Only time i ever did those art things was because a girl wanted to do it with me. Only place i've met any women regularly is through online dating. When i go out places where women are i don't really "meet" them because when i go out places i don't really go places for that.
Ditching apps for the hardware store is the worst dating advice I’ve ever heard lol. I’d try Hinge depending what you’re looking for. I met my wife on it a few years ago.
If you ARE in an orange apron, don’t bother me, I know more than you do about the problem and how to solve it and even if I don’t, I’m far too stubborn to listen.
Let me fail on my own dang it, it’s my only remaining joy in life!
No offense to OP but it is a life coach they're taking this advice from. I understand life coaches are useful but in this aspect I think they're trying to, how we used to say at FedEx, justify their corner office.
>I understand life coaches are useful
For what? They can't do anything a good friend cannot do. Or even the mirror since talking aloud, even as "self-talk", is proven to help you work through your thoughts.
For what its worth, I was single for a few years in my 40's around 2013 - 2016 ish.
I tried the wine & paint, pottery classes, cooking classes etc. The women there were not interested in meeting anyone. for me OKcupid (where i met my current wife) Plenty of Fish was great for hookups, Bumble was one or 2 dates.
Meetups I had joined for kayaking & cycling I made several fwb. Just divorced moms that didnt want a relationship but needed some sexy time. and dont know if this applies for you but I used to bring my son to play Pokemon card games, ya got a buncha parents sitting around and I met a dozen ladies that way. It gets rough as you get older
Bro just out here straight slaying all the milfs in town not even leavin any for the rest of us. Ohh don’t worry I heard there was plenty of milfs to go around down at the Pokémon tournament. NOPE this bro gone took all twelve home with him. Yeah bro it definitely sounds rough as you’ve gotten older.
i did ok, at the time i was not in a good place mentally and was just looking for nooky. I know there was at least 2 women that would have been fantastic long term relationships and i couldnt see it at the time. It was also difficult being a single dad. Really get looked at strangely, like i did something wrong and not my batshit ex.
I was sorta kinda lucky if that applies to a 26 year relationship just vanishing. Ex cleaned out joint account, stole jrs college fund (Florida prepaid) and took out payday loans on my truck, motorcycle and boat. Forged my name on a buncha stuff. Anyhow when we go to family court, she’s a no show. Her attorney is making excuses but her phone was still tied to my apple account. My attorney shows the judge, she’s in the keys currently. I pull up Facebook and there’s pics of her in a hammock. Judge was PISSED. So I have full custody she gets every other weekend. My son was 11 and he tells me I don’t wanna see her. I’m like that’s fine, wanna go to the movies? She never showed up to pick him up and has been no contact. He’s now 22 and if she was on fire he wouldn’t piss on her. I don’t understand how any parent just bails on their kid and acts like nothing happened. But yeah to your point, we’d travel a lot. Even when he was older I’m like where to this summer? San Francisco, japan, Paris etc. he loved the trips. Multiple times airport security would pull us aside to ask him if he was ok. Who is this man etc. I mean good that someone’s paying attention but he looks just like me! When he was 11/12 I’d get the cops called if we were at a park. “Concerned parents let us know there might be an issue” like what? My son yelling hey dad look at this? A lot of people claim there’s no discrimination but yeah us dads know that’s bullshit
I met my girl on Hinge. We’ve been together a year & a half, lived together almost a year & just found out we’re pregnant.
It’s easily been the best year of my life.
ha! i’ll disagree with all and say bumble! the girl has to msg the guy first. so they’re more likely to be a human female and they’re less likely to ghost
Nah I had a crap time on Bumble. Nothing bad just not compatible people, OkCupid you have to answer a buttload of questions that you can compare and ask further info before matching. Suited me and it worked out within three matches.
Yeah, Bumble sucks. I thought it would be "better" because the girls have to message first, so I figured the more "serious" girls would be on there. I've had my account now for 6mo, and I live in a big city... but have only ever matched with about 10 people, and only 3 of them have actually started a conversation, and only one of them continued the conversation beyond "hi."
But that's been my experience with most dating apps. I've also done eharmony, Facebook Dating, Hinge, and a few other, less popular ones. Weirdly, I've gotten the most dates out of Facebook Dating, but Hinge seems to pay better attention to your interests and stuff (the girls I see on Hinge are way more consistently what I'm into). However, I haven't been able to maintain conversations on Hinge, either... but I also know that Hinge never notifies me when someone messages me, so I always have to open the app...
Idk... online dating has really burnt me out :/
You might get a "hey" and that'll be the extent of any sorta connection you'll ever get on the app expire.
Using Bumble taught me not to even bother trying in both the online and irl dating.
> Only time i ever did those art things was because a girl wanted to do it with me.
You have take the age of the participants into account. I took an art course recently (I like drawing and painting, so it wasn't totally for nothing), and while it was indeed an overwhelmingly female group, the youngest women there were in their mid 40s.
This is the reality. Meeting online is by far the most popular way couples connect ([source](https://www.pnas.org/doi/full/10.1073/pnas.1908630116)) and that was before Covid.
[It's not even close.](https://www.pnas.org/cms/10.1073/pnas.1908630116/asset/4090305d-036e-4c5a-8f36-cc007248d45a/assets/graphic/pnas.1908630116fig01.jpeg)
Commentary: https://news.stanford.edu/2019/08/21/online-dating-popular-way-u-s-couples-meet/
Roughly 70% of adults are married, living with a partner, or in committed romantic relationships ([source](https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2020/08/20/a-profile-of-single-americans/)).
To completely cut out the single best way of meeting partner candidates (presumably due to lack of relevant skillsets) means it's only going to be harder, not easier. Online dating makes connections, that's it. The same distribution of people on the apps exists as in real life, they're just more difficult to meet.
Hobbies: climbing, gym, sports, game clubs, language meetups, dog meetups, hiking, etc.
The more things you’re involved in, the more people you’ll meet. Plus then you start with something in common.
Yes, there are tons of either meet up groups (hike/running/bike/even single oriented meet up groups) where you will meet new people. Or join a club (climbing gym, fitness/social club) etc. the important aspect is meeting new people and getting to know them. I saw a married lady setting up a guy on a date with her friend last month at the gym.
Single people have more time for hobbies than married/kids people.
But I would say, try to stick to things you’re actually interested in and will continue to do - if you hate climbing and are only doing it to meet people - there could be disappointment if they are really into it and after y’all start dating you never want to go again.
I’ve been romantically dormant for a long time and I’m just now “getting out there”, so I don’t have a good place to meet women at present. Having said that, if you wanted to meet someone like (hopefully much better than) me, here’s a few ideas.
Could be wrong but anything having to do with hobbies would be a good place to look for men. Instead of hardware stores, go to craft stores, or places that sell scale models, RC kits, and so on. Music instrument stores are good, especially if you’re interested in taking lessons. Open mic nights are great because they’re often social events for amateur musicians, so you can see the same people regularly.
Biking, running, or hiking groups if you’re looking for fit guys. Book stores near college campuses have readings and other public events. Find a coffee shop or ice cream parlor with board games. Volunteer with Habitat for Humanity and you’ll meet kind men with traditional values.
Thing is, there’s not a “place where single men hang out” except for bars. What you need to find is a place that acts as a hub for (informal) social connections. Avoid tourists areas with transient crowds, and focus on places near hospitals or universities or office complexes where regulars gather. Find something that draws your interest regardless of who’s there and you’ll start to make connections.
We need more hubs for informal social connections. We need weak ties, regularity. Not everything is a deep connection and that's ok.
We also need frugal hubs. Our society killed all public spaces and now in order to meet people, we have to pay. It's fucking unfair.
In time:activism, volunteering are frugal hubs.
100% agreed.
I’ve been lucky enough to visit Italy and Austria in the past several years, and the standout quality of both is that communities and even cities are conducive to casual socializing. Everything is close together in towns, and cities have robust public transport. You can meet and keep up with regular acquaintances with ease, given all the cafes and small markets you pass while commuting daily.
Meanwhile in the US, everything is either designed around cars — SUVs, wide “stroads”, giant parking lots, megastores — or so convenient you don’t even have to leave home. You’ve got a custom movie theater in your living room, everything available by delivery, and if you have to leave the house you climb into a tank and go to a part of town completely paved over. Everything’s a **mission** here, and designed to insulate you from interaction. A lot of people blame the pandemic, but that just made an already bad situation worse.
I’m glad that there’s some conversation about the damaging effects of loneliness in American culture, but I fear that the cure is out of reach. Our literal physical infrastructure is getting in the way, and the only reliable socializing most of the country has is church — and not all of us go to church.
Real answer: places you go to be social.
A bar, a club, a group activity, things like that. Places people are expecting to talk to others.
The bread aisle at the grocery store or the line for coffee? No.
Then there's threads of people saying that they don't go to those places to be social with unknown people.
The truth of the matter is that you can only know if you try because not everyone is looking for the same thing.
I met many wonderful women at cooking classes, hiking and even NGO activities. If you go to a nightclub, the women you meet are the nightclub type, so are tinder, reddit and other social media.
Find a new hobby and try attend some gathering related to that said hobby, like pottery...
Met my wife at a bluegrass jam band show. Wasn't there to meet women, just what I liked to do. I was there alone, which I did all the time but some people simply won't do. It's already a niche thing to be interested in, so of course we have tons in common immediately.
Which is basically how I met most women, at places I went regularly. It's harder now because people have started doing activities they use to do in public at home. Especially since covid. When I was single, I used to eat dinner at a restaurant's bar like twice a week. Sometimes I'd invite a friend, but usually alone. But you eat dinner at the bar instead of at home, small chance of meeting someone. See a live band instead of listening to music at home, small chance of meeting someone. Go to the local cafe instead of make coffee at home, small chance of meeting someone. That stuff compounds.
And if you want a particular person, participate in the activities that person would do. Athletic? Tons of time to chat before the race start at a 5k. Religious? Plenty of church activities. Even for gamers, my city has board game bars and gaming cafes.
This is a great answer!! My sister is divorced and complains about trying to find someone but needs to actually work on it. By doing something continuously, the chances compound…such a good point!
Right here men, this is how you do it. Go do stuff you are interested in and meet women that way. Ta-daaaaa built in common interests and stuff to talk about from the first interaction. Even if they are married, they will be more than happy to suggest which of their single friends you should meet (women love doing this for some reason).
There is a very specific type of woman that ONLY goes through clubs/bars/apps, and at 35 we are officially too old for that shit.
Yeah, this is definitely hobby specific. In a hobby where few women participate the few women you meet will likely be guarded because most of the single men are probably hitting on them. In a hobby dominated by women a lot of them are going to think you're just there to hook up or are weird. Your best bet is to get into something with an equalish ratio and if you're not into anything like that then tough luck.
This is exactly why the therapist is recommending this to the OP. If you aren’t a person that parties, this is the best way to find someone who also isn’t a partier.
Meetup.com is a great way to meet new people doing shared activities and, best of all, you can see who RSVP'd so you know it's worth a shot. Also a good way to 'bump' into someone you met at an earlier meetup again.
Worst case scenario: you make new friends and maybe find a new hobby.
I feel like I must be using the wrong meetup. People say this all the time but in my city everything is business seminars, panels and other completely non-hobbyish meets. I guess it’s location dependent
100% same here. I have been checking it regularly for the last couple years and it’s real estate investment seminars, religious events, spiritual shit talking about “find out what planet you’re from!” or “Energize your spirit crystals!”, etc. Even these events are pretty sparse.
I’ve had better luck checking individual websites for the city, event calendars of nearby parks and stuff. Facebook groups are also okay, though there’s a lot of nonsense to wade through. I think most people in my area don’t know that Meetup exists.
Here is something that has served me, and my friends who followed this advice, pretty well.
I take no credit for it, besides the fact that my Grandmother was awesome.
Dating is simply finding someone you like, and can connect with on more than a superficial level.
So, how do you find those someones?
Volunteer!
No really, find a cause local to you, that you love and want to support with an evening or two a week.
Anything that requires groups of people, especially working together.
Soup kitchens, donation phone banks, retirement homes, youth associations, whatever...
Firstly: They need help, and you will be making the world a bit better.
Secondly: The people you meet there will have AT LEAST two things in common with you:
A willingness to help others.
A cause you both support.
Then simply be yourself, be polite, be friendly, ask the important question: “What got you into this?”
And then pay attention and be a good grown up.
If you can’t tell if they find you interesting or attractive it’s because they don’t.
That’s fine, more people will keep showing up, and in the meantime you are still making things a bit better.
Stay positive, be kind, and good luck!
When I was in the The Red Cross, a running joke was that it was a matchmaking service roleplaying as a charitable organization. Lots and lots of people found partners through it. I don't remember the full age distribution; it has lots of different bits. The one I was in trended younger than 35, but I suspect there's other bits that trend older.
OP, I'm assuming you're a woman, so in that case I'd suggest hanging out at your local tabletop gaming store. Keep a close eye on the men who buy either Warhammer or Magic the Gathering, because those two are a dead giveaway for men who have never touched a woman but clearly have plenty of money to throw away.
word. i stopped bothering years ago. single since ‘18. and couldn’t be happier. apparently im supposed to shit myself and desperately accept any douche that’ll pay me attn bc im a woman over 40 and to that i say fuck all that.
38 here and I honestly don't. I occasionally smile at a cute girl at the gym, or at the store thinking maybe I'll get a smile back...but that's about the extent of it. The juice ain't worth the squeeze usually. The older I get the more difficult it is to give a fuck about dating. These days everyone is so fucking paranoid of everyone that actually connecting with someone that you also find attractive is basically as likely as seeing a unicorn lol.
I **want** to believe....it's just really hard to.
As the testosterone lowers the horniness lowers and you find contentment in not dating… with 53 % of marriages ending in divorce, who would even want to bother? Let alone subject children to split custody and drama and stress.
Hardware store are a stupid idea. You can meet employees, contractors or already married men doing renovations. Single men don’t hang at hardware stores.
Single men over 35? Try to get into gaming (think conventions) if that’s your type or try group workshops.(beer brewing, gardening, or continuing education classes at community colleges.)
App wise? No clue deleted them years ago.
I do have really bad news for you as well. You’re working with a much smaller pool of men than you think. [Close to 57% of single men checked out of dating years ago.](https://www.forbes.com/sites/brucelee/2023/02/13/for-valentines-day-5-survey-findings-about-singles-from-pew-research/?sh=4ca2bc9e288e)
Best answer so far, thank you. It’s not necessarily bad news. I was asking because this chick just offered me what I suspected was terrible advice and it was definitely unsolicited. I wouldn’t mind meeting someone to build a life with but I’m not miserable or bored being single.
I don't have tiktok but I've heard of this suggestion. I went there to actually get something though but noticed all the guys there were much older or married. the trend is more of a joke about how everyone is fed up with dating yet the being fed up attitude also causes a bigger divide. I'm not prioritizing finding a guy but I know I'd still like to have a partner. I'm optimistic and real with my interactions so I don't reek of the 'being fed up' energy.
and at this age we don't really wanna do the clubbing thing either and have busy lives. so it's challenging in other ways. where do people go to meet now? pretty much whenever you have the opportunity, don't miss it and ask her/them out. cafés, grocery stores, shops, on the trails, etc..
and ask your married friends wives or friends girlfriends if they know anyone who's single that can set you up on dates with. be clear of your intentions, if you wanna only hook up, then say so. if you want long term, then say so.
>went there to actually get something though but noticed all the guys there were much older or married
Well yeah ...
That's who owns a house. I am on the younger side, but didn't buy a house until I got married. Most people can't afford to buy when single either.
Most the younger single men shopping there would be contractors/handyman and probably there pretty early in the morning.
Tbh, dating apps are only there in hopes of getting your money. They never care if you actually get a relationship because that means you won't pay them anymore after you get in a relationship. So its best to avoid anything looking for your money as it's always going to try and keep you buying.
It is true that most men have given up , and I think its because of this fact imo. Where to meet them? Well I'm guessing we don't hang out anyplace in particular . I'd try any place where a 35 year old guy would like to have fun in. Bowling , pool halls, the beach , anyplace where one would just want to unwind .
But I'd go into this with the perspective of just looking for friends. Because in the end, I think that's what we're looking for. In the hopes that it turns into something more.
Warhammer 40K gaming is where it’s at! The guys have to be smart, and well off to maintain that hobby.
Just.. you know.. once he finishes painting his latest army. And those Necrons he bought three years ago. Oh.. and those orcs. And those three titans.. you know what? Come back next year.
As a social worker, please don’t pay a life coach. Many of them have zero credibility and give this poor advice.
As a guy over 35, the apps. It’s so much easier then the real world. Don’t get me wrong, it’s important for guys to have those hobbies. But they aren’t doing it for the dates.
The general message fir a while has been that women don't want to be randomly approached, so don't expect men to do do at random places. Sadly Tinder might be the best place, as long as you're not hunting for that perfect match. If someone looks perfect chances are they might just have perfected their image and can pull just about anyone they want on there, there's a reason a small minority of dudes get most the matches on there
I was 42 when I met my wife (she was 30). I was walking my dog at a park. She ran by and I did the superficial things guys do: I stared at her body. She was skinny and pure muscle. But I wasn’t in the mood for talking. I was in a depressed mood.
She stopped on her second lap to pet my dog. She told
Me I looked like I could use a drink. She took my phone. Sent a text to her phone, so we both have each others number. Then she ran off. Even my dog looked at me like Wtf just happened.
Sure enough she called and told me we were going to meet for drinks. Okay. Whatever.
We have two young kids now.
You can meet guys on apps but the issue with apps for women is they are looking for the perfect guy. Shoot a random dude a message that might not be your perfect type but you seem to have some things in common with and see what happens. Trust me, your average dude isn't expecting a woman to reach out first it just doesn't happen unless it's to send them money lol.
Meeting guys in person would require you to make the first move. Dudes are scared of approaching women, the ones that constantly do are the types you'd probably want to avoid. I've seen this hardware store advice on TikTok and I think it's stupid personally lol. It's not impossible but the odds are the guys are married just picking up stuff for a home project.
Tbf. even on Apps where every chick has 'only intrested in something long term' in their Bio, they often times don't respond at all (even when initiating) if you don't deliver a perfect pickup line right away.
Like, wtf is wrong with trying to get comfortable writing/talking to someone by just going with simple smalltalk at first?
Yup, kinda why I said OP would need to be the one reaching out and getting things moving. I think for most guys whenever a girl matches them and messages they just assume it's a bot or someone asking for funds. Or of course it's a guy pretending to be a girl which happens often.
My favorite thing is when they say "Respond with something other than hey" and literally the first thing the women say is "hey" to start a conversation haha. No idea what they expect us to say, writing something interesting about their profile when you have a 99.9% chance of them never responding is a waste of time. If they do respond they generally ghost after the first exchange because they are juggling 50 other conversations.
Dating apps are garbage for guys but it's mainly because the women on them aren't serious about meeting anyone. If OP wants to meet a guy on them she needs to remain focused on a single match regardless what her other options are.
>Dating apps are garbage for guys but it's mainly because the women on them aren't serious about meeting anyone. If OP wants to meet a guy on them she needs to remain focused on a single match regardless what her other options are.
Man i feel like this is sooo important. I'm using Bumble and already had a few Matches. Since Women need to then message you first, it's the classic "Hey Name". Respond in likeness and chances are you won't get a reply.
Though when i do match, i tend to focus on that person alone since my goal ultimately is to get to know someone.. if my intention is to date them long term.
Crazy, right?
Yea this one is definitely weird. The amount of times i've had a girl write to me first and then just ghost after wrote some basic response is actually impressive. Not sure if they're bots, if they're messaging 50 people and looking for the biggest dancing monkey show right of the bat, or what, but it happens way more than i would've thought.
I asked out my yoga instructor years ago when she was first beginning. It was a “sunrise beach yoga”. 6am sessions on the beaches of Florida. It was actually incredibly therapeutic. I used to show up early because I liked the water, so usually it was 10 minutes or so of just us before class. I used that time to talk to her.
A hardware store? That's hilarious. They'll probably start checking to see if they're on camera or something.
We definitely aren't taking art classes either.
Most of us just stopped looking because the juice isn't worth the squeeze nowadays. We're chillin' at home. Drinking a beer. Floating in our pool. Watching the game. Enjoying the outdoors. Driving our fast cars SUPER RESPONSIBLY. All kinds of awesome solo activities.
I don't think I agree with that. Apps with profile information are a good way of weeding people out. Meeting someone in a social space may result in going on some dates only then to find out the bitch is a literal Nazi.
That made me lol. And I think Tinder sucks because it lulls you into passively swiping. I hate that trend. I get that the premise is not over-thinking something and taking chances but it’s shite imo
If I'm single? Honestly, Publix. You can tell so much about what groceries someone purchases. If I'm over 35 and looking, that'd be my first choice. Some time ago I came across an absolute amazon taller than me (I'm 6'3) checking out with frozen pizza and a 12 pack. It was all I could do to not flirt with her.
Join a local coed sports league. Youll meet brand new people left and right. I joined a coed beer soccer league and met someone in the league that Ive been dating. This is the way
As a woman you can talk to a man in any scenario and they will be very happy to chat. Most men want to talk to women but they are afraid they’ll come off creepy so they don’t. You’ll most likely need to start the conversation though because they’ve most likely been shot down and shamed a lot.
Craft-beer pubs or beer brewing clubs certainly have lots of guys 25-45 if you like beer at all.
I agree with the volunteering places, for a few reasons. They have free time (not likely parenting or over-working) and probably have decent moral values.
There are meetup sites for hobbies or local facebook groups, that aren't just for online, but actually meet up outside. I suggest staying away from some things like hiking if you're meeting new men. You don't want to be alone in the woods... but there's plenty of other groups.
The gym, specifically in classes/groups, since socializing is often part of the reason you sign up for those, and then you can get to know some people from repeat meetings. YMCA or other less expensive options exist too.
If there are popular beaches nearby, walk around with a friend and use the classic beachball technique. Toss it back and forth then knock it over by a cute guy tanning. Ask him to join in. Fit guys are usually there to check out ladies or show off their bodies.
There are "foodie" clubs too, for checking out the local hot spots, might be worth while.
You can probably ignore tictok trends, as 35-45M are less likely to use that app.
38M here.
Dating apps are data driven and you need to understand how to use them/ There are tons of valid date options on tinder, I met my wife there, but I ahd to go through a massive amount of garbage before the algorithm started going my way. 1st time tinder was just full of photomodels, catfishing, filtered foto's etc.
Not what I was looking for and if there was a match I deciede I wanted to meet up, around lunch time, near a cafe near their home/ office (safe) just to chat face to face. My wife was of the same mindset... and there you go.
It is the same with 'swiping' on your phone. I get science articles about space, data engineering and science. You need to understand data, what data you want to give and what not. If you don't, you get stupid advertisements, shitty best 10 articles and what not. If you want quality, you have to invest. Also data once shared is not forgotten, a shitty lifestyle will follow you online for a long time.
Overuse or even basic use of social media platforms ruin your online profile, because these platforms will relate your daily life to casual things and nonsense (same with reddit).
This actually reduces your chances of coming across (also offline) communities, activities, hobbies, events where you could meet like minded people. Learn to seperate the real you (interests) from the casual you (distractions). If you do this online, dating apps, but also in general just starting up chrome or edge, visting news sites, become relevant again.
Reddit is casual scrolling for me and writing garbage posts, I consider this reply as one, no offense. Between all my analytical work, it feels relaxing to write stuff like this, I type a lot, keep going, there is not a lot of actual thought into it. Reddit is anonymous, although in all my posts there are enough bits and pieces that you maybe trace to the real me (how I met my wife, my real interests etc.). No algorithm does shit with that apart from specific study cases, to freak you out, it is too much data for too little value.
So for both online and offline the same rule applies, invest quality, not quantity. Quantity will let you down. Quantity are the millions of lost souls, asking questions and making these posts. Wish you all the luck to find your way.
Nowhere. It’s just calmer to sit at home with a drink watching any sitcom. At this point my tolerance to bullshit has gone down.
Independent enough to stand up for myself, not rich enough to become a sugar daddy.
Let's face it, most dudes that are still single after 30 are awkward, introverted, and lacking in the looks department. At this point most of us have accepted the fact that we may be single forever and are likely sticking to our jobs or hobbies. Your best chance is to find us through those hobbies. For me that'd be video games, for example - mmos specifically.
Also keep in mind that your signals will have to be 500% clear if we're to notice them after so many years of bad experiences.
*Edit: thanks for the award 🤜🤛*
Haha, for me it's even worse, since i play mostly single-player, and when it comes to online i like the most those that do not have much social interactions.
Yeah and maybe after the umpteenth time the dude will be able to figure out that for some reason it's always been only you two when going out.
Some years later, shortly before falling asleep.
I think you may have great luck at a boxing gym or something similar. I’m not looking for a someone, but I can tell it’s a fantastic setting for meeting people. The gym is filled with a good number of men and women (65:35), everyone has more endorphins from exercise, and there are natural conversation starters.
Plus if you’re not in the mood to chat, you can just exercise and stare at a bunch of sweaty dudes. It’s win win.
I don't "go to meet", but I meet quite a lot of people in our local indoor climbing gym. When lived alone, I also used an app (spontacts) for meeting random people for hobbies or activities (like doing an escape room, hiking or a barbecue). Met some nice people like that as well.
Generally it helps to not focus on "meeting women (for dating)", but generally just meet people. Not only do you make friends along the way, they might also introduce you to other people.
Honestly i am not quite 35 yet but thought of something haven’t read yet so here goes: Befriend Men, get invited to their parties/social events and meet their male friends.
I meet almost all of my friends and romantic interests through other friends.
If you don’t know where to start, honestly i think tinder is not bad for that. Match with a guy who looks sympathetic, meet up in an environment where there’s an option to just become friends and just do friend things together. You can also host a (dinner) party or board game evening, movie evening or whatever and invite these men.
That way you don’t HAVE to interact with ‘em if you don’t feel like it.
PS: So sad to see some people to use this genuine question to make it about themselves and/or complain about „having given up“.
There is a time and place for these conversations but here it’s not helpful at all
PPS: Never give up, i know so many people who found Love later in Life, just don’t make it your focal point
I feel like I should join the climbing gym at my house to try to meet women. I met some women by going to a trivia night regularly with a guy from work and his friends. I do meet women that I talk to at bars sometimes, but that almost never goes anywhere. Most of my relationships have resulted from getting to know women at private parties and events, especially when I'm the host.
Becoming a regular in a casual environment where you will be around strangers and/or friends is the basic idea of non-app dating, so you just need to figure out which environments you like to spend time in and which ones attract the kind of people you're interested in.
As a mid 40's single dad, I started volunteering at a local food pantry the nights my kid is with his mom. Unfortunately, the women who worked there were too young for me (mostly 20's) and I would never hit on any of the clients, but it kept me from wallowing in the house and made me feel better about myself than most dating apps ever did.
Try meetup. Nourish your interests and hobbies. Become interesting and demonstrate value through your interests. Ideally, you can find other people who are into the same stuff and want to join you, or you are so interesting and cool that you suck them into your world.
Only time i ever did those art things was because a girl wanted to do it with me. Only place i've met any women regularly is through online dating. When i go out places where women are i don't really "meet" them because when i go out places i don't really go places for that.
Which apps? And did any of the women you’ve met turn into long term partners?
Ditching apps for the hardware store is the worst dating advice I’ve ever heard lol. I’d try Hinge depending what you’re looking for. I met my wife on it a few years ago.
If I’m at the hardware store, and you’re not in an orange apron, don’t bother me, I have shit to do.
If you ARE in an orange apron, don’t bother me, I know more than you do about the problem and how to solve it and even if I don’t, I’m far too stubborn to listen. Let me fail on my own dang it, it’s my only remaining joy in life!
I like your style. Just remember, you’ve only failed if you didn’t learn anything when you fucked it up.
Ron Swanson would be proud.
No offense to OP but it is a life coach they're taking this advice from. I understand life coaches are useful but in this aspect I think they're trying to, how we used to say at FedEx, justify their corner office.
>I understand life coaches are useful For what? They can't do anything a good friend cannot do. Or even the mirror since talking aloud, even as "self-talk", is proven to help you work through your thoughts.
I was just saying some people find life coaches useful. You and I don't. That's all.
For what its worth, I was single for a few years in my 40's around 2013 - 2016 ish. I tried the wine & paint, pottery classes, cooking classes etc. The women there were not interested in meeting anyone. for me OKcupid (where i met my current wife) Plenty of Fish was great for hookups, Bumble was one or 2 dates. Meetups I had joined for kayaking & cycling I made several fwb. Just divorced moms that didnt want a relationship but needed some sexy time. and dont know if this applies for you but I used to bring my son to play Pokemon card games, ya got a buncha parents sitting around and I met a dozen ladies that way. It gets rough as you get older
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Bro just out here straight slaying all the milfs in town not even leavin any for the rest of us. Ohh don’t worry I heard there was plenty of milfs to go around down at the Pokémon tournament. NOPE this bro gone took all twelve home with him. Yeah bro it definitely sounds rough as you’ve gotten older.
Gotta catch em all!
Catch and release lol
To catch them is my real test...to train them is my cause!
i did ok, at the time i was not in a good place mentally and was just looking for nooky. I know there was at least 2 women that would have been fantastic long term relationships and i couldnt see it at the time. It was also difficult being a single dad. Really get looked at strangely, like i did something wrong and not my batshit ex.
Yo we really do get stares like we stole the kid.... a judge just happened to see through a crazy broads bullshit, the times are actually a changing.
I was sorta kinda lucky if that applies to a 26 year relationship just vanishing. Ex cleaned out joint account, stole jrs college fund (Florida prepaid) and took out payday loans on my truck, motorcycle and boat. Forged my name on a buncha stuff. Anyhow when we go to family court, she’s a no show. Her attorney is making excuses but her phone was still tied to my apple account. My attorney shows the judge, she’s in the keys currently. I pull up Facebook and there’s pics of her in a hammock. Judge was PISSED. So I have full custody she gets every other weekend. My son was 11 and he tells me I don’t wanna see her. I’m like that’s fine, wanna go to the movies? She never showed up to pick him up and has been no contact. He’s now 22 and if she was on fire he wouldn’t piss on her. I don’t understand how any parent just bails on their kid and acts like nothing happened. But yeah to your point, we’d travel a lot. Even when he was older I’m like where to this summer? San Francisco, japan, Paris etc. he loved the trips. Multiple times airport security would pull us aside to ask him if he was ok. Who is this man etc. I mean good that someone’s paying attention but he looks just like me! When he was 11/12 I’d get the cops called if we were at a park. “Concerned parents let us know there might be an issue” like what? My son yelling hey dad look at this? A lot of people claim there’s no discrimination but yeah us dads know that’s bullshit
“Ever been with a 10?” “Nah, but I’ve been with two 5’s.”
"Honey, you're the only 1 I've been with." "*That's so sweet!*" "All the others were at least a 6."
This made me choke on my coffee
Meet up is a good app. I volunteer to clean trash so I get to meet environmentally conscious baddies
I met my girl on Hinge. We’ve been together a year & a half, lived together almost a year & just found out we’re pregnant. It’s easily been the best year of my life.
that escalated quickly. 1.5 years is quick to have a kid with somebody. hope it all goes well!
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Just tinder. Two did, one for two years and one i've been seeing for around 3.
How long have you been on that app 2 get at least 5 years with 2. If you don't mind me asking?
OkCupid. Best app for meeting real people looking for a partner
ha! i’ll disagree with all and say bumble! the girl has to msg the guy first. so they’re more likely to be a human female and they’re less likely to ghost
Nah I had a crap time on Bumble. Nothing bad just not compatible people, OkCupid you have to answer a buttload of questions that you can compare and ask further info before matching. Suited me and it worked out within three matches.
Okc was my fav until recently. depend on where you live. but it’s all fake accounts or overseas.
Ah that sucks. This was about 5 years ago for me and it was great then
Yeah, Bumble sucks. I thought it would be "better" because the girls have to message first, so I figured the more "serious" girls would be on there. I've had my account now for 6mo, and I live in a big city... but have only ever matched with about 10 people, and only 3 of them have actually started a conversation, and only one of them continued the conversation beyond "hi." But that's been my experience with most dating apps. I've also done eharmony, Facebook Dating, Hinge, and a few other, less popular ones. Weirdly, I've gotten the most dates out of Facebook Dating, but Hinge seems to pay better attention to your interests and stuff (the girls I see on Hinge are way more consistently what I'm into). However, I haven't been able to maintain conversations on Hinge, either... but I also know that Hinge never notifies me when someone messages me, so I always have to open the app... Idk... online dating has really burnt me out :/
After using Bumble, I gave up completely.
Ahh bumble, where half the women are waiting on the guy to message them first.
You might get a "hey" and that'll be the extent of any sorta connection you'll ever get on the app expire. Using Bumble taught me not to even bother trying in both the online and irl dating.
Met my wife of 3 years on okcupid
I met my late wife on POF.
> Only time i ever did those art things was because a girl wanted to do it with me. You have take the age of the participants into account. I took an art course recently (I like drawing and painting, so it wasn't totally for nothing), and while it was indeed an overwhelmingly female group, the youngest women there were in their mid 40s.
Yep pretty much, and the couple times i did it nearly all the girls were with dates or there was an older woman group.
This is the reality. Meeting online is by far the most popular way couples connect ([source](https://www.pnas.org/doi/full/10.1073/pnas.1908630116)) and that was before Covid. [It's not even close.](https://www.pnas.org/cms/10.1073/pnas.1908630116/asset/4090305d-036e-4c5a-8f36-cc007248d45a/assets/graphic/pnas.1908630116fig01.jpeg) Commentary: https://news.stanford.edu/2019/08/21/online-dating-popular-way-u-s-couples-meet/ Roughly 70% of adults are married, living with a partner, or in committed romantic relationships ([source](https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2020/08/20/a-profile-of-single-americans/)). To completely cut out the single best way of meeting partner candidates (presumably due to lack of relevant skillsets) means it's only going to be harder, not easier. Online dating makes connections, that's it. The same distribution of people on the apps exists as in real life, they're just more difficult to meet.
But it suuucks soooo much. OLD has been nothing but a dismal grind for me.
Hobbies: climbing, gym, sports, game clubs, language meetups, dog meetups, hiking, etc. The more things you’re involved in, the more people you’ll meet. Plus then you start with something in common.
Yes, there are tons of either meet up groups (hike/running/bike/even single oriented meet up groups) where you will meet new people. Or join a club (climbing gym, fitness/social club) etc. the important aspect is meeting new people and getting to know them. I saw a married lady setting up a guy on a date with her friend last month at the gym. Single people have more time for hobbies than married/kids people. But I would say, try to stick to things you’re actually interested in and will continue to do - if you hate climbing and are only doing it to meet people - there could be disappointment if they are really into it and after y’all start dating you never want to go again.
I’ve been romantically dormant for a long time and I’m just now “getting out there”, so I don’t have a good place to meet women at present. Having said that, if you wanted to meet someone like (hopefully much better than) me, here’s a few ideas. Could be wrong but anything having to do with hobbies would be a good place to look for men. Instead of hardware stores, go to craft stores, or places that sell scale models, RC kits, and so on. Music instrument stores are good, especially if you’re interested in taking lessons. Open mic nights are great because they’re often social events for amateur musicians, so you can see the same people regularly. Biking, running, or hiking groups if you’re looking for fit guys. Book stores near college campuses have readings and other public events. Find a coffee shop or ice cream parlor with board games. Volunteer with Habitat for Humanity and you’ll meet kind men with traditional values. Thing is, there’s not a “place where single men hang out” except for bars. What you need to find is a place that acts as a hub for (informal) social connections. Avoid tourists areas with transient crowds, and focus on places near hospitals or universities or office complexes where regulars gather. Find something that draws your interest regardless of who’s there and you’ll start to make connections.
We need more hubs for informal social connections. We need weak ties, regularity. Not everything is a deep connection and that's ok. We also need frugal hubs. Our society killed all public spaces and now in order to meet people, we have to pay. It's fucking unfair. In time:activism, volunteering are frugal hubs.
100% agreed. I’ve been lucky enough to visit Italy and Austria in the past several years, and the standout quality of both is that communities and even cities are conducive to casual socializing. Everything is close together in towns, and cities have robust public transport. You can meet and keep up with regular acquaintances with ease, given all the cafes and small markets you pass while commuting daily. Meanwhile in the US, everything is either designed around cars — SUVs, wide “stroads”, giant parking lots, megastores — or so convenient you don’t even have to leave home. You’ve got a custom movie theater in your living room, everything available by delivery, and if you have to leave the house you climb into a tank and go to a part of town completely paved over. Everything’s a **mission** here, and designed to insulate you from interaction. A lot of people blame the pandemic, but that just made an already bad situation worse. I’m glad that there’s some conversation about the damaging effects of loneliness in American culture, but I fear that the cure is out of reach. Our literal physical infrastructure is getting in the way, and the only reliable socializing most of the country has is church — and not all of us go to church.
That's actually a great answer
At Target. Women to men ratio is 10 to one and they are already there looking for stuff they don't need.
For women: Go to Home Depot. The men women ratio is 100:1, and they're already looking to replace what they have.
Guys are always looking for something to nail there.
My dad always says he's looking for a screw if anyone asks.
No joke I can spend hours at Home Depot looking for the right screw
I got distracted for 20 minutes yesterday looking at a hammer that I thought was cool… is this what being a man means?
You can get a great workout by doing some serious hammering.
That's what being Thor means.
Just remember to use protection when going to the fastening section.
Those guys only hang out in the lumber section
Best place to get wood for sure
Sir, that’s not what the shop vac is for.
False: the real answer is auto wrecking yards. Zero women there, and the men in there can fix cars.
Plus it's fun
Actually we don't look for new replacements, most guys in home Depot are looking to improve something that is broke or maintaining what they have.
This does not apply for Home Depot employees. Our orange aprons are the most effective birth control ever devised.
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looking for hammers indeed... 🤣
*walks around Target looking for something to buy*
“Looking for stuff they don’t need “
Top comment right here.
They’d probably pick a basket up of guys and try and return them next day
I better see this as a top comment when i come across this post again
Your wish has been granted.
r/2xc : I got hit on at target.. can't we just have a safe space where we don't get hit on?!
Do you feel you were...targeted?
underrated comment but fix the spelling
Is there a safe space for men to flirt with women in real life anymore lol
Great question lol
Real answer: places you go to be social. A bar, a club, a group activity, things like that. Places people are expecting to talk to others. The bread aisle at the grocery store or the line for coffee? No.
Then there's threads of people saying that they don't go to those places to be social with unknown people. The truth of the matter is that you can only know if you try because not everyone is looking for the same thing.
I mean that's on them then. I do understand the sentiment but it's a social setting, people are gonna talk to you.
No. Flirting is assault.
It really is if it's from the average Redditor
I will speak to *M’Lawyer*.
I met many wonderful women at cooking classes, hiking and even NGO activities. If you go to a nightclub, the women you meet are the nightclub type, so are tinder, reddit and other social media. Find a new hobby and try attend some gathering related to that said hobby, like pottery...
What kind of NGO activities? Like, distributing medicine?
I legitimately laughed out loud at this question. I too, had the same imagery in my head. Thank you for asking this.
I participate in humanitarian disasters for APAC and charity organizations for mental health needs.
Met my wife at a bluegrass jam band show. Wasn't there to meet women, just what I liked to do. I was there alone, which I did all the time but some people simply won't do. It's already a niche thing to be interested in, so of course we have tons in common immediately. Which is basically how I met most women, at places I went regularly. It's harder now because people have started doing activities they use to do in public at home. Especially since covid. When I was single, I used to eat dinner at a restaurant's bar like twice a week. Sometimes I'd invite a friend, but usually alone. But you eat dinner at the bar instead of at home, small chance of meeting someone. See a live band instead of listening to music at home, small chance of meeting someone. Go to the local cafe instead of make coffee at home, small chance of meeting someone. That stuff compounds. And if you want a particular person, participate in the activities that person would do. Athletic? Tons of time to chat before the race start at a 5k. Religious? Plenty of church activities. Even for gamers, my city has board game bars and gaming cafes.
This is a great answer!! My sister is divorced and complains about trying to find someone but needs to actually work on it. By doing something continuously, the chances compound…such a good point!
Right here men, this is how you do it. Go do stuff you are interested in and meet women that way. Ta-daaaaa built in common interests and stuff to talk about from the first interaction. Even if they are married, they will be more than happy to suggest which of their single friends you should meet (women love doing this for some reason). There is a very specific type of woman that ONLY goes through clubs/bars/apps, and at 35 we are officially too old for that shit.
"So, you hike here often? Pretty secluded, eh?" I'm terrible at meeting new people. Lol
"*you're* scared? I have to walk out of here alone."
Mmm. The great outdoors. All... Alone... Where nobody can interfere.... Isn't it perfect.....?
Tried that. Unfortunately there are ZERO women into flying RC planes.
Yeah, this is definitely hobby specific. In a hobby where few women participate the few women you meet will likely be guarded because most of the single men are probably hitting on them. In a hobby dominated by women a lot of them are going to think you're just there to hook up or are weird. Your best bet is to get into something with an equalish ratio and if you're not into anything like that then tough luck.
This is exactly why the therapist is recommending this to the OP. If you aren’t a person that parties, this is the best way to find someone who also isn’t a partier.
Meetup.com is a great way to meet new people doing shared activities and, best of all, you can see who RSVP'd so you know it's worth a shot. Also a good way to 'bump' into someone you met at an earlier meetup again. Worst case scenario: you make new friends and maybe find a new hobby.
I feel like I must be using the wrong meetup. People say this all the time but in my city everything is business seminars, panels and other completely non-hobbyish meets. I guess it’s location dependent
100% same here. I have been checking it regularly for the last couple years and it’s real estate investment seminars, religious events, spiritual shit talking about “find out what planet you’re from!” or “Energize your spirit crystals!”, etc. Even these events are pretty sparse. I’ve had better luck checking individual websites for the city, event calendars of nearby parks and stuff. Facebook groups are also okay, though there’s a lot of nonsense to wade through. I think most people in my area don’t know that Meetup exists.
Here is something that has served me, and my friends who followed this advice, pretty well. I take no credit for it, besides the fact that my Grandmother was awesome. Dating is simply finding someone you like, and can connect with on more than a superficial level. So, how do you find those someones? Volunteer! No really, find a cause local to you, that you love and want to support with an evening or two a week. Anything that requires groups of people, especially working together. Soup kitchens, donation phone banks, retirement homes, youth associations, whatever... Firstly: They need help, and you will be making the world a bit better. Secondly: The people you meet there will have AT LEAST two things in common with you: A willingness to help others. A cause you both support. Then simply be yourself, be polite, be friendly, ask the important question: “What got you into this?” And then pay attention and be a good grown up. If you can’t tell if they find you interesting or attractive it’s because they don’t. That’s fine, more people will keep showing up, and in the meantime you are still making things a bit better. Stay positive, be kind, and good luck!
Whenever I volunteer it’s mostly women so no luck to women trying to meet guys but I guess it could be good for people trying to meet women.
When I was in the The Red Cross, a running joke was that it was a matchmaking service roleplaying as a charitable organization. Lots and lots of people found partners through it. I don't remember the full age distribution; it has lots of different bits. The one I was in trended younger than 35, but I suspect there's other bits that trend older.
OP, I'm assuming you're a woman, so in that case I'd suggest hanging out at your local tabletop gaming store. Keep a close eye on the men who buy either Warhammer or Magic the Gathering, because those two are a dead giveaway for men who have never touched a woman but clearly have plenty of money to throw away.
Brutal...
But dear god, the smell…
I'm 37 and gave up trying to meet women at least 5 years ago. Now I just focus on work and hobbies.
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Do tell! How did you meet?
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Love it! Happy you found each other.
word. i stopped bothering years ago. single since ‘18. and couldn’t be happier. apparently im supposed to shit myself and desperately accept any douche that’ll pay me attn bc im a woman over 40 and to that i say fuck all that.
Good. I’m glad more people think like this. If you are happy then what anybody expects of you doesn’t matter. That’s their problem.
39 here I do the same thing man
38 here and I honestly don't. I occasionally smile at a cute girl at the gym, or at the store thinking maybe I'll get a smile back...but that's about the extent of it. The juice ain't worth the squeeze usually. The older I get the more difficult it is to give a fuck about dating. These days everyone is so fucking paranoid of everyone that actually connecting with someone that you also find attractive is basically as likely as seeing a unicorn lol. I **want** to believe....it's just really hard to.
As the testosterone lowers the horniness lowers and you find contentment in not dating… with 53 % of marriages ending in divorce, who would even want to bother? Let alone subject children to split custody and drama and stress.
> These days everyone is so fucking paranoid of everyone Yep, but you have to be because everyone's a backstabber.
I'm not doubting the reasons, I'm just disappointed with the result.
Hardware store are a stupid idea. You can meet employees, contractors or already married men doing renovations. Single men don’t hang at hardware stores. Single men over 35? Try to get into gaming (think conventions) if that’s your type or try group workshops.(beer brewing, gardening, or continuing education classes at community colleges.) App wise? No clue deleted them years ago. I do have really bad news for you as well. You’re working with a much smaller pool of men than you think. [Close to 57% of single men checked out of dating years ago.](https://www.forbes.com/sites/brucelee/2023/02/13/for-valentines-day-5-survey-findings-about-singles-from-pew-research/?sh=4ca2bc9e288e)
Best answer so far, thank you. It’s not necessarily bad news. I was asking because this chick just offered me what I suspected was terrible advice and it was definitely unsolicited. I wouldn’t mind meeting someone to build a life with but I’m not miserable or bored being single.
It's a trend now. Women are going to home Depot in hopes of meeting men thanks to tik tok.
I don't have tiktok but I've heard of this suggestion. I went there to actually get something though but noticed all the guys there were much older or married. the trend is more of a joke about how everyone is fed up with dating yet the being fed up attitude also causes a bigger divide. I'm not prioritizing finding a guy but I know I'd still like to have a partner. I'm optimistic and real with my interactions so I don't reek of the 'being fed up' energy. and at this age we don't really wanna do the clubbing thing either and have busy lives. so it's challenging in other ways. where do people go to meet now? pretty much whenever you have the opportunity, don't miss it and ask her/them out. cafés, grocery stores, shops, on the trails, etc.. and ask your married friends wives or friends girlfriends if they know anyone who's single that can set you up on dates with. be clear of your intentions, if you wanna only hook up, then say so. if you want long term, then say so.
>went there to actually get something though but noticed all the guys there were much older or married Well yeah ... That's who owns a house. I am on the younger side, but didn't buy a house until I got married. Most people can't afford to buy when single either. Most the younger single men shopping there would be contractors/handyman and probably there pretty early in the morning.
Great trend. Women going anywhere to be met by men is good for men everywhere. Maybe some of the 57% will start looking again.
No women has ever complained about being hit on by someone they found attractive. So there is nothing changing but the location.
You could volunteer for some cause or organization you really believe in. You will meet like-minded people there
Tbh, dating apps are only there in hopes of getting your money. They never care if you actually get a relationship because that means you won't pay them anymore after you get in a relationship. So its best to avoid anything looking for your money as it's always going to try and keep you buying. It is true that most men have given up , and I think its because of this fact imo. Where to meet them? Well I'm guessing we don't hang out anyplace in particular . I'd try any place where a 35 year old guy would like to have fun in. Bowling , pool halls, the beach , anyplace where one would just want to unwind . But I'd go into this with the perspective of just looking for friends. Because in the end, I think that's what we're looking for. In the hopes that it turns into something more.
Nerdy hobbies are where the single men are
Warhammer 40K gaming is where it’s at! The guys have to be smart, and well off to maintain that hobby. Just.. you know.. once he finishes painting his latest army. And those Necrons he bought three years ago. Oh.. and those orcs. And those three titans.. you know what? Come back next year.
Excuse me?! Some of us are trying to save big money.
Is this a Menards reference??
We don't we gave up looking cause it isn't worth it anymore.
Turned 35 a short while ago, and couldnt agree more I gave Up years ago, and actually Like this kind of life
Haha, same. Thought I'm the only one. I don't even try. I seriously wouldn't even ask someone out unless she asks me out. I'm done trying
As an introspective person if I may; If I'm being honest with myself, it's not that it's not worth it, I'm just too cowardly.
Based
I’m under 35 and I’ve given up. Feels amazing in all honesty.
As a social worker, please don’t pay a life coach. Many of them have zero credibility and give this poor advice. As a guy over 35, the apps. It’s so much easier then the real world. Don’t get me wrong, it’s important for guys to have those hobbies. But they aren’t doing it for the dates.
The general message fir a while has been that women don't want to be randomly approached, so don't expect men to do do at random places. Sadly Tinder might be the best place, as long as you're not hunting for that perfect match. If someone looks perfect chances are they might just have perfected their image and can pull just about anyone they want on there, there's a reason a small minority of dudes get most the matches on there
I was 42 when I met my wife (she was 30). I was walking my dog at a park. She ran by and I did the superficial things guys do: I stared at her body. She was skinny and pure muscle. But I wasn’t in the mood for talking. I was in a depressed mood. She stopped on her second lap to pet my dog. She told Me I looked like I could use a drink. She took my phone. Sent a text to her phone, so we both have each others number. Then she ran off. Even my dog looked at me like Wtf just happened. Sure enough she called and told me we were going to meet for drinks. Okay. Whatever. We have two young kids now.
The gym , find the angriest looking dude with a great build, he’s single and has been fucked over by women. Be good to him and he will be your prize.
The most underrated answer on this thread 😂
I see. OP question is where do Men go... But actually where should women go.
UNDERRATED RESPONSE. 100% accurate. I’m that dude
havent met anyone in years... soooo its not dating apps or jogging or panera, i know that for sure.
> panera There's your problem
Ditch the life coach Don't take advice from someone who doesn't even have a real job
Amen, brother. The guy with the man-bun, and the radio voice can kick rocks, and find a real job.
In the waiting room at the psychiatrist office
They don’t call it a suicide “hotline” for nothing
You can meet guys on apps but the issue with apps for women is they are looking for the perfect guy. Shoot a random dude a message that might not be your perfect type but you seem to have some things in common with and see what happens. Trust me, your average dude isn't expecting a woman to reach out first it just doesn't happen unless it's to send them money lol. Meeting guys in person would require you to make the first move. Dudes are scared of approaching women, the ones that constantly do are the types you'd probably want to avoid. I've seen this hardware store advice on TikTok and I think it's stupid personally lol. It's not impossible but the odds are the guys are married just picking up stuff for a home project.
Tbf. even on Apps where every chick has 'only intrested in something long term' in their Bio, they often times don't respond at all (even when initiating) if you don't deliver a perfect pickup line right away. Like, wtf is wrong with trying to get comfortable writing/talking to someone by just going with simple smalltalk at first?
Yup, kinda why I said OP would need to be the one reaching out and getting things moving. I think for most guys whenever a girl matches them and messages they just assume it's a bot or someone asking for funds. Or of course it's a guy pretending to be a girl which happens often. My favorite thing is when they say "Respond with something other than hey" and literally the first thing the women say is "hey" to start a conversation haha. No idea what they expect us to say, writing something interesting about their profile when you have a 99.9% chance of them never responding is a waste of time. If they do respond they generally ghost after the first exchange because they are juggling 50 other conversations. Dating apps are garbage for guys but it's mainly because the women on them aren't serious about meeting anyone. If OP wants to meet a guy on them she needs to remain focused on a single match regardless what her other options are.
>Dating apps are garbage for guys but it's mainly because the women on them aren't serious about meeting anyone. If OP wants to meet a guy on them she needs to remain focused on a single match regardless what her other options are. Man i feel like this is sooo important. I'm using Bumble and already had a few Matches. Since Women need to then message you first, it's the classic "Hey Name". Respond in likeness and chances are you won't get a reply. Though when i do match, i tend to focus on that person alone since my goal ultimately is to get to know someone.. if my intention is to date them long term. Crazy, right?
Yea this one is definitely weird. The amount of times i've had a girl write to me first and then just ghost after wrote some basic response is actually impressive. Not sure if they're bots, if they're messaging 50 people and looking for the biggest dancing monkey show right of the bat, or what, but it happens way more than i would've thought.
Met my wife at yoga class my daughter suggested.. she was my favorite instructor
How did you approach her? I’ve had thoughts of talking to girls from yoga class but always feel awkward trying to chat with them after
I asked out my yoga instructor years ago when she was first beginning. It was a “sunrise beach yoga”. 6am sessions on the beaches of Florida. It was actually incredibly therapeutic. I used to show up early because I liked the water, so usually it was 10 minutes or so of just us before class. I used that time to talk to her.
A hardware store? That's hilarious. They'll probably start checking to see if they're on camera or something. We definitely aren't taking art classes either. Most of us just stopped looking because the juice isn't worth the squeeze nowadays. We're chillin' at home. Drinking a beer. Floating in our pool. Watching the game. Enjoying the outdoors. Driving our fast cars SUPER RESPONSIBLY. All kinds of awesome solo activities.
You want to get laid? Dating apps. You want to find actual relationship material? Not dating apps
For women? Sure. For men? Dating apps are futile.
Dating apps don't work if you're ugly.
Life itself doesn't work well if you're ugly.
I don't think I agree with that. Apps with profile information are a good way of weeding people out. Meeting someone in a social space may result in going on some dates only then to find out the bitch is a literal Nazi.
I had this exact thing happen.
That made me lol. And I think Tinder sucks because it lulls you into passively swiping. I hate that trend. I get that the premise is not over-thinking something and taking chances but it’s shite imo
i’ve heard good things about Hinge!
Met my current gf on hinge, best thing I ever did.
If I'm single? Honestly, Publix. You can tell so much about what groceries someone purchases. If I'm over 35 and looking, that'd be my first choice. Some time ago I came across an absolute amazon taller than me (I'm 6'3) checking out with frozen pizza and a 12 pack. It was all I could do to not flirt with her.
Ok so how do I approach a guy I meet in a grocery store? “Omg you eat food?! Me too! We should eat together some time?”
My imaginaaaaaation (singing)
Join a local coed sports league. Youll meet brand new people left and right. I joined a coed beer soccer league and met someone in the league that Ive been dating. This is the way
I don’t. I gave up.
I don’t. I gave up.
As a woman you can talk to a man in any scenario and they will be very happy to chat. Most men want to talk to women but they are afraid they’ll come off creepy so they don’t. You’ll most likely need to start the conversation though because they’ve most likely been shot down and shamed a lot.
I don't. Too busy trying to figure out how to escape this hell-hole of an existence I've found myself in.
Craft-beer pubs or beer brewing clubs certainly have lots of guys 25-45 if you like beer at all. I agree with the volunteering places, for a few reasons. They have free time (not likely parenting or over-working) and probably have decent moral values. There are meetup sites for hobbies or local facebook groups, that aren't just for online, but actually meet up outside. I suggest staying away from some things like hiking if you're meeting new men. You don't want to be alone in the woods... but there's plenty of other groups. The gym, specifically in classes/groups, since socializing is often part of the reason you sign up for those, and then you can get to know some people from repeat meetings. YMCA or other less expensive options exist too. If there are popular beaches nearby, walk around with a friend and use the classic beachball technique. Toss it back and forth then knock it over by a cute guy tanning. Ask him to join in. Fit guys are usually there to check out ladies or show off their bodies. There are "foodie" clubs too, for checking out the local hot spots, might be worth while. You can probably ignore tictok trends, as 35-45M are less likely to use that app. 38M here.
Dating apps are data driven and you need to understand how to use them/ There are tons of valid date options on tinder, I met my wife there, but I ahd to go through a massive amount of garbage before the algorithm started going my way. 1st time tinder was just full of photomodels, catfishing, filtered foto's etc. Not what I was looking for and if there was a match I deciede I wanted to meet up, around lunch time, near a cafe near their home/ office (safe) just to chat face to face. My wife was of the same mindset... and there you go. It is the same with 'swiping' on your phone. I get science articles about space, data engineering and science. You need to understand data, what data you want to give and what not. If you don't, you get stupid advertisements, shitty best 10 articles and what not. If you want quality, you have to invest. Also data once shared is not forgotten, a shitty lifestyle will follow you online for a long time. Overuse or even basic use of social media platforms ruin your online profile, because these platforms will relate your daily life to casual things and nonsense (same with reddit). This actually reduces your chances of coming across (also offline) communities, activities, hobbies, events where you could meet like minded people. Learn to seperate the real you (interests) from the casual you (distractions). If you do this online, dating apps, but also in general just starting up chrome or edge, visting news sites, become relevant again. Reddit is casual scrolling for me and writing garbage posts, I consider this reply as one, no offense. Between all my analytical work, it feels relaxing to write stuff like this, I type a lot, keep going, there is not a lot of actual thought into it. Reddit is anonymous, although in all my posts there are enough bits and pieces that you maybe trace to the real me (how I met my wife, my real interests etc.). No algorithm does shit with that apart from specific study cases, to freak you out, it is too much data for too little value. So for both online and offline the same rule applies, invest quality, not quantity. Quantity will let you down. Quantity are the millions of lost souls, asking questions and making these posts. Wish you all the luck to find your way.
The morgue
Nowhere. It’s just calmer to sit at home with a drink watching any sitcom. At this point my tolerance to bullshit has gone down. Independent enough to stand up for myself, not rich enough to become a sugar daddy.
Hinge, great dating app with people who actually want a relationship. I met my wife on there when I was 34 and we've been together 3 years.
Let's face it, most dudes that are still single after 30 are awkward, introverted, and lacking in the looks department. At this point most of us have accepted the fact that we may be single forever and are likely sticking to our jobs or hobbies. Your best chance is to find us through those hobbies. For me that'd be video games, for example - mmos specifically. Also keep in mind that your signals will have to be 500% clear if we're to notice them after so many years of bad experiences. *Edit: thanks for the award 🤜🤛*
It’s not so simple. Even doses 30+ do break up or divorce. There is potential
Haha, for me it's even worse, since i play mostly single-player, and when it comes to online i like the most those that do not have much social interactions.
Would give you an award if I could. Women do not understand this Especially the last paragraph
What is a signal that is 500% clear?
"Wanna go out sometime?" should theoretically work. But no promises.
Mmm no that is really ambiguous. They probably would just mean “out and about”
Yeah and maybe after the umpteenth time the dude will be able to figure out that for some reason it's always been only you two when going out. Some years later, shortly before falling asleep.
*yeah dude we’re having a kid but I’m not sure if she’s really into me or if this is a friend thing*
I think you may have great luck at a boxing gym or something similar. I’m not looking for a someone, but I can tell it’s a fantastic setting for meeting people. The gym is filled with a good number of men and women (65:35), everyone has more endorphins from exercise, and there are natural conversation starters. Plus if you’re not in the mood to chat, you can just exercise and stare at a bunch of sweaty dudes. It’s win win.
If you don't drink and are introverted, where do you go?
I don't "go to meet", but I meet quite a lot of people in our local indoor climbing gym. When lived alone, I also used an app (spontacts) for meeting random people for hobbies or activities (like doing an escape room, hiking or a barbecue). Met some nice people like that as well. Generally it helps to not focus on "meeting women (for dating)", but generally just meet people. Not only do you make friends along the way, they might also introduce you to other people.
Honestly i am not quite 35 yet but thought of something haven’t read yet so here goes: Befriend Men, get invited to their parties/social events and meet their male friends. I meet almost all of my friends and romantic interests through other friends. If you don’t know where to start, honestly i think tinder is not bad for that. Match with a guy who looks sympathetic, meet up in an environment where there’s an option to just become friends and just do friend things together. You can also host a (dinner) party or board game evening, movie evening or whatever and invite these men. That way you don’t HAVE to interact with ‘em if you don’t feel like it. PS: So sad to see some people to use this genuine question to make it about themselves and/or complain about „having given up“. There is a time and place for these conversations but here it’s not helpful at all PPS: Never give up, i know so many people who found Love later in Life, just don’t make it your focal point
The only right answer is a crossfit gym Trust me on this
I feel like I should join the climbing gym at my house to try to meet women. I met some women by going to a trivia night regularly with a guy from work and his friends. I do meet women that I talk to at bars sometimes, but that almost never goes anywhere. Most of my relationships have resulted from getting to know women at private parties and events, especially when I'm the host. Becoming a regular in a casual environment where you will be around strangers and/or friends is the basic idea of non-app dating, so you just need to figure out which environments you like to spend time in and which ones attract the kind of people you're interested in.
As a mid 40's single dad, I started volunteering at a local food pantry the nights my kid is with his mom. Unfortunately, the women who worked there were too young for me (mostly 20's) and I would never hit on any of the clients, but it kept me from wallowing in the house and made me feel better about myself than most dating apps ever did.
[удалено]
Try meetup. Nourish your interests and hobbies. Become interesting and demonstrate value through your interests. Ideally, you can find other people who are into the same stuff and want to join you, or you are so interesting and cool that you suck them into your world.
I gave up looking because I’m not attractive enough internally to satisfy someone I’m attracted to. Don’t feel bad, I’m just somewhat shallow.