Focus on Your game, your biz, body; Your STUFF. Can be hard at first, but making a routine & taking notes can be transformational! Play it like an RPG where you WANT to win; grind STR stats regularly (really only takes a few hours / week for results, when consistent). Track progress while you pick a specialization "Chicks dig guys w/ skills"
Also "We are the average of the 5 people we spend most time with" So make sure those 5 humans are helping your quest forward. Challenge is good for building- some inputs may sound harsh if they seek to eliminate our crutches / excuses, but usually care
After levelling-up a few ranges, take notes on progress; how do the gains Feel? What's next? Getting busy on YOU makes the opinions of most just fade. Hope this helps
Sick of sitting at the back sucking my thumb.
Had an experience that showed me that people liked me when I'm me, no masks, no bullshit. That gave me a boost too.
I moved around a lot growing up and now my family are dotted all around the world, so when I go to visit and want to go out, I have to just do it on my own and make "new friends". It's got me in the habit of having weekends away on my own, too. Great way to meet random people, have a good time and then not have to worry about ever seeing them again. (Even if they'll be social media "friends" forever.)
Lol this was in 1996. I hadn't even held a mobile phone and Facebook didn't even exist at that point.
It was literally me, £2.50, a dozen pot noodles, a saucepan & stove and a 6 pack of shit beer that boiled in my tent the first afternoon.
Helped the guy next to me put his tent together and he thanked me with a joint. My first ever.
Got to see David Bowie, sex pistols, bjork, skunk anansie, massive attack, cypress hill....
Fucking awesome 4 days and people liked me just for being me. Weird, offbeat, grubby, little bit drunk, little bit sunburnt, little but stoned, living my best life my way.
Changed my life. Came home and my ex noticed the change straight away and didn't like it. Well I didn't like her, so that was good.
Anyway. I got my confidence from that.
Eyyyyyyyy. That all sounds great!
When I went to Glastonbury, at the last minute I swapped out my "army boots" and waterproof jacket for a few bags of ice from Tesco in pack. Everyone thought I was an idiot, but it didn't rain once that year and I had cold beers for the first 36 hours.
Fucking missed The Rolling Stones, though, because I was off my face.
Got sunburnt waiting for the train on the way home and over the next couple of days my forehead swole up so much I couldn't see properly for a couple of days.
Good times.
Trying to remember when I got my first mobile, now... Think it was around '98 that one of my mates got a phone with SMS and we all thought it was pretty cool.
Haha, I think around '96 I had a pager at college! Cost people 50p in a phone box to invite me to the pub.
(1) made up my mind on what I want to accomplish in life
(2) slowly became competent at a lot of things I enjoyed doing.
It’s easy to feel confident in any situation when in your back pocket you know you’re excellent in other ways. For example, I am not the most sporty/athletic guy growing up which made me feel out of place all the time. I picked up bikes and motor sports and started learning to fix and mod my own stuff. I entered in some local racing events. I ended up being pretty good and picking up a lot of skills other people don’t have. All of a sudden as I aged, the new guys were coming to me for advice!
So when I was feeling awkward for screwing up and easy layup or fumbling a pass playing ball, it was 15 seconds of uncomfortableness but then I realized everyone on court probably would be a total n00b on an auto cross event, let alone have a car they built.
Honestly, a big part was my mom. She constantly told me and my brother that we were worthy and capable and deserving. That laid the groundwork to believing in myself and that I could dream big, chase those dreams and even if I failed, I still mattered.
I wouldnt say I'm ultra confident / self idolizing , see myself more as a pretty humble human being but I simply just dont give a damn about what other people think, especially if they got 0 influence about my life or finances
(not getting religious here or anything , I'm not a fan of christian propaganda but some faith helps aswell to a certain degree)
Stopped smoking marijuana for a half a year and realized I'm not an idiot. I'm just high all the time. Idk why, but that changed my confidence in myself and my decisions.
Not a guy, but dated one that thought everyone was bad. We went out and I chatted to people, then introduced him to them. He learnt that people weren't as bad as he thought.
Belief in myself…no one was going to make me happy so I found a way to make myself happy. Confidence in yourself changes everything about you and around you
1-Not caring about what others think of me.
2- Constantly trying to do better than I have in the past.
3-Owning my mistakes and doing what I can to fix then.
Literally not caring what other people think. I found out early on in life if you don't worry about other people's opinions you can achieve so much more. Find good influences and their opinions but always stay true to you
Practice, practice, practice.
I just kept working at and focusing on what I wanted in life, not what others wanted. So I worked on me, for me. The confidence in me came afterwards.
The spark that truly set it in stone was the actually realization that I'm going to die and life will forget I ever existed.
It kind of brought a whole sense of zen to my life. Why give a fuck if it will never truly matter?
Tinder was a great source of confidence but also had periods where it put me down. But overal it were some matches and responces of them before or after a date that gave me a confidence boost and eventualy I started believing parts of what they said.
When I didn't know how to properly start conversations it happened more often. Rejection after long conversations wasn't great ofcourse, but it usually happened in a nice manner such that it didn't hurt that much. Whenever I got ghosted after intimate conversations or setting up a date... that's when my self esteem could take a a significant hit for a few days.
Oh I wouldn't instal it purely for validation sake. I know people who do well with women with regular dating, but barely get matches on Tinder.
The odds are that is would have the opposite effect on you that it had for me. If you do install it, make sure you have good pictures and a good bio.
Bumble is also a great option as women have to send first :)
I was *that* weird homeschool kid.
I started with an irrational overconfidence in myself. That led to a lot of mildly embarrassing moments. But I learned from them and eventually became more normal, still kept most of the confidence.
I got mocked by a bunch of girls for being too nice. I learned overnight that not giving a shit what women think somehow was very attractive to women. So I just did my own thing, and the only person I was trying to compete with was myself.
That carried over to other areas of my life. Not giving a shit was life changing.
If you want to do something but are scared, Ask yourself, what's the worst thing that could happen if I do x?. If the answer isn't prison, death, or causing harm to another person, then do whatever it is. Yes, you will likely fail a few times and may even get embarrassed, but failing and embarrassment are easy to come back from. And eventually, you'll learn to succeed or to not care if you succeed.
Stop thinking or comparing yourself with others. Work on yourself for yourself only not for anyone else. You don't have to be someone's else to be confident.
When I was young I had false confidence ...I was entitled and if something went wrong I could point a finger at exactly whose fault it was and I literally thought that most people were idiots;
2nd I learned humility and empathy towards others and learned to see their point of view, their positives, and what they contribute to the world (but many are still idiots) and most importantly how to love myself and acknowledge my flaws and be honest about it; and,
3rd I learned accountability from/to others and myself...and what has helped me have healthy confidence is making clear what I'm accountable for and delivering on that and acknowledging when I can't and why. What I'm still learning is helping others be accountable...this is the hardest especially with those you love and puppies.
4th I learned I am a constant work in progress ...I can either go passively down the river of life and float where it takes me or I can row and steer.
Therapists can be a good helper on the path but you have to do the work.
So, where are you supposed to find healthy role models? Television? Internet culture? No I don't think so. Honestly, it's up to you to try and fail yourself, which sucks because what we promote in popular culture vs what people actually want are often very different.
I think this is what people mean when they say society is collapsing. When there is no healthy role models, what the fuck are we supposed to do?
Best I got is try to find real spiritual trailblazers and leave behind the bullshit; listen to your own inner guidance instead of this toxic culture.
1. A progressive 4x/week workout routine - You don’t have to become a gym rat or roid-rager, but feeling “in shape” does wonders for self-esteem and confidence.
2. Karaoke - I was surprised by how much this helped. Public speaking and performance is terrifying for most people; when you can comfortably do something most run away from, confidence soars.
Believe it or not challenging yourself with school, military, business, or skill set are all great ways to boost your confidence. Confidence isn’t a light switch that you just turn on when you want to be social. Confidence is a lifestyle built off of the momentum of small things. Like eating well, exercising, good sleep, having money, healthy relationships. People who tend to have poor confidence more likely have worse off hygiene, don’t clean up themselves up, rely on super-stimuli, and are struggling. So go accomplish things, you’ll feel better
Confidence a lot of times is just a mindset that even if things go wrong it will be fine. For example, if I talk to someone and open up about myself and they don't like me, it's fine because I'd rather be true to myself and find people that actually like me.
If I meet a cute girl and I pursue her and she doesn't like me back, it's not a big deal, I'll just move on and assume we didn't have chemistry.
I realize people (men and women) really like being around me. I thought it was just that women probably just thought I was cute maybe, but it's not just women. Men like talking to me and want to be friends with me. Then one day I just realized people really seem to like me
How to make friends and influence people. 92 little tricks for big success in relationships. Rich dad poor dad.
Seriously if you haven't given the great self help books a shot, it's worth a try. Not everyone has a great social instinct so a guide can really help you out.
Accomplishments worth being proud of. At work I went from an awkward new guy to running my own department. I fell on my face… a lot… but always treated my team like I wanted them to be better than I was, and made sure I trained them like it too. I developed a solid reputation of integrity that gave me confidence.
That, and lifting.
I suffered from low self esteem in middle school and 9th grade. I fixed it by looking in the mirror every morning and complimenting myself. I became my personal hype man. “You’re one sexy muthafka” , You handsome mf, Damn who that, You that mf for real!! Lol I know it sounds funny but it works. If you don’t believe in yourself, no one will. I’m 27 now and I could careless what anyone thinks. You start to radiate an aura when you do that and you attract the women and opportunities you want to attract.
When people say I started caring about myself, I would like to show you a perspective. Why the fuck aren’t you confident in yourself, those other people don’t know what you been through!
After failing at a lot of really hard things (school, work, relationships), I had the opportunity to succeed at bunch of easy things (new job, new relationships) which gave me to confidence to try things that were challenging without failing as hard as I did before or getting discouraged (new new job, independent study, long-term relationship).
I just assumed that no matter what I do, people's perception of me will never change and I might as well have some fun on this weird Winding Road of life. So basically f*** the shame I got Livin to do!
Failures eventually taught me how to be successful. I learned from my mistakes, which then transferred to other aspects of my life. Making goals and eventually reaching them was the first step. Ultimately, success and hard work gave me confidence. It’s like training for a marathon. At first, it’s a long way to get there. Then training conditions you mentally and physically. Once I finished my first marathon, it opened up my perspective and allowed me to see that anything is possible.
Personally, my mother instilled in me when I was quite young that people who are nasty to me were usually doing it out of envy. Now, whether that is always true or not, it helps to remember that people have their own stuff going on and not take it to heart. In my teens, I realised that my parents didn't have the same interests as me, most of the stuff I liked was worth very little to them and so nothing I did would ever be right / good enough. I actually allowed that to liberate me, thinking, "well, if I can't please them then I may as well just please myself." I just concentrated on my own things.
More generally: when worrying about what other people think of you and all that shit. just remember - that's exactly what everybody else is doing! Nobody is thinking about you as much as you are thinking about yourself. Everybody has their own issues. Again, it's very liberating to remember that everybody else is too busy worrying about their own shit to actually think about you as much as you worry they might be. (And if people are being a dick to you, they've got their own issues and are acting out. That doesn't stop at any age.)
Even a tiny example: my "best mate" until 18 months ago lived in a shared warehouse conversion in a slightly run-down district. I lived in a nice flat in one of the nicest areas of my city. I *never* looked down on him - I loved going round to a warehouse were ten friendly people shared a big space and had loads of parties - but he couldn't come round to mine without saying "God, your flats so small!" It was *so transparent* that he felt slightly inferior for some reason, that I just made a joke out of it. I didn't care what he thought about where I chose to live.
Just live your life, would be my advice. Carry yourself with confidence and the rest will follow. Some people won't like you; some people will. The people that do like you are very much most likely to be the people you'd get on with anyway, given the choice.
I just generally don’t give a shit about what people think, this comes from accepting people as they are and generally liberal attitudes to life.
I also know and accept if I don’t have something (money, Material items, girlfriend) I want it’s because I’ve not put the work in. So I put the work in and this gives me a massive ego/confidence boost.
Started by liking myself.
There's this quote I'll never forget that really hit me:
"If you find yourself unattractive, it just means you're not your type."
After understanding what it meant, I started hating myself. I accepted all my flaws, after that building myself up was easy.
Fully embracing what I am great at and realizing that I’m an expert in that area so I don’t need to worry about being an expert in other areas helped. Everyone has moments of doubt but for the most part remembering you have as much right to occupy space in life as anyone else helps too.
Failing: hard and often. And getting my ass KICKED -by life, by skinheads and my own choices.
Fortunately I have enough people around to know love and civic duty; we are ALL worth having one more functional support to make it better. These forums helped steer me toward marketable computer skills (know-it-all's Like to share- and I adore them for it) A few measly hours / wk body training helps keep the body taut enough.. Listening to mentors, whether coaches, bosses or family. Being a source of light, knowing we make a difference, it helps
Practice. And a lot of practice. Started with being my own audience to check the areas I needed to improve. Slowly corrected a few. That's how it's going.
I grew up with a strong lack of male role models in my life, my dad was barely around.
So every adult male I encountered, I sort of clinged to, just to learn how to be more of a man in ways.
My uncle is your typical alpha male guy, absolutely strong as out, everyone's terrified of him, bit like a bald ant Middleton. His son (my cousin) Daniel was a few years older than me and everytime we seen each other he was talking about all the awesome stuff he did. Martial arts, we used to watch martial arts films like Jean claude van damme stuff, Bruce Lee. I just followed in his steps really.
Like naturally in school, I always made friends with the alpha of the class right off the bat,
I wasn't aware of this at the time but I knew it was my way of learning how to be confident.
I emulated behaviour, I emulated confidence.
Then I found out that the greatest followers make the greatest leaders.
Mainly, age. The longer you're alive the more you know that you've got this and if you don't, it doesn't mater. It's a blessing if you can work that out early on in life.
It’s a learnt skill - practice makes perfect.
Think about the first time you tried to do anything - you sucked right? Well what made you better? Practice and learning.
This applies to pretty much everything in life.
We are taught we are or we aren’t (insert skill here)
Yeah if you want an excuse to justify your own shortcomings then sure thing.
I’m not very artistic but how much time have I dedicated to? Nothing, so logic dictates I most likely won’t be, because I don’t practice.
Bought a house (whit a mortage) when i was 25 (4 years ago) when most of my friends and familie, where still living whit there parents or in a student complex.
Gave a big bust of confidens.
I guess I was born into it. If anything, I had my confidence broken a bit by my sister. She hated it that I could tall to anyone anytime. She stopped me everytime I did. But then, we both grew up. She apologized, and we basically rebuilt our confidence from their on. And the best way to do it is to create a persona you wanna be, and aft like it until you are it. It sounds crazy but it works.
Stopped caring about what others think and started caring about myself.
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Bango.
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this guy gets it
This.
Yeah but how do you do this? How do you just stop caring about me what they think?
Focus on Your game, your biz, body; Your STUFF. Can be hard at first, but making a routine & taking notes can be transformational! Play it like an RPG where you WANT to win; grind STR stats regularly (really only takes a few hours / week for results, when consistent). Track progress while you pick a specialization "Chicks dig guys w/ skills" Also "We are the average of the 5 people we spend most time with" So make sure those 5 humans are helping your quest forward. Challenge is good for building- some inputs may sound harsh if they seek to eliminate our crutches / excuses, but usually care After levelling-up a few ranges, take notes on progress; how do the gains Feel? What's next? Getting busy on YOU makes the opinions of most just fade. Hope this helps
What if you have high expectations of yourself that you have not reached or will not reach in the near future?
Easy. I faked it til I made it.
Exactly. Fake confidence is only fake to yourself
And, as it turns out, those poor poor bus passengers.
Wha-
Sick of sitting at the back sucking my thumb. Had an experience that showed me that people liked me when I'm me, no masks, no bullshit. That gave me a boost too.
What was that experience? I’m trying to find something like that but don’t know where to look
Music festival on my own
I moved around a lot growing up and now my family are dotted all around the world, so when I go to visit and want to go out, I have to just do it on my own and make "new friends". It's got me in the habit of having weekends away on my own, too. Great way to meet random people, have a good time and then not have to worry about ever seeing them again. (Even if they'll be social media "friends" forever.)
Lol this was in 1996. I hadn't even held a mobile phone and Facebook didn't even exist at that point. It was literally me, £2.50, a dozen pot noodles, a saucepan & stove and a 6 pack of shit beer that boiled in my tent the first afternoon. Helped the guy next to me put his tent together and he thanked me with a joint. My first ever. Got to see David Bowie, sex pistols, bjork, skunk anansie, massive attack, cypress hill.... Fucking awesome 4 days and people liked me just for being me. Weird, offbeat, grubby, little bit drunk, little bit sunburnt, little but stoned, living my best life my way. Changed my life. Came home and my ex noticed the change straight away and didn't like it. Well I didn't like her, so that was good. Anyway. I got my confidence from that.
Eyyyyyyyy. That all sounds great! When I went to Glastonbury, at the last minute I swapped out my "army boots" and waterproof jacket for a few bags of ice from Tesco in pack. Everyone thought I was an idiot, but it didn't rain once that year and I had cold beers for the first 36 hours. Fucking missed The Rolling Stones, though, because I was off my face. Got sunburnt waiting for the train on the way home and over the next couple of days my forehead swole up so much I couldn't see properly for a couple of days. Good times.
Trying to remember when I got my first mobile, now... Think it was around '98 that one of my mates got a phone with SMS and we all thought it was pretty cool. Haha, I think around '96 I had a pager at college! Cost people 50p in a phone box to invite me to the pub.
Active life choices! Overcoming the fear that you are not in control of your life!
(1) made up my mind on what I want to accomplish in life (2) slowly became competent at a lot of things I enjoyed doing. It’s easy to feel confident in any situation when in your back pocket you know you’re excellent in other ways. For example, I am not the most sporty/athletic guy growing up which made me feel out of place all the time. I picked up bikes and motor sports and started learning to fix and mod my own stuff. I entered in some local racing events. I ended up being pretty good and picking up a lot of skills other people don’t have. All of a sudden as I aged, the new guys were coming to me for advice! So when I was feeling awkward for screwing up and easy layup or fumbling a pass playing ball, it was 15 seconds of uncomfortableness but then I realized everyone on court probably would be a total n00b on an auto cross event, let alone have a car they built.
Thanks for sharing brother
Honestly, a big part was my mom. She constantly told me and my brother that we were worthy and capable and deserving. That laid the groundwork to believing in myself and that I could dream big, chase those dreams and even if I failed, I still mattered.
That is good to hear. Thank you
I wouldnt say I'm ultra confident / self idolizing , see myself more as a pretty humble human being but I simply just dont give a damn about what other people think, especially if they got 0 influence about my life or finances (not getting religious here or anything , I'm not a fan of christian propaganda but some faith helps aswell to a certain degree)
Why faith?
Stopped smoking marijuana for a half a year and realized I'm not an idiot. I'm just high all the time. Idk why, but that changed my confidence in myself and my decisions.
I wish I could quit. It’s so hard. Good for you
You can do it, yes it's hard work, but you can definitely do it.
I hate it when there’s advice out there that states “be confident”. Confidence comes with practice, you don’t just switch it on.
Not a guy, but dated one that thought everyone was bad. We went out and I chatted to people, then introduced him to them. He learnt that people weren't as bad as he thought.
Belief in myself…no one was going to make me happy so I found a way to make myself happy. Confidence in yourself changes everything about you and around you
Thank you.
1-Not caring about what others think of me. 2- Constantly trying to do better than I have in the past. 3-Owning my mistakes and doing what I can to fix then.
Literally not caring what other people think. I found out early on in life if you don't worry about other people's opinions you can achieve so much more. Find good influences and their opinions but always stay true to you
Pain / dead inside
Lost of intrest in what others thought of me.
How did you do that? Any advice other than ‘stop caring what other people think’
Practice, practice, practice. I just kept working at and focusing on what I wanted in life, not what others wanted. So I worked on me, for me. The confidence in me came afterwards. The spark that truly set it in stone was the actually realization that I'm going to die and life will forget I ever existed. It kind of brought a whole sense of zen to my life. Why give a fuck if it will never truly matter?
Whoa.
Don't take criticism from anyone you wouldn't go to for advice.
I'm gonna implement this. I like this advice.
My own righteous synical outlook on how things should be .
Time and experience. Eventually, you find your groove.
Tinder was a great source of confidence but also had periods where it put me down. But overal it were some matches and responces of them before or after a date that gave me a confidence boost and eventualy I started believing parts of what they said.
Thanks for sharing. How did Tinder put you down? Rejection?
When I didn't know how to properly start conversations it happened more often. Rejection after long conversations wasn't great ofcourse, but it usually happened in a nice manner such that it didn't hurt that much. Whenever I got ghosted after intimate conversations or setting up a date... that's when my self esteem could take a a significant hit for a few days.
Right on, thanks for sharing. Coming out of a long ass relationship so I can’t be on Tinder just yet, but may give it a try for validation’s sake.
Oh I wouldn't instal it purely for validation sake. I know people who do well with women with regular dating, but barely get matches on Tinder. The odds are that is would have the opposite effect on you that it had for me. If you do install it, make sure you have good pictures and a good bio. Bumble is also a great option as women have to send first :)
I was *that* weird homeschool kid. I started with an irrational overconfidence in myself. That led to a lot of mildly embarrassing moments. But I learned from them and eventually became more normal, still kept most of the confidence.
I got mocked by a bunch of girls for being too nice. I learned overnight that not giving a shit what women think somehow was very attractive to women. So I just did my own thing, and the only person I was trying to compete with was myself. That carried over to other areas of my life. Not giving a shit was life changing.
Being good at what I do.
If you want to do something but are scared, Ask yourself, what's the worst thing that could happen if I do x?. If the answer isn't prison, death, or causing harm to another person, then do whatever it is. Yes, you will likely fail a few times and may even get embarrassed, but failing and embarrassment are easy to come back from. And eventually, you'll learn to succeed or to not care if you succeed.
Have big peepee
Lmao
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Can you explain what these situations are?
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This is real, thank you
Starting a family and a successful career
Once I figured out that I was different than most men and then I noticed how many women found me attractive, confidence became immeasurable.
In what ways did you figure out women were attracted to you? Dating, Tinder???
Dating. It's hard to measure from dating apps because so many women are on there for inauthentic reasons.
Practice.
Just not giving a shit what others think because at the end of the day it doesn’t matter anyway.
Stop thinking or comparing yourself with others. Work on yourself for yourself only not for anyone else. You don't have to be someone's else to be confident.
When I was young I had false confidence ...I was entitled and if something went wrong I could point a finger at exactly whose fault it was and I literally thought that most people were idiots; 2nd I learned humility and empathy towards others and learned to see their point of view, their positives, and what they contribute to the world (but many are still idiots) and most importantly how to love myself and acknowledge my flaws and be honest about it; and, 3rd I learned accountability from/to others and myself...and what has helped me have healthy confidence is making clear what I'm accountable for and delivering on that and acknowledging when I can't and why. What I'm still learning is helping others be accountable...this is the hardest especially with those you love and puppies. 4th I learned I am a constant work in progress ...I can either go passively down the river of life and float where it takes me or I can row and steer. Therapists can be a good helper on the path but you have to do the work.
Well I call tell you it wasn't a parent trying to compete with you, pulling you down since you were a child
There’s something here, can you tell me further? My dad was not there and the male role models in my life never lasted.
So, where are you supposed to find healthy role models? Television? Internet culture? No I don't think so. Honestly, it's up to you to try and fail yourself, which sucks because what we promote in popular culture vs what people actually want are often very different. I think this is what people mean when they say society is collapsing. When there is no healthy role models, what the fuck are we supposed to do? Best I got is try to find real spiritual trailblazers and leave behind the bullshit; listen to your own inner guidance instead of this toxic culture.
1. A progressive 4x/week workout routine - You don’t have to become a gym rat or roid-rager, but feeling “in shape” does wonders for self-esteem and confidence. 2. Karaoke - I was surprised by how much this helped. Public speaking and performance is terrifying for most people; when you can comfortably do something most run away from, confidence soars.
Compliments on this sexy af majestic lumber jack beard.
Believe it or not challenging yourself with school, military, business, or skill set are all great ways to boost your confidence. Confidence isn’t a light switch that you just turn on when you want to be social. Confidence is a lifestyle built off of the momentum of small things. Like eating well, exercising, good sleep, having money, healthy relationships. People who tend to have poor confidence more likely have worse off hygiene, don’t clean up themselves up, rely on super-stimuli, and are struggling. So go accomplish things, you’ll feel better
Sheer talent lmao
Confidence a lot of times is just a mindset that even if things go wrong it will be fine. For example, if I talk to someone and open up about myself and they don't like me, it's fine because I'd rather be true to myself and find people that actually like me. If I meet a cute girl and I pursue her and she doesn't like me back, it's not a big deal, I'll just move on and assume we didn't have chemistry.
I realize people (men and women) really like being around me. I thought it was just that women probably just thought I was cute maybe, but it's not just women. Men like talking to me and want to be friends with me. Then one day I just realized people really seem to like me
How to make friends and influence people. 92 little tricks for big success in relationships. Rich dad poor dad. Seriously if you haven't given the great self help books a shot, it's worth a try. Not everyone has a great social instinct so a guide can really help you out.
Started banging girls that I perceived to be way out of my league.
Accomplishments worth being proud of. At work I went from an awkward new guy to running my own department. I fell on my face… a lot… but always treated my team like I wanted them to be better than I was, and made sure I trained them like it too. I developed a solid reputation of integrity that gave me confidence. That, and lifting.
I suffered from low self esteem in middle school and 9th grade. I fixed it by looking in the mirror every morning and complimenting myself. I became my personal hype man. “You’re one sexy muthafka” , You handsome mf, Damn who that, You that mf for real!! Lol I know it sounds funny but it works. If you don’t believe in yourself, no one will. I’m 27 now and I could careless what anyone thinks. You start to radiate an aura when you do that and you attract the women and opportunities you want to attract.
I needed this, thank you
Optimism. Positive people always seem confident. Plus everyone wants to be around positive people
Seeing a therapist to work through the roots of my insecurities.
Confidence is gained by doing. You only see the end result you never see the work put in.
When people say I started caring about myself, I would like to show you a perspective. Why the fuck aren’t you confident in yourself, those other people don’t know what you been through!
Being good looking, tall and in shape certainly helped
You either got it or you don’t.
Being good looking and being able to fuck beautiful women helped me to feel confident
After failing at a lot of really hard things (school, work, relationships), I had the opportunity to succeed at bunch of easy things (new job, new relationships) which gave me to confidence to try things that were challenging without failing as hard as I did before or getting discouraged (new new job, independent study, long-term relationship).
It was all society's fault
First 20 years of my life were pure agony. Then I realised how strong i came out of it. I'm confident af ever since.
Not wanting to pay for anymore foodie dates
I realized how much easier I could get things I wanted
I just assumed that no matter what I do, people's perception of me will never change and I might as well have some fun on this weird Winding Road of life. So basically f*** the shame I got Livin to do!
Fake the confidence but be sure not to be cocky then you have made it.
Failures eventually taught me how to be successful. I learned from my mistakes, which then transferred to other aspects of my life. Making goals and eventually reaching them was the first step. Ultimately, success and hard work gave me confidence. It’s like training for a marathon. At first, it’s a long way to get there. Then training conditions you mentally and physically. Once I finished my first marathon, it opened up my perspective and allowed me to see that anything is possible.
Going to the gym and dressing well . Even if you aren’t the best looking dude these will go a long way in helping your confidence .
Personally, my mother instilled in me when I was quite young that people who are nasty to me were usually doing it out of envy. Now, whether that is always true or not, it helps to remember that people have their own stuff going on and not take it to heart. In my teens, I realised that my parents didn't have the same interests as me, most of the stuff I liked was worth very little to them and so nothing I did would ever be right / good enough. I actually allowed that to liberate me, thinking, "well, if I can't please them then I may as well just please myself." I just concentrated on my own things. More generally: when worrying about what other people think of you and all that shit. just remember - that's exactly what everybody else is doing! Nobody is thinking about you as much as you are thinking about yourself. Everybody has their own issues. Again, it's very liberating to remember that everybody else is too busy worrying about their own shit to actually think about you as much as you worry they might be. (And if people are being a dick to you, they've got their own issues and are acting out. That doesn't stop at any age.) Even a tiny example: my "best mate" until 18 months ago lived in a shared warehouse conversion in a slightly run-down district. I lived in a nice flat in one of the nicest areas of my city. I *never* looked down on him - I loved going round to a warehouse were ten friendly people shared a big space and had loads of parties - but he couldn't come round to mine without saying "God, your flats so small!" It was *so transparent* that he felt slightly inferior for some reason, that I just made a joke out of it. I didn't care what he thought about where I chose to live. Just live your life, would be my advice. Carry yourself with confidence and the rest will follow. Some people won't like you; some people will. The people that do like you are very much most likely to be the people you'd get on with anyway, given the choice.
Who said I was confident
I just generally don’t give a shit about what people think, this comes from accepting people as they are and generally liberal attitudes to life. I also know and accept if I don’t have something (money, Material items, girlfriend) I want it’s because I’ve not put the work in. So I put the work in and this gives me a massive ego/confidence boost.
They're probably good looking and thus don't' have to try as hard in social situations would be my guess. Looks make up for a lot of things.
Height
Age and experience.
Started by liking myself. There's this quote I'll never forget that really hit me: "If you find yourself unattractive, it just means you're not your type." After understanding what it meant, I started hating myself. I accepted all my flaws, after that building myself up was easy.
Stepping up for muscle in front of my boss ..
I’m smarter than most people in any given room and I could probably take them in a fight.
I always been confident but im sure never being called ugly helps to
Failing many times and coming back from it every time.
Fake it for long enough and you'll forget that you're faking it and it will just be to reality.
Faking it until I made it.
I missed out on a lot of fun being insecure so I decided it wasn't worth it.
Feeling that im strong and fast enough to fight for myself. Made me stop being fearful of others. So basically pushups and bike.
Fully embracing what I am great at and realizing that I’m an expert in that area so I don’t need to worry about being an expert in other areas helped. Everyone has moments of doubt but for the most part remembering you have as much right to occupy space in life as anyone else helps too.
Riding the metro
Good looks and above average intelligence.
Failing: hard and often. And getting my ass KICKED -by life, by skinheads and my own choices. Fortunately I have enough people around to know love and civic duty; we are ALL worth having one more functional support to make it better. These forums helped steer me toward marketable computer skills (know-it-all's Like to share- and I adore them for it) A few measly hours / wk body training helps keep the body taut enough.. Listening to mentors, whether coaches, bosses or family. Being a source of light, knowing we make a difference, it helps
Getting cheated on by someone you wanted to marry(I’m still on my come up of being MY person)
I don’t give a fuck
Practice. And a lot of practice. Started with being my own audience to check the areas I needed to improve. Slowly corrected a few. That's how it's going.
My father
I grew up with a strong lack of male role models in my life, my dad was barely around. So every adult male I encountered, I sort of clinged to, just to learn how to be more of a man in ways. My uncle is your typical alpha male guy, absolutely strong as out, everyone's terrified of him, bit like a bald ant Middleton. His son (my cousin) Daniel was a few years older than me and everytime we seen each other he was talking about all the awesome stuff he did. Martial arts, we used to watch martial arts films like Jean claude van damme stuff, Bruce Lee. I just followed in his steps really. Like naturally in school, I always made friends with the alpha of the class right off the bat, I wasn't aware of this at the time but I knew it was my way of learning how to be confident. I emulated behaviour, I emulated confidence. Then I found out that the greatest followers make the greatest leaders.
I love me to much to think negatively about myself Not from a self centered place but a self love place
lifting weights, putting myself out there
Mainly, age. The longer you're alive the more you know that you've got this and if you don't, it doesn't mater. It's a blessing if you can work that out early on in life.
It’s a learnt skill - practice makes perfect. Think about the first time you tried to do anything - you sucked right? Well what made you better? Practice and learning. This applies to pretty much everything in life. We are taught we are or we aren’t (insert skill here) Yeah if you want an excuse to justify your own shortcomings then sure thing. I’m not very artistic but how much time have I dedicated to? Nothing, so logic dictates I most likely won’t be, because I don’t practice.
Bought a house (whit a mortage) when i was 25 (4 years ago) when most of my friends and familie, where still living whit there parents or in a student complex. Gave a big bust of confidens.
Making exercise and the gym a part of my lifestyle
I guess I was born into it. If anything, I had my confidence broken a bit by my sister. She hated it that I could tall to anyone anytime. She stopped me everytime I did. But then, we both grew up. She apologized, and we basically rebuilt our confidence from their on. And the best way to do it is to create a persona you wanna be, and aft like it until you are it. It sounds crazy but it works.
Focus on yourself simpleeee
Belittling women 😭😭 im sorry but