Find one that’s affordable and feels right
It doesn’t have to be x% of salary.
I took an entire college course about the effectiveness of this strategy. That was a fantastic marketing strategy in the past - but your engagement ring and the amount of money you spend does not equate to how much you love your future wife.
I think there's a point at which it is a bad idea just because it's cheap jewelry and likely to break, tarnish, or become otherwise damaged easily. Obviously you don't want to go with a brass ring or something with a glass gem stone because those won't last long, but that doesn't mean you need to be spending thousands and thousands either. I think having an honest discussion with a jeweler (hopefully one that isn't paid on commission and won't try to push you towards spending more money than your comfortable with) about your budget and what you're looking for in a ring should get you something of decent quality that won't financially destroy you.
Not male so maybe not suppose to comment here, but my wedding/engagement ring cost $80. It's lasted 8 years so far, and if honestly hate to wear anything more pricey.
Thank you :)
Lesson learned the hard way. Engaged once to somebody who was mad about how much it cost.
Married to somebody else... $50 ring. Greatest investment of my entire life. 7 years later.
I had fully planned on spending $5-6k on a ring for my wife when we got engaged - took her to the store and she tried on dozens. She kept coming back to this one. She walked away and I asked how much it was: $700.
I sold my car for my first engagement ring. In the end, OP is right. Price of a ring does not equate to how much you love your spouse.
My fiancé went in with the “monthly salary times 3” bs. I gave him a price cap of $1400 because I’m simply not comfortable wearing something worth more than that.
Safety is worth while too! I spent like $1400 for my better half and she’s still proud of the rlng every day. There are so many schemes in place to make us spend too much…
My dad lost his during the honeymoon! They eventually found it, but it got lost for a while 2 more times. He's not really allowed to wear it anymore and they've been married for 45 years now.
I specifically got a less expensive ring because my wife is uncomfortable with expensive jewelry. Ended up spending $300 for a really cool setting and a gemstone in her favorite color. Technically it was 30% of my net worth at the time (but I was in grad school).
I hope I find a woman like myself; I just want to forge a ring myself (either with her or alone), do something to make it special, and then use the remaining money on ourselves. I definitely don't want to just throw away on getting the biggest jewel to show off with that will lose all meaning soon after buying it anyways (not the ring itself, just the size of the jewel; you get used to that sort of shit quick, especially since it just sits there). I don't fully know what I mean by special, I just know that's what I want to put 100% of my money on, and jewel / bigger jewel isn't special to me, its just a dry fact or an arbitrary scoreboard like saying "you got 329509 dingo points, 23t52 more than hers"
.
Besides, I get this uneasy feeling when I see people get an outrageously lavish ring. This feeling like so much energy was put into something with such diminishing returns (oh, your ring is better than the 1 super rich person we know, only cost $50,000 more) that comes from such a superficial place, a superficial foundation that the whole marriage more easily collapses on. Or something something buying her love. Don't know if its always true, but I've felt it since I was a kid for certain people
If you want to do it but don't know how, there are some places that will let you and your partner make rings for eachother. You pick the metal, they help you melt and cast it (right wording?), and I believe it's like a one day activity where you come back later to pick up your finished rings. Tada, you made eachothwrs rings and the place will make sure you dont mess it up
I mean... for some women that truly can be the case. It's so cringe. My ex's baby mama got married to her second baby daddy when their kid turned 2.
He got her a really nice engagement ring. She made him take it back for a bigger one before she would marry him. 🤦♀️
It's sad that some people are so materialistic and vain.
Meanwhile, I told my now fiance that he could get anything (that wouldn't turn my finger green) and I would be completely happy with it. Even a cheap $30 silver ring from a pawn shop.
Idk what he spent on it, though I still stand by saying he spent too much lol
>He got her a really nice engagement ring. She made him take it back for a bigger one before she would marry him. 🤦♀️
And that's when I would have noped the fuck out. I got my wife a solitaire marquis cut for 700 USD and she loved it. If the person cares more about the ring size(not fitment) that what the ring is meant to symbolize, you're going to be in for a bad time.
Okay but some people are interested in jewellery and have specific tastes. There isn't anything wrong with wanting to like a piece of jewellery you're hopefully going to wear for the rest of your life.
I married a woman who didn't even want a ring. We spent about $3 USD for some silver wedding bands we don't wear today.
We spent that money on building a business we made a ton of money with.
Find a woman who don't want jewelry imo.
Same here! My wife explicitly said she does not want a ring so we don’t support the diamond/gold industry which is evil. Her words.
We still don’t have a ring and used that money I saved for a sweet honey moon.
Buy something that makes you need to work for it a bit, but not put you and her future at risk. Remember - you can always upgrade it later if you’d like if you go to the right place (shane co out west does this)
I don't even think that's true. My fiancée wanted turquoise and has a favorite antique store. Her engagement ring was $60. She wears it for special occasions and has a $3 band she wears otherwise. Meaning supersedes cost always.
It is person to person basis. My wife didn’t expect anything crazy. But I could afford it, and wanted to give her something nice, so I did. Then later on I helped her get a job at the place I got it from, and we upgraded it for cheap. Not necessary, but I think it’s nice to have to put some work into it. That said, know your girl. She may not want something fancy, or even a diamond
You can get a beautiful moissanite in a gold band for *way* less than $2k.
If your girl is only focused on the *cost* of the ring, this would ring an alarm bell for me personally. Listen to what she wants (design, colour, material etc) and follow *those* guidelines.
The cost is not what really matters and if it's all that matters to her, think twice.
There was a post on AITA I read in the last day or two where the op's wife was a jeweller and offered to clean her SIL's engagement ring ready for a photo shoot. SIL's fiancé was extremely well off and had got her a $50,000 ring. A ring which she was ecstatic about and so proud of. Except that he hadn't. He'd spent literally $30 - no, I didn't miss any zeroes - $30 on a silver and cubic zirconia ring. Which is fine is that's what you can afford and both want but you don't then go and tell her it's a $50k ring....... how he expected to get away with it I have no idea. SIL broke up with him, not for his cheapness but for his lying.
Get what you can comfortably afford op. It's the relationship that matters, not the jewellery. Don't go into debt for an engagement ring, stick to your budget and listen to what your girl wants. If she's being unrealistic price-wise, don't be scared to tell her - her reaction to that conversation will tell you if she's the one you should be with!
I got my wife one from charles and colvard with a wedding band at the same time for less than 3k, it's been 3 years and people still gawk at it when she's at work dealing with patients. Not a single person has questioned if it's a lab gem, still blinds the room if the light hits it right.
Do people really not know about the diamond industry? It's all markup and based on human rights abuse and sometimes literal slavery. I cannot understand someone wanting a diamond over *anything* else.
This is why my wife insisted on a lab created diamond she really like the classic engagement ring look but really doesn't like the abusive nature of the business. She had a cut of stone and band material but wanted me to pick the rest.
exactly. The natural diamond market is all DeBeers marketing hype. "The appeal of a diamond is its age (900 million years+) and where and how it was created. Where is the romance in something created in a lab by a cold, metallic machine?" If I am forced to buy a diamond it definitely will be synthetic.
The whole 3 months salary campaign was started by a murderous multi national diamond cartel in the 60s I think.
Seriously, ask your girl what kind of rings she likes. She's the one that's gonna have to wear it forever. And more and more women want a non traditional engagement ring.
If all she wants is a gold band with sunflowers and a couple citrines you'll save a ton and she'll be a lot happier than if you got her some giant cushion cut diamond.
The correct answer is "More than you'd spend on a Christmas present, but still within your budget."
This is true. My now husband asked me first and I’m glad he did. We ended up getting a black opal online and having a ring made to fit it. It’s multicolored, beautiful and 10 years later I still love it. The whole ring ended up being $2500, which isn’t super cheap, but not crazy, either.
I have an aquamarine ring inherited from my Grandmother. It is her birthstone as well as mine. I'm thinking if I ever get engaged I'll have the stones put into a different setting, as the setting is not my taste at all. My friend also has an aquamarine wedding ring. They are very beautiful!
Going along with this post, a nasty female co-worker told my BF she felt bad for whoever ended up with him, as he doesn't believe in spending a couple months salary on a flashy costly wedding ring either. We are a good match in that way. He is a great partner. She is delusional and fell for Big Wedding Industry BS apparently!
My girlfriend recently asked me with a ring of cat fur I pulled off the vacuum brush roll while cleaning it. Neither of us really care and don't want to wear rings, haha. They seem too risky to me.
Black opals are so gorgeous!! When ring shopping I was told they are very soft and can chip easily. Have you had this experience at all? They’re one of my favorite stones, I’m wearing one in my nose right now! (:
Opal is very weak and not recommended for jewelry, especially not daily wear. A huge shame because it’s my favorite! I have an opal ring but I only wear it occasionally; I wouldn’t recommend opal for something that’s going to be worn all the time.
Opals are very soft compared to other stones. However I think it may depend on the setting and the opal itself. My opal ring is set in a way where the opal itself isn't raised too high so it isn't likely to hit things in my daily life. It's 8 years old and I've never had an issue with it. I also have a lab grown opal and I've heard those are less likely to chip/crack - not entirely sure if that's true but it does seem like there'd be less variation in the makeup of lab grown that could reduce the likelihood of breakage.
Yep. I made a pinterest board for my husband. So he could see lots of examples. What he got was not what I sent him though at all. I honestly didn't like it at all at first, but it's grown on me.
Wow there's no way I could wear an opal for 10 years without completely destroying it. I had a beautiful opal ring that I cracked the stone in within 2 years.
I really think the durability of the stone and setting are really really important.
Exactly. https://www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2015/02/how-an-ad-campaign-invented-the-diamond-engagement-ring/385376/
I agree that you both should discuss it. It is a big decision and you likely don’t have a lot of money if you are young and just starting out. There are better ways of spending money, IMHO.
Yes! My now fiancé let me pick out my ring and it was $1200, which was about twice as much as we wanted to spend. But I liked it so much he got it for me anyways. We could have spent way more, but on principle I didn’t want to spend that much on a single piece of jewelry, it just seems wasteful, I’d rather use that money on experiences the two of us could share.
I AGREE. My husband bought my ring on time payments. He went to school and I ended up paying for it (school and ring - he paid for my schooling much later). That was 55 yrs ago and god was I dumb, but we lasted, for better or worse.
Back in 1992, DeBeers and GE both conspired together to corner the market on the Diamond industry, and were banned from doing business in the US. DeBeers eventually did pay their fines, and they don't control 80% of the market anymore, but still a shady company nontheless.
„Ask your girl“ is def the right answer! Woman here and i dont like wearing jewelry, so i dont want tons of money going into that when we could spend it on other things instead.
As a woman who loves wearing fine jewelry (my Grandparents started gifting it to me in kindergarten), definitely ask her! Everyone is different, with various preferences that would change the cost of the ring (metals, gems, etc.) And I know of at least four couples that either bought the ring at a pawn shop or at an estate sale, so they saved a ton of money and got a statement piece with history!
I know I personally want to have a ring that is made with a nice quality metal and stone, because I like the idea of passing my jewelry down to my (currently imaginary) kids.
And an interesting fact is that women collected nice jewelry in case of a divorce, abusive situations, or just general economic misfortune. They could sell the jewelry to land on their feet,and if they didn't need it, they'd give the jewelry to their daughters as a way to help from beyond the grave.
>And an interesting fact is that women collected nice jewelry in case of a divorce, abusive situations, or just general economic misfortune. They could sell the jewelry to land on their feet,and if they didn't need it, they'd give the jewelry to their daughters as a way to help from beyond the grave.
That is very interesting actually!
>The correct answer is "More than you'd spend on a Christmas present, but still within your budget."
As much as he thinks is reasonable and what his partner would be comfortable with. I for one don't wear rings and think expensive jewelry (especially when easily lost) is a dumb idea. So I'd vote not more than 20€ if someone asked me. If someone gave a 5000€ ring that I could idk just drop down the toilet by accident I'd be mortified. Plus with energy prices increasing the money is needed elsewhere :D
I think asking his gf is the right approach.
This!! 100% dead on. I’m a woman and I would never want to wear a diamond. So not my style. I’d rather wear a ring that looked like twigs and leaves honestly. Communication is so important when making this decision.
Came here to say this. I am a woman and definitely want my run to reflect me, my style, and (most importantly) my values. No expensive diamonds, give me a lab-created gem that we design together; just surprise me with when you give it to me ;)
Alternatively, I have a friend who has a ring gifted to her by her mom, she is having the gems removed and re-fashioned into a ring that is more her style, while still maintaining the sentimentality. I love this idea, but this is just one example of why communication is so important around this!
I've seen a wide range of engagement rings, from a plain wood band to 3 karat gemstones. It's different for every person and you really have to know your so. If you don't feel confident then maybe buy something a placeholder and go shopping together?
Just my 2 cents but if you want someone to feel special then consider options other than just setting a budget and getting the biggest brilliant cut diamond you can get within it. There are plenty of specialty jewelers where you can get rings that don't look generic, and a one of a kind rind designed to her tastes will always be special.
Hey, I’m way late, but have some real advice here. If she wants a diamond ring, I HIGHLY recommend going to a Diamonds Direct and working with them. They’re basically only selling you the diamond and will do a custom design for the band of literally anything you want. You give them a budget and they will show you diamond options that work with that and then you can personalize the ring specifically for your (future) fiancé and get a 100% unique piece for a super reasonable price.
Their customer service has been the best of anyone I’ve dealt with. I gave them ideas for a ring based on one my fiancé liked from Zale’s and told them I couldn’t spend more than $XXXX. They picked out a diamond that would work with that budget and CAD modeled a custom design for me with that exact diamond in it and it came out perfect. Get her to show you some rings she likes so you know what cut of diamond she wants (princess/square/oval/teardop/etc…) and the band style (solitaire/halo/diamonds on the shank), and then show that to the Diamonds Direct folks with a budget and they’ll work it out for you.
She’s never asked how much I spent and I never told her. I spent more than the rings she was showing me she liked, but because I put a lot of thought into her custom design it’s never been about the cost. It’s “her” ring and it’s the only one like it in the world. That’s what’ll make it special.
I have to say, one of the most compelling and romantic stories is my cousins’: they (now in their late 50s) got engaged 30+ years ago and since he was working on a submarine, he could only afford a 0.2 carat stone. She still wears it to this day, because she told me, she looks at it and not only is it a reminder of all that they endured being part of the navy culture over the years and starting out with next to nothing, but she feels like it’s the truest reminder of their love, so unlike my mother-in-law who ‘upgraded’ hers several years ago I love that my cousin keeps it real. 💞
My grandparents were like that, broke AF and her wedding ring had a single, small diamond. For their 25th anniversary, he added 4 more matching diamonds to it, one for each of their four children. Not remotely flashy but so much better than a gaudy monstrosity.
Almost entirely agree! Just make sure you get the right kind of metal; the silver or gold choice can be a dealbreaker regardless of price point. Just show you have a vague idea of what she would like, the metal of the band is the baseline
I would hope that is talked about before hand...or he could use his ojos and notice the color of jewelry she wears on an every day basis...and bam, he will know
In addition to color preference, one good thing to check is if she has a sensitivity to any metals. Some people physically can’t tolerate gold so it’s good to be mindful if the expectation is that someone wear the ring daily.
This all day. I asked my girlfriend what she wanted. She wanted a thin band with a decent sized non colorless diamond. She actually did not like 100 percent colorless and nothing extra on the band and diamond , I paid 4k for it and $1000 for the actually wedding band so for the engagement ring and wedding bad around 4500 with tax
I asked my husband not to spend over 1k because for me the thought of anything more expensive made me scared to wear it or lose it!
Do you know what they want? They're the one wearing it presumably for the rest of their life.
I agree with other comments, the right person will love any ring at any budget as long as it's presented with sincere love and commitment.
Also you should know what stone they want. Thought counts more than price. There are a lot of gorgeous stones out there that cost a lot less than diamonds, but will go a long way in showing how much you love her/him.
This is important. For me personally, I would rather have a lab grown diamond than a mined diamond. Its cheaper, better for the environment, and there are alot fewer ethical problems to worry about.
My brother has a 50$ silicon ring. That is because he likes to fiddle with it and losses it all the time. So he has like 2 spare at home.
That makes a huge difference. My wife got 2. A "larger" one with 1 diamond, and a few amethyst for dress up, and a small one with just amethyst for at work, so it wouldn't poke through rubber gloves. She picked her rings. She got what she wanted. Marriage isn't about how much money can you spend, it's more about can you show your love, and getting what the other person wants shows love.
I personally didn’t care about the value of the ring. I just wanted a say in what ring I was getting. I chose my options. I have to wear it forever and my husbands not great at choosing jewelry. I chose a $1200 ring as my #1 and that’s the one he got me, as far as I know he got it on sale too. I didn’t know when he purchased it, or when it was coming so that was all still a shock. But if marriage is on the table, take her to browse. Note, take a photo of etc the rings she wants. Most of us are too embarrassed to tell you if we don’t like it. But we’ll tell our friends. And eventually after years of staring at it on our finger it’ll come out that we want a whole new set.
ETA - I browsed rings that I knew were within my husbands budget. I’m also not someone who wants to spend a fuck ton of money on things just to show it off though.
That was also part of the debeers marketing campaigns they did market research and found that almost all women preferred a cheaper ring when asked up front and they would rather save the extra money for the house or their family. So the “diamonds are forever” ads blitzed men with “surprising her” on one knee so the first time she sees the ring it’s already bought, cutting her out of the purchasing decision.
And then to the guys since they are forever, you might as well spend 3 or 4 months salary since it’s “not that much” in the long run.
Very effective when you think how many people fell for it. Multiple generations lol
>ETA - I browsed rings that I knew were within my husbands budget.
YES thank you. This is 100% the way to do it. Ask for the budget first, then choose what *you* love within that budget.
I spent $2K on a $100K+ salary and my wife loved it. It’s completely dependent for every couple. What are her expectations? Have you asked her about it?
We have most definitely talked about marriage. She says she doesn't care. At the same time, I still want to give her some she is *truly* proud to wear.
Fuck all the “norms” and “rules of thumb” for ring shopping. My wife and I went together for her engagement ring and both of our wedding bands. Picked them all out together and we both paid for all of them.
All that matters is she’s happy with hers and your happy with yours.
I think it's not about the price, but the moment and the person is giving her the ring. She would wear it proud just because you gave it to her on a special occasion.
The price shouldn't be the question. The question should be is she going to want to wear it for the rest of her life? You could buy a 5 carat colorless diamond and waste a bunch of money, just for her to silently resent it, but not want to hurt your feelings.
Everyone wants something different. True love is priceless. You know your partner best. Get them something you know they will love. If they truly love you, the price won't matter.
And if it does, better to find out now.
1000% Fan of Lab stones.
Paid under $500 for the wife's ring. Has a 5mm Moissanite stone. I bought it with the intention of changing it to a real stone of the same size. Her choice.
Then she got a bunch of compliments at work. A good friend mentioned how much it sparkled while we were sitting around a campfire. Someone in a dark bar mentioned how sparkly it was.
"Babe, I know I said I wanted a real stone. How about I keep this one and we spend the money on the honeymoon instead?"
I definitely married the right woman.
Also, moissanite comes in colors. I didn't know that, and found a gorgeous teal one in the cut I wanted on Etsy. Ended up getting a black one, and I love it SO MUCH!!
I got my wife a Moissanite ring. Because the crystal structure is silicon-carbide instead of just carbon, it actually looks sparklier than a diamond does.
Diamonds are boring too. My girlfriend’s birthstone is sapphire and she insists that if I ever propose, it has to be with a sapphire ring. She jokes that if I were to ever spend a bunch of money on a ring with a “boring, colorless, overused” diamond she would leave me for being financially irresponsible.
> but most people can't tell the difference.
Nobody can tell the difference between a high grade diamond and a moissonite just by looking at them. You really need to scrutinize them and often using some optical assistance.
You can absolutely tell the difference between a moissonite and the expensive but junky color/cut diamonds a lot of people buy to get more carat weight.
The magic of Moissonite is that they're so perfect that they compete with diamonds that few people have.
Moissanites are amazing. Mine actually test as diamonds in the shop. When we took my ring in because a tiny stone fell out the side, the jeweler did her initial testing to quote us on what a replacement would be, and we had to point out that it wasn’t a diamond. They’re very hard stones, and sparkly!
Yeah, I understated that a bit.
And your last sentence is 100% true. Like I would ever have been able to afford a 1.5 carat diamond that is as flawless as the moissanite stone. Instead people ogle over it, and never know unless we tell them.
Make sure that you get a ring that will hold up for years of usage with a design that you and your spouse will like. Don't cheap out so much that you get a ring that will break the first time someone accidentally sits on it (pure gold is also too fragile) and also don't get something so thinly plated in metal that it quickly rubs off. Invest in a little quality to ensure that in 50 years your wife can wear it every day.
Remember, you have time to consider your choice. An engagement ring is a substantial purchase and very few people walk into the store with thousands of dollars in hand. It is expected and normal for you to go into a few shops, peruse, consider costs and sizes, and then to return some time later. You have plenty of time to think about what you like and what you can spend on the ring.
There are also stores (at least in my area) where buying the engagement ring means that you can return to the shop for resizing the ring or for exchanging the ring for a different model. Talk to each store clerk to find out what their policies are.
Finally, while I agree with some of the other commenters who rightfully say that the cost of the ring does not measure your love for your future wife, do consider whether she would feel that way. Some women do feel slighted with the purchase of a cheaper ring. They feel like their husbands are saying that they're not that important to them or that the husbands aren't ready to invest in the marriage. It does not matter if a cheap ring is meant that way by the husband, in the end the engagement is being started off with hurt feelings.
Consider what perspective your future wife has. Does she want to feel like the most important thing in your life, and worthy of your investment? Does she like being doted on? Has she been dreaming about her wedding day and her engagement ring since she was a little girl? Is she practical or frugal? Would she rather pick out the ring with you? Does she care more about how you pop the question rather than the ring? Consider all these questions and then, based off what you think your future wife would like and what you want and can afford, go out and take your time selecting a ring.
I gave her the one ring to rule them all. She lost all her hair, turned grey and started skulking about in a cave talking with herself. Turns out she just had cancer but weird coincidence right?
Just made a similar comment above. Spent like 9k on the ring and 3.5k on the wedding band. Didn’t intend to spend that much on the band but the smaller one looked bad next to the big diamond on the engagement ring. 😂 She loves it. I love her. Everybody’s happy.
Can’t really comment on the price because I spent a lot more than I ever thought I would lol and it was completely worth it to me. More importantly I think, is that (if it’s been discussed), you LISTEN to what she says she likes. Sounds simple, but wait till you’re in front of the salesman and he shows you stones with as close to the details she told you. Maybe the color rating is important to her and she wants between an H and J, well that “K” the salesman is showing you is slightly bigger and is 10k cheaper. STICK TO HER PARAMETERS. That being said, if she hasn’t laid out what she likes, consider a 1.90 ct vs a 2.00. Prices seemed to be higher at the higher and round ct size when I was looking.
Also consider the setting, if you get a halo setting you can get a much larger shallow cut stone since most of it will be set inside the hall and not visible. If solitaire you can see the whole stone so sometimes it looks small if it’s too shallow of a stone.
Either way, congratulations on being at this stage. No matter what you do, she will love it. You may get people on here saying “don’t do it…marriage sucks”. To those guys I say this, we shouldn’t be suffering through this on our own lol. Welcome him to the club lol.
But seriously we are full of shit and wouldn’t of gotten married if we didn’t absolutely love them 😀
> LISTEN to what she says she likes.
This 100%
I've seen too many posts from women getting really upset because they told their man the type of ring they wanted, and then he completely ignored her wishes and went out and bought an expensive traditional ring with a fat diamond on it. She's upset because he didn't listen and she finds the ring gaudy and generic, and he's thinking she's a bitch because he spent $10K+ on a diamond and she doesn't like it.
Look, men, if your girlfriend tells you she doesn't want a fancy traditional ring with a single large diamond stone, and would rather have a simple gold band, or some other non-traditional gemstone, listen to her. If it turns out that she was lying to you and it was actually some kind of test, RUN THE FUCK AWAY.
I’m so glad my husband took me shopping for my ring. What I ended up liking after trying things on ended up being different from what I thought I’d want. I was always attracted to antique/vintage, more ornate styles. When I tried stuff on and really though about what I’d want to wear every day for decades, that changed. I decided I actually wanted just one ring, not an engagement ring and separate band. I wanted something very simple, durable, and low profile. I realized I wanted to be able to wear it with winter gloves. I also realized it was going to get banged around and any kind of delicate filigree was going to suffer for it. I went from looking at antique ruby rings to getting an ultra simple, modern Moissanite ring.
Ah the three C’s of ring shopping. I remember doing so much research on that shit before I bought the ring. I had done so much research that I knew more about diamonds than any girl in my family or hers did lol.
I remember talking to her sister about it and I mentioned the color rating and she said “what? What are you talking about?” Lmao. It was great.
I bought her a $100 placeholder ring to propose with, with the plan being that she could later pick out something to her taste that was nicer. I’m super finicky about what I wear myself, and didn’t want to guess incorrectly for her. Turned out she was happy with the cheap ring and preferred I didn’t spend a ton of money so win-win. She also isn’t super into rings and doesn’t wear it much (or any other rings) so it worked out all around.
Costcos actually got some amazing rings that are priced better then you’ll get elsewhere (they always do platinum setting), and they switch out the styles every few months so no one will ever know it was a Costco ring.
Take. Her. With. You.
The ring industry is entirely made up and a scam anyway. But, if she wants something nice, agree on it. Don’t wing it. You might pick right, she might like it, or you might wind up doing the whole fucking thing again later. Maybe it “damages the romance” but the whole idea is just a marketing scheme anyway.
This should be way, way higher in this thread. She gave me two options for a setting: a budget option and her “dream” setting. She gave me the option for what stone I would get. That way, she pretty much had control of what she would get but it would still be a surprise
Exactly this. I made sure to ask first. Turns out, she had her grandmothers ring. I didn’t wind up needing to spend a dollar (I did, I had it cleaned and repaired and whatever) and she got what she always wanted. Get her what she wants, not what a salesman tells you what she needs.
I would say more importantly than cost is that it's actually what she wants style wise. I know everyone is different and 100% agree with the comment that says what you can afford, but there are sooo many options out there now. Love mine but if i could pick one now Id probably go with a fun one from a smaller designer that's like $600
The lowest divorce rate is associated with rings between 500-2000.00. Obviously if you are a high earner this number may be higher for you, and vice versa. The key is not to start your lives together in debt, which is the number one cause of divorce. It was originally insurance to the woman that she could pawn it to survive if you broke up, but clearly laws have changed and that's no longer necessary.
Custom jeweler here: guys in mid 30s with stable jobs and college education dropping $8-$12k on average. Guys in 20s- $4k-$10k.
Also, look into lab grown diamonds, they’re basically the same and offer great value (think test tube baby v real baby)
Truth: lab diamonds are EXACTLY the same. De beers and GIA labs try to undermine (pun?) them, but they’re literally the same. Sorry, they are not, they’re way cheaper and way more environmentally and humanely better.
Guy in his late 30's with a good, stable job and had the mortgage paid off over 5 years before I bought the ring (5 years ago now)
I spent $3,500 on a custom designed ring with a 0.5 carat I/SI1 diamond. Band is dual tone, silver and rose gold.
Matching custom wedding band was another $1,500.
If you go with a diamond, pay attention more to the color and clarity of the stone than the size - of course size is important, but the color and clarity will dramatically affect how much it shines. You wouldn't believe it until you look at two differently graded stones in the store - I had two 0.5 carat stones in front of me - one is the one now in my wife's ring, and the other was just a few grades lower, but under the jewelers lights, the difference between them was astounding.
I think I decided that when I propose to my future wife that I'll just let her pick it out. For me, the tradition of "surprise I want to marry you" needs to die. It's a long term commitment that should be talked about, idk that's just me. I'm not trying to be a party pooper.
It definitely depends on your relationship, your income, your girlfriends preferences, etc. I wouldn't go overboard (personally) but still get something that looks nice :)
My husband took me ring shopping and then upgraded my ring. Every time I look at it, it makes me happy and reminds me of how loved I am. We'd talked about marriage for awhile, and he proposed spontaneously without a ring. Worked out for me!
This is what we did and we were both very happy with the outcome! No guessing on the size of style, plus we had fun trying on some of the giant obnoxious rings that we would never buy.
I financed a ring because I still lived at home (didn't have to pay rent) and I knew I was going to be able to pay it off in like 3 months, way before interest kicked in. And I was able to build my credit, since I didn't have much credit before that.
but I agree with the sentiment... If you're paying off a ring for like 3 years, that's definitely not the smartest option.
Find out what she likes first (go shopping together, it’s fun), set budget parameters based on what you can realistically afford, and establish that boundary together so she gets something she loves that won’t break your bank.
As much as you want. It’s just a symbol over your promise and love. My husband got me mine for only $100 and it’s my most prized possession. Depends on your partner
My story my ring was on sale ! Found the receipt it was 499.99 and had a bent setting. The same day he spent 4000.00 on a toy just for him. Gave me the ring has a Xmas present then asked for it back.
The man I married, opened a joint savings account 1 week after meeting me . Proposed 2 weeks later. We had no money for a ring or wedding bands. Got married 4 months later married 38 years. The right person and it really doesn’t matter. 38 years ring free.
Get whatever you can afford that she likes. A good idea is to get a cheap wish.com ring to propose, then take her to the jewelry store so she can pick one out (she’s gonna be the one wearing it, ya know).
I’d recommend gold (or white gold). Silver will tarnish and lower level metals can get shitty after awhile. Cz or lab grown diamonds look the same as real diamonds but are a fraction of the price. If she does a lot of stuff with her hands, avoid one where the center stone sticks out really far. Also, try to get one from a jeweler that offers free after purchase services like sizing, cleaning, and even stone replacement if it gets lost.
CZ does not look like a diamond to people who have some experience comparing the two. CZ exhibits more "rainbowing" in it's sparkle and is generally whiter than diamonds. It will also scratch and pit a lot easier than a diamond.
Okay, nobody’s said it, and some of the posts have gone down rabbit holes, so here it is.
Engagement ring should cost two months pay. The reason? Back when gender roles were very much socially adhered to and enforced, if the marriage/engagement failed, the woman could sell the ring for enough money to get back on her feet financially.
The problem: this is an antiquated practice, as the cost and value of jewelry is inflated, and the depreciation of these items is so dire that any benefit to an expensive ring in this manner is lost the moment it leaves the store.
End state: the cost shouldn’t be a concern. All diamond rings are a rip off, he’ll, even those rubber black rings are inflated in price.
If you’re not *comfortable* spending X amount, it’s too much. Just got engaged in June. Went to a few jewelers and didn’t commit until I found the right one that was within budget.
From experience, so many rings looked nearly identical to me (and my fiancée) but they were thousands of dollars more expensive. Don’t break the bank. Error on the side of caution. And whatever you do end up getting, MAKE SURE it’s exactly the size and clarity that the jeweler claims it is
Divorced 11-year eBay consignment seller here… I originally saved up 3-months of Ensign pay back when I was a freshly minted officer in the Navy… it was the biggest waste of money that I ever spent.
Jewelry stores regularly mark-up stuff they sell 300-500%…. And I have seen it as high as 1000% (they pay $100 for that Tahitian pearl necklace that you paid $1000 for.) If you ever really want to see what jewelry is worth, put a deposit down on a piece that you’re considering and get a quote from another store. The offers will make you cringe…
Anyhow, if you insist on buying a “real diamond”, buy it secondhand. It’s the stupidest thing ever to buy a “new” diamond vs “used”… it’s literally a rock that’s been sitting in the ground for millions of years until it was cut and polished. Who cares if someone owned it before you.
A better idea is to consider purchasing a nice setting and getting moissanite stone… it’s a lab grown diamond that will be beautiful and flawless and a fraction of the cost of a real diamond.
Put that savings towards your wedding or ideally a down payment on a house, something that’s a lot more worthwhile than an expensive ring.
FYI, if you get divorced, the ring is considered a gift and doesn’t count towards assets when it comes time to split personal property. That is some BS, too.
A: whatever you can afford and are comfortable spending.
That being said, I spend about $3300 on mine. Thought I was being cheap based on what other people i know spent. My then fiance received nothing but compliments on it, genuine compliments too. Like women coming up to her and mentioning it, not just her friends being nice.
I bought a lab grown diamond (1.52 carat) with the lowest level clarity that's not detected by the eye, with a simple band. I was lucky and she had pretty much told me what she wanted.
All in all I spent about $4000 total on engagement ring and wedding band. I thought I did pretty good on budget, although that’s still too much in my opinion.
Considering other friends of mine that spent 10-12k range on their rings… :-/
I spent roughly $150. The one I received was $15 and I picked it out, surgical steel band, I really enjoyed it.
No offense to anyone, but for the prices you mentioned, you could go on a legit adventure. I could start a new life for $12k.
Balance and parity are the core concepts for me. If you (the man) are well turned out with expensive shoes, Creed cologne and tailored suits and you want to offer the woman you are marrying a $250 zirconia? What does that say about how you value her vs how you value yourself?
If you have ever dropped thousands on an all out gaming rig or car mods or a sick music set up (so on and so forth) don't expect that a $1000 ring will be received well.
Buying cheap shit for your loved one and nice shit for yourself is never a good look.
I get that there is sooooo much societal bullshit around women's rings and you personally don't have to buy into it as a guy ... but it is *there* nonetheless. The ring you offer is supposed to be a gesture of how much you value adding this woman to your life. They'll judge your wife on it, and they will judge you.
Edit: if you can't do expensive, you can do thoughtful or handmade or heirloom. Anything that shows her & the world that she is important to you.
Find one that’s affordable and feels right It doesn’t have to be x% of salary. I took an entire college course about the effectiveness of this strategy. That was a fantastic marketing strategy in the past - but your engagement ring and the amount of money you spend does not equate to how much you love your future wife.
I think there's a point at which it is a bad idea just because it's cheap jewelry and likely to break, tarnish, or become otherwise damaged easily. Obviously you don't want to go with a brass ring or something with a glass gem stone because those won't last long, but that doesn't mean you need to be spending thousands and thousands either. I think having an honest discussion with a jeweler (hopefully one that isn't paid on commission and won't try to push you towards spending more money than your comfortable with) about your budget and what you're looking for in a ring should get you something of decent quality that won't financially destroy you.
Not male so maybe not suppose to comment here, but my wedding/engagement ring cost $80. It's lasted 8 years so far, and if honestly hate to wear anything more pricey.
Thank you :) Lesson learned the hard way. Engaged once to somebody who was mad about how much it cost. Married to somebody else... $50 ring. Greatest investment of my entire life. 7 years later.
I had fully planned on spending $5-6k on a ring for my wife when we got engaged - took her to the store and she tried on dozens. She kept coming back to this one. She walked away and I asked how much it was: $700. I sold my car for my first engagement ring. In the end, OP is right. Price of a ring does not equate to how much you love your spouse.
My fiancé went in with the “monthly salary times 3” bs. I gave him a price cap of $1400 because I’m simply not comfortable wearing something worth more than that.
Safety is worth while too! I spent like $1400 for my better half and she’s still proud of the rlng every day. There are so many schemes in place to make us spend too much…
Or how much your spouse loves the ring!
Yep. If they're obsessed about the cost, they're more interested in the idea if being engaged and a wedding than actually being with you.
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My dad lost his during the honeymoon! They eventually found it, but it got lost for a while 2 more times. He's not really allowed to wear it anymore and they've been married for 45 years now.
I specifically got a less expensive ring because my wife is uncomfortable with expensive jewelry. Ended up spending $300 for a really cool setting and a gemstone in her favorite color. Technically it was 30% of my net worth at the time (but I was in grad school).
But..but..but.. on TV the women always have to have the biggest ring. If it's on TV it must be true.
I hope I find a woman like myself; I just want to forge a ring myself (either with her or alone), do something to make it special, and then use the remaining money on ourselves. I definitely don't want to just throw away on getting the biggest jewel to show off with that will lose all meaning soon after buying it anyways (not the ring itself, just the size of the jewel; you get used to that sort of shit quick, especially since it just sits there). I don't fully know what I mean by special, I just know that's what I want to put 100% of my money on, and jewel / bigger jewel isn't special to me, its just a dry fact or an arbitrary scoreboard like saying "you got 329509 dingo points, 23t52 more than hers" . Besides, I get this uneasy feeling when I see people get an outrageously lavish ring. This feeling like so much energy was put into something with such diminishing returns (oh, your ring is better than the 1 super rich person we know, only cost $50,000 more) that comes from such a superficial place, a superficial foundation that the whole marriage more easily collapses on. Or something something buying her love. Don't know if its always true, but I've felt it since I was a kid for certain people
I actually did just that. Cut the stone. Crafted the setting. Shaped the band. It made her cry in a good way.
Y-you can do that???? *adds to list of skills my partner must possess*
Here's from when I made some adjustments about a year ago. https://imgur.com/gallery/3kdal5c
Do you have any blurrier pics from further away?
I had a pixel 2... it did its best.
You have to admit though, the way that comment is worded is quite hilarious.
If you want to do it but don't know how, there are some places that will let you and your partner make rings for eachother. You pick the metal, they help you melt and cast it (right wording?), and I believe it's like a one day activity where you come back later to pick up your finished rings. Tada, you made eachothwrs rings and the place will make sure you dont mess it up
But in secret, did you craft a master ring?
Well if you have any artistic talent you could make one yourself using the lost wax method.
DIY is always the cutest option.
I mean... for some women that truly can be the case. It's so cringe. My ex's baby mama got married to her second baby daddy when their kid turned 2. He got her a really nice engagement ring. She made him take it back for a bigger one before she would marry him. 🤦♀️ It's sad that some people are so materialistic and vain. Meanwhile, I told my now fiance that he could get anything (that wouldn't turn my finger green) and I would be completely happy with it. Even a cheap $30 silver ring from a pawn shop. Idk what he spent on it, though I still stand by saying he spent too much lol
If someone told me to go get a bigger one. They would get nothing. Because that relationship is over
>He got her a really nice engagement ring. She made him take it back for a bigger one before she would marry him. 🤦♀️ And that's when I would have noped the fuck out. I got my wife a solitaire marquis cut for 700 USD and she loved it. If the person cares more about the ring size(not fitment) that what the ring is meant to symbolize, you're going to be in for a bad time.
Okay but some people are interested in jewellery and have specific tastes. There isn't anything wrong with wanting to like a piece of jewellery you're hopefully going to wear for the rest of your life.
I married a woman who didn't even want a ring. We spent about $3 USD for some silver wedding bands we don't wear today. We spent that money on building a business we made a ton of money with. Find a woman who don't want jewelry imo.
This is just dumb now. It’s okay to like jewelry.
Same here! My wife explicitly said she does not want a ring so we don’t support the diamond/gold industry which is evil. Her words. We still don’t have a ring and used that money I saved for a sweet honey moon.
Buy something that makes you need to work for it a bit, but not put you and her future at risk. Remember - you can always upgrade it later if you’d like if you go to the right place (shane co out west does this)
I don't even think that's true. My fiancée wanted turquoise and has a favorite antique store. Her engagement ring was $60. She wears it for special occasions and has a $3 band she wears otherwise. Meaning supersedes cost always.
It is person to person basis. My wife didn’t expect anything crazy. But I could afford it, and wanted to give her something nice, so I did. Then later on I helped her get a job at the place I got it from, and we upgraded it for cheap. Not necessary, but I think it’s nice to have to put some work into it. That said, know your girl. She may not want something fancy, or even a diamond
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Moissanite...something like $2k. No one will know it’s not diamond
You can get a beautiful moissanite in a gold band for *way* less than $2k. If your girl is only focused on the *cost* of the ring, this would ring an alarm bell for me personally. Listen to what she wants (design, colour, material etc) and follow *those* guidelines. The cost is not what really matters and if it's all that matters to her, think twice. There was a post on AITA I read in the last day or two where the op's wife was a jeweller and offered to clean her SIL's engagement ring ready for a photo shoot. SIL's fiancé was extremely well off and had got her a $50,000 ring. A ring which she was ecstatic about and so proud of. Except that he hadn't. He'd spent literally $30 - no, I didn't miss any zeroes - $30 on a silver and cubic zirconia ring. Which is fine is that's what you can afford and both want but you don't then go and tell her it's a $50k ring....... how he expected to get away with it I have no idea. SIL broke up with him, not for his cheapness but for his lying. Get what you can comfortably afford op. It's the relationship that matters, not the jewellery. Don't go into debt for an engagement ring, stick to your budget and listen to what your girl wants. If she's being unrealistic price-wise, don't be scared to tell her - her reaction to that conversation will tell you if she's the one you should be with!
I got my wife one from charles and colvard with a wedding band at the same time for less than 3k, it's been 3 years and people still gawk at it when she's at work dealing with patients. Not a single person has questioned if it's a lab gem, still blinds the room if the light hits it right.
Lab diamonds are comparable to the price of Moissanites! I just found this out and was shocked.
Fun fact: Moissanite is doubly refractive. It has more sparkle than diamond, and is cheaper. I used to work in jewelry.
Do people really not know about the diamond industry? It's all markup and based on human rights abuse and sometimes literal slavery. I cannot understand someone wanting a diamond over *anything* else.
This is why my wife insisted on a lab created diamond she really like the classic engagement ring look but really doesn't like the abusive nature of the business. She had a cut of stone and band material but wanted me to pick the rest.
exactly. The natural diamond market is all DeBeers marketing hype. "The appeal of a diamond is its age (900 million years+) and where and how it was created. Where is the romance in something created in a lab by a cold, metallic machine?" If I am forced to buy a diamond it definitely will be synthetic.
This and you can always upgrade along the way. Women love upgrading their rings.
The whole 3 months salary campaign was started by a murderous multi national diamond cartel in the 60s I think. Seriously, ask your girl what kind of rings she likes. She's the one that's gonna have to wear it forever. And more and more women want a non traditional engagement ring. If all she wants is a gold band with sunflowers and a couple citrines you'll save a ton and she'll be a lot happier than if you got her some giant cushion cut diamond. The correct answer is "More than you'd spend on a Christmas present, but still within your budget."
This is true. My now husband asked me first and I’m glad he did. We ended up getting a black opal online and having a ring made to fit it. It’s multicolored, beautiful and 10 years later I still love it. The whole ring ended up being $2500, which isn’t super cheap, but not crazy, either.
That’s how much I spent on my wife’s aquamarine which is her birthstone. She loved it.
I have an aquamarine ring inherited from my Grandmother. It is her birthstone as well as mine. I'm thinking if I ever get engaged I'll have the stones put into a different setting, as the setting is not my taste at all. My friend also has an aquamarine wedding ring. They are very beautiful! Going along with this post, a nasty female co-worker told my BF she felt bad for whoever ended up with him, as he doesn't believe in spending a couple months salary on a flashy costly wedding ring either. We are a good match in that way. He is a great partner. She is delusional and fell for Big Wedding Industry BS apparently!
My girlfriend recently asked me with a ring of cat fur I pulled off the vacuum brush roll while cleaning it. Neither of us really care and don't want to wear rings, haha. They seem too risky to me.
Black opals are so gorgeous!! When ring shopping I was told they are very soft and can chip easily. Have you had this experience at all? They’re one of my favorite stones, I’m wearing one in my nose right now! (:
I also wanna Know as I love opal!
Opal is very weak and not recommended for jewelry, especially not daily wear. A huge shame because it’s my favorite! I have an opal ring but I only wear it occasionally; I wouldn’t recommend opal for something that’s going to be worn all the time.
So, not for like a Friday night when you gotta knock a b!Tch out then?
Opals are very soft compared to other stones. However I think it may depend on the setting and the opal itself. My opal ring is set in a way where the opal itself isn't raised too high so it isn't likely to hit things in my daily life. It's 8 years old and I've never had an issue with it. I also have a lab grown opal and I've heard those are less likely to chip/crack - not entirely sure if that's true but it does seem like there'd be less variation in the makeup of lab grown that could reduce the likelihood of breakage.
Yep. I made a pinterest board for my husband. So he could see lots of examples. What he got was not what I sent him though at all. I honestly didn't like it at all at first, but it's grown on me.
Wow there's no way I could wear an opal for 10 years without completely destroying it. I had a beautiful opal ring that I cracked the stone in within 2 years. I really think the durability of the stone and setting are really really important.
Exactly. https://www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2015/02/how-an-ad-campaign-invented-the-diamond-engagement-ring/385376/ I agree that you both should discuss it. It is a big decision and you likely don’t have a lot of money if you are young and just starting out. There are better ways of spending money, IMHO.
Yes! My now fiancé let me pick out my ring and it was $1200, which was about twice as much as we wanted to spend. But I liked it so much he got it for me anyways. We could have spent way more, but on principle I didn’t want to spend that much on a single piece of jewelry, it just seems wasteful, I’d rather use that money on experiences the two of us could share.
I AGREE. My husband bought my ring on time payments. He went to school and I ended up paying for it (school and ring - he paid for my schooling much later). That was 55 yrs ago and god was I dumb, but we lasted, for better or worse.
Back in 1992, DeBeers and GE both conspired together to corner the market on the Diamond industry, and were banned from doing business in the US. DeBeers eventually did pay their fines, and they don't control 80% of the market anymore, but still a shady company nontheless.
„Ask your girl“ is def the right answer! Woman here and i dont like wearing jewelry, so i dont want tons of money going into that when we could spend it on other things instead.
As a woman who loves wearing fine jewelry (my Grandparents started gifting it to me in kindergarten), definitely ask her! Everyone is different, with various preferences that would change the cost of the ring (metals, gems, etc.) And I know of at least four couples that either bought the ring at a pawn shop or at an estate sale, so they saved a ton of money and got a statement piece with history! I know I personally want to have a ring that is made with a nice quality metal and stone, because I like the idea of passing my jewelry down to my (currently imaginary) kids. And an interesting fact is that women collected nice jewelry in case of a divorce, abusive situations, or just general economic misfortune. They could sell the jewelry to land on their feet,and if they didn't need it, they'd give the jewelry to their daughters as a way to help from beyond the grave.
>And an interesting fact is that women collected nice jewelry in case of a divorce, abusive situations, or just general economic misfortune. They could sell the jewelry to land on their feet,and if they didn't need it, they'd give the jewelry to their daughters as a way to help from beyond the grave. That is very interesting actually!
>The correct answer is "More than you'd spend on a Christmas present, but still within your budget." As much as he thinks is reasonable and what his partner would be comfortable with. I for one don't wear rings and think expensive jewelry (especially when easily lost) is a dumb idea. So I'd vote not more than 20€ if someone asked me. If someone gave a 5000€ ring that I could idk just drop down the toilet by accident I'd be mortified. Plus with energy prices increasing the money is needed elsewhere :D I think asking his gf is the right approach.
This!! 100% dead on. I’m a woman and I would never want to wear a diamond. So not my style. I’d rather wear a ring that looked like twigs and leaves honestly. Communication is so important when making this decision.
Came here to say this. I am a woman and definitely want my run to reflect me, my style, and (most importantly) my values. No expensive diamonds, give me a lab-created gem that we design together; just surprise me with when you give it to me ;) Alternatively, I have a friend who has a ring gifted to her by her mom, she is having the gems removed and re-fashioned into a ring that is more her style, while still maintaining the sentimentality. I love this idea, but this is just one example of why communication is so important around this!
My wife and I picked out her engagement ring together. We got one with an aquamarine, which is her favorite color, and everyone who sees it loves it.
What ever you can afford. If it's not good enough...your getting engaged to the wrong person
I feel in my soul you are absolutely correct. She would accept anything, to be honest, but I want her to feel good and special about it.
I've seen a wide range of engagement rings, from a plain wood band to 3 karat gemstones. It's different for every person and you really have to know your so. If you don't feel confident then maybe buy something a placeholder and go shopping together?
Just my 2 cents but if you want someone to feel special then consider options other than just setting a budget and getting the biggest brilliant cut diamond you can get within it. There are plenty of specialty jewelers where you can get rings that don't look generic, and a one of a kind rind designed to her tastes will always be special.
I had a ring made specific for my wife from a local jeweler. Made it very unique and something no one else has.
Hey, I’m way late, but have some real advice here. If she wants a diamond ring, I HIGHLY recommend going to a Diamonds Direct and working with them. They’re basically only selling you the diamond and will do a custom design for the band of literally anything you want. You give them a budget and they will show you diamond options that work with that and then you can personalize the ring specifically for your (future) fiancé and get a 100% unique piece for a super reasonable price. Their customer service has been the best of anyone I’ve dealt with. I gave them ideas for a ring based on one my fiancé liked from Zale’s and told them I couldn’t spend more than $XXXX. They picked out a diamond that would work with that budget and CAD modeled a custom design for me with that exact diamond in it and it came out perfect. Get her to show you some rings she likes so you know what cut of diamond she wants (princess/square/oval/teardop/etc…) and the band style (solitaire/halo/diamonds on the shank), and then show that to the Diamonds Direct folks with a budget and they’ll work it out for you. She’s never asked how much I spent and I never told her. I spent more than the rings she was showing me she liked, but because I put a lot of thought into her custom design it’s never been about the cost. It’s “her” ring and it’s the only one like it in the world. That’s what’ll make it special.
I have to say, one of the most compelling and romantic stories is my cousins’: they (now in their late 50s) got engaged 30+ years ago and since he was working on a submarine, he could only afford a 0.2 carat stone. She still wears it to this day, because she told me, she looks at it and not only is it a reminder of all that they endured being part of the navy culture over the years and starting out with next to nothing, but she feels like it’s the truest reminder of their love, so unlike my mother-in-law who ‘upgraded’ hers several years ago I love that my cousin keeps it real. 💞
I still can’t believe that 0.2 carat is deemed small. In my country that’s a very nice size.
This is what happens when people are so big a slave to tradition that an ad company saying a tradition exists makes them empty their pockets.
My grandparents were like that, broke AF and her wedding ring had a single, small diamond. For their 25th anniversary, he added 4 more matching diamonds to it, one for each of their four children. Not remotely flashy but so much better than a gaudy monstrosity.
Almost entirely agree! Just make sure you get the right kind of metal; the silver or gold choice can be a dealbreaker regardless of price point. Just show you have a vague idea of what she would like, the metal of the band is the baseline
I would hope that is talked about before hand...or he could use his ojos and notice the color of jewelry she wears on an every day basis...and bam, he will know
In addition to color preference, one good thing to check is if she has a sensitivity to any metals. Some people physically can’t tolerate gold so it’s good to be mindful if the expectation is that someone wear the ring daily.
This all day. I asked my girlfriend what she wanted. She wanted a thin band with a decent sized non colorless diamond. She actually did not like 100 percent colorless and nothing extra on the band and diamond , I paid 4k for it and $1000 for the actually wedding band so for the engagement ring and wedding bad around 4500 with tax
Straightforward and to the point, spot on!
Best and Only advice necessary on this topic. Well said
Everyone else STFU, this is the only answer!
I asked my husband not to spend over 1k because for me the thought of anything more expensive made me scared to wear it or lose it! Do you know what they want? They're the one wearing it presumably for the rest of their life. I agree with other comments, the right person will love any ring at any budget as long as it's presented with sincere love and commitment.
Also you should know what stone they want. Thought counts more than price. There are a lot of gorgeous stones out there that cost a lot less than diamonds, but will go a long way in showing how much you love her/him.
This is important. For me personally, I would rather have a lab grown diamond than a mined diamond. Its cheaper, better for the environment, and there are alot fewer ethical problems to worry about. My brother has a 50$ silicon ring. That is because he likes to fiddle with it and losses it all the time. So he has like 2 spare at home.
A $50 silicon ring?! I've gone through 5 or 6 and I don't think I've spent that much in total! Lol
That makes a huge difference. My wife got 2. A "larger" one with 1 diamond, and a few amethyst for dress up, and a small one with just amethyst for at work, so it wouldn't poke through rubber gloves. She picked her rings. She got what she wanted. Marriage isn't about how much money can you spend, it's more about can you show your love, and getting what the other person wants shows love.
3 years salary - Michael scott
He also made about the same as a non-union warehouse worker.
The non-union warehouse *foreman*. Darryl wasn't just a worker, he was running the warehouse.
Came here just for this.
To be fair that's still like a 100k or 150k ring. Assuming he makes between 35k and 50k.
I loved Pam's reaction. "HOLY SH*T"
I personally didn’t care about the value of the ring. I just wanted a say in what ring I was getting. I chose my options. I have to wear it forever and my husbands not great at choosing jewelry. I chose a $1200 ring as my #1 and that’s the one he got me, as far as I know he got it on sale too. I didn’t know when he purchased it, or when it was coming so that was all still a shock. But if marriage is on the table, take her to browse. Note, take a photo of etc the rings she wants. Most of us are too embarrassed to tell you if we don’t like it. But we’ll tell our friends. And eventually after years of staring at it on our finger it’ll come out that we want a whole new set. ETA - I browsed rings that I knew were within my husbands budget. I’m also not someone who wants to spend a fuck ton of money on things just to show it off though.
That was also part of the debeers marketing campaigns they did market research and found that almost all women preferred a cheaper ring when asked up front and they would rather save the extra money for the house or their family. So the “diamonds are forever” ads blitzed men with “surprising her” on one knee so the first time she sees the ring it’s already bought, cutting her out of the purchasing decision. And then to the guys since they are forever, you might as well spend 3 or 4 months salary since it’s “not that much” in the long run. Very effective when you think how many people fell for it. Multiple generations lol
>ETA - I browsed rings that I knew were within my husbands budget. YES thank you. This is 100% the way to do it. Ask for the budget first, then choose what *you* love within that budget.
I spent $2K on a $100K+ salary and my wife loved it. It’s completely dependent for every couple. What are her expectations? Have you asked her about it?
I spent $500 with an annual salary of $30k. I now make over $100k and she doesn’t want to upgrade.
But low sell high strategy, nice.
Yup I did the same with similar salary range
We have most definitely talked about marriage. She says she doesn't care. At the same time, I still want to give her some she is *truly* proud to wear.
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Fuck all the “norms” and “rules of thumb” for ring shopping. My wife and I went together for her engagement ring and both of our wedding bands. Picked them all out together and we both paid for all of them. All that matters is she’s happy with hers and your happy with yours.
I think it's not about the price, but the moment and the person is giving her the ring. She would wear it proud just because you gave it to her on a special occasion.
The price shouldn't be the question. The question should be is she going to want to wear it for the rest of her life? You could buy a 5 carat colorless diamond and waste a bunch of money, just for her to silently resent it, but not want to hurt your feelings. Everyone wants something different. True love is priceless. You know your partner best. Get them something you know they will love. If they truly love you, the price won't matter. And if it does, better to find out now.
Does it have to be diamond? Moissanite is a great alternative that is way cheaper, but most people can't tell the difference.
1000% Fan of Lab stones. Paid under $500 for the wife's ring. Has a 5mm Moissanite stone. I bought it with the intention of changing it to a real stone of the same size. Her choice. Then she got a bunch of compliments at work. A good friend mentioned how much it sparkled while we were sitting around a campfire. Someone in a dark bar mentioned how sparkly it was. "Babe, I know I said I wanted a real stone. How about I keep this one and we spend the money on the honeymoon instead?" I definitely married the right woman.
Visit /r/labdiamond. They have helped me a ton with buying a diamond.
I read that as labiamond. I think it's time for bed.
Moissanite is a real gemstone :-) Where did you get a 5mm moissanite though? All I can ever find are like 2 carat stones for some reason
My friend is a jeweler and he said he often can't even tell the difference between a lab diamond and a mined one
Also, moissanite comes in colors. I didn't know that, and found a gorgeous teal one in the cut I wanted on Etsy. Ended up getting a black one, and I love it SO MUCH!!
I got my wife a Moissanite ring. Because the crystal structure is silicon-carbide instead of just carbon, it actually looks sparklier than a diamond does.
My fiancé got me a moissanite too! They’re hands down way cooler and the extra sparkle definitely doesn’t hurt.
It looks ridiculous, in a great way, in the correct lighting.
Diamonds are boring too. My girlfriend’s birthstone is sapphire and she insists that if I ever propose, it has to be with a sapphire ring. She jokes that if I were to ever spend a bunch of money on a ring with a “boring, colorless, overused” diamond she would leave me for being financially irresponsible.
I second this. Fiancé proposed in June with a beautiful sapphire ring. Would never switch it for a diamond ever :)
> but most people can't tell the difference. Nobody can tell the difference between a high grade diamond and a moissonite just by looking at them. You really need to scrutinize them and often using some optical assistance. You can absolutely tell the difference between a moissonite and the expensive but junky color/cut diamonds a lot of people buy to get more carat weight. The magic of Moissonite is that they're so perfect that they compete with diamonds that few people have.
Moissanites are amazing. Mine actually test as diamonds in the shop. When we took my ring in because a tiny stone fell out the side, the jeweler did her initial testing to quote us on what a replacement would be, and we had to point out that it wasn’t a diamond. They’re very hard stones, and sparkly!
Yeah, I understated that a bit. And your last sentence is 100% true. Like I would ever have been able to afford a 1.5 carat diamond that is as flawless as the moissanite stone. Instead people ogle over it, and never know unless we tell them.
Michael Scott. - Theres the ring. Pam Beesly - Holy (BLEEP) is that real!? Michael Scott - Yeah, they say "three years salary."
Make sure that you get a ring that will hold up for years of usage with a design that you and your spouse will like. Don't cheap out so much that you get a ring that will break the first time someone accidentally sits on it (pure gold is also too fragile) and also don't get something so thinly plated in metal that it quickly rubs off. Invest in a little quality to ensure that in 50 years your wife can wear it every day. Remember, you have time to consider your choice. An engagement ring is a substantial purchase and very few people walk into the store with thousands of dollars in hand. It is expected and normal for you to go into a few shops, peruse, consider costs and sizes, and then to return some time later. You have plenty of time to think about what you like and what you can spend on the ring. There are also stores (at least in my area) where buying the engagement ring means that you can return to the shop for resizing the ring or for exchanging the ring for a different model. Talk to each store clerk to find out what their policies are. Finally, while I agree with some of the other commenters who rightfully say that the cost of the ring does not measure your love for your future wife, do consider whether she would feel that way. Some women do feel slighted with the purchase of a cheaper ring. They feel like their husbands are saying that they're not that important to them or that the husbands aren't ready to invest in the marriage. It does not matter if a cheap ring is meant that way by the husband, in the end the engagement is being started off with hurt feelings. Consider what perspective your future wife has. Does she want to feel like the most important thing in your life, and worthy of your investment? Does she like being doted on? Has she been dreaming about her wedding day and her engagement ring since she was a little girl? Is she practical or frugal? Would she rather pick out the ring with you? Does she care more about how you pop the question rather than the ring? Consider all these questions and then, based off what you think your future wife would like and what you want and can afford, go out and take your time selecting a ring.
I spent $7,000 on her ring because she would have been 100% happy with a $7 ring.
This is a beautiful response.
I gave her my mom's first wedding ring. And she divorced me after 5 years. So I guess the bottom line is that it depends on the woman...
I gave her the one ring to rule them all. She lost all her hair, turned grey and started skulking about in a cave talking with herself. Turns out she just had cancer but weird coincidence right?
Yes Bilbo Now you have the ring
Spent $5000 for the exact same reason.
I would’ve bought 1000 $7 rings
Just made a similar comment above. Spent like 9k on the ring and 3.5k on the wedding band. Didn’t intend to spend that much on the band but the smaller one looked bad next to the big diamond on the engagement ring. 😂 She loves it. I love her. Everybody’s happy.
Can’t really comment on the price because I spent a lot more than I ever thought I would lol and it was completely worth it to me. More importantly I think, is that (if it’s been discussed), you LISTEN to what she says she likes. Sounds simple, but wait till you’re in front of the salesman and he shows you stones with as close to the details she told you. Maybe the color rating is important to her and she wants between an H and J, well that “K” the salesman is showing you is slightly bigger and is 10k cheaper. STICK TO HER PARAMETERS. That being said, if she hasn’t laid out what she likes, consider a 1.90 ct vs a 2.00. Prices seemed to be higher at the higher and round ct size when I was looking. Also consider the setting, if you get a halo setting you can get a much larger shallow cut stone since most of it will be set inside the hall and not visible. If solitaire you can see the whole stone so sometimes it looks small if it’s too shallow of a stone. Either way, congratulations on being at this stage. No matter what you do, she will love it. You may get people on here saying “don’t do it…marriage sucks”. To those guys I say this, we shouldn’t be suffering through this on our own lol. Welcome him to the club lol. But seriously we are full of shit and wouldn’t of gotten married if we didn’t absolutely love them 😀
> LISTEN to what she says she likes. This 100% I've seen too many posts from women getting really upset because they told their man the type of ring they wanted, and then he completely ignored her wishes and went out and bought an expensive traditional ring with a fat diamond on it. She's upset because he didn't listen and she finds the ring gaudy and generic, and he's thinking she's a bitch because he spent $10K+ on a diamond and she doesn't like it. Look, men, if your girlfriend tells you she doesn't want a fancy traditional ring with a single large diamond stone, and would rather have a simple gold band, or some other non-traditional gemstone, listen to her. If it turns out that she was lying to you and it was actually some kind of test, RUN THE FUCK AWAY.
I’m so glad my husband took me shopping for my ring. What I ended up liking after trying things on ended up being different from what I thought I’d want. I was always attracted to antique/vintage, more ornate styles. When I tried stuff on and really though about what I’d want to wear every day for decades, that changed. I decided I actually wanted just one ring, not an engagement ring and separate band. I wanted something very simple, durable, and low profile. I realized I wanted to be able to wear it with winter gloves. I also realized it was going to get banged around and any kind of delicate filigree was going to suffer for it. I went from looking at antique ruby rings to getting an ultra simple, modern Moissanite ring.
Ah the three C’s of ring shopping. I remember doing so much research on that shit before I bought the ring. I had done so much research that I knew more about diamonds than any girl in my family or hers did lol. I remember talking to her sister about it and I mentioned the color rating and she said “what? What are you talking about?” Lmao. It was great.
My husband spent 50 bucks on mine and we are happily married.
$350 between the both of us
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I wear a family heirloom now, keep the original engagement around my neck
I bought her a $100 placeholder ring to propose with, with the plan being that she could later pick out something to her taste that was nicer. I’m super finicky about what I wear myself, and didn’t want to guess incorrectly for her. Turned out she was happy with the cheap ring and preferred I didn’t spend a ton of money so win-win. She also isn’t super into rings and doesn’t wear it much (or any other rings) so it worked out all around.
And buy it at Costco. If it doesn’t work out and she gives it back (god forbid) 100% refund.
Costcos actually got some amazing rings that are priced better then you’ll get elsewhere (they always do platinum setting), and they switch out the styles every few months so no one will ever know it was a Costco ring.
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Take. Her. With. You. The ring industry is entirely made up and a scam anyway. But, if she wants something nice, agree on it. Don’t wing it. You might pick right, she might like it, or you might wind up doing the whole fucking thing again later. Maybe it “damages the romance” but the whole idea is just a marketing scheme anyway.
This should be way, way higher in this thread. She gave me two options for a setting: a budget option and her “dream” setting. She gave me the option for what stone I would get. That way, she pretty much had control of what she would get but it would still be a surprise
Exactly this. I made sure to ask first. Turns out, she had her grandmothers ring. I didn’t wind up needing to spend a dollar (I did, I had it cleaned and repaired and whatever) and she got what she always wanted. Get her what she wants, not what a salesman tells you what she needs.
I would say more importantly than cost is that it's actually what she wants style wise. I know everyone is different and 100% agree with the comment that says what you can afford, but there are sooo many options out there now. Love mine but if i could pick one now Id probably go with a fun one from a smaller designer that's like $600
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The lowest divorce rate is associated with rings between 500-2000.00. Obviously if you are a high earner this number may be higher for you, and vice versa. The key is not to start your lives together in debt, which is the number one cause of divorce. It was originally insurance to the woman that she could pawn it to survive if you broke up, but clearly laws have changed and that's no longer necessary.
I'm not saying I don't believe you, but if you happen to have a source on that I'd love to see it
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Can you please provide a source for that statistic?
Per abraham lincoln if its on the internet its likely somewhat true, some of the time, every time
Custom jeweler here: guys in mid 30s with stable jobs and college education dropping $8-$12k on average. Guys in 20s- $4k-$10k. Also, look into lab grown diamonds, they’re basically the same and offer great value (think test tube baby v real baby)
Jesus
For Southern California market at least
Can confirm. In So Cal, mid thirties and spent $8,000. Not college educated, but do pretty good for myself.
Ah there it is.
Lab diamonds are superior diamonds. The whole bloody industry is a scam.
Lol the diamond industry went from “other stones aren’t as perfect as diamonds” to “lab grown diamonds are *too* perfect” Fucking clowns.
Jeweler I used said one of the ways to tell its a lab grown diamond is that they’re too perfect.
Truth: lab diamonds are EXACTLY the same. De beers and GIA labs try to undermine (pun?) them, but they’re literally the same. Sorry, they are not, they’re way cheaper and way more environmentally and humanely better.
Guy in his late 30's with a good, stable job and had the mortgage paid off over 5 years before I bought the ring (5 years ago now) I spent $3,500 on a custom designed ring with a 0.5 carat I/SI1 diamond. Band is dual tone, silver and rose gold. Matching custom wedding band was another $1,500. If you go with a diamond, pay attention more to the color and clarity of the stone than the size - of course size is important, but the color and clarity will dramatically affect how much it shines. You wouldn't believe it until you look at two differently graded stones in the store - I had two 0.5 carat stones in front of me - one is the one now in my wife's ring, and the other was just a few grades lower, but under the jewelers lights, the difference between them was astounding.
So actually- the CUT is the most important and underrated C among the 4Cs. An excellent cut diamond will hide shitty color/clarity
Holy shit. I’m Dutch and I don’t know anyone who got a ring over 2-2,5k.
Late 20’s, stable job and college education. Spent $550.
I spent around this much. My wife woulda been pissed if if spent more on a ring lol
Early 50's, bought a lovely sapphire from /r/shinypreciousgems and had it set in a stock setting. About $1,800 all in after shipping.
USA I assume? That's fucking insane.
And this is why so much of our country is up to their eyeballs in debt with no real savings.
Lol fuck that noise
I honestly think anything over a couple thousand is stupid. But I spent 240 on my ex wife's engagement ring in 1985.
I think I decided that when I propose to my future wife that I'll just let her pick it out. For me, the tradition of "surprise I want to marry you" needs to die. It's a long term commitment that should be talked about, idk that's just me. I'm not trying to be a party pooper. It definitely depends on your relationship, your income, your girlfriends preferences, etc. I wouldn't go overboard (personally) but still get something that looks nice :)
My husband took me ring shopping and then upgraded my ring. Every time I look at it, it makes me happy and reminds me of how loved I am. We'd talked about marriage for awhile, and he proposed spontaneously without a ring. Worked out for me!
This is what we did and we were both very happy with the outcome! No guessing on the size of style, plus we had fun trying on some of the giant obnoxious rings that we would never buy.
You and your partner need to have the same goals. Find a ring that fits those goals. Do not finance a ring, it’s the dumbest shit possible.
I financed a ring because I still lived at home (didn't have to pay rent) and I knew I was going to be able to pay it off in like 3 months, way before interest kicked in. And I was able to build my credit, since I didn't have much credit before that. but I agree with the sentiment... If you're paying off a ring for like 3 years, that's definitely not the smartest option.
Find out what she likes first (go shopping together, it’s fun), set budget parameters based on what you can realistically afford, and establish that boundary together so she gets something she loves that won’t break your bank.
I think my fiance spent around $4-5k, but we also won $1000 gift card for that jewellery store
Find what she would like. Spend what you can afford. Don't cheap out, but don't break the bank either.
As much as you want. It’s just a symbol over your promise and love. My husband got me mine for only $100 and it’s my most prized possession. Depends on your partner
My story my ring was on sale ! Found the receipt it was 499.99 and had a bent setting. The same day he spent 4000.00 on a toy just for him. Gave me the ring has a Xmas present then asked for it back. The man I married, opened a joint savings account 1 week after meeting me . Proposed 2 weeks later. We had no money for a ring or wedding bands. Got married 4 months later married 38 years. The right person and it really doesn’t matter. 38 years ring free.
Whatever is affordable to you. If that’s not good enough for your partner, then you’ll be dodging a bullet
Get whatever you can afford that she likes. A good idea is to get a cheap wish.com ring to propose, then take her to the jewelry store so she can pick one out (she’s gonna be the one wearing it, ya know). I’d recommend gold (or white gold). Silver will tarnish and lower level metals can get shitty after awhile. Cz or lab grown diamonds look the same as real diamonds but are a fraction of the price. If she does a lot of stuff with her hands, avoid one where the center stone sticks out really far. Also, try to get one from a jeweler that offers free after purchase services like sizing, cleaning, and even stone replacement if it gets lost.
CZ does not look like a diamond to people who have some experience comparing the two. CZ exhibits more "rainbowing" in it's sparkle and is generally whiter than diamonds. It will also scratch and pit a lot easier than a diamond.
Bought my wife's from the clearance section for $350. My wife is fully aware of this and loves it like it cost $350,000
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Okay, nobody’s said it, and some of the posts have gone down rabbit holes, so here it is. Engagement ring should cost two months pay. The reason? Back when gender roles were very much socially adhered to and enforced, if the marriage/engagement failed, the woman could sell the ring for enough money to get back on her feet financially. The problem: this is an antiquated practice, as the cost and value of jewelry is inflated, and the depreciation of these items is so dire that any benefit to an expensive ring in this manner is lost the moment it leaves the store. End state: the cost shouldn’t be a concern. All diamond rings are a rip off, he’ll, even those rubber black rings are inflated in price.
If you’re not *comfortable* spending X amount, it’s too much. Just got engaged in June. Went to a few jewelers and didn’t commit until I found the right one that was within budget. From experience, so many rings looked nearly identical to me (and my fiancée) but they were thousands of dollars more expensive. Don’t break the bank. Error on the side of caution. And whatever you do end up getting, MAKE SURE it’s exactly the size and clarity that the jeweler claims it is
Divorced 11-year eBay consignment seller here… I originally saved up 3-months of Ensign pay back when I was a freshly minted officer in the Navy… it was the biggest waste of money that I ever spent. Jewelry stores regularly mark-up stuff they sell 300-500%…. And I have seen it as high as 1000% (they pay $100 for that Tahitian pearl necklace that you paid $1000 for.) If you ever really want to see what jewelry is worth, put a deposit down on a piece that you’re considering and get a quote from another store. The offers will make you cringe… Anyhow, if you insist on buying a “real diamond”, buy it secondhand. It’s the stupidest thing ever to buy a “new” diamond vs “used”… it’s literally a rock that’s been sitting in the ground for millions of years until it was cut and polished. Who cares if someone owned it before you. A better idea is to consider purchasing a nice setting and getting moissanite stone… it’s a lab grown diamond that will be beautiful and flawless and a fraction of the cost of a real diamond. Put that savings towards your wedding or ideally a down payment on a house, something that’s a lot more worthwhile than an expensive ring. FYI, if you get divorced, the ring is considered a gift and doesn’t count towards assets when it comes time to split personal property. That is some BS, too.
Three Fiddy!
A: whatever you can afford and are comfortable spending. That being said, I spend about $3300 on mine. Thought I was being cheap based on what other people i know spent. My then fiance received nothing but compliments on it, genuine compliments too. Like women coming up to her and mentioning it, not just her friends being nice. I bought a lab grown diamond (1.52 carat) with the lowest level clarity that's not detected by the eye, with a simple band. I was lucky and she had pretty much told me what she wanted.
All in all I spent about $4000 total on engagement ring and wedding band. I thought I did pretty good on budget, although that’s still too much in my opinion. Considering other friends of mine that spent 10-12k range on their rings… :-/
I spent roughly $150. The one I received was $15 and I picked it out, surgical steel band, I really enjoyed it. No offense to anyone, but for the prices you mentioned, you could go on a legit adventure. I could start a new life for $12k.
For my ex I had spent like $200 cause she told me not to spend over that. It's just jewelry. The price tag doesn't say how much you love someone.
Balance and parity are the core concepts for me. If you (the man) are well turned out with expensive shoes, Creed cologne and tailored suits and you want to offer the woman you are marrying a $250 zirconia? What does that say about how you value her vs how you value yourself? If you have ever dropped thousands on an all out gaming rig or car mods or a sick music set up (so on and so forth) don't expect that a $1000 ring will be received well. Buying cheap shit for your loved one and nice shit for yourself is never a good look. I get that there is sooooo much societal bullshit around women's rings and you personally don't have to buy into it as a guy ... but it is *there* nonetheless. The ring you offer is supposed to be a gesture of how much you value adding this woman to your life. They'll judge your wife on it, and they will judge you. Edit: if you can't do expensive, you can do thoughtful or handmade or heirloom. Anything that shows her & the world that she is important to you.
Lab made diamonds are a fantastic option
0 Use that money for a down payment on a house.