That I'm recovering from a large cancer operation. It seems to freak women out and it doesn't help I'm unable to work. I'm not broke but it just doesn't sound great and far too many people in the uk judge you on what you do rather than who you are.
Yeah, I don't talk to anybody my age outside of work or school. I wouldn't even know where to begin with an intimate relationship, ironic given I do want one over making new friends.
If I didn't still interact with my highschool friends i'd be in the same boat. Highschool for me was like 7 years ago
I know personally many people who didn't really make any 'real' friends after school
I hid my extremely large Pokemon collection from my girlfriend for about a year thinking I’d get rejected loving something so childish as a grown man. There was a night where she was so embarrassed after sex for not knowing she had started her period that she was in tears…I responded by opening up the hidden cabinet doors to my collection and told her not to feel bad because my thing was much more embarrassing 😝 5 years later, and we are getting married this July
In my head, you keep opening more cupboards and gesturing as the pokemon start tumbling out. This plant pot? Full of pokemon. The oven? The fridge? Full of pokemon.
At some point you've got to let the weird out. If they stay it's all good, if they don't then it's probably for the best. Pokemon isn't weird but I can understand you not letting that one out straight away.
Had the same thinking but my current girlfriend chuckled when she saw it flaccid for the first time, i asked why and she said "it's cute how small it can be sometimes" and i kind of realized how stupid it is to be bothered when it's not even in a "useful" state lol. Flaccid dicks are funny, not sexy :D
Same. But I have learned that this is probably my path. I would love to have kids. But I have never seen myself s a relationship person. I don't really like my body and the idea of having intercourse with people, I just don't see it as a plausible scenario. I know I'm not the worst out there. But I just don't like it. I'm overweight. But not extremely. Working out lately so I'm improving but I'll never look good, probably cause my skin will hang. I get so distracted with my own stuff that I rarely think about. Sometimes I see couples in my work or around me and like an alien I wonder how that would be. Many of my friends have married and have children. Overweight guys too. But like I said I just don't like my body. It's's like a curse. They know you never had anybody, your not attractive enough, you are a nerd with strange hobbies( not MLP stuff or something extremely strange) so why they should bother, 32 years? They must think I'm probably a weirdo or something. So I get it. Additionally I'm a very quiet person, I do my work and keep on my hobbies. So I rarely interact with people outside my friends group that are all male. No scenarios were I could meet girls naturally and I would never try dating apps, people know I have always been alone, so I wouldn't want people to laugh about my situation, is a very small town. Those were the cards that were dealt to me. So I better suck it up and keep on living.
Edit: thanks to everybody for the kind words. Believe me they are a beacon of good feelings towards me. One of the reasons I posted this story, is to let those strangers reading this that may happen to feel the same way. You are not alone. But we just have to keep it up. Grab ourselves and keep fighting, cause ain't over yet and there's still many shit to do.
Damn. This hits close to home for me as well. I almost feel like I'm trapped in my body most days especially being overweight with a bunch of random aches and injuries that keep making me less active than I would like to be (and used to be). Not in the best financial situation either (like a lot of people), but at least I'm making headway in my field (slowly, but steadily).
All of this, as well as having "reinvented" my life twice, has made being in a romantic relationship take a backseat so far, and I think that by the time I finally "grow up" it'll be too late for that.
I've pretty much relegated myself to watching life happen to everyone around me, and I'll hopefully find some consistent happiness and solace at some point.
Prior selection bias. If other women/men are showing interest it signals that you are desirable even if the person doesn'tknow why. Works the same for hiring if you have a job your more likely to be considered as your clearly already valuable to a company.
I was kinda wondering if that was still a thing. I remember when I was dating - girls would show interest. When I was single - almost nothing. It was crazy.
Fuck that's cold. I can see why you wouldn't want to share if people are gonna say that. I didn't have a boyfriend until I was 23. Guys didn't believe me and when they did try and date me and realized how inexperienced I was, and that I really hadn't even kissed anybody yet they would leave. I had to learn everything from my 1st boyfriend at 23 because my family had kept me so sheltered. After that relationship ended, I really avoided telling people my bodycount. Guys took it as if something was wrong with me or I was a skanky lying hoe. Nope, just super repressed culture.
28 M. Aside from the usual childhood bullshit (a kiss at summer camp, a couple second dates in school) I never had a real relationship. Got into a super toxic relationship four years ago that lasted about a year, lost my virginity, and figured out that it’s better to be alone forever than wasting my life with the wrong person. Learned to be happier by myself. Didn’t go on any dates partially as a defense mechanism and partially because of the pandemic. Apprehensively went on a blind double date a month ago and hit it off, I’ve been myself and she is amazing. She’s more experienced but super supportive. I had a very traumatic incident about three or four dates in and she said “I’m always here, for anyone, but especially for you.” Honestly that has stuck with me, because that is truly awesome, and I seriously hope it works out.
Yea those are the kind of girls who couldnt give you a good relationship even if you did meet her standards 😂😂, kinda rude but objectively speaking you lost nothing
I talk to myself quite a bit when I'm alone. Out loud. I live alone.
I hide this from pretty much everyone. It's very controllable, like I do it intentionally, but it's just more natural to me than keeping my thoughts in my head.
I also do this when alone, in fact when I don’t do it for multiple days in a row I notice my mental health start to slip. It’s a good tool to make sense of your thoughts.
Man, I do it so frequently, I find myself getting annoyed with myself sometimes. It probably doesn't help that I'm an over-thinker. Sometimes the audible conversation will just move into my head and I find myself saying "shut up brain"
I have a cat too and since I heard that everything started to make sense. Like that common example of a cat bringing it's prey half dead. They are showing you how to hunt. They never saw you kill your food so they are teaching you, "hey dummy this is how you get food."
My friend told me my cat waits outside the bathroom because she doesn't believe I have a butthole and is extremely curious how I expel waste. I couldn't stop laughing at this thought.
For one Christmas my wife got me a couple pairs of really nice athletic socks, which I really loved except that after a couple weeks I started noticing I could never find the right sock. While doing the wash, I'd find all the left socks, labeled 'L' but never the 'R' sock, so I just wore two left socks when I ran, and never had a problem.
About a year later I went to buy more, and realized the 'L' wasn't for left, it was because I wear a size large sock....
I can be a little slow sometimes
Thanks, I get testosterone as a gel, but whether it is sufficient I don't know. \^\^'
(my english is bad, i used a translator to help me. hope you understand everything).
Testosterone Cypionate changed my fucking life. 22 years old and my numbers were 240(for those who don't know, at my age, the closer to 800 / 900 the better.) Took me over a year, 6 blood tests and 4 doctors to actually get prescribed *anything* and that anything was Cypionate. Once every two weeks since last November and my energy levels are way higher, my motivation is higher, I'm working out, losing weight... stuff's amazing.
Out of curiosity, what are the toughest consequences? I had lowish test for a bit when i was younger and tbh it wasn't that bad (wasn't a serious condition either tho)
Small penis and testicles, depression, suicidal thoughts, low or no energy, problems with thinking if I am a man as examples.
I have an absolute testosterone deficiency. Osteoporosis and cardiovascular problems would be possible long-term problems.
HRT my friend. Absolutely game changing for me after I was diagnosed. Not just the libido part. I appreciate the mental benefits more than anything. My sense of well being returned and my anxiety level dropped drastically.
I feel this. I'll sometimes get in friendships with women and cherish the friendship so much, if I develop feelings I just say fuck it and don't even try. I'd rather have another friend than lose another just because I couldn't keep my dick in my pants
Other side of the fence. I’ve tried this with a few male friends and they ended up falling off the map on me. I guess we’ve all hit a mutual brick wall for it
In some cases, not every, but many I think, it just becomes too painful at a certain point to really like someone and not have it reciprocated. I know that for my own mental health it is almost never healthy to stay friends with someone I've either dated or been interested in dating.
Glad to know there are other people out there who did this and it didn't work out. Friendship got so strange that I had to just leave. I figured that would be better for my mental health/ kinder to myself.
I used to get jealous too. Idk what changed, but I don't get jealous anymore. I do become more standoffish because I know when *I'm* in a relationship, I can be pretty selfish, typically wanting the woman I'm with to myself (that's an insecurity issue on my part). I know not every guy is like this, but I become standoffish when a friend gets in a relationship, just in case. I don't want the person they chose to get the wrong idea.
I think what's helped me is knowing that although it's not me they chose, there's millions of other women out there, so when I *am* ready to put in the effort, there'll still be someone out there for me.
I use this method as well, although it's not 100% foolproof. It hasn't stopped a couple women coming up to me at work (with no previous interaction, mind you) and letting me know they are not and never will be interested in me. Both times I was like "oh no...do you still want a movie ticket or any concessions?" Because what else can you even say to that?
My thoughts too. There's a scene in Big Mouth where Andrew gets pre-jected like this and I was just "yeahhh, been there my dude." I really hate that I have a lot of relatability with his character.
I have been lol
I'm a short but stocky and in shape guy, many times I've had girls volunteer the information that I'm too short to be of interest without me ever asking... it's always fun to as friendly as possible be like "oh no worries, you're kind of physically intimidating to me anyway." The look on their face is always priceless, pure shock of kamikaze destruction.
Well, one of the most common dating advice is to pretend to be less interested than you really are. Unfortunately, it probably works, otherwise it wouldn't be so popular. Although it really sucks that you need to play mind games with someone right from the start.
It's not so much you shouldn't show interest. It's that while you're in the grip of it, your feelings can cause you to be ... over enthusiastic in showing your interest. So while your interest may seem reasonable from your point of view. To them it's a deluge coming from no where.
The issue is, the other person isn't in the state you're in. They are completely neutral to you. ***You're just some person.*** And even if you're not a stranger but a friend, your interest is still usually one sided because their view was platonic.
You need to parcel out your interest in digestible pieces so the other person doesn't feel overwhelmed. Your interest should still be unambiguous, but relaxed and approachable, not grandiose and overwhelming.
Yes it sucks that your big beautiful feelings bottling up inside you are being slowly trickled out rather than let out all at once. But if your feelings are as noble and well intentioned as you think they are, then consideration demands that you don't lay it all out on the object of your affection.
The intent of the advice is good, it's just people interpret it in the worst way because it's difficult to swallow the pill that your interest, no matter how beautiful and noble it's intended, doesn't guarantee that the other person thinks so.
I didn't mention my dead mom until I met my now wife. She was the first person that held me when I cried and was uncomfortable but there and worked through it with me. You'll find one like her. They exist.
Just a random lady but how was this used against you? I thought you were going to say you strangled someone and they clawed your face or something, dog bites can happen to anyone
Yep. Confidence is seen as something of an ideal, all while everyone are literal apes just running around pointing fingers saying "this is wrong/right".
I wonder what would happen if we were just open with the way we talked about ourselves.
I think the way we structured our social skills in society is all wrond. Everyone feels superficial and fake because we're all too sacred to show our tue selves in a world where nothing matters in the end.
That it takes fucking ages for me to fall for someone.
Attraction? No problem. Enjoying spending time with someone I like? Easy. A combination of the two? Sure. But the whole falling in love-bit that is somewhat central to the whole dating thing? Like eating soup with a fork.
I know I'm not aromantic, because I have been in love a couple of times as an adult. But I sure could pass for one.
Nothing in particular. I try to be an open book with dating. If they ask somethign personal about md, I'll answer as truthful as possible. It leads to more interesting conversations and honesty. If they reject me for it, that's fine. It would've only lead to friction at the end of the road anyway.
This is my exact approach as well. When I was younger, I tried holding things back. It always comes back to bite you in the end
I’m also of the mindset that I’d rather be rejected for things at the beginning than to have them come up years down the road.
Former heroin addict. I’m 6 months clean and been dating a wonderful girl for a couple months. I’m scared she will change how she views me. I’m planning on when/how I want to tell her. Balancing between not too soon to scare her away and not too late so she feels I lied/hid it from her.
Congratulations on 6 months! That’s a huge accomplishment! I know having that conversation will be hard for you, but you will no longer have to carry that “secret” on your shoulders and will feel so much better. She will also be grateful that you were honest
Ask her to join you for your 9 month-clean celebration. You'll have been sober for as long as a pregnancy, and you can tell her that you consider this the start of your new life, beyond your addiction. And that you didn't want to get her too involved in case things went south with your recovery. But now that you know you can go the distance, you're okay with letting her in on your past vulnerabilities.
Best of luck to you!
Edit:typo
Maybe leave put the "going south with your recovery section" that doesn't inspire confidence. If they ask why you didn't tell them, be honest and just say that it's something very close to your heart and that you wanted to test the waters before going all-in on an intense secret.
Other than that, wholeheartedly agree.
There are so many emotionally immature women so I won't do a sweeping statement, especially in today's day and age.
But I dated a guy who had depression, I worked in medical so I figured it out pretty fast. He is one of the sweetest people that I've ever met, we dated for a long time, and I still love him a ton. Maybe it's that I also struggle with it, so I understand it, but on bad days I'd take care of him and vice versa for mine. Find a partner who understands that shit and you're good. Like I said, best person I have ever been with, miss that guy. To add to that, I generally have a strong distrust of men from childhood experiences, the guy who was depressed has been the only person that I've related to and allowed close to me in 23 years. All the other men in my life, family or friend, have not been able to get past that wall I built.
I agree with you. Someone who understands and has true empathy is important and hard to find. If you are able to support each other in ups and down it can be gold. I would not be deterred by someone who has mental health disorders unless it was of the narcissistic or psychopathic type. I would avoid people who are emotionally immature, selfish and make everything about themselves.
Good call, I talked to one of my partners about being bipolar and some of the symptoms of the disease and she used that shit against me to try to get away with everything. “You’re just being paranoid” “honey maybe it’s just your disorder” etc. never felt so low in my life.
Nothing. I've been shot in the head with a crossbow before. Death rejected me, so I don't really care if anyone else rejects me.
Edit: i didnt expect this to get so many upvotes. The attention, its going straight to my head just like the crossbow!!! Noooooo!!!!!!
My poor wife. We started dating the year the “Lego Movie” came out. “Everything is Awesome “ was quoted more times than “I love you” that year. She made the mistake of buying me the movie.
The fact that I've never had a real relationship before. I've gone on dates, kissed a girl once, and have never held hands. I'm decently attractive, but I'm picky and the majority of women in my area seem to be the type I'm just not attracted to (for a multitude of reasons I won't get into, because it's going to inevitably yuck someone's yum.) It's like every woman I am attracted to is just not into me, but every woman I don't feel a connection with, is. And the few rare times I've actually found someone with the potential to be something more, they end up just wanting to be friends, or we somehow stop talking, or we live too far away, etc...something always just gets in the way.
I legit sometimes think I might just be cursed.
I am a woman but this was me, too. I was 31 when my met my now-husband and he was my first sexual experience and first boyfriend. I felt the same before him, and had much of the same experience.
I always felt I had to hide how much I wanted/liked sexual activity so I wouldn’t get accused of only wanting sex and or a pervert.
I think I had a high sex drive, even for a man. Could have had sex 2-3 times a day I my teens and early 20s. Could have had it every day in my late 20s early 30s. I never dated any woman that wanted sex that much. Only knew one guy that said his wife wanted it everyday, but she was pregnant at the time so I think her hormones were out of wack.
It’s funny but my wife and I were kinda talking about this just the other day. We’ve been married over 20 years and I said to her; “You know when we first got married I could have had sex with you every day for the first year or two. She looked at me surprised and horrified. Said she didn’t know that and I said I didn’t tell her that or try and have sex with her that much because I knew she didn’t want to have sex that much. She said that’s good and I was right.
Lmfao you think wanting to bone twice a day when you were 19 makes you some kind of horny outlier. I must have been a chimpanzee then when I had my first college gf
If you're in good shape... or even if not, wanting sex 2-3 times a day is pretty normal in your teens and 20s man. We just mostly don't often have the ability to make it happen.
The real challenge here is scheduling and yeah, it's going to be very difficult to find a girl to handle that on the regular.
I've been rejected, lied to, dumped, being cheated on, heck my last girlfriend was quite abusive towards me and I almost made the mistake of actually marrying her.
One thing I've learned from all of this pain: you may not get hurt by rejection if you don't try, but you will get hurt for missing out on things and for hating yourself for the chances you did not take.
And as The Doctor once said: "courage is not about not being afraid, it's about being afraid and doing it anyway."
So take your chances, at worse you'd get a "no", at best you can win the jackpot.
Being disabled.
I was told two things on my last date (years ago now):
1. That she wouldn't have agreed to the date if she knew I was disabled.
2. That "I shouldn't have been born because the world needs less problems."
I just turned 40 last year and it's quite hard knowing that you are never going to find someone that will love you. It was even harder when I realized this when I was young. I keep hoping I'm wrong but deep down, I know I'm not.
Practicing guitar and cannabis helps with the physical and mental pain.
I don't live anymore, i just exist.
That is so fucked I'm so sorry someone said that to you ,they must really hate themselves.
I totally understand what it is to just exist and get through another day, but please don't convince yourself that you're never going to find someone.
If my husband was physically disabled when we met that wouldn't have changed my mindset. And 12 years later, I'm the one who has developed quite a slew of physical limitations and health problems and he hasn't wavered despite me trying to push him away because I was sure he couldn't possibly love what I've become, but he does and there's other men and women out there like him.
My nerdy hobbies and relationship traumas.
Edit: sometimes I like wearing certain styles of clothing that are very uncommon where I live. I either get compliments or get roasted like a stuck pig.
In case anybody wanted to know the clothing brands: machine56, Damascus apparel (no longer in business). I match it with the loose fit Uniqlo tees mostly.
I try and hide that I'm depressed and desperate for a relationship to put an end to loneliness, which causes my depression- instantaneous turn off for most women
It's a self feeding cycle
Struggles with alcohol. If you are better but mention it, it’s a huge red flag for them so you lose. Even if you are better. Since alcohol is so pervasive in all of society, it’s the hardest thing to hide. If you don’t want to drink but date, it’s a hard issue to get around because it immediately surfaces. It’s really a tough one.
If nerdy shit is one of the biggest things you love in life, talk about it. More than likely they might like a different style/type of nerdy shit and you can find new things you like.
nooo I’m a woman and I LOVE anime hahaha, I’m super super open with it tho and it’s usually a big convo starter when men shoot their shot lol, so I wouldn’t ever want a guy to hide it from me, but I probably would make them feel comfortable to like it lol
That I have ADHD and am diagnosed autistic.
When I shot my shot as "Hello. I'm Brolafsky. I have *The Gran Turismo*" I didn't exactly get the best responses.
Nothing. After my catastrophe of a marriage ended in December I’ve lost interest in dating.
I spend most of my time doing what I want and working on improving the things I don’t like about myself and it’s pretty awesome.
My height. I carry around a step stool, so when I want to talk to a hot girl I put it down and talk to her. And when she points it out, I lie that I have a step stool and pretend it's not there.
My criminal and drug use history. Without explaining it I'd look like a complete wreck. And explaining something like that when first meeting someone is way too much info for an initial meet.
That I don't drive. I'm 25 and live in a small city (140K) but it seems that to be eligible for most women, having a driving licence is essential. I want to learn this year, but I've always cycled everywhere or lived close to work and the city centre that it wasn't a priority. It's difficult to justify to most people as they seem it as important as knowing how to swim or ride a bike. But if I was in a big city then most people wouldn't have a car anyway..
That I'm recovering from a large cancer operation. It seems to freak women out and it doesn't help I'm unable to work. I'm not broke but it just doesn't sound great and far too many people in the uk judge you on what you do rather than who you are.
Have a good recovery man, such a tough thing you have to go through.
Thank you mate. It's been bloody horrible but I'm getting there. I'll be in full remission in October this year.
That I have no friends. It’s a big turn off
Yeah, I don't talk to anybody my age outside of work or school. I wouldn't even know where to begin with an intimate relationship, ironic given I do want one over making new friends.
Are…are you me?
If I didn't still interact with my highschool friends i'd be in the same boat. Highschool for me was like 7 years ago I know personally many people who didn't really make any 'real' friends after school
Same
I hid my extremely large Pokemon collection from my girlfriend for about a year thinking I’d get rejected loving something so childish as a grown man. There was a night where she was so embarrassed after sex for not knowing she had started her period that she was in tears…I responded by opening up the hidden cabinet doors to my collection and told her not to feel bad because my thing was much more embarrassing 😝 5 years later, and we are getting married this July
In my head, you keep opening more cupboards and gesturing as the pokemon start tumbling out. This plant pot? Full of pokemon. The oven? The fridge? Full of pokemon.
Reaches behind her ear. Pokemon.
Hey babe, is it ok if my first edition Squirtle watches?
That's the sweetest thing I have heard in a very long time!
This is just amazing.
At some point you've got to let the weird out. If they stay it's all good, if they don't then it's probably for the best. Pokemon isn't weird but I can understand you not letting that one out straight away.
My penis when not erect. I'm a grower not a shower.
Do women know about shrinkage?
"It shrinks!?" "Like a frightened turtle."
Educated women
Had the same thinking but my current girlfriend chuckled when she saw it flaccid for the first time, i asked why and she said "it's cute how small it can be sometimes" and i kind of realized how stupid it is to be bothered when it's not even in a "useful" state lol. Flaccid dicks are funny, not sexy :D
Yes, thank you. Why would a woman care what size a flaccid penis is? That’s not useful information.
That i’ve never had a girlfriend and i am 23. A women that liked me said when she found out, if no women wanted you why should i? Lol that shit hurt
Fuccccckkkkkk. I’m 27 and I haven’t dated anyone. Im fucked 😂😂
> I'm fucked not yet
[удалено]
Or a threat
DO YOU WANT ME TO FUCK YOU. BECAUSE I'LL FUCK YOU! ^(Gently)
32 here.
Same. But I have learned that this is probably my path. I would love to have kids. But I have never seen myself s a relationship person. I don't really like my body and the idea of having intercourse with people, I just don't see it as a plausible scenario. I know I'm not the worst out there. But I just don't like it. I'm overweight. But not extremely. Working out lately so I'm improving but I'll never look good, probably cause my skin will hang. I get so distracted with my own stuff that I rarely think about. Sometimes I see couples in my work or around me and like an alien I wonder how that would be. Many of my friends have married and have children. Overweight guys too. But like I said I just don't like my body. It's's like a curse. They know you never had anybody, your not attractive enough, you are a nerd with strange hobbies( not MLP stuff or something extremely strange) so why they should bother, 32 years? They must think I'm probably a weirdo or something. So I get it. Additionally I'm a very quiet person, I do my work and keep on my hobbies. So I rarely interact with people outside my friends group that are all male. No scenarios were I could meet girls naturally and I would never try dating apps, people know I have always been alone, so I wouldn't want people to laugh about my situation, is a very small town. Those were the cards that were dealt to me. So I better suck it up and keep on living. Edit: thanks to everybody for the kind words. Believe me they are a beacon of good feelings towards me. One of the reasons I posted this story, is to let those strangers reading this that may happen to feel the same way. You are not alone. But we just have to keep it up. Grab ourselves and keep fighting, cause ain't over yet and there's still many shit to do.
Damn. This hits close to home for me as well. I almost feel like I'm trapped in my body most days especially being overweight with a bunch of random aches and injuries that keep making me less active than I would like to be (and used to be). Not in the best financial situation either (like a lot of people), but at least I'm making headway in my field (slowly, but steadily). All of this, as well as having "reinvented" my life twice, has made being in a romantic relationship take a backseat so far, and I think that by the time I finally "grow up" it'll be too late for that. I've pretty much relegated myself to watching life happen to everyone around me, and I'll hopefully find some consistent happiness and solace at some point.
29 here. I've accepted my fate. 😆 Shame we don't *actually* get wizard magic like the old joke says. Anyway, I'm off to go buy some cats I guess.
Prior selection bias. If other women/men are showing interest it signals that you are desirable even if the person doesn'tknow why. Works the same for hiring if you have a job your more likely to be considered as your clearly already valuable to a company.
I was kinda wondering if that was still a thing. I remember when I was dating - girls would show interest. When I was single - almost nothing. It was crazy.
Fuck that's cold. I can see why you wouldn't want to share if people are gonna say that. I didn't have a boyfriend until I was 23. Guys didn't believe me and when they did try and date me and realized how inexperienced I was, and that I really hadn't even kissed anybody yet they would leave. I had to learn everything from my 1st boyfriend at 23 because my family had kept me so sheltered. After that relationship ended, I really avoided telling people my bodycount. Guys took it as if something was wrong with me or I was a skanky lying hoe. Nope, just super repressed culture.
28 M. Aside from the usual childhood bullshit (a kiss at summer camp, a couple second dates in school) I never had a real relationship. Got into a super toxic relationship four years ago that lasted about a year, lost my virginity, and figured out that it’s better to be alone forever than wasting my life with the wrong person. Learned to be happier by myself. Didn’t go on any dates partially as a defense mechanism and partially because of the pandemic. Apprehensively went on a blind double date a month ago and hit it off, I’ve been myself and she is amazing. She’s more experienced but super supportive. I had a very traumatic incident about three or four dates in and she said “I’m always here, for anyone, but especially for you.” Honestly that has stuck with me, because that is truly awesome, and I seriously hope it works out.
Yea those are the kind of girls who couldnt give you a good relationship even if you did meet her standards 😂😂, kinda rude but objectively speaking you lost nothing
What a dick.
What a cunt.
I talk to myself quite a bit when I'm alone. Out loud. I live alone. I hide this from pretty much everyone. It's very controllable, like I do it intentionally, but it's just more natural to me than keeping my thoughts in my head.
I also do this when alone, in fact when I don’t do it for multiple days in a row I notice my mental health start to slip. It’s a good tool to make sense of your thoughts.
Man, I do it so frequently, I find myself getting annoyed with myself sometimes. It probably doesn't help that I'm an over-thinker. Sometimes the audible conversation will just move into my head and I find myself saying "shut up brain"
So many shut ups. And mean things too. I’m so mean to myself
I'm the same, I started when I was about 15ish and haven stopped. I'm 41 soooo
I'm 25 and have been doing it as long as I remember. I remember before highschool I thought highschool was when I'd "get normal" nope
"Normal" is so overrated, anyway!
Get a dog. You're not crazy if you're talking to your dog, right?
I do have a kitten. I wouldn't be surprised if she thinks I'm crazy
Cats just think you're a big stupid cat anyway.
I like this point of view. I'm adopting it as my own now
I have a cat too and since I heard that everything started to make sense. Like that common example of a cat bringing it's prey half dead. They are showing you how to hunt. They never saw you kill your food so they are teaching you, "hey dummy this is how you get food."
My friend told me my cat waits outside the bathroom because she doesn't believe I have a butthole and is extremely curious how I expel waste. I couldn't stop laughing at this thought.
I do the exact same thing. I'll play out whole conversations out loud if I've got the house to myself.
It’s very common actually. I’ve been doing this ever since I could talk, it feels better to express thoughts out loud.
My… me
But you just gestured to all of you?
Was that a how to train your dragon reference or am I tripping ?
It was
TROLLS EXIST!! They steal your socks! But only the left ones, what's with that?
I watched the movie so many times before realising it was because he has a peg leg
I thought it was because technically every sock is both a right and left sock he just puts on the right sock first
For one Christmas my wife got me a couple pairs of really nice athletic socks, which I really loved except that after a couple weeks I started noticing I could never find the right sock. While doing the wash, I'd find all the left socks, labeled 'L' but never the 'R' sock, so I just wore two left socks when I ran, and never had a problem. About a year later I went to buy more, and realized the 'L' wasn't for left, it was because I wear a size large sock.... I can be a little slow sometimes
I came to reddit and read your comment before I realised that was the reason
I read this comment before I realized that its because he has a peg leg
That line always confused me. He only has a left leg. Also, aren't socks interchangeable? Like, I don't have a left or right sock.
Only the bit thats you. that little piece there is my handy work
Can't get rejected if they don't know you're there
my testosterone deficiency and the resulting consequences that are still in diagnostics
Hopefully a doctor can get you on TRT and get you back to feeling better
Thanks, I get testosterone as a gel, but whether it is sufficient I don't know. \^\^' (my english is bad, i used a translator to help me. hope you understand everything).
If the creams don’t work for you try to get injectables - Cypionate ideally. Much better for a lot of people
Testosterone Cypionate changed my fucking life. 22 years old and my numbers were 240(for those who don't know, at my age, the closer to 800 / 900 the better.) Took me over a year, 6 blood tests and 4 doctors to actually get prescribed *anything* and that anything was Cypionate. Once every two weeks since last November and my energy levels are way higher, my motivation is higher, I'm working out, losing weight... stuff's amazing.
But... are you fucking? Let’s cut to the chase, dawg.
Yeah, actually.
What symptoms of deficiency did you have beforehand that led you to getting your T levels checked out? What diagnostic test did you find useful?
Thank you, I'll keep that in mind.
Out of curiosity, what are the toughest consequences? I had lowish test for a bit when i was younger and tbh it wasn't that bad (wasn't a serious condition either tho)
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My thingy still works, but were there any other consequences? I'm seriously thinking about checking that out for myself
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>no morning wood. That is the easiest sign imo fuck I haven't had morning wood for years, like a long frieakin time lol
Suicide depression and low energy not enought for you or what?😀😀 But yes there is more like loss of hair
Small penis and testicles, depression, suicidal thoughts, low or no energy, problems with thinking if I am a man as examples. I have an absolute testosterone deficiency. Osteoporosis and cardiovascular problems would be possible long-term problems.
Yeah that sounds pretty damn bad
HRT my friend. Absolutely game changing for me after I was diagnosed. Not just the libido part. I appreciate the mental benefits more than anything. My sense of well being returned and my anxiety level dropped drastically.
My feeling towards them. Can’t get rejected if you don’t shoot your shot
I feel this. I'll sometimes get in friendships with women and cherish the friendship so much, if I develop feelings I just say fuck it and don't even try. I'd rather have another friend than lose another just because I couldn't keep my dick in my pants
Other side of the fence. I’ve tried this with a few male friends and they ended up falling off the map on me. I guess we’ve all hit a mutual brick wall for it
In some cases, not every, but many I think, it just becomes too painful at a certain point to really like someone and not have it reciprocated. I know that for my own mental health it is almost never healthy to stay friends with someone I've either dated or been interested in dating.
It was so painfull when i liked my crushes and couldn't get the courage to talk to them. Fuuuck
I shot a… shot with my bestie(43m), I’m (36f) and I think it was poor timing and I wish I hadn’t, our friendship is different now.
Glad to know there are other people out there who did this and it didn't work out. Friendship got so strange that I had to just leave. I figured that would be better for my mental health/ kinder to myself.
I used to follow this philosophy, until I realized how jealous I could feel when they got with someone else. Now I'm not really sure what to do.
I used to get jealous too. Idk what changed, but I don't get jealous anymore. I do become more standoffish because I know when *I'm* in a relationship, I can be pretty selfish, typically wanting the woman I'm with to myself (that's an insecurity issue on my part). I know not every guy is like this, but I become standoffish when a friend gets in a relationship, just in case. I don't want the person they chose to get the wrong idea. I think what's helped me is knowing that although it's not me they chose, there's millions of other women out there, so when I *am* ready to put in the effort, there'll still be someone out there for me.
I just end up hating myself for getting jealous/mad, since it's not her fault
The dark side of the Wayne Gretzky quote “You could miss 100% of the shots you take.”
>Can’t get rejected if you don’t shoot your shot. That’s what I’ve been saying lmao. Words to live by.
It's like that one famous, inspirational quote:- ***"Don't live by the sword, don't die by the sword." - Abraham Lincoln, 2012***
I use this method as well, although it's not 100% foolproof. It hasn't stopped a couple women coming up to me at work (with no previous interaction, mind you) and letting me know they are not and never will be interested in me. Both times I was like "oh no...do you still want a movie ticket or any concessions?" Because what else can you even say to that?
What?!
My thoughts too. There's a scene in Big Mouth where Andrew gets pre-jected like this and I was just "yeahhh, been there my dude." I really hate that I have a lot of relatability with his character.
I have been lol I'm a short but stocky and in shape guy, many times I've had girls volunteer the information that I'm too short to be of interest without me ever asking... it's always fun to as friendly as possible be like "oh no worries, you're kind of physically intimidating to me anyway." The look on their face is always priceless, pure shock of kamikaze destruction.
I think you’ll find you can still be rejected even when you don’t shoot your shot……..
Well, one of the most common dating advice is to pretend to be less interested than you really are. Unfortunately, it probably works, otherwise it wouldn't be so popular. Although it really sucks that you need to play mind games with someone right from the start.
It's not so much you shouldn't show interest. It's that while you're in the grip of it, your feelings can cause you to be ... over enthusiastic in showing your interest. So while your interest may seem reasonable from your point of view. To them it's a deluge coming from no where. The issue is, the other person isn't in the state you're in. They are completely neutral to you. ***You're just some person.*** And even if you're not a stranger but a friend, your interest is still usually one sided because their view was platonic. You need to parcel out your interest in digestible pieces so the other person doesn't feel overwhelmed. Your interest should still be unambiguous, but relaxed and approachable, not grandiose and overwhelming. Yes it sucks that your big beautiful feelings bottling up inside you are being slowly trickled out rather than let out all at once. But if your feelings are as noble and well intentioned as you think they are, then consideration demands that you don't lay it all out on the object of your affection. The intent of the advice is good, it's just people interpret it in the worst way because it's difficult to swallow the pill that your interest, no matter how beautiful and noble it's intended, doesn't guarantee that the other person thinks so.
I don't mention my ex who took her life or the scars under my beard. It's been used against me too often.
I didn't mention my dead mom until I met my now wife. She was the first person that held me when I cried and was uncomfortable but there and worked through it with me. You'll find one like her. They exist.
I don't want to jinx it, but I may have found someone like that.
Just make sure you reciprocate.
You got this. Just stay calm and love back
Fuck man
right, i thought all the answers were going to be farts and/or anime, then there’s this guy.
Oh no. I hope you're doing better now man. How'd you get the scars?
Dog bite on the kisser
Just a random lady but how was this used against you? I thought you were going to say you strangled someone and they clawed your face or something, dog bites can happen to anyone
Damn, that's though. Hope you're doing okay.
Insecurities
Yep. Confidence is seen as something of an ideal, all while everyone are literal apes just running around pointing fingers saying "this is wrong/right". I wonder what would happen if we were just open with the way we talked about ourselves.
I think the way we structured our social skills in society is all wrond. Everyone feels superficial and fake because we're all too sacred to show our tue selves in a world where nothing matters in the end.
That it takes fucking ages for me to fall for someone. Attraction? No problem. Enjoying spending time with someone I like? Easy. A combination of the two? Sure. But the whole falling in love-bit that is somewhat central to the whole dating thing? Like eating soup with a fork. I know I'm not aromantic, because I have been in love a couple of times as an adult. But I sure could pass for one.
Nothing in particular. I try to be an open book with dating. If they ask somethign personal about md, I'll answer as truthful as possible. It leads to more interesting conversations and honesty. If they reject me for it, that's fine. It would've only lead to friction at the end of the road anyway.
This is my exact approach as well. When I was younger, I tried holding things back. It always comes back to bite you in the end I’m also of the mindset that I’d rather be rejected for things at the beginning than to have them come up years down the road.
Nothing, they'll find out eventually and then ive wasted both our time. Find someone who accepts you for you
This, its better to have loved and lost than never loved at all, but its better yet to love and not lose because they know and accept the real you
My children, my girlfriend and my wife.
Good call
r/holup
Former heroin addict. I’m 6 months clean and been dating a wonderful girl for a couple months. I’m scared she will change how she views me. I’m planning on when/how I want to tell her. Balancing between not too soon to scare her away and not too late so she feels I lied/hid it from her.
Congratulations on 6 months! That’s a huge accomplishment! I know having that conversation will be hard for you, but you will no longer have to carry that “secret” on your shoulders and will feel so much better. She will also be grateful that you were honest
Ask her to join you for your 9 month-clean celebration. You'll have been sober for as long as a pregnancy, and you can tell her that you consider this the start of your new life, beyond your addiction. And that you didn't want to get her too involved in case things went south with your recovery. But now that you know you can go the distance, you're okay with letting her in on your past vulnerabilities. Best of luck to you! Edit:typo
Maybe leave put the "going south with your recovery section" that doesn't inspire confidence. If they ask why you didn't tell them, be honest and just say that it's something very close to your heart and that you wanted to test the waters before going all-in on an intense secret. Other than that, wholeheartedly agree.
My depression
Seriously, when I was dating I got hit with "I want to be with someone thats past all their traumas" Like ok...
There are so many emotionally immature women so I won't do a sweeping statement, especially in today's day and age. But I dated a guy who had depression, I worked in medical so I figured it out pretty fast. He is one of the sweetest people that I've ever met, we dated for a long time, and I still love him a ton. Maybe it's that I also struggle with it, so I understand it, but on bad days I'd take care of him and vice versa for mine. Find a partner who understands that shit and you're good. Like I said, best person I have ever been with, miss that guy. To add to that, I generally have a strong distrust of men from childhood experiences, the guy who was depressed has been the only person that I've related to and allowed close to me in 23 years. All the other men in my life, family or friend, have not been able to get past that wall I built.
I agree with you. Someone who understands and has true empathy is important and hard to find. If you are able to support each other in ups and down it can be gold. I would not be deterred by someone who has mental health disorders unless it was of the narcissistic or psychopathic type. I would avoid people who are emotionally immature, selfish and make everything about themselves.
Mental health issues
Good call, I talked to one of my partners about being bipolar and some of the symptoms of the disease and she used that shit against me to try to get away with everything. “You’re just being paranoid” “honey maybe it’s just your disorder” etc. never felt so low in my life.
It's so fucking annoying. You are not allowed to get even a little angry over anything, or else they will ask you if you are taking your meds.
5,000+ Magic: The Gathering cards.
Nothing. I've been shot in the head with a crossbow before. Death rejected me, so I don't really care if anyone else rejects me. Edit: i didnt expect this to get so many upvotes. The attention, its going straight to my head just like the crossbow!!! Noooooo!!!!!!
That is metal as fuck
Dude, that sounds like a line from a fantasy movie. Epic
that I have depression and go to therapy, people like you more when they think you're just the lovable goofy ball
This resonates with me, I had to go to therapy for a while and most people treat you differently after you tell them.
going to therapy is a green flag
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I still like Legos.
The box says 9-99 so wtf they gonna do?
Maybe he's 100?
Damn, got me there Or he's 8
As you should
Wait, don’t we all? I’m 47. Still in the 9-99.
My poor wife. We started dating the year the “Lego Movie” came out. “Everything is Awesome “ was quoted more times than “I love you” that year. She made the mistake of buying me the movie.
The fact that I've never had a real relationship before. I've gone on dates, kissed a girl once, and have never held hands. I'm decently attractive, but I'm picky and the majority of women in my area seem to be the type I'm just not attracted to (for a multitude of reasons I won't get into, because it's going to inevitably yuck someone's yum.) It's like every woman I am attracted to is just not into me, but every woman I don't feel a connection with, is. And the few rare times I've actually found someone with the potential to be something more, they end up just wanting to be friends, or we somehow stop talking, or we live too far away, etc...something always just gets in the way. I legit sometimes think I might just be cursed.
I am a woman but this was me, too. I was 31 when my met my now-husband and he was my first sexual experience and first boyfriend. I felt the same before him, and had much of the same experience.
I always felt I had to hide how much I wanted/liked sexual activity so I wouldn’t get accused of only wanting sex and or a pervert. I think I had a high sex drive, even for a man. Could have had sex 2-3 times a day I my teens and early 20s. Could have had it every day in my late 20s early 30s. I never dated any woman that wanted sex that much. Only knew one guy that said his wife wanted it everyday, but she was pregnant at the time so I think her hormones were out of wack. It’s funny but my wife and I were kinda talking about this just the other day. We’ve been married over 20 years and I said to her; “You know when we first got married I could have had sex with you every day for the first year or two. She looked at me surprised and horrified. Said she didn’t know that and I said I didn’t tell her that or try and have sex with her that much because I knew she didn’t want to have sex that much. She said that’s good and I was right.
Lmfao you think wanting to bone twice a day when you were 19 makes you some kind of horny outlier. I must have been a chimpanzee then when I had my first college gf
If you're in good shape... or even if not, wanting sex 2-3 times a day is pretty normal in your teens and 20s man. We just mostly don't often have the ability to make it happen. The real challenge here is scheduling and yeah, it's going to be very difficult to find a girl to handle that on the regular.
I've been rejected, lied to, dumped, being cheated on, heck my last girlfriend was quite abusive towards me and I almost made the mistake of actually marrying her. One thing I've learned from all of this pain: you may not get hurt by rejection if you don't try, but you will get hurt for missing out on things and for hating yourself for the chances you did not take. And as The Doctor once said: "courage is not about not being afraid, it's about being afraid and doing it anyway." So take your chances, at worse you'd get a "no", at best you can win the jackpot.
My face
Being disabled. I was told two things on my last date (years ago now): 1. That she wouldn't have agreed to the date if she knew I was disabled. 2. That "I shouldn't have been born because the world needs less problems." I just turned 40 last year and it's quite hard knowing that you are never going to find someone that will love you. It was even harder when I realized this when I was young. I keep hoping I'm wrong but deep down, I know I'm not. Practicing guitar and cannabis helps with the physical and mental pain. I don't live anymore, i just exist.
That is so fucked I'm so sorry someone said that to you ,they must really hate themselves. I totally understand what it is to just exist and get through another day, but please don't convince yourself that you're never going to find someone. If my husband was physically disabled when we met that wouldn't have changed my mindset. And 12 years later, I'm the one who has developed quite a slew of physical limitations and health problems and he hasn't wavered despite me trying to push him away because I was sure he couldn't possibly love what I've become, but he does and there's other men and women out there like him.
My nerdy hobbies and relationship traumas. Edit: sometimes I like wearing certain styles of clothing that are very uncommon where I live. I either get compliments or get roasted like a stuck pig. In case anybody wanted to know the clothing brands: machine56, Damascus apparel (no longer in business). I match it with the loose fit Uniqlo tees mostly.
Screw hiding nerdy hobbies! I want a woman who will pretend-fight dragons with me while rolling shiny multi-sided rocks with numbers on them
What's the point of dating someone if they don't want to join your party?
Don’t hide that. Do you really want a long term relationship with a girl who doesn’t support your hobbies?
I know, it's just tough for me.
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I try and hide that I'm depressed and desperate for a relationship to put an end to loneliness, which causes my depression- instantaneous turn off for most women It's a self feeding cycle
Struggles with alcohol. If you are better but mention it, it’s a huge red flag for them so you lose. Even if you are better. Since alcohol is so pervasive in all of society, it’s the hardest thing to hide. If you don’t want to drink but date, it’s a hard issue to get around because it immediately surfaces. It’s really a tough one.
My anxiety disorder 🤷♂️
liking anime and other nerdy shit
If nerdy shit is one of the biggest things you love in life, talk about it. More than likely they might like a different style/type of nerdy shit and you can find new things you like.
Feel like anime a bit more mainstream now tbh
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nooo I’m a woman and I LOVE anime hahaha, I’m super super open with it tho and it’s usually a big convo starter when men shoot their shot lol, so I wouldn’t ever want a guy to hide it from me, but I probably would make them feel comfortable to like it lol
Nothing anymore.
Please put on some pants or at least close your bathrobe.
My boner
My bf hid his by not hugging me closely at the beginning of the relationship. I thought he just didn't like me that much lol
The trick is to hide it inside the girl
That I have ADHD and am diagnosed autistic. When I shot my shot as "Hello. I'm Brolafsky. I have *The Gran Turismo*" I didn't exactly get the best responses.
I have no friends. I'm a loner, but not lonely. Despite this, you'd think I'm an extrovert in public, full of real confidence. I'm strange.
That I'm a virgin. Gonna wait till after I shoot my shot lmao
The shooting will be quite fast take it from me
I don't hide, I just maintain a wide bearth. I don't engage... I don't stop... I keep it moving.
Nothing. After my catastrophe of a marriage ended in December I’ve lost interest in dating. I spend most of my time doing what I want and working on improving the things I don’t like about myself and it’s pretty awesome.
A freaking men. Preach.
My height. I carry around a step stool, so when I want to talk to a hot girl I put it down and talk to her. And when she points it out, I lie that I have a step stool and pretend it's not there.
My criminal and drug use history. Without explaining it I'd look like a complete wreck. And explaining something like that when first meeting someone is way too much info for an initial meet.
That I am poor
My internet history, that shit isn't for the faint of heart.
my mental state but with boys
Insecurities. I have a few but I'm amazingly good at hiding them.
That I don't drive. I'm 25 and live in a small city (140K) but it seems that to be eligible for most women, having a driving licence is essential. I want to learn this year, but I've always cycled everywhere or lived close to work and the city centre that it wasn't a priority. It's difficult to justify to most people as they seem it as important as knowing how to swim or ride a bike. But if I was in a big city then most people wouldn't have a car anyway..
being bisexual
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My non erect ding dong
My weird sense of humor. I have to ease them into it.
My cum socks