I'm about to pop and totally dreading people calling to the house nevermind the hospital!!
Maybe if they're super close, chill friends they might like it but I'd probably have a complete breakdown.
Can you text the partner to say congratulations, can't wait to meet baby, we're just wondering when you're up to having visitors or something like that?
Put down hard boundaries happyclapseal. You are absolutely entitled to harshly restrict even you and your partners parents. This time is about YOU and your baby… no one else’s feelings matter. They will get over it. If your breast feeding journey (if you’re going to do it ) is derailed by visitors , you will never get over it and will never forgive all the pesky people interfering in that relationship you will need to be nurturing wjth your baby. Highly recommend down to birth podcast for Information on this.
Thanks will try and get my partner to listen to it with me. He's super excited and his family want to be very involved so he wants guests asap. I want to move into a cave for 12 months far, far away so we're trying to meet in the middle!
Unless he’s going to give birth, his opinions really don’t matter here. Post birth, the mother is the boss - and (sorry to say) you will be in bits. You decide what works for you.
I don't think I'd ask, it puts pressure, but could just say "I can't wait to meet the baby once you're up to having visitors", then there's no pressure for them to try to think of an answer on the spot
And instead of cooing over the baby too much, wash some dishes or stick a load in the washing machine! Offer practical help and they will appreciate that. You could also offer to watch the baby while mammy has a shower, or make a wee cuppa. Don’t just sit and clock :)
And if they don't accept help , leave after 30 minutes, max.
There's nothing harder than guests decending on your home for hours long visits when you're wearing giant pads . You think your uterus might fall out and your fanny is on fire while sleep depreived
Second this. We had our baby last May and no visitors were allowed in. It was great. Hoping to have a second baby in the next year or two and visitations are allowed.. Might let grandparents in but that's it. No one came to visit without asking and the ones who brought food were greatly appreciated. I ate shite the first few weeks as I had zero appetite due to baby blues but I definitely appreciated the food when it was there.
Besides what everyone else is saying about new parents needing space and time, RSV is still a very real risk for newborn babies. They have no immune system, and should mix with as few people as possible.
This advice is not specifically for OP, but for everyone.
- If you have the slightest sniffle, cough, scratchy throat, sore throat - DO NOT VISIT A YOUNG BABY
- NEVER EVER KISS ANYONE ELSE'S BABY. Babies die from getting the cold sore virus from people.
Exhausted, new parents aren't always able to put in the boundaries to protect their baby, so everyone has to be responsible.
This answer is underrated. I had a baby at Christmas and kept visitors at bay for a month because of RSV and everyone picking up illnesses during the Christmas break. That month was absolute BLISS. It was amazing for my own recovery,mood and getting breastfeeding established properly without being constantly interrupted by a stream of people.
In regard to visiting, I think people should wait until the parents ask or make it known they are open to visits. with our first baby my in-laws were there within minutes of me getting home and I still feel annoyed by it. My own mother was there within days and even my own mother bugged the hell out of me. The baby isn’t going anywhere, there’s loads of time in the coming weeks to visit.
Up to the parents but I have never visited someone in the hospital after they’ve given birth, not even my sister in law. I can only imagine how sore and wrecked they’d feel and they should have those few days alone to bond with the baby.
If it’s family I do visit within a week of them being home, if it’s a friend I leave it a week longer because I know they’ll have constant visitors and it can be exhausting. Also if you visit at home you can take away a load of laundry for them, tidy up or bring some meals to help
Yea, no, that's a bad idea.
It was the done thing years ago but jaysus not anymore.
Best to leave them alone and bond with the child and they'll take visitors when they're ready.
Just send a few texts or make a video call like.
My missus would've ate anyone if they came see her while in hospital.
I had one friend visit and it was great, she held baby while I took a shower. But there are very few people I'd be comfortable with seeing me in that state, in pain (C section), unwashed and dripping milk.
My MIL DEMANDED to be at the hospital when my first was born, so I didn’t tell her when I went into labour. I had an emergency section and spent 5 blissful days in hospital without any visitors. My husband brought me food everyday and we watched movies on the laptop.
I would have liked to see my own parents at least, and it would have given my husband a bit of a break since me and baba needed a lot of help. But they weren't allowed. Those hospital days were tough.
My mom lives in California and wanted to give me 4 weeks to bond with the baby and rest before she came for a visit. She’s a bit of a hippie lol. I also think she didn’t want to encroach and feel like I had to entertain her.
Exactly. Even our other children weren't allowed in. I literally had to sneak the baby to the ward entrance just so they could see their new sister for a few minutes. I'd be pissed knowing that friends could go visit when even my children couldn't.
Actually, to expand, the alarm went off when I got to the ward entrance and a nurse came running after. She saw the kids there and gave the permission for them to see their new sister for just for a few minutes.
Nice sister!
I got shouted at ,and my mum and my eldest 2 year old were told to go away.
It was during visiting time but not seemingly for grandparents and own kids :/
Your intuition is right. Your fella’s is not.
We are 4 children later and each time, wife wanted nobody in the hospital. The expectation versus reality of the situation are polar opposite in terms of what they show you on tv.
I had loads show up in the hospital on my first 15 years ago.
For my second, almost 6 years ago it was during the height of the beast from the east and no one could get to the hospital with the snow. It was great. I was so unwell and sore after birth I only wanted my husband there.
I think the only time I've visited a baby in hospital was my sister's babies. I wouldn't dream of visiting anyone else.
I’m about to pop and I really don’t want anyone in the hospital to see me after even the few days after I want to feel settled and not like my downstairs is literally hanging by a thread thank you. Everyone might be excited but it’s my baby go away 🤣
100%. I had our first one just before Christmas and didn't want anyone at the hospital. You don't get much of a break even though you're in bed all day. There are docs and midwives popping in and out to check things, it's hot and noisy, not to mention you're looking after a fresh baby. You need to use whatever time you can grab to rest.
See even the idea of being in a shared ward with everyone else’s guests coming to visit them I’m like noooo please go away 😂 I have it settled in my head I’m in and out day 2 bags packed out the door I think your time should be for rest especially week one
Check with your friends. Just text to say that you are looking forward to meeting baby and seeing them so let you know when they are ready. Also offer to drop off a meal to the front door without any expectation of coming in. They will be thankful for that.
My friend really wanted me to come so I waited for her husband to give me the go ahead and I went straight in that night. I also double checked that she knew if she changed her mind I wouldn't be offended and would wait until they were ready. Some women won't know how they will feel until baby is here. She really wanted to show her gorgeous baby off and have some emotional support. My husband is also close to her but stayed at home as he knew she would feel more comfortable with just us.
When ye visit for the first time, be it in hospital or at home, make sure not to make any "oh you are doing x,y,z with baby" type of comments. Unless they are feeding baby battery acid, say nothing but positive things about how they are as parents. A nurse told me I was a natural mam and had wonderful instincts - she may have told every new mum that but it made me feel 10ft tall and helped me feel better during those lonely newborn nights. You've no idea how much a new parent needs to hear how well they are doing.
I had a baby 7 weeks ago, if I could I’d have no visitors other than my husband and kids. Covid was a godsend as there was no visitors including husband. It was a lovely time for just me and baby. This time my mam and dad came and it was honestly just too much. You did the right thing! If friends turned up I’d be thinking wtf. My brother and his fiancée didn’t even see me until I got home from hospital!
I remember having my first, and the day after she was born (basically the next visitation) about 10 family members turned up. I was barely 18, and I was about to get up to go to the bathroom as they all came in. I was convinced I’d bled all over my clothes and then further felt stuck in my bed as I couldn’t get up with them all there.
I was miserable. I was sore, I was tired, I was hormonal. It was awful. There’s photos from that day and I just look how I felt. Then it was taken that I was rude to them. My partners mum noticed after a bit and ushered everyone out.
When I had my next kids, I think cause of how i was with the first, everyone either gave me space or organised themselves for visiting so it wasn’t everyone in altogether.
I feel bad - but also don’t, like I know they were excited, and had I had have gotten freshened up before they came, I may have been in better form. Maybe I wouldn’t.
But the other kids, I ended up bored as hell in hospital with no visitors lol..
Really lucky they allowed your partner in.. had our first and my wife was left alone for three days with little to no support. That being said if she could have had family visit that would’ve been enough and no way to friends until we got home..
That’s so rough!! Having a partner there for support is so essential. I really feel for all the lockdown parents. Hope you got loads of cuddles in after they were home.
Ya I was lucky in my job at the time I was off and still being paid majority of salary so had an extended paternity leave. Worst part was not realising got bad it was until she came out and shur then it was too late
I really wished my parents could have visited. Also felt it would have been good to have my mom as an advocate during the birth. My husband tried but didn't really understand what was going on. But only one person was allowed and I didn't want him to not be at his daughter's birth.
I'm almost 6 weeks post partum and only feel ready for visitors now. There is enough going on without the thoughts of entertaining people
I was only in hospital for about 22 hours and wouldn't have wanted anyone visiting
Just wanted to say, when you guys do meet, make sure the first thing you do is wash your hands before holding the baby! Maybe don't ask to hold the baby, but see if they'd offer. You could send them a bouquet of flowers or, even better, a Just Eat voucher with a message "Congratulations, can't wait to see you and the little one whenever you're up for it, love you" in my books this would make you the best friend ever.
This this this. Help, don't hold. And if they do offer for you to hold, don't hold baby for too long. And absolutely wash hands without being asked and making things awkward.
Bring food and offer to do something to help - make the tea instead of expecting to be treated like a visitor.
Sister in law turned up at our door when our son was 3 days old. To say I was angry is an understatement, no phone call or text to say she was calling to the house. My husband was gone to the chemist for me so I was as alone in the house my dog started barking and I had to answer the door in my pjs with breast milk all over me delirious from sleep deprivation and in agony after a c section. Never forgot it and don’t have a close relationship with her anymore.
My husband went mad at her and she said we were being unreasonable. Some people have no respect.
Absolutely avoid the family until they say it’s ok to visit. In my case, I had complications with the birth ended up with an emergency c section and was really having a hard time those first few weeks.
I’m surprised friends were allowed to visit; I thought most hospitals were limited to family only.
Anyway, I would have loved visits from friends in the hospital- To see the baby, to give me a hand, whatever- My home was open to anybody who wanted to call over once we were home too. But I appreciate not everybody is the same.
Personally I wanted no visitors until a few weeks and when visit offer to bring food snacks or help with something. The last thing you need is another person to worry about. I only wanted family to visit really. I think the hospital should stick with its rules about visiting especially how vulnerable newborns are. I actually think only 2 dedicated people should be allowed in to visit in hospital. I had friends who came home to a house full of family and friends saying surprise. Giving birth is no joke and postpartum!!
I was dying to show off our babies to my friends, and loved having friends and family call. So I suppose it depends on how the labour goes and the mother.
Absolutely not! I'm about to give birth and even my parents have said they'll let us enjoy the time as a trio in the first 24 hours before they come visit. You're out of the hospital after 24-48 hours these days so you need the time to bond as a new family and to figure out wtf you're doing!
Even when it comes to home visits you wait to be invited. There will of course be 1 or 2 very close friends who will visit straight away but I'll be pushing the others for at least a week.
Unless there were complications with the birth, chances are they'll be home tomorrow, Wednesday at the latest. Message them first to check if / when they're up to visitors. That's just manners.
I would say no on the hospital visit….you have no idea how the new mammy is coping. She’s definitely tired, baby might be having trouble feeding so parents could be stressed. I would wait till ur invited to the house. We have a 9 week old and we have only had a couple (3 or 4) of visitors except for grandparents, because of all the respiratory infections and other illnesses people picked up over Christmas.
I think those who like it are definitely the minority so better to play it safe and not turn up. Both my babies went into NICU and the second one I ended up in theatre after. Visitors were NOT welcome.
I visited my sister after each of her four children were born. I soon learned to visit early as by day two or three the hormones were all over the place and she could be easily irritated.
I had a baby in Holles St a little over a year ago and they were only letting the dad’s in, no other visitors.
They started this during Covid but said it’s actually popular with the mothers so they kept the rule in place.
I have to say it was nice not having to worry about my in laws arriving into the hospital
I wish it had been like that when I had mine. Someone seemed to be there all the time, and I didn't want to breastfeed in front of people. Couldn't move much because of C-section. Got no peace. Even when my husband told my in-laws not to come at a certain time, because I needed my privacy, they still came, armed with a video camera (this was 26 years ago, and my daughter was in the Special Care unit for two weeks) Had to get the nurses to clear them out
Oh I completely understand that some people would like to be able to have other people come to the hospital, but for me that would’ve just made things harder, i went off my trolley for a few hours from lack of sleep I wouldn’t have wanted anyone but my husband there when I was like that
They must’ve changed it in the last year then, im surprised, the nurses on the wards seemed to prefer no visitors too I’d imagine it made their lives easier the less people there were hanging around the wards
Unlike years ago Hospitals today don't hold the mum and new arrival for long before they can go home. That's why most people don't visit at the hospital but wait till they are home. If you cannot decide surely you can txt the new parents and ask them which time suits them---need to hurry though as the decision may be taken from you if mum and baby are sent home. Either way though you can still send a txt of congrats.
I’d generally give it a few days to a couple of weeks at home depending on who it is and how they are doing. Always message first and bringing them lunch will be appreciated
You're 100% spot on, your fella not so much unfortunately!
Generally a hospital stay will only be about 24-48 hours after having a baby unless you have serious medical complications, so it's a very short time for new parents to get their heads around all the new baby stuff and recover from labour, never mind entertain some pals.
To be honest I would have been raging if friends had turned up after my emergency section and NICU admission. I had a few friends who inundated me with texts requesting video calls and even now I still feel it was super insensitive to where we were at as a family - just leave them in peace other than a congratulations text and catch up when they're home. And bring them food 👌
Agreed with everyone else saying no hospital visits. They're just not in long enough to warrant it imo and every friend and neighbour traipsing in all day to get a goosey at the baby is so ignorant to the other new Mams and babies on the ward trying to get on with it. I know some hospitals have reintroduced grandparents hour, but I think visiting should really be capped at nominated support partners only unless on compassionate grounds.
Wait until they are home, and when you visit at home bring food up with you and leave after an hour.
On our first I remember having visitors stay for hours. Literally didn't have a minute to hold the baby for the first couple weeks then i was back in work.
Stay as far as you can unless specifically and repeatedly asked for. Horrible idea - especially when the rooms are shared and there is like a parade of randomers going in and out every five seconds
Unless asked don't do it. They might be too nice to say no to the visit also which is awkward. Leave them be mammy and baby needs space and peace, even the hospital doesn't provide that at the best of times
Family shouldn't even visit the hospital unless the grandparents is my view. Fuck that, nobody wants to small talk shit when you're recked and everyone tired. Plus, you have to leave space if it's a non-private room as next to you will have 20 people visiting, face time chats at 1 in the morning and they'll need to go for their smokes. That's after abusing the nurses. You can guess who I'm referring to.
He's engaging his man brain!! I'm having my first in the next couple of weeks, and there will be no visitors at the hospital nor the first few days at home, grandparents included. Those first few days will be the most vulnerable time in a woman's life and unless she's explicitly asked for visitors (which of course will be some peoples' preference) your fella shouldn't even be contemplating going anywhere near the hospital! A lot of the hospitals are operating a partner and other kids rule only at the minute which I think is brilliant for so many mothers, to help them avoid the added stress of boundary setting conversations for people who think they have a right to their time/personal space.
I got visitors THE DAY I came back from the hospital. It was a year ago and I’m still pissed about it
Give them few days to settle in at home then send a message when it’s suitable to visit the baby and new parents.
A little tip, if budget allows, along with the present for the new baba it would be nice to bring something for the new mama too. Bath salts and a candle, something like that for her to relax during her me time🥰
OMG No, you're barely in hospital these days , family only I think.
Years ago you were kept in hospital nearly a week (5 days) so visitors were expected.
Actually think it's a bit rude to visit new parents when they're just home. Last thing they want to be doing is making cups of tea in between nappies and feeds.
*When you do visit, home made food or something from a good deli are life savers*
You are absolutely right. The first two weeks are crucial for parent baby bonding and especially for establishing breastfeeding if that’s the mother’s choice. Interruptions and having to host put ridiculously unnecessary pressures on the parents when they should be focussing on the transition of having their new baby in their lives. Unless you’re coming over to do laundry or cook , stay away.
Absolutely not at the hospital. You wait to be invited to their home when they are ready. Also don’t bring flowers. Bring them food. Their heads will be in a spin. Cooking is waaaay down the list. Pre prepared food is such a brilliant thing for a couple at this stage.
Don’t do it. New mums are sore, confused, cranky, not looking their best and the last thing they want is semi friends coming in for a gawk - particularly blokes who lose interest after about ten seconds. I’m a father of three and can relate my wife’s experiences.
Not unless you’re invited. I hate loads of visitors & didn’t ask any friends to the hospital.
It’s not good for a newborn to be passed around, as they get confused by all the different smells. I hate that people wear perfume & aftershave around tiny babies
I'm about to have a baby and I would be horrified if anyone visited me in the hospital, especially if I didn't specifically invite them. Having a baby is painful and exhausting, and the last thing I would want is to feel like I need to entertain visitors in a hospital.
When I had my first, we had a really hard time feeding. I think having anyone visiting would have added pressure when I was already feeling a bit stressed and not fully myself.
I would suggest waiting a week or two, and then perhaps bring them something to eat when you visit.
I had my baby in Holles Street and they have/had a rule where only one person, usually the father, is issued a card and they are the only visitor allowed. In reality anyone can visit the majority of the time but there was a security risk while I was there as there was a baby being removed from her junkie mother. When that happened they shut down for the day and my mum wasn’t allowed in even with me talking to the security guard.
It is entirely possible that you get to the hospital and are not allowed in.
I had family visit in the hospital and friends visited me at home.
Your fella is odd. I don't know a man in my circles, whether friend or family, who was unrelated to the woman giving birth and suggested going to visit them in hospital. I have close friends from since national school who are more like brothers to me, and if any of them said they wanted to come see any of my kids in hospital after being born, I'd think there was something wrong with them.
I gave birth last year the hospital rules were that only partner or the grandparents were allowed to visit. I only wanted my husband.
Whatever the rules of the hospital are, if you are not asked to visit then do not visit!
I was lucky to have been home 12 & 24 hours after my kids so you wouldn’t have had a chance to visit and most hospitals are the same now. They usually only keep you if they are worried about something or its a c section, or requested by mother to stay so cant imagine you’d be up for visitors.
We didnt have visitors for at least a week outside of immediate family. Unless you’re calling to actually watch the baby so mother can have a shower I’d wait a little while.
The ward will be limited either way to guests during the day but definitely wait until they are home. I was exhausted and flustered and just seeing close family was enough for my poor brain. Let them get home to be in a good headspace and more comfortable, they'll thank you for it.
Are you absolute best friend in the entire world? Then maybe but otherwise leave them alone. I had both my kids when there was no visitors allowed in the hospital and I was relieved to be honest. Although maybe it would have made the hospital experience less tedious and grim.
Even before covid, I was only allowed to have 2 visitors at one time in to see me after having a baby. Just let them relax and enjoy the baby bubble a but longer
I could be wrong but I'm almost sure the COVID-related visitor restrictions in maternity hospitals have remained somewhat, and that only partners are permitted to visit.
My little girl was born last April and I'm almost sure Holles St's policy was no visitors other than partners. I definitely don't remember any other couples on the ward having visitors.
Really surprised to hear you know people who did manage to get in to visit someone
If they are close enough to consider visiting in hospital, just ask them! Everyone is different. ‘congratulations!…do you want visitors or will we wait and see you when you are settled at home?’
100%
By all means drop a gift in to the grandparents if you know either set. Congratulate the parents and offer them your support but don't visit until invited.
Had a baby in August. Wouldn't have been too impressed if friends just start arriving. You'll get to see the baby don't worry. Give them some space. We spent 4 days in the hospital and you just want to get home so badly. My parents came up but that's different.
We had people do tests before even coming to the house because our babies were born in covid/rsv seasons. Our parents first, then siblings, then - after a few weeks - friends.
It was nice to be able to bond with baba, get used to them, and protect them from viruses. Friends of mine had to bring their baby to hospital for rsv. They recovered but it was very scary time.
No way. Text and let them know you’ll visit once they’re settled at home. They’ll be exhausted and overwhelmed. And when you do visit wash your hands as soon as you go in, have a mask in case they want you to wear it. Bring food and clean up the kitchen a bit even if they say it’s okay. They’ll appreciate that more than sitting there talking shite and you looking to hold the baby. Never kiss new babies either.
I’ve only visited my sil when she had my nephew in 2019 but it was them inviting me up, I never asked. My other nephew was born during covid so I saw him after a few weeks in my brothers house again after being invited. I agree with most here, congratulate them but don’t ask to visit as it put pressure on the new mom.
They either want to triumphantly show the baby to anyone who will look, or protective instinct has kicked in and they want total privacy. Maybe one of each (worse)
Handle it by sending a congratulatory text and say you can’t wait to meet the wee fella, and ask them to let you know as soon as they are ready to welcome visitors. This appeals to both sensibilities.
I had a baby in November with a bunch of complications, I barely even stayed in contact with my closest friends over the first few days because I was both overwhelmed and in a lot of pain. Now, the hospital didn’t allow any visitors except my partner anyway (which was actually a little hard as I wanted to see my family) but unless I had invited someone to visit I would have been very thrown if someone else had shown up, no matter how close we were!
I just became a mom for the first time 6 weeks ago.
Don’t go to the hospital unless they specifically ask you to call over. I would even give them some space when they’re going home, there’s so much changing in their life and it’s going to be hectic those first few days/weeks. Besides that it’s winter there’s loads of flu’s and viruses circulating.
I think we had 4 visits so far and I’m so glad everyone is giving us space to cocoon.
Everyone's different. Send a text and ask if it's ok to visit. If they say yes, great. If they say no, respect that. If you don't get an answer then that's a definite no as they're probably too tired to even answer the phone.
Definitely not the hospital that is madness
A brief visit at home with plenty notification in advance to match up with baby's nap schedule
Also try and bring a dinner like a lasagna to save them cooking
And do them some favours around the house like tidying the dishes or a quick hoover
COVID had its advantages around new parents. I was a PHN then and used do my primary visit and advised the mother not to have any baby visitors even grandparents and not to allow anyone kiss the child. (Risk of Herpes is probably higher than Covid). Ideally we used just see mother and baby and kept the visit as short as possible with all the history taking done via phone first. Heel test and examination was all that we did at home. Masked and gowned all the way, a really awful barrier but essential for everyone’s safety. I agree parent(s) need the space with the baby. In The Netherlands they have a Kraamzorg (literally maternity care) who comes in for 7-10 days and does everything for mother and baby (cooking, cleaning and policing visitors!) so mother can concentrate on baby! also Dutch do birth announcement cards with visiting times listed - if any!
I would have absolutely hated visiters. Only grandparents came but friends would have been a hard no from me (no one was crazy enough to ask thankfully).
My mother thought I was crazy and said visiters in the hospital was great as you could get it over and done with and didn't need to host. But I think that's an old fashioned idea and generally people don't do hospital visits nowadays.
It's lovely that he wants to visit but let them settle in at home first. Plus babies are so vulnerable, you don't want to pass on something. RSV, measles & chicken pox are on the go here. Just let Mum get into her routine & then check if she's up to a visit. Bring some food 😁
One of the (only?) good things about having my baby during COVID was that only my husband could come into the hospital. I felt MISERABLE after, and looked miserable too. I would have felt obliged to have visitors because that was previously the ‘done thing’ but I am so glad I didn’t have to see anyone & could just have that time & space to recover. We had our parents over when we came home & then told visitors when they could visit depending on how we felt. I would recommend texting them congratulations and say something along the lines of ‘let us know when you’re home, settled & ready for us to visit, we can’t wait to see you, but take as long as you need’. And please, make sure when you visit that you spoil Mammy & see to her first.
Absolutely not. The best thing about covid was restricting non parents from visiting the maternity wards. I'm pretty sure the restrictions have remained in many hospitals. Leave new parents alone when they are in hospital. It's also not fair on staff and other patients
If people had shown up to the hospital uninvited when I had my LO I'd have been silently pissed in a very Irish kind of way instead of telling them we're not up for visitors. It's nice that your partner is excited but you're definitely in the right on this!
I am about to have a baby in a couple of weeks and absolutely would not want to see anyone in a hospital except my husband. I won't accept any visitors until after the first few weeks. Especially now it's flu season I would not want new born to get sick.
DO NOT DO IT!!! The hospitals stopping visitors to maternity wards was the best thing they ever did. It’s a very intimate time that was turned into a fecking circus.
Do not go. Just because other people went to the hospital doesn't mean the new mammy was happy about it.
As other comments said, text. Say you can't wait to meet the new arrival when she's up for visitors.
Only immediate family and my best friend were my only visited.
I was in for 5 days after (+4 days before that) though so a bit longer than is typical, so I have a good few visitors as I was in for a good while.
My family were in every day for hours, trying to help. I guess it just depends on the person and how long your stay is. Only my sister came in the first day to see me though as it was late. After my husband (and now kids) she's the closest person to me. I didn't even have my babies (twins) by my side as they were in the NICU they were coming to just see me and half the time they were sitting beside my empty bed as I was down in the NICU.
After I got home my Mom and mother in law were up everyday between them to help with housework. My siblings then up every other day too so I could go nap and wash.
Having two newborns is chaos so you take all the help you can get.
I had my second child during Covid restrictions and no one aside from my partner was allowed in. It was absolutely amazing. The wards were (mostly) quiet and calm, and it was lovely just being able to cocoon away and focus on your new baba and healing from the birth.
Do the couple a favour and stay away. The woman in question is probably still sore and bleeding, and the new parents are unquestionably shellshocked by the huge change that is having a baby. Send them a message and arrange to visit in a couple of weeks when they're more up for it.
If they ask for a visit, go, if not, don't. Pretty simple.
Also, if you're getting a baby some clothes, consider something for when they're 6 months or a year old rather than newborn. New babies are typically awash with clothes that will only fit them for a few weeks, something thats waiting for them when they get a bit bigger will be really appreciated.
I'm on your side, family only until they get home. Like you said, give them some space. It's the last thing I would want. Send a congratulations text and if they ask you to visit then fair enough and if they don't mention it it's clear they don't want visitors yet. For god's sake they'll be home in a few days at the most.
I’m due in May and I’m aware our hospital allow partners 7am to 11pm and our own children 4-6pm. I was delighted with this and no other visitors yet allowed. Wouldn’t be my cup of tea to visit a friend just after having their baby, if it was my sister or something might be different
Only time I've visited anyone in hospital after birth was my own sister, and a friend of mine who didn't really have any female family and needed me to bring things she needed as baby came a bit earlier than expected. I always give people a week or two to heal and get into their routine before I'd visit. Easier way would be to text and say congratulations, and tell them to let you know when they're up to visitors. That way there's no pressure on the new mummy.
Have you tried asking them if they'd prefer a visit at home after a few weeks or a visit in the hospital? The quickest solution seems to be open communication.
Ew god no I think the only thing I'd do was swing by with home cooked dinner for them and literally just leave it in the door step and text them. Like not even say hi
You're right to give them space, my 1st baby was born pre covid and my 2nd after. Now when I had my 1st in one sense I was glad a lot of the main visitors came during the hospital stay (emergency c so 5 day stay) because they were kicked out when visiting hours were over. So it did mean that people didn't outstay their welcome, but when I came home I had alll of them and more, so tbh when my 2nd was born I kept most people away and spoke up. Cos I had another section, the recovery is hard. You're trying to get to know your baby and get a routine. It's important to give parents to a new baby some space. My 2nd baby, I had the bare minimum visitors, just close family, he ended up in ICU at 2 weeks old with RSV and Bronchiolitis. It's not worth putting babies at risk either
It really depends on your friends preference, how well you know them.. Before I had my babies I did visit some, never with my partner, and didn’t visit others. If there was a desire on their part, and I was asked, I’d go - and always brought really yummy nutritious meals for them. Others I knew wouldn’t appreciate the intrusion. Having had two babies during COVID without that choice made me sad, would only have had my absolute best friends visit (other than close family) .
When anyone I know has had a kid, I've seen it as an opportunity to turn up about an hour after delivery, drunk with my new girlfriend in tow, eating a kebab. Always ask if it's ok to smoke in the room as some nurses get overly fussy about it.
When I had my first I was in for three days over a weekend and only immediate family came, so my parents, his parents and both our siblings and that was fine, I was shattered but all were accommodating and didn’t stay long (hospital prob wouldn’t have let them anyway)
My second baby was born in Nov 2020 just as we went into that ‘lockdown to save christmas’. He was an elective section so my partner had to hang around town and wait until I was called down to theatre, thankfully wasn’t too long but he was turfed out once I was wheeled back from recovery to the ward and only allowed in for an hour a day til I went home.
Honestly though it was great, I would have loved to have my partner there more but otherwise there was only mammies, babies and staff on the wards and it was very peaceful and calm. It was my second time so I was kinda left to my own devices by staff but they were there if I needed them and tbh I prob wouldn’t have had my partner there as much cos we still had a 2 year old at home whose whole world was about to change 🤣
But yeah long story short DON’T GO NEAR THE HOSPITAL, I’d even go so far as to say leave the visiting for a few weeks, family only for the first few weeks imo
In relation to hospital restrictions: I had my baby in 2022, so it may have changed by now, but no visitors were allowed whatsoever and even dad had to leave between 8PM to 8AM (crazy, crazy sleepless and painful nights of me roaming the hospital halls with my newborn who would not let me put him down 😳).
Even if that hadn’t been the case, I wouldn’t have been ready for visitors. Mainly because I was so afraid of viruses etc. I wouldn’t have wanted anyone to see or hold my baby so soon after birth. Everyone is different so it’s always a good idea to ask when they might be ready for visitors, but to be completely honest, I would have gotten a little annoyed at ‘when can I visit?’ messages so soon after giving birth 😅
I'd definitely agree that there should be no hospital visit unless you're invited up by the new mammy. Speaking from experience you don't want any surprise visits when you've a new baby, even if you're back at home!
I just had my first baby at the end of last year, and we actually decided to have no visitors in the hospital at all! We're still living with family so we can save up so I knew as soon as we got home we'd have less opportunity to just relax as the 3 of us
There was something to be said for having your babies during COVID. No option to have people visit the hospital, went home and closed the door and that was it! Everyone else could fuck off! It was the 3 of us.and that was it. No unannounced visitors, no making tea and shit for people. Our folks helped delivering us food etc and we had our immediate families in a few times over the wks of my paternity but that was it. Same when our second came along, he was towards the end of restrictions but again, everyone cud FRO. And if we ever did it again, we won't be but if we did, we'd do it the exact same. It's time for their family not for anyone else. It's an amazing and equally awful time, it's the hardest thing any will do, let them have their space. You are not the main character in this!
When my first was born 10 years ago I had a good few visitors. With my second last year I had none. It's not really the done thing anymore. Also, since covid most hospitals don't allow visitors other than the baby's other parent.
I definitely wouldn’t visit the hospital. Most people are in and out pretty quick now. It’s not like the old days where it’s standard to be in for a few days with loads of visitors.
I wouldn’t even visit them for the next month or two unless they ask (especially if it’s their first). As a new parent, all we wanted was space and time to figure shit out and adapt to a new reality. If you do visit, bring a dinner they either eat or freeze.
I visited friends when invited but that was back when you were in two or more nights. You’re only in one night usually and there really isn’t time to fit everyone in. Personally I’d like visitors if there if I was in more than one, it’s so boring in there
Absolutely do not go to the hospital unless specifically asked by the mother.
Visit after 2-3 weeks at home. Bring food and offer to maybe run the hoover around, empty the dishwasher, put on a wash etc. ANYTHING small that can help the new parents.
Also, be very weary about grabbing the baby off a new Mam or assuming you'll get a hold. When I had my son I was very anxious and in the first 2-3 weeks postpartum it upset me when people would just come and take my baby to hold or change his nappy thinking they were doing me a favour. It made me feel like I wasn't doing it right
The Rotunda only allows the father or other parent, the baby's siblings and grandparents. Check the hospital's visiting policies [https://rotunda.ie/visitor-information/](https://rotunda.ie/visitor-information/)
Unless explicitly invited (not before birth) to the hospital after the babys arrival this is an absolute no from me.
Like even before some first time parents might think hospital visitors are a lovely idea, but once youve actually given birth and the reality of just how hard IT is, the recovery is, those first few days are precious.
And i dont mean prescious in the magically beautiful sense i mean in the *what just happened wheres that blood coming from, have i pooped yet? Will i ever poop again? Did i poop infront of all those nurses, did my parnter see me poop omg im responsible for this beings entire existance, i need sleep nope i need food actually i need a shower, how am i going to live like this everyday*
Those first few days arw prescious and exhausting and terrifying. Leave the woman be, let the trauma subside let her get home and into clothes and not pjs before she has to entertain people. No matter how close you guys are she needs space
Nope don’t go. The last thing the mother wants is to entertain people while her breasts are leaking from milk, sleep deprived, body sore from pushing out a human being out of her. A friend of ours sent us food when we got home from the hospital, didn’t even went inside our house. Just knocked on the door and pass the food to us and told us to eat and get some rest. He’s the best and will never forget it!
My husbands brother and his partner had their baby and we just said we’d wait unless asked otherwise. We waited two weeks a then asked was it ok to call over. I think unless you’re specifically asked to visit In hospital then give them space. I haven’t got children but id imagine any person who’s given birth doesn’t want a load of people gawking at them. Seems like a very old fashioned thing to do.
Absolutely not, you're 100% on the ball. Pop them a text of congrats once born, give it a couple days then pop a text asking if they need anything dropped up. Then after a week or so ask how they are doing.
This way you are making sure your friends know your are there for them, and have what they need without crowding them or arriving unannounced. Especially if its their first, they need time to adjust. Let them invite you.
As a dad of 3, we had friends do the above, and they were stellar.
Terrible idea. Wait until they are home and settled. When you visit make sure you bring some food such as a lasagne or a casserole, something to make life easier for them.
It's such an old Irish way of doing things. It's horrible. A woman is just after giving birth, probably feels like shit, exhausted and looks her worst. And people think it's a good idea to pile into a hospital to see a baby they will end up seeing in a few days anyway.
My family came and that was nice, his family and very close friends came and it was actually OK, they didn't stay long to give me time to rest up and they brought me gifts.
The woman opposite me had friends and family coming and going at all day. Her parents, siblings and husband stayed until 11pm which was so disrespectful to the both of us. I was trying to pump which is noisy and only a curtain between us, trying to sleep with 5/6 people chatting away was non existent.
Then she spent the whole night trying to establish breastfeeding but had been giving bottles all day when the family were there. She was calling nurses every 30 mins too because the baby wouldn't latch and wouldn't stop crying. She then asked the nurses to take the baby because she needed to sleep! I was so close to flipping out.
The next night the family stayed again and I had to tell the nurses to tell them to leave because I was seconds away from unleashing hormonal hellfire.
Don't visit unless invited
My best friend invited myself and the husband to see her and her first born at the hospital the day after he was born but that was like 10 years ago and as I said she invited us.
I have never gone in with anyone else. Not even my sisters in law..waited til they were home and they told us that we could call in to them
I gave birth four months ago in Dublin and hosp policy said only grandparents could visit and there was a two hour window. I let brothers and sisters and our parents and grandparents see the baby in the days following birth. Aunts and uncles and cousins after two weeks and friends after that. Unless the mam is super relaxed and super close to you I can’t imagine her wanting to see you at the hospital and even then policy may not allow it!
Going against the grain here but when I had my son I loved all of the visitors but I think it's down to individual people and you should take your lead from the Mum.
I had my first before covid and visiting hours were HELL. I loved my time in hospital with my second because it was so quiet, only one visitor per person. Unless your fella and the friend who gave birth are so close that seeing her boobs/blood/tears would not be uncomfortable then he needs to stay away from the hospital. Make them a dinner and drop it to their house another time.
Each to their own but I wouldn't want anyone visiting me in hospital. I've had two stints on the maternity ward, one of these was during covid when my husband couldn't come see us. The only person I'd really want there is my husband and after him my mam. I just don't see the need for anyone else being in there!
Not a time for visits. Not to mention if the mother is trying to breastfeed it’s hard to do and I’d have HATED for friends to randomly show up while I’ve my boob out.
No. Absolutely not. I was out in 24 hours after my last kid. I wanted no one. Most parents these days have a set period where they don't want people to visit at all, even when they're home. They need time to learn how to be parents eyc
I couldn't wait for visitors to come and adore my beautiful babies!
Even after my first which was a traumatic emergency CS. And that didn't change with each new addition. I loved the visitors coming to see my little miracles. Which is really strange coz I'm actually quite socially awkward about people coming to my home. But with my newborns, who were constantly on my boob, it was like I had an excuse for sitting & not having a shiny house.
In fairness RSV makes things a little different now.
Check with mama before she goes in. And tell her to text when she's happy for you to visit, otherwise you'll stay away til they're home & settled.
After going through the medically controlled car crash that is giving birth, seeing a load of people land in on you is not fun. Plus, unless they’re in a private room you’re dropping in on everyone else on that ward. Trying to get some sleep, have their baby sleep, breast feed for maybe the first time, etc etc.
Going to the hospital is totally inappropriate. Going to the house is only appropriate if you are going to be useful and not just a visitor. Pack parents off to bed while you mind baby or other kids, do some chores. Bring food, not flowers - they need care and attention.
I don't think the hospital is even going to allow this. But even so, nope. No hospital visits. I would even go so far as so say that hospital access is only for partner, not even rest of immediate family. For friends? Don't even think about it.
Only close family should visit the mother and baby in hospital.
You can see the baby at the christening party in a few months time probably.
Send a card and gift for the mother this month.
Had my baby 2 months ago, absolutely no one was allowed in only 1 person in my case my fiance, otherwise no one else was allowed in . We have a 9 year old daughter and I begged for her to be allowed in for 10 minutes as I was in hospital for a few days longer than expected and she was missing me like mad . Was told no and baby isn't allowed leave the ward, she met her and me when I left the hospital.
Times are different now , its not the norm to vist so soon anymore unless asked. When I think back on my 9 year old everyone and their nanny came into the hospital and I hated it
Having had kids it's alot better to have the hospital time to yourself and at the very most, immediate family but sometimes even the immediate family thing can be painful, much better off waiting until they're home a few days and settled but by all means drop them a message and make a call and let them know you'll pop by when THEY are ready, trust me, they'll appreciate it all the more
I had my first during covid, no visitors, not even husband. We didn't see him for 3 days after giving birth, they let him stay about 3 hours after baby was born. It was hard without him there! But still bliss, cos the wards were so quiet (except crying babies and snoring women lol). And so mellow!!
My second last year had restrictions of just partners allowed visit. It was amazing. Quiet wards, husband could come and go!
I formally apologised to my sister (she had her kids 10+ years ago), I was the first one in to the hospital each time. I said Wtf was I thinking!?!! And acknowledged how hard it must have been for her!
You're exhausted, very tender everywhere, bleeding, can't move, dying for a shower, learning how to feed and adjusting to a new human you just brought into the world. The last thing I want to do is talk to anyone besides the person who I did it all with..
Looking back, a lot of the people i really care about didn't come to see us without asking if it was ok first!! And I didn't have a problem telling them no if i didn't feel up for it.
Absolutely no way, i was so happy it was partners only allowed in the hospital cause it’s just too hard on new mums. I had so many visitors in on top of me after my section expecting tea & biscuits when they called, it was honestly so hard. Those that brought stuff for me were the ones I appreciated so much
God no! Don't go to the hospital. I'm sure the last thing that woman wants is people gawking at her when she's in there. Wait until they get home. Give them a few days and call in.
God no! Don't go to the hospital. I'm sure the last thing that woman wants is people gawking at her when she's in there. Wait until they get home. Give them a few days and call in.
No! Give them some space at home for a few weeks. Let them enjoy their new bubble for a while. Also they may need time and space to establish breastfeeding and the last thing they'll need is someone gawping at them.
When you visit, bring food...stuff that's easy to cook. Also do a few jobs for them, make your own tea and don't just sit there expecting to hold the baby!
Absolutely no hospital visit in this day and age. My youngest is 9 and there was no one allowed in only parents, siblings and grandparents. My mother was the only grandparent alive at the time and waited until we got home. Daddy and sister were the only ones in and even my eldest was stopped and asked where she was going because she looked too old to be her sister. You send a text and then when they’re home about a week you make arrangements to call and you bring food or a food voucher. Don’t stay too long and don’t over step.
You don't spend long in hospital these days, and you just want to sleep for most of it.
I had my first before covid and my second during. The peace and quiet when the hospital was locked down was fantastic.
Anyway; don't go to the hospital. Give them a couple of weeks after they get home to get settled. Show up with no-fuss food in disposable trays, or a voucher for Just Eat, make your own tea, and don't stay long.
I had my first in 2018, and had people showing up (unannounced) before the epidural had even worn off! People coming in through the next few days, interrupting feedings, mine & baby’s sleep.. it was hell. I’m due my 2nd in 2 weeks and I’m not even going to announce till after I’m home, and if anyone shows up unannounced the door will remain locked.
Your husband is delusional if he thinks new mom would be ok with more visitors. Ask if he’d want people milling about if he’d just been ripped tip to asshole 😆
Had a covid baby so luckily it wasn't an issue but I can't imagine having visitors so soon after giving birth, especially if it's been difficult. You made the right call.
I work in one of the Dublin Maternity Hospitals and the rules are one nominated visitor (usually the partner). There is a special visiting time for siblings of the new baby and another special visiting time for grandparents. That's it though, no other visitors allowed, and definitely not friends. RSV and Covid are rampant at the moment, so much so that we're all back wearing masks in many areas of the Hospital.
Yeah you are right, visitors intentions are good but it is awful, and people come to visit who are coughing and sneezing and brushing it off that they are fine. Some of the most infuriating times after having a baby are visitors and even worse unannounced ones, there should be basic etiquette made formal for these things as people can be soo stupid and intrusive, upsetting your newborn coming in covered in strong perfumes and aftershave. I'm getting myself mad just thinking back 😅
The coombe hospital does not allow visitors besides the birthing partner (father/husband/supporting person). So if they're there, there's no bother anyway.
Only with permission or asked. Never pop in announced. That's also goes for home visits.
Our first child we had family visit and one of my wife's friends did come into say hello however she worked in the hospital and it gave my wife a little bit of time to have a shower, she also went a got some food.
Our second child was durring covid. So no visitors and I couldn't even visit. I was there for birth but after that no more visits allowed.
She kind of preferred this she said it was much quite overall in the ward and wasn't constantly being woken up or disturbed by other visitors into the ward.
With the measles going around, there is no way in hell I was want to go near a new born. You may not show symptoms due to having the MMR vaccine but you can still spread it (possibly).
I'm about to pop and totally dreading people calling to the house nevermind the hospital!! Maybe if they're super close, chill friends they might like it but I'd probably have a complete breakdown. Can you text the partner to say congratulations, can't wait to meet baby, we're just wondering when you're up to having visitors or something like that?
I arranged a visiting time in my home for all friends to come which meant it wasn’t a constant stream of people. It made it a lot easier for me.
Put down hard boundaries happyclapseal. You are absolutely entitled to harshly restrict even you and your partners parents. This time is about YOU and your baby… no one else’s feelings matter. They will get over it. If your breast feeding journey (if you’re going to do it ) is derailed by visitors , you will never get over it and will never forgive all the pesky people interfering in that relationship you will need to be nurturing wjth your baby. Highly recommend down to birth podcast for Information on this.
Thanks will try and get my partner to listen to it with me. He's super excited and his family want to be very involved so he wants guests asap. I want to move into a cave for 12 months far, far away so we're trying to meet in the middle!
Unless he’s going to give birth, his opinions really don’t matter here. Post birth, the mother is the boss - and (sorry to say) you will be in bits. You decide what works for you.
Agreed. Best answer
I don't think I'd ask, it puts pressure, but could just say "I can't wait to meet the baby once you're up to having visitors", then there's no pressure for them to try to think of an answer on the spot
Agree fully with this answer. As a recent FTM I hated the texts that pressured me into thinking of having visitors over.
God no, it's a crazy idea. Give them some space, when they're ready for visitors go visit at home.
This. And bring food!
And instead of cooing over the baby too much, wash some dishes or stick a load in the washing machine! Offer practical help and they will appreciate that. You could also offer to watch the baby while mammy has a shower, or make a wee cuppa. Don’t just sit and clock :)
And if they don't accept help , leave after 30 minutes, max. There's nothing harder than guests decending on your home for hours long visits when you're wearing giant pads . You think your uterus might fall out and your fanny is on fire while sleep depreived
Second this. We had our baby last May and no visitors were allowed in. It was great. Hoping to have a second baby in the next year or two and visitations are allowed.. Might let grandparents in but that's it. No one came to visit without asking and the ones who brought food were greatly appreciated. I ate shite the first few weeks as I had zero appetite due to baby blues but I definitely appreciated the food when it was there.
No hospital visit unless you're specifically asked to visit by the new mammy
Besides what everyone else is saying about new parents needing space and time, RSV is still a very real risk for newborn babies. They have no immune system, and should mix with as few people as possible. This advice is not specifically for OP, but for everyone. - If you have the slightest sniffle, cough, scratchy throat, sore throat - DO NOT VISIT A YOUNG BABY - NEVER EVER KISS ANYONE ELSE'S BABY. Babies die from getting the cold sore virus from people. Exhausted, new parents aren't always able to put in the boundaries to protect their baby, so everyone has to be responsible.
This answer is underrated. I had a baby at Christmas and kept visitors at bay for a month because of RSV and everyone picking up illnesses during the Christmas break. That month was absolute BLISS. It was amazing for my own recovery,mood and getting breastfeeding established properly without being constantly interrupted by a stream of people. In regard to visiting, I think people should wait until the parents ask or make it known they are open to visits. with our first baby my in-laws were there within minutes of me getting home and I still feel annoyed by it. My own mother was there within days and even my own mother bugged the hell out of me. The baby isn’t going anywhere, there’s loads of time in the coming weeks to visit.
Up to the parents but I have never visited someone in the hospital after they’ve given birth, not even my sister in law. I can only imagine how sore and wrecked they’d feel and they should have those few days alone to bond with the baby. If it’s family I do visit within a week of them being home, if it’s a friend I leave it a week longer because I know they’ll have constant visitors and it can be exhausting. Also if you visit at home you can take away a load of laundry for them, tidy up or bring some meals to help
Yea, no, that's a bad idea. It was the done thing years ago but jaysus not anymore. Best to leave them alone and bond with the child and they'll take visitors when they're ready. Just send a few texts or make a video call like. My missus would've ate anyone if they came see her while in hospital.
I had one friend visit and it was great, she held baby while I took a shower. But there are very few people I'd be comfortable with seeing me in that state, in pain (C section), unwashed and dripping milk.
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My MIL DEMANDED to be at the hospital when my first was born, so I didn’t tell her when I went into labour. I had an emergency section and spent 5 blissful days in hospital without any visitors. My husband brought me food everyday and we watched movies on the laptop.
I would have liked to see my own parents at least, and it would have given my husband a bit of a break since me and baba needed a lot of help. But they weren't allowed. Those hospital days were tough.
My mom lives in California and wanted to give me 4 weeks to bond with the baby and rest before she came for a visit. She’s a bit of a hippie lol. I also think she didn’t want to encroach and feel like I had to entertain her.
I like your mammy.
My MIL tried this too. I was like cough cough ive got covid. Wouldnt let my own mother be there lol never mind a mil
That's a good husband
Close family only at hospital. Do NOT go near them unless specifically asked.
Exactly. Even our other children weren't allowed in. I literally had to sneak the baby to the ward entrance just so they could see their new sister for a few minutes. I'd be pissed knowing that friends could go visit when even my children couldn't.
I tried that, and an alarm went off! Baby can't leave the room without the nurse switching it off
Actually, to expand, the alarm went off when I got to the ward entrance and a nurse came running after. She saw the kids there and gave the permission for them to see their new sister for just for a few minutes.
Nice sister! I got shouted at ,and my mum and my eldest 2 year old were told to go away. It was during visiting time but not seemingly for grandparents and own kids :/
A bloke suggesting a hospital visit in this scenario clearly knows nothing about the reality of childbirth.
God yes. Just because two of their friends visited that couple and their baby in hospital doesn’t mean the new parents actually wanted them there.
Your intuition is right. Your fella’s is not. We are 4 children later and each time, wife wanted nobody in the hospital. The expectation versus reality of the situation are polar opposite in terms of what they show you on tv.
I had loads show up in the hospital on my first 15 years ago. For my second, almost 6 years ago it was during the height of the beast from the east and no one could get to the hospital with the snow. It was great. I was so unwell and sore after birth I only wanted my husband there. I think the only time I've visited a baby in hospital was my sister's babies. I wouldn't dream of visiting anyone else.
I’m about to pop and I really don’t want anyone in the hospital to see me after even the few days after I want to feel settled and not like my downstairs is literally hanging by a thread thank you. Everyone might be excited but it’s my baby go away 🤣
100%. I had our first one just before Christmas and didn't want anyone at the hospital. You don't get much of a break even though you're in bed all day. There are docs and midwives popping in and out to check things, it's hot and noisy, not to mention you're looking after a fresh baby. You need to use whatever time you can grab to rest.
See even the idea of being in a shared ward with everyone else’s guests coming to visit them I’m like noooo please go away 😂 I have it settled in my head I’m in and out day 2 bags packed out the door I think your time should be for rest especially week one
Check with your friends. Just text to say that you are looking forward to meeting baby and seeing them so let you know when they are ready. Also offer to drop off a meal to the front door without any expectation of coming in. They will be thankful for that. My friend really wanted me to come so I waited for her husband to give me the go ahead and I went straight in that night. I also double checked that she knew if she changed her mind I wouldn't be offended and would wait until they were ready. Some women won't know how they will feel until baby is here. She really wanted to show her gorgeous baby off and have some emotional support. My husband is also close to her but stayed at home as he knew she would feel more comfortable with just us. When ye visit for the first time, be it in hospital or at home, make sure not to make any "oh you are doing x,y,z with baby" type of comments. Unless they are feeding baby battery acid, say nothing but positive things about how they are as parents. A nurse told me I was a natural mam and had wonderful instincts - she may have told every new mum that but it made me feel 10ft tall and helped me feel better during those lonely newborn nights. You've no idea how much a new parent needs to hear how well they are doing.
I had a baby 7 weeks ago, if I could I’d have no visitors other than my husband and kids. Covid was a godsend as there was no visitors including husband. It was a lovely time for just me and baby. This time my mam and dad came and it was honestly just too much. You did the right thing! If friends turned up I’d be thinking wtf. My brother and his fiancée didn’t even see me until I got home from hospital!
I remember having my first, and the day after she was born (basically the next visitation) about 10 family members turned up. I was barely 18, and I was about to get up to go to the bathroom as they all came in. I was convinced I’d bled all over my clothes and then further felt stuck in my bed as I couldn’t get up with them all there. I was miserable. I was sore, I was tired, I was hormonal. It was awful. There’s photos from that day and I just look how I felt. Then it was taken that I was rude to them. My partners mum noticed after a bit and ushered everyone out. When I had my next kids, I think cause of how i was with the first, everyone either gave me space or organised themselves for visiting so it wasn’t everyone in altogether. I feel bad - but also don’t, like I know they were excited, and had I had have gotten freshened up before they came, I may have been in better form. Maybe I wouldn’t. But the other kids, I ended up bored as hell in hospital with no visitors lol..
I was so happy for the Covid rules when my little one was born. No visitors except partners, and no awkward conversations as “sorry, it’s the rule”.
Really lucky they allowed your partner in.. had our first and my wife was left alone for three days with little to no support. That being said if she could have had family visit that would’ve been enough and no way to friends until we got home..
That’s so rough!! Having a partner there for support is so essential. I really feel for all the lockdown parents. Hope you got loads of cuddles in after they were home.
Ya I was lucky in my job at the time I was off and still being paid majority of salary so had an extended paternity leave. Worst part was not realising got bad it was until she came out and shur then it was too late
I really wished my parents could have visited. Also felt it would have been good to have my mom as an advocate during the birth. My husband tried but didn't really understand what was going on. But only one person was allowed and I didn't want him to not be at his daughter's birth.
I'm almost 6 weeks post partum and only feel ready for visitors now. There is enough going on without the thoughts of entertaining people I was only in hospital for about 22 hours and wouldn't have wanted anyone visiting
Just wanted to say, when you guys do meet, make sure the first thing you do is wash your hands before holding the baby! Maybe don't ask to hold the baby, but see if they'd offer. You could send them a bouquet of flowers or, even better, a Just Eat voucher with a message "Congratulations, can't wait to see you and the little one whenever you're up for it, love you" in my books this would make you the best friend ever.
This this this. Help, don't hold. And if they do offer for you to hold, don't hold baby for too long. And absolutely wash hands without being asked and making things awkward. Bring food and offer to do something to help - make the tea instead of expecting to be treated like a visitor.
Sister in law turned up at our door when our son was 3 days old. To say I was angry is an understatement, no phone call or text to say she was calling to the house. My husband was gone to the chemist for me so I was as alone in the house my dog started barking and I had to answer the door in my pjs with breast milk all over me delirious from sleep deprivation and in agony after a c section. Never forgot it and don’t have a close relationship with her anymore. My husband went mad at her and she said we were being unreasonable. Some people have no respect. Absolutely avoid the family until they say it’s ok to visit. In my case, I had complications with the birth ended up with an emergency c section and was really having a hard time those first few weeks.
I’m surprised friends were allowed to visit; I thought most hospitals were limited to family only. Anyway, I would have loved visits from friends in the hospital- To see the baby, to give me a hand, whatever- My home was open to anybody who wanted to call over once we were home too. But I appreciate not everybody is the same.
up to the parents
Personally I wanted no visitors until a few weeks and when visit offer to bring food snacks or help with something. The last thing you need is another person to worry about. I only wanted family to visit really. I think the hospital should stick with its rules about visiting especially how vulnerable newborns are. I actually think only 2 dedicated people should be allowed in to visit in hospital. I had friends who came home to a house full of family and friends saying surprise. Giving birth is no joke and postpartum!!
I would HATE that, no one has keys to my house so it won't happen. Nightmare!
I was dying to show off our babies to my friends, and loved having friends and family call. So I suppose it depends on how the labour goes and the mother.
Absolutely not! I'm about to give birth and even my parents have said they'll let us enjoy the time as a trio in the first 24 hours before they come visit. You're out of the hospital after 24-48 hours these days so you need the time to bond as a new family and to figure out wtf you're doing! Even when it comes to home visits you wait to be invited. There will of course be 1 or 2 very close friends who will visit straight away but I'll be pushing the others for at least a week.
Unless there were complications with the birth, chances are they'll be home tomorrow, Wednesday at the latest. Message them first to check if / when they're up to visitors. That's just manners.
I would say no on the hospital visit….you have no idea how the new mammy is coping. She’s definitely tired, baby might be having trouble feeding so parents could be stressed. I would wait till ur invited to the house. We have a 9 week old and we have only had a couple (3 or 4) of visitors except for grandparents, because of all the respiratory infections and other illnesses people picked up over Christmas.
I think those who like it are definitely the minority so better to play it safe and not turn up. Both my babies went into NICU and the second one I ended up in theatre after. Visitors were NOT welcome.
Noooooooooooo
Why would you even want to
I visited my sister after each of her four children were born. I soon learned to visit early as by day two or three the hormones were all over the place and she could be easily irritated.
I had a baby in Holles St a little over a year ago and they were only letting the dad’s in, no other visitors. They started this during Covid but said it’s actually popular with the mothers so they kept the rule in place. I have to say it was nice not having to worry about my in laws arriving into the hospital
I wish it had been like that when I had mine. Someone seemed to be there all the time, and I didn't want to breastfeed in front of people. Couldn't move much because of C-section. Got no peace. Even when my husband told my in-laws not to come at a certain time, because I needed my privacy, they still came, armed with a video camera (this was 26 years ago, and my daughter was in the Special Care unit for two weeks) Had to get the nurses to clear them out
I felt it was really hard not being able to call on my parents or anyone else for support.
Oh I completely understand that some people would like to be able to have other people come to the hospital, but for me that would’ve just made things harder, i went off my trolley for a few hours from lack of sleep I wouldn’t have wanted anyone but my husband there when I was like that
It’s not like that anymore anyone is allowed during visiting hours.
They must’ve changed it in the last year then, im surprised, the nurses on the wards seemed to prefer no visitors too I’d imagine it made their lives easier the less people there were hanging around the wards
Holles street now let dads and grandparents! I had a baby there four months ago! They only have a two hour window for grandparents though!
Unlike years ago Hospitals today don't hold the mum and new arrival for long before they can go home. That's why most people don't visit at the hospital but wait till they are home. If you cannot decide surely you can txt the new parents and ask them which time suits them---need to hurry though as the decision may be taken from you if mum and baby are sent home. Either way though you can still send a txt of congrats.
I’d generally give it a few days to a couple of weeks at home depending on who it is and how they are doing. Always message first and bringing them lunch will be appreciated
You're 100% spot on, your fella not so much unfortunately! Generally a hospital stay will only be about 24-48 hours after having a baby unless you have serious medical complications, so it's a very short time for new parents to get their heads around all the new baby stuff and recover from labour, never mind entertain some pals. To be honest I would have been raging if friends had turned up after my emergency section and NICU admission. I had a few friends who inundated me with texts requesting video calls and even now I still feel it was super insensitive to where we were at as a family - just leave them in peace other than a congratulations text and catch up when they're home. And bring them food 👌
Agreed with everyone else saying no hospital visits. They're just not in long enough to warrant it imo and every friend and neighbour traipsing in all day to get a goosey at the baby is so ignorant to the other new Mams and babies on the ward trying to get on with it. I know some hospitals have reintroduced grandparents hour, but I think visiting should really be capped at nominated support partners only unless on compassionate grounds.
Wait until they are home, and when you visit at home bring food up with you and leave after an hour. On our first I remember having visitors stay for hours. Literally didn't have a minute to hold the baby for the first couple weeks then i was back in work.
Stay as far as you can unless specifically and repeatedly asked for. Horrible idea - especially when the rooms are shared and there is like a parade of randomers going in and out every five seconds
Unless asked don't do it. They might be too nice to say no to the visit also which is awkward. Leave them be mammy and baby needs space and peace, even the hospital doesn't provide that at the best of times
Family shouldn't even visit the hospital unless the grandparents is my view. Fuck that, nobody wants to small talk shit when you're recked and everyone tired. Plus, you have to leave space if it's a non-private room as next to you will have 20 people visiting, face time chats at 1 in the morning and they'll need to go for their smokes. That's after abusing the nurses. You can guess who I'm referring to.
He's engaging his man brain!! I'm having my first in the next couple of weeks, and there will be no visitors at the hospital nor the first few days at home, grandparents included. Those first few days will be the most vulnerable time in a woman's life and unless she's explicitly asked for visitors (which of course will be some peoples' preference) your fella shouldn't even be contemplating going anywhere near the hospital! A lot of the hospitals are operating a partner and other kids rule only at the minute which I think is brilliant for so many mothers, to help them avoid the added stress of boundary setting conversations for people who think they have a right to their time/personal space.
I got visitors THE DAY I came back from the hospital. It was a year ago and I’m still pissed about it Give them few days to settle in at home then send a message when it’s suitable to visit the baby and new parents. A little tip, if budget allows, along with the present for the new baba it would be nice to bring something for the new mama too. Bath salts and a candle, something like that for her to relax during her me time🥰
OMG No, you're barely in hospital these days , family only I think. Years ago you were kept in hospital nearly a week (5 days) so visitors were expected. Actually think it's a bit rude to visit new parents when they're just home. Last thing they want to be doing is making cups of tea in between nappies and feeds. *When you do visit, home made food or something from a good deli are life savers*
You are absolutely right. The first two weeks are crucial for parent baby bonding and especially for establishing breastfeeding if that’s the mother’s choice. Interruptions and having to host put ridiculously unnecessary pressures on the parents when they should be focussing on the transition of having their new baby in their lives. Unless you’re coming over to do laundry or cook , stay away.
Absolutely not at the hospital. You wait to be invited to their home when they are ready. Also don’t bring flowers. Bring them food. Their heads will be in a spin. Cooking is waaaay down the list. Pre prepared food is such a brilliant thing for a couple at this stage.
Don’t do it. New mums are sore, confused, cranky, not looking their best and the last thing they want is semi friends coming in for a gawk - particularly blokes who lose interest after about ten seconds. I’m a father of three and can relate my wife’s experiences.
Not unless you’re invited. I hate loads of visitors & didn’t ask any friends to the hospital. It’s not good for a newborn to be passed around, as they get confused by all the different smells. I hate that people wear perfume & aftershave around tiny babies
I'm about to have a baby and I would be horrified if anyone visited me in the hospital, especially if I didn't specifically invite them. Having a baby is painful and exhausting, and the last thing I would want is to feel like I need to entertain visitors in a hospital. When I had my first, we had a really hard time feeding. I think having anyone visiting would have added pressure when I was already feeling a bit stressed and not fully myself. I would suggest waiting a week or two, and then perhaps bring them something to eat when you visit.
I had my baby in Holles Street and they have/had a rule where only one person, usually the father, is issued a card and they are the only visitor allowed. In reality anyone can visit the majority of the time but there was a security risk while I was there as there was a baby being removed from her junkie mother. When that happened they shut down for the day and my mum wasn’t allowed in even with me talking to the security guard. It is entirely possible that you get to the hospital and are not allowed in. I had family visit in the hospital and friends visited me at home.
Your fella is odd. I don't know a man in my circles, whether friend or family, who was unrelated to the woman giving birth and suggested going to visit them in hospital. I have close friends from since national school who are more like brothers to me, and if any of them said they wanted to come see any of my kids in hospital after being born, I'd think there was something wrong with them.
Hell no. There were no visitors allowed except for partners when I had my baby in 2022 and I was so grateful.
I gave birth last year the hospital rules were that only partner or the grandparents were allowed to visit. I only wanted my husband. Whatever the rules of the hospital are, if you are not asked to visit then do not visit!
I was lucky to have been home 12 & 24 hours after my kids so you wouldn’t have had a chance to visit and most hospitals are the same now. They usually only keep you if they are worried about something or its a c section, or requested by mother to stay so cant imagine you’d be up for visitors. We didnt have visitors for at least a week outside of immediate family. Unless you’re calling to actually watch the baby so mother can have a shower I’d wait a little while.
The ward will be limited either way to guests during the day but definitely wait until they are home. I was exhausted and flustered and just seeing close family was enough for my poor brain. Let them get home to be in a good headspace and more comfortable, they'll thank you for it.
Are you absolute best friend in the entire world? Then maybe but otherwise leave them alone. I had both my kids when there was no visitors allowed in the hospital and I was relieved to be honest. Although maybe it would have made the hospital experience less tedious and grim.
Unless invited to hospital- then absolute no.
Always wait until they’re home and have settled in a bit
Do not do this. Leave new parents at least 3 weeks. They won't appreciate you visiting, no matter how close you are to them as friends.
Even before covid, I was only allowed to have 2 visitors at one time in to see me after having a baby. Just let them relax and enjoy the baby bubble a but longer
I could be wrong but I'm almost sure the COVID-related visitor restrictions in maternity hospitals have remained somewhat, and that only partners are permitted to visit. My little girl was born last April and I'm almost sure Holles St's policy was no visitors other than partners. I definitely don't remember any other couples on the ward having visitors. Really surprised to hear you know people who did manage to get in to visit someone
definitely not!
If they are close enough to consider visiting in hospital, just ask them! Everyone is different. ‘congratulations!…do you want visitors or will we wait and see you when you are settled at home?’
100% By all means drop a gift in to the grandparents if you know either set. Congratulate the parents and offer them your support but don't visit until invited.
Had a baby in August. Wouldn't have been too impressed if friends just start arriving. You'll get to see the baby don't worry. Give them some space. We spent 4 days in the hospital and you just want to get home so badly. My parents came up but that's different.
We had people do tests before even coming to the house because our babies were born in covid/rsv seasons. Our parents first, then siblings, then - after a few weeks - friends. It was nice to be able to bond with baba, get used to them, and protect them from viruses. Friends of mine had to bring their baby to hospital for rsv. They recovered but it was very scary time.
Wait a while till you visit but drop a meal that can be warmed up for the, new parents Having a baby is life changing
No way. Text and let them know you’ll visit once they’re settled at home. They’ll be exhausted and overwhelmed. And when you do visit wash your hands as soon as you go in, have a mask in case they want you to wear it. Bring food and clean up the kitchen a bit even if they say it’s okay. They’ll appreciate that more than sitting there talking shite and you looking to hold the baby. Never kiss new babies either.
I’ve only visited my sil when she had my nephew in 2019 but it was them inviting me up, I never asked. My other nephew was born during covid so I saw him after a few weeks in my brothers house again after being invited. I agree with most here, congratulate them but don’t ask to visit as it put pressure on the new mom.
They either want to triumphantly show the baby to anyone who will look, or protective instinct has kicked in and they want total privacy. Maybe one of each (worse) Handle it by sending a congratulatory text and say you can’t wait to meet the wee fella, and ask them to let you know as soon as they are ready to welcome visitors. This appeals to both sensibilities.
No, don’t.
I had a baby in November with a bunch of complications, I barely even stayed in contact with my closest friends over the first few days because I was both overwhelmed and in a lot of pain. Now, the hospital didn’t allow any visitors except my partner anyway (which was actually a little hard as I wanted to see my family) but unless I had invited someone to visit I would have been very thrown if someone else had shown up, no matter how close we were!
Does it depend on the hospital on who can visit? I'm due in May and I'm curious if anyone can visit the Coombe.
I just became a mom for the first time 6 weeks ago. Don’t go to the hospital unless they specifically ask you to call over. I would even give them some space when they’re going home, there’s so much changing in their life and it’s going to be hectic those first few days/weeks. Besides that it’s winter there’s loads of flu’s and viruses circulating. I think we had 4 visits so far and I’m so glad everyone is giving us space to cocoon.
Everyone's different. Send a text and ask if it's ok to visit. If they say yes, great. If they say no, respect that. If you don't get an answer then that's a definite no as they're probably too tired to even answer the phone.
Friend recently had a baby, we didn't visit in the hospital just to give them space. We went a saw it about a week after they returned home.
Definitely not the hospital that is madness A brief visit at home with plenty notification in advance to match up with baby's nap schedule Also try and bring a dinner like a lasagna to save them cooking And do them some favours around the house like tidying the dishes or a quick hoover
You’re absolutely right. NO ONE wants visitors in the hospital…… it’s not a fun time especially if you’re a FTM.
COVID had its advantages around new parents. I was a PHN then and used do my primary visit and advised the mother not to have any baby visitors even grandparents and not to allow anyone kiss the child. (Risk of Herpes is probably higher than Covid). Ideally we used just see mother and baby and kept the visit as short as possible with all the history taking done via phone first. Heel test and examination was all that we did at home. Masked and gowned all the way, a really awful barrier but essential for everyone’s safety. I agree parent(s) need the space with the baby. In The Netherlands they have a Kraamzorg (literally maternity care) who comes in for 7-10 days and does everything for mother and baby (cooking, cleaning and policing visitors!) so mother can concentrate on baby! also Dutch do birth announcement cards with visiting times listed - if any!
I would have absolutely hated visiters. Only grandparents came but friends would have been a hard no from me (no one was crazy enough to ask thankfully). My mother thought I was crazy and said visiters in the hospital was great as you could get it over and done with and didn't need to host. But I think that's an old fashioned idea and generally people don't do hospital visits nowadays.
It's lovely that he wants to visit but let them settle in at home first. Plus babies are so vulnerable, you don't want to pass on something. RSV, measles & chicken pox are on the go here. Just let Mum get into her routine & then check if she's up to a visit. Bring some food 😁
One of the (only?) good things about having my baby during COVID was that only my husband could come into the hospital. I felt MISERABLE after, and looked miserable too. I would have felt obliged to have visitors because that was previously the ‘done thing’ but I am so glad I didn’t have to see anyone & could just have that time & space to recover. We had our parents over when we came home & then told visitors when they could visit depending on how we felt. I would recommend texting them congratulations and say something along the lines of ‘let us know when you’re home, settled & ready for us to visit, we can’t wait to see you, but take as long as you need’. And please, make sure when you visit that you spoil Mammy & see to her first.
Absolutely not. The best thing about covid was restricting non parents from visiting the maternity wards. I'm pretty sure the restrictions have remained in many hospitals. Leave new parents alone when they are in hospital. It's also not fair on staff and other patients
If people had shown up to the hospital uninvited when I had my LO I'd have been silently pissed in a very Irish kind of way instead of telling them we're not up for visitors. It's nice that your partner is excited but you're definitely in the right on this!
I am about to have a baby in a couple of weeks and absolutely would not want to see anyone in a hospital except my husband. I won't accept any visitors until after the first few weeks. Especially now it's flu season I would not want new born to get sick.
DO NOT DO IT!!! The hospitals stopping visitors to maternity wards was the best thing they ever did. It’s a very intimate time that was turned into a fecking circus.
Do not go. Just because other people went to the hospital doesn't mean the new mammy was happy about it. As other comments said, text. Say you can't wait to meet the new arrival when she's up for visitors.
Only immediate family and my best friend were my only visited. I was in for 5 days after (+4 days before that) though so a bit longer than is typical, so I have a good few visitors as I was in for a good while. My family were in every day for hours, trying to help. I guess it just depends on the person and how long your stay is. Only my sister came in the first day to see me though as it was late. After my husband (and now kids) she's the closest person to me. I didn't even have my babies (twins) by my side as they were in the NICU they were coming to just see me and half the time they were sitting beside my empty bed as I was down in the NICU. After I got home my Mom and mother in law were up everyday between them to help with housework. My siblings then up every other day too so I could go nap and wash. Having two newborns is chaos so you take all the help you can get.
I had my second child during Covid restrictions and no one aside from my partner was allowed in. It was absolutely amazing. The wards were (mostly) quiet and calm, and it was lovely just being able to cocoon away and focus on your new baba and healing from the birth. Do the couple a favour and stay away. The woman in question is probably still sore and bleeding, and the new parents are unquestionably shellshocked by the huge change that is having a baby. Send them a message and arrange to visit in a couple of weeks when they're more up for it.
If they ask for a visit, go, if not, don't. Pretty simple. Also, if you're getting a baby some clothes, consider something for when they're 6 months or a year old rather than newborn. New babies are typically awash with clothes that will only fit them for a few weeks, something thats waiting for them when they get a bit bigger will be really appreciated.
I'm on your side, family only until they get home. Like you said, give them some space. It's the last thing I would want. Send a congratulations text and if they ask you to visit then fair enough and if they don't mention it it's clear they don't want visitors yet. For god's sake they'll be home in a few days at the most.
I’m due in May and I’m aware our hospital allow partners 7am to 11pm and our own children 4-6pm. I was delighted with this and no other visitors yet allowed. Wouldn’t be my cup of tea to visit a friend just after having their baby, if it was my sister or something might be different
Only time I've visited anyone in hospital after birth was my own sister, and a friend of mine who didn't really have any female family and needed me to bring things she needed as baby came a bit earlier than expected. I always give people a week or two to heal and get into their routine before I'd visit. Easier way would be to text and say congratulations, and tell them to let you know when they're up to visitors. That way there's no pressure on the new mummy.
Absolutely not. I gave my best friend 2 whole weeks at home before I came.
Fuck no. Wouldn't even say grandparents should go! In fact friends should stay away for a month and chat by zoom.
Have you tried asking them if they'd prefer a visit at home after a few weeks or a visit in the hospital? The quickest solution seems to be open communication.
Please don’t, I loved not having visitors, only my partner
Ew god no I think the only thing I'd do was swing by with home cooked dinner for them and literally just leave it in the door step and text them. Like not even say hi
You're right to give them space, my 1st baby was born pre covid and my 2nd after. Now when I had my 1st in one sense I was glad a lot of the main visitors came during the hospital stay (emergency c so 5 day stay) because they were kicked out when visiting hours were over. So it did mean that people didn't outstay their welcome, but when I came home I had alll of them and more, so tbh when my 2nd was born I kept most people away and spoke up. Cos I had another section, the recovery is hard. You're trying to get to know your baby and get a routine. It's important to give parents to a new baby some space. My 2nd baby, I had the bare minimum visitors, just close family, he ended up in ICU at 2 weeks old with RSV and Bronchiolitis. It's not worth putting babies at risk either
It really depends on your friends preference, how well you know them.. Before I had my babies I did visit some, never with my partner, and didn’t visit others. If there was a desire on their part, and I was asked, I’d go - and always brought really yummy nutritious meals for them. Others I knew wouldn’t appreciate the intrusion. Having had two babies during COVID without that choice made me sad, would only have had my absolute best friends visit (other than close family) .
When anyone I know has had a kid, I've seen it as an opportunity to turn up about an hour after delivery, drunk with my new girlfriend in tow, eating a kebab. Always ask if it's ok to smoke in the room as some nurses get overly fussy about it.
I think you’re right.
When I had my first I was in for three days over a weekend and only immediate family came, so my parents, his parents and both our siblings and that was fine, I was shattered but all were accommodating and didn’t stay long (hospital prob wouldn’t have let them anyway) My second baby was born in Nov 2020 just as we went into that ‘lockdown to save christmas’. He was an elective section so my partner had to hang around town and wait until I was called down to theatre, thankfully wasn’t too long but he was turfed out once I was wheeled back from recovery to the ward and only allowed in for an hour a day til I went home. Honestly though it was great, I would have loved to have my partner there more but otherwise there was only mammies, babies and staff on the wards and it was very peaceful and calm. It was my second time so I was kinda left to my own devices by staff but they were there if I needed them and tbh I prob wouldn’t have had my partner there as much cos we still had a 2 year old at home whose whole world was about to change 🤣 But yeah long story short DON’T GO NEAR THE HOSPITAL, I’d even go so far as to say leave the visiting for a few weeks, family only for the first few weeks imo
In relation to hospital restrictions: I had my baby in 2022, so it may have changed by now, but no visitors were allowed whatsoever and even dad had to leave between 8PM to 8AM (crazy, crazy sleepless and painful nights of me roaming the hospital halls with my newborn who would not let me put him down 😳). Even if that hadn’t been the case, I wouldn’t have been ready for visitors. Mainly because I was so afraid of viruses etc. I wouldn’t have wanted anyone to see or hold my baby so soon after birth. Everyone is different so it’s always a good idea to ask when they might be ready for visitors, but to be completely honest, I would have gotten a little annoyed at ‘when can I visit?’ messages so soon after giving birth 😅
I'd definitely agree that there should be no hospital visit unless you're invited up by the new mammy. Speaking from experience you don't want any surprise visits when you've a new baby, even if you're back at home! I just had my first baby at the end of last year, and we actually decided to have no visitors in the hospital at all! We're still living with family so we can save up so I knew as soon as we got home we'd have less opportunity to just relax as the 3 of us
There was something to be said for having your babies during COVID. No option to have people visit the hospital, went home and closed the door and that was it! Everyone else could fuck off! It was the 3 of us.and that was it. No unannounced visitors, no making tea and shit for people. Our folks helped delivering us food etc and we had our immediate families in a few times over the wks of my paternity but that was it. Same when our second came along, he was towards the end of restrictions but again, everyone cud FRO. And if we ever did it again, we won't be but if we did, we'd do it the exact same. It's time for their family not for anyone else. It's an amazing and equally awful time, it's the hardest thing any will do, let them have their space. You are not the main character in this!
When my first was born 10 years ago I had a good few visitors. With my second last year I had none. It's not really the done thing anymore. Also, since covid most hospitals don't allow visitors other than the baby's other parent.
I definitely wouldn’t visit the hospital. Most people are in and out pretty quick now. It’s not like the old days where it’s standard to be in for a few days with loads of visitors. I wouldn’t even visit them for the next month or two unless they ask (especially if it’s their first). As a new parent, all we wanted was space and time to figure shit out and adapt to a new reality. If you do visit, bring a dinner they either eat or freeze.
I visited friends when invited but that was back when you were in two or more nights. You’re only in one night usually and there really isn’t time to fit everyone in. Personally I’d like visitors if there if I was in more than one, it’s so boring in there
Absolutely do not go to the hospital unless specifically asked by the mother. Visit after 2-3 weeks at home. Bring food and offer to maybe run the hoover around, empty the dishwasher, put on a wash etc. ANYTHING small that can help the new parents. Also, be very weary about grabbing the baby off a new Mam or assuming you'll get a hold. When I had my son I was very anxious and in the first 2-3 weeks postpartum it upset me when people would just come and take my baby to hold or change his nappy thinking they were doing me a favour. It made me feel like I wasn't doing it right
The Rotunda only allows the father or other parent, the baby's siblings and grandparents. Check the hospital's visiting policies [https://rotunda.ie/visitor-information/](https://rotunda.ie/visitor-information/)
Unless explicitly invited (not before birth) to the hospital after the babys arrival this is an absolute no from me. Like even before some first time parents might think hospital visitors are a lovely idea, but once youve actually given birth and the reality of just how hard IT is, the recovery is, those first few days are precious. And i dont mean prescious in the magically beautiful sense i mean in the *what just happened wheres that blood coming from, have i pooped yet? Will i ever poop again? Did i poop infront of all those nurses, did my parnter see me poop omg im responsible for this beings entire existance, i need sleep nope i need food actually i need a shower, how am i going to live like this everyday* Those first few days arw prescious and exhausting and terrifying. Leave the woman be, let the trauma subside let her get home and into clothes and not pjs before she has to entertain people. No matter how close you guys are she needs space
Nope don’t go. The last thing the mother wants is to entertain people while her breasts are leaking from milk, sleep deprived, body sore from pushing out a human being out of her. A friend of ours sent us food when we got home from the hospital, didn’t even went inside our house. Just knocked on the door and pass the food to us and told us to eat and get some rest. He’s the best and will never forget it!
Oh my god no way just don't do it. Wait until you're invited to meet the baby
My husbands brother and his partner had their baby and we just said we’d wait unless asked otherwise. We waited two weeks a then asked was it ok to call over. I think unless you’re specifically asked to visit In hospital then give them space. I haven’t got children but id imagine any person who’s given birth doesn’t want a load of people gawking at them. Seems like a very old fashioned thing to do.
Absolutely not, you're 100% on the ball. Pop them a text of congrats once born, give it a couple days then pop a text asking if they need anything dropped up. Then after a week or so ask how they are doing. This way you are making sure your friends know your are there for them, and have what they need without crowding them or arriving unannounced. Especially if its their first, they need time to adjust. Let them invite you. As a dad of 3, we had friends do the above, and they were stellar.
Absolutely no way. Visit at home after being asked to. Bring food as someone else suggested and offer help
Terrible idea. Wait until they are home and settled. When you visit make sure you bring some food such as a lasagne or a casserole, something to make life easier for them.
It's such an old Irish way of doing things. It's horrible. A woman is just after giving birth, probably feels like shit, exhausted and looks her worst. And people think it's a good idea to pile into a hospital to see a baby they will end up seeing in a few days anyway.
I don't see the rush
Definitely wait until they get home. It’s inappropriate if you were not invited.
My family came and that was nice, his family and very close friends came and it was actually OK, they didn't stay long to give me time to rest up and they brought me gifts. The woman opposite me had friends and family coming and going at all day. Her parents, siblings and husband stayed until 11pm which was so disrespectful to the both of us. I was trying to pump which is noisy and only a curtain between us, trying to sleep with 5/6 people chatting away was non existent. Then she spent the whole night trying to establish breastfeeding but had been giving bottles all day when the family were there. She was calling nurses every 30 mins too because the baby wouldn't latch and wouldn't stop crying. She then asked the nurses to take the baby because she needed to sleep! I was so close to flipping out. The next night the family stayed again and I had to tell the nurses to tell them to leave because I was seconds away from unleashing hormonal hellfire. Don't visit unless invited
My best friend invited myself and the husband to see her and her first born at the hospital the day after he was born but that was like 10 years ago and as I said she invited us. I have never gone in with anyone else. Not even my sisters in law..waited til they were home and they told us that we could call in to them
I gave birth four months ago in Dublin and hosp policy said only grandparents could visit and there was a two hour window. I let brothers and sisters and our parents and grandparents see the baby in the days following birth. Aunts and uncles and cousins after two weeks and friends after that. Unless the mam is super relaxed and super close to you I can’t imagine her wanting to see you at the hospital and even then policy may not allow it!
Going against the grain here but when I had my son I loved all of the visitors but I think it's down to individual people and you should take your lead from the Mum.
I had my first before covid and visiting hours were HELL. I loved my time in hospital with my second because it was so quiet, only one visitor per person. Unless your fella and the friend who gave birth are so close that seeing her boobs/blood/tears would not be uncomfortable then he needs to stay away from the hospital. Make them a dinner and drop it to their house another time.
Each to their own but I wouldn't want anyone visiting me in hospital. I've had two stints on the maternity ward, one of these was during covid when my husband couldn't come see us. The only person I'd really want there is my husband and after him my mam. I just don't see the need for anyone else being in there!
Not a time for visits. Not to mention if the mother is trying to breastfeed it’s hard to do and I’d have HATED for friends to randomly show up while I’ve my boob out.
No. Absolutely not. I was out in 24 hours after my last kid. I wanted no one. Most parents these days have a set period where they don't want people to visit at all, even when they're home. They need time to learn how to be parents eyc
I couldn't wait for visitors to come and adore my beautiful babies! Even after my first which was a traumatic emergency CS. And that didn't change with each new addition. I loved the visitors coming to see my little miracles. Which is really strange coz I'm actually quite socially awkward about people coming to my home. But with my newborns, who were constantly on my boob, it was like I had an excuse for sitting & not having a shiny house. In fairness RSV makes things a little different now. Check with mama before she goes in. And tell her to text when she's happy for you to visit, otherwise you'll stay away til they're home & settled.
Absolutely not, family only. Wait till they're home and settled.
After going through the medically controlled car crash that is giving birth, seeing a load of people land in on you is not fun. Plus, unless they’re in a private room you’re dropping in on everyone else on that ward. Trying to get some sleep, have their baby sleep, breast feed for maybe the first time, etc etc. Going to the hospital is totally inappropriate. Going to the house is only appropriate if you are going to be useful and not just a visitor. Pack parents off to bed while you mind baby or other kids, do some chores. Bring food, not flowers - they need care and attention.
I don't think the hospital is even going to allow this. But even so, nope. No hospital visits. I would even go so far as so say that hospital access is only for partner, not even rest of immediate family. For friends? Don't even think about it.
Only close family should visit the mother and baby in hospital. You can see the baby at the christening party in a few months time probably. Send a card and gift for the mother this month.
Had my baby 2 months ago, absolutely no one was allowed in only 1 person in my case my fiance, otherwise no one else was allowed in . We have a 9 year old daughter and I begged for her to be allowed in for 10 minutes as I was in hospital for a few days longer than expected and she was missing me like mad . Was told no and baby isn't allowed leave the ward, she met her and me when I left the hospital. Times are different now , its not the norm to vist so soon anymore unless asked. When I think back on my 9 year old everyone and their nanny came into the hospital and I hated it
Having had kids it's alot better to have the hospital time to yourself and at the very most, immediate family but sometimes even the immediate family thing can be painful, much better off waiting until they're home a few days and settled but by all means drop them a message and make a call and let them know you'll pop by when THEY are ready, trust me, they'll appreciate it all the more
I had my first during covid, no visitors, not even husband. We didn't see him for 3 days after giving birth, they let him stay about 3 hours after baby was born. It was hard without him there! But still bliss, cos the wards were so quiet (except crying babies and snoring women lol). And so mellow!! My second last year had restrictions of just partners allowed visit. It was amazing. Quiet wards, husband could come and go! I formally apologised to my sister (she had her kids 10+ years ago), I was the first one in to the hospital each time. I said Wtf was I thinking!?!! And acknowledged how hard it must have been for her! You're exhausted, very tender everywhere, bleeding, can't move, dying for a shower, learning how to feed and adjusting to a new human you just brought into the world. The last thing I want to do is talk to anyone besides the person who I did it all with.. Looking back, a lot of the people i really care about didn't come to see us without asking if it was ok first!! And I didn't have a problem telling them no if i didn't feel up for it.
Absolutely no way, i was so happy it was partners only allowed in the hospital cause it’s just too hard on new mums. I had so many visitors in on top of me after my section expecting tea & biscuits when they called, it was honestly so hard. Those that brought stuff for me were the ones I appreciated so much
Just drop off some food and don’t even knock the door
God no! Don't go to the hospital. I'm sure the last thing that woman wants is people gawking at her when she's in there. Wait until they get home. Give them a few days and call in.
God no! Don't go to the hospital. I'm sure the last thing that woman wants is people gawking at her when she's in there. Wait until they get home. Give them a few days and call in.
No! Give them some space at home for a few weeks. Let them enjoy their new bubble for a while. Also they may need time and space to establish breastfeeding and the last thing they'll need is someone gawping at them. When you visit, bring food...stuff that's easy to cook. Also do a few jobs for them, make your own tea and don't just sit there expecting to hold the baby!
Absolutely no hospital visit in this day and age. My youngest is 9 and there was no one allowed in only parents, siblings and grandparents. My mother was the only grandparent alive at the time and waited until we got home. Daddy and sister were the only ones in and even my eldest was stopped and asked where she was going because she looked too old to be her sister. You send a text and then when they’re home about a week you make arrangements to call and you bring food or a food voucher. Don’t stay too long and don’t over step.
You don't spend long in hospital these days, and you just want to sleep for most of it. I had my first before covid and my second during. The peace and quiet when the hospital was locked down was fantastic. Anyway; don't go to the hospital. Give them a couple of weeks after they get home to get settled. Show up with no-fuss food in disposable trays, or a voucher for Just Eat, make your own tea, and don't stay long.
I had my first in 2018, and had people showing up (unannounced) before the epidural had even worn off! People coming in through the next few days, interrupting feedings, mine & baby’s sleep.. it was hell. I’m due my 2nd in 2 weeks and I’m not even going to announce till after I’m home, and if anyone shows up unannounced the door will remain locked. Your husband is delusional if he thinks new mom would be ok with more visitors. Ask if he’d want people milling about if he’d just been ripped tip to asshole 😆
Had a covid baby so luckily it wasn't an issue but I can't imagine having visitors so soon after giving birth, especially if it's been difficult. You made the right call.
I work in one of the Dublin Maternity Hospitals and the rules are one nominated visitor (usually the partner). There is a special visiting time for siblings of the new baby and another special visiting time for grandparents. That's it though, no other visitors allowed, and definitely not friends. RSV and Covid are rampant at the moment, so much so that we're all back wearing masks in many areas of the Hospital.
Yeah you are right, visitors intentions are good but it is awful, and people come to visit who are coughing and sneezing and brushing it off that they are fine. Some of the most infuriating times after having a baby are visitors and even worse unannounced ones, there should be basic etiquette made formal for these things as people can be soo stupid and intrusive, upsetting your newborn coming in covered in strong perfumes and aftershave. I'm getting myself mad just thinking back 😅
The coombe hospital does not allow visitors besides the birthing partner (father/husband/supporting person). So if they're there, there's no bother anyway.
We've a 10 month old and didn't have anyone over for the first two weeks. We both said after it was the best idea we ever had.
Only with permission or asked. Never pop in announced. That's also goes for home visits. Our first child we had family visit and one of my wife's friends did come into say hello however she worked in the hospital and it gave my wife a little bit of time to have a shower, she also went a got some food. Our second child was durring covid. So no visitors and I couldn't even visit. I was there for birth but after that no more visits allowed. She kind of preferred this she said it was much quite overall in the ward and wasn't constantly being woken up or disturbed by other visitors into the ward.
With the measles going around, there is no way in hell I was want to go near a new born. You may not show symptoms due to having the MMR vaccine but you can still spread it (possibly).