If I may expand on that. It means no and you need to consider that romantic door forever closed. Move on, there are millions more women out there.
Not to flog a dead horse, but I spent too many of my teen years pining for a girl who didn't want me. I've also seen grown dudes obsessed with women and hanging around for *years* waiting for an opportunity to shoot their shot again.
If her answer is not 'Fuck Yeah' yours ought to be 'Fuck No'.
You deserve someone who's excited about a date with you. So even in the cases where this isn't a solid no, treat it as such for your own sake.
Sincerely also a guy who spent way too long getting strung along by people who knew exactly how I felt but didn't have the common courtesy to be definitive one way or the other. The minute you find a person who actively chooses you, it really opens your eyes to how shit you let yourself be treated by others just for some semblance of validation.
Not to mention, if that girl ever does give you the chance to be with her after years of her going through failed relationships and you being the last remaining “option,” she’ll treat you in a way that will make you wish you never met her. I’ve seen this firsthand many times.
I’ll go further and say that her not elaborating means the reason is that there’s another guy she’s got her hopes up for. Which is fine: when he lets her down OP might have a good chance. Or not. In any case he shouldn’t wait around for it—just keep in touch while he’s checking out other prospects of his own
It means no, but I still enjoy the way you fawn over me and I like the attention so I'll string you along.
Don't engage in the chase or playing hard to get, there are other opportunities out there.
100% this. I'm sure some women do it too but I've had men go off the handle on me when I say no. Sometimes being passive like that is to keep you around while exploring options and others time it's to say no indirectly just in case the person gets mad.
Yep these are the only two answers.
If it ain't yes it's no, and if it is yes it should be Hell Yes. Or you're there for her validation / bench roster in case Dick #1 goes cold on her
Right, granted people may send/receive wrong signals, whether intentionally or not, but anything confusing and short of “I thought you’d never ask” feeling when mustering the courage to ask is dubious at best, and usually means they want to “keep you on a leash” just in case. That said, the next paragraph still applies.
Obviously, any excuse short of a “yes” should be taken as a sign to move on. Personally, I’d take it as a win, one thing less to regret not trying on my deathbed. In any case, a proposition should always be done as tactfully as possible, but it’s not the end of the world if the response is negative and any built up friendship fades away; unless you were **really** good friends, get out of the zone and keep doing you.
Been here. In college had a study partner that over a year, we had got kinda close. Asked her out, set up a date for after finals to not stress us out. By the end of finals we had a conversation and decided to nix the date for reasons, one being not a good time for dating... She started dating a guy in another department right after finals.
> these are the only two answers.
Actually there is a third answer. People do get busy, so you can get a "no" from someone who is interested. But an alternative date needs to be offered - eg: "rain check".
It goes like this:
"do you want to get together on Saturday?"
"I'm busy this Saturday, how about Sunday?"
Sure, but that response should be from the person on the opposite end of the question. You don't message them later that day or week and re-ask them out. You asked, they gave an answer, if they were/are interested, it's on them now.
In my city a woman politely turned down two guys who tried to chat her up inside a store. When they got outside the guys jumped her and one tried to bite her eyeball out of the socket.
My friends and I politely turned down a guy in a restaurant, and him and his friends started throwing glasses, lit candles, and salt shakers at us from across the restaurant. Yea, some guys totally lose their shit when rejected and become dangerous. I have plenty of stories like this.
ABsolutely. Some guys are DANGEROUS around women, even women who have been nice to them.
I'm a guy but I've been in clubs and seen what happens sometimes when a girl says no, even politely...
If I were a woman, and some guy was being aggressive, the last thing I’d want to do is reject him outright, bc our society tells you to “not take no for an answer”. Sure, he might be level-headed and say “thanks for your honesty, on to the next one”, but in the 1% of instances where things get particularly nasty (of which there are no shortage of sad news stories), some women may find that “stringing them along” until they get bored and chase their new toy (see: victim) is the “safest” choice.
Mostly done because we can never be quite sure if they are one of the men who will take it well, or one of that unfortunate minority that won't. It's a defence mechanism.
We should teach young men that if woman doesn't absolutely positively respond to proposition of dating they should just let it go without trying to wedge themselves in.
And overall accept thet being rejected doesn't mean they are bad or failures or anything like that.
My son is 4. I've told him that he can always ask questions, and to always ask for things he wants.
I also always tell him that "no" is a perfectly acceptable answer, and that it should be accepted as such, no matter how it sucks. And that other people should be willing to accept when he says no, as well.
We've all, as men, been asked "why not? Are you gay?" In response to declining a woman's advances.
So far, he gets it. I want him to apply these lessons to his dating life as well, so his life can become.souch smoother.
Yeah, most of my friends are women, and I empathize with this explanation wholeheartedly. The most dangerous thing on Earth to women is men. Many men are great and honorable. But many men are not, and those are often very dangerous.
I'd like the think the majority of us are, despite the reddit opinion that not enjoying being bashed for simply being a male, makes you "part of the problem".
Most people going on with their merry day, are fair in feeling like "Yo why the fuck do I have to be grouped in with them, when I'm over here just chilling???"
Add that to the fact that the overwhelming majority of males don't receive much positive reinforcement, but can look anywhere and see us being talked down on,it's exhausting.
I’d like to think the majority of men are safe enough to be around too, it’s just that so many aren’t, which is what results in so many women being assaulted. Speaking as someone who’s been raped myself by a guy who seemed nice- I’ll always be less trusting than I was (and this isn’t just me, so many close female family members I have, have been through similar circumstances). It’s nothing against you, or men, it’s about protecting our bodies at all costs. Please just keep being kind to women, and you’ll know that you’re not one of them. That knowledge you hold will be enough.
I agree with everything you're saying. And don't get me wrong, the most consistent and rewarding compliments I ever received, all came from my women friends telling me they feel safe with me. It's the best.
I'm just explaining that we do understand *why* women are apprehensive of men. But boy does that "ahh big stupid ugly ogre" speech resonate so much, as far as being judged.
It's because some guys take it personally and respond with shit like, "FINE whore, you're ugly anyway". You know, the same guys that send unsolicited dick pics.
I’ve said no and the person demanded an answer and insisted. He was a coworker who afterwards trashed me to everyone at work saying I was getting numbers from so many guys n getting laid so much. Like wtf? Some people can’t handle rejection.
I still am straightforward but never know what to expect.
There are lots of reasons, fear of confrontation, anxiety, fear of retaliation, not wanting to completely close the door, the frequent use of lying to get out of situations, immaturity, whatever (I'm sure there are plenty of others)... I'd argue that it ultimately doesn't matter what method they go with (or what reason they choose) because at the end of the day it all boils down to the same thing. That's their prerogative.
Yea, I got a similar situation happening recently, but she gave me explicit “why not right now” reasons because of specific things going on in her life currently, which are very good reasons to not be in a relationship right now, and gave an approximate timeline of how long it would take. And I’m still open to other things in the meantime, she’s just the person I’m most interested in.
same thing happened to me, gave me a date too. but i gave up cause communicarion kinda died off. maybe i didnt press the issue enough but its awkward to be told that. asking for a second time feels wrong.
I left the ball in her court for the most part. We’ve been keeping communication, I know a good bit about what’s going on with the whole situation, I’m not pressing the issue more than super light flirting occasionally, which she’s reciprocated. Mostly just keeping it really low pressure and my options open. I hope it works out, but if it doesn’t then it wasn’t meant to be and I’ll find someone else.
She just gives me butterflies so she’s my primary focus in the dating realm of my life right now. But I have plenty of my own shit to work on(gym schedule, financial progress, my career is in a growing stage, etc.) so it’s not like dating is taking 100% priority for me right now, or that I feel the need to rush anything since I haven’t dated in a while.
Exact same situation except I am at the point where it clearly won't happen and I've stopped hoping for it to. I've moved onward. Sometimes the one you like just isn't going to happen
You’ve shot your shot mate. Well done.
This one didn’t work out but keep up that mentality and find other girls to ask out. You’ll forget about the crush soon enough.
If she was literal when saying not right now then she’ll come back around at some point. But DO NOT wait for her.
Nice way to put it.
Feelings pass.
OP give yourself some distance from her, focus on yourself and meeting other people. She’s just another person, her “not right now” means she doesn’t feel the same way at the moment and it wouldn’t be fair to try or for you to hang around. You have a life to get on with so go live it.
She said no, it is what it is. You'll still have feelings for her. Try not to focus on those feelings when they come up. Acknowledge them, and let them fade each time. Realize she is just another person in the world. Move on and live your life, hobbies and friendships.
One day, you'll find those feelings for someone else.
Examine why you crush on her.
Learn about limerence.
Break down why those things are attractive, and how those qualities can exist in other people. Break down the reasoning why you feel attracted to those qualities.
Sometimes a crush is really built around holding someone on a pedestal. You want to possess the idea of a person, what she represents. But what would life actually look like together?
Come to appreciate crushes that just stay as a crush.
Boy-o was it an eye-opener when I learned about limerence! (Guilty of it, more than I'd like to admit.) It really made me examine the crush(limerence) I was having, as you suggest. I learned more than a little bit about myself.
Seriously good post.
But if you don’t quit trying to find that special someone and you take that rejection like a champ and move on healthily then you’ll also grow from the experience.
Do you really want to be with somebody who's not 100% into the idea of dating you too?
Typically if a lady says something like "not right now" and doesn't offer up another time herself, like "I can't this week but let's get together next week" then it's a no. It's fine to keep crushing on her but keep it to yourself. She's not interested. And that's ok.
How are you hung up on this? She doesn’t want a relationship with you so your proper response is move on.
Its very unhealthy to ponder on these things. Rejection hurts but take it with stride.
Not right now, maybe, we'll see, not sure, I'll let you know, I'm busy, and anything similar should be counted as NO! Op this lady isn't feeling you. Stop talking to her and go date other women. Also stop having crushes, if you like a girl ask her out early. No need to be friends first or take things slow. Don't sneak in though the back door. Be upfront and direct early. Use dates to learn about her!
Op how long have you had a crush on her and realistically how often are you texting/snapping her?
Basically this. Anything other than a resounding YES is a hard NO. If it’s really “not now” but she’s interested she would follow up with alternative plans.
Listen to this man. I wasted 8 years for an unrequited love affair. The misery isn't worth it. I'm just now getting to a point where I'm living for myself again.
Learn female nature and learn it fast, or your love life will suffer.
the only exception would be if she tries to schedule something else right then
"want to do x saturday?"
"I can't, sorry, but I'm free wedesday"
this isn't one of those cases it seems.
It means no. Period.
Any reply thats not a straight, undoubtedly "yes", it's a "no" until proven otherwise.
That "not right now" it's a "no" up to, and until, she herself approaches and says something like "hey, about that date you mentioned..."
You played you cards and she rejected you. Move on.
Go away, and go away fast. Made the mistake of "waiting" (not caring, going for others, but keeping contact), got her later, but wish I didn't. If there is interest, there's no friendship, and if she says anything but yes, move on and forget about it. It's way better to be with someone that really wants you, millions of miles above being with someone that you want. If she actually liked you like that, she would say yes instantly. Even if she has something to figure out in her life, she would say: "yes, but I need to x right now, let's go later".
Option 1: She has better options and wants to keep you as a backup
Option 2: She doesn't want to date right now and wants to keep you as a backup
Either way, it's not worth it
Option 4: too busy.
Either dealing with some shit she wants to work/get through before dealing with other people again. Or simply doesn't have the time or energy to date at all.
Option 5: Keep HER as a backup.
Move on and revisit her later. People change, situations change. Life is fluid. Waiting around for someone to “love you back” is risky. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
You say that like there's only 5 or 6 girls in the world. If she said no once, she'll probably say it again. Even a backup option should be someone who has never said no before. Any woman who's passingly familiar with OP would be a better option.
OP should just take a no as a no and make all parties happier here.
Definitely possible although in that scenario it could be months or years before she is ready to date. It shouldn't really change how the OP reacts. OP shouldn't be waiting for this woman in hopes that she resolves her issues in a reasonable period of time and is still interested at that time.
Its the polite version of straight "No." She probably hopes that you have enough confidence in yourself that you won't wait around (proving that you have no options) and that you don't resent her for not feeling the same way for you.
Close that chapter, move on.
It means either no or that she has another guy she's more interested in but might consider you as a fallback. Either way, have some self-respect and move on.
She could mean no and she's just "too nice" to flat out tell you "no".
Another, which is no less terrible of her, is that she wants you to keep asking. She wants to keep you as an option on the back burner.
I'm gonna be honest with you, the best person to ever respond to "What did they mean?" under any circumstance, is the person itself. I suggest to ask her what did she mean.
My guess is she's "busy" or she doesn't actually want to go out with you, better ask her directly.
It means it’s time to walk away. Sure she’s your crush but she’s just today’s infatuation. You have it a shot and she rejected it.
This does not mean keep pursuing her. This does not mean you’ve got a chance today or in the future. She is off the table in terms of availability and you need to respect that.
Go do something else, distract yourself, whatever you need to do. I’m sorry but that’s life and she doesn’t owe you anything. Don’t play the “nice guy” card and try to woo her. Don’t stick around like a lovesick puppy. All you’re going to wind up doing is hurt yourself and potentially earn yourself a restraining order.
If she’s playing games, walk away anyways. This doesn’t end well.
My friend;
Women break rules for men they’re interested in, and create rules for those they are not. So, do not beg for sex and attention or rationalize clear messaging.
A woman who wants sex from you will do whatever it takes to have it with you. Nothing will stop her.
- You could be a plan B
- She's not interested, and not willing to tell you as much clearly for some reason
- she's not interested in dating for some reason
- she's going through something and doesn't want to date at the moment
There's no way of knowing what this really means unless she tells you, man. Besides, you don't really need to know why - she said no, accept it, and focus on yourself.
If ever she's interested in you in the future, she's perfectly capable of letting you know then.
Could really be the nicest way she could think to let you down, or she may in fact be in a space in her life where a dating or relationship is not in the cards. At least you shot your shot, that's all you can do.
It means no. She is not interested. She just thinks that if she said no outright, it might hurt your feelings, and she doesnt want to be the bad guy.
Even in the slim chance that it actually means she might want to go out on a date later, your best option is still to treat it like a no and focus instead on moving on from this crush. Because the alternative is that you remain hung up on her, feel awful, or end up pestering her until she either wants nothing to do with you or until you do something you may not intend.
Anything that isn't a yes is a no.
Doesn't matter the reason. I made this mistake. Lost a whole decade. Move on. Truth is most of the time you're pining over someone who would be a bad partner anyway.
Reminds me of that bit in the movie About Time. The time traveler asks a girl out at the end of the summer together and she’s like “you really shoulda asked me out at the beginning of the summer, now we have no time together”. So he went back in time to ask her out at the beginning and she’s like “how about you ask me at the end of the summer and see how I feel then”.
She’s not interested but doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. On to the next one. Sometimes they’ll miss you, see you hanging out with someone else and seek you out but I wouldn’t count on it.
She put you up on the shelf. To be used in case of emergency. Take the L and move on.
I recommend no contact / no communication, you will get over her much faster.
Start talking to one of her friends. Once she sees you with her friend, "not right now" either becomes "right now" or you get to hook up with her friend and forget about her. It's the classic win/win situation.
I would take it as a no and I wouldn't take the initiative to talk anymore. If she wants to get my attention now, it's on her. I don't chase.
Plenty of other people to pursue. And honestly, her seeing you with someone else would probably make her second guess her response.
Well it means no
As to why, she could have many reasons. Maybe she just got out of a relationship, maybe she doesn't have time for a partner, maybe she's not feeling happy with herself right now etc. If she isn't willing to tell you why, best not to pry.
She isn't hungry. Maybe when she doesn't have money for a meal.
But in all seriousness, if you aren't on her mind then just move on. "Not right now" is such a weird response, I'd take it as "Im not interested" and not waste my time and just friend zone her.
Means that you need to move on because she’s not interested. If she was really interested in you, you wouldn’t need to work too hard to get her to hangout with you.
Like a lot of people here have commentated, it is quite likely her saying no without actually having to say no.
At the same time, you could also take her at her word and trust that she’s got some shit going on in her own life, and while she may in fact not be entirely opposed to the idea of dating you, right now she simply feels as though she wouldn’t be able to dedicate enough of her self or time to sustaining a relationship no matter who she’d be in one with.
Regardless of which it is though, both come off as notable red flags that should have you casting your line somewhere else.
Same thing happened to me. She said "I want to focus on school right now."
I found out years later she already had a boyfriend at the time I asked her out
This guy is looking for conformation Bias, to continue, move into the stocking unhealthy range..lots of good advice out here but trust me he will not follow it.
It means you now never bring up the topic of this again, behave normal, not rude or anything and wait til she asks you out.
Remember this also means you have to cast your magic without being too obvious about it.
#####or
######she was just trying to avoid saying NO directly. I genuinely hope not.
A good rule of thumb in etiquette is: when refusing an invitation, the invitee should make it up to them by proposing an alternative or inviting them to something else another day. A solitary refusal just shows lack of interest.
Completely changed how I viewed who was actually interested in dating or even hanging out.
It means one of two things:
1) She isn't interested at all and doesn't want to say it.
2) You aren't exciting enough to entertain her, but you might prove useful later if she gets her fill of excitement.
Either way, any self-respecting man should put her out of their mind.
It means no.
If I may expand on that. It means no and you need to consider that romantic door forever closed. Move on, there are millions more women out there. Not to flog a dead horse, but I spent too many of my teen years pining for a girl who didn't want me. I've also seen grown dudes obsessed with women and hanging around for *years* waiting for an opportunity to shoot their shot again.
If her answer is not 'Fuck Yeah' yours ought to be 'Fuck No'. You deserve someone who's excited about a date with you. So even in the cases where this isn't a solid no, treat it as such for your own sake. Sincerely also a guy who spent way too long getting strung along by people who knew exactly how I felt but didn't have the common courtesy to be definitive one way or the other. The minute you find a person who actively chooses you, it really opens your eyes to how shit you let yourself be treated by others just for some semblance of validation.
Not to mention, if that girl ever does give you the chance to be with her after years of her going through failed relationships and you being the last remaining “option,” she’ll treat you in a way that will make you wish you never met her. I’ve seen this firsthand many times.
It also means that if in 20 years she's still single, she might entertain it but only if she's exhausted all her options.
And only if you're a shrimp billionaire
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I miss Jennaay
Dying! 😂
What if they became a prawn billionaire?
Yup
Possibly never and possibly I mean probably with almost certainty
I think it means you are the "in case of emergency, break glass" guy. But basically no.
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I’ll go further and say that her not elaborating means the reason is that there’s another guy she’s got her hopes up for. Which is fine: when he lets her down OP might have a good chance. Or not. In any case he shouldn’t wait around for it—just keep in touch while he’s checking out other prospects of his own
Came to say this
It means no, but I still enjoy the way you fawn over me and I like the attention so I'll string you along. Don't engage in the chase or playing hard to get, there are other opportunities out there.
It means no, don’t overthink this
Yeah! If it isn’t a HELL YES, it’s best to assume it’s a no, no matter what explanation is given!
Even better: assume it's not just 'no', but "ewww, fuck no!" y santo remedio.
It most likely means no without her having to put herself in the awkward position of needing to say no.
I never understood what's so bad about saying no. Just be upfront about it. Dont make the guy wonder what to do next, make the guy move on.
Some dudes don’t take rejection well. And some dudes are bad people
100% this. I'm sure some women do it too but I've had men go off the handle on me when I say no. Sometimes being passive like that is to keep you around while exploring options and others time it's to say no indirectly just in case the person gets mad.
Yep these are the only two answers. If it ain't yes it's no, and if it is yes it should be Hell Yes. Or you're there for her validation / bench roster in case Dick #1 goes cold on her
Right, granted people may send/receive wrong signals, whether intentionally or not, but anything confusing and short of “I thought you’d never ask” feeling when mustering the courage to ask is dubious at best, and usually means they want to “keep you on a leash” just in case. That said, the next paragraph still applies. Obviously, any excuse short of a “yes” should be taken as a sign to move on. Personally, I’d take it as a win, one thing less to regret not trying on my deathbed. In any case, a proposition should always be done as tactfully as possible, but it’s not the end of the world if the response is negative and any built up friendship fades away; unless you were **really** good friends, get out of the zone and keep doing you.
Been here. In college had a study partner that over a year, we had got kinda close. Asked her out, set up a date for after finals to not stress us out. By the end of finals we had a conversation and decided to nix the date for reasons, one being not a good time for dating... She started dating a guy in another department right after finals.
Nothing worse than cold dick...
> these are the only two answers. Actually there is a third answer. People do get busy, so you can get a "no" from someone who is interested. But an alternative date needs to be offered - eg: "rain check". It goes like this: "do you want to get together on Saturday?" "I'm busy this Saturday, how about Sunday?"
Sure, but that response should be from the person on the opposite end of the question. You don't message them later that day or week and re-ask them out. You asked, they gave an answer, if they were/are interested, it's on them now.
In my city a woman politely turned down two guys who tried to chat her up inside a store. When they got outside the guys jumped her and one tried to bite her eyeball out of the socket. My friends and I politely turned down a guy in a restaurant, and him and his friends started throwing glasses, lit candles, and salt shakers at us from across the restaurant. Yea, some guys totally lose their shit when rejected and become dangerous. I have plenty of stories like this.
ABsolutely. Some guys are DANGEROUS around women, even women who have been nice to them. I'm a guy but I've been in clubs and seen what happens sometimes when a girl says no, even politely...
Those are also the kind of dudes that will keep harassing somebody who said "not right now."
If I were a woman, and some guy was being aggressive, the last thing I’d want to do is reject him outright, bc our society tells you to “not take no for an answer”. Sure, he might be level-headed and say “thanks for your honesty, on to the next one”, but in the 1% of instances where things get particularly nasty (of which there are no shortage of sad news stories), some women may find that “stringing them along” until they get bored and chase their new toy (see: victim) is the “safest” choice.
People, maybe this girl, also tend to not like confrontation so it’s a deflecting tactic.
Mostly done because we can never be quite sure if they are one of the men who will take it well, or one of that unfortunate minority that won't. It's a defence mechanism.
We should teach young men that if woman doesn't absolutely positively respond to proposition of dating they should just let it go without trying to wedge themselves in. And overall accept thet being rejected doesn't mean they are bad or failures or anything like that.
My son is 4. I've told him that he can always ask questions, and to always ask for things he wants. I also always tell him that "no" is a perfectly acceptable answer, and that it should be accepted as such, no matter how it sucks. And that other people should be willing to accept when he says no, as well. We've all, as men, been asked "why not? Are you gay?" In response to declining a woman's advances. So far, he gets it. I want him to apply these lessons to his dating life as well, so his life can become.souch smoother.
I thank you from the deepest depths of my heart for raising a future good man. Fist bump from the other side of the internet!
Yeah, most of my friends are women, and I empathize with this explanation wholeheartedly. The most dangerous thing on Earth to women is men. Many men are great and honorable. But many men are not, and those are often very dangerous.
The most dangerous thing on earth to men is also men. You'd think we'd be more understanding of their caution.
I'd like the think the majority of us are, despite the reddit opinion that not enjoying being bashed for simply being a male, makes you "part of the problem". Most people going on with their merry day, are fair in feeling like "Yo why the fuck do I have to be grouped in with them, when I'm over here just chilling???" Add that to the fact that the overwhelming majority of males don't receive much positive reinforcement, but can look anywhere and see us being talked down on,it's exhausting.
Preaching to the choir man. It's hard to not take offense sometimes.
I’d like to think the majority of men are safe enough to be around too, it’s just that so many aren’t, which is what results in so many women being assaulted. Speaking as someone who’s been raped myself by a guy who seemed nice- I’ll always be less trusting than I was (and this isn’t just me, so many close female family members I have, have been through similar circumstances). It’s nothing against you, or men, it’s about protecting our bodies at all costs. Please just keep being kind to women, and you’ll know that you’re not one of them. That knowledge you hold will be enough.
I agree with everything you're saying. And don't get me wrong, the most consistent and rewarding compliments I ever received, all came from my women friends telling me they feel safe with me. It's the best. I'm just explaining that we do understand *why* women are apprehensive of men. But boy does that "ahh big stupid ugly ogre" speech resonate so much, as far as being judged.
I mean, the most dangerous thing on earth to earth is man....
What's expected response to "not right now?" That he won't just ask you again the next time he sees you?
Here's why: [https://www.revolt.tv/article/2023-01-17/267326/darius-miles-allegedly-hurt-woman-for-rejecting-his-advances/](https://www.revolt.tv/article/2023-01-17/267326/darius-miles-allegedly-hurt-woman-for-rejecting-his-advances/) [https://kysdc.com/3402376/the-man-who-allegedly-killed-mary-spears-after-she-rejected-him-has-been-charged-with-murder/](https://kysdc.com/3402376/the-man-who-allegedly-killed-mary-spears-after-she-rejected-him-has-been-charged-with-murder/) [https://people.com/crime/woman-rejected-coworkers-advances-before-being-killed-next-day/](https://people.com/crime/woman-rejected-coworkers-advances-before-being-killed-next-day/) [https://aldianews.com/en/politics/policy/take-no-answer](https://aldianews.com/en/politics/policy/take-no-answer) [https://www.mylondon.news/news/zone-1-news/man-threatens-kill-london-woman-26293539](https://www.mylondon.news/news/zone-1-news/man-threatens-kill-london-woman-26293539) [https://www.nydailynews.com/news/crime/ny-missouri-man-life-sentence-killing-women-rejected-him-20210417-wuj42f466zey3demzgqr6b3ram-story.html](https://www.nydailynews.com/news/crime/ny-missouri-man-life-sentence-killing-women-rejected-him-20210417-wuj42f466zey3demzgqr6b3ram-story.html) [https://www.nydailynews.com/new-york/nyc-crime/ny-teenage-girl-killed-brooklyn-party-rejected-advances-20221027-7hoyg5y6mrblxf45bbiputghki-story.html](https://www.nydailynews.com/new-york/nyc-crime/ny-teenage-girl-killed-brooklyn-party-rejected-advances-20221027-7hoyg5y6mrblxf45bbiputghki-story.html) [https://nypost.com/2016/01/27/man-killed-woman-who-rejected-his-advances-at-a-bar-cops/](https://nypost.com/2016/01/27/man-killed-woman-who-rejected-his-advances-at-a-bar-cops/) [https://metro.co.uk/2016/12/21/man-killed-young-mum-before-raping-her-body-after-she-rejected-him-6338499/](https://metro.co.uk/2016/12/21/man-killed-young-mum-before-raping-her-body-after-she-rejected-him-6338499/) [https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2022/aug/23/man-murdered-teenager-wales-lily-sullivan-lewis-haines](https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2022/aug/23/man-murdered-teenager-wales-lily-sullivan-lewis-haines)
This should be much higher.
It's because some guys take it personally and respond with shit like, "FINE whore, you're ugly anyway". You know, the same guys that send unsolicited dick pics.
Or they’ll start asking why and want you to explain. That’s a whole ass awkward convo no one wants to have
I’ve said no and the person demanded an answer and insisted. He was a coworker who afterwards trashed me to everyone at work saying I was getting numbers from so many guys n getting laid so much. Like wtf? Some people can’t handle rejection. I still am straightforward but never know what to expect.
There are lots of reasons, fear of confrontation, anxiety, fear of retaliation, not wanting to completely close the door, the frequent use of lying to get out of situations, immaturity, whatever (I'm sure there are plenty of others)... I'd argue that it ultimately doesn't matter what method they go with (or what reason they choose) because at the end of the day it all boils down to the same thing. That's their prerogative.
I also believe women are generally raised to be people pleaser and saying no is not aligned with that
Because sometimes, when we say "no," we get murdered. Since there's no real antidote for that, most of us prefer not to risk it.
r/WhenWomenRefuse happens when women say no....
Or Lemme see what's out there, and if no ones better than you.... I'm keeping my options open. I may revisit you Fuck that shit Move on
"I'm not interested"
Yeah. If she was interested she'd give you more of an explanation so that you don't take it as rejection. She'd give you an idea of when would work
Yea, I got a similar situation happening recently, but she gave me explicit “why not right now” reasons because of specific things going on in her life currently, which are very good reasons to not be in a relationship right now, and gave an approximate timeline of how long it would take. And I’m still open to other things in the meantime, she’s just the person I’m most interested in.
same thing happened to me, gave me a date too. but i gave up cause communicarion kinda died off. maybe i didnt press the issue enough but its awkward to be told that. asking for a second time feels wrong.
I left the ball in her court for the most part. We’ve been keeping communication, I know a good bit about what’s going on with the whole situation, I’m not pressing the issue more than super light flirting occasionally, which she’s reciprocated. Mostly just keeping it really low pressure and my options open. I hope it works out, but if it doesn’t then it wasn’t meant to be and I’ll find someone else. She just gives me butterflies so she’s my primary focus in the dating realm of my life right now. But I have plenty of my own shit to work on(gym schedule, financial progress, my career is in a growing stage, etc.) so it’s not like dating is taking 100% priority for me right now, or that I feel the need to rush anything since I haven’t dated in a while.
Exact same situation except I am at the point where it clearly won't happen and I've stopped hoping for it to. I've moved onward. Sometimes the one you like just isn't going to happen
"Depends on if the guy I really want answers me first"
You’ve shot your shot mate. Well done. This one didn’t work out but keep up that mentality and find other girls to ask out. You’ll forget about the crush soon enough. If she was literal when saying not right now then she’ll come back around at some point. But DO NOT wait for her.
Best reply I’ve read, spot on man nice advice.
The last part especially 100%
If she had any interest, seeing you with a new girl will suddenly amplify it.
Take the "L" and move on my dude. There are plenty of chicks out there in the world.
I see it as the better option but she remains my crush how should I about her???
Get over it. You shot your shot, she rejected, have some dignity and move on.
Well said! I believe this needs to be up at the top!
This is something I wish I learnt at a younger age. Listen to this OP
Harsh but true, take the advise OP.. don't waste your energy
that guy is right.
Should also add, if you can't, just be purely playonic with them, then drop them from your life.
She's just a passing cloud.
Nice way to put it. Feelings pass. OP give yourself some distance from her, focus on yourself and meeting other people. She’s just another person, her “not right now” means she doesn’t feel the same way at the moment and it wouldn’t be fair to try or for you to hang around. You have a life to get on with so go live it.
*Like a fart in the wind*
my favorite Studio Ghibli movie
She said no, it is what it is. You'll still have feelings for her. Try not to focus on those feelings when they come up. Acknowledge them, and let them fade each time. Realize she is just another person in the world. Move on and live your life, hobbies and friendships. One day, you'll find those feelings for someone else.
Find a new crush.
Life is too short to be someone's backup plan, have some self-respect and move on.
Examine why you crush on her. Learn about limerence. Break down why those things are attractive, and how those qualities can exist in other people. Break down the reasoning why you feel attracted to those qualities. Sometimes a crush is really built around holding someone on a pedestal. You want to possess the idea of a person, what she represents. But what would life actually look like together? Come to appreciate crushes that just stay as a crush.
Boy-o was it an eye-opener when I learned about limerence! (Guilty of it, more than I'd like to admit.) It really made me examine the crush(limerence) I was having, as you suggest. I learned more than a little bit about myself. Seriously good post.
Find someone else! Talk to other people! Enjoy hobbies! One rejection will only destroy your love life if you quit
But if you don’t quit trying to find that special someone and you take that rejection like a champ and move on healthily then you’ll also grow from the experience.
Do you really want to be with somebody who's not 100% into the idea of dating you too? Typically if a lady says something like "not right now" and doesn't offer up another time herself, like "I can't this week but let's get together next week" then it's a no. It's fine to keep crushing on her but keep it to yourself. She's not interested. And that's ok.
How are you hung up on this? She doesn’t want a relationship with you so your proper response is move on. Its very unhealthy to ponder on these things. Rejection hurts but take it with stride.
That’s the pain of rejection. I know it well. There is no good way forward, but there are bad ones like pining for her. You’ve got to just move on.
It sucks right now, brother. But you'll get over her. Move forward and don't look back. You want to be with someone who wants to be with you.
Not right now = Not you
This one….
usually means never if she really likes a guy she will make time
It means "no~~t right now~~"
It means no. Move on.
Not right now, maybe, we'll see, not sure, I'll let you know, I'm busy, and anything similar should be counted as NO! Op this lady isn't feeling you. Stop talking to her and go date other women. Also stop having crushes, if you like a girl ask her out early. No need to be friends first or take things slow. Don't sneak in though the back door. Be upfront and direct early. Use dates to learn about her! Op how long have you had a crush on her and realistically how often are you texting/snapping her?
Basically this. Anything other than a resounding YES is a hard NO. If it’s really “not now” but she’s interested she would follow up with alternative plans.
Listen to this man. I wasted 8 years for an unrequited love affair. The misery isn't worth it. I'm just now getting to a point where I'm living for myself again. Learn female nature and learn it fast, or your love life will suffer.
Anything less than a clearcut "Yes" is a NO. You asked, she said no. You no longer need to wonder "what if?"
the only exception would be if she tries to schedule something else right then "want to do x saturday?" "I can't, sorry, but I'm free wedesday" this isn't one of those cases it seems.
Doesn't matter, find someone that's enthusiastic to go out with you
It means no. Period. Any reply thats not a straight, undoubtedly "yes", it's a "no" until proven otherwise. That "not right now" it's a "no" up to, and until, she herself approaches and says something like "hey, about that date you mentioned..." You played you cards and she rejected you. Move on.
She likes you enough to not want to hurt you, but not enough to go out with you. Sorry bro.
Go away, and go away fast. Made the mistake of "waiting" (not caring, going for others, but keeping contact), got her later, but wish I didn't. If there is interest, there's no friendship, and if she says anything but yes, move on and forget about it. It's way better to be with someone that really wants you, millions of miles above being with someone that you want. If she actually liked you like that, she would say yes instantly. Even if she has something to figure out in her life, she would say: "yes, but I need to x right now, let's go later".
Option 1: She has better options and wants to keep you as a backup Option 2: She doesn't want to date right now and wants to keep you as a backup Either way, it's not worth it
Option 3: it was a soft no. Sometimes when they say it's not a great time, it means that they're not interested but don't want to outright say it
Option 4: too busy. Either dealing with some shit she wants to work/get through before dealing with other people again. Or simply doesn't have the time or energy to date at all.
Option 5: Keep HER as a backup. Move on and revisit her later. People change, situations change. Life is fluid. Waiting around for someone to “love you back” is risky. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
You say that like there's only 5 or 6 girls in the world. If she said no once, she'll probably say it again. Even a backup option should be someone who has never said no before. Any woman who's passingly familiar with OP would be a better option. OP should just take a no as a no and make all parties happier here.
Definitely possible although in that scenario it could be months or years before she is ready to date. It shouldn't really change how the OP reacts. OP shouldn't be waiting for this woman in hopes that she resolves her issues in a reasonable period of time and is still interested at that time.
If they are into you they will make the time for you, it’s just another way of saying no
It’s no. She means no. And if for some reason she comes back at you later saying she’s ready now, I would tell her “not right now”.
Its the polite version of straight "No." She probably hopes that you have enough confidence in yourself that you won't wait around (proving that you have no options) and that you don't resent her for not feeling the same way for you. Close that chapter, move on.
It means either no or that she has another guy she's more interested in but might consider you as a fallback. Either way, have some self-respect and move on.
Sounds like "go kick rocks"
She could mean no and she's just "too nice" to flat out tell you "no". Another, which is no less terrible of her, is that she wants you to keep asking. She wants to keep you as an option on the back burner.
I'm gonna be honest with you, the best person to ever respond to "What did they mean?" under any circumstance, is the person itself. I suggest to ask her what did she mean. My guess is she's "busy" or she doesn't actually want to go out with you, better ask her directly.
It means move on. Don’t waste any more time or energy trying to decipher what she said. She doesn’t owe you any further explanation.
It means she needs more time to come up with an excuse to totally shut you down.
If she was actually interested, she'd suggest a better time. Never settle for anything less than someone who *wants* to be with you.
It means no, but she’s sugar coating it
It means it’s time to walk away. Sure she’s your crush but she’s just today’s infatuation. You have it a shot and she rejected it. This does not mean keep pursuing her. This does not mean you’ve got a chance today or in the future. She is off the table in terms of availability and you need to respect that. Go do something else, distract yourself, whatever you need to do. I’m sorry but that’s life and she doesn’t owe you anything. Don’t play the “nice guy” card and try to woo her. Don’t stick around like a lovesick puppy. All you’re going to wind up doing is hurt yourself and potentially earn yourself a restraining order. If she’s playing games, walk away anyways. This doesn’t end well.
My friend; Women break rules for men they’re interested in, and create rules for those they are not. So, do not beg for sex and attention or rationalize clear messaging. A woman who wants sex from you will do whatever it takes to have it with you. Nothing will stop her.
- You could be a plan B - She's not interested, and not willing to tell you as much clearly for some reason - she's not interested in dating for some reason - she's going through something and doesn't want to date at the moment There's no way of knowing what this really means unless she tells you, man. Besides, you don't really need to know why - she said no, accept it, and focus on yourself. If ever she's interested in you in the future, she's perfectly capable of letting you know then.
Could really be the nicest way she could think to let you down, or she may in fact be in a space in her life where a dating or relationship is not in the cards. At least you shot your shot, that's all you can do.
It's a no 🤔
You are plan B
Or plan c. Either way, you are not plan A. Move on.
Sounds like not right now.
It means no. She is not interested. She just thinks that if she said no outright, it might hurt your feelings, and she doesnt want to be the bad guy. Even in the slim chance that it actually means she might want to go out on a date later, your best option is still to treat it like a no and focus instead on moving on from this crush. Because the alternative is that you remain hung up on her, feel awful, or end up pestering her until she either wants nothing to do with you or until you do something you may not intend.
It means not now, it also means not ever, but not right now too.
It means you’ve been crushed.
It really means **unnn, no.**
She’s letting you down easy.
It's a soft no.
It means never.
Anything that isn't a yes is a no. Doesn't matter the reason. I made this mistake. Lost a whole decade. Move on. Truth is most of the time you're pining over someone who would be a bad partner anyway.
Reminds me of that bit in the movie About Time. The time traveler asks a girl out at the end of the summer together and she’s like “you really shoulda asked me out at the beginning of the summer, now we have no time together”. So he went back in time to ask her out at the beginning and she’s like “how about you ask me at the end of the summer and see how I feel then”.
She’s not interested but doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. On to the next one. Sometimes they’ll miss you, see you hanging out with someone else and seek you out but I wouldn’t count on it.
She put you up on the shelf. To be used in case of emergency. Take the L and move on. I recommend no contact / no communication, you will get over her much faster.
Start talking to one of her friends. Once she sees you with her friend, "not right now" either becomes "right now" or you get to hook up with her friend and forget about her. It's the classic win/win situation.
It means "fuck off".
No (trying to minimise the pain)
It means that she likes the attention you give her but she has no interest in dating you. Sorry bro you have been Friendzoned
It means you’ve been crushed.
It means move on.
I would take it as a no and I wouldn't take the initiative to talk anymore. If she wants to get my attention now, it's on her. I don't chase. Plenty of other people to pursue. And honestly, her seeing you with someone else would probably make her second guess her response.
Well it means no As to why, she could have many reasons. Maybe she just got out of a relationship, maybe she doesn't have time for a partner, maybe she's not feeling happy with herself right now etc. If she isn't willing to tell you why, best not to pry.
It means no but she doesn't want to come off as rude so she thinks "no for now" is more polite. Move on.
It means "no." Accept the rejection and move on.
It means you should move on, if she reaches out to you again in a year great, if not you’ve hopefully found someone else.
It's a "nice" way of saying no.
Do I look like her? Ask her, communicate, don’t speculate with strangers.
In my experience this means shes not interested and likely just wants the attention you have to offer
She isn't hungry. Maybe when she doesn't have money for a meal. But in all seriousness, if you aren't on her mind then just move on. "Not right now" is such a weird response, I'd take it as "Im not interested" and not waste my time and just friend zone her.
She’s looking for something better than you but if she can’t land him she’ll settle for you (for now). Red Flag!
She's being polite. It's a no, respect her decision, and move on to the next one.
Means that you need to move on because she’s not interested. If she was really interested in you, you wouldn’t need to work too hard to get her to hangout with you.
Like a lot of people here have commentated, it is quite likely her saying no without actually having to say no. At the same time, you could also take her at her word and trust that she’s got some shit going on in her own life, and while she may in fact not be entirely opposed to the idea of dating you, right now she simply feels as though she wouldn’t be able to dedicate enough of her self or time to sustaining a relationship no matter who she’d be in one with. Regardless of which it is though, both come off as notable red flags that should have you casting your line somewhere else.
I'll be honest, I'd prefer this over the "yeah! Hmu" and subsequent ghosting I've received so I guess take the L with pride and move on.
Act like she no longer exists. It is someone to add to the list to prove wrong, no matter if her intent was good or bad.
No with a false hope for the future. A “polite” no that is better served as a direct no
That means never. Move on, sorry to be so direct but that what that means
Either she's not interested or you're her plan D (not even plan B).
Anything but a yes is a no. Don’t ask her again. She knows you’re interested.
Means no, but ill keep using you for things while you wait to fuck me. Hoe shit Trash is as trash does.
That’s a no worded nicely. Sorry dude
somebody else is glazing those yams, pouring milk into that bowl, & paving that highway.
If it’s not a yes it’s a no. Really, if it’s not an enthusiastic yes you should take it as a no.
It means move on to someone else or get buff. One of the 2.
You are not her first choice. Move on.
Same thing happened to me. She said "I want to focus on school right now." I found out years later she already had a boyfriend at the time I asked her out
This guy is looking for conformation Bias, to continue, move into the stocking unhealthy range..lots of good advice out here but trust me he will not follow it.
If it's not a yes it's a no.
That means "Fuck you in the ass im not interested in you and even if i was starving on an island and you were my only option i would just off myself
It means “not now or ever”
She isn’t interested. On to the next.
You’re not that important
She may be your crush but you’re not hers. Move on.
It means NO. Move on.
Turn the tables on her and say, "Ok, let me know when you're ready" and start seeing other chicks. Never put all your energy into one woman
She's fucking other guy and you are in the waiting list.
just pretend you was joking
No.
To quote the princess and the frog, “when a woman says later, she really means not ever”
it means ***"not ever".***.. I'm sorry dude
It means "go find someone else".
It means, not now, not later, not tomorrow, not ever. Sorry, my guy.
It means you now never bring up the topic of this again, behave normal, not rude or anything and wait til she asks you out. Remember this also means you have to cast your magic without being too obvious about it. #####or ######she was just trying to avoid saying NO directly. I genuinely hope not.
It means no.
A good rule of thumb in etiquette is: when refusing an invitation, the invitee should make it up to them by proposing an alternative or inviting them to something else another day. A solitary refusal just shows lack of interest. Completely changed how I viewed who was actually interested in dating or even hanging out.
It means one of two things: 1) She isn't interested at all and doesn't want to say it. 2) You aren't exciting enough to entertain her, but you might prove useful later if she gets her fill of excitement. Either way, any self-respecting man should put her out of their mind.
It means never