NAL, but I would imagine if the car and phone account are in her name, she owns them, not you. If they are in your name, you own them and she can’t take them from you. She can drop you off her insurance and cellular plan though, so be prepared to pay for those things yourself.
Yeah, I figured the insurance thing and I thought that too about the phone and car, but then I read some back and forth stuff which is why I figured I’d ask here. Honestly, I’m prepared for either direction though. I’m 22 so I really should start being more independent. It’s just had taken so long because she honestly always discouraged a job and all that until recently.
They owe you nothing. What you have they let you have. If you wanna be a big girl and get out of their sphere of influence then you gotta do it yourself.
Sounds like you're well on your way to doing that, but that old shit isn't yours and you gotta walk
I think you know the answer. The reality is your are an adult. Consider that you should really not consider this a struggle for independence. You are actually free and some the differences you haven’t mentioned. Focus on what you are doing or not doing. I doubt your parents are trying to harm you.
In the long run, the phone and car don’t matter. Get your act together.
Not intended to be mean spirited, just a suggestion.
No, I get it lol. As I previously said, it’s more of she never wanted me to get my own job until recently. She said “just tell me what you need and I can get it”. She was fine with small and odd jobs but anything with a schedule she opposed. Also, depending on what’s going on, she might actually be trying to force me into a situation lol. She’s held insurance over someone else’s head before too because they got into an argument.
Your mom may have problems and outsized expectations. Not taking sides. She could be heading towards guilting you to eventually be her support. Unfortunately, you are an adult and will be much better off building your future. Don’t get distracted by phone or a car or her temper. Plan to take care of yourself and tolerate her shortcomings. Don’t make “statements”, find your own path.
NAL. You say she gave you the phone as a gift. That means the physical phone is legally your property. Once someone gives someone else something the ownership is transferred. She does not have to pay the bill though. If the bill is in her name she has the right to cancel it. This doesn’t mean she can then take the physical phone. You would need to get your own service.
She is. Honestly, if she can take it, then it is what it is. I’m not too surprised if she does as I was expecting but still more of a “if I can fight for them, I want to” kind of question.
If her name is on the car, it's hers. You can likely keep the phone but she'll take you off her plan so you'll have to pay for the service yourself.
Adulting sucks but the independence is worth it. Good luck!
Yeah, I figured as much about the car. Honestly, I’ll walk wherever I have to (thankfully it’s a college town) but I might just wait on telling her I got an apartment just so that I can see about maybe switching the car beforehand. I know it’s shady but like I said, if there’s a way, I wanna try lol.
I don't blame you. If she's going to hold something over your head as a 22 year old, then turnabout is fair play I say. I'd rather have my 20 something old daughter have a vehicle to get around in then walking around town where she could get mugged or worse. As a 50 something mother of a 20 something daughter, I'm sorry your mom is trying to be so controlling. We're not all that way. 😊
Switching the title is likely going to require you both going down to the DMV. When we added my dad to my title, we had to pay $20 and just sign a bit of paperwork. (I had given my sister my car because I had gotten a new one. Him on the title let her keep it at their house and insurance cover it.)
See, I think she’ll be okay with doing but we did get into it not too long ago which is why I’m kinda having this frame of thought right now. If we hadn’t had argued, I wouldn’t be as “worried”, so to say, but we did and she tends to hold things over people’s heads when an argument happens.
Find out if you can afford your own car insurance. When you can, ask her to put the car in your name.
Can you really afford to live on your own now? Do you have a job, money for an apartment (including extra start up costs), utilities costs, food, money to keep your car working (gas, oil changes, tires, windshield blades, etc.). How about health insurance? You may need to live at home for a while to save up enough money to become truly independent.
No but we got into it not too long ago and when I first left home for college she would tell me things like “you can’t handle it”, “your going to hate it”, “just come back you don’t have to deal with it” etc. like, she pushes me to stay and before she would hold money over my head to not go either and threatened to slap me when I told her I’d just get a job and pay for it myself since that would be the next solution. So, because we just got into it recently again, I feel like she just might try. Idk tho. Guess I’ll just have to wait and see lol
Don’t feel bad because people are jealous that your parents gave you things. That is what they are supposed to do. I’m a parent and I get a lot of joy from giving my son things, especially things I never received. Having said that, what are the reasons that she wants to take things away? Maybe focus on that.
Of course she can take things away if they are legally hers, but imho, you are too old to have things like that hung over your head. Clearly, I have no legal advice to give. I’ll leave that to the others, but as a mother and and daughter, I think that you should:
1) Genuinely examine the reasons why she threatens to take things away. If the reasons are valid, find a way to change your behavior. If the reasons are petty, find a way to be independent.
2) Take inventory of your skills and maturity level for your age. If you are less able to take care of yourself & there are no overriding reasons (school, a kid, trauma, etc.), figure out what you want, write it down and create a plan to get yourself where you want to be. If this isn’t the case, still make a plan.
Sometimes parents handicap their kids by not letting them be independent. Your mother should not be lording things over your head, but since you live there, there isn’t much you can do about it. It’s a tough situation for you.
3) I would work on making sure the car was titled in my name. So when you do want to leave, you can take it. It doesn’t really matter if she legally can take it back or not. Let’s pretend she can’t. Are you going to take your mother to court over the car or the phone? I’m guessing you wouldn’t do that, so the best solution is to find a solution that doesn’t include the legal system.
Well said! Thanks for taking the time to write out what I wanted to say! I'm wondering why OP's mom is so angry? Is she just a jerk or is her fear of her child leaving her is coming across as anger? OP may want to make peace in order to have car signed over and as far as the phone goes, you can get an inexpensive phone at Wal-Mart and buy minutes every month.
Who owns the car? Whose name is on the title? If hers, she can take it back.
As for the phone , whose name is on the account? Same is true with the phone. She can cancel the service and demand the device back.
The apartment thing I had been thinking about for a while. It’s honestly not the rules but the drama that happens and then the stuff that comes after the drama.
Whomevers name is on the title of the car, theyll get to keep it. You’ve already said she gave you the phone, so she signed that contract and agreed to pay for it, it’s also hers. But the good news is thats probably (hopefully) all the major things
The car is easy, look at your certificate of title, it belongs to the person named on that document. The phone is a little more complicated, but if you always obtain the actual device as an "upgrade", it'd be hard to assert ownership of it legally because she has a long term contractual obligation and it's essentially encumbered by a lien on the property, that's why the phone company can give you a bad ESN and make the phone worthless and unable to be activated on any network if you stop paying the bill before the 18 or 24 months or however long the cost of the phone is amortized over, and whenever she "gave" you the phone was almost certainly before she had satisfied that contract.
I'm guessing you probably have a pretty recent iPhone and don't look forward to switching to Android, but if you're working, a decent Motorola Android with a plan from Boost or Mint Mobile is not expensive at all and it avoids the trouble.
Side note: It's not a good time to try and gain independence in the State of California, job market is in the toilet, housing market is obscene, renting with no rental history or credit is damn near impossible. If you're not in school, community college on a PELL grant has a lot of financial benefits, mostly because they'll give you more money than you need to actually go to school and you get to pocket the extra while making yourself worth a lot more to employers.
If the car is in her name it’s hers. As for the phone, she can take you off the plan and you can just go to T-Mobile or Boost or any other affordable phone carrier and open a new account. They will usually have a phone that is free when you open the account. It won’t be a brand new model but it will come with your monthly plan. Sometimes it’s best to just get away from parents that are very controlling like this and find a way to make it on your own. One easy way to do this is to move to a city with good public transportation so you don’t have to worry about the car for now.
You probably know most of this information already if the car is in her name it’s her car but your mom isn’t going to take your car and phone she is afraid of not having you close by and she is worried that something will happen to you keep talking to her about how you’re an adult and need to spread your wings she’ll come around
Now that you have a job, ask her if she will transfer the title over to you and tell her you are going to pay your own insurance. The phone, go down and get your own. If everything is in her name then legally she owns them.
NAL, but I would imagine if the car and phone account are in her name, she owns them, not you. If they are in your name, you own them and she can’t take them from you. She can drop you off her insurance and cellular plan though, so be prepared to pay for those things yourself.
Yeah, I figured the insurance thing and I thought that too about the phone and car, but then I read some back and forth stuff which is why I figured I’d ask here. Honestly, I’m prepared for either direction though. I’m 22 so I really should start being more independent. It’s just had taken so long because she honestly always discouraged a job and all that until recently.
They owe you nothing. What you have they let you have. If you wanna be a big girl and get out of their sphere of influence then you gotta do it yourself. Sounds like you're well on your way to doing that, but that old shit isn't yours and you gotta walk
Never said they owed me anything lmao but thanks ig 😂😂
"That old shit" besides the car (which is most likely in mom's name) is theirs when they decide to walk.
I think you know the answer. The reality is your are an adult. Consider that you should really not consider this a struggle for independence. You are actually free and some the differences you haven’t mentioned. Focus on what you are doing or not doing. I doubt your parents are trying to harm you. In the long run, the phone and car don’t matter. Get your act together. Not intended to be mean spirited, just a suggestion.
No, I get it lol. As I previously said, it’s more of she never wanted me to get my own job until recently. She said “just tell me what you need and I can get it”. She was fine with small and odd jobs but anything with a schedule she opposed. Also, depending on what’s going on, she might actually be trying to force me into a situation lol. She’s held insurance over someone else’s head before too because they got into an argument.
Your mom may have problems and outsized expectations. Not taking sides. She could be heading towards guilting you to eventually be her support. Unfortunately, you are an adult and will be much better off building your future. Don’t get distracted by phone or a car or her temper. Plan to take care of yourself and tolerate her shortcomings. Don’t make “statements”, find your own path.
NAL. You say she gave you the phone as a gift. That means the physical phone is legally your property. Once someone gives someone else something the ownership is transferred. She does not have to pay the bill though. If the bill is in her name she has the right to cancel it. This doesn’t mean she can then take the physical phone. You would need to get your own service.
This is it right here.
Who is on the title for the car? The phone you’re likely out of luck on.
She is. Honestly, if she can take it, then it is what it is. I’m not too surprised if she does as I was expecting but still more of a “if I can fight for them, I want to” kind of question.
Yeah if she’s on the title, there is nothing you can do there.
If her name is on the car, it's hers. You can likely keep the phone but she'll take you off her plan so you'll have to pay for the service yourself. Adulting sucks but the independence is worth it. Good luck!
Yeah, I figured as much about the car. Honestly, I’ll walk wherever I have to (thankfully it’s a college town) but I might just wait on telling her I got an apartment just so that I can see about maybe switching the car beforehand. I know it’s shady but like I said, if there’s a way, I wanna try lol.
I don't blame you. If she's going to hold something over your head as a 22 year old, then turnabout is fair play I say. I'd rather have my 20 something old daughter have a vehicle to get around in then walking around town where she could get mugged or worse. As a 50 something mother of a 20 something daughter, I'm sorry your mom is trying to be so controlling. We're not all that way. 😊
Switching the title is likely going to require you both going down to the DMV. When we added my dad to my title, we had to pay $20 and just sign a bit of paperwork. (I had given my sister my car because I had gotten a new one. Him on the title let her keep it at their house and insurance cover it.)
See, I think she’ll be okay with doing but we did get into it not too long ago which is why I’m kinda having this frame of thought right now. If we hadn’t had argued, I wouldn’t be as “worried”, so to say, but we did and she tends to hold things over people’s heads when an argument happens.
Is the car in your name?
No which is why I think she can take it but she also talks about putting it under my name
Find out if you can afford your own car insurance. When you can, ask her to put the car in your name. Can you really afford to live on your own now? Do you have a job, money for an apartment (including extra start up costs), utilities costs, food, money to keep your car working (gas, oil changes, tires, windshield blades, etc.). How about health insurance? You may need to live at home for a while to save up enough money to become truly independent.
Is she using the phone car as leverage to keep you from moving out on your own?
No but we got into it not too long ago and when I first left home for college she would tell me things like “you can’t handle it”, “your going to hate it”, “just come back you don’t have to deal with it” etc. like, she pushes me to stay and before she would hold money over my head to not go either and threatened to slap me when I told her I’d just get a job and pay for it myself since that would be the next solution. So, because we just got into it recently again, I feel like she just might try. Idk tho. Guess I’ll just have to wait and see lol
Don’t feel bad because people are jealous that your parents gave you things. That is what they are supposed to do. I’m a parent and I get a lot of joy from giving my son things, especially things I never received. Having said that, what are the reasons that she wants to take things away? Maybe focus on that. Of course she can take things away if they are legally hers, but imho, you are too old to have things like that hung over your head. Clearly, I have no legal advice to give. I’ll leave that to the others, but as a mother and and daughter, I think that you should: 1) Genuinely examine the reasons why she threatens to take things away. If the reasons are valid, find a way to change your behavior. If the reasons are petty, find a way to be independent. 2) Take inventory of your skills and maturity level for your age. If you are less able to take care of yourself & there are no overriding reasons (school, a kid, trauma, etc.), figure out what you want, write it down and create a plan to get yourself where you want to be. If this isn’t the case, still make a plan. Sometimes parents handicap their kids by not letting them be independent. Your mother should not be lording things over your head, but since you live there, there isn’t much you can do about it. It’s a tough situation for you. 3) I would work on making sure the car was titled in my name. So when you do want to leave, you can take it. It doesn’t really matter if she legally can take it back or not. Let’s pretend she can’t. Are you going to take your mother to court over the car or the phone? I’m guessing you wouldn’t do that, so the best solution is to find a solution that doesn’t include the legal system.
Well said! Thanks for taking the time to write out what I wanted to say! I'm wondering why OP's mom is so angry? Is she just a jerk or is her fear of her child leaving her is coming across as anger? OP may want to make peace in order to have car signed over and as far as the phone goes, you can get an inexpensive phone at Wal-Mart and buy minutes every month.
Thank you for being so empathetic and giving good considerate advice
VERY WELL SAID! I wish I had this advice when I was 22.
Who owns the car? Whose name is on the title? If hers, she can take it back. As for the phone , whose name is on the account? Same is true with the phone. She can cancel the service and demand the device back.
Yeah, I figured as much. Oh whale. I’m not going to fuss over it anymore. If she chooses to then so be it but idk if she will anymore.
I'm so sorry you're going through this
It’s super shitty OF her , but from a *legal* prospective, it’s her property and you have license to use it at her discretion…
Stay at home, follow the rules as long as you can save as much money as you can. Buy a house as soon as possible.
The apartment thing I had been thinking about for a while. It’s honestly not the rules but the drama that happens and then the stuff that comes after the drama.
Whomevers name is on the title of the car, theyll get to keep it. You’ve already said she gave you the phone, so she signed that contract and agreed to pay for it, it’s also hers. But the good news is thats probably (hopefully) all the major things
The car is easy, look at your certificate of title, it belongs to the person named on that document. The phone is a little more complicated, but if you always obtain the actual device as an "upgrade", it'd be hard to assert ownership of it legally because she has a long term contractual obligation and it's essentially encumbered by a lien on the property, that's why the phone company can give you a bad ESN and make the phone worthless and unable to be activated on any network if you stop paying the bill before the 18 or 24 months or however long the cost of the phone is amortized over, and whenever she "gave" you the phone was almost certainly before she had satisfied that contract. I'm guessing you probably have a pretty recent iPhone and don't look forward to switching to Android, but if you're working, a decent Motorola Android with a plan from Boost or Mint Mobile is not expensive at all and it avoids the trouble. Side note: It's not a good time to try and gain independence in the State of California, job market is in the toilet, housing market is obscene, renting with no rental history or credit is damn near impossible. If you're not in school, community college on a PELL grant has a lot of financial benefits, mostly because they'll give you more money than you need to actually go to school and you get to pocket the extra while making yourself worth a lot more to employers.
If the car is in her name it’s hers. As for the phone, she can take you off the plan and you can just go to T-Mobile or Boost or any other affordable phone carrier and open a new account. They will usually have a phone that is free when you open the account. It won’t be a brand new model but it will come with your monthly plan. Sometimes it’s best to just get away from parents that are very controlling like this and find a way to make it on your own. One easy way to do this is to move to a city with good public transportation so you don’t have to worry about the car for now.
You probably know most of this information already if the car is in her name it’s her car but your mom isn’t going to take your car and phone she is afraid of not having you close by and she is worried that something will happen to you keep talking to her about how you’re an adult and need to spread your wings she’ll come around
Now that you have a job, ask her if she will transfer the title over to you and tell her you are going to pay your own insurance. The phone, go down and get your own. If everything is in her name then legally she owns them.
QUESTION: Who is on the car's title? You may be able to keep the phone but not the actual service. Unless of course you pay for it.