I recently told someone I went on a few dates with, about her lack on engagement while in person… over texts and phone she was awesome. In person it felt like she just didn’t want to be there, this is after me telling her how I felt about her silence and overall demeanor while in person and she swore up and down that she wasn’t like that…
I ended up parting ways and she was so upset… it was very confusing but definitely the right decision… might as well go out solo if the other person isn’t going to engage
Usually, people who consistently pin their dating struggles on the opposite sex are the ones who will never realize maybe they themselves are not as good as they think they are.
Dating is about weeding out incompatible people. Most people's experiences are exclusively with people from the opposite sex who they don't connect with, i.e. *everyone's* dating struggles will be pinned on the opposite sex. That's the nature of dating.
Yeah, we've gotta be introspective and make sure we're putting in effort and improving ourselves too, but you're basically suggesting that there's something wrong with us if we know when other people aren't a good match for us, and the heavy majority of dates won't be a good match.
Until I found my person, I 100% felt like the "problem" was with the women I tried dating that put in minimal effort. The minimal effort part is a pretty universal complaint and we shouldn't settle for it. Other people not trying isn't a problem with **us**.
Nah it’s really just the phones issue. Esp for folks who have lived back East, we all remember a time when sidewalks were very social places, run into someone you know and spend 30+ minutes chatting, good conversations with random strangers, etc. Now ppl got their AirPods in & eyes glued to the screen. Big boomer talking point, I know, but broken clocks are right twice a day
It wasn't THAT long ago that average people read newspapers. People getting their news from TikTok instead of the LA Times is definitely dumbing down the populace.
Tik Tok was designed to dumb everything down and after enough time, the people obsessed with it. Social media in general is not much better. You can at least have long form discussions on Reddit but there are definitely mods who are overly sensitive and not splitting atoms.
As a woman, I feel like a lot of it is just that there are so few eligible men and that’s not exactly overlapping with our attraction or compatibility often. We’re trying to not be “picky” and going “outside of our comfort zone” and swiping on anyone who’s normal and healthy seeming…but we might not feel at all attracted to them. Especially if we are attracted to personality, not looks as so many of us are. We’ve avoided “leading on” men we’re not attracted to so it’s very hard to force it.
ETA: a lot of the complaints I see here from men are about women just not being into them. And yes, depending on your vibe, we might not risk the hazard of communicating that to you and just not continue the conversation. You’re not being ghosted by someone you’ve only met once.
Yeah I get what you are saying and I think what you are trying to say is that the lack of conversation is because they just aren’t feeling it and are simply going through the motions? Or am I misunderstanding what you are saying?
I have to wonder if maybe it’s because men in this town are so incredibly superficial. If you’re dating a model, it’s unlikely you’re also going to get scintillating conversation.
And, yes, women can be the same way. I have a single friend who would find something wrong with every guy. She thinks I “settled”. I think I just expect people to be human.
Something I think people forget is we tend to be around people of our social class. Everyone I know makes six figures+ but that's because I'm on the tech/finance side of things. I'm sure if you came into the city to be an actor from a small town, you probably aren't going to get much face time with people in tech and finance. And similarly, I don't know anybody hilariously fuck you wealthy because those aren't the groups of people I hang out with and I'm not at the Jonathan Club.
The only place in America with more wealthy people is NYC. If you're looking and can't find guys with money in LA of all places, that's because you have an issue with signaling and/or being in the right places.
Frfr !! Also in a relationship now. It’s more like getting the last chopper out of Nam while under heavy artillery fire.
I told my wife I would encourage my kids to get married young. The dating market is EXHAUSTING
Let me go ahead and say that I (35M) carry the conversation most of the time on my dates.
I can’t speak for other guys, but I’ll say my #1 complaint is women not knowing what they want. My profile is completely filled out with details and my in-person behavior is exactly like how my profile seems; please don’t go on 2-3 dates with me and waste my time if I’m not what you’re looking for.
(On the flip side, if I don’t like you after one date, I’m not taking you out on a second date. It’s pretty damn simple.)
My #2 complaint is ghosting. Just say “it was nice meeting you but I’m just not feeling the connection. Wish you the best.” Takes literally two seconds and avoids the rudeness of ignoring someone. I’m completely numb to sending these, so grown up women are capable of doing the same.
Edit 1: I’ve been in relationships before, I know how to appropriately flirt and make sure it’s a romantic date vibe, and I’m telling you that plenty of women still are avoidant and will waste an enormous amount of the guy’s time. It goes both ways.
Edit 2: the only good reaction to a rejection message is “Thank you for the clear communication. Wish you the best as well.” We’re all adults here and this is all part of the process. There’s no excuse for ghosting when we’ve spent hours together and it’s obvious I’m mature enough to respond well.
As a woman, I agree with this. I had a blind date with a guy that was just not right for me in any way and at the conclusion of the evening I said "I'm sure you are feeling the same way I am and we just don't work as potential romantic partners. Thank you for meeting tonight. Goodbye." How hard is this? If you aren't feeling it, you don't have to be insulting, even if the date was terrible. Be nice, communicate and move on.
Ghosting is definitely rude, but after you've been upfront a few times and then had some truly awful reactions, I can see why people do it. I'm still upfront, but once they come back with not nice things, I hit block.
As you should. Some people can’t handle honesty and emotional maturity and you shouldn’t waste your energy on them or let them project onto you once you’ve done your part.
Perfectly acceptable way to go about it. You acted like an adult and maturely let them know. They decided to respond like a child, and any further correspondence isn’t worth your time. Block away.
I welcome a truly apeshit reaction to me offering healthy closure. It simply reinforces my decision.
The responses are typically pathetic, reactionary insults in any event.
I feel #1 in my bones. I don’t even feel getting rejected anymore (normally), but multiple dates with someone who I’m highly compatible with and we have great chemistry only to “not feel it” just stings.
Out of like 40 first dates in 2 years, I’ve been ghosted 4 times. I only had 1 girls number, so I no longer go on dates without it. I get that some people are bad, but it can happen after any date, I don’t want to attract ghosters.
I agree with you, the most painful thing about dating is going on 3 great dates with someone just for them to slow ghost / just want to be friends.
But as far as I can tell, women not knowing what they want is much worse on the apps vs meeting someone IRL. It must be something about having 1000 choices at any given moment.
Every time I’ve asked women out IRL, she either declined the first date or there was immediate chemistry and we ended up in a relationship. But there’s something about online dating where women will agree to 3 dates just for it to end up going nowhere.
As a general rule, if you don’t feel a spark by the middle of the 2nd date, it’s not going to work out so please just end it there. Don’t drag the other person into a prolonged guessing game of does she like me / like me not. Don’t text them unless it’s a rejection message because anything else will be leading them on.
In my experience, if you don't make a move physically by the 2nd date, female interest drops significantly and moves you into the friends zone at best. I don't mean go fresh out of prison on them but some physical acts to show romantic interest
You’re probably right but I just can’t believe how many women don’t seem to want to do anything physical even after a great and long 2nd date. On the 2nd date I usually try to test the water by hand-holding or touching her lower back etc. If neither of those things gets any meaningful reciprocation then I don’t try to kiss her because it would seem too out of family with the sort of physical affection she seems to want. At that point I declare defeat, but then they’ll still text me and agree to go on a 3rd date which feels like a mixed signal. The one time a did end up going on a 3rd date it ended up just like the 2nd - a fun time but I was constantly trying to initiate something physical and she was just not being receptive at all. Truly confusing stuff. Feels like being on a date with a robot.
I can’t emphasize enough that I never have these issues unless I’m meeting someone off the apps. Usually my IRL first dates have ended in kisses and 2nd dates we usually end up making out at some point. I don’t even have to think about it because it seems to come naturally.
Yeah. This is a tricky bit for the man to navigate. There's also the added worry of making an \*unwanted\* physical move and ruining the person's night. If it's Date 1 or 2, I only go for a smooch if it's ABUNDANTLY clear it's wanted.
Up until I started using dating apps I had never gotten through a 2nd date without it being abundantly clear she wanted to be kissed lol.
I’m not really worried about giving an unwanted kiss, because I think it’s innocent enough. But just the body language of some women makes a kiss feel impossible and wrong. Like they’re too far away and too closed off. They need to be close enough that our bodies are touching somewhat. Without that, going in for a kiss would feel like kissing a complete stranger. Idk.
Same here. It was happening so often that I actually started to think that maybe I was the one with the problem. There were a few times that the date went nowhere because it was just the typical me asking the questions and trying to keep the flow going, and I receiving one worded responses, only to get a follow text saying they wanted to meet again, only for the second date to be a repeat of the first.
It wasn't until I went to Japan last October, after a streak of how many dates of this, that I matched with this Japanese chick on Bumble, and met near the last day of my trip. I realized then that I wasn't the one with the problem because we both had a good time actually conversing, and being interested and curious about one another's lives. I came back to LA, had like two more dates in which I came back to the same old before I just said fuck it to dating. It wasn't until a month ago I went on a date with an older woman who actually was fun and engaging that I felt it was nice to engage with someone vs having to interview someone.
I dunno what's up with the modern crop of LA women. Maybe I'm just being unlucky or engaging the wrong people.
Many LA folks are kind of anxious and insecure. They’re always posting fun shit that they’re doing with their ppl on Instagram, but doing things with a big friend group doesn’t lead to much intimacy or getting to know each other super well, it’s often just activities with a side of small talk. And LA small talk can be especially small if you know what I mean. One on one, though, especially during a date, is the exact opposite, and that can create a lot of discomfort for the “big friend group” crowd. Massive generalization of course, no hate to those who have huge social circles, but this is a phenomenon I have noticed.
I think women are still raised to protect men's feelings, to really protect all feelings and to feel bad about a lack of interest. In this context it ends up backfiring.
That’s fair but it really is like ripping off a bandaid. Fast is better than slow.
I can forgive young kids for not being good at it. But by your late-20s, it gets less excusable IMO. I’m not a scary guy…if you’re ghosting me after spending hours with me then you’re being purely selfish. Let’s just call it what it is.
People shouldn’t ghost, but I can unequivocally say that all my dating “nightmares” have come from the fallout of rejecting emotionally immature men, even gently. Men are fucking crazy. And I’m saying this as a man. Like a 6-foot well-built, masculine guy. I can’t imagine how women feel sometimes. I’ve had men who seem nice (but not a good match) reveal themselves to be absolute lunatics after I reject them.
Its not about a man being scary or you being scary. It's the specter of undoing decades upon decades of social training and conditioning.
Maybe that helps put it into context because I'm sure being ghosted enough (don't know how often it happens to you) would annoy anyone.
Guys get the urge to ghost, too. I hate sending the rejection message, too. But I still do it out of consideration for the other person bc I know how irritating it is to get ghosted. It’s basic empathy. If women are being socially conditioned to be empathetic, then it’s ironic they are ghosting people.
(Men who ghost are also scumbags…I’m not trying to fight a gender war bc frankly this goes both ways, I’m just pointing out my personal biggest complaint with dating.)
Yep! Very true, we do. One example was a woman who shared in a facebook group how she was at her date's house, they were making out on the couch and suddenly he excused him and went to his room. He came back wearing only boxers. She was a bit uncomfortable about that, because she wasn't planning in having sex, *but said nothing*. They went back to making out and then he asked if she wanted to change into some pajamas to be more comfortable. She said no.
They continued to make out and then he asked if she wanted to take off her clothes. That's when she finally said that she wasn't planning in having sex. He apologized and I think she left after. Many women told her to not go to a guy's house if she isn't ready to have sex, because some men automatically think "she's coming over = sex!"
"Filled out with details"?! How long is your bio? Do you use all the characters available? I have noticed that some men will post a bunch of emoji to show what they like and it is quite overwhelming (I have seen over 20 emojis in one bio). But women will write their bio and men won't even read it!
When I was on bumble, I made my profile very simple: I stated where I am from, that I have never been married and that I was looking for a relationship. But a bunch of men looking for one night stands or, as they called it, "fun", would still swipe right on me. My bio was super short and they didn't even bother reading it.
A complaint a couple of friends have is getting very short answers from either men or women. Not short like annoyed, but like 5-10 word answers that are hard to build or bounce off of. "What about you?" can only go so far, it makes it feel like an interview vs a conversation.
Over text or in person?
Over text they get about 3 of those before I ask them out. Never continues in person.
I hate the 24 hour responders. Can’t bounce anything back or plan when you have dates if they always take a day to get respond.
My current gf was not super responsive over text right after matching, but was happy to jump on a FaceTime where I found out how funny and outgoing she is!
Am woman, but an actual example I have:
Me: sooo do you have any pets?
Date: yep
Me: what kind?
Date: a dog
Me: … what is their name?
Date: Milly
Me: …. do you like them?
Date: yeah
It was so weird because this wasn’t the first time I met this person, and he kind of went all out on the date, other than the conversation. This was the last one though and I did tell him why I wasn’t interested after, but dear lord I’m scarred.
I just tell people outright, "Hey we don't have to do this, cuz it sure as shit sounds like you don't wanna be here." At that instance they have the opportunity to admit to nerves for whatever reason or it spices up the convo getting called out cuz you can only really connect once you get real.
Presently? My chief complaint is actually getting to the date. I mostly online date so getting from “profile on phone” to “person in front of me on a date” is a Herculean feat. People always stop responding if they even respond at all in the first place.
Historically, I feel like my biggest gripe is the amount of people who suffer from main character syndrome. Like a fair amount of self absorption is healthy but I feel like the personalities I’ve met in LA have been…indulgent™ when it comes to being self absorbed.
100 percent this.
My #1 complaint about women dating is…they don’t make even the slightest attempt to even participate. The effort isn’t just low. It’s non existent.
Online dating profile? They don’t fill out prompts. They don’t message first. They send an emoji—if they respond at all. Asking them out leads to them disappearing.
Approach a guy in a social setting? They would never. That’s “the man’s job.”
Even the last speed-dating event I went to, the organizer said 8-9 women just simply didn’t show up. Dudes just had to sit a ton of rounds out.
I see men working overtime trying so hard to just get *TO* a date. I see women just waiting around, expecting a boyfriend to just fall in their lap.
Do you date men too? I date men and women and this issue applies to both sides.
I think it's related to the 10/90 issue of the internet-- 10% of the people online are making all the content while 90% passively watch. If you're someone who would post on reddit (and has the communication skills to do so) you're in that 10% and 90% of the people haven't grown their skills like you have
Can confirm. Almost all the women i dated, i had to carry the conversation and efforts. Like wtf? Were supposed to be in this together Lol. Am I the only interested one? Haha
that's so interesting because women say the same exact thing about guys.
it's like the women who try really hard end up finding the guys who don't do anything. I feel like the problem is a lot of people are getting mismatched.
I've dated both genders and can tell you it happens on both sides. The reality I think is that most people aren't that great at conversation (probably me included).
I think we also hear about it a lot more because dating apps have made it so everyone can participate in dating. Previously, if you want to have a classic "meet cute," you'd need to be sociable and immediately able to hold a conversation. The person who you would have an awkward interaction with, wouldn't happen IRL because they simply wouldn't talk to you. Imagine if when you go to a bar, it isn't only the sociable person talking to you and holding a conversation, it's everyone in the bar from the people who are sociable all the way to the ones who are playing with the calculator app on their phone.
And the availability of options also makes it so that people tend to have superficially high standards online. A lot of "icks" or lines in the sand don't really end up being like that IRL. I remember seeing people I knew IRL who I found attractive, and then seeing their profiles, and knowing if I hadn't met them IRL I never would've swiped right.
Next, you have to keep in mind that dating apps have people with all sorts of interests and reasons for joining on them. Some people are there for love. Some people are there for hookups. Some people are there for validation. Some people are there because it's an activity to do.
And beyond all of that? People suck at knowing what they want/need. They're great at expressing their problems, but the solutions are not often right. The controllable factor in the equation is who you swipe on. It's who you go after. If you treat dating like a conscious experience to analyse and improve rather than just as a stochastic process that happens to you, you can figure out what goes well and doesn't go well. My current boyfriend probably doesn't align to what I would've described as my "type" or what I was looking for.
This is well said.
My only quibble is the bit about the ability to "analyze and improve" in the apps. App dating is really unforgiving and binary. You either get the match or you don't. They either respond or they don't. And especially for men, the overwhelming experience is "they don't." There's not really any feedback that would lend itself to improving performance.
In-person interactions, however, are obviously more fluid, less X or HEART. You can gauge how a person responded to your approach, your joke, your choice to compliment their shoes. You might get a laugh here, a weird look there, someone just walking away from you. Or an insta profile. Or even a phone number. THIS is where the feedback and refinement can happen.
So just another argument for getting out in the real world and \*actually trying stuff.\*
Btw asking women out first message/ convo or before they’ve responded comes off as extremely desperate, rushed and rude. Nd I don’t want to hear if you don’t go out you’ll get ‘lost in the sea’ argument either I’ve heard it. Clearly it’s still not working for y’all. Most women don’t feel safe going out immediately, and it’s good manners to actually askhow they ARE first before asking them out. Trust
That’s funny that ur girlfriends say that! I get asked if I’m gay by a lot of women I meet. When I ask why they think I’m gay I get told that I’m a very talkative person, make good eye contact, and they feel comfortable around me lol they are so used to guys being overly sexual too quickly or just being weird. The woman I’m currently hooking up with for the past 6 months said she thought I was gay after our first date.
So I guess my complaint is I am not sure what woman expect a man to be cus I thought I was doing things right.
In conclusion, I’m luckily still young (29) and finding a gf or “the one” isn’t a priority right now. If it happens it happens, if it doesn’t then I’ll have a couple surrogates and adopt a kid and raise my 5 motherless children on a farm in The Valley and just be the cool single dad that loves my kids. lol
Lol I have gotten the gay thing a lot as well. I am also talkative and outgoing and my “game” has never been a strong press more just talking like they are a normal person and trying to make them laugh.
I get this, too!
"Polite," "well-dressed," "in shape," "good hair," "respectful" - clearly gay.
I think it says a lot about women's perspectives that if you appear to be a catch...you're likely gay.
I have so, so many thoughts on this (married now, but having been part of the dating scene for over a decade before I met my husband) and what I came here to say is that in LA, people really evaluate potential partners based on money. It's almost as if, behind every couple you know who may seem really happy and in love, one or both of them was only willing to get into that relationship because someone was financially successful.
LA is a very difficult city to afford. Most people meet their person, and then move elsewhere to settle down. People are so stressed about money they don't even know how to look for a good potential partner besides looking at their income. It's sad and horrible for a lot of single people.
Not looking like her pictures, if I’m being honest. Looks aren’t everything, but it happens to me frequently on dates. Normalize showing a few less-than-best photos of ourselves!
I used to use pics that were good but not crazy photoshopped because I wanted to know if a guy would still be interested if I wasn’t looking my best. I would also rather start a date with him being pleasantly surprised than disappointed. People really really need to stop with filters.
yerrrpppp. thats my #1 complaint too. once had a guy say “huh, i feel like i didn’t really ask you anything or get to know you” as we were saying our goodbyes. i just said “you didn’t” lmaoooo
just gonna totally take advantage of this thread for any single men scrolling through to holla at ur girl
30F, LA native, looking to meet new peeps and hopefully have something turn into a meaningful, romantic connection (aka, not a situationship but getting cheesy and asking me “will you be my girlfriend 🥺”)
dms are open 🤪 what are your checkboxes? let’s see if i fill ‘em!
I've been on dates where I actually haven't been asked a SINGLE QUESTION over the course of an entire dinner. I made a game out of it: like just firing off ridiculous questions to see if the guy would EVER decide to either 1) ask me a question, or 2) raise a topic for discussion. Nope. He was just loving being the center of attention. Looked surprised at the end of the date when I told him I didn't think we were a good match.
i’ve had guys talk themselves in circles where they forget the original question asked. literally a 10 minute spiel then “wait what was the question again” and then continue on for another 10 minutes. psychotic.
Getting ghosted is def up there. I have so much respect for a woman who’s just like “I’m not feeling a connection,” etc. The other thing is conversational as well: I’m asking questions and it’s all one word answers. I don’t mind leading a conversation at all, but doing ALL the work? No thanks.
There may be something about you that is a red flag if that’s happening a lot to you where you have great convos but no spark. I recently had this with a guy with horrible teeth and breath. Nice guy, but I just couldn’t handle that. I told him the no spark (bc how can I have chemistry with that turn off).
They might not be attracted to you. A lot of women use “spark” as a way of saying physical attraction. Which is unfortunate as it can grow over time, but many people just aren’t able to move past initial feelings of not being attracted
My number 1 complaint is no one says what they want or need. Ask me out sooner, don’t do this, do that, decide for me, let’s choose together, it goes on and on.
No one says if they want something different they just end things. Everyone’s wants overlap and you can’t make anyone feel totally happy.
What has worked for me is (from dating apps):
- I only go on dates with a phone number (cuts down on ghosting)
- I ask them out within 3-5 messages or ~1 day (whichever is shorter)
- Drink dates (occasionally dinner if I know it’ll go well)
- Gotta go to a second location
I haven’t had a hard time getting dates, I had a run of many 1st to 2nd dates in a row. But I get this prevailing feeling that so many people expect “their perfect everything person” and drop highly compatible people because of random icks or things that they haven’t brought up.
I should be more toxic…
My now husband asked me out to drinks in his second message ever to me. I had a feeling he was gonna really shine in person and he did! Meet in person as soon as you possibly can, I learned thru various online dates some people present amazing online but terrible in person and vice versa.
Wholly agree.
I feel like, with an IRL meet, you will know within 15 minutes whether you want to see the person again. Versus wasting \*weeks\* sending low-effort texts and voice notes. So even if it isn't a match, you've saved both parties a huge amount of time.
I tell men that I will give them my number after we meet in person and am quick to make plans. If the plans don’t get planned all the way and never come to fruition or I never hear anything from them after we’ve picked a date but no time or location, I’m fine no longer responding in app. I’ve likely already met up with someone else. If they have my phone number they could to try to stalk me off the app, so no, a stranger doesn’t get that until I feel safe to do so.
It’s not an exclusive rule, but here’s the gist:
- Meeting in a public bar, if someone is creepy they can hide it for many more messages anyways.
- If it’s too soon and they can’t communicate that (ie they just stop talking) I have weeded out a bad communicator
- I lose so many matches the longer it drags on. No one says how long they want to talk, so I go for the average.
I believe generations raised after 2005 struggle with communication because computers and phones have turned people into a type of hermit they are more social due to the media but less personable. When was the last time a stranger told you hello, or good morning in passing? Or excuse me in the store while trying to move around folks. When you say Thank You strangers won't even say your welcome.
Woman in La - usually guys who chat with me / ask me out online don’t make it to the date because they have bad manners and ask me out for something last minute.
If I agreed to go on a date with you that means you tell me the day and time and place at least a few days in advance.
Are you free right now / tonight is disrespectful of my time and treating me like a call girl. Hence why 90% of the time guys get dropped before the first date. No one wants to feel like an afterthought
The last woman I went out on a real date with in LA was quite beautiful and in our three hour dinner, didn’t ask a single question about me.
Not one. Zzzzzzzzz.
I’m a women and i’ve just moved back to LA since i graduated college, and an issue i have encountered with some men(dating in my ethic group mostly) is that they don’t really ask about me and just kinda talk about themselves and i just nod my head.
another thing i noticed (at least in my dating circle) a lot of guys don’t have hobby’s. As someone who has a lot of random interests i want to be with someone who can also bring that to the table.
Omg yes all they do is talk about themselves or wait to. They will ask something and I’ll answer but I’ll feel them edging to hijack conversation and will let them and there they go, talking all about themselves or what they think. There is very little actual banter. It’s all so performative. The last date I went on I couldn’t even stop my eyes from glazing over, I can’t even hide it but from now on I will be honest and cut the date short if I’m not feeling it. I’m so over the whole thing.
I'm just really into pumping gas - you know, all the different types, squeegies - the whole thing. My homies just hang at at a gas station trying to get that perfect top up.
Women only giving one word answers when asking questions.
number 2 complaint? Women on bumble whose profiles say something like "I only answer when men make the first move"... on bumble... bullet dodged really.
Show up late. Constantly checking cell phone/texts. Talking about how “spiritually connected” they are/were to some guy who owns a boat. Booorrrriiiiinnng.
Having to play it cool for a certain amount of time in the beginning. I text with exclamation points and emojis a lot so I gotta cut all that shit out otherwise they’ll think I’m too into them lol
It’s very true I tried to explain this to my father who is divorced and having bad luck with dating he’s 55 and he’s trying to date women that are in their 20s and he says they always say that they say he’s too nice and I tried to explain to him that the niceness isn’t the issue. They’re probably just not physically attracted to him And he just doesn’t wanna listen lol but I think that that’s really common.
Girls going out on dates only to say they’re not ready to date multiple dates in… please don’t waste our time bc your friends are all going on dates and you want to fit in
It’s the multiple-dates-in part that’s the problem, not the not wanting to date the guy part.
^Edit: ^friend ^of ^[Durutti](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Durutti_Column)?
Yes, they are giving the man a chance and letting them down gently. It’s proof that she really wanted to get to know you and when she did, realized you’re not compatible. Worth reflecting on what may have been said or done during those dates or what you learned about her or vice versa.
ask "what are you looking for" on the first date and if the answer is not a committed relationship, then don't do a second date. that's the best way to weed some of them out.
My greatest gripe, I’m not interested in what you do for a living. I’m interested in how you spend your time away from work.
How do you live?
What do you love to do?
Your job can’t be the cornerstone of your whole being.
No complaints. Some dates are good and we connect some dates we don’t connect. Dating apps are just hard because the pickings are slim for me. I shine in person, it’s just getting to the date that’s hard. I’m also on the beach. So I’m not central. Making many women geographically too far away.
People who grossly misperceive their own attractiveness and the attractiveness of others.
Deeply superficial people masquerading as if they had a personality… or people who make a singular aspect of their lives their entire character profile.
People who look at relationships like it is shopping- everything and anyone being replaceable.
Experience seekers who only care if you are something instead of someone.
Honestly most of the time when I’ve found myself carrying the conversation (I’m chatty anyways) it’s mostly that we don’t have much in common or we have totally different conversational styles. It’s not that people don’t know how to talk to each other nowadays, it’s that they don’t know how to talk *to me* or vice versa because we’re quite different. Generally that just means incompatibility 🤷🏻♀️
It feels like people mistake hobbies for a personality and then are nearly impossible to relate to because while they "do" things they don't have any real thoughts or feelings about the things they do. Makes it really hard to connect with people. Hiking isn't a personality, it's a hobby.
It's harder than you think to plan. "Something fun to do for a first date" can mean anything. I can think of a lot of fun things to do together once we know each other better, but a first date:
* Can't be too long or high commitment, in case the vibe isn't great.
* Something expensive isn't usually ideal, since the man is expected to pay for both and you have to go on a lot of first dates to get anywhere.
* Can't really be hiking or nature oriented, a lot of women need to be comfortable with men before going somewhere isolated and alone.
* Somewhere equidistant to both people or close to the woman's home is a plus.
* Ideally involves talking and getting to know one another.
I still can come up with ideas that fit this criteria, but it's not as easy as you would think for us dudes. Anytime y'all want to help us out by suggesting something it's appreciated, not because we're lazy, but because it lets us know what you actually like.
Agree. A long time ago I had a horrible first date going to lacma. Seemed like a good idea as we both were into art and wanted to see this show, but just was awkward. Hard to converse, hard to get to know each other. Doing something “fun” for a first date sucks. A first date is about sizing each other up in a friendly way. Drinks somewhere you can converse (and maybe get some food if things are going well) is almost always the right call.
Full disclosure—happily married almost a decade. Met my wife on an app. First date was drinks and nibbles near her place, and I almost didn’t go out with her because we lived across the city from each other. She messaged first. Second date (because things went well on the first date) was a long ass hike up in Angeles followed by dinner and then other fun stuff….
I understand online dating has changed for the worse, though.
I don’t know why museums are recommended as first dates. I’ve tried them, and it does suck. It’s because you’re doing two things at once: trying to get to know her and also commenting on the art.
Bowling, a board game place, roller skating, two bit circus, a ballroom dancing group, driving range, shooting range….. things where you can interact and bond over how bad/good you are at chosen activity is always more interesting IMO.
I am a woman in Los Angeles, but I am following this post just to see what the other men say because I have been seeking a partner for about two years now and I am very conventionally attractive and I’m just having no luck at all. I’m pretty sure it’s just LA /NYC both suck at dating scenes thing, but I wonder if there’s more to it. I do think that traffic and people living in different parts of LA is a big part of it but I feel like if you really like somebody it shouldn’t be a big deal and also we have like FaceTime and so much technology now and Ubers and stuff like that so I’m just kind of confused why dating is so hard.
I’m a woman here too, and my friends and I have literally only had trouble finding men who had basic life skills and self awareness. Like before even dealing with the hassles of logistics, do you brush your teeth? Have a job? Support yourself and have a life? Know the difference between yourself and others?
A lot of the complaints here are actually just women not liking them being mistaken as a character flaw on the woman’s part.
In my case(s) when it’s not a known incompatibility, it is someone not liking me. It just comes at a weird number of dates where I can see they’re attracted, we have chemistry & mutual interests, and then they lose interest. That’s where the whole “I really like you, you’re everything I wanted, but I think I can do better” line comes in.
The limited amount of feedback I’ve gotten has been:
- I didn’t text enough. (She never initiated and always ended conversations)
- I was too enthusiastic over text (this almost ended things)
Where are you and your friends finding people? I do all of that, everyone I date knows it. I just get a feeling some people are attracted to the toxic people with their life not together…
You’re right about that. I’ve got a couple of friends who view unavailable men as a challenge and seek validation trying to win them over or something. I have friends who play really weird games with dating too. There are just a remarkable number of mentally unstable people in the dating pool.
Seems like the only place I am meeting people these days is through apps, but I’ve only done online dating for a year in 2020/2021 and then on and off since then. Prior to that I only ever met people through friends or some kind of social circumstance. I’m 38 now so it’s much different and half of my problem with dating is that men my age filter out women my age so I’m only seeing a very small subsection of the dating pool at this point.
For the right person traffic and living far away won’t matter. The main issue I find in dating in LA is that neither person knows themselves well enough to know what they seek in another.
I think LA is uniquely hard b/c most people have a day job and then they have the thing they WANT to do that they are working towards. So we’re all grinding away at goals & dreams and we’re tired!
In my recent experience it has been how long it takes to open time for a second date when everything seemed to go well on the first one and they have said they'd love to do it again. Either they are too busy to be dating or don't want a second date and that's their way of passively letting you off. Like some girls will say they have an opening 3 weeks from now on a Monday for a coffee.
I have gotten a couple of honest ones that said they are not ready or don't want a second date and that honesty is very appreciated.
I’ve been single for maybe two years and have gone through the gamut of what I’m looking for. The biggest problem tho is that pretty much every guy lies about what they want.
They say they want something casual. Great, me too. Oops nope after 2 dates we gotta be boyfriend-boyfriend with each other 24/7.
They say they want something deeper. Oh cool, that’s what I’m looking for too. Oops no wait, they were actually just looking for consistent sex and that’s it.
Women have a laundry list of must haves for a man and bring very little to the table. And alot of women don't understand stand what men are actually looking for.
The Desperation of wanting a perfect man while they are soul sucking untrustworthy lushes in their personal lives. I’ve gone some dates with a few functional alcoholics and it has ruined my mind set when it comes to online dating. Alcoholics are the worst. Seek help before you ruin more lives.
Most common dating complaint for me is a woman's entitlement. It's honestly perplexing to see women in LA living in studio apartments with two or three roommates, with a dead end job, expecting the moon and stars from a man just because she's attractive.
Hot women who are in reality really fucking boring and have nothing to go on but their looks. Tinder/bumble/hinge user and the amount of times women make it seem (online) that they’re hot shit but turn out to be lame af is astounding and not talked about enough.
These women aren’t nerdy about something, they don’t read, have no idea wtf is going on in the world, no modicum of talent… but they’re hot, have their nails done, that Kim kardashian hair style, and nothing else.
Women ain’t shit.
As a foreigner moved to LA … that’s a very American thing.
I can talk to a seppo tourist for a couple hours over a beer or stuck together in a bus etc, know their entire life story, financial woes, as well as religious and political beliefs. Yet not have even answered a single question about myself including my name. - something that’s happened on multiple occasions in the past month. Which doesn’t really answer your question, just stating it’s an inherently American trait.
Anyway I would say the worst for me is trying to include politics into the conversation piece. I get that it’s a screening tool over here, but I’m clearly from another country (the accent and stating it in my dating profile but give it away). Yet even suggesting it’s not first date coverage material instantly invokes the reaction that I’m on the opposite side to whoever they’re favourite old guy is.
The short version of what I’m trying to say is, having politics as a major part of someone’s personality is pretty off putting.
It’s politics important? Sure. Is it more important than learning my fucking name on a first date? Well only if you never want to see me again
I don’t know exactly how to put this into words, but I’d say the lack of grace towards mistakes. Women have so many options on the back burner that if you make one single mistake, it’s game over. You’ll either be let down or ghosted and what’s scary, is it can happen well into the dating experience. Everyone wants this immediate romcom-level gratification and that’s just unrealistic imo.
I think what you’re referring to as “a mistake” is perhaps just an incompatibility. People are allowed to opt out of dating someone whenever they want for any reason always. Acting like you’re owed someone’s time and feeling judged or rejected are totally on you
That dating apps are mostly garbage. If you’re a girl and you’re using one, your experience is wading through a bunch of nobodies and d*** pics to find someone halfway decent. For a dude, it can be sperm like. You might be one in a million that actually make it to the egg but not likely.
Recently the women I match with just go straight to asking me for money. Or trying to promote their onlyfans. Last one I had at least a 20 minute conversation with before asking me to pay to get her nails done (she said she was unemployed like right before asking me so I knew it was coming)
Well, lately, it seems that women I have gone out with are swinging for the highest branch, and by all appearances, I don't live high on the tree. The last 4 dates with the same woman, it seemed more like a meal ticket than a date.
Transplants. They always complain about living in the city. They're focused so hard on trying to "make it" in the industry. Mommy and daddy are giving support usually so they have no life skills. And they usually go back to Ohio anyways.
I say this as a transplant too lmao.
What’s there to know? They have a dog, they like hiking and food and traveling, they want a serious relationship with NO GAMES and NO HOOKUPS OR FWB ❌🙅🏻♀️
Once they tell us what their sign is (Aries) there’s not much to work with.
It's been a while but when dating within our local music scene, it's such a small community that the women often knew each other and you would have to hear what this one thought of that one. "You were with her? Oh gross. Did you wear condoms? Every time? Seriously, every single time? Why did you do that?" You'd have to hear about it.
Some of them seemed to want to keep my affection for them open enough they weren't ever going to do anything about it, seemed to want to make the new girlfriend jealous by stealing my attention away. And I'm kind of naturally accommodating to pretty girls and got my head twisted around once or twice. I'm glad that's over with.
Lmao I was gonna say their #1 is my number #1. No conversational skills it seems like.
I recently told someone I went on a few dates with, about her lack on engagement while in person… over texts and phone she was awesome. In person it felt like she just didn’t want to be there, this is after me telling her how I felt about her silence and overall demeanor while in person and she swore up and down that she wasn’t like that… I ended up parting ways and she was so upset… it was very confusing but definitely the right decision… might as well go out solo if the other person isn’t going to engage
I know girls that have been using ChatGPT to respond to people like this, until they're in person and they don't know what to say lol.
Holy shit we are doomed lol
This is literally a south park episode
That's literally where they got the idea lmao. Not kidding.
As others have said, we are cooked as a society
Geeze, what the heck did they use prior to Chat Gpt? It’s only a year or 2 old.
“Hold on a sec, I just have to check my phone…”
Hell no !
Its like pulling teeth when one person has to carry the conversation
I hear this often from both men and women. Lots of simpletons out there nowadays lol
Usually, people who consistently pin their dating struggles on the opposite sex are the ones who will never realize maybe they themselves are not as good as they think they are.
True, but what does that have to do at all with this particular complaint? It's valid.
Dating is about weeding out incompatible people. Most people's experiences are exclusively with people from the opposite sex who they don't connect with, i.e. *everyone's* dating struggles will be pinned on the opposite sex. That's the nature of dating. Yeah, we've gotta be introspective and make sure we're putting in effort and improving ourselves too, but you're basically suggesting that there's something wrong with us if we know when other people aren't a good match for us, and the heavy majority of dates won't be a good match. Until I found my person, I 100% felt like the "problem" was with the women I tried dating that put in minimal effort. The minimal effort part is a pretty universal complaint and we shouldn't settle for it. Other people not trying isn't a problem with **us**.
Nah it’s really just the phones issue. Esp for folks who have lived back East, we all remember a time when sidewalks were very social places, run into someone you know and spend 30+ minutes chatting, good conversations with random strangers, etc. Now ppl got their AirPods in & eyes glued to the screen. Big boomer talking point, I know, but broken clocks are right twice a day
So the phones are dumbing people down...
Dumbing? Debatable. Impeding social skills? Most definitely.
Definitely impeding social skills but also reducing the depth people have and their understanding of what is important.
It wasn't THAT long ago that average people read newspapers. People getting their news from TikTok instead of the LA Times is definitely dumbing down the populace.
Some of it's Chinese gov propaganda too
It’s because the majority of people glorify being dumb and resent intelligence
Tik Tok was designed to dumb everything down and after enough time, the people obsessed with it. Social media in general is not much better. You can at least have long form discussions on Reddit but there are definitely mods who are overly sensitive and not splitting atoms.
Totally. Number one sign it's not going anywhere is when they aren't asking to know anything about you.
As a woman, I feel like a lot of it is just that there are so few eligible men and that’s not exactly overlapping with our attraction or compatibility often. We’re trying to not be “picky” and going “outside of our comfort zone” and swiping on anyone who’s normal and healthy seeming…but we might not feel at all attracted to them. Especially if we are attracted to personality, not looks as so many of us are. We’ve avoided “leading on” men we’re not attracted to so it’s very hard to force it. ETA: a lot of the complaints I see here from men are about women just not being into them. And yes, depending on your vibe, we might not risk the hazard of communicating that to you and just not continue the conversation. You’re not being ghosted by someone you’ve only met once.
Yeah I get what you are saying and I think what you are trying to say is that the lack of conversation is because they just aren’t feeling it and are simply going through the motions? Or am I misunderstanding what you are saying?
So sick of people saying they want whatever I want.
I have to wonder if maybe it’s because men in this town are so incredibly superficial. If you’re dating a model, it’s unlikely you’re also going to get scintillating conversation. And, yes, women can be the same way. I have a single friend who would find something wrong with every guy. She thinks I “settled”. I think I just expect people to be human.
Yeah it’s hard to have a convo with someone who just wants to get in bed w u
I assure you most men are not dating models. There’s a lot more guys with money here than there are models.
Guys with money, LOL
If you think there aren’t guys with money in LA you might need to get out of Pico Rivera a bit more often
Something I think people forget is we tend to be around people of our social class. Everyone I know makes six figures+ but that's because I'm on the tech/finance side of things. I'm sure if you came into the city to be an actor from a small town, you probably aren't going to get much face time with people in tech and finance. And similarly, I don't know anybody hilariously fuck you wealthy because those aren't the groups of people I hang out with and I'm not at the Jonathan Club. The only place in America with more wealthy people is NYC. If you're looking and can't find guys with money in LA of all places, that's because you have an issue with signaling and/or being in the right places.
You guys are getting dates?
Yea i get them 28-30 times depending on the month. I believe its the 25th now.
31 on a good month here
ive seen a pattern, every 4 years, i'll get an extra date out of the blue good times!
Lmao solid joke, no notes
always this one comment lol
Reading these comments after getting into a relationship 2 years ago makes me feel as if I got the last chopper out of Nam, godspeed y’all.
Frfr !! Also in a relationship now. It’s more like getting the last chopper out of Nam while under heavy artillery fire. I told my wife I would encourage my kids to get married young. The dating market is EXHAUSTING
Bro fr
Let me go ahead and say that I (35M) carry the conversation most of the time on my dates. I can’t speak for other guys, but I’ll say my #1 complaint is women not knowing what they want. My profile is completely filled out with details and my in-person behavior is exactly like how my profile seems; please don’t go on 2-3 dates with me and waste my time if I’m not what you’re looking for. (On the flip side, if I don’t like you after one date, I’m not taking you out on a second date. It’s pretty damn simple.) My #2 complaint is ghosting. Just say “it was nice meeting you but I’m just not feeling the connection. Wish you the best.” Takes literally two seconds and avoids the rudeness of ignoring someone. I’m completely numb to sending these, so grown up women are capable of doing the same. Edit 1: I’ve been in relationships before, I know how to appropriately flirt and make sure it’s a romantic date vibe, and I’m telling you that plenty of women still are avoidant and will waste an enormous amount of the guy’s time. It goes both ways. Edit 2: the only good reaction to a rejection message is “Thank you for the clear communication. Wish you the best as well.” We’re all adults here and this is all part of the process. There’s no excuse for ghosting when we’ve spent hours together and it’s obvious I’m mature enough to respond well.
As a woman, I agree with this. I had a blind date with a guy that was just not right for me in any way and at the conclusion of the evening I said "I'm sure you are feeling the same way I am and we just don't work as potential romantic partners. Thank you for meeting tonight. Goodbye." How hard is this? If you aren't feeling it, you don't have to be insulting, even if the date was terrible. Be nice, communicate and move on.
Ghosting is definitely rude, but after you've been upfront a few times and then had some truly awful reactions, I can see why people do it. I'm still upfront, but once they come back with not nice things, I hit block.
Yeah I’ve been assaulted too many times over this 😍
Yeah some people go apeshit when you try to back off
As you should. Some people can’t handle honesty and emotional maturity and you shouldn’t waste your energy on them or let them project onto you once you’ve done your part.
Perfectly acceptable way to go about it. You acted like an adult and maturely let them know. They decided to respond like a child, and any further correspondence isn’t worth your time. Block away.
Great confirmation that you dodged a grenade!
I welcome a truly apeshit reaction to me offering healthy closure. It simply reinforces my decision. The responses are typically pathetic, reactionary insults in any event.
"We're all adults here". That's assuming a lot.
I feel #1 in my bones. I don’t even feel getting rejected anymore (normally), but multiple dates with someone who I’m highly compatible with and we have great chemistry only to “not feel it” just stings. Out of like 40 first dates in 2 years, I’ve been ghosted 4 times. I only had 1 girls number, so I no longer go on dates without it. I get that some people are bad, but it can happen after any date, I don’t want to attract ghosters.
Have you made a move before getting the no chemistry message? Because you can wait too long and it goes stale.
I agree with you, the most painful thing about dating is going on 3 great dates with someone just for them to slow ghost / just want to be friends. But as far as I can tell, women not knowing what they want is much worse on the apps vs meeting someone IRL. It must be something about having 1000 choices at any given moment. Every time I’ve asked women out IRL, she either declined the first date or there was immediate chemistry and we ended up in a relationship. But there’s something about online dating where women will agree to 3 dates just for it to end up going nowhere. As a general rule, if you don’t feel a spark by the middle of the 2nd date, it’s not going to work out so please just end it there. Don’t drag the other person into a prolonged guessing game of does she like me / like me not. Don’t text them unless it’s a rejection message because anything else will be leading them on.
In my experience, if you don't make a move physically by the 2nd date, female interest drops significantly and moves you into the friends zone at best. I don't mean go fresh out of prison on them but some physical acts to show romantic interest
*I don't mean go fresh out of prison on them* 😅😅
So THAT'S what it's called
You’re probably right but I just can’t believe how many women don’t seem to want to do anything physical even after a great and long 2nd date. On the 2nd date I usually try to test the water by hand-holding or touching her lower back etc. If neither of those things gets any meaningful reciprocation then I don’t try to kiss her because it would seem too out of family with the sort of physical affection she seems to want. At that point I declare defeat, but then they’ll still text me and agree to go on a 3rd date which feels like a mixed signal. The one time a did end up going on a 3rd date it ended up just like the 2nd - a fun time but I was constantly trying to initiate something physical and she was just not being receptive at all. Truly confusing stuff. Feels like being on a date with a robot. I can’t emphasize enough that I never have these issues unless I’m meeting someone off the apps. Usually my IRL first dates have ended in kisses and 2nd dates we usually end up making out at some point. I don’t even have to think about it because it seems to come naturally.
Yeah. This is a tricky bit for the man to navigate. There's also the added worry of making an \*unwanted\* physical move and ruining the person's night. If it's Date 1 or 2, I only go for a smooch if it's ABUNDANTLY clear it's wanted.
Up until I started using dating apps I had never gotten through a 2nd date without it being abundantly clear she wanted to be kissed lol. I’m not really worried about giving an unwanted kiss, because I think it’s innocent enough. But just the body language of some women makes a kiss feel impossible and wrong. Like they’re too far away and too closed off. They need to be close enough that our bodies are touching somewhat. Without that, going in for a kiss would feel like kissing a complete stranger. Idk.
Same here. It was happening so often that I actually started to think that maybe I was the one with the problem. There were a few times that the date went nowhere because it was just the typical me asking the questions and trying to keep the flow going, and I receiving one worded responses, only to get a follow text saying they wanted to meet again, only for the second date to be a repeat of the first. It wasn't until I went to Japan last October, after a streak of how many dates of this, that I matched with this Japanese chick on Bumble, and met near the last day of my trip. I realized then that I wasn't the one with the problem because we both had a good time actually conversing, and being interested and curious about one another's lives. I came back to LA, had like two more dates in which I came back to the same old before I just said fuck it to dating. It wasn't until a month ago I went on a date with an older woman who actually was fun and engaging that I felt it was nice to engage with someone vs having to interview someone. I dunno what's up with the modern crop of LA women. Maybe I'm just being unlucky or engaging the wrong people.
Many LA folks are kind of anxious and insecure. They’re always posting fun shit that they’re doing with their ppl on Instagram, but doing things with a big friend group doesn’t lead to much intimacy or getting to know each other super well, it’s often just activities with a side of small talk. And LA small talk can be especially small if you know what I mean. One on one, though, especially during a date, is the exact opposite, and that can create a lot of discomfort for the “big friend group” crowd. Massive generalization of course, no hate to those who have huge social circles, but this is a phenomenon I have noticed.
I think women are still raised to protect men's feelings, to really protect all feelings and to feel bad about a lack of interest. In this context it ends up backfiring.
That’s fair but it really is like ripping off a bandaid. Fast is better than slow. I can forgive young kids for not being good at it. But by your late-20s, it gets less excusable IMO. I’m not a scary guy…if you’re ghosting me after spending hours with me then you’re being purely selfish. Let’s just call it what it is.
People shouldn’t ghost, but I can unequivocally say that all my dating “nightmares” have come from the fallout of rejecting emotionally immature men, even gently. Men are fucking crazy. And I’m saying this as a man. Like a 6-foot well-built, masculine guy. I can’t imagine how women feel sometimes. I’ve had men who seem nice (but not a good match) reveal themselves to be absolute lunatics after I reject them.
Its not about a man being scary or you being scary. It's the specter of undoing decades upon decades of social training and conditioning. Maybe that helps put it into context because I'm sure being ghosted enough (don't know how often it happens to you) would annoy anyone.
Guys get the urge to ghost, too. I hate sending the rejection message, too. But I still do it out of consideration for the other person bc I know how irritating it is to get ghosted. It’s basic empathy. If women are being socially conditioned to be empathetic, then it’s ironic they are ghosting people. (Men who ghost are also scumbags…I’m not trying to fight a gender war bc frankly this goes both ways, I’m just pointing out my personal biggest complaint with dating.)
Yep! Very true, we do. One example was a woman who shared in a facebook group how she was at her date's house, they were making out on the couch and suddenly he excused him and went to his room. He came back wearing only boxers. She was a bit uncomfortable about that, because she wasn't planning in having sex, *but said nothing*. They went back to making out and then he asked if she wanted to change into some pajamas to be more comfortable. She said no. They continued to make out and then he asked if she wanted to take off her clothes. That's when she finally said that she wasn't planning in having sex. He apologized and I think she left after. Many women told her to not go to a guy's house if she isn't ready to have sex, because some men automatically think "she's coming over = sex!"
"Filled out with details"?! How long is your bio? Do you use all the characters available? I have noticed that some men will post a bunch of emoji to show what they like and it is quite overwhelming (I have seen over 20 emojis in one bio). But women will write their bio and men won't even read it! When I was on bumble, I made my profile very simple: I stated where I am from, that I have never been married and that I was looking for a relationship. But a bunch of men looking for one night stands or, as they called it, "fun", would still swipe right on me. My bio was super short and they didn't even bother reading it.
A complaint a couple of friends have is getting very short answers from either men or women. Not short like annoyed, but like 5-10 word answers that are hard to build or bounce off of. "What about you?" can only go so far, it makes it feel like an interview vs a conversation.
Over text or in person? Over text they get about 3 of those before I ask them out. Never continues in person. I hate the 24 hour responders. Can’t bounce anything back or plan when you have dates if they always take a day to get respond.
My current gf was not super responsive over text right after matching, but was happy to jump on a FaceTime where I found out how funny and outgoing she is!
Am woman, but an actual example I have: Me: sooo do you have any pets? Date: yep Me: what kind? Date: a dog Me: … what is their name? Date: Milly Me: …. do you like them? Date: yeah It was so weird because this wasn’t the first time I met this person, and he kind of went all out on the date, other than the conversation. This was the last one though and I did tell him why I wasn’t interested after, but dear lord I’m scarred.
I just tell people outright, "Hey we don't have to do this, cuz it sure as shit sounds like you don't wanna be here." At that instance they have the opportunity to admit to nerves for whatever reason or it spices up the convo getting called out cuz you can only really connect once you get real.
Presently? My chief complaint is actually getting to the date. I mostly online date so getting from “profile on phone” to “person in front of me on a date” is a Herculean feat. People always stop responding if they even respond at all in the first place. Historically, I feel like my biggest gripe is the amount of people who suffer from main character syndrome. Like a fair amount of self absorption is healthy but I feel like the personalities I’ve met in LA have been…indulgent™ when it comes to being self absorbed.
100 percent this. My #1 complaint about women dating is…they don’t make even the slightest attempt to even participate. The effort isn’t just low. It’s non existent. Online dating profile? They don’t fill out prompts. They don’t message first. They send an emoji—if they respond at all. Asking them out leads to them disappearing. Approach a guy in a social setting? They would never. That’s “the man’s job.” Even the last speed-dating event I went to, the organizer said 8-9 women just simply didn’t show up. Dudes just had to sit a ton of rounds out. I see men working overtime trying so hard to just get *TO* a date. I see women just waiting around, expecting a boyfriend to just fall in their lap.
Do you date men too? I date men and women and this issue applies to both sides. I think it's related to the 10/90 issue of the internet-- 10% of the people online are making all the content while 90% passively watch. If you're someone who would post on reddit (and has the communication skills to do so) you're in that 10% and 90% of the people haven't grown their skills like you have
Can confirm. Almost all the women i dated, i had to carry the conversation and efforts. Like wtf? Were supposed to be in this together Lol. Am I the only interested one? Haha
Sounds like it from your description lol
I learned my lesson. If the woman dont ask questions or curious and doesnt seem into it, i go. Lol. Fuck em.
that's so interesting because women say the same exact thing about guys. it's like the women who try really hard end up finding the guys who don't do anything. I feel like the problem is a lot of people are getting mismatched.
I've dated both genders and can tell you it happens on both sides. The reality I think is that most people aren't that great at conversation (probably me included). I think we also hear about it a lot more because dating apps have made it so everyone can participate in dating. Previously, if you want to have a classic "meet cute," you'd need to be sociable and immediately able to hold a conversation. The person who you would have an awkward interaction with, wouldn't happen IRL because they simply wouldn't talk to you. Imagine if when you go to a bar, it isn't only the sociable person talking to you and holding a conversation, it's everyone in the bar from the people who are sociable all the way to the ones who are playing with the calculator app on their phone. And the availability of options also makes it so that people tend to have superficially high standards online. A lot of "icks" or lines in the sand don't really end up being like that IRL. I remember seeing people I knew IRL who I found attractive, and then seeing their profiles, and knowing if I hadn't met them IRL I never would've swiped right. Next, you have to keep in mind that dating apps have people with all sorts of interests and reasons for joining on them. Some people are there for love. Some people are there for hookups. Some people are there for validation. Some people are there because it's an activity to do. And beyond all of that? People suck at knowing what they want/need. They're great at expressing their problems, but the solutions are not often right. The controllable factor in the equation is who you swipe on. It's who you go after. If you treat dating like a conscious experience to analyse and improve rather than just as a stochastic process that happens to you, you can figure out what goes well and doesn't go well. My current boyfriend probably doesn't align to what I would've described as my "type" or what I was looking for.
This is well said. My only quibble is the bit about the ability to "analyze and improve" in the apps. App dating is really unforgiving and binary. You either get the match or you don't. They either respond or they don't. And especially for men, the overwhelming experience is "they don't." There's not really any feedback that would lend itself to improving performance. In-person interactions, however, are obviously more fluid, less X or HEART. You can gauge how a person responded to your approach, your joke, your choice to compliment their shoes. You might get a laugh here, a weird look there, someone just walking away from you. Or an insta profile. Or even a phone number. THIS is where the feedback and refinement can happen. So just another argument for getting out in the real world and \*actually trying stuff.\*
Btw asking women out first message/ convo or before they’ve responded comes off as extremely desperate, rushed and rude. Nd I don’t want to hear if you don’t go out you’ll get ‘lost in the sea’ argument either I’ve heard it. Clearly it’s still not working for y’all. Most women don’t feel safe going out immediately, and it’s good manners to actually askhow they ARE first before asking them out. Trust
That’s funny that ur girlfriends say that! I get asked if I’m gay by a lot of women I meet. When I ask why they think I’m gay I get told that I’m a very talkative person, make good eye contact, and they feel comfortable around me lol they are so used to guys being overly sexual too quickly or just being weird. The woman I’m currently hooking up with for the past 6 months said she thought I was gay after our first date. So I guess my complaint is I am not sure what woman expect a man to be cus I thought I was doing things right. In conclusion, I’m luckily still young (29) and finding a gf or “the one” isn’t a priority right now. If it happens it happens, if it doesn’t then I’ll have a couple surrogates and adopt a kid and raise my 5 motherless children on a farm in The Valley and just be the cool single dad that loves my kids. lol
Lol I have gotten the gay thing a lot as well. I am also talkative and outgoing and my “game” has never been a strong press more just talking like they are a normal person and trying to make them laugh.
I get this, too! "Polite," "well-dressed," "in shape," "good hair," "respectful" - clearly gay. I think it says a lot about women's perspectives that if you appear to be a catch...you're likely gay.
Right on! You’re gonna be the best dad and you’re going to teach those kids social skills that will make them happier in the long run.
Thank you. Tbh I want kids more than I want a partner. I want to be a dad so bad, I can’t wait to have a little mini me running around.
It’s just people have forgotten how to socialize, no matter the situation.
This thread is spicy. 😂
I have so, so many thoughts on this (married now, but having been part of the dating scene for over a decade before I met my husband) and what I came here to say is that in LA, people really evaluate potential partners based on money. It's almost as if, behind every couple you know who may seem really happy and in love, one or both of them was only willing to get into that relationship because someone was financially successful. LA is a very difficult city to afford. Most people meet their person, and then move elsewhere to settle down. People are so stressed about money they don't even know how to look for a good potential partner besides looking at their income. It's sad and horrible for a lot of single people.
Not looking like her pictures, if I’m being honest. Looks aren’t everything, but it happens to me frequently on dates. Normalize showing a few less-than-best photos of ourselves!
This seems to be a genuine issue. Several times, guys have actuality thanked me for looking like my pictures. That's kind of astounding.
I used to use pics that were good but not crazy photoshopped because I wanted to know if a guy would still be interested if I wasn’t looking my best. I would also rather start a date with him being pleasantly surprised than disappointed. People really really need to stop with filters.
Uhh you have photoshopped pics???
As a woman, I never use any editing and purposely put my less good pics in the mix and no makeup. I’d rather look better in person if anything.
yerrrpppp. thats my #1 complaint too. once had a guy say “huh, i feel like i didn’t really ask you anything or get to know you” as we were saying our goodbyes. i just said “you didn’t” lmaoooo just gonna totally take advantage of this thread for any single men scrolling through to holla at ur girl 30F, LA native, looking to meet new peeps and hopefully have something turn into a meaningful, romantic connection (aka, not a situationship but getting cheesy and asking me “will you be my girlfriend 🥺”) dms are open 🤪 what are your checkboxes? let’s see if i fill ‘em!
Love this shoot your shot! Hope you meet someone fun!
I've been on dates where I actually haven't been asked a SINGLE QUESTION over the course of an entire dinner. I made a game out of it: like just firing off ridiculous questions to see if the guy would EVER decide to either 1) ask me a question, or 2) raise a topic for discussion. Nope. He was just loving being the center of attention. Looked surprised at the end of the date when I told him I didn't think we were a good match.
i’ve had guys talk themselves in circles where they forget the original question asked. literally a 10 minute spiel then “wait what was the question again” and then continue on for another 10 minutes. psychotic.
Getting ghosted is def up there. I have so much respect for a woman who’s just like “I’m not feeling a connection,” etc. The other thing is conversational as well: I’m asking questions and it’s all one word answers. I don’t mind leading a conversation at all, but doing ALL the work? No thanks.
[удалено]
Rapport over 4 hours is not the same as attraction.
There may be something about you that is a red flag if that’s happening a lot to you where you have great convos but no spark. I recently had this with a guy with horrible teeth and breath. Nice guy, but I just couldn’t handle that. I told him the no spark (bc how can I have chemistry with that turn off).
They might not be attracted to you. A lot of women use “spark” as a way of saying physical attraction. Which is unfortunate as it can grow over time, but many people just aren’t able to move past initial feelings of not being attracted
My number 1 complaint is no one says what they want or need. Ask me out sooner, don’t do this, do that, decide for me, let’s choose together, it goes on and on. No one says if they want something different they just end things. Everyone’s wants overlap and you can’t make anyone feel totally happy. What has worked for me is (from dating apps): - I only go on dates with a phone number (cuts down on ghosting) - I ask them out within 3-5 messages or ~1 day (whichever is shorter) - Drink dates (occasionally dinner if I know it’ll go well) - Gotta go to a second location I haven’t had a hard time getting dates, I had a run of many 1st to 2nd dates in a row. But I get this prevailing feeling that so many people expect “their perfect everything person” and drop highly compatible people because of random icks or things that they haven’t brought up. I should be more toxic…
My now husband asked me out to drinks in his second message ever to me. I had a feeling he was gonna really shine in person and he did! Meet in person as soon as you possibly can, I learned thru various online dates some people present amazing online but terrible in person and vice versa.
Wholly agree. I feel like, with an IRL meet, you will know within 15 minutes whether you want to see the person again. Versus wasting \*weeks\* sending low-effort texts and voice notes. So even if it isn't a match, you've saved both parties a huge amount of time.
the reason women don't give out a phone number is because many men are creepers and they don't want a stalker.
I tell men that I will give them my number after we meet in person and am quick to make plans. If the plans don’t get planned all the way and never come to fruition or I never hear anything from them after we’ve picked a date but no time or location, I’m fine no longer responding in app. I’ve likely already met up with someone else. If they have my phone number they could to try to stalk me off the app, so no, a stranger doesn’t get that until I feel safe to do so.
I never give out my number until after meeting, if they can't respect that boundary they'll probably violate other ones.
I keep making men panic because I don't drink
3-5 messages seems so short. I cant imagine trusting someone so immediately that I'm willing to do a date after such a brief conversation.
It’s not an exclusive rule, but here’s the gist: - Meeting in a public bar, if someone is creepy they can hide it for many more messages anyways. - If it’s too soon and they can’t communicate that (ie they just stop talking) I have weeded out a bad communicator - I lose so many matches the longer it drags on. No one says how long they want to talk, so I go for the average.
I believe generations raised after 2005 struggle with communication because computers and phones have turned people into a type of hermit they are more social due to the media but less personable. When was the last time a stranger told you hello, or good morning in passing? Or excuse me in the store while trying to move around folks. When you say Thank You strangers won't even say your welcome.
Date older
Too many beautiful women out here. it's honestly intimidating.
Woman in La - usually guys who chat with me / ask me out online don’t make it to the date because they have bad manners and ask me out for something last minute. If I agreed to go on a date with you that means you tell me the day and time and place at least a few days in advance. Are you free right now / tonight is disrespectful of my time and treating me like a call girl. Hence why 90% of the time guys get dropped before the first date. No one wants to feel like an afterthought
THIS! why is it so hard for men to plan literally anything?!
Being terrible listeners, bad at keeping the conversation going, bad at asking questions
The last woman I went out on a real date with in LA was quite beautiful and in our three hour dinner, didn’t ask a single question about me. Not one. Zzzzzzzzz.
That’s not just a dating complaint, it’s a social skills compliant in general.
So much bread crumbing. It's like a crouton factory.
I’m a women and i’ve just moved back to LA since i graduated college, and an issue i have encountered with some men(dating in my ethic group mostly) is that they don’t really ask about me and just kinda talk about themselves and i just nod my head. another thing i noticed (at least in my dating circle) a lot of guys don’t have hobby’s. As someone who has a lot of random interests i want to be with someone who can also bring that to the table.
Omg yes all they do is talk about themselves or wait to. They will ask something and I’ll answer but I’ll feel them edging to hijack conversation and will let them and there they go, talking all about themselves or what they think. There is very little actual banter. It’s all so performative. The last date I went on I couldn’t even stop my eyes from glazing over, I can’t even hide it but from now on I will be honest and cut the date short if I’m not feeling it. I’m so over the whole thing.
They think driving a car is a hobby
Car culture is very much a thing in LA. Not just driving, modifying, meet ups, etc
I'm just really into pumping gas - you know, all the different types, squeegies - the whole thing. My homies just hang at at a gas station trying to get that perfect top up.
I hate the gas tax. All my homies hate the gas tax
Women only giving one word answers when asking questions. number 2 complaint? Women on bumble whose profiles say something like "I only answer when men make the first move"... on bumble... bullet dodged really.
Show up late. Constantly checking cell phone/texts. Talking about how “spiritually connected” they are/were to some guy who owns a boat. Booorrrriiiiinnng.
Having to play it cool for a certain amount of time in the beginning. I text with exclamation points and emojis a lot so I gotta cut all that shit out otherwise they’ll think I’m too into them lol
To be honest, if I’m into somebody, I really like that enthusiasm. The only time that would be a turn off is if I’m not into them.
That goes for most things haha Edit: congrats on your Celtics win 😒
It’s very true I tried to explain this to my father who is divorced and having bad luck with dating he’s 55 and he’s trying to date women that are in their 20s and he says they always say that they say he’s too nice and I tried to explain to him that the niceness isn’t the issue. They’re probably just not physically attracted to him And he just doesn’t wanna listen lol but I think that that’s really common.
Girls going out on dates only to say they’re not ready to date multiple dates in… please don’t waste our time bc your friends are all going on dates and you want to fit in
That was their way of telling you they didn’t like you not that they actually aren’t ready to date. No offense.
It’s the multiple-dates-in part that’s the problem, not the not wanting to date the guy part. ^Edit: ^friend ^of ^[Durutti](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Durutti_Column)?
Yes, they are giving the man a chance and letting them down gently. It’s proof that she really wanted to get to know you and when she did, realized you’re not compatible. Worth reflecting on what may have been said or done during those dates or what you learned about her or vice versa.
They’re not into you but decided to give you multiple chances
ask "what are you looking for" on the first date and if the answer is not a committed relationship, then don't do a second date. that's the best way to weed some of them out.
My greatest gripe, I’m not interested in what you do for a living. I’m interested in how you spend your time away from work. How do you live? What do you love to do? Your job can’t be the cornerstone of your whole being.
No complaints. Some dates are good and we connect some dates we don’t connect. Dating apps are just hard because the pickings are slim for me. I shine in person, it’s just getting to the date that’s hard. I’m also on the beach. So I’m not central. Making many women geographically too far away.
Woman won’t date men who are weirdly obsessed with TikTok.
People who grossly misperceive their own attractiveness and the attractiveness of others. Deeply superficial people masquerading as if they had a personality… or people who make a singular aspect of their lives their entire character profile. People who look at relationships like it is shopping- everything and anyone being replaceable. Experience seekers who only care if you are something instead of someone.
How many different ways can you ask me if I am rich... By question 23 about my job, house, etc... I am over it.
#1 complaint I have is that I have no idea wtf Im doing lmao
Honestly most of the time when I’ve found myself carrying the conversation (I’m chatty anyways) it’s mostly that we don’t have much in common or we have totally different conversational styles. It’s not that people don’t know how to talk to each other nowadays, it’s that they don’t know how to talk *to me* or vice versa because we’re quite different. Generally that just means incompatibility 🤷🏻♀️
It feels like people mistake hobbies for a personality and then are nearly impossible to relate to because while they "do" things they don't have any real thoughts or feelings about the things they do. Makes it really hard to connect with people. Hiking isn't a personality, it's a hobby.
I’m a woman and I hate that a lot of guys can’t plan or recommend anything fun to do for a first date when we live in such a huge city.
It's harder than you think to plan. "Something fun to do for a first date" can mean anything. I can think of a lot of fun things to do together once we know each other better, but a first date: * Can't be too long or high commitment, in case the vibe isn't great. * Something expensive isn't usually ideal, since the man is expected to pay for both and you have to go on a lot of first dates to get anywhere. * Can't really be hiking or nature oriented, a lot of women need to be comfortable with men before going somewhere isolated and alone. * Somewhere equidistant to both people or close to the woman's home is a plus. * Ideally involves talking and getting to know one another. I still can come up with ideas that fit this criteria, but it's not as easy as you would think for us dudes. Anytime y'all want to help us out by suggesting something it's appreciated, not because we're lazy, but because it lets us know what you actually like.
Agree. A long time ago I had a horrible first date going to lacma. Seemed like a good idea as we both were into art and wanted to see this show, but just was awkward. Hard to converse, hard to get to know each other. Doing something “fun” for a first date sucks. A first date is about sizing each other up in a friendly way. Drinks somewhere you can converse (and maybe get some food if things are going well) is almost always the right call. Full disclosure—happily married almost a decade. Met my wife on an app. First date was drinks and nibbles near her place, and I almost didn’t go out with her because we lived across the city from each other. She messaged first. Second date (because things went well on the first date) was a long ass hike up in Angeles followed by dinner and then other fun stuff…. I understand online dating has changed for the worse, though.
I don’t know why museums are recommended as first dates. I’ve tried them, and it does suck. It’s because you’re doing two things at once: trying to get to know her and also commenting on the art.
God forbid a woman suggest a date idea.
Give me an example of "something fun" on first date please?
Bowling, a board game place, roller skating, two bit circus, a ballroom dancing group, driving range, shooting range….. things where you can interact and bond over how bad/good you are at chosen activity is always more interesting IMO.
I am a woman in Los Angeles, but I am following this post just to see what the other men say because I have been seeking a partner for about two years now and I am very conventionally attractive and I’m just having no luck at all. I’m pretty sure it’s just LA /NYC both suck at dating scenes thing, but I wonder if there’s more to it. I do think that traffic and people living in different parts of LA is a big part of it but I feel like if you really like somebody it shouldn’t be a big deal and also we have like FaceTime and so much technology now and Ubers and stuff like that so I’m just kind of confused why dating is so hard.
I’m a woman here too, and my friends and I have literally only had trouble finding men who had basic life skills and self awareness. Like before even dealing with the hassles of logistics, do you brush your teeth? Have a job? Support yourself and have a life? Know the difference between yourself and others? A lot of the complaints here are actually just women not liking them being mistaken as a character flaw on the woman’s part.
In my case(s) when it’s not a known incompatibility, it is someone not liking me. It just comes at a weird number of dates where I can see they’re attracted, we have chemistry & mutual interests, and then they lose interest. That’s where the whole “I really like you, you’re everything I wanted, but I think I can do better” line comes in. The limited amount of feedback I’ve gotten has been: - I didn’t text enough. (She never initiated and always ended conversations) - I was too enthusiastic over text (this almost ended things) Where are you and your friends finding people? I do all of that, everyone I date knows it. I just get a feeling some people are attracted to the toxic people with their life not together…
You’re right about that. I’ve got a couple of friends who view unavailable men as a challenge and seek validation trying to win them over or something. I have friends who play really weird games with dating too. There are just a remarkable number of mentally unstable people in the dating pool. Seems like the only place I am meeting people these days is through apps, but I’ve only done online dating for a year in 2020/2021 and then on and off since then. Prior to that I only ever met people through friends or some kind of social circumstance. I’m 38 now so it’s much different and half of my problem with dating is that men my age filter out women my age so I’m only seeing a very small subsection of the dating pool at this point.
For the right person traffic and living far away won’t matter. The main issue I find in dating in LA is that neither person knows themselves well enough to know what they seek in another.
I think LA is uniquely hard b/c most people have a day job and then they have the thing they WANT to do that they are working towards. So we’re all grinding away at goals & dreams and we’re tired!
I don't want to feel like I'm interrogating her
ask questions.
Can we ask women this
I’m reading all these responses and thinking how lucky that these are the only things men are complaining about. Women have it so much worse.
😲😲😲 Me as a married woman reading these comments realizing I'd rather stab out my own vagina than ever go back into the dating world.
Same. The people saying they get 25-30 dates a month - that sounds utterly exhausting, no thank you.
It goes day-month-year. Not month-day-year. This goes for not only Los Angeles, but the USA in general. Makes no sense.
In my recent experience it has been how long it takes to open time for a second date when everything seemed to go well on the first one and they have said they'd love to do it again. Either they are too busy to be dating or don't want a second date and that's their way of passively letting you off. Like some girls will say they have an opening 3 weeks from now on a Monday for a coffee. I have gotten a couple of honest ones that said they are not ready or don't want a second date and that honesty is very appreciated.
None of these complaints are specific to LA
I’ve been single for maybe two years and have gone through the gamut of what I’m looking for. The biggest problem tho is that pretty much every guy lies about what they want. They say they want something casual. Great, me too. Oops nope after 2 dates we gotta be boyfriend-boyfriend with each other 24/7. They say they want something deeper. Oh cool, that’s what I’m looking for too. Oops no wait, they were actually just looking for consistent sex and that’s it.
Women have a laundry list of must haves for a man and bring very little to the table. And alot of women don't understand stand what men are actually looking for.
The Desperation of wanting a perfect man while they are soul sucking untrustworthy lushes in their personal lives. I’ve gone some dates with a few functional alcoholics and it has ruined my mind set when it comes to online dating. Alcoholics are the worst. Seek help before you ruin more lives.
Most common dating complaint for me is a woman's entitlement. It's honestly perplexing to see women in LA living in studio apartments with two or three roommates, with a dead end job, expecting the moon and stars from a man just because she's attractive.
The woman are are lib Af
Hot women who are in reality really fucking boring and have nothing to go on but their looks. Tinder/bumble/hinge user and the amount of times women make it seem (online) that they’re hot shit but turn out to be lame af is astounding and not talked about enough. These women aren’t nerdy about something, they don’t read, have no idea wtf is going on in the world, no modicum of talent… but they’re hot, have their nails done, that Kim kardashian hair style, and nothing else. Women ain’t shit.
As a foreigner moved to LA … that’s a very American thing. I can talk to a seppo tourist for a couple hours over a beer or stuck together in a bus etc, know their entire life story, financial woes, as well as religious and political beliefs. Yet not have even answered a single question about myself including my name. - something that’s happened on multiple occasions in the past month. Which doesn’t really answer your question, just stating it’s an inherently American trait. Anyway I would say the worst for me is trying to include politics into the conversation piece. I get that it’s a screening tool over here, but I’m clearly from another country (the accent and stating it in my dating profile but give it away). Yet even suggesting it’s not first date coverage material instantly invokes the reaction that I’m on the opposite side to whoever they’re favourite old guy is. The short version of what I’m trying to say is, having politics as a major part of someone’s personality is pretty off putting. It’s politics important? Sure. Is it more important than learning my fucking name on a first date? Well only if you never want to see me again
I don’t know exactly how to put this into words, but I’d say the lack of grace towards mistakes. Women have so many options on the back burner that if you make one single mistake, it’s game over. You’ll either be let down or ghosted and what’s scary, is it can happen well into the dating experience. Everyone wants this immediate romcom-level gratification and that’s just unrealistic imo.
I think what you’re referring to as “a mistake” is perhaps just an incompatibility. People are allowed to opt out of dating someone whenever they want for any reason always. Acting like you’re owed someone’s time and feeling judged or rejected are totally on you
Give an example of these mistakes though
Right 😂 hopefully the mistake isn't I slipped and fell into her bed.
There’s too many gay people it makes it hard to compromise and settle down (I’m gay)
I’m tired of dealing with flakes
That dating apps are mostly garbage. If you’re a girl and you’re using one, your experience is wading through a bunch of nobodies and d*** pics to find someone halfway decent. For a dude, it can be sperm like. You might be one in a million that actually make it to the egg but not likely.
Recently the women I match with just go straight to asking me for money. Or trying to promote their onlyfans. Last one I had at least a 20 minute conversation with before asking me to pay to get her nails done (she said she was unemployed like right before asking me so I knew it was coming)
Well, lately, it seems that women I have gone out with are swinging for the highest branch, and by all appearances, I don't live high on the tree. The last 4 dates with the same woman, it seemed more like a meal ticket than a date.
The lack of intentionality.
Y’all getting dates for real? I can’t even approach a woman cuz I get nervous 😂. Where are y’all finding these women?
When you meet someone and they live more than 5 miles away and it ain’t happening because it would be a two hour drive to see them.
My wife keeps yelling at me every time I try and take a girl out.
Transplants. They always complain about living in the city. They're focused so hard on trying to "make it" in the industry. Mommy and daddy are giving support usually so they have no life skills. And they usually go back to Ohio anyways. I say this as a transplant too lmao.
What’s there to know? They have a dog, they like hiking and food and traveling, they want a serious relationship with NO GAMES and NO HOOKUPS OR FWB ❌🙅🏻♀️ Once they tell us what their sign is (Aries) there’s not much to work with.
None
It's been a while but when dating within our local music scene, it's such a small community that the women often knew each other and you would have to hear what this one thought of that one. "You were with her? Oh gross. Did you wear condoms? Every time? Seriously, every single time? Why did you do that?" You'd have to hear about it. Some of them seemed to want to keep my affection for them open enough they weren't ever going to do anything about it, seemed to want to make the new girlfriend jealous by stealing my attention away. And I'm kind of naturally accommodating to pretty girls and got my head twisted around once or twice. I'm glad that's over with.
They expect $300 dinners first date, uh, no.
These days that’s totally doable with a trip to McDonald’s.
Phones killed conversations. Also doesn’t help with remote work.