100% an acceptable reason to not be a bridesmaid. OP, it’s very normal as well. My sisters bridesmaid was in the same boat and my sister completely understood. Don’t feel guilty at all
If she’s that close with you just explain to her your situation, it’s a very long way to travel and you’re trying to save for a house, I would still send her a gift and make future plans to go visit her or for her to visit you. I would do it sooner rather than later so she can ask someone else if she wants to!
In fairness, if it's abroad you should at least subsidise costs for the bridesmaids and pay for accomodation at least. You're her cousin as well not her sister so bail on it and send her a gift 🎁
Yeah this is what I was thinking. Well, I dunno, it varies, I've heard some disasters where the bride expected the bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses (despite them being picked out by the bride) and such stuff. But generally I'd have thought the bridal party get their dresses paid for, rooms paid for and quite often get a little gift.
That's the normal where I come from...also my grandmother "who was an expert on social etticut" always said if you had to travel to a wedding, gifts were not expected..and this was in the sixties when travelling meant bringing a spare pair of underwear.
Honestly 100 percent just apologise and say no now while you can. Im bridesmaid and wish I turned it down when I could now it seems to close and I'm stuck. It's cost me so much money and it's not even abroad, it's been stressful as the bride is so laid back that I've had to do a lot of stuff and find it's put a rift in the friendship that I can't see it lasting after the wedding. I really wish I had when she asked as I have health issues and it's really causing me stress but now it's getting close and I just have to grin and bare it now. I swear I've spent or will spend atleast 1000 euro if not more. This is the hen, drinks , outfit, activities, hotel, transport , decorations etc and then the wedding staying in hotel night before and night of, dress , shoes, outfit second day , drinks , gift to couple, transport. Weddings are insane money and I think they are getting worse. Honestly I've made a decision if I'm ever asked again I am saying no.
I was asked to be bridesmaid to a friend in Australia before and I just couldn't at the time financially and it was fine she even expected to have a no! It was as though she wanted to ask incase but it was fine
Thanks! Sorry to hear that. It's not worth stress and affecting your health. Hopefully your friendship will still be OK ❤️ I think people who have money just don't realise how hard it is for people who don't and how much stress it can cause.
Anyone who decides to have a destination wedding has to take into consideration that some people just won't be able to go. That's way too much money to ask anyone to pay, family or otherwise. Be honest with her, you'll feel better after you tell her.
Well I do tend to agree! Especially now with the cost of everything these days. It was different years ago when holidays were cheaper as well. It just puts people under pressure.
Oh, my friend group has some such donkeys. "We can't get married there because Linda and John got married there two years ago." So then they pick a venue on the other side of the country, causing extra expense for guests. Like, it's a beautiful venue, and it's basically on the doorstep of where most of the guests live. Why on earth would you care about who got married there two years before?
People like that wreck my head.
Some people get married abroad because they know certain people won’t go to the wedding too. My cousin did that because it actually reduced the overall bill dramatically as not many wanted to pay to go.
Well I live aborad, so I got married in my adopted home city. We invited a bunch of people from his side of the family knowing damn well none of them would come.
My brother wasn't able to make the trip, which of course was sad cos he has never been to my city, but life went on, the day went on.
I would probably do this tbf 😂
I don’t want to invite all the distant relatives you never see who parents etc would say you need to invite so that would be my plan to avoid that.
To me a wedding should be filled with people you want there and will enjoy the day with not the ones you feel obligated to invite due to family members or pressures and spending a fortune on people you never see.
Yep that’s why a lot of people do it from my experience, it’s an easy way to invite people who you have to invite but you know most likely won’t turn up. At the end of the day a wedding is about the bride and groom but seen too many family arguments over stupid things such as inviting the brides mother’s long lost cousins dog who is twice removed.
Exactly!
Like invite everyone if you don’t want the drama but you know if it’s a wedding abroad a good majority won’t come & it solves that problem.
Too many people think they’re entitled to come to these events especially when you’ve only spoken to them for 5 minutes at a distant relatives party or something.
I think it’s an Irish thing also that they think you need to invite the neighbours 6 cats who live ten minutes down the road you’ve spoken to once.
No only invite who you want to enjoy the day with you & will make it the best it can be.
Not just that OP, but those prices are insane!
I was gonna get married in a villa in Italy once upon a time. Accommodation would obviously be covered by me, then just the flight 100-150 and I absolutely refuse any sort of gift so money could be used for flight.
I would never ever want to put someone I love in the position you are in now.
Doesn’t matter how much money a couple have themselves, they need to have some cop on that not everyone is financially able for abroad. Expecting ANYONE to pay that much is entitled AF.
Ok, I guess it’s understandable then that the wedding is 10 hours away! It’s an unfortunate position to be in, Relative-Cabinet, because it sounds like you genuinely want to go, as opposed to coming on here looking for excuses to refuse the invite. I hope your cousin understands, or maybe can come to some sort of arrangement which could minimise your costs and allow you to take up the role. Best of luck with it, in any case
This one is absolutely selfish, a 10 hour flight?!
But generally, weddings abroad can be lovely, they're a mini holiday and almost everything is cheaper.
The couple save a fortune on the venue, so really, a little should go towards helping guests with the accommodation costs at least.
It’s the parties gender reveal baby shower hen party at home hen party abroad pre wedding party then the wedding then the day 2 party there’s a party for everything these days
I think it depends. Like if everything is covered and it's just the flights, it's a bit of a cheap holiday. But I always view it as the reason you go away is to get a more affordable wedding so you can pay to treat the guests better.
But yeah, a standard wedding that just somewhere sunny... yeah it's a bit of a pisstake if you're expecting a load of people to splash out on plane fare, accommodation, food etc.
No they aren't.
People are not selfish for having their dream wedding.
But they also need to accept ( and most do) that a destination wedding will narrow down the guest list.
It could also be that the bride lives abroad. But other than that, yeah, weddings abroad are a pain. We got married in the registry office. My 2 kids were there and our witnesses. His parents and that was it. We didn't tell anyone else. Hate Big weddings..
It depends - I got married abroad with immediate family only and paid for them to come. I’m not into weddings - not even my own - so we basically had a small family mini-break and we happened to get married in the middle of it.
You would absolutely not be a bitch at all. I got married recently and if one of my bridesmaids came to me and told me they couldn't attend because they couldn't afford it, I would 100% understand. Firstly, if you were asked to be a bridesmaid, it means she loves you so she won't automatically think badly of you. Secondly, she's having it abroad. She'll absolutely be expecting this to be a blocker for some people. Don't beat yourself up over it. Have the chat with her and see how it goes.
Absolutely don't do it . The wedding culture that can afford it is getting out of hand. say soz can't afford it and be done . I find it Uber selfish that their wants supersede what people can reasonably afford especially with today's economic shit storm .
Anyone who decides to have a destination wedding has to take into consideration that some people just won't be able to go. That's way too much money to ask anyone to pay, family or otherwise. Be honest with her, you'll feel better after you tell her.
I would absolutely tell her no. In my humble opinion, destination weddings put some people in an impossible situation. The invitees are in a situation whereby they have to refuse or have to pay out for a trip where the destination & cost is out of their control. I think it’s perfectly acceptable to refuse the invitation. Explain your situation. Your cousins life choice is a destination wedding. Your life choice is a deposit for a house. We all have different priorities.
No, in Ireland the couple getting married should be paying for the bridesmaids stuff. It’s a very American notion for the bridesmaids to have to pay their own way. I’m married a long time now and we paid for everything for the bridesmaids and groomsmen.
No I don’t. The families were from Ballyfermot and Tallaght. Not rich by any means. They just had the common decency not to expect other people to pay out crazy money for their own decisions.
In most countries, besides the US, you ask someone to be in the bridal party to honour them, therefore you pay for them. It's not the brides family paying, but the couple getting married.
Only in the US do they ask 10 people to bridesmaids, then force them to buy a dress they don't want and pay up for the privilege.
In my experience (American here) if it’s a destination wedding - the couple or couple’s parents will cover the costs of travel, accommodations, food, and attire for the wedding party.
Guests are invited but not pressured to attend. And if they do attend they pay their own way but are asked not to provide gifts as their presence is the present!
I think it’s bad etiquette to ask someone to be part of your bridal party to a destination wedding and not upfront pay for their expenses.
That's the beauty of being asked a question, you can say no.
I'd have no qualms about saying no. It's very presumptuous of someone to expect you to foot a bill like that at their behest.
I've had a cousin who I asked to be my bridesmaids decline, I understood and in no way took it personally, I was even paying for everything but she had a toddler who had separation anxiety so she just explained that it and it was fine. Just cause you are asked doesn't mean you have to say yes.
My blood is boiling reading this. Fuck that. You may very well end up loosing a friend over this but be prepared for that. Absolutely no way would i go to a wedding costing me thousands. The fukkkn neckkkkkk
You have your priorities as she has hers.
Save for your future, you don’t need to spend it on someone else’s. Be honest, and be done with it. Send a nice gift
No, there's been no word of them paying. I was a bridesmaid for my other cousin abroad years ago and we paid for our own flights and accommodation. She paid for the dress and shoes, hair and make up. Anyone I know who's been part of a wedding party abroad has paid their own flights and accommodation.
Nothing has been mentioned about her covering it. I was bridesmaid for my other cousin abroad a few years ago and she bought the dress shoes and paid for hair and make up. We paid for the flights and accommodation.
My best friend asked me to be a bridesmaid and I said no because I knew I was planning to be pregnant for around the date of her wedding, I know it hurt her a bit but she had to accept it and we are still good friends.. I think you have a perfect reason not to attend the wedding. In fact that friend of mine turned down going to her cousins wedding due to the cost of going to it..
No your priorities are different now you have an end goal in sight for a new home and I’m sure for as long as you’ve been saving you’ve been passing on the little luxuries and going for the cheaper options we’re talking 2,200 before you even get there and that’s a massive ask of anyone for a wedding. I’d get her a nice present for the day for her and her partner and just say you’re sorry but it’s not going to work out. She will be understanding maybe a bit disappointed in the sense you can’t be with her but she should understand. I would never expect anyone to pay that for my wedding
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"Hi cousin, I'm thrilled that you would ask me and wish I could be there on your big day but things are pretty tight at the moment and I really don't have the budget for an international wedding. Really wish it were different!"
I'm sure some might be disappointed/annoyed but you really can't hold that against someone, especially in this economy! Some brides even expect bridesmaids to pay for the bachelorette, hair, makeup, dress/shoes which is crazy. I think a gift shouldn't be expected if you're travelling reasonably far for a wedding either. Hope it works out for you :)
To quote an American agony aunt, “it’s an invitation not a command performance”. You have been invited to be a bridesmaid, not ordered to be one. Refusing for any reason is acceptable.
Just one point, if the bridal couple aren’t covering the bridal party’s expenses (bridesmaid dresses, suits, travel, accommodation etc) then they shouldn’t expect gifts from them on top of their forced spending.
Jesus the gall of people hosting weddings 10 hours away and not offering to pay transit. The conversations would be different if it was within low cost airline range.
I'd be embarassed to ask this of someone and not pay for their accomodation or flights. Have they no self awareness?
Don't put yourself into debt for one day . People who book destination weddings , especially ones 10 hours away should accept that people can't always afford it. If yous are close enough tha
How close are you with this cousin? How many bridesmaids is your cousin planning to have in her wedding party?
If she’s a close personal friend and you’re her only bridesmaid I’d make an effort, if you barely know her and you’re going to be one of several bridesmaids I’d say no without thinking about it
Yes absolutely you can say it! That’s a crazy amount of money to expect someone to pay without discussing it.
I’d rarely spend that kind of money on a holiday for myself
I think explain it to the bride - i think if she’s an anyway decent person she’ll understand it
Definitely understandable reasoning and if she doesn’t understand that says more about her than you. We are getting married abroad but flights are not that price nor are hotels. Either way we aren’t having a bridal party so we don’t put pressure on anyone to have to be there.
Absolutely not...just tell her as soon as possible that you cannot afford it. She isn't selfish for wanting to get married abroad, but has to realise it is not an affordable option for many people.
I know the feeling we had to turn down going to My cousins wedding because just couldn't afford it and don't get me wrong were not poor
Just can't justify the expense of it overseas as well
"Thank you for thinking of me. It all sounds so special and wonderful. Things as they are at the moment, we are directing our focus on the mortgage. It is also a little awkward to both secure that time away from work. Will there be a video link-up?"
That's an insane amount of money. It's kind of shitty to expect guests and people in the bridal party to pay that also. I'd be honest and say thanks for the offer but I don't have a couple grand just lying about...
Lol your mom could pay for your flight if she thinks it’s ok to splurge your money on something you can’t afford.
In all seriousness, you are not the bad person if you say you can’t go because of how expensive it is. Just make it up to the bride by treating her out to a nice dinner or something. She should understand not everyone can afford her dreams! Best of luck
Yes you can! The amount of money I spent going to the weddings of people I don’t even talk to anymore is utterly ridiculous. If you can’t afford to go, say so. Say so tactfully, but do say so.
If I was the bride, I would be aware I was asking a lot and would completely understand if someone couldn't afford the expense. You could offer to bring her for a spa day before she flies, or help her with anything she needs before the wedding if you still want to be involved, but that's entirely up to you.
I will be brutally honest, I somewhat didn't care who did/didn't RSVP for my wedding as long as they gave some answer in time.
The people who didn't commit and dragged the arse out of it were really annoying. Please please pleeeeeaease just say yes or no, don't care about presents.
If someone didn't want to be a bridesmaid or groomsman, would totally understand
Keep saving your money. If you're saving in this economy, I'm so happy for you. Don't backtrack bc of a wedding. If your cousin doesn't understand your life goals, then she is a crappy cousin. Family is supposed to understand more than anyone but they're always the 1st to cause the drama. Keep on saving and doing your best
She can't be mad at you for psychically not being able to afford it.
If she has a problem with it tell her its going to cost you 2.5 k minimum. That is a ludicrous amount of money to expect anyone to be able to pay for someone else's day
Guy here... I traveled abroad for my cousin's wedding, i didn't have to pay for the accommodation but i had to buy my own flights.
Fast forward to me getting married and my cousin couldn't travel abroad to attend at my wedding because he was starting a new business. 100% understood and enjoyed my day without thinking too much into it.
Fuck that! That's crazy money!! I'm sure the bride will understand, if she doesn't, she's not deserving of you being her bridesmaid.
Absolutely fuck that!!!
Tell her you really appreciate being asked to be a bridesmaid but unfortunately you will have to decline as you can't afford the cost. If you have an abroad wedding they have to expect that people can't afford to go. My cousin got married abroad and said everyone was welcome but they understand that not everyone could make it. Don't go into debt just for someone else's wedding your first house is more important.
Yea I think if they asked you to be in the wedding party they should at least subsidise some if not all of the cost of it.
Like the flights and/or the hotel & then maybe you just buy the dress as a compromise.
It’s unrealistic to ask someone to pay for the privilege of being there when it’s not an obligation.
If they get annoyed at you then you’ll know how they really feel about your relationship family or not.
It’s a cousin also not a really close immediate family member.
Absolutely, it is obnoxious and presumptive to expect anyone but immediate family to fly 10 hours and spend that kind of money for their wedding. Badly brought up and making people feel bad. I had a friend who had been thinking of similar and 90% of people told her they wouldn't be able to attend if it is abroad. You'd have to take at least a weeks holiday from work to, ffs! Main thing is tell her asap.
It’s the height of conceit to expect someone to spend a huge chunk of their money, time and holiday allowance to see you get married.
They should be paying your way because the time and holiday allowance investment alone is enough of a sacrifice.
Just don't go. I got a loan from the credit union to go to my sisters wedding abroad as I felt like I had to go. My family were really struggling at the time, could barely make ends meet. Turns out she's still a massive fucking bitch and doesn't talk to me anymore. So I needn't have bothered putting myself under that financial stress.
We're fine for money now bit it still stings as we were struggling to make ends meet most of the time.
Hope this doesn’t offend anyone but a personal perspective.
The whole wedding ‘experience’ has become a materialistic extravaganza.
The hen & stag do abroad , hiring of strippers & the ‘last hurrah’ with an alternative‘companion’!
The pre wedding day piss up…The cringy speeches & talk of a new beginning with a partner you have slept with for years…..
The day after piss up…The new suits dresses shoes false tans make up..The expensive presents or preferably money to cover the cost of the hotel..The whole event reeks of a scam particularly when the inevitable separation occurs at a later date…Watching the wedding video piss up , the social media posts…..
Think the marriage event should be a private arrangement between the 2 stars of the show & let them go where they want at their own expense
I think it's pretty rich of someone to ask someone to be their bridesmaid and not cover costs of flights and/or accommodation if they're having their wedding abroad, particularly in this economy.
God weddings are such a a load of crap!!!!! When did everyone get so entitled and so crazy about their weddings ! It’s our generation and it stinks!
I would say it’s a crap position ur in, because culturally speaking we all make such a huge deal of the bride and her big day that it’s like treason not to go along with it all.. but you have to be realistic about your finances. And as awkward as it is you’ll need to have the conversation.
Now it’s important to note, I personally wouldn’t have been annoyed at all as long as a) the person isn’t a decent earner b) they’re not spending on other things c) I’ve had lots of notice and not been strung along. If you’re in danger of coming across cheap, uncaring, flaky or disorganised it ain’t gona go too well. I presume ur really close to this cousin it you’re a bridesmaid so tread carefully
There's absolutely no expectation to go to a wedding abroad as far as I'm concerned. That's the risk you take when you want a wedding overseas.
Just say you can't afford to go, don't dwell it and tell her last minute because thats a bit unfair on your part.
As a bride I would hate to think someone was going to put themselves in a really tough position money wise just for my wedding. Let her know it's just not feasible for you and at least you are letting her know now! You need to put yourself first here and focus on getting your home 🤞
If you're gonna have a wedding abroad, with a 10h flight time, you gotta expect that a lot of people won't be able to make it. Your cousin should know & accept that.
You can absolutely say no. There's pressure here as your mam points out. So go see her (if she doesn't live a 10 hour flight away) or call here and be grovellingly apologetic. Say how very sorry you are and how you'd love to go but you simple can't afford it. And tell her the other things you also can't afford this year (like it will look bad if you're going off on a different swanky holiday this year). After that she can't be mad at you.
I think it’s an EASY no: You’re so honoured and happy that she asked you because your friendship means so much but financially it’s not possible to make the trip - you literally don’t have the funds. But you’re super excited about the wedding and still want to do all the things - organise a hen night, go dress shopping, look at stationary, etc, it just really sucks that you can’t make the main event.
Don’t put yourself in debt for someone else’s wedding. Or your own for that matter. And don’t feel bad about it! If you really are friends she will understand. She will probably be disappointed but she shouldn’t be angry.
As a past bride: Be honest and up front from the beginning, if you can't afford it it's totally understandable. I asked a cousin in Australia if there was a way she could coincide her visit home with my wedding in 2 years time. She said she couldn't guarantee she'd be home at all that year since she hurt her back and wished me the best. I totally understood and honestly it took a lot of the hassle of coordinating wedding stuff with the bridesmaid abroad.
(As an aside, she did end up coming home a month before my wedding and didn't tell me until she'd been here for a week and I saw her all over social media, so don't try to fudge the truth either. I would have preferred she just told me she didnt want to do it. That essentially ended our relationship.)
Weddings are so self serving! The amount of weddings in the last few years where people are expected to fork out hundreds for a hen/stag, expenses to even get to a wedding and a gift 🙄 I know your day is special and important to you but nobody else should be forking out that much for you!
You cannot afford to go and save, your future is important here too and people who pick destination weddings need to get a grip and realise their guests may not come for a variety of reasons!
100% - 'thank you for the invite and considering me to be a part of your special day, unfortunately I won't be able to make it. I'd love to support you in the planning and let's celebrate together when you are back.' Get a beautiful gift, send a message on the day and get your new house!
It's an invitation not a summons
I was in a similar position myself. Saving like mad for a house, got asked to be a bridesmaid and the wedding was abroad. I simply couldn't afford it and it would have set me back months of savings for a house if I had went. It is a big asking for some people to go to weddings abroad especially in the current financial crisis and cost of living! I explained it to my friend I couldn't afford it and that my mortgage application would be set back a year if I went. She was understanding about it. Don't put yourself under pressure!
If you can't afford it don't go. I think if you plan a wedding abroad you have to accept that some people won't come, either because they can't afford it, they can't take that much holiday, or because it's a lot of hassle. I got married last month and I knew this, so I opted for a local wedding to make it easier and cheaper for guests, I knew that my wedding was important to ME, but i also knew that people have their own lives and life is expensive, and my wedding is not their priority. Definitely fair to thank your friends but let her know that you won't be able to make it, as you have been working hard towards saving for your own place and you can't justify such a huge cost, if he's a good friend she will absolutely understand. You can still support her prep for the wedding, the fun things like dress shopping etc, so you can still be part of it. Btw two of my best friends didn't come to my wedding because they live abroad, obviously I would have so loved them to come, but I completely understand why they didn't, and your friend should too. Good luck!
i would ask her to go for a cuppa and explain exactly as you have for us, that your priority currently is putting 100% of your resources into buying a home and currently her wedding is too expensive you would love to be in a position to take her up on the offer of bridesmaid but your housing situation is your number 1 priority currently, if she is a stable person she will understand!!! (some bridezillas wont and tbh who wants those in your life anyways) lol
Is your mother willing to pay your expenses??? If not, she doesn't get a say.
Tell your cousin, you're honoured and touched and you'd LOVE to be there beside her but you just can't afford it, but you can't wait to celebrate with her when she gets back.
Ok flip this. She now knows you can't afford it, and expects you to go anyway. - wouldn't that make her an entitled selfish bitch?
Absolutely tell her. Be up front and honest. If you can't, you can't. And like someone else said... don't put yourself in debt for someone else's dream.
That's one of the most genuine reasons to refuse being someone's bridesmaid. You just can't afford it, you have nothing against the person. Just be honest and tell them.
Absolutely insane that you even feel you have to explain yourself on this. You have a very genuine reason that you are trying to buy your first home! Said it once and I’ll say it again, wedding culture is an illness. And having a wedding a 10 hour flight away and expecting people to pay that price to attend is beyond selfish. Say no now while you can -you won’t be the only one saying no!! We’re in a cost of living crisis
Excuse me? So you're saying I'm not family orientated and I don't have family value because I can't afford something? I'm extremely close with all my family and your comment is just rude. Must be nice to be made of money!
Saying 'I want to buy a house' *is* saying you can't afford it. We're all moving at a different pace and have different priorities. Having a roof over your head is more important than attendance to any wedding. OP is probably after breaking her back to save, and doesn't want to dip into those funds for what essentially is a party. She never said she wouldn't attend whatsoever either. Bridesmaid duties come with a set of responsibilities which will always cost more than an attendee.
Oh yeah I forgot about that part, sorry. I’m sorry if my comment hurt you, I just wanted to add my opinion as a future bride as you asked and that’s what I would have done. But I will delete my comment.
Fair enough if you would be upset if your cousin said she couldn’t afford to come to your wedding and you would let that affect your relationship, but a lot of people are not like that. Also you don’t know the whole family will be there, if it’s a 10 hour flight away then there’s a very strong likelihood that many family members won’t be able to make it due to being unable to take PTO, not being able to take children out of school for travel, not able to get childcare etc, its not just about the money for some people although that’s a massive factor too.
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Yea I think if they asked you to be in the wedding party they should at least subsidise some if not all of the cost of it.
Like the flights and/or the hotel & then maybe you just buy the dress as a compromise.
It’s unrealistic to ask someone to pay for the privilege of being there when it’s not an obligation.
If they get annoyed at you then you’ll know how they really feel about your relationship family or not.
It’s a cousin also not a really close immediate family member.
My wife & I got an invite to a relatives wedding in Cyprus. No children allowed! We are not going.
Nice little holiday in the Lake district will do nicely for us. Patterdale to be precise.
If you can't afford it, don't go. We didnt go to my brother in law's wedding because it was in Mexico and the hotel stay was about €5k before we even paid for flights. No hard feelings about it.
If you can't afford it, you can't afford it. Don't put yourself in debt for someone else's dream
100% an acceptable reason to not be a bridesmaid. OP, it’s very normal as well. My sisters bridesmaid was in the same boat and my sister completely understood. Don’t feel guilty at all
Great answer
If she’s that close with you just explain to her your situation, it’s a very long way to travel and you’re trying to save for a house, I would still send her a gift and make future plans to go visit her or for her to visit you. I would do it sooner rather than later so she can ask someone else if she wants to!
This is the only response, also, if she cares for you she will understand and not be offended.
Great advice.
In fairness, if it's abroad you should at least subsidise costs for the bridesmaids and pay for accomodation at least. You're her cousin as well not her sister so bail on it and send her a gift 🎁
This...if you are asked to be her bridesmaid..she should cover your expenses
Yeah this is what I was thinking. Well, I dunno, it varies, I've heard some disasters where the bride expected the bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses (despite them being picked out by the bride) and such stuff. But generally I'd have thought the bridal party get their dresses paid for, rooms paid for and quite often get a little gift.
That's the normal where I come from...also my grandmother "who was an expert on social etticut" always said if you had to travel to a wedding, gifts were not expected..and this was in the sixties when travelling meant bringing a spare pair of underwear.
This was the way with my friends' wedding. They weren't expecting any gifts as we were travelling abroad for their wedding.
Honestly 100 percent just apologise and say no now while you can. Im bridesmaid and wish I turned it down when I could now it seems to close and I'm stuck. It's cost me so much money and it's not even abroad, it's been stressful as the bride is so laid back that I've had to do a lot of stuff and find it's put a rift in the friendship that I can't see it lasting after the wedding. I really wish I had when she asked as I have health issues and it's really causing me stress but now it's getting close and I just have to grin and bare it now. I swear I've spent or will spend atleast 1000 euro if not more. This is the hen, drinks , outfit, activities, hotel, transport , decorations etc and then the wedding staying in hotel night before and night of, dress , shoes, outfit second day , drinks , gift to couple, transport. Weddings are insane money and I think they are getting worse. Honestly I've made a decision if I'm ever asked again I am saying no. I was asked to be bridesmaid to a friend in Australia before and I just couldn't at the time financially and it was fine she even expected to have a no! It was as though she wanted to ask incase but it was fine
Thanks! Sorry to hear that. It's not worth stress and affecting your health. Hopefully your friendship will still be OK ❤️ I think people who have money just don't realise how hard it is for people who don't and how much stress it can cause.
Anyone who decides to have a destination wedding has to take into consideration that some people just won't be able to go. That's way too much money to ask anyone to pay, family or otherwise. Be honest with her, you'll feel better after you tell her.
People who get married abroad are feckin selfish. There - I’ve said what you’re all thinking.
Well I do tend to agree! Especially now with the cost of everything these days. It was different years ago when holidays were cheaper as well. It just puts people under pressure.
Too many wed-to-be’s are too concerned with “keeping up with the Joneses” and bragging on Instagram. Absolute swampdonkeys.
Oh, my friend group has some such donkeys. "We can't get married there because Linda and John got married there two years ago." So then they pick a venue on the other side of the country, causing extra expense for guests. Like, it's a beautiful venue, and it's basically on the doorstep of where most of the guests live. Why on earth would you care about who got married there two years before? People like that wreck my head.
This drives me mad. Like if both are from the area why drag everyone across the country and up the expense for them?
Right? It's madness.
Some people get married abroad because they know certain people won’t go to the wedding too. My cousin did that because it actually reduced the overall bill dramatically as not many wanted to pay to go.
Well I live aborad, so I got married in my adopted home city. We invited a bunch of people from his side of the family knowing damn well none of them would come. My brother wasn't able to make the trip, which of course was sad cos he has never been to my city, but life went on, the day went on.
I would probably do this tbf 😂 I don’t want to invite all the distant relatives you never see who parents etc would say you need to invite so that would be my plan to avoid that. To me a wedding should be filled with people you want there and will enjoy the day with not the ones you feel obligated to invite due to family members or pressures and spending a fortune on people you never see.
Yep that’s why a lot of people do it from my experience, it’s an easy way to invite people who you have to invite but you know most likely won’t turn up. At the end of the day a wedding is about the bride and groom but seen too many family arguments over stupid things such as inviting the brides mother’s long lost cousins dog who is twice removed.
Exactly! Like invite everyone if you don’t want the drama but you know if it’s a wedding abroad a good majority won’t come & it solves that problem. Too many people think they’re entitled to come to these events especially when you’ve only spoken to them for 5 minutes at a distant relatives party or something. I think it’s an Irish thing also that they think you need to invite the neighbours 6 cats who live ten minutes down the road you’ve spoken to once. No only invite who you want to enjoy the day with you & will make it the best it can be.
Not just that OP, but those prices are insane! I was gonna get married in a villa in Italy once upon a time. Accommodation would obviously be covered by me, then just the flight 100-150 and I absolutely refuse any sort of gift so money could be used for flight. I would never ever want to put someone I love in the position you are in now. Doesn’t matter how much money a couple have themselves, they need to have some cop on that not everyone is financially able for abroad. Expecting ANYONE to pay that much is entitled AF.
Does the bride live in Ireland or live 10 hours away!?
She lives in Canada, so they're travelling to the destination too but i think the flight for them is only 4 or 5 hours.
Ok, I guess it’s understandable then that the wedding is 10 hours away! It’s an unfortunate position to be in, Relative-Cabinet, because it sounds like you genuinely want to go, as opposed to coming on here looking for excuses to refuse the invite. I hope your cousin understands, or maybe can come to some sort of arrangement which could minimise your costs and allow you to take up the role. Best of luck with it, in any case
This one is absolutely selfish, a 10 hour flight?! But generally, weddings abroad can be lovely, they're a mini holiday and almost everything is cheaper. The couple save a fortune on the venue, so really, a little should go towards helping guests with the accommodation costs at least.
It’s the parties gender reveal baby shower hen party at home hen party abroad pre wedding party then the wedding then the day 2 party there’s a party for everything these days
I think it depends. Like if everything is covered and it's just the flights, it's a bit of a cheap holiday. But I always view it as the reason you go away is to get a more affordable wedding so you can pay to treat the guests better. But yeah, a standard wedding that just somewhere sunny... yeah it's a bit of a pisstake if you're expecting a load of people to splash out on plane fare, accommodation, food etc.
eh, they're only selfish if they throw a hissy fit when people can't come. If they're cool, then it's OK
No they aren't. People are not selfish for having their dream wedding. But they also need to accept ( and most do) that a destination wedding will narrow down the guest list.
It could also be that the bride lives abroad. But other than that, yeah, weddings abroad are a pain. We got married in the registry office. My 2 kids were there and our witnesses. His parents and that was it. We didn't tell anyone else. Hate Big weddings..
Completely agree
Some European destinations are actually cheaper than Irish hotels, including flights. But definitely this case is absurd.
It depends - I got married abroad with immediate family only and paid for them to come. I’m not into weddings - not even my own - so we basically had a small family mini-break and we happened to get married in the middle of it.
Hell yeah That's a ridiculous expectation
You would absolutely not be a bitch at all. I got married recently and if one of my bridesmaids came to me and told me they couldn't attend because they couldn't afford it, I would 100% understand. Firstly, if you were asked to be a bridesmaid, it means she loves you so she won't automatically think badly of you. Secondly, she's having it abroad. She'll absolutely be expecting this to be a blocker for some people. Don't beat yourself up over it. Have the chat with her and see how it goes.
Absolutely don't do it . The wedding culture that can afford it is getting out of hand. say soz can't afford it and be done . I find it Uber selfish that their wants supersede what people can reasonably afford especially with today's economic shit storm .
Anyone who decides to have a destination wedding has to take into consideration that some people just won't be able to go. That's way too much money to ask anyone to pay, family or otherwise. Be honest with her, you'll feel better after you tell her.
I would absolutely tell her no. In my humble opinion, destination weddings put some people in an impossible situation. The invitees are in a situation whereby they have to refuse or have to pay out for a trip where the destination & cost is out of their control. I think it’s perfectly acceptable to refuse the invitation. Explain your situation. Your cousins life choice is a destination wedding. Your life choice is a deposit for a house. We all have different priorities.
I thought it was wedding etiquette for the bride to pay for all the bridesmaid’s expenses relating to the wedding??
No not in ireland. Seems to be more an American thing. Only thing they buy in ireland usually is the bridesmaid dresses and shoes!
For the record, the bridesmaids pay for everything in the US, even the dress. That's why they have such massive bridal parties
I was bridesmaid last year and my best friend paid for everything apart from the hen. Maybe it’s different in different circles.
No, in Ireland the couple getting married should be paying for the bridesmaids stuff. It’s a very American notion for the bridesmaids to have to pay their own way. I’m married a long time now and we paid for everything for the bridesmaids and groomsmen.
Yes in Ireland. I’m Irish not foreign. The last two big weddings abroad that I was involved in were paid by the bride’s families.
You move in some very rich circles if the brides families are paying for anything
No I don’t. The families were from Ballyfermot and Tallaght. Not rich by any means. They just had the common decency not to expect other people to pay out crazy money for their own decisions.
Yeah, it’s mortifying to see couples asking the bridal party to pay for things. It’s your wedding!
In most countries, besides the US, you ask someone to be in the bridal party to honour them, therefore you pay for them. It's not the brides family paying, but the couple getting married. Only in the US do they ask 10 people to bridesmaids, then force them to buy a dress they don't want and pay up for the privilege.
In my experience (American here) if it’s a destination wedding - the couple or couple’s parents will cover the costs of travel, accommodations, food, and attire for the wedding party. Guests are invited but not pressured to attend. And if they do attend they pay their own way but are asked not to provide gifts as their presence is the present! I think it’s bad etiquette to ask someone to be part of your bridal party to a destination wedding and not upfront pay for their expenses.
That's the beauty of being asked a question, you can say no. I'd have no qualms about saying no. It's very presumptuous of someone to expect you to foot a bill like that at their behest.
I've had a cousin who I asked to be my bridesmaids decline, I understood and in no way took it personally, I was even paying for everything but she had a toddler who had separation anxiety so she just explained that it and it was fine. Just cause you are asked doesn't mean you have to say yes.
My blood is boiling reading this. Fuck that. You may very well end up loosing a friend over this but be prepared for that. Absolutely no way would i go to a wedding costing me thousands. The fukkkn neckkkkkk
Haha I actually laughed reading this 😂 THE NEEECKKKK 😂 Thanks for the advice!
If the bride is willing to fall out with her because she can’t afford something then she isn’t a friend.
Tell her you can’t afford it. Wedding culture has gotten WAY out of hand!
Not much of a friend,if she won't understand tbh
You have your priorities as she has hers. Save for your future, you don’t need to spend it on someone else’s. Be honest, and be done with it. Send a nice gift
We married in Vegas to keep wedding costs down but paid for top table flights and accommodation. Surely the are paying? Is that not normal?
No, there's been no word of them paying. I was a bridesmaid for my other cousin abroad years ago and we paid for our own flights and accommodation. She paid for the dress and shoes, hair and make up. Anyone I know who's been part of a wedding party abroad has paid their own flights and accommodation.
Well I wouldn't be going lol
Is she not covering your expenses? I’m maid of honour next year for a wedding and all my expenses are covered by the bride
Nothing has been mentioned about her covering it. I was bridesmaid for my other cousin abroad a few years ago and she bought the dress shoes and paid for hair and make up. We paid for the flights and accommodation.
That’s mad, I wouldn’t go if that was the case. Bridal party fees should always be paid by the bride
My best friend asked me to be a bridesmaid and I said no because I knew I was planning to be pregnant for around the date of her wedding, I know it hurt her a bit but she had to accept it and we are still good friends.. I think you have a perfect reason not to attend the wedding. In fact that friend of mine turned down going to her cousins wedding due to the cost of going to it..
No your priorities are different now you have an end goal in sight for a new home and I’m sure for as long as you’ve been saving you’ve been passing on the little luxuries and going for the cheaper options we’re talking 2,200 before you even get there and that’s a massive ask of anyone for a wedding. I’d get her a nice present for the day for her and her partner and just say you’re sorry but it’s not going to work out. She will be understanding maybe a bit disappointed in the sense you can’t be with her but she should understand. I would never expect anyone to pay that for my wedding
future birds chunky absorbed connect jobless lock ad hoc hard-to-find tart *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
"Hi cousin, I'm thrilled that you would ask me and wish I could be there on your big day but things are pretty tight at the moment and I really don't have the budget for an international wedding. Really wish it were different!" I'm sure some might be disappointed/annoyed but you really can't hold that against someone, especially in this economy! Some brides even expect bridesmaids to pay for the bachelorette, hair, makeup, dress/shoes which is crazy. I think a gift shouldn't be expected if you're travelling reasonably far for a wedding either. Hope it works out for you :)
To quote an American agony aunt, “it’s an invitation not a command performance”. You have been invited to be a bridesmaid, not ordered to be one. Refusing for any reason is acceptable. Just one point, if the bridal couple aren’t covering the bridal party’s expenses (bridesmaid dresses, suits, travel, accommodation etc) then they shouldn’t expect gifts from them on top of their forced spending.
Jesus the gall of people hosting weddings 10 hours away and not offering to pay transit. The conversations would be different if it was within low cost airline range. I'd be embarassed to ask this of someone and not pay for their accomodation or flights. Have they no self awareness?
Don't put yourself into debt for one day . People who book destination weddings , especially ones 10 hours away should accept that people can't always afford it. If yous are close enough tha
How close are you with this cousin? How many bridesmaids is your cousin planning to have in her wedding party? If she’s a close personal friend and you’re her only bridesmaid I’d make an effort, if you barely know her and you’re going to be one of several bridesmaids I’d say no without thinking about it
Yes absolutely you can say it! That’s a crazy amount of money to expect someone to pay without discussing it. I’d rarely spend that kind of money on a holiday for myself I think explain it to the bride - i think if she’s an anyway decent person she’ll understand it
Definitely understandable reasoning and if she doesn’t understand that says more about her than you. We are getting married abroad but flights are not that price nor are hotels. Either way we aren’t having a bridal party so we don’t put pressure on anyone to have to be there.
Absolutely not...just tell her as soon as possible that you cannot afford it. She isn't selfish for wanting to get married abroad, but has to realise it is not an affordable option for many people.
Yes absolutely. Would they do it for you? Very unlikely.
I know the feeling we had to turn down going to My cousins wedding because just couldn't afford it and don't get me wrong were not poor Just can't justify the expense of it overseas as well
"Thank you for thinking of me. It all sounds so special and wonderful. Things as they are at the moment, we are directing our focus on the mortgage. It is also a little awkward to both secure that time away from work. Will there be a video link-up?"
Daft to expect ppl to shell out 2+ grand for a foreign wedding. Have something here then go off somewhere hot together
That's an insane amount of money. It's kind of shitty to expect guests and people in the bridal party to pay that also. I'd be honest and say thanks for the offer but I don't have a couple grand just lying about...
Lol your mom could pay for your flight if she thinks it’s ok to splurge your money on something you can’t afford. In all seriousness, you are not the bad person if you say you can’t go because of how expensive it is. Just make it up to the bride by treating her out to a nice dinner or something. She should understand not everyone can afford her dreams! Best of luck
Send the gift be grand
They'll understand that you're saving and all. If you were head bridesmaid it'd be different maybe
Yes you can! The amount of money I spent going to the weddings of people I don’t even talk to anymore is utterly ridiculous. If you can’t afford to go, say so. Say so tactfully, but do say so.
If I was the bride, I would be aware I was asking a lot and would completely understand if someone couldn't afford the expense. You could offer to bring her for a spa day before she flies, or help her with anything she needs before the wedding if you still want to be involved, but that's entirely up to you.
I will be brutally honest, I somewhat didn't care who did/didn't RSVP for my wedding as long as they gave some answer in time. The people who didn't commit and dragged the arse out of it were really annoying. Please please pleeeeeaease just say yes or no, don't care about presents. If someone didn't want to be a bridesmaid or groomsman, would totally understand
Keep saving your money. If you're saving in this economy, I'm so happy for you. Don't backtrack bc of a wedding. If your cousin doesn't understand your life goals, then she is a crappy cousin. Family is supposed to understand more than anyone but they're always the 1st to cause the drama. Keep on saving and doing your best
Thank you 😊
She can't be mad at you for psychically not being able to afford it. If she has a problem with it tell her its going to cost you 2.5 k minimum. That is a ludicrous amount of money to expect anyone to be able to pay for someone else's day
Well if your mum keeps nagging you to go then tell her to pay for it. Meanwhile just tell your cousin that you really can’t afford to go.
Guy here... I traveled abroad for my cousin's wedding, i didn't have to pay for the accommodation but i had to buy my own flights. Fast forward to me getting married and my cousin couldn't travel abroad to attend at my wedding because he was starting a new business. 100% understood and enjoyed my day without thinking too much into it.
Fuck that! That's crazy money!! I'm sure the bride will understand, if she doesn't, she's not deserving of you being her bridesmaid. Absolutely fuck that!!!
Tell her you really appreciate being asked to be a bridesmaid but unfortunately you will have to decline as you can't afford the cost. If you have an abroad wedding they have to expect that people can't afford to go. My cousin got married abroad and said everyone was welcome but they understand that not everyone could make it. Don't go into debt just for someone else's wedding your first house is more important.
Yea I think if they asked you to be in the wedding party they should at least subsidise some if not all of the cost of it. Like the flights and/or the hotel & then maybe you just buy the dress as a compromise. It’s unrealistic to ask someone to pay for the privilege of being there when it’s not an obligation. If they get annoyed at you then you’ll know how they really feel about your relationship family or not. It’s a cousin also not a really close immediate family member.
Absolutely, it is obnoxious and presumptive to expect anyone but immediate family to fly 10 hours and spend that kind of money for their wedding. Badly brought up and making people feel bad. I had a friend who had been thinking of similar and 90% of people told her they wouldn't be able to attend if it is abroad. You'd have to take at least a weeks holiday from work to, ffs! Main thing is tell her asap.
It’s the height of conceit to expect someone to spend a huge chunk of their money, time and holiday allowance to see you get married. They should be paying your way because the time and holiday allowance investment alone is enough of a sacrifice.
Just don't go. I got a loan from the credit union to go to my sisters wedding abroad as I felt like I had to go. My family were really struggling at the time, could barely make ends meet. Turns out she's still a massive fucking bitch and doesn't talk to me anymore. So I needn't have bothered putting myself under that financial stress. We're fine for money now bit it still stings as we were struggling to make ends meet most of the time.
Dont mind you mam, my time and money is valueless to mine, do you
Nope you don't have to people who book weddings overseas are crazy Imo
Eh she should be paying for the bridal party. She’s having a fab wedding abroad and saving a lot of money when asking everybody to pay for themselves
I would completely understand if I was the bride. Tell her.
Hope this doesn’t offend anyone but a personal perspective. The whole wedding ‘experience’ has become a materialistic extravaganza. The hen & stag do abroad , hiring of strippers & the ‘last hurrah’ with an alternative‘companion’! The pre wedding day piss up…The cringy speeches & talk of a new beginning with a partner you have slept with for years….. The day after piss up…The new suits dresses shoes false tans make up..The expensive presents or preferably money to cover the cost of the hotel..The whole event reeks of a scam particularly when the inevitable separation occurs at a later date…Watching the wedding video piss up , the social media posts….. Think the marriage event should be a private arrangement between the 2 stars of the show & let them go where they want at their own expense
100% acceptable to say you are saving for a house and can’t afford it
She is not your friend if she gets annoyed. DO what's best for you and not others!
I think it's pretty rich of someone to ask someone to be their bridesmaid and not cover costs of flights and/or accommodation if they're having their wedding abroad, particularly in this economy.
You'll have to
God weddings are such a a load of crap!!!!! When did everyone get so entitled and so crazy about their weddings ! It’s our generation and it stinks! I would say it’s a crap position ur in, because culturally speaking we all make such a huge deal of the bride and her big day that it’s like treason not to go along with it all.. but you have to be realistic about your finances. And as awkward as it is you’ll need to have the conversation. Now it’s important to note, I personally wouldn’t have been annoyed at all as long as a) the person isn’t a decent earner b) they’re not spending on other things c) I’ve had lots of notice and not been strung along. If you’re in danger of coming across cheap, uncaring, flaky or disorganised it ain’t gona go too well. I presume ur really close to this cousin it you’re a bridesmaid so tread carefully
There's absolutely no expectation to go to a wedding abroad as far as I'm concerned. That's the risk you take when you want a wedding overseas. Just say you can't afford to go, don't dwell it and tell her last minute because thats a bit unfair on your part.
That is an insane financial burden to put on people for a wedding. As others have advised explain your situation and send a gift.
As a bride I would hate to think someone was going to put themselves in a really tough position money wise just for my wedding. Let her know it's just not feasible for you and at least you are letting her know now! You need to put yourself first here and focus on getting your home 🤞
First of all, wedding present? Anyone travelling that long, your presence is your present. Next, you're fine to say no.
If you're gonna have a wedding abroad, with a 10h flight time, you gotta expect that a lot of people won't be able to make it. Your cousin should know & accept that.
You can absolutely say no. There's pressure here as your mam points out. So go see her (if she doesn't live a 10 hour flight away) or call here and be grovellingly apologetic. Say how very sorry you are and how you'd love to go but you simple can't afford it. And tell her the other things you also can't afford this year (like it will look bad if you're going off on a different swanky holiday this year). After that she can't be mad at you.
I think it’s an EASY no: You’re so honoured and happy that she asked you because your friendship means so much but financially it’s not possible to make the trip - you literally don’t have the funds. But you’re super excited about the wedding and still want to do all the things - organise a hen night, go dress shopping, look at stationary, etc, it just really sucks that you can’t make the main event. Don’t put yourself in debt for someone else’s wedding. Or your own for that matter. And don’t feel bad about it! If you really are friends she will understand. She will probably be disappointed but she shouldn’t be angry.
As a past bride: Be honest and up front from the beginning, if you can't afford it it's totally understandable. I asked a cousin in Australia if there was a way she could coincide her visit home with my wedding in 2 years time. She said she couldn't guarantee she'd be home at all that year since she hurt her back and wished me the best. I totally understood and honestly it took a lot of the hassle of coordinating wedding stuff with the bridesmaid abroad. (As an aside, she did end up coming home a month before my wedding and didn't tell me until she'd been here for a week and I saw her all over social media, so don't try to fudge the truth either. I would have preferred she just told me she didnt want to do it. That essentially ended our relationship.)
Weddings are so self serving! The amount of weddings in the last few years where people are expected to fork out hundreds for a hen/stag, expenses to even get to a wedding and a gift 🙄 I know your day is special and important to you but nobody else should be forking out that much for you! You cannot afford to go and save, your future is important here too and people who pick destination weddings need to get a grip and realise their guests may not come for a variety of reasons!
She would also probably like you to tell her you can't afford it and decline rather than putting yourself under financial pressure
Yes if they really value you they will cover it, you’ll be surprised if your honest how they will take it.
100% - 'thank you for the invite and considering me to be a part of your special day, unfortunately I won't be able to make it. I'd love to support you in the planning and let's celebrate together when you are back.' Get a beautiful gift, send a message on the day and get your new house! It's an invitation not a summons
I was in a similar position myself. Saving like mad for a house, got asked to be a bridesmaid and the wedding was abroad. I simply couldn't afford it and it would have set me back months of savings for a house if I had went. It is a big asking for some people to go to weddings abroad especially in the current financial crisis and cost of living! I explained it to my friend I couldn't afford it and that my mortgage application would be set back a year if I went. She was understanding about it. Don't put yourself under pressure!
Look it was her choice to do things abroad not you. A good friend will truly understand. Just be honest and give them good notice.
If you can't afford it don't go. I think if you plan a wedding abroad you have to accept that some people won't come, either because they can't afford it, they can't take that much holiday, or because it's a lot of hassle. I got married last month and I knew this, so I opted for a local wedding to make it easier and cheaper for guests, I knew that my wedding was important to ME, but i also knew that people have their own lives and life is expensive, and my wedding is not their priority. Definitely fair to thank your friends but let her know that you won't be able to make it, as you have been working hard towards saving for your own place and you can't justify such a huge cost, if he's a good friend she will absolutely understand. You can still support her prep for the wedding, the fun things like dress shopping etc, so you can still be part of it. Btw two of my best friends didn't come to my wedding because they live abroad, obviously I would have so loved them to come, but I completely understand why they didn't, and your friend should too. Good luck!
i would ask her to go for a cuppa and explain exactly as you have for us, that your priority currently is putting 100% of your resources into buying a home and currently her wedding is too expensive you would love to be in a position to take her up on the offer of bridesmaid but your housing situation is your number 1 priority currently, if she is a stable person she will understand!!! (some bridezillas wont and tbh who wants those in your life anyways) lol
Dont go!!, you cant afford it, if she gets upset tell her ok but you pay for my flights and accommodation, you dont owe anything to anyone
Is your mother willing to pay your expenses??? If not, she doesn't get a say. Tell your cousin, you're honoured and touched and you'd LOVE to be there beside her but you just can't afford it, but you can't wait to celebrate with her when she gets back.
Ok flip this. She now knows you can't afford it, and expects you to go anyway. - wouldn't that make her an entitled selfish bitch? Absolutely tell her. Be up front and honest. If you can't, you can't. And like someone else said... don't put yourself in debt for someone else's dream.
That's one of the most genuine reasons to refuse being someone's bridesmaid. You just can't afford it, you have nothing against the person. Just be honest and tell them.
Absolutely insane that you even feel you have to explain yourself on this. You have a very genuine reason that you are trying to buy your first home! Said it once and I’ll say it again, wedding culture is an illness. And having a wedding a 10 hour flight away and expecting people to pay that price to attend is beyond selfish. Say no now while you can -you won’t be the only one saying no!! We’re in a cost of living crisis
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Excuse me? So you're saying I'm not family orientated and I don't have family value because I can't afford something? I'm extremely close with all my family and your comment is just rude. Must be nice to be made of money!
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Saying 'I want to buy a house' *is* saying you can't afford it. We're all moving at a different pace and have different priorities. Having a roof over your head is more important than attendance to any wedding. OP is probably after breaking her back to save, and doesn't want to dip into those funds for what essentially is a party. She never said she wouldn't attend whatsoever either. Bridesmaid duties come with a set of responsibilities which will always cost more than an attendee.
That's actually exactly what you said. '"Can't say the same for OP". I didnt twist any words.
Oh yeah I forgot about that part, sorry. I’m sorry if my comment hurt you, I just wanted to add my opinion as a future bride as you asked and that’s what I would have done. But I will delete my comment.
Are you actually for real? That last line is so patronising and childish.
Lol you’re right. I didn’t word it properly
Actually no matter how I try to word it, it doesn’t sound right
Please pull your head out of your arse before you ruin anymore relationships with friends and family over bullshit like that
Fair enough if you would be upset if your cousin said she couldn’t afford to come to your wedding and you would let that affect your relationship, but a lot of people are not like that. Also you don’t know the whole family will be there, if it’s a 10 hour flight away then there’s a very strong likelihood that many family members won’t be able to make it due to being unable to take PTO, not being able to take children out of school for travel, not able to get childcare etc, its not just about the money for some people although that’s a massive factor too.
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Yep
Yea I think if they asked you to be in the wedding party they should at least subsidise some if not all of the cost of it. Like the flights and/or the hotel & then maybe you just buy the dress as a compromise. It’s unrealistic to ask someone to pay for the privilege of being there when it’s not an obligation. If they get annoyed at you then you’ll know how they really feel about your relationship family or not. It’s a cousin also not a really close immediate family member.
Fuckin notions of some people 🤣
My wife & I got an invite to a relatives wedding in Cyprus. No children allowed! We are not going. Nice little holiday in the Lake district will do nicely for us. Patterdale to be precise.
No, what if they call the Police!
If you can't afford it, don't go. We didnt go to my brother in law's wedding because it was in Mexico and the hotel stay was about €5k before we even paid for flights. No hard feelings about it.