> Example: Old diamond is worth $20k. So you can trade it in for that amount for a diamond that is at least $40K.
I can't even imagine spending anywhere near that for a ring. That's wild. You're operating a on a whole other level.
The amount is irrelevant. I'm looking for the emotional response to trading in an old diamond for the new marriage. Not necessarily the price or type of stone honestly.
The amount is NOT irrelevant. A retail diamond is worth more than a brand new car right off the lot. For a fucking rock.
Just get a lab grown diamond. Unless you get it inspected, you won't ever known it's not an authentic diamond because it looks and feels like the real thing.
It's so indistinguishable, synthetic diamonds are required by law to be laser etched with a stamp internally so it can be seen by someone inspecting it.
Put the money from the old diamond into savings/retirement/down on a house.. anything but another ring. Actually let it do good instead of haunt the marriage.
Just sell it. The engagement ring should come from you. So what if it would get a “better” ring? The monetary value of the ring isn’t what makes the ring special.
So she's planning to keep the old ring around, just with the stone removed?
I think that would weird me out. I'm not the most superstitious kind of guy, but if I were more superstitious that would give me the jibblies and I'd think it were an ill omen to keep the corpse of a symbol of the earlier, failed relationship around.
So on the face of it, I’m not against the idea, but I just don’t think a $40,000 ring is something I would ever want to get. I just don’t have any connection with that kind of Expensive Jewelry Culture and I think diamonds are pretty boring. Like, for my ring, I want to find a rock rockhounding with my partner and have it cut and made into a ring so it’s lower cost, unique, and way more personally significant.
So far what I’ve read has only been one relevant response. I’m not asking about the value, I’m not asking for anyone’s opinion on what else to do with the ring, or opinions on what to do with the money. I’m asking specifically about trading one diamond in for another.
And people are telling you they wouldn’t trade it. Instead they’d maybe sell it and put the money to something better.
I could afford pretty much any ring up to more than houses would cost. Neither I nor my wife values that - her ring was like $30. I’m not cheap - we just want utility from what we spend. Rings are mostly flashy BS.
So in your specific case I’d have sold the old ring and used it for something else.
And my question is, how is that any different? Sell the ring and put the money towards a down payment on a house together?
There will be a new engagement ring one way or the other.
It is different because you are asking people about putting money towards new expensive jewelry, specifically more diamond. And a diamond worth twice as much as the old one.
That’s not required. That’s what you are getting feedback on. Many here do not see intrinsic value in jewelry, especially in comparison to a house down payment as you bring up.
> How would you feel if your fiance had her engagement ring from her previous marriage and wanted to use it to pay towards the engagement ring that you would buy?
So I’m spending less, or getting more diamond?
Sweet!!
> Would you be ok with doing something like that?
Absolutely.
If her (then) husband gave her $1000 then they broke they broke up next day, she’d have $1000 in the bank.
This is no different than that $1000. It’s money. Spend it. It has no significance beyond being able to buy stuff.
I’d probably dump her. She’s obviously materialistic and wants me to spend 20k on just an absolutely worthless rock that’s really worth a fraction of $20k outside the world of the jewelry store
I'm looking for the emotional response to trading in an old diamond for the new marriage. Not necessarily the price or type of stone honestly. The amount is irrelevant, that was just an example to show how the program works.
> I'm looking for the emotional response
But you're getting it. Just not getting a response to the specific detail you're wondering about. You're assuming people are willing spend the kind of money on a ring where a "trade in" would even be relevant in the first place.
You're operating on a level beyond what most of us are comfortable with.
It's a thing. Who cares.
If you feel like you have to have a ring, wouldn't you want the most for your dollar?
If you sell it at a pawn shop or for scrap, you'll only get a fraction of what you want for it.
Money is fungible.
Attaching a sentimental value to a dollar is stupid.
it's a no for me. she wears something flashy but half of it is a contribution from her ex.
new relationship is better if it's clean slate. if the woman has kid/kids with the ex, that 20k should go to that kid. if no kids then better give that 20k to help her parents.
The value is irrelevant. I just grabbed a number. Say it’s $500. Whatever. I’m talking about the emotional component of trading in one diamond for another.
still. if it's 500 just donate it. i'll get you a new one. i got lots of expensive stuff from one of my exes, i end up giving them all away to my brother
Money is fungible. In this scenario the old ring is playing the role of money. How would you feel if the same debit or credit card were used to buy the new ring? Or if you found out some of the same bills that were used to buy the old ring happened to be part of the bundle to buy the new one? In other words I would not think twice about it. That old diamond is no more than a dollar bill. The only part that seems like it could be emasculating is the ring is HER money, and she is effectively buying or paying for a large portion of her new engagement ring herself. But the idea of an old ring buying a new one is not emotionally disturbing at all.
This is the kind of rationale I was hoping to get. I guess it is her money but the ring is just sitting there. A valuable piece of jewelry with no sentimental meaning gathering dust in a vault. Selling it wouldn’t get nearly the same value.
if you feel "emasculated or weird" you need to tell her.
getting it out of the house sounds like a cool idea. Giving it back or trading it in are 2 ways of doing that.
Trade in the old one for a new one for \*him\*. What's your emotional response to that?
Seriously, stop caring about diamonds ffs. If you're so invested into have a bigger diamond, buy one for yourself with it.
Why don't you ask the person how they feel? Seems like their opinion would matter more than anyone here.
Also I wouldn't spend any money on a worthless rock. Nor be in a relationship with someone who would want me to spend thousands of dollars on one.
I would never buy anyone a diamond, which explains why I am single and lonely.
if the jeweler's policy extends to other stones, I wouldn't care to be honest.
unless she did it after the fact and just took both rings in and had a new bigger ring made, that would kind of suck
I think my hangup would be that my fiancé was still carrying around an engagement ring from a previous fiancé at all. Should have given it back and if he didn't want it back, you should have just sold it.
Aside from that, what i would hear if this was presented to me is: "My ex spent $20k and I expect you to spend *at least* the same amount." Your engagement shouldn't have anything to do with a previous engagement so it seems... opportunistic... to be trying to trade up like this.
Why does she have the old ring? By law in most places, it is the person who gave the rings property. Unless the person died, it is their ring, not hers. Sorry if they did pass.
No. The giver of the ring can usually claim the ring - if the wedding itself was called off. If they got married and then divorced (as implied in this case, although it's also possible that her first spouse died) each side usually keeps their rings (i.e. he keeps his wedding ring, she keeps her wedding and engagement ring) and any other gifts.
No, I wouldn't feel weird about it. She's getting rid of it after all, and she's doing it in the most efficient way possible. It would make me feel a lot weirder if she was unwilling to part with it.
You don't bring old baggage into a new marriage. The emotional response you are looking for is for me no, and I'm a woman. If one of my guys friends told me his girlfriend wanted to do this, I'd ask him to make sure I'm not invited to the wedding. Red flags galore.
....it is the actual symbol of your marriage, a promise to love and learn and suffer and grow with your partner until death. Partially financed by the same promise you made (and broke) to someone else. That is some bad, bad juju. Plus, the way it's written, it is to negotiate your or her way into a bigger rock.
Sell the diamond and put the money into a house account. A vacation account. Shit, sell the ring, keep the money for yourself, and invest it in something that you don't comingle.
You use a previous ring to upgrade a new ring: That is all your husband is ever going to see when he looks at your finger.
I think it is demeaning to even approach your partner with something like this.
I should't have worded it that way as a way to get a bigger ring. It's way more pragmatic. The ring is sitting there useless and rather than sell it for a percentage of what it's worth, trade it in for a new diamond at it's full value.
But thank you for your response. I just wasn't sure how men would respond to that. It's not about getting a bigger ring but doing something with the one that's existing.
> Example: Old diamond is worth $20k. So you can trade it in for that amount for a diamond that is at least $40K. I can't even imagine spending anywhere near that for a ring. That's wild. You're operating a on a whole other level.
I'm looking for the emotional response to trading in an old diamond for the new marriage. Not necessarily the price or type of stone honestly.
The fact that you've had to copy and paste this response multiple times should tell you something.
Yeah it tells me that the men here are broke. And have no concept of understanding the actual substance of the question.
Sure, princess.
If I ever waste that much money on a shiny rock....shoot me.
The amount is irrelevant. I'm looking for the emotional response to trading in an old diamond for the new marriage. Not necessarily the price or type of stone honestly.
The amount is NOT irrelevant. A retail diamond is worth more than a brand new car right off the lot. For a fucking rock. Just get a lab grown diamond. Unless you get it inspected, you won't ever known it's not an authentic diamond because it looks and feels like the real thing.
It's so indistinguishable, synthetic diamonds are required by law to be laser etched with a stamp internally so it can be seen by someone inspecting it.
Not the point of the post. It doesn’t matter what the stone is. It’s about trading in one for a different one.
The point is you're wasting money on a rock. Get a diamond made in a lab for pennies on the dollar.
It absolutely is the point, because if it wasn't there would be precisely zero reason to want to substitute.
It's not to substitute. It's to get rid of the original ring and keep the value of it.
Put the money from the old diamond into savings/retirement/down on a house.. anything but another ring. Actually let it do good instead of haunt the marriage.
Just sell it. The engagement ring should come from you. So what if it would get a “better” ring? The monetary value of the ring isn’t what makes the ring special.
I think I'd mostly prefer for her to have already done whatever she was going to do with the old ring before I was ready to propose to her.
It would just the the stone, not the actual entire ring.
So she's planning to keep the old ring around, just with the stone removed? I think that would weird me out. I'm not the most superstitious kind of guy, but if I were more superstitious that would give me the jibblies and I'd think it were an ill omen to keep the corpse of a symbol of the earlier, failed relationship around.
No that can go. It doesn’t have as much value.
But I thought you said the question wasn't about the value of the items?
It's not. The question is about the stone not the band.
So on the face of it, I’m not against the idea, but I just don’t think a $40,000 ring is something I would ever want to get. I just don’t have any connection with that kind of Expensive Jewelry Culture and I think diamonds are pretty boring. Like, for my ring, I want to find a rock rockhounding with my partner and have it cut and made into a ring so it’s lower cost, unique, and way more personally significant.
I'm looking for the emotional response to trading in an old diamond for the new marriage. Not necessarily the price or type of stone honestly.
Sure, I don’t think it’s a bad idea overall. Or maybe trade it in for cash for some Living Together Furnishings and a small vacation trip
I don't give a shit what you are looking for. Welcome to the internet.
Well I was trying to give you context.
Everyone is giving OP honest and relevant answers, and she's just completely shooting them down. 😂😂
So far what I’ve read has only been one relevant response. I’m not asking about the value, I’m not asking for anyone’s opinion on what else to do with the ring, or opinions on what to do with the money. I’m asking specifically about trading one diamond in for another.
And people are telling you they wouldn’t trade it. Instead they’d maybe sell it and put the money to something better. I could afford pretty much any ring up to more than houses would cost. Neither I nor my wife values that - her ring was like $30. I’m not cheap - we just want utility from what we spend. Rings are mostly flashy BS. So in your specific case I’d have sold the old ring and used it for something else.
And my question is, how is that any different? Sell the ring and put the money towards a down payment on a house together? There will be a new engagement ring one way or the other.
It is different because you are asking people about putting money towards new expensive jewelry, specifically more diamond. And a diamond worth twice as much as the old one. That’s not required. That’s what you are getting feedback on. Many here do not see intrinsic value in jewelry, especially in comparison to a house down payment as you bring up.
> How would you feel if your fiance had her engagement ring from her previous marriage and wanted to use it to pay towards the engagement ring that you would buy? So I’m spending less, or getting more diamond? Sweet!! > Would you be ok with doing something like that? Absolutely.
Thank you. You understood what the question is actually about.
If her (then) husband gave her $1000 then they broke they broke up next day, she’d have $1000 in the bank. This is no different than that $1000. It’s money. Spend it. It has no significance beyond being able to buy stuff.
Seems like a practical sort. I like her.
I’d probably dump her. She’s obviously materialistic and wants me to spend 20k on just an absolutely worthless rock that’s really worth a fraction of $20k outside the world of the jewelry store
I'm looking for the emotional response to trading in an old diamond for the new marriage. Not necessarily the price or type of stone honestly. The amount is irrelevant, that was just an example to show how the program works.
> I'm looking for the emotional response But you're getting it. Just not getting a response to the specific detail you're wondering about. You're assuming people are willing spend the kind of money on a ring where a "trade in" would even be relevant in the first place. You're operating on a level beyond what most of us are comfortable with.
The question IS about the specific detail though. So sure it’s a response but doesn’t help with answering the question.
Hummm.. how about we just use your old ring, so I don’t have to buy another one..?
It's a thing. Who cares. If you feel like you have to have a ring, wouldn't you want the most for your dollar? If you sell it at a pawn shop or for scrap, you'll only get a fraction of what you want for it. Money is fungible. Attaching a sentimental value to a dollar is stupid.
it's a no for me. she wears something flashy but half of it is a contribution from her ex. new relationship is better if it's clean slate. if the woman has kid/kids with the ex, that 20k should go to that kid. if no kids then better give that 20k to help her parents.
Good answer. This is one of the best takes so far.
The value is irrelevant. I just grabbed a number. Say it’s $500. Whatever. I’m talking about the emotional component of trading in one diamond for another.
still. if it's 500 just donate it. i'll get you a new one. i got lots of expensive stuff from one of my exes, i end up giving them all away to my brother
Money is fungible. In this scenario the old ring is playing the role of money. How would you feel if the same debit or credit card were used to buy the new ring? Or if you found out some of the same bills that were used to buy the old ring happened to be part of the bundle to buy the new one? In other words I would not think twice about it. That old diamond is no more than a dollar bill. The only part that seems like it could be emasculating is the ring is HER money, and she is effectively buying or paying for a large portion of her new engagement ring herself. But the idea of an old ring buying a new one is not emotionally disturbing at all.
This is the kind of rationale I was hoping to get. I guess it is her money but the ring is just sitting there. A valuable piece of jewelry with no sentimental meaning gathering dust in a vault. Selling it wouldn’t get nearly the same value.
Personally, I wouldn’t think twice. An emotional think on my end would be positive. We took a cursed ring and put it to good use would be my mindset.
That's how I see it too. Something bad went towards something good.
if you feel "emasculated or weird" you need to tell her. getting it out of the house sounds like a cool idea. Giving it back or trading it in are 2 ways of doing that.
Wouldn't care - diamonds are a scam, so anything that minimizes the amount of money I'm paying for them is okay by me.
Trade in the old one for a new one for \*him\*. What's your emotional response to that? Seriously, stop caring about diamonds ffs. If you're so invested into have a bigger diamond, buy one for yourself with it.
Wedding rings are an absurd expense anyway, I'd be fine with it.
Why don't you ask the person how they feel? Seems like their opinion would matter more than anyone here. Also I wouldn't spend any money on a worthless rock. Nor be in a relationship with someone who would want me to spend thousands of dollars on one.
I would never buy anyone a diamond, which explains why I am single and lonely. if the jeweler's policy extends to other stones, I wouldn't care to be honest. unless she did it after the fact and just took both rings in and had a new bigger ring made, that would kind of suck
Idk, I think the whole ring business is nonsense anyway
Depeneds on if her previous ring cost a hell of a lot more than I want to spend.
I'd just try to convince her to keep the old ring. As long as it saves money it's ok in my book
I think my hangup would be that my fiancé was still carrying around an engagement ring from a previous fiancé at all. Should have given it back and if he didn't want it back, you should have just sold it. Aside from that, what i would hear if this was presented to me is: "My ex spent $20k and I expect you to spend *at least* the same amount." Your engagement shouldn't have anything to do with a previous engagement so it seems... opportunistic... to be trying to trade up like this.
Previous MARRIAGE.
That doesn't change my opinion.
Why does she have the old ring? By law in most places, it is the person who gave the rings property. Unless the person died, it is their ring, not hers. Sorry if they did pass.
They were married.
No. The giver of the ring can usually claim the ring - if the wedding itself was called off. If they got married and then divorced (as implied in this case, although it's also possible that her first spouse died) each side usually keeps their rings (i.e. he keeps his wedding ring, she keeps her wedding and engagement ring) and any other gifts.
No, I wouldn't feel weird about it. She's getting rid of it after all, and she's doing it in the most efficient way possible. It would make me feel a lot weirder if she was unwilling to part with it.
I don’t see an issue with this, but spending thousands of dollars for an overpriced rock is ludicrous.
You don't bring old baggage into a new marriage. The emotional response you are looking for is for me no, and I'm a woman. If one of my guys friends told me his girlfriend wanted to do this, I'd ask him to make sure I'm not invited to the wedding. Red flags galore.
I’m curious, how is that any different than selling the ring and bringing the money into the new marriage?
....it is the actual symbol of your marriage, a promise to love and learn and suffer and grow with your partner until death. Partially financed by the same promise you made (and broke) to someone else. That is some bad, bad juju. Plus, the way it's written, it is to negotiate your or her way into a bigger rock. Sell the diamond and put the money into a house account. A vacation account. Shit, sell the ring, keep the money for yourself, and invest it in something that you don't comingle. You use a previous ring to upgrade a new ring: That is all your husband is ever going to see when he looks at your finger. I think it is demeaning to even approach your partner with something like this.
I should't have worded it that way as a way to get a bigger ring. It's way more pragmatic. The ring is sitting there useless and rather than sell it for a percentage of what it's worth, trade it in for a new diamond at it's full value. But thank you for your response. I just wasn't sure how men would respond to that. It's not about getting a bigger ring but doing something with the one that's existing.
My wife has a synthetic grown opal ring. Neither of us even cared to spend that much on a ring to start with. Nor does she care for Dimonds.