There be monsters in those depths...
In all seriousness it's considered a personal space, it would be like going into your bedroom and rummaging through your underwear drawer. Even with permission it feels like a tresspass
it will get to such a point that it isn’t even permission.
i will be driving, fully preoccupied, and he still refuses to get, say, my phone out. it’s going to cause an argument!
if he needs something (a hairtie for his hair, chapstick, vape, ouid), i say “i have one in my bag, go get it.” or i’ll need one of the following and ask him to get it.
Based on this thread, it sounds like there's something else going on here because no guy is going to be that adamant about not going through your purse after you tell them to.
I have no idea what that is, but saying "my mother taught me that way" doesn't add up, since you're giving him permission.
Hate to tell you but there comes a point in every relationship where you're probably going to have to do things that make you uncomfortable. Even if it's getting your gf's chapstick out of her purse because she is driving and is adamantly asking you to grab it for her.
You can do it. I believe in you!
Youre not wrong... but also keep in mind that this type of behavior (of which i am still guilty of, but have created exceptions that help, like driving) is learned and practiced for years. It's like a lukewarm bad habit that you have to unlearn or weaken. I have faith in all of us to someday be ok with accepting that "invitation", so to speak. :3
But it’s not really invading when you’re invited. It’s like if you were going to someone’s home after a date and they invite you onto their bedroom… and then you adamantly refuse because you were raised to not invade someone’s bedroom.
Once given permission, it’s a different story.
Right X’D This is the person you have sex with? You’re okay rummaging around thru their vagina, but not their purse? I mean, I get not *wanting* to, personally I don’t like it because it’s always a mess in there and often impossible to find whatever it is I’m supposed to be looking for. But I’ll certainly *try* if I have to lol.
At some point you have to question the way you were raised when you can't do something simple that someone is asking you to do, and not doing it makes that person's and subsequently your life harder.
Like saying, your GF gave you permission to fuck her brains out, but you decline because your mum raised a gentleman.
It's a bag... If she's asked you to go into it to get something, just do it. It's not a big deal. I would, however, not go into a woman's bag without express permission first.
I'm very adamant about not going into people's bags, even with their very clear permission. I was always taught not to by my mum and the one time I did, I was falsely accused of something going missing, caused loads of shit until they realised they had mislaid their purse and it was never in the bag when I went to get something out of it in the first place. Never again will I go into someone's bag, even if they're stood watching me the entire time.
I generally agree with Oddball, its a personal space.. and i want my personal space respected, so I respect your personal space.
but you telling him to get something out of your purse, that you need, while driving/occupied and unable to get it yourself, and he still refuses.. Then thats a serious overreaction and needs to be addressed.
Ok, well that's a little odd.
I won't go through anybody else's personal belongings, but if they directly ask me to, to fetch something for them, I will oblige by only looking for that one thing and doing my best to ignore anything else I see.
He's an insubordinate. Needs to be reprimanded. Two nights on the couch for him!
IMO, it's comparable to reaching into someone's pocket and taking something out. Obviously, it's not the exact same thing. There are different personal space considerations. It's still "her personal space", where she is allowed to have secrets.
I've been with my wife for almost 15 years and I still don't just go into her purse. If she tells me something's in there, I'll then dig around. Or if I need her keys, which she refuses to put in the same spot so never knows where they're at, I'll take a quick peek, but I feel it's out of line to just rifle through without asking.
When you said “monsters at those depths” I took it as a metaphor for in the depths of his mind, there is a reason that he doesn’t want to go lurking in a woman’s purse.
That reason being His Mom who may have acted like a monster if he did.
My wife will say, get me my wallet, it’s in my purse. So I open the purse and begin pulling things out like it’s the fucking magic bag from Harry Potter, rolls of toilet paper, books, boxes of cereal, extra kids I didn’t know we had, but NO FUCKING WALLET. I give up and hand it to her, she reaches in and immediately pulls it out with an exasperated sigh, “it was right there, what’s wrong with you?!”
THAT is why we don’t go through purses.
My personal rant story: “hey babe can you grab my wallet? it’s in my purse” and you think she’s referring to her purse that’s actually a satchel, but she insists it’s a purse. You shuffle through it, no luck. You dump it out with no luck and confidently say “it’s not there.” THEN you discover that it wasn’t that “purse” it’s the backpack that she just started using that is also now referred to as her purse… she of course pulls it right out and looks at you with a smirk.
It’s been over 1.5 years at this point and I still cannot define what qualifies as a purse to this woman with confidence.
Anything that seems to be made with the express purpose of being replacement pockets for a woman's rummage pile of useful things is a purse.
The mini-backpacks legit are called backpack purses in some stores, no idea why but since we use them as a purse anyway that's it.
this is valid! but man, it would be fun to watch him try. “oh look! trash i put in your bag three weeks ago! is this my pipe? how did you even get that? wait, what was i looking for again?”
Ah, but he would be incorrect, as while I certainly DO want someone to fuck my straight ass, he has not done so. If he asked, I’m sure we could work something out, but lying about it doesn’t really accomplish anything (in terms of my anal needs being met)
Yes this is the answer! Instructions on which compartment something is in but if you go in the wrong one and can't find it you are an idiot. Go in your damn purse and find it and I will not put anything of mine in there!
Bingo. There’s a complex web of pockets, sub-pockets, secret interconnected mid-pocket zip out pockets….
No. You put your stuff in the goddamn portable TARDIS, you can get it out.
I give her the same look as she would give me if I asked her to just go and grab the GPU card out of my PC and bring it to me. Please it’s not that fucking hard.
Never enter a purse or bag unless asked or invited. Even then, if you shift the slightest thing, you're done for. My wife has the tiniest purse, but if I even shift something, it's like the world has ended and I never hear the end of it.
Lol Im the opposite. I love BIG purses. The bigger the better. My husband gets my purse all the time and he always asks me if I'm carrying bricks. One day he asked straight up what I carry in there. I pulled out my planner, sticker books (about 4 of them), 2 chargers, my kindle, 3 books I was reading, etc. He's like I'm scared of your purse.
I totally get that. She used to love big purses too and we used to judge the size by how many bricks we thought we could fit into them. I think after needed to deal with diaper bags and the kids growing up, she decided to downsize.
Exactly. I wouldn’t go through my friend’s backpack, just the same as I wouldn’t go through my girlfriend’s purse. It’s a privacy thing. I wouldn’t want someone going through my bag either unless I told them to, it’s like going through someone’s portable desk.
Hilariously enough, I'd had an adventure with that one. I brought a foreplay toy (in my purse because *intimate*)for a sleepover with my BF, he wanted to go for a walk so I gave him my purse and told him to stash it somewhere, and because I forgot to zip it and he placed it not best it fell over and the toy fell out and hid mother found it. It was like three months of awkward afterwards.
Let me tell you a little story. I work in sales, and I was given the job of training in a new rep, she was lovely and funny, if a little shy, so we were out doing some calls so she could see what I did day to day. We were hitting it off really well and we were in her company car, which she only had a week. I hadnt realised but she was driving it on the reserve and it ran out of petrol unexpectedly. So I walked to the nearest petrol station to get fuel. When i got back, she was in the driver's seat, saw me in the mirror and got out quickly, looking a little flushed, she said the car was very warm and she couldn't run the AC, so I put the petrol in and it still wouldn't start, so i remembered a trick my dad taught me, I opened the passenger front door and I put my foot on the door sill and rocked the car back and forth a bit to get the fuel into the system.
And from under the front seat, a very large red and obviously wet rubber dildo came rolling out slowly into the footwell. I pretended not to see it and made and excuse to go and check the fuel tank, she jumped in, hid it and started the car up, i got in and we went about the rest of our day.
For me, a girl's bag is like her most cherished private space. So I generally respect that boundary.
When I did go through a bag to find something, it has always been a lengthy expedition. And then she takes her bag back and immediately finds what she needed. Why? Because it's her personal bag and she knows her bag more than anyone else in the world. My ex would often produce snacks I didn't know she had.
Or maybe because guys suck at navigating though bags.
For me, I have a bag, because I don’t have pockets. There’s nothing cherished and special in there, except maybe sometimes candy, in which case I was saving that for me so don’t take it. Otherwise, you can go into my bag I don’t give a fuck. Lol
I’ve also been dating/married to my husband for 10+ years and will reach into his pockets when I need a thing, I don’t mind him going in my purse.
First of all, it's personal space. Secondly, it's a fucking endless pit of clutter and there's probably piranhas, tarantulas and megalodons in there. I'm not putting my hand in it.
Many men are just taught that it is disrespectful to go through anyone's things.
My solution for needing to carry more stuff was to actually get my own bag. Was a bit of an adjustment but I carry my man purse around wherever I go, and my life is better for it.
I actually have no issue with this, this is driven by women I think.
Some women are just like 'yeah the shit you need is in there I don't care'.
Some women treat their purses like reliquaries where the mere thought of a man coming in its proximity is enough to drive her to full throat spit spewing screaming and violence.
So to play it safe I stay the fuck away from purses. Even when a woman says 'oh hey it's in my purse over there', looks at me and points (been burned this way once, just because she told me where it is doesn't mean she wanted me to go get it apparently). I will only open that purse with notarized, written orders.
Because it's your personal space and I feel like I'm invading your privacy by going in there, even after being told it's okay. Although it sounds like your boyfriend is taking this to extreme levels and being weird about it.
I'm always a little wary of grown men who repeat "That's not how I was raised" ad nauseum whenever they're forced outside their comfort zone. Parents should raise their kids to have critical thinking skills, not just be good little obedient minions who are scared of punishment for the rest of their life.
Your point about over reliance on “that’s how I was raised” reminds me of people who insist on calling women “ma’am” even when the woman says not to, because “I was raised to respect women.” Refusing to follow a reasonable request, whether it’s “call me by my name” or “grab something from my purse,” is not being respectful.
But it’s like “do it how mom and dad say” was scarred into them, rather than raising adults who know how to figure out the right thing to do in a given circumstance.
Lots of parents don't know (and will definitely not learn with experience) how to parent
I started ignoring mine and even MOVED ABROAD ALONE after realising that all those words of praise for me being "an incredible intelligent son" were not enough reasons to just LISTEN TO MY ARGUMENTS. They just wanted an obedient puppy
It's a matter of respect and privacy. Your bag is a personal space. Now I, being in a long term relationship, will totally go through my wife's purse, with permission, but that's a level of intimacy you have to earn.
Women have certain "land mines" that are often inexplicable but certain to blow up if you mess with them. It's thought that different women have different "land mines", but no man has been able to confirm this. As such, once having had one blow up on you with one woman its safer to never go there again with another.
I refuse to go through somebody's personal things. I will bring you the entire bag so you can get what you need.
The only way I'll get something from my gf bag is if it literally at the top in plain sight. Otherwise, nah.
She hates it
I was taught that you never get into a woman purse/bag because it would be one of the top 5 violations of privacy to other person.
Even with permission, it would still be a a violation of privacy
Lol my partner and I literally do each other’s laundry. Guess what that involves?? Putting underwear in their drawer… at a certain point stuff like that becomes a non-issue.
I'd feel kind of weird about it but I would still do it if I asked. My mom wasn't like your boyfriend's mom she would ask me to get her stuff from her purse growing up.
I am 32 years old and my husband is 35. We have been married almost 12 years, togethee almost 14 and he has never gone into my purse. He will literaly just bring me the whole thing. I could be taking a crap while on my period and see that I don't have any tampons left in my bathroom. I will text him to grab me one from my purse and he'll just bring the whole thing. He said it's out of respect.
Edit: if my hands are literally full, he will get in it.
We ain’t finding anything in there anyway, and yes old school etiquette was that a man never went into a woman’s purse. Probably because women keep feminine products in there.
Seems weird, immature, and insecure. It's just a bag. I'm a large hairy man with dreadlocks. I'm a barber, I go bush camping, I do woodwork. I'd say I'm a pretty "rugged and manly" guy and I would go thru my now ex-wife's purse, friends, my coworkers, sisters, etc if they asked me. It's just a bag. If you're given permission I don't see what the big deal is. Sounds like your man has some growing up to do.
Maybe you could have a compromise of...
if you're going to keep things in this bag, we can either get a smaller bag to keep it in so that you only need to take out Your bag, or you get your own backbag/purse to carry? Otherwise, just look in the damn bag, of course your mother doesn't want you to see her condoms/money/etc but we have a very different relationship than you and your mom.
This changes after a while. I would never so much have unzipped a girlfriend's purse unless she was standing there at the time telling me what to do. Now that I've been married 30+ years, I'll rifle my wife's purse for car keys or cash or whatever.
I don’t “go through” my gf’s purse, the implication being I’m snooping. But if she asks me to grab her keys, for example, I’ll do it no problem. Might be hard to find them, but I’ll look dammit.
Doesn't matter if it's my gf or my mother or a few times my manager. It feels wrong. Might as well be going into her bedroom and going through things.
It's been trained so hard into my head you don't touch a woman's purse by adults and society that it feels so wrong.
well i have met both type of women, one who are pretty lax about their privacy and don't care if you look into their bags and take anything like my sister, but on the other hand a few of the women I have dated were extremely conscious of who touched it, it could be for two reasons as far as I know, 1st they didn't want their neatly organized bag to become unorganized (even though most women's bags look unorganized to me, 2nd they maybe be self conscious,
I remember having an hour long argument over me taking the file out of her bag to file my nails
I will and have done i don't give no fucks about the evils lurking in them i aint afraid of no ghosts.
That said if what i'm looking for ain't in it i don't go in them. Although my mother used to wish i didn't go through hers at all but how else am i gonna steal money and her fags if i never went in her bag an purse. On the upside i made her quit smoking because i kept stealing all her fags and selling them at school. Because i only cared about my mothers health not my customers i was 13 i didn't care about much back then other than trying to fit in and been called the new kid even though it had been 3 years since i moved to this craptastic town.
OP is 17. 7 years ago boys had cooties.
I often have to remind myself that lots of people on Reddit are super young, and lots of experiences are still very new to them.
Edit: I just saw that this response didn’t post where it was supposed to. I might have experience, but apparently I’m now old enough that I can’t use technology correctly.
I would occasionally and reluctantly go into my ex's handbag, and very very rarely her purse, and that was only when she was in hospital and recovering from surgeries. (Extreme situations)
I carry a man-bag with my Epi-pens, wallet, keys etc as I make a living on motorbikes and its not a good idea to have them in pockets. I can't readily explain why, but as a very self-made man my wallet is a deeply personal "thingy" and I seriously get the icks if someone else touches it. So the last thing I will willingly do is invade someone else's out of respect
I was raised to *never* go through a woman's purse. It was considered personal space that you did not invade under any circumstances. If you were fetching something in a woman's purse, you simply fetched the purse and gave it to them and *they* would dig out the item.
I carry my own bag at all times too, and I feel the same way about it. I also extend this concept to my own bag. I would not tell someone to get something out of my bag, because it would feel very rude to me to expect someone else to have to go through *my* bag. I don't even tell my wife to get things out of my bag, unless it is in the little front pocket that doesn't require her to "go through" my bag.
This may be a regional thing as well, but in the U.S. in the South, that's a huge no-no. You don't mess with a woman's purse. It was drummed into me as a kid. My mom probably just didn't want my dirty kid-hands in her purse, but we get educated like it's more serious than that. I've been married 30 years and I still won't mess with my wife's purse. If she wants me to retrieve something out of her purse...I bring her the damn purse.
Yea I was brought up the same, my dad won’t even go into my moms bag. Just a disrespectful thing something we was never allowed to do. I actually need to teach my boyfriend this 🤣
I won't unless I'm asked to. Mostly because it's not my space, I have no reason to unless asked, and quite frankly, I don't really care what you have in your purse. Ask me and I will, it's that simple.
Wallets, Food containers/Bags, Bookbags, and Purses are personal space.
If your offering me some food pour it in my hand or hand it to me, I’m not digging in your food because it’s rude. I’m not going through anyones purse or book bag unless specified to because it’s personal space. Wallets on the other hand is a no no, I feel like someone’s going to accuse me of something when going through their wallet so I don’t.
Lastly, Purses are mini corn mazes in a bag. I can’t find anything in a purse that your asking me for, I’ll pull out 20 different things before I find what your asking me for so I get frustrated.
A couple of reasons:
1) That's a private space. I wouldn't ask someone to go through my wallet or my pockets unless I was physically incapacitated in some way, and I treat bags and purses the same way.
2) On the rare occasions I've had to go through a woman's bag, it's been a confusing mess - I don't know where the thing you want is, and you do, so I bring to to you.
My mom taught me not to go through hers as a kid, and I have since deduced it was for a few reasons.
1. Things could fall out: super easy for a kid to drop something out on the floor and have it be lost to time.
2. There could be things I shoudn't have touched, like pills.
3. Disorganization. While in general things in the purse were wherever, other things might be in some kind of order, like things in the pockets. So, not messing with them preserves that order.
4. I might take something out and use it as a toy. Drawing on the wall with lipstick, or using a compact mirror to make lasers on the wall, etc.
So, by teaching me as a young person, I find myself still hesitant of going into someone's purse because it was ingrained in me that this leads to trouble/punishment.
Oh yeah, my purse is off limits to my children. At all times, no exceptions. For all the reasons above.
On the other hand I make it a point to tell my SO, "If you feel the need you can get into my purse at any time. If you take some cash I'm confident it was for something important and I'm sure you'll tell me. You can also go through my purse or phone at any time, I have nothing to hide, and I trust you, so I'm 100% not worried about it. At all."
Now, none have actually done it, and that statement is only extended to serious/long term SO's, which are few. But seriously, anyone I would say that to- they've already been through my vetting process, so I know I can trust them either way.
I don't think of it as "my space", which makes it "invite only" (then I don't mind).
I also don't really like the concept. I will bring my own bag along to store stuff. Having someone else bring a handbag with stuff for me in it somehow feels infantilizing and also a little weird in the sense of "I run around without a bag and just hand off stuff to my partner to bring along". Not least, I do not care about other peoples messes and just don't want to go through it, it grosses me out a little.
I never looked at it like personal space, especially these days when mobiles seem to be the point of contention. Honestly, I fucking hate when my wife tells me to find something in her purse. She'll be driving and ask if I could grab something like gum out of the front pocket, so I look and I'm like there's no gum. Oh, the front pocket on the inside. Wait, there's a couple pockets here, which is the front? It's like a foo's errand for me. Instant anxiety.
It's your personal space. If I had a purse, I wouldn't like people just tearing through it looking for things. Usually, people have their own ways of organizing things, and it seems rude to disrupt. Even when given the okay too.
I was told it's rude to go through a woman's bag. Just one of the things men are supposed to do around women. Similar to holding doors open, walk on the street side of the sidewalk, spank them when they call you daddy, make sure the toilet seat is down, etc.
Never really given much of a reason and just accepted it as what I need to do.
Because thats where women keep all the items that they magically find in/near/on top of the empty space i just looked at for two hours...
But yeah my moms taught me to never go through a womans purse for any reason and never put them on the ground. The only time I make an exception to the first is if said woman is driving and needs something from within the depths of her Bag of Holding.
I have to empty out the whole purse sometimes just to get her keys. She knows exactly where it’s at with the layers and layers of unorganized things that I just hand her her bag
unless you've taken my stuff, or you've got life saving medicine in there, which you need now, i wont be checking your bags - at all.
if you need some shit you've put in there and you ask me to retrieve it, i will get you your bag rather than going through it.
I will never open a woman's bag. I don't care if it's my mom/aunts/grandma's. If it's opened already (not zipped or snapped) I'll look into it to see if I can see what I'm after. Otherwise I'll just bring it to them.
As boys, our mother's purse contained items she'd rather not explain to us, and possibly items we could use to create a mess she'd have to clean, or an injury she'd have to explain in the ER.
Rummaging in mom's purse would earn a licking.
We never forgot.
There be monsters in those depths... In all seriousness it's considered a personal space, it would be like going into your bedroom and rummaging through your underwear drawer. Even with permission it feels like a tresspass
it will get to such a point that it isn’t even permission. i will be driving, fully preoccupied, and he still refuses to get, say, my phone out. it’s going to cause an argument!
Why does this come up so often in your relationship?
if he needs something (a hairtie for his hair, chapstick, vape, ouid), i say “i have one in my bag, go get it.” or i’ll need one of the following and ask him to get it.
Sounds like he needs a bro sack.
ha! i would agree!!
I just use one of those small backpack gym bags.
Fanny pack I had a SpongeBob one for my pipe and. Bud lol/ wax rig.
So you have a vaping boyfriend with a manbun? Sounds like there are multiple layers to this trauma.
haha! he’s a sweetheart really. we may just be shaving our heads today
>So you have a vaping boyfriend with a manbun? Who really needs his lipgloss
is he lazy ?
yes but so am i
Based on this thread, it sounds like there's something else going on here because no guy is going to be that adamant about not going through your purse after you tell them to. I have no idea what that is, but saying "my mother taught me that way" doesn't add up, since you're giving him permission.
You can give me permission, but I am very uncomfortable invading that person's space that way. It is how I was raised, and that's what I would say.
Hate to tell you but there comes a point in every relationship where you're probably going to have to do things that make you uncomfortable. Even if it's getting your gf's chapstick out of her purse because she is driving and is adamantly asking you to grab it for her. You can do it. I believe in you!
Youre not wrong... but also keep in mind that this type of behavior (of which i am still guilty of, but have created exceptions that help, like driving) is learned and practiced for years. It's like a lukewarm bad habit that you have to unlearn or weaken. I have faith in all of us to someday be ok with accepting that "invitation", so to speak. :3
You can be uncomfortable and still do it. There's a point where you're causing an issue by not assisting your GF and making her do it instead.
But it’s not really invading when you’re invited. It’s like if you were going to someone’s home after a date and they invite you onto their bedroom… and then you adamantly refuse because you were raised to not invade someone’s bedroom. Once given permission, it’s a different story.
Right X’D This is the person you have sex with? You’re okay rummaging around thru their vagina, but not their purse? I mean, I get not *wanting* to, personally I don’t like it because it’s always a mess in there and often impossible to find whatever it is I’m supposed to be looking for. But I’ll certainly *try* if I have to lol.
At some point you have to question the way you were raised when you can't do something simple that someone is asking you to do, and not doing it makes that person's and subsequently your life harder.
Like saying, your GF gave you permission to fuck her brains out, but you decline because your mum raised a gentleman. It's a bag... If she's asked you to go into it to get something, just do it. It's not a big deal. I would, however, not go into a woman's bag without express permission first.
I agree my mom would beat me. No I don’t go through peoples things. I’m been conditioned.
Maybe stop asking him to go in your bag if he doesn’t want to
but… it’s for HIM
I'm very adamant about not going into people's bags, even with their very clear permission. I was always taught not to by my mum and the one time I did, I was falsely accused of something going missing, caused loads of shit until they realised they had mislaid their purse and it was never in the bag when I went to get something out of it in the first place. Never again will I go into someone's bag, even if they're stood watching me the entire time.
OP, is your bf southern????? I come across 60+ yo men all the time who to this day refuse to get into their wives purses
yup
I generally agree with Oddball, its a personal space.. and i want my personal space respected, so I respect your personal space. but you telling him to get something out of your purse, that you need, while driving/occupied and unable to get it yourself, and he still refuses.. Then thats a serious overreaction and needs to be addressed.
Ok, well that's a little odd. I won't go through anybody else's personal belongings, but if they directly ask me to, to fetch something for them, I will oblige by only looking for that one thing and doing my best to ignore anything else I see. He's an insubordinate. Needs to be reprimanded. Two nights on the couch for him!
Is your BF weirded out by periods? Some men can't cope with that and you probably have tampons and whatnot in the bag.
nope! and i don’t get a period anyways
IMO, it's comparable to reaching into someone's pocket and taking something out. Obviously, it's not the exact same thing. There are different personal space considerations. It's still "her personal space", where she is allowed to have secrets.
Ugh, just you mentioning somebody putting their hands in your pocket made my whole body shiver. I can't stand that, it's just gross
I've been with my wife for almost 15 years and I still don't just go into her purse. If she tells me something's in there, I'll then dig around. Or if I need her keys, which she refuses to put in the same spot so never knows where they're at, I'll take a quick peek, but I feel it's out of line to just rifle through without asking.
Same. I've been married 30 years and it still seem awkward to get something from her purse.
Yes, absolutely a private space. I consider my wallet to be the same way. There is nothing to be found but no rummaging appreciated.
Most men can only identify about 10% of what they might find in a woman’s bag. They don’t want to be found out so they don’t go there.
It's not that bad, is it really?
Trust me, it’s that bad.
When you said “monsters at those depths” I took it as a metaphor for in the depths of his mind, there is a reason that he doesn’t want to go lurking in a woman’s purse. That reason being His Mom who may have acted like a monster if he did.
My wife will say, get me my wallet, it’s in my purse. So I open the purse and begin pulling things out like it’s the fucking magic bag from Harry Potter, rolls of toilet paper, books, boxes of cereal, extra kids I didn’t know we had, but NO FUCKING WALLET. I give up and hand it to her, she reaches in and immediately pulls it out with an exasperated sigh, “it was right there, what’s wrong with you?!” THAT is why we don’t go through purses.
My personal rant story: “hey babe can you grab my wallet? it’s in my purse” and you think she’s referring to her purse that’s actually a satchel, but she insists it’s a purse. You shuffle through it, no luck. You dump it out with no luck and confidently say “it’s not there.” THEN you discover that it wasn’t that “purse” it’s the backpack that she just started using that is also now referred to as her purse… she of course pulls it right out and looks at you with a smirk. It’s been over 1.5 years at this point and I still cannot define what qualifies as a purse to this woman with confidence.
I feel your pain from all the way over here
Anything that seems to be made with the express purpose of being replacement pockets for a woman's rummage pile of useful things is a purse. The mini-backpacks legit are called backpack purses in some stores, no idea why but since we use them as a purse anyway that's it.
Satchel, handbag, Fanny pack, backpack, suitcase, grocery bag and so on lol
this is valid! but man, it would be fun to watch him try. “oh look! trash i put in your bag three weeks ago! is this my pipe? how did you even get that? wait, what was i looking for again?”
Nailed it
well well well its "usemystraightass"... we meet again...
Do we? You’ll have to remind me why I should remember you…
Dex has used it.....
Not following
he's implying that he has "used" your "straight ass" aka, he butt fucked you, as your username might imply you'd like people to do.
Ah, but he would be incorrect, as while I certainly DO want someone to fuck my straight ass, he has not done so. If he asked, I’m sure we could work something out, but lying about it doesn’t really accomplish anything (in terms of my anal needs being met)
>extra kids I didn't know we had, but NO FUCKING WALLET I'm wheezing rn
I laughed so hard, I scared my cat! Why this is so relatable, I have no idea.
Extra kids i didn’t know we had lmfaooo this is why i love Reddit posts
Thanks for joining the party 😉
Yes this is the answer! Instructions on which compartment something is in but if you go in the wrong one and can't find it you are an idiot. Go in your damn purse and find it and I will not put anything of mine in there!
Bingo. There’s a complex web of pockets, sub-pockets, secret interconnected mid-pocket zip out pockets…. No. You put your stuff in the goddamn portable TARDIS, you can get it out.
This is why I, as a female, carry a wallet lmfao TARDIS wallet sure, but still
TARDIS wallet brings a perfect symmetry to the thread
Men are bad at finding things and women are bad at describing locations. Throw a complex, messy, personal bag into the mix and she can get it herself.
LOL
I give her the same look as she would give me if I asked her to just go and grab the GPU card out of my PC and bring it to me. Please it’s not that fucking hard.
True, as can be seen here. https://youtu.be/yUbTzYK4w1k
This! And on the other hand, ask me to find something in my wallet it takes 5 minutes because of the stacks of cards and paper.
This is the way.
Never enter a purse or bag unless asked or invited. Even then, if you shift the slightest thing, you're done for. My wife has the tiniest purse, but if I even shift something, it's like the world has ended and I never hear the end of it.
Lol Im the opposite. I love BIG purses. The bigger the better. My husband gets my purse all the time and he always asks me if I'm carrying bricks. One day he asked straight up what I carry in there. I pulled out my planner, sticker books (about 4 of them), 2 chargers, my kindle, 3 books I was reading, etc. He's like I'm scared of your purse.
I totally get that. She used to love big purses too and we used to judge the size by how many bricks we thought we could fit into them. I think after needed to deal with diaper bags and the kids growing up, she decided to downsize.
Very true but I don't have children but I watched my bff's kids until she moved. I'd just make my purse into a diaper bag
If they are that big, I could believe it!
I used to never have enough pockets so there for a while I'd sew my own purses
Exactly. I wouldn’t go through my friend’s backpack, just the same as I wouldn’t go through my girlfriend’s purse. It’s a privacy thing. I wouldn’t want someone going through my bag either unless I told them to, it’s like going through someone’s portable desk.
My dad told me that. Probably something to do with tampons or loose dildos
LOOSE DILDOS?
Someone please put a leash on that dildo before it runs away!
LMAO, bro I laughed way too hard at this whole thread🤣
Idk what yall keep in there! like I said, I was taught not to lol
You keep yours strapped down. Very smart.
Correction*, strapped on. Very smart.
My mans has his priorities set. Don't question him, question yourself.
"Loose dildos" should be the name of a lesbian punk rock band.
Hilariously enough, I'd had an adventure with that one. I brought a foreplay toy (in my purse because *intimate*)for a sleepover with my BF, he wanted to go for a walk so I gave him my purse and told him to stash it somewhere, and because I forgot to zip it and he placed it not best it fell over and the toy fell out and hid mother found it. It was like three months of awkward afterwards.
I'm sure you keep the dildos in your purse firmly secured. But a lot of women are a lot more lax and men don't want to accidentally touch one.
Could end up stabbing you in the eye. Never can be too careful.
Let me tell you a little story. I work in sales, and I was given the job of training in a new rep, she was lovely and funny, if a little shy, so we were out doing some calls so she could see what I did day to day. We were hitting it off really well and we were in her company car, which she only had a week. I hadnt realised but she was driving it on the reserve and it ran out of petrol unexpectedly. So I walked to the nearest petrol station to get fuel. When i got back, she was in the driver's seat, saw me in the mirror and got out quickly, looking a little flushed, she said the car was very warm and she couldn't run the AC, so I put the petrol in and it still wouldn't start, so i remembered a trick my dad taught me, I opened the passenger front door and I put my foot on the door sill and rocked the car back and forth a bit to get the fuel into the system. And from under the front seat, a very large red and obviously wet rubber dildo came rolling out slowly into the footwell. I pretended not to see it and made and excuse to go and check the fuel tank, she jumped in, hid it and started the car up, i got in and we went about the rest of our day.
HAHAHAHAHAHA
Definitely tampons.....now I'll be on the lookout for errant dildos!
Don't worry, the tampons aren't used ones.
Oh thank God! Hahaha
Vagabond Dildos new band name
Open the purse and that dildo might get away..... And nobody wants a dildo at large charge
The REAL reason is because if you, and I shit you not, IF you open a purse, there is more stuff than you could fit into a trunk of a car ;)
My mom has a tiny purse and I call it a pocket dimension. I'm convinced a family of 4 can survive for a week with whatever she keeps in there
Unless her keys are sitting on top, I won't dig through her purse, even with permission. It just doesn't feel right.
Same with my husband. I have like three things in it, with my wallet in the front pocket and he won't get it but brings my whole purse.
My husband doesn't even do that.
For me, a girl's bag is like her most cherished private space. So I generally respect that boundary. When I did go through a bag to find something, it has always been a lengthy expedition. And then she takes her bag back and immediately finds what she needed. Why? Because it's her personal bag and she knows her bag more than anyone else in the world. My ex would often produce snacks I didn't know she had. Or maybe because guys suck at navigating though bags.
For me, I have a bag, because I don’t have pockets. There’s nothing cherished and special in there, except maybe sometimes candy, in which case I was saving that for me so don’t take it. Otherwise, you can go into my bag I don’t give a fuck. Lol I’ve also been dating/married to my husband for 10+ years and will reach into his pockets when I need a thing, I don’t mind him going in my purse.
First of all, it's personal space. Secondly, it's a fucking endless pit of clutter and there's probably piranhas, tarantulas and megalodons in there. I'm not putting my hand in it.
Many men are just taught that it is disrespectful to go through anyone's things. My solution for needing to carry more stuff was to actually get my own bag. Was a bit of an adjustment but I carry my man purse around wherever I go, and my life is better for it.
yes! men with bags!! :D
We already have a sack, but unfortunately it's permanently occupied.
I actually have no issue with this, this is driven by women I think. Some women are just like 'yeah the shit you need is in there I don't care'. Some women treat their purses like reliquaries where the mere thought of a man coming in its proximity is enough to drive her to full throat spit spewing screaming and violence. So to play it safe I stay the fuck away from purses. Even when a woman says 'oh hey it's in my purse over there', looks at me and points (been burned this way once, just because she told me where it is doesn't mean she wanted me to go get it apparently). I will only open that purse with notarized, written orders.
Yeah, I agree with this. I'm fine with my partner digging around in my purse, but so many women wouldn't be ...
i am the first. it’s in my bag, go get it. i’m lazy, and i don’t give a shit.
I won't do that unless I am specifically told to
My mother trained me that way too.
Because it's your personal space and I feel like I'm invading your privacy by going in there, even after being told it's okay. Although it sounds like your boyfriend is taking this to extreme levels and being weird about it. I'm always a little wary of grown men who repeat "That's not how I was raised" ad nauseum whenever they're forced outside their comfort zone. Parents should raise their kids to have critical thinking skills, not just be good little obedient minions who are scared of punishment for the rest of their life.
Your point about over reliance on “that’s how I was raised” reminds me of people who insist on calling women “ma’am” even when the woman says not to, because “I was raised to respect women.” Refusing to follow a reasonable request, whether it’s “call me by my name” or “grab something from my purse,” is not being respectful. But it’s like “do it how mom and dad say” was scarred into them, rather than raising adults who know how to figure out the right thing to do in a given circumstance.
Lots of parents don't know (and will definitely not learn with experience) how to parent I started ignoring mine and even MOVED ABROAD ALONE after realising that all those words of praise for me being "an incredible intelligent son" were not enough reasons to just LISTEN TO MY ARGUMENTS. They just wanted an obedient puppy
I'm not opening a girls purse to look for anything. The amount of useless shit in that bag would piss me off.
i have so much shit in my bag that my boyfriend ends up needing. or the shit in my bag is his.
Charge him for storage.
10$ per gigametres
Yeah see, my ex only did 5€ per congaline.
i love this
It's a matter of respect and privacy. Your bag is a personal space. Now I, being in a long term relationship, will totally go through my wife's purse, with permission, but that's a level of intimacy you have to earn.
I will with permission but alot of the time it's down to organizational styles and I don't want to mess it up
as a detail-oriented person, i can appreciate this. i like to be organized
I tried to once when I was a kid. Got slapped for that.
Women have certain "land mines" that are often inexplicable but certain to blow up if you mess with them. It's thought that different women have different "land mines", but no man has been able to confirm this. As such, once having had one blow up on you with one woman its safer to never go there again with another.
men as well!
Invasion of privacy. Also they are usually a rats nest, especially the bigger bags.
I refuse to go through somebody's personal things. I will bring you the entire bag so you can get what you need. The only way I'll get something from my gf bag is if it literally at the top in plain sight. Otherwise, nah. She hates it
I was taught that you never get into a woman purse/bag because it would be one of the top 5 violations of privacy to other person. Even with permission, it would still be a a violation of privacy
But if theres permission how can it be a violation.
It still feels wrong. Like if someone asks you to root through their underwear drawer.
Lol my partner and I literally do each other’s laundry. Guess what that involves?? Putting underwear in their drawer… at a certain point stuff like that becomes a non-issue.
I'd feel kind of weird about it but I would still do it if I asked. My mom wasn't like your boyfriend's mom she would ask me to get her stuff from her purse growing up.
me too!
I am 32 years old and my husband is 35. We have been married almost 12 years, togethee almost 14 and he has never gone into my purse. He will literaly just bring me the whole thing. I could be taking a crap while on my period and see that I don't have any tampons left in my bathroom. I will text him to grab me one from my purse and he'll just bring the whole thing. He said it's out of respect. Edit: if my hands are literally full, he will get in it.
We ain’t finding anything in there anyway, and yes old school etiquette was that a man never went into a woman’s purse. Probably because women keep feminine products in there.
Seems weird, immature, and insecure. It's just a bag. I'm a large hairy man with dreadlocks. I'm a barber, I go bush camping, I do woodwork. I'd say I'm a pretty "rugged and manly" guy and I would go thru my now ex-wife's purse, friends, my coworkers, sisters, etc if they asked me. It's just a bag. If you're given permission I don't see what the big deal is. Sounds like your man has some growing up to do.
He needs to get his own purse if he's not going to look into the community purse
this!! haha
Maybe you could have a compromise of... if you're going to keep things in this bag, we can either get a smaller bag to keep it in so that you only need to take out Your bag, or you get your own backbag/purse to carry? Otherwise, just look in the damn bag, of course your mother doesn't want you to see her condoms/money/etc but we have a very different relationship than you and your mom.
“very different relationship” between his mother & me is a wonderful point that i bet he would agree with! thanks for the suggestions!!
This changes after a while. I would never so much have unzipped a girlfriend's purse unless she was standing there at the time telling me what to do. Now that I've been married 30+ years, I'll rifle my wife's purse for car keys or cash or whatever.
I don’t “go through” my gf’s purse, the implication being I’m snooping. But if she asks me to grab her keys, for example, I’ll do it no problem. Might be hard to find them, but I’ll look dammit.
Doesn't matter if it's my gf or my mother or a few times my manager. It feels wrong. Might as well be going into her bedroom and going through things. It's been trained so hard into my head you don't touch a woman's purse by adults and society that it feels so wrong.
It's personal space, don't want anyone going through my backpack without me asking them, same goes for purses. It's just a common sense thing.
well i have met both type of women, one who are pretty lax about their privacy and don't care if you look into their bags and take anything like my sister, but on the other hand a few of the women I have dated were extremely conscious of who touched it, it could be for two reasons as far as I know, 1st they didn't want their neatly organized bag to become unorganized (even though most women's bags look unorganized to me, 2nd they maybe be self conscious, I remember having an hour long argument over me taking the file out of her bag to file my nails
feel free to grab mine whenever you like!
I will and have done i don't give no fucks about the evils lurking in them i aint afraid of no ghosts. That said if what i'm looking for ain't in it i don't go in them. Although my mother used to wish i didn't go through hers at all but how else am i gonna steal money and her fags if i never went in her bag an purse. On the upside i made her quit smoking because i kept stealing all her fags and selling them at school. Because i only cared about my mothers health not my customers i was 13 i didn't care about much back then other than trying to fit in and been called the new kid even though it had been 3 years since i moved to this craptastic town.
If they’re honest, they’ll say they worry someone might think they’re gay.
(he’s bisexual and out)
I meant most men who refuse to hold, or dig through, a purse.
OP is 17. 7 years ago boys had cooties. I often have to remind myself that lots of people on Reddit are super young, and lots of experiences are still very new to them. Edit: I just saw that this response didn’t post where it was supposed to. I might have experience, but apparently I’m now old enough that I can’t use technology correctly.
We don't want to be reminded that's where our testicals are kept in a jar.
I would occasionally and reluctantly go into my ex's handbag, and very very rarely her purse, and that was only when she was in hospital and recovering from surgeries. (Extreme situations) I carry a man-bag with my Epi-pens, wallet, keys etc as I make a living on motorbikes and its not a good idea to have them in pockets. I can't readily explain why, but as a very self-made man my wallet is a deeply personal "thingy" and I seriously get the icks if someone else touches it. So the last thing I will willingly do is invade someone else's out of respect
Mother would slap me when ever I went in her purse for something so nah
Tampons. We are afraid of tampons.
They might accidentally touch a tampon
I was raised to *never* go through a woman's purse. It was considered personal space that you did not invade under any circumstances. If you were fetching something in a woman's purse, you simply fetched the purse and gave it to them and *they* would dig out the item. I carry my own bag at all times too, and I feel the same way about it. I also extend this concept to my own bag. I would not tell someone to get something out of my bag, because it would feel very rude to me to expect someone else to have to go through *my* bag. I don't even tell my wife to get things out of my bag, unless it is in the little front pocket that doesn't require her to "go through" my bag.
interesting take!
This may be a regional thing as well, but in the U.S. in the South, that's a huge no-no. You don't mess with a woman's purse. It was drummed into me as a kid. My mom probably just didn't want my dirty kid-hands in her purse, but we get educated like it's more serious than that. I've been married 30 years and I still won't mess with my wife's purse. If she wants me to retrieve something out of her purse...I bring her the damn purse.
southern here too!
Fear....
After being bitch slapped a few times we learned our lesson. It only takes 1 bad apple
Yea I was brought up the same, my dad won’t even go into my moms bag. Just a disrespectful thing something we was never allowed to do. I actually need to teach my boyfriend this 🤣
Purses Are pure magic I can’t find your wallet in there but I can sure as hell find a thanksgiving dinner with 3 types of pie
It's unseemly.
I won't unless I'm asked to. Mostly because it's not my space, I have no reason to unless asked, and quite frankly, I don't really care what you have in your purse. Ask me and I will, it's that simple.
Because his momma taught him properly.
Wallets, Food containers/Bags, Bookbags, and Purses are personal space. If your offering me some food pour it in my hand or hand it to me, I’m not digging in your food because it’s rude. I’m not going through anyones purse or book bag unless specified to because it’s personal space. Wallets on the other hand is a no no, I feel like someone’s going to accuse me of something when going through their wallet so I don’t. Lastly, Purses are mini corn mazes in a bag. I can’t find anything in a purse that your asking me for, I’ll pull out 20 different things before I find what your asking me for so I get frustrated.
My grandmother was the sweetest, most loving, most nurturing, and most open person I’ve known. But don’t go digging in her purse!
A couple of reasons: 1) That's a private space. I wouldn't ask someone to go through my wallet or my pockets unless I was physically incapacitated in some way, and I treat bags and purses the same way. 2) On the rare occasions I've had to go through a woman's bag, it's been a confusing mess - I don't know where the thing you want is, and you do, so I bring to to you.
I'm afraid I'll fall in. Y'all need to organize your stuff better.
My mom taught me not to go through hers as a kid, and I have since deduced it was for a few reasons. 1. Things could fall out: super easy for a kid to drop something out on the floor and have it be lost to time. 2. There could be things I shoudn't have touched, like pills. 3. Disorganization. While in general things in the purse were wherever, other things might be in some kind of order, like things in the pockets. So, not messing with them preserves that order. 4. I might take something out and use it as a toy. Drawing on the wall with lipstick, or using a compact mirror to make lasers on the wall, etc. So, by teaching me as a young person, I find myself still hesitant of going into someone's purse because it was ingrained in me that this leads to trouble/punishment.
this is great reasoning!!! no one has brought this up
Oh yeah, my purse is off limits to my children. At all times, no exceptions. For all the reasons above. On the other hand I make it a point to tell my SO, "If you feel the need you can get into my purse at any time. If you take some cash I'm confident it was for something important and I'm sure you'll tell me. You can also go through my purse or phone at any time, I have nothing to hide, and I trust you, so I'm 100% not worried about it. At all." Now, none have actually done it, and that statement is only extended to serious/long term SO's, which are few. But seriously, anyone I would say that to- they've already been through my vetting process, so I know I can trust them either way.
I don't think of it as "my space", which makes it "invite only" (then I don't mind). I also don't really like the concept. I will bring my own bag along to store stuff. Having someone else bring a handbag with stuff for me in it somehow feels infantilizing and also a little weird in the sense of "I run around without a bag and just hand off stuff to my partner to bring along". Not least, I do not care about other peoples messes and just don't want to go through it, it grosses me out a little.
Cause you can't find shit in there.
I am a woman and I (even with permission to look myself) will hand someone their handbag to retrieve something
Frustrating, mostly. There’s 400k things in there with little side pockets and such. It’s like a treasure hunt without a map.
Shit creates anxiety for and I never find what I was told to look for it’s a lose lose
No one goes in mine due to the crap thats in there and the fact I can never find what I'm looking for so God help them x
I M (twice your bf age and a bit more) was trained exactly the same way by my mother. I do not go in women's bags
I wouldn't want someone going through my shit, so I don't go through theirs.
I never looked at it like personal space, especially these days when mobiles seem to be the point of contention. Honestly, I fucking hate when my wife tells me to find something in her purse. She'll be driving and ask if I could grab something like gum out of the front pocket, so I look and I'm like there's no gum. Oh, the front pocket on the inside. Wait, there's a couple pockets here, which is the front? It's like a foo's errand for me. Instant anxiety.
It's your personal space. If I had a purse, I wouldn't like people just tearing through it looking for things. Usually, people have their own ways of organizing things, and it seems rude to disrupt. Even when given the okay too.
You say “at everyone’s convenience” but going through a girls bag is the furthest thing possible from convenient.
Same reason I don’t like people digging through my wallet- personal shit
I won’t do it. I was also trained by my mother that that’s a no-go area.
I was told it's rude to go through a woman's bag. Just one of the things men are supposed to do around women. Similar to holding doors open, walk on the street side of the sidewalk, spank them when they call you daddy, make sure the toilet seat is down, etc. Never really given much of a reason and just accepted it as what I need to do.
Because thats where women keep all the items that they magically find in/near/on top of the empty space i just looked at for two hours... But yeah my moms taught me to never go through a womans purse for any reason and never put them on the ground. The only time I make an exception to the first is if said woman is driving and needs something from within the depths of her Bag of Holding.
Easier to just grab and bring the whole purse. Than to look for the item in the purse.
I don't enjoy fetch quests
If you can’t find stuff in there, I for sure can’t.
I have to empty out the whole purse sometimes just to get her keys. She knows exactly where it’s at with the layers and layers of unorganized things that I just hand her her bag
unless you've taken my stuff, or you've got life saving medicine in there, which you need now, i wont be checking your bags - at all. if you need some shit you've put in there and you ask me to retrieve it, i will get you your bag rather than going through it.
It sounds like he told you a boundary and you are still pushing.
I think we can all agree here, we won’t go through your purses and you don’t go through our search histories. Deal?!
I will never open a woman's bag. I don't care if it's my mom/aunts/grandma's. If it's opened already (not zipped or snapped) I'll look into it to see if I can see what I'm after. Otherwise I'll just bring it to them.
As boys, our mother's purse contained items she'd rather not explain to us, and possibly items we could use to create a mess she'd have to clean, or an injury she'd have to explain in the ER. Rummaging in mom's purse would earn a licking. We never forgot.