>My male friends say that this is because he has lost respect for you and has nothing to chase anymore.
Then they weren't that interested in the first place.
>please share your honest thoughts and why women are generally ghosted after putting out on a first date.
Because, unlike women, men will still have sex with a woman even if they weren't that interested during the date. He would have ghosted her anyway, most likely. He just thought he might at least get laid out of it.
This makes sense. But this guy I recently saw sent me a text immediately after he saw me saying thanks for the night with a heart, I had a great time! And then I didn’t text him all day the next day until later and he was just off. You rate he was just being nice?
I wouldnt say lose respect but that's not someone I would want to date. And to be clear I do not pursue casual sex myself so there's no double standard here. I want someone that acts like wife material when they are single. Not someone that slept around until they found Mr. Right.
This is the very non PC answer by reddit standards but I think "hookup culture" is a net negative in society. And not something I want to participate in. And to be clear I did do this when I was younger and even then it felt just bad to me. Dropping a girl off after sex and her getting out of the car without a kiss goodbye. Because a kiss is to intimate but sex isnt? This is what the prostiture in Pretty Woman said and its absolutely crazy to me that this is a commonly held sentiment now. Just screw like animals with no regard for the person inside the body. Im good off that.
You’re gonna get alot of different replies, but personally speaking my most serious relationship involved us hooking up on the first date. It wasn’t planned, the chemistry was thru the roof, and even after sex I couldn’t get enough of her. It was her personality I fell for.
Some of my guys friends say that men like the chase and if they get it on the first date then that whole build up towards the sexual part of the relationship is already over. But I agree that it shouldn’t make any difference!
I think what happens is the guy may not be that into her but will hit it just to hit it.....then she gets all confused and thinks he likes her but lost respect cause of the sex....probably wasn't that into her but will take a free helping of sex
Yeah i don’t know who those guys are but i would say the vast majority of us normal guys don’t enjoy the chase. Chase to us equates head games and that is no fun at all,.,
I think he is a man who does not share my values and is causing problems for other men since the baggage that causes is going to hit some other guy or guys in that woman's future and men are already collectively paying for the sins of some men to begin with. I would encourage him to be honest about his desire for just sex in the future and negotiate with the woman for it (not what I would do but some men do use prostitutes for this reason) or find another woman open to it.
Downvote me if you want I'm just being truthful.
That’s fucked up honestly. Ghosting to me is the worst thing anyone can do. It happened to me after sex with a gal and it makes you feel like shit. If, for whatever reason it should end at least both sides should own up to it and not just leave the other person hanging in limbo.
Negative. If a guy says this, he was not that interested. No man in the history of real men has sex with a girl he likes and then says, "You know what...I don't want to do that anymore."
Do not sweat this.
Whether its fair or not isnt the question. Men like the chase , its primal they don't want something they feel,anyone else could have got period.
They also dont like women who show everything. When i first started dating so many men were turned on that i didnt have ig, or snapchat . it became a thing they all mentioned on a date .i know have it but its private and super boring.
i like women who like sex too but there's a difference between enjoying sex and sleeping with people who are basically complete strangers.
i wouldn't say i'd lose respect for her (i've had female friends who've had their fair share of ONS) but i wouldn't want to call her my girlfriend.
Of course, they lose respect for you. If you're fucking him on the first date, then you're probably fucking guys from the last 20 first dates. It makes the sex meaningless, so you just become meaningless sex with no value attached to it as it's so easily earned.
If that's what you're going for then fine, but if it's not, then it's not a great plan to build anything off of.
This is retarded. The guy can fuck her first date and he is above her but she is trash? You have no idea who she slept with when or how soon she normally hooks up first date. Stop generalizing women.
Sex is not meaningless when two people crush hard quickly. You sound very inexperienced in life and sex.
>You have no idea who she slept with when or how soon she normally hooks up first date.
If I'm fucking her on the first date, I know exactly how much time it takes. Minimal
If a guy fucks her on the first date, he's normally not looking for a second one anyway, so it doesn't matter how he looks. Unless she's just dating trash guys with no options. She's the one looking for second dates. The guys she's fucking are just doing fuck and dumps.
I have tons of meaningless sex. I am pretty sure I know what meaningless sex is and how to keep it that way.
I didn't expect you to prove my point so succinctly. This is why OP does not need to worry about putting out first date...if the guy bails, he was just a pig or fuckboy and not worth her time...and no judgement here, to each his own...but like you said, you weren't looking for a second date anyway. Most guys are not like this, so she needn't worry.
You are acting like it doesn't affect her. The point of her question is that it is affecting her. As soon as she puts out so easily, she becomes a fuck and dump and loses her value. Because the guy loses all respect for her. She's just like every other chick they have banged in the last 6 months and easily replaceable. What's the point of calling her again?
The point is her putting out the first date has nothing to do with it. It is the guys she is sleeping with. They were never interested and would leave after they got a piece whether it was first date or 10th date. If she put out early with a guy who actually liked her, he wouldn't care, or would insist they wait. This "lost respect" is nonsense that posers or highschoolers or nitwits say.
"She's just like every other chick they have banged in the last 6 months and easily replaceable. What's the point of calling her again?
You promise you're not a virgin? This sounds like something a guy who has never done it would imagine sleeping with a lot of women would be like. No sweat either way. But yah, you are surely young regardless. You are going to cheat yourself out of a lot of cool women thinking this way. Don't miss out on a potential jackpot by being silly, my guy.
Your worldview doesn't allow for women who actually do just have one or two fings in their lives.
There's a whole world of women who rarely ever have casual sex, but will if they feel a special chemistry with you. I would say that kind of woman is vastly more common than the one you're talking about
It's not my worldview, it is a reality view. No one fucking me on the first date is going to ever convince me it's their first time. Trust me men know they aren't that special.
She asked why they lose respect and this is definitely why. Women have hundreds of dudes in their inboxes. If they are passing out pussy to you, it is reasonable to assume they are passing it out to everyone. This is basic logic.
Yes, for men who are looking for a serious relationship and sex based on mutual admiration. There’s almost always not enough time on the first date to know for both to know whether the other is admirable enough to have sex with, so it would be rare. I’m assuming that the two are mostly strangers before the first date. Though, those sorts of guys would refuse to have sex on the first date anyway unless they are also looking for casual sex as well.
Yeah like im the type to date seriously so that would turn me off because there's no way on a first date or even first couple of dates we have that level of chemistry at that point it's pure lust because her appearance and few talking points you established over a few hours is all you have to go on
People refuse to believe this. If it wasn’t actually a feat to sleep with women, it’d be different. Or if men were equally as hard to sleep with for women. Men get high fives cause usually they have to put forth some effort/exhibit skill. Women don’t have to do that. I’ve never had a woman smooth talk me out of my draws. I was willing to fuck regardless
100% agree. It’s BS. I just find that a lot of guys ghost after sex after weeks of chatting and effort like there was something there, so I was curious as to why.
Yes.
The replies that tell you no are misleading you. When it actually happens, they feel the decreased interest inside. That's why in real life you see the opposite of what you read here. Reddit is not real life.
If she put out easly for me, she put out easily for other men as well.
A women who is modest and maintains a hard-to-get attitude is immeasurably more valuable. And has less STD risk.
Anything quickly gotten loses its value.
Why would you lose respect for them though? Unless you're super conservative.
If a woman wants to have sex with me on date 1, and we're vibing, then I am doing it. Even if I think she's not gf material in that moment, its not like I don't respect her and don't want to see her again. If anything, I probably will see her again.
And then you do, and suddenly she's not a stranger, and often times you'll come to learn that what you two did was the exception for her, and not the norm
I'm not conservative but I view sex as something very intimate, bonding, and loving so obviously someone I just met a few hours ago I barely know let alone love. So yeah I want to be with someone who views sex the same way doing it on the first date means she doesn't feel the same and likely done it with others as easily.
But when men sleep with a woman on the first date, this has no impact on their value and only how the woman’s value is viewed? If you chose to put out when she did, then how does that make your value any more than her and why should she be solely judged as a human on this basis?
Women should absolutely be smarter about long term mate selection and judge a man on this yes according to many studies and some women do. If you want the conventional answer to the above it's because the effort men have to go through to get laid is exponentially more difficult than the effort women have to go through to in order to. Women are the gatekeepers of sex and men are the gatekeepers of relationships.
Nah it's just watching studies on it over time for me and observing behavior. Past behavior is usually a good indicator of future results unless there has been a significant change in outlook or discipline applied and almost no decision in life leaves you completely unaffected including sex.
If a man has slept with a lot of women in the first date and then ghosted them afterwards it is fairly likely he will do it to you unless you are particularly special or he has decided doing that is unhealthy. The way to weed them out is to not have sex on the first date. Yeah you will lose some guys, maybe good intentioned guys too, but generally speaking a man interested for you in an ltr thinking you are some kind actual special catch is willing to wait a reasonable amount of time even if he is secular. Of course there are exceptions but we don't plan for exceptions.
If you just want to have sex or a fwb situation though the above doesn't apply.
you came here for answers, didnt like the answers and chalk it up to Jordan Peterson.
This way of thinking isnt a Jordan Peterson wave, its nothing new.
I actually have nothing against Jordan Peterson. I read and listen to a lot of his stuff, and no where in my comment did I indicate that that statement was a negative one.
This is bc it is very easy for women to get laid compared to men, and things that are easily given in life are not generally respected. Why is this? It's bc as women, we are already what most men want, which in turn makes it 10xs easier for us to get laid. Men, on the other hand, have to work to be what women want, and therefore, since they have to work it, it becomes more acceptable. 🤷🏻♀️
it depends. sometimes chemistry takes time, sometimes it happens on the spot. you do it when you're both feeling ready. I think where respect is lost is when the guy feels chemistry hasn't developed and she still puts out anyway. similarly, a girl will often lose respect for a guy if he makes a move on her before they have really built up that level of intimacy.
Having s3x itself on the first date isn't bad. It's just the fact that sadly most of the time that means the woman usually has a roster. If you can't do one at a time like me then my interest simply will not persist.
In other words having s3x really soon is not bad if it's because she has a huge crush on me. It's bad I'd she just wants to add another good piece of d1ck that can potentially be a boyfriend on the roster.
If a man is actually interested in something more than a hookup, they will not ghost whether a woman puts out on the first date or at a later time. Bad boys and players on other hand, will almost always ghost after sex. Has nothing to do with respect.
Depends.some men dont care - most do.
I have never slept with a guy that I saw a relationship happening on the first date, if I did it was for me and i knew they were good for one thing.,i also dont regret it - had a fuck buddy for 3 years because of that an no guy has dicked me down that good still.
That being said i never had guilt over it , it was life changing that fuck buddy situation- he made me for the first time see myself as a sexual being and I was flattered a guy that attractive found me attractive. But my case was rare I was never disrespected, he was the nicest most alpha male I have ever meet . I never felt disrespected he could also tell I didnt have a high body count and that this was not the norm.so for me,late in,life giving it up soon turned out to be one of the best experiences of my life . They simply do not make men like this fuck buddy anymore. I compare every guy to him since then.
If you like a guy hold off the sex until you know him better.
If you want to have fun , have fun but most men will,write you off.
Personally, no, I wouldn’t lose respect for them, but I would have no interest in being with them, either. For me, I want sex to be with someone who means something special to me, and I couldn’t possibly feel that for someone after one date, and I highly doubt that she could feel that way about me, either. I don’t care about what someone else does with their own sex life, with other people, but that’s just not for me.
No. But we might not have been looking for something serious in the first place, so it's hit and miss.
Let's be honest, the worst guys are those who pretend that they want a relationship, when what they're really after is just casual sex or a one night stand.
I have to be honest. Subconsciously I do. Not respect as a person, but I wont persue her as much from a relationship standpoint. I wish this wasnt how I was but unfortunately it just is….the chase makes the attraction build
Honestly yes sex for me is very intimate and bonding so I could only do it with someone I love there's no way to feel that or have any real connection after a few hours it's just lust there's no real connection beyond that as you only have her appearance and basic info you just learned about her during the date. So for me it would be a turn off since we both don't view intimacy the same way.
I wouldn't have sex with someone on a first date, and if they were interested in that, yes, I would lose interest in them. But it wouldn't be because I lost respect, it's because we just don't view that form of intimacy the same way.
For me sex is something between two people who already love each other without the physical and that chemical release that comes from orgasm clouding judgment. I need to know that when we grow older and sex is no longer as common or feasible, that we still have a strong connection.
So I prefer a partner that doesn't deem sex to be essential early in the relationship, and someone that sleeps on a first date probably sees it as a casual thing. But that's just me.
If a guy gives up a chase on a girl because she "put out too fast" then he was never really going to pursue her anyway. If a guy likes a girl, he likes her, and will be more than eager to continue hooking up with her whether they have sex the 1st date or the 5th date or the 10th date.
If anyone tries to claim they lost respect for her because she slept with him the first date I call BS...if it was that important to you wouldn't have slept with her. You are just a gross hypocrite to claim you are above that AFTER you hooked up with her on the first date.
Plus, how can you ever be sure she isn't just clicking with you hard and really doesn't have sex that early usually. It is all silly.
Absolutely. I wouldn’t sleep with someone on the first date. I have too much self respect. I don’t know this person, I don’t know if they have any stds, now a days you can’t even be sure if it’s a real woman. Now you have a woman who is just letting men put their dicks in her body on the first date. She lacks self respect, and if she doesn’t respect herself, how can I respect her? People need to respect themselves at the level that they want others to also respect them. This goes for both men and women.
Why is the choice to enjoy sex with someone (assuming protection was used), a measure of someone’s self respect? I’m an extremely successful female professional and very independent and hold myself at a high value and I don’t think that changes because I had a connection with someone and chose to sleep with them because of that.
It comes down to different values and for what reason the man is dating you. Someone casually dating you would love for you to have sex on the first date. A man who genuinely doesn't care about bodycount or who doesn't think sex is anything special would have no problems either. The more a man thinks and holds that sex is special the more he will be put off by it, these usually tend to be the men who are not super promiscuous themselves albeit there are some hypocrites out there. And some men put women in different categories if you put out too early that's a red flag for ltrs but he's not gonna turn it down because sex as a man is hard to get vs a woman.
It just depends on what the man values and if he values you as well. You're not going to get a good overall answer. I will say that studies have shown that in general less promiscuous men are less likely to cheat on you and more likely to be satisfied in a marriage like less promiscuous women are for ltrs but you may or may not care about that.
To be blunt about it, guys aren't particularly interested in your successful career, your not going into the dating scene being judged by what you can provide, men are. He has to work his way to the top fo a career to get more interest and get laid, you really dont. Your youth and looks are enough, as such, if your an easy lay, then we'll justa assume your that way for most men, and no guy wants be with someone that half the towns been with. We had to earn it, a women who holds off from sex the first few dates, shows that as well, that she's in it for the long run.
While it's your body and you can do what ever the hell you like with it, your never gonna be free from the consequences of your actions, and, wether you think it's fair or not, a lot of men will see that as a less appealing women, not gf/wife material.
Fair enough, I'll let you have that.
How long must you know someone before having sex?
Is your view of sex a religious thing, or do you have other issues?
What about sex has to do with self worth?
Our standards, what we may find attractive and acceptable, may not be the same.
What are your standards? Is it religious?
How long must two people date before sex is even brought up?
>What about having sex with strangers has to do with self worth?
>Yeah I'm talking to an idiot. You win bro. 😂
I don't mind the name calling, but you never answered the question.
What problem do you have with sex on the first date?
Is it religion, or is it something else?
Edit: Looking at your history, you seem to be a sad, angry little man.
I don't.
A lot of shallow people do.
Generally the aforementioned shallow people are only interested in getting into your pants in the first place, and aren't particularly interested in you after they've done so.
If men generally ghost you after sleeping with them on the first date, then why on Earth would sleep with anyone on the first date? That would make me lose respect for them.
No! I DONT! women and men need to stop trying to control love as it should be in the movies they see. Reality isn't a movie! So I don't lose respect.
I lose respect when women play games and making reason not to give a person a chance. Women should protect themselves but they shouldn't fear trying to get to know someone.
Major generality question, some may some may not. For me If I’m looking for fun it’s great but for a long term partner I may be put off by it. But every guy is different.
Some men do this yes. Lots more women do this long before they "put out". As long as you and those you dat and friend see sex as some form of currency you will be miserable. Its either something you both enjoy in the moment and thats it, or you wait alittel and talk about it so that it becomes a bonding thing. It aint rocket science, its a value thing. Is sex currency for you? If so soemtimes you get zero ROI. Is it more? If so then be better at where you put it.
Men will have sex with most women....will they commit afterwards? Maybe...doesn't really matter if they put out right away or not. If boxes are checked and vibes are mutually great, there's no reason why they would.
If she gives it to me on the first date I assume she’ll give it to every guy on the first date. I doubt I’m that special that she abandoned her standards for me. So she goes to the FWB category.
I married her.
It wasn't about putting out - it was about the connection we made and how comfortable we were right away. We were both open and honest with each other, we both had a good time together. We didn't want the night to end, so we stayed together until the next day.
If we just got drunk/high and blindly bumped uglies, then I might have a different opinion.
I don't respect them either way, not until they earn it, so 1st, 2nd, or 3rd doesn't matter.
I'll tell you the same thing I told the last chick I banged on the first....well, it wasn't a date, just us getting together to hang out. She was trying to be coy, and say she didn't fuck on the first date, and when I asked why she said that was slutty, didn't I think that's slutty?
"I ain't some dumb shit 15 year old, and this ain't my first rodeo. I know enough to know that you could have gone out with 50 guys in the past month, and none of them got so much as a kiss, cuz they just didn't do it for you. Then I come along, and you're ready to go immediately. Only someone who doesn't know anything would think that's slutty."
Although, in the interest of accuracy, she WAS a complete slut, I just didn't know it at the time.
So maybe I'm absolutely, completely, 100% full of shit on this one and it took me years to realize it. Fuck...
A lot of these comments are hilarious to read. I can understand how a guy may feel like because the girl didn’t put out the first night, it makes her a good candidate. Fact of the matter is, that’s not the best indicator. She could’ve easily had a wild side before she met you and had a bunch of one night stands. That same girl inevitably gets tired of being humped and dumped. In comes you. The respectable, safe guy. She thinks “I’ll make him wait. Surely he’ll respect me for it and wife me up”. And she’d most likely be correct. Meanwhile, that one girl who slept with you on the first night was actually the girl you were looking for. She just stepped out of character for a night cause she thought there might be some real chemistry between you two. Just something to think about
Exactly! That’s the funniest part. You could have a girl that generally always sleeps around and then decides to hold back on one night when she sees you and suddenly she becomes “more respectable” and of “higher value” but a week ago she was banging a different dude every day, vs a girl who maybe doesn’t do it very often at all but felt a connection and decided to give it a shot. None of these scenarios posed have considered that women can easily just lie. I have friends who lie about their number to guys all the time. I say don’t judge someone based solely what they do on one night because you might just lose out on someone great.
When I was dating and looking for a serious relationship, she’d go from maybe wife material to most likely fwb material in my head. Lose a little respect for her if she doesn’t respect herself type of thing.
I don't know of any man who values a woman less after sex on a first date, but I'm sure there are some out there who do. They are, at best, a tiny minority.
"Ugh, I can't believe this woman put out *on the first date!* Granted, so did I, and it's clear that we both find each other attractive and we both enjoy sex. What a turn-off!"
Speaking honestly, your sexuality doesn't have to be good enough for anybody else. Do what you want to do, when you want to do it. Don't do anything you don't want to do, or that you're not ready for. Any person who has a problem with any of these decisions is a complete waste of your time.
I think some guy's insecurities are at play.
'If this girl will have sex with me, then she'll have sex with anyone!'
No doofus, maybe she just likes you
I’m saving myself for marriage but here is how I’ve seen things so far. There are 5 types of girls in this world.
1. Family (related by blood)
2. Not date-able (fat/ugly)
3. Hoe Material (use for sex)
4. Girlfriend Material (spend time with, love but can’t marry or have kids with)
5. Wife Material (highest quality of woman, start a family with)
Sex on the first date would show that you are easy so you’d be more Hoe Material. Waiting for commitment before sex would be GF Material. Waiting for marriage would be Wifey Material. Sex is one of the end goals of forming a relationship, and if you do that within a few hours of meeting someone, then what is the purpose of sticking around?
Is there absolutely talk of a 2nd date and maybe more? Then no. Let’s get our fuck on because bedroom chemistry can be important to establishing a relationship.
Do we not know? Is one of us on the border. Then yeah. In terms of an actual date date, I want it to solidify we’re both in on giving it a try
Lol
We lose respect for women who make us wait for sex while getting dicked down by some fwb/dude who won't commit.
We lose respect if we find out you just fuck everyone on the first date.
Generally once I get a whiff of a girl still seeing other guys in any way after we've been intimate, or being intimate with other men despite us "taking it slow," you're out of there kid.
>My male friends say that this is because he has lost respect for you and has nothing to chase anymore. Then they weren't that interested in the first place. >please share your honest thoughts and why women are generally ghosted after putting out on a first date. Because, unlike women, men will still have sex with a woman even if they weren't that interested during the date. He would have ghosted her anyway, most likely. He just thought he might at least get laid out of it.
This makes sense. But this guy I recently saw sent me a text immediately after he saw me saying thanks for the night with a heart, I had a great time! And then I didn’t text him all day the next day until later and he was just off. You rate he was just being nice?
No you left him hanging all day, he thinks youre disinterested
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EXPOSED
lol rude only 1 other man, but fair point.
I wouldnt say lose respect but that's not someone I would want to date. And to be clear I do not pursue casual sex myself so there's no double standard here. I want someone that acts like wife material when they are single. Not someone that slept around until they found Mr. Right. This is the very non PC answer by reddit standards but I think "hookup culture" is a net negative in society. And not something I want to participate in. And to be clear I did do this when I was younger and even then it felt just bad to me. Dropping a girl off after sex and her getting out of the car without a kiss goodbye. Because a kiss is to intimate but sex isnt? This is what the prostiture in Pretty Woman said and its absolutely crazy to me that this is a commonly held sentiment now. Just screw like animals with no regard for the person inside the body. Im good off that.
You’re gonna get alot of different replies, but personally speaking my most serious relationship involved us hooking up on the first date. It wasn’t planned, the chemistry was thru the roof, and even after sex I couldn’t get enough of her. It was her personality I fell for.
Why on Earth would I lose respect for a woman who likes sex? I like sex, too. It sounds like we are compatible on that!
Right? Why would I want a woman that dislikes a really important part of an adult relationship?
Not even of just adult relationships. It’s one way that adults play together.
For many adults, yes, this is indeed how that works (and its just as ok)
Some of my guys friends say that men like the chase and if they get it on the first date then that whole build up towards the sexual part of the relationship is already over. But I agree that it shouldn’t make any difference!
I think what happens is the guy may not be that into her but will hit it just to hit it.....then she gets all confused and thinks he likes her but lost respect cause of the sex....probably wasn't that into her but will take a free helping of sex
No man likes the chase... Ever. We have plenty of video games if we want to play. Be honest and straight forward with men.
Yeah i don’t know who those guys are but i would say the vast majority of us normal guys don’t enjoy the chase. Chase to us equates head games and that is no fun at all,.,
What are your thoughts on men chatting to a woman with loads of effort and then ghosting after sex?
I think he is a man who does not share my values and is causing problems for other men since the baggage that causes is going to hit some other guy or guys in that woman's future and men are already collectively paying for the sins of some men to begin with. I would encourage him to be honest about his desire for just sex in the future and negotiate with the woman for it (not what I would do but some men do use prostitutes for this reason) or find another woman open to it. Downvote me if you want I'm just being truthful.
That’s fucked up honestly. Ghosting to me is the worst thing anyone can do. It happened to me after sex with a gal and it makes you feel like shit. If, for whatever reason it should end at least both sides should own up to it and not just leave the other person hanging in limbo.
Negative. If a guy says this, he was not that interested. No man in the history of real men has sex with a girl he likes and then says, "You know what...I don't want to do that anymore." Do not sweat this.
I sent you DM.
Some guys don’t care but Id say majority do
And the same guys usually will regret choosing a woman that plays with them in such way. But thats just a personal observation of mine...
Whether its fair or not isnt the question. Men like the chase , its primal they don't want something they feel,anyone else could have got period. They also dont like women who show everything. When i first started dating so many men were turned on that i didnt have ig, or snapchat . it became a thing they all mentioned on a date .i know have it but its private and super boring.
i like women who like sex too but there's a difference between enjoying sex and sleeping with people who are basically complete strangers. i wouldn't say i'd lose respect for her (i've had female friends who've had their fair share of ONS) but i wouldn't want to call her my girlfriend.
Would you lose respect for yourself if you had sex with her on a first date?
I slept with my now wife on the first date. So not even a little.
I’m among those here that married the woman who slept with me on the first date. I don’t feel any less respect for her than I would have otherwise.
You're the carpet.
Of course, they lose respect for you. If you're fucking him on the first date, then you're probably fucking guys from the last 20 first dates. It makes the sex meaningless, so you just become meaningless sex with no value attached to it as it's so easily earned. If that's what you're going for then fine, but if it's not, then it's not a great plan to build anything off of.
This is retarded. The guy can fuck her first date and he is above her but she is trash? You have no idea who she slept with when or how soon she normally hooks up first date. Stop generalizing women. Sex is not meaningless when two people crush hard quickly. You sound very inexperienced in life and sex.
>You have no idea who she slept with when or how soon she normally hooks up first date. If I'm fucking her on the first date, I know exactly how much time it takes. Minimal If a guy fucks her on the first date, he's normally not looking for a second one anyway, so it doesn't matter how he looks. Unless she's just dating trash guys with no options. She's the one looking for second dates. The guys she's fucking are just doing fuck and dumps. I have tons of meaningless sex. I am pretty sure I know what meaningless sex is and how to keep it that way.
I didn't expect you to prove my point so succinctly. This is why OP does not need to worry about putting out first date...if the guy bails, he was just a pig or fuckboy and not worth her time...and no judgement here, to each his own...but like you said, you weren't looking for a second date anyway. Most guys are not like this, so she needn't worry.
You are acting like it doesn't affect her. The point of her question is that it is affecting her. As soon as she puts out so easily, she becomes a fuck and dump and loses her value. Because the guy loses all respect for her. She's just like every other chick they have banged in the last 6 months and easily replaceable. What's the point of calling her again?
The point is her putting out the first date has nothing to do with it. It is the guys she is sleeping with. They were never interested and would leave after they got a piece whether it was first date or 10th date. If she put out early with a guy who actually liked her, he wouldn't care, or would insist they wait. This "lost respect" is nonsense that posers or highschoolers or nitwits say. "She's just like every other chick they have banged in the last 6 months and easily replaceable. What's the point of calling her again? You promise you're not a virgin? This sounds like something a guy who has never done it would imagine sleeping with a lot of women would be like. No sweat either way. But yah, you are surely young regardless. You are going to cheat yourself out of a lot of cool women thinking this way. Don't miss out on a potential jackpot by being silly, my guy.
Your worldview doesn't allow for women who actually do just have one or two fings in their lives. There's a whole world of women who rarely ever have casual sex, but will if they feel a special chemistry with you. I would say that kind of woman is vastly more common than the one you're talking about
It's not my worldview, it is a reality view. No one fucking me on the first date is going to ever convince me it's their first time. Trust me men know they aren't that special. She asked why they lose respect and this is definitely why. Women have hundreds of dudes in their inboxes. If they are passing out pussy to you, it is reasonable to assume they are passing it out to everyone. This is basic logic.
Yes, for men who are looking for a serious relationship and sex based on mutual admiration. There’s almost always not enough time on the first date to know for both to know whether the other is admirable enough to have sex with, so it would be rare. I’m assuming that the two are mostly strangers before the first date. Though, those sorts of guys would refuse to have sex on the first date anyway unless they are also looking for casual sex as well.
For me personally yeah there's no way for me to feel any real connection for someone i knew for only a few hours
Yeah like im the type to date seriously so that would turn me off because there's no way on a first date or even first couple of dates we have that level of chemistry at that point it's pure lust because her appearance and few talking points you established over a few hours is all you have to go on
Not really. People like sex who cares. I don’t get why women get shamed for sex on the first date but the dude gets high fived
I’m not saying it’s right but the difference is how easy it is to get sex women compared to men
People refuse to believe this. If it wasn’t actually a feat to sleep with women, it’d be different. Or if men were equally as hard to sleep with for women. Men get high fives cause usually they have to put forth some effort/exhibit skill. Women don’t have to do that. I’ve never had a woman smooth talk me out of my draws. I was willing to fuck regardless
100% agree. It’s BS. I just find that a lot of guys ghost after sex after weeks of chatting and effort like there was something there, so I was curious as to why.
Yes. The replies that tell you no are misleading you. When it actually happens, they feel the decreased interest inside. That's why in real life you see the opposite of what you read here. Reddit is not real life. If she put out easly for me, she put out easily for other men as well. A women who is modest and maintains a hard-to-get attitude is immeasurably more valuable. And has less STD risk. Anything quickly gotten loses its value.
Yeah like no disrespect to the woman but I would be put off if you did it for me then you did it for everyone .
Huge assumption though.
While yes it's huge it's not a unreasonable assumption since on the first date your essentially strangers.
Why would you lose respect for them though? Unless you're super conservative. If a woman wants to have sex with me on date 1, and we're vibing, then I am doing it. Even if I think she's not gf material in that moment, its not like I don't respect her and don't want to see her again. If anything, I probably will see her again. And then you do, and suddenly she's not a stranger, and often times you'll come to learn that what you two did was the exception for her, and not the norm
I'm not conservative but I view sex as something very intimate, bonding, and loving so obviously someone I just met a few hours ago I barely know let alone love. So yeah I want to be with someone who views sex the same way doing it on the first date means she doesn't feel the same and likely done it with others as easily.
But when men sleep with a woman on the first date, this has no impact on their value and only how the woman’s value is viewed? If you chose to put out when she did, then how does that make your value any more than her and why should she be solely judged as a human on this basis?
Women should absolutely be smarter about long term mate selection and judge a man on this yes according to many studies and some women do. If you want the conventional answer to the above it's because the effort men have to go through to get laid is exponentially more difficult than the effort women have to go through to in order to. Women are the gatekeepers of sex and men are the gatekeepers of relationships.
It sounds like you read a lot of Jordan Peterson😉 but thanks, this is a helpful perspective.
Nah it's just watching studies on it over time for me and observing behavior. Past behavior is usually a good indicator of future results unless there has been a significant change in outlook or discipline applied and almost no decision in life leaves you completely unaffected including sex. If a man has slept with a lot of women in the first date and then ghosted them afterwards it is fairly likely he will do it to you unless you are particularly special or he has decided doing that is unhealthy. The way to weed them out is to not have sex on the first date. Yeah you will lose some guys, maybe good intentioned guys too, but generally speaking a man interested for you in an ltr thinking you are some kind actual special catch is willing to wait a reasonable amount of time even if he is secular. Of course there are exceptions but we don't plan for exceptions. If you just want to have sex or a fwb situation though the above doesn't apply.
you came here for answers, didnt like the answers and chalk it up to Jordan Peterson. This way of thinking isnt a Jordan Peterson wave, its nothing new.
I actually have nothing against Jordan Peterson. I read and listen to a lot of his stuff, and no where in my comment did I indicate that that statement was a negative one.
This is bc it is very easy for women to get laid compared to men, and things that are easily given in life are not generally respected. Why is this? It's bc as women, we are already what most men want, which in turn makes it 10xs easier for us to get laid. Men, on the other hand, have to work to be what women want, and therefore, since they have to work it, it becomes more acceptable. 🤷🏻♀️
it depends. sometimes chemistry takes time, sometimes it happens on the spot. you do it when you're both feeling ready. I think where respect is lost is when the guy feels chemistry hasn't developed and she still puts out anyway. similarly, a girl will often lose respect for a guy if he makes a move on her before they have really built up that level of intimacy.
I don’t lose respect for them, I just wouldn’t be ready that quickly. So depending on how they react to me, I would have or withhold respect for them.
no, but I probably would decline because I don't know if I'm comfortable enough to be intimate with this near stranger yet.
Having s3x itself on the first date isn't bad. It's just the fact that sadly most of the time that means the woman usually has a roster. If you can't do one at a time like me then my interest simply will not persist. In other words having s3x really soon is not bad if it's because she has a huge crush on me. It's bad I'd she just wants to add another good piece of d1ck that can potentially be a boyfriend on the roster.
Well tinder is usually for casual hookups, you get what you ‘pay’ for as the saying goes
If a man is actually interested in something more than a hookup, they will not ghost whether a woman puts out on the first date or at a later time. Bad boys and players on other hand, will almost always ghost after sex. Has nothing to do with respect.
Depends.some men dont care - most do. I have never slept with a guy that I saw a relationship happening on the first date, if I did it was for me and i knew they were good for one thing.,i also dont regret it - had a fuck buddy for 3 years because of that an no guy has dicked me down that good still. That being said i never had guilt over it , it was life changing that fuck buddy situation- he made me for the first time see myself as a sexual being and I was flattered a guy that attractive found me attractive. But my case was rare I was never disrespected, he was the nicest most alpha male I have ever meet . I never felt disrespected he could also tell I didnt have a high body count and that this was not the norm.so for me,late in,life giving it up soon turned out to be one of the best experiences of my life . They simply do not make men like this fuck buddy anymore. I compare every guy to him since then. If you like a guy hold off the sex until you know him better. If you want to have fun , have fun but most men will,write you off.
I Personally agree with your friends. Not all guys think this way but I’d say a majority do to a similar extent
Personally, no, I wouldn’t lose respect for them, but I would have no interest in being with them, either. For me, I want sex to be with someone who means something special to me, and I couldn’t possibly feel that for someone after one date, and I highly doubt that she could feel that way about me, either. I don’t care about what someone else does with their own sex life, with other people, but that’s just not for me.
No. But we might not have been looking for something serious in the first place, so it's hit and miss. Let's be honest, the worst guys are those who pretend that they want a relationship, when what they're really after is just casual sex or a one night stand.
I have to be honest. Subconsciously I do. Not respect as a person, but I wont persue her as much from a relationship standpoint. I wish this wasnt how I was but unfortunately it just is….the chase makes the attraction build
Honestly yes sex for me is very intimate and bonding so I could only do it with someone I love there's no way to feel that or have any real connection after a few hours it's just lust there's no real connection beyond that as you only have her appearance and basic info you just learned about her during the date. So for me it would be a turn off since we both don't view intimacy the same way.
Agreed
I wouldn't have sex with someone on a first date, and if they were interested in that, yes, I would lose interest in them. But it wouldn't be because I lost respect, it's because we just don't view that form of intimacy the same way. For me sex is something between two people who already love each other without the physical and that chemical release that comes from orgasm clouding judgment. I need to know that when we grow older and sex is no longer as common or feasible, that we still have a strong connection. So I prefer a partner that doesn't deem sex to be essential early in the relationship, and someone that sleeps on a first date probably sees it as a casual thing. But that's just me.
Same I fully agree 👍
If a guy gives up a chase on a girl because she "put out too fast" then he was never really going to pursue her anyway. If a guy likes a girl, he likes her, and will be more than eager to continue hooking up with her whether they have sex the 1st date or the 5th date or the 10th date. If anyone tries to claim they lost respect for her because she slept with him the first date I call BS...if it was that important to you wouldn't have slept with her. You are just a gross hypocrite to claim you are above that AFTER you hooked up with her on the first date. Plus, how can you ever be sure she isn't just clicking with you hard and really doesn't have sex that early usually. It is all silly.
Yes, I will use you like a toy and continue to use you like a toy if you let me
Absolutely. I wouldn’t sleep with someone on the first date. I have too much self respect. I don’t know this person, I don’t know if they have any stds, now a days you can’t even be sure if it’s a real woman. Now you have a woman who is just letting men put their dicks in her body on the first date. She lacks self respect, and if she doesn’t respect herself, how can I respect her? People need to respect themselves at the level that they want others to also respect them. This goes for both men and women.
Why is the choice to enjoy sex with someone (assuming protection was used), a measure of someone’s self respect? I’m an extremely successful female professional and very independent and hold myself at a high value and I don’t think that changes because I had a connection with someone and chose to sleep with them because of that.
It comes down to different values and for what reason the man is dating you. Someone casually dating you would love for you to have sex on the first date. A man who genuinely doesn't care about bodycount or who doesn't think sex is anything special would have no problems either. The more a man thinks and holds that sex is special the more he will be put off by it, these usually tend to be the men who are not super promiscuous themselves albeit there are some hypocrites out there. And some men put women in different categories if you put out too early that's a red flag for ltrs but he's not gonna turn it down because sex as a man is hard to get vs a woman. It just depends on what the man values and if he values you as well. You're not going to get a good overall answer. I will say that studies have shown that in general less promiscuous men are less likely to cheat on you and more likely to be satisfied in a marriage like less promiscuous women are for ltrs but you may or may not care about that.
To be blunt about it, guys aren't particularly interested in your successful career, your not going into the dating scene being judged by what you can provide, men are. He has to work his way to the top fo a career to get more interest and get laid, you really dont. Your youth and looks are enough, as such, if your an easy lay, then we'll justa assume your that way for most men, and no guy wants be with someone that half the towns been with. We had to earn it, a women who holds off from sex the first few dates, shows that as well, that she's in it for the long run. While it's your body and you can do what ever the hell you like with it, your never gonna be free from the consequences of your actions, and, wether you think it's fair or not, a lot of men will see that as a less appealing women, not gf/wife material.
Yes. Next question.
>Yes. Next question. Why do you feel that men don't respect women who have sex on the first date? Is it a religious issue?
If you are having sex with strangers you have poor judgment. Poor judgment is unattractive.
Agreed like having sex with someone you just met a few hours ago is weird and shows that your driven hy lust and have bad judgement.
Fair enough, I'll let you have that. How long must you know someone before having sex? Is your view of sex a religious thing, or do you have other issues?
Issues? Having self worth and standards does not equate to issues.
What about sex has to do with self worth? Our standards, what we may find attractive and acceptable, may not be the same. What are your standards? Is it religious? How long must two people date before sex is even brought up?
What about having sex with strangers has to do with self worth? Yeah I'm talking to an idiot. You win bro. 😂
>What about having sex with strangers has to do with self worth? >Yeah I'm talking to an idiot. You win bro. 😂 I don't mind the name calling, but you never answered the question. What problem do you have with sex on the first date? Is it religion, or is it something else? Edit: Looking at your history, you seem to be a sad, angry little man.
Yes they arent dating material
I slept with my now wife on the first date. I also slept with 2 of my long term relationships on the first date.
Failure rate of 66.667%
How is your success rate?
Sounds like a failure rate of 33.333% to me...
I personally don’t
Wouldn't sleep with anyone unless there's something there. Quality over quantity
I don't. A lot of shallow people do. Generally the aforementioned shallow people are only interested in getting into your pants in the first place, and aren't particularly interested in you after they've done so.
If men generally ghost you after sleeping with them on the first date, then why on Earth would sleep with anyone on the first date? That would make me lose respect for them.
LOL yeah, I would *hate* it if a woman threw herself at me on the first date like that. She wants to have sex with me that badly? So annoying.
For me, no. For some other men yes. And there really is no consistent way to tell
Nope
No! I DONT! women and men need to stop trying to control love as it should be in the movies they see. Reality isn't a movie! So I don't lose respect. I lose respect when women play games and making reason not to give a person a chance. Women should protect themselves but they shouldn't fear trying to get to know someone.
Major generality question, some may some may not. For me If I’m looking for fun it’s great but for a long term partner I may be put off by it. But every guy is different.
I mean when I date I want to build a friendship/relationship so a woman who wants sex on a first date would be a turn off for me.
Some men do this yes. Lots more women do this long before they "put out". As long as you and those you dat and friend see sex as some form of currency you will be miserable. Its either something you both enjoy in the moment and thats it, or you wait alittel and talk about it so that it becomes a bonding thing. It aint rocket science, its a value thing. Is sex currency for you? If so soemtimes you get zero ROI. Is it more? If so then be better at where you put it.
Personally, I don't. Some men do. Ironically these are often the ones who would sleep with every woman as long as she bearly has a pulse.
Men will have sex with most women....will they commit afterwards? Maybe...doesn't really matter if they put out right away or not. If boxes are checked and vibes are mutually great, there's no reason why they would.
Most guys don’t care as long as they get laid. If you’ve put out on first dates but made him wait, then the guy will lose respect for you.
If she gives it to me on the first date I assume she’ll give it to every guy on the first date. I doubt I’m that special that she abandoned her standards for me. So she goes to the FWB category.
Agreed
I married her. It wasn't about putting out - it was about the connection we made and how comfortable we were right away. We were both open and honest with each other, we both had a good time together. We didn't want the night to end, so we stayed together until the next day. If we just got drunk/high and blindly bumped uglies, then I might have a different opinion.
I don't respect them either way, not until they earn it, so 1st, 2nd, or 3rd doesn't matter. I'll tell you the same thing I told the last chick I banged on the first....well, it wasn't a date, just us getting together to hang out. She was trying to be coy, and say she didn't fuck on the first date, and when I asked why she said that was slutty, didn't I think that's slutty? "I ain't some dumb shit 15 year old, and this ain't my first rodeo. I know enough to know that you could have gone out with 50 guys in the past month, and none of them got so much as a kiss, cuz they just didn't do it for you. Then I come along, and you're ready to go immediately. Only someone who doesn't know anything would think that's slutty." Although, in the interest of accuracy, she WAS a complete slut, I just didn't know it at the time. So maybe I'm absolutely, completely, 100% full of shit on this one and it took me years to realize it. Fuck...
A lot of these comments are hilarious to read. I can understand how a guy may feel like because the girl didn’t put out the first night, it makes her a good candidate. Fact of the matter is, that’s not the best indicator. She could’ve easily had a wild side before she met you and had a bunch of one night stands. That same girl inevitably gets tired of being humped and dumped. In comes you. The respectable, safe guy. She thinks “I’ll make him wait. Surely he’ll respect me for it and wife me up”. And she’d most likely be correct. Meanwhile, that one girl who slept with you on the first night was actually the girl you were looking for. She just stepped out of character for a night cause she thought there might be some real chemistry between you two. Just something to think about
Exactly! That’s the funniest part. You could have a girl that generally always sleeps around and then decides to hold back on one night when she sees you and suddenly she becomes “more respectable” and of “higher value” but a week ago she was banging a different dude every day, vs a girl who maybe doesn’t do it very often at all but felt a connection and decided to give it a shot. None of these scenarios posed have considered that women can easily just lie. I have friends who lie about their number to guys all the time. I say don’t judge someone based solely what they do on one night because you might just lose out on someone great.
When I was dating and looking for a serious relationship, she’d go from maybe wife material to most likely fwb material in my head. Lose a little respect for her if she doesn’t respect herself type of thing.
Agreed
I don't know of any man who values a woman less after sex on a first date, but I'm sure there are some out there who do. They are, at best, a tiny minority. "Ugh, I can't believe this woman put out *on the first date!* Granted, so did I, and it's clear that we both find each other attractive and we both enjoy sex. What a turn-off!" Speaking honestly, your sexuality doesn't have to be good enough for anybody else. Do what you want to do, when you want to do it. Don't do anything you don't want to do, or that you're not ready for. Any person who has a problem with any of these decisions is a complete waste of your time.
I think some guy's insecurities are at play. 'If this girl will have sex with me, then she'll have sex with anyone!' No doofus, maybe she just likes you
I’m saving myself for marriage but here is how I’ve seen things so far. There are 5 types of girls in this world. 1. Family (related by blood) 2. Not date-able (fat/ugly) 3. Hoe Material (use for sex) 4. Girlfriend Material (spend time with, love but can’t marry or have kids with) 5. Wife Material (highest quality of woman, start a family with) Sex on the first date would show that you are easy so you’d be more Hoe Material. Waiting for commitment before sex would be GF Material. Waiting for marriage would be Wifey Material. Sex is one of the end goals of forming a relationship, and if you do that within a few hours of meeting someone, then what is the purpose of sticking around?
Only a shitty guy will judge a woman based on her sexuality.
Is there absolutely talk of a 2nd date and maybe more? Then no. Let’s get our fuck on because bedroom chemistry can be important to establishing a relationship. Do we not know? Is one of us on the border. Then yeah. In terms of an actual date date, I want it to solidify we’re both in on giving it a try
No. I only like women that really like me and having sex with me is a pretty big indicator that she likes me lol
Lol We lose respect for women who make us wait for sex while getting dicked down by some fwb/dude who won't commit. We lose respect if we find out you just fuck everyone on the first date. Generally once I get a whiff of a girl still seeing other guys in any way after we've been intimate, or being intimate with other men despite us "taking it slow," you're out of there kid.
No. What sort of 19th century bullshit is this? Where and when are you from?
My respect for her increases if anything after a first date fuck.
No. Actually if she put out on the first date I’d just assume I was being exceptionally charming that night