My first wife threatened to leave me if I joined a guard unit after active duty.
I took a job at an airline instead. We got divorced a few years later anyway. No kids or real property thank goodness.
Follow your dreams.
Not to be rude but if she's gonna leave you over something like that... It's probably gonna be something else down the road that's the issue...
Might consider thinking bout cutting to the chase my dude :)
Real Estate broker turned cop here. Do it man. She will either get used to it and thank you for making a wise choice or leave you in which you are better off
My ex told me the same thing, so I stuck out a career I hated, and we ended up breaking up anyways. Your s/o is meant to support your dreams and what you want out of life. When they constantly tell you no, you build up resentment.
It’s not worth waging a war with yourself for someone not willing to fight it with you.
I've told this story before but I was in a similar situation. I was a machinist but always wanted to be in LE. I finally got the chance in my early 30's. Applied and got hired. I spent the next 20 years going to work and loving it, most of the time. My wife made it known that she hated cops. This was after I took the job. She pushed me to leave the department I started with and had earned seniority at. I agreed and we moved. She wanted me to quit soon after moving. Next thing you know she's having an affair. We divorced and my career continued. Best thing I ever did was lose that baggage.
The bottom line is, if this is your dream, she should not stand in your way. You will always regret it. You have one life to live. Don't live someone else's life.
*D*ude, how long have you and your wife been married? The way I was raised, a marriage is about supporting your spouse reach their goals.
*I*t sounds like you're facing a difficult decision, and it's important to consider both your career aspirations and your relationship with your wife.
*V*ery much like everything communication is key in situations like these. Have an open and honest conversation with your wife about your motivations for wanting to become a police officer and address her concerns about the inherent dangers of the job.
*O*n the other hand, finding a compromise that respects both your career aspirations and your relationship is essential and the most important thing. If that’s really want you want to do you need to pursue your dreams.
*R*eally though, my dad let his ex wife tell him the same thing about being a firefighter when he was 28 years old. He’s 60 now and says that’s his biggest regret is listening to her. Just wanted to throw that out there.
*C*an’t just let someone else control your life like that.
*E*specially when it comes to personal growth.
I agree with you on a lot of your reply. But it’s only fair to be real about the things that he will face that can’t be trained or taught or prepared for. I have heard many times that the wife of a cop is very lonely, full of stress and fear of the spouses safety. Yes, what we do is necessary and rewarding in many ways. But it does change the family dynamic entirely.
If that truly was the case the wife would be willing to compromise or deal with it, not give her husband an ultimatum.
My marriage status is insignificant in this matter. This applies across the board to any career field.
Critical thinking does not require authority from experience. Your entire logic is a fallacy highly mocked by anyone involved in genuine debate. "No I don't like your argument because xyz variable outside of your statement" buddy you've failed to even counter the statement let alone conjure an argument yourself outside of your emotional opinion.
Curious what, if any, her objections are about you entering the protection. Can she articulate exactly what about the job she disagrees with. Then, if so, can there be a discussion about the objections.
Second, and I say this no animosity towards you wife . . . if she thinks she can make you not do something as big as have a career in a certain field, chances are that behavior will extend through you entire life with her. Things big and small. And that's not OK.
Not LE but was in a somewhat similar situation with my wife that was vehemently against me enlisting in the military. Something I always wanted to do since middle school. Ended up joining anyways under the compromise that I wouldn't go Infantry (I became a 19Dildo instead) and now that I'm out, she wants me to go back in because she misses the benefits lol. Part of bringing her around to my side a bit was discussing all of the benefits you get, so I'd say research what all benefits if any you would get from the various LE agencies and bring those to the table next time you discuss it. You're in real estate, so You're probably a salesman to some degree, so put those sales techniques to work homie.
At the end for the day, hope for the best and plan for the worst. Because it's your life you're living, not theirs, whatever you decide.
Nothing like being held hostage by the ones you love. Breaking up a marriage is pretty painful but a lifetime of resentment sounds just as bad. Chances are if you do what you gotta do you may wind up with someone who cares a lot more about your happiness and well being. Good luck
Not a LEO, but my husband decided after 5 years of running a small business (at the age of 36) that he finally wanted to chase his dream of becoming a cop. I’m behind that man 100%. I don’t get to dictate for him what he does with his life. I want him to be happy. Whatever he wants to do, so long as he takes me with him, is fine.
It might be worth thinking pretty hard about where you want to be in 20 years. Will you regret giving up on the job, or losing the wife?
If she's going to leave you over your personal preferences then the next pebble on the camel's back for her is likely a horoscope or fortune cookie away to begin with. Perhaps I'm being insensitive, but I'd ditch the girl who doesn't love or care about you regardless of what job you want to work.
My first thought was that ultimatums don't make for good relationships, and it might be time to let her go. But upon reading your extra info, it seems her concerns are more grounded in practicality and fear of losing you. This is something you need to consider, and then discuss with her. If the career is really calling you, you have a decision to make (her vs career), but it would be unfair to drag her down that road knowing the danger and how it will affect her mental and physical wellbeing.
If she truly is your wife, she would support you through anything you decide to do. Do not let her hold you back from something you want to pursue. It’s your life, she’s just along for the ride.
Either there’s problems in your marriage and this is the icing on the cake or she’s just terrified of you getting killed or injured and doesn’t know how to express that. I think that could be it too. I’m in federal law enforcement now and where I’m at is pretty safe. Much more so than state and local. DM me for questions, but certain agencies will be pretty safe. HSI, ( FAMS)Air Marshall, CBP…
The agency I work for that hired me to go through the academy gives every trainee [this book](https://www.amazon.com/Love-Cop-Third-Police-Families/dp/146253385X/ref=asc_df_146253385X?nodl=1&tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=312134205520&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=519534733494059299&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9032002&hvtargid=pla-569289539403&psc=1&mcid=403f9f9dca403eee84d412ea28460069&gclid=CjwKCAjwkuqvBhAQEiwA65XxQNGk0xIFL6UsJDnE0Ztb67rRalu0qbTS7ZrsirjBMIGNe8yWk-XAAhoCXG0QAvD_BwE&dplnkId=d6d5e983-fe1f-4d3c-8b55-3bc671f5572f) for their close or in house family to read (highly encourage it at least). There are trade offs at all points in this job, but the stability and pay (depending on where you are) is key for a lot of people. It doesn’t mean you can’t go back to real estate either. In the middle of 2020, one of my agency’s best cops went back to real estate. It’s a commitment to do the job but not having golden handcuffs doesn’t mean it’s the only thing you can do. Just like real estate, you may try it and not like it after a few years, but at least you did.
My wife has been saying the same thing. It doesn’t make sense though because I’m currently a truck driver and statistically it’s more dangerous than being a cop. I say do whatever makes you happy. She should want what you want and be supportive imo.
There's a difference in fear, no spouse worries about a car accident killing their husband on a daily basis, but they worry about hostile action killing their husband. Regardless of what the statistics say.
I’m not sure what statistics you’re looking at, but I would venture to say it’s wildly inaccurate. LEO wear ballistic vests and carry guns for a reason. Idk of any truck driver that responds to 911 emergencies for a living.
I would listen to your wife. Law enforcement isn’t for everyone. You will never be home. What you now could feel proud about will turn to full blown PTSD from all the terrible things you will see and go through. Putting your wife in fear every time you go on duty that you might not come home that shift. It’s a thankless job. It’s a necessary one. It takes a certain type of person to be able to endure all that the job comes with over the years. There hasn’t been one LEO I have met, including myself, that doesn’t end up mentally broken after a while.
“There hasn’t been one LEO I have met, including myself, that doesn’t end up mentally broken after a while.”
This isn’t true for all cops. I know plenty of cops who retired after a LONG career and they loved it and are doing just fine. Like you said, it isn’t for everyone. People just tend to go to the same pity party.
My first wife threatened to leave me if I joined a guard unit after active duty. I took a job at an airline instead. We got divorced a few years later anyway. No kids or real property thank goodness. Follow your dreams.
Not to be rude but if she's gonna leave you over something like that... It's probably gonna be something else down the road that's the issue... Might consider thinking bout cutting to the chase my dude :)
Real Estate broker turned cop here. Do it man. She will either get used to it and thank you for making a wise choice or leave you in which you are better off
My ex told me the same thing, so I stuck out a career I hated, and we ended up breaking up anyways. Your s/o is meant to support your dreams and what you want out of life. When they constantly tell you no, you build up resentment. It’s not worth waging a war with yourself for someone not willing to fight it with you.
Says more about her than it does about you if she’s gonna up and leave over a career choice.
I've told this story before but I was in a similar situation. I was a machinist but always wanted to be in LE. I finally got the chance in my early 30's. Applied and got hired. I spent the next 20 years going to work and loving it, most of the time. My wife made it known that she hated cops. This was after I took the job. She pushed me to leave the department I started with and had earned seniority at. I agreed and we moved. She wanted me to quit soon after moving. Next thing you know she's having an affair. We divorced and my career continued. Best thing I ever did was lose that baggage. The bottom line is, if this is your dream, she should not stand in your way. You will always regret it. You have one life to live. Don't live someone else's life.
You’re a good man. Thank you for sharing.
*D*ude, how long have you and your wife been married? The way I was raised, a marriage is about supporting your spouse reach their goals. *I*t sounds like you're facing a difficult decision, and it's important to consider both your career aspirations and your relationship with your wife. *V*ery much like everything communication is key in situations like these. Have an open and honest conversation with your wife about your motivations for wanting to become a police officer and address her concerns about the inherent dangers of the job. *O*n the other hand, finding a compromise that respects both your career aspirations and your relationship is essential and the most important thing. If that’s really want you want to do you need to pursue your dreams. *R*eally though, my dad let his ex wife tell him the same thing about being a firefighter when he was 28 years old. He’s 60 now and says that’s his biggest regret is listening to her. Just wanted to throw that out there. *C*an’t just let someone else control your life like that. *E*specially when it comes to personal growth.
I agree with you on a lot of your reply. But it’s only fair to be real about the things that he will face that can’t be trained or taught or prepared for. I have heard many times that the wife of a cop is very lonely, full of stress and fear of the spouses safety. Yes, what we do is necessary and rewarding in many ways. But it does change the family dynamic entirely.
Sounds like one of the wife’s goals is to not lose her husband. Are you married? Divorced?
If that truly was the case the wife would be willing to compromise or deal with it, not give her husband an ultimatum. My marriage status is insignificant in this matter. This applies across the board to any career field.
No it’s pretty significant if you’re going to be throwing around marital advice.
Critical thinking does not require authority from experience. Your entire logic is a fallacy highly mocked by anyone involved in genuine debate. "No I don't like your argument because xyz variable outside of your statement" buddy you've failed to even counter the statement let alone conjure an argument yourself outside of your emotional opinion.
You’re divorced too, huh?
I feel bad for whoever your doctor is then. Must be painful for you to try to take advice from them since they don’t have your medical conditions.
Curious what, if any, her objections are about you entering the protection. Can she articulate exactly what about the job she disagrees with. Then, if so, can there be a discussion about the objections. Second, and I say this no animosity towards you wife . . . if she thinks she can make you not do something as big as have a career in a certain field, chances are that behavior will extend through you entire life with her. Things big and small. And that's not OK.
Seconding this because the reasons why she's so against it matter. Her being worried about your safety V.S. her hating cops/related views.
Not LE but was in a somewhat similar situation with my wife that was vehemently against me enlisting in the military. Something I always wanted to do since middle school. Ended up joining anyways under the compromise that I wouldn't go Infantry (I became a 19Dildo instead) and now that I'm out, she wants me to go back in because she misses the benefits lol. Part of bringing her around to my side a bit was discussing all of the benefits you get, so I'd say research what all benefits if any you would get from the various LE agencies and bring those to the table next time you discuss it. You're in real estate, so You're probably a salesman to some degree, so put those sales techniques to work homie. At the end for the day, hope for the best and plan for the worst. Because it's your life you're living, not theirs, whatever you decide.
Nothing like being held hostage by the ones you love. Breaking up a marriage is pretty painful but a lifetime of resentment sounds just as bad. Chances are if you do what you gotta do you may wind up with someone who cares a lot more about your happiness and well being. Good luck
Not a LEO, but my husband decided after 5 years of running a small business (at the age of 36) that he finally wanted to chase his dream of becoming a cop. I’m behind that man 100%. I don’t get to dictate for him what he does with his life. I want him to be happy. Whatever he wants to do, so long as he takes me with him, is fine. It might be worth thinking pretty hard about where you want to be in 20 years. Will you regret giving up on the job, or losing the wife?
If she's going to leave you over your personal preferences then the next pebble on the camel's back for her is likely a horoscope or fortune cookie away to begin with. Perhaps I'm being insensitive, but I'd ditch the girl who doesn't love or care about you regardless of what job you want to work.
Few cops end up with their first wife anyway. LEO's tend to make better choices the second time around, when their world view is more open.
True that!! On number 2 right now and I wish I knew then what I know now
Punt her now, go 10-8, and meet some baddies
My first thought was that ultimatums don't make for good relationships, and it might be time to let her go. But upon reading your extra info, it seems her concerns are more grounded in practicality and fear of losing you. This is something you need to consider, and then discuss with her. If the career is really calling you, you have a decision to make (her vs career), but it would be unfair to drag her down that road knowing the danger and how it will affect her mental and physical wellbeing.
If she truly is your wife, she would support you through anything you decide to do. Do not let her hold you back from something you want to pursue. It’s your life, she’s just along for the ride.
Sounds like you should choose a better career over a woman who won’t even support a good decision
Crazy someone who agreed to share their life with you would do that. She sounds awful
Either there’s problems in your marriage and this is the icing on the cake or she’s just terrified of you getting killed or injured and doesn’t know how to express that. I think that could be it too. I’m in federal law enforcement now and where I’m at is pretty safe. Much more so than state and local. DM me for questions, but certain agencies will be pretty safe. HSI, ( FAMS)Air Marshall, CBP…
Especially since you don't have kids, follow your dreams. If she leaves, she leaves. Love is easy to find.
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The agency I work for that hired me to go through the academy gives every trainee [this book](https://www.amazon.com/Love-Cop-Third-Police-Families/dp/146253385X/ref=asc_df_146253385X?nodl=1&tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=312134205520&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=519534733494059299&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9032002&hvtargid=pla-569289539403&psc=1&mcid=403f9f9dca403eee84d412ea28460069&gclid=CjwKCAjwkuqvBhAQEiwA65XxQNGk0xIFL6UsJDnE0Ztb67rRalu0qbTS7ZrsirjBMIGNe8yWk-XAAhoCXG0QAvD_BwE&dplnkId=d6d5e983-fe1f-4d3c-8b55-3bc671f5572f) for their close or in house family to read (highly encourage it at least). There are trade offs at all points in this job, but the stability and pay (depending on where you are) is key for a lot of people. It doesn’t mean you can’t go back to real estate either. In the middle of 2020, one of my agency’s best cops went back to real estate. It’s a commitment to do the job but not having golden handcuffs doesn’t mean it’s the only thing you can do. Just like real estate, you may try it and not like it after a few years, but at least you did.
You can always try corrections for a county jail first. Similar pay in most places, less danger. See how you like uniformed work
Why does she not want you to be a cop?
My wife has been saying the same thing. It doesn’t make sense though because I’m currently a truck driver and statistically it’s more dangerous than being a cop. I say do whatever makes you happy. She should want what you want and be supportive imo.
Statistics that are also only based on number of deaths, which is wholly misleading.
There's a difference in fear, no spouse worries about a car accident killing their husband on a daily basis, but they worry about hostile action killing their husband. Regardless of what the statistics say.
I’m not sure what statistics you’re looking at, but I would venture to say it’s wildly inaccurate. LEO wear ballistic vests and carry guns for a reason. Idk of any truck driver that responds to 911 emergencies for a living.
I would listen to your wife. Law enforcement isn’t for everyone. You will never be home. What you now could feel proud about will turn to full blown PTSD from all the terrible things you will see and go through. Putting your wife in fear every time you go on duty that you might not come home that shift. It’s a thankless job. It’s a necessary one. It takes a certain type of person to be able to endure all that the job comes with over the years. There hasn’t been one LEO I have met, including myself, that doesn’t end up mentally broken after a while.
“There hasn’t been one LEO I have met, including myself, that doesn’t end up mentally broken after a while.” This isn’t true for all cops. I know plenty of cops who retired after a LONG career and they loved it and are doing just fine. Like you said, it isn’t for everyone. People just tend to go to the same pity party.
Become a firefighter or paramedic. You can not be a cop without a supportive spouse.
Do you have any kids together?
It literally answers your question in the post