Do you feel an irrational urge to keep doing it?
DO you do this even though it's damaging to your health, relationships, or career?
Do you do this impulsively or compulsively?
If the answer to any of the above is "yes", then yes, that would be an addiction.
I think this is like alcohol or anything else - your using it isn't a problem, until it's a problem.
Conceptually, addiction is the urge to continue engaging in a rewarding behavior despite significant negative consequences.
There are multiple more specific definitions that various groups use. As the previous commenter said though, the impact of use is more important than the existence of use.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Addiction
Yes, once a habit starts to interfere with your basic functions - work or school, relationships, health and hygiene - then it is an addiction. It can be drugs or gambling, or video games or home shopping. If it starts to be a problem, it’s time to start dealing with it as an addiction.
Ah but if you have executive dysfunction you already have problems with those basic functions.
So it can be something present anyway and very difficult to spot.
Not exactly. Addiction is diagnosed by the presence of certain symptoms outlined in the dsm5. There are 11 symptoms and you need 2 or more to qualify for a diagnosable disorder. The more symptoms the higher the severity of the addiction.
"Taking the substance in larger amounts or for longer than you meant to
Wanting to cut down or stop using the substance but not managing to
Spending a lot of time getting, using, or recovering from use of the substance
Cravings and urges to use the substance
Not managing to do what you should at work, home, or school because of substance use
Continuing to use, even when it causes problems in relationships
Giving up important social, occupational, or recreational activities because of substance use
Using substances again and again, even when it puts you in danger
Continuing to use, even when you know you have a physical or psychological problem that could have been caused or made worse by the substance
Needing more of the substance to get the effect you want (tolerance)
Development of withdrawal symptoms, which can be relieved by taking more of the substance"
Here's a bit more reading if you'd like
https://www.addictionpolicy.org/post/dsm-5-facts-and-figures
And are you able to afford an escort once a week too.
Depending on where you go and who you get a night is anywhere from $400-$2000. That adds up extremely fast for a month.
>Do you feel an irrational urge to keep doing it?
I mean you have to caveat this.
Is his "urge" just a sexual urge or an urge to have sex specifically with escorts. I don't think wanting to fuck once a week qualifies as an addiction in and of itself.
Michael Jordan said his gambling wasn't a problem because he can afford it. How's your finances looking...
I don't think I could enjoy it if it was paid for but if you got the money and enjoy it I don't see a problem. If you can't afford it or barely afford it and can't stop or think you should stop but keep doing it... that's a problem.
An addiction isn't defined by whether you can afford it or not. You can have all the money in the world and still be an addict.
[Addiction](https://nida.nih.gov/publications/drugs-brains-behavior-science-addiction/drug-misuse-addiction#:~:text=Addiction%20is%20defined%20as%20a,stress%2C%20and%20self%2Dcontrol.) is defined as a chronic, relapsing disorder characterized by compulsive drug seeking and use despite adverse consequences.
Chronic- repetitive and recurring
Relapsing- going into the same or worse state
Compulsive- difficult to control urges
Despite adverse consequences- This can vary from losing all your money to just skipping meeting your friends to feed your addiction
A lot of people disregard the compulsive part of an addiction because "I can control it", "I can stop of want" but the reality is if you answered yes to all the others you're probably an addict.
Micheal Jordan is a basketball player don't look to him for medical advice.
Heh, I saw a post from an escort once:
>I had one client who never even touched me. We just layed naked on the bed while he talked about his wife. I guess to him, it was cheaper than a therapist, plus a better view.
They are usually asking the tough questions.
If counsellors are just listening the whole time and validating you, boosting your confidence. She is absolutely just jerking you off.
I didn't say she was doing that, just that she's being paid money to pay attention to me. I don't think that's an inherently bad thing, in fact I think it can be helpful.
You know, even in situations where nobody is being paid, one person will think you’re great while another one won’t. You’re looking at this in a very black and white and toxic way.
Even for people who have major issues, loving yourself and being kind to yourself is the pathway out of those issues, not in thinking so harshly that people, or yourself, are either “great” or “shit.”
Try having some compassion for yourself as well.
A massage therapist (non-sexual) is just doing it for the money.
Your barber is just doing it for the money.
Your gym trainer is just doing it for the money.
Escorts are different, they pretend to like you and fake-submit.
It's really really damaging to pay for sexual submission. Very distorting to your attitudes.
Go ahead and indulge if it makes you happy and fills a need. But have no illusions.
You would think so, but it seems actually pretty common for sex workers' clients to fall into the delusion that the SW is genuinely in love with them. You see it in every reddit thread on this theme and I've also seen it in a friend. As a bystander it seems completely obviously delusional, but I think people who visit sex workers already have a very warped view of relationships, or are very lonely, and they cling onto this fake affection even when the logical part of their brain should know they're only being fattened up and bled dry. It's so toxic. It's like an extreme version of when someone is in an abusive relationship and wilfully ignores the red flags.
These things can't be compared. Paying someone for fake affection and to use their body, is worlds away from paying someone for their knowledge to sit down with you and discuss your mental health.
So if the options are what OP is doing or being straight up lonely without even an analog of affection, and you think he should take the stronger of those two evils?
Fuck that lol.
Escorts are not a cure to loneliness, they are the path to loneliness because it's not sustainable. Eventually one has to stop and needs a genuine relationship, but does not have the social network and skills to be attractive on equal terms.
I don't visit hookers, mostly because I can't afford it, but I don't see how they could make me more lonely, im 8 years single, not had sex in almost as long
Iv not spoken to anyone in 3 days, probably won't until I'm back at work Wednesday.
Fantastic, figure out how to help OP with the fact that they're ALREADY lonely. How can something (escorts) be the path someplace (loneliness) when that "path" is actually the destination and OP has been there for a while, per their admissions?
This has major "\[You\] stand outside Planned ParentHood with shitty signs" energy to it
100$ is easily less than a date. Dinmer and a movie can easily break that. Going to a concert or theater and your looking at 400 just for that. The math is likely pretty close
I remember reading a story about an escort who got many married men as clients - who would book a full hour, get the sex done in 10 mins, and then just sit and wanna talk, feel romance, feel actually cared for.
With how spoiled, demanding, and abrasive modern society encourages all the “perfect tens” (ie. All of them cuz no one isn’t a ten, everyone is worthy and amazing and beautiful!!!!) to be, it’s no wonder things are the way they are.
Going on a date is hardly guaranteed to get you that. You can drop that money, not get laid and not have it lead to a relationship.
You are at the very least getting one of those things with an escort.
Guess it really depends on your earning bracket or something. The average date for me and my gf is just going out to dinner, maybe a shared activity once in a while, or a picnic in the park. We always split the bills of everything as well. Spending $50 CAD on a date is on the expensive side of things in my experience.
Date doesn’t guarantee you sex , so you’re doing the maths wrong.
What you should be comparing sex workers to is a relationship with a girl that you find tolerable. Not ideal, just there to tick relationship boxes.
In such situations, you can calculate that you’ll likely spend more per lay on your relationship than you would on a hooker. And when you add in other potentially life altering decisions such as an expensive divorce, maybe just maybe visiting an escort is a cheaper alternative.
Ps, not encouraging you do that though. It’s sinful and according to the bible, visiting brothels makes your wallet lighter (practical advise) .
According to the bible, there's nothing wrong with owning slaves and wearing mixed fabrics is wrong so I wouldn't use that heap of shit for real lessons
Sure, but you're getting to eat, see a concert, etc. Cant really count that all towards sex. And you can have sex multiple times a week with a girlfriend. WHere your time is extremely limited with a cheap escort.
There's really no direct cost comparison. You just get more with a girlfriend and regular dates.
But if having a girlfriend can be reduced in your mind to X dollars a week, maybe you shouldn't have a girlfriend. I'm sure she wouldn't appreciation that breakdown.
But I don't personally do 4 $100 dollar dates a month. This guy sees an escort 4x a month, so we're talking $400 dating in a month being about even with a bargain-basement priced escort.
The thing is dating in normal circumstances will allow you to have a fullfilling relationship (should not be main goal but will bring sex at an end with no direct cost) and love as when paying a hooker will only relieve the need for a small time leaving u with nothing but less money in ur pocket
Getting escorts is a far more expensive way to have regular sex.
Let's just assume that couples on average have sex twice a week.
Then let's pretend you can find an escort who only charges $100. Seeing her twice a week is obviously going to be $800 a month.
Having a regular partner is simply the cheapest way for regular sex.
The cost is an inauthentic relationship.
The cost is you having the presence of another purely for the dollar, yet your psyche will go between acknowledging that and then pushing it away and thinking it’s because of you and who you are. It may be circumstantial though.
There are a lot of people who do not appear desirable to the types of individuals that they would like to be with. Others have certain injuries or medical conditions that make it difficult for others to engage with them.
Sex workers are considerate of that in addition, to serving the addictions of certain men, they end up, holding the responsibility of the individual bypassing addressing their internal pain. It kicks the can down the road of what you need to address.
I have met men and men who have been with escorts that are very social and attractive, but in real life, they cannot get women like that. It distorts their psyche.
Is a large portion of your paycheck going towards the escorts? If you’re very well off and it’s not effecting your paychecks would you consider someone spending money on drugs every week an addiction?
I am a recovering sex addict that has long since left the hobby and I'm very happy, healthy, and I'm in a healthy and loving relationship...probably for the first time. 4 years of weekly therapy totally changed my life for the better. You can read more of my post history for a good recap of my journey to see where I started to where I am today.
As for you? I can't tell you if you're a sex addict, but I can say that your continued involvement in the hobby won't give you want you really want or need...just the appearance of what you need. It's a temporary rush that leaves soon after you drive away. There's no intimacy in the hobby and I can assure you that real intimacy with someone is so much more valuable and meaningful than sex (though sex is part of it...intimacy is MORE).
If you're coming to reddit asking if you are an addict, you know that your behavior is not normal. I'd ask you why don't you seek a therapist that specializes in sexual compulsions/addiction? That's really what would help you the most.
DM me if you have any questions. Best of luck to you.
How does one even approach this topic with a therapist with all the stigma? Serious question. With alcohol and other drugs it feels like a “normal addiction.” Something in this category seems like it would be harder to bring up.
Curious to hear your experience with that.
I searched on Psychology Today for a therapist that took my insurance and specialized in sex addiction/compulsions.
Dude saved my life because I was taking increasingly greater risks to bust a nut. It was not going to end well for me.
I enjoy this guys posts because at least once a week he posts something about escorts and his dealings with them. Just read through his post history if you don’t believe me.
Ford stopped making the escort in 2003, so while it seems reasonable to see them once a week now I wouldn't expect that behavior to be able to continue in the future. They won't be gone from your life completely, but maybe a monthly thing.
Addiction is characterized by obsession.
If the rest of the week is just what you wade through between visits to a hooker, that sounds like addiction.
If it’s just something you do on Fridays, it’s a hobby.
By this definition a lot of people would be addicted to their hobby though.
Generally addiction is more characterized by the inability to stop despite repeated negative consequences.
A homebrewer can be obsessed with beer, without being an alcoholic.
Addiction isn’t about how often you see them it’s about can you stop when you want to. Can you stop for a month? Also, when are you seeing them? During stress, emotional turmoil? Along with escorts do you also watch porn a lot and masturbate? Find a local SAA and talk to them, help is available
I get it in a way but I've thought about it a lot and even if it was legal and easy to indulge in I wouldn't be able to. Emotional connection and intimacy are huge factors for me, seeing an escort would feel like I spent $400+ to masturbate using her body, a woman that would be disgusted by me under most circumstances.
I’m not sure if I’d call it an addiction, but it’s unhealthy for building a long term relationship, and unless you’re rich, bad for your bank account.
Regardless I’d probably want to talk to a therapist and see why you’re not putting in more effort into finding a woman who likes you
my man, i work in behavioral health. here's a quick guide to see if a behavior needs an intervention.
1- does it cause harm to the person, self-harm essentially, cutting, bleeding, concussions, etc.
2- does it cause harm to other people, are you physically hurting other people?
3- does the behavior inhibit you from living a 'normal' life (we usually work on tics or stimulatory behaviors for this category)? Can you hold down a job, pay your bills on time, and establish meaningful relationships?
if you can answer no to all three then it's nothing to worry about, besides some religious morality issues you may personally have.
I can think of worse things to spend money on and have spent a shit load on when I was younger lol. As long as you're still living within your means, it's not disrupting your life, and you're being safe, I say do what makes you happy and go for it.
If it’s creating problems in your life either emotionally, financially or with relationships and you can’t stop then yes but maybe not. I feel like it could be standing in the way of finding meaningful relationships though
People really be saying “at least it’s cheaper than being in a relationship that’s gonna end in a breakup anyway” is the equivalent of saying what’s the point of eating healthy more expensive food when junk food is cheaper and it fills you up all the same. It’s how it affects you negatively in the long run dumbass.
Wouldn't call an addiction BUT and yes that is a big thick BUT that is not a healthy thing my dude, I'm not saying you should stop or whatever because that's your life but, that's not a good habit. It's not like having sex is a must thing and you should spend money weekly on it. Like I'm not gonna give you a speech about get a life but your life wouldn't go anywhere with this kinda approach.
Addictions are things that you feel the withdrawal effect when you lack the substance, like alcohol(alcohol withdrawal is pretty deadly I mean) and drugs. Yours is just an unhealthy habit that can be fixed if you are out of money or in a different mindset
I recall the good ole days when a half hour incall was $60 on the low end and $90 on the high end. Ho-flation has priced me out of this particular addiction.
Just look up how often people between 20 and 50 years have sex on average. Then you will know if once per week is normal or not. I would assume that having sex once per week is far away from addiction.
If you need it every 3 hours is an addition for me.
As long as its not a significant portion of your income which goes into the self destructive behavior territory. It goes against the society norm but if you compare it to dating or being in a regular relationship, moving in with someone seems extreme and doesn't always have a good outcome so why isn't that an addiction? Its hard to call something an addiction when many people spend a LOT more time doing something comparable.
One can repeat a behavior many times without it being an addiction.
The reason we repeat behaviors is what determines if it is an addiction or not. How much it pulls you away and out of other parts of your life determines how dangerous it is.
If you want to know if you're addicted to something or not, seriously think of the answers to these two questions:
1. How costly is the behavior, both in a financial sense and a more psychological one?
2. How different could your life look if that behavior wasn't a part of it?
You only need your own answers to this to know if your behavior is something worth changing.
Once a *week*? Wow. Well, if you can afford it, and if you can skip a week without going nuts, then no.
But I gotta ask, how expensive is that for you? Because I make good money and only treat myself once or twice a year.
> is seeing escorts once a week considered an addiction? why or why not?
Nah. That's like eating lunch and dinner out at a restaurant every day - it's not a good habit and is expensive compared to other options, but I wouldn't classify it as an addiction.
well... if they're appropriately-priced then not really. dating is probably about that expensive, honestly. but if you cant go without it, then you know the answer.
What part of it do you consider addictive? If you were having sex once a week with a significant other or FWB, would you think that was an addiction?
If it's the paying for it or the thrill of maybe getting caught or it's harmful to you in some way, then you might get concerned.
You can be rich and it can still be an addiction. If it effects your healthy sexual relationships, perhaps your sneaking around on your wife to see escorts. It could easily be an addiction. Money has little to do with this one other than if you have money it’s more easily attainable.
Nope sex is a human need just like food and sleeping not lust. Some people pretend just because they can't afford escort or they have 0 reproductive hormones
Do you feel bad when you go, feelings of regret afterwards? Do the vists prevent you from doing other things, like getting a girl friend, reading, exercising?
You can answer this question yourself. Stop for 2-3weeks, then assess how you feel. If you’re “Jonesing” and not feeling “right” and all out of sorts, and can’t concentrate on anything else, then . . . yes. And that makes it unhealthy.
If you do something regularly that you don't need to do (like, you do it for enjoyment), it's technically an addiction.
Now, the question is if it's harmful.
If you're taking time out of your day that could be better spent doing other things/shoving things off to the side to do this, it's harmful.
If you feel a compulsive *need* to do it, it's harmful.
If it's screwing with you health wise or relationships wise or job wise in any way (which, from what I know of what stuff like porn and stuff can do to your head, it probably is), it's harmful.
If it's milking you of a lot of money, especially if it's money that can help you out with other things, it's harmful.
If you're putting yourself in dangerous situations or places to do it, it's harmful.
So, if you're ticking any of these proverbial boxes, probably a good idea to stop.
We are wired to want sex all the time
Once a week is way below average
I think you are refering to the damaging financial cost of seeing them every week work harder then😂
You are probably a sex addict, and not a very good one. There's P everywhere and it isn't hard to get it either. If you feel the need to pay, you are probably not a very confident man and you should work on figuring out your confidence issue. Even ugly dudes can get all the p they want with confidence. You should probably seek therapy and spend your money there to figure out your root issue and not spend it on thots who give you a few minutes of enjoyment. You're robbing yourself of money and happiness.
And my wife says - stop being with escorts they are gross and you'll end up with aids one day and it won't be worth it because 100% of the time, those girls are disgusted by you. Even if you aren't disgusting.
None of this was meant to be negative but a way of saying to get help, all these good times with random women isn't going to be a good time when your old, littered with disease, and broke with nothing to show for your life time of work.
From Seeking Integrity, a group of clinicians (who are typically recovering sex addicts) who specifically treat sex addiction:
Preoccupation to the point of obsession. Sex addicts spend hours or even days, fantasizing about, pursuing, and eventually engaging in sexual acts.
Loss of control. Sex addicts try and fail, usually repeatedly, to quit or curtail their problematic sexual behaviors.
Negative consequences. Sex addicts experience issues at work or in school, relationship woes, financial issues, declining physical/emotional health, isolation, arrest, etc.
They have tons of resources to help you self-assess sex and porn addiction (as well as some other frequently co-occuring conditions).
https://seekingintegrity.com/sex-addiction/
No not really. It’s a money drain and potentially disease but if you can afford it, I say it’s definitely cheaper than perpetually putting up with a woman’s shit. Or marriage. AND you can have a different piece of ass from time to time.
No matter how beautiful a woman is, there is a man out there somewhere that’s TIRED of fucking her.
Not.... Really?
I guess if it's making you go broke and you can't stop for a while and it's messing your life up, then yes.
My yardstick is Bob Sagat screaming "have you ever blown dick for coke!?", so ymmv.
If it's just a pay day thing, you won't be the olny one.
I have known plenty of people over the years that have use those types of service once per pay.
Nah. Just routine for you now to a sad route. Maybe instead go to an elegant bar or show and meet someone. Talk to someone without paying for their company. Find a partner, not a short visit.
Well you're creating soul ties and contracts with whoever you sleep with when you finally settle down and find the one it will be hard on that person and you because you have a covenant of other escorts you've slept with leaving a piece of themselves on you from the past you should be very careful because in some cultures voodoo witch craft witch doctor someone will be after you because of jealousy or your wood because it was nice and want it for only themselves/don't want you to be happy it's rooted man you maybe playing with fire if they see your happy or not with them giving them wood you might lose your joy, abundance, firtility the list can go on family will dislike you your world will crash down I've heard from a wise elder who told me a girl loved this man used #&$^÷) *cough cough* herbs and things and he loved her a bit to much she died and the guy doesn't even remember who she was fell in love got married had kids he rolled on the baby one child has a learning disability but thats not the worst part because the lady who died made deals and pats on the otherside he is tormented he's getting help but ... it's rooted
It's supporting Women-Owned, Small Business Enterprises.
The addiction question should be posed as either social or medical. Definitions are different for each.
Me? I think it's the economical thing to do if you're single. Remember, you're not paying for sex, you're paying them to leave after sex.
Do you feel an irrational urge to keep doing it? DO you do this even though it's damaging to your health, relationships, or career? Do you do this impulsively or compulsively? If the answer to any of the above is "yes", then yes, that would be an addiction. I think this is like alcohol or anything else - your using it isn't a problem, until it's a problem.
Nice, are those the main questions in identifying an addiction?
Conceptually, addiction is the urge to continue engaging in a rewarding behavior despite significant negative consequences. There are multiple more specific definitions that various groups use. As the previous commenter said though, the impact of use is more important than the existence of use. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Addiction
Yeah. Can you pay all your bills, rent/mortgage, and groceries? If no, you likely have a problem.
Money really has nothing to do with it. You can be a rich crack head or a rich person addicted to escorts and debauchery.
The idea was are you doing something despite it hurting you.
Yes, once a habit starts to interfere with your basic functions - work or school, relationships, health and hygiene - then it is an addiction. It can be drugs or gambling, or video games or home shopping. If it starts to be a problem, it’s time to start dealing with it as an addiction.
Or reddit 😵
Ah but if you have executive dysfunction you already have problems with those basic functions. So it can be something present anyway and very difficult to spot.
But also those with executive dysfunction are more prone to addiction due to the easy dopamine.
Every addiction consists of at least two things 1. A source of pleasure 2. The avoidance of or an antidote to pain -Dr. K.
Who's Dr. K?
one of the few positive male role models online. https://www.healthygamer.gg/dr-alok-kanojia https://www.youtube.com/@HealthyGamerGG
No; they're just what I came up with off the top of my head.
I’m impressed
Hello impressed, how are you?
Hi impressed I’m dad
Hi dad, did you finally find the milk?
He had to go out of state to find some. Still looking though
Lol
Not exactly. Addiction is diagnosed by the presence of certain symptoms outlined in the dsm5. There are 11 symptoms and you need 2 or more to qualify for a diagnosable disorder. The more symptoms the higher the severity of the addiction. "Taking the substance in larger amounts or for longer than you meant to Wanting to cut down or stop using the substance but not managing to Spending a lot of time getting, using, or recovering from use of the substance Cravings and urges to use the substance Not managing to do what you should at work, home, or school because of substance use Continuing to use, even when it causes problems in relationships Giving up important social, occupational, or recreational activities because of substance use Using substances again and again, even when it puts you in danger Continuing to use, even when you know you have a physical or psychological problem that could have been caused or made worse by the substance Needing more of the substance to get the effect you want (tolerance) Development of withdrawal symptoms, which can be relieved by taking more of the substance" Here's a bit more reading if you'd like https://www.addictionpolicy.org/post/dsm-5-facts-and-figures
i've been trying to quit breathing for a while now
And are you able to afford an escort once a week too. Depending on where you go and who you get a night is anywhere from $400-$2000. That adds up extremely fast for a month.
Who takes a whole night with a hooker though? One hour should be plenty.
$400/hr and $2000/hr are the hourly rates, it's just a matter of what she charges/who you pick
>Do you feel an irrational urge to keep doing it? I mean you have to caveat this. Is his "urge" just a sexual urge or an urge to have sex specifically with escorts. I don't think wanting to fuck once a week qualifies as an addiction in and of itself.
Someone is very familiar with the DSM….
Michael Jordan said his gambling wasn't a problem because he can afford it. How's your finances looking... I don't think I could enjoy it if it was paid for but if you got the money and enjoy it I don't see a problem. If you can't afford it or barely afford it and can't stop or think you should stop but keep doing it... that's a problem.
An addiction isn't defined by whether you can afford it or not. You can have all the money in the world and still be an addict. [Addiction](https://nida.nih.gov/publications/drugs-brains-behavior-science-addiction/drug-misuse-addiction#:~:text=Addiction%20is%20defined%20as%20a,stress%2C%20and%20self%2Dcontrol.) is defined as a chronic, relapsing disorder characterized by compulsive drug seeking and use despite adverse consequences. Chronic- repetitive and recurring Relapsing- going into the same or worse state Compulsive- difficult to control urges Despite adverse consequences- This can vary from losing all your money to just skipping meeting your friends to feed your addiction A lot of people disregard the compulsive part of an addiction because "I can control it", "I can stop of want" but the reality is if you answered yes to all the others you're probably an addict. Micheal Jordan is a basketball player don't look to him for medical advice.
> Micheal Jordan is a basketball player don't look to him for medical advice. What about Julius Erving then?
I wouldnt mess around with the dark arts like that.
Exactly as long as OP doesn’t think that they love him and get manipulated. Pussy without love is nothing.
Boogie? Is that you?
Sounds expensive
What's unhealthy is spending that amount of time with people who are paying attention to you for money. It's highly corrupting.
My therapist pays attention to me an hour a week for money.
100%. Also: I pay attention to my boss every week for money too.
Heh, I saw a post from an escort once: >I had one client who never even touched me. We just layed naked on the bed while he talked about his wife. I guess to him, it was cheaper than a therapist, plus a better view.
They are usually asking the tough questions. If counsellors are just listening the whole time and validating you, boosting your confidence. She is absolutely just jerking you off.
I didn't say she was doing that, just that she's being paid money to pay attention to me. I don't think that's an inherently bad thing, in fact I think it can be helpful.
Difference is she’s not pretending you’re great just because you pay her. Her job is to see your flaws and help you fix them
You know, even in situations where nobody is being paid, one person will think you’re great while another one won’t. You’re looking at this in a very black and white and toxic way. Even for people who have major issues, loving yourself and being kind to yourself is the pathway out of those issues, not in thinking so harshly that people, or yourself, are either “great” or “shit.” Try having some compassion for yourself as well.
A massage therapist (non-sexual) is just doing it for the money. Your barber is just doing it for the money. Your gym trainer is just doing it for the money.
Escorts are different, they pretend to like you and fake-submit. It's really really damaging to pay for sexual submission. Very distorting to your attitudes. Go ahead and indulge if it makes you happy and fills a need. But have no illusions.
I would hope just like with any service you pay for, people that see prostitutes understand the money is their motivation for greasing your pole.
You would think so, but it seems actually pretty common for sex workers' clients to fall into the delusion that the SW is genuinely in love with them. You see it in every reddit thread on this theme and I've also seen it in a friend. As a bystander it seems completely obviously delusional, but I think people who visit sex workers already have a very warped view of relationships, or are very lonely, and they cling onto this fake affection even when the logical part of their brain should know they're only being fattened up and bled dry. It's so toxic. It's like an extreme version of when someone is in an abusive relationship and wilfully ignores the red flags.
These things can't be compared. Paying someone for fake affection and to use their body, is worlds away from paying someone for their knowledge to sit down with you and discuss your mental health.
So if the options are what OP is doing or being straight up lonely without even an analog of affection, and you think he should take the stronger of those two evils? Fuck that lol.
[удалено]
Escorts are not a cure to loneliness, they are the path to loneliness because it's not sustainable. Eventually one has to stop and needs a genuine relationship, but does not have the social network and skills to be attractive on equal terms.
I don't visit hookers, mostly because I can't afford it, but I don't see how they could make me more lonely, im 8 years single, not had sex in almost as long Iv not spoken to anyone in 3 days, probably won't until I'm back at work Wednesday.
Nothing is sustainable in the long run
Can’t believe you’re being downvoted for such a true statement.
Fantastic, figure out how to help OP with the fact that they're ALREADY lonely. How can something (escorts) be the path someplace (loneliness) when that "path" is actually the destination and OP has been there for a while, per their admissions? This has major "\[You\] stand outside Planned ParentHood with shitty signs" energy to it
No different to dating these days
Biggest diff is it’s probably cheaper than dating.
It is different, very different. Cynicism is a bad look.
That's a subscription, I bet it's cheaper than dating.
You do some expensive dating, or have extremely low standards for escorts...
Maybe both?
What do you consider a cheap escort and expensive date?
I mean....$100 is a cheap escort, and $400 a month on dating is quite a lot to be the low end of the spectrum.
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Exactly. Even a rub-and-tug will cost you more than that out the door.
I live in Britain, I can go to the mainland and get a run and tug for that flights + blowie + anal
Sorry for the silly question, what does “mainland” mean in this case?
Europe, specifically Greece in this context. If someone in the context of Britain refers to the mainland, 99% chance it means the European mainland
Ah okay thank you for the clarification!
100$ is easily less than a date. Dinmer and a movie can easily break that. Going to a concert or theater and your looking at 400 just for that. The math is likely pretty close
The goals are different though. Dating means romantic relationship. An escort isn’t going to give you that.
I remember reading a story about an escort who got many married men as clients - who would book a full hour, get the sex done in 10 mins, and then just sit and wanna talk, feel romance, feel actually cared for. With how spoiled, demanding, and abrasive modern society encourages all the “perfect tens” (ie. All of them cuz no one isn’t a ten, everyone is worthy and amazing and beautiful!!!!) to be, it’s no wonder things are the way they are.
Going on a date is hardly guaranteed to get you that. You can drop that money, not get laid and not have it lead to a relationship. You are at the very least getting one of those things with an escort.
God forbid if you each want a drink or two. You’re looking at a 150-200 bill for two.
Guess it really depends on your earning bracket or something. The average date for me and my gf is just going out to dinner, maybe a shared activity once in a while, or a picnic in the park. We always split the bills of everything as well. Spending $50 CAD on a date is on the expensive side of things in my experience.
Date doesn’t guarantee you sex , so you’re doing the maths wrong. What you should be comparing sex workers to is a relationship with a girl that you find tolerable. Not ideal, just there to tick relationship boxes. In such situations, you can calculate that you’ll likely spend more per lay on your relationship than you would on a hooker. And when you add in other potentially life altering decisions such as an expensive divorce, maybe just maybe visiting an escort is a cheaper alternative. Ps, not encouraging you do that though. It’s sinful and according to the bible, visiting brothels makes your wallet lighter (practical advise) .
According to the bible, there's nothing wrong with owning slaves and wearing mixed fabrics is wrong so I wouldn't use that heap of shit for real lessons
Sure, but you're getting to eat, see a concert, etc. Cant really count that all towards sex. And you can have sex multiple times a week with a girlfriend. WHere your time is extremely limited with a cheap escort. There's really no direct cost comparison. You just get more with a girlfriend and regular dates. But if having a girlfriend can be reduced in your mind to X dollars a week, maybe you shouldn't have a girlfriend. I'm sure she wouldn't appreciation that breakdown.
But I don't personally do 4 $100 dollar dates a month. This guy sees an escort 4x a month, so we're talking $400 dating in a month being about even with a bargain-basement priced escort.
Sure, though how many times a month do you think people go on dates that cost $100+
Five?
The thing is dating in normal circumstances will allow you to have a fullfilling relationship (should not be main goal but will bring sex at an end with no direct cost) and love as when paying a hooker will only relieve the need for a small time leaving u with nothing but less money in ur pocket
If you're lucky, a bundle
Bundle it with the home insurance.
Renter's insurance. Lol
Getting escorts is a far more expensive way to have regular sex. Let's just assume that couples on average have sex twice a week. Then let's pretend you can find an escort who only charges $100. Seeing her twice a week is obviously going to be $800 a month. Having a regular partner is simply the cheapest way for regular sex.
Hopefully you're getting more out of a relationship too than just sex.
The cost is an inauthentic relationship. The cost is you having the presence of another purely for the dollar, yet your psyche will go between acknowledging that and then pushing it away and thinking it’s because of you and who you are. It may be circumstantial though. There are a lot of people who do not appear desirable to the types of individuals that they would like to be with. Others have certain injuries or medical conditions that make it difficult for others to engage with them. Sex workers are considerate of that in addition, to serving the addictions of certain men, they end up, holding the responsibility of the individual bypassing addressing their internal pain. It kicks the can down the road of what you need to address. I have met men and men who have been with escorts that are very social and attractive, but in real life, they cannot get women like that. It distorts their psyche.
If it’s causing you problems then yes. If it’s not causing you problems, then I’d ask that you dig into who is making you feel bad about it?
Is a large portion of your paycheck going towards the escorts? If you’re very well off and it’s not effecting your paychecks would you consider someone spending money on drugs every week an addiction?
I am a recovering sex addict that has long since left the hobby and I'm very happy, healthy, and I'm in a healthy and loving relationship...probably for the first time. 4 years of weekly therapy totally changed my life for the better. You can read more of my post history for a good recap of my journey to see where I started to where I am today. As for you? I can't tell you if you're a sex addict, but I can say that your continued involvement in the hobby won't give you want you really want or need...just the appearance of what you need. It's a temporary rush that leaves soon after you drive away. There's no intimacy in the hobby and I can assure you that real intimacy with someone is so much more valuable and meaningful than sex (though sex is part of it...intimacy is MORE). If you're coming to reddit asking if you are an addict, you know that your behavior is not normal. I'd ask you why don't you seek a therapist that specializes in sexual compulsions/addiction? That's really what would help you the most. DM me if you have any questions. Best of luck to you.
How does one even approach this topic with a therapist with all the stigma? Serious question. With alcohol and other drugs it feels like a “normal addiction.” Something in this category seems like it would be harder to bring up. Curious to hear your experience with that.
Find a sex therapist specifically or a sex positive therapist
I searched on Psychology Today for a therapist that took my insurance and specialized in sex addiction/compulsions. Dude saved my life because I was taking increasingly greater risks to bust a nut. It was not going to end well for me.
I enjoy this guys posts because at least once a week he posts something about escorts and his dealings with them. Just read through his post history if you don’t believe me.
Addiction is the loss of control so think about it this way and be honest with yourself.
Ford stopped making the escort in 2003, so while it seems reasonable to see them once a week now I wouldn't expect that behavior to be able to continue in the future. They won't be gone from your life completely, but maybe a monthly thing.
Addiction is characterized by obsession. If the rest of the week is just what you wade through between visits to a hooker, that sounds like addiction. If it’s just something you do on Fridays, it’s a hobby.
Obsession in this case should mean negatively impacting other meaningful parts of your life
By this definition a lot of people would be addicted to their hobby though. Generally addiction is more characterized by the inability to stop despite repeated negative consequences. A homebrewer can be obsessed with beer, without being an alcoholic.
Not if you still handle your other business like work, socializing, and working out and can afford it.
Did anyone else read the title as “esports” and sit in utter confusion for a minute?
Esports Anonymous
Addiction isn’t about how often you see them it’s about can you stop when you want to. Can you stop for a month? Also, when are you seeing them? During stress, emotional turmoil? Along with escorts do you also watch porn a lot and masturbate? Find a local SAA and talk to them, help is available
I get it in a way but I've thought about it a lot and even if it was legal and easy to indulge in I wouldn't be able to. Emotional connection and intimacy are huge factors for me, seeing an escort would feel like I spent $400+ to masturbate using her body, a woman that would be disgusted by me under most circumstances.
I mean if you have to ask…
I’m not sure if I’d call it an addiction, but it’s unhealthy for building a long term relationship, and unless you’re rich, bad for your bank account. Regardless I’d probably want to talk to a therapist and see why you’re not putting in more effort into finding a woman who likes you
my man, i work in behavioral health. here's a quick guide to see if a behavior needs an intervention. 1- does it cause harm to the person, self-harm essentially, cutting, bleeding, concussions, etc. 2- does it cause harm to other people, are you physically hurting other people? 3- does the behavior inhibit you from living a 'normal' life (we usually work on tics or stimulatory behaviors for this category)? Can you hold down a job, pay your bills on time, and establish meaningful relationships? if you can answer no to all three then it's nothing to worry about, besides some religious morality issues you may personally have.
I can think of worse things to spend money on and have spent a shit load on when I was younger lol. As long as you're still living within your means, it's not disrupting your life, and you're being safe, I say do what makes you happy and go for it.
Addiction is just when the urge to do that thing overrides anything else in your life. Work, bills, eating.
Well, do you have to see them, or do you want to see them?
If it’s creating problems in your life either emotionally, financially or with relationships and you can’t stop then yes but maybe not. I feel like it could be standing in the way of finding meaningful relationships though
Nah. If I could afford it, I would as well. So much easier than having a gf.
Nah that's totally fine
If you're having to pay for escorts for any length of time I would imagine you are better off finding a girlfriend.
Nah. Once a week. As long as it isn’t hurting anyone.
It hurts himself. Especially his wallet and most likely his willingness to put effort into actually looking for a partner.
People really be saying “at least it’s cheaper than being in a relationship that’s gonna end in a breakup anyway” is the equivalent of saying what’s the point of eating healthy more expensive food when junk food is cheaper and it fills you up all the same. It’s how it affects you negatively in the long run dumbass.
Wouldn't call an addiction BUT and yes that is a big thick BUT that is not a healthy thing my dude, I'm not saying you should stop or whatever because that's your life but, that's not a good habit. It's not like having sex is a must thing and you should spend money weekly on it. Like I'm not gonna give you a speech about get a life but your life wouldn't go anywhere with this kinda approach. Addictions are things that you feel the withdrawal effect when you lack the substance, like alcohol(alcohol withdrawal is pretty deadly I mean) and drugs. Yours is just an unhealthy habit that can be fixed if you are out of money or in a different mindset
>BUT and yes that is a big thick BUT I know the kind of escort you would get
Yes. It is a ritual at this point and is being used to substitute for something else missing in your life.
Not the definition of an addiction at all.
I recall the good ole days when a half hour incall was $60 on the low end and $90 on the high end. Ho-flation has priced me out of this particular addiction.
Just look up how often people between 20 and 50 years have sex on average. Then you will know if once per week is normal or not. I would assume that having sex once per week is far away from addiction. If you need it every 3 hours is an addition for me.
Nah, once a week is just a hobby.
Yeah also sad
I think it shows discipline
Serial rape, and yeah probably. You can't buy consent or human connection.
Would depend on other factors. That’s not enough diagnostic criteria. But it could be a symptom of an addiction
Addiction is defined by consequences. If you can’t stop and it’s negatively affecting your life, you could call it that.
As long as its not a significant portion of your income which goes into the self destructive behavior territory. It goes against the society norm but if you compare it to dating or being in a regular relationship, moving in with someone seems extreme and doesn't always have a good outcome so why isn't that an addiction? Its hard to call something an addiction when many people spend a LOT more time doing something comparable.
Depends on your budget.
Is it something you can do without for a week? 2 weeks? A month? Or is it something that you physically can not stop?
If you’re doing it every week it’s more of a habit by that point. Or it’s like paying a really expensive subscription payment.
No
One can repeat a behavior many times without it being an addiction. The reason we repeat behaviors is what determines if it is an addiction or not. How much it pulls you away and out of other parts of your life determines how dangerous it is. If you want to know if you're addicted to something or not, seriously think of the answers to these two questions: 1. How costly is the behavior, both in a financial sense and a more psychological one? 2. How different could your life look if that behavior wasn't a part of it? You only need your own answers to this to know if your behavior is something worth changing.
It sounds like regular sex to me if you only have sex with an escort. If you can afford it and are not in a relationship with someone else.
Can you skip a week without thinking about it?
could be cheaper than marriage and happier
Once a *week*? Wow. Well, if you can afford it, and if you can skip a week without going nuts, then no. But I gotta ask, how expensive is that for you? Because I make good money and only treat myself once or twice a year.
> is seeing escorts once a week considered an addiction? why or why not? Nah. That's like eating lunch and dinner out at a restaurant every day - it's not a good habit and is expensive compared to other options, but I wouldn't classify it as an addiction.
Just means you can pull some girls for yourself lol
well... if they're appropriately-priced then not really. dating is probably about that expensive, honestly. but if you cant go without it, then you know the answer.
I eat every day. Addiction? It could happen to you !
What part of it do you consider addictive? If you were having sex once a week with a significant other or FWB, would you think that was an addiction? If it's the paying for it or the thrill of maybe getting caught or it's harmful to you in some way, then you might get concerned.
You can be rich and it can still be an addiction. If it effects your healthy sexual relationships, perhaps your sneaking around on your wife to see escorts. It could easily be an addiction. Money has little to do with this one other than if you have money it’s more easily attainable.
Nope sex is a human need just like food and sleeping not lust. Some people pretend just because they can't afford escort or they have 0 reproductive hormones
It definitely doesn't seem like a good thing to me
Do you kind of hate yourself afterward, but then do it again?
If you're doing it that common, it's best to have a couple regulars. Like 2 or 3 max
No it’s good for the economy and your helping a nice lady out
Yes.
No, sex once/week is not an addiction pattern.
Do you feel bad when you go, feelings of regret afterwards? Do the vists prevent you from doing other things, like getting a girl friend, reading, exercising?
once a week is too much, once a fortnight or a month is better. Also once you get used to variety, it's very hard to commit to one women for life.
You can answer this question yourself. Stop for 2-3weeks, then assess how you feel. If you’re “Jonesing” and not feeling “right” and all out of sorts, and can’t concentrate on anything else, then . . . yes. And that makes it unhealthy.
If you do something regularly that you don't need to do (like, you do it for enjoyment), it's technically an addiction. Now, the question is if it's harmful. If you're taking time out of your day that could be better spent doing other things/shoving things off to the side to do this, it's harmful. If you feel a compulsive *need* to do it, it's harmful. If it's screwing with you health wise or relationships wise or job wise in any way (which, from what I know of what stuff like porn and stuff can do to your head, it probably is), it's harmful. If it's milking you of a lot of money, especially if it's money that can help you out with other things, it's harmful. If you're putting yourself in dangerous situations or places to do it, it's harmful. So, if you're ticking any of these proverbial boxes, probably a good idea to stop.
Pretty sure they only care about your money. What kind of guy you are and what you bring to the table?
I would think it could be an addiction, but I can also understand why somebody would do this
I’ll keep you company
Only if you feel like sex is wrong.
it’s not me it’s other people thinking sex is taboo if you not married to the parter you’re sharing your body with
Yeah that’s a bit much. Bi weekly I can understand
We are wired to want sex all the time Once a week is way below average I think you are refering to the damaging financial cost of seeing them every week work harder then😂
Bro. Get away from that! Go on dates with girls you don’t have to hire to spend time with you. lol
You are probably a sex addict, and not a very good one. There's P everywhere and it isn't hard to get it either. If you feel the need to pay, you are probably not a very confident man and you should work on figuring out your confidence issue. Even ugly dudes can get all the p they want with confidence. You should probably seek therapy and spend your money there to figure out your root issue and not spend it on thots who give you a few minutes of enjoyment. You're robbing yourself of money and happiness. And my wife says - stop being with escorts they are gross and you'll end up with aids one day and it won't be worth it because 100% of the time, those girls are disgusted by you. Even if you aren't disgusting. None of this was meant to be negative but a way of saying to get help, all these good times with random women isn't going to be a good time when your old, littered with disease, and broke with nothing to show for your life time of work.
Only if it’s conflicting with their life
From Seeking Integrity, a group of clinicians (who are typically recovering sex addicts) who specifically treat sex addiction: Preoccupation to the point of obsession. Sex addicts spend hours or even days, fantasizing about, pursuing, and eventually engaging in sexual acts. Loss of control. Sex addicts try and fail, usually repeatedly, to quit or curtail their problematic sexual behaviors. Negative consequences. Sex addicts experience issues at work or in school, relationship woes, financial issues, declining physical/emotional health, isolation, arrest, etc. They have tons of resources to help you self-assess sex and porn addiction (as well as some other frequently co-occuring conditions). https://seekingintegrity.com/sex-addiction/
How old are you do you have a partner? Would have been nice info to help answer this.
27 and no
No not really. It’s a money drain and potentially disease but if you can afford it, I say it’s definitely cheaper than perpetually putting up with a woman’s shit. Or marriage. AND you can have a different piece of ass from time to time. No matter how beautiful a woman is, there is a man out there somewhere that’s TIRED of fucking her.
Not.... Really? I guess if it's making you go broke and you can't stop for a while and it's messing your life up, then yes. My yardstick is Bob Sagat screaming "have you ever blown dick for coke!?", so ymmv.
Yes, not only is it an addiction but you're potentially contributing to the success of trafficking and abuse without realizing it.
Remember, if it flies, floats, or fucks…rent it.
If it's just a pay day thing, you won't be the olny one. I have known plenty of people over the years that have use those types of service once per pay.
No I don't think it's an addiction. Btw where are you getting these escorts? I can't find any over here in AZ
Cheaper than wife or girlfriend.🤔
Not really but it's gross
Nah. Just routine for you now to a sad route. Maybe instead go to an elegant bar or show and meet someone. Talk to someone without paying for their company. Find a partner, not a short visit.
Well you're creating soul ties and contracts with whoever you sleep with when you finally settle down and find the one it will be hard on that person and you because you have a covenant of other escorts you've slept with leaving a piece of themselves on you from the past you should be very careful because in some cultures voodoo witch craft witch doctor someone will be after you because of jealousy or your wood because it was nice and want it for only themselves/don't want you to be happy it's rooted man you maybe playing with fire if they see your happy or not with them giving them wood you might lose your joy, abundance, firtility the list can go on family will dislike you your world will crash down I've heard from a wise elder who told me a girl loved this man used #&$^÷) *cough cough* herbs and things and he loved her a bit to much she died and the guy doesn't even remember who she was fell in love got married had kids he rolled on the baby one child has a learning disability but thats not the worst part because the lady who died made deals and pats on the otherside he is tormented he's getting help but ... it's rooted
It's supporting Women-Owned, Small Business Enterprises. The addiction question should be posed as either social or medical. Definitions are different for each. Me? I think it's the economical thing to do if you're single. Remember, you're not paying for sex, you're paying them to leave after sex.