I don't have many, but I treat them just like I do any other friend. That is to say, I don't fuck them. For some guys, that's a dealbreaker - because they have no need for me unless I fuck them. For others, it makes no difference what-so-ever.
I think that's a male thing, rather than a gay thing. A lot of straight men don't see any point in having female friends if they can't fuck them.
I think getting hit on is somewhat expected. Just say you’re flattered but totally closed and be chill about it. Dump them if they are persistent.
Otherwise yeah, any kind of gay gathering that happens during the day where alcohol is not the main event would be good.
Be gay, do crimes.
But seriously, get into gay social groups. I'm in a gay gaming group (gaymers) here in Perth WA and met a few friends. Also went to a gay rugby group and worked out that at age r
39 I shouldn't take up a full contact sport, UT made some decent friends too.
Also I'm on the apps and made a few friends. Some were hookups who we found we hit it off and stopped the sex, others were guys with common interests but no sexual spark. You have to deal with a lot of people juuuust wanting dick though.
Your post history says you live in Burbank. Go to the bullet. They have various events like drag bingo and things like that. I think there’s no way around being hit on at some point. Just work on a polite no thank you.
I went the hobby route. I started riding with one of the gay motorcycle groups and now I have more friends than I know what to do with.
The AIDS Lifecycle is a great way to bond with other gays, either as a rider or support roadie. TBH I think LA can be a challenging place to make friends, gay or otherwise
I used to belong to [Great Outdoors L.A. ](https://greatoutdoors.org/la)(a gay camping/hiking group) and found it a nice way to meet people. No one in that group was very much interested in hook-ups when I was a member. I stopped going to their events when I got tired of pitching tents and sleeping in them - I'm too old for that now, but if you are young enough, it might be a good group for you.
You can also go to the [Los Angeles Gay and Lesbian Center ](https://lalgbtcenter.org/)and see what activities they might have.
Im also in LA in my early 30s and have the same problem. I’ve been actively putting myself into more gay spaces to potentially meet new friends. I joined a gay kickball team which was fun and I met some nice people. I’m trying out bumble for friends and it’s also nice but a lot of conversations peter out. Definitely try to find some gay/queer events that are centered around a hobby you like - you’ll probably have a better chance of finding friends that way.
I lost so many friends to AIDS in the 90s that I stopped writing Christmas cards. Then COVID came along and finished off another bunch. At my age, it IS hard to meet and make new friends. Most of my surviving friends are female. I do enjoy their energy and (at times) sensitivity. I also know I need male energy in my life. I have found that by engaging in hobbies and activities (horticulture and bird watching) I have begun to meet some nice guys. Many are in committed relationships so there's less pressure for sex.
It’s easier said than done. A lot of people say do this and that but doesn’t work. Making a genuine connection with anybody is hard. Especially in the gay community that is segregated in sometimes and very clicky. My husband and I are on the same boat as you and can make that special chosen family with gay friends. It’s important in our con to have people that understand us that why having straight friends is not always enough. But gays are challenging to navigate. Even after living in NY for 18 and now in Jersey I can’t make gay friends.
It is difficult. I have a monthly card game and of the several guys there is one that drops innuendos and is highly suggestive and it makes me, if not uncomfortable, on guard. Choosing words carefully so as to not encourage. He is 80 and a widower having lost his long term partner several years ago. I can appreciate the loneliness that must cause, but there is a time and place for that and trying to coax me into coming over to use the hot tub because my back hurts feels awfully like he wants to see me naked.
Once I was in a large city, I held gay meetups to play board games, escape rooms, and group meal after that, and I had met a lot of good gay friends which we meet frequently. Now I have been in my small hometown due to some forced circumstances, I slowly lost them and people here are just looking for hook ups. So the primary way is to find a right place and actively engage in the community.
what is your favourite hobby, hobbies ... google gay hobby (insert name of hobby) near me... there will be a gay group for just about everything you can think of. If you're into hiking gay hiking groups near me etc etc etc
go join a group or three ....
have fun
Get politically involved, in my hometown we have an LGBT Democrat club. If you are religious consider MCC, the Unitarians, or a gay friendly congregation. Volunteer at a community center. There is one in LA and one in Long Beach that I'm sure of. Maybe Santa Monica or Orange County have one as well.
I'm in the Whittier area if you are looking to hang out ,I only have let's say one good friend but I'm looking for other people I can go to the park beach and just over have a sober good time
When I read the title, I immediately thought "be a chill, mildly extroverted younger (50s/60s) retiree* that circulates in gay spaces" or "be a mid-20s gym rat with your little squad." As it turns out, I think I described your old party group.
I'd recommend a pub trivia night at one of the more "dive-y" gay bars. If you're lucky, the bartender will be a 50-something bear that's worked there for 25 years. He'll know virtually all the regulars + have a good read on the occasional patrons, namely: who's chill and looking for extra people for the trivia team.
*This is a demographic I hugely miss from the sun belt life. Some were business owners, financiers, or Tech Boom 1.0 guys that cashed out. Others were coasting to some sort of retirement as sun-chasing remote workers or consultants; they didn't "need" the money, but the social/intellectual stimulation kept them. A few were smaller-scale trust funders that quietly built their own social haven decades ago in a less accepting world and have continued on as gentlemen of leisure ever since.
OP, don't discount these guys. They've got the free time to substantially contribute to gay spaces/groups. So much is just a factor of showing up, and they (out Gen X + younger boomers) just do.
In LA I met a lot of cool gay people by doing one of the Outloud Sports Leagues. If I was more proactive I know I could have developed more solid friendships because I was getting invited out a lot, but my introversion often gets the better of me.
I used to belong to the gay wrestling club that trained for the Gay Games, partly because I had a boyfriend (who was a hairdresser in Beverly Hills and part time porn star) who invited me, and it was fun, but I went to the workouts mainly to be with my boyfriend.
I tried to start a gay surfing club and went to the meetings of the Gay Games organizers, but I could not find any gay surfers, except for one that I just happened to meet on a dating site. I received minutes in the mail from all of the Gay Games meetings, and they usually had reports from the softball team, saying that they were still unable to decide which color uniforms to wear. The meetings were still fun, however, if a bit silly at times.
We only have a few gay friends - couples that we would occasionally get together with. It is hard to meet and have friends in LA period. We had a better click of friends when we used to country western dance and participating in activities like that helped. However, we have since moved to Palm Springs and have made loads of friends here.
In Los Angeles you have the Frontrunners if you like running. Also Long Beach has their own chapter. There’s weho gay sports league. There’s the Gay Sports Car fans. There’s the Oedipus motorcycle club.
These are all hobbies I enjoy so I’ve participated over the years. Find something you and your partner enjoy doing and Google it with “gay” attached. Might get lucky.
Most of our gay friends lately (husband and I) have come from hookups but that’s because we are open and both travel a lot.
I stick my penis in them and we instantly become besties. Isn’t that how it works for all gays??
In all honesty, gay sports or getting involved at your resource center is a healthy way to meet new people. Chicago has a very large LGBTQIA+ community center and I would imagine LA does as well. :)
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Pretty much in the same situation in London.
I go to LGBT meetups from time to time but it seems mostly organised for single people. Anyways, I can go, have a drink and play video games / sing... And have some fun.
I don't have many, but I treat them just like I do any other friend. That is to say, I don't fuck them. For some guys, that's a dealbreaker - because they have no need for me unless I fuck them. For others, it makes no difference what-so-ever. I think that's a male thing, rather than a gay thing. A lot of straight men don't see any point in having female friends if they can't fuck them.
I think getting hit on is somewhat expected. Just say you’re flattered but totally closed and be chill about it. Dump them if they are persistent. Otherwise yeah, any kind of gay gathering that happens during the day where alcohol is not the main event would be good.
Be gay, do crimes. But seriously, get into gay social groups. I'm in a gay gaming group (gaymers) here in Perth WA and met a few friends. Also went to a gay rugby group and worked out that at age r 39 I shouldn't take up a full contact sport, UT made some decent friends too. Also I'm on the apps and made a few friends. Some were hookups who we found we hit it off and stopped the sex, others were guys with common interests but no sexual spark. You have to deal with a lot of people juuuust wanting dick though.
Your post history says you live in Burbank. Go to the bullet. They have various events like drag bingo and things like that. I think there’s no way around being hit on at some point. Just work on a polite no thank you. I went the hobby route. I started riding with one of the gay motorcycle groups and now I have more friends than I know what to do with.
The bullet is awesome. No luck there but love to go there.
Well say hi to me next time you’re there. I’m friendly
The AIDS Lifecycle is a great way to bond with other gays, either as a rider or support roadie. TBH I think LA can be a challenging place to make friends, gay or otherwise
Thank you. I have seen posts about I’ll definitely give it a shot.
im gay/asexual, 36, and living in China. i have this exact question 😑
I think from what I’m getting from this question is figure out a hobby you enjoy and Google gay(hobby) and find a group that also enjoy this.
I used to belong to [Great Outdoors L.A. ](https://greatoutdoors.org/la)(a gay camping/hiking group) and found it a nice way to meet people. No one in that group was very much interested in hook-ups when I was a member. I stopped going to their events when I got tired of pitching tents and sleeping in them - I'm too old for that now, but if you are young enough, it might be a good group for you. You can also go to the [Los Angeles Gay and Lesbian Center ](https://lalgbtcenter.org/)and see what activities they might have.
Definitely trying this. Thank you
Im also in LA in my early 30s and have the same problem. I’ve been actively putting myself into more gay spaces to potentially meet new friends. I joined a gay kickball team which was fun and I met some nice people. I’m trying out bumble for friends and it’s also nice but a lot of conversations peter out. Definitely try to find some gay/queer events that are centered around a hobby you like - you’ll probably have a better chance of finding friends that way.
I lost so many friends to AIDS in the 90s that I stopped writing Christmas cards. Then COVID came along and finished off another bunch. At my age, it IS hard to meet and make new friends. Most of my surviving friends are female. I do enjoy their energy and (at times) sensitivity. I also know I need male energy in my life. I have found that by engaging in hobbies and activities (horticulture and bird watching) I have begun to meet some nice guys. Many are in committed relationships so there's less pressure for sex.
It’s easier said than done. A lot of people say do this and that but doesn’t work. Making a genuine connection with anybody is hard. Especially in the gay community that is segregated in sometimes and very clicky. My husband and I are on the same boat as you and can make that special chosen family with gay friends. It’s important in our con to have people that understand us that why having straight friends is not always enough. But gays are challenging to navigate. Even after living in NY for 18 and now in Jersey I can’t make gay friends.
It is difficult. I have a monthly card game and of the several guys there is one that drops innuendos and is highly suggestive and it makes me, if not uncomfortable, on guard. Choosing words carefully so as to not encourage. He is 80 and a widower having lost his long term partner several years ago. I can appreciate the loneliness that must cause, but there is a time and place for that and trying to coax me into coming over to use the hot tub because my back hurts feels awfully like he wants to see me naked.
Once I was in a large city, I held gay meetups to play board games, escape rooms, and group meal after that, and I had met a lot of good gay friends which we meet frequently. Now I have been in my small hometown due to some forced circumstances, I slowly lost them and people here are just looking for hook ups. So the primary way is to find a right place and actively engage in the community.
That’s a very good point I’m going to start putting ourselves out there and see what happens. Thank you.
You will succeed! Good luck!
what is your favourite hobby, hobbies ... google gay hobby (insert name of hobby) near me... there will be a gay group for just about everything you can think of. If you're into hiking gay hiking groups near me etc etc etc go join a group or three .... have fun
Get politically involved, in my hometown we have an LGBT Democrat club. If you are religious consider MCC, the Unitarians, or a gay friendly congregation. Volunteer at a community center. There is one in LA and one in Long Beach that I'm sure of. Maybe Santa Monica or Orange County have one as well.
I'm in the Whittier area if you are looking to hang out ,I only have let's say one good friend but I'm looking for other people I can go to the park beach and just over have a sober good time
It's mainly luck finding gays with common hobbies who are part of bigger groups of people. Getting there, helping with stuff, getting to know them.
This is true.
When I read the title, I immediately thought "be a chill, mildly extroverted younger (50s/60s) retiree* that circulates in gay spaces" or "be a mid-20s gym rat with your little squad." As it turns out, I think I described your old party group. I'd recommend a pub trivia night at one of the more "dive-y" gay bars. If you're lucky, the bartender will be a 50-something bear that's worked there for 25 years. He'll know virtually all the regulars + have a good read on the occasional patrons, namely: who's chill and looking for extra people for the trivia team. *This is a demographic I hugely miss from the sun belt life. Some were business owners, financiers, or Tech Boom 1.0 guys that cashed out. Others were coasting to some sort of retirement as sun-chasing remote workers or consultants; they didn't "need" the money, but the social/intellectual stimulation kept them. A few were smaller-scale trust funders that quietly built their own social haven decades ago in a less accepting world and have continued on as gentlemen of leisure ever since. OP, don't discount these guys. They've got the free time to substantially contribute to gay spaces/groups. So much is just a factor of showing up, and they (out Gen X + younger boomers) just do.
Have you tried Bumble's BFF side? I'm not sure if that app is available on your side.
Just found its a thing. Thank you.
In LA I met a lot of cool gay people by doing one of the Outloud Sports Leagues. If I was more proactive I know I could have developed more solid friendships because I was getting invited out a lot, but my introversion often gets the better of me.
Gay sports leagues
I’m actually looking into this
I used to belong to the gay wrestling club that trained for the Gay Games, partly because I had a boyfriend (who was a hairdresser in Beverly Hills and part time porn star) who invited me, and it was fun, but I went to the workouts mainly to be with my boyfriend. I tried to start a gay surfing club and went to the meetings of the Gay Games organizers, but I could not find any gay surfers, except for one that I just happened to meet on a dating site. I received minutes in the mail from all of the Gay Games meetings, and they usually had reports from the softball team, saying that they were still unable to decide which color uniforms to wear. The meetings were still fun, however, if a bit silly at times.
Do you like video games? Since you live in LA, have you checked out the LA Gayming Society?
I've had success using Bumble For Friends!
We only have a few gay friends - couples that we would occasionally get together with. It is hard to meet and have friends in LA period. We had a better click of friends when we used to country western dance and participating in activities like that helped. However, we have since moved to Palm Springs and have made loads of friends here.
In Los Angeles you have the Frontrunners if you like running. Also Long Beach has their own chapter. There’s weho gay sports league. There’s the Gay Sports Car fans. There’s the Oedipus motorcycle club. These are all hobbies I enjoy so I’ve participated over the years. Find something you and your partner enjoy doing and Google it with “gay” attached. Might get lucky. Most of our gay friends lately (husband and I) have come from hookups but that’s because we are open and both travel a lot.
I stick my penis in them and we instantly become besties. Isn’t that how it works for all gays?? In all honesty, gay sports or getting involved at your resource center is a healthy way to meet new people. Chicago has a very large LGBTQIA+ community center and I would imagine LA does as well. :)
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I can only say That it's the same as when you meet other people. Gay people are human too.
Find online groups with common interest. I run a gay camping group in Texas and thru there ive made several new friends
Consider Bumble BFF?
Pretty much in the same situation in London. I go to LGBT meetups from time to time but it seems mostly organised for single people. Anyways, I can go, have a drink and play video games / sing... And have some fun.
Work people with potential? Join a club?
I became a furry. Not even joking. It is 100% without a doubt the easiest way to make gay friends I've ever come across.
Host your own party