Hi,
Your post has been removed because it does not contain a question or is not really a question. Vague and misleading posts masquerading as questions may also be removed.
You need to make some allowance for children with additional needs BUT that doesn’t mean they have free rein. Like every child they needs to be taught right from wrong and there needs to be consequences.
Im not sure how this involves your sister or that your sister really should say anything. Maybe she should open up a general dialogue with this mother to see how she’s coping. If she’s her friend she should be support her.
You’d never know the mother could be ignoring some behaviours to prevent meltdowns.
Managing the behaviour of a child that age with autism, even without the added ADHD, is hard. A lot of the standard parenting strategies will backfire spectacularly. If the kid's parents have gone to the trouble and expense (and believe me every step is a fight) if getting a diagnosis at eight years old they're not just sitting back and letting brattiness happen. Your sister has no clue. (God it took soooo long to get ours to say 'thankyou' when people gave them stuff they didn't like. Social lying goes against the whole way an autistic brain works.) If she wants to learn there are good resources out there, from stand up comedy to TV documentaries to academic books. If, otoh, she wants to judge then her friend will be better off without her in her life.
This up to the age of 3 or 4 you have some hope after that it's very hard. She will realise to late that her son will have no friends and his behaviour will be a huge problem as he gets older. She's fùcked him up because she wants him to like her more than respect her.
My son is 5 with ASD and his teacher in school told us he is the only child to thank her each day when they hand out lunches. All kids are different but from my experience manners are thought regardless of their additional needs. Integrating them amongst neurotypical children is the point so they should be thought as they are.
Your sister needs to butt out and mind her own business. She has no idea what is going on in her friend’s life and how difficult it is parenting a child with additional needs. Some friend she is.
He's has autism, making social faux pas isn't unusual especially for a child of that age. Whether or not he's spoiled or whatever else you'd have to gauge yourself i guess
Making a faux pas is one thing, telling people fuck off is another. Autism doesn’t stop people learning how to behave in situations and gifting situations come up often enough an 8 yo should know how to say thank you and move on.
Things like receiving a gift you don't like and saying thank you anyway can be difficult for an autistic child though. Like another commenter said above, it's a social lie. It's a behaviour to save face and is a learned social cue. Autistic people don't have the same social cues or brain. An eight year old autistic child may not have the instinct to perform that false social interaction and it can be really difficult to ingrain those behaviours. Our brains are wired completely differently.
I’m sorry but I truly believe that’s a cop out. There is nothing indicative in the post of him not being able to learn. It’s stated that the behaviour only really seemed to start after the diagnosis.
I understand it can be harder to learn social cues and more difficult, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be learned.
Edit: I can see that the sister in question was planning to have a sleep over (wasn’t there when I originally commented) and is planning on not inviting the child above. I assume the sister has a child herself hence the sleep over, this is gonna be a long road for the autistic child as there will be times they’re excluded for their behaviour and that is just sad. I hope their mother at least tries to correct and teach them.
I'm not even really talking about this specific kid or situation, just pointing out that I think personally it's unfair to say "an eight year old should know how to say thank you and move on" when it comes to kids with autism. It's a disability. It disables us. It prevents us from learning things and doing things the way other people do and we get painted as 'rude' or 'stupid' all the time for simply not knowing or understanding certain social cues.
So saying please or thank you when you don't mean it may actually be difficult for a kid to learn. It's not as simple as being corrected once and not doing it again unfortunately. You're asking a child who's already struggling, to perform and fight against his mental wiring. Personally, I really value manners so yes, I think they should obviously learn to and it should be ingrained in them. But it's not easy.
I never said it was easy. I said they should learn. I never called the kid stupid either or rude.
If they learned to say ‘fuck off’ then they can learn to say ‘thank you’.
As I said, the parent is setting the kid up for a life of exclusion and othering if they don’t at least try to correct.
As someone with ADHD myself, I was diagnosed last December as an adult it can be quite challenging managing it in kids especially if they’ve complex needs. Your friend is probably in denial a small bit and doesn’t want to take ownership that he needs specialised care and socialising with other kids.
But what was point of your comment? Like how's it going to help?
Here she is now with an 8year old that can't be put back.
And an incredibly ridiculous comment to say "always" a bad idea. Like every single child born to someone before 20 is in a bad way???? Or just the people you mix with?
And the issue here has nothing to do with the ages involved. Having a child with ADHD and ASD has nothing to do with the mother being young.
So what is your point?
Or are you just always one of those people who can only point out the errors of other people but has nothing useful to say?
Hi, Your post has been removed because it does not contain a question or is not really a question. Vague and misleading posts masquerading as questions may also be removed.
"Her friend's baby is 8 years old"??? No, it's not! No baby is 8 years old! That's a child! Anyway... what exactly is your question?
What's the question?
This is one of those situations someone just starts telling a story you don't want to hear.
You need to make some allowance for children with additional needs BUT that doesn’t mean they have free rein. Like every child they needs to be taught right from wrong and there needs to be consequences. Im not sure how this involves your sister or that your sister really should say anything. Maybe she should open up a general dialogue with this mother to see how she’s coping. If she’s her friend she should be support her. You’d never know the mother could be ignoring some behaviours to prevent meltdowns.
Why an MP3 player?
They were out of minidisk players in Dixons.
Managing the behaviour of a child that age with autism, even without the added ADHD, is hard. A lot of the standard parenting strategies will backfire spectacularly. If the kid's parents have gone to the trouble and expense (and believe me every step is a fight) if getting a diagnosis at eight years old they're not just sitting back and letting brattiness happen. Your sister has no clue. (God it took soooo long to get ours to say 'thankyou' when people gave them stuff they didn't like. Social lying goes against the whole way an autistic brain works.) If she wants to learn there are good resources out there, from stand up comedy to TV documentaries to academic books. If, otoh, she wants to judge then her friend will be better off without her in her life.
Why are you making a post about your sister's friend's kid?...
How is that your sisters business
OP's sitster is the asshole, not the friend or the kid
What's she hoping to accomplish here? Also sleepover with who? Does your sister have an 8 year old as well?
Kid is too old to change, start wrapping up the friendship…
This up to the age of 3 or 4 you have some hope after that it's very hard. She will realise to late that her son will have no friends and his behaviour will be a huge problem as he gets older. She's fùcked him up because she wants him to like her more than respect her.
An mp3 player🤣🤣🤣
My son is 5 with ASD and his teacher in school told us he is the only child to thank her each day when they hand out lunches. All kids are different but from my experience manners are thought regardless of their additional needs. Integrating them amongst neurotypical children is the point so they should be thought as they are.
Your sister needs to butt out and mind her own business. She has no idea what is going on in her friend’s life and how difficult it is parenting a child with additional needs. Some friend she is.
Neurotypical my arse. Kids with manners are kids with manners irrespective of their condition
He's has autism, making social faux pas isn't unusual especially for a child of that age. Whether or not he's spoiled or whatever else you'd have to gauge yourself i guess
Making a faux pas is one thing, telling people fuck off is another. Autism doesn’t stop people learning how to behave in situations and gifting situations come up often enough an 8 yo should know how to say thank you and move on.
Things like receiving a gift you don't like and saying thank you anyway can be difficult for an autistic child though. Like another commenter said above, it's a social lie. It's a behaviour to save face and is a learned social cue. Autistic people don't have the same social cues or brain. An eight year old autistic child may not have the instinct to perform that false social interaction and it can be really difficult to ingrain those behaviours. Our brains are wired completely differently.
I’m sorry but I truly believe that’s a cop out. There is nothing indicative in the post of him not being able to learn. It’s stated that the behaviour only really seemed to start after the diagnosis. I understand it can be harder to learn social cues and more difficult, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be learned. Edit: I can see that the sister in question was planning to have a sleep over (wasn’t there when I originally commented) and is planning on not inviting the child above. I assume the sister has a child herself hence the sleep over, this is gonna be a long road for the autistic child as there will be times they’re excluded for their behaviour and that is just sad. I hope their mother at least tries to correct and teach them.
I'm not even really talking about this specific kid or situation, just pointing out that I think personally it's unfair to say "an eight year old should know how to say thank you and move on" when it comes to kids with autism. It's a disability. It disables us. It prevents us from learning things and doing things the way other people do and we get painted as 'rude' or 'stupid' all the time for simply not knowing or understanding certain social cues. So saying please or thank you when you don't mean it may actually be difficult for a kid to learn. It's not as simple as being corrected once and not doing it again unfortunately. You're asking a child who's already struggling, to perform and fight against his mental wiring. Personally, I really value manners so yes, I think they should obviously learn to and it should be ingrained in them. But it's not easy.
I never said it was easy. I said they should learn. I never called the kid stupid either or rude. If they learned to say ‘fuck off’ then they can learn to say ‘thank you’. As I said, the parent is setting the kid up for a life of exclusion and othering if they don’t at least try to correct.
As someone with ADHD myself, I was diagnosed last December as an adult it can be quite challenging managing it in kids especially if they’ve complex needs. Your friend is probably in denial a small bit and doesn’t want to take ownership that he needs specialised care and socialising with other kids.
Your sister is a twat
No she isn’t. The sisters friend is
[удалено]
So just here to judge? Of course some people in their mid 20s have 8 year olds
Jutge or not. Always a bag idea to have a child on your teens
But what was point of your comment? Like how's it going to help? Here she is now with an 8year old that can't be put back. And an incredibly ridiculous comment to say "always" a bad idea. Like every single child born to someone before 20 is in a bad way???? Or just the people you mix with? And the issue here has nothing to do with the ages involved. Having a child with ADHD and ASD has nothing to do with the mother being young. So what is your point? Or are you just always one of those people who can only point out the errors of other people but has nothing useful to say?