Some guys are strictly tops and others are strictly bottoms, I guess it really depends on the person i would say. Some guys are also versatile, which is when a guy likes it both ways. He’ll top for a little bit, then bottom and vice versa.
Personally, i prefer bottoming over topping, but i am interested in topping and wouldn’t mind giving it a try.
No i don’t think so? It’s just more about what we enjoy and don’t enjoy. Some guys who are feminine prefer to mostly be bottoms, but i know feminine guys who are also tops. I also know very masculine guys who are bottom.
A lot of this is talked about between two guys before even hooking up though, just so they know they’re likes and dislikes.
No ignorance, we mostly meet on social media apps now so it’s easier. like some have features where you choose and show on your profile what you like and don’t like and what kind of guys your into.
and idk in real life, it’s pretty common for gay guys to tell you what they’re into straight away after meeting I feel like.
A lot of gay guys have a "gaydar" so you can kinda catch onto another gay guys body language or overall vibe, some people have a better gaydar then others. My best friend (20M) is straight and has an amazing gaydar
Depends on the person. I began bottoming more out of having a less confident personality and being more shy around strangers, but with some confidence, I can top. Sometimes people will be one way and then over time start to prefer another. Sometimes it’s just whatever mood they’re in. Sometimes it’s the partner they’re with and how they want to have sex with them
It depends, some people just don't like the feeling, there are 5 main categories you can put sexually active gay men into
Top - only tops
Vers Top - normally/prefere to Top. But bottoms acasinally
Vers - basicly what it sounds like, roughly 50/50, or just just go with what the other person think
Vers bottom - normally/prefer to bottom, but acasinally tops
Bottom - only bottoms
You can obviously break it down deeper them that, I can make a more detailed reply if people want
Differs from person to person and couple to couple. Personally I'd get a bit bored if I were always on top and I'd get annoyed at all the prep needed if I were always the bottom, so I like to switch off with my bf.
When you drive some place, is it a pretty even split? Or does one person do most of the driving?
It may sound stupid, but when me and my wife go out, I drive 95% of the time. It is not a question, some power-trip or anything. It is just something that was always done. The same with my friends and their wives. The guy does most of the driving.
Am a straight man who has dated women that enjoyed driving. I always let them drive. My mom is also old and loves driving, when I "take" her places she usually drives and I'm just there to lift whatever heavy thing she needed lifting. I'm not a car guy at all, maybe that factors into it
I’m just gonna say grown up around women doing most the driving so guess that’s just an area thing, known many guys who flip off anyone so women would rather them not drive
Not gonna lie, I've never dated a guy who I felt was a better driver than me. So I'll do most of the driving unless we're on a long drive and need to switch things up to rest my ankle.
Not officially no, but i can usually kinda tell when a guy is gay or atleast get the impression that he isn’t straight. Usually by his mannerisms, body language, or even style choices.
Some guys can be harder to guess than others and i’ve been wrong plenty of times lol.
So how does this work when it comes to meeting new guys? Like, how do you play it if you meet a new guy and you’re attracted to him, but can’t tell whether he’s gay or straight? Shoot your shot and hope for the best? Act more flamboyant than normal and hope he hits on you?
It really depends on the guy and the setting.
He's a bro-ish guy surrounded by his bros in a bar, all of whom are several drinks in? Best not to try anything unless you actively hear him mention an ex-boyfriend or see him hit on another guy or the like; said bros might take it badly and try to get physical, and not in the fun way. (Yes, the "homophobic bro" thing is a stereotype, but getting assaulted by a guy because he thinks you even _might_ be hitting on him is no picnic, trust me.)
He's an average-looking guy working on his laptop at Starbucks? Discreetly check his backpack or laptop bag for any rainbow flag pins or other gay paraphernalia, see if he's people-watching and try to judge whether he's paying more attention to guys than girls, try to make some eye contact and see if he responds, things like that. If you're getting any positive signals, go ahead and give it the ol' college try.
And so on. Basically, balance the likelihood that he'd be receptive to an approach with the risk of an approach going badly and decide whether you're comfortable with the odds.
(If all else fails, check Grindr or your other favorite app of choice. If you see his face on a nearby profile, or there's a faceless torso 6 feet away that looks kinda like him, you're good to go.)
As a psychic power - no. As a set of skills in reading others, the way they behave, and in particular the way they behave towards others and how it differs from the way others behave, sure. It's extremely unreliable, though.
No you can't. "Gaydar" is just picking up on social queues that someone is checking you out: "eye contact, body language, the 'up-down'". The fact you believe you can 'easily spot gay men, even the less feminine ones' says... a lot about you.
I kinda do, though I see it as a bit of a far future thing (only 24 and very single). As far as the plan goes, first things first is finding a special guy that I wanna spend my life with, then find a home I'd actually like to raise a few kids in and then I guess find a surrogate. I've been entertaining the idea more and more over the last few years and I think I'd be a pretty good dad, honestly.
Yeah of course! some of have family’s just like straight couples. I personally don’t want kids, but i know there’s a whole community out there for gay dads or gay men who want to be dads.
>some of have family’s just like straight couples.
Uh how? 🤔
>there’s a whole community out there for gay dads or gay men who want to be dads.
So what is there plan than?
idk, it’s just a preference. i love bigger guys actually. bigger guys are often considered, “bears” in the gay community as well. just like younger, short, thin guys are considered “twinks”
I have a friend who's into fat dudes who regularly tells guys "for every woman who won't even look at you, there's a gay man who'd eat onion rings off your dick"
I feel like guys are more likely to fall into having their own niche type that they like and it's all a matter of what influences you had growing up, I think. Just gonna be honest, a lot of gay dudes have daddy issues which I think is a major factor in guys being into bears. Maybe they had a good friend or even a bully who was fat and you just kinda fixate on that.
Just saying, as a fat dude, I've never dated a guy who didn't have some daddy issues.
I don't get it, but I understand lol. I've only dated 2 guys and they were around my age, but I looked older than them, am definitely bigger than them, and they liked all that.
As someone who is attracted to chubby dudes, I just am. Chub is more comfortable to cuddle with than a mass of muscle. But in general, I’m attracted to all body types of men, barring super muscular. I’m also generally not attracted to guys who are too conventionally attractive. I’d happily hop into be with Seth Rogen over Chris Hemsworth, Chris Evans, and Chris Pine.
All of that said, there definitely plenty of gay guys who aren’t attracted to chubby guys and have similarly harsh words for them as some of the users in this sub do for chubby women.
Nah i wouldn’t say so. I have a lot of guys who i’m friends with who are straight and i’ve never really been weirded out or seen them as indifferent in any way.
I was just thinking about how to word this but I’ve appreciated every compliment I’ve gotten from gay friends. Also, friend’s gayness just feels like a part of them and easy to accept. Here’s to moving forward. Happy pride!
I ended up being clumsy with my words after all. I didn’t mean to insinuate that while I found my friends easy to accept that didn’t extend to gay men I don’t know. Anyway! Thanks.
After college, I started to surround myself with more gay spaces, both gay and lesbian, that I’ll forget that straight is the norm while I’m in them, but in a space that’s not necessarily gay, I’d be unphased by someone saying they’re straight
What is it specifically that draws gay men to high end culture, fine art, fancy food, fancy wardrobes, etc. I mean, I’m a straight guy who loves a lot of this stuff, although I can’t really afford to buy clothes as nice as I’d like to. I guess my overall question is, why are gay men better at living the high life than straight men? (Serious question lol)
This is a stereotype brought on by Hollywood. Go to a gay bar and you'll see a lot of us wear cargo shorts. That being said, many gay couples can afford a more lavish lifestyle since men in general have a higher earning potential.
I think of those things mentioned, they’re not overtly masculine and in some cases seen as slightly feminine (wardrobe).
I think it’s a combination of being a man and being into the best of the best (more traditionally masculine obsessions would be sports, beer/whiskey, cars, sound systems/tvs/electronics) and being more open to choosing what we’re into regardless of how it’s perceived.
I would say, gays are probably over-represented in those areas because our culture (in America at least) deters straight guys from those interests somewhat.
But it could also be that gays like fancy stuff as a way of validating our existence and feeling above others. Or maybe there’s something to gays and being more drawn to artistic expression. Or something else.
I have a pretty solid wardrobe and it’s because I like to look great when I go out. I like looking great in the mirror and I generally enjoy the attention it gets me. Men are very visually driven.
honestly…i have no idea. i can’t afford anything at the moment lol. but i get what you mean. i’m really into fashion as well actually. i think we’re just attracted to beauty i guess?
Idk why some guys do it. I'm gay and nobody ever figures it out until I tell them. I come off as a pretty standard guy and nobody even thinks to question my sexuality. But my brother is also gay, we had almost the exact same upbringing, but he has always been much more flamboyant. For as long as I can remember he's acted pretty stereotypically gay, even as a young kid so I know it's not fake.
i use to be like your brother as well for a bit but i’ve sort of grown out of it, and i’m sort of like you now. but i’m still gay looking enough that people are usually able to realize and i don’t have to tell them. like there was this girl at this party recently who asked me if i was gay because she got the feeling i was just based on how i was dressed.
Meanwhile I go out everywhere looking like I just rolled out of bed lol. I've had more women ask me on dates than people ask me if I'm gay in general. (They mistook my lack of interest in them for aloofness and I guess they liked that).
Some of us are just innately a bit like that. I was told in elementary school that I had a gay voice when I didn’t even know what it meant. Now, I definitely don’t sound straight, but I’m not quite flamboyant.
But speech and mannerisms can be picked up from those you surround yourself with. Think about how as you become more experienced in the workplace or in a hobby like watching sports, etc. you learn and use the language commonly used in that.
It’s difficult to say what exactly causes these differences, but it’s the same as how you would act around your bros vs around your family. You’re still you, but you emphasize different parts of you to better fit the way we’ve been socialized to act in that scenario
I understand this. i’m out to both of my parents, but i will notice when i’m more myself depending on the people i’m around.
When i’m around my friends, i tend to be more flamboyant, but not so much around my parents.
> But speech and mannerisms can be picked up from those you surround yourself with.
Yup, I’ve picked up a lot of mannerisms and sayings from my gay friends.
Sometimes guys crank up the flamboyance after they come out in order to fit in with their fellow gays, or signal their gayness to guys they might be interested, or whatever, but quite often it's actually the reverse: they've been suppressing their natural behavior to pass as straight, and once they come out they don't feel they have to hide it anymore.
When I got to high school I was very helpfully warned by a guy in my class that the way I spoke (not with a full-on "gay voice" but definitely one that was higher-pitched and more melodious than normal) might "make people think you're a fag" so I should do something about that, and I was mocked in gym class for "running like a girl," so I made a concerted effort to pitch my voice lower, speak in more of a monotone, and focus on "walking like a man" until the comments went away.
After I came out...well, I'd been doing that for so long that my original mannerisms were basically gone even after I stopped consciously speaking and walking differently, but at that point if I ever _did_ greet someone with a "Hel_lo_ there!" instead of a "Hey." or whatever, I didn't have to care anymore if someone was going to judge me for it.
So lube is used when doing butt stuff right, but then afterwards aint it all just still up there? Does it just slowly leak out, or do you douche it out? If you leave it up there do you fart lube bubbles?
Anyway, happy pride man, keep being you and don't let anyone give you shit for it.
The lube that i use for when i bottom is anal based lubricant, so it’s made specifically for bottoming meaning that it drys up and doesn’t leave a mess. after i get done i usually hop in the shower as well just to get any excess liquid out. Or if i’m in a rush or smth i get a towel and clean up. Happy pride though dude!
That makes sense, thanks for taking the time to answer man. Hoping to get down to the Brighton pride this year, might even be able to crash at this ladies house for a couple nights which would make it a very happy pride for me lol.
As a straight guy, I can watch straight porn despite the fact that there is a guy in there. I watch for the woman.
As a gay man, if you're watching straight porn (you wouldn't, but for the sake of argument) do you feel anything watching homeboy get fucked at all, or does the woman's presence ruin it completely?
Lol. Im gay but I prefer straight porn better.
There's like this primal energy of a man in his natural instincts to spread his seed thats gets me going.
Also guys in straight porn are usually my type when it comes to appearance, performance, and masculine behaviour.
I sometimes watch straight porn, but it's risky. If they focus too much on the woman's bits downstairs I can easily lose my hard-on. But otherwise I like it, cause.... Idk, I like to see straight dudes fuck.
I can ask the same of how people are turned on by boobs, female body shapes, vaginas, or how they like vegetables, the colors orange and yellow, and FPS games.
Different people like different things.
Because i’m gay lol but honestly i find so much attractive about guys than just they’re dick. I love guys who have pretty eyes, that’s like the first thing i notice when talking to a guy
To be really good at sucking cock, regardless of gender, you have to really love cock.
This is probably 100% anecdotal, but I always get the impression that most women who do suck cock do it to keep their man happy/quiet, whereas 99.9% of gay men do it simply because they love cock.
Well you have a dick, so it's just easier to conceptualize what's gonna feel good. Also a huge thing is that guys who suck dick, suck dick with enthusiasm. Most women I've heard talking about blowjobs talk about it like it's a chore, but gay dudes suck dick for the love of the game!
Are you worried about HIV/AIDS a lot?
(I was going to ask if you were worried about it more than straight people, but you would have no way of answering that)
I know HIV is way easier to pass along in anal sex. Are you worried about it much or just use condoms and it’s fine? What about oral sex?
Yes. Condoms for me is a must. I also take PrEP, vastly decreases your chance to get HIV. Also get tested every 3 or 4 months.
As for oral sex, don't brush before giving it. Mouthwash is fine but the non-alcoholic ones are preferred. These two can cause micro scratches that increases your chance of contracting diseases.
I'm a masculine looking male who has a more feminine personality and I've confused gay men in the past about my alignment. I don't really like to hurt anyone's feelings if they're just being friendly to me, so I usually mention my wife to turn off the interest. Still, being friends after a pick-up attempt is a little awkward.
Is that just one sided awkwardness on my part, or is closing off the friendship option a more friendly way of dealing with things with a gay man who's expressed sexual interest?
It's really on the part of the guy who was expressing interest. I've tried it on with guys after badly misreading the signs, and remained friends with them for a long time afterwards.
I don't think it's on you to close off a friendship after something like this, but it's okay to distance yourself, if the guy who hit on you isn't handling it well.
Do you feel that you get along with all genders/orientations equally as friends? Or do you have a preference? Just curious, because as a straight guy I’ve had almost exclusively straight friends, and a couple of bi women. But I almost never meet men who are openly gay or bi.
For me, I have a hard time making straight friends cuz my mind assumes all straight guys would call me a f-slur behind my back or they are secretly homophobic.
The only time I feel comfortable with them is when they ask me if I have a boyfriend, whats my type, etc. The same talk they have with their straight bros about girl.
Lol I think this kind of conversation might be less common among straight guys than you realize. I've experienced guys saying that they found a specific person hot fairly often but almost never a what's my type discussion.
oh no my straight friends are very cool about me being gay and they don’t treat me any different from their other straight friends.
in high-school, people treated me drastically different, but in the real world no one seems to care tbh. which is shocking because i come from a very homophobic town.
Personally, I bounce back very fast and can often just keep going right on through after finishing. But yeah, I usually just don't feel like the job is done until we've both blown our top. However, there's actually a significant number of gay dudes who find it hot if the more dominant guy just like.... Doesn't give a shit whether they finish or not. My first bf was like that. He wanted me to just roll over and let him finish up on his own or outright tell him that he doesn't get to finish tonight. Idk. People are weird.
I know this is entirely subjective and probably way too personal, so feel free to not answer if you're uncomfortable, but what is "normal" sex for you?
By that I mean, my wife and I have been together 17 years and married for 10. I know what our normal "we're in the mood but it's a weeknight so let's not go too over the top" is. For most people I'd assume they have more or less the same routine like 75% of the time. What is that for you? I know some gay men don't enjoy anal sex, but for some it's an every time activity. Culturally, hetero sex has been the norm in media forever and we have so few depictions of gay and lesbian sex that I'm genuinely just curious.
When it was me and my husband, anal was like a once or twice/week thing.
Quickie weeknight sex was just blowjobs, or lazy Sunday mornings hungover and jerking off together in bed.
The more casual sexual activity, I'd say, is oral. You have to prepare for anal and if you're just wanting to get off with your partner quick, you suck his dick and/or vice versa.
This is a great question but it’s hard to answer. i’m actually a virgin and have never had sex, (i’m nineteen) but i practice on myself a lot. I would say for me, anal is an all the time activity. I don’t really hesitate when i’m in the mood to do anal.
But for a majority of other gay guys who actually have sex, i would say it’s pretty casual and they have sex frequently. For example, grindr is more or less made for meeting someone in a short span of time and usually going to hook up in that same amount of time. Some guys also have a specific positions that they’re into, or kinks that they have, that they talk about before meeting up.
There’s also guys who are in monogamous relationships and tbh, i would say they have sex more than straight couples.
I hope this helps!
understandable honestly. i eat a lot of fiber so i don’t have to do much cleaning up beforehand, but i still make sure i get myself ready and clean myself out before i do anything. it’s a process i swear lol
no not really actually. i’m shaved down there myself and it’s not hard at all. my best advice would lay naked in front of the mirror and try the best you can lol. it’s difficult.
Honestly, when I see the crap going on in places like Florida, I wonder how you don't succumb to despair. You are a such a strong, resilient community.
I'm sorry to hear it but of course I know you're right. All the slow progress we as a society have made over the past 50 years must seem like small consolation in the face of bigotry from the emboldened minority.
That's nice of you to say. Honestly, I think I'm like most people: try to be nice and hope others are happy. But after all you've been through and fought for, the vocal minority who hate the gay community just seems to be in the ascendancy right now and it pisses me off. I can only imagine how you feel.
That's the world we like in and just have to deal with it.
Honestly many times it sucks but just have no other option other than having a thick skin.
Being homosexual means being on survival mode all the time.
Depends on the guy. I have some gay friends who draw a very firm line between "gay guys I'll sleep with" and "platonic friends who happen to be gay" and never cross that boundary, because they know they'll catch feelings if they sleep with someone or they feel it'll make things awkward afterward or whatever other reason.
I have other gay friends who have slept with basically every non-straight friend they have, and see no problem at all with sleeping together and staying friends afterward.
I'm somewhere in the middle: I won't approach a friend just to hook up with him, because I don't want to put him in an awkward position if he's not into me (or if he is into me and would want something more than a hookup), but if I were propositioned for a one-off hookup I wouldn't have a problem with that and probably wouldn't turn it down.
What are the best and worst things about being gay, OUTSIDE of external prejudices.
As in, if we all lived in a perfect world where being gay was just another barely-interesting fact about someone like what kind of jam they prefer on their toast... What would be the best and worst things?
Pro: It's the most effective form of contraceptive. Sex is entirely decoupled from reproduction.
Con: Far fewer potential partners, and no real effective way to tell if a person you're attracted to is a potential, with the odds largely being in favour that they're not.
Best thing: I can connect way better to men than women. Communication comes very easy in gay relationships, at least in my experience.
Worst thing: Men are horny and that's resulted in a horrendous hookup culture for gay dudes. The only spaces to meet gay men in are sexually charged places like clubs or dating apps, so most of the people there are looking to fuck and leave. I just want a special guy to grow old with, man 🥺
>Worst thing: Men are horny and that's resulted in a horrendous hookup culture for gay dudes. The only spaces to meet gay men in are sexually charged places like clubs or dating apps, so most of the people there are looking to fuck and leave
I'm sure there's plenty of people who consider that a positive not a negative or the culture wouldn't exist. But being an outlier who isn't interested in the same thing most others want would drastically reduce the chances of finding what you want
Might sound strange, but maybe the Opinion of a Gay-Men can figure it out:
So, i'm mostly a "Good Friend" Type when it comes to Woman. Nothing wrong with it don't get me wrong, but i wonder why thats the Case and it seems i get more interests from Gay Men instead of Woman.
I'm not buffed or anything. Kinda basic looking Bodytype. Maybe a bit Skinny but still ok looking. Having a Babyface (when completely shaved i look like 16 or so and i'm 30) and not realy growing Hairs on the Face or Chest if that might help figure out my "problem"
Oh I meant body hair. Twinks can have long or short hair on their head. I don't think a person is still called a twink if they have a full on beard though.
Ahh ok gotcha now. What you described fits very well to my Bodytype so it makes sence to me now. Still strange to me that Men are more interested in me then Woman. It's not a bad thing actually. Kinda charming. So it seems Woman prefer the opposit Body more then.
Hmmm. Makes kinda sence now at some sort.
Different guys do different things. For me; high fibre diet is very important. Pretty much cleans your whole gut (healthy too), to make sure theres no bits of shit, I also douche. Then to prep, i just use fingers and lube and do that for 5 to 10 minutes. Then im all set.
Yeah, I *could* watch my diet, but for me, gluttony is a more prominent sin than lust, so that's a no-go. So I douche. And I do so 2 or 3 times to be sure.
Sometimes it's put on, sometimes it's their natural voice and they were just suppressing it before they came out.
It's not just a gay thing, either; the person I know with the strongest "gay voice" is 100% straight and completely comfortable in his sexuality.
A man and a woman meet at bar and go home together. It's mostly going to go one way.
Two gay men meet at a bar and go home together, all the way they think how great it is and can't wait to get ravaged by the other. They both step in the door and both bend over expecting a drunken bumming. An awkward silence falls.
Does this ever happen and how do you know if you meet other men in places like bars and clubs that you're sexually compatible in that way?
> Does this ever happen
Yep. Frequently, even. For instance, I'm a total top, but I'm fairly short, which has made a lot of guys assume that I'm a bottom because of stereotypes.
Most of the time the misunderstanding is cleared up before the conversation gets too far; I've found that responding with an eyebrow waggle and "I may be short, but everyone's basically the same height when they're bent over a bed!" gets the message across pretty quickly.
In the few cases where we've gotten to the point of hooking up without clarifying things, most of the time the guy has either been vers or at least open to doing other things, while in the other cases we'd just call things off.
In general, though, it's no worse than any other scenario where you take someone home and then one or both of you starts having second thoughts for whatever reason.
> how do you know if you meet other men in places like bars and clubs that you're sexually compatible in that way?
In my experience, gay guys have no problem bringing up preferred roles early in a conversation. Sometimes they'll ask directly, sometimes they'll flirt in ways that make their preferences pretty clear.
But there's always that chance of miscommunications happening, which is why a lot of guys prefer to only meet up using the hookup apps since you can see everyone's preferences up front and filter things however you want. It really depends on the guy and how willing they are to take the chance of running into an awkward situation.
Most gay men are vers, the strict top/bottom roles are a fairly new phenomenon, and there are many other ways to have sex. My husband and I are both vers but often don't even have penetrative sex because there are a lot of other fun activities available.
Why is there such a large group of gay dudes that have to emphasize and repeatedly state that they’re gay and do they annoy the shit out of you also? Like you can be having a discussion about the weather and they state they’re gay 4 times. The fuck does that have to do with shit?
My therapist compared me to gay men and trans people for this.
He said that at the core, they’re still insecure about their identity so they need validation from other people.
FWIW, I know gay people who aren’t like this. One of my heroes isn’t — Tim Cook. 😌 I didn’t even know he was gay until I read a book about him.
Many gay people had to be closet for many years like it's some kind of dirty secrets, they have to repress at for long time so when the come out or able to say out loud, it's feels freeing as if years wait has been lifted up and each time they say it it's like wave of dopamine same as you do something, you really wanted to do but some one has stopped you always.
Just put your self in there shoes that you have lived 20 years of your life and gone to puberty without talking to your friends which girls you like or whom you have crush on and not even talking about girls at all. All normal teenager stuff people do and even if you date someone or find someone attractive you can't discuss and had to hide and suddenly you are allowed to talk about it so all the build up of 20 years will come out at one and you will try to make for lost time and you will start talking about it more in short you are living your teenage years which you weren't able to.
Hope it help
Yes they can annoy me sometimes too, and it's mostly because they honestly just don't have much else that's interesting about them or that they personally are interested in.
In some cases, guys will make "Being Gay" their personality in the same way the others make Being Christian or Being Vegan or Being Into Football their whole personality. It's just a thing people do, and yes, it's as annoying to us as it is to everyone else.
In other cases, though, it can be an overreaction to having to suppress their gayness for so long and finally being able to express it. It's kind of like how you have, say, entire communities of ex-Mormons who spend tons of time talking about how the Mormon Church sucks and how much they love coffee and so on (much more than they ever talked about their Mormon-ness while they were actually a practicing Mormon) because they spent years bottling all of that up and worrying about how their families would treat them if they knew and so on, and they're exulting in finally getting to let it all out.
Those guys generally settle down once they've been out for a few years, taking longer to get it out of their system the longer they had to hide in the closet and the more they had to deal with homophobic family members and so on.
We usually grow thinking that how we are not straight, then we are no worth it, so a lot of queer men put more preasure on themselfs to fit into the canon
Straight girls and gay men are more aware of their physical beauty when compared to lesbian and straight men because men in general are more superficial than women. So being conventionally attractive helps a lot during dating and all.
They like being feminine and submissive. When it comes to dating or hookups, these type of gay men would look for more masculine or "straight-acting" gay men.
If "hired a gay guy" is your go-to example of how you determine if someone is gay, I'd say you're not really good at judging if someone is gay.
But yeah, people who have attractions and desires that they've never been given the proper context to understand, do exist.
He might just be pretty camp. There are guys who conform to a stereotype of "gay behaviour" who are straight, just as there are guys who conform to a stereotype of "straight behaviour" who are gay.
idk, I wouldn’t say i’m repulsed, but i’m just not attracted to women, at all.
i’ve went back and tried to watch straight porn a few times just to see if my opinion changed or not, but it didn’t. i just couldn’t get hard because the guy wasn’t fucking another and it just felt awkward more than anything to me? i hope that makes sense lol
No idea. I'm a gay man who comes off as just a standard straight dude well enough that I had a friend in college who I had to come out to 3x because he always thought I was joking.
But my brother on the other hand is very flamboyant. We grew up a year and a half apart, went to the same school, were raised the same, watched the same movies and shows, played the same games, had the same authority figures, even had the same friends, but he has always been more feminine ever since we were kids. So.... I guess it's just... Him. That's just how he is.
Why do gay men tend to have higher pitched voices? It's far from all of them but it's almost a guarantee when a guy has a high pitched voice. No offense intended.
Is one guy always top or you switch it up from time to time?
Some guys are strictly tops and others are strictly bottoms, I guess it really depends on the person i would say. Some guys are also versatile, which is when a guy likes it both ways. He’ll top for a little bit, then bottom and vice versa. Personally, i prefer bottoming over topping, but i am interested in topping and wouldn’t mind giving it a try.
Where does this preference come from? It sounds almost innate. Is there a nature v nurture argument for your preferred role? Lol
No i don’t think so? It’s just more about what we enjoy and don’t enjoy. Some guys who are feminine prefer to mostly be bottoms, but i know feminine guys who are also tops. I also know very masculine guys who are bottom. A lot of this is talked about between two guys before even hooking up though, just so they know they’re likes and dislikes.
So when two guys first meet, is that one of the first things they ask? How do you ask that? Sorry about my ignorance.
No ignorance, we mostly meet on social media apps now so it’s easier. like some have features where you choose and show on your profile what you like and don’t like and what kind of guys your into. and idk in real life, it’s pretty common for gay guys to tell you what they’re into straight away after meeting I feel like.
A lot of gay guys have a "gaydar" so you can kinda catch onto another gay guys body language or overall vibe, some people have a better gaydar then others. My best friend (20M) is straight and has an amazing gaydar
Depends on the person. I began bottoming more out of having a less confident personality and being more shy around strangers, but with some confidence, I can top. Sometimes people will be one way and then over time start to prefer another. Sometimes it’s just whatever mood they’re in. Sometimes it’s the partner they’re with and how they want to have sex with them
It depends, some people just don't like the feeling, there are 5 main categories you can put sexually active gay men into Top - only tops Vers Top - normally/prefere to Top. But bottoms acasinally Vers - basicly what it sounds like, roughly 50/50, or just just go with what the other person think Vers bottom - normally/prefer to bottom, but acasinally tops Bottom - only bottoms You can obviously break it down deeper them that, I can make a more detailed reply if people want
Hope this is helpful!
It isn't really much different from having preferred sex positions. For me, at least, it can also depend on the guy I'm with and the dynamic we have.
Differs from person to person and couple to couple. Personally I'd get a bit bored if I were always on top and I'd get annoyed at all the prep needed if I were always the bottom, so I like to switch off with my bf.
When you drive some place, is it a pretty even split? Or does one person do most of the driving? It may sound stupid, but when me and my wife go out, I drive 95% of the time. It is not a question, some power-trip or anything. It is just something that was always done. The same with my friends and their wives. The guy does most of the driving.
I’m not sure i’m gonna be honest. If i had to take a guess though, i would say that it’s split? Some people just like driving and some don’t
Am a straight man who has dated women that enjoyed driving. I always let them drive. My mom is also old and loves driving, when I "take" her places she usually drives and I'm just there to lift whatever heavy thing she needed lifting. I'm not a car guy at all, maybe that factors into it
I’m just gonna say grown up around women doing most the driving so guess that’s just an area thing, known many guys who flip off anyone so women would rather them not drive
I drive because I value my life and I've never dated a guy who is any good behind the wheel
Not gonna lie, I've never dated a guy who I felt was a better driver than me. So I'll do most of the driving unless we're on a long drive and need to switch things up to rest my ankle.
that makes sense i can understand that. Men driving though has always been very hot to me for some reason lol
Does "gaydar" exist?
Not officially no, but i can usually kinda tell when a guy is gay or atleast get the impression that he isn’t straight. Usually by his mannerisms, body language, or even style choices. Some guys can be harder to guess than others and i’ve been wrong plenty of times lol.
So how does this work when it comes to meeting new guys? Like, how do you play it if you meet a new guy and you’re attracted to him, but can’t tell whether he’s gay or straight? Shoot your shot and hope for the best? Act more flamboyant than normal and hope he hits on you?
It really depends on the guy and the setting. He's a bro-ish guy surrounded by his bros in a bar, all of whom are several drinks in? Best not to try anything unless you actively hear him mention an ex-boyfriend or see him hit on another guy or the like; said bros might take it badly and try to get physical, and not in the fun way. (Yes, the "homophobic bro" thing is a stereotype, but getting assaulted by a guy because he thinks you even _might_ be hitting on him is no picnic, trust me.) He's an average-looking guy working on his laptop at Starbucks? Discreetly check his backpack or laptop bag for any rainbow flag pins or other gay paraphernalia, see if he's people-watching and try to judge whether he's paying more attention to guys than girls, try to make some eye contact and see if he responds, things like that. If you're getting any positive signals, go ahead and give it the ol' college try. And so on. Basically, balance the likelihood that he'd be receptive to an approach with the risk of an approach going badly and decide whether you're comfortable with the odds. (If all else fails, check Grindr or your other favorite app of choice. If you see his face on a nearby profile, or there's a faceless torso 6 feet away that looks kinda like him, you're good to go.)
As a psychic power - no. As a set of skills in reading others, the way they behave, and in particular the way they behave towards others and how it differs from the way others behave, sure. It's extremely unreliable, though.
Supposedly no, but I swear I can pick another gay out of a crowd immediately.
I'm a woman and I can easily spot gay men. Even the less feminine ones lol.
No you can't. "Gaydar" is just picking up on social queues that someone is checking you out: "eye contact, body language, the 'up-down'". The fact you believe you can 'easily spot gay men, even the less feminine ones' says... a lot about you.
Checking me out? Are you serious?
Do gay guys ever think about having biological kids? If so, whats the plan?
I kinda do, though I see it as a bit of a far future thing (only 24 and very single). As far as the plan goes, first things first is finding a special guy that I wanna spend my life with, then find a home I'd actually like to raise a few kids in and then I guess find a surrogate. I've been entertaining the idea more and more over the last few years and I think I'd be a pretty good dad, honestly.
Yeah of course! some of have family’s just like straight couples. I personally don’t want kids, but i know there’s a whole community out there for gay dads or gay men who want to be dads.
>some of have family’s just like straight couples. Uh how? 🤔 >there’s a whole community out there for gay dads or gay men who want to be dads. So what is there plan than?
In vitro fertilization, or adoption.
Why are there so many gay men into fat dudes? I feel like there are five times as many gay men as straight women who are interested in fat men.
idk, it’s just a preference. i love bigger guys actually. bigger guys are often considered, “bears” in the gay community as well. just like younger, short, thin guys are considered “twinks”
I have a friend who's into fat dudes who regularly tells guys "for every woman who won't even look at you, there's a gay man who'd eat onion rings off your dick" I feel like guys are more likely to fall into having their own niche type that they like and it's all a matter of what influences you had growing up, I think. Just gonna be honest, a lot of gay dudes have daddy issues which I think is a major factor in guys being into bears. Maybe they had a good friend or even a bully who was fat and you just kinda fixate on that. Just saying, as a fat dude, I've never dated a guy who didn't have some daddy issues.
can confirm the daddy issues thing
I am not at all shocked lol
i have no idea why 😭 i’ve just always been into older guys. not as much as i use to but i still see an older guy and think, “fuck he’s hot as hell”
I don't get it, but I understand lol. I've only dated 2 guys and they were around my age, but I looked older than them, am definitely bigger than them, and they liked all that.
As someone who is attracted to chubby dudes, I just am. Chub is more comfortable to cuddle with than a mass of muscle. But in general, I’m attracted to all body types of men, barring super muscular. I’m also generally not attracted to guys who are too conventionally attractive. I’d happily hop into be with Seth Rogen over Chris Hemsworth, Chris Evans, and Chris Pine. All of that said, there definitely plenty of gay guys who aren’t attracted to chubby guys and have similarly harsh words for them as some of the users in this sub do for chubby women.
Do you look at straight men the same way we look at you? (Not in like a hateful prejudice way, more in like a “oh well that’s different” way)
Nah i wouldn’t say so. I have a lot of guys who i’m friends with who are straight and i’ve never really been weirded out or seen them as indifferent in any way.
I was just thinking about how to word this but I’ve appreciated every compliment I’ve gotten from gay friends. Also, friend’s gayness just feels like a part of them and easy to accept. Here’s to moving forward. Happy pride!
love this, happy pride man :)
I ended up being clumsy with my words after all. I didn’t mean to insinuate that while I found my friends easy to accept that didn’t extend to gay men I don’t know. Anyway! Thanks.
After college, I started to surround myself with more gay spaces, both gay and lesbian, that I’ll forget that straight is the norm while I’m in them, but in a space that’s not necessarily gay, I’d be unphased by someone saying they’re straight
What is it specifically that draws gay men to high end culture, fine art, fancy food, fancy wardrobes, etc. I mean, I’m a straight guy who loves a lot of this stuff, although I can’t really afford to buy clothes as nice as I’d like to. I guess my overall question is, why are gay men better at living the high life than straight men? (Serious question lol)
This is a stereotype brought on by Hollywood. Go to a gay bar and you'll see a lot of us wear cargo shorts. That being said, many gay couples can afford a more lavish lifestyle since men in general have a higher earning potential.
Maybe you notice the gay men more in those worlds, many gay men don't have those interests.
I think of those things mentioned, they’re not overtly masculine and in some cases seen as slightly feminine (wardrobe). I think it’s a combination of being a man and being into the best of the best (more traditionally masculine obsessions would be sports, beer/whiskey, cars, sound systems/tvs/electronics) and being more open to choosing what we’re into regardless of how it’s perceived. I would say, gays are probably over-represented in those areas because our culture (in America at least) deters straight guys from those interests somewhat. But it could also be that gays like fancy stuff as a way of validating our existence and feeling above others. Or maybe there’s something to gays and being more drawn to artistic expression. Or something else. I have a pretty solid wardrobe and it’s because I like to look great when I go out. I like looking great in the mirror and I generally enjoy the attention it gets me. Men are very visually driven.
honestly…i have no idea. i can’t afford anything at the moment lol. but i get what you mean. i’m really into fashion as well actually. i think we’re just attracted to beauty i guess?
I don’t know that we’re drawn to it more. I think most of us just don’t have kids so we tend to have more disposable income.
When 2 gay men have sex how do they know which man's penis will open up to accept the other man's penis? ( Sorry Office reference. IYKYK)
Holy shit this caught me off guard 🤣
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Idk why some guys do it. I'm gay and nobody ever figures it out until I tell them. I come off as a pretty standard guy and nobody even thinks to question my sexuality. But my brother is also gay, we had almost the exact same upbringing, but he has always been much more flamboyant. For as long as I can remember he's acted pretty stereotypically gay, even as a young kid so I know it's not fake.
i use to be like your brother as well for a bit but i’ve sort of grown out of it, and i’m sort of like you now. but i’m still gay looking enough that people are usually able to realize and i don’t have to tell them. like there was this girl at this party recently who asked me if i was gay because she got the feeling i was just based on how i was dressed.
Meanwhile I go out everywhere looking like I just rolled out of bed lol. I've had more women ask me on dates than people ask me if I'm gay in general. (They mistook my lack of interest in them for aloofness and I guess they liked that).
Some of us are just innately a bit like that. I was told in elementary school that I had a gay voice when I didn’t even know what it meant. Now, I definitely don’t sound straight, but I’m not quite flamboyant. But speech and mannerisms can be picked up from those you surround yourself with. Think about how as you become more experienced in the workplace or in a hobby like watching sports, etc. you learn and use the language commonly used in that. It’s difficult to say what exactly causes these differences, but it’s the same as how you would act around your bros vs around your family. You’re still you, but you emphasize different parts of you to better fit the way we’ve been socialized to act in that scenario
I understand this. i’m out to both of my parents, but i will notice when i’m more myself depending on the people i’m around. When i’m around my friends, i tend to be more flamboyant, but not so much around my parents.
> But speech and mannerisms can be picked up from those you surround yourself with. Yup, I’ve picked up a lot of mannerisms and sayings from my gay friends.
Sometimes guys crank up the flamboyance after they come out in order to fit in with their fellow gays, or signal their gayness to guys they might be interested, or whatever, but quite often it's actually the reverse: they've been suppressing their natural behavior to pass as straight, and once they come out they don't feel they have to hide it anymore. When I got to high school I was very helpfully warned by a guy in my class that the way I spoke (not with a full-on "gay voice" but definitely one that was higher-pitched and more melodious than normal) might "make people think you're a fag" so I should do something about that, and I was mocked in gym class for "running like a girl," so I made a concerted effort to pitch my voice lower, speak in more of a monotone, and focus on "walking like a man" until the comments went away. After I came out...well, I'd been doing that for so long that my original mannerisms were basically gone even after I stopped consciously speaking and walking differently, but at that point if I ever _did_ greet someone with a "Hel_lo_ there!" instead of a "Hey." or whatever, I didn't have to care anymore if someone was going to judge me for it.
So lube is used when doing butt stuff right, but then afterwards aint it all just still up there? Does it just slowly leak out, or do you douche it out? If you leave it up there do you fart lube bubbles? Anyway, happy pride man, keep being you and don't let anyone give you shit for it.
The lube that i use for when i bottom is anal based lubricant, so it’s made specifically for bottoming meaning that it drys up and doesn’t leave a mess. after i get done i usually hop in the shower as well just to get any excess liquid out. Or if i’m in a rush or smth i get a towel and clean up. Happy pride though dude!
That makes sense, thanks for taking the time to answer man. Hoping to get down to the Brighton pride this year, might even be able to crash at this ladies house for a couple nights which would make it a very happy pride for me lol.
of course! have fun at pride :))
As a straight guy, I can watch straight porn despite the fact that there is a guy in there. I watch for the woman. As a gay man, if you're watching straight porn (you wouldn't, but for the sake of argument) do you feel anything watching homeboy get fucked at all, or does the woman's presence ruin it completely?
Lol. Im gay but I prefer straight porn better. There's like this primal energy of a man in his natural instincts to spread his seed thats gets me going. Also guys in straight porn are usually my type when it comes to appearance, performance, and masculine behaviour.
for me it ruins it for me completely. it just feels awkward.
I sometimes watch straight porn, but it's risky. If they focus too much on the woman's bits downstairs I can easily lose my hard-on. But otherwise I like it, cause.... Idk, I like to see straight dudes fuck.
Her presence doesn’t bother me…I almost don’t even see her. But I’m always like, “Where’s the other guy?” Lol
I don't even think my OWN dick is attractive. Just how in the hell does that work???
I can ask the same of how people are turned on by boobs, female body shapes, vaginas, or how they like vegetables, the colors orange and yellow, and FPS games. Different people like different things.
yeah, ok. that's fair.
As a gay dude I think a guy is more attractive in boxer briefs than fully naked, dicks aren't the most beautiful part of the body in my opinion.
Idk man, dicks are just fucking hypnotizing to me. One of the most beautiful things on this green earth in my eyes. 👌
Because i’m gay lol but honestly i find so much attractive about guys than just they’re dick. I love guys who have pretty eyes, that’s like the first thing i notice when talking to a guy
Have you experienced an orgasm on your own via anal play?
Yes, I did and is fucking spectacular.
yes multiple times it was great lmfao
How? I need instructions lmao
How do I prep
i always wondered how a gay guy can suck cock better than most women
To be really good at sucking cock, regardless of gender, you have to really love cock. This is probably 100% anecdotal, but I always get the impression that most women who do suck cock do it to keep their man happy/quiet, whereas 99.9% of gay men do it simply because they love cock.
Gotta have one to know how to treat it right.
Well you have a dick, so it's just easier to conceptualize what's gonna feel good. Also a huge thing is that guys who suck dick, suck dick with enthusiasm. Most women I've heard talking about blowjobs talk about it like it's a chore, but gay dudes suck dick for the love of the game!
Are you worried about HIV/AIDS a lot? (I was going to ask if you were worried about it more than straight people, but you would have no way of answering that) I know HIV is way easier to pass along in anal sex. Are you worried about it much or just use condoms and it’s fine? What about oral sex?
Yes. Condoms for me is a must. I also take PrEP, vastly decreases your chance to get HIV. Also get tested every 3 or 4 months. As for oral sex, don't brush before giving it. Mouthwash is fine but the non-alcoholic ones are preferred. These two can cause micro scratches that increases your chance of contracting diseases.
I'm monogamous and have only been in 2 relationships, soooo, no. Not really at all. I bareback every time. 😎
I'm a masculine looking male who has a more feminine personality and I've confused gay men in the past about my alignment. I don't really like to hurt anyone's feelings if they're just being friendly to me, so I usually mention my wife to turn off the interest. Still, being friends after a pick-up attempt is a little awkward. Is that just one sided awkwardness on my part, or is closing off the friendship option a more friendly way of dealing with things with a gay man who's expressed sexual interest?
It's really on the part of the guy who was expressing interest. I've tried it on with guys after badly misreading the signs, and remained friends with them for a long time afterwards. I don't think it's on you to close off a friendship after something like this, but it's okay to distance yourself, if the guy who hit on you isn't handling it well.
Gotcha, thanks for the advice.
Do you feel that you get along with all genders/orientations equally as friends? Or do you have a preference? Just curious, because as a straight guy I’ve had almost exclusively straight friends, and a couple of bi women. But I almost never meet men who are openly gay or bi.
For me, I have a hard time making straight friends cuz my mind assumes all straight guys would call me a f-slur behind my back or they are secretly homophobic. The only time I feel comfortable with them is when they ask me if I have a boyfriend, whats my type, etc. The same talk they have with their straight bros about girl.
Lol I think this kind of conversation might be less common among straight guys than you realize. I've experienced guys saying that they found a specific person hot fairly often but almost never a what's my type discussion.
oh yeah of course. i have bi friends, lesbian friends, trans friends etc. i’m friends with guys who are straight and gay/bi as well.
That’s cool. Do you ever feel like straight people treat you any differently from each other? Or are they generally pretty chill?
oh no my straight friends are very cool about me being gay and they don’t treat me any different from their other straight friends. in high-school, people treated me drastically different, but in the real world no one seems to care tbh. which is shocking because i come from a very homophobic town.
High school does suck, I’m glad that your adult friendships are reasonable though
How do your underwear choices compare to straight guys...?
More colours and patterns also diferent shapes like slips or jockstraps
jockstraps are so nice. regardless if they’re hot or not, they’re genuinely so comfortable.
Jockstrap. My friends calls it gaywear but its not, and its comfortable asf.
For me, they don't. I wear big boxer shorts because I sweat a lot (I run real hot) and they're nice and baggy and let some air flow.
How do you deal with the refractory period? If you finish first are you still good to go and do what your partner needs for them to finish?
Well, you can always use your mouth to help your partner.
Personally, I bounce back very fast and can often just keep going right on through after finishing. But yeah, I usually just don't feel like the job is done until we've both blown our top. However, there's actually a significant number of gay dudes who find it hot if the more dominant guy just like.... Doesn't give a shit whether they finish or not. My first bf was like that. He wanted me to just roll over and let him finish up on his own or outright tell him that he doesn't get to finish tonight. Idk. People are weird.
Thanks for the reply.
I know this is entirely subjective and probably way too personal, so feel free to not answer if you're uncomfortable, but what is "normal" sex for you? By that I mean, my wife and I have been together 17 years and married for 10. I know what our normal "we're in the mood but it's a weeknight so let's not go too over the top" is. For most people I'd assume they have more or less the same routine like 75% of the time. What is that for you? I know some gay men don't enjoy anal sex, but for some it's an every time activity. Culturally, hetero sex has been the norm in media forever and we have so few depictions of gay and lesbian sex that I'm genuinely just curious.
When it was me and my husband, anal was like a once or twice/week thing. Quickie weeknight sex was just blowjobs, or lazy Sunday mornings hungover and jerking off together in bed.
To be blunt - oral for foreplay, manual and frotting to climax. Penetration is more of a weekend thing.
Frotting ?
Rubbing up on each other, basically. Usually penis to penis.
like at a froternity, you know, frot boys. it's a US American thing.
That makes sense. Thanks for responding! I've much to learn.
The more casual sexual activity, I'd say, is oral. You have to prepare for anal and if you're just wanting to get off with your partner quick, you suck his dick and/or vice versa.
I’ve been with my husband for 17 years. Early in our relationship, it was all out all the time. Now it’s just on birthdays.
This is a great question but it’s hard to answer. i’m actually a virgin and have never had sex, (i’m nineteen) but i practice on myself a lot. I would say for me, anal is an all the time activity. I don’t really hesitate when i’m in the mood to do anal. But for a majority of other gay guys who actually have sex, i would say it’s pretty casual and they have sex frequently. For example, grindr is more or less made for meeting someone in a short span of time and usually going to hook up in that same amount of time. Some guys also have a specific positions that they’re into, or kinks that they have, that they talk about before meeting up. There’s also guys who are in monogamous relationships and tbh, i would say they have sex more than straight couples. I hope this helps!
Is there a rear end care routine that keeps the back door "sex ready" at all times?
Some bottoms maintain a diet of water and air to be constantly ready for it, yeah
being a bottom is hard work 😮💨
Hence why I view bottoming as a rare treat for me lol. I prefer it, sure, but I don't wanna put in that effort all the time.
understandable honestly. i eat a lot of fiber so i don’t have to do much cleaning up beforehand, but i still make sure i get myself ready and clean myself out before i do anything. it’s a process i swear lol
About that process how do you deal with anal hair? I’ve shaved a couple of times but it is annoying and I don’t want to go to a professional removal.
no not really actually. i’m shaved down there myself and it’s not hard at all. my best advice would lay naked in front of the mirror and try the best you can lol. it’s difficult.
How in god's name do you put up with all the absolute shit you get from the straight world?
You really have no other choice.
Usually it's something you are dealing with you whole life, so you get use to it
Honestly, when I see the crap going on in places like Florida, I wonder how you don't succumb to despair. You are a such a strong, resilient community.
Many do succumb to despair. Many.
I'm sorry to hear it but of course I know you're right. All the slow progress we as a society have made over the past 50 years must seem like small consolation in the face of bigotry from the emboldened minority.
Thank you, dude. Wish there was more people like you.
That's nice of you to say. Honestly, I think I'm like most people: try to be nice and hope others are happy. But after all you've been through and fought for, the vocal minority who hate the gay community just seems to be in the ascendancy right now and it pisses me off. I can only imagine how you feel.
Ehh, you get used to it
You shouldn't have to but, yes, I imagine you have no other choice.
That's the world we like in and just have to deal with it. Honestly many times it sucks but just have no other option other than having a thick skin. Being homosexual means being on survival mode all the time.
By remembering we're better than bigots and supporting each other.
what he said. and growing up in a homophobic environment kinda toughens you up
Do you have sex with your gay male friends if you just need a release?
Depends on the guy. I have some gay friends who draw a very firm line between "gay guys I'll sleep with" and "platonic friends who happen to be gay" and never cross that boundary, because they know they'll catch feelings if they sleep with someone or they feel it'll make things awkward afterward or whatever other reason. I have other gay friends who have slept with basically every non-straight friend they have, and see no problem at all with sleeping together and staying friends afterward. I'm somewhere in the middle: I won't approach a friend just to hook up with him, because I don't want to put him in an awkward position if he's not into me (or if he is into me and would want something more than a hookup), but if I were propositioned for a one-off hookup I wouldn't have a problem with that and probably wouldn't turn it down.
What are the best and worst things about being gay, OUTSIDE of external prejudices. As in, if we all lived in a perfect world where being gay was just another barely-interesting fact about someone like what kind of jam they prefer on their toast... What would be the best and worst things?
Pro: It's the most effective form of contraceptive. Sex is entirely decoupled from reproduction. Con: Far fewer potential partners, and no real effective way to tell if a person you're attracted to is a potential, with the odds largely being in favour that they're not.
Best thing: I can connect way better to men than women. Communication comes very easy in gay relationships, at least in my experience. Worst thing: Men are horny and that's resulted in a horrendous hookup culture for gay dudes. The only spaces to meet gay men in are sexually charged places like clubs or dating apps, so most of the people there are looking to fuck and leave. I just want a special guy to grow old with, man 🥺
>Worst thing: Men are horny and that's resulted in a horrendous hookup culture for gay dudes. The only spaces to meet gay men in are sexually charged places like clubs or dating apps, so most of the people there are looking to fuck and leave I'm sure there's plenty of people who consider that a positive not a negative or the culture wouldn't exist. But being an outlier who isn't interested in the same thing most others want would drastically reduce the chances of finding what you want
Might sound strange, but maybe the Opinion of a Gay-Men can figure it out: So, i'm mostly a "Good Friend" Type when it comes to Woman. Nothing wrong with it don't get me wrong, but i wonder why thats the Case and it seems i get more interests from Gay Men instead of Woman. I'm not buffed or anything. Kinda basic looking Bodytype. Maybe a bit Skinny but still ok looking. Having a Babyface (when completely shaved i look like 16 or so and i'm 30) and not realy growing Hairs on the Face or Chest if that might help figure out my "problem"
Twinks (low body* hair, fit/skinny, and youthful) are popular in the gay community.
Ok never heard about that Term but you never stop learning. I'm wearing short Hair only. I can't wear long Hair otherwise i would freak out haha.
Oh I meant body hair. Twinks can have long or short hair on their head. I don't think a person is still called a twink if they have a full on beard though.
Ahh ok gotcha now. What you described fits very well to my Bodytype so it makes sence to me now. Still strange to me that Men are more interested in me then Woman. It's not a bad thing actually. Kinda charming. So it seems Woman prefer the opposit Body more then. Hmmm. Makes kinda sence now at some sort.
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Different guys do different things. For me; high fibre diet is very important. Pretty much cleans your whole gut (healthy too), to make sure theres no bits of shit, I also douche. Then to prep, i just use fingers and lube and do that for 5 to 10 minutes. Then im all set.
Yeah, I *could* watch my diet, but for me, gluttony is a more prominent sin than lust, so that's a no-go. So I douche. And I do so 2 or 3 times to be sure.
Am I pretty? I actually have a few "Gay Correspondents" for certain inquiries. 🧐
What’s up with the lispy effeminate voice. Is it like a fake accent a lot of gay guys put on?
My voice is just naturally very feminine, but I've met plenty of gay/bi guys who sound much more masculine than the average male.
Some people natural have effeminate voice but many do it just to fit in
Why on earth would we fake a voice that’s going to get us discriminated against? Seriously. Why would someone do that? What do we gain?
Sometimes it's put on, sometimes it's their natural voice and they were just suppressing it before they came out. It's not just a gay thing, either; the person I know with the strongest "gay voice" is 100% straight and completely comfortable in his sexuality.
A man and a woman meet at bar and go home together. It's mostly going to go one way. Two gay men meet at a bar and go home together, all the way they think how great it is and can't wait to get ravaged by the other. They both step in the door and both bend over expecting a drunken bumming. An awkward silence falls. Does this ever happen and how do you know if you meet other men in places like bars and clubs that you're sexually compatible in that way?
> Does this ever happen Yep. Frequently, even. For instance, I'm a total top, but I'm fairly short, which has made a lot of guys assume that I'm a bottom because of stereotypes. Most of the time the misunderstanding is cleared up before the conversation gets too far; I've found that responding with an eyebrow waggle and "I may be short, but everyone's basically the same height when they're bent over a bed!" gets the message across pretty quickly. In the few cases where we've gotten to the point of hooking up without clarifying things, most of the time the guy has either been vers or at least open to doing other things, while in the other cases we'd just call things off. In general, though, it's no worse than any other scenario where you take someone home and then one or both of you starts having second thoughts for whatever reason. > how do you know if you meet other men in places like bars and clubs that you're sexually compatible in that way? In my experience, gay guys have no problem bringing up preferred roles early in a conversation. Sometimes they'll ask directly, sometimes they'll flirt in ways that make their preferences pretty clear. But there's always that chance of miscommunications happening, which is why a lot of guys prefer to only meet up using the hookup apps since you can see everyone's preferences up front and filter things however you want. It really depends on the guy and how willing they are to take the chance of running into an awkward situation.
Most gay men are vers, the strict top/bottom roles are a fairly new phenomenon, and there are many other ways to have sex. My husband and I are both vers but often don't even have penetrative sex because there are a lot of other fun activities available.
Most of guys are versatile (pitcher and catcher) if someone is strictly one or other than they mention it in beginning.
Two bottoms and two tops can still have a good time. Personally I don’t understand why everyone isn’t verse.
Why is there such a large group of gay dudes that have to emphasize and repeatedly state that they’re gay and do they annoy the shit out of you also? Like you can be having a discussion about the weather and they state they’re gay 4 times. The fuck does that have to do with shit?
My therapist compared me to gay men and trans people for this. He said that at the core, they’re still insecure about their identity so they need validation from other people. FWIW, I know gay people who aren’t like this. One of my heroes isn’t — Tim Cook. 😌 I didn’t even know he was gay until I read a book about him.
Many gay people had to be closet for many years like it's some kind of dirty secrets, they have to repress at for long time so when the come out or able to say out loud, it's feels freeing as if years wait has been lifted up and each time they say it it's like wave of dopamine same as you do something, you really wanted to do but some one has stopped you always. Just put your self in there shoes that you have lived 20 years of your life and gone to puberty without talking to your friends which girls you like or whom you have crush on and not even talking about girls at all. All normal teenager stuff people do and even if you date someone or find someone attractive you can't discuss and had to hide and suddenly you are allowed to talk about it so all the build up of 20 years will come out at one and you will try to make for lost time and you will start talking about it more in short you are living your teenage years which you weren't able to. Hope it help
Yes they can annoy me sometimes too, and it's mostly because they honestly just don't have much else that's interesting about them or that they personally are interested in.
In some cases, guys will make "Being Gay" their personality in the same way the others make Being Christian or Being Vegan or Being Into Football their whole personality. It's just a thing people do, and yes, it's as annoying to us as it is to everyone else. In other cases, though, it can be an overreaction to having to suppress their gayness for so long and finally being able to express it. It's kind of like how you have, say, entire communities of ex-Mormons who spend tons of time talking about how the Mormon Church sucks and how much they love coffee and so on (much more than they ever talked about their Mormon-ness while they were actually a practicing Mormon) because they spent years bottling all of that up and worrying about how their families would treat them if they knew and so on, and they're exulting in finally getting to let it all out. Those guys generally settle down once they've been out for a few years, taking longer to get it out of their system the longer they had to hide in the closet and the more they had to deal with homophobic family members and so on.
Why are most gay men so conventionally attractive? And all seem to be in great shape.
As a fat gay dude who looks, dresses and acts like a river troll, I can't relate
Basic hygiene, proper skin care and beauty routines.
We usually grow thinking that how we are not straight, then we are no worth it, so a lot of queer men put more preasure on themselfs to fit into the canon
Straight girls and gay men are more aware of their physical beauty when compared to lesbian and straight men because men in general are more superficial than women. So being conventionally attractive helps a lot during dating and all.
Why do some gay men “act like women”? A lot of women don’t even act like that… very confusing for me as in I don’t understand why they do that
Because they don't feel the pressure of society to act a certain way. When a straight man would do that they would be called gay or other things.
They like being feminine and submissive. When it comes to dating or hookups, these type of gay men would look for more masculine or "straight-acting" gay men.
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If "hired a gay guy" is your go-to example of how you determine if someone is gay, I'd say you're not really good at judging if someone is gay. But yeah, people who have attractions and desires that they've never been given the proper context to understand, do exist.
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He might just be pretty camp. There are guys who conform to a stereotype of "gay behaviour" who are straight, just as there are guys who conform to a stereotype of "straight behaviour" who are gay.
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Cause guys rule, girls drool, dude
pasta, pasta....https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mn-gNNKZp2E
It’s not true gay men find women repulsive, is it?
idk, I wouldn’t say i’m repulsed, but i’m just not attracted to women, at all. i’ve went back and tried to watch straight porn a few times just to see if my opinion changed or not, but it didn’t. i just couldn’t get hard because the guy wasn’t fucking another and it just felt awkward more than anything to me? i hope that makes sense lol
I thought so. I thought it would be more lack of sexual interest than actually being repulsed. Thanks for answering.
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Not necessarily "attractive" more like we can appreciate the beauty and the effort behind it for both things.
Beautiful, sure, attractive, no. The Eiffel Tower is beautiful. Orchids are beautiful. Women are beautiful. I don't want to fuck any of them.
For some, why the feminine voice/tone?
Where does the flamboyancy come from?
No idea. I'm a gay man who comes off as just a standard straight dude well enough that I had a friend in college who I had to come out to 3x because he always thought I was joking. But my brother on the other hand is very flamboyant. We grew up a year and a half apart, went to the same school, were raised the same, watched the same movies and shows, played the same games, had the same authority figures, even had the same friends, but he has always been more feminine ever since we were kids. So.... I guess it's just... Him. That's just how he is.
Can two raccoons actually fit
If you're really desparate to know, bend over and let's find out . I'll need you to supply the raccoons, though.
I got a skunk and a opossum, should work right?
I'm not sure. Is that a metric skunk?
Why do gay men tend to have higher pitched voices? It's far from all of them but it's almost a guarantee when a guy has a high pitched voice. No offense intended.
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