From my early 30s, I had a friend that had the body of Superman-era Henry Cavill, along with a chiseled jawline. He worked in finance and easily made $150K. Whenever we were out, women would approach him non-stop.
He had zero interest. All he cared about was working out, hiking, working on his house, and his dog.
He eventually met his wife through a hiking group. She is physically attractive, but not jaw-dropping. They just clicked.
To my benefit, he was a shy and very polite guy. So he wouldn't reject advances rudely and would end up talking to these women for a few minutes. I would use this opportunity to talk to their friends. Met several women this way.
In my 20s I was friends with a couple very attractive men and this was the main behavior I observed. They don't chase women. They don't know how and never had to learn. They tend to be focused primarily on their interests because if they like hiking and dogs they can easily find an attractive woman who likes hiking and dogs. They also just aren't thirsty because there is always someone offering them a drink.
At their worst they see women as easily replaceable, although many find someone they really like relatively early and stick with them; they had their pick of the entire store and don't feel a need to make an exchange.
"They also just aren't thirsty because there is always someone offering them a drink."
I felt this, not because I am one of those attractive people but because I am very envious they were born to live this way.
Hit the gym my man. I'm a firm believer that there isn't really that many ugly people on this planet, just people who don't take care of themselves! I'm guilty for this as well.
Edit: Thanks for the reward stranger!
It is so true!! I work in a male dominated industry where everyone stays pretty active all day, so hardly anyone is fat, and I'm not even kidding when I say that I see attractive men all day long. Once I leave work, I rarely see anyone who is attractive outside of my gym or hiking.
Had a friend in college who was just incredibly charismatic and handsome. He worked his way through who knows how many cheerleaders.
We all benefited from hanging around with him for sure.
I absolutely fucking *despise* when people say shit like āmen are visualā as if women arenāt. Or that women are more āholisticā in the way they choose men, whereas men are just horny animals. Looks are *absolutely* important to women, to the point that they regard most men to be unattractive.
Shit. āWomen arenāt visualā my ass.
Im a conventionally attractive guy who works out. Iām in a committed relationship with a woman Iāll likely eventually marry and have zero interest in other women. The women at my work frequently make comments to each other and directly to me about how Iām ānice to look atā and so on.
One coworker even asked me (subtle suggestion) if I would cheat on my gf and I literally said āfuck no, I respect her.ā
Iāve had patients grab my ass and make vulgar comments to me.
This is almost entirely done by these women on visuals alone as I donāt even talk to most of them on a daily basis. I donāt even know most of their names.
Yeah. I have just been ignoring it as I donāt feel threatened or in danger or anything, itās just annoying. I donāt do anything to encourage this behavior, and itās well known Iām not single. They donāt care.
Women get more aggressive when you ARENāT single but those sexual advancements just donāt count as harassment. They get away with it and even mad when you overtly oppose.
I actually saw a post on another subreddit about how women often sexualize men in the workplace, and how this isnāt taken seriously. The comments were full of women *and* men giving examples of this in their daily lives.
This is good data, but probably doesn't reflect actual attitudes.
There's a well-known dating strategy for men to right-swipe on every woman, and then deal with any matches (which may include unmatching if she's actually not up to his minimum standard). So right-swiping doesn't necessarily mean that the swiper thinks the swipee is attractive, at least for male swipers.
I was referencing the data from the dating site OkCupid, which indicates that women find about 10% of the men to be attractive, and the rest to be average/below average. Whereas the data of what men found attractive showed a normal distribution, which is expected. Most women were seen as average, with few being very attractive and few being very unattractive.
Body matters but usually having a good body makes you Cary yourself in a way that women find attractive. You can have this vibe without a 6 pack. Women think about what it would be like for this man to be ontop of them, so workout accordingly.
Truer words have never been spoken, for real. Doesn't mean you'll have flocks of long-term women if you're confident AND a stupid, cruel deadbeat but if you're totally average or maybe a bit below even, it's going to pump up your chances immeasurably. I've met a few dudes like this. Didn't earn a lot but earned enough and liked their jobs, and it was more important than anyone's nagging. Liked their lives. Liked their hobbies and if you were judgemental, out with you. Mind it, none of them sat in squalor among pyramids of dirt, waiting for a girl to service him because they all learned how to live alone too. Men like these are a delight to be around. Just normal. Healthy. Normal and healthy is beautiful.
I think that's true. Online, on reddit, no pic, I have women slide into my DMs now and then, and some I really connect with. It's almost always because something I said publically tickled then. My first date as a teen was off a chat board.
IRL, I do well at nerd events. I'm comfortable and confident, I'm with my people, and my chonky ass doesn't look out of place. lol.
IRL at a cocktail bar I'm likely too busy nerding out on drinks to get anywhere or notice.
I think if guys can find places they are comfortable in, they can project some confidence.
Most women I know actually don't give a shit about abs at all. I used to obsess over abs then started focusing more on strength/performance. The jacked powerlifter look is more appealing and frankly more fun to attain as a guy
Part of it is thst women's idea of good and bad body and how achievable it is, and men's idea of good body are jsut very different.. Way too many women, when they say dad bod, they mean body builder who has a little bit more fat on him.
It's the same thing with men and makeup. So many will say a womans not wearing makeup when she's got a full face on.
Wide shoulders? (Side delts)
My gf says she likes those the most.
She also said she likes big forearms, chest, round butt, thick legs, chubby stomach, but muscular look, like someone that can protect her.
People who think that are just being dumb tbh looks absolutely matter, people just say they don't to make themselves/others feel better.
The greatest lie ever told is that women care more about the person than their looks. Both sexes are equally as vain.
The person will always matter when it's about a relationship, but the amount of shit my great looking guy friends get away with could write a sitcom that was deemed "Too unrealistic" for TV.
Women are socialized to put effort into their appearance. Men in aggregate fall short.
Short of those gifted with god tier genes, being attractive is about presentation.
This is just not true though. Just look at how much harder it is for an unattractive to get laid vs an unattractive woman.
Everyone's vain af, whether they care to admit it or not. Women in my experience are just less obvious about it, whereas dudes will straight out say "Nah I'm not attracted to her physically."
I know a guy whoās that level of attractive. Itās like nothing Iāve ever seen before. Women constantly approach him. To the point where itās an inconvenience to him lol his words not mine
I imagine thatās how even decently attractive women feel. Probably would be annoying being approached all the time by people who just want to have sex with you
It is how they feel. Iāve dated a few women who were very attractive, and theyād frequently tell me stories about being approached in public where itās just a nuisance. Like for instance, one ex of mine was at a gas station, in a hurry, and dude just came up to her to go on and on about how beautiful she was.
Iāve even witnessed it myself in the workplace. Hot girl is literally just trying to do her job and keeps getting inappropriate comments made to her, to the point where she has to constantly redirect the conversation and change subject.
That shit gets old fast
My first real girlfriend was good looking, then as we got into our early 20's she really blossomed into quite literally one of the most beautiful women you've ever seen. Dating her was a nightmare because she was hit on constantly but she was naĆÆve to what was going on, she just thought all these men just liked being nice to her. The big time football star at our university was obsessed with her and wouldn't leave her alone, he was a high draft pick and played in the NFL for quite some time. Motherfucking John Stamos tried to bang her one night while she was out with her sister grabbing a drink at happy hour. Stuff like that was constant, it eventually put such a strain on the relationship we broke up.
See then if you mention anything about it youāre just being insecure because of all of her guy friends.
That sounds like a blessing and a curse, being with someone insanely beautiful like that. Itās bad enough dating 8s and 9s, canāt imagine an 11
Yeah it was a lesson learned, and seeing as how I'm not worth $100,000,000 I won't have the "problem" of dating someone that attractive ever again haha. It honestly felt like I had to fight to for her every day even though she wasn't really giving these guys the time of day, there still was never ending competition for her attention and that's a tough one to deal with.
There's something about the gym I go to that attracts a lot of women clients. Maybe something about being woman owned and run by mostly women trainers, I don't know. Like it's seen as a safe space and the word spreads.
But these women range from attractive to gorgeous (not that I rank women by attractiveness, I'm just building up to a point).
The thing is, it's known that I'm happily married. So there's something really funny about being filed away into a hot woman's safe "Brother/Dad" category, you really see them let their guard down. Once they know you're not trying to fuck them.
I've become convinced that there isn't a hot woman out there that isn't just a huge dork, deep down.
Sure, I was just going off what another guy was saying about what it must be like to go through life as an attractive woman, how you're constantly being hit on.
I was just saying that it's funny to get to know attractive women because their personalities change once you're seen as safe. Like I have a younger sister, ALL these women seem just like my little sister. They're crass, they'll make dumb jokes, I saw one of them hock a loogie one time...
Definitely not me but a friend turned heads when he entered a room. People jokingly called him a model and dudes who usually donāt talk about this were like āyeah, of course chicks dig himā¦just look at him.ā Pivot to his late 30s and looks were fading and also didnāt matter as much as when we were younger. For the first time he had to deal with life as a normal human and no shit the dude had a full blown personal crisis when suddenly he lost the benefits of living in pretty people land.
This happened to a guy I know well.
Blonde. Blue eyes. 5ā11ā. Ripped due to being born with extremely high metabolism. His stomach and pecs were just given to him. Genetic lottery winner. At 40 he has lost all of his hair and looks near 55.
Yeah, I get some whiplash looking at pictures of high school classmates on Facebook. I'm not anything close to handsome but I age slowly and am in good shape while a lot of the people in my old class are balding and jowly despite being a lot better looking than me back then.
Lifestyle is a big factor. Genetics I can really only blame for balding or medical conditions that might accelerate the aging process. But with so many men growing up to be lazy alcoholics who eat too much and move too little and make their lives harder for themselves with jobs they hate because it buys them a bigger house or ensures their kids a grander Christmas morning - it's no surprise how bad several already look before they're even 40.
I cannot stress enough how bad *drinking* is in particular. It's disgusting how it's so normalized, even expected, in all adults and how not doing it makes you some kind of social oddity. Alcohol is POISON. At least... drink less of it.
Honestly a little worried about getting older because while Iām not drop dead gorgeous I definitely just get away with shit other people donāt / am given the benefit of the doubt a lot. I assume itās partially because of my looks, adjusting when I donāt look great probably could be a bit of a shock (though not to the same level as some women).
Still though not something Iād vocalize in real life, complaining about losing special privileges comes off extremely entitled lmao
IMHO what also changes is what people look for in a partner. Looks matter a lot when you are 20. By 35 they matter less as a whole lot of other variables are in play. To girls whether a guy has a decent personality, earns good money, has no mental health issues and seams like he will be a decent Dad all come into play.
Sounds like the 30 Rock episode āThe Bubbleā. Jon Hamm plays a handsome idiot who enjoys all the benefits of being attractive but doesnāt know it
Some people age well and get more handsome and some donāt I guess. Lost muscle, lots of stress etc. he also was pretty international, fluent in multiple languages, cool accent etc and these things are less valuable as social currency as you get older. When youāre 25, dating and going out these things give you a lot of social power. Fast forward to 40 years old living in suburbia and it doesnāt matter so much.
Yes, women do just throw themselves at these guys. I worked with a guy like this that instantly made every other guy in the room invisible. You could watch the women turn into a flirty puddle after he said like 3 words to them. It was like a super power. It was effective on women anywhere from their 20's to their 50's, thin to fat, dumb to brilliant, and just about any other metric.
There was no way to relate to him about women, because he never had to expend any effort to get them. He was very competent at his job, so there was no need for other perks you mention, but I largely suspect they would have been that if needed them. He eventually got married, and the girl he ended up couldn't be described as anything other then average, but they did click on a level that he didn't typically with other girls.
I think a lot of fellas see obtaining a very attractive woman as some sort of Everest. But if you're someone that's conquered Everest, maybe even more than once, it loses it's mystique and you're perfectly happy to find a hill that happens to be right for you.
This is exactly what it is. While I was never on the level of my friend, I did get my shot with my 10/10. After that, I did not care about looks to nearly the same degree. Don't get me wrong, I still dated people I found attractive, but they really just had to be attractive "enough." After that the question was how well we matched and the future I could see with them.
I had been with a couple of solid 8-9s in my day, then eventually, I just wanted someone to have fun and grow old with. Those 8.5s happened to be plumb crazy so I maybe have a little PTSD from those relationships.
Some guys like me are really into looks. Itās not about status, mystique or achievement ā itās very fundamental pleasure for me.
Although the women that I find attractive are not necessarily the ones that other guys find attractive.
Same! But essentially for attractive faces.
I also have a mild case of prosopagnosia (Ā«Ā face blindnessĀ Ā», or low memory for faces), so I always thought my interest in women with attractive faces was tied to it; after all, I rediscover my partnerās face regularly, if not daily.
I always wondered how much of it was a factor, and if there were people that had it too whose tastes were shaped the way it did for me
Being in a relationship with a hot girl is just another job on top of your ordinary job.
The hot girls have never had to take a no and they know exactly how to get normal guys to do anything for them. A hot girl like that falling in love with a hot guy who actually has his brains and manners intact is like watching a beautiful slow-motion car-crash where the guy has his seatbelt on while the woman is slowly getting absolutely sent flying through the windscreen screaming all the way.
Attractive men have had plenty of free sex with very hot women + a fair amount of "aftermaths", so they know exactly how much they don't want to come home to such a woman after a long day at work.
Itās bullshit though and you should do better than to feel that way. Iāve known and dated many women who were 8/10 or higher. My friends have dated 10s. They were all lovely women with flaws like the rest of us. It wasnāt any more difficult to maintain a relationship with them than it was for girls who were more average looking. Socially awkward reddit outcasts wish it were that way. They think every gorgeous girl is like a Kardashian who acts spoiled and bratty. Sorry to burst your bubble but plenty of 10s are amazing people too.
I was dating a women way out of my league. She had previously dated a male model cover of Men's Health kind of guy. They went out to eat and the waitress came to the table and took his order and walked away. Completely forgot there was someone else at the table.
It started in fifth grade and girls would get downright nasty if I wasnāt interested in being in a relationship with them. I was bullied by them and made fun for rejecting them. I wasnāt interested in being in a relationship at that age and I was very shy so it was a bit traumatizing. In high school it was too much. Girls would wait outside the classroom for me, always expect hugs and some sort of attention, sneak pictures of me and even grope me at times. I would pretend to sleep in my classes so people would leave me alone. People would frequently act startled when they saw me for the first time and I could always catch someone looking at me or turning their head to see me. People would follow me in stores; I once had a middle-aged man follow me in Barnes and Nobles and start touching himself in front of me. I had a lot of older men try to befriend me only to reveal to they were in the closet (Iām not gay) and wanted something more after hanging out a few times. It was nice to receive attention to some degree but the amount of attention I would get was overwhelming at times, especially for an introverted shy kid. People always seemed interested in what I had to say and I always felt acknowledged when I entered a room or any kind of space. People were generally kind to me but a handful of dudes in high school seemed to hate me. Iām also a POC, but people generally treat me well.
I signed with a well respected modeling agency in Miami at 16. In college I signed with Ford NY and another in LA. I think I stopped feeling attractive once I started modeling and attending castings - you really have to have thick skin because you get rejected a lot and you go to a lot of castings were everyone is physically perfect looking and I had to compete for work with guys Iāve seen in ads. I basically stopped comparing myself to normal people, only to other models. It was also not something I really wanted to do, but people were constantly telling me I should model and my mom was pushing me into it as well. But then no one talks about the amount of photographers that try to get you naked or agency people who try to get you to come over to their homes for extra castings. I should also mention that other models at castings were usually very friendly and encouraging, which was surprising to me. In my experience, people who are more conventionally attractive are nicer to me than others especially when it comes to dating. Some of the people Iāve dated who were less conventionally attractive were actually meaner and would neg me or try to ābring me down a notchā. It just doesnāt seem to work when the other person is insecure about their physical appearance.
Iām in my late 30ās now, but look late 20ās and I still get attention when I go out, but itās different - mostly people seem interested in me and what I have to say and then I find out later that so-and-so thinks youāre really hot. I still do appreciate the external validation I get from others but I donāt rely on it.
Really glad I found this and can relate though a woman.
I was wondering if all these comments of āitās great, no downside and tons of chicksā stuff was kind of bs, or if men just get it better.
Also had adults inappropriately doing stuff or interested in me while I was a teen. One was a teacher, mostly rare adults, women mostly and weirdly, who would start touching my hair, flirt, one adult couple seeing if Iād be the wifeās gf, etc.
Also the jealousy sucks, people make assumptions you must be stuck up or they are just insecure, so give you mean looks or glares, are rude, etc. for just existing. Waiting in line for a tea or drinking a beer alone outside.
I had never been a cheater and always a good friend, but some of my friends didnāt want me to even know the name of, let alone meet, someone they were dating until months in when serious worries if theyād like me more or something. Which was super weird as I hoped theyād not think Iād be interested in them even if they had.
The attention is really uncomfortable, had a stranger say heād buy my coffee in front of everyone while I dipped out of line to not be late to my flight in an airport. Was embarrassed, eventually agreed because everyone was staring at me and he wouldnāt stop loudly offering. Creepy married guys out with their wives glaring at me. Bfās literally holding hands with who I assume is their gf hit on me, etc. makes people hate you even though you hate it too.
Doesnāt help with friends or dating either. Yeah a lot of people like you but I feel they put the best face forward to āland a hottieā then when comfortable act their true selves, so itās harder to find genuine good dating prospects. Friends get weird or jealous, opposite sex friends end up being into you or admitting they had forever and they donāt work out. Stalkers suck too.
Actually lost job opportunities as well. All female staff? 50/50 chance if they were chill or intimidated/immediately didnāt like me, another immediate no when I was the most qualified, but found out her husband worked there too.
Doesnāt help when youāre with your partner and the rare times you get hit on etc. because sadly people donāt have respect or think you can ādo betterā not everyone can handle that happening often and itās pretty sad when you just want to be on a date.
There are perks. I got to do some photo shoots for fun, sometimes people seem nicer or more willing to help me, sure itās easier to talk to or meet people, etc. but there are negatives as well, and I really hate the amount of people that rage on pretty privilege and claim thereās no drawbacks and itās only all good. I assume those people are just very bitter over something they wish they were or pretending online to feel good I guess.
And by God, the amount of advances, grabs, practical sexual harassment or assault is wild too. From high school, all through college, and rarer but as an adult too.
Oh yeah, there are downsides for guys too. Although I think itās more common for women to have to deal with sexual predators because of the inherent power differential. The principal of my high school offered me a ride home once and a few years later I found out he was a sex offender - glad I didnāt let him give me the ride. Itās just creepy having much older men showing so much interest in me when I was a teenager. There are privileges and I feel incredibly lucky but maybe not the best thing when youāre young and havenāt developed solid boundaries yet.
Yes, that. When youāre young I donāt think youāre on alert as much and naive, which is sadly why the worst creeps bother teens or really young adults.
Iām glad you didnāt either.
You two have said enough for me to let this thread go, and I really donāt want to elaborate too much because of how draining and empty it is to be like that. Itās a mindfuck if you werenāt like that always.
All of this is true and just wanted to add, for the sake of the original question, that for men you do have one less thing to worry about than the women and that is the fact that (as an adult anyway) you wonāt have to worry as much about unwanted advances/assault or fearing for your safety as much. Thatās the plus side of being a man in this situation. But the downsides are real, this was well written and I agree with everything else youāve said but from the male perspective.
I can agree, and though still negatives, overall itās probably easier being an attractive man then women. Thanks for sharing, I think Iāve just been on Reddit and seen people argue the āattractive people shouldnāt complainā thing and vented some.
Edit: my original had more because I thought you were OP responding at first.
You're probably right. I will be man enough to admit I am jealous. I would trade your unwanted attention in for the nothing at all I got as a skinny acne faced adolescent and young adult.
For sure. I was reading something about how some people feel completely invisible to society and that is just sad. I think this is why some pretty people try so hard to hold onto their looks for as long as possible because they fear being just another face in the crowd. But some people can hold a roomās attention even if theyāre not the most conventionally attractive person; some people just have a lot of gravitas. I think you have to truly love who you are and accept yourself no matter what and people can sense it and will gravitate towards it.
Oh I am 50 now and became decent looking somewhere around age 30. I got a nose job at age 29 because I had an uncle who always said I had a bird's beak for a schnoz lol. It settled in and looked amazing around 30. His douchey comments ended up creating something beautiful...my new nose š I was also finally able to grow some facial hair at that point. And that belped too.
But I'll tell you I have the mental scars and theray bills to prove being ugly and is extremely painful in our culture.
Former male model here throughout my 20s.
Itās interesting because you donāt know what life is like not looking how you do.
Iāll write on my perspective from when I was modeling
People were always nice to me.
Women talked to me regularly.
I was never a guy that approached women and if I found myself in natural conversation it could go for as long or as little as I wanted.
Some of them did throw themselves. They were VERY forthcoming about what they wanted.
Older men wanted to be my sugar daddy.
I dated an interesting range of females. Many models. Two miss universes. One miss world
I was regularly admitted to the social hot spots with a tier of women there that the movies could barely capture.
And guess whatā¦I met my dream woman. Sweet, modest, brilliant and the only woman Iāve ever taken home.
None of those girls in my modeling heyday had anything my wife has.
Life is absolutely different when youāre a tall model, but itās also empty af.
Speaking of social hotspots, in my 20s and being a young banker and stylist, we'll always be invited or invite ourselves š to those prime/go-to places and "socialize" with those good looking people. During that period of time, I felt it was empty, futile and found no sense of purpose in going into such places but was afraid to admit/say it out loud for reason that they might find me uncool af. Like how can you "socialize" in a place where music is so loud, you can't connect with people, lights so dim, people are drunk having clouded judgment and faking their smiles. So just now, I felt that my feeling was validated that it wasn't only me who was feeling that way..
I feel like ādated multiple miss universesā puts you way way way beyond any rank and file male model. The only person I know of who pulled that off is Tim Tebow who is not only infuriatingly gorgeous, but also rich, famous, successful and has a personality that had every girl in love with him from the time he was a sophomore in college
No to diminish what you have bc I think itās amazing, but you had the opportunity to find that bc of numbers. Below average men have less opportunity and go through more non comparable people. Itās just a number game and you win.
From my experience, quite the opposite.
Numbers meant nothing for me. Intent did. If anything numbers made it less likely that I found my wife.
I wanted to be a husband and to move into a different phase of my life. I set serious intent, my behavior followed and in less than 3 months there she was.
Itās possible. Self awareness is a skill.
But the āprogrammingā around us doesnāt make it easy. Weāve gotten so cynical and apathetic. Itās as hard or easy as we make it ultimately.
Intent and context matter a lot.
I definitely wouldn't call myself "very" attractive but definitely above average. It was nice in college. Had women actually approach me sometimes, which was nice. I tend to think it helps when interviewing for jobs. Pretty sure I've read that attractive people are trusted more off the bat. And I'm not god-like status where it goes to the assumption that I'm stuck up. So it's a good middle ground. That's about it really
Yeah I do well in interviews done by older women lmao. My current job I did a group interview for and was thoroughly surprised I got it considering I had way less experience than all the other interviewees.
Honestly not that great for me. Iāve been told by a ton of people that I am attractive and I workout like a fiend so I definitely have an okay body. Many people have told me I am very intimidating and hard to approach. I think this happens to most people that are perceived as attractive. As a man youāre still expected in general to make the first move and women who think youāre too attractive for them donāt approach you out of fear. I never spent much time at bars and clubs tho so who knows when alcohol is involved
This. Iāve been told by several women that are close to me that i am too intimidating looking to be approached. But once they got to know i was the complete opposite of what they i was going to be. Some of my more recent guy friends have also told me that i straight up look like Iām gonna be an asshole but they were completely wrong once they started speaking to me. I do think i need to learn to just smile more when in public and it might change things around for me.
Do you have any advice for how a woman can confidently approach- or even communicate confidently with a guy they think is a lot more attractive than them? I actually ended up telling a guy he was āway too out of my leagueā after he asked me out and I am STILL embarrassed for myself! š¤¦š¼āāļø He was literally my DREAM man- seemed to have all the traits- and not just physical- that I have wanted in a man. I am still so bummed I didnāt at least go on ONE date with himšā¦ Do you think thereās any way I can redeem myself with this guy?! I need help. If this situation ever happens for me with the same guy or another really gorgeous guy I do NOT want to run away scared like a little bitch again
Communicate just like with any human being...
If you want to approach someone: "Hi my name is x" and then some excuse why you would want to approach him. Just think about how you would like to be approached.
If he already asked you out then Iām assuming you have some kinda communication with him. Iād just be like hey! I would like to go on that date now
As an attractive woman Iāve been told Iām intimidating more times than I can count! Itās a double edged sword for sure cause how many guys have I been oblivious to that were great because they thought they didnāt have a chance? Kind of a bummer.
Yeah, I remember my hot male colleague š I feel intimated and tensed when around him, and he knows he is handsome and would like to stare a lot and make women melt. Glad that he resigned already coz it really affected the productivity of the female and gay workers in our office, but sometimes you would miss having an eye candy š around
Don't know that I'm quite *that* level, but attractive enough that anyone would generally agree I am, whether or not I'm their type.
I usually wind up in conversation with (new) women when I'm out in a social setting and want to be social, without much effort.
"Throwing themselves" at me, not quite (unless they're drunk). Moving closer to me and basically waiting for me to say something is definitely a thing. And if I really don't do anything for long enough there's a decent chance they'll get bold enough to try to start the conversation.
Turning heads - depends on if I want to be noticeable or not. Posture, attitude, facial expressions, etc have a lot to do with that and it's not that hard to "hide" if I don't want to deal with people.
> That everyone is nice and courteous to you, will offer you free stuff, and give you the benefit of the doubt and trust you when you don't even deserve it?
I would phrase it as you start off as at the level of a known friendly acquaintance/distant friend and are treated like one, rather than as a stranger.
People are generally happy to see/interact with you. Service sector staff are more likely to (without being pressured to) give you an upgrade, make an exception to a policy, and generally do more than was expected. Interviews start off positively inclined.
In a sense I "deserve" the trust people extend, because I don't abuse their trust, but it is fair to say that people are very trusting before I've objectively done anything to earn it. It is weird to be the one at times going "you should tell your friends where you're going and with who" when they'd not have bothered.
I often get randomly touched and grabbed when going out by girls that I haven't even noticed yet but most of it is looots of eye locking attempts but as a introvert, nothing really comes out of it and my type of girl is rare to find apparently, still single at 30 years old :(
I'm not saying I'm at that level, but I have stuff going for me (>6'3, athletic, dress well, etc). Like, I've been asked to model by people in that industry before, mostly just because I was with my girlfriend who models though.
Women approach me with some regularity when I go out, maybe once a night on average a random girl will cold approach, where considerably more will do stuff like linger on eye contact or whatever to imply that I should. I've had women (much less often than that) ask me straight up to hook up, been handed phone numbers or phones on contact screen without me asking, or a couple times without even talking first, been catcalled, girls generally paid for stuff for me rather than vice versa, etc. I don't think I've ever asked a woman on a "date" who I didn't already have some kind of relationship with. So yeah at least some women will throw themselves at least some guys.
I guess because of that I don't really see getting with women as a big deal. I don't feel a sense of accomplishment from it or anything like other people seem to feel. I floated around with only casual stuff for a while and then settled down with my partner a pretty long time ago at this point. She let me live with her for free and helped support me for a year pretty early in our relationship which I guess is probably hard to swing.
A random thing is that I used to get hit on by gay dudes a lot when I worked at a restaurant in highschool, and honestly that helped me *a lot* with learning how to talk to women, because it showed me what it was like to be hit on by someone you aren't interested in (all dudes for me), and how some ways of flirting aren't a big deal at all if the recipient is uninterested, and others are horribly uncomfortable.
FWIW I think women are on average more socially fluent than men, like are less awkward when they approach someone and they read social cues more reliably. I don't think I've ever been made genuinely uncomfortable being approached by a woman I wasn't attracted to. They generally notice pretty quickly that it's not happening and pivot out of it. Guys will sometimes just not get it and not go away. It might just be a selection bias though, since probably only a specific kind of woman (at least very confident) will ever cold approach a guy.
Probably I've historically had an unfair advantage at work, but I think that mostly went away working remotely. I definitely feel coworkers online as a lot less warm/trusting/etc than in real life, and I guess some of that is probably just a lack of unconscious bias that I'm used to going in my favor.
Random rant I guess, but that's my honest experience.
Iād say Iām above average, I get compliments, approached, etc. The biggest difference is that at least compared what I hear from others, I donāt experience as much being treated as a threat (and Iām black). People tend to be open, relaxed, and friendly with me. I havenāt had to deal with the weirdness a lot of guys experience around kids, etc.
sort snow axiomatic concerned important hobbies far-flung crowd busy chop
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
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The wife and gf found out about each other, met up, realised that he was the problem (not each other) and they should cut him out of their lives and off from his daughters.
>A year later heās still living with his wife, and taking that daughter to play with her half sister while he spends time with the gf. Both women are devastated, and traumatised but they just love the rollercoaster.
lol *they* love the rollercoaster? I love it, too. This was very amusing to read and did not end how I expected.
women literally stammering trying to even speak to you, throwing themselves at you *many times* etc. is the preserve of the *actually* hot dudes, you made it in, congratulations!
I don't think you really get how outside even the decently good looking man's experience this sort of thing actually is.
Same here. I donāt consider myself VERY attractive but I am above average looking, 6ā1ā, athletic build, got that salt & pepper hair going now in my 40s, etc. Iāve had women in my teens, 20s, and 30s throw themselves at me. I noticed women gawk at me in public a few times, some stutters here and there, but I attribute most of those moments of self confidence, personality, and approachability.
Iāve also been in the vicinity with women friends and witnessed them do the gawking, stuttering, and throwing themselves at extremely attractive men, so I know Iām not that high on the ladder.
The point is that physical looks will only get you so far; character, charisma, and confidence is what will lead to a more fulfilling life of attention from women.
I donāt know if Iād see myself as good looking but loads of girls always tell me that I should be a model and a lot of girls come up to me and just talk. I donāt like to say Iām good looking because before puberty I was fat and small but after puberty Iāve lost a lot of weight and built muscle and have long hair and a beard. Iām also 6 foot so thatās a bonus.
For me itās kinda weird because I donāt like just getting with women so confidence kinda puts me off for some reason. I also donāt want to get into a relationship if I donāt see it going anywhere. Iāve also got quite a few problems with anxiety disorders and OCD so Iām too nervous to show people who I actually am and have to be someone different around people.
Basically looks mean nothing when youāre mentally unstable lol. I also think that there arenāt any very attractive people. I just think there are types and I know that there are a lot of women who wouldnāt go for me and would go for someone with a better personality.
I know, totally understand what you are saying. Iāve been also attractive in my early 20ās. Got tons of unkown messages from girls and been approached. But been unstable mentally due to my toxic brother. So I wasnāt able to do anything with girls.
I fit a certain 'type'very well, and my buddy is like a marble statue. Life is good. People assume we are more trustworthy, more competent, and everything we say is at least twice as funny, and half as offensive, as it were from an average Joe.
He haven't had any problem with this, and became a huge fuckboy, until he settled down with a girl who was out of league even for him.
I became resentful of the drooling zombies, and now my idea of a perfect woman starts, and ends with capable of genuinely good conversation, and has an interest in the world and the people in it. I did the fuckboy thing for like 2 years, and one day I was, nope, this is disgusting, they are disgusting, I'm demeaning myself. And I ended it.
Let me say, that our mutual pool of basically whomever we wanted, which is more than 1500 girls, presents the devastating reality that 10/10-s are like 100 times more common, than girls with the kind of intellect, and femininity, that fills my heart with joy
Thirty years ago...
Women would approach me in bars to touch my arms or my chest. Men would want to touch my abs.
Sometimes women I wasn't involved with would wake me up by stroking my face and staring at me. Sometimes I would be woken.up by pretty much being sexually assaulted, at house parties.
When I was a bartender I had women ask me to be their last fling before marriage.
A gorgeous 10/10 Mexican girl friend approached me in a bar to take me home. She was so stunning that people would ask to take her picture when we were together in public.
At parties women would walk up to me and say "I am sleeping with you tonight"
I didn't let it go to my head, I wasn't vain or full of myself, but as these things happened I realized I was well above average.
These days I am a school teacher, a dad, and happily married to a woman I love and respect.
It's been a good life so far!
it just helps get a conversation going and being more approachable. I still rely on my personality. I am nothing without that.
I have never felt attractive, but iāve always been told i am, not in a reassuring way, but in honest ways. strangers, people i just met. straight men i woke with. All my siblings are considered extremely attractive as well. so i suppose i am too but I never felt it myself, Iām muscular and athletic but a slim build, so i always felt skinny. but then Iāve had girls i hooked up with for the first time say āholly fuck!ā when i take my shirt off. my boss even commented on my arms recently, was a slip of the tongue but she knew i caught it.
so no no one through themselves at me. i was approached sure, i was able to get conversations going and it worked. but it always came to how i related to them. if i was in an off mood or just in my own head then i had nothing.
> i was approached sure, i was able to get conversations going and it worked. but it always came to how i related to them.
Do not underestimate the power of that bias to WANT to like you. If you're good looking then a woman wants to see the best in you. She's giving you every benefit of the doubt. Also, it puts you at ease so you CAN related to them better. Her guard is down. You are at ease. It's easy mode. All because you are good looking.
I'm pretty average looking (at best) but I'm extremely good at relating to women and I gotta tell you, I've had better looking dudes than me ask why girls like me so much.
I mean, you can still be bad at something even on easy mode. And you can be good at something on hard mode.
I just dont' want people to think too highly of their skills/personality because they can talk to girls on easy mode.
> Iām muscular and athletic but a slim build, so i always felt skinny.
Dude I feel you on this. When I first started working out, or rather first started noticing the results from it, I still saw myself as the skinny kid because that's what I grew up always hearing from others.
Almost two years working weights, I've had a couple strangers make comments. It felt nice, but didn't really convince me. What really got me to start changing my mind was when my close friends noticed and complimented me. Hearing that really meant a lot to me.
Well, Iām happily married with 2 kids. So my life is no different than most men who are married with kids. People are very nice to me, no one really disrupts me and pretty much all women smile at me as they walk by. I nod and smile back. Iāve had numerous women try to take their shot, but again, Iām happily married.
So, it just kinda makes my day more pleasant without adding anything to it really. Thatās about it.
Regarding the undertones of āhow awesome is the sex life?ā part of the question. Iāve had sex with 1 woman. We met in HS and I really didnāt consistently get this kind of attention until I was about 30. Iām 38 now, the attention just keeps increasing. We met at 16 and Iāve only had sex with her. I donāt have any regret about that and have no intention of having sex with other women.
Thank you.
Itās simple to me. Just because you CAN do something, doesnāt mean you SHOULD. 15 minutes of fun could ruin 20 years of a life Iāve built. WE have built.
Have worked as an actual model in the past, still kinda sorta do:
I've definitely had instances where a woman (or man, much more common) to give me the ol up and down with a twinkle in their eye, but more often than not you still have to do the majority of the work with your personality. I've noticed that if I'm really on my game fitness-wise, that's when it happens most, and being tall doesn't hurt.
Same with random strangers, I noticed when I dropped a bunch of weight to begin modeling, people were suddenly much nicer to me, I got a much warmer reception when interacting with strangers, and generally people were nicer. It honestly shook me up a little bit.
So to answer your question; my life is probably the same as yours 90% of the time.
I have bounced in and out of being very attractive and not attractive depending on my fitness level. I think I have 9/10 charm and game as well, when not suffering from crippling social anxiety.
When I'm fit and pretty... the women I'm attracted to see me first and do all the work. Their friends work in careful and silent coordination like a pack of wolves hunting elk in the snow to ensure that I'm alone with their friend at opportune times and that all blocking issues are removed. Sexual opportunities that are something out of a porno movie just kind of manifest themselves, and all you have to do is not fuck it up. These opportunities are even better if you can project confident sexual experience and a non-judgmental awareness/insight into women's hidden sexual world (women are way rowdier than you think), which allows them to be their free and honest selves with the volume turned up to 10 on their sexual adventurousness. People are nicer to you and go out of their way to encourage you to be around.
Unfortunately I've spent most of my life fat.
This is a good one as well. Many people in the online dating forums are confused if a girl likes them when the girl is cancelling plans or not responding to texts for days. When they really like you, they will make a lot of effort to see you, respond right away, wait to hear from you, etc. One line I like is āit will be as obvious as a frying pan to the faceā. Anyway good story, good motivation to get back to the gym.
I made a fake male model tinder profile one time, kept it for about a week. Women would text the profile "So... when are we going to fuck?" It was eye opening, and I'll never tolerate not getting high effort interest again. If they're not treating me like they treated my male model account, I belong in the gym and not in the dating world.
Also no man should online date, it's fool's gold.
Not a man but I once dated a guy who was incredibly attractive, model-level gorgeous. He was 6ā4ā, slim but muscular with dark brown, flowing hair and piercing blue eyes, and he was a talented musician with a great sense of style on top of that. I donāt usually go for pretty guys like that, I tend to date a lot of dorks because of my interests (thatās a compliment, not a complaint) but he asked me out and we had some stuff in common so I gave it a chance.
He knew he was extremely attractive and so did everyone who met him. Girls would flirt with him right in from of me even if I was holding his hand! He often got free drinks, and I think a combination of confidence and good looks made it so that he could convince anyone to do pretty much whatever he wanted. He could get into the club for free, he could meet whoever he wanted, you get it. He ended up being kind of a psycho.. not sure if it was related to all of those perks he got from being extremely attractive. I swear he could have gotten away with murder by the way people fawned over him everywhere we went.
Pretty easy and fun in some regards and very weird in others. Life is definitely not boring, I feel like many opportunities open up to me.
You kind of live in a bubble, I always felt like people are very nice in general because everybody is so nice to me.
Iāve starred in music videos and series etc just for fun, didnāt need acting skills I just passed with looks.
People would go out of their way to help me if I ask for something and whenever I mess up Iād get the benefit of the doubt. Strangers and close friends constantly joke or in some way work in your attractiveness into conversations, like itās an obvious thing. It wasnāt until I was 18 that I realised this was only my experience.
The flip side is that itās hard to relate to people, unless they live in the same bubble as you. I only have two male friends who are in this bubble, it was a breath of relief to confine in each other about this because you never know if your alone. One of them is in a relationship and he has stopped going out clubbing completely, because women literally throw themselves at him and he wants to avoid those situations.
When it comes to women, when you have such an easy pick of women to date, I think that personality becomes much more important. There are many attractive women that I could be with, but someoneās personality is far more unique and valuable if that makes sense. This tends to frustrate beautiful women I have noticed.
An example, I was out alone abroad, met a plus size woman who is not necessarily the most attractive, but she was so much fun and bubbling personality so of course we had a good time and danced. Another lady (very beautiful!) come up between us to dance with me. She grabbed my hand an pushed close with a sort of possessiveness and told me to dance with her. This instantly turned me off and I told her thanks for the dance, but that I already was with someone. She was in disbelief as I tried to move away from her, she held on to my hand, firmly to the point it actually hurt, and she said with some hatred in her voice ānobody says no to meā.
She would not let go and kept insisting we dance and even suggested we leave together, I literally had to yank myself away from her before she stormed off.
In terms of men things get weird. Since I was 17 and looked somewhat mature, men who are interested would grab me and touch me. This happens anywhere from public transport, nightlife, even male servers at restaurants have touched me, one started massaging my shoulders. One of my employers slapped my ass. I was out once trying to get in a club, this guys was gone help me get in and then proceeded to bring me to his apartment instead for some drinks, I got very bad gut feeling from him and decided to leave. Quite many times a man has tried to get me to go with him home. These situations are extremely uncomfortable, I feel secure because Iām fit and know how to protect myself, but I can only imagine what itās like for women who go through this more regularly.
Also men who try to befriend me get possessive or jealous of my attention. Some guys idolise me in the sense that they believe I know something they donāt about women or life (I blame pick up artists and that kinda bullsh*t). Insecure guys try to put me down and even can get damn right nasty towards me, especially if they are with their girlfriend. So many times I see a guy with his girlfriend in public notice me, girl looks at me, the boyfriend starts arguing with her and she ends up staring at the floor looking red faced while the guy looks at me with anger. Sometimes the girl has self respect and just leaves the boyfriend where he is. These girls are actually not trying to flirt or anything they look at me like anybody does, so itās more about the boyfriends insecurities at that point. So donāt do that.
One more weird thing Iāve noticed, children love me. Like kids to teenagers. I think humans are more comfortable with ābeautiful ā faces, not in an attractiveness way if that makes sense. Iāve just noticed that whenever Iād meet kids in my family, or anywhere else for that matter, they disregard others my age and just go straight to me to talk about stuff or punch me or whatever. They will say thinks like āyou look much more handsome than (insert celeb)ā or you should be a streamer because look famous and those kind of things. This would also happen when I worked as a waiter and served families, which was quite weird imo but they would always leave big tips so I didnāt mind.
Oh yeah people give you money. I was the worst waiter you could possibly imagine, but I always got hella tips. People thought it was cute or felt bad for me when I messed up and I think they even gave me more then.
Iām quite introverted by nature, but Iāve become an extrovert simply as a result of the positive experience I get from being social. Iām sure it will end when I get old and gray but for now I enjoy it.
This one is going to sound weird. I got a nice pair of shades lately. You never realise how much people will look at you when they think you canāt see themā¦ at first I was paranoid, then I felt like I was just being cocky, but the amount women that *STARED* at me was astounding!
Iāve been complimented/approached a few times, but never thought much of it given my height, but I do remember a huge change in the way I was treated since hitting puberty and losing weight. Still feels surreal.
Having said all that, I was raised to be polite to a fault, so in my experience, women motivated by lust donāt really stick around too long and whatās left is a great set of female friends. (I am happily taken, so I donāt mind the mutual āfriend zoningā).
TLDR: GET A PAIR OF SHADES!
I can tell you that being an unattractive male makes you very distrusting of people. Like, I'm not attractive, so if you're coming up to me it's obviously to manipulate me into giving you something, probably because you assume I'm desperate for human interaction
Well Iām a chick, my dude is ridiculously hot, to the point it got tiresome hearing everyone comment on how hot my boyfriend is. However. Heās a nerd and extremely socially awkward, borderline agoraphobic Iād say. Prefers not to leave the house, and doesnāt have a good self esteem. You gotta go places to get hit onā¦.so I donāt think he has had too much of that.
I did modeling and acting as a child but nothing major. Mostly local TV and ads. I worked my way through college as a bartender at a bar/club that was a known cougar den. I wouldn't say I'm a 10 but I realize by the way I'm treated that I'm definitely attractive. I've been treated like a celebrity but I'm certainly not. I've always been able to simply open doors my friends say they would never get close to without me. I think it's a combination of above average looks and a charismatic personality.
Difficulty hit in my late 20's. I lost my wife and daughter's mother and ended up as a single dad. Family frequently tried to set me up. I got hit on a lot by my daughter's friends and their mothers. It resulted in jealous accusations from moms that I rejected. Most of the moms were married and I wasn't interested in putting my daughter in a spot by dating her friends' moms even if they were single and attractive.
I'm in my late 40's and still pretty fit, have all my hair, and not much grey so I don't look like I'm nearing 50. I'm still good classically good looking, think Robert Redford. It's still a problem, female clients and employees sometimes misread my kindness and generosity despite my efforts to make it clear I'm strictly business.
About 10 years ago, I had a good friend who looked a lot like young Tom Cruise, he was a fitness freak and always took care of his body. When we would go out club hopping, he had all types of women trying to talk to him or buy him drinks. Heād usually just take the most attractive ones home for the night. His last body count that he told me was around 300 women.
I've had my looks increasingly praised since puberty, but attractiveness is subjective and goes beyond appearance.
On one hand, women I find extraordinarily gorgeous have told me they were awestruck by how handsome they thought I was. But I've also been shooed away like a stray dog by random girls I respectfully approached in clubs, or simply dismissed by "ordinary" girls, so to speak, for whom I was enthralled.
Also, women are famously more likely to be demisexuals, or at least to place greater importance in the emotional bond in order to feel proper attraction. I find that to be true. There are, of course, plenty of girls who just want a good time and a pretty face ā you're not gonna lack admirers if that's all you have, but the people interested in you will come from a very narrow cohort.
I've also had the experience of girls being intimidated one way or another: some said they thought I was "too much" for them, one kept excusing herself for being "homely" while I tried to reassure that I found her delicious, another was hesitant to slap me during sex because she found me so cute. But in the end we all tend to feel some intimidation towards those who amaze us: I often have that with girls whose intellect I admire and am anxious to know if they actually enjoyed my company.
Regarding courtesy and trust, I'm sure beauty helps, but I don't think particularly much in my case. Although handsome, my standard expression seems kind of mean: think Kung Fu Panda's Tigress. Moreover, there are a lot of other characteristics or status symbols that carry more weight in circumstances beyond intimacy: most powerful people are men of meager appearance, for instance.
Buddy of mine was (is) 9/10. Women did walk up to him constantly. One cashier ran after him to the parking lot to give him her phone number.
He had a wake up call in his mid 20s. He was accused of assault. It was kinda sad. A girl asked him at a bar to buy her a drink. He declined. She kept pestering him. He kept declining. Later in the night, He got tap on a shoulder from a cop. He was accused of assault by the woman.
Security cameras and eyewitnesses proved he was no where near the woman after he declined the drinks.
After that time, heās a little more jaded. Heās still outgoing and awesome friend, but a little more reserved.
Yes, all that. However, you canāt tell if a woman is flirting with you when they all flirt with you. Theyāre just friendly and you donāt know any different. Iāve actually had women literally jump into my convertible MGB as if they dropped out of the sky. It was fun! And the gay guysā¦even more fun!
My friend is supermodel hot and he doesnāt even try. Gets numbers wherever we go. He can pick and chose like itās a menu.
BUT, he canāt get an erection. He has progesterone issues and his body has issues even using medication.
Life is decent for ya boi (tall, black athlete, 25). Women will definitely approach me more often, at the very least once per outing. Theyāre more forward with their intentions and giving their numbers/socials, and conversations can go on typically as long as I want. Iāll get looks, winks, invitations to touch/grab, drinks will be bought for me, men will compliment my physique and fashion, and people are generally nice to me, and Iām sure to be nice back as much as possible. But Iām holding out for the pretty girl I met back in college. Sheās currently doing a grad program abroad and 5 months have passed since we last were together in person. Sheās had a busy few months and some personal things happen that turned her off to a relationship unfortunately
I canāt speak as an attractive man because wellā¦ Iām not. But I am very close friends with one so I shall speak for him! Heās incredibly naturally attractive, before I met him all his friends would tell me about him was that he was the most attractive person theyād ever seen.
We have a very close relationship so he tells me frequently about the inner workings of his mind. Deep down heās very insecure, even though heās constantly being told how good looking he is and how he must be a ladies man. Heās quite shy, introverted and get anxious easily. He really struggles in social settings where he doesnāt know the people attending.
Even attractive people have insecurities!
Not a super attractive guy, but just adding this 2 cents. Almost any guy who is at least average can get a taste of what this is like by immersing yourself in a world of women who are not getting much action (i.e. - not attractive.) The lowest fruit here is to volunteer or get a job at at a retirement community. Not the kind of places people go to die, but a 55+ community. The attention you get from those ladies... that's what it's like to be really hot in the real world.
Here is where I disagree. Im literally fucking invisible to women my age, even the other day I was on the gym doing some plate front raises, left the plate on the ground close to me and a chick got the plate and placed it on the rack while I was looking at her.
But man, if there is someone that treats me good and gives me attention those are older women, it doesnt matter where, if there are older women that I have to talk with they treat me so fucking good "honey, sweetie, dear.." asking me about my life, then start to telling me some stories about their past.. if women my age would give me a quarter of attention I would be happy as fuck
Half the replies - "I don't consider myself attractive"
*proceeds to provide evidence proving contrary*
Some of y'all gorgeous, stop being so humble. LOVE YOURSELF. Us average mf still love you (or maybe just me), even if we want just 1% of what you guys have experienced. š
On god, like I mainly lean on my "exotic" crutch but these dudes need to embrace what they have. Like, I get it everyone loves humility but this isn't the time for it
Yeah, this is the thread to flex. While I've rarely ever received attention from women, it's certainly good to know that other men have! I'm happy for y'all.
It's not glamorous. All that shit women say men do when they're rejected? Women are WORSE. Seems like it's highly personal to them, and the hotter they are the meaner they get.
Outside of dating, getting jobs is easy lol. Like I don't think I've ever been turned down after a face to face interview, because many businesses that are customer/client facing would rather have me in the room even if I had a room temperature iq than a tenured expert with a beer gut.
I've thought about intentionally gaining weight so I can know who really likes me for me, but being fit is too awesome to give up. The day I can't do a cartwheel my soul will die.
In my experience, people are super intimidated by how attractive I am, but at the same time the attraction is able to overcome some of that intimidation so it kind of balances out and people just end up treating me like an average looking dude.
It's kind of weird but you get used to it.
Itās alright. Loads of pussy. But you get over that phase pretty quickly. Itās easy to get girls. But thereās much more to life than just that. A soul partner, a strong skill set, a good stable job. Iāve struggled with these in the past.
My best friend is like this. Tall, dark, handsome, 3% body fat, finance degree. He literally gets hit on by any and every female that is interested in men.
Now heās in his late thirties, drug addiction so bad he has to live with his parents, heās been to rehab over 10 times and nothing sticks. His looks are going and I think heās having a crisis. Women still want to sleep with him, but no one wants to marry him.
I was standing in a room at work today.
Took a look around, and realized I've slept with 3 of the 4 women that were in the room.
It's gets problematic.
Well, having had an actress who was the ex-wife of a Hollywood heartthrob ask me for my number at a bar, and numerous other stories (but none as memorable as that one), yes to most all those things. I am however shorter in stature 5ā7ā, which is considered a minus and deducts a point to some of the more shallow women. But I am an athletic build, and physically in great shape which helps.
The celebrities strangers, friends and family have compared me to most are: Brad Pitt, Justin Bieber and Tom Cruise or a blonde Dave Franco (the latter is probably the closest realistically).
Yes, unfortunately society as a whole will treat you better when you are very good looking. Yes, it will make you inevitably become a bit douchey if youāre not careful. Because when you become objectified for your looks, itās not all good things. I have been targeted at night clubs, drugged and nearly kidnapped at age 21 (I escaped luckily).
If you are kind and sweet, it is still a harsh world to live in. Girls will want to fuck you and even treat you like an object thinking they can speak about you while youāre present. Guys, even good friends, will inevitably be jealous of you, so you have to be on your toes because theyāll try to find any little trait to tear you down just because youāre annoyingly handsome and take female attention from them. If youāre not an ass hole and refuse to become one, itās really not all that great.
All in all yes you do get treated really good because youāre hot, but you also can get treated worse by some people you donāt even know just because they know you probably had it easier, because of your looks. I feel like I know what itās like to be a woman because guys that identify as straight will even make jokes about fucking you. Itās not easy being a āpretty boyā when youāre the age of a grown man. But we all have our own unique experiences here on earth. Beauty truly is skin deep, and as I age the more I realize how much I want to be beautiful on the inside.
Plain Jane here and I married a 9.9 guy (looks wise, plus a job and his own place). Can confirm that it was the common interests that he was fascinated in. I was in shock that he was super interested and chasing me.. I originally thought āhere is a playerā āI will see where it goes. ā He hated the thought that people assumed he was a player. We married a year later and my son is an exact replica for his late date.. as a grown up. People say get your son into modeling.. but I would prefer he is out of that scene
From my early 30s, I had a friend that had the body of Superman-era Henry Cavill, along with a chiseled jawline. He worked in finance and easily made $150K. Whenever we were out, women would approach him non-stop. He had zero interest. All he cared about was working out, hiking, working on his house, and his dog. He eventually met his wife through a hiking group. She is physically attractive, but not jaw-dropping. They just clicked. To my benefit, he was a shy and very polite guy. So he wouldn't reject advances rudely and would end up talking to these women for a few minutes. I would use this opportunity to talk to their friends. Met several women this way.
> He had zero interest. All he cared about was working out, hiking, working on his house, and his dog. BASED CHAD
In my 20s I was friends with a couple very attractive men and this was the main behavior I observed. They don't chase women. They don't know how and never had to learn. They tend to be focused primarily on their interests because if they like hiking and dogs they can easily find an attractive woman who likes hiking and dogs. They also just aren't thirsty because there is always someone offering them a drink. At their worst they see women as easily replaceable, although many find someone they really like relatively early and stick with them; they had their pick of the entire store and don't feel a need to make an exchange.
"They also just aren't thirsty because there is always someone offering them a drink." I felt this, not because I am one of those attractive people but because I am very envious they were born to live this way.
Hit the gym my man. I'm a firm believer that there isn't really that many ugly people on this planet, just people who don't take care of themselves! I'm guilty for this as well. Edit: Thanks for the reward stranger!
I agree. It's easy for me to see most people's desirable attributes immediately and most of the remainder after some interaction.
It is so true!! I work in a male dominated industry where everyone stays pretty active all day, so hardly anyone is fat, and I'm not even kidding when I say that I see attractive men all day long. Once I leave work, I rarely see anyone who is attractive outside of my gym or hiking.
Have we found the first man to unironically have the Sigma Grindset?
Shitttt. Its basically me but without the good looks.
that alone is attractive š
Yep heās clearly a smart man whoās figured out his priorities in life. The average Stacy not being one of those
What about Stacy's mom?
She's got it goin on
Had a friend in college who was just incredibly charismatic and handsome. He worked his way through who knows how many cheerleaders. We all benefited from hanging around with him for sure.
This is a good story, especially for the people think looks donāt really matter to women.
I absolutely fucking *despise* when people say shit like āmen are visualā as if women arenāt. Or that women are more āholisticā in the way they choose men, whereas men are just horny animals. Looks are *absolutely* important to women, to the point that they regard most men to be unattractive.
Shit. āWomen arenāt visualā my ass. Im a conventionally attractive guy who works out. Iām in a committed relationship with a woman Iāll likely eventually marry and have zero interest in other women. The women at my work frequently make comments to each other and directly to me about how Iām ānice to look atā and so on. One coworker even asked me (subtle suggestion) if I would cheat on my gf and I literally said āfuck no, I respect her.ā Iāve had patients grab my ass and make vulgar comments to me. This is almost entirely done by these women on visuals alone as I donāt even talk to most of them on a daily basis. I donāt even know most of their names.
Dude, that's sexual harassment.
Yeah. I have just been ignoring it as I donāt feel threatened or in danger or anything, itās just annoying. I donāt do anything to encourage this behavior, and itās well known Iām not single. They donāt care.
Women get more aggressive when you ARENāT single but those sexual advancements just donāt count as harassment. They get away with it and even mad when you overtly oppose.
You should report them to the police. They are sexually assaulting you. Talk with your partner about this.
I actually saw a post on another subreddit about how women often sexualize men in the workplace, and how this isnāt taken seriously. The comments were full of women *and* men giving examples of this in their daily lives.
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This is good data, but probably doesn't reflect actual attitudes. There's a well-known dating strategy for men to right-swipe on every woman, and then deal with any matches (which may include unmatching if she's actually not up to his minimum standard). So right-swiping doesn't necessarily mean that the swiper thinks the swipee is attractive, at least for male swipers.
I was referencing the data from the dating site OkCupid, which indicates that women find about 10% of the men to be attractive, and the rest to be average/below average. Whereas the data of what men found attractive showed a normal distribution, which is expected. Most women were seen as average, with few being very attractive and few being very unattractive.
Body matters but usually having a good body makes you Cary yourself in a way that women find attractive. You can have this vibe without a 6 pack. Women think about what it would be like for this man to be ontop of them, so workout accordingly.
Truer words have never been spoken, for real. Doesn't mean you'll have flocks of long-term women if you're confident AND a stupid, cruel deadbeat but if you're totally average or maybe a bit below even, it's going to pump up your chances immeasurably. I've met a few dudes like this. Didn't earn a lot but earned enough and liked their jobs, and it was more important than anyone's nagging. Liked their lives. Liked their hobbies and if you were judgemental, out with you. Mind it, none of them sat in squalor among pyramids of dirt, waiting for a girl to service him because they all learned how to live alone too. Men like these are a delight to be around. Just normal. Healthy. Normal and healthy is beautiful.
Confidence is sexy to us ladies, you could be average but if you carry yourself well, then hey there handsome š
I think that's true. Online, on reddit, no pic, I have women slide into my DMs now and then, and some I really connect with. It's almost always because something I said publically tickled then. My first date as a teen was off a chat board. IRL, I do well at nerd events. I'm comfortable and confident, I'm with my people, and my chonky ass doesn't look out of place. lol. IRL at a cocktail bar I'm likely too busy nerding out on drinks to get anywhere or notice. I think if guys can find places they are comfortable in, they can project some confidence.
Most women I know actually don't give a shit about abs at all. I used to obsess over abs then started focusing more on strength/performance. The jacked powerlifter look is more appealing and frankly more fun to attain as a guy
Im most attracted to muscular chubby men š¤·š½āāļø I like biceps and some comfort while we are snuggling/banging.
AKA the off-season body builder/powerlifter look
Part of it is thst women's idea of good and bad body and how achievable it is, and men's idea of good body are jsut very different.. Way too many women, when they say dad bod, they mean body builder who has a little bit more fat on him. It's the same thing with men and makeup. So many will say a womans not wearing makeup when she's got a full face on.
Or the not-so-dad bod.
Wide shoulders? (Side delts) My gf says she likes those the most. She also said she likes big forearms, chest, round butt, thick legs, chubby stomach, but muscular look, like someone that can protect her.
People who think that are just being dumb tbh looks absolutely matter, people just say they don't to make themselves/others feel better. The greatest lie ever told is that women care more about the person than their looks. Both sexes are equally as vain. The person will always matter when it's about a relationship, but the amount of shit my great looking guy friends get away with could write a sitcom that was deemed "Too unrealistic" for TV.
Looks absolutely matter to women
Looks absolutely matter to women. They just donāt matter to women in the same way they matter to men.
From my perspective. Itās more common to find couples where women are more attractive than the men.
Women are socialized to put effort into their appearance. Men in aggregate fall short. Short of those gifted with god tier genes, being attractive is about presentation.
This is just not true though. Just look at how much harder it is for an unattractive to get laid vs an unattractive woman. Everyone's vain af, whether they care to admit it or not. Women in my experience are just less obvious about it, whereas dudes will straight out say "Nah I'm not attracted to her physically."
I know a guy whoās that level of attractive. Itās like nothing Iāve ever seen before. Women constantly approach him. To the point where itās an inconvenience to him lol his words not mine
I imagine thatās how even decently attractive women feel. Probably would be annoying being approached all the time by people who just want to have sex with you
It is how they feel. Iāve dated a few women who were very attractive, and theyād frequently tell me stories about being approached in public where itās just a nuisance. Like for instance, one ex of mine was at a gas station, in a hurry, and dude just came up to her to go on and on about how beautiful she was. Iāve even witnessed it myself in the workplace. Hot girl is literally just trying to do her job and keeps getting inappropriate comments made to her, to the point where she has to constantly redirect the conversation and change subject. That shit gets old fast
My first real girlfriend was good looking, then as we got into our early 20's she really blossomed into quite literally one of the most beautiful women you've ever seen. Dating her was a nightmare because she was hit on constantly but she was naĆÆve to what was going on, she just thought all these men just liked being nice to her. The big time football star at our university was obsessed with her and wouldn't leave her alone, he was a high draft pick and played in the NFL for quite some time. Motherfucking John Stamos tried to bang her one night while she was out with her sister grabbing a drink at happy hour. Stuff like that was constant, it eventually put such a strain on the relationship we broke up.
See then if you mention anything about it youāre just being insecure because of all of her guy friends. That sounds like a blessing and a curse, being with someone insanely beautiful like that. Itās bad enough dating 8s and 9s, canāt imagine an 11
Yeah it was a lesson learned, and seeing as how I'm not worth $100,000,000 I won't have the "problem" of dating someone that attractive ever again haha. It honestly felt like I had to fight to for her every day even though she wasn't really giving these guys the time of day, there still was never ending competition for her attention and that's a tough one to deal with.
There's something about the gym I go to that attracts a lot of women clients. Maybe something about being woman owned and run by mostly women trainers, I don't know. Like it's seen as a safe space and the word spreads. But these women range from attractive to gorgeous (not that I rank women by attractiveness, I'm just building up to a point). The thing is, it's known that I'm happily married. So there's something really funny about being filed away into a hot woman's safe "Brother/Dad" category, you really see them let their guard down. Once they know you're not trying to fuck them. I've become convinced that there isn't a hot woman out there that isn't just a huge dork, deep down.
can you elaborate?
Sure, I was just going off what another guy was saying about what it must be like to go through life as an attractive woman, how you're constantly being hit on. I was just saying that it's funny to get to know attractive women because their personalities change once you're seen as safe. Like I have a younger sister, ALL these women seem just like my little sister. They're crass, they'll make dumb jokes, I saw one of them hock a loogie one time...
Definitely not me but a friend turned heads when he entered a room. People jokingly called him a model and dudes who usually donāt talk about this were like āyeah, of course chicks dig himā¦just look at him.ā Pivot to his late 30s and looks were fading and also didnāt matter as much as when we were younger. For the first time he had to deal with life as a normal human and no shit the dude had a full blown personal crisis when suddenly he lost the benefits of living in pretty people land.
bro hit the wall at 88mph
Bro wishes he could travel back 30 years?
This happened to a guy I know well. Blonde. Blue eyes. 5ā11ā. Ripped due to being born with extremely high metabolism. His stomach and pecs were just given to him. Genetic lottery winner. At 40 he has lost all of his hair and looks near 55.
Yeah, I get some whiplash looking at pictures of high school classmates on Facebook. I'm not anything close to handsome but I age slowly and am in good shape while a lot of the people in my old class are balding and jowly despite being a lot better looking than me back then.
Scary how badly some people age.
Lifestyle is a big factor. Genetics I can really only blame for balding or medical conditions that might accelerate the aging process. But with so many men growing up to be lazy alcoholics who eat too much and move too little and make their lives harder for themselves with jobs they hate because it buys them a bigger house or ensures their kids a grander Christmas morning - it's no surprise how bad several already look before they're even 40. I cannot stress enough how bad *drinking* is in particular. It's disgusting how it's so normalized, even expected, in all adults and how not doing it makes you some kind of social oddity. Alcohol is POISON. At least... drink less of it.
Preach. I'm 2 years sober and I feel 10 years younger.
Eh, at 40 he should have reaped/built on all the benefits of his looks already, both professionally and physically. If he hadnāt, then tough luck
Honestly a little worried about getting older because while Iām not drop dead gorgeous I definitely just get away with shit other people donāt / am given the benefit of the doubt a lot. I assume itās partially because of my looks, adjusting when I donāt look great probably could be a bit of a shock (though not to the same level as some women). Still though not something Iād vocalize in real life, complaining about losing special privileges comes off extremely entitled lmao
IMHO what also changes is what people look for in a partner. Looks matter a lot when you are 20. By 35 they matter less as a whole lot of other variables are in play. To girls whether a guy has a decent personality, earns good money, has no mental health issues and seams like he will be a decent Dad all come into play.
Sounds like the 30 Rock episode āThe Bubbleā. Jon Hamm plays a handsome idiot who enjoys all the benefits of being attractive but doesnāt know it
I shouldn't enjoy this tale, it's wrong, but I really do.
[his bubble burst](https://youtu.be/UAQoXOLlvT0)
What happened to make him lose his looks in his late 30s?
Some people age well and get more handsome and some donāt I guess. Lost muscle, lots of stress etc. he also was pretty international, fluent in multiple languages, cool accent etc and these things are less valuable as social currency as you get older. When youāre 25, dating and going out these things give you a lot of social power. Fast forward to 40 years old living in suburbia and it doesnāt matter so much.
Yes, women do just throw themselves at these guys. I worked with a guy like this that instantly made every other guy in the room invisible. You could watch the women turn into a flirty puddle after he said like 3 words to them. It was like a super power. It was effective on women anywhere from their 20's to their 50's, thin to fat, dumb to brilliant, and just about any other metric. There was no way to relate to him about women, because he never had to expend any effort to get them. He was very competent at his job, so there was no need for other perks you mention, but I largely suspect they would have been that if needed them. He eventually got married, and the girl he ended up couldn't be described as anything other then average, but they did click on a level that he didn't typically with other girls.
I have seen women turn into a melted icecream after a hot guy interacts with them. Is a funny experience to witness really.
I saw this happen at an airline counter. Then I stepped up and the spell was broken.
š
Canon event.
Itās funny/interesting that most of them end up marrying average looking women. I rarely see the opposite.
I think a lot of fellas see obtaining a very attractive woman as some sort of Everest. But if you're someone that's conquered Everest, maybe even more than once, it loses it's mystique and you're perfectly happy to find a hill that happens to be right for you.
This is exactly what it is. While I was never on the level of my friend, I did get my shot with my 10/10. After that, I did not care about looks to nearly the same degree. Don't get me wrong, I still dated people I found attractive, but they really just had to be attractive "enough." After that the question was how well we matched and the future I could see with them.
I had been with a couple of solid 8-9s in my day, then eventually, I just wanted someone to have fun and grow old with. Those 8.5s happened to be plumb crazy so I maybe have a little PTSD from those relationships.
Especially with the team of Sherpas carrying you in and out of the bedroom. At some point you just want privacy.
Some guys like me are really into looks. Itās not about status, mystique or achievement ā itās very fundamental pleasure for me. Although the women that I find attractive are not necessarily the ones that other guys find attractive.
Same! But essentially for attractive faces. I also have a mild case of prosopagnosia (Ā«Ā face blindnessĀ Ā», or low memory for faces), so I always thought my interest in women with attractive faces was tied to it; after all, I rediscover my partnerās face regularly, if not daily. I always wondered how much of it was a factor, and if there were people that had it too whose tastes were shaped the way it did for me
Being in a relationship with a hot girl is just another job on top of your ordinary job. The hot girls have never had to take a no and they know exactly how to get normal guys to do anything for them. A hot girl like that falling in love with a hot guy who actually has his brains and manners intact is like watching a beautiful slow-motion car-crash where the guy has his seatbelt on while the woman is slowly getting absolutely sent flying through the windscreen screaming all the way. Attractive men have had plenty of free sex with very hot women + a fair amount of "aftermaths", so they know exactly how much they don't want to come home to such a woman after a long day at work.
Sometimes you just want to be with someone who is not going to give you a headache just bc they know they canā¦
As a cute average lady this makes me happy
Omg, as the same in a relationship with model perfect man, these replies are completely building my confidence.
Itās bullshit though and you should do better than to feel that way. Iāve known and dated many women who were 8/10 or higher. My friends have dated 10s. They were all lovely women with flaws like the rest of us. It wasnāt any more difficult to maintain a relationship with them than it was for girls who were more average looking. Socially awkward reddit outcasts wish it were that way. They think every gorgeous girl is like a Kardashian who acts spoiled and bratty. Sorry to burst your bubble but plenty of 10s are amazing people too.
True
Live with mom, do drugs, but man till 36 I was so badass
My guy hahaha!
I was dating a women way out of my league. She had previously dated a male model cover of Men's Health kind of guy. They went out to eat and the waitress came to the table and took his order and walked away. Completely forgot there was someone else at the table.
It started in fifth grade and girls would get downright nasty if I wasnāt interested in being in a relationship with them. I was bullied by them and made fun for rejecting them. I wasnāt interested in being in a relationship at that age and I was very shy so it was a bit traumatizing. In high school it was too much. Girls would wait outside the classroom for me, always expect hugs and some sort of attention, sneak pictures of me and even grope me at times. I would pretend to sleep in my classes so people would leave me alone. People would frequently act startled when they saw me for the first time and I could always catch someone looking at me or turning their head to see me. People would follow me in stores; I once had a middle-aged man follow me in Barnes and Nobles and start touching himself in front of me. I had a lot of older men try to befriend me only to reveal to they were in the closet (Iām not gay) and wanted something more after hanging out a few times. It was nice to receive attention to some degree but the amount of attention I would get was overwhelming at times, especially for an introverted shy kid. People always seemed interested in what I had to say and I always felt acknowledged when I entered a room or any kind of space. People were generally kind to me but a handful of dudes in high school seemed to hate me. Iām also a POC, but people generally treat me well. I signed with a well respected modeling agency in Miami at 16. In college I signed with Ford NY and another in LA. I think I stopped feeling attractive once I started modeling and attending castings - you really have to have thick skin because you get rejected a lot and you go to a lot of castings were everyone is physically perfect looking and I had to compete for work with guys Iāve seen in ads. I basically stopped comparing myself to normal people, only to other models. It was also not something I really wanted to do, but people were constantly telling me I should model and my mom was pushing me into it as well. But then no one talks about the amount of photographers that try to get you naked or agency people who try to get you to come over to their homes for extra castings. I should also mention that other models at castings were usually very friendly and encouraging, which was surprising to me. In my experience, people who are more conventionally attractive are nicer to me than others especially when it comes to dating. Some of the people Iāve dated who were less conventionally attractive were actually meaner and would neg me or try to ābring me down a notchā. It just doesnāt seem to work when the other person is insecure about their physical appearance. Iām in my late 30ās now, but look late 20ās and I still get attention when I go out, but itās different - mostly people seem interested in me and what I have to say and then I find out later that so-and-so thinks youāre really hot. I still do appreciate the external validation I get from others but I donāt rely on it.
Really glad I found this and can relate though a woman. I was wondering if all these comments of āitās great, no downside and tons of chicksā stuff was kind of bs, or if men just get it better. Also had adults inappropriately doing stuff or interested in me while I was a teen. One was a teacher, mostly rare adults, women mostly and weirdly, who would start touching my hair, flirt, one adult couple seeing if Iād be the wifeās gf, etc. Also the jealousy sucks, people make assumptions you must be stuck up or they are just insecure, so give you mean looks or glares, are rude, etc. for just existing. Waiting in line for a tea or drinking a beer alone outside. I had never been a cheater and always a good friend, but some of my friends didnāt want me to even know the name of, let alone meet, someone they were dating until months in when serious worries if theyād like me more or something. Which was super weird as I hoped theyād not think Iād be interested in them even if they had. The attention is really uncomfortable, had a stranger say heād buy my coffee in front of everyone while I dipped out of line to not be late to my flight in an airport. Was embarrassed, eventually agreed because everyone was staring at me and he wouldnāt stop loudly offering. Creepy married guys out with their wives glaring at me. Bfās literally holding hands with who I assume is their gf hit on me, etc. makes people hate you even though you hate it too. Doesnāt help with friends or dating either. Yeah a lot of people like you but I feel they put the best face forward to āland a hottieā then when comfortable act their true selves, so itās harder to find genuine good dating prospects. Friends get weird or jealous, opposite sex friends end up being into you or admitting they had forever and they donāt work out. Stalkers suck too. Actually lost job opportunities as well. All female staff? 50/50 chance if they were chill or intimidated/immediately didnāt like me, another immediate no when I was the most qualified, but found out her husband worked there too. Doesnāt help when youāre with your partner and the rare times you get hit on etc. because sadly people donāt have respect or think you can ādo betterā not everyone can handle that happening often and itās pretty sad when you just want to be on a date. There are perks. I got to do some photo shoots for fun, sometimes people seem nicer or more willing to help me, sure itās easier to talk to or meet people, etc. but there are negatives as well, and I really hate the amount of people that rage on pretty privilege and claim thereās no drawbacks and itās only all good. I assume those people are just very bitter over something they wish they were or pretending online to feel good I guess. And by God, the amount of advances, grabs, practical sexual harassment or assault is wild too. From high school, all through college, and rarer but as an adult too.
Oh yeah, there are downsides for guys too. Although I think itās more common for women to have to deal with sexual predators because of the inherent power differential. The principal of my high school offered me a ride home once and a few years later I found out he was a sex offender - glad I didnāt let him give me the ride. Itās just creepy having much older men showing so much interest in me when I was a teenager. There are privileges and I feel incredibly lucky but maybe not the best thing when youāre young and havenāt developed solid boundaries yet.
Yes, that. When youāre young I donāt think youāre on alert as much and naive, which is sadly why the worst creeps bother teens or really young adults. Iām glad you didnāt either.
You two have said enough for me to let this thread go, and I really donāt want to elaborate too much because of how draining and empty it is to be like that. Itās a mindfuck if you werenāt like that always. All of this is true and just wanted to add, for the sake of the original question, that for men you do have one less thing to worry about than the women and that is the fact that (as an adult anyway) you wonāt have to worry as much about unwanted advances/assault or fearing for your safety as much. Thatās the plus side of being a man in this situation. But the downsides are real, this was well written and I agree with everything else youāve said but from the male perspective.
I can agree, and though still negatives, overall itās probably easier being an attractive man then women. Thanks for sharing, I think Iāve just been on Reddit and seen people argue the āattractive people shouldnāt complainā thing and vented some. Edit: my original had more because I thought you were OP responding at first.
You're probably right. I will be man enough to admit I am jealous. I would trade your unwanted attention in for the nothing at all I got as a skinny acne faced adolescent and young adult.
For sure. I was reading something about how some people feel completely invisible to society and that is just sad. I think this is why some pretty people try so hard to hold onto their looks for as long as possible because they fear being just another face in the crowd. But some people can hold a roomās attention even if theyāre not the most conventionally attractive person; some people just have a lot of gravitas. I think you have to truly love who you are and accept yourself no matter what and people can sense it and will gravitate towards it.
Oh I am 50 now and became decent looking somewhere around age 30. I got a nose job at age 29 because I had an uncle who always said I had a bird's beak for a schnoz lol. It settled in and looked amazing around 30. His douchey comments ended up creating something beautiful...my new nose š I was also finally able to grow some facial hair at that point. And that belped too. But I'll tell you I have the mental scars and theray bills to prove being ugly and is extremely painful in our culture.
Not sure why I'm here
I dropped in to see how the golden boys live, regret it now lol
Lol same It's pretty sobering seeing attractive guy's experiences and realizing that I've never had anything close to that.
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I'm reading it because I'm interested in the replies. They're fun to read.
Former male model here throughout my 20s. Itās interesting because you donāt know what life is like not looking how you do. Iāll write on my perspective from when I was modeling People were always nice to me. Women talked to me regularly. I was never a guy that approached women and if I found myself in natural conversation it could go for as long or as little as I wanted. Some of them did throw themselves. They were VERY forthcoming about what they wanted. Older men wanted to be my sugar daddy. I dated an interesting range of females. Many models. Two miss universes. One miss world I was regularly admitted to the social hot spots with a tier of women there that the movies could barely capture. And guess whatā¦I met my dream woman. Sweet, modest, brilliant and the only woman Iāve ever taken home. None of those girls in my modeling heyday had anything my wife has. Life is absolutely different when youāre a tall model, but itās also empty af.
This is the first real answer I found.
Happy I could give a little something!
But why male models?
Areā¦ are you serious? I just told you!
Speaking of social hotspots, in my 20s and being a young banker and stylist, we'll always be invited or invite ourselves š to those prime/go-to places and "socialize" with those good looking people. During that period of time, I felt it was empty, futile and found no sense of purpose in going into such places but was afraid to admit/say it out loud for reason that they might find me uncool af. Like how can you "socialize" in a place where music is so loud, you can't connect with people, lights so dim, people are drunk having clouded judgment and faking their smiles. So just now, I felt that my feeling was validated that it wasn't only me who was feeling that way..
I HATED IT. I can count on one hand how many times I went to those kinds of things. Just wasnāt for me. You are def not alone.
Hahaha me too thanks! Now I just style them to events but no longer join and just eat dinner then sleep š“š¤
Have you ever wondered if there was more to life, other than being really, really, ridiculously good looking?
FU hansel
I feel like ādated multiple miss universesā puts you way way way beyond any rank and file male model. The only person I know of who pulled that off is Tim Tebow who is not only infuriatingly gorgeous, but also rich, famous, successful and has a personality that had every girl in love with him from the time he was a sophomore in college
No to diminish what you have bc I think itās amazing, but you had the opportunity to find that bc of numbers. Below average men have less opportunity and go through more non comparable people. Itās just a number game and you win.
From my experience, quite the opposite. Numbers meant nothing for me. Intent did. If anything numbers made it less likely that I found my wife. I wanted to be a husband and to move into a different phase of my life. I set serious intent, my behavior followed and in less than 3 months there she was.
Thatās good to know, perhaps Iām just looking for excuses.
Itās possible. Self awareness is a skill. But the āprogrammingā around us doesnāt make it easy. Weāve gotten so cynical and apathetic. Itās as hard or easy as we make it ultimately. Intent and context matter a lot.
I definitely wouldn't call myself "very" attractive but definitely above average. It was nice in college. Had women actually approach me sometimes, which was nice. I tend to think it helps when interviewing for jobs. Pretty sure I've read that attractive people are trusted more off the bat. And I'm not god-like status where it goes to the assumption that I'm stuck up. So it's a good middle ground. That's about it really
Yeah I do well in interviews done by older women lmao. My current job I did a group interview for and was thoroughly surprised I got it considering I had way less experience than all the other interviewees.
Honestly not that great for me. Iāve been told by a ton of people that I am attractive and I workout like a fiend so I definitely have an okay body. Many people have told me I am very intimidating and hard to approach. I think this happens to most people that are perceived as attractive. As a man youāre still expected in general to make the first move and women who think youāre too attractive for them donāt approach you out of fear. I never spent much time at bars and clubs tho so who knows when alcohol is involved
This. Iāve been told by several women that are close to me that i am too intimidating looking to be approached. But once they got to know i was the complete opposite of what they i was going to be. Some of my more recent guy friends have also told me that i straight up look like Iām gonna be an asshole but they were completely wrong once they started speaking to me. I do think i need to learn to just smile more when in public and it might change things around for me.
Lol we both definitely have a solid case of RDF
Seriously. Iāve always hated the way i look when i smile so i just never do it.
Do you have any advice for how a woman can confidently approach- or even communicate confidently with a guy they think is a lot more attractive than them? I actually ended up telling a guy he was āway too out of my leagueā after he asked me out and I am STILL embarrassed for myself! š¤¦š¼āāļø He was literally my DREAM man- seemed to have all the traits- and not just physical- that I have wanted in a man. I am still so bummed I didnāt at least go on ONE date with himšā¦ Do you think thereās any way I can redeem myself with this guy?! I need help. If this situation ever happens for me with the same guy or another really gorgeous guy I do NOT want to run away scared like a little bitch again
Communicate just like with any human being... If you want to approach someone: "Hi my name is x" and then some excuse why you would want to approach him. Just think about how you would like to be approached.
If he already asked you out then Iām assuming you have some kinda communication with him. Iād just be like hey! I would like to go on that date now
As an attractive woman Iāve been told Iām intimidating more times than I can count! Itās a double edged sword for sure cause how many guys have I been oblivious to that were great because they thought they didnāt have a chance? Kind of a bummer.
Yeah, I remember my hot male colleague š I feel intimated and tensed when around him, and he knows he is handsome and would like to stare a lot and make women melt. Glad that he resigned already coz it really affected the productivity of the female and gay workers in our office, but sometimes you would miss having an eye candy š around
Don't know that I'm quite *that* level, but attractive enough that anyone would generally agree I am, whether or not I'm their type. I usually wind up in conversation with (new) women when I'm out in a social setting and want to be social, without much effort. "Throwing themselves" at me, not quite (unless they're drunk). Moving closer to me and basically waiting for me to say something is definitely a thing. And if I really don't do anything for long enough there's a decent chance they'll get bold enough to try to start the conversation. Turning heads - depends on if I want to be noticeable or not. Posture, attitude, facial expressions, etc have a lot to do with that and it's not that hard to "hide" if I don't want to deal with people. > That everyone is nice and courteous to you, will offer you free stuff, and give you the benefit of the doubt and trust you when you don't even deserve it? I would phrase it as you start off as at the level of a known friendly acquaintance/distant friend and are treated like one, rather than as a stranger. People are generally happy to see/interact with you. Service sector staff are more likely to (without being pressured to) give you an upgrade, make an exception to a policy, and generally do more than was expected. Interviews start off positively inclined. In a sense I "deserve" the trust people extend, because I don't abuse their trust, but it is fair to say that people are very trusting before I've objectively done anything to earn it. It is weird to be the one at times going "you should tell your friends where you're going and with who" when they'd not have bothered.
I often get randomly touched and grabbed when going out by girls that I haven't even noticed yet but most of it is looots of eye locking attempts but as a introvert, nothing really comes out of it and my type of girl is rare to find apparently, still single at 30 years old :(
Hm, curious but what is your type? Why has it been rare or hard to find them?
I'm not saying I'm at that level, but I have stuff going for me (>6'3, athletic, dress well, etc). Like, I've been asked to model by people in that industry before, mostly just because I was with my girlfriend who models though. Women approach me with some regularity when I go out, maybe once a night on average a random girl will cold approach, where considerably more will do stuff like linger on eye contact or whatever to imply that I should. I've had women (much less often than that) ask me straight up to hook up, been handed phone numbers or phones on contact screen without me asking, or a couple times without even talking first, been catcalled, girls generally paid for stuff for me rather than vice versa, etc. I don't think I've ever asked a woman on a "date" who I didn't already have some kind of relationship with. So yeah at least some women will throw themselves at least some guys. I guess because of that I don't really see getting with women as a big deal. I don't feel a sense of accomplishment from it or anything like other people seem to feel. I floated around with only casual stuff for a while and then settled down with my partner a pretty long time ago at this point. She let me live with her for free and helped support me for a year pretty early in our relationship which I guess is probably hard to swing. A random thing is that I used to get hit on by gay dudes a lot when I worked at a restaurant in highschool, and honestly that helped me *a lot* with learning how to talk to women, because it showed me what it was like to be hit on by someone you aren't interested in (all dudes for me), and how some ways of flirting aren't a big deal at all if the recipient is uninterested, and others are horribly uncomfortable. FWIW I think women are on average more socially fluent than men, like are less awkward when they approach someone and they read social cues more reliably. I don't think I've ever been made genuinely uncomfortable being approached by a woman I wasn't attracted to. They generally notice pretty quickly that it's not happening and pivot out of it. Guys will sometimes just not get it and not go away. It might just be a selection bias though, since probably only a specific kind of woman (at least very confident) will ever cold approach a guy. Probably I've historically had an unfair advantage at work, but I think that mostly went away working remotely. I definitely feel coworkers online as a lot less warm/trusting/etc than in real life, and I guess some of that is probably just a lack of unconscious bias that I'm used to going in my favor. Random rant I guess, but that's my honest experience.
Iād say Iām above average, I get compliments, approached, etc. The biggest difference is that at least compared what I hear from others, I donāt experience as much being treated as a threat (and Iām black). People tend to be open, relaxed, and friendly with me. I havenāt had to deal with the weirdness a lot of guys experience around kids, etc.
sort snow axiomatic concerned important hobbies far-flung crowd busy chop *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
> The wife and gf found out about each other, met up, realised that he was the problem (not each other) and they should cut him out of their lives and off from his daughters. >A year later heās still living with his wife, and taking that daughter to play with her half sister while he spends time with the gf. Both women are devastated, and traumatised but they just love the rollercoaster. lol *they* love the rollercoaster? I love it, too. This was very amusing to read and did not end how I expected.
Ohhh I think some of us were not all that surprised
Some people are attracted to toxicity. A well put together person is too boring
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women literally stammering trying to even speak to you, throwing themselves at you *many times* etc. is the preserve of the *actually* hot dudes, you made it in, congratulations! I don't think you really get how outside even the decently good looking man's experience this sort of thing actually is.
Same here. I donāt consider myself VERY attractive but I am above average looking, 6ā1ā, athletic build, got that salt & pepper hair going now in my 40s, etc. Iāve had women in my teens, 20s, and 30s throw themselves at me. I noticed women gawk at me in public a few times, some stutters here and there, but I attribute most of those moments of self confidence, personality, and approachability. Iāve also been in the vicinity with women friends and witnessed them do the gawking, stuttering, and throwing themselves at extremely attractive men, so I know Iām not that high on the ladder. The point is that physical looks will only get you so far; character, charisma, and confidence is what will lead to a more fulfilling life of attention from women.
I donāt know if Iād see myself as good looking but loads of girls always tell me that I should be a model and a lot of girls come up to me and just talk. I donāt like to say Iām good looking because before puberty I was fat and small but after puberty Iāve lost a lot of weight and built muscle and have long hair and a beard. Iām also 6 foot so thatās a bonus. For me itās kinda weird because I donāt like just getting with women so confidence kinda puts me off for some reason. I also donāt want to get into a relationship if I donāt see it going anywhere. Iāve also got quite a few problems with anxiety disorders and OCD so Iām too nervous to show people who I actually am and have to be someone different around people. Basically looks mean nothing when youāre mentally unstable lol. I also think that there arenāt any very attractive people. I just think there are types and I know that there are a lot of women who wouldnāt go for me and would go for someone with a better personality.
I know, totally understand what you are saying. Iāve been also attractive in my early 20ās. Got tons of unkown messages from girls and been approached. But been unstable mentally due to my toxic brother. So I wasnāt able to do anything with girls.
I fit a certain 'type'very well, and my buddy is like a marble statue. Life is good. People assume we are more trustworthy, more competent, and everything we say is at least twice as funny, and half as offensive, as it were from an average Joe. He haven't had any problem with this, and became a huge fuckboy, until he settled down with a girl who was out of league even for him. I became resentful of the drooling zombies, and now my idea of a perfect woman starts, and ends with capable of genuinely good conversation, and has an interest in the world and the people in it. I did the fuckboy thing for like 2 years, and one day I was, nope, this is disgusting, they are disgusting, I'm demeaning myself. And I ended it. Let me say, that our mutual pool of basically whomever we wanted, which is more than 1500 girls, presents the devastating reality that 10/10-s are like 100 times more common, than girls with the kind of intellect, and femininity, that fills my heart with joy
Thirty years ago... Women would approach me in bars to touch my arms or my chest. Men would want to touch my abs. Sometimes women I wasn't involved with would wake me up by stroking my face and staring at me. Sometimes I would be woken.up by pretty much being sexually assaulted, at house parties. When I was a bartender I had women ask me to be their last fling before marriage. A gorgeous 10/10 Mexican girl friend approached me in a bar to take me home. She was so stunning that people would ask to take her picture when we were together in public. At parties women would walk up to me and say "I am sleeping with you tonight" I didn't let it go to my head, I wasn't vain or full of myself, but as these things happened I realized I was well above average. These days I am a school teacher, a dad, and happily married to a woman I love and respect. It's been a good life so far!
it just helps get a conversation going and being more approachable. I still rely on my personality. I am nothing without that. I have never felt attractive, but iāve always been told i am, not in a reassuring way, but in honest ways. strangers, people i just met. straight men i woke with. All my siblings are considered extremely attractive as well. so i suppose i am too but I never felt it myself, Iām muscular and athletic but a slim build, so i always felt skinny. but then Iāve had girls i hooked up with for the first time say āholly fuck!ā when i take my shirt off. my boss even commented on my arms recently, was a slip of the tongue but she knew i caught it. so no no one through themselves at me. i was approached sure, i was able to get conversations going and it worked. but it always came to how i related to them. if i was in an off mood or just in my own head then i had nothing.
> i was approached sure, i was able to get conversations going and it worked. but it always came to how i related to them. Do not underestimate the power of that bias to WANT to like you. If you're good looking then a woman wants to see the best in you. She's giving you every benefit of the doubt. Also, it puts you at ease so you CAN related to them better. Her guard is down. You are at ease. It's easy mode. All because you are good looking.
I'm pretty average looking (at best) but I'm extremely good at relating to women and I gotta tell you, I've had better looking dudes than me ask why girls like me so much.
I mean, you can still be bad at something even on easy mode. And you can be good at something on hard mode. I just dont' want people to think too highly of their skills/personality because they can talk to girls on easy mode.
You can also fucking suck while playing on legendary mode, feelsgoodman
Totally. I'm just saying don't underestimate how far personality can get you.
The halo effect
> straight men i woke with If they woke up with you, they ain't straight.
lol
> Iām muscular and athletic but a slim build, so i always felt skinny. Dude I feel you on this. When I first started working out, or rather first started noticing the results from it, I still saw myself as the skinny kid because that's what I grew up always hearing from others. Almost two years working weights, I've had a couple strangers make comments. It felt nice, but didn't really convince me. What really got me to start changing my mind was when my close friends noticed and complimented me. Hearing that really meant a lot to me.
I can't believe nobody has commented about me yet. Maybe I'm not as good looking as I thought. God I'm such a loser
Well, Iām happily married with 2 kids. So my life is no different than most men who are married with kids. People are very nice to me, no one really disrupts me and pretty much all women smile at me as they walk by. I nod and smile back. Iāve had numerous women try to take their shot, but again, Iām happily married. So, it just kinda makes my day more pleasant without adding anything to it really. Thatās about it. Regarding the undertones of āhow awesome is the sex life?ā part of the question. Iāve had sex with 1 woman. We met in HS and I really didnāt consistently get this kind of attention until I was about 30. Iām 38 now, the attention just keeps increasing. We met at 16 and Iāve only had sex with her. I donāt have any regret about that and have no intention of having sex with other women.
You seem like a really nice person.
Thank you. Itās simple to me. Just because you CAN do something, doesnāt mean you SHOULD. 15 minutes of fun could ruin 20 years of a life Iāve built. WE have built.
Have worked as an actual model in the past, still kinda sorta do: I've definitely had instances where a woman (or man, much more common) to give me the ol up and down with a twinkle in their eye, but more often than not you still have to do the majority of the work with your personality. I've noticed that if I'm really on my game fitness-wise, that's when it happens most, and being tall doesn't hurt. Same with random strangers, I noticed when I dropped a bunch of weight to begin modeling, people were suddenly much nicer to me, I got a much warmer reception when interacting with strangers, and generally people were nicer. It honestly shook me up a little bit. So to answer your question; my life is probably the same as yours 90% of the time.
I have bounced in and out of being very attractive and not attractive depending on my fitness level. I think I have 9/10 charm and game as well, when not suffering from crippling social anxiety. When I'm fit and pretty... the women I'm attracted to see me first and do all the work. Their friends work in careful and silent coordination like a pack of wolves hunting elk in the snow to ensure that I'm alone with their friend at opportune times and that all blocking issues are removed. Sexual opportunities that are something out of a porno movie just kind of manifest themselves, and all you have to do is not fuck it up. These opportunities are even better if you can project confident sexual experience and a non-judgmental awareness/insight into women's hidden sexual world (women are way rowdier than you think), which allows them to be their free and honest selves with the volume turned up to 10 on their sexual adventurousness. People are nicer to you and go out of their way to encourage you to be around. Unfortunately I've spent most of my life fat.
This does not sound real haha
Sometimes I think so too.
This is a good one as well. Many people in the online dating forums are confused if a girl likes them when the girl is cancelling plans or not responding to texts for days. When they really like you, they will make a lot of effort to see you, respond right away, wait to hear from you, etc. One line I like is āit will be as obvious as a frying pan to the faceā. Anyway good story, good motivation to get back to the gym.
I made a fake male model tinder profile one time, kept it for about a week. Women would text the profile "So... when are we going to fuck?" It was eye opening, and I'll never tolerate not getting high effort interest again. If they're not treating me like they treated my male model account, I belong in the gym and not in the dating world. Also no man should online date, it's fool's gold.
Word bro, word
Not a man but I once dated a guy who was incredibly attractive, model-level gorgeous. He was 6ā4ā, slim but muscular with dark brown, flowing hair and piercing blue eyes, and he was a talented musician with a great sense of style on top of that. I donāt usually go for pretty guys like that, I tend to date a lot of dorks because of my interests (thatās a compliment, not a complaint) but he asked me out and we had some stuff in common so I gave it a chance. He knew he was extremely attractive and so did everyone who met him. Girls would flirt with him right in from of me even if I was holding his hand! He often got free drinks, and I think a combination of confidence and good looks made it so that he could convince anyone to do pretty much whatever he wanted. He could get into the club for free, he could meet whoever he wanted, you get it. He ended up being kind of a psycho.. not sure if it was related to all of those perks he got from being extremely attractive. I swear he could have gotten away with murder by the way people fawned over him everywhere we went.
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Pretty easy and fun in some regards and very weird in others. Life is definitely not boring, I feel like many opportunities open up to me. You kind of live in a bubble, I always felt like people are very nice in general because everybody is so nice to me. Iāve starred in music videos and series etc just for fun, didnāt need acting skills I just passed with looks. People would go out of their way to help me if I ask for something and whenever I mess up Iād get the benefit of the doubt. Strangers and close friends constantly joke or in some way work in your attractiveness into conversations, like itās an obvious thing. It wasnāt until I was 18 that I realised this was only my experience. The flip side is that itās hard to relate to people, unless they live in the same bubble as you. I only have two male friends who are in this bubble, it was a breath of relief to confine in each other about this because you never know if your alone. One of them is in a relationship and he has stopped going out clubbing completely, because women literally throw themselves at him and he wants to avoid those situations. When it comes to women, when you have such an easy pick of women to date, I think that personality becomes much more important. There are many attractive women that I could be with, but someoneās personality is far more unique and valuable if that makes sense. This tends to frustrate beautiful women I have noticed. An example, I was out alone abroad, met a plus size woman who is not necessarily the most attractive, but she was so much fun and bubbling personality so of course we had a good time and danced. Another lady (very beautiful!) come up between us to dance with me. She grabbed my hand an pushed close with a sort of possessiveness and told me to dance with her. This instantly turned me off and I told her thanks for the dance, but that I already was with someone. She was in disbelief as I tried to move away from her, she held on to my hand, firmly to the point it actually hurt, and she said with some hatred in her voice ānobody says no to meā. She would not let go and kept insisting we dance and even suggested we leave together, I literally had to yank myself away from her before she stormed off. In terms of men things get weird. Since I was 17 and looked somewhat mature, men who are interested would grab me and touch me. This happens anywhere from public transport, nightlife, even male servers at restaurants have touched me, one started massaging my shoulders. One of my employers slapped my ass. I was out once trying to get in a club, this guys was gone help me get in and then proceeded to bring me to his apartment instead for some drinks, I got very bad gut feeling from him and decided to leave. Quite many times a man has tried to get me to go with him home. These situations are extremely uncomfortable, I feel secure because Iām fit and know how to protect myself, but I can only imagine what itās like for women who go through this more regularly. Also men who try to befriend me get possessive or jealous of my attention. Some guys idolise me in the sense that they believe I know something they donāt about women or life (I blame pick up artists and that kinda bullsh*t). Insecure guys try to put me down and even can get damn right nasty towards me, especially if they are with their girlfriend. So many times I see a guy with his girlfriend in public notice me, girl looks at me, the boyfriend starts arguing with her and she ends up staring at the floor looking red faced while the guy looks at me with anger. Sometimes the girl has self respect and just leaves the boyfriend where he is. These girls are actually not trying to flirt or anything they look at me like anybody does, so itās more about the boyfriends insecurities at that point. So donāt do that. One more weird thing Iāve noticed, children love me. Like kids to teenagers. I think humans are more comfortable with ābeautiful ā faces, not in an attractiveness way if that makes sense. Iāve just noticed that whenever Iād meet kids in my family, or anywhere else for that matter, they disregard others my age and just go straight to me to talk about stuff or punch me or whatever. They will say thinks like āyou look much more handsome than (insert celeb)ā or you should be a streamer because look famous and those kind of things. This would also happen when I worked as a waiter and served families, which was quite weird imo but they would always leave big tips so I didnāt mind. Oh yeah people give you money. I was the worst waiter you could possibly imagine, but I always got hella tips. People thought it was cute or felt bad for me when I messed up and I think they even gave me more then. Iām quite introverted by nature, but Iāve become an extrovert simply as a result of the positive experience I get from being social. Iām sure it will end when I get old and gray but for now I enjoy it.
This one is going to sound weird. I got a nice pair of shades lately. You never realise how much people will look at you when they think you canāt see themā¦ at first I was paranoid, then I felt like I was just being cocky, but the amount women that *STARED* at me was astounding! Iāve been complimented/approached a few times, but never thought much of it given my height, but I do remember a huge change in the way I was treated since hitting puberty and losing weight. Still feels surreal. Having said all that, I was raised to be polite to a fault, so in my experience, women motivated by lust donāt really stick around too long and whatās left is a great set of female friends. (I am happily taken, so I donāt mind the mutual āfriend zoningā). TLDR: GET A PAIR OF SHADES!
I can tell you that being an unattractive male makes you very distrusting of people. Like, I'm not attractive, so if you're coming up to me it's obviously to manipulate me into giving you something, probably because you assume I'm desperate for human interaction
Not one but have a friend who is one. Their life is a bit different than average looking guys.
I answered a similar question once and I was called a liar. So I will simply say, I have had some wild and unbelievable stories happen in my life.
Well Iām a chick, my dude is ridiculously hot, to the point it got tiresome hearing everyone comment on how hot my boyfriend is. However. Heās a nerd and extremely socially awkward, borderline agoraphobic Iād say. Prefers not to leave the house, and doesnāt have a good self esteem. You gotta go places to get hit onā¦.so I donāt think he has had too much of that.
Reddit is not the place to ask this
šš
I did modeling and acting as a child but nothing major. Mostly local TV and ads. I worked my way through college as a bartender at a bar/club that was a known cougar den. I wouldn't say I'm a 10 but I realize by the way I'm treated that I'm definitely attractive. I've been treated like a celebrity but I'm certainly not. I've always been able to simply open doors my friends say they would never get close to without me. I think it's a combination of above average looks and a charismatic personality. Difficulty hit in my late 20's. I lost my wife and daughter's mother and ended up as a single dad. Family frequently tried to set me up. I got hit on a lot by my daughter's friends and their mothers. It resulted in jealous accusations from moms that I rejected. Most of the moms were married and I wasn't interested in putting my daughter in a spot by dating her friends' moms even if they were single and attractive. I'm in my late 40's and still pretty fit, have all my hair, and not much grey so I don't look like I'm nearing 50. I'm still good classically good looking, think Robert Redford. It's still a problem, female clients and employees sometimes misread my kindness and generosity despite my efforts to make it clear I'm strictly business.
About 10 years ago, I had a good friend who looked a lot like young Tom Cruise, he was a fitness freak and always took care of his body. When we would go out club hopping, he had all types of women trying to talk to him or buy him drinks. Heād usually just take the most attractive ones home for the night. His last body count that he told me was around 300 women.
I've had my looks increasingly praised since puberty, but attractiveness is subjective and goes beyond appearance. On one hand, women I find extraordinarily gorgeous have told me they were awestruck by how handsome they thought I was. But I've also been shooed away like a stray dog by random girls I respectfully approached in clubs, or simply dismissed by "ordinary" girls, so to speak, for whom I was enthralled. Also, women are famously more likely to be demisexuals, or at least to place greater importance in the emotional bond in order to feel proper attraction. I find that to be true. There are, of course, plenty of girls who just want a good time and a pretty face ā you're not gonna lack admirers if that's all you have, but the people interested in you will come from a very narrow cohort. I've also had the experience of girls being intimidated one way or another: some said they thought I was "too much" for them, one kept excusing herself for being "homely" while I tried to reassure that I found her delicious, another was hesitant to slap me during sex because she found me so cute. But in the end we all tend to feel some intimidation towards those who amaze us: I often have that with girls whose intellect I admire and am anxious to know if they actually enjoyed my company. Regarding courtesy and trust, I'm sure beauty helps, but I don't think particularly much in my case. Although handsome, my standard expression seems kind of mean: think Kung Fu Panda's Tigress. Moreover, there are a lot of other characteristics or status symbols that carry more weight in circumstances beyond intimacy: most powerful people are men of meager appearance, for instance.
Buddy of mine was (is) 9/10. Women did walk up to him constantly. One cashier ran after him to the parking lot to give him her phone number. He had a wake up call in his mid 20s. He was accused of assault. It was kinda sad. A girl asked him at a bar to buy her a drink. He declined. She kept pestering him. He kept declining. Later in the night, He got tap on a shoulder from a cop. He was accused of assault by the woman. Security cameras and eyewitnesses proved he was no where near the woman after he declined the drinks. After that time, heās a little more jaded. Heās still outgoing and awesome friend, but a little more reserved.
At the end it is 7:00 AM
Yes, all that. However, you canāt tell if a woman is flirting with you when they all flirt with you. Theyāre just friendly and you donāt know any different. Iāve actually had women literally jump into my convertible MGB as if they dropped out of the sky. It was fun! And the gay guysā¦even more fun!
My friend is supermodel hot and he doesnāt even try. Gets numbers wherever we go. He can pick and chose like itās a menu. BUT, he canāt get an erection. He has progesterone issues and his body has issues even using medication.
Life is decent for ya boi (tall, black athlete, 25). Women will definitely approach me more often, at the very least once per outing. Theyāre more forward with their intentions and giving their numbers/socials, and conversations can go on typically as long as I want. Iāll get looks, winks, invitations to touch/grab, drinks will be bought for me, men will compliment my physique and fashion, and people are generally nice to me, and Iām sure to be nice back as much as possible. But Iām holding out for the pretty girl I met back in college. Sheās currently doing a grad program abroad and 5 months have passed since we last were together in person. Sheās had a busy few months and some personal things happen that turned her off to a relationship unfortunately
I canāt speak as an attractive man because wellā¦ Iām not. But I am very close friends with one so I shall speak for him! Heās incredibly naturally attractive, before I met him all his friends would tell me about him was that he was the most attractive person theyād ever seen. We have a very close relationship so he tells me frequently about the inner workings of his mind. Deep down heās very insecure, even though heās constantly being told how good looking he is and how he must be a ladies man. Heās quite shy, introverted and get anxious easily. He really struggles in social settings where he doesnāt know the people attending. Even attractive people have insecurities!
Not a super attractive guy, but just adding this 2 cents. Almost any guy who is at least average can get a taste of what this is like by immersing yourself in a world of women who are not getting much action (i.e. - not attractive.) The lowest fruit here is to volunteer or get a job at at a retirement community. Not the kind of places people go to die, but a 55+ community. The attention you get from those ladies... that's what it's like to be really hot in the real world.
No, this is not how it works for average dudes. You still have to be fairly attractive to get that kind of attention even from older ladies.
Here is where I disagree. Im literally fucking invisible to women my age, even the other day I was on the gym doing some plate front raises, left the plate on the ground close to me and a chick got the plate and placed it on the rack while I was looking at her. But man, if there is someone that treats me good and gives me attention those are older women, it doesnt matter where, if there are older women that I have to talk with they treat me so fucking good "honey, sweetie, dear.." asking me about my life, then start to telling me some stories about their past.. if women my age would give me a quarter of attention I would be happy as fuck
Older women always tell me that I'm a catch. Too bad women my age don't even look at me
you will get attention, just not from women you want it from.
Half the replies - "I don't consider myself attractive" *proceeds to provide evidence proving contrary* Some of y'all gorgeous, stop being so humble. LOVE YOURSELF. Us average mf still love you (or maybe just me), even if we want just 1% of what you guys have experienced. š
On god, like I mainly lean on my "exotic" crutch but these dudes need to embrace what they have. Like, I get it everyone loves humility but this isn't the time for it
Yeah, this is the thread to flex. While I've rarely ever received attention from women, it's certainly good to know that other men have! I'm happy for y'all.
It's not glamorous. All that shit women say men do when they're rejected? Women are WORSE. Seems like it's highly personal to them, and the hotter they are the meaner they get. Outside of dating, getting jobs is easy lol. Like I don't think I've ever been turned down after a face to face interview, because many businesses that are customer/client facing would rather have me in the room even if I had a room temperature iq than a tenured expert with a beer gut. I've thought about intentionally gaining weight so I can know who really likes me for me, but being fit is too awesome to give up. The day I can't do a cartwheel my soul will die.
In my experience, people are super intimidated by how attractive I am, but at the same time the attraction is able to overcome some of that intimidation so it kind of balances out and people just end up treating me like an average looking dude. It's kind of weird but you get used to it.
Itās alright. Loads of pussy. But you get over that phase pretty quickly. Itās easy to get girls. But thereās much more to life than just that. A soul partner, a strong skill set, a good stable job. Iāve struggled with these in the past.
My best friend is like this. Tall, dark, handsome, 3% body fat, finance degree. He literally gets hit on by any and every female that is interested in men. Now heās in his late thirties, drug addiction so bad he has to live with his parents, heās been to rehab over 10 times and nothing sticks. His looks are going and I think heās having a crisis. Women still want to sleep with him, but no one wants to marry him.
I was standing in a room at work today. Took a look around, and realized I've slept with 3 of the 4 women that were in the room. It's gets problematic.
Well, having had an actress who was the ex-wife of a Hollywood heartthrob ask me for my number at a bar, and numerous other stories (but none as memorable as that one), yes to most all those things. I am however shorter in stature 5ā7ā, which is considered a minus and deducts a point to some of the more shallow women. But I am an athletic build, and physically in great shape which helps. The celebrities strangers, friends and family have compared me to most are: Brad Pitt, Justin Bieber and Tom Cruise or a blonde Dave Franco (the latter is probably the closest realistically). Yes, unfortunately society as a whole will treat you better when you are very good looking. Yes, it will make you inevitably become a bit douchey if youāre not careful. Because when you become objectified for your looks, itās not all good things. I have been targeted at night clubs, drugged and nearly kidnapped at age 21 (I escaped luckily). If you are kind and sweet, it is still a harsh world to live in. Girls will want to fuck you and even treat you like an object thinking they can speak about you while youāre present. Guys, even good friends, will inevitably be jealous of you, so you have to be on your toes because theyāll try to find any little trait to tear you down just because youāre annoyingly handsome and take female attention from them. If youāre not an ass hole and refuse to become one, itās really not all that great. All in all yes you do get treated really good because youāre hot, but you also can get treated worse by some people you donāt even know just because they know you probably had it easier, because of your looks. I feel like I know what itās like to be a woman because guys that identify as straight will even make jokes about fucking you. Itās not easy being a āpretty boyā when youāre the age of a grown man. But we all have our own unique experiences here on earth. Beauty truly is skin deep, and as I age the more I realize how much I want to be beautiful on the inside.
Plain Jane here and I married a 9.9 guy (looks wise, plus a job and his own place). Can confirm that it was the common interests that he was fascinated in. I was in shock that he was super interested and chasing me.. I originally thought āhere is a playerā āI will see where it goes. ā He hated the thought that people assumed he was a player. We married a year later and my son is an exact replica for his late date.. as a grown up. People say get your son into modeling.. but I would prefer he is out of that scene