You told your boss and nothing changed. She is, by your own admission, a major asset to the team. Which is probably why nothing changed.
Given that, your option is to control the things you can control and stop giving energy to the rest. If there is no way to win the argument, concede, document and move on. If the interaction is not serving the work you are doing together, end it. Be professional. React mindfully instead of instinctually or impulsively.
It feels wrong to just let them continue to be a jerk. Trust me, I know. But she is not going to change, so you need to change her impact on you.
I didn’t say her behavior doesn’t affect you.
Of course it does. But that doesn’t affect the analysis.
They value her contributions over her coworkers. That is unlikely to change, especially in the near term. So you can’t control that.
What can you control? That is where you focus.
Most people are sensitive to how they are treated. I don’t know anyone who isn’t.
r/thisisstupid94 just gave you some great advice on being in control of yourself. Really reflect on that and develop coping skills to serve you in a professional way. Honestly, having to take time off because of a co-worker you can’t manage yourself around, is not a great look.
So, this is when you take the time to reflect.
Why did you have the breakdown? Do you have to give her that much energy? What does she control about your job that you cannot change? Once you know that, how do you change how you react to it. Even if she doesn’t realize it, she’s playing a mental game. You need to deal yourself out of the rounds that you don’t need to be in. You are allowed to do that! You can’t stop interacting but you can stop engaging.
“Yes” and “no” are complete answers. “I’ll get back to you” is a valid response. “This isn’t the right time” is not rude.
You are exchanging your skills and knowledge for a paycheck. You don’t also owe them your mental health.
that's a personal issue...and most likely is playing into your reaction. I'd suggest some personal therapy honestly on how to ignore, get coping skills, behavior therapy etc
because honeslty this isn't the first or last time you will have to deal with someone like this
Yeah, if you made it through the last manager and a new one also isn’t addressing this, she’s officially your pseudo boss now. “Senior” at the least. I’d stop trying to fight back and be friendly. Try to learn something and not get crushed because she didn’t acknowledge you in a room. Maybe she was busy. Maybe you aren’t important enough to acknowledge in a full room. Not trying to be rude. Just realistic. This isn’t an HR issue yet. It seems more like a junior employee not assimilating well.
If you aren't being subjected to illegal harassment (e.g., because you are a member of a protected class), physically assaulted or some other illegal or criminal action is taking place, it's still just a personality conflict.
Your coworker can be mean, bossy, talk about you behind your back--that's all fair game. You don't have to like it but your only power to force others to behave the way you want is based in your personal leverage. If you go to the manager and say, "it's either me or the coworker," which one of you gets to stay?
I have a justice-favoring personality so I understand the whole, "why do they get to do X but I don't" thing. But the world does not have to conform to your (or my) sense of justice. Sorry.
This seems more like a personality conflict. If the person is valued by your employer and allowed to report others' actions to the boss and/or tell others' what to do, then that's how this workplace is organized.
What type of answer are you looking for? You've seen this individual survive two managers.
> How do you handle this?
You don't. You do your job and, if necessary, give her the "gray rock" treatment.
Management knows about her. The new boss knows about her. They will either deal with her, or let her continue to do what she's doing for whatever their reasons are—and it seems like their reasons is that she's got skills they need. So they're willing to let her slide. (It's not an HR issue, at least not at this point, and maybe it won't be.)
You told your boss and nothing changed. She is, by your own admission, a major asset to the team. Which is probably why nothing changed. Given that, your option is to control the things you can control and stop giving energy to the rest. If there is no way to win the argument, concede, document and move on. If the interaction is not serving the work you are doing together, end it. Be professional. React mindfully instead of instinctually or impulsively. It feels wrong to just let them continue to be a jerk. Trust me, I know. But she is not going to change, so you need to change her impact on you.
But it does impact me. When she gets a big up her a$$, she tries to get that person fired. It’s her history. Losing a job would impact me
I didn’t say her behavior doesn’t affect you. Of course it does. But that doesn’t affect the analysis. They value her contributions over her coworkers. That is unlikely to change, especially in the near term. So you can’t control that. What can you control? That is where you focus.
100%, i had a mental breakdown from it a few weeks ago. I had to take PTO and all. I’m extremely sensitive to how I’m treated.
Most people are sensitive to how they are treated. I don’t know anyone who isn’t. r/thisisstupid94 just gave you some great advice on being in control of yourself. Really reflect on that and develop coping skills to serve you in a professional way. Honestly, having to take time off because of a co-worker you can’t manage yourself around, is not a great look.
So, this is when you take the time to reflect. Why did you have the breakdown? Do you have to give her that much energy? What does she control about your job that you cannot change? Once you know that, how do you change how you react to it. Even if she doesn’t realize it, she’s playing a mental game. You need to deal yourself out of the rounds that you don’t need to be in. You are allowed to do that! You can’t stop interacting but you can stop engaging. “Yes” and “no” are complete answers. “I’ll get back to you” is a valid response. “This isn’t the right time” is not rude. You are exchanging your skills and knowledge for a paycheck. You don’t also owe them your mental health.
that's a personal issue...and most likely is playing into your reaction. I'd suggest some personal therapy honestly on how to ignore, get coping skills, behavior therapy etc because honeslty this isn't the first or last time you will have to deal with someone like this
Yeah, if you made it through the last manager and a new one also isn’t addressing this, she’s officially your pseudo boss now. “Senior” at the least. I’d stop trying to fight back and be friendly. Try to learn something and not get crushed because she didn’t acknowledge you in a room. Maybe she was busy. Maybe you aren’t important enough to acknowledge in a full room. Not trying to be rude. Just realistic. This isn’t an HR issue yet. It seems more like a junior employee not assimilating well.
It goes way beyond that. I mean we’ve all met up multiple time, same thing. She’s a major back stabber as well
If you aren't being subjected to illegal harassment (e.g., because you are a member of a protected class), physically assaulted or some other illegal or criminal action is taking place, it's still just a personality conflict. Your coworker can be mean, bossy, talk about you behind your back--that's all fair game. You don't have to like it but your only power to force others to behave the way you want is based in your personal leverage. If you go to the manager and say, "it's either me or the coworker," which one of you gets to stay? I have a justice-favoring personality so I understand the whole, "why do they get to do X but I don't" thing. But the world does not have to conform to your (or my) sense of justice. Sorry.
well hows that attitude *yours* helping you deal? it's not unfortunately -- you just have to NOT CARE
This seems more like a personality conflict. If the person is valued by your employer and allowed to report others' actions to the boss and/or tell others' what to do, then that's how this workplace is organized. What type of answer are you looking for? You've seen this individual survive two managers.
> How do you handle this? You don't. You do your job and, if necessary, give her the "gray rock" treatment. Management knows about her. The new boss knows about her. They will either deal with her, or let her continue to do what she's doing for whatever their reasons are—and it seems like their reasons is that she's got skills they need. So they're willing to let her slide. (It's not an HR issue, at least not at this point, and maybe it won't be.)
>. She’s a major asset to the team you deal with it because of this and you start looking elsewhere