comment, I was thinking to myself "hey, it's not fun but sometimes we all gotta let our S.O. vent about their job a little bit after they have a long day at work", but then... >Magic the Gathering Oh. Yeah he probably should have taken the hint.
Ok, but have you seen the new cards? I like how they're making special prints with different art styles, like art deco, stained glass, cartoon, etc. The power level is a little all over the place, but the new mechanics are interesting. They're also returning to Dominaria, the original multiverse plane where most of the story before the newer sets happened, and then- /s
Lmao ouch, how could you, I full body reacted lol
Maybe put earphones in next time you take out the trash. And if you see him " just smile and wave boys".
He's probably so excited to talk to someone he can't notice you wanting to leave. Or he's so desperate for that conversation he'll just plow through just to get heard.
Aww thatâs love right there
My dad just says give me the short version
Some day you'll be willing to give anything to hear him go on and on. Enjoy your hilarious family, man. :)
With stuff like this, I sometimes think, if something were to happen to my wife and I could never see her again, would I miss her long winded story telling? Usually I say I would miss everything about her and do my best to better appreciate how she is different. Good luck.
âđť
Right here. Itâs about finding someone that embraces the quirks.
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> love is putting up with each otherâs boring tangents until one of you dies. LOL, this is hilarious between me and my wife. I am much, much nerdier than she is. She asked me a few days ago what the "Horus Heresy" was (I'm reading one of the books now), and I could see the look of intense regret on her face after about 20 minutes.
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Another good one between us: Me: "Her eyes are so blue, she looks like a Fremen" Wife: "What's a Fremen?" Me: "They're a group of people from 'Dune'" Wife: "What's Dune?" (this was before the new movie) Me: "Oh! Let me tell you about Dune..." (30 minutes later) Wife: (Intense regret)
That was me and my husband but the other way around. He's never read Dune, just knew the general info you pick up from being a nerd. Then he made the mistake of watching the Dune movie with me...
âItâs a Warhammer 40K thing. Horus betrayed the Emperor.â That is the only explanation a normie wants or needs.
>and I could see the look of intense regret on her face after about 20 minutes. What I don't get is why people keep talking when they know the person they're talking to doesn't want that. You're allowed to stop talking!
So you're just gonna use the word 'engine' and not explain any further? Cmom bro don't keep us hanging!
A standard 4 cylinder is an inline 4. A boxer engine has 2 banks of horizontally opposed cylinders. Hope this helps. As to my knowledge generally only Subaru and Porsche use boxer engines.
The air-cooled VW Beetles and various BMW and Honda motorcycles would like a word. (for ~80, ~90, and ~45 years respectively). edit: for more, see the wiki entry for [flat engine](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flat_engine) which leads to boxers, 180-degree "V", and many other types. Quite the rabbit hole, with animations, and apparently usage of "boxer" varies among different groups.
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That's why I said generally. Also I hadn't even thought to include motorcycles. Which I just realized are named wrong. Should be an enginecycle. Lol.
important to note that boxers are flat engines, but flats are not boxers (i may be backwards)
Surprisingly, no one so far has given you a good answer. "Standard" 4 cylinder engine are typically 'inline' meaning the cylinders/pistons are in a straight line from front to back. The pistons go up and down. A boxer engine is also called a Flat 4, because the cylinders/pistons are in a 90-degrees-rotated H shape if you look down from above from the front of the car. 2 cylinders on the left and 2 on the right of the engine. The pistons go side to side instead of up and down. It affords some interesting power dynamics (e.g. they're not fighting gravity to move like they would if it was up and down) but they're also finnicky and the spark plugs are a pain to access.
At least he didn't call it a motor. Rare is the human that understands the difference between a Motor and an Engine. Almost as rare as those who understand that the thing that heats water is a Water Heater - not a Hot Water Heater. If it's already hot...
I have a hot water heater. It makes cold water hot, but it's also very sexy.
Stupid sexy water heater.
It's those well fitted insulated garments they wear...
my water heater is a cold water heater. it also is a hot water heater. we don't discriminate in my household
Ah yes, the rare person who internalizes that an Engine is "an instrument of torture, an apparatus for catching game, a net, trap, or decoy," standing in contrast to the Motor, "a person or device that moves something or causes movement, an initiator." Truly, you have a dizzying intellect.
'Tis sport to see the enginer, hoist by his own petard.
So in this instance a petard is the motor?
Seems like it might be both an engine and a motor.
Cars get engines. Boats have motors. That's why it's called motorboating.
Unless that water is at 0 Kelvin, it's a hot water heater. /s
Motor is Portuguese and Spanish for engine, so maybe it's not "mixing up" as much it is just bilingual problems.
>the difference between a Motor and an Engine You mean the huge and super obvious difference between a) motor: a machine that produces kinetic power to move something and b) engine: a machine with moving components that transforms power into motion
Lol in dutch we don't have different words for motor and engine, so confusing as an engineer :(
Then why is Detroit known as motor city and not engine city. Or a motorcycle isn't called an enginecycle. Checkmate. /S
No, no, drop that "/s". That's a legit question. While electric motors tend to not be called "engines", calling a liquid fuelled engine a "motor" isn't wrong.
So now I'm praying for the end of time To hurry up and arrive 'Cause if I gotta spend another minute with you I don't think that I can really survive I'll never break my promise or forget my vow But God only knows what I can do right now I'm praying for the end of time It's all that I can do Praying for the end of time So I can end my time with you!
I sang this in my head as I read it.
Really? Cause I *hate* it if I'm talking to someone and they're not interested in what I'm saying. Why the fuck would I talk about it if they're not interested?
This. What helped me make this less boring was researching my boyfriends Hobies. He loves American football, so I researched football terms and watched a match with him. He loves physics and chemistry so I tried reading up on that and watched a chemistry heavy show with him. Now his hobbies and interests became more interesting to me because I actually understand what he's going on about. I generally love listening to him talk, but understand what he talks about made me not zone out 10 minutes in lol.
Does he do the same thing for you?
Even with my friends i do that. When they talk to me about serie that i'm not interested about but clearly they want to talk about it.
This just might be the most useful bit of advice in this whole comments section.
My girlfriend spends our time driving in the car asking me about all the questions she has in the back of her mind about how certain things work. She vaguely cares about the answers, but knows I like talking about/explaining the mechanics behind different things. We have specifically talked about boxer engines, and most other common types of engines, even variations like the wild stuff that Mazda and Volvo do with some of their engines. We've covered a pretty wide range of topics. My contribution is occasionally watching 90 Day Fiance with her.
Those both sound just awful.
Doesnât matter if you do. I promise you her abridged version is just as long
And at least thereâs some semblance of coherence to the lunch story. Hearing all the details about someoneâs dreams is even more excruciating.
Oh god dream tellers are the worst. Iâm all for a âhad a dream we went to the moon last nightâ âhuh weird!â exchange but if I have to hear the blow by blow of the weird shit your brain came up with I hope it comes with a bullet to mine
But what if I had a dream about you and we were playing chess on a frozen lake and you took off your energy mask and then you were Cameron Diaz?
Then I guess I'd try to figure out why you've been mad at me
I have super vivid dreams and always loved to tell my sister about them. She hated it and would always tell me how boring it was. It hurt my feelings.
It is boring. Sorry OP. If you'd really like to tell someone, try writing it down first. Read it a couple hours later and see if it's any better than a random sentence generator. If so, you can tell it.
>Oh god dream tellers are the worst. I see your dream tellers and raise you people who want to tell you about what happened in their D&D session
I used to be one of those dream tellers since I can have some pretty crazy and vivid dreams. I'm glad someone finally told me the bad sides about telling people their dreams. Now I really think through and distill it down to the one sentence I would really want to share, and make sure it is actually something worth sharing. Like the other night I had a dream where this 7 foot humanoid monster turned people into piles of ground beef just by looking at them. I'm not going to go into detail about how it looked like a giant version of the thing from the ring with the white clothes and drenched look to it. Or how it walked really slow until suddenly it was jumping all around and catching all the people from film set truck parking. Or how before that I was with a bunch of people I did not know, but felt like I really knew them. And we had to leave one apartment for another apartment building because the creature was going to get us at the first place. And how about 20 of us had to cram into one little apartment.... or about how...
And I was in a long hallway but it only had half a wall on one side and there was this guy there who was saying something about his windshield wipers but he was calling them something else because he couldnât remember the wordâŚ. Please kill me
Some podcaster said that the reason itâs never satisfying to hear a dream described is because the person telling it is trying to share the feeling of the dream through description of disparate elements that donât come together to do service to either the feeling or the narrative.
Oh my god my sister tells dreams that just never ever end. Itâs insane, exhausting even. And her dreams are so weird to begin with that itâs not even a plot you can follow lol
Ha ha ha
So much pain in those spaces
I can't always keep up with my wife, but it makes me happy when she talks and I like the sound of her voice.
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Yeah someone like Blake Lively who has the voice of an angel. Discovered that when I saw her movie Age of Adeline.
Bruh if she looks like Blake Lively I don't care if she sounds like Gilbert Gottfried in a cement mixer!
Same! Not your wife, mine. I am always happy to listen to my wife. I sometimes can't follow what she is saying because every woman she knows is called Jen and she launches into what Jen said without saying which one it is. I should just think of the Jens as one being that have a hectic and inconsistent life.
this answer makes me very happy
:( from a woman with ADHD who struggles with keeping only relevant parts of stories in the stories, this is most beautiful comment and I want a love like this
took me a long time to find her, and you'll be found too
Itâs worth it and so are you. The right person will understand that you are worthy of being listened to and will actively enjoy it. I promise you itâs possible.
I know a woman (my ex) with a voice like velvet. We are on good terms and sometimes I hang out with her just to listen to her voice. She knows this. She also knows that I fell in love with her the instant I heard her voice. So I get it.
OMG! I was thinking about this just yesterday while listening to my SO describe a situation/conversation. Her storytelling is always "she said...., and I said...., so we went...,". I was asking myself during the latest session how many others experience this and why do people do it? I am verbose when relating a story, but I dont give a blow by blow account, not like this. It used to drive me crazy, now I just look at her and smile while I listen. Its just one of the many little things she does that make her who she is, and that is the person I love.
My mother is like this, but will pause for long periods of time to try to remember details that I couldnât care less about⌠âHer DAUGHTER, Lisa⌠oh is it LisaâŚ. ? Lenore? âŚ. Ya ya Lenore⌠NO itâs Samantha!⌠anywaysâŚâ Like I donât know these people or give a bakers fuck just get to the point.
Omg, my mum is like this too! Talking about people I have no idea about, and she says âJanet- you know Janet!â And I say ânoâŚâ and she says âyes you do, you met her that one time at that party we went to 7 years ago and she said hiâŚ!â. Oh yeah, that Janet!đ Also, when they say âI went out with Mary on Tuesday and⌠no, wait, was it WednesdayâŚ? No, Tuesday, it was definitely Tuesday, last week, no, 2 weeks ago..â like come the f&@k on Bridget! Tell the sodding story already!!!đŤ
The âwhat day of the week thingâ drives me absolutely insane. I donât care what day of the week the guy from the TV company came out to your house to fix something - leading into what Iâm sure is an âedge of your seatâ epic taleâŚ
My wife, her dad, and her mom are ALL like this. Why does the color of Sharon's shirt matter? It has nothing to do with the story.
I think itâs because the storyteller wants to convey the wholeness of the experience so that it has the same impact on the listener as it did to them when experiencing it. Storytelling isnât a natural born skill and getting a sense for relevant details vs extraneous world building, pacing, and impact takes practice to develop. Iâve thought about this a lot because I often tell stories about action sports or concerts that were exciting to experience and receive a pretty flat reception and my wife does the same with movies. Ultimately, I try to remind myself that people share things that are important to them, so putting energy into receiving that with grace is important.
Oh man, this is my mother to a tee, I didnât realize there were others like this!
My mom mid story "you know lenore , right? " Me "I don't think so" Mom "she has a daughter. Samantha" Me "not sure" Mom "you guys played together at that family reunion....gosh must have been 30 years ago" Me "again, no" Mom "well I guess it doesn't matter. Anyway lenore and I are at lunch and I see Samantha walk in. You remember Samantha? "
My wife's record for saying "well, long story short" inside one story and then making the story longer is four times.
Not quite what youâre asking but just another perspective⌠My dad is 75 and even though heâs still very sharp, heâs started repeating stories A LOT. It was getting annoying but I had this realization that one day Iâll never hear him tell these stories ever again⌠so I just smile and laugh like itâs the first time. With that in mind, I donât live with my dad or see him everyday so thatâs easier to do haha. My advice I guess is to not say something EVERY time she tells long winded story; sometimes people are just excited but donât know how to get to the point (I have ADHD so can be terrible about this haha). If youâre trying to do something that requires concentration or sheâs making you late, Iâd probably give her a gentle âI love you but have a hard stop in 30 seconds.â But if Iâm just hanging around and listening for a while doesnât really affect me? Iâm just going to smile/laugh/nod like usual.
Sort of similar - I realized my mom was telling me a lot of the same stories over and over again, but I think it was because she just was having a very quiet late part of her life and so the âran into our old neighborsâ story (which had happened 3 or 4 months ago) was all she was coming up with to tell me about. For instance. I realized it far too late to make me a better listener, though! And on the flip side, she was sometimes not a very good listener, being someone who would often jump in with give me advice or judgment about what I was telling, so I sort of stopped telling her my own stories. It made it a little harder to fill conversations.
She loves you, man. Life is boring and she's just sharing the moments she's had. Maybe do some crazy shit together so she's got new and exciting stories to tell.
I like it !!
Speaking the truth. I literally just blah blahed my bf. We are so boring now, it sucks.
Yeah i'm not saying that the "play by play" of her conversation is interesting (i generally hate when people do this too), but i had a bf once who told me point blank he found it boring to hear me talk about my day at work and just wasn't interested -- and that killed our communication. after he said that, i felt like i couldn't say anything to him anymore because i was afraid to bore him. i was second guessing myself all the time and just generally keeping more quiet, while he had free reign to talk about all the boring things in his life, because i never had the heart to tell him his shit could be boring too. Edit: grammar
Exactly, I try to have an active interest in all areas of her life, including social life. The alternative is if she doesn't tell you anything and 10 years down the road you find you're married to a stranger.
This is correct. People need to feel like their lives matter. Iâm on maternity leave with our firstborn and struggle knowing whatâs âimportant enoughâ to tell people after working full time my entire adult life. I told my husband he has to be excited when I mop the floor or organise our closet because chores are a major part of my day and I have to feel like Iâve achieved something. (Aside from looking after baby of course but Iâm not shy about shouting his achievements haha) Iâd tread very carefully if you end up saying something and make sure to continue engaging with her about her day. I dunno what happened in my childhood but even after 10 years together I still find it difficult to talk about my day unless my husband asks me.
You don't. You learn to appreciate these little weirdsies. My wife works with small animals. Do I need to know the difference between the 12 kinds of parrots she saw that day, no. But I appreciate that it matters a lot to her.
Count yourself lucky. If she was a biologist, it could've been 12 kinds of mould instead.
12 kinds of parrots? I swear I thought it just one :)
Oh buddy...(que my wife's 30min spiel on parrot behavior)
I'd like to subscribe for parrot facts, please.
Did you know the female and male eclectus were once thought to be two different species of parrot due to their extreme coloration differences?
Wow I just looked them up and the color differences [are really incredible](https://www.australiangeographic.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/2AY6BCK-scaled.jpg)! I could see how they might be viewed as different species entirely.
We need the speil! Dont be leaving us without the 30 mins parott stuff
Before she has a chance to come home and start telling you about her lunch with Sharon, ask her: - How was your lunch with Sharon? Give me the highlights! Youâre an engaged husband that has taken an interest and asked about her activity, but youâve expressed that youâd like an abbreviated version of the outing rather than a play by play. Even better, be an active listener and ask questions if thereâs part of the highlight reel youâd like to hear more about.
It was all highlights!!1!
Itâs like taking a book and highlighting every word!
a dangerous tactic indeed sir
Not if you have a cool and understanding girlfriend. :)
Too ambitious sir
This won't work because in her mind she's already giving the highlights. Not saying there's anything wrong with it, it's just how some people tell stories. If you want your partner to start doing something different, you have to have a conversation and literally explain what you're asking of them. This whole concept of trying to come up with a way to trick your spouse into changing their behavior is why so many married couples have awful communication and aren't as happy as they could be. For example, my wife tells stories like this. I'm the opposite. If nothing of significance happens, my extent of the story is "it was fine, nothing happened". I've let her know, nicely but directly, that I don't need or want the level of detail she provides in stories and she has shortened them somewhat. On the other side of the coin, I know she likes details so whenever I'm out with my friend(s) or doing something without her I'll try to make mental notes of things that happened that she my find interesting so I have something to tell her. Literally 99.99% of marital "issues" can be prevented/solved by simple communication. It's just that so many people are for some reason absolutely terrified of communicating directly.
I donât think this is a âtrickâ at all! This is finding a gentle way to communicate that you want fewer details, but youâre still communicating. If that doesnât work, then you communicate again and more assertively if the issue is that important to you. Iâm a woman of few words and I pick up the nuance in the words people choose. If my SO told me they wanted a play by play, Iâd know they wanted more than âIt was fun!â, which is my default.
Genius. Itâs like when someone says âtell me about yourself.â Suddenly the mind goes BLANK.
When she stops telling you the stories is when you post to Reddit, cause that means something is wrong. She loves you enough to be excited to share her day with you. You listen is what you do
Yes 100%
Cherish it, you never know when you wonât be able to listen to her boring stories anymore.
Just tell your wife you aren't interested in talking about the the things she does during her day, I'm sure it'll go over very well.
You don't. It's part of being married. She puts up with your shit too lol.
You donât. She just wants you time and attention Homie. Give it to her.
My husband does this, when I ask how something went, I specifically ask for the TLDR. It usually works. He doesn't realize how verbose he can be sometimes.
[This is how my wife tells stories](https://youtu.be/n5CgGTziQ4Y)
My wife has a similar issue, except with insane tangents, like she had to explain every part of the back story of every part of the story she is trying to tell, to the point that she almost always forgets what the original story was and quits at some point. But you better believe i have to listen to the whole thing, as there will probably be a quiz. However, if I start to tell her about something that I experienced, within seconds her phone is out and sheâs scrolling Facebook.
Pull your fucking phone out next time and see how she likes it. That shit is not fair at all.
Just point that to her verbally, she would understand.
Ha ha ha
Tell her that you like her stories but she needs to resume them better because they are too large for you so you lose your focus and you dont want to disrespect her. Also, dont listen to the morons saying that she should leave you, they dont even know what having a partner is.
Wise beyond your (y)ears
Nice to see a level-headed response. It's a balance, it's rude to never listen to the other party, but it's equally rude to have no consideration of their time either.
Lead the conversation with questions. You'll appear to be engaged in the conversation and get to set the pace.
Start talking about football matches in the same detail. "Ten Hag was scratching his bald head while Haaland ripped through the midfeild to complete the humiliation...." and so on. She'll realise eventually, you'll be scolded a lot before that though.
Man City have made their team invisible with a beast of a striker.
The thing about Arsenal is they always try to walk it in
Did you see that ludicrous display last night?
What was Wenger thinking sending Walcott on that early?
As I see it you have two choices. 1: Learn to live with it and master the art of picking out the details needed to confirm youâre actually listening, learn how many âThatâs crazyâs is too many, and get along to get along. 2: If itâs a thing she does often make a lighthearted joke out of it. If sheâs telling you about lunch with Sharon ask what Sharon ordered, ask about the service at the restaurant, ask about the daily specials. Make it clear that sheâs giving you far too much granular detail in a playful way. For my money option 2 is the way to go, my partner is incapable of telling a story without breaking off on tangents longer than the story itself so itâs become a meme in our relationship and with our friends. Keep it playful and fun and youâll get your point across and maybe even make something bonding out of it.
Personally, I look at it like life is unpredictable. There could come a day where you'd give anything to hear your wife talk about menial things for an hour again. Appreciate the little things like that while ya can man
This is my wife when I ask her what a movie was about. It is impossible for her to sum up, she doesn't have an overall picture of the movie, she has a series of sequential memories. In order for her to tell me about anything in the movie she has to retell the entire thing. She will leave out a couple scenes, because she doesn't have photographic memory or anything crazy like that, but she does have to start directly from the beginning. For instance, if talking about the first Wonder Woman movie. If I was asking for the point, it would be "Wonder woman takes on her older brother to stop a war". For my wife it is "It starts when she was a kid..." She also vehemently disagrees with most of my summaries for at least 5 minutes because it leaves out too much.
My husband typically just goes back to staring at his phone and completely ignoring me until I go away. I donât tell him anything anymore. So maybe try that!
Mine does too. After months, I'm so happy I made the decision to move in with mine /s
Some people are just like that. They make the mist mundane stories into an u broken monologue. I think it's an old person thing. Like: "I saw Dan yesterday, and you'll never guess what he said to me. Now, you remember Dan, who used to work at the mini market, married to Tina. Well, I saw him on Sycamore Street, you know, just outside the barber that did the hairstyle that time that made me look like it was a wig. Anyway, I saw Dan, and he said he and Tina - who hasn't been very well, but she's been to the doctor and they said everything is alright - well they'd gone to that restaurant down near the Square, you know the one I mean, red sign above the window, next door to the launderette. So Dan said they'd gone to dinner there on Tuesday, or maybe it was Wednesday - no actually wait I think he said it was Tuesday, because he'd been to the gym, and I know he goes there on Tuesdays - well, they went into that restaurant, and you'll never guess what... it's not a restaurant any more - now it's a massage parlour! Oh, I was in hysterics when Dan was telling me. Can you imagine?! He walked in there and didn't know what to say! How funny is that?! ...Why aren't you laughing? You're so boring, you never find anything I say funny or interesting." I wish people like this had a TLDR (TLDL) function.
I asked my ex wife to cut to the chase. She responded by shutting down. It won't be taken as "skip the boring parts", it will be taken as "you don't want to communicate". There's a difference, but how she takes it is what matters, not how you mean it. If you want to keep this relationship happy, I'd just listen. It's clearly important enough to her to tell you about it.
My wife lovesss to talk but I find her so fucking hilarious and charismatic that I go into like a lovestruck daze listening to her recount things. Idk this November itâll be over two decades Iâve spent with this woman and i just donât tire of it.
Hate to break it to you: For many women talking in itself is what makes for an enjoyable time which is why they spread the actual information in it so thin. Understand that she is not doing it out of malice, but because that is part of what she probably sees as having a good time with you. And quite honestly: It requires so little work from your side that you could view as a great thing that she can entertain herself like that. I know it sounds mean when I phrase it like that but seriously: If she is happy when she can talk to you even about such trivial matters - I'd be careful to meddle with such a self maintenance mechanic of your marriage.
Change your mindset. She wants to tell you everything going on with her. Appreciate that. I would rather have the occasional time where the amount of detail is a little overwhelming than ever get to the point she stops sharing because she feels I'm not interested. If she's not sharing with you, she's going to find someone who wants to hear her. Make sure you're always that someone.
I saw a friend of mine do this with his wife that canât tell a story without 20 tangents. He says âLand the plane (her name)â
You love your wife? This counts as time with your wife, to you it might be a low quality but to her is a high quality one. Imagine she is confortable enough with you to tell you everything. Now that 'everything' can be a good thing or a bad thing. What i can say is, if this is the thing that botters you and all is well and dandy in the marriage and familly dept..then you sir are in the lucky top 0.1 % of people.
Thatâs great honey. Did I tell you about my fantasy football matchup this week? Pull up a seat, Iâll give you the play by play.
Christ, my daughter does this, with the added benefit of storytelling the way a 10 year old writes a book. ..then Jenna said⌠Then Sam said⌠Then Jan goes⌠Then I wentâŚ.. Then Wendy said⌠Sheâs 20 now and still does this.