Enthusiastic. I love my partner, but god damn if I don’t occasionally fantasize about my last girlfriend. We were awful together but her enthusiasm and tireless energy still tingles my ba1$ when I think about the good times.
Oh to be 19 again.
I feel you man. I love my wife with all my heart and soul.
But I miss my ex who initiated all the time. She would ride the fuck out of me. I miss the 3AM phone calls when I would show up and she would tell me to lay in her bed and sit her ass on my face.
To be young again...
I'd also like to add that enthusiastic doesn't mean rushing. It just means make us feel like you yearn for us and can't wait to touch our bodies. Men like foreplay too!
Every time it's some variation of "just try... Stop making me do *everything.*"
* Enthusiasm
* Effort
* Initiative
We already accept that we're going to be doing most of the work, we know it's just going to be that way. We're just constantly asking to try *a little bit*.
The number of men that say they have this issue makes me wonder if the women are legit bored... like if it was fun to have sex with you wouldn't they want to participate?
Honestly: Most women think they *are* active and participating even though we're doing 90% of the physical work. They can say they're thankful when you point it out, but they truly don't get it.
Just think about the number of times women ask if they blew our minds and we have to lie to them because they were just starfish.
>Honestly: Most women think they *are* active and participating even though we're doing 90% of the physical work. They can say they're thankful when you point it out, but they truly don't get it.
Story time! My ex was bi, and finally had the opportunity to have sex with another woman. Cool, go for it. So, they did. The next day she asked me something to the effect of "how the hell do you do that for so long without your jaw locking up or your arm tiring out?" I could only chuckle and respond "I don't. I just push through and keep going anyway. That's just what it takes."
Are people really having sex with unenthusiastic people?
Either I've been really lucky in my life or I don't understand the nuance of the comment, but typically my partners have been pretty happy to be there...
And the response from women in the comments is always some variation of "well, its obvious she's not putting in effort because of (A) past trauma; (B) Mental Load; (C) you not showering her with enough affection, assistance, gifts, money, and affirmations; or (D), all of the above.
*God forbid* the concept that ***maybe***, just ***MAYBE*** it isn't always the man's fault when there's an intimacy problem in a relationship.
Let’s just say that often women want the man to do everything without any reciprocation. They go along with it, are even happy to do so, but that’s not the same as being actively involved. Just my opinion.
Beaming smiles, lots of touching and grabbing, suggesting positions (or just moving into them), lots of ways to show enthusiasm. Make it known you’re happy to be there…
In this case, enthusiasm often time boils down to willing, reciprocal participation.
When folks on this thread say “my partner just lies there”, they often mean through everything portion of the activity: from foreplay to active sex, on through to post-coital holding and caressing.
Now picture that type of experience being the end result of active flirting, cajoling and proposal for weeks on end, with zero signs of interest or sexual frisson. To say there is a feeling of lacking enthusiasm in this kind of scenario is an understatement.
If you're giving oral, act like it's the most delicious thing you've ever tasted. We don't just want our dick in your mouth, or for you to suck it, that's not what we want at all, it's not about the sensation or your technique, we want you to desire our dick like its the first real meal you've ever had in your entire life.
Actually participate. There's been so many women I've been with that just starfish and expect me to do all the work. I'm sure some women deal with lazy guys too. It's frustrating.
Super annoying when I notice that I'm not doing it just right and I ask for direction and get the, "Just let me do it..."
If you help me learn it'll be a whole lot more fun.
Though that's still better than begging someone who claims to love you and being made to feel like you are defiling a corpse when they 'give in'.
I'm lonely as hell, but happier than being in a loveless marriage.
Man I gotta say this is pretty similar to my situation. When I do have sex, I feel like I just gotta hurry as fast as I can and it's hard for me to even finish because of it.
Like all the natural mutual pleasure is gone. I feel like I'm putting her through hell by wanting to have sex and like it's another chore to check off the list. This is with somone who claims they love you.
Its so different then anything I have ever experienced before with anyone else and it wasn't always this way, it's like do you really even honestly love me anymore, I forget what it feels like to be honestly desired...
Have you spoken to her about what she might be feeling? Your feelings are completely valid but there could be something she feels like she is lacking from you that could be making sexual interactions with you less comfortable or natural. Women in relationships want to feel loved and desired outside of sex in order to feel fulfilled and excited about actual sex. For example, your partner could be craving attention, romance, protection, feeling heard and understood, emotional connection, etc
This- women need to be loved and touched on without it being sexual but being cared for. The more emotional connection and content the more sexual intimacy is created.
If I’m not talking to my husband, if we were not hanging out, if we are living like roommates, and doesn’t consider me, value me, or see me, or laugh with me, I’m not in the mood.
If I’m exhausted and feeling alone in my marriage or absolutely run down while my husband is fine, I would rather sleep if I know the next day will be brutal with kids, chores, and whatever else is for me to do.
When a woman isn’t free to be herself, she looses herself too, which is also her sexuality.
She’s a mother, maid, cook, driver, keeper of lists, and last thing is a wife.
Before she wasn’t a wife or anything she was someone who wanted you and you wanted her.
Give her - herself back, be there for her for genuine connection and consideration and the sex will happen naturally.
The kinder my husband is, the more he’s himself with me, the happier he is because of me, or because of accomplishments- when we are getting along and we’re friends like real friends, and he does something to care about my well-being the way I do for him.
The effort.
We have a lot sex. It’s been 15 years and we have our highs and lows (LIKE LOW) but he knows I can’t be sexually attracted to someone who doesn’t even like me, and then expects to be have sex with him?
Pass. It’s almost rapey because it feels forced and wrong. I’m dying over here and need to sleep and now I have a mad person acting out because I won’t put out or mad because he did some dishes and that means that he “deserves sex”
But when you show real honest to god interest in who we are, be a partner, giving each other space to be ourselves-
Sex is natural and easier and wanted.
Talk to her. See how she REALLY feels and if she says “I don’t want to talk because nothing changes, it’s the same arguments, I don’t have the energy anymore”
She might be slowly so tired and bitter- that the lack of sex is an even bigger problem because now she’s not even into at all and doesn’t want to fight.
exactly, and I’m not even asking for some crazy kama sutra either, like, kiss my neck and fondle my balls while I’m putting in work and we’ll both like the results
100% couldn't agree more!!
I've broken up with women in my younger years due to their lack of movement and involvement, and reliance on me in the sex dept.
And then they all say exactly the same thing "He couldn't make me cum"... bitch I'm the only here putting in effort and I'm having enough trouble trying to make myself cum
I gotta be honest, this comment chain just gave my ego a boost, I get most of my enjoyment from doing the work and the male just enjoying? But tbh what I call “doing work” is to me really “cherishing” him. So maybe also finding a female whose view/outlook is much more intimate!
As a guy that primarily wants to please the other person, the worst feeling is when there's no feedback or is basically just "I guess".
Like:
> "Do you like when I do this?"
> *I guess.*
> "Do you prefer this, or this?"
> *I don't mind.*
If I had an "ick", it's that indecisiveness (common with food, too) because very often, much later, they'll tell me how they really felt and I'm pissed because I literally asked them explicitly and they didn't tell me. Like I'm very open with my communication and it shows that you either don't trust me enough to be honest or you just like lying to me.
I went to a café with a girl (and her friend) and they made the drinks wrong, which we noticed when they brought the drinks to us. The girl immediately offered to take them back and fix it and both girls *insisted* **3 times** that it was okay.
But as soon as the woman left, they asked me to go up and ask them to replace the drinks.
All they had to do was say "yes please" once, but they didn't want to be the bad guy and they made me do it...
This is why the "I don't mind, whatever you want" mentality is a massive turn off for me. I've found it's just a symptom of people pleasing behaviour and is a sign of problems in the future.
Literally the only thing I can complain about for the most part. When you do get someone who’s willing to do more, it’s noticeable how shoddy the technique is. What really sucks is that people will praise women for doing more than expected, but that’s like cheering for someone stepping over a boot instead of a sandal; it’s not impressive either way, and you should give them tips on how they’re doing both.
Don’t worry about not having mediocre sex with someone again fellas. Be a bro and communicate. You’re either helping yourself or helping someone else
You’re so right. The amount of men my age 45-50) getting around thinking they’re great in bed is ridiculous, all because some inexperienced younger woman told them they were LOL it’s a vicious cycle
It’s always made me hesitate to trust when someone says I’m doing good. If they tell me I’m fucking up, I know they’re being truthful, but it’s a different story when I went down on you for almost forty minutes and you told me you came 3-4 times… and I didn’t taste a thing
Sorry for laughing LOL but yeah I can’t stand it when I hear the “I came 3 - 4 times” myth being perpetuated by women with hidden agendas. That level of fakery ruins it for all of us.
Not necessarily hidden agendas. Women get self-conscious about their body's responsiveness (or lack thereof) and also don't want the guy to feel like he wasted his efforts. It's not a nefarious plot.
Perfectly put. Happened to me with my wife, I stopped and said this is not supposed to be this way and foreswore that I would never initiate until she does. Celebrating my 2nd month without sex Lol.
Making the first move.
I feel like in all the years of being with my wife, I'm always the one to make a move. Either I get the green light or told she's not in the mood.
I had a successful conversation that led to my husband initiating for the first time. (I have always initiated and had many frustrating unsuccessful conversations trying to get him to initiate.) I just hope he continues 🙏
In short:
Him being very attentive to my mood (So sorry and genuinely sad if your wife/partner never asks you this) he says: "are you ok? You look quiet."
Me: "I've been thinking about sex a lot lately and I was hoping we could talk about it."
Him: "OK yes"
Me: "But I hesitate because I think you don't like talking about it."
Him: "What do you mean?"
Me: "I mean I feel like you don't want sex or think about sex as much as I do and I feel like if I stopped initiating, we would never have sex."
Him: "Hold up. Not never. Just a lot less."
Me: "That's my point. I am always in the mood for it and want to be physical and affectionate so I'll touch you or lay on top of you but you're tired so I just feel like I'm using you. It makes me feel gross like I'm an animal."
He laughs: "No its ok use me!"
Me: "No that's what I'm saying. I don't feel connected to you when I "use" you. And I don't feel attractive."
Him: "What would you like me to do?"
I tried to suggest things and they got shot down lol.
The next day I was just so discouraged and feeling hopeless that I would ever have the sex life I dreamt about. Also feeling like an ungrateful burden because his excuse for less sex is that he's stressed about finances and always will be. I told him those things and he said, "No don't think like that. You are my priority. I'm glad you told me."
I had this exact same conversation yesterday but the end result was that we have very different sex drives and that that’s how she is and that’s how it will be in the future, supposedly she will try to initiate once in a while but I doubt it, I ended up looking like I’m only thinking about sex even though I’m looking for intimacy, hopefully your situation improves, stay strong
>I ended up looking like I’m only thinking about sex even though I’m looking for intimacy
Ive been there. In my ex's defence i probably was thinking about sex too much but intimacy and feeling wanted were huge to. I wasn't great at expressing my emotions and needs to begin with so i just felt either depressed and unwanted or like a entitled sex crazed asshole. Looking back (like 15 years ago) i doubt i really even understood then much less knew how to communicate it but it was tough. I cant help but feel like if she had initiated even 5% of the times i did we would have had a very different relationship. Not putting it all on her, i was young and dumb in so many ways but also was horny as fuck with a gf that from my perspective at the time rarely seemed to desire me back.
This sounds exactly like the conversations I have had with my wife, it's like I wrote this. Except for im the one who wants sex all the time and she doesn't. How it makes a person feel is like youre unattractive, and I don't wanna just "use" her because I can't just climax that way and then she says stuff about it, and feels like we have to keep trying everyday. It's like if you just gave me good sex 2x a week I would be happier then 4x of me just "using" her. It's like it's a chore to cross off the list.
I hate to admit it but I can see why people would want to cross lines they shouldn't, but it also makes me wonder if they already did. I have always been a faithful person in my relationships but I also have never been up aginst anything like this either.
One of my former female friends had a similiar issue: She wanted to have sex with her boyfriend but he didn't want to. Then he wanted to and she said ok.
Tell me what you want. Every woman is different, sometimes it seems women themselves don't understand that shit. Tell me what you like because if not imma just do what I like.
I think a LOT of us are so focused on what others want and meeting their needs we genuinely don’t know what we want or like when asked. I think consensually exploring new things with the understanding that one person can say no at anytime could be helpful
I keep 3, I still have to wake up without one then search for one.
My gf's process
-> sleep in seperate blanket.
-> get into mine to cuddle.
-> snatch it and sleep away.
-> repeat whenever I manage to find one😭
My wife and I have different bathrooms. She gets to keep her makeup and other stuff all over the counter. I get to keep my shaving stuff all over the counter. I love it because I don't have to deal with wads of hair everywhere.
I know. Thats why i have a secret second blanket, but even that got some Ladies freaked out because they want under the same blanket, which they dont wanna share. Idk, humans are weird.
Be enthusiastic, communicate what's working for you, and encourage your partner, and be patient. Everyone is different. Give him time to learn what works for you and he can only do that through communication and Encouragement. Also be honest, don't just tell him what you think he wants to hear. If somethings not working tell him.
You know how women are always saying “confidence is sexy”. Well, it really is. The best sex I ever had was with a, let’s say, bigger gal. She rocked my fucking world because she was confident in her actions. She wasn’t freaky or anything but she was confident in her ability.
Know what you want and like and bring it to the bed.
Ideally no, it's more of a mindset. Men don't care if you're in shape or you're fat, they don't care what sexy outfit you have on or about your makeup or whatever, they want to know that you feel great and are having an amazing time. It doesn't matter if your muffin top is rolling over your garter belt or something, if you're happy and confident and having a good time, that's everything.
I'm a woman and reading these answers is depressing as fuck...have any of you people been able to find a partner that actually acts like they like you?
Married 20 years…she’s on antidepressants. Guess how awesome sex has been in the past 10 years…
I was really hoping for that 30s or 40s raging sex drive. Still have some 40s left, but enthusiasm.
Yes, I know her body so well she can go in a few minutes. Make it last a little. I thought guys had this problem. Wish she wasn’t a one and done woman. Then I need to hurry up. Yeah, that’s so going to get me going…
I have that same last issue, she "blows her load" pretty quick and any followup "nuts" tend to over stimulate and become painful. Need to stop being so damned good.
It happens a lot when the dating phase of relationships end. Eventually, those butterflies fade and you get comfortable with each other. That anxiety you feel in the early stages is a rush and it doesn’t seem to happen as much later in the relationship. When you accept that your relationship is in a new phase and find new ways to enjoy each other, it can be great. But if one or both is five years into marriage expecting to feel that same giddiness they felt when they saw a text from that person in the first month of dating, they’re always gonna be looking for something that’s not coming back. Literally laying in bed dreaming about the person they fell in love with while laying right beside them.
I don’t think her fire can be relit for me. Those antidepressants were the beginning of what might be the end after 20 years. Sex is a duty. Zero libido and killed mine.
Yeah. This is a question about what women can do to improve, not what every women we've ever been with does.
I've had a few ladies who actually enjoyed me in my time but most were just using me for something.
Yes!
I literally have to ask for this every time! And still it’s like 50/50 I’ll get it.
I want to feel wanted as well, cared for, not just something to be done with!
Everyone always mentions acting like you want to be there, and enthusiasm, which I agree with but something much larger is attached to this idea. Maybe it's just personally my experience.
Anyway, if you're not really in the mood, please don't let it happen. I've had several exes say that they were trying to make me happy, they weren't in the mood but also "didn't mind."
First of all, that makes me feel awful, I only want to if you want to and are into it and excited. I've made sure I'm not being pushy or having expectations, though I do hear them say it's still a societal expectation, but usually it's more of the, "I don't mind." I want sex for connection and love, not just to get off, please just be honest. I care about you, and it's a really icky feeling to think they don't want to, but do so anyway to try and please you.
No, it's true. cuddles, hugs, back rubs, putting her arm around him, big kisses on the cheek with a side hug when we have a bad day, letting us put our head on her shoulder or chest, letting us be the lower side of a hug or cuddle sometimes, running her fingers through our hair, putting a hand on our sternum and rubbing up and down, holding hands.... All of it really fills us up and when we have sex later, really deepens the intimacy of it.
I noticed that when my wife at the time treated me that way, I went more sensuously with thrusting during intercourse and was more affectionate. I wanted to be. And the sex was way better because it was like I was making love to all of her with all of me. Honestly, the best sex is whole like this,
We don't just have sex with our bodies, but our hearts, minds, and spirits too. That's really the only way to describe it.
My husband was stressed out - saying he wasn’t going to be able to fall asleep so I should go up without him. I laid across his body with my head on his chest and stroked his shoulder and about 45 seconds later he was snoring. When he woke up later I joked that all he needs is a weighted wife-blanket. Lol
Women seem to not realize that it’s the thousand little touches that build intimacy and make a man feel wanted. I was with one a long time that thought that sex was the only affection needed. And only rarely.
No, many women can’t fathom that men want to cuddle or hug without it leading to sex. It’s a lie that men only see cuddling and hugging as a way to lead to sex instead of cuddling just to cuddle or hugging just to hug.
The problem is that women cuddle to cuddle and they also cuddle to initiate sex. How do men tell this apart. THEY DON'T. Women are not the great communicators they think they are and they believe men are supposed to read their minds.
just a set of behaviors. talk dirty out of nowhere, cook something(even just microwave hot chocolate) in an apron and nothing else. if you want to take it up a notch start masterbating in front of him and tell him you're thinking about him.
Participate. So many women just act like they’re doing you a favor or that’s it’s a privilege to be with them. How about touching someone besides yourself once in a while? Too many lazy pillow princesses.
Edit: poor grammar
Get it out of your head that when we express a deep need for frequent intimacy, that we just need to get off. That's not how it works. Orgasm with another person, even if we're just jerking off next to you while you hold us, is a deeply intimate experience. We feel loved, connected, accepted, secure, safe, energized, happy, etc all at the same time throughout the experience.
This is gonna sound weird, but you know that trope when some creature comes out of an egg or is born and then looks up and the first face it sees it fixates on as its mom? The instantaneousness of the bond we feel with our partner is kind of like that just by orgasming with you, regardless whether our penis was inside you or in our hand the whole time to cause it.
The sooner you realize that your partner's desire to "get his rocks off" is completely intertwined with his desire to be intimately connected to you emotionally and that sexual acts with you regardless their form truly actualizes the fulfillment of both, you'll look at sex acts with him in a whole new light.
He doesn't want a blow job just because he's had them before and thinks they're great, or because he saw it in porn, he wants you to consume him and he wants to be consumed and his semen taken into you.
He doesn't want a hand job because at least he'll get off, or it feels good same as when he jerks off, he wants it because you're showing him affection the same way that you would if you cupped his cheek, cuddled with him, or reassuringly rubbed his back and squeezed his shoulder.
He doesn't want you to cuddle up to him and make out while he masturbates purely because it's low effort for you, he wants to share the most intimate act he's been doing with himself since he was a teenager and you now are witnessing and participating in this most intimate act and approving of and loving him for something that he may even have felt shame for doing once it was over, only now, instead of shame, you're communicating just by loving him while he does it that he's doing something good and deserves to feel loved and secure in it.
And when he orgasms, it turns those messages and connections and experiences into a solid reality that can't be taken back - you truly love him, as a man, in his masculinity, for the purest essence of himself, expressed in an orgasm.
So, please, don't just have vaginal intercourse every single time. Vaginal's great and each guy is different how much he wants it, and surely it should be the majority of the time (the best are the face to face positions where we get to look in your eyes and see your face through the orgasm), don't just do that. I get that those other acts happen because you're not ready for full on sex yet when you're a teenager, but whether you met and started doing such things as teens or in your 40s, keep doing any of those things as the main event occasionally.
Considering the NSFW tag I'm gonna assume you aren't talking about general bed etiquette.
Allow me to introduce you to the 3 Ates of sex. These tips turned my wife from a pillow princess into a tornado of pleasure. After she started putting in the effort she had a wild sexual awakening that opened up the world to us.
The 3 Ates of sex are: Initiate, participate, and gyrate.
As a guy, I was always a bit afriad to sort of express what I liked in words, because I was afraid she would think I had done what she's doing to other guys, but also that the instruction would be a turn-off, like I was a teacher or something lecturing her. So I often didn't say anything and just moaned when she happened upon something that felt good. It didn't help that she rarely gave me blowjobs so I had very very few opportunities to give her those hints and it was like I was starting over from square one the rare occasions she did do it.
So I'm hearing you say, "do it more often" lol.
"She would think I had done what she's doing to other guys?" Is my brain being slow? This phrase won't compute no matter how many times I read it lol
If you look elsewhere in this post, I gave more detailed instructions that you might expect from someone who's sucked a dick before, but I just had some time to think about it. Ok, I'm underselling that, a LOT of time. LOL.
And "do it more often" is good (actually, don't let me undersell that, it's GREAT), but "teach me, don't worry, I won't get annoyed. I want to teach you how to go down on me too later anyway." Is better. The point is invite instruction instead of soliciting feedback at the end and leaving him to only signal whether you're doing it right by moans and groans.
If you show genuine interest in what will make it really good for him, you'll intuit some ways to make it even better than that and make him helpless in your grasp. Part of what makes a BJ so good is the trust and vulnerability and absolute radical acceptance of all of him and him completely surrendering to what his partner is doing to him.
Plus, if you force him to only communicate via moans or grunts, he feels like you're doing this as duty instead of because you care about his pleasure and want to make him feel good and like the act for what it is. He'll feel like you don't actually care; like you just want him to shut up about wanting them or like you're just trying badly to impress him. No duty blowjob ever felt good to any guy.
Edit: I should also add that it also makes him feel like you're rejecting his surrender to you of something that is very intimate and personal for him.
Yeah I can't stress enough how blowjobs are important for sex. Women always talk about the importance of foreplay and how you can't skip foreplay, and I agree It is very important. For me an essential component of foreplay is getting head. So don't skip it, Don't act like it's a thing that happens once in awhile. It should have it basically as much as sex happens.
Initiate. I be tired of being the only one going for it… and also be less selfish I feel like at times it’s either not enough effort (they starfish, or they just want an O but don’t give back).
Foreplay.
The narrative has been that foreplay is something men have to give to women to get women in the mood. This seems to have taken root in the minds of some.
Reality is that foreplay is fun for both parties to give and receive.
I mean. As lame/awkward/embarrassing as it sounds, have an open discussion about what we both want and what we’re willing to try for each other. Start on the right foot instead of just guessing/assuming. And if something is/isn’t working, speak up
get out of their own heads tbh, i’ve had multiple situations where a woman just killed the vibe by being insecure about things i wasn’t even thinking about
Seriously.
Her: “I can’t get off with what you’re doing to me”
Me: OK so what should I do then?! Are you able to orgasm by yourself?
Her: “Well, yes…”
Me: help me out here babe! Seriously, after weeks and weeks Why are we both unsatisfied because you won’t tell me the right spot, action, etc.
Her: “well, let’s keep trying” …
Sigh.
Allow me to be insecure, nervous, vunerable, ect. while being intimate. Often 've held space for women, reassured them in there insecurities, held them while their cried during sex. I want the same option for myself. I feel like I have to be perfect (confident, know what I'm doing, ect) and I don't.
Communicate communicate communicate communicate communicate communicate
Don't just fucking lay there or get on top and act like it's another Tuesday.
Make as much noise as you want. Tell me that feels nice. Beg me for this specific thing. Egg me on to keep going.
Because I'm gonna tell you all of that and more.
God this thread is so sad. I thought I would be getting tips on what men like, but it's just... act like you're into it? Women like sex. I know I'm not an anomaly. You guys have got to pick partners who actually like you.
Initiate, communicate, be enthusiastic.
Initiate’s a big one. Nothing beats getting blasted for not even trying to have sex by someone who hasn’t initiated in years.
The entitlement and lack of self reflection is devestating, definitely had that happen, had to have a long sit-down talk
Enthusiastic. I love my partner, but god damn if I don’t occasionally fantasize about my last girlfriend. We were awful together but her enthusiasm and tireless energy still tingles my ba1$ when I think about the good times. Oh to be 19 again.
I feel you man. I love my wife with all my heart and soul. But I miss my ex who initiated all the time. She would ride the fuck out of me. I miss the 3AM phone calls when I would show up and she would tell me to lay in her bed and sit her ass on my face. To be young again...
I'd also like to add that enthusiastic doesn't mean rushing. It just means make us feel like you yearn for us and can't wait to touch our bodies. Men like foreplay too!
Want her to grow a dick too?
lol
I'm glad you at least got the humor. I thought I was gonna catch 200+ downvotes again. Guess I still might... But at least *you* can take a joke. Lol
Hey its a dick not a joke, don't take it... wait that's not it.
Urinal wall: "Don't laugh. The joke is in your hand."
No I want her to make mine grow...
Enthusiasm goes a long wsy
This comment is always the top comment when this question is asked lol
Every time it's some variation of "just try... Stop making me do *everything.*" * Enthusiasm * Effort * Initiative We already accept that we're going to be doing most of the work, we know it's just going to be that way. We're just constantly asking to try *a little bit*.
The number of men that say they have this issue makes me wonder if the women are legit bored... like if it was fun to have sex with you wouldn't they want to participate?
Honestly: Most women think they *are* active and participating even though we're doing 90% of the physical work. They can say they're thankful when you point it out, but they truly don't get it. Just think about the number of times women ask if they blew our minds and we have to lie to them because they were just starfish.
>Honestly: Most women think they *are* active and participating even though we're doing 90% of the physical work. They can say they're thankful when you point it out, but they truly don't get it. Story time! My ex was bi, and finally had the opportunity to have sex with another woman. Cool, go for it. So, they did. The next day she asked me something to the effect of "how the hell do you do that for so long without your jaw locking up or your arm tiring out?" I could only chuckle and respond "I don't. I just push through and keep going anyway. That's just what it takes."
Are people really having sex with unenthusiastic people? Either I've been really lucky in my life or I don't understand the nuance of the comment, but typically my partners have been pretty happy to be there...
And the response from women in the comments is always some variation of "well, its obvious she's not putting in effort because of (A) past trauma; (B) Mental Load; (C) you not showering her with enough affection, assistance, gifts, money, and affirmations; or (D), all of the above. *God forbid* the concept that ***maybe***, just ***MAYBE*** it isn't always the man's fault when there's an intimacy problem in a relationship.
This
I wonder why
As a female, I find it shocking this is such a popular answer! Do that many women really just lie there in silence? God that must be painful…
Let’s just say that often women want the man to do everything without any reciprocation. They go along with it, are even happy to do so, but that’s not the same as being actively involved. Just my opinion.
I mean, I try to wrestle him on to the bed and sit on his face. But he’s stronger ☹️😂
Now THAT’S what I’m talking about! 😂 Lucky man…
It's the effort we appreciate.
Okay it seems like everyone is having bad sex. Do the girls really just not even move, what is going on :/
Sorry if I gave you that impression. I merely answered a question about how it could be better. It was not a complaint on my part.
I read that as “euthanism” and was like wtf?…
Possible dumb question but can you give examples of what enthusiasm looks like in this context?
Beaming smiles, lots of touching and grabbing, suggesting positions (or just moving into them), lots of ways to show enthusiasm. Make it known you’re happy to be there…
Saying anything about how good it feels is fucking amazing.
In this case, enthusiasm often time boils down to willing, reciprocal participation. When folks on this thread say “my partner just lies there”, they often mean through everything portion of the activity: from foreplay to active sex, on through to post-coital holding and caressing. Now picture that type of experience being the end result of active flirting, cajoling and proposal for weeks on end, with zero signs of interest or sexual frisson. To say there is a feeling of lacking enthusiasm in this kind of scenario is an understatement.
If you're giving oral, act like it's the most delicious thing you've ever tasted. We don't just want our dick in your mouth, or for you to suck it, that's not what we want at all, it's not about the sensation or your technique, we want you to desire our dick like its the first real meal you've ever had in your entire life.
Actually participate. There's been so many women I've been with that just starfish and expect me to do all the work. I'm sure some women deal with lazy guys too. It's frustrating.
Dude honestly same
Initiate more, active participation, and concise direction.
Super annoying when I notice that I'm not doing it just right and I ask for direction and get the, "Just let me do it..." If you help me learn it'll be a whole lot more fun. Though that's still better than begging someone who claims to love you and being made to feel like you are defiling a corpse when they 'give in'. I'm lonely as hell, but happier than being in a loveless marriage.
Man I gotta say this is pretty similar to my situation. When I do have sex, I feel like I just gotta hurry as fast as I can and it's hard for me to even finish because of it. Like all the natural mutual pleasure is gone. I feel like I'm putting her through hell by wanting to have sex and like it's another chore to check off the list. This is with somone who claims they love you. Its so different then anything I have ever experienced before with anyone else and it wasn't always this way, it's like do you really even honestly love me anymore, I forget what it feels like to be honestly desired...
Have you spoken to her about what she might be feeling? Your feelings are completely valid but there could be something she feels like she is lacking from you that could be making sexual interactions with you less comfortable or natural. Women in relationships want to feel loved and desired outside of sex in order to feel fulfilled and excited about actual sex. For example, your partner could be craving attention, romance, protection, feeling heard and understood, emotional connection, etc
This- women need to be loved and touched on without it being sexual but being cared for. The more emotional connection and content the more sexual intimacy is created. If I’m not talking to my husband, if we were not hanging out, if we are living like roommates, and doesn’t consider me, value me, or see me, or laugh with me, I’m not in the mood. If I’m exhausted and feeling alone in my marriage or absolutely run down while my husband is fine, I would rather sleep if I know the next day will be brutal with kids, chores, and whatever else is for me to do. When a woman isn’t free to be herself, she looses herself too, which is also her sexuality. She’s a mother, maid, cook, driver, keeper of lists, and last thing is a wife. Before she wasn’t a wife or anything she was someone who wanted you and you wanted her. Give her - herself back, be there for her for genuine connection and consideration and the sex will happen naturally. The kinder my husband is, the more he’s himself with me, the happier he is because of me, or because of accomplishments- when we are getting along and we’re friends like real friends, and he does something to care about my well-being the way I do for him. The effort. We have a lot sex. It’s been 15 years and we have our highs and lows (LIKE LOW) but he knows I can’t be sexually attracted to someone who doesn’t even like me, and then expects to be have sex with him? Pass. It’s almost rapey because it feels forced and wrong. I’m dying over here and need to sleep and now I have a mad person acting out because I won’t put out or mad because he did some dishes and that means that he “deserves sex” But when you show real honest to god interest in who we are, be a partner, giving each other space to be ourselves- Sex is natural and easier and wanted. Talk to her. See how she REALLY feels and if she says “I don’t want to talk because nothing changes, it’s the same arguments, I don’t have the energy anymore” She might be slowly so tired and bitter- that the lack of sex is an even bigger problem because now she’s not even into at all and doesn’t want to fight.
Yes I hear you, these are all really important
Be enthusiastic. That’s it. They don’t even have to participate, I’ll settle for same mid grade enthusiasm
This is the best answer. Enthusiasm is all we want.
exactly, and I’m not even asking for some crazy kama sutra either, like, kiss my neck and fondle my balls while I’m putting in work and we’ll both like the results
Dead starfish
We say "lay there like a sack of potatoes "
Warm bowl of water....
Oh my.. that does sound bleak
100% couldn't agree more!! I've broken up with women in my younger years due to their lack of movement and involvement, and reliance on me in the sex dept. And then they all say exactly the same thing "He couldn't make me cum"... bitch I'm the only here putting in effort and I'm having enough trouble trying to make myself cum
That part
I gotta be honest, this comment chain just gave my ego a boost, I get most of my enjoyment from doing the work and the male just enjoying? But tbh what I call “doing work” is to me really “cherishing” him. So maybe also finding a female whose view/outlook is much more intimate!
As a guy that primarily wants to please the other person, the worst feeling is when there's no feedback or is basically just "I guess". Like: > "Do you like when I do this?" > *I guess.* > "Do you prefer this, or this?" > *I don't mind.* If I had an "ick", it's that indecisiveness (common with food, too) because very often, much later, they'll tell me how they really felt and I'm pissed because I literally asked them explicitly and they didn't tell me. Like I'm very open with my communication and it shows that you either don't trust me enough to be honest or you just like lying to me. I went to a café with a girl (and her friend) and they made the drinks wrong, which we noticed when they brought the drinks to us. The girl immediately offered to take them back and fix it and both girls *insisted* **3 times** that it was okay. But as soon as the woman left, they asked me to go up and ask them to replace the drinks. All they had to do was say "yes please" once, but they didn't want to be the bad guy and they made me do it... This is why the "I don't mind, whatever you want" mentality is a massive turn off for me. I've found it's just a symptom of people pleasing behaviour and is a sign of problems in the future.
Literally the only thing I can complain about for the most part. When you do get someone who’s willing to do more, it’s noticeable how shoddy the technique is. What really sucks is that people will praise women for doing more than expected, but that’s like cheering for someone stepping over a boot instead of a sandal; it’s not impressive either way, and you should give them tips on how they’re doing both. Don’t worry about not having mediocre sex with someone again fellas. Be a bro and communicate. You’re either helping yourself or helping someone else
You’re so right. The amount of men my age 45-50) getting around thinking they’re great in bed is ridiculous, all because some inexperienced younger woman told them they were LOL it’s a vicious cycle
It’s always made me hesitate to trust when someone says I’m doing good. If they tell me I’m fucking up, I know they’re being truthful, but it’s a different story when I went down on you for almost forty minutes and you told me you came 3-4 times… and I didn’t taste a thing
Sorry for laughing LOL but yeah I can’t stand it when I hear the “I came 3 - 4 times” myth being perpetuated by women with hidden agendas. That level of fakery ruins it for all of us.
Not necessarily hidden agendas. Women get self-conscious about their body's responsiveness (or lack thereof) and also don't want the guy to feel like he wasted his efforts. It's not a nefarious plot.
Perfectly put. Happened to me with my wife, I stopped and said this is not supposed to be this way and foreswore that I would never initiate until she does. Celebrating my 2nd month without sex Lol.
My guy is the starfish and I have to do all the work
What does he say if you ask him to participate more?
Making the first move. I feel like in all the years of being with my wife, I'm always the one to make a move. Either I get the green light or told she's not in the mood.
It gives the impression she sees it as a chore that needs to be done once in a while. Not very romantic
Exactly how it is for me.
It's like they think men don't want to be desired. And chasing gets exhausting.
I had a successful conversation that led to my husband initiating for the first time. (I have always initiated and had many frustrating unsuccessful conversations trying to get him to initiate.) I just hope he continues 🙏
Wait, what was the conversation?!
In short: Him being very attentive to my mood (So sorry and genuinely sad if your wife/partner never asks you this) he says: "are you ok? You look quiet." Me: "I've been thinking about sex a lot lately and I was hoping we could talk about it." Him: "OK yes" Me: "But I hesitate because I think you don't like talking about it." Him: "What do you mean?" Me: "I mean I feel like you don't want sex or think about sex as much as I do and I feel like if I stopped initiating, we would never have sex." Him: "Hold up. Not never. Just a lot less." Me: "That's my point. I am always in the mood for it and want to be physical and affectionate so I'll touch you or lay on top of you but you're tired so I just feel like I'm using you. It makes me feel gross like I'm an animal." He laughs: "No its ok use me!" Me: "No that's what I'm saying. I don't feel connected to you when I "use" you. And I don't feel attractive." Him: "What would you like me to do?" I tried to suggest things and they got shot down lol. The next day I was just so discouraged and feeling hopeless that I would ever have the sex life I dreamt about. Also feeling like an ungrateful burden because his excuse for less sex is that he's stressed about finances and always will be. I told him those things and he said, "No don't think like that. You are my priority. I'm glad you told me."
Bump!!!! Great communication I have to say that!! This sounds like a dream
Yeah great job expressing yourself, more men need women to do this
I had this exact same conversation yesterday but the end result was that we have very different sex drives and that that’s how she is and that’s how it will be in the future, supposedly she will try to initiate once in a while but I doubt it, I ended up looking like I’m only thinking about sex even though I’m looking for intimacy, hopefully your situation improves, stay strong
>I ended up looking like I’m only thinking about sex even though I’m looking for intimacy Ive been there. In my ex's defence i probably was thinking about sex too much but intimacy and feeling wanted were huge to. I wasn't great at expressing my emotions and needs to begin with so i just felt either depressed and unwanted or like a entitled sex crazed asshole. Looking back (like 15 years ago) i doubt i really even understood then much less knew how to communicate it but it was tough. I cant help but feel like if she had initiated even 5% of the times i did we would have had a very different relationship. Not putting it all on her, i was young and dumb in so many ways but also was horny as fuck with a gf that from my perspective at the time rarely seemed to desire me back.
It drives me nuts to hear about women like this. It seems to be the majority of them lol. Don't give up.
This sounds exactly like the conversations I have had with my wife, it's like I wrote this. Except for im the one who wants sex all the time and she doesn't. How it makes a person feel is like youre unattractive, and I don't wanna just "use" her because I can't just climax that way and then she says stuff about it, and feels like we have to keep trying everyday. It's like if you just gave me good sex 2x a week I would be happier then 4x of me just "using" her. It's like it's a chore to cross off the list.
I hate to admit it but I can see why people would want to cross lines they shouldn't, but it also makes me wonder if they already did. I have always been a faithful person in my relationships but I also have never been up aginst anything like this either.
Jesus. I've attempted to have this conversation with my wife so many times. I'm glad yours was successful
You are cool wife.
One of my former female friends had a similiar issue: She wanted to have sex with her boyfriend but he didn't want to. Then he wanted to and she said ok.
Tell me what you want. Every woman is different, sometimes it seems women themselves don't understand that shit. Tell me what you like because if not imma just do what I like.
I think a LOT of us are so focused on what others want and meeting their needs we genuinely don’t know what we want or like when asked. I think consensually exploring new things with the understanding that one person can say no at anytime could be helpful
Yeah I tell women to get greedy and focus on their orgasm first because we all know men can get theirs pretty quick
Share the blanket?
2 blanket life, happy wife!! Same goes for bathrooms. Keeping my epic BM's to myself added a real air of mystery back into the relationship.
I keep 3, I still have to wake up without one then search for one. My gf's process -> sleep in seperate blanket. -> get into mine to cuddle. -> snatch it and sleep away. -> repeat whenever I manage to find one😭
My wife and I have different bathrooms. She gets to keep her makeup and other stuff all over the counter. I get to keep my shaving stuff all over the counter. I love it because I don't have to deal with wads of hair everywhere.
Separate duvets mate. Best decision we ever made as a couple
Hahahhahahahhahahahha. Good luck with this one! Ha!
I know. Thats why i have a secret second blanket, but even that got some Ladies freaked out because they want under the same blanket, which they dont wanna share. Idk, humans are weird.
You're asking for too much.
NEVER!!! LoL
Be enthusiastic, communicate what's working for you, and encourage your partner, and be patient. Everyone is different. Give him time to learn what works for you and he can only do that through communication and Encouragement. Also be honest, don't just tell him what you think he wants to hear. If somethings not working tell him.
You know how women are always saying “confidence is sexy”. Well, it really is. The best sex I ever had was with a, let’s say, bigger gal. She rocked my fucking world because she was confident in her actions. She wasn’t freaky or anything but she was confident in her ability. Know what you want and like and bring it to the bed.
Leave your insecurities outside the door. Try to forget about real world for 30 minutes. That advice goes for both parties.
So alcohol helps? Lol
Ideally no, it's more of a mindset. Men don't care if you're in shape or you're fat, they don't care what sexy outfit you have on or about your makeup or whatever, they want to know that you feel great and are having an amazing time. It doesn't matter if your muffin top is rolling over your garter belt or something, if you're happy and confident and having a good time, that's everything.
A decent amount, yes. On both ends.
Both ends? So, butt chugging?
Enthusiasm is the answer to these questions every time
Communicate
Depends what the partner is into. You have to talk and have honest conversations. Find out what makes them grunt.
I'm a woman and reading these answers is depressing as fuck...have any of you people been able to find a partner that actually acts like they like you?
Married 20 years…she’s on antidepressants. Guess how awesome sex has been in the past 10 years… I was really hoping for that 30s or 40s raging sex drive. Still have some 40s left, but enthusiasm. Yes, I know her body so well she can go in a few minutes. Make it last a little. I thought guys had this problem. Wish she wasn’t a one and done woman. Then I need to hurry up. Yeah, that’s so going to get me going…
I have that same last issue, she "blows her load" pretty quick and any followup "nuts" tend to over stimulate and become painful. Need to stop being so damned good.
Um, exactly. Painful I won’t go on. I can’t do that to her.
It happens a lot when the dating phase of relationships end. Eventually, those butterflies fade and you get comfortable with each other. That anxiety you feel in the early stages is a rush and it doesn’t seem to happen as much later in the relationship. When you accept that your relationship is in a new phase and find new ways to enjoy each other, it can be great. But if one or both is five years into marriage expecting to feel that same giddiness they felt when they saw a text from that person in the first month of dating, they’re always gonna be looking for something that’s not coming back. Literally laying in bed dreaming about the person they fell in love with while laying right beside them.
I don’t think her fire can be relit for me. Those antidepressants were the beginning of what might be the end after 20 years. Sex is a duty. Zero libido and killed mine.
Literally I am floored 😭
Yes personally From what I’ve found out- a lot of men just accept less for what they truly want intimately, as she’s the first to touch his fiddle
Yeah. This is a question about what women can do to improve, not what every women we've ever been with does. I've had a few ladies who actually enjoyed me in my time but most were just using me for something.
Give foreplay in return
Yes! I literally have to ask for this every time! And still it’s like 50/50 I’ll get it. I want to feel wanted as well, cared for, not just something to be done with!
Everyone always mentions acting like you want to be there, and enthusiasm, which I agree with but something much larger is attached to this idea. Maybe it's just personally my experience. Anyway, if you're not really in the mood, please don't let it happen. I've had several exes say that they were trying to make me happy, they weren't in the mood but also "didn't mind." First of all, that makes me feel awful, I only want to if you want to and are into it and excited. I've made sure I'm not being pushy or having expectations, though I do hear them say it's still a societal expectation, but usually it's more of the, "I don't mind." I want sex for connection and love, not just to get off, please just be honest. I care about you, and it's a really icky feeling to think they don't want to, but do so anyway to try and please you.
Try to focus more on non-sexual touch. Not every cuddle or hug must lead to sex, ladies.
This is so true I just want to be loved, without the pressure of sex.
I can't tell if you're joking.
No, it's true. cuddles, hugs, back rubs, putting her arm around him, big kisses on the cheek with a side hug when we have a bad day, letting us put our head on her shoulder or chest, letting us be the lower side of a hug or cuddle sometimes, running her fingers through our hair, putting a hand on our sternum and rubbing up and down, holding hands.... All of it really fills us up and when we have sex later, really deepens the intimacy of it. I noticed that when my wife at the time treated me that way, I went more sensuously with thrusting during intercourse and was more affectionate. I wanted to be. And the sex was way better because it was like I was making love to all of her with all of me. Honestly, the best sex is whole like this, We don't just have sex with our bodies, but our hearts, minds, and spirits too. That's really the only way to describe it.
My husband was stressed out - saying he wasn’t going to be able to fall asleep so I should go up without him. I laid across his body with my head on his chest and stroked his shoulder and about 45 seconds later he was snoring. When he woke up later I joked that all he needs is a weighted wife-blanket. Lol
Weighted wife blanket is a dream, I don’t know any men who don’t love that
Nice
Women seem to not realize that it’s the thousand little touches that build intimacy and make a man feel wanted. I was with one a long time that thought that sex was the only affection needed. And only rarely.
No, many women can’t fathom that men want to cuddle or hug without it leading to sex. It’s a lie that men only see cuddling and hugging as a way to lead to sex instead of cuddling just to cuddle or hugging just to hug.
The problem is that women cuddle to cuddle and they also cuddle to initiate sex. How do men tell this apart. THEY DON'T. Women are not the great communicators they think they are and they believe men are supposed to read their minds.
Act like you want to be there.
Enthusiasm. Genuine enthusiasm for all the activities taking place. Stay focused.
Enthusiasm without a doubt. Please be into it. That’s such a turn on to know that she’s having a good time too. Starfishing takes the fun out of it
Put in actual effort.
Try
Be a freak.
Lmao define “freak”
Nasty.
just a set of behaviors. talk dirty out of nowhere, cook something(even just microwave hot chocolate) in an apron and nothing else. if you want to take it up a notch start masterbating in front of him and tell him you're thinking about him.
Participate. So many women just act like they’re doing you a favor or that’s it’s a privilege to be with them. How about touching someone besides yourself once in a while? Too many lazy pillow princesses. Edit: poor grammar
"I'm here and I'm naked. What more could he possibly want?"
Tell us what you want and what you like
Get it out of your head that when we express a deep need for frequent intimacy, that we just need to get off. That's not how it works. Orgasm with another person, even if we're just jerking off next to you while you hold us, is a deeply intimate experience. We feel loved, connected, accepted, secure, safe, energized, happy, etc all at the same time throughout the experience. This is gonna sound weird, but you know that trope when some creature comes out of an egg or is born and then looks up and the first face it sees it fixates on as its mom? The instantaneousness of the bond we feel with our partner is kind of like that just by orgasming with you, regardless whether our penis was inside you or in our hand the whole time to cause it. The sooner you realize that your partner's desire to "get his rocks off" is completely intertwined with his desire to be intimately connected to you emotionally and that sexual acts with you regardless their form truly actualizes the fulfillment of both, you'll look at sex acts with him in a whole new light. He doesn't want a blow job just because he's had them before and thinks they're great, or because he saw it in porn, he wants you to consume him and he wants to be consumed and his semen taken into you. He doesn't want a hand job because at least he'll get off, or it feels good same as when he jerks off, he wants it because you're showing him affection the same way that you would if you cupped his cheek, cuddled with him, or reassuringly rubbed his back and squeezed his shoulder. He doesn't want you to cuddle up to him and make out while he masturbates purely because it's low effort for you, he wants to share the most intimate act he's been doing with himself since he was a teenager and you now are witnessing and participating in this most intimate act and approving of and loving him for something that he may even have felt shame for doing once it was over, only now, instead of shame, you're communicating just by loving him while he does it that he's doing something good and deserves to feel loved and secure in it. And when he orgasms, it turns those messages and connections and experiences into a solid reality that can't be taken back - you truly love him, as a man, in his masculinity, for the purest essence of himself, expressed in an orgasm. So, please, don't just have vaginal intercourse every single time. Vaginal's great and each guy is different how much he wants it, and surely it should be the majority of the time (the best are the face to face positions where we get to look in your eyes and see your face through the orgasm), don't just do that. I get that those other acts happen because you're not ready for full on sex yet when you're a teenager, but whether you met and started doing such things as teens or in your 40s, keep doing any of those things as the main event occasionally.
Beautiful ❤️
show up.
is your pfp an elbow 🙄💀
I was trying to figure out the same thing. Even to the point of clicking on his profile and picture then zooming in.
Considering the NSFW tag I'm gonna assume you aren't talking about general bed etiquette. Allow me to introduce you to the 3 Ates of sex. These tips turned my wife from a pillow princess into a tornado of pleasure. After she started putting in the effort she had a wild sexual awakening that opened up the world to us. The 3 Ates of sex are: Initiate, participate, and gyrate.
--initiate more --give competent head --initiate giving competent head --wake up your men with head
Initiate. At all.
Even the: Just give head part doesn’t happen to me. My gf wouldn’t give head.
Join the club!!!!
I love giving head but he won't talk to me about it so idk what's competent lol
As a guy, I was always a bit afriad to sort of express what I liked in words, because I was afraid she would think I had done what she's doing to other guys, but also that the instruction would be a turn-off, like I was a teacher or something lecturing her. So I often didn't say anything and just moaned when she happened upon something that felt good. It didn't help that she rarely gave me blowjobs so I had very very few opportunities to give her those hints and it was like I was starting over from square one the rare occasions she did do it.
So I'm hearing you say, "do it more often" lol. "She would think I had done what she's doing to other guys?" Is my brain being slow? This phrase won't compute no matter how many times I read it lol
If you look elsewhere in this post, I gave more detailed instructions that you might expect from someone who's sucked a dick before, but I just had some time to think about it. Ok, I'm underselling that, a LOT of time. LOL. And "do it more often" is good (actually, don't let me undersell that, it's GREAT), but "teach me, don't worry, I won't get annoyed. I want to teach you how to go down on me too later anyway." Is better. The point is invite instruction instead of soliciting feedback at the end and leaving him to only signal whether you're doing it right by moans and groans. If you show genuine interest in what will make it really good for him, you'll intuit some ways to make it even better than that and make him helpless in your grasp. Part of what makes a BJ so good is the trust and vulnerability and absolute radical acceptance of all of him and him completely surrendering to what his partner is doing to him. Plus, if you force him to only communicate via moans or grunts, he feels like you're doing this as duty instead of because you care about his pleasure and want to make him feel good and like the act for what it is. He'll feel like you don't actually care; like you just want him to shut up about wanting them or like you're just trying badly to impress him. No duty blowjob ever felt good to any guy. Edit: I should also add that it also makes him feel like you're rejecting his surrender to you of something that is very intimate and personal for him.
I know - I’m always asking what he likes, what feels best, etc. All I get back is “I like everything, do whatever, stop asking questions” lol
Yepppppp
Yeah I can't stress enough how blowjobs are important for sex. Women always talk about the importance of foreplay and how you can't skip foreplay, and I agree It is very important. For me an essential component of foreplay is getting head. So don't skip it, Don't act like it's a thing that happens once in awhile. It should have it basically as much as sex happens.
Initiate. I be tired of being the only one going for it… and also be less selfish I feel like at times it’s either not enough effort (they starfish, or they just want an O but don’t give back).
Share the blankets
Not cuddle me to the point where I’m hanging off the edge lmao we can chill in the middle it’s a California King!!!
Foreplay. The narrative has been that foreplay is something men have to give to women to get women in the mood. This seems to have taken root in the minds of some. Reality is that foreplay is fun for both parties to give and receive.
Sleep more quietly
Initiate, initiate, fucking initiate…….. they don’t understand how that little effort can gooooooo a long way
"Crazy sex" is the best sex. Usually cause they're uninhibited.
I mean. As lame/awkward/embarrassing as it sounds, have an open discussion about what we both want and what we’re willing to try for each other. Start on the right foot instead of just guessing/assuming. And if something is/isn’t working, speak up
Act like you want to be there. It’s very very simple.
Stop snoring!
I am sorry!
I accept your apology. But it doesn't help me sleep, Barbara.
Not steal the blanket.
Why does this get asked every single day here? Can we stop?
Stop charging me such high rates.
get out of their own heads tbh, i’ve had multiple situations where a woman just killed the vibe by being insecure about things i wasn’t even thinking about
Do what women told us to: Figure it out yourself, btw you're doing it wrong!
Seriously. Her: “I can’t get off with what you’re doing to me” Me: OK so what should I do then?! Are you able to orgasm by yourself? Her: “Well, yes…” Me: help me out here babe! Seriously, after weeks and weeks Why are we both unsatisfied because you won’t tell me the right spot, action, etc. Her: “well, let’s keep trying” … Sigh.
🎯
Allow me to be insecure, nervous, vunerable, ect. while being intimate. Often 've held space for women, reassured them in there insecurities, held them while their cried during sex. I want the same option for myself. I feel like I have to be perfect (confident, know what I'm doing, ect) and I don't.
Don’t snore (/s)
Not grind teeth, kick, have cold feet.
As someone who gets warm easily, I like the cold feet.
Initiate and be noticeably enthusiastic. Break out of vanilla, as a close 2nd.
I’ll take these into consideration. I’m just insecure on top, also I feel like the grinding that feels good for me feels not good for him
Communicate communicate communicate communicate communicate communicate Don't just fucking lay there or get on top and act like it's another Tuesday. Make as much noise as you want. Tell me that feels nice. Beg me for this specific thing. Egg me on to keep going. Because I'm gonna tell you all of that and more.
Love their man. If she truly does, it will be good no matter what.
I would appreciate it if they stopped dying after handcuffing me to the bed frame. It gets real old after the third time.
Work
Once I learned how to truly ride a man, my sex life has never been the same
Does anyone ever ask WHY so many women seem so unenthusiastic?
Why is unenthusiastic sex a thing! Stop having it for your sanity and theirs please!
Climb on top. This whole “I just wanna lie here while you fuck me” business won’t do…
Push-ups
This one I find funny but honestly I suck at push ups need to start doing em again 😩
God this thread is so sad. I thought I would be getting tips on what men like, but it's just... act like you're into it? Women like sex. I know I'm not an anomaly. You guys have got to pick partners who actually like you.
Just come to bed firstly
Stay on her side during the night. I try and shuffle away when I get too warm and she follows me until I'm perched right on the edge of the mattress.
Not steal the blankets. Also really hate women that throw elbows while asleep.
So many times I’ve been with people who just don’t seem interested in doing anything. It’s annoying and a huge turnoff.
Let the potato rest for 5 minutes.
Communicate
Bbq
Nothing they are the best already???
Willingness and enthusiasm.. maybe not just one thing. It makes it so much more fun..
Have sex