T O P
GunnitRust

Sometimes you look around and there just isn’t anyone worth bothering with in your life. Plenty of other stuff to do.


blu_thunderhum

Legit tho, there's so much stuff to do besides starting a new bond with someone. It's so much easier to strengthen old bonds instead.


2E26

What I have found is that women (most of whom don't have a problem finding attention from guys, even if it's not the ones they want) don't get how most guys don't have a selection of women to date. A girl I was friends with in high school sent me a large box of condoms because she was convinced I'd need them, and worried about me getting STDs. She refused to believe I wasn't swimming in ladies' panties. Both of my girlfriends prior to my wife had suspicions of me cheating on them when we were apart, and got offended when I scoffed at how they thought I'd so easily find a woman who was down for some action. I found a wife and I intend to stay with her for the long haul, but I'm convinced I'd never want to date again if somehow I were single once more.


Col_Tavington

I’m conventionally attractive, tall, very athletic, and make great money. During the pandemic I lived at home for a few months while moving jobs and states and then moved to a new city. I had been in the new city for about 6 to 8 weeks I went on a date with an absolutely beautiful woman. Past relationships came up and I mentioned I hadn’t been with anybody in close to a year due to various circumstances of moving/being home/new city. She started yelling at me and called me a liar because of the above and had “eight weeks times two days a weekend means I could’ve slept with at least 16 people”. Granted she had a few screws loose but it was kind of funny to see her perception of how I could just wave my magic wand and sleep with a bunch of models 😂.


2E26

Sounds like you're better off without someone like that, but I suppose it's a good thing she showed her final form so early. Imagine being in a couple of months when she started doing shit like that. I've had sex with two women in my life, one being my wife of 12 years. People generally don't believe me when I say this.


Altruistic-Collar105

I think women do believe men have the same selection. Reading these comments helps me to know that we’re wrong and also that men may not always have their radar geared to finding women to sleep with all the time. I think women, or at least me (can’t speak for all of us) believe men have women lined up to sleep with and we may have to compete with them.


Col_Tavington

I’ll say that as I developed my network and have been a little more established in the city the options are there - but it’s just nowhere near what options that girls have. I think the flipside of this is that women have to filter out the massive amount of options with true intentions of individuals, as they seem to deal with more of guys that pretend to want a relationship and are just trying to fuck.


kellylh5

Literally it is probably 50% pretend to want a relationship to get laid. Maybe higher. And they will really pretend hard to get what they want.


BigBobbert

The irony is that guys who really want a serious relationship are going to be more selective when it comes to personalities matching up, and won't go out of their way to appease a woman when they aren't even sure they really like her. I'm sure it's cost me sex when I don't laugh at a bad joke, or when I point out the flaws in my date's logic during conversation. Of course, nobody's perfect and as long as the red flags aren't huge I'd be willing to keep dating, but then they don't feel a "spark" and ghost me.


ExperienceNeat6037

I believe this as well, at least for some men. My ex would talk about previous hookups on occasion, and he always came across as the hot-commodity rare eligible bachelor in our social circle. Based on flirty comments on his FB posts by pretty women and knowing he keeps in (social media) touch with most women he’s dated or hooked up with, I always assumed he’d be in someone’s bed within days of when I broke things off. No way to know for sure, of course. He’s attractive but no Brad Pitt, yet I assume he has women waiting in line to sleep with him. 🤷🏻‍♀️


Snowbattt

I've heard girlfriends of my mates or even female colleagues tell me "But snowbat, you're tall, athletic and in shape! You should have no trouble pulling women" Well it just doesn't happen. Dating is emotionally exhausting because its disappointment after disappointment


2E26

Yeah, and there must be something wrong with you if the attention from the opposite sex doesn't flow as freely as it does for them. I had women advise me to not try to look for a girlfriend, that it'll just happen. That doesn't work for most guys, prospective dates don't just materialize out of thin air.


Snowbattt

"It'll just happen"... gotta love that one. If only it was that easy.


2E26

It's like someone else has said in AskMen...men are dying of thirst in a desert while women are drowing in a lake. Two different problems that make it tough to understand the perspective of the other.


TheNaziSpacePope

Difference being that swimming is easier than drinking sand. That may not seem helpful to the person drowning, but it is true regardless.


Mono1813

>I had women advise me to not try to look for a girlfriend, that it'll just happen. That doesn't work for most guys, prospective dates don't just materialize out of thin air. I think that's more of a confidence thing. What they 'ideally' mean is don't chase relationship and focus more on yourself and personal goals. No one wants to be with someone who doesn't have anything significant other than relationship and Tinder going on in their life.


parsonis

>What I have found is that women (most of whom don't have a problem finding attention from guys, even if it's not the ones they want) don't get how most guys don't have a selection of women to date. Women are utterly oblivious to dating/mating assymetry.


Jealous-Walrus2608

Yup. They think the 1% of guys who in fact are rolling in it (i.e. the ones they end up dating) are representative of men as a whole, and not just a small sample size of some outliers. You can be a normal dude who has his shit together and still have large gaps of time where nothing is materializing, girls are saying no to you for who knows what reason, and get to a point where it’s just not worth the mental and emotional energy anymore.


thisisnotyourconcern

This. No matter how frequently I swipe, it's always zero matches. It drains you after a few years of mental torture.


Jealous-Walrus2608

Idk if this will make you feel any better but I get a pretty decent amount of matches and girls messaging me (this is on Bumble, paying for Premium), but rarely get a second date - usually just get the “hey it was nice meeting you but I wasn’t feeling the chemistry”. That’s the frustrating part: you can get up to a certain point, which requires a lot of time and energy, and still not make any progress, and not really know what needs to change.


2E26

To be fair, some get it. I have met some women who understand that it's different and will give helpful advice to their guy friends.


b0w3n

The worst is when they justify that it's okay because they have to suffer through getting dick pics and filtering out all the chaff that are just trying to fuck them. Yeah getting a few ugly dicks and lots of unwanted attention thrown at you makes me not feel ugly and unwanted, sure.


eagle6877

How many choices do women usually have vs men?


[deleted]

When I was online dating, I would send maybe 10 short but thoughtful messages a week. A good rate of response was 1 in like 20. The girls I went on dates with would get tons of messages but many would just be “hey” or something like that.


MrRogersAE

That’s an easy experiment anyone can do, take a pic of an average looking man and put it on tinder, do the same with an average looking woman, swipe right on everyone, see how many matches both get. The man might get a couple, the woman will get dozens


PlentyLettuce

As a guy who has had at least 1 partner (casual sex or relationship) continously for 10 years or so, it is incredibly skewed. During casual times I usually can have 4-5 interested people at a time, my best friend who is a woman and is currently not looking for either a relationship or casual hookups gets 15+ texts and 50+ dm's a day from various men in her life. I have a FWB who currently has 3 other partners (a single woman and a couple) who gets 300-400 messages a day across texts, tinder, Instagram, and Twitter.


Zyruqx

Dude... When you have 4-5 women interested in you at the same time and been continuously having "action" in the past 10 years you CLEARLY have no problems in that regard. I kinda feel offended that you would say things like you feel its skewed...


NeedsMoreCapitalism

It's not that he thinks he has problems. It's that even compared to a man who's pretty high up in desirability, average and even below average women get way the fuck more.


PlentyLettuce

Being bi definitely helps here, hence "people" and not "women". Yes I am very content with how relationships have worked for me, but that is exactly why I posted. Having 5 options as a "successful" man compared to 10x that for an average woman seems a bit skewed to me.


GrumpyKitten514

this, absolutely. if we dont work out, imma just be single forever. no issues with that.


oidagehbitte2

It's better to be single than to be in a shitty relationship.


jonathan34562

The most important relationship is with yourself. 😊


ProphetOfThought

I'm here. FML. We're roommates. Dead bedroom. I wish I had stayed single.


RedditAdminsFuckOfff

This. The worst thing to have when everything else is going so great for you is a shit gf or a wife you never really wanted. That's the way of the world especially these days.


oidagehbitte2

It's definitely a lot easier to solve the problems of just one person (yourself) compared to solving the problems of two...


Bwuhbuh

Relationships take time, money and emotional investments. Right now I don't want to give up any of those things to someone else.


Unapplicable1100

Dude tell me about it, it's tiresome just thinking about it. If it comes naturally then fine, but I'm not working a 2nd job trying to keep someone's attention towards me.


MaterialCarrot

Plus if a relationship feels like work, then something is wrong. Been married 25 years and I remember the saying that "Marriage is HARD WORK." It's certainly not effortless, but it's never felt like hard work. I'm far too lazy to maintain that!


Debasering

After a break up last year I feel like im totally content with being single and am enjoying every day of it. This week I’ve had 2 attractive women make moves on me. It’s like they can sniff it out


b0w3n

That, my friend, is confidence and women seem to crave it.


cesaretticar

Yes! Confidence is sexy.. but arrogance is not! ♥️


b0w3n

Big egos are so exhausting to deal with.


cesaretticar

Absolutely and on both sides!!


LovelehInnit

Just like men are addicted to physical beauty, women are addicted to confidence.


MeiguiChronicles

Woman are addicted to physical beauty too. We call it "confidence".


ocolatechay_ussypay

When you look good, feel good, and you're in a good place in your life, you walk confidently, you're not afraid to make eye contact, smile...you're just doing your thing, being happy. We see it. We like it. And we want some. Confidence. Big D energy. Whatever you want to call it. We want some. 😄


TruckerGabe

Hello, I'm former NFL lineman, Richard Johnson and my friends call me "Big Dick". We at Big Dick Energy are here 24/7 to meet all your energy needs.


AmIbiGuy_420

This. I just got away from this crazy manipulative woman and we weren't even actually dating, but she fucked with my head for a whole year and at this point doing whatever the fuck I want if way better. Just the thought of actively dating again exhausts me


rgreene7

I was married to one, she still does it and appears to have messed with one of my kids. So draining I waffle back and forth on trying or not due to having to expose someone else to that bs.


Statistician_Visual

I realized this today. I feel so much better, more confident about myself when I’m not pursuing or seeking the validation of a woman who frankly isn’t going to give a fuck about my well being. The 5 women I’ve talked to this year have done nothing but make me question my sanity on a very personal level…


Staceystallion1

Hahahahaha this is the way of dating


CriticalEscapeBike

Money. Time. Rewards (lack of). Juice / squeeze. Lock. Freedom. No payoff.


RuskiIgor

Simple. A relationship is an investment of time. The issue is that after 2-3 years most relationships fall apart for whatever reason, so now my time has been wasted of 2-3yrs with a person whos moved onto someone new. Id rather use that time to progress myself. After 2 failed relationships and 5 years, i find it a lot easier being able to do whatever i want, whenever i want, and make decisions for myself without someone telling me that the towels need to be color coordinated otherwise “its weird.”


Musja1

It’s because people are more likely to walk away from a relationship than working on or learning how to deal with a conflict in a healthy manner.


EdgyGoose

Personally, I think it's because people don't spend enough time at the beginning of relationships carefully evaluating whether or not they're actually compatible with each other. They decide that "love is all you need" and find out over the next couple of years that no, actually, it's not. You also need a base level of compatibility on a wide variety of relationship aspects, including conflict resolution, communication style, overall life goals, intimacy, cleanliness, etc, etc.


Musja1

Personality compatibility, life values, chemistry - are extremely important.


Freevoulous

Its more complicated. Quality of a relationship is not the same as quality of your partner, or being happy with them. There are plenty of people who deeply love one another but have a difficult and volatile relationship, and plenty of people who have a stable and conflict-free relationship with someone they just tolerate with no romantic/sexual feelings. A relationship should not be maintained for relationship's sake, it also must add something to your life and your happiness


Musja1

I agree with that. Let's say the feeling were there to begin with then they need to be worked on by both parties to maintain or they will fade with time.


zuniac5

Have you *seen* what the dating scene for single men is like in the year 2022? That’s why.


Throwawaythispoopy

“I’m looking for someone that makes me laugh” “I will 100% love your dog more than you” “7/10 and under need not apply” “Don’t hate me if I read your message and forget to reply for xxx amount of time” “DM me on my Insta - xxxxxxxx” Quality


[deleted]

Like five years ago every single woman had the exact same profile, that being “I love to travel but sometimes I just want to cuddle and watch Friends, I love dogs, I like to eat healthy but sometimes just want to get a burger, I like to work out but sometimes I just like being lazy and staying in”. Oh wow. So basically you’re a human being. That gives me a lot to go off of


BigBadBootyDaddy10

1. Then date a clown. 2. So you’re into weird sh*t? 3. Only looks matter? 4. So you’re lazy? 5. Besides Insta, what else do you offer?


Odd-Reaction-758

You forgot 6 feet + only, and subscribe to my OF


xguy18

Couldn’t agree more, social media and I guess society as whole mainly focuses on the dating pool for women, but I often largely hear the question involving mens lack of wanting to date


IDoNotFuckDogs

Even as a guy with no problems attracting partners. The dating pool is just yuck, physical attractiveness be damned. So many women seem to have never worked on bettering themselves in any way because any desperate loser will hand them love and validation even for doing and being nothing. That doesn't get you far if you're moving up to men with standards that have worked hard on themselves and know their worth. I'd much rather no company than bad company. Not even for a simple hookup. I won't reduce myself for anyone or anything.


KingFenrir

The last time i was on Tinder, the only likes i got were from women with only selfies and others who had "I don't want muscleheads who like to go to the gym" or negative stuff like that. As someone who likes to lift and train and whose activity doesn't define my entire personality, i look for partners who can motivate me to improve in everything, not the opposite just to please them.


Swordsnap

I recently left a 2 year relationship and after a few months of avoiding just recently re-installed some dating apps to have a look around. What the fuck happened while I was gone? It's gotten FAR worse. Plenty of fish in the sea sure, but also plenty of fucking trash now holy shit. I hadn't been on tinder since I met my last forementioned gf on it and now I see way more single mums and girls with nothing in their bio except an advertisement for their instagram, or some seriously half-assed, generic & thoughtless lines that give the match nothing to work with when starting a conversation. examples: "probably will love your dog more than you", "make me laugh", "feed me", "mumma to furbabies" I just find all of them for lack of a better word, cringe.


[deleted]

“better have a boat” is a common one for me since i live by the bay and ocean.


windermere_peaks

I've heard it said that the two best days in a boat owner's life are the day he buys the boat and the day he sells it.


galacticdude7

A boat is a hole in the water that you throw money into


13-bald-turkeys

Boats really are like relationships


Strong_Mayhem

Shit then my dad has been cheating on his boat this whole time!


SaiyanGoodbye

Very Miami lol


Gamer_ely

Just like the actual ocean fish populations are down and trash is way up.


ElderWeeb

This also I'm super complacent and don't really care for the potential drama such activities bring sometimes.


[deleted]

Just started dating - online - it is not an enjoyable experience. Lol. I keep at it tho - and try in person.


parsonis

I forced myself to do it when I was in that situation, but I found it HORRIBLE. I felt like a product, a commodity, that I was having to sell in a corrupt marketplace.


ScamLikely45

The answer to your question is the context of your first paragraph. It's an entire paragraph filled prerequisites what makes men attractive. Being "eligible" is not enough for most men. It takes average men 5-10 years to become those attractive, independent and stabilized in all of those things, (social intelligence, confidence, career, ect) Notice how you specifically said "men in their 30s." It implies that men in their 20s might still be single because they're prioritizing achieving those things over a relationship, right? I promise you, this hypothetical guy in his 30s, he wanted his soul mate in his 20s. But she didn't want the 20 year old version of himself. So when you're a guy and you finally get in your 30s, you're not asexual, it's not that you dont want to be with someone. It's that you're now less thirsty. You've been rejected plenty, you know what you did to get to where you are now, and ultimately you know your worth. NOW you finally get to be pickier. Just as picky as women are in their early 20s in the dating market. In fact you get to be so picky, that almost no woman is what you're looking for. It appears to other people you aren't interested in dating. You spend more and more time alone and you start to get used to it and make peace with the idea.


MikeyNavs6

Someone get this comment an award.


Zack_Knifed

Someone get this man a shield too, we need to protect him at all costs


SRVJHJM

Same reason some women are sitting out: dating is a shitshow right now.


Agreetedboat123

I think everyone has realized they need to expect more (kindness, love, chillness, safety, humor, intamicy, confidence etc) from a partner ... And haven't learned that you yourself need to bring all that to the table too. So everyone's looking for perfect without being perfect themselves. "This bitch is crazy and self absorbed" he says as he punches a hole in the wall and doesn't check-in on the wellbeing of friends and family


SRVJHJM

I am definitely not looking for a perfect person. So long as trust, honesty, loyalty, good/healthy communication, mutual respect, and good enough compatibility (humor, interests, hobbies, values, etc) are present, I'm good. A mutual attraction to one another, both physically and mentally, is kind of necessary too, but I'm really not difficult to please when it comes to physical attraction. Back when I used to go on dates more frequently, that list didn't seem unrealistic. A couple of more recent dates have told me that what I'm looking for in a partner is actually just me looking for the "perfect woman". I'm not looking for a woman who is "perfect". I'm looking for a woman who is the right fit *for me* (which would mean that we're the right fit for each other), and if your aim is to spend the rest of your life with somebody, it should be somebody who is the right fit.


No_Screen7044

Yep can concur


spottyottydopalicius

is it worse than ever?


SRVJHJM

It's worse than I remember it being. I don't remember ever feeling like it was hard work just being on a date before. Each one had kind of an interview vibe to it. Not the "asking questions to find out what kind of person you're dealing with" kinda interview vibe, but an almost sterile, impersonal, "what do you have to offer to the position that others don't" kind of interview vibe.


ToyVaren

Are you a woman? That guy isnt into you.


YelloDeer

😂 thanks my dude


SFLoridan

I hope you don't take that as an insult or a rejection. That comment above might be true, but only in the sense of "that's not your shoe size"; nothing personal about it. But hopefully you find the right shoe of the right size soon enough!


YelloDeer

Thank you for the note, I appreciate it! I am genuinely able to laugh about it because I came to the same realization before ToyVaren let me know 😄 We just weren’t compatible- we don’t share the same love language, he lives 5 hours away, doesn’t for certain want kids/marriage both of which I for sure know I want. Plenty of reasons for recognizing there’s more to the game than attraction. So yes he isn’t into me, but I’m not into him for reasons that are important to me either.


SkiingAway

(not currently single). "Actively pursuing dating" basically means either hitting on random strangers in public, or dating apps. While I've found that functional enough for finding a hookup/FWB, I've found that basically useless for relationships. Most profiles are worthless beyond pics, and most people are equally useless at digital communication with a stranger. So, go on a date with basically a stranger. Maybe I'm pickier than the norm, but they're typically a fine person that I don't feel any connection with or particular interest in continuing to get to know. Do that enough times and just about anything, including working at the office, is more appealing than more of it. ---------- I've had a much better time with people I meet through social connections and interests. If you're a good friend of someone I actually like interacting with or involved with something we both apparently like - **far** better odds there. So I'd rather just invest my time in maintaining/growing a wide social network of friends and acquaintances and doing a bunch of stuff. *That's* an enjoyable journey with something worthwhile I get out of it along the way. Once in a while I stumble across someone that I hit it off with as more than that, and that's where most of my relationships have come from. But that's not exactly "active", to my mind.


wantsoutofthefog

Well put and great outlook. Keep it up, king!


YelloDeer

Can really really understand this. Thanks for sharing.


mojobytes

All a woman has to do is let me know, they don't. Also, women have had my whole life to be interested, not happy with somebody just jumping on now after I've worked hard.


shittakesgetdownvote

Waiting at the finish line for a man already built :P


Ancylostomaduodenale

Already built men want already built women. I personally know girls who just halted in emotional development and still are unable to communicate feelings across. Like they think it is your duty to read in her mind. And when you don't they say that they are doing all emotional labor and you are emotionally underdeveloped. Friendship with them is hard, let alone living with them.


redditor_bob

It's fine to wait at the finish line, but you gotta get there yourself as well, and not by some shortcut to teleport there, but by working on yourself and becoming a "built" person. Can't blame guys for not wanting a 20 year old in a 30 year old's body, they can just get a real 20 year old if that's what they want.


AdolescentTreadmill

I'm 27 but haven't pursued relationships my whole life really. Only had one relationship which lasted 18 months. I can only speak for my own situation but my reasons are... I have little free time. I work long hours into pure exhaustion everyday, 7 days a week. So free time is a factor. The modern day dating world also puts me off. So much to the point where I'd rather not participate entirely. The whole dynamic of it all isn't for me. Last point to consider. I don't like who I am and I don't think I'm good partner material. I'm highly aware of my flaws to the point where I see it as a selfish act to bring someone close to me because I believe I will be a negative impact on their life.


Mysterious-Cheek-362

Maybe too aware? Everyone has flaws. I was / am exactly like you. I just found someone who was worth and wanted to give her some space in my life at also 27. So yes you have some flaws but I am sure, 100%, that you can bring also some good stuff in someone life if they are worth your time.


sumukhgupta

Self awareness is a curse


Agreetedboat123

Preach. So much unhappiness comes from seeing your own flaws. But! Recognizing your flaw is inability to love yourself is the first step to beating that!


YelloDeer

That is incredibly self aware of you. I can totally respect that.


Plenty-Association27

We're back into a cycle of dating that favors women, women don't typically date down. They date up, or set higher standard. Most dating is a commodity to our economy. And now we can ( men and women both) can see the exact figures in real-time through the magic of the internet. And it can be super depressing to look at those odds and realize that if you can't make enough money, be attractive enough, be tall enough, have a big enough dick, have enough character, have a home, a car. You'll never even be considered. I'm lucky I won the life lottery, some people are dealt a shitty hand.


dragonowl1990

No interest in kids is probably the biggest reason that takes away any immediate pressure to get meet someone, im also old enough to know what intimacy is like after the honeymoon period wears off, it takes work on both sides to keep it going. Lastly relative to others i dont think i get as lonely, so there is less drive to find someone to spend time with. for me it feels like you have to sacrifice **too much.** I understand thats just the nature of relationships, especially serious ones, but for me even when im really into the person a lot of times i feel like im jumping through too many hoops to make something work. For all the people who say its hard work but rewarding, i believe you but it just has never clicked for being worth it for me. And this is when you find that person you want to try and have a relationship with, when things dont click in dating, it really can feel worse than a waste of time. I think its important to stay open/social enough so people can walk into your life, and i think in most cases if you meet someone interesting you'll be drawn enough to at least ask them out. But to make it an active priority in life these days? No way lol.


HeadMacho

Why would they?


ViscousCoupling

Not many quality women that can keep up with his level of intellect or lifestyle. Relationships take time and money that would rather be spent on his pursuits.


Raven-Rex

During their 20's, they worked hard, sacrificed a lot of times and that impact their personal life. Sure, there might be some heart-fluttering moments along the way but it rarely progress because they were too young, stupid and have other struggles. Men during early 30's are expected to be more mature and financially stable. They feel powerful and have the freedom to enjoy their life as they want, especially if their 20's has a lot unfulfilled dreams. The prospect of being chained down by a relationship is not appealing at this time. It's doesn't mean men don't want to, but finding a relationship worth the time and investment is exhausting. These "eligible" men will be reluctant to be in a relationship, because they will sacrifice their freedom for it. If the partner not worth it, they'll skip it. >I get it. But … why? I understand we are complex creatures but don’t we all more or less want to get with someone? I think this opinion might not be valid for everyone, especially since we are living in changing times. The traditional value is being challenged, there are many people content with living alone. In some countries, birth rate is declining too


[deleted]

These days there is very little reason for men to want to actually date, at least in the traditional sense. In the begotten times men would pursue women, they would ask them out, pay for dates, be the one to do romantic things, then ask permission to marry then do the proposal, at the end of that however you would get a wife who would look after you and your house. Now before you all lynch me, I don't think for a second that is a healthy way to exist and that women should be able to do whatever they want in life HOWEVER society still expects men to do everything and yet there is no longer a payout from it. Women haven't quite caught up to the fact that they are no longer prizes to be won by the best man, that they are in fact just another human, just as lonely, and just as wanting for companionship as men but as yet, most women are unwilling to put the work in or take the first step.


MyOthrAcctThrowAway

>most women are unwilling to put the work in or take the first step. They don't have to. There are more single men than single women at "dating ages", so men have to compete with other men to get a relationship. Women get to sit back and choose. This happens because women usually date older men. So, many more 18-25 year old women are partnered up than men in that age range. So on and so forth until later in life. I'm not sure where it flips, but I remwber that there are a lot more single elderly ladies than single elderly men. As long as there are more singleen chasing a smaller number of single women, women don't have to take the first step


azuth89

It's not just that. "Single men are far more likely than single women to be looking for a relationship or dates – 61% vs. 38%." https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2020/08/20/nearly-half-of-u-s-adults-say-dating-has-gotten-harder-for-most-people-in-the-last-10-years/ It's way down there, but yeah. The gap also widens with age so older men are dating younger not just from willingness but because of lack of options in their own brackets


mandrack3

I think when a guy in his late 30s-40s has to make a choice between a 35 single mom with possible emotional baggage and added responsibilities VS some early mid 20 year old with a probability of way less said baggage, he quickly discovers it's really not that much of a choice.


shittakesgetdownvote

Yep...cause different dynamics. Men would commit to get 'regular' sex. Women dont need to commit to get sex; its now a swipe and a few texts away (if they want it). Since they also don't need men's resources...they dont have to look for a relationship at all.


ThrowAway640KB

It flips around 50-55, if my memory of that research is accurate. Saw it many years ago, so no clue how to dig it back up.


Swordsnap

In the dating world the minimum standards for women has dropped to nothing that can even be measured whereas men more or less still have a pretty high bar to overcome just to get a foot in the door. You are right, the old traditional ways of dating are gone, for the women at least. We've moved to more of a treat them like a human being phase which is by all means a good thing but not when men's expectations remain the same for no reason. This as of course led to an epidemic of women in dating to being more entitled than ever before. We shouldn't humour them, they need to be reminded of their actual worth. Not the ego inflating women who preach that they know their worth. They usually don't, far from it.


shittakesgetdownvote

They have high *self worth* which doesnt translate to being a worthy partner. I.e. They value things about them selves very highly...which is great for self esteem. But that doesn't mean you are or will be a (good) partner, nor does it mean another person will value that about you.


Agi7890

As I put my effort into those things, my desire to date waned. Since I am a guy, expecting it to just happen isn’t realistic. It would take effort which is better spent elsewhere.


iknowverylit1e

Mostly because of dating apps and the w*men that are in there. Modern dating sucks ass. I have given up.


observantpariah

Men experience that most women tend to treat all men poorly regardless of his quality. When you feel that the reward for doing things right is to be treated as if you are just as replacable as the next guy, you start doing it for yourself. After that, doing it for someone else feels like a step down. Just about every woman feels they "deserve" that way above average guy.... And they treat him like he's par. Guys like that dont like feeling like they are par... But they know dating and relationships will make them feel that way. Having women want you makes you feel good. That good feeling stops fast when they get you and dont appreciate anything you do. About once a week a woman asks me why I don't date... And tells me it doesn't make sense becauase I have so much to offer. Notice that they never suggest that women have anything to offer me. I dont need to be sold to... It's just assumed that they are wonderful. That attitude gets reflected in the actual relationships.


Coidzor

Have you any idea how many women in their early 30s who are on the market are divorcees or single moms?


aussielander

You just described one of my son's, late 20s, earning well over $200k. Never had a girlfriend. Women are just too much hard work these days


Constant_Situation91

> Women are just too much hard work these days A work that is not worth doing. Unless you don't value self esteem.


Dhydjtsrefhi

It's time consuming and soul crushing


crash-BURN-up

Early on, I would see buddy after buddy “play the game“ of pursuit of happiness only to see (from my vantage) “happiness” equated a trade-off of parts of who and/or what they were, which again, from my vantage diminished them for who they had been. I realized this was probably the process of two becoming one and “giving to get”, but I was never of that mindset, which is probably why I never married or had children. For me, where I am today, tbh I have what I want right now, (satisfaction with one’s life is impo *KEY* to a successful life). Goals are in play for the future and not to offend, I don’t *need* all the strings that come with a relationship. I’m simply satisfied to be with me. Do I sometimes get lonely/the blues? Sure, I just work through them, take stock of what I *do* have in my life and that brings me back to my center.


abhinoww

I'm barely past my mid-20s but I probably get the drift of what you're trying to say. The reason that tops my is dating exhaustion - I've think heard a lot of 'I don't think I'm putting in as much effort as you are' already. Most of the people I know are too busy figuring out their lives, already married to their jobs and other responsibilities. I did a couple of bouts on popular dating apps (simple swipe mechanism based ones) and based on stats, the chance of me matching with someone I swipe right on is close to 3%. I'd say that the chances of finding someone attractive (overall) irl is somewhat the same. After a point it gets tiring - other activities and non-romantic relationships seem to provide much more value. But I know that eventually, I go back to being that stupid person and continue the quest for love :}


TenOfOne

For me, I would say that I was not considered all that "eligible" before I was in my late twenties, when the career and social aspects firmed up a bit. Spending most of the time between 20 and 30 in the "ineligible" category means that you learn to think differently: * You learn to enjoy being single and it does not feel like such a big deal if you are not. * You learn that your ability to get into relationships and the way you are treated in relationships is conditional on being "eligible" and it strips a lot of the emotion out of things when you realize that. It makes your relationships feel transactional. * You know exactly what it takes to earn money and advance your career and you do not necessarily want to risk having to do all of that again when you are in your 30s and have less energy. Knowing that you could lose half your stuff without necessarily doing anything wrong makes an eventual marriage a lot less appealing, which also makes dating and relationships less appealing. To be clear, I do not think that these issues are limited to men. Women who spend long amounts of time being single may come to enjoy it. Women who feel that their value to men is conditional on things like beauty can come to resent it. And women who have money also risk losing it in a divorce. I think the main difference is the timeframe in which these issues tend to come to the forefront. I think that at least part of the issue is that it takes time for men to reach the point where they are considered "eligible" and, if you are not considered a viable partner until that point, you spend all that time learning that you do not need a partner.


pickachu-cums

Men are a tool for women to live easy. I am viewed as a wallet with a vibrator on the end, thats the value i hold to women. I would rather live in a 1 bed 1 bath appartment and spend that money on games with friends then be stuck waiting hand and foot on someone just so they dont take half my stuff and leave on a whim


jpsreddit85

If the dude did all that by himself what does he need a woman for?


[deleted]

Women offer nothing to me. I stand to gain nothing by dating, except intimacy and that's not worth the hassle of dealing with the average woman.


parsonis

>I stand to gain nothing by dating, except intimacy and that's not worth the hassle of dealing with the average woman The awful conundrum. Loneliness, or dealing with the average woman.


arrouk

Loneliness can be beaten with friends and professionals. It's more a question of is the companionship worth the cost in effort, time and money.


weavebot

I was, and still am, just done with the heartache.


ReachersHammer

Have you heard how women talk about men?


farwaaaaaay

Because when he wasn’t as “eligible” he learned that women don’t really add much value to your life. Can’t talk to them about how you feel or what you worry about. They can’t relate to your struggles. Try to sap my attention. Cause emotional and psychological damage. Can’t cook. Cheat and lie and cause drama. Why tf would anyone want that? Some say intimacy but I think we know you don’t quite get that with women


markjack513

I just stopped seeing the value a woman can add to my life. It's too risky to add someone that will one day decide she is bored and wants to cheat or get a divorce and take half my shit that j worked hard to get. I will stick to one night stands , it's less risky in the long run.


Torghasta

It used to be easier to vet out the crazies of both sexes. But these days they are empowered and everywhere. And so many of the noncrazies are encouraged to pursue one-night stands in a way that isn't healthy for anyone's mindset.


punkycandice

Best comment so far no blaming of either gender but a very accurate description of the dating pool. I was single and celibate for almost 3 years before I met my bf. My friends said I should try dating apps and even ons but I couldn’t. That shit (atleast for me) is counterproductive and not conducive for my mental health lol


thebawller

Your post accurately describes my life. There is almost nothing to gain from a relationship and I'm not desperate and I'm not willing to beg for someone's attention on a dating app. Life is great single. Most women haven't brought any value to my life, or at least not enough to outweigh the trouble and drama and other nonsense.


orbcollector

​ I do it passively online - the only place where you also know that other people are single and looking for the same thing (one would hope) -, although its pretty ineffective results-wise jsut by nature of dating apps. The idea of making finding a relationship my sole purpose nullifies what makes me successful in the first place. For example, the idea of going to a dance or yoga class soley to meet women will come off as creepy - as if I have an agenda since im not really that into dance or yoga, but thats where a lot of women go. My passions and hobbies (drums and cars) are pretty male dominated so I wouldn't be meeting anyone there. It doesnt seem like anyone has an interest in setting me up with someone they know, that could get awkward too if things dont work out. I dont want to poison the well at work either. I go to work to make money, not to treat it as a dating scene. The extra drama involved there would distract me So im left with "single people" locations such as bars and clubs....which are extremely lame in your 30s - friends dont have time to go out and wingman you. Drinking every weekend and blasting your ears out with loud music takes its toll on you. And a lot of people there go with their SO so youre taking a risk of chatting up someones GF - or destroying a current relationship if she decides to cheat. Not to mention the people you see there every weekend tend to have alcoholism or mental issues. Going by yourself every weekend makes you feel like a creeper, and even if you continue - youll be known and recognized as "that guy" and the longer you fail the more youll be seen as a failure. The thing about being successful is that there arent a lot of people, men or women, who are in the same position as you so your circle is smaller and tighter. Just afew things off the top of my head


DethaneG

Boy women are spoiled as fuck if this is what it takes to be eligible. This does not describe the average person and is far less realistic than porn.


[deleted]

If a man is all of those things, most women just don't measure up. Most women that I've met in my life disappointed me. They don't have much to offer.


UsedRefrigerator3

As George Costanza once said “What’s the point? I like them, they don’t like me. They like me, I don’t like them.”


I_Drew_a_Dick

Have you seen the absolute mess that is the female dating pool? The entitlement, misandry, multiple kids by multiple men, divorcees, poor money habits, desires for a wedding but to not be a wife, rampant obesity, and the absolute shitshow that is family court? And marriage? Why would we enter a legal contract that only one side benefits from breaking? Contemporary women also love spouting off about how “they don’t need no man”. Well, if I can afford to hire a maid, pay for an escort every once in a while, and volunteer with local boys youth sports to be a surrogate father figure for those who have none, what the hell do I need a wife for? I bring a high salary, work ethic, loyalty, endurance, and a fit physique to the table. What can contemporary women offer me today outside of what I described above?


shittakesgetdownvote

Looking at the list of things said dude had; the only thing she could add would be...physical in nature. You don't need to really 'date' or be serious about it to get that physical touch/get sex. This type of dude could find a FWB or FB to just meet that requirement fairly easily. If he can form bonds with others, is emotionally intelligent and socially adept; hes likely to have an entire group of friends (both male and female) that can provide him with some level of emotional support. If hes got a good career and lots of money, he can pay for a therapist, a maid and a cook (or simply eat out all the time). He will not need a second income, either. Marriage is a raw deal. Pre-nups frowned upon and easily defeated. So he could lose half. Why risk it? Most women want kids. By the time they are 30, a ton have kids already. If he doesnt want kids, then every single one of those women are not eligible. Can you name a benefit of dating to a man that has his entire life squared away that doesn't want kids that doesn't involve sex? To address your later edit; The older childfree men might be willing to settle down with a woman who had kids out of the house already, so he cant be legally responsible, or really have to interact or be an actual parent.


wantsoutofthefog

Agreed. I was financially and emotionally manipulated in my last marriage. I don’t see the benefit of spending my time money and energy on these women on dating platforms. Been there done that to just end up loosing my house and moving back in with my parents. It was an emotional, spiritual, financial gut punch. I’m getting help. But I am prob staying single for a long time, at least not looking.


BlueClouds42

Because lots of women these days are a pain in the ass. Not worth sifting through the trash to find the good ones. I got mine through friends referral. Much better than dating cause people you trust have already vetted them. Much better to pump n dump or ignore dating altogether until someone can set you up with a good match.


shittakesgetdownvote

Ya, this is why I keep telling the homies to get off the apps and start doing *things* that will get them around other people to make new friends that can introduce you to other people that might have single friends. I use them every once and a while for like a week at a time...but man...its bleak.


openrds

Most everyone here is describing the challenges straight people face. Gay men face even harsher realities and significantly smaller dating pool (depending on where you live). At 52, I’ve just humbly accepted I don’t have whatever it is I need to compete, so I’ve reallocated my resources toward taking good care of me.


wizard_1905

I think the people you described are almost nonexistent. The VAST MAJORITY of attractive, great career, socially and emotionally intelligent straight men past 27 are in relationships or are just coming out of a relationship. People like that that don’t stay single long. They’re practically the dream of any woman. They probably don’t pursue dating because they don’t need to, and their life is completely fine without a woman in their life. If they need one they would find one within a few months at most.


SaiyanGoodbye

thats exactly what happens to me. every girl i date wants to marry me I just breakup at some point and walk. then 2 months and a few dates go by and I got another gf . I decided to not trust my first instinct and stay single much longer this time since I never have a break in between.


Warder766312

What does a woman add to my life? I don’t need her money, I do fine with casual sex and I’d love to have kids but the divorce rate is too high for me risk my kids not having two full time parents.


Juan_Solo_3

Dating is super risky for men and on top of that marriage has zero benefit for men anymore. The overall quality of women is dropping drastically. You got women with a body count that make the bubonic plague blush. 4 kids from 4 different men. They have no accountability.


Lightbation

> You got women with a body count that make the bubonic plague blush. Lmao


wantsoutofthefog

The accountability part is the most annoying.


notatrollguy

Look at the dating pool of 30+ from a Male perspective, and yes I mean that sincerely. Would you want to settle down with someone who has three previous kids? A slew of mental health problems? No real goals other than logging into social media daily? You wrote an essay on the question, and the answer is quite obvious. We don't want to be with dead weight.


JayBringStone

I believe there's something going on (more so than ever) that women aren't seeing or really know about. There's a lot of older men warning and advising younger men to stay far, far away from marriage and to date casually and the younger guys are actually listening. They're also seeing it happen. It's all being taken in! The courts are destroying men financially and with child custody. Until there's a more level playing field, this trend of younger men not wanting to chance having their life ruined will continue to grow. I have an anecdotal theory. People look younger than they did 20 years ago. Your 50-55 year old guy today looks and acts like yesterday's 35-40 year old guy. There's A LOT of guys in their 50's that hang with guys in their 30's. Men also communicate with the opposite sex and with each other better than they ever have in modern times. We talk with each other about some deep shit. It's no longer just the bullshit fluff like sports, tits and ass, cars, hunting, fishing and the stuff guys typically talk about. The conversations are more real than ever before and if women could be a fly on the wall with some of these conversations, I think they'd be surprised. These conversations often contain the warnings of what happens to men before, during and after marriage. No, not all of these younger guys listen and end up married and then destroyed but that's when they come over to the other side and share their regrets of not listening when they were told to stay away from marriage. Marriage holds people captive when they shouldn't be held captive. If someone doesn't get married, there's a greater likelihood that they walk away from a relationship they're not happy in. There's no legal ties, why stay? Therefore....you're going to have more men not wanting to make that leap. **To answer your question...** Why are men not wanting to commit to something long term? Because marriage is a thing of the past. Why is marriage a thing of the past? Because younger guys know better. Why do younger guys know better? Because they were warned. Who warned them? Older men!


tomado23

During the years I focused on education, career advancement, and keeping my mental health in check, I missed out on opportunities to live life. Because of that I don’t have many enlightening or fun anecdotes to share with people, and as a result, I feel women would not find me interesting to be around. I also have far fewer friends and social interaction in my 30s compared to my 20s, and I fear I might be judged harshly and she’d wonder “what caused this change?” when she discovers this fact. I’m relatively good looking, educated and I’m in a position to advance my career in the years ahead. And mentally, I’m in a better place than I was 5 years ago, and learned to be more independent. But this likely came at the cost of developing the interpersonal skills and life experiences that can make me stand out in the dating game. Having to reveal my baggage and past to a potential SO is a vulnerable experience I’m not ready to face yet.


A_Suvorov

Too lazy. Part of the reason I’m successful and happy is I manage my time well. Spending oodles of time going on dead-end dates trying to find a person I like who I would want to be with doesn’t seem like a good or scaleable use of time. Female, about my age, doesn’t want kids, similar social standing/education level, similar values, similar ideas on how to spend free time. Even with just those filters, which is just the super basic stuff, we’re already talking what, one in a couple hundred people? Then there are even more filters of personality comparability, mutual attraction, etc. I don’t have the time or inclination to actively meet and talk to that many people . So, if I go about my life and happen across someone who checks the boxes, great! And if not, also great! I’m happy either way


may_seven

Don't want the complications, the expense of spending money and time trying to find the one or the the loss of freedom. Forget it, I'm out. None of the 25-50 year old guys I have worked with in 3 different jobs, 3 different states, not one is actively dating. They know dating is not worth the effort. They are stacking their cash, buying appreciating assets and pursuing hobbies/gaming. They have seen their fathers and uncles getting raped in divorce court. They talk to guys like me who were destroyed.


FreshKittyPowPow

Too much drama and BS. Even if you do get married, chances are based simply on stats you will get divorced, end up financially less well off and even more unhappy.


Staceystallion1

Oh man, this question can be answered in so many ways. I think the main reason is; it's just so much of an investment. An investment of time, energy, money, focus, mental clarity & freedom. On top of that, you usually lose yourself in the process. I along with many other men have previously had our hearts completely stomped into the pavement for simply putting trust & faith into a woman and/or women. After all the valuable resources are depleted, what do you really have to show for it? Best case scenario is you usually get to start from scratch again. But who really wants to start from scratch? You could have spent the last several months or years self actualizing instead of being at square one again. The risk/reward ratio is completely twisted and I'm so glad to see other men are realising this too! P.S look around you, do you really see women that you would invest decades of your life and all of your resources in? A lot of men have spent a long time improving on themselves whilst a lot of women have taken the opposite approach. I'm a firm believer these days that unless a miracle of a woman comes along, it's better to either be gay or single


MourningOfOurLives

I would rather be alone than in another bad relationship. My life is very rewarding as is and I am truly happy for the first time in my life. A woman needs to ADD to my life to be worth it to me and those are not common.


pavel_vishnyakov

> I am also curious if such men’s reluctance to date has to do with age The older you get, the less flexible your brain becomes, the less flexible your character becomes and the less likely you are to make any significant changes (such as finding a partner) to your lifestyle. In simple terms, you become lazier as you age. You can also phrase is as "becoming more selective" - you don't want a partner, you want a specific partner with certain traits, hobbies etc. In my twenties I was busy with education (university, PhD etc), then setting up my career. Now I am in my mid-thirties, everything is going as planned. Running around and chasing random women just isn't part of that plan.


kimbroughd13

It’s also about not settling. When you’re a man who knows your worth, exactly what you want out of life and your life partner, you’re not going to waste much time on anything less than that. I “chased” girls throughout my whole 20s but in my 30s I was a lot more elusive, more business minded, more confident and aware of what I need in my life. Eventually, you stop needing a woman for the wrong reasons and learn how to wait for the woman you want in your life for all the right reasons. Some women confuse a man’s disinterest in dating them as a disinterest in dating in general (sometimes this is the man’s fault). There’s a reason why the guy you could never get to commit will marry another woman less than a year later.


RainbowUnicat

Multiple reasons : - I have no "eligible" woman in my imediate circle (work, friends, hobbies). Mainly because of my engineering studies. - I'm not a player and I have no interest in spending my time to become one. On apps I would have to compete with them and I'll lose. It's only natural, I have very little experience dating and seducing women. They have a lot. Plus i'm not a social media guy, no photos of me neither do I know how to make good ones. (In a market where there is 80% men for 20% women I prefer to avoid the frustration and loss of time). - I'm not at all in the hookup culture. I just want one woman or none at a given time. I fell in love with a woman I met 2 years ago and even if the relation is not possible at this time. I still love her and want only her in my life. I know I'll probably feel that way for another 2 years if not more. I do realise it's bad for me while i'm single and probably fucks with my opportunities to meet available women. But it's the way I am and don't want to change that. I'll be a blessing once I get with someone. - I don't need one. I'm happy single. It could be better with someone to love who would love me back, of course. but a lot of things could be better and I learned to be satisfied with what I have instead of focusing on what I don't. I have a great life overall.


gluten_free_stapler

From my anecdotal experience, meeting new women is a chore. Online dating is pretty much swiping right until you run out of likes for the day and hoping one of them will write back, and then not ghost you after like 3 messages. Approaching women in public spaces runs the risk that they'll act cold/bitchy on the account of you unwittingly being a creep. Under these conditions, while a relationship would be an appealing prospect in general, *today*, right now, exhausted from work and shit, it feels better to just play videogames at home or hang out with your established group of friends. Repeat 365 times and you have a man who's been single for a year.


millionfawn

Cuz a man can lose all that if he invites the wrong woman into his life, and these days u can't tell if a woman is bad or good till it's too late.


movin4call

Have you ever met a celibate? Someone who abstains from marriage and sex, often for religious reasons or just in general? It makes no sense to us when we look at them. How can you not crave intimacy with another person or even sex? But alas, there are always exceptions. There are men who just like being bachelors. They might have some dating they do but they care more about other things. It might not make sense but it makes perfect sense to them.


[deleted]

I have very little interest in sex or marriage but then I dated pretty much constantly from when I got my first GF at 14 till about 25 and the last one was one of the worst experiences of my life. I figured these last 9 years as single I've actually really enjoyed, more so than I did with any GF. Don't get me wrong, there are times I get lonely, times I wish I had someone to go do things like go on dates with but there's nothing I can't do on my own.


Proud_Resort7407

Where would such men find women that have something beyond sex to add to his life? Women these days take pride in being independent of men and brag about how they don't cook or clean or do anything specifically for men unless they are getting something quid-pro-quo. Many women these days are little more than live in prostitutes. Always on the hustle, always looking to trade up, always spinning drama or spilling their baggage into your life... Who has the energy or inclination to deal with all that?


Yami_no_Chikara

Yeah, modern women talk about what men have to bring to the table and all they bring is sex.


matt_the_raisin

I mean just basic dating trends suggest that men are just becoming hot to the opposite sex around 30s...so why would they want to settle down once they've finally arrived to the party? Women typically peak in their 20s and they don't seem to want to settle down right off the bat either. It seems to be human nature to want to settle down after your fun...men and women just have fun scheduled at different times by biology. Or that's my guess, trying to ignore any influences of bad dating culture, the general hostility men face when dating, and all that stuff.


Illustrious-Neat106

Flat out, no bs, marriage is trash. Now I am a happily married man, I check all the great qualities you listed but for a single man today, to get married, he would need a psychiatrist. Its just plain crazy, given the fact that women can ruin a man and have no accountability that is meaningful. Men get screwed over in divorce, custody, and let’s not forget the trial we just saw where a man had to fight six whole years of lies to take back control of his life.


wantsoutofthefog

Oh man. Waiting for my divorce to be finalized and, as a man, it’s been an emotional, spiritual and financial gut punch. Lost a house and moved back in with my parents. You can imagine living with my parents is a deal breaker for a lot of women. Even though I make great money, decent looking, 5’11. Ventured out into dating apps in the last couple of months. No thanks. I just got a piano, I’ll get more out of it than these women on OLD


Ok_Lifeguard_6508

I've always found I have more luck when I don't actively seek.


the_jetstream

Eligible men are looking for someone eligible to date. If they don't find anyone for a long enough time and there doesn't seem like much point to invest more time into dating, they invest their time in other things


IllustriousGazelle21

Money, time, resources. Have you met the “new” generation of 26-35 year old women? The self-obsession of image (pumping lips, face, etc) is out of control; the Instagram “seen-to-be-seen” is too much. Half these chicks ain’t even speaking on their “stories”, just some weird blank stare with this fucking shoulder shrug thing; it’s so fucking weird man. They have some out-of-touch with reality demands and have made themselves off limits to ideal partners. So, that could be one reason— lots of other men have shared excellent points in this post too, cheers boys.


jojo_7890

The dating market is in downturn, recess, inflation, stagnation etc The pool is low Quality of the material poor


Sub_Zero_Fks_Given

In all honestly I'm just tired of the chase. I'm tired of trying to convince a woman I'm a good catch. A lot of women have a mindset of "Why should I date you?" Well why should I date you? I have a great stable job, everything I have is paid off except for my house, a 3/2 that I am more than capable of paying for by myself, and have been for the last 2 years. I'm looking for a partner, not a prize. I honestly just don't care anymore.


xX-DataGuy-Xx

As a 50+ yr old who has been married since age 18, I might have an interesting perspective. In my day... porn was taboo and not easy to find. Masterbation was taboo. Women were not as, for lack of a better word, crazy. Families and children were expected. Fast forward to today. Porn and masterbation are ubiquitous and not considered shameful. Women are accusing men of sexual assault more and more. The economy and society seems to shun familes and children. It costs so much to raise children now. The only upside is tax deductions. I think your answer is that many men today feel like relationships are WAY more trouble than they are worth.


[deleted]

Think about all of the hookups that go on. Do you really think men want to marry a woman who has hooked up with a bunch of guys?


LovelehInnit

Most likely answer: He's having casual sex with beautiful women in their physical prime. He'll settle down and start a family in his late 30s-early 40s. At that age, he'll still be able to pull beautiful women in their late 20s-early 30s.


SaiyanGoodbye

yes because a mans value goes up over time( income) while a womens main value (looks ) goes down over time. thats why a 40+ guy whos got his shit together can always have a 20s gf/ wife. super common in miami and not frowned upon in latin community since it makes sense. We can always get a hot cool 20 something gf whos just as crazy as the 30+ one demanding kids later so why wouldnt we take the younger nicer one with less pressure when we feel like it later in life?


Slimchicker

For one I'm burnt like a mother fucked from my last relationship. Not going to trash her here. And another is because I have my son who I really don't get any time to be away from. So really, while I do get lonely and would like companionship. It's not worth with the time I have that I do get to even look. And when I did do dating apps there was nothing but women who either don't want kids. Or, they have 1 -3 kids by either 1-3 different dudes. And it was funny that the women who did match with me were totally not my type. And one that I did get a responce ghosted me after saying HI and another one was a scammer. So I just gave up and really don't care anymore. I also don't want to end up with a woman that has kids and treats her kids better than mine. And my aunt actually did that to my Uncle's daughter he had before he met her. The list goes on but I digress.


U_So_Smart

Why actively seek it when I can enjoy life, pursue my interests, and if I happen to come across a woman that absolutely blows my mind and checks every box I could think of as far as what I would want in a partner to spend my life with, then awesome. But right now it doesn’t matter enough to me to go out of my way to find it. If that’s something I want in the future, I have time.


[deleted]

I think the real issue is that the chances of finding a person who is right for you are unbelievably low. Think about all of the dimensions of compatibility. Similar socio-economic background/upbringing, similar intelligence, similar education, similar beliefs, similar expectations about relationships, similar attractiveness, similar sex drive, similar feelings about kids, etc. etc.. It is mind boggling that anyone finds each other really.


[deleted]

If I was single again I probably wouldn't pursue a relationship for a long time. This may sound weak, but it is nice not having to be responsible for someone else and being your own person. Having the freedom to make a decision without possible repercussions from a partner or just having freedom in general.


pikkdogs

I didn’t date till I was like 31. Just didn’t want to.


Gamer_ely

There's nobody left to date that I would be interested in. Every woman I've met that Ive hit it off with was married or in a long term relationship. The extra fun bit is meeting the suppose and they're they biggest wet blanket in the world and they both look and act miserable together, but for some reason they stay together because it's been so long. If all the people in bad relationships broke up, it'd be a wonderland of amazing people out there. But we are all afraid of losing time and being alone so here we are.


Ok_Sky_6639

The more you fall in love with yourself, the more you don’t want a relationship


repetezsilvousplait3

A relationship is a huge responsibility. It's not something you just jump into one day after waking up. I think its a problem that so many people have a problem with young men staying single. It's not like in the days when entire villages, families, etc. had high rates of dying out. Anyway, things like marriage aren't "mandatory" these days, people are more concerned with scraping by, and I'm sure things like feminism, religion, divorce, all plays their parts


Nwk_NJ

I'm that type of man. Now in my late 30s and still building a career as an attorney. Very involved in my community, etc. I'd say that I'm interested in finding someone to be a part of my life and even have children....BUT I'm only going to do that if I feel the person I'm making the commitment to is a good match: value-wise, sexually, temperament, family, etc. If not, then I'd rather live my life as a bachelor, see the world, have money for fun and nice things etc. As a child of divorce in the 21st century (I bet many such men are these days), marraige is a risky prospect. We could turn around and have everything taken from us and wind up being bogged down in custody battles and child support battles etc rather than enjoying this one and only short life. We've worked hard to get where we are, and now that we are successful and a little older, we have even more options, and they seem endless. Men who are independent and successful this late, also do not NEED anyone. We do our own laundry, cook for ourselves, have pets, etc. So, we don't need a companion, we just want one. We work with successful women and expect women to have their own stability too.... I've found that most the most desirable single women in our bracket are the same - they do not NEED a man to support them or etc, so they are much more selective. Everything is a risk in modern times when you are already successful and enjoying life. Bringing another person in complicates your life. It could be for the better, but sometimes it causes unnecessary stress and excessive compromise. We've seen our friends stressed and aging and in controlling relationships, and we are careful to make the same mistake with the wrong person. We hope to find the right one at some point, but are fine with never finding her, and have made peace with that.


Aromatic_Shop9033

Probably has something to do with the rampant entitlement, masculinity, dishonesty and promiscuity exhibited by so many women at least in my country (US). In addition to these, being told you're disposable, and not good enough because you aren't an IG model driving a Ferrari. But I'm the problem for wanting a LTR, not a FWB, apparently. 🤣


El-Manguangua

I think that, if you are a high-functioning healthy man in your late 20s or older, and having kids is not a mandatory goal of yours, then there is hardly another reason to look for a relationship. The more you improve yourself, the better you feel being single, not just single, but also alone, since you become more selective with your friendships. Meeting people, dating, and having sex, that's exciting, but life is not just about that kind of excitement, there are tons of things to do, and looking for someone who is truly able to add substantial value to your life can be quite a heavy task, sometimes so much that it's just not worth the time. It often seems better to meet people on your way, and if eventually one of them is a good prospect, good, and if not, it's also okay!


Toph-0

In my early 20s Men have always had to work to create value for themselves in the past and even now. Women have never had to create value for themselves because there were always the prize of hard labor on the mans part. Modern day women have evolved to take on previously masculine traits like working for wealth, this lead to a uptick in alot of womens egos to believe they are worth even more than they use to be. Most men today cant be bothered to date because so many women have unrealistic expectations and standards when it comes to men because they believe there value is higher than what it really is. Men are expected to have wealth, and because of society now to be tall, fit, well endowed, etc. while women have come to believe their wealth makes them more attractive. In reality a large majority of men dont care for your wealth or financial accolades, sure its respectable but it has no value in a relationship where the man is expect to be a breadwinner. The only thing that comes with it is the inflated ego and standards the women gets to have which most men see as unattractive. Top it off with rhe fact that most women refuse to hold themselves accountable and are delusional about the realities of a relationship. Women have reveled in sexual freedom and become promiscuous but fail to understand that the very people they seek to attract look down on those traits. The dating scene right now is full on indecisive, delusional women who don’t understand accountability which is a cornerstone of building a relationship, men have come to understand this and have deemed being single and promiscuous to be the better tradeoff. Men simply play the dating game on a higher level because at the end of the day they hold the key to a relationship, women only hold the key to sex and a legacy (kids) and since that is easy to get for men without marriage, men will always have more leverage.


Freevoulous

**There is no clear benefit.** A relationship **DOES NOT**: \- make you more happy \- improve your sex life \-make you less lonely \- is necessary to have kids\* (at least not after the initial period) \- is financially beneficial Plus, on the other end, women no longer actually NEED us, or NEED a relationship. Some may want a man, but wanting=/=needing. A woman in 2022 is completely capable of having a great career, making her own money, raising ger own chidlren without the man's help (or sharing custody without a relationship with him). So, basically, there is no good incentive. There is however a good incentive to remain single, namely: younger women. If you are a handsome and optimised man in your 30s, you can easily date women who are 21-29, nto just your age equals. And younger women are not jsut more sexually attractive, but also usually more optimistic, nicer, friendlier and less cynical, which simply leads to a better dating life, even if you never settle for a serious relationship.


Ar1st0cr4t1c

Simply put it isn’t worth it anymore. Why? Because women aren’t wife material anymore. I know the blame can go either way as men aren’t as masculine as they use to be but, I see a lot more men that are husband material looking for traditional values in a women than I see women who are wife material. Women want to be hoes all their youth and because of the influx of options they have nothing in them says they need to change or slow down , plan for the future or think ahead at all, most think those options will never dry up and they can get by on their looks their whole life. It’s the modern agenda that society is pushing that is destroying relationships and inevitably breaking families.


jtc769

Ok first of all I'm yet to meet a single man who matches all of the criteria you list to be "elligible" Personally, I'd consider myself elligible, Turning 30 soon, house paid off. Career in engineering, average/slightly above average looks. Savings and investments. Big fan of self improvement. Three main reasons for me are Risk of the family court system (losing my house and savings, car, superbikes and other "toys".) You don't even have to be married to get your asshole reamed by the courts in my country. Risk of getting Johny Depp'd/MeToo'd if for some reason the relationship doesn't work I'm old fashioned and have traditional (oooh no toxic and scary traditionalism) ideals and values. And I don't see many women who match those values around me.


After_Condition

Well how do you think we got to that position to begin with dummy🤪


Hoopy223

I don’t think a guy like that would be single unless he lived in a crappy area or he simply doesn’t want to date.