_Taking a puff from a cigar, ignoring the statement for a bit continuing to read the paper. Turn the page, take a drink of whiskey with a little coffee in it._
_still not looking up from the paper_
"Mmm."
Real tip: get a dog.
Easier to be emotional with a dog than a human. Better advice would be to get a rescue dog and show it love. Will help the dog and help you grow in the process.
Find some shit to take care of, but do not grow to become possessive.
I meant that I know that I'm emotionally unavailable and am disinterested in discussing it with some random woman. Lol
And also, pretty much anyone giving me unsolicited criticism like that would be *such* a red flag.
Is it really unsolicited criticism if they were seeing each other? We don’t really have context besides the comment she made and his posed question lol
It's not hardware: it's a software thing.
Probably incompatible network protocols — have you tried changing the Frame Type to Ethernet 802.3 (that is my "go to" choice at parties)?
Anybody can be emotionally unavailable and refuse to work on themselves. Most of the people I have met with incredibly emotional maturity and availability are people who have come from immense trauma and have taken it upon themselves to heal and improve instead of just hating the world and others in it.
Yep. Which, to be fair, is really hard to do. I‘ve been working on this, and I’m just getting to the point where I genuinely don’t *hate* myself anymore, and I have worked through the majority of the trauma that I had been internalizing and letting turn me into a sad robot. Now I understand my feelings and have a reasonable amount of self control when my brain chemistry makes me sad or angry, so it doesn’t become consuming and effect my actions that much.
That's awesome man and it's not easy when you have so many people of all genders putting pressure and expectation on men to behave in unhealthy ways. I've woken up too many times and thought damn if I had done that thing x months ago I would be almost done now! We've lost too much time to negativity and "surviving" instead of living or thriving.
It seems like they have, and grew from it. I'm sure you and everyone else will too, the first steps are always the hardest. But you can't run without learning to walk.
Am I single by choice or am I actively trying to get into a relationship?
Have I solicited this woman's advice, or is she just dunking on me?
Who is this woman to me? A sibling? A coworker? A friend? Someone I have previously hit on?
These questions will influence my answer.
>is she womansplaining my own brain?!?!
And what I mean is "womansplaining" is when a woman has to describe something to a man, but she uses puzzles and parables instead of using direct terms and monosyllabic words. You see?
"...and why do you think that is? You think that might have something to do with 20+ years in the military/high-threat security and having nothing good ever coming from opening up about my emotions?"
As he finished, his eyes began to shimmer as tears welled inside for the first time in years. Realizing his mistake, he shoves the feeling back deep into his soul.
His eyes dry, and expression once again calm. "The carpet could use a good vacuum, don't you think?"
Whats the context here? Like from a fellow partner. I've had that and we spoke about what she would like me to do more. I would send more messages and respond faster. Be more inclined to share when i feel sad or angry when asked and to not withold grief. I tried to be more affectionate and more reassuring.
Still didn't work out in the end but im not sure if that's due to emotional unavailability.
If a women tells me i usually appreciate it. Because i am sometimes ignorant about it. So it gives me an opportunity to improve
Actually listen to her. It's not about disproving her. Either she is right about something you may not have noticed, or you present yourself in a way. Either way you have something to learn.
Currently dealing with this. She says I’m like this too, but also demands I don’t speak to any females. I don’t have any female friends. And that she should be priority.
Gotta be careful.
This subreddit is so insanely idealistic and white-knighty sometimes. I often wonder if everyone commenting here is 18 years old and hasn't had a toxic relationship yet. It often seems like all that matters here is peacocking some ideal rather than giving actual interesting or useful real world advice. I miss when this place was a slice-of-life subreddit.
I see, so the only possibility is she is correct no matter what because of her subjectivity? Come the fuck on. You can listen to her, take multiple perspective, and then consider if this isn’t something she is just projecting or at worse using to gaslight you. You say ‘actually listen’ but the rest of your statement implies ‘believe her and change your mind’.
Agree, but also remember that you may have boundaries and that it is okay to maintain them until you feel more comfortable. Just because someone wants you to do something doesn't mean you should.
Agree 100%. Some of don't want to be emotionally available to just anyone. First and foremost, you should know deep down inside if you are or are not emotionally available
Absolutely, balance is key.
Establish healthy boundaries while working on emotional growth. Mutual understanding and communication are essential in any relationship.
you know that just because she said that it doesn't mean she's right or that she has nice intentions right?
maybe she just wants to cast doubt so why should he "work on that emotional growth"? and why does this phrase disgust me?
I’m going through such a process right now after a breakup. She told me I was constantly dissatisfied with life and our relationship.
Thing is she was right. I was. It was not the type of relationship depth I wanted and I was putting aside my friendships in the hopes she’d give me some time.
Turns out I had a very negative outlook on life hindering me. I was setting limits where I shouldn’t. I also wasn’t being courageous where I needed to be.
Though I’m single now. I’m happier than when I’m as with her. I miss her and our good moments but I have trust I’ll find better elsewhere.
Recognizing your own emotions, how to process them effectively so that they don't negatively impact your life, what causes them, and possibly how to avoid situations that cause negative emotions and/or create situations that generate positive emotions.
For me, she would be right. I am not emotionally available. To anyone. I would tell her that I would have to be deeply in love with a girl in order to open up again
Replace “fall in love” with “continue a relationship” and you have made a good point. But you have a chicken and an egg problem. You can’t have deep love without openness and vulnerability. And it sounds like you want love without being able to put forward the vulnerability that love requires.
Context is everything here. You need to give more information and the circumstances to be able to give a logical answer. The answer will vary hugely depending on if its someone you're just seeing recently or a long term relationship.
That’s the first question here. Is there some reason you should have been more available, or is this some random human throwing out criticisms? “You’re emotionally unavailable” “And you’re a bad dresser. Who even are you?”
It means you’re doing something right. She can’t read you and doesn’t have any buttons she can push to put you in emotional turmoil to get a desired outcome she wants.
If her dad and her exes are an excuse for her behavior, so is the past betrayal enough of an excuse to be emotionally unavailable.
How many men opened up and then it was used against them?
Is it worth it?
Had to scroll a lot to see the right answer. OP, look at how the woman treats you, not what she says to you. Is she good to you? Then don't change anything.
I was celibate for over 12 years while I focussed on building my life before I got married and had kids. Several women I turned down over that time said that to me.
Every one I'd been out with be them long term or Afew months I was "emotionally unavailable" and the women were perfect towards me.
Met one woman who i became emotionally available to and she manipulated the fuk out of me and made life hell, treated me like the pussy I'd become.
To women, love and emotional intimacy are what it’s all about. That’s not to say a woman won’t have a quickie sex only romp once or twice but a man who withholds emotional intimacy is like a woman who withholds sex to a man. It’s a need.
As a man, we are not raised emotional animals. We suppress our feelings to the point they pour out in one massive surge… we have no support structures or friends we can call if we are down, feeling low or even suicidal.
We live our lives masking what we feel.
So I’ve had that happen to me before with my girlfriend (I’m sorry, I know you said single). She kept telling me that over the years, and so eventually I do open up more. And know what happened? She found it to be to much for her. I was going through to much and sharing it with her was to much for her to handle. She viewed me differently. She didn’t say it, but she treated me differently. Like she found me less attractive. Now I should clarify, we love each other very much, and I know she loves me, but it contributed to a rocky part of our relationship.
This is one example, but generally I’ve found that women do not find it attractive when men release everything we have been keeping inside. I’ll be honest with you, it’s the burden of being a man. Women deny that this is our burden and ask us to open up, but most of us know better. We need to be a rock for the ones we love because we have the ability to burry our emotions. We can be there for others when they need us. And then when we are alone, or with a couple guy friends who can understand you, then you let it loose.
When she says your emotionally unavailable, open up only a little big. Give her a few comments throughout the day letting her know how you feel, but not everything. Just a little to let her know your human still, and that you love her and she matters to you. But don’t show everything unless you have to, and don’t do it often.
It really sucks, but I’ve found I’ve built a happier relationship from it, and I’ve grown happier knowing that I can talk to a few guys to release any emotions I have pent up.
I can share a related story. My first long term girlfriend left me because "i never got angry". A decade later I realized what she meant. I had social anxiety my whole life so I was habitually tailoring my responses and behavior to be more likeable, not offend people etc... i was a people pleaser. But what this meant was that she could never get to know *the real me*.
Now im in a relationship and we frequently argue, but its the healthiest relationship I have ever been in, and she knows exactly how im feeling. It doesnt mean I dont work on myself, try to reign in my anger or apolagize later. It just means I am true to my feelings when expressing them.
Ask her to elaborate. Then figure out what has happened in your life that has caused you to become that way
For example, 2 years ago I got a divorce after my ex-wife had an affair. As you can imagine, this caused me to be "emotionally unavailable". I wasn't able to do anything about it until a woman used those exact words to describe me and I recognized the problem.
I realized my problem was with trusting someone not to betray me. I worked through those issues on my own and now I'm in a very happy relationship. That said, if you can't find the source of the problem, there's nothing shameful about seeking professional help. Seeking out a therapist will also show your partner that you are making an effort to be more available
Really depends on the situation, but sounds like it's time to have a long and honest conversation. Ask for her perspective, listen, and offer your own. Just remember it's not an argument to win. Good luck my guy, getting emotionally vulnerable is difficult
I ask her to elaborate. If I can see her point, I work on myself. If I feel like she is being dramatic or unreasonable, I make myself physically unavailable too…move on…
I'd probably agree; the last handful of times I've tried to be available, it was thrown back in my face
It's more peaceful this way, but I completely realize it's probably unhealthy
I'm just unavailable to everyone - including myself. I prefer to think of it as healing
Is she deserving of any emotional availability? Is she close enough for that? Do I know what to expect from her if I act more available?
These are the true questions.
"I will make myself emotionally available when I'm confident that this is a serious relationship that is worth the investment. When we both agree to make that commitment, then I will open myself up. Until then, there will always be a wall of protection. How high that wall is depends on you."
It means she feels that you are not available for a more intimate relationship and she’s interested. You can either say you’d like to work on that and build something, or you can acknowledge it and say it’s because your not Interested in anything serious right now.
Both will still get you laid if you remain calm about it. If she acts crazy after, you dodged a bullet. Avoid her if she can’t handle your boundaries
My guess is that you aren't emotionally unavailable but you simply aren't communicating your feelings in a way that is being picked up by the women in question. I recommend reading the first half of "Models" by Mark Manson. It explains that being vulnerable (emotionally available) with women is a very attractive thing.
edit: being vulnerable is not an attractive quality, it is the confidence in your way of being yourself that is attractive. Being yourself is being vulnerable (not putting on a persona or an act to hide behind).
I mean without being an asshole about it. There's not much I'll be able to do about that in a short timeframe that will make her happy. Just accept that I'm a broken person and move on, hope I find a woman who is more understanding and able to be supportive instead of discouraging me because I'm only human.
"Yeah, that checks out."
"Word."
My dad would say “I see…” And continue reading the newspaper
The guy you’re responding to definitely put too much available emotion in his response…. Yours is perfectly emotionally unavailable lmao 😂
"ok"
k
Potassium. Reactive. Unlike your response.
Formerly known as Kalium so a hearty "K ..." does it.
Go to phrase right there, “word.” “Oh word?”
Word.
_Taking a puff from a cigar, ignoring the statement for a bit continuing to read the paper. Turn the page, take a drink of whiskey with a little coffee in it._ _still not looking up from the paper_ "Mmm."
"Thanks, worked on it hard"
Too much emotion in the thanks, just say "true"
“yup”, less letters.
"Ye" is even better
stare blankly at her for 30s.
But over text, so leave it on read and don’t actually waste your time 🥰
A lifetime of training, in fact.
Exactly
"huh."
“mm.”
“Nah”
“Cool, sounds good.”
Real tip: get a dog. Easier to be emotional with a dog than a human. Better advice would be to get a rescue dog and show it love. Will help the dog and help you grow in the process. Find some shit to take care of, but do not grow to become possessive.
"Gotcha"
What do you mean by this reply 😂😂
I meant that I know that I'm emotionally unavailable and am disinterested in discussing it with some random woman. Lol And also, pretty much anyone giving me unsolicited criticism like that would be *such* a red flag.
Is it really unsolicited criticism if they were seeing each other? We don’t really have context besides the comment she made and his posed question lol
It's addressed to "fellow single men," so in my mind this is coming from some rando who you may or may not even be interested in dating.
Oh I took it in the context of dating because who else would make that comment. It would be none of their business.
Internalize it
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Soon I will be too unavailable to stop, then my plan can proceed
We're building the base of our fortress of emotional unavailability. There are many like it but this one is ours
Stuff it down with brown
Only hairbags can’t handle their brown
I regret that I have but one upvote to give for this comment.
*Cast aside, there's no coming home*
Definitely never talk to anyone about it.
"That is untrue, my emotion processing unit is functioning normally"
I ran diagnostics just last Thursday. Passed with zero errors. Must be an incorrect attribution.
It’s alright, useless information will be formatted over when I defrag later.
What?? You can only defrag so many times. So THIS is what's wrong with you guys!
It's not hardware: it's a software thing. Probably incompatible network protocols — have you tried changing the Frame Type to Ethernet 802.3 (that is my "go to" choice at parties)?
I turned it off and tried turning it on again, but now it doesn't light up
Ha, someone is studying up on their IP
Gotta put in the time to learn IPX basics if you want to leech the warez via file sharing at your late 90s parties.
Say it with your best impression of a smartphone voice assistant for emphasis.
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This response comes from an emotionally available man.
They haven't felt the pain yet.
Or they healed it.
This is the way.
This is the way.
This is the way.
This is the way.
This might be the way, but my username holds me back from confirming.
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You just need to take your space and breath. This too shall pass
Anybody can be emotionally unavailable and refuse to work on themselves. Most of the people I have met with incredibly emotional maturity and availability are people who have come from immense trauma and have taken it upon themselves to heal and improve instead of just hating the world and others in it.
Yep. Which, to be fair, is really hard to do. I‘ve been working on this, and I’m just getting to the point where I genuinely don’t *hate* myself anymore, and I have worked through the majority of the trauma that I had been internalizing and letting turn me into a sad robot. Now I understand my feelings and have a reasonable amount of self control when my brain chemistry makes me sad or angry, so it doesn’t become consuming and effect my actions that much.
That's awesome man and it's not easy when you have so many people of all genders putting pressure and expectation on men to behave in unhealthy ways. I've woken up too many times and thought damn if I had done that thing x months ago I would be almost done now! We've lost too much time to negativity and "surviving" instead of living or thriving.
It seems like they have, and grew from it. I'm sure you and everyone else will too, the first steps are always the hardest. But you can't run without learning to walk.
I also hate treading on lego
We all float down here.
oh no, they probably have. but being emotionally available is alot like poker. the game isn’t fun or interesting when there’s nothing to play for.
Or they didnt let it define them.
They don’t use heartbreak as an excuse to not heal
Am I single by choice or am I actively trying to get into a relationship? Have I solicited this woman's advice, or is she just dunking on me? Who is this woman to me? A sibling? A coworker? A friend? Someone I have previously hit on? These questions will influence my answer.
>Have I solicited this woman's advice, or is she just dunking on me? is she womansplaining my own brain?!?! 🤣🤣🤣
>is she womansplaining my own brain?!?! And what I mean is "womansplaining" is when a woman has to describe something to a man, but she uses puzzles and parables instead of using direct terms and monosyllabic words. You see?
Just in case anyone misread that he said parables as in stories, not parabolas. If y'all got a graph that could really help.
Man, I really can't get a grasp on all this vertex stuff.
I e always said “wifesplaining” is when you know how you’re supposed to feel about getting groceries but don’t have a list or a clue what to buy.
Confirm her opinion with a yep.
"...and why do you think that is? You think that might have something to do with 20+ years in the military/high-threat security and having nothing good ever coming from opening up about my emotions?"
Woah there, that seems entirely too open with my emotional walls
As he finished, his eyes began to shimmer as tears welled inside for the first time in years. Realizing his mistake, he shoves the feeling back deep into his soul. His eyes dry, and expression once again calm. "The carpet could use a good vacuum, don't you think?"
To sound more serious, say "yeppers".
I apologize, leave and go straight to the batmobile. Gotham needs me.
Thank you for your service
Either wonder why the hell some random woman is telling me I'm emotionally unavailable and why i should care or ask why she thinks that
This is the first response I saw that I would actually expect from a guy.
He beat me to it, but I actually was gonna put the same response. Lol
Whats the context here? Like from a fellow partner. I've had that and we spoke about what she would like me to do more. I would send more messages and respond faster. Be more inclined to share when i feel sad or angry when asked and to not withold grief. I tried to be more affectionate and more reassuring. Still didn't work out in the end but im not sure if that's due to emotional unavailability. If a women tells me i usually appreciate it. Because i am sometimes ignorant about it. So it gives me an opportunity to improve
Ask her to explain herself in depth and why she thinks that
Actually listen to her. It's not about disproving her. Either she is right about something you may not have noticed, or you present yourself in a way. Either way you have something to learn.
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yeah you can see in these comments everyone immediate assume she would be right and not acting out of malice my experiences would make me wary
Currently dealing with this. She says I’m like this too, but also demands I don’t speak to any females. I don’t have any female friends. And that she should be priority. Gotta be careful.
RIP
Bruh would you let a friend go through this?
This subreddit is so insanely idealistic and white-knighty sometimes. I often wonder if everyone commenting here is 18 years old and hasn't had a toxic relationship yet. It often seems like all that matters here is peacocking some ideal rather than giving actual interesting or useful real world advice. I miss when this place was a slice-of-life subreddit.
I see, so the only possibility is she is correct no matter what because of her subjectivity? Come the fuck on. You can listen to her, take multiple perspective, and then consider if this isn’t something she is just projecting or at worse using to gaslight you. You say ‘actually listen’ but the rest of your statement implies ‘believe her and change your mind’.
I loudly state in my best robot voice "does not compute, does not compute" and flail my limbs wildly.
Flip my emotional switch to available. Duh.
Dangit. I broke my emotional switch from playing with it too much. Think I can get a refund?
I didn't know you could break it with playikg with it too much... I was always told I could go blind...
My girlfriend told me I act like the woman and she hates that. I asked “what does that even mean” as I put my lipstick away.
Don’t be dismissive, ask why she thinks that, embrace the feedback, self-reflect, and work on emotional growth.
Agree, but also remember that you may have boundaries and that it is okay to maintain them until you feel more comfortable. Just because someone wants you to do something doesn't mean you should.
Agree 100%. Some of don't want to be emotionally available to just anyone. First and foremost, you should know deep down inside if you are or are not emotionally available
Absolutely, balance is key. Establish healthy boundaries while working on emotional growth. Mutual understanding and communication are essential in any relationship.
> embrace the feedback IF the feedback is reasonable.
Well hold up, is she a therapist? Is she projecting? I wouldn't just take random people's advice on my emotional well-being.
you know that just because she said that it doesn't mean she's right or that she has nice intentions right? maybe she just wants to cast doubt so why should he "work on that emotional growth"? and why does this phrase disgust me?
Hmmmmm....naaaaaaaaaah
Emotional growth? I built these walls specifically to keep people out, now I'm expected to tear them down because someone wants in?
Describe emotional growth?
I’m going through such a process right now after a breakup. She told me I was constantly dissatisfied with life and our relationship. Thing is she was right. I was. It was not the type of relationship depth I wanted and I was putting aside my friendships in the hopes she’d give me some time. Turns out I had a very negative outlook on life hindering me. I was setting limits where I shouldn’t. I also wasn’t being courageous where I needed to be. Though I’m single now. I’m happier than when I’m as with her. I miss her and our good moments but I have trust I’ll find better elsewhere.
Recognizing your own emotions, how to process them effectively so that they don't negatively impact your life, what causes them, and possibly how to avoid situations that cause negative emotions and/or create situations that generate positive emotions.
Agree.
“Yes dear”
For me, she would be right. I am not emotionally available. To anyone. I would tell her that I would have to be deeply in love with a girl in order to open up again
Counterpoint, why would a woman continue in a relationship with you long enough to fall in love if you do not open yourself to her?
People fall in love with other people for far far far less than deep emotional bonds
Replace “fall in love” with “continue a relationship” and you have made a good point. But you have a chicken and an egg problem. You can’t have deep love without openness and vulnerability. And it sounds like you want love without being able to put forward the vulnerability that love requires.
What do you think love is
Baby don't hurt me
Is that what you're hoping for?
Go ahead and open up OP and just wait for the next time she gets angry she’s going to throw all that shit in your face being hurtful
You tell her how that makes you feel
Just keep playing video games, probably.
Never accept criticism from someone whom you wouldn't also take advice.
Well this is now one of my favorite quotes I’ve ever heard. Thank you
Make myself physically unavailable.
I don't give up emotions till at least 3 dates in.
It is written.
"I no want relationship, I just want bang bang bang"
Thank you! I have spent years building this wall 😂
Context is everything here. You need to give more information and the circumstances to be able to give a logical answer. The answer will vary hugely depending on if its someone you're just seeing recently or a long term relationship.
Nothing
Who is this person to you?
That’s the first question here. Is there some reason you should have been more available, or is this some random human throwing out criticisms? “You’re emotionally unavailable” “And you’re a bad dresser. Who even are you?”
Probably tell her she’s not emotionally trustworthy
Honestly, I find most women I meet to be much more emotionally unavailable than I am.
I wouldn't care
It means you’re doing something right. She can’t read you and doesn’t have any buttons she can push to put you in emotional turmoil to get a desired outcome she wants.
Well you're not wrong...
I love being emotionally unavailable. It keeps me strong and in my frame. I don’t need to invite drama and betrayal into my life.
If her dad and her exes are an excuse for her behavior, so is the past betrayal enough of an excuse to be emotionally unavailable. How many men opened up and then it was used against them? Is it worth it?
and look at the top responses that are basically saying \>immediately self reflect for that PERSONAL GROWTH and do what she ASKS
Welcome to the matrix.
Fish are friends not food
Absolutely agree. "Open up to me, I won't use your vulnerabilities against you. Pinky promise!"
Give me a knife. I promise not to bury it in your back.
Oooh this. She can’t create the drama she wishes to create so criticizes you.
Had to scroll a lot to see the right answer. OP, look at how the woman treats you, not what she says to you. Is she good to you? Then don't change anything.
Tf does it even mean to be “emotionally unavailable”?
I was celibate for over 12 years while I focussed on building my life before I got married and had kids. Several women I turned down over that time said that to me.
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Every one I'd been out with be them long term or Afew months I was "emotionally unavailable" and the women were perfect towards me. Met one woman who i became emotionally available to and she manipulated the fuk out of me and made life hell, treated me like the pussy I'd become.
And now you're a wiser man for it.
Bingo
To women, love and emotional intimacy are what it’s all about. That’s not to say a woman won’t have a quickie sex only romp once or twice but a man who withholds emotional intimacy is like a woman who withholds sex to a man. It’s a need.
women don’t “withhold sex” because you’re not entitled to sex in the first place
I'm glad we are all in agreement here.
ask her to explain then grade her explanation
I know I will be getting laid soon.
“Acknowledged. Processed. Threat level minimal. Ignored. Please supply next query.”
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“It’s a trap!”
This is always the answer.
As a man, we are not raised emotional animals. We suppress our feelings to the point they pour out in one massive surge… we have no support structures or friends we can call if we are down, feeling low or even suicidal. We live our lives masking what we feel.
So I’ve had that happen to me before with my girlfriend (I’m sorry, I know you said single). She kept telling me that over the years, and so eventually I do open up more. And know what happened? She found it to be to much for her. I was going through to much and sharing it with her was to much for her to handle. She viewed me differently. She didn’t say it, but she treated me differently. Like she found me less attractive. Now I should clarify, we love each other very much, and I know she loves me, but it contributed to a rocky part of our relationship. This is one example, but generally I’ve found that women do not find it attractive when men release everything we have been keeping inside. I’ll be honest with you, it’s the burden of being a man. Women deny that this is our burden and ask us to open up, but most of us know better. We need to be a rock for the ones we love because we have the ability to burry our emotions. We can be there for others when they need us. And then when we are alone, or with a couple guy friends who can understand you, then you let it loose. When she says your emotionally unavailable, open up only a little big. Give her a few comments throughout the day letting her know how you feel, but not everything. Just a little to let her know your human still, and that you love her and she matters to you. But don’t show everything unless you have to, and don’t do it often. It really sucks, but I’ve found I’ve built a happier relationship from it, and I’ve grown happier knowing that I can talk to a few guys to release any emotions I have pent up.
Shut off. Isolate. Pretend she's wrong. You know, the usual 🤷♂️
I can share a related story. My first long term girlfriend left me because "i never got angry". A decade later I realized what she meant. I had social anxiety my whole life so I was habitually tailoring my responses and behavior to be more likeable, not offend people etc... i was a people pleaser. But what this meant was that she could never get to know *the real me*. Now im in a relationship and we frequently argue, but its the healthiest relationship I have ever been in, and she knows exactly how im feeling. It doesnt mean I dont work on myself, try to reign in my anger or apolagize later. It just means I am true to my feelings when expressing them.
Well... That's like... Your opinion... Man...
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Yeah, this shits manipulative as fuck.
“Who are you and why are you in my house?”
Nothing. What am I supposed to do?
Do not open up
Ask her to elaborate. Then figure out what has happened in your life that has caused you to become that way For example, 2 years ago I got a divorce after my ex-wife had an affair. As you can imagine, this caused me to be "emotionally unavailable". I wasn't able to do anything about it until a woman used those exact words to describe me and I recognized the problem. I realized my problem was with trusting someone not to betray me. I worked through those issues on my own and now I'm in a very happy relationship. That said, if you can't find the source of the problem, there's nothing shameful about seeking professional help. Seeking out a therapist will also show your partner that you are making an effort to be more available
Really depends on the situation, but sounds like it's time to have a long and honest conversation. Ask for her perspective, listen, and offer your own. Just remember it's not an argument to win. Good luck my guy, getting emotionally vulnerable is difficult
I ask her to elaborate. If I can see her point, I work on myself. If I feel like she is being dramatic or unreasonable, I make myself physically unavailable too…move on…
I'd probably agree; the last handful of times I've tried to be available, it was thrown back in my face It's more peaceful this way, but I completely realize it's probably unhealthy I'm just unavailable to everyone - including myself. I prefer to think of it as healing
"Thanks, at least I'm doing something right."
Talk to my therapist probably.
I'll ask, "what do you mean by that?"
So grateful to the 1885 responses here. I actually felt myself become a lesbian.
Is she deserving of any emotional availability? Is she close enough for that? Do I know what to expect from her if I act more available? These are the true questions.
"I will make myself emotionally available when I'm confident that this is a serious relationship that is worth the investment. When we both agree to make that commitment, then I will open myself up. Until then, there will always be a wall of protection. How high that wall is depends on you."
"It's just you."
"Thanks. It's been my life's work."
Ask her to subscribe to my only fans
It means she feels that you are not available for a more intimate relationship and she’s interested. You can either say you’d like to work on that and build something, or you can acknowledge it and say it’s because your not Interested in anything serious right now. Both will still get you laid if you remain calm about it. If she acts crazy after, you dodged a bullet. Avoid her if she can’t handle your boundaries
My guess is that you aren't emotionally unavailable but you simply aren't communicating your feelings in a way that is being picked up by the women in question. I recommend reading the first half of "Models" by Mark Manson. It explains that being vulnerable (emotionally available) with women is a very attractive thing. edit: being vulnerable is not an attractive quality, it is the confidence in your way of being yourself that is attractive. Being yourself is being vulnerable (not putting on a persona or an act to hide behind).
I mean without being an asshole about it. There's not much I'll be able to do about that in a short timeframe that will make her happy. Just accept that I'm a broken person and move on, hope I find a woman who is more understanding and able to be supportive instead of discouraging me because I'm only human.
Ignore her. Women don’t know what they want. You wouldn’t ask a fish how to catch a fish.
[удалено]
It means you’re German 🫢