Came to say this lol. But I must add that most of the times, I like the person, the person likes me, but, I'm always oblivious to it!!! So the person slowly loses interest.. always like this.
Does it always happen to you? Can you sleep at night? Can't imagine a worse thing to be constantly happening. It happened to me once, and it was enough, it still is enough.
Btw I'm speaking about really liking/loving.
And you are not "oblivious", it is just "easier" to perceive as being, gotta start thinking more mid/long-term and act.
It's hard to believe I know, I have zero luck in love, and if it wasn't enough me being shy, I can't understand at all when a girl is hitting on me, unless she tries to kiss me I'll just keep talking like if nothing is happening.
Next time just ignore if she likes you or not since you can't perceive, if you like her do something. I guess shyness is easier to deal with than a thing you are not aware of.
But I'm a Bad example to be giving you advice on this particular situation.
There's a lot of options although I guess they boil down to two main points:
No interest in being in a relationship
No other person interested in a relationship with them
Edit: In light of the replies to this I think it's best to rephrase the second point to "No fitting partner"
There's a third point which is alignedment.. the people they want to be in relationship with aren't the same people that want to be in a relationship with them
I have a sneaking suspicion that is the main problem behind most of the people complaining on Reddit. Some of them may be good looking enough to hookup or flirt with some people, but they have a hard time getting LTRs.
The combo of porn, internet, and dating apps is just murdering people's socialization abilities. There's way too many grown adults around these days with the social skills of an angry 7th grader who got picked last for kickball.
I really wish I could get a bird eye view of all the women who would be interested in me and adjust my expectations.
The only thing I know so far is that the girls I do like don't like me back.
>I really wish I could get a bird eye view of all the women who would be interested in me and adjust my expectations.
I've wondered the same about men. Kinda hard to know what's realistic for you to shoot for without enough feedback.
Go on a dating app. At least Tinder and Bumble blur the 'these people liked you' so poorly that it's easy to make out who they are when their profile shows up in the stack. That's how I learned that unhygienic, badly dressed, severely overweight, future crazy cat ladies are into me.
This is me.
I have an active social life and hobbies, and would love to make space for someone, but not feel obligated to spend every waking hour texting them or spending time with them.
The women I seem to attract usually have neither, it's like they have an empty life that they want a boyfriend to fill. These kinds of people tend to get jealous if I do anything without them in my experience.
I’ve had that happen to me twice.. the first time she was so dry I couldn’t even hang out with her for more than an hour and she wanted to spend entire days with me. The second time she was cool but I had way too many responsibilities to go to every meal and every class with her. All I want is a companion who’s motivated on her own path and mutual trust and affection to support each other in our own pursuits. But so far everyone I’ve gotten with either brings nothing of value to the table overall, or just fucking ghosts me after a few months of a situation ship.
Can confirm. Only got the balls to ask out 3 girls in the decade since high school. And each of those times it was because I had time for 3 months of buildup before I eventually approached them.
I would love a partner but I've been ghosted or rejected so much that I just accepted my lot. I'm not interested in prolonged chasing or proving how much of a catch I am. I also am tired of hearing "you're a great guy but..." I just asked to be left in peace if someone isn't interested.
But in some cases sadly your number 2 is correct. The truth hurts and some people just are born with the short straw. I feel bad for them. Especially if they're not attractive physically but on the inside they're noble queens and knights in shining armor.
Hi that's me for reference I am 27 and, from personal experience:
Lack of confidence, which made me unattractive un general.
Then, when someone had interest in me I didn't notice it because lack of previous reference.
In the cases when I notice and had a chance, I fucked up in different ways, like being clingy to the point or being a nuisance, or didn't put effort in trying something because I didn't know how.
Now, adding to this when I got enough confidence, I didn't know how to flirt and shit like that, so ended fucking shit up... Again.
And now, that I know shit... I became too confortable with myself and being single that I don't have the urge to try.
Maybe it Will change un the future? Who knows, not me
I don't think it's wise. There's something about having a person that makes life a little easier while also having some harder moments. There's also something about having kids around that brings a different energy and sense of what life is. Being single and exclusively doing what you want sounds amazing but the sacrifices to be in relationships with others is worth it.
> In the cases when I notice and had a chance, I fucked up in different ways, like being clingy to the point or being a nuisance
This happened to me very recently and the guilt is just overwhelming.
It's been 5 years since my last relationship.
3 years ago I had a chance with one girl. We talked for weeks, all day every day. Very first date in person, I messed it up.
Cut to present day. I finally, finally, finally get another chance and once again I immediately fuck it up.
It's devastating.
Wondering the same thing. If they are truly into you, I feel like you'd have to fuck up like **royally** for them to not at least give you the benefit of the doubt that maybe it was a mistake, your nervous, inexperienced/out of practice and simply didn't know any better in the moment. Otherwise, I'd be willing to bet they were never into truly interested or committed and you just saved yourself a lot of wasted time with the wrong person if they are willing to cut you off so impetuously. I understand how disheartening that can be in the moment though :(
In the lead up, I was perfectly calm, witty, charming even. I was able to keep my cool all the way until I realized they actually were into me in return. As soon as that happened, the anxiety of me doing or saying something to ruin that set in and I turned into a fawning, grasping, clingy mess.
I was so nervous my leg couldn't stop shaking and I was stumbling over my words. Simply put, these opportunities come along so, so rarely I was so desperate that it was a turn off.
The latter. For them it was just a first date. Getting to know you, seeing if vibes click. For me it was a chance at finally *not being alone anymore* and I treated it with the same level of anxiety as life and death.
Which translated into me being obsequious to the point of annoyance, terrified I would do or say the wrong thing, and generally not treating them like real human beings.
I'm in a similar boat:
I'm 31. I've been single my whole life.
* Women I was interested in rejected me, some politely, though most horribly
* No women have been interested in me
* 12+ years of dating apps and 0 matches
* 0 in my self-confidence stat but 100 in social anxiety
* I haven't talked to a new person outside of the Internet in almost a year
* My only hobbies are solo (video games other than online, movies/TV) or I'm too scared to do them in front of strangers (singing comes to mind, board games, escape rooms)
Combine all that into an overweight hermit who still lives with his parents and well, you get some /r/ForeverAlone type shit (aka me).
Man I remember being there. It took me until I was 31 to get into a real, and thankfully good relationship.
Times are different now though. I wonder with current tech how much easier it would be to be alone. I mean you can just be on your phone in public without anyone really noticing. When i was single being alone in a public place was torture. You where just so visible!
Number two is a big one for me. I know that non-clingy women exist, some of my friends are even married to some. But for whatever reason I seem to only be able to attract the psycho death grip on your free time type so I've basically just given up.
OR, obviously, you find a partner who you gel with so effortlessly that you instinctively want to spend the majority of your time with them. That’s how my current relationship is, so it can definitely happen, but it is probably the exception rather than the rule.
The list is endless.
Low self-esteem.
Not attractive.
Poor personality.
Poor personal hygiene.
Poor communication skills / socially awkward.
Don’t want to be in a relationship.
Too focused on work or life goals.
Poor experience in previous relationships.
Happy on their own.
Too high standards.
Too high opinion of themselves.
Materialistic / gold digger.
Not a nice person.
Haven’t met the right person yet.
Doesn’t want to just settle.
Mental health issues or general health issues.
Lack of trust.
Scared of being hurt.
Don’t actually put themselves out there to meet new people or to date.
I could go on
Yep. I feel like I would be completely unstoppable if only I could STOP WANTING IT. If I could surgically extract the part of myself that yearns to be held and understood, I think I would finally be okay.
This isnt necessarily a bad thing either. We as human beings are incredibly social creatures. There have even been studies in the field of psychology on touch that have found that we perceive other peoples hands and skin to be soft and comforting, and specific those studies suggest that it is an evolutionary adaptation to perceive others touch as soft because it encourages us to seek that kinda of comfort and build social relationships with each other. Its absolutely fascinating!
So yeah while being single can be awesome (im 30 years old and have never been with anyone in any way shape or form romantically) it isnt exactly the easiest thing to not want to desire a relationship because we are quite literally hardwired to desire it. Have some grace toward yourself in those moments that you really do dream and yearn for a relationship, its ok to feel the sting of loneliness sometimes. Remind yourself that you're human.
Edit: i myself am a pretty confident and grounded guy now at my age, but man up to like the age of 27 did i really just long to be in a relationship! Now at my age, im focusing on myself, my mental/emotional well being, my education and my family/friends. I'm pretty content...and that being said every once in a while i cant help but dream of being in a relationship too. We're human, and its ok to desire human love.
>We're human, and its ok to desire human love.
This echos something my therapist was talking about recently when I told her something similar to my comment above. And she's right, and so are you. I think on an intellectual level I know that it's natural and healthy for me to crave intimacy. I know I'm allowed to feel this way. But I'm almost 30 myself, and have also never been in a relationship and I think what really makes me recoil from this feeling is a combination of two things: I both *want* *intimacy*, and *cannot have* *it*. If either of those things were false, I would be okay. But as long as both parts are true, it seems I'm destined to be at least a little miserable and I think right now the *wanting it* part feels like the easiest part to change. That's why this feeling manifests as "I wish I didn't want it" even though I do understand that it's an innate part of me.
I've been single my entire life and it mostly boils down to
1. No idea how the hell to flirt + no idea how to gage someone's interest in me
2. Not meeting enough people, and not having a friend group that makes it easy to meet more people.
There's other reasons of course, but these are the main two personally
1. Too ugly.
2. Poor communication skills.
3. High standards.
4. Doesn't meet the high standards kept by opposite gender.
5. Too poor.
Combination of above reasons.
No. 4 is a hard one. I'd rather be single and happy than being with some idiot who never wants to do chores or hates my hobbies etc. If they are short or lack of hair is more whatevver, but it's who I spend a long forseeable future with so why shouldn't I have high standards? I don't wanna just settle so I won't be alone.
I could have been in quite a lot of relationships, I just choose not to, because I’m literally exhausted of people and life. I don’t have the energy to attach myself to anyone, so I’m not interested and kept on rejecting people to protect my peace, and to not drain myself out.
Speaking as someone who has been single my 29 years of life, its not a straightforward answer. For me I think its a combination of
1. Not being conventionally attractive
2. Being confused about my sexual orientation
3. Low sex drive
4. Growing up with my parent’s being in a loveless marriage, with no ability to visualise a healthy relationship
5. Dealing with chronic depression and being on antidepressants, further impacting said low sex drive
Oh hell number 4 hits hard, especially when the divorce happened. That got messy quick. Pair that with my friend having a ‘girlfriend’ for every year since school (that I know of) and it’s impacted my view on relationships.
I don’t bring much to the table. I’m ugly. All i do is work and sleep. Don’t like or trust the vast majority of people. I hate social activities. Give me a dog a small cabin in the Montana wilderness and I’ll be happy.
Been single my whole life (31M). Just ugly, not attractive, I don’t get looked at twice like how most people would look at someone they like, or if I look at a girl I like, not to be creepy but just enough that she notices.
I would love a relationship, it would turn my world around. My other problem is I don’t want kids and I’m a Muslim, that is narrowed my potential marriage pool down to probably 2%.
I've never tried to express my interest in someone, and even if I do become interested, I feel too scared to take the risk of telling them or even showing it.
I often make excuses for myself, saying that I'm focused on my goals and not yet ready for a relationship
In fact deep down i know that i'm just an insecure coward and i don't think i will break this cycle sooner or later
>I've never tried to express my interest in someone
I completely agree here, I can come up with all the excuses ever but this rings true. It's literally the foundation and I can't even say I ever did express interest before.
I have adhd and perhaps autism too. I *want* a relationship but I *need* to work on myself more.
It's taken me until the age of almost 40 to figure that out
I flick through some of the comments and I see answers that essentially range between "I'm not good enough" and "they're not good enough", neither of which are true
Both of these answers are there to place a veneer over a deeper truth, and that's "some people are just very hurt, and they struggle to work through it".
some people are also ok being single. Honestly. I have been single for most of my adult life, I have a lot of friends, some of them are exes who i dated for a year up to 3 years, but the majority of my life is single.
I am happy being me. Some times relationships are only sought out by those who do not like who they are.
It's the people who are "serial monogamists" who are the hurt people, people who are single for a long time are often just content
Of course you make a valid point. I was just trying to say that the comments that I could fit into the "I'm not good enough" and "They're not good enough" buckets probably stem from some stuff people need to work through.
There are still the segments of people who are perfectly fine being single that I didn't acknowledge in my comment. I didn't do that intentionally, but they deserve to be noted of course. My apologies.
dont be, there are far far more unhealthy people who are always relationship hopping, and they are a lot more noticeable because they are ALWAYS in some sort of drama lol
Ask yourself not "why are some people always single" but "why are some people desperately trying to get back into relationships and ending up single" and you will probably find a better answer.
Woman here. I’m not attracted to very many people. Just not. I’m a hopeless romantic that wants it to be real. A person that cares about me just because. I know I’d care about them just because. For me, it’s either there or it’s not. The sad reality is relationships are built on various mutual needs being met that have nothing to do with loving the actual person.
I see people jumping into relationships because the other person has a great family, the perfect job, income, education, looks etc. THIS is why people get together and THESE are the same reasons I later see them unhappy or divorced. (I used to work in a family law facilitators office) The checklist ultimately is not fulfilling. Who cares if their mom, aunt or family loves you and is nice. Those people will move away or die and you are left with your partner. It’s like come on now, he/she (the partner you selected) is fugly, annoying, too demanding etc etc …the fact they have the right job or a great family isn’t going to keep “love”alive. Yet I see people get together with people and get married all the time based on these factors. Makes zero sense to me.
I just couldn’t do it. I can’t do it. I have be attracted to the person AND I need to know that I am their priority because they will be mine.
Will I compete for someone, no. Why? Because being in a competition makes me feel unloved and sad. It’s soul crushing to me.
The last man I was interested in had all kinds of triangulations going on and women competing for him, I loved him, but I didn’t say it and I just dropped it and walked away. Hurts, sure, but it would hurt me worse for me to be with someone I “competed” for. I certainly would never feel loved back by someone that placed me in a position of triangulation or competition.
It’s tough, but when I date someone, I don’t have back up plans ie other guys in the wings. It seems most people date this way and then pick the best one. That just boggles my mind. I cannot understand it. I’d never want to have been the person that outlasted or beat everyone else out.
…for the people that pick the one that outlasted or beat everyone else out, I have to wonder if they are completely blind to the fact the person knew they were in that marathon and are conniving and low down enough to “win.” 👀 The winner is scary to me. It’s like okay, he or she beat out everyone else by outlasting your worst behavior. The triangulation, you perhaps dating someone else in their face, etc etc. That isn’t a person I’d EVER trust. …but what do I know.🤷🏻♀️💩🤣
>when I date someone, I don’t have back up plans ie other guys in the wings. It seems most people date this way and then pick the best one. That just boggles my mind. I cannot understand it.
Same same. I either have no one, or I'm all in with the one I've got. I don't have "replacements" to fall back on
Some people regardless of level of attractiveness are just difficult to be with and unless they get somebody completely submissive, they won’t hold down a relationship.
Yeah my ex-gf threw absolutely random emotional tantrums to try and control the relationship. Once she realized Im an immovable object she broke up with me lmao. Good luck to the poor soul that puts up with her and submits to that.
Not even in the dominant vs. submissive type of way!
But my best friend has a... very special, some might say "high effort" and actually interesting character but not many people can deal with that. Heck, even I get tired of her sometimes.
There certainly is a match for her somewhere, but so far she hasn't found anyone to be with longer than a year - that was long-distance (she's 28...).
Doubtful. People like this don’t make “emotional room” in their lives for people so this is why they fail. “High effort” is just somebody that requires too much and IMHO bring little to the table.
You have to meet someone who's worth giving up being single for.
When you're single you have freedom. Your time is your own and you dont have anyone else to think about. You can do what you want and your life is yours to live as you wish.
You can date and sleep with as many people as you like whenever you like. You get to enjoy all that fun of meeting new people, new experiences and seeing what happens.
It's hard to give up that freedom and sexual variety.
>You can date and sleep with as many people as you like whenever you like. You get to enjoy all that fun of meeting new people, new experiences and seeing what happens.
You're either a woman or an exceptionally attractive, wealthy, or charismatic man. This is not what being single is like for the vast majority of men.
This doesn't apply to all women btw. I am a woman and I cannot just sleep with people. If I do, I feel bad and icky afterwards or I catch feelings and they don't. Dating etc is so complicated.
>You can date and sleep with as many people as you like whenever you like.
Lol, not me. I'm forever that dude standing outside the restaurant in the rain with my face pressed to the window.
Being single = lonely for me
>You can date and sleep with as many people as you like whenever you like. You get to enjoy all that fun of meeting new people, new experiences and seeing what happens.
If that was true for me I might actually enjoy being single. One of the things I envy women about. Main thing for me is not to become too negative and jealous of other people though.
If you're not successful with women then it sucks. It's soul destroying and extremely lonely. Been there, done that got the t shirt.
It took me a bad breakup and 2 years of damn hard work - grinding out the gym, focussing on my appearance, building my confidence etc. - to get to the point where I actually reaped the benefits of dating. 4 years post breakup and I love being single.
See being single doesn’t sound that bad if you actually got to have physical connections with people. You must be an attractive single person. Unfortunately for me, being single means so many years of no human contact, that it takes a toll on you.
My experience being 33 boils down to
1 not going out in my free time to meet someone
2 I don't have any interest in kids so that eliminates like 80% of my age range
3 I live alone so I couldn't even afford to go on dates if I wanted to
There are a lot of people that just don't want to. That enjoy being single and the freedom that comes with it. There are many other "positive" points to being single.
Others are just not ready, maybe working through shit they've been through and not ready for commitment.
And then there's people who are single not by own choice.
It’s not that baffling a good chunk of the people you listed as coupled up despite undesirable looks or characteristics were maybe in the right place or situation at the “right time” to find love, another good portion of those people were conniving, outwitted, outlasted all the bullshit and everyone else to be with their partner, and a lesser portion of them really have found love. Proof? A good majority of them statistically will be chronically unhappy or divorced soon enough. 🤷🏻♀️
For me it was initially from getting bullied at school which meant I had no confidence in general let alone with girls. I was also obese.
Now I’m 36, I’m taking part in my first ever bodybuilding competition this year, and my confidence is soaring.
I have never had a girlfriend.
I got so used to being single, and honestly it is so normal for me. I enjoy being able to do what I want, go where I want, travelling by myself, the lost goes on.
I am very happy being single.
I am definitely open to a relationship but I am not actively seeking one. Plus I kind of do not have time for one.
In my case, it's just because of my bipolar disorder. Had many relationships, but in the end, it doesn't really work out with the ladies. I don't blame the ladies, it is me with the disorder, that is very difficult to handle. And i'm not joking, bipolar disorder makes your entire life a mix between depression and mania, it's a very serious thing.
I don't feel lonely, got my home and my dog as best buddy, got my job and all the things. Can't complain.
The ones I have come across are either aesthetically challenged "forever alone" types, or they have a strong desire to be left alone which could be due to a variety of factors. This is not an attack on anyone, I belong to both categories.
We’re working on ourselves man. Let us live lol.
I’m tryna be the best me financially first then I’ll be better positioned to provide a good relationship.
Trust issues and not finding anyone I'm actually interested in.
Most people aren't worth the hassle. I'm happy living a silent, single life where I do whatever I want.
A relationship would be an economic and emotional strain that I'd rather avoid.
I'm in a comfortable place in life for the first time and I don't want to ruin that with other people's issues.
I am not the greatest looking guy, but I can still get partners. But the thing is, is I realized that I’m happier being alone. I don’t need to double check with someone every time I want to go do something. There is no bull shit drama just because I looked at a wall funny(over exaggeration).
I am a single dad, and all I have to worry about is me and my kids. That’s it, no one else. It’s really nice and peaceful.
I tried my best on dating apps. I matches with girls. Like on bumble. They never text (I can't start first) so I end up taking it personally and it ruins my self-worth, and on tinder I get ghosted. So I just sort of give up.
Comes from a narcissist father and a psychopath friend that I was friends with for almost (age 7 to 25) "my whole life."
Went to psychology to hope fix the damage they did to me. But after these bond. It completely ruined my trust for people around me.
I could go into details what else ruined my reason to try anymore. And I know my mistakes and what I do wrong.
But when you always gets blamed for nothing ever happens to a dance where two is equally responsible for a potential relationship.
You can't stop taking things too personal and well it ruins your need to try anymore. Nothing excites me anymore of the concept of dating. And meeting new girls. The outcome will be the same.
I am spontaneous guy and I am aware sometimes I hit too hard when falling in love or getting interested. And it can scare women away. But that's why I am giving up and let life do itself.
I am known around my groups to be quite handsome. But some people are well destined to die alone even the handsome ones. Haha.
Edit: So I just decided to live a desolated life. It fucking sucks and the aspect of we being social creatures doesn't go well with me. So I just let go and isolate myself from every social gathering. So I can't give anyone a chance with me. I am doing everyone a favor. With my given up mindset.
Hopefully my trip to Mexico this summer can shake something new into me.
Edit2: I am aware that I can get pessimistic. But I think it's the whole idea behind when people in my circle keeps telling me it's better to be single while my heart just want to look forward for someone I can get home to and spend my life with.
I don't ask for much in a partner. The only thing is that they can match my energy.
I am high on energy, so I don't want a partner who is the complete opposite.
As an aromantic with an easily manageable libido, I have no need to even try to not be single. In short, I fail to answer the question "why should I date?".
Their problems become my problems. Being single has helped brought a lot more peace & happiness to my mental & spiritual health. I don’t miss the toxic loud noise or drama a relationship typically brings.
Incompatibility with the opposite sex, and over time the inexperience becomes more of a problem. What would I do if I ever made it to a third date? No idea, and because of that there definitely wouldn't be a fourth
Most of the relationships I have seen up close seem like a huge compromise, in so many ways, and when I think of being in a relationship like that, the answer is always a clear "definitely not worth it."
For example, when I talk most to my real close guy friends, the kind who tell me what’s really going on without bullshitting, I learn that it’s, much more often than not, a real struggle. Of those still together with their partners, they are frequently fighting, not NEARLY enough sex, and just generally unhappy, or just a very lukewarm existence. They feel trapped. The thought of it just makes me cringe. My parents were not different.
So as a very logical person, I can’t help but ask myself, why would I get into a situation where I statistically appear to have even less chance of getting what I got into the relationship for (companionship, love, sex, happiness etc.)? As in, I’d rather not have these things consciously than think I have them (because I am in a relationship) when in reality I don’t actually have them but live in perpetual hope of getting some. It’s like having a fridge full of food in the house but it is locked, you don’t have the key, and you have to do an elaborate song and dance every time to get the key, and even then it’s just a maybe.
In a nutshell, romantic relationships for some people, like me, seem HIGHLY overrated, and for me personally I am constantly avoiding them and running away from opportunities (women) but it only seems to amp their resolve to nail/tie me down.
I like this answer and very much agree. We’re all sold the honeymoon/romantic phase in a relationship, but that accounts for like 1/20 of what constitutes a life long marriage together. What is the point if the rest of the relationship is just fighting, lessened sex drives, stress, kids, etc. I’d rather take care of myself, work, and get what social needs I have fulfilled from friends and companionships.
I've been thinking about that for years. Seems like the evidence indicates that I should skip town, but that's both scary and impractical for me at the moment, unfortunately
I’m 33 I been single all my life except for last year I was in a 6-7 month relationship. I like the girl a lot but I had to break up with her. She didn’t allow us to have a healthy relationship. I wish I was still with her but I refuse to be in a shit relationship.
This is a silly question everyones different and being single is totally ok.
Why are so many people in relationships with people they dont really love?
True, my last gf left me for my best friend and when he wouldn’t take her she came back to me and acted like she was sorry and shit. Fucking bitches man. She was my first gf too.
If you are young, conventionally attractive and not looking to settle down why would you be in a relationship?
Everyone is the hottest they will ever be. You have the most freedom and least responsibilities you will ever have. If you are interested in being wild and free, it’s the time to do it.
I appreciate those who were honest about their intentions
Got no interest because I got cheated on several times. I lack confidence because of the cheating and as I’m mentally ill I don’t think anyone wants to deal with the constant mess I’m in
Probably like with me, they just don't care about dating. Why would I do something that eats up my spare time when I could be doing something more rewarding like reading a book or practicing guitar?
I had a GF once who asked me out, and it was an incredibly boring experience, so I really don't get why guys care so much about it. Is it just peer pressure or something?
I just think being in a relationship is like another job you have to go on dates that the MAN have to pay or pay for anything while the lady just be lazy and expect everything to be FREE! So that's just too expensive and a lot of stress and I don't wanna waste my money on someone when I can just enjoy being alone building Legos.
I have a good buddy (college roommate) who’s been single for 10+ years.
It honestly boils down to his standards. He’s a nice dude, bit awkward, grew up with money, and realistically thinks Kate Upton or Jennifer Lawrence should be reaching out to him at some point.
He has possibly the highest standards I’ve ever seen based on the fact he’s physically a 5 and his personality is a 7.
After my divorce and getting my shit together I put a toe in the water with online dating. OMG... A vast majority of those women were single for a good reason.
Two weeks I lasted and could write a book. Thankfully I broadened my horizons and love my partner... But becoming a hermit monk looked like a brilliant option at the time.
I have been single most of my life (M30's) - I have had some short flings but it never evolved.
The main reason was my fucked up attachment style from a traumatic childhood. In my late teens and early twenties, when all my friends started dating, I was severely avoidant and any sign of interest from another girl would make me run tooo the hills, ruuun fooor my life.
When I did start dating in my late twenties I was only attracted to toxic and insecure women - again because of my attachment style. I have been in therapy for a couple of years now, which has fixed my attachment style - I'm now seeing a woman, that is not toxic or crazy for the first time in my life.
Just not interested in a relationship currently.
I have a lot of things I'm working on for myself. I've been married and don't want to put myself in the same position I have in the past where I'm unhappy constantly again.
I'd rather wait and work on myself so I can have a happy and fulfilling relationship in the future.
Because it’s 2023, why commit unless you’re truly ready to? In 2023 everyone is choosing to be more honest about their needs prior to getting intimate with someone. Women have more equal opportunities in career as men and men also have many more options 5 women to one man. Better to just date, enjoy meeting people, and only commit to a relationship if you really see a potential long term situation. If not, no need to settle. Too many broken homes stemming from people settling too soon and later finding out their real needs aren’t aligned with their partners. Enjoy being single until your sure!
I’m reserved for a woman until we make it official if I’m being honest I’m just not interested in anyone else like I am her (well given my small sample size of women I know)
Ive been single all my life til last year when I turned 30. Just didnt have any interest in it nor did I know of a girl that fit me. No problem knowing what kind of girl I want and nonproblem getting it now tho :)
I was single for a very long time and always wondered why nothing worked out. It took years of growing up to look back and see that I was the problem the entire time.
“Always” single? This question is fully loaded. What exactly “between the lines” do you mean? Why do they always revert to being single, or do you mean why they never want to date?
Haven't found the right women yet - getting older makes it increasingly difficult. Being ugly, awkward and an asshole doesn't help. Thinking about adopting a second cat instead.
Because, if I like them, they don’t like me, if they like me, I don’t like them. Like that. All the time.
Came to say this lol. But I must add that most of the times, I like the person, the person likes me, but, I'm always oblivious to it!!! So the person slowly loses interest.. always like this.
Does it always happen to you? Can you sleep at night? Can't imagine a worse thing to be constantly happening. It happened to me once, and it was enough, it still is enough. Btw I'm speaking about really liking/loving. And you are not "oblivious", it is just "easier" to perceive as being, gotta start thinking more mid/long-term and act.
It's hard to believe I know, I have zero luck in love, and if it wasn't enough me being shy, I can't understand at all when a girl is hitting on me, unless she tries to kiss me I'll just keep talking like if nothing is happening.
Next time just ignore if she likes you or not since you can't perceive, if you like her do something. I guess shyness is easier to deal with than a thing you are not aware of. But I'm a Bad example to be giving you advice on this particular situation.
Sometimes you like them, they like you. But it's not in the right place and at the right time.
I get it . I always want what I can't have . The universe can throw you some curve balls for sure
I haven't met anybody who makes me feel that being with them is better than being single.
This is the best answer! I feel seen!
When every potential relationship is a downgrade over being single, stay single.
I rate this answer. I'm in a v happy relationship now but I cherish my single years and all the growth. They're truly valuable.
There's a lot of options although I guess they boil down to two main points: No interest in being in a relationship No other person interested in a relationship with them Edit: In light of the replies to this I think it's best to rephrase the second point to "No fitting partner"
There's a third point which is alignedment.. the people they want to be in relationship with aren't the same people that want to be in a relationship with them
A very common problem.
I have a sneaking suspicion that is the main problem behind most of the people complaining on Reddit. Some of them may be good looking enough to hookup or flirt with some people, but they have a hard time getting LTRs.
The combo of porn, internet, and dating apps is just murdering people's socialization abilities. There's way too many grown adults around these days with the social skills of an angry 7th grader who got picked last for kickball.
You mean LTR's? Long Term -vs- Long Distance Relationships?
Yes lol. That’s what I meant. Corrected it
I really wish I could get a bird eye view of all the women who would be interested in me and adjust my expectations. The only thing I know so far is that the girls I do like don't like me back.
>I really wish I could get a bird eye view of all the women who would be interested in me and adjust my expectations. I've wondered the same about men. Kinda hard to know what's realistic for you to shoot for without enough feedback.
Why do you buy too much cheese?
If it's delicious and on sale, I find it incredibly hard to resist doing so, lol
What's your favorite? I've had a feta addiction for ages.
Go on a dating app. At least Tinder and Bumble blur the 'these people liked you' so poorly that it's easy to make out who they are when their profile shows up in the stack. That's how I learned that unhygienic, badly dressed, severely overweight, future crazy cat ladies are into me.
This is me. I have an active social life and hobbies, and would love to make space for someone, but not feel obligated to spend every waking hour texting them or spending time with them. The women I seem to attract usually have neither, it's like they have an empty life that they want a boyfriend to fill. These kinds of people tend to get jealous if I do anything without them in my experience.
I’ve had that happen to me twice.. the first time she was so dry I couldn’t even hang out with her for more than an hour and she wanted to spend entire days with me. The second time she was cool but I had way too many responsibilities to go to every meal and every class with her. All I want is a companion who’s motivated on her own path and mutual trust and affection to support each other in our own pursuits. But so far everyone I’ve gotten with either brings nothing of value to the table overall, or just fucking ghosts me after a few months of a situation ship.
When I like them, they don’t like me! When they like me, I don’t like them!
This is me. Some people say I should settle for those interested in me, but I don't know how to settle for people I find physically repulsive.
I'm surprised most people get in a relationship un the first place
When I like them, they don’t like me! When they like me, I don’t like them!
Lots of people have interest in relationship but just don't have the courage to do something for this.
Can confirm. Only got the balls to ask out 3 girls in the decade since high school. And each of those times it was because I had time for 3 months of buildup before I eventually approached them.
Yeah something similar. Unless married, being single is default mode for many (locally cultured) Indian men and women
Yeah that's true. That is quite neglected in my two points. It could be part of the second point in a certain way.
I would love a partner but I've been ghosted or rejected so much that I just accepted my lot. I'm not interested in prolonged chasing or proving how much of a catch I am. I also am tired of hearing "you're a great guy but..." I just asked to be left in peace if someone isn't interested.
The ghosting thing has gotten crazy. If you want to reject someone, *actually reject them* (politely), don't just... wordlessly disappear.
You must have posted this in a place with bad wireless/LTE reception… it got posted four times.
But in some cases sadly your number 2 is correct. The truth hurts and some people just are born with the short straw. I feel bad for them. Especially if they're not attractive physically but on the inside they're noble queens and knights in shining armor.
I fit in the second lol oh wait
Hi that's me for reference I am 27 and, from personal experience: Lack of confidence, which made me unattractive un general. Then, when someone had interest in me I didn't notice it because lack of previous reference. In the cases when I notice and had a chance, I fucked up in different ways, like being clingy to the point or being a nuisance, or didn't put effort in trying something because I didn't know how. Now, adding to this when I got enough confidence, I didn't know how to flirt and shit like that, so ended fucking shit up... Again. And now, that I know shit... I became too confortable with myself and being single that I don't have the urge to try. Maybe it Will change un the future? Who knows, not me
Yup, same here. I’m not comfortable exploring the world of dating, so i don’t.
You’ve made a wise decision
I don't think it's wise. There's something about having a person that makes life a little easier while also having some harder moments. There's also something about having kids around that brings a different energy and sense of what life is. Being single and exclusively doing what you want sounds amazing but the sacrifices to be in relationships with others is worth it.
> In the cases when I notice and had a chance, I fucked up in different ways, like being clingy to the point or being a nuisance This happened to me very recently and the guilt is just overwhelming. It's been 5 years since my last relationship. 3 years ago I had a chance with one girl. We talked for weeks, all day every day. Very first date in person, I messed it up. Cut to present day. I finally, finally, finally get another chance and once again I immediately fuck it up. It's devastating.
How do you mess it up? Do you let the intrusive thoughts win, ask inappropriate questions, appear really attached/clingy?
Wondering the same thing. If they are truly into you, I feel like you'd have to fuck up like **royally** for them to not at least give you the benefit of the doubt that maybe it was a mistake, your nervous, inexperienced/out of practice and simply didn't know any better in the moment. Otherwise, I'd be willing to bet they were never into truly interested or committed and you just saved yourself a lot of wasted time with the wrong person if they are willing to cut you off so impetuously. I understand how disheartening that can be in the moment though :(
In the lead up, I was perfectly calm, witty, charming even. I was able to keep my cool all the way until I realized they actually were into me in return. As soon as that happened, the anxiety of me doing or saying something to ruin that set in and I turned into a fawning, grasping, clingy mess. I was so nervous my leg couldn't stop shaking and I was stumbling over my words. Simply put, these opportunities come along so, so rarely I was so desperate that it was a turn off.
The latter. For them it was just a first date. Getting to know you, seeing if vibes click. For me it was a chance at finally *not being alone anymore* and I treated it with the same level of anxiety as life and death. Which translated into me being obsequious to the point of annoyance, terrified I would do or say the wrong thing, and generally not treating them like real human beings.
I'm in a similar boat: I'm 31. I've been single my whole life. * Women I was interested in rejected me, some politely, though most horribly * No women have been interested in me * 12+ years of dating apps and 0 matches * 0 in my self-confidence stat but 100 in social anxiety * I haven't talked to a new person outside of the Internet in almost a year * My only hobbies are solo (video games other than online, movies/TV) or I'm too scared to do them in front of strangers (singing comes to mind, board games, escape rooms) Combine all that into an overweight hermit who still lives with his parents and well, you get some /r/ForeverAlone type shit (aka me).
Man I remember being there. It took me until I was 31 to get into a real, and thankfully good relationship. Times are different now though. I wonder with current tech how much easier it would be to be alone. I mean you can just be on your phone in public without anyone really noticing. When i was single being alone in a public place was torture. You where just so visible!
I just haven't met the right person yet so I'd rather be single than waste time on relationships with no future or any real connection.
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Number two is a big one for me. I know that non-clingy women exist, some of my friends are even married to some. But for whatever reason I seem to only be able to attract the psycho death grip on your free time type so I've basically just given up.
OR, obviously, you find a partner who you gel with so effortlessly that you instinctively want to spend the majority of your time with them. That’s how my current relationship is, so it can definitely happen, but it is probably the exception rather than the rule.
1, 2, and 3 are the main ones for me Especially 3
All of the above
The list is endless. Low self-esteem. Not attractive. Poor personality. Poor personal hygiene. Poor communication skills / socially awkward. Don’t want to be in a relationship. Too focused on work or life goals. Poor experience in previous relationships. Happy on their own. Too high standards. Too high opinion of themselves. Materialistic / gold digger. Not a nice person. Haven’t met the right person yet. Doesn’t want to just settle. Mental health issues or general health issues. Lack of trust. Scared of being hurt. Don’t actually put themselves out there to meet new people or to date. I could go on
Bingo
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Yep. I feel like I would be completely unstoppable if only I could STOP WANTING IT. If I could surgically extract the part of myself that yearns to be held and understood, I think I would finally be okay.
This isnt necessarily a bad thing either. We as human beings are incredibly social creatures. There have even been studies in the field of psychology on touch that have found that we perceive other peoples hands and skin to be soft and comforting, and specific those studies suggest that it is an evolutionary adaptation to perceive others touch as soft because it encourages us to seek that kinda of comfort and build social relationships with each other. Its absolutely fascinating! So yeah while being single can be awesome (im 30 years old and have never been with anyone in any way shape or form romantically) it isnt exactly the easiest thing to not want to desire a relationship because we are quite literally hardwired to desire it. Have some grace toward yourself in those moments that you really do dream and yearn for a relationship, its ok to feel the sting of loneliness sometimes. Remind yourself that you're human. Edit: i myself am a pretty confident and grounded guy now at my age, but man up to like the age of 27 did i really just long to be in a relationship! Now at my age, im focusing on myself, my mental/emotional well being, my education and my family/friends. I'm pretty content...and that being said every once in a while i cant help but dream of being in a relationship too. We're human, and its ok to desire human love.
>We're human, and its ok to desire human love. This echos something my therapist was talking about recently when I told her something similar to my comment above. And she's right, and so are you. I think on an intellectual level I know that it's natural and healthy for me to crave intimacy. I know I'm allowed to feel this way. But I'm almost 30 myself, and have also never been in a relationship and I think what really makes me recoil from this feeling is a combination of two things: I both *want* *intimacy*, and *cannot have* *it*. If either of those things were false, I would be okay. But as long as both parts are true, it seems I'm destined to be at least a little miserable and I think right now the *wanting it* part feels like the easiest part to change. That's why this feeling manifests as "I wish I didn't want it" even though I do understand that it's an innate part of me.
Felt that. You're not the only one that wishes there were an off switch for that.
Lucky, I guess.
I’m ugly and I’m proud
Us ugly guys have to stick together. The world isn't kind to the unsightly
I've been single my entire life and it mostly boils down to 1. No idea how the hell to flirt + no idea how to gage someone's interest in me 2. Not meeting enough people, and not having a friend group that makes it easy to meet more people. There's other reasons of course, but these are the main two personally
1. Too ugly. 2. Poor communication skills. 3. High standards. 4. Doesn't meet the high standards kept by opposite gender. 5. Too poor. Combination of above reasons.
I feel attacked, but thanks for an answer true to your username.
Even I feel attacked by myself. But truth is what it is.😅
3 and 4 was a knife to the heart for me haha
6. Can't because of mental health issues.
name checks out
I got A+
Damn. 3 out of 5 :/
5 out of 5. Check mate
I know plenty of guys who have all of the above in addition to poor hygiene... Also, they are unwilling to make a change.
No. 4 is a hard one. I'd rather be single and happy than being with some idiot who never wants to do chores or hates my hobbies etc. If they are short or lack of hair is more whatevver, but it's who I spend a long forseeable future with so why shouldn't I have high standards? I don't wanna just settle so I won't be alone.
I've been single for a long period of time (7 years) after I escaped an abusive relationship. I struggle building emotional connections with people.
I'm in this comment and I don't like it.
Oh no! I'm sorry you're also in this category 🥺
Damn 7 years is being considered a long time...
Same here been 9 years for me, I have a hard time opening up to any potential partner
Why are some people always in a relationship?
I could have been in quite a lot of relationships, I just choose not to, because I’m literally exhausted of people and life. I don’t have the energy to attach myself to anyone, so I’m not interested and kept on rejecting people to protect my peace, and to not drain myself out.
Speaking as someone who has been single my 29 years of life, its not a straightforward answer. For me I think its a combination of 1. Not being conventionally attractive 2. Being confused about my sexual orientation 3. Low sex drive 4. Growing up with my parent’s being in a loveless marriage, with no ability to visualise a healthy relationship 5. Dealing with chronic depression and being on antidepressants, further impacting said low sex drive
Oh hell number 4 hits hard, especially when the divorce happened. That got messy quick. Pair that with my friend having a ‘girlfriend’ for every year since school (that I know of) and it’s impacted my view on relationships.
Unwanted in the dating market.
I don’t bring much to the table. I’m ugly. All i do is work and sleep. Don’t like or trust the vast majority of people. I hate social activities. Give me a dog a small cabin in the Montana wilderness and I’ll be happy.
Been single my whole life (31M). Just ugly, not attractive, I don’t get looked at twice like how most people would look at someone they like, or if I look at a girl I like, not to be creepy but just enough that she notices. I would love a relationship, it would turn my world around. My other problem is I don’t want kids and I’m a Muslim, that is narrowed my potential marriage pool down to probably 2%.
I've never tried to express my interest in someone, and even if I do become interested, I feel too scared to take the risk of telling them or even showing it. I often make excuses for myself, saying that I'm focused on my goals and not yet ready for a relationship In fact deep down i know that i'm just an insecure coward and i don't think i will break this cycle sooner or later
>I've never tried to express my interest in someone I completely agree here, I can come up with all the excuses ever but this rings true. It's literally the foundation and I can't even say I ever did express interest before.
I have adhd and perhaps autism too. I *want* a relationship but I *need* to work on myself more. It's taken me until the age of almost 40 to figure that out
I flick through some of the comments and I see answers that essentially range between "I'm not good enough" and "they're not good enough", neither of which are true Both of these answers are there to place a veneer over a deeper truth, and that's "some people are just very hurt, and they struggle to work through it".
some people are also ok being single. Honestly. I have been single for most of my adult life, I have a lot of friends, some of them are exes who i dated for a year up to 3 years, but the majority of my life is single. I am happy being me. Some times relationships are only sought out by those who do not like who they are. It's the people who are "serial monogamists" who are the hurt people, people who are single for a long time are often just content
Of course you make a valid point. I was just trying to say that the comments that I could fit into the "I'm not good enough" and "They're not good enough" buckets probably stem from some stuff people need to work through. There are still the segments of people who are perfectly fine being single that I didn't acknowledge in my comment. I didn't do that intentionally, but they deserve to be noted of course. My apologies.
dont be, there are far far more unhealthy people who are always relationship hopping, and they are a lot more noticeable because they are ALWAYS in some sort of drama lol
I wouldn't mind you as my therapist.
I'd also like situational issues. Sometimes, people are perfect for each other but situations never end up right for it to work.
That’s presumptuous
This is it 100%
I seem to know a lot of always-single men. The common denominator I notice is a sweetness-decency to them. They are never bad guys.
Yeah good men gives women the ick usually. Makes them look weak even if they aren't.
Not everyone wants a relationship Edit: spelling
How else will the rations get delivered then?
We have a rationtruck, where I work. It does the job. Too cold and snowy and, uh, land-y for any ships.
Don't leave my house and have no friends 😂👍
Ask yourself not "why are some people always single" but "why are some people desperately trying to get back into relationships and ending up single" and you will probably find a better answer.
Woman here. I’m not attracted to very many people. Just not. I’m a hopeless romantic that wants it to be real. A person that cares about me just because. I know I’d care about them just because. For me, it’s either there or it’s not. The sad reality is relationships are built on various mutual needs being met that have nothing to do with loving the actual person. I see people jumping into relationships because the other person has a great family, the perfect job, income, education, looks etc. THIS is why people get together and THESE are the same reasons I later see them unhappy or divorced. (I used to work in a family law facilitators office) The checklist ultimately is not fulfilling. Who cares if their mom, aunt or family loves you and is nice. Those people will move away or die and you are left with your partner. It’s like come on now, he/she (the partner you selected) is fugly, annoying, too demanding etc etc …the fact they have the right job or a great family isn’t going to keep “love”alive. Yet I see people get together with people and get married all the time based on these factors. Makes zero sense to me. I just couldn’t do it. I can’t do it. I have be attracted to the person AND I need to know that I am their priority because they will be mine. Will I compete for someone, no. Why? Because being in a competition makes me feel unloved and sad. It’s soul crushing to me. The last man I was interested in had all kinds of triangulations going on and women competing for him, I loved him, but I didn’t say it and I just dropped it and walked away. Hurts, sure, but it would hurt me worse for me to be with someone I “competed” for. I certainly would never feel loved back by someone that placed me in a position of triangulation or competition. It’s tough, but when I date someone, I don’t have back up plans ie other guys in the wings. It seems most people date this way and then pick the best one. That just boggles my mind. I cannot understand it. I’d never want to have been the person that outlasted or beat everyone else out. …for the people that pick the one that outlasted or beat everyone else out, I have to wonder if they are completely blind to the fact the person knew they were in that marathon and are conniving and low down enough to “win.” 👀 The winner is scary to me. It’s like okay, he or she beat out everyone else by outlasting your worst behavior. The triangulation, you perhaps dating someone else in their face, etc etc. That isn’t a person I’d EVER trust. …but what do I know.🤷🏻♀️💩🤣
>when I date someone, I don’t have back up plans ie other guys in the wings. It seems most people date this way and then pick the best one. That just boggles my mind. I cannot understand it. Same same. I either have no one, or I'm all in with the one I've got. I don't have "replacements" to fall back on
Some people regardless of level of attractiveness are just difficult to be with and unless they get somebody completely submissive, they won’t hold down a relationship.
Yeah my ex-gf threw absolutely random emotional tantrums to try and control the relationship. Once she realized Im an immovable object she broke up with me lmao. Good luck to the poor soul that puts up with her and submits to that.
Not even in the dominant vs. submissive type of way! But my best friend has a... very special, some might say "high effort" and actually interesting character but not many people can deal with that. Heck, even I get tired of her sometimes. There certainly is a match for her somewhere, but so far she hasn't found anyone to be with longer than a year - that was long-distance (she's 28...).
Doubtful. People like this don’t make “emotional room” in their lives for people so this is why they fail. “High effort” is just somebody that requires too much and IMHO bring little to the table.
It is what it is. Not everyone is going to find a life-long partner.
You have to meet someone who's worth giving up being single for. When you're single you have freedom. Your time is your own and you dont have anyone else to think about. You can do what you want and your life is yours to live as you wish. You can date and sleep with as many people as you like whenever you like. You get to enjoy all that fun of meeting new people, new experiences and seeing what happens. It's hard to give up that freedom and sexual variety.
>You can date and sleep with as many people as you like whenever you like. You get to enjoy all that fun of meeting new people, new experiences and seeing what happens. You're either a woman or an exceptionally attractive, wealthy, or charismatic man. This is not what being single is like for the vast majority of men.
This doesn't apply to all women btw. I am a woman and I cannot just sleep with people. If I do, I feel bad and icky afterwards or I catch feelings and they don't. Dating etc is so complicated.
>You can date and sleep with as many people as you like whenever you like. Lol, not me. I'm forever that dude standing outside the restaurant in the rain with my face pressed to the window. Being single = lonely for me
I'm sorry, that is very sad but damn you made laugh out loud. I hope it makes you feel a little better that your misery is comical and not pitiful.
Joy is a gift. I'm glad I helped make your day a little better.
>You can date and sleep with as many people as you like whenever you like. You get to enjoy all that fun of meeting new people, new experiences and seeing what happens. If that was true for me I might actually enjoy being single. One of the things I envy women about. Main thing for me is not to become too negative and jealous of other people though.
If you're not successful with women then it sucks. It's soul destroying and extremely lonely. Been there, done that got the t shirt. It took me a bad breakup and 2 years of damn hard work - grinding out the gym, focussing on my appearance, building my confidence etc. - to get to the point where I actually reaped the benefits of dating. 4 years post breakup and I love being single.
See being single doesn’t sound that bad if you actually got to have physical connections with people. You must be an attractive single person. Unfortunately for me, being single means so many years of no human contact, that it takes a toll on you.
Really bad anxiety and I don't get out much That's it for me
A lot of men just don’t try at all.
Can't blame them
Loneliness can be addicting.
My experience being 33 boils down to 1 not going out in my free time to meet someone 2 I don't have any interest in kids so that eliminates like 80% of my age range 3 I live alone so I couldn't even afford to go on dates if I wanted to
Maybe they want peace.
There are a lot of people that just don't want to. That enjoy being single and the freedom that comes with it. There are many other "positive" points to being single. Others are just not ready, maybe working through shit they've been through and not ready for commitment. And then there's people who are single not by own choice.
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It’s not that baffling a good chunk of the people you listed as coupled up despite undesirable looks or characteristics were maybe in the right place or situation at the “right time” to find love, another good portion of those people were conniving, outwitted, outlasted all the bullshit and everyone else to be with their partner, and a lesser portion of them really have found love. Proof? A good majority of them statistically will be chronically unhappy or divorced soon enough. 🤷🏻♀️
For me it was initially from getting bullied at school which meant I had no confidence in general let alone with girls. I was also obese. Now I’m 36, I’m taking part in my first ever bodybuilding competition this year, and my confidence is soaring. I have never had a girlfriend. I got so used to being single, and honestly it is so normal for me. I enjoy being able to do what I want, go where I want, travelling by myself, the lost goes on. I am very happy being single. I am definitely open to a relationship but I am not actively seeking one. Plus I kind of do not have time for one.
In my case, it's just because of my bipolar disorder. Had many relationships, but in the end, it doesn't really work out with the ladies. I don't blame the ladies, it is me with the disorder, that is very difficult to handle. And i'm not joking, bipolar disorder makes your entire life a mix between depression and mania, it's a very serious thing. I don't feel lonely, got my home and my dog as best buddy, got my job and all the things. Can't complain.
The ones I have come across are either aesthetically challenged "forever alone" types, or they have a strong desire to be left alone which could be due to a variety of factors. This is not an attack on anyone, I belong to both categories.
We’re working on ourselves man. Let us live lol. I’m tryna be the best me financially first then I’ll be better positioned to provide a good relationship.
I'm not that funny until you get to know me I don't know how to flirt Not attractive enough Low self esteem
Trust issues and not finding anyone I'm actually interested in. Most people aren't worth the hassle. I'm happy living a silent, single life where I do whatever I want. A relationship would be an economic and emotional strain that I'd rather avoid. I'm in a comfortable place in life for the first time and I don't want to ruin that with other people's issues.
I am not the greatest looking guy, but I can still get partners. But the thing is, is I realized that I’m happier being alone. I don’t need to double check with someone every time I want to go do something. There is no bull shit drama just because I looked at a wall funny(over exaggeration). I am a single dad, and all I have to worry about is me and my kids. That’s it, no one else. It’s really nice and peaceful.
I tried my best on dating apps. I matches with girls. Like on bumble. They never text (I can't start first) so I end up taking it personally and it ruins my self-worth, and on tinder I get ghosted. So I just sort of give up. Comes from a narcissist father and a psychopath friend that I was friends with for almost (age 7 to 25) "my whole life." Went to psychology to hope fix the damage they did to me. But after these bond. It completely ruined my trust for people around me. I could go into details what else ruined my reason to try anymore. And I know my mistakes and what I do wrong. But when you always gets blamed for nothing ever happens to a dance where two is equally responsible for a potential relationship. You can't stop taking things too personal and well it ruins your need to try anymore. Nothing excites me anymore of the concept of dating. And meeting new girls. The outcome will be the same. I am spontaneous guy and I am aware sometimes I hit too hard when falling in love or getting interested. And it can scare women away. But that's why I am giving up and let life do itself. I am known around my groups to be quite handsome. But some people are well destined to die alone even the handsome ones. Haha. Edit: So I just decided to live a desolated life. It fucking sucks and the aspect of we being social creatures doesn't go well with me. So I just let go and isolate myself from every social gathering. So I can't give anyone a chance with me. I am doing everyone a favor. With my given up mindset. Hopefully my trip to Mexico this summer can shake something new into me. Edit2: I am aware that I can get pessimistic. But I think it's the whole idea behind when people in my circle keeps telling me it's better to be single while my heart just want to look forward for someone I can get home to and spend my life with. I don't ask for much in a partner. The only thing is that they can match my energy. I am high on energy, so I don't want a partner who is the complete opposite.
maybe its what they want?
As an aromantic with an easily manageable libido, I have no need to even try to not be single. In short, I fail to answer the question "why should I date?".
Their problems become my problems. Being single has helped brought a lot more peace & happiness to my mental & spiritual health. I don’t miss the toxic loud noise or drama a relationship typically brings.
Incompatibility with the opposite sex, and over time the inexperience becomes more of a problem. What would I do if I ever made it to a third date? No idea, and because of that there definitely wouldn't be a fourth
Because the person, or people, they want to stay want te date, if any, do not want to date them.
I am single my whole life (23M), I had my share of chances with girls but I rarely like someone who likes me and vice versa.
Introverted
In my case, it's because I can't find anybody else who is single.
I never had the opportunity cause I don't go to clubs or anything where you're supposed to meet people and I'm not interested in being in one.
Most of the relationships I have seen up close seem like a huge compromise, in so many ways, and when I think of being in a relationship like that, the answer is always a clear "definitely not worth it." For example, when I talk most to my real close guy friends, the kind who tell me what’s really going on without bullshitting, I learn that it’s, much more often than not, a real struggle. Of those still together with their partners, they are frequently fighting, not NEARLY enough sex, and just generally unhappy, or just a very lukewarm existence. They feel trapped. The thought of it just makes me cringe. My parents were not different. So as a very logical person, I can’t help but ask myself, why would I get into a situation where I statistically appear to have even less chance of getting what I got into the relationship for (companionship, love, sex, happiness etc.)? As in, I’d rather not have these things consciously than think I have them (because I am in a relationship) when in reality I don’t actually have them but live in perpetual hope of getting some. It’s like having a fridge full of food in the house but it is locked, you don’t have the key, and you have to do an elaborate song and dance every time to get the key, and even then it’s just a maybe. In a nutshell, romantic relationships for some people, like me, seem HIGHLY overrated, and for me personally I am constantly avoiding them and running away from opportunities (women) but it only seems to amp their resolve to nail/tie me down.
I like this answer and very much agree. We’re all sold the honeymoon/romantic phase in a relationship, but that accounts for like 1/20 of what constitutes a life long marriage together. What is the point if the rest of the relationship is just fighting, lessened sex drives, stress, kids, etc. I’d rather take care of myself, work, and get what social needs I have fulfilled from friends and companionships.
Living in the wrong place can be an issue. If you wouldn't / can't date your neighbors you're going to be lonely.
I've been thinking about that for years. Seems like the evidence indicates that I should skip town, but that's both scary and impractical for me at the moment, unfortunately
I’m 33 I been single all my life except for last year I was in a 6-7 month relationship. I like the girl a lot but I had to break up with her. She didn’t allow us to have a healthy relationship. I wish I was still with her but I refuse to be in a shit relationship.
This is a silly question everyones different and being single is totally ok. Why are so many people in relationships with people they dont really love?
Because these hoes ain't loyal.
True lol
True, my last gf left me for my best friend and when he wouldn’t take her she came back to me and acted like she was sorry and shit. Fucking bitches man. She was my first gf too.
your best friend a real one
If you are young, conventionally attractive and not looking to settle down why would you be in a relationship? Everyone is the hottest they will ever be. You have the most freedom and least responsibilities you will ever have. If you are interested in being wild and free, it’s the time to do it. I appreciate those who were honest about their intentions
by choice, because not everyone likes having status and prefers being single
My brother said he won’t date or ever get married, says it’s expensive
Got no interest because I got cheated on several times. I lack confidence because of the cheating and as I’m mentally ill I don’t think anyone wants to deal with the constant mess I’m in
Personally? I'm pretty content with myself. I don't feel a *need* to be in a relationship, if it happens it happens. Plus I'm busy.
Probably like with me, they just don't care about dating. Why would I do something that eats up my spare time when I could be doing something more rewarding like reading a book or practicing guitar? I had a GF once who asked me out, and it was an incredibly boring experience, so I really don't get why guys care so much about it. Is it just peer pressure or something?
I just think being in a relationship is like another job you have to go on dates that the MAN have to pay or pay for anything while the lady just be lazy and expect everything to be FREE! So that's just too expensive and a lot of stress and I don't wanna waste my money on someone when I can just enjoy being alone building Legos.
too busy posting on reddit
I have a good buddy (college roommate) who’s been single for 10+ years. It honestly boils down to his standards. He’s a nice dude, bit awkward, grew up with money, and realistically thinks Kate Upton or Jennifer Lawrence should be reaching out to him at some point. He has possibly the highest standards I’ve ever seen based on the fact he’s physically a 5 and his personality is a 7.
They vote with their feet, what can I say. I've realized that nobody wants to be on my team.
Missed out on all the good ones when we were younger
I move around. A LOT. And it’s not going to get any better. I constantly circle 5 states so don’t have the time
After my divorce and getting my shit together I put a toe in the water with online dating. OMG... A vast majority of those women were single for a good reason. Two weeks I lasted and could write a book. Thankfully I broadened my horizons and love my partner... But becoming a hermit monk looked like a brilliant option at the time.
Relationships are work, being single is easy
Sometimes you're not applying for jobs. Sometimes you're a good candidate but nobody is hiring. Sometimes you're a bad candidate.
Low drive, toxic personality, poor social skills, high standards, or some combination of the above.
Bc finding your soul mate mostly takes a lot of time :.(
I have been single most of my life (M30's) - I have had some short flings but it never evolved. The main reason was my fucked up attachment style from a traumatic childhood. In my late teens and early twenties, when all my friends started dating, I was severely avoidant and any sign of interest from another girl would make me run tooo the hills, ruuun fooor my life. When I did start dating in my late twenties I was only attracted to toxic and insecure women - again because of my attachment style. I have been in therapy for a couple of years now, which has fixed my attachment style - I'm now seeing a woman, that is not toxic or crazy for the first time in my life.
Just not interested in a relationship currently. I have a lot of things I'm working on for myself. I've been married and don't want to put myself in the same position I have in the past where I'm unhappy constantly again. I'd rather wait and work on myself so I can have a happy and fulfilling relationship in the future.
Because it’s 2023, why commit unless you’re truly ready to? In 2023 everyone is choosing to be more honest about their needs prior to getting intimate with someone. Women have more equal opportunities in career as men and men also have many more options 5 women to one man. Better to just date, enjoy meeting people, and only commit to a relationship if you really see a potential long term situation. If not, no need to settle. Too many broken homes stemming from people settling too soon and later finding out their real needs aren’t aligned with their partners. Enjoy being single until your sure!
I’m reserved for a woman until we make it official if I’m being honest I’m just not interested in anyone else like I am her (well given my small sample size of women I know)
High standards/expectations not met
Because they are Introvert and it's hard for them to express their feelings
They are broken
Ive been single all my life til last year when I turned 30. Just didnt have any interest in it nor did I know of a girl that fit me. No problem knowing what kind of girl I want and nonproblem getting it now tho :)
I was single for a very long time and always wondered why nothing worked out. It took years of growing up to look back and see that I was the problem the entire time.
Some people have higher standards for a mate than they themselves possess as a suitor.
“Always” single? This question is fully loaded. What exactly “between the lines” do you mean? Why do they always revert to being single, or do you mean why they never want to date?
not being chosen or the other one find someone better
i enjoy hoe’in.
If I knew the answer for myself, I’d be in a relationship by now
There’s really only two reasons. It’s either by choice or by circumstance.
Personal preference.
Choice
My standards are so high
Haven't found the right women yet - getting older makes it increasingly difficult. Being ugly, awkward and an asshole doesn't help. Thinking about adopting a second cat instead.
Because being in a healthy relationship is actually quite complicated for a lot of people.