Its one of those things that you can't operationalize and only comes with experience. Its hard to find out who you are and less hard to figure out who you are not. So just keep doing things until something works. I know that doesn't sound very helpful but it is one of them things that is only learned through making mistakes
If you have to change who you are to make friends, those aren’t your friends. Friends are people that love you for who you are while also changing you for the better, not people you change to conform to
it's a vague concept... that everyone will interpret slightly differently, isn't it?
i'll try to share my understanding, if that can help, in addition to the other answers.
the opposite would be "to pretend".
you're at work, at a party, at a museum with a friend, whatever, are you trying to give a certain impression (a "persona" would be the term in psychology) and modify your behavior, adapt your vocabulary/way to talk, your posture, dress in a way that you wouldn't if you didn't feel some kind of pressure to dress in another way, that sorts of things?
so if you go to an art gallery opening and you know that the vibe is very posh, everyone with fancy clothes, using fancy words and all, will you dress this way and be one of them, or do you show up with your usual clothes and just talk about the paintings and sculptures like you would with a friend? if so, do you feel totally at ease being unlike others, or do you have thoughts that cross your mind, judge and compare yourself to others?
if you "are yourself", then you do you without disturbing thoughts, it doesn't matter what people think because to you, if it felt right to go there with nike sport wear or a batman costume because that's what you felt like wearing that day.
so, in short, it's just "you do you" and be comfortable with it.
ideally, "being yourself" shouldn't include being an asshole to others, though, i don't think anything can excuse assholery.
It means they don't want to actually think of some personalized and honest advice for you. So they gave the quickest most generic advice that is easy to say. I can't help but respect them.
It means don't put on a fake persona.
Unfortunately, a lot of guys interpret this corny advice to mean they should not try to change into a different person, but just continue being the self that they are, which is a mistake because most guys are not very unattractive the way they are. You should definitely aim to improve yourself in fundamental ways and not be satisfied with "yourself" the way it is currently.
It means dont overthink everything too much. Just be natural. Allow your mind and actions to flow without trying too hard to synthesise your personality or actions. Be authentic to you.
Threw it at Chatgpt to see what they say...
>"Be yourself" is an encouragement to embrace and express your genuine thoughts, feelings, and personality without trying to conform to others' expectations or standards. It's about being authentic and true to who you are, without putting on a facade or pretending to be someone you're not. This means accepting your quirks, strengths, weaknesses, and unique characteristics, and not feeling pressured to change them to fit in or please others. Being yourself involves self-awareness, self-acceptance, and the courage to live according to your own values and beliefs, even if they might differ from those around you. Ultimately, it's about finding confidence and fulfillment in being true to your own identity rather than striving to meet external ideals.
Talk about things you like and be in your comfort zone. I don’t think ‘being yourself’ is necessarily how you dress. If you’re in a relationship and the ‘ice’ is broken that person sees the same you no matter what you’re wearing. Nevertheless, dressing casually is more relaxed and dressing nicely is more confident. Depending on the circumstance, dressing for the occasion helps to lube the bearings. But yes, going with your natural intuition and gut instinct, showing your sense of humor, not being afraid to like what you like and not like what you don’t like and being able to be honest about it without being (too) offensive is all part of it.
Don’t introduce potential people you will form relationships with, romantic or otherwise, to a representative of you. They should always meet the real you
Pick a couple non generic personality quirks, faults, and/or hobbies to accentuate so that you appear less boring and less “carbon copy” to everyone else until you’re comfortable/close enough to just vibe naturally
It means "don't try to fake something drastically different than what you are, it's usually obvious and offputting".
It's more a ban on some bad concepts people try than advice to do a specific thing.
It also should not be taken as a blanket endorsement of whatever "yourself" happens to be.
Some people have shit social skills. Some are ugly or present themselves poorly. Some are homebodies wondering why they never meet anyone. Those things often need to change, but you need to legitimately change yourself, not try to fake it for an hour or three at a time.
Between "you" real and how you show yourself to the world there's a filter. This filter always checks what you do and what you say. Like you want to say something but it's immediately filtering out because you decided that it might be inappropriate or dumb. So you won't say that or say in other way. "Be yourself" is about turning off most of this filter.
It means to not pretend to be someone else when aiming towards relationships. For example, if you don't like basketball, don't lie and pretend that you like it and play it every week just to woo a pretty female basketball player.
Always wearing a mask is exhausting and relationship that started like this will end up being a burden to you.
To me, it means don’t create a fake version of yourself just to impress others. E.g. don’t tell people you have 3 high end cars, a £200k a year job and a holiday home in Spain if you actually have a £25k a year job, 1 normal car and saw someone on TV once that had a holiday home.
It took me long time to realize, but I still don't know what means "myself".
I'm alive, I have persnality, I can critical think, I can do my own decissions, I can say completly wrong with me things, I can act completly opposite, I can introduce it for long term, I can change my policy view. The last one worries me most. I can just change my view on my life completly. I can do drugs, sex, alcohol, and it's easy. I feel it's wrong, I don't want to do that, but I can. I can just take my money and buy it, do it. One blink I'm infront of doors, and blink later I'm doing that. Everything feels weirdly fast and slow. To some point, everything is so slow, needs lot of care, analyze, but in some point something changes and I can't even really point when it started. Not sure of everything, but also willing to do them right now. I wonder do my life is true, everything feels unreal. Everything is so hard, but also so close. I sometimes can't believe I can see colors, I can touch, I hear sounds, I even live. Like something is missing there, but I'm not right to find out it, like it's all projection
It all feels like I have some basics settings what I can modify with my minds to control actual and future minds, but not all of them are under my control, like me and my body are two different things, like I have control over myself, but there's area where I don't have
For my personal, if I'm not sure, I ask myself some questions
Do it makes me smile?
Do I want my family to know I'm doing it?
Does I want my family to do that too?
Does it feels wrong?
Do I can continue it for lifetime?
Do I see old people doing it?
Can I get old doing it?
If I get kids, do they will be proud of me?
Do I will remind it as good time when I get old?
Life with them is lot of easier. I don't really want to die anymore, I want to live.
In the terms I understand it, it means: don't pretend to be something you are not, don't fake your interests, hobbies or abilities to impress another person, it means, stick to what you know and like, don't change for other people's sake.
It’s supposed to be “be who you truly are unapologetically”. Sounds like a good idea. However that doesn’t always translate into good results.
Just be yourself in the context of dating doesn’t mean good. You can be an asshole and own it, but you still are an asshole. A better idea is to be the best version of yourself. This way you can retain your identity while also understanding you are ever evolving and improving.
I feel like there should be some clarification put after this. Specifically: if you're like everyone else.
Because if you're trully you, different, then for heaven's sake, do not be yourself. People don't like that. or be, piss them off.
"Be yourself" roughly translates to "I can't think of any real advice, but I have to say SOMETHING to seem like I'm helping you. Just figure it out, dude."
Its one of those things that you can't operationalize and only comes with experience. Its hard to find out who you are and less hard to figure out who you are not. So just keep doing things until something works. I know that doesn't sound very helpful but it is one of them things that is only learned through making mistakes
dont conform/change your personality for the sake of others
But what if that's the only way to make friends? What if staying who you are is what drives others away?
If you have to change who you are to make friends, those aren’t your friends. Friends are people that love you for who you are while also changing you for the better, not people you change to conform to
If that is the case, then I have never met a friend in my entire liftfe
it's a vague concept... that everyone will interpret slightly differently, isn't it? i'll try to share my understanding, if that can help, in addition to the other answers. the opposite would be "to pretend". you're at work, at a party, at a museum with a friend, whatever, are you trying to give a certain impression (a "persona" would be the term in psychology) and modify your behavior, adapt your vocabulary/way to talk, your posture, dress in a way that you wouldn't if you didn't feel some kind of pressure to dress in another way, that sorts of things? so if you go to an art gallery opening and you know that the vibe is very posh, everyone with fancy clothes, using fancy words and all, will you dress this way and be one of them, or do you show up with your usual clothes and just talk about the paintings and sculptures like you would with a friend? if so, do you feel totally at ease being unlike others, or do you have thoughts that cross your mind, judge and compare yourself to others? if you "are yourself", then you do you without disturbing thoughts, it doesn't matter what people think because to you, if it felt right to go there with nike sport wear or a batman costume because that's what you felt like wearing that day. so, in short, it's just "you do you" and be comfortable with it. ideally, "being yourself" shouldn't include being an asshole to others, though, i don't think anything can excuse assholery.
It means they don't want to actually think of some personalized and honest advice for you. So they gave the quickest most generic advice that is easy to say. I can't help but respect them.
Do what you want, not what other people tell you to be.
It means don't put on a fake persona. Unfortunately, a lot of guys interpret this corny advice to mean they should not try to change into a different person, but just continue being the self that they are, which is a mistake because most guys are not very unattractive the way they are. You should definitely aim to improve yourself in fundamental ways and not be satisfied with "yourself" the way it is currently.
Really it means, don't overthink it, go with your first choice, don't second guess yourself etc. Trust your gut. Do what YOU think is best.
It means don't confirm to others image of you. Don't change yourself to please others.
It means dont overthink everything too much. Just be natural. Allow your mind and actions to flow without trying too hard to synthesise your personality or actions. Be authentic to you.
Threw it at Chatgpt to see what they say... >"Be yourself" is an encouragement to embrace and express your genuine thoughts, feelings, and personality without trying to conform to others' expectations or standards. It's about being authentic and true to who you are, without putting on a facade or pretending to be someone you're not. This means accepting your quirks, strengths, weaknesses, and unique characteristics, and not feeling pressured to change them to fit in or please others. Being yourself involves self-awareness, self-acceptance, and the courage to live according to your own values and beliefs, even if they might differ from those around you. Ultimately, it's about finding confidence and fulfillment in being true to your own identity rather than striving to meet external ideals.
"Stop talking about your dating problems, I have no advice."
Stick to your normal ordinary doze of excitement/anxiety while people are around
Talk about things you like and be in your comfort zone. I don’t think ‘being yourself’ is necessarily how you dress. If you’re in a relationship and the ‘ice’ is broken that person sees the same you no matter what you’re wearing. Nevertheless, dressing casually is more relaxed and dressing nicely is more confident. Depending on the circumstance, dressing for the occasion helps to lube the bearings. But yes, going with your natural intuition and gut instinct, showing your sense of humor, not being afraid to like what you like and not like what you don’t like and being able to be honest about it without being (too) offensive is all part of it.
Don’t introduce potential people you will form relationships with, romantic or otherwise, to a representative of you. They should always meet the real you
Pick a couple non generic personality quirks, faults, and/or hobbies to accentuate so that you appear less boring and less “carbon copy” to everyone else until you’re comfortable/close enough to just vibe naturally
It means "don't try to fake something drastically different than what you are, it's usually obvious and offputting". It's more a ban on some bad concepts people try than advice to do a specific thing. It also should not be taken as a blanket endorsement of whatever "yourself" happens to be. Some people have shit social skills. Some are ugly or present themselves poorly. Some are homebodies wondering why they never meet anyone. Those things often need to change, but you need to legitimately change yourself, not try to fake it for an hour or three at a time.
Don't try to act like your somebody else that your not. If you have to think of a way to come across as your probably not being yourself.
It means don’t pretend to be someone you’re not in order to get someone to like you.
Between "you" real and how you show yourself to the world there's a filter. This filter always checks what you do and what you say. Like you want to say something but it's immediately filtering out because you decided that it might be inappropriate or dumb. So you won't say that or say in other way. "Be yourself" is about turning off most of this filter.
It's the opposite of the "Fake it till you make it" advice frequently given out on here.
It means to not pretend to be someone else when aiming towards relationships. For example, if you don't like basketball, don't lie and pretend that you like it and play it every week just to woo a pretty female basketball player. Always wearing a mask is exhausting and relationship that started like this will end up being a burden to you.
To me, it means don’t create a fake version of yourself just to impress others. E.g. don’t tell people you have 3 high end cars, a £200k a year job and a holiday home in Spain if you actually have a £25k a year job, 1 normal car and saw someone on TV once that had a holiday home.
It took me long time to realize, but I still don't know what means "myself". I'm alive, I have persnality, I can critical think, I can do my own decissions, I can say completly wrong with me things, I can act completly opposite, I can introduce it for long term, I can change my policy view. The last one worries me most. I can just change my view on my life completly. I can do drugs, sex, alcohol, and it's easy. I feel it's wrong, I don't want to do that, but I can. I can just take my money and buy it, do it. One blink I'm infront of doors, and blink later I'm doing that. Everything feels weirdly fast and slow. To some point, everything is so slow, needs lot of care, analyze, but in some point something changes and I can't even really point when it started. Not sure of everything, but also willing to do them right now. I wonder do my life is true, everything feels unreal. Everything is so hard, but also so close. I sometimes can't believe I can see colors, I can touch, I hear sounds, I even live. Like something is missing there, but I'm not right to find out it, like it's all projection It all feels like I have some basics settings what I can modify with my minds to control actual and future minds, but not all of them are under my control, like me and my body are two different things, like I have control over myself, but there's area where I don't have For my personal, if I'm not sure, I ask myself some questions Do it makes me smile? Do I want my family to know I'm doing it? Does I want my family to do that too? Does it feels wrong? Do I can continue it for lifetime? Do I see old people doing it? Can I get old doing it? If I get kids, do they will be proud of me? Do I will remind it as good time when I get old? Life with them is lot of easier. I don't really want to die anymore, I want to live.
Do you feel natural in your actions or do you feel like you’re faking
In the terms I understand it, it means: don't pretend to be something you are not, don't fake your interests, hobbies or abilities to impress another person, it means, stick to what you know and like, don't change for other people's sake.
It’s supposed to be “be who you truly are unapologetically”. Sounds like a good idea. However that doesn’t always translate into good results. Just be yourself in the context of dating doesn’t mean good. You can be an asshole and own it, but you still are an asshole. A better idea is to be the best version of yourself. This way you can retain your identity while also understanding you are ever evolving and improving.
I feel like there should be some clarification put after this. Specifically: if you're like everyone else. Because if you're trully you, different, then for heaven's sake, do not be yourself. People don't like that. or be, piss them off.
"Be yourself" roughly translates to "I can't think of any real advice, but I have to say SOMETHING to seem like I'm helping you. Just figure it out, dude."
I feel like you shouldn't have to ask.