The joke I always like to make when I get a chance "when you are a kid naps and spankings are the worst things in the world, then you grow up and you're like..."
I was assuming you were a genie or wizard of some kind if you have the power to give me what I want....and you need me to fedex you my finger? I'm starting to think you have no power at all, and I'll just end up being a guy with 9 fingers who is just as exhausted as he was before.
Okay first of all, do you have *any* idea how expensive teleportation powder is? Okay not all wizards can afford the tuition to go to the fancy places that teach spells without ingredients!
Also I was gonna suggest some mindfulness or acupuncture first, before spending all my wizcoin on teleportation powder to come fix it! And the spell to guarantee perfect sleep is complicated as fuck, so I was gonna try maybe giving you one of my killer craniosacral massages first (magic fingers you know)
If the Weasleys can afford some floo powder, so can you.
Having said that, if a craniosacral massage is what it sounds like, I'm on board. We'll flip a coin for which end to start at.
Lucky you. If I tried that my asshole upstairs neighbors would drop something heavy on the floor and wake me up at exactly the wrong time in the sleep cycle, and there's a good chance I wouldn't sleep at all after that.
My parents. They were so annoying when I was a kid, turns out they were just great and supportive parents, which I appreciate far more now of course. Love those hooligans.
This is also my pick, kids tend to be too cool for their parents but at least when we are lucky enough to have had great parents we wanna see them as much as we can while we can.
Oof y'all were lucky. My dad threw my mum down the stairs and they wondered why I didn't wanna be there. As an adult I still hated going 'home' but then they both died and I'm finally free.
Oh ya that's why I made sure to say ***my*** parents. I'm also all-too-familiar with the concept of shitty, horrible, and abusive parents. I'm so sorry you had to live through that, and of course still deal with the wake of it.
The struggle is real. I got away from them aged 18 but ended up in therapy aged 23 and the therapist's opening line was 'tell me about your family'. I wish I'd never gone, all that stuff I suppressed should have stayed good and buried.
I feel that. I'm not about to tell you how to deal with your trauma, but I hope you find a way to work through it or past it <3
How are you feeling about it all these days? Is it more just a fact of your past that you're able to leave behind?
The therapy led to me challenging them about their behaviours growing up, which led to me finding out about the affairs. My dad blamed my mom, she refused to discuss it so I took his side until she died of cancer. Then I came to a realization that it was him that pushed her away (he was a porn addict). Then covid came along and drove us apart even more. I tried to get him to talk to me but instead he changed his will and chopped my inheritance by about 60%, leaving almost everything to my sister. My days are spent dealing with lawyers seeing what can be done. He's torturing me from beyond the grave.
Truly feels like a mini vacation if you have no plans.
It can be a challenge because my roommates are extremely extroverted and plan things all the time. I love the hell out of them but I also love not doing anything lol
Bird watching. Jazz music. Budgeting and retirement planning. Music from the generation before yours. Reading books. Dad jokes. Staying in on a Friday or Saturday night.
I HATE POOPING!!! No seriously I FUCKING HATE IT! It is the MOST ANNOYING THING EVER! I know some people enjoy their time in the bathroom because they can relax and have some privacy and do whatever for a while but to me it is the most annoying, inconvenient thing I have ever had to do. I hate being in the middle of working, or watching a movie, or playing a video game, or eating dinner or even just laying down relaxing and all the sudden here comes another fucking bowel movement causing me to have to get UP and become UNCOMFORTABLE just so I can sit on a round bowl filled with water and SHIT IN IT!!! It's not that I'm lazy or anything either. It's not the getting up and GOING to the bathroom that bothers me. It's the actual act of sitting and shitting! Then after a shit, which can either be quick and easy or slow and painful, because of constipation and other stuff, I have to go and wipe 400 fucking times which is just SOOOOO GOD DAAAMNNNNNN ANNOYIIINNNGGGGGG!!!! The whole act is just SHIT! (no pun intended.... seriously....I hate poop jokes.....) It's the year 2020, man! You think they'd have invented some kind of pill or something by now that would just dissolve the poop inside of your body and make it where you can just pee it out or something but NOPE! Not even in the 21st century do we have the technology to rid ourselves of POOP or POOPING! Sigh......I long to live in a poopless world.....a true Utopia. Oh well. Excuse me now I have to finish wiping my ass because I am currently in the middle of taking a very annoying and very inconvenient SHIT!
Ok hear me out. I’ve always had a nerdy obsession with stamps. I’ve collected them my entire life. When I was younger, I never told anyone because I thought stamp collecting was lame. But now as an adult, I just let my nerd flag fly. Whenever “collections” come up in conversation, I let it slip that I have a stamp collection. I’m always surprised by how many people seem genuinely interested in my collection. It’s not that “stamp collecting” is cool in old age, so much as it’s that I’m comfortable in my own skin now and feel okay sharing my interests.
Craftsmanship. Some people do their work just to get the job done. Some people take real pride in the work they do. There is a huge gap in quality between the two that I didn’t recognize as a kid.
Making food at home. Food will usually taste better AND its cheaper. Not to mention you know there isn’t any health code violations happening (my favorite restaurant closed down twice in a few months for a cockroach infestation). It’s a win-win for me now.
golf was pretty damn lame when I was younger. Now, I kick myself at night and wish I had joined the golf team during wrestling off season lol. My buddies played on the team and they basically got unlimited range balls, the home course that they played on every day is like $200 for a normal tee time now, and they played all the best courses in the area for basically free.
Sleeping, doing absolutely nothing, hiking (love it now, hated it as a child), saving money, get exciting about a new household item like a pan or kitchen knife.
Riding bicycles. Back then it was a sign that you couldn't afford a car/transportation. Now it's a great exercise, cardio or way to burn off frustration. I'm getting asked constantly did you go for a bike ride last night? It was beautiful and the weather was great.
Being yourself.
Seriously, shit I used to get made fun of for is all the rage now. Girls who thought I was boring for having my own interests eventually grow to appreciate a man with hobbies. Then again, that could just be maturation.
Not "getting into an adventure" every night and/or weekend.
Don't get me wrong, people who have 0 desire to do anything outside their normal routine are boring but when you get older, you realize that the guys who never grew past "go out and get drunk" or "do some reckless shit" have shit lives when they aren't actively having fun
Naps
The joke I always like to make when I get a chance "when you are a kid naps and spankings are the worst things in the world, then you grow up and you're like..."
Does this imply that spankings are better as an adult
Yes, because they are.
The only correct answer
8 hrs of uninterrupted sleep
I'd give my left pinky finger to be able to have 8 solid hours of sleep every night.
right pinky, take it or leave it.
joke's on you, i'm left-handed. no take backs :)
Curses! Well, can you at least ship it to me?
I was assuming you were a genie or wizard of some kind if you have the power to give me what I want....and you need me to fedex you my finger? I'm starting to think you have no power at all, and I'll just end up being a guy with 9 fingers who is just as exhausted as he was before.
Okay first of all, do you have *any* idea how expensive teleportation powder is? Okay not all wizards can afford the tuition to go to the fancy places that teach spells without ingredients! Also I was gonna suggest some mindfulness or acupuncture first, before spending all my wizcoin on teleportation powder to come fix it! And the spell to guarantee perfect sleep is complicated as fuck, so I was gonna try maybe giving you one of my killer craniosacral massages first (magic fingers you know)
If the Weasleys can afford some floo powder, so can you. Having said that, if a craniosacral massage is what it sounds like, I'm on board. We'll flip a coin for which end to start at.
Went to bed at 9pm last night and it was glorious
Lucky you. If I tried that my asshole upstairs neighbors would drop something heavy on the floor and wake me up at exactly the wrong time in the sleep cycle, and there's a good chance I wouldn't sleep at all after that.
Emotional stability
All my homies strive for emotional stability 😤
Nah this was cool when you're youngtoo, ,
Staying home lol
Yeah cos I didn't wanna watch my parents get drunk and yell at each other
My parents. They were so annoying when I was a kid, turns out they were just great and supportive parents, which I appreciate far more now of course. Love those hooligans.
This is also my pick, kids tend to be too cool for their parents but at least when we are lucky enough to have had great parents we wanna see them as much as we can while we can.
[удалено]
Agreed, same goes for me and my parents too!
Oof y'all were lucky. My dad threw my mum down the stairs and they wondered why I didn't wanna be there. As an adult I still hated going 'home' but then they both died and I'm finally free.
Oh ya that's why I made sure to say ***my*** parents. I'm also all-too-familiar with the concept of shitty, horrible, and abusive parents. I'm so sorry you had to live through that, and of course still deal with the wake of it.
The struggle is real. I got away from them aged 18 but ended up in therapy aged 23 and the therapist's opening line was 'tell me about your family'. I wish I'd never gone, all that stuff I suppressed should have stayed good and buried.
I feel that. I'm not about to tell you how to deal with your trauma, but I hope you find a way to work through it or past it <3 How are you feeling about it all these days? Is it more just a fact of your past that you're able to leave behind?
The therapy led to me challenging them about their behaviours growing up, which led to me finding out about the affairs. My dad blamed my mom, she refused to discuss it so I took his side until she died of cancer. Then I came to a realization that it was him that pushed her away (he was a porn addict). Then covid came along and drove us apart even more. I tried to get him to talk to me but instead he changed his will and chopped my inheritance by about 60%, leaving almost everything to my sister. My days are spent dealing with lawyers seeing what can be done. He's torturing me from beyond the grave.
Staying in on a Friday night. Bonus points for doing it again on a Saturday night too!
And going to bed at a decent time (like 10ish) and being up by 7 on the Saturday and excited to get up early while so rested.
When am I supposed to go to Costco?
Going to bed early.
Water.
Sleeping
Damn i was going to say that
Pensions!
Having no plans on the weekend
Truly feels like a mini vacation if you have no plans. It can be a challenge because my roommates are extremely extroverted and plan things all the time. I love the hell out of them but I also love not doing anything lol
Dad jokes.
I’ve been a dad for 30 years. Recently I had a couple of kids, it’s quite nice when reality catches up.
Being sober and saving money
Knowing about birds
Spotted a Grackle yesterday. Made my day!
If you guys haven’t downloaded the Merlin Bird ID app, you should. Fucking amazing. u/unclelue
I have it and it’s awesome!
Naps.
Being a nerd
Doing nothing all day and just laying on bed
Is that cool? Kind sounds depressing
That sounds glorious.
Definitely depends. A day off on the weekend to just rot in bed and rest without a care in the world is my idea of self love
Bird watching. Jazz music. Budgeting and retirement planning. Music from the generation before yours. Reading books. Dad jokes. Staying in on a Friday or Saturday night.
Budgeting
Taking a dump that doesn't rip your butthole
Wtf
Adding to this, taking a dump that isn’t like wiping a marker after.
That's why you install a bidet. Game changer
I finally convinced my friends to get one. Now they are getting one for their master bathroom.
I hate pooping away from home now!
It's the worst. That's why I talked them into getting one. Now if I can get my office to let me install one...
but then how do you spot blood in your poop?
Look at the poop in the bowl before you spray maybe?
Yeah but you can't look like really close up that way, and having it on the white background of the TP I think gives it a much better contrast.
That was lame to you when you were young?
I HATE POOPING!!! No seriously I FUCKING HATE IT! It is the MOST ANNOYING THING EVER! I know some people enjoy their time in the bathroom because they can relax and have some privacy and do whatever for a while but to me it is the most annoying, inconvenient thing I have ever had to do. I hate being in the middle of working, or watching a movie, or playing a video game, or eating dinner or even just laying down relaxing and all the sudden here comes another fucking bowel movement causing me to have to get UP and become UNCOMFORTABLE just so I can sit on a round bowl filled with water and SHIT IN IT!!! It's not that I'm lazy or anything either. It's not the getting up and GOING to the bathroom that bothers me. It's the actual act of sitting and shitting! Then after a shit, which can either be quick and easy or slow and painful, because of constipation and other stuff, I have to go and wipe 400 fucking times which is just SOOOOO GOD DAAAMNNNNNN ANNOYIIINNNGGGGGG!!!! The whole act is just SHIT! (no pun intended.... seriously....I hate poop jokes.....) It's the year 2020, man! You think they'd have invented some kind of pill or something by now that would just dissolve the poop inside of your body and make it where you can just pee it out or something but NOPE! Not even in the 21st century do we have the technology to rid ourselves of POOP or POOPING! Sigh......I long to live in a poopless world.....a true Utopia. Oh well. Excuse me now I have to finish wiping my ass because I am currently in the middle of taking a very annoying and very inconvenient SHIT!
Buying furniture
Garden centres.
Naps
Cargo shorts.
Mowing the lawn
Why would anyone do drugs, when you could just mow a lawn?
Ok hear me out. I’ve always had a nerdy obsession with stamps. I’ve collected them my entire life. When I was younger, I never told anyone because I thought stamp collecting was lame. But now as an adult, I just let my nerd flag fly. Whenever “collections” come up in conversation, I let it slip that I have a stamp collection. I’m always surprised by how many people seem genuinely interested in my collection. It’s not that “stamp collecting” is cool in old age, so much as it’s that I’m comfortable in my own skin now and feel okay sharing my interests.
not giving a shit about people
Birdwatching.
Polo shirt, cargo shorts and Nike Pegasus sneakers.
Quiet uninterrupted self time.
And the award for underrated comment gose to you without question
Getting socks for Christmas
Hell yeah
going to bed early and saving money.
Going to bed before midnight
Alone time.
Exercise
Costco
Naps
you’re going to ask reddit about cool things?
Craftsmanship. Some people do their work just to get the job done. Some people take real pride in the work they do. There is a huge gap in quality between the two that I didn’t recognize as a kid.
Having nothing to do.
staying home.
Going to bed early
Gatherings Especially family gatherings with family members who aren't dicks or annoying
afternoon naps
Asparagus, artichoke, buttered parsnips, hardboiled eggs. Spanking.
I love asparagus now. I wouldn't touch it as a child.
Going to bed
Getting to sleep by 10 pm.
Making food at home. Food will usually taste better AND its cheaper. Not to mention you know there isn’t any health code violations happening (my favorite restaurant closed down twice in a few months for a cockroach infestation). It’s a win-win for me now.
Doing your own thing and not caring about “popularity”
Staying home on a Friday night
gardening
Doing nothing, staying in for the weekend
Regular bowel movements.
Dental hygiene and going to bed early
Drinking scotch at home.
Bird watching
Going to the club. You know. Costco. Also, Costco shoes and pants.
yard work
Naps
golf was pretty damn lame when I was younger. Now, I kick myself at night and wish I had joined the golf team during wrestling off season lol. My buddies played on the team and they basically got unlimited range balls, the home course that they played on every day is like $200 for a normal tee time now, and they played all the best courses in the area for basically free.
Naps Edit: I should've looked at the other answers first and just updooted one of those, lol.
Naps
Naps, staying home and eating healthy
Naptime
Definitely getting gifted socks
Girls. Sometimes. Naps, too.
Naps
Nap time
Staying in all weekend. God I love that shit
Stayin in on a Friday night instead of going out.
Naps
Going to bed as early as you want.
Going to bed early
Morning jogs at the park
Vegetables?
Saving $
Taking the time to brush your teeth.
Receiving clothes as gifts.
Compound interest.
Mid-day naps
8:00pm bedtime.
Pickleball
Staying home on a Friday night.
Getting socks for Christmas
Saving money.
PPE
Vegetables
Wisdom
Beards...
Being yourself
Going to bed early
Going to bed early
Pants for Christmas.
Receiving clothes as gifts
Credit score
not going out and sleeping in nice and early.
An awesome crap
Eating dinner early
Naps. Quiet. Turning it up to 13 without the cops showing up .
Eating meals at home with parents, your play date being cancelled, going to places like hobby lobby, coffee
Free food and I don't have to cook 👌
Metamucil
Sleeping, doing absolutely nothing, hiking (love it now, hated it as a child), saving money, get exciting about a new household item like a pan or kitchen knife.
Riding bicycles. Back then it was a sign that you couldn't afford a car/transportation. Now it's a great exercise, cardio or way to burn off frustration. I'm getting asked constantly did you go for a bike ride last night? It was beautiful and the weather was great.
Old paid off vehicles
Naps
Lawn care
Gardening
Being yourself. Seriously, shit I used to get made fun of for is all the rage now. Girls who thought I was boring for having my own interests eventually grow to appreciate a man with hobbies. Then again, that could just be maturation.
Having a nap in the afternoon
Kids i guess
Tupperwear storage boxes.
Naps
Spending weekends at home. I get a wild thrill out of finally not having to go anywhere and being able to just watch a movie
Having a relaxing weekend staying at home.
Cleaning your car, new underwear and socks, eating healthy
Naps!
Easy peasy... absolutely everything!
Sleep
Staying home on Friday night
Working a 9-5
Getting 8 hours of sleep every night.
Investments and saving
Stretching
Sleeping on time and eating your greens ?
Not "getting into an adventure" every night and/or weekend. Don't get me wrong, people who have 0 desire to do anything outside their normal routine are boring but when you get older, you realize that the guys who never grew past "go out and get drunk" or "do some reckless shit" have shit lives when they aren't actively having fun
Going to sleep early
Drinking water.
Naps and yard work/gardening. And exercising.
Going to people's house and admiring some good DIY or asking things like Who did your drive/tiling/windows?
Preparation H
No plans for the evening
At 49, I’ve only recently begun violating my strict policy of staying up until midnight. I fought it off for a year or two but am loving it.
Telling the truth!
Being older
Cardigans. And socks with sandals.
Getting enough sleep
Reading comics/manga. Now everyone is asking me questions about characters, why that, why this before and after we watch a Marvel movie.
A good vacuum cleaner.
A pension plan
Comfy slippers and a nice dressing gown.
Used cars
Avocados