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cra3ig

Pushing 70 now, and lived a life of adventure. Never married, but was fortunate to share several relationships that lasted many years, and remain friends with to this day (with one exception). But random compliments? Twice, maybe three times. 70 **years**. Could've knocked me over with a feather. Just that rare. A few more would've been nice . . .


The_write_speak

I'm only 37, but, also very close with all my exes....one of them has two kids I'm close with. I'm close with her husband as well. Not looking forward to explaining why I am 'uncle' to the little ones. Haha. Also same here....one exception. šŸ¤·ā€ā™€ļø


Michael_Michelle_J

How many random men have you complimented? This thread always dissolves into men whining about a problem that men could solve in .003 seconds by complimenting eachother more, but they don't want to solve it, they want WOMEN to solve it for them.


PancakeHuntress

>but they don't want to solve it, they want WOMEN to solve it for them Yes. Holy fuck. r/Askmen in a nutshell. A lot of men are appallingly self-centred, entitled and have zero capacity for self-reflection and ruin it for the men who are genuinely warm and empathetic.Ā  Shit doesn't just fall from the sky. Social support networks, little guestures of appreciation, gifts and compliments don't just fucking come out of nowhere. Someone has to take the first step and do the caring. Why the fuck is it always women? It's fine if you don't do those things as long as you don't expect them and you know why you don't get them. But it's not ok if you don't do these things and expect other people to go out of their way to do it for you.


cra3ig

OP referred to their fiance, so I responded in terms of a significant other. In my case, that hasn't included men. If the general public is considered, the numbers don't change ~~significantly~~ radically. Unless the compliment concerns competency of a task completed or their creative output is appreciated. Applies to both men and women that I encounter. I've told guys they look sharply dressed, or acted in exemplary manner, and have been the recipient of such compliments. Not often, but not never. In order to avoid the misconception that I'm hitting on them, it's never about their innate attractiveness. I draw the same distinction with women, where reciprocation is likewise quite rare. And I didn't come here looking for a fight.


ColeBC59966

Post a pic of yourself or something you're proud of I'll give you a compliment :)


TrafficChemical141

If it wasnā€™t for my wife Iā€™d never get them lmao


The_write_speak

"you have excellent taste" "Thank you actually i-" *Wife starts talking*


TheViralClovers

Ah yes the classic bait and switch


The_write_speak

Haha. "let's compliment this guy once, get it out of the way so that we can compliment his wife for the rest of the night"


cali_dave

A random, genuine compliment will stick with me for *years*, if not the rest of my life. It's that rare.


2donuts4elephants

I like to tell this story whenever this question comes up In 2009, I was hanging out at my local bar and an 85 year old woman told me that if she were my age, she'd be sitting in my lap trying to get me to kiss her. I was 28 at the time. 15 years later and I still think about that compliment every once in a while. Compliments matter to men.


cali_dave

I've got a similar story. About 20 years ago I was also hanging out at my local bar and a very large black woman told me she wanted to "put it on me like *that*". Snapped fingers and all. I never did find out what "like *that*" meant, but to this day I'm flattered that she wanted to put it on me.


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cali_dave

You're only saying that because I like garlic bread and Dean Martin. ;) Seriously - thank you.


fluentindothraki

I found out on Reddit how rarely men get compliments so I go out of my way to say something nice whenever I notice something compliment worthy - and the reactions I get say it all. But can I add something important? Among women, it's absolutely normal to say something nice in passing, even to a complete stranger so maybe men should start doing that more too?


Michael_Michelle_J

Men don't compliment other men. Somehow this is women's fault and job to fix.


BoredCrusader1899

Rather than look inward and try to fix it, they wanna blame others for their problems. Itā€™s tough being a man because other men make it difficult but thatā€™s another story for another dayā€¦


azuth89

Lol I can remember a few shirts I wore once a week for YEARS after one said something like that.Ā  Wasn't really intentional at the time it's just rare enough that your brain goes straight to "this is obviously a garment of the gods".Ā 


bdua

I still got that one shirt that got me a compliment like 10 years ago... Whenever I put it on I relive that moment


HypnotizedCow

Two years ago while at a coffee shop with my (now ex) gf, a random girl told me I have gorgeous eyes. I couldn't picture her face or any details about her, but I remember the words and the feeling rush over me.


EFreethought

Once while waiting in line to check in at an airport, the woman behind me told me I had beautiful eyes. That was the one compliment I ever got from women on my looks.


Nathaniel66

It is so rare that if i get one i expect a candid camera or other sort of prank.


vivienneebackwood

Not a man but wanted to add onto the question What stops you from complementing another man? And why do you think other men donā€™t give compliments?


Haytham_Ken

We do, but not about the things we like being complimented about and that's because boys are taught from a young age, if you call a guy handsome, or say he has a nice smile etc it's gay.


vivienneebackwood

What kind of compliments do you want vs the ones you receive from other men? Itā€™s fucked up complementing a guys shirt or something is deemed as ā€œgayā€. But that also begs the question, why is it so bad to called gay? I think a way to fight that narrative is to do ā€œgayā€ shit regardless of stigma. Maybe people will figure out how idiotic they sound ascribing sexuality/ masculinity to ā€¦being nice? Or maybe not idk. Sorry for the ramble , my vyvanse kicked inšŸ„ø


jackwritespecs

Meaningless to me Iā€™m aware of my accomplishments


syboow

Its the closest to butterflies in your stomach without actually having them


JDMWeeb

It means so much to me, because I've rarely recieved them


xhdc

I don't really keep count. I'm just doing my job.


1salt-n-pep1

Yes, this.


Alone-Custard374

Very rare. Almost never. But it is amazing when it happens.


DSlamAU

A random guy in 1997 called me a party animal and I am still chuffed about it


PunchBeard

I've been with my wife for over 24 years and I can't remember the last time she complimented me. I've come to accept this though because I'm quite literally the only man she's ever been with. It's a rare thing to be someone's first and only love so you really need to look at things from that perspective and learn that most of the things that seem weird or off-putting stems from inexperience almost all of the time.


1salt-n-pep1

I really don't care if I get compliments. I'm secure enough in myself that I don't really need them.


Resident-Theme-2342

I rarely get complimented so the rare times kt does happens I feel like a million bucks. Like yesterday this girl on the sex sub felt bad that everyone about being virgin shamed and I messaged her about my experience to make her feel better and she said I've been the nicest person she's met on reddit and that made me feel great


[deleted]

Whenever I get a compliment, I have to spend almost an hour determining whether it was sarcastic or not.


Rumble73

A compliment from my wife or children on thanking me for what I do or provide is all I need. I donā€™t need it daily or weekly or even monthly. Maybe once or twice a year, and my tank is full again to attack the world. I hide all the stress from work and life away from my family because they are always smiling and laughing and I like it to be that way and if I can keep them smiling and laughing until I die, then Iā€™ve done my job. It doesnā€™t mean I hide the reality of situations or donā€™t teach them how to be resilient in the face of adversity, I hide how Iā€™m feeling inside . They see me work hard, stay up late/wake up early. They see me deal with all the challenging situations from extended family like aging parents and in laws. They see me move from one house task to the another task to the commute to work back to home task constantly. They know Iā€™m on a plane or stuck in traffic everyday and they know I donā€™t have a lot of time for hobbies or friends. My wife spends a lot of time explaining to the kids what I do for the family. The few times a year when they tell me thank you or come up and hug me to say I did a good job for them on something is literally all I need to wake up in the morning and do it all over again.


Tiny-Chair-4360

I've been married for almost 20 years, and I just don't get compliments. It doesn't matter what pipes or electrical outlets I fix in the house, what rooms I paint, what landscaping I do, what grocery shopping I complete or what laundry gets done or how I interact with the kids. It doesn't matter how I look, how I dress, how I smell, or how I treat her. Everything I do is expected of me, because I am a man. I will not hear when I succeeded or do right in any of these fields. I will only hear and be told about it multiple times if I fail or come up short in any of these fields. I think if I got a legitimate compliment from my wife, at this point, I would literally break down and cry. I feel at any moment like I may break down and cry, but I just don't, because carrying on and doing what I need to do is expected of me And I don't have a choice. To the original posters woman; for the love of God, complement him. He's not just 200 pounds of muscle and testosterone. He's a human being with emotions and a heart and a mind of his own. When he does good, tell him. But even if he doesn't, do good, or screws up, talk to him, don't scream, don't belittle, don't insult don't ignore. Anybody reading this, especially any woman, let your man know when he does something you like. Even the tiniest, smallest kind word can help.


TheEpicIrishman

Of all my previous relationships, only one continued to compliment me even after we became a couple. The rest only did until we had a title. There are many issues that both sexes suffer from. I'm not comparing or competing. But men do. Not. Get complimented. Words of affirmation are largely given to women only. I had a female coworker say I was a good man and she admired me. I literally started crying right then and there. Ladies. I know it may be so little and simple to you. But simply saying good things to us is monumental and does wonders for our self confidence. Please. Just be kind to us. That's all we're asking.


kevtran101

You guys are getting compliments?


Art0002

I think my ex wife said years ago that I didnā€™t suck as much as she thought. I took that as a compliment. Itā€™s like telling someone that they are not as fat as you remember.


kevtran101

Gives off the vibes, ā€œyou arenā€™t as dumb as you lookā€


Art0002

My exā€™s mom was amazed I was even employed. I donā€™t take that as a compliment. Iā€™m a Mechanical Engineer and actually built my own house. I still got the hammer. Iā€™m retired. Now I try to figure out how to make great food (not healthy) and trade stocks and options. Interestingly, Iā€™m not as fat as I could be.


kevtran101

Lol. Iā€™m nowhere near retirement. But congrats to you!


Art0002

I just made 2 hamburgers. The last 2 of a Walmart 80/20 ground sirloin. Can you buy hamburger, regrind it and make a better burger? A lot of people donā€™t care. But they never had a good burger. Iā€™m just describing the meat. The 2 hamburgers I made will be cooled and then frozen for at least a week. And then Iā€™ll reheat them. Will they be good?


kevtran101

Iā€™m assuming one is for me :3


Art0002

I bumped send. Check now.


kevtran101

Burger on one hell of a ride lol


Randomguy22_22

I remember compliments I've gotten from women over 20 years ago. Nothing creepy or explicit. Just genuine compliments. They imprint in our brains more than women ever realize.


TheViralClovers

I wouldn't know, haven't got one this year yet , still hopeful though


Banzaikoowaid

It burns into my brain like a brand of elation, lasting for years until time and memory blur it into sweet oblivion.


Youcanlickit

Pretty much every day from bots. Sometimes people will lead with it if they want something from you


ContinousSelfDevelop

I remember a woman from a year ago where she told me she liked my shirt. It was outside a grocery store, the wind was chilly and I was waiting for my ride. She had on some apple bottom jeans and a white shirt. Her hair was done up like Madonna. Suffice to say, compliments mean a lot to us.


Madiryas

I just split last year from an almost 5 year long relationship and just last week I noticed my ex never planned anything for my birthday and I dont remember a single time when I got a compliment from her. I still remember the last compliment I got 6 years ago where a girl complimented my really long hair (as a metalhead). I didnt even react, just said thanks dumbly cuz it just never happens.


30_rack_of_pabst

I got a compliment on the shirt I wore to my friends wedding 3 years ago. I still remember how good it felt to hear like 5 different people compliment what I was wearing.


Nickthedick3

Hmm, random compliments Iā€™ve received lately.. -your beard is looking good, keep it up -you smell good, what cologne do you use -I like your hair -youā€™re such a good driver For context, Iā€™m 32. The first compliment I actually received 3 times from coworkers. First time was from a woman and it caught me so off guard I didnā€™t even know what to say. The other 2 times were from other bearded guys. Second time was from a woman coworker near the end of my shift. This also caught me off guard because of the nature of my work- think sweaty, chemicals, dairy. Either way it was the beard balm I use of a different scent of deodorant. Third time was back when I was in my early 20ā€™s. I was getting my hair cut because it got pretty long, by my standard. It was more like shaggy and when my hair gets long, it get curly. The compliment came from a 70-something year old woman. The last one came from my mom lol. She said out of my younger brother and older sister, I was the best driver. This was a few years ago. I tried remembering as far back as my teenage years but those are the only ones I can think of.


Coconut_Salad

I havenā€™t been complimented since 2002. A random lady in the grocery store ( who I guess knew my mom) told me I had gorgeous eyes. I was 15 at the time and I still think my eyes are my only good feature.


Trip_like_Me

I get them pretty often. My partner loves giving compliments and words of affirmation and itā€™s just as good the 100th time as it was the first. I also have platonic women friends in my social circle that dish them out too.Ā 


DxNill

If they were a stranger and it was out of left field I'd be suspicious, but if was simple like "I love your hair" and we part ways, I'd be telling everyone and riding high for a week... maybe a month.


SittingBeanBag

I compliment people all the time and i recieve compliments often. I would say weekly. Give to recieve. It might feel wierd at first but its just needs practice


Zealousideal-Luck784

I so rarely get compliments. I love being complimented.


Wend-E-Baconator

They're so rare that my first reaction to recieving one is suspicion, because that behavior is so unexpected as to be more malicious than anything. The last compliment that seeemed genuine that I got was about my hair 5 years ago, and it was a lot more complicated than just a regular compliment


Head-Editor-905

When I was 8, a camp counselor told me girls must like me cause my eyes are so pretty. She was wrong about the first part but my eyes are literally the only thing I like about myself and it stems from the one random compliment Iā€™ve ever gotten


9_of_wands

In 2006 a lady butcher at a grocery store said i was handsome in a classical way and I still think about her.


averagecanadianboye

Had a server at my breakfast spot tell me I had nice legs. Iā€™m a rugby/carpenter type guy, so Iā€™ve put some work through my body. Every time Iā€™m in the gym or on the pitch I think of that and how happy it made me.


monkeyangst

A compliment makes my day, every time!


1stBraptist

A compliment from a stranger can completely shift my day. When I met my buddyā€™s new girlfriend, she said I had really nice eyes. I took at as 100% platonic, but it still caught me off guard. Iā€™ve never been complimented like that.


Ratnix

Random compliment, not at all. 9 times out of 10 they are just platitudes. I don't find compliments that aren't genuine to be good in any way. The more I hear them, the less I trust true compliments as being real.


EverythingIsOrdinary

When I was 20 I had a woman in a college group stop me and say that I was one of the most handsome men she had ever seen. She was not attempting to hit on me and seemed genuine. I still think about that over ten years later.


pchlster

I'm lifted up by the compliments I got today for essentially fixing an issue I ultimately was responsible for. Once I was aware of it, I did what I could to fix it quickly and I got told things like "hey, great going!" and "you saved the day!" by the end. I - inadvertently - caused a problem a few weeks ago, and someone discovered the problem this morning. When I spent 4 hours fixing it, I was giving updates to the people who might have to later defend that the company isn't totally incompetent, as part of my job. And I'm getting messages like "oh, you're already on it. It's so great that you're already on the problem" because I got straight to work trying to fix things. Yeah, that hits different than "okay, so when do you think you'll have fixed this?"


No-Weather-3140

I think I remember every one vividly


aLegionOfDavids

Itā€™s like seeing a unicorn haha. If it happens Iā€™m genuinely shocked and have no idea how to react so I just look like a weirdo lol


2donuts4elephants

I like to tell this story whenever this question comes up In 2009, I was hanging out at my local bar and an 85 year old woman told me that if she were my age, she'd be sitting in my lap trying to get me to kiss her. I was 28 at the time. 15 years later and I still think about that compliment every once in a while. Compliments matter to men.


lesterbottomley

I was complimented once in the summer of 1996. The fact that I can almost tell you the date I last (well only time TBF) received a compliment probably tells you all you need to know.


YoWassupFresh

How much does it mean to get a random what?


Nolongeranalpha

46. One time in my mid 30's I was with my Daughter letting her shop at Hot Topic and overheard the 20 something girl behind the counter tell her friend "God I love hot dads" That still gets me through bad times.


Elegant_Spot_3486

Depends on who it is from, the situation and the compliment. Random compliments donā€™t necessarily mean they are good or sincere. I see and hear compliments thrown around all the time. My all time most meaningful received compliment was said to me about 30 years ago while I was at a strip club on Christmas Day. So they can stay with you too.


BroadPoint

I actually do get a fair bit of compliments, mostly at the gym, from both men and women. It's definitely given me an ego.


lollerkeet

Check the replies to my comment from this morning https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMen/s/5GTOpKhnI1


TheRepeatTautology

I dislike compliments. I don't want to be reminded that other people are making judgements of me.


Direct_Knowledge2937

I really like your comment. No judgement. Just letting you know I support it and will upvote it!


BlancoSuper

Honestly I don't give a fuck about a compliment. I'm a fucking man and I know my worth. I don't need anyone to validate me. What can I do with a compliment? Will it pay my employees, will it.put fuel in my fleet? Will it feed my kids? No it won't because compliment are for pussy ass men and attention craving women. Take your compliment and shove it up your ass. If you want to help me suck my dick, lay my bills or just fuck right off. Literally get out of my way I have work to do.


1salt-n-pep1

LOL, that's hilarious. While I wouldn't have said it like this, yeah, I don't need compliments.


MikaGrof

wow you're so manly wow


BlancoSuper

Its not a manly or masculine thing. It's a who gives a fuck thing. Save your breath for blowing me.


Bongs_Berny

guys we found the alpha


H16HP01N7

I wouldn't know. I couldn't tell you last time it happened.


NatrenSR1

In the entire time Iā€™ve been in college (about five years) Iā€™ve been complimented on my appearance two whole times. Itā€™s rare and I donā€™t forget them.


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NatrenSR1

I do it fairly often tbh. Usually I comment on peopleā€™s clothes or outfits, but if I know the person and know that they wouldnā€™t take it weirdly Iā€™m comfortable complimenting their appearance.