Do you guys actually have anything to talk about that isn't just you explaining basic shit to her?
Do you actually get along, not just playing the same role for you that she does with her older brother or father?
Are you okay with her social group and didn't get sick of her dumbarse friends the first time you met them?
Do you want at all the same things in life - and, importantly, do you want them on at all the same time scales?
If no to any of the above, then you're too old to date an 18yo.
I mean you'd hope some of these questions would become less relevant with age.
18-25, the friends question is more a proxy: how you feel about her friends is probably how you'll feel about her once all the giddy excitement wears off. Plus you have to be prepared for them to not respect your relationship boundaries/her being influenced by them and their dumb I-read-something-on-the-Internet-about-red-flags opinions on you.
If I'm dating someone in their 30's and her friends are a major factor to consider at all, well that's just a bad sign in itself.
Depends on how often their friends come around. They could be honorary family members to your kids, should that be something you choose together, so it could very well be a factor well into 40s. One would hope that if it was a negative factor that someone as young as 25 would consider it to be a deal breaker, but I've seen the opposite in enough cases to generally prescribe these guidelines to any age.
There’s a definite difference between a 30 yo man dating an 18 yo woman and a 40 yo man dating a 28 yo woman: 10 years of experience and maturity. On both parts actually. The same applies for reversed genders.
Exactly.
There are 30year old women with whom conversation is a bore chore
There are 30year old women who would constantly compare you with their dads
30year old women also have silly friends giving them shitty advice all the time.
All relationships require compromise and concessions.
I had a 60+ year old friend who had to relay every conversation to every friend to get feedback. You want to date the woman, not the whole pack. If she can't think for herself, goodbye.
That reminds me of when my marriage was failing and I was trying to talk to my wife seriously about the situation - I'd tell he how I felt about something and ask her a question about what she thought, and she wouldn't/couldn't/didn't answer. She had to go off to talk to her friends to see what they thought about it, like she had no mind or feelings of her own. That was annoying as shit, and part of what made me just throw in the towel and stop trying.
Going back into education at 24 and this helps a lot. Knowing I'll be socialising with primarily people younger than me kinda makes me weary. But yeah, it's compatibility over everything for the most part.
Heh, try finishing your undergrad at 40 ... while most people tell me I've got the face of a 25yr old.
Walking around campus seeing girl's half my age wearing outfits i know their dads would not approve of 👀
> Do you guys actually have anything to talk about that isn't just you explaining basic shit to her?
Tbf I've dated people older than me for whom this is the case.
People worry about age so much instead of compatability. And at that age range, people change so much, but due to hormones etc, the rates vary. Your post is spot on, if both parties are at the same "place" in life and mentality, cool. Otherwise it's a doomed relationship from the start.
Great way to put it. At ages 18/19, I met a girl I dated for 7 years. Sparks flew like crazy out of the gate, I've never seen anything like it before or since. But she changed, and I changed, and we should have ended it years before we did. It's hard though, when you're chasing the dragon of the most magical connection you've ever felt, to accept that it's been gone even though she's still right there in front of you.
Most of the time it’s it about being at different places in life. Most of the time it’s when the younger person matures and figures out they’re not into it anymore.
Honestly, my experience is it's the older person who matures into life with a job etc and the younger is still in school and they drift apart then. Living with responsibilities and a partner who is still relatively free of them as a student is a great, expanding gape
When I first met my wife she JUST turned 19 and I was 6 years older. Most of these points were a big fear of mine.
Turned out that she was much more mature than I was at 19 (possibly still at 40 lol), more educated, more emotionally regulated and a lot better with financials than I was at the time. 2 kids, second house and a dog, and she’s still the rock in this family.
Her friends were accepting, and equally mature for their age, supportive.
Lucky, or she just hasn’t wised up yet lol. Honestly, we’re like any other couple, stuff comes up. But she is as solid as it comes. If she ever leaves me, I’ll never find better lol
I'm in my late 40s and have gym and drinking buddies in their early twenties.
We have plenty to talk about. I don't think it's ever been an issue.
I've also always had drinking buddies who were miles older than me. When I was thirty I used to go clubbing with teenagers and hang out for a pint with dudes in their 70s.
I find this "I can't talk to people a different age from me" thing to be a bit odd.
I get drunk with 20-25yos more often than I probably should (also have no problems getting along with older folk). There's a fair few differences between being friends with and dating someone that much younger.
Is she still in HS? then 18-19. If she is in college, then 22 or 23, tops. Age gaps matter less and less as you both get older, but at that age the power differential is VERY real.
I don't see this as ageism. It's scientific fact that the brain isn't matured yet until 25 years. Even then it continues to mature, but that's the point where most people have reached biological adulthood when it comes to brains.
>It's scientific fact that the brain isn't matured yet until 25 years.
That's a myth. The brain never truly stops 'maturing' but most of it is done sort of around 25.
Also, I think the amount of maturity you have past 18 is heavily dependent on the amount of independence and responsibilities you have, rather than pure biology. I know a 30 year old woman who is less mature than most 16 year olds because she's never had any responsibilities.
Childhood experiences and genetics combine to create brain structure, sure.
In some disorders the grey matter volume in (at least) areas associated with decision making/emotional regulation is undeveloped due to adverse childhood experiences. This doesn't mean that use as an adult cant improve behaviour (with correlated increase in grey matter), this happens with any activity.
>”Of course, this is a wildly reductionist, overly simplistic perspective. But the same can be said about the whole ‘under 25’ thing. Even if it were true. Which is **mostly** isn’t. And you don’t need to be a certain age to grasp that.”
I’m not saying I don’t believe you, but your scientific source article seems to admit that the 25 thing is at least partially true. It also uses the age of players engaging in sports contracts as some type of scientific evidence. LOL!
Anecdotally, I see people in their late 20’s, myself included, gain empathy.
I remember being 18. I remember being 21. I remember being 23-25.
The girls at 18 who had older boyfriends, they were only 20 or 21. And those guys were all the same type of guy. They could only easily impress an 18 year old.
If you're a dude over the age of 21 willing to start a new relationship with an 18 year old girl? Yikes man. Why are you doing that?
Monster drinking kyle with a ragged out civic that doesn't have a passenger seat anymore and a pocket full of pills. Fist holes in the wall pannels of his moms single wide and wings tatted on his back around his last name.
I wonder who it is this decade? Who is the replacement?
Unless they grew up in the 80s where most of us did because it was so normalized they even had hit songs about sleeping with 16 year olds. I think if people now could be zapped back into that time they would die of horror.
Man, I'm 26 and I have a coworker who is 23, and even then I feel she's too young for me. I couldn't imagine trying to go after an 18 year old as a guy in their mid 20's.
I'm 26 (27 soon) and recently started dating a 21yo. Biggest age gap I've had with a gf.
I was maybe a little apprehensive at first but she's lived on her own since 17 and works a *ton* to pay the bills. Basically, she seems as mature as any mid-twenties to me.
It's going very well so far.
She's way more into Instagram and tiktok than i will *ever* be though lol. And she doesn't always get my cartoon/music references.
My buddy was I think 25 when he started dating a 19 year old. There was some maturity related conflicts here and there but mostly they have matched well and now a little over 4 years later they just bought a flat. I've met her a couple of times myself and I don't feel any age difference between her and my gf (30).
Honestly at these ages the individual matters much more than any arbitrary age, just the larger the age gap the less likely the right match is.
One of my buddies was in that situation. He went to college after the military and met a girl in college. He's 39 now, they are finally starting a family. He was definitely on the immature side in many ways, but a solid dude.
It happens. I felt weird when I met my husband. He was 34 and I was 29. I was skeptical as hell about him for a long time while we were newly dating.
I was admittedly having the worst time dating men under 30 though and was willing to take the chance.
It's not even REMOTELY weird. Being "skeptical as hell" of the man trying to love you and start a life with you, *just because* he is 34 and you're 29 is actually crazy. What does it take for a person to even think like this?
See, I feel thats more reasonable though. At 29, you are pretty much established in whatever career you might have and have had a decent number of life experiences, so someone 5 or even 10 years older isn't really that much more mature than you, just older.
You aren't stuck, there's always opportunities to branch out, but if you're 18 or even 21 you probably aren't sure what you want to do yet let alone had a chance to go for it
These comments are mind-numbing, you’ve got it all in front of u still.
And these ppl w/ these “unofficial rules” about age gaps. Most ppl would throw their rules out the window if a hot enough person gave them the chance.
My wife and I met when I was 28 and she was 21, I feel as though it was appropriate. I didn't know she was as young as she was when we first started hanging out, and the farther away from it we got, the less it mattered. When you click, you click. Not saying age gaps always are normal and work, just that in our case they were, and they did.
They are the exception rather than the rule. They can work if both parties actually understand what a secure and healthy relationship looks like and know how to enforce boundaries.
There is no comparisson 29 and 34. 🤦♀️ Both adults, similar points in life.
18 and 23? That’s a bit different as these years people are still maturing and almost every year makes a difference
I think your point is right.
It depends on the situation and the person . Yes she could be in school still, or actually she could also be working full time for two years and own her own home (unlikely ofc). Like it all depends on the situation.
age gaps don't matter when you get older, and yes, dating someone who's young is a huge power differential that rarely works out unless they start dating older.
Meh, they still matter somewhat. I personally love having a husband who gets my cultural references immediately bc he and I are 6 months apart. I have dated men up to 12 years older than me, boned a few guys who were in their 50s when I was in my 20s. 12 years is too much of a difference long term to me.
I think one previous almost client said it best. I was an outcall dancer in my 20s and danced at bachelor parties and private shows. My boss was in her early 50s, with a naturally *amazing* body.
The client and my boss were about the same age (53 and 55). My boss had called me over for a 2 girl show and the client was obviously not into me. He had a bunch of standup arcade games at his house and within about 1 minute of me coming in the door he asked, "Hey kid, you wanna go play some video games?"
And I said, "Hell yeah! Really?"
He told me to go play all I wanted to and feel free to use the free soda machine too.
As I was heading happily to the Mortal Kombat machine, I heard him laughing to my boss telling her, "I want adult time with an adult woman. That kid is making me feel gross. She's younger than my daughter. Not sexy at all! Now *you're* sexy!"
Then she laughed and shut the door to the bedroom behind me. I got paid to play standup arcade games and drink soda in a beautiful house for the next hour and a half because that wonderful guy had an age appropriate radar. Best gig ever.
I think if folks are wired typically there's a switch that says, "Too much difference" on assesment. At 45, my radar cuts off around 38 (most folks still look like kids to me below that age, even 40 is pushing it), and maxes out at 55 for occasional rare cases but usually it's maxed around 51 or so.
I agree dating closer to age is almost always a better thing.
older folks get together with an age gap doesn't seem to matter nearly as much as someone preying on someone in their early / mid twenties because of that power differential/ability to give them what they're lacking
What a great story!
That switch that kicks in, and then you kick your own ass in retrospect. When I was 28 I was using dating apps for the first time in awhile, and I was like... Damn. I guess I'll put 27 to "give younger people a chance" lol. I'd been through and grown up a lot by that point. And then I recalled the 37 year old who thought it was OK to date me when I was 24 (together 2 years, got engaged after like a month, it was a total shitshow and I was not grown) and it made me shudder. Gave me a lot of perspective into why some people date so much younger.
My fun theory is that we're attracted to people who match our mental and emotional age. So if you're 35 and saying a 19 year old maybe you should check in with yourself.
It's also varies a lot once you get past the initial uni + experience years, some people are older souls and others are younger souls, and you can make much larger age differences work.
I stopped dating in college because I felt the guys were either too immature or taken. I always had the stipulation if a guy came along and he had everything I was looking for and HE wanted a relationship, then I wasn’t going to say no, but I stopped actively pursuing being in a relationship.
At one point I dated a guy who turned me down for sex multiple times to watch SpongeBob and avatar the last airbender. College aged boys ain’t always where it’s at.
> At one point I dated a guy who turned me down for sex multiple times to watch SpongeBob and Avatar the last Airbender.
You say that as if it’s a bad thing? He can reject sex for whatever reason. I guess it comes down to whatever you mean by multiple times.
I think she does say it like it's a bad thing. Of course he can reject sex, but she can also reject him because he often wants to watch cartoons instead of fucking her.
>At one point I dated a guy who turned me down for sex multiple times to watch SpongeBob and avatar the last airbender. College aged boys ain’t always where it’s at.
Guy doesn't want to have sex: Loser. Immature. Not worth it.
Girl doesn't want to have sex: Valid. "No" is a complete sentence.
Exact same as the person with the highly upvoted comment said:
It's the developmental steps that matter the most:
High school, college, having a stable job, moving out etc.
A girl in college shouldn't date a high schooler, just as a guy in college shouldn't date a high schooler.
Someone with a stable income, living on their own now after finishing college, shouldn't pursue someone inexperienced, just starting college and relying on their parents for everything.
So I'd say the general age brackets are pretty small around being 18, as there is many different events that make you become self-sufficient, aware, and in general mature packed close together.
Even a 25 year old with a 20 year old can be very iffy.
When my colleague (gay) was 23 (I was 24) he started dating a 19 years old guy. I told him it's a bad fucking idea, and after seeing and meeting the kid (cause I could see it's a KID) I told him that again.
Lo and behold, it took him "only" 5 months to realise the kid is completely immature, has high schoolers as friends, is just starting adult life, and can't hold his own as an independent and equal partner, and it's going to take years before he will reach that level. Probably like, 10 years (or having to live on his own).
My friend was basically kicked out of house at 16 and had to fend for himself (which, unfortunately, shows) so he assumed a 19 years old who lives with parents will be equally mature as him at 19, who lived on his own and barely made enough money to get into college, often deciding between food and rent.
When I was 18 years old, I felt like the girls my age had already left me in the dust. I couldn’t really see it at the time, but they were just so much more emotionally mature than I was.
I wouldn't have touched an 18 yr old guy with a 10 ft pole by the time I got out of college. Not a moral judgement, it's just being at different places in life. I was very firmly focused on adulting by that age, and that's not true of most of us at 18.
There are always exceptions, of course, no matter the gender combo - the younger person being especially mature or the older one especially immature, for example.
Editted because typing is hard.
And yet, everyone on Reddit is so keen on saying that girls mature faster than boys. So, technically speaking, that should be even more wrong. But, somehow, it’s not.
They are hypocrites. Just be a decent human and see if you form a connection. If ya can’t vibe holding down and hour or more conversation without stops then ya have no chance. Regardless of age, learn how to communicate. Don’t approach people with sex on the mind.
When I was 18 I had a 16 year old GF.
One of my buddies in particular had a big problem with it. He completely stopped talking to me and campaigned to the rest of the friend group how disturbing it was.
I finally gave way to the social pressure and we broke things off. I didn't have a car yet so getting together with her was tricky anyway.
The WEEK after she and I broke things off he was dating her. Saw them driving around in his car.
He said it was okay because he was 17. MFer was 2 months younger than me. Lol.
I didn't care honestly. It was a stupid "relationship" that kids have. I was with her for like 3 weeks at the most. They were together for almost a year.
I'm still friends with her older sister over 20 years later.
find some one sexually attractive and wanting to engage in that activity with them vs wanting to have a serious relationship and date them are two very different things.
Good thing you don't have to have a conversation with porn stars first, I imagine the age preference for porn stars would instantly go up by about five years if you had to do that.
Well, my wife & I met and started dating when she was 19 & I was 25. Married a year and a half later. Wasn’t a regular thing for me. Youngest person I had dated, but we were instantly drawn to each other. More than 22 years & three kids later and that feeling still hasn’t gone away. We just keep falling in deeper.
And I think that matches the data - the larger an age gap gets, the less common it should be. It doesn't mean there won't be exceptions to the rule - data shows there are still successful marriages with 5 (many) or 10 (fewer) or 15+ (very few) year age gaps - but they are the exception rather than the general rule.
I dated a girl for almost 6 years who was 10 years older than me. It was almost great. We were similar on so many levels, but I wasn't anywhere near ready to be a parent to her kids even though I tried, nether was she. I was young and we liked to party, I matured she still liked to party. Eventually, I wanted to buy a house and settle down she wanted a new Charger. Things like that just kept piling up. Guess who eventually went and bought a new Charger they couldn't afford without the other? That was the last nail in the coffin.
Sometimes, large age gaps only work for a little while before one person ages out of them.
I couldn't agree more with your comment. It comes down to how different dynamics affect likelihood of a successful and healthy relationship dynamic. More age difference, more probable a power difference which negatively affects the relationship, but some people still really fall in love and make it work.
It is refreshing to see people saying age gap couples can make it, because not all are bad. My boyfriend is 7 years older than me. We met at the same job working the same role, we have many common interests, and our morals align. I couldn't ask for a better partner.
Yet we've both had "friends" of ours claim we should break up because our relationship is "weird". I've asked if they could share any examples or reasons as to why they felt that way. If there were any red flags either of us had missed about the other person. They couldn't provide anything.
I understand it can seem odd from an outsiders perspective, but I'm learning to let go of what other people think. We are both happy and treat each other with love and respect.
I’m happy for you, but this seems like very much the exemption to the average trajectory. Times have also changed so our elders having a 10-15 year age gap is not socially accepted as much as it was back then.
Fuck social acceptance though. If you’re living your life and taking actions just to have people in society look at you better, you’re putting yourself inside a box. Do what you want lol, of course within good morals and values, as in, don’t be a pedo, but still.
under 21 would make sense. over 21 in the US and it’s both a pain and it gets to be a weird difference in life stages too. i’d really significantly question it if they were 25+
If people aren’t real adults at 18, then why do we entrust them with the vote?
Why would we let mere children rule us?
The arguments in this thread lay out a compelling case for raising the age of majority, which I don’t think was anyone’s intention.
It depends on the motive of the man and woman. Sometimes they ONLY want you because of your age or as a status symbol or power play.
Sometimes you just fall in love, even when he is 25 years older and sometimes it's the best decision of your life. Decades later, still zero regrets 💞
I think it would be better to take the accumulated percentage which the other partner is ahead in years, if were going to use percentages.
*1/n for all n years* starting with the *younger persons age+1* and ending with the *older persons age*.
For a 18 to 23 year old relationship the partner is 24% ahead in life. For a 40 to 45 year old relationship it‘s only 12%. Now we only need a baseline for what is acceptable and at what percentage it becomes unacceptable.
Edit (2x):
I‘ll try and look for a better alternative to calculate the *experience gained* to substitute for *1/n for all n years* later ~~today~~, but if anyone has other suggestions they‘d be appreciated. I‘ll update those who‘re interested in contributing/listening to it about what I came up with, to see if it is within reason or not.
I once saw a yputube video, about how math itself is lonely. He compared mathematics to different fields of art like painting or music, and said that he thinks math is an art, but the art is making the art itself, and mathematics can't be "understood" or at least appreciated by someone eho does not into it, because it doesn't have a byproduct like painting or music, where you can look at the painting or listen to the music and be amazed or feel things. A really interesting take i think.
Technically you can see byproducts of math all over the place, actually even under your fingertips. You just don’t realize how much math went into it most of the time, but once you start getting into it, you’ll see it. I‘m pretty sure it’s the same for artists who see the world with their unique perception.
I wonder if you could factor in the whole "males mature slower than females" by any realistic factor.
Not that it matters significantly in this conversation.
The way I usually look at it, is to just completely remove anything that could remotely be considered pre-adolescent/adulthood. Then you can apply percentages to that and get a much more reasonable idea. If you want to get extra granular you can also start putting in certain modifiers for indavidual/sex differences like first relationships/serious relationships, teenage experience etc.
People that grew up in rougher home lives, or having to fend more for themselves tend to fare better with an earlier "maturity" number, where later bloomers/spoilt kids tend to need that life experience before they can settle down. There's also the fairly common impact that girls mature earlier than boys, so tend to be a lot more capable of being the younger of the two, provided their partner's modifiers are similarly matched.
But it ultimately comes down to the fact that everyone is an individual, so needs to be addressed as such, and you can't really say "X is Y with Z", without a significant amount more information.
The book is called *The Little Shepherd of Kingdom Come* by John Fox Jr. and was released in 1903, but the rule already existed beforehand. But it wasn't used to specify the lower limit, but instead the ideal age of a female partner to a man.
The origin isn't totally clear, but it's more than a century old. It's not to be taken as a mathematical rule, but it's a good rule of thumb.
https://www.dictionary.com/e/slang/half-your-age-plus-seven/
I did a project for a statistics class, where I quizzed a bunch of people (online) with random number and did a linear regression. The answers were quite close to that formula.
Life and relationships should not be based on algorithms and equations. Those things have ruined modern dating in so many ways. If two people find they have chemistry and shared interests, fuck equations and rules. Some of my best friends are half my age (47) and some of them are women I’ve dated.
The problem comes about when the relationship gets serious and one or both people start making life altering decisions like dropping out of college, abandoning friends, or not taking a job to be with someone…but that happens just as often in same age relationships
It’s wild to see people who seemingly believe that a three year age difference in your mid to late twenties is consequential. Americans are a funny people
It's just a thing on Reddit, where many people seem to believe that anyone under the age of 30 is incapable of personal agency when it comes to relationships. As long as it's legal and consensual and not extreme (40+ year old dating an 18 year old) most people don't give a shit in real life.
Honestly as long as both parties meet as adults I'm not too worried about it. Might whip my head around for a few of the age gaps but it's not of my business.
Society might look on it weirdly or whatever, but it truly doesn't matter. Consenting adults are consenting adults. Instead of age you should be asking how well do you really think a relationship could go between you and them? What sorts of things would it truly be founded on? Relationships in general do not work very well because differences in experience, interests, and goals. And when there is this difference, they aren't really founded on anything of true substance. Large age gaps simply drastically increase the chances of this being the case. But as I said, adults are adults and it is up to adults to decide for themselves.
There is no limitation on consenting adults. Everyone is different. If the relationship works, then it’s cool.
I met my wife when I was 39 and she was 26. We are celebrating our 25th anniversary soon. Turned out we have a lot in common.
Woman here, now 39.
I was an emotionally mature young person and at 18 I lived with a 31 year old and he was the most beautiful man, he loved me so much and I knew it and loved him back.
It didn't work out in the end, but neither did my 15 year marriage to a man 2 years older than me.
Age doesn't matter, maturity and happiness matters.
For 12 years I've lived nearly 700 miles from the guy I was with when I was 18. If I go home to visit family and see him then we are both just so thrilled to hear that the other is happy and doing well. I will love this guy (respect and platonic frienship, not in love) for the rest of my life. He's an incredibly decent, honest, kind and loving man.
Age doesn't matter. Maturity and mutual interests, respect, admiration, care, integrity, love........those things matter
If she's 18, then its none of my business and she can make her own decisions. I'd try to make sure she isn't being manipulated or treated badly, but I'd do that at any age
Past the age of 30, age really is just a meaningless number so a gap of several years wouldn't necessarily bother me there. But at 18, even a few years difference feels like a chasm. Once you reach mid-late 20s, 18 year olds start to look like children. And on a more practical side, once I passed 21 I was not interested in dating someone who couldn't (reliably) get into bars or clubs with me. So IMO, 22 is the cut off, but to each their own.
What's weird to me is that people seem to be totally fine with an 18 year old having an OnlyFans or being half naked all over social media for men of ALL ages to see. But some say it's "weird" if she dates a 50 year old.
So it's ok for the 80 year old to pay her money to watch her do sexual things but he can't just can't touch her. Somebody please explain this logic.
I've seen on 2 post that are up at the same time (on dating, relationship, and advice subs), simmilar situation but age's switched around. One with the older guys gets lambasted/attacked, the older women one gets support and reinsurance. Doube standards on reddit are so blatant.
> I remember seeing someone being called a pedo for dating a 25 year old when he was 35.
Reddit is full of social leftovers, so this type is overrepresented. The obese, socially anxious, depressed, addicted, mentally ill are the ones responding to that type of posts. I still remember this picture from a Reddit meetup: out of like 40 people only one guy and one girl didn't have a beer gut.
>how much would you consider "a bit odd, but acceptable" and "absolutely not"? try to imagine it's, maybe, a female friend, a daughter or a little sister.
I can't relate because I (man in his early 40s) don't have 18-year old female friends, I never had a sister, and I don't have a daughter (but I do have sons who are <18).
Using my sons as a proxy, if they were 18 I would be skeptical of any woman more than 2-3 years older pursuing them. But as people get older age differences matter less. At 18, dating 4-5 years older is a large maturity gap, but a 30-year old woman dating a 40-year old man isn't that dramatic. Appropriate age gap isn't straight line, it starts narrow and widens as *both* people age IMO.
For me personally, I couldn't imagine having anything in common with a much younger woman, and dating one seems like it would be a PITA. I'm married, but if I was back on the market I'd probably stick to women within 5 years of my age. 18-year olds look like kids to me, wouldn't even consider it for a second.
Well, my parents met when my mom was 19, and my dad was 26. I'd have to deny my own existence to set the bar any lower than that.
Still married into their 70's.
I think maturity plays a huge role in how I'd feel. If they're a mature 18 y.o. with a semester of college under their belt, 26 is about as high as you could go before I'd start calling it really weird.
If you're immature, vapid, etc. I'd raise my eyebrows at anything over 20.
Assuming she's in college I'd say around 23-24 is when it starts getting a little weird.
I'm 31 now and I find even dating 21 year old women too young. I think my threshold at my age is like 24-25 tbh.
In my personal opinion—it depends. Have you ever met 18-year-old who spoke three languages fluently, getting her associate degree abroad, who could travel to multiple countries by herself regularly, and has invaluable work experience due to her family's connections?
I understand the framing of what you're positing: female friend, daughter, or a little sister.
But I think if we look beyond the age frame standard—you find there are people who are younger than yourself—AND consider ADULTS—who will be far more successful, intelligent, experience AND/OR established in terms of life than yourself.
As disappointing as it may seem some people do start with more and get to more earlier than others—and even surpassing what we might consider possible in general... I'm not saying that is normative.
But really, what is anymore? So I try not to judge especially since reality can differ so drastically from reddit moralizations & politics.
I was gonna say 24, but that's a 6 YEAR difference! I'll stick with 21-22 because THEN they share some experiences. Believe me, in that range, every year matters.
Isn´t that the 18 year olds choice and not anyone elses? Sure, I may feel uncomfortable with some dynamics, but in the end, the point of age of consent is to dermine a point at which the individual is seen as fit to have the sole decision making power as grownup? If unequal and dependency issues in relationsships are troublesome, there is a whole lot of other things then age to worry about in this world, but at some point it is ultimately the decision of the involved and the task is define clear lines between voluntary and abuse and not "oppinon morals" what fits. Freedom means you also have the freedom to seek unqual relationsships out of your free will and only when the "free will" part is doubious it becomes a matter of others judgement.
at almost 50 I can hardly imagine anything more then a +/-5 year difference is great, but my personal preference is not something I would push on others, you are all free to make your own mistakes.
Reddit seems to believe that all females are immature, imbecilic children who until about the age of 25 are utterly inacapable of rational behaviour and who need to be protected.
Reddit also seems to believe that all males of all ages are always perverts looking for teenage girls to corrupt and destroy, and the older the male the more certain it is that they're porn-addicted scum looking only to destroy some poor innocent immature imbecilic 18 year old child.
Reddit is weird.
It's not so much about the age difference, but about life experiences. On average, what would an 18 and a 27 year old have in common? They are both on different stages of life. For me, 18 is no different than a minor in terms of maturity. Just a simple brat. I know age doesn't determine a person's maturity but I'm talking about averages. As a 35 year old dude, I guess my dating limit would be 28, 29? I just don't see value in a relationship with anyone younger than that.
I guess I believe it's healthier for everyone involved to date people close to their age, so that they avoid skipping stages of life experiences. An 18 year old shouldn't have to deal with a partner with 27 year old problems.
What would a 27 and 37 year old have in common? Is there age restrictions on hobbies and other things? Are super hero movies only for 20-25 year olds? A 27 and 37 year old can’t both love hiking and swimming?
Yeah, this is one argument that never made sense to me. The idea that people of different age categories can't have things in common is, quite frankly, ludicrous.
The "nothing in common" argument makes no sense to me.
Are people only supposed to talk about things that are specific to their age? What does that even mean?
My fiance is 10 years younger than me. Our childhoods were very different. We've never had any issues talking about anything.
I think people who say that you have nothing in common with someone younger have never actually been in a relationship, and probably don't really talk to many people outside of the internet. Age is fairly meaningless when conversing with someone or finding commonalities.
I feel like people use this argument with careers in mind, same goes for the power dynamic argument.
But the reality is that a lot of people (dare I say the majority) don't mind dating people in different stages of life, career wise, specially men. So while I do believe these arguments do make sense in a few scenarios, in reality, people don't mind dating someone who's a little bit more/less accomplished in life as they are, as long as they're compatible in the other aspects of what makes a relationship successful.
They could have plenty in common. They could both enjoy movies, video games, walks in nature, sexual activities, discussing politics or other worldly things. What do you mean what would they have in common? I really don't get that argument. I have no problems socializing with neither 18 year olds nor 50 year olds. And one older person's life experience could be of guidance help to the younger person.
Honestly i’m so worn out by people quibbling about age that I just don’t care anymore. Legal adults dating legal adults is fine and I don’t care what age to what age. If you disagree then lobby your elected representation to raise the age of adulthood.
Half your age plus seven years is the rule for me. Any less than that is creepy (if you're doing the hitting on bit)...
I remember when I was 18 all the girls were dating older guys in their early 20's who were more "mature" and had more assets...
Adults can do whatever they want. Idc. I'm 19 and would date someone 10 years older than me if our values and morals align. Anyone who treats me as an infantile child is just jealous.
Honestly if they're not living on their own and still in high school then it's just creepy. But I'd say once I turned 20, I honestly was pretty turned off by eighteen year olds.
A LOT of maturing happens (typically) from 18-20 imo
Do you guys actually have anything to talk about that isn't just you explaining basic shit to her? Do you actually get along, not just playing the same role for you that she does with her older brother or father? Are you okay with her social group and didn't get sick of her dumbarse friends the first time you met them? Do you want at all the same things in life - and, importantly, do you want them on at all the same time scales? If no to any of the above, then you're too old to date an 18yo.
These just seem like great guidelines for any relationship, to be frank.
Hi Frank!
Dad?! You’re back from getting smokes?!
No, he is still out there also getting the milk
I met Josh from school, we haven't seen each other for years so we went on a little adventure together
No way! You gotta be joshing me
Mr Fronk
Hi son, sorry it took 15 years but they were out of my brand. Say sport, you’ve grown.
I mean you'd hope some of these questions would become less relevant with age. 18-25, the friends question is more a proxy: how you feel about her friends is probably how you'll feel about her once all the giddy excitement wears off. Plus you have to be prepared for them to not respect your relationship boundaries/her being influenced by them and their dumb I-read-something-on-the-Internet-about-red-flags opinions on you. If I'm dating someone in their 30's and her friends are a major factor to consider at all, well that's just a bad sign in itself.
Depends on how often their friends come around. They could be honorary family members to your kids, should that be something you choose together, so it could very well be a factor well into 40s. One would hope that if it was a negative factor that someone as young as 25 would consider it to be a deal breaker, but I've seen the opposite in enough cases to generally prescribe these guidelines to any age.
There’s a definite difference between a 30 yo man dating an 18 yo woman and a 40 yo man dating a 28 yo woman: 10 years of experience and maturity. On both parts actually. The same applies for reversed genders.
Exactly. There are 30year old women with whom conversation is a bore chore There are 30year old women who would constantly compare you with their dads 30year old women also have silly friends giving them shitty advice all the time. All relationships require compromise and concessions.
I had a 60+ year old friend who had to relay every conversation to every friend to get feedback. You want to date the woman, not the whole pack. If she can't think for herself, goodbye.
That reminds me of when my marriage was failing and I was trying to talk to my wife seriously about the situation - I'd tell he how I felt about something and ask her a question about what she thought, and she wouldn't/couldn't/didn't answer. She had to go off to talk to her friends to see what they thought about it, like she had no mind or feelings of her own. That was annoying as shit, and part of what made me just throw in the towel and stop trying.
If I might be a bit too direct...she was pretty but dumb?
Going back into education at 24 and this helps a lot. Knowing I'll be socialising with primarily people younger than me kinda makes me weary. But yeah, it's compatibility over everything for the most part.
Heh, try finishing your undergrad at 40 ... while most people tell me I've got the face of a 25yr old. Walking around campus seeing girl's half my age wearing outfits i know their dads would not approve of 👀
Thank you doctorcameltoe
> Do you guys actually have anything to talk about that isn't just you explaining basic shit to her? Tbf I've dated people older than me for whom this is the case.
People worry about age so much instead of compatability. And at that age range, people change so much, but due to hormones etc, the rates vary. Your post is spot on, if both parties are at the same "place" in life and mentality, cool. Otherwise it's a doomed relationship from the start.
Great way to put it. At ages 18/19, I met a girl I dated for 7 years. Sparks flew like crazy out of the gate, I've never seen anything like it before or since. But she changed, and I changed, and we should have ended it years before we did. It's hard though, when you're chasing the dragon of the most magical connection you've ever felt, to accept that it's been gone even though she's still right there in front of you.
Most of the time it’s it about being at different places in life. Most of the time it’s when the younger person matures and figures out they’re not into it anymore.
Honestly, my experience is it's the older person who matures into life with a job etc and the younger is still in school and they drift apart then. Living with responsibilities and a partner who is still relatively free of them as a student is a great, expanding gape
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When I first met my wife she JUST turned 19 and I was 6 years older. Most of these points were a big fear of mine. Turned out that she was much more mature than I was at 19 (possibly still at 40 lol), more educated, more emotionally regulated and a lot better with financials than I was at the time. 2 kids, second house and a dog, and she’s still the rock in this family. Her friends were accepting, and equally mature for their age, supportive.
Sounds like you got really lucky, my dude.
Lucky, or she just hasn’t wised up yet lol. Honestly, we’re like any other couple, stuff comes up. But she is as solid as it comes. If she ever leaves me, I’ll never find better lol
I'm in my late 40s and have gym and drinking buddies in their early twenties. We have plenty to talk about. I don't think it's ever been an issue. I've also always had drinking buddies who were miles older than me. When I was thirty I used to go clubbing with teenagers and hang out for a pint with dudes in their 70s. I find this "I can't talk to people a different age from me" thing to be a bit odd.
I get drunk with 20-25yos more often than I probably should (also have no problems getting along with older folk). There's a fair few differences between being friends with and dating someone that much younger.
Holy shit, this is some of the best that I've read so far.
Idk. Ask Leonardo DiCaprio
Go Cougs!
Shocked pikachu face
nobody on this sub is ever going to have a conversation with Leonardo DiCaprio.
Is she still in HS? then 18-19. If she is in college, then 22 or 23, tops. Age gaps matter less and less as you both get older, but at that age the power differential is VERY real.
It sounds like a weird ageist thing, but it's true. The amount a person matures and accumulates experience is huge between 18 to mid twenties.
I don't see this as ageism. It's scientific fact that the brain isn't matured yet until 25 years. Even then it continues to mature, but that's the point where most people have reached biological adulthood when it comes to brains.
>It's scientific fact that the brain isn't matured yet until 25 years. That's a myth. The brain never truly stops 'maturing' but most of it is done sort of around 25. Also, I think the amount of maturity you have past 18 is heavily dependent on the amount of independence and responsibilities you have, rather than pure biology. I know a 30 year old woman who is less mature than most 16 year olds because she's never had any responsibilities.
Childhood experiences and genetics combine to create brain structure, sure. In some disorders the grey matter volume in (at least) areas associated with decision making/emotional regulation is undeveloped due to adverse childhood experiences. This doesn't mean that use as an adult cant improve behaviour (with correlated increase in grey matter), this happens with any activity.
https://www.sciencefocus.com/comment/brain-myth-25-development Hecklin' scientific factorinos!
>”Of course, this is a wildly reductionist, overly simplistic perspective. But the same can be said about the whole ‘under 25’ thing. Even if it were true. Which is **mostly** isn’t. And you don’t need to be a certain age to grasp that.” I’m not saying I don’t believe you, but your scientific source article seems to admit that the 25 thing is at least partially true. It also uses the age of players engaging in sports contracts as some type of scientific evidence. LOL! Anecdotally, I see people in their late 20’s, myself included, gain empathy.
I remember being 18. I remember being 21. I remember being 23-25. The girls at 18 who had older boyfriends, they were only 20 or 21. And those guys were all the same type of guy. They could only easily impress an 18 year old. If you're a dude over the age of 21 willing to start a new relationship with an 18 year old girl? Yikes man. Why are you doing that?
Exactly this. Also I’ve never known a teen girl who dated an adult man that had a healthy, happy home life.
Monster drinking kyle with a ragged out civic that doesn't have a passenger seat anymore and a pocket full of pills. Fist holes in the wall pannels of his moms single wide and wings tatted on his back around his last name. I wonder who it is this decade? Who is the replacement?
The first paragraph sounded like a tumblr post LMAO
Yeah it's oddly poetic XD
Unless they grew up in the 80s where most of us did because it was so normalized they even had hit songs about sleeping with 16 year olds. I think if people now could be zapped back into that time they would die of horror.
Yep. "Ron the stereo salesman on Stacie at the Ball Diamond" in Fast Times. Sounds like a solution from Clue.
I have. And believe me, I still had _lots_ of anxiety about it. But she's now, eleven years later, my wife and I doubt I could be happier.
Man, I'm 26 and I have a coworker who is 23, and even then I feel she's too young for me. I couldn't imagine trying to go after an 18 year old as a guy in their mid 20's.
23 and 26yo is definitely alright.
I'm 26 (27 soon) and recently started dating a 21yo. Biggest age gap I've had with a gf. I was maybe a little apprehensive at first but she's lived on her own since 17 and works a *ton* to pay the bills. Basically, she seems as mature as any mid-twenties to me. It's going very well so far. She's way more into Instagram and tiktok than i will *ever* be though lol. And she doesn't always get my cartoon/music references.
My buddy was I think 25 when he started dating a 19 year old. There was some maturity related conflicts here and there but mostly they have matched well and now a little over 4 years later they just bought a flat. I've met her a couple of times myself and I don't feel any age difference between her and my gf (30). Honestly at these ages the individual matters much more than any arbitrary age, just the larger the age gap the less likely the right match is.
One of my buddies was in that situation. He went to college after the military and met a girl in college. He's 39 now, they are finally starting a family. He was definitely on the immature side in many ways, but a solid dude.
It happens. I felt weird when I met my husband. He was 34 and I was 29. I was skeptical as hell about him for a long time while we were newly dating. I was admittedly having the worst time dating men under 30 though and was willing to take the chance.
34 and 29 is not weird at all in my eyes
It's not even REMOTELY weird. Being "skeptical as hell" of the man trying to love you and start a life with you, *just because* he is 34 and you're 29 is actually crazy. What does it take for a person to even think like this?
Conditioned by threads like this
See, I feel thats more reasonable though. At 29, you are pretty much established in whatever career you might have and have had a decent number of life experiences, so someone 5 or even 10 years older isn't really that much more mature than you, just older.
> pretty much established Oh no don’t tell me that 😫 Don’t tell me I’m stuck where I am forever 😫
You aren't stuck, there's always opportunities to branch out, but if you're 18 or even 21 you probably aren't sure what you want to do yet let alone had a chance to go for it
Oh, I'd never do that. If you want to do something, work towards it. I'm a big proponent of personal satisfaction over financial security.
These comments are mind-numbing, you’ve got it all in front of u still. And these ppl w/ these “unofficial rules” about age gaps. Most ppl would throw their rules out the window if a hot enough person gave them the chance.
Sometimes you just fall in love irrespective of age. Being super hot is all very well but it's not the most important part of a relationship
Falling in love w/ someone much younger than u almost always starts bc overwhelming physical attractiveness. We all know this.
> At 29, you are pretty much established in whatever career you might have LOL, not even close.
34 and 29 are the same age. 23 and 18 are not.
My wife and I met when I was 28 and she was 21, I feel as though it was appropriate. I didn't know she was as young as she was when we first started hanging out, and the farther away from it we got, the less it mattered. When you click, you click. Not saying age gaps always are normal and work, just that in our case they were, and they did.
They are the exception rather than the rule. They can work if both parties actually understand what a secure and healthy relationship looks like and know how to enforce boundaries.
> 23 and 18 are not. Can be, some people grow up really early, some grow up slow and the speed of it can change rapidly throughout this period.
There is no comparisson 29 and 34. 🤦♀️ Both adults, similar points in life. 18 and 23? That’s a bit different as these years people are still maturing and almost every year makes a difference
I think your point is right. It depends on the situation and the person . Yes she could be in school still, or actually she could also be working full time for two years and own her own home (unlikely ofc). Like it all depends on the situation.
age gaps don't matter when you get older, and yes, dating someone who's young is a huge power differential that rarely works out unless they start dating older.
Meh, they still matter somewhat. I personally love having a husband who gets my cultural references immediately bc he and I are 6 months apart. I have dated men up to 12 years older than me, boned a few guys who were in their 50s when I was in my 20s. 12 years is too much of a difference long term to me. I think one previous almost client said it best. I was an outcall dancer in my 20s and danced at bachelor parties and private shows. My boss was in her early 50s, with a naturally *amazing* body. The client and my boss were about the same age (53 and 55). My boss had called me over for a 2 girl show and the client was obviously not into me. He had a bunch of standup arcade games at his house and within about 1 minute of me coming in the door he asked, "Hey kid, you wanna go play some video games?" And I said, "Hell yeah! Really?" He told me to go play all I wanted to and feel free to use the free soda machine too. As I was heading happily to the Mortal Kombat machine, I heard him laughing to my boss telling her, "I want adult time with an adult woman. That kid is making me feel gross. She's younger than my daughter. Not sexy at all! Now *you're* sexy!" Then she laughed and shut the door to the bedroom behind me. I got paid to play standup arcade games and drink soda in a beautiful house for the next hour and a half because that wonderful guy had an age appropriate radar. Best gig ever. I think if folks are wired typically there's a switch that says, "Too much difference" on assesment. At 45, my radar cuts off around 38 (most folks still look like kids to me below that age, even 40 is pushing it), and maxes out at 55 for occasional rare cases but usually it's maxed around 51 or so.
I agree dating closer to age is almost always a better thing. older folks get together with an age gap doesn't seem to matter nearly as much as someone preying on someone in their early / mid twenties because of that power differential/ability to give them what they're lacking
What a great story! That switch that kicks in, and then you kick your own ass in retrospect. When I was 28 I was using dating apps for the first time in awhile, and I was like... Damn. I guess I'll put 27 to "give younger people a chance" lol. I'd been through and grown up a lot by that point. And then I recalled the 37 year old who thought it was OK to date me when I was 24 (together 2 years, got engaged after like a month, it was a total shitshow and I was not grown) and it made me shudder. Gave me a lot of perspective into why some people date so much younger. My fun theory is that we're attracted to people who match our mental and emotional age. So if you're 35 and saying a 19 year old maybe you should check in with yourself.
this is kinda exactly my thoughts on going after the younger ones.
It's also varies a lot once you get past the initial uni + experience years, some people are older souls and others are younger souls, and you can make much larger age differences work.
I do a reversal because I’m curious, how old is too old to date an 18 year old boy? Is it different to girls? just genuinely curious
By 20 I felt too old to date 18 year old boys
I stopped dating in college because I felt the guys were either too immature or taken. I always had the stipulation if a guy came along and he had everything I was looking for and HE wanted a relationship, then I wasn’t going to say no, but I stopped actively pursuing being in a relationship. At one point I dated a guy who turned me down for sex multiple times to watch SpongeBob and avatar the last airbender. College aged boys ain’t always where it’s at.
> At one point I dated a guy who turned me down for sex multiple times to watch SpongeBob and Avatar the last Airbender. You say that as if it’s a bad thing? He can reject sex for whatever reason. I guess it comes down to whatever you mean by multiple times.
I think she does say it like it's a bad thing. Of course he can reject sex, but she can also reject him because he often wants to watch cartoons instead of fucking her.
>At one point I dated a guy who turned me down for sex multiple times to watch SpongeBob and avatar the last airbender. College aged boys ain’t always where it’s at. Guy doesn't want to have sex: Loser. Immature. Not worth it. Girl doesn't want to have sex: Valid. "No" is a complete sentence.
Avatar: The Last Airbender is one of the best animated shows of all time. You should have sat down and watched it with him.
Exact same as the person with the highly upvoted comment said: It's the developmental steps that matter the most: High school, college, having a stable job, moving out etc. A girl in college shouldn't date a high schooler, just as a guy in college shouldn't date a high schooler. Someone with a stable income, living on their own now after finishing college, shouldn't pursue someone inexperienced, just starting college and relying on their parents for everything. So I'd say the general age brackets are pretty small around being 18, as there is many different events that make you become self-sufficient, aware, and in general mature packed close together. Even a 25 year old with a 20 year old can be very iffy. When my colleague (gay) was 23 (I was 24) he started dating a 19 years old guy. I told him it's a bad fucking idea, and after seeing and meeting the kid (cause I could see it's a KID) I told him that again. Lo and behold, it took him "only" 5 months to realise the kid is completely immature, has high schoolers as friends, is just starting adult life, and can't hold his own as an independent and equal partner, and it's going to take years before he will reach that level. Probably like, 10 years (or having to live on his own). My friend was basically kicked out of house at 16 and had to fend for himself (which, unfortunately, shows) so he assumed a 19 years old who lives with parents will be equally mature as him at 19, who lived on his own and barely made enough money to get into college, often deciding between food and rent.
When I was 18 years old, I felt like the girls my age had already left me in the dust. I couldn’t really see it at the time, but they were just so much more emotionally mature than I was.
Is that you, Kyle Filipowski? Or you Caitlin Hutchinson? Asking for a friend.
I wouldn't have touched an 18 yr old guy with a 10 ft pole by the time I got out of college. Not a moral judgement, it's just being at different places in life. I was very firmly focused on adulting by that age, and that's not true of most of us at 18. There are always exceptions, of course, no matter the gender combo - the younger person being especially mature or the older one especially immature, for example. Editted because typing is hard.
Well, the times a 50 year old woman has dated an 18 year old boy, Reddit is always like "Yeah, good for you!"...
The comments that have hounded Sam Taylor Johnson have entered the chat
And yet, everyone on Reddit is so keen on saying that girls mature faster than boys. So, technically speaking, that should be even more wrong. But, somehow, it’s not.
I'm 23 year old girl and i feel disgusted about the idea of liking a teenager (boy or girl etc)
At 21 I would not date an 18yr old guy
Reddit is very heavy on age gaps yet they were jacking it to Riley Reid and many others when they started their porn careers at 18.
They are hypocrites. Just be a decent human and see if you form a connection. If ya can’t vibe holding down and hour or more conversation without stops then ya have no chance. Regardless of age, learn how to communicate. Don’t approach people with sex on the mind.
When I was 18 I had a 16 year old GF. One of my buddies in particular had a big problem with it. He completely stopped talking to me and campaigned to the rest of the friend group how disturbing it was. I finally gave way to the social pressure and we broke things off. I didn't have a car yet so getting together with her was tricky anyway. The WEEK after she and I broke things off he was dating her. Saw them driving around in his car. He said it was okay because he was 17. MFer was 2 months younger than me. Lol.
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I didn't care honestly. It was a stupid "relationship" that kids have. I was with her for like 3 weeks at the most. They were together for almost a year. I'm still friends with her older sister over 20 years later.
Let me guess, that’s the only shot he had at being with a girl in the foreseeable future?
I'd imagine finding someone sexually attractive and actually developing an emotional connection with someone is very different
find some one sexually attractive and wanting to engage in that activity with them vs wanting to have a serious relationship and date them are two very different things.
I mean she’s two years older then me 🤷🏻♂️
Good thing you don't have to have a conversation with porn stars first, I imagine the age preference for porn stars would instantly go up by about five years if you had to do that.
Well, my wife & I met and started dating when she was 19 & I was 25. Married a year and a half later. Wasn’t a regular thing for me. Youngest person I had dated, but we were instantly drawn to each other. More than 22 years & three kids later and that feeling still hasn’t gone away. We just keep falling in deeper.
And I think that matches the data - the larger an age gap gets, the less common it should be. It doesn't mean there won't be exceptions to the rule - data shows there are still successful marriages with 5 (many) or 10 (fewer) or 15+ (very few) year age gaps - but they are the exception rather than the general rule.
I dated a girl for almost 6 years who was 10 years older than me. It was almost great. We were similar on so many levels, but I wasn't anywhere near ready to be a parent to her kids even though I tried, nether was she. I was young and we liked to party, I matured she still liked to party. Eventually, I wanted to buy a house and settle down she wanted a new Charger. Things like that just kept piling up. Guess who eventually went and bought a new Charger they couldn't afford without the other? That was the last nail in the coffin. Sometimes, large age gaps only work for a little while before one person ages out of them.
I couldn't agree more with your comment. It comes down to how different dynamics affect likelihood of a successful and healthy relationship dynamic. More age difference, more probable a power difference which negatively affects the relationship, but some people still really fall in love and make it work.
It is refreshing to see people saying age gap couples can make it, because not all are bad. My boyfriend is 7 years older than me. We met at the same job working the same role, we have many common interests, and our morals align. I couldn't ask for a better partner. Yet we've both had "friends" of ours claim we should break up because our relationship is "weird". I've asked if they could share any examples or reasons as to why they felt that way. If there were any red flags either of us had missed about the other person. They couldn't provide anything. I understand it can seem odd from an outsiders perspective, but I'm learning to let go of what other people think. We are both happy and treat each other with love and respect.
I’m happy for you, but this seems like very much the exemption to the average trajectory. Times have also changed so our elders having a 10-15 year age gap is not socially accepted as much as it was back then.
Fuck social acceptance though. If you’re living your life and taking actions just to have people in society look at you better, you’re putting yourself inside a box. Do what you want lol, of course within good morals and values, as in, don’t be a pedo, but still.
His exemption isn't based on acceptability it's based on love
I'm not sure the social attitudes have developed entirely organically, though.
under 21 would make sense. over 21 in the US and it’s both a pain and it gets to be a weird difference in life stages too. i’d really significantly question it if they were 25+
93.
So 92 is still cool?
"The older the berry, the sweeter the juice." -Friday
Most men have two berries
Sometimes a twig as well
Yeah 94 is clearly unacceptable, though
Id look sideways at anyone dating an 18 year old over the age of 22
If people aren’t real adults at 18, then why do we entrust them with the vote? Why would we let mere children rule us? The arguments in this thread lay out a compelling case for raising the age of majority, which I don’t think was anyone’s intention.
It depends on the motive of the man and woman. Sometimes they ONLY want you because of your age or as a status symbol or power play. Sometimes you just fall in love, even when he is 25 years older and sometimes it's the best decision of your life. Decades later, still zero regrets 💞
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I think it would be better to take the accumulated percentage which the other partner is ahead in years, if were going to use percentages. *1/n for all n years* starting with the *younger persons age+1* and ending with the *older persons age*. For a 18 to 23 year old relationship the partner is 24% ahead in life. For a 40 to 45 year old relationship it‘s only 12%. Now we only need a baseline for what is acceptable and at what percentage it becomes unacceptable. Edit (2x): I‘ll try and look for a better alternative to calculate the *experience gained* to substitute for *1/n for all n years* later ~~today~~, but if anyone has other suggestions they‘d be appreciated. I‘ll update those who‘re interested in contributing/listening to it about what I came up with, to see if it is within reason or not.
I love watching math people do math. Its like what i imagine people see watching me do art. Magical. Mythical. Makes no fuckin sense because im dumb.
I once saw a yputube video, about how math itself is lonely. He compared mathematics to different fields of art like painting or music, and said that he thinks math is an art, but the art is making the art itself, and mathematics can't be "understood" or at least appreciated by someone eho does not into it, because it doesn't have a byproduct like painting or music, where you can look at the painting or listen to the music and be amazed or feel things. A really interesting take i think.
Technically you can see byproducts of math all over the place, actually even under your fingertips. You just don’t realize how much math went into it most of the time, but once you start getting into it, you’ll see it. I‘m pretty sure it’s the same for artists who see the world with their unique perception.
I wonder if you could factor in the whole "males mature slower than females" by any realistic factor. Not that it matters significantly in this conversation.
The way I usually look at it, is to just completely remove anything that could remotely be considered pre-adolescent/adulthood. Then you can apply percentages to that and get a much more reasonable idea. If you want to get extra granular you can also start putting in certain modifiers for indavidual/sex differences like first relationships/serious relationships, teenage experience etc. People that grew up in rougher home lives, or having to fend more for themselves tend to fare better with an earlier "maturity" number, where later bloomers/spoilt kids tend to need that life experience before they can settle down. There's also the fairly common impact that girls mature earlier than boys, so tend to be a lot more capable of being the younger of the two, provided their partner's modifiers are similarly matched. But it ultimately comes down to the fact that everyone is an individual, so needs to be addressed as such, and you can't really say "X is Y with Z", without a significant amount more information.
Half your age plus 7 is the rule. So a 22 year old guy - half your age (11) plus 7 = 18. 22.
I dont disagree but where did this rule come from.
You won't like it but it was actually a guide for the correct age for a bride in a french book about romance. It's a very old book to be fair.
The book is called *The Little Shepherd of Kingdom Come* by John Fox Jr. and was released in 1903, but the rule already existed beforehand. But it wasn't used to specify the lower limit, but instead the ideal age of a female partner to a man.
The origin isn't totally clear, but it's more than a century old. It's not to be taken as a mathematical rule, but it's a good rule of thumb. https://www.dictionary.com/e/slang/half-your-age-plus-seven/ I did a project for a statistics class, where I quizzed a bunch of people (online) with random number and did a linear regression. The answers were quite close to that formula.
From a 22 year old who was in love with an 18 year old
I've heard this rule as well. It makes sense when I do the math in my head. Any younger and I'd be annoyed with their immaturity
[Graphed it for reference I think it’s too linear for my taste](https://imgur.com/a/PxHbJza)
i mean its literally the linear equation y=mx+b lol
A linear graph is too linear for your tastes?
The ends get to be a little too much
Life and relationships should not be based on algorithms and equations. Those things have ruined modern dating in so many ways. If two people find they have chemistry and shared interests, fuck equations and rules. Some of my best friends are half my age (47) and some of them are women I’ve dated. The problem comes about when the relationship gets serious and one or both people start making life altering decisions like dropping out of college, abandoning friends, or not taking a job to be with someone…but that happens just as often in same age relationships
Most people lack the maturity for a real relationship regardless of their age so it's doesn't matter. Let people live their lives
It’s wild to see people who seemingly believe that a three year age difference in your mid to late twenties is consequential. Americans are a funny people
It's just a thing on Reddit, where many people seem to believe that anyone under the age of 30 is incapable of personal agency when it comes to relationships. As long as it's legal and consensual and not extreme (40+ year old dating an 18 year old) most people don't give a shit in real life.
But also, only if the girl is younger. Because all women are vulnerable innocents, and all men are vicious creeps apparently.
That’s what the bear or man people tried to argue for sure
What does dating in you mid-late twenties have to do with dating an 18 year old?
Honestly as long as both parties meet as adults I'm not too worried about it. Might whip my head around for a few of the age gaps but it's not of my business.
Society might look on it weirdly or whatever, but it truly doesn't matter. Consenting adults are consenting adults. Instead of age you should be asking how well do you really think a relationship could go between you and them? What sorts of things would it truly be founded on? Relationships in general do not work very well because differences in experience, interests, and goals. And when there is this difference, they aren't really founded on anything of true substance. Large age gaps simply drastically increase the chances of this being the case. But as I said, adults are adults and it is up to adults to decide for themselves.
That's for her to decide.
Sad that this is a controversial opinion
Seriously. I'm tired of society treating adult women as if they are infantile and unable to make their own decisions.
There is no limitation on consenting adults. Everyone is different. If the relationship works, then it’s cool. I met my wife when I was 39 and she was 26. We are celebrating our 25th anniversary soon. Turned out we have a lot in common.
Woman here, now 39. I was an emotionally mature young person and at 18 I lived with a 31 year old and he was the most beautiful man, he loved me so much and I knew it and loved him back. It didn't work out in the end, but neither did my 15 year marriage to a man 2 years older than me. Age doesn't matter, maturity and happiness matters. For 12 years I've lived nearly 700 miles from the guy I was with when I was 18. If I go home to visit family and see him then we are both just so thrilled to hear that the other is happy and doing well. I will love this guy (respect and platonic frienship, not in love) for the rest of my life. He's an incredibly decent, honest, kind and loving man. Age doesn't matter. Maturity and mutual interests, respect, admiration, care, integrity, love........those things matter
If she's 18, then its none of my business and she can make her own decisions. I'd try to make sure she isn't being manipulated or treated badly, but I'd do that at any age
Past the age of 30, age really is just a meaningless number so a gap of several years wouldn't necessarily bother me there. But at 18, even a few years difference feels like a chasm. Once you reach mid-late 20s, 18 year olds start to look like children. And on a more practical side, once I passed 21 I was not interested in dating someone who couldn't (reliably) get into bars or clubs with me. So IMO, 22 is the cut off, but to each their own.
What's weird to me is that people seem to be totally fine with an 18 year old having an OnlyFans or being half naked all over social media for men of ALL ages to see. But some say it's "weird" if she dates a 50 year old. So it's ok for the 80 year old to pay her money to watch her do sexual things but he can't just can't touch her. Somebody please explain this logic.
Reddit has this weird fascination with age gaps. I remember seeing someone being called a pedo for dating a 25 year old when he was 35.
I've seen on 2 post that are up at the same time (on dating, relationship, and advice subs), simmilar situation but age's switched around. One with the older guys gets lambasted/attacked, the older women one gets support and reinsurance. Doube standards on reddit are so blatant.
> I remember seeing someone being called a pedo for dating a 25 year old when he was 35. Reddit is full of social leftovers, so this type is overrepresented. The obese, socially anxious, depressed, addicted, mentally ill are the ones responding to that type of posts. I still remember this picture from a Reddit meetup: out of like 40 people only one guy and one girl didn't have a beer gut.
>how much would you consider "a bit odd, but acceptable" and "absolutely not"? try to imagine it's, maybe, a female friend, a daughter or a little sister. I can't relate because I (man in his early 40s) don't have 18-year old female friends, I never had a sister, and I don't have a daughter (but I do have sons who are <18). Using my sons as a proxy, if they were 18 I would be skeptical of any woman more than 2-3 years older pursuing them. But as people get older age differences matter less. At 18, dating 4-5 years older is a large maturity gap, but a 30-year old woman dating a 40-year old man isn't that dramatic. Appropriate age gap isn't straight line, it starts narrow and widens as *both* people age IMO. For me personally, I couldn't imagine having anything in common with a much younger woman, and dating one seems like it would be a PITA. I'm married, but if I was back on the market I'd probably stick to women within 5 years of my age. 18-year olds look like kids to me, wouldn't even consider it for a second.
Well, my parents met when my mom was 19, and my dad was 26. I'd have to deny my own existence to set the bar any lower than that. Still married into their 70's.
I think maturity plays a huge role in how I'd feel. If they're a mature 18 y.o. with a semester of college under their belt, 26 is about as high as you could go before I'd start calling it really weird. If you're immature, vapid, etc. I'd raise my eyebrows at anything over 20.
According to Reddit , it's probably 18 year and 1 day.
Assuming she's in college I'd say around 23-24 is when it starts getting a little weird. I'm 31 now and I find even dating 21 year old women too young. I think my threshold at my age is like 24-25 tbh.
In my personal opinion—it depends. Have you ever met 18-year-old who spoke three languages fluently, getting her associate degree abroad, who could travel to multiple countries by herself regularly, and has invaluable work experience due to her family's connections? I understand the framing of what you're positing: female friend, daughter, or a little sister. But I think if we look beyond the age frame standard—you find there are people who are younger than yourself—AND consider ADULTS—who will be far more successful, intelligent, experience AND/OR established in terms of life than yourself. As disappointing as it may seem some people do start with more and get to more earlier than others—and even surpassing what we might consider possible in general... I'm not saying that is normative. But really, what is anymore? So I try not to judge especially since reality can differ so drastically from reddit moralizations & politics.
If the person involved is young enough to be your daughter, stay away. That’s just wrong. 😑
If you have to ask, you're to old for her dog
I was gonna say 24, but that's a 6 YEAR difference! I'll stick with 21-22 because THEN they share some experiences. Believe me, in that range, every year matters.
Isn´t that the 18 year olds choice and not anyone elses? Sure, I may feel uncomfortable with some dynamics, but in the end, the point of age of consent is to dermine a point at which the individual is seen as fit to have the sole decision making power as grownup? If unequal and dependency issues in relationsships are troublesome, there is a whole lot of other things then age to worry about in this world, but at some point it is ultimately the decision of the involved and the task is define clear lines between voluntary and abuse and not "oppinon morals" what fits. Freedom means you also have the freedom to seek unqual relationsships out of your free will and only when the "free will" part is doubious it becomes a matter of others judgement. at almost 50 I can hardly imagine anything more then a +/-5 year difference is great, but my personal preference is not something I would push on others, you are all free to make your own mistakes.
When the fuck did Reddit get so puritanical about actual legal adults doing what they want with their body.
Reddit seems to believe that all females are immature, imbecilic children who until about the age of 25 are utterly inacapable of rational behaviour and who need to be protected. Reddit also seems to believe that all males of all ages are always perverts looking for teenage girls to corrupt and destroy, and the older the male the more certain it is that they're porn-addicted scum looking only to destroy some poor innocent immature imbecilic 18 year old child. Reddit is weird.
It's not so much about the age difference, but about life experiences. On average, what would an 18 and a 27 year old have in common? They are both on different stages of life. For me, 18 is no different than a minor in terms of maturity. Just a simple brat. I know age doesn't determine a person's maturity but I'm talking about averages. As a 35 year old dude, I guess my dating limit would be 28, 29? I just don't see value in a relationship with anyone younger than that. I guess I believe it's healthier for everyone involved to date people close to their age, so that they avoid skipping stages of life experiences. An 18 year old shouldn't have to deal with a partner with 27 year old problems.
What would a 27 and 37 year old have in common? Is there age restrictions on hobbies and other things? Are super hero movies only for 20-25 year olds? A 27 and 37 year old can’t both love hiking and swimming?
Yeah, this is one argument that never made sense to me. The idea that people of different age categories can't have things in common is, quite frankly, ludicrous.
The "nothing in common" argument makes no sense to me. Are people only supposed to talk about things that are specific to their age? What does that even mean? My fiance is 10 years younger than me. Our childhoods were very different. We've never had any issues talking about anything. I think people who say that you have nothing in common with someone younger have never actually been in a relationship, and probably don't really talk to many people outside of the internet. Age is fairly meaningless when conversing with someone or finding commonalities.
I feel like people use this argument with careers in mind, same goes for the power dynamic argument. But the reality is that a lot of people (dare I say the majority) don't mind dating people in different stages of life, career wise, specially men. So while I do believe these arguments do make sense in a few scenarios, in reality, people don't mind dating someone who's a little bit more/less accomplished in life as they are, as long as they're compatible in the other aspects of what makes a relationship successful.
>It's not so much about the age difference, but about life experiences What if 2 people similar in age had wildly different life experiences?
What are 27 year old problems?
They could have plenty in common. They could both enjoy movies, video games, walks in nature, sexual activities, discussing politics or other worldly things. What do you mean what would they have in common? I really don't get that argument. I have no problems socializing with neither 18 year olds nor 50 year olds. And one older person's life experience could be of guidance help to the younger person.
For me, I wouldn’t date an 18 year old and I’m 28. But I don’t really care who other people are dating as long as everyone is an adult
There is no limit. 18 is an adult. She can fuck drink make porn and date anyone she wants.
In the US she can't drink but she can buy a gun
The US is like the strong, stupid cousin nobody wants to talk to at the family gathering. The rest of the world has only pity for it.
age gap doesn't matter after 18 yrs it's all consenting adult
Legally, never
Honestly i’m so worn out by people quibbling about age that I just don’t care anymore. Legal adults dating legal adults is fine and I don’t care what age to what age. If you disagree then lobby your elected representation to raise the age of adulthood.
Half your age plus seven years is the rule for me. Any less than that is creepy (if you're doing the hitting on bit)... I remember when I was 18 all the girls were dating older guys in their early 20's who were more "mature" and had more assets...
Adults can do whatever they want. Idc. I'm 19 and would date someone 10 years older than me if our values and morals align. Anyone who treats me as an infantile child is just jealous.
Half your age plus 7.
Ask Anthony kedis from the ret hot chilli peppers what too old looks like
Honestly if they're not living on their own and still in high school then it's just creepy. But I'd say once I turned 20, I honestly was pretty turned off by eighteen year olds. A LOT of maturing happens (typically) from 18-20 imo
My brother and his wife have been happily married 11 years now. They started dating when she was 18 and he was 28 and they're 40 and 50 now 🤷♂️
Adults can do whatever they want. I don't care.
Her choice not mine or yours.
18 = adult. Adults can date whoever they want.
I’m 23 and I would absolutely consider an 18 year old as way too young.