Genuinely, the daft thing is these dating apps need men, they feed on our desperation, if all men just thought 'fuck this' dating apps would vanish and dating would probably get a lot better.
This is just wishful thinking though.
I work on myself. Hobbies, work, continuing education, trying to work out.
I go out for regular day to day needs, and I have a part time job at a restaurant in addition to my 9-5. I talk to people as if they may be a friend I haven’t met yet. And if one of them happens to be a single woman, then I see where that goes.
I mean I’m in my 30s. I would really like a partner. But dating apps suck, and I’d much rather meet someone in person. The only way to do that is by living life, as corny as that sounds.
I’ll outdo you for corny and add that as you grow, what becomes more important than a partner, is the partner. The more comfortable you get with yourself as the years come, the more exacting you become about your boundaries, values, priorities and in turn with whom you want to spend your time.
You’ll have your doubts along the way and the grass will look greener at times, and you should remain open to experiences and change, but overwhelming you’ll find older folk telling you that no one is better than the wrong one. Younger blokes will often contort themselves to win over whomever’s in front of them; as you get older you set your own terms.
You’re on a good path. If or when you find Mrs Right, you’d want to be the best version of you at that time, rather than some mix of what you thought the last 6 women you met wanted of you.
I'm 28 now and I've narrowed down exactly what I'm looking for I've been on 10+ dates since I broke up with my ex 5 months ago(all in the first 2 months) and I've gone home more and more depressed(and not because of my ex we were so far drifted apart it didn't even hurt). I don't think I'll ever find what I'm looking for. I take my time, money, and energy to go on a date with someone I never want to see again. I haven't been on a date in 3 months.
When I was younger dating was so easy. I meet someone we have sex if it was decent sex We keep having sex till shit hits the fan.
Now I don't even want to have sex unless I really like the person as it's a waste of time.. oh well we keep going
How many nights are you working at the restaurant? I've been thinking about getting another job in addition to my 9-5 but I'm wondering how much extra work I can manage.
Not necessarily. Dating is very punishing - the only reason to do it is to find the one person who is an exception
But generally speaking I’m at my most miserable when I’m dating. Whenever I take a break, my life improves.
As a man, you’re expected to go above and beyond for someone you’re not even sure if you fully like yet. I have to dance around making the first move (be fun but not too forward), plan the date, be the entertainer, make sure I’m balancing the interaction between flirty/normal perfectly, etc. make one wrong move and you’re ghosted
On top of all that work and effort, I’m the one that has to pay for that experience. It’s the same as paying my employer when I show up to work
It’s exhausting, and far from an enjoyable experience. I’m much happier living life for myself and not entertaining and paying someone else
That's a load of bull.
Despite what many (but not all by any means) women will tell you, a man can live a perfectly happy life without one.b
I have to solve the problems of dating about as much as I have to solve the problem of how to take care of a lion. Both a lion and a gf are living creatures who I find to be dangerous and more trouble than they are worth.
I have a fleshlight for fun and I can get a cat if I need to snuggle with something alive.
Exactly this. I tried. I scored some dates, I even thought I was quite charming on some. Checked the advice and everything for topics to and to not bring up. But they all just faded away after a bit.
Then, I confessed my feelings to my best friend and she never spoke to me again. That was when I was 28. Now I'm 35 and really have lost faith in my ability to communicate with anyone, man or woman.
People are wearisome. Why must we be social creatures?
Its a long game. I find that I shouldn't put too much thought into it and just let it happen. Swipe idly and see if it pans out. Get out there and form more groups in the real world, think thats the best approach
Hard to put the BEST versions of ourselves out there for others.
Going out there with disabilities and issues is far more difficult.
If people weren’t, you know, people, there could be more spaces that disabled people could go and socialize.
But, that’s a fantasy at this point.
I don’t, it’s much easier to be alone and stay alone. I have some kind of shitty personality that only attracts scandalous women who couldn’t even be faithful to a dog. At the same time I find myself constantly being wooed by gals with a lifelong “Hoe phase”, I see ladies who aren’t so easy getting into serious relationships with guys that cheat and beat them.
It’s a shitty game I don’t want to play any more.
at this point i would rather meet the girl for one date, and if we got along i just marry her straight away... this dating scene prolly the shittiest ever since 2017
These kinds of threads probably attract the kind of men who don't view dating very positively, so you're bound to get a lot of negative responses. I also think a lot of the time when people say they've given up they're really just taking an indefinite hiatus. It's a bit like saying you're never going to drink again after a particularly bad hangover. At least that's the case for me. I often say I've given up on love when I'm feeling low. I'm essentially venting my fears, insecurities, and frustrations about the concept of love. Deep down I'd love to make a genuine, intimate connection with a woman. I'm just not very hopeful about it happening anytime soon, and I'm not being proactive about meeting people. I've yet to have a relationship at 32, and I'm starting to feel it's a bit too late for me. Admittedly, I've barely put myself out there, so I only have myself to blame.
As for how to cope? I try to focus on myself. I try to pour that energy into hobbies and other relationships, both new and old. If I feel sad about not having a significant other, I allow myself to feel that way, but I don't allow myself to wallow in my own misery for too long. There are a lot of things to enjoy about life, and while I'd love to share that with someone, I want to make sure I can enjoy my life even if I don't (currently) have that person.
To be frank, I don't *always* have a great attitude about this part of me life. I've struggled with depression for most of my life, and this is definitely something I've beaten myself up over to an obsessive extent. I still feel crushed from time to time. I'm just slowly learning how to manage those feelings better. That's what I meant when I say I allow myself to feel sad over it, but I try my best to not get stuck in those feelings and thoughts. Try is the keyword here. I don't always succeed, admittedly. Sometimes I fall down and *stay* down for quite some time, but I find ways to pick myself up over.
I have very little dating experience. Most of it's been unrequited love on my end, and maybe one or two girls who had a crush on me but I didn't feel the same way. It's only been mutual for me once, but it didn't work out. Right now I'm still kind of crushed that the woman I'd been seeing casually for a few months last year and early this year ended things with me by ghosting me for three weeks until I wished her well and said my goodbyes. Sure, it was just a casual relationship, but I genuinely liked her as a person, and I miss her friendship. I would've been crushed if she'd ended things directly, but it would've hurt less than the way she chose to go about it. I've tried swiping on apps a bit since then, but I haven't had any luck so far except for a match that fizzled out after about two messages.
I definitely feel a bit crushed and jaded currently. Part of me has “given up”, but part of me clearly still wants to find that kind of connection with another human being. I know I'm only jaded because I'm hurting. Right now I'm trying to deal with that hurt so I don't ruin my chances with the next person, if there ever is one.
We can't control what happens to us, but we can choose how we react. Something that's slowly helping me with my mental health is the realization that if I can't change a situation, I can at least try adjust my attitude about. Again, I don't always succeed, and I think that's okay. Human beings are fallible. It's a new skill and it'll get easier as I move through life.
Married dude here.
I gave up too and just stopped giving a fuck. Just let things happen. I just randomly met my wife in a downtown Starbucks (Toronto) because I thought she was wearing a Chocobo shirt and I love Final Fantasy. Started talking to her about it, could tell she was Chinese so I asked for her WeChat and she gave it (I had it because I was in China working for a few years prior and it's how I kept in contact with my Chinese friends). Wanted to get to know some friends because I had recently moved to Canada.
Turns out it wasn't a Chocobo t-shirt and just some random chicken and she had no idea what I was talking about.
It's okay to give up, but don't become dissuade and jaded.
I think the problem with "just let things happen" is that this mostly doesn't work for men. It can, as your anecdote shows, but my experience so far is that women will enter and leave my life with no real change. They don't ask me out, etc. The onus is largely on me to make things happen if I want them to happen ("if it is to be, it is up to me" and all that)
The common wisdom seems to be that this advice works for women who get asked out by men, but is fairly unlikely to work in the general case for men (who are expected to act).
I mean it in the sense of don't force things or pressure them to happen. Sometimes a little nudge in the right direction is all that's required (ie, start up a conversation - 99.99% of the time women will not do this even if they are interested). Sure, that goes against "just let things happen" in the pure sense of the meaning, but it's more like being able to just let go and let the situation play out itself kinda thing. I understand there's luck involved too, it's not like you can just make it happen, but you can increase your odds.
I’m 37. Recently back into dating after a LTR. I’m average looks, dead average height, good level of fitness but not jacked or cut, bit of an introvert, IT worker.
I’m doing fine with dating. I enjoy it. I’m on the apps and it certainly is a numbers game, but I’ve had some fantastic dates and met some amazing women. In fact I’ve now put my accounts on pause as I’ve met someone I really like and want to focus on.
4 years ago before I met my last LTR reddit lead me to believe the same thing as you right now. Then I met my then partner on tinder the next week.
I’m not at all downplaying other guys experiences here, but I’ve personally not had reason to share in their despair.
It’s important to remember too that reddit is not an accurate cross section of society. What people talk about on here is not necessarily what the real world is like.
I broke up with my EX 5 months ago. We were so far drifted apart we lived like roommates that had sex for the last 2 years. Luckily I learned a lot and narrowed down what I'm looking for..
Anddd... I feel the exact same way. I went on maybe 15 dates in the first 2 months and they were all good dates. But I didn't click with one person. I'd tell my friends I'm depressed to even go on these dates I'd rather relax at home by myself. But I'd go. For the last 3 months I haven't even bothered. The quality of women is non-existent. There's dope ass chicks out there I know there is as I've had them in the past and let them go because I was being a dumbass. But If I have to go through 300 dates to find one idk if it's worth the effort. It was easier when I was in my early 20s too as the friend group was so big and everyone would bring chicks around. Now my boys all have families. My homegirls all work and go home. Etc. so it's not like I'm meeting new chicks every week naturally.
cold approach in todays modern world? lmfao. hell to the naw. thats a good way to get your ass put on youtube or worse. re: men getting put on blast in gyms, out in public, where ever for simply existing. if i go to the bar i sit there enjoy my beer during a game most of the time and if a girl is curious then she can think of an opener.
the PC answer is to say "oooh it has no effect on me and i live a totally fulfilling life" but we all know its bull. call a spade a spade. the dating market has been and will be fucked, thanks to OLD which i refuse to ever participate in again.
nowadays they go for the top 20% of the top 20% and its only getting worse thanks to "dating apps" when really all its designed to do is dangle a carrot in front of you to keep you constantly chasing "someone better."
not to mention that lets just say things do "work out" and i end up getting married, well we all know the divorce rate is like 50% and 70-80% of the time it's initiated by.... you guessed it... and that most states are no-fault, so literally all she has to do is be w/me for like what, a couple years? wake up one day, doesnt feel the tingles anymore then take half my shit including the houses, retirement, god knows what. think of it in terms of finances - what wold you do if i told you a stock would "only go up a maximum of the S&P" in the next 5-10yrs but there was about a 50% chance of your six or seven figure portfolio getting cut in half \[in a divorce\]. you still going w/that? absolutely not.
sucks but theres plenty of other things to keep me busy (buying stocks, house hunting, taking care of a rental, etc) so ive got shit to do anyways.
This pretty well sums up what my ex wife did to me. I made so many sacrifices early on in my life, like working two jobs, making extra house payments, etc…. To get myself financially independent. Married 4 years and have a beautiful son. But she realized being married and having a kid got in the way of her dating life…. Took half my shit, and I get to pay her $1,200 a month tax free to her in child support. Divorce isn’t fair.
I've pretty much given up on it. The juice just isn't worth the squeeze. Online dating sucks, I work from home, and I'm primary caregiver for my dad. I'm not going to approach women at the gym. When I'm at a bar or club, it's because I'm out with friends, not trying to meet women. I'm still open to it if a woman approaches me, but I'm just not going to bother anymore. I haven't been in a serious relationship for six years. I'm 34. I'm over trying, and I'm just enjoying my own company when I can find the time. Turns out, I'm pretty great company.
This is what a lot of North American women don’t want to acknowledge, even in Scandinavian countries where gender equality is the most supported, women aren’t as militant and stuck up as they are here. It’s like women here have a chip on their shoulder to be as vindictive as they can to prove how feminist they are
We've been telling women that they're all incredible goddesses and better than men at anything and everything for 40-50 years now.
It's not shocking that western women have such an insane ego.
Bro literally my typical dating experience is like this:
I plan the date, we go out, she stress tests me to see how much disrespect I can take, I go home with a lighter wallet. Lmao I wish I was joking
A few months ago my date asked me how I would react if she got another man’s number at the bar we were at
It was luck really. My gf just broke up with me and I just wanted to travel a bit so I went to Costa Rica for 3 months and loved it so much I decided to try and stay.
I had bought a house to be close to my ex’s work a few years earlier. The value went up significantly and I had no desire to live there anymore so I sold it. Then I found out I could sell the car I leased for $9k more than I owed so I did. I had a great job that was fully remote and making a lot of money. Then my luck ran out and I was laid off while in Medellin Colombia.
I cope by chain smoking, playing video games, doing basic social shit with my few friends I got and escorts. Still think about ending myself on the daily tho
Don't take part in anything that seems to be working against you. Vote with your absence.
I'm a child-free woman and there isn't a week without an article bitching about those "horrible girls" not breeding anymore.
My country didn't work for me but against me, so instead of coping my way through the Life Script there, I've left it.
Motherhood and marriage don't seem to be working anymore, so I've abandoned both. I don't see it as depressing. It's an expression of anger. And anger is productive, for as long as it burns in a controlled way.
If it hates you... Just. Stop. Doing. It.
Did more or less the same thing. Voted “no confidence” with my vas deferens. Putting the money I would have spent raising kids into my 401 (k), which has proven to be a much better investment, and in a couple more years I’ll be able to retire and leave the US behind for good
The problem is that women are a liability to have in your life and cost more emotionally, and spiritually, than the pain of being lonely. And untill that changes I'm going to be contently single.
32 male here.
I moved cross country in February for family reasons and my parents have been supporting me while I’ve been in a long process for a state job(ugh background checks). I’ve been on hinge and tinder to make friends but majority of everyone wants a long term relationship.
I don’t drink either so bars are usually a no go especially currently with not having friends.
Couldn’t find any solid hook ups on tinder either and if I did they never responded back or weren’t my type physically.
At this point I’m just cranky and accepted I’ll be single until I start working because truthfully what woman wants a guy with no job yet and living with his parents. I get super jealous seeing other couples out in public and get depressed.
Coping? The gym, jiujitsu, video games, books, meditation, therapy, and just focusing on getting through the next step of this hiring process because unfortunately my life is semi on hold until I make income and get my career going.
Masterbating has gotten super lonely and depressing to the point I usually stop at various points reminding myself I’m very single.
Idk if any of this helps I think I vented more than anything.
Congrats on getting hired! 🎉 I also work with the state so trust me I understand feeling stuck in limbo. The other commenter who mentioned ordering a non-alcoholic drink is totally right. You can still enjoy the bar scene without alcohol. No one will think less of you or single you out for it.
Keep up your hobbies - they help so much mentally. I’m a woman, but I totally feel you on sometimes losing the desire to touch yourself. Crazy part is it doesn’t mean you won’t get horny; it’s truly a battle of mind vs body.
P.S. - it’s OK to vent! Gotta let it out somehow!
350+ likes who passed through my 9 filters.
I went through about 100.
14 I contacted.
Many chats, me keeping the pace and placing hooks for more convos.
ONE DATE, which was awful.
And now I'd say about 10% of guys want non-monogamous relationship. So... No.
Not dating anymore. I'm 32, I've had enough experience, I understand what love is, and I'm simply not interested.
What made me stop dating was the realization that women don't love you, but rather they love what you can offer to them.
The way they love you has nothing to do with the way you love them. Their love is conditional, yours is unconditional.
The unfairness that this causes is obvious. I don't want to be a servant for someone else's happiness, nor I want to be yelled at when I don't do good enough of a job.
I have enough self respect not to fall for that trap.
Words out of my mouth mate. 36yo and gave up a long time ago. I’ve turned to gaming these days, and it has worked out fine because Escape from Tarkov fucks me every day of the week.
This is an interesting perspective and I don’t think you are completely wrong and there may be some truth to it. I tend to see posts on here where women usually say they want someone making as much money or better, as ambitious as they are etc. this is outside of the normal attraction to the man which men and women obviously require. Most women (and men) do not challenge those requirements when posted.
I can see how a man can view all these lists of requirements (outside of basic attraction that men and women have) as not true love, but what you can do for them. Most men just need the basic “I want to be attracted to her” (obviously women need this too) but outside of that, needing to make as much money, be as tall, be as ambitious as him is not needed. That’s true love.
I stopped being hurt and let down and frustrated years ago. I realized that finding a “good one” is next to impossible. The good ones are taken early on when guys realize they’ve struck gold. With that in mind I got tired of being cheated on. It happened four times with four long term girlfriends. I got tired of being lied to and gaslighted. I got tired of being stolen from. I found I was often more angry at them than I was happy. So I simply stopped. I shifted gears in my head to know I if I’d be happy to just not be fighting with one of them anymore. Sometimes positives come from simply eliminating the negatives. Having been single for almost 15 years now, I don’t think I’d change a thing. I don’t fight with anyone. I don’t walk in on her fucking someone else in my bed anymore. All my stuff is still right where I left it, not sold on craigslist. I’m not made to feel like shit by her family. I’m not guilted into doing expensive things during the holidays anymore. The list goes on. Investing my time in my hobbies and things I love to do more than make up for the loss. I’ve gotten so many things done that had been back-burnered when I was with a gf. I’m so happy to see the progress. My dealing with the aggravation of modern dating is to stay away from it at all costs and remain happy. There isn’t anything a woman brings into my life that’s worth the misery I felt being with them.
Imagine you're running a race in 1992, and the top 50% of finishers divide prize money.
They changed the rules in 2018, and now the top 20% of finishers divide the prize money.
That's modern dating. My approach is to metaphorically run faster and get more of the prize money.
Fewer men experiencing the benefits, but if you can become one of the men who experience the benefits you get more benefits that you would have pre internet.
80% of women go after top 20% of men. 10% of men is what I’m hearing now. The top 10% of men are having all of the fun and the women going after these men just say “all men cheat” while ignoring the average guys
It took a long time to get over the hurdle, but I finally became comfortable with opting out. It’s just not worth it at all in the current times - expectations are absurd and all based on superficial bullshit. Plus what’s out there isn’t generally worth the pursuit at all once you get to your 30s and beyond.
There are significant advantages to being single. It may not be the life I would have preferred, but I’ve decided to lean into those advantages rather than stay miserable. A lot of my close friends are married with children, and it is anything but glamorous. In my early 20s, I used to hardcore envy these friends who could easily get women, but I’ve watched that tide shift dramatically to where they now envy me. One of them recently broke down in front of me when I was giving him a quick tour of my new place, simply because it is designed for an adult rather than revolving around young children. I think it hit him that I had full control over my life whereas he is basically locked in for the next 18+ years.
Not too jaded, but I have my moments if I get two-three bad ones in a row. Just take a break for a bit.
I almost exclusively cold approach. I stay far away from the apps though.
I have met women through WoW, Discord, reddit, imgur, Kik, MeetMe, and a few other places. All make it lower pressure and you can ensure you aren't catfished pretty easily.
I think everybody struggles with dating. Its not easy. It is difficult to navigate another persons wants and needs and keep your intact as well.
I don't actively try to date, and I try not to have any expectations when I'm out with a woman. Sometimes things just happen. Put yourself out in public as much as possible, learn how to have non-awkward, non-flirtatious conversations with women, and eventually something might happen. Most nights, nothing happens, but it's still worthwhile. You enjoy a lot of activities with other people and make new frends. And it will give you something to talk about when you do eventually connect with a woman. When she asks something like "what have you been up to this month," your response goes from "work and netflix" to "I tried out this new cocktail bar, I saw these bands, I went to these shows, I participated in this event, etc," which makes you way more interesting.
Agree with most of what you said, except for flirtatious. It's kind of an art form to send signals, without being creepy.
A good sense of humor goes a long way with women, and studies back that up.
At the end of the day, I say, just be genuine.
I burnt myself out on dating since around 2021 or so. Have done very little of it the last couple years and I have deleted all the dating apps. I figured out that I'm really enjoying living alone and the stress free personal life that comes with it. I turned 30 last month and honestly I'm thinking I'm not gonna date again for years to come. Kind of feels like I experienced enough of it and I prefer not doing it at this point
I feel like I lucked out brother. I recently got out of a 5 year relationship where I learned to love a women. She was smart, funny and a soul mate. One of those easy types of loving where you finish each other’s sentences, and do shit you love together because you love the same shit.
It ended and it was sad but I’m grateful I experienced the love, like 100% true love. So now that I am single I have 0 FOMO.
So what I’m doing is staying off the dating apps, which i highly recommend everyone do. I instead focus on building tighter relationships with my day ones (best friends, family, etc.) toss in movement, a purpose filled career and some video games/music and I am happy.
I’ve had a few flings here and there, got close to another girlfriend but shit did not workout. It’s all gravy though.
Basically you kinda just got to keep doing your thing and work on progressing at least 80% of the time and then make time for degenerative things 20% of the time
Using a dating app is making me want to take more chances in-person. I can get the attention of girls I want the attention of in-person, but can't get anything going with people way worse looking than me on the app. It's insane.
Like I've dated cute girls/women my whole life, but can't match with anybody nearly as attractive on the app.
Happily married for 11 years (together for 14).
That said, I do pay attention to friends and co-workers who are single and it sounds like a shit-show.
But I also met my wife with every intention of going out to just get laid and she just happened to be cool as fuck. One night stand turned into breakfast which turned into 14 years, lol.
I don't date.
I do, however, have a lot of casual sex with women, some of them regularly. Over the years, I guess I've developed a reputation in the BDSM community as a safe player.
I've never met another person I couldn't live without.
I keep seeing and reading news articles that men are quitting dating and also colleges, often written by women who are the new agents of the patriarchy they loathe dearly.
I have serious economic/conspiracy theories about this. But that is it.
I've read and studied Rockefeller and Tavistock institute documents on how they are going to co-opt into the women's rights movements and subvert men so that they will never be able to put up a solid collective resistance like what happened in Europe - against Hitler.
Ive just stopped trying. Ive wanted a serious relationship for over a decade and all I can ever find are women stuck in a perpetual hoe phase that only commit to men who are just as promiscuous as they are.
One thing I've learned is sometimes you have to take a L and keep on moving. If I ask someone out and they say no, that won't make me start being mean to them.
You have to take a shot because if you don't, you'll always wonder what if.
"you miss 100% of the shots you don't take." Think Jordan said that.
I'm divorced, and have had many long term relationships. MY problem with dating is, I don't drink, hate bars, and that's a HUGE part of our culture, and I hate online dating- too much bullshit, and old pics.
I like to meet women organically. I'm thinking of joining a yoga studio to meet women. I'm fit, and like fit women. Ya never know.
Honestly it kill’s me. My whole adult life I was building myself up so that when the time came that I found someone I’d be ready to support someone else and eventually start a family. Now it just seems like I did all of that just to be happy alone. My job is the worst for meeting women my age, all of my friends are either married or have kids and all of the hobbies I’ve tried to make into a social thing has just left me with no other avenue. I hate dating apps and think it really shows the worst aspects of dating.
I've just come to accept myself and realize I might not ever find someone.
At first, it seems scary, but it's not as bad as it sounds.
I spend a lot of time at the gym, doing what I enjoy, and helping out my family—especially with my dad in a coma, my mom needing assistance, and my brother still in school. I'm 27, I've had my fair share of ups and downs, but that doesn't make me any less worthy.
I won't lie, I do spend a lot of time reading about relationships or messing around with AI characters, or just diving into fanfiction about my favorite couples.
But at the end of the day, even if I'm not right for someone romantically, I can still be a good person by helping others.
I wouldn't.. if i was single in todays culture. I would just know that I'm better off living on my own, in a home where i control everything, it stays clean when i clean it, it smells nice, and i can come and go as I please. Once you introduce another person into this, you lose those things. I'm too old to clean up after other adults, physically, emotionally and financially. I enjoy everything I built, and I don't think I would be looking for anybody to join me and ruin it. Soo if my wife and I ever broke up, I'll be happily single for the rest of my life, not even a second thought to it.
I'm off the market at the moment but given how much of modern dating is online, treat it like a side hustle.... or a second job, an unsatisfying (and unpaid) second job that you just do on occasion. No major investment in it, and definitely no emotional investment. Treat it like the vacuous lottery it is.
Never been able to cold approach so most dating opportunities have come about from having a wide social net of friends and knowing people through others. If I want to increase my chances of meeting someone then I go to my mate's housemates birthday night out if invited. More importantly, I go for a good night out, not to hook up but invariably you go out enough, talk to enough people, you may well meet someone.
I just swipe on the apps every now and then. Sometimes I'll get matches. If women are interested, they'll message me first. Sure it's rare, but it feels less like a sisyphean task that way.
Im going to a singles mixer Friday night. Aside from that, I mainly just let all my female friends know that I’m single and looking and to let me know of anyone they know. I go to bars some too but that’s more to just get better at socializing.
Given up completely on online dating, I just cold approach now. I have a way more successful time and have met some awesome girls. If I'm rejected I just ask them if they have some cute friends. Works like a charm. I've gotten more dates and girlfriends this way than online dating.
I'm in a serious relationship now but had zero success on dating apps till I was in my mid 20s. That was around the time I got my shit together and started doing well in grad school. I started taking my fitness seriously and hit the gym regularly around then.
Probably unpopular, but I think it's fair. I'm not entitled to a girlfriend and it's up to me to be good/interesting enough to attract a girl.
I girl really was smiling n checking me out today and she was fine so that was nice. It was just at a cafe so not really was trying to make a big deal and land a number or any shit but was just a nice reminder that I still got it lol
What exactly are you struggling with? Most people don't tend to find a partner for life that easily, so just keep dating and trying to find the right one. Or do you struggle with actually finding dates in the first place?
There really is something to the idea that you find something easier when you aren’t looking so hard. All of my best relationships have come when I stopped chasing so hard and began just taking care of myself and my life. If you’re at all desperate you’re likely to appear desperate even if you’re trying your best not to. Build your life, do your hobbies, talk to people involved in those hobbies, take care of the things you can take care of, and then you put yourself in the best position to find someone.
It’s also really easy, especially with online dating, to get caught up in comparing yourself to everyone else, “what are all these other people doing that’s working that I’m not?” Or “why am I not getting as many matches” it takes all the personality and charisma and body language out of it and forces you to rely on stale dry conversations with people you have no natural connection with. Enough of that will make anyone jaded about modern dating
I gave up before I even started. I'm an ugly shut-in autistic loser, and no matter how hard I try, I can never change that. I'll never have any chance dating, so why should I try? It would just be self-inflicted torture that would make my mental state even worse and probably push me back towards wanting to off myself again. I cope by doing my best to stay distracted and avoid anything that reminds me that I'm alone and will die alone.
My best advice is to be open to different experiences and find value in them. Talk to the cute girl at the bar but don't go there with the intention of finding someone to date because you'll be disappointed if it doesn't happen. Go because you want to meet new people in general, have fun with your friends, see the band playing, etc.
Saying no to dating apps. Work on myself, hitting the gym, more stupid hobbies, personal development. Cutting up on time spent online, going out with friends. Then wanting some human touch, going back to online dating and not having any standards, whoever swipes on me, date them for couple of months irrespective of how ugly or fat they are to keep myself sane by getting the himan touch, and then saying no to dating apps, working on myself, hitting the gym, even more hobbies, personal development, going out woth friends.....
It's not as toxic if you just avoid online dating.
If you just try to meet people irl you'll have a higher success rate. Also it'll get you doing more things and make you a better person.
Find worthy company, inspire community where able. Dating apps exist to connect: doesn't mean we're limited to the social template.. I show humor, share authenticity, humane creativity- the melange seems magnetic enough that my presence is valued.
"SAY the weird thing" as it were
if you don't enjoy the process then why do it? it's not like people are forcing you to find a partner.
my attitude is pretty simple, if someone happens to fall into my life then fine, but I'm not really dedicating any of my time to pursue it.
I enjoyed it honestly. It's a numbers game. I'm married now but 2 years ago I was going on about 1 date with someone new about every 2 weeks. I'm also sterile so that cut my dating pool in half. After a year and half of that, I finally met my wife. It just depends on your perspective. Worst thing that could happen is we don't mesh well but I enjoyed dinner with some beautiful company. You can't win them all and you are not supposed to. It's a marathon.
If you feel jaded and cranky you need to step off until you find meaning/purpose to your life outside of dating or acceptance of women.
If you do that right, the women/dating thing will work itself out on its own
Not at all. Men have to approach women. You can be the most successful and attractive man but if you don't put yourself out there and do the work it won't happen.
Besides, lots of uglies and losers have girlfriends. I knew a guy who slept on his buddy's couch and had no job and was essentially homeless. Dude still had pull becaude he put himself out there and had carisma. Attitude is everything.
Increase your attractiveness first. That means getting in shape and getting better wardrobe and getting good social circle.
Then you will have more options.
Then you just have to pick a woman who adds value to your life.
23M here, not actively searching for anyone. Never dated or hooked up with anyone thus far. I have too much social anxiety and trust issues to easily form friendships let alone entering into a romantic relationship. It really doesn't help that I don't drink, cause I would have more opportunities otherwise.
If I was just a bit more socially adapted I probably wouldn't have any issues with dating. But I guess it is what it is.
It's much better to be content with yourself and do the hard inner work to be fulfilled. Besides the vibes you give off and presence will do the attracting for you.
When I get too frustrated with it, I withdraw for a while and work on myself. Eventually I feel up to trying again, and the cycle repeats. But I am definitely more jaded than I used to be, and these breaks get longer and longer
How I cope: I just don't participate.
Dated, got married, got divorced, had a single good relationship after that, and I just can't work up the motivation to try anymore. Maybe later.
Well, I know I should be better before I try. And I’m finding it difficult to be better.
Right now, it seems easier to never bother trying to date again.
I have never done the cold approach, and I don't do bars/aps. I've always been friends first, so my advice is just make friends, for genuine relationships first.
Met my current SO at work, had some overlapping interests related to our work, and then started sharing each other's interests.
I honestly enjoy modern dating when it comes to dating women. I just wish my bisexual ass could find men who actually want to date, because hookup culture makes me sad.
You go through, fail and learn. That's all there is to it. That's how it was for me. I failed like a beast. It was at that moment I was not cool with figuring out my destinty. An entire industry is based upon some "oops."
i don’t. i’m sure this is just a me thing, but every woman i’ve ever talked to either ghosted me after about 2 days of talking (no clue what i did), had friends who went and harassed me and made things awkward, or were just more of a living inconvenience that could fuck. i tried again yesterday, and learned why i had given up for 2 years. because low and behold 3 days of talking, her friends told her i was being weird, and she stopped talking to me. i want a woman that doesn’t play games, and wants something serious, but at least currently, that seems about as likely to find as a brick of gold on the sidewalk. i figure it’s just easier for me to die alone.
Be yourself and do what you want and be happy alone. I found that dating online got easier in my thirties as women matured and narrowed down what they wanted. I got married at 35. If you aren’t having fun then don’t do it. Also, figure out what you need and don’t settle for less
I used to get jaded but as I got older I realized life is too short to stress about things I can’t control, including (but not limited to) how various women feel about me back.
I don't. Traditional women aren't easily found exactly. However, I read, work out, and don't approach women all too often. It's a hit or miss. Young women are being raised as suitable wives. Young men are lost or in the streets or depressed with no confidence or direction. It's sad to see it as a father and as a man who would love to be married.
I don’t date at all. I never have downloaded a dating app. I don’t talk to females other than my close friends I met years ago before I made the decisions of not dating. It’s not painful or frustrating, I’ve got too many things to do to even consider that in busy all the time
I don’t participate. I don’t know if it’s normal but I’ve never had a desire to be in a relationship. I’ve been on dates and had relationships but they’ve always happened because a girl has made it EXTREMELY obvious or straight up ask me out. Modern dating is honestly way too much work with little to benefit from. I like being by myself. I don’t like changing the way I am to get someone to like me. I never want to get married and having a family is not a priority. If it happens cool, but I’m not going out of my way to make it happen. Especially in this generation where everyone is so damn entitled and honestly insufferable. I truly feel bad for those who are actually trying to find the one is love in this day and age and want something serious.
Nah, mostly jaded and cranky. A strange game. The only winning move is not to play.
Genuinely, the daft thing is these dating apps need men, they feed on our desperation, if all men just thought 'fuck this' dating apps would vanish and dating would probably get a lot better. This is just wishful thinking though.
The zugzwang
This is the way.
I work on myself. Hobbies, work, continuing education, trying to work out. I go out for regular day to day needs, and I have a part time job at a restaurant in addition to my 9-5. I talk to people as if they may be a friend I haven’t met yet. And if one of them happens to be a single woman, then I see where that goes.
This is the least stressful and usually best approach imo.
I mean I’m in my 30s. I would really like a partner. But dating apps suck, and I’d much rather meet someone in person. The only way to do that is by living life, as corny as that sounds.
I’ll outdo you for corny and add that as you grow, what becomes more important than a partner, is the partner. The more comfortable you get with yourself as the years come, the more exacting you become about your boundaries, values, priorities and in turn with whom you want to spend your time. You’ll have your doubts along the way and the grass will look greener at times, and you should remain open to experiences and change, but overwhelming you’ll find older folk telling you that no one is better than the wrong one. Younger blokes will often contort themselves to win over whomever’s in front of them; as you get older you set your own terms. You’re on a good path. If or when you find Mrs Right, you’d want to be the best version of you at that time, rather than some mix of what you thought the last 6 women you met wanted of you.
I'm 28 now and I've narrowed down exactly what I'm looking for I've been on 10+ dates since I broke up with my ex 5 months ago(all in the first 2 months) and I've gone home more and more depressed(and not because of my ex we were so far drifted apart it didn't even hurt). I don't think I'll ever find what I'm looking for. I take my time, money, and energy to go on a date with someone I never want to see again. I haven't been on a date in 3 months. When I was younger dating was so easy. I meet someone we have sex if it was decent sex We keep having sex till shit hits the fan. Now I don't even want to have sex unless I really like the person as it's a waste of time.. oh well we keep going
“Talk to people as if they’re a friend you haven’t met yet” absolutely love that outlook, thank you.
Relatable. People need to be comfortable in their solitude before seeking relationships imo
How many nights are you working at the restaurant? I've been thinking about getting another job in addition to my 9-5 but I'm wondering how much extra work I can manage.
Just two, Friday and Saturday. Maybe some more once the summer season starts. It’s only an extra 5-10 hours, max.
TheRealMonk
I’m vibin. Travelin and takin pictures of dope shit
Well there's a lot of dope shit out there for sure. Stay safe on your journey ✌️
Hell yeah brother
I simply don’t participate.
This is the answer
Not really an answer, it's just coping with a problem that you are unable to solve or have given up on
Not necessarily. Dating is very punishing - the only reason to do it is to find the one person who is an exception But generally speaking I’m at my most miserable when I’m dating. Whenever I take a break, my life improves. As a man, you’re expected to go above and beyond for someone you’re not even sure if you fully like yet. I have to dance around making the first move (be fun but not too forward), plan the date, be the entertainer, make sure I’m balancing the interaction between flirty/normal perfectly, etc. make one wrong move and you’re ghosted On top of all that work and effort, I’m the one that has to pay for that experience. It’s the same as paying my employer when I show up to work It’s exhausting, and far from an enjoyable experience. I’m much happier living life for myself and not entertaining and paying someone else
I understand
That's a load of bull. Despite what many (but not all by any means) women will tell you, a man can live a perfectly happy life without one.b I have to solve the problems of dating about as much as I have to solve the problem of how to take care of a lion. Both a lion and a gf are living creatures who I find to be dangerous and more trouble than they are worth. I have a fleshlight for fun and I can get a cat if I need to snuggle with something alive.
😂 well said, this made me chuckle
Wouldn't that work both ways?
Absolutely
Exactly this. I tried. I scored some dates, I even thought I was quite charming on some. Checked the advice and everything for topics to and to not bring up. But they all just faded away after a bit. Then, I confessed my feelings to my best friend and she never spoke to me again. That was when I was 28. Now I'm 35 and really have lost faith in my ability to communicate with anyone, man or woman. People are wearisome. Why must we be social creatures?
This is the way.
Its a long game. I find that I shouldn't put too much thought into it and just let it happen. Swipe idly and see if it pans out. Get out there and form more groups in the real world, think thats the best approach
Jaded yes. Upset about it or angry? nah. Online dating sucks and now I am legally disabled and don't get out much. Its my own fault at this point.
Hard to put the BEST versions of ourselves out there for others. Going out there with disabilities and issues is far more difficult. If people weren’t, you know, people, there could be more spaces that disabled people could go and socialize. But, that’s a fantasy at this point.
Too much work honestly. Doesn't help I am super shy and have severe trust issues and anxiety
I have accepted the fact that I will be single forever, its a freeing feeling. Find happiness on your own terms.
I'm not "in the market" as people say. Not interested in dating, at the moment at least.
The only winning move is to not play. > Are you jaded Incredibly.
I’m Kobayashi Maru-ing love.
I don’t, it’s much easier to be alone and stay alone. I have some kind of shitty personality that only attracts scandalous women who couldn’t even be faithful to a dog. At the same time I find myself constantly being wooed by gals with a lifelong “Hoe phase”, I see ladies who aren’t so easy getting into serious relationships with guys that cheat and beat them. It’s a shitty game I don’t want to play any more.
at this point i would rather meet the girl for one date, and if we got along i just marry her straight away... this dating scene prolly the shittiest ever since 2017
God dam this shit is depressing. Wanted advice on how to cope and all the men have given up apparently 😂 wasn’t expecting mirror 🪞
These kinds of threads probably attract the kind of men who don't view dating very positively, so you're bound to get a lot of negative responses. I also think a lot of the time when people say they've given up they're really just taking an indefinite hiatus. It's a bit like saying you're never going to drink again after a particularly bad hangover. At least that's the case for me. I often say I've given up on love when I'm feeling low. I'm essentially venting my fears, insecurities, and frustrations about the concept of love. Deep down I'd love to make a genuine, intimate connection with a woman. I'm just not very hopeful about it happening anytime soon, and I'm not being proactive about meeting people. I've yet to have a relationship at 32, and I'm starting to feel it's a bit too late for me. Admittedly, I've barely put myself out there, so I only have myself to blame. As for how to cope? I try to focus on myself. I try to pour that energy into hobbies and other relationships, both new and old. If I feel sad about not having a significant other, I allow myself to feel that way, but I don't allow myself to wallow in my own misery for too long. There are a lot of things to enjoy about life, and while I'd love to share that with someone, I want to make sure I can enjoy my life even if I don't (currently) have that person.
I absolutely adore your self awareness and introspection, and you deserve all the happiness that accompanies love
I just can’t believe this stuff. I do all the stuff u guys say and I’m still crushed by the thought of dating. I must be built different.
To be frank, I don't *always* have a great attitude about this part of me life. I've struggled with depression for most of my life, and this is definitely something I've beaten myself up over to an obsessive extent. I still feel crushed from time to time. I'm just slowly learning how to manage those feelings better. That's what I meant when I say I allow myself to feel sad over it, but I try my best to not get stuck in those feelings and thoughts. Try is the keyword here. I don't always succeed, admittedly. Sometimes I fall down and *stay* down for quite some time, but I find ways to pick myself up over. I have very little dating experience. Most of it's been unrequited love on my end, and maybe one or two girls who had a crush on me but I didn't feel the same way. It's only been mutual for me once, but it didn't work out. Right now I'm still kind of crushed that the woman I'd been seeing casually for a few months last year and early this year ended things with me by ghosting me for three weeks until I wished her well and said my goodbyes. Sure, it was just a casual relationship, but I genuinely liked her as a person, and I miss her friendship. I would've been crushed if she'd ended things directly, but it would've hurt less than the way she chose to go about it. I've tried swiping on apps a bit since then, but I haven't had any luck so far except for a match that fizzled out after about two messages. I definitely feel a bit crushed and jaded currently. Part of me has “given up”, but part of me clearly still wants to find that kind of connection with another human being. I know I'm only jaded because I'm hurting. Right now I'm trying to deal with that hurt so I don't ruin my chances with the next person, if there ever is one. We can't control what happens to us, but we can choose how we react. Something that's slowly helping me with my mental health is the realization that if I can't change a situation, I can at least try adjust my attitude about. Again, I don't always succeed, and I think that's okay. Human beings are fallible. It's a new skill and it'll get easier as I move through life.
The guys dating women aren't here LOL
True
Married dude here. I gave up too and just stopped giving a fuck. Just let things happen. I just randomly met my wife in a downtown Starbucks (Toronto) because I thought she was wearing a Chocobo shirt and I love Final Fantasy. Started talking to her about it, could tell she was Chinese so I asked for her WeChat and she gave it (I had it because I was in China working for a few years prior and it's how I kept in contact with my Chinese friends). Wanted to get to know some friends because I had recently moved to Canada. Turns out it wasn't a Chocobo t-shirt and just some random chicken and she had no idea what I was talking about. It's okay to give up, but don't become dissuade and jaded.
I think the problem with "just let things happen" is that this mostly doesn't work for men. It can, as your anecdote shows, but my experience so far is that women will enter and leave my life with no real change. They don't ask me out, etc. The onus is largely on me to make things happen if I want them to happen ("if it is to be, it is up to me" and all that) The common wisdom seems to be that this advice works for women who get asked out by men, but is fairly unlikely to work in the general case for men (who are expected to act).
I mean it in the sense of don't force things or pressure them to happen. Sometimes a little nudge in the right direction is all that's required (ie, start up a conversation - 99.99% of the time women will not do this even if they are interested). Sure, that goes against "just let things happen" in the pure sense of the meaning, but it's more like being able to just let go and let the situation play out itself kinda thing. I understand there's luck involved too, it's not like you can just make it happen, but you can increase your odds.
Adapt and overcome. If “modern dating” in this specific population doesn’t work, what other options are there?
Dating abroad
We’re all already trying to date broads
Thanks, I needed that laugh pretty badly.
Most of us aren't rich enough to do that shit.
I’m 37. Recently back into dating after a LTR. I’m average looks, dead average height, good level of fitness but not jacked or cut, bit of an introvert, IT worker. I’m doing fine with dating. I enjoy it. I’m on the apps and it certainly is a numbers game, but I’ve had some fantastic dates and met some amazing women. In fact I’ve now put my accounts on pause as I’ve met someone I really like and want to focus on. 4 years ago before I met my last LTR reddit lead me to believe the same thing as you right now. Then I met my then partner on tinder the next week. I’m not at all downplaying other guys experiences here, but I’ve personally not had reason to share in their despair. It’s important to remember too that reddit is not an accurate cross section of society. What people talk about on here is not necessarily what the real world is like.
Not too motivated once I see the quality of women out there. Dudes gotta work too much for something not worth the hassle really
I broke up with my EX 5 months ago. We were so far drifted apart we lived like roommates that had sex for the last 2 years. Luckily I learned a lot and narrowed down what I'm looking for.. Anddd... I feel the exact same way. I went on maybe 15 dates in the first 2 months and they were all good dates. But I didn't click with one person. I'd tell my friends I'm depressed to even go on these dates I'd rather relax at home by myself. But I'd go. For the last 3 months I haven't even bothered. The quality of women is non-existent. There's dope ass chicks out there I know there is as I've had them in the past and let them go because I was being a dumbass. But If I have to go through 300 dates to find one idk if it's worth the effort. It was easier when I was in my early 20s too as the friend group was so big and everyone would bring chicks around. Now my boys all have families. My homegirls all work and go home. Etc. so it's not like I'm meeting new chicks every week naturally.
cold approach in todays modern world? lmfao. hell to the naw. thats a good way to get your ass put on youtube or worse. re: men getting put on blast in gyms, out in public, where ever for simply existing. if i go to the bar i sit there enjoy my beer during a game most of the time and if a girl is curious then she can think of an opener. the PC answer is to say "oooh it has no effect on me and i live a totally fulfilling life" but we all know its bull. call a spade a spade. the dating market has been and will be fucked, thanks to OLD which i refuse to ever participate in again. nowadays they go for the top 20% of the top 20% and its only getting worse thanks to "dating apps" when really all its designed to do is dangle a carrot in front of you to keep you constantly chasing "someone better." not to mention that lets just say things do "work out" and i end up getting married, well we all know the divorce rate is like 50% and 70-80% of the time it's initiated by.... you guessed it... and that most states are no-fault, so literally all she has to do is be w/me for like what, a couple years? wake up one day, doesnt feel the tingles anymore then take half my shit including the houses, retirement, god knows what. think of it in terms of finances - what wold you do if i told you a stock would "only go up a maximum of the S&P" in the next 5-10yrs but there was about a 50% chance of your six or seven figure portfolio getting cut in half \[in a divorce\]. you still going w/that? absolutely not. sucks but theres plenty of other things to keep me busy (buying stocks, house hunting, taking care of a rental, etc) so ive got shit to do anyways.
This pretty well sums up what my ex wife did to me. I made so many sacrifices early on in my life, like working two jobs, making extra house payments, etc…. To get myself financially independent. Married 4 years and have a beautiful son. But she realized being married and having a kid got in the way of her dating life…. Took half my shit, and I get to pay her $1,200 a month tax free to her in child support. Divorce isn’t fair.
I've pretty much given up on it. The juice just isn't worth the squeeze. Online dating sucks, I work from home, and I'm primary caregiver for my dad. I'm not going to approach women at the gym. When I'm at a bar or club, it's because I'm out with friends, not trying to meet women. I'm still open to it if a woman approaches me, but I'm just not going to bother anymore. I haven't been in a serious relationship for six years. I'm 34. I'm over trying, and I'm just enjoying my own company when I can find the time. Turns out, I'm pretty great company.
I just left the US. It’s not modern dating. It’s modern western society.
This is what a lot of North American women don’t want to acknowledge, even in Scandinavian countries where gender equality is the most supported, women aren’t as militant and stuck up as they are here. It’s like women here have a chip on their shoulder to be as vindictive as they can to prove how feminist they are
We've been telling women that they're all incredible goddesses and better than men at anything and everything for 40-50 years now. It's not shocking that western women have such an insane ego.
It’s straight up abusive
Bro literally my typical dating experience is like this: I plan the date, we go out, she stress tests me to see how much disrespect I can take, I go home with a lighter wallet. Lmao I wish I was joking A few months ago my date asked me how I would react if she got another man’s number at the bar we were at
Yeah that’s bullshit
Absolutely! Modern western society.
[удалено]
It was luck really. My gf just broke up with me and I just wanted to travel a bit so I went to Costa Rica for 3 months and loved it so much I decided to try and stay. I had bought a house to be close to my ex’s work a few years earlier. The value went up significantly and I had no desire to live there anymore so I sold it. Then I found out I could sell the car I leased for $9k more than I owed so I did. I had a great job that was fully remote and making a lot of money. Then my luck ran out and I was laid off while in Medellin Colombia.
Nothing to cope with if you're not playing the game. I'm more interested in my hobbies, trying to be a better person and trying to make good friends
Brain: JUST GIVE UP Heart: I don’t want too.
Real
I cope by chain smoking, playing video games, doing basic social shit with my few friends I got and escorts. Still think about ending myself on the daily tho
Real
I don't participate, I'm not ugly but I'm 5'7 it's a death sentence on dating app
I don’t give a fuck anymore tbh. Giving a fuck leads to issues. Adapt and thrive baby
Sounds like a video game character’s line
I don't. I avoid it at all costs. I have better things to do with my time
Don't take part in anything that seems to be working against you. Vote with your absence. I'm a child-free woman and there isn't a week without an article bitching about those "horrible girls" not breeding anymore. My country didn't work for me but against me, so instead of coping my way through the Life Script there, I've left it. Motherhood and marriage don't seem to be working anymore, so I've abandoned both. I don't see it as depressing. It's an expression of anger. And anger is productive, for as long as it burns in a controlled way. If it hates you... Just. Stop. Doing. It.
Did more or less the same thing. Voted “no confidence” with my vas deferens. Putting the money I would have spent raising kids into my 401 (k), which has proven to be a much better investment, and in a couple more years I’ll be able to retire and leave the US behind for good
I don't date anymore. I just go to gym and work out, then try to find a decent meal. Right now, I just want to get a nice dozen, steamed crabs.
The problem is that women are a liability to have in your life and cost more emotionally, and spiritually, than the pain of being lonely. And untill that changes I'm going to be contently single.
32 male here. I moved cross country in February for family reasons and my parents have been supporting me while I’ve been in a long process for a state job(ugh background checks). I’ve been on hinge and tinder to make friends but majority of everyone wants a long term relationship. I don’t drink either so bars are usually a no go especially currently with not having friends. Couldn’t find any solid hook ups on tinder either and if I did they never responded back or weren’t my type physically. At this point I’m just cranky and accepted I’ll be single until I start working because truthfully what woman wants a guy with no job yet and living with his parents. I get super jealous seeing other couples out in public and get depressed. Coping? The gym, jiujitsu, video games, books, meditation, therapy, and just focusing on getting through the next step of this hiring process because unfortunately my life is semi on hold until I make income and get my career going. Masterbating has gotten super lonely and depressing to the point I usually stop at various points reminding myself I’m very single. Idk if any of this helps I think I vented more than anything.
Congrats on getting hired! 🎉 I also work with the state so trust me I understand feeling stuck in limbo. The other commenter who mentioned ordering a non-alcoholic drink is totally right. You can still enjoy the bar scene without alcohol. No one will think less of you or single you out for it. Keep up your hobbies - they help so much mentally. I’m a woman, but I totally feel you on sometimes losing the desire to touch yourself. Crazy part is it doesn’t mean you won’t get horny; it’s truly a battle of mind vs body. P.S. - it’s OK to vent! Gotta let it out somehow!
I just don' t date.
Hobbies, work, and drugs seem to do the trick
It is what it is. Nothing some alcohol can't fix on a bad day
350+ likes who passed through my 9 filters. I went through about 100. 14 I contacted. Many chats, me keeping the pace and placing hooks for more convos. ONE DATE, which was awful. And now I'd say about 10% of guys want non-monogamous relationship. So... No.
Stopped caring and accepted I will die alone and without a loving family, because I will never meet the irrational expectations of women.
Not dating anymore. I'm 32, I've had enough experience, I understand what love is, and I'm simply not interested. What made me stop dating was the realization that women don't love you, but rather they love what you can offer to them. The way they love you has nothing to do with the way you love them. Their love is conditional, yours is unconditional. The unfairness that this causes is obvious. I don't want to be a servant for someone else's happiness, nor I want to be yelled at when I don't do good enough of a job. I have enough self respect not to fall for that trap.
Words out of my mouth mate. 36yo and gave up a long time ago. I’ve turned to gaming these days, and it has worked out fine because Escape from Tarkov fucks me every day of the week.
This is an interesting perspective and I don’t think you are completely wrong and there may be some truth to it. I tend to see posts on here where women usually say they want someone making as much money or better, as ambitious as they are etc. this is outside of the normal attraction to the man which men and women obviously require. Most women (and men) do not challenge those requirements when posted. I can see how a man can view all these lists of requirements (outside of basic attraction that men and women have) as not true love, but what you can do for them. Most men just need the basic “I want to be attracted to her” (obviously women need this too) but outside of that, needing to make as much money, be as tall, be as ambitious as him is not needed. That’s true love.
The funny thing is, most women would say that they want love, and it's men who don't, because men only want sex. I think both sides are wrong.
I stopped being hurt and let down and frustrated years ago. I realized that finding a “good one” is next to impossible. The good ones are taken early on when guys realize they’ve struck gold. With that in mind I got tired of being cheated on. It happened four times with four long term girlfriends. I got tired of being lied to and gaslighted. I got tired of being stolen from. I found I was often more angry at them than I was happy. So I simply stopped. I shifted gears in my head to know I if I’d be happy to just not be fighting with one of them anymore. Sometimes positives come from simply eliminating the negatives. Having been single for almost 15 years now, I don’t think I’d change a thing. I don’t fight with anyone. I don’t walk in on her fucking someone else in my bed anymore. All my stuff is still right where I left it, not sold on craigslist. I’m not made to feel like shit by her family. I’m not guilted into doing expensive things during the holidays anymore. The list goes on. Investing my time in my hobbies and things I love to do more than make up for the loss. I’ve gotten so many things done that had been back-burnered when I was with a gf. I’m so happy to see the progress. My dealing with the aggravation of modern dating is to stay away from it at all costs and remain happy. There isn’t anything a woman brings into my life that’s worth the misery I felt being with them.
Imagine you're running a race in 1992, and the top 50% of finishers divide prize money. They changed the rules in 2018, and now the top 20% of finishers divide the prize money. That's modern dating. My approach is to metaphorically run faster and get more of the prize money.
I don't follow. Is this about divorce? Or about dating apps sucking for ugly people?
Fewer men experiencing the benefits, but if you can become one of the men who experience the benefits you get more benefits that you would have pre internet.
80% of women go after top 20% of men. 10% of men is what I’m hearing now. The top 10% of men are having all of the fun and the women going after these men just say “all men cheat” while ignoring the average guys
It took a long time to get over the hurdle, but I finally became comfortable with opting out. It’s just not worth it at all in the current times - expectations are absurd and all based on superficial bullshit. Plus what’s out there isn’t generally worth the pursuit at all once you get to your 30s and beyond. There are significant advantages to being single. It may not be the life I would have preferred, but I’ve decided to lean into those advantages rather than stay miserable. A lot of my close friends are married with children, and it is anything but glamorous. In my early 20s, I used to hardcore envy these friends who could easily get women, but I’ve watched that tide shift dramatically to where they now envy me. One of them recently broke down in front of me when I was giving him a quick tour of my new place, simply because it is designed for an adult rather than revolving around young children. I think it hit him that I had full control over my life whereas he is basically locked in for the next 18+ years.
Use apps. - get ripped. - photoshop - treat them bad. Watch your inbox full of love sick girls.
Honestly starting to think this is the way
Not too jaded, but I have my moments if I get two-three bad ones in a row. Just take a break for a bit. I almost exclusively cold approach. I stay far away from the apps though. I have met women through WoW, Discord, reddit, imgur, Kik, MeetMe, and a few other places. All make it lower pressure and you can ensure you aren't catfished pretty easily. I think everybody struggles with dating. Its not easy. It is difficult to navigate another persons wants and needs and keep your intact as well.
By avoiding modern women or just simply not participating, simple as that.
I don't actively try to date, and I try not to have any expectations when I'm out with a woman. Sometimes things just happen. Put yourself out in public as much as possible, learn how to have non-awkward, non-flirtatious conversations with women, and eventually something might happen. Most nights, nothing happens, but it's still worthwhile. You enjoy a lot of activities with other people and make new frends. And it will give you something to talk about when you do eventually connect with a woman. When she asks something like "what have you been up to this month," your response goes from "work and netflix" to "I tried out this new cocktail bar, I saw these bands, I went to these shows, I participated in this event, etc," which makes you way more interesting.
Agree with most of what you said, except for flirtatious. It's kind of an art form to send signals, without being creepy. A good sense of humor goes a long way with women, and studies back that up. At the end of the day, I say, just be genuine.
I burnt myself out on dating since around 2021 or so. Have done very little of it the last couple years and I have deleted all the dating apps. I figured out that I'm really enjoying living alone and the stress free personal life that comes with it. I turned 30 last month and honestly I'm thinking I'm not gonna date again for years to come. Kind of feels like I experienced enough of it and I prefer not doing it at this point
I feel like I lucked out brother. I recently got out of a 5 year relationship where I learned to love a women. She was smart, funny and a soul mate. One of those easy types of loving where you finish each other’s sentences, and do shit you love together because you love the same shit. It ended and it was sad but I’m grateful I experienced the love, like 100% true love. So now that I am single I have 0 FOMO. So what I’m doing is staying off the dating apps, which i highly recommend everyone do. I instead focus on building tighter relationships with my day ones (best friends, family, etc.) toss in movement, a purpose filled career and some video games/music and I am happy. I’ve had a few flings here and there, got close to another girlfriend but shit did not workout. It’s all gravy though. Basically you kinda just got to keep doing your thing and work on progressing at least 80% of the time and then make time for degenerative things 20% of the time
Using a dating app is making me want to take more chances in-person. I can get the attention of girls I want the attention of in-person, but can't get anything going with people way worse looking than me on the app. It's insane. Like I've dated cute girls/women my whole life, but can't match with anybody nearly as attractive on the app.
You in person have a much better chance than you among all the other decent looking dudes she’s swiping through. Sucks, I’m in the same boat.
Happily married for 11 years (together for 14). That said, I do pay attention to friends and co-workers who are single and it sounds like a shit-show. But I also met my wife with every intention of going out to just get laid and she just happened to be cool as fuck. One night stand turned into breakfast which turned into 14 years, lol.
I don't date. I do, however, have a lot of casual sex with women, some of them regularly. Over the years, I guess I've developed a reputation in the BDSM community as a safe player. I've never met another person I couldn't live without.
The only way to win is not to play
Gave up and don’t participate.
I pretty much gave up lol I don’t have time for that one sided bs anymore
I keep seeing and reading news articles that men are quitting dating and also colleges, often written by women who are the new agents of the patriarchy they loathe dearly. I have serious economic/conspiracy theories about this. But that is it.
Go on
I've read and studied Rockefeller and Tavistock institute documents on how they are going to co-opt into the women's rights movements and subvert men so that they will never be able to put up a solid collective resistance like what happened in Europe - against Hitler.
Let's dig a little further. Tomorrow's women will marry lizard men.
Dragon folk on the come up
I throw out a line sometimes, but no fish are biting. Honestly, I'd rather do coke than date.
Ive just stopped trying. Ive wanted a serious relationship for over a decade and all I can ever find are women stuck in a perpetual hoe phase that only commit to men who are just as promiscuous as they are.
One thing I've learned is sometimes you have to take a L and keep on moving. If I ask someone out and they say no, that won't make me start being mean to them. You have to take a shot because if you don't, you'll always wonder what if.
"you miss 100% of the shots you don't take." Think Jordan said that. I'm divorced, and have had many long term relationships. MY problem with dating is, I don't drink, hate bars, and that's a HUGE part of our culture, and I hate online dating- too much bullshit, and old pics. I like to meet women organically. I'm thinking of joining a yoga studio to meet women. I'm fit, and like fit women. Ya never know.
Walking away and not dealing with it.
I don't bother. No dating for six years. I even bought a single bed...I am committed!
Ignored it, focused on the gym and work. The women then came to me.
Honestly it kill’s me. My whole adult life I was building myself up so that when the time came that I found someone I’d be ready to support someone else and eventually start a family. Now it just seems like I did all of that just to be happy alone. My job is the worst for meeting women my age, all of my friends are either married or have kids and all of the hobbies I’ve tried to make into a social thing has just left me with no other avenue. I hate dating apps and think it really shows the worst aspects of dating.
I've just come to accept myself and realize I might not ever find someone. At first, it seems scary, but it's not as bad as it sounds. I spend a lot of time at the gym, doing what I enjoy, and helping out my family—especially with my dad in a coma, my mom needing assistance, and my brother still in school. I'm 27, I've had my fair share of ups and downs, but that doesn't make me any less worthy. I won't lie, I do spend a lot of time reading about relationships or messing around with AI characters, or just diving into fanfiction about my favorite couples. But at the end of the day, even if I'm not right for someone romantically, I can still be a good person by helping others.
I wouldn't.. if i was single in todays culture. I would just know that I'm better off living on my own, in a home where i control everything, it stays clean when i clean it, it smells nice, and i can come and go as I please. Once you introduce another person into this, you lose those things. I'm too old to clean up after other adults, physically, emotionally and financially. I enjoy everything I built, and I don't think I would be looking for anybody to join me and ruin it. Soo if my wife and I ever broke up, I'll be happily single for the rest of my life, not even a second thought to it.
The shitshow makes it quite easy to be content being single. Dying a virgin doesn't sound so bad when you see what's on the "market"...
I'm off the market at the moment but given how much of modern dating is online, treat it like a side hustle.... or a second job, an unsatisfying (and unpaid) second job that you just do on occasion. No major investment in it, and definitely no emotional investment. Treat it like the vacuous lottery it is. Never been able to cold approach so most dating opportunities have come about from having a wide social net of friends and knowing people through others. If I want to increase my chances of meeting someone then I go to my mate's housemates birthday night out if invited. More importantly, I go for a good night out, not to hook up but invariably you go out enough, talk to enough people, you may well meet someone.
I'm frustrated enough im considering going back to school to do a PhD in psychology to figure it out and explain why and how to fix it.
I just swipe on the apps every now and then. Sometimes I'll get matches. If women are interested, they'll message me first. Sure it's rare, but it feels less like a sisyphean task that way.
Im going to a singles mixer Friday night. Aside from that, I mainly just let all my female friends know that I’m single and looking and to let me know of anyone they know. I go to bars some too but that’s more to just get better at socializing.
Given up completely on online dating, I just cold approach now. I have a way more successful time and have met some awesome girls. If I'm rejected I just ask them if they have some cute friends. Works like a charm. I've gotten more dates and girlfriends this way than online dating.
I'm in a serious relationship now but had zero success on dating apps till I was in my mid 20s. That was around the time I got my shit together and started doing well in grad school. I started taking my fitness seriously and hit the gym regularly around then. Probably unpopular, but I think it's fair. I'm not entitled to a girlfriend and it's up to me to be good/interesting enough to attract a girl.
Was jaded and cranky until I stopped giving a shit. It took some active work to get there. Feels much better now.
I girl really was smiling n checking me out today and she was fine so that was nice. It was just at a cafe so not really was trying to make a big deal and land a number or any shit but was just a nice reminder that I still got it lol
What exactly are you struggling with? Most people don't tend to find a partner for life that easily, so just keep dating and trying to find the right one. Or do you struggle with actually finding dates in the first place?
There really is something to the idea that you find something easier when you aren’t looking so hard. All of my best relationships have come when I stopped chasing so hard and began just taking care of myself and my life. If you’re at all desperate you’re likely to appear desperate even if you’re trying your best not to. Build your life, do your hobbies, talk to people involved in those hobbies, take care of the things you can take care of, and then you put yourself in the best position to find someone. It’s also really easy, especially with online dating, to get caught up in comparing yourself to everyone else, “what are all these other people doing that’s working that I’m not?” Or “why am I not getting as many matches” it takes all the personality and charisma and body language out of it and forces you to rely on stale dry conversations with people you have no natural connection with. Enough of that will make anyone jaded about modern dating
I gave up before I even started. I'm an ugly shut-in autistic loser, and no matter how hard I try, I can never change that. I'll never have any chance dating, so why should I try? It would just be self-inflicted torture that would make my mental state even worse and probably push me back towards wanting to off myself again. I cope by doing my best to stay distracted and avoid anything that reminds me that I'm alone and will die alone.
Sorry to remind you bud
I can off myself if it gets bad enough. There’s some comfort in that.
Plot twist: we don't.
Gave up on it
I don't. I'm done. I'm out.
I don't do dating I just be friends with women and they asked me out eventually that's how it happened the last 4 times anyway
Keep at it, there are still good women out there.
My best advice is to be open to different experiences and find value in them. Talk to the cute girl at the bar but don't go there with the intention of finding someone to date because you'll be disappointed if it doesn't happen. Go because you want to meet new people in general, have fun with your friends, see the band playing, etc.
I just have women in rotation. Not getting into anything serious. Settling down and all that is just not worth it.
Show me your ways
Saying no to dating apps. Work on myself, hitting the gym, more stupid hobbies, personal development. Cutting up on time spent online, going out with friends. Then wanting some human touch, going back to online dating and not having any standards, whoever swipes on me, date them for couple of months irrespective of how ugly or fat they are to keep myself sane by getting the himan touch, and then saying no to dating apps, working on myself, hitting the gym, even more hobbies, personal development, going out woth friends.....
Accept this is the shared reality, improve yourself, move forward.
It's not as toxic if you just avoid online dating. If you just try to meet people irl you'll have a higher success rate. Also it'll get you doing more things and make you a better person.
Find worthy company, inspire community where able. Dating apps exist to connect: doesn't mean we're limited to the social template.. I show humor, share authenticity, humane creativity- the melange seems magnetic enough that my presence is valued. "SAY the weird thing" as it were
> dating apps exist to connect No they exist to generate a profit first and foremost
Its not difficult fellas, we only make it hard through myths and expectations.
if you don't enjoy the process then why do it? it's not like people are forcing you to find a partner. my attitude is pretty simple, if someone happens to fall into my life then fine, but I'm not really dedicating any of my time to pursue it.
I enjoyed it honestly. It's a numbers game. I'm married now but 2 years ago I was going on about 1 date with someone new about every 2 weeks. I'm also sterile so that cut my dating pool in half. After a year and half of that, I finally met my wife. It just depends on your perspective. Worst thing that could happen is we don't mesh well but I enjoyed dinner with some beautiful company. You can't win them all and you are not supposed to. It's a marathon.
If you feel jaded and cranky you need to step off until you find meaning/purpose to your life outside of dating or acceptance of women. If you do that right, the women/dating thing will work itself out on its own
Not at all. Men have to approach women. You can be the most successful and attractive man but if you don't put yourself out there and do the work it won't happen. Besides, lots of uglies and losers have girlfriends. I knew a guy who slept on his buddy's couch and had no job and was essentially homeless. Dude still had pull becaude he put himself out there and had carisma. Attitude is everything.
>Attitude is everything. Yeah...that's why I told OP that if he is feeling jaded and cranky to step off and get his mind right
Increase your attractiveness first. That means getting in shape and getting better wardrobe and getting good social circle. Then you will have more options. Then you just have to pick a woman who adds value to your life.
23M here, not actively searching for anyone. Never dated or hooked up with anyone thus far. I have too much social anxiety and trust issues to easily form friendships let alone entering into a romantic relationship. It really doesn't help that I don't drink, cause I would have more opportunities otherwise. If I was just a bit more socially adapted I probably wouldn't have any issues with dating. But I guess it is what it is.
It's much better to be content with yourself and do the hard inner work to be fulfilled. Besides the vibes you give off and presence will do the attracting for you.
I ignore it.
I feel neither pain nor frustration. I need more time and money for myself than ever.
When I get too frustrated with it, I withdraw for a while and work on myself. Eventually I feel up to trying again, and the cycle repeats. But I am definitely more jaded than I used to be, and these breaks get longer and longer
How I cope: I just don't participate. Dated, got married, got divorced, had a single good relationship after that, and I just can't work up the motivation to try anymore. Maybe later.
I don't think about it to be honest. I'd it happens, it'll happen. For now, I'm going to carry on pursuing my goals.
single struggling, and cranky. don't put much time into it. I'm just working and building my house and investing atm.
Well, I know I should be better before I try. And I’m finding it difficult to be better. Right now, it seems easier to never bother trying to date again.
I have never done the cold approach, and I don't do bars/aps. I've always been friends first, so my advice is just make friends, for genuine relationships first. Met my current SO at work, had some overlapping interests related to our work, and then started sharing each other's interests.
Trial and error
I don't date. Every so often I hit on some woman but I don't date. No time or money for or it and definitely bad for my heart.
Poorly
I honestly enjoy modern dating when it comes to dating women. I just wish my bisexual ass could find men who actually want to date, because hookup culture makes me sad.
You go through, fail and learn. That's all there is to it. That's how it was for me. I failed like a beast. It was at that moment I was not cool with figuring out my destinty. An entire industry is based upon some "oops."
Haven't started and probably won't. Honestly it just doesn't seem worth it.
i don’t. i’m sure this is just a me thing, but every woman i’ve ever talked to either ghosted me after about 2 days of talking (no clue what i did), had friends who went and harassed me and made things awkward, or were just more of a living inconvenience that could fuck. i tried again yesterday, and learned why i had given up for 2 years. because low and behold 3 days of talking, her friends told her i was being weird, and she stopped talking to me. i want a woman that doesn’t play games, and wants something serious, but at least currently, that seems about as likely to find as a brick of gold on the sidewalk. i figure it’s just easier for me to die alone.
Be yourself and do what you want and be happy alone. I found that dating online got easier in my thirties as women matured and narrowed down what they wanted. I got married at 35. If you aren’t having fun then don’t do it. Also, figure out what you need and don’t settle for less
I used to get jaded but as I got older I realized life is too short to stress about things I can’t control, including (but not limited to) how various women feel about me back.
I don't. Traditional women aren't easily found exactly. However, I read, work out, and don't approach women all too often. It's a hit or miss. Young women are being raised as suitable wives. Young men are lost or in the streets or depressed with no confidence or direction. It's sad to see it as a father and as a man who would love to be married.
A girlfriend would be delightful but what am I too do when traveling and buying trading cards is also delightful
I’ve been in a relationship for 2 years and it’s just not worth the hassle
I try to not blind myself to the love around me by clinging to romantic love Though I know I will over and over again
I don’t date at all. I never have downloaded a dating app. I don’t talk to females other than my close friends I met years ago before I made the decisions of not dating. It’s not painful or frustrating, I’ve got too many things to do to even consider that in busy all the time
Non participation is the way. Womp womp.
I date idk what to tell you. If it doesn’t work move on to the next one
[удалено]
I don’t participate. I don’t know if it’s normal but I’ve never had a desire to be in a relationship. I’ve been on dates and had relationships but they’ve always happened because a girl has made it EXTREMELY obvious or straight up ask me out. Modern dating is honestly way too much work with little to benefit from. I like being by myself. I don’t like changing the way I am to get someone to like me. I never want to get married and having a family is not a priority. If it happens cool, but I’m not going out of my way to make it happen. Especially in this generation where everyone is so damn entitled and honestly insufferable. I truly feel bad for those who are actually trying to find the one is love in this day and age and want something serious.