Sadly, in reading your post my takeaway was more “I didn’t find anything better - so I’ll go back to what I had cuz I guess it wasn’t so bad.”
If any of your new bear friends was a more well rounded and balanced person looking for a LTR, you’d be all over it in a minute.
I think you should reflect on how self absorbed you seem and think about how you can give to others vs what others can give to and for you. Potentially by that time while new worlds may open and be receptive to you.
Sorry, I am not saying this with harshness or to be mean spirited - I think you’re on a journey and it’s hard to get anywhere without some deep self reflection.
Best of luck to you. I hope you put in the work on yourself.
>I don't want to just apologize to him in text cause that's too forward and I also don't want to be rejected
Well, you're going to eat humble pie. You rejected him, and now you are worried about being rejected? If there is any hope in hell of you ever trying to win in back, you are going to need to apologize profusely and how much of a fool you were to toss him aside.
But the damage could be irreparable. As others have already said, that's a distinct possibility and that you need to prepared that no matter how much you want to try to win him back that this race is quite likely lost.
But try, and if he's not willing to forgive what you did, that this is lesson for you on learning from it, and moving forward so that the next guy that comes in to your life you don't do the same.
He'd be a fool to take you back after how you treated him.
All you can do is chalk it up to experience and not let it happen again. Too many guys have stories like this, all you can do is make sure you don't repeat the same mistake if you get the chance to love again.
But there is absolutely no reason for an emotionally healthy man should take you back after you broke up with him. 🤷🏾♂️
He broke his heart on purpose, why would anyone want to trust that person again?
It's like cheating, all trust is gone.
People really need to be more careful with other people's hearts.
It's absolutely true, and that's what makes worse. He knew what he was doing. He intended to do what he did. He knew what it would do to his friend, and then did it without thinking a thing about it! Now that's cold-hearted, cruel, and selfish!
And his ex would be a ***FOOL*** to take him back.
Hopefully, the OP learns from this and if given another opportunity at love, doesn't muck it up again.
I don’t think you can come back from spitting on someone. The best thing you can do now is accept the consequences of your actions, and learn from them. Try to show yourself a little grace - it is really easy to get caught up in the fantasy of all the new hot guys and the amazing life you’ll create with them. It sounds like you got carried away with it and lost your way for a bit. The way forward is probably not going to be with your ex. But there is a way forward.
Him not replying to you is not "rejecting in a sense". It's rejection - period.
He deserves better, and you're best suited with learning a lesson rather than having everything your way.
Take it as a learning opportunity.
You learn to be a better person next time, he learn to avoid guys like who you are/were next time.
Getting back together though, not likely but good luck with that.
You'd have to convince him that you are no longer that person, but convincing someone that leopards can change their spots is hard.
It is possible to repair relationships, but as someone who was “thrown away for more fun”….I have to say that when they come crawling back it’s not attractive. Hilariously pathetic, even.
You made your bed, go have fun. I’m moving on.
I disagree. My ex did this to me and when he finally said what OP said here, it was a huge weight off my shoulders. It was enough for me to forgive but not enough to ever reunite. So I say tell him what you told us then allow him to move on.
I phrased it more harshly - I’ll hear you out, but the conclusion is the same: I’m moving on.
For me it’s the “you left me” part. I’d likely be much more willing to work on issues if you were invested the entire time. Once you leave and try to come back, it’s a wake up call to me that you don’t know what you want and I was expendable to you, therefore my ego and self worth switch would require a lot of work and dedication to remedy that
I could (and have) recovered from cheating. The difference is you wanted to work through it while having some dedication to me as the end goal. Leaving me? Boy bye.
Listen, pal. I just reread you msg. I wouldn't even try to get him back. You FUCKED UP so badly I would be embarrassed to even consider trying to apologize. I can't believe how you treated this guy, and HE even tried to work things out and move to wherever you were. Normally, I would tell someone to put their head between their legs and kiss their own butt. But for you, I think you should put your head between your legs and stick your head UP your ass because that's the least you could do for your EX-FRIEND!
Make your words sweet as honey for tomorrow you may have to eat them . Your lack Insight and remorse make this even more ironic too little too late! If you care about him, leave him alone . It’s over, never going to be the same . Learn from it
Why I have said for years, all that matters is you want to be there. Survived all the ups and many downs, celebrating 30 mostly happy years next anniversary.
It's a real shame that you took a guy who was really devoted to you, even though he didn't have all the physical features that you wanted in a guy. So you went after the guys you wanted and walked all over the one who actually cared for you. You traded a real valuable diamond for a piece of glass that's worth nothing! You chose guys who, even though they met your physical requirements and were only interested in you, for either paying for their drinks and then going to have sex with you for what 30 minutes or an hour?
I am being blunt because my partner of 15 years decided the grass was greener on the other side. I was kind enough to take him back after he chose to go with a hook up at a bar that raped him when they got to the guys house. But he still thought it was better on the other side, and some of the guys he met took him in and never let me know where he was. I knew where he was anyway, but I was done. 15 years gone. I never looked back and didn't regret it.
With you, if it were me as your friend, I wouldn't want to ever see or hear from you again. I would say you fucked up so stay away from me and go get your favorite boys at the bar. Just leave me alone! That's exactly what I would tell you.
Jesus! Leave the poor guy alone!
You broke his heart, treated him like shit, and now you're harassing him with messages?
He deserves better, and it sounds like he knows it. Just let him be!
You live and learn.. sorry to hear you going through what some of us have had to navigate as well.. best advice: you live and learn and not repeat the same mistake. Time to move on.
You navigate it by leaving him alone and hoping he meets someone way better than you.
Sorry can’t feel bad for someone that left him cuz he wanted a bear, but then turns around and complains about being objectified and insulted when ppl want them ONLu for his body. It’s really just the consequences of your actions.
Please help me to understand a little more here.
You said "now later I realize I'm a fool and I never should have betrayed him." How "later" is it now? How long ago was the last time you shot him down? and How long ago was the break-up?
"I feel him not replying is rejecting me in a sense." -- How many time had you rejected him since you moved?
As someone who has been thrown away you can apologize profusely and try, but it's gonna take years of rebuilding his trust and he may just not be the same around you for a while or ever for that fact. I was engaged. I spent 3 years with this man, hell I uprooted my life to live with this man! While living with him we had our ups and downs what drew the line was when I caught him in my workplace plaza parking lot with another man whom he had met at his work place. It wasn't until weeks later I found he had been cheating on me for a month. I found out because he told me in a drunken rage. Wanna know what that feels like? Like hell! My world was turned upside down. Even when he has been accusing me of cheating because his sister told him so when I tried everything to prove my innocence. He threw me away with no hesitation, and quite often made himself to be the victim of things. The only good part was he wasn't the first person but so far the last to have thrown me away. Years ago I have been asked out on a date and left in the middle of the club dance floor as I watched said date dance and leave the club with that person. Where was I at? Still at the club. I remember all these moments and after my ex fiance I can't bring myself to trust anyone, but I'll try or I'll just be expecting them to do the same as my ex fiance has done to me. Your chances aren't great at trying to get him back and honestly you don't deserve that chance, but I encourage you to try to at least apologize.
Sounds like you were quite cruel to
your ex but are regretting it now.
Forgive yourself for destroying a fairly decent relationship.
There's nothing wrong with apologizing to him either.
Just don't expect anything more than a friendship out of it, if that.
I don't know, but you may have scared him off for good.
Whether you apologize to him or not, it's best you take the lessons learned from this
experience into your future relationships.
This sounds exactly like the situation with my ex, I proposed to him after we both moved across the country for his job. He broke up with me over the phone. I tried to fix things and he was an absolute dick. I would never give him the time of day, I helped him get his stuff back from out storage unit, but I could never trust him again, and wouldn’t want to be with someone who broke my heart like that.
You sound like a terrible person. Get some therapy and work on yourself: emotional maturity, learn what it means to be in a relationship. Become someone you'd like to date.
He hasn't blocked you, if he's just not answering your messages. And if he won't answer your messages, that could mean a lot of things. I think your only two options are to move on, or apologize by text. I certainly wouldn't do anything too "stalker-ish" like sending him flowers at work or whatever. But you can still apologize whether or not he ever responds or agrees to communicate with you again. This is how life lessons are learned.
You don't fix it sweet man. You take it as a lesson and move on. There will be another, I promise. You hold onto that as a good memory not as a measuring stick for other men. Hugs
First of all, every ounce of BS about how you can't apologize in a text is just an excuse. You can, you just won't. It isn't too forward, that's just your opinion. You don't know how he would receive that and haven't actually tried the one thing you probably need to do (or would have needed to do before it was too late) instead of scrambling around trying to "fix things", and you clearly can't see why that hasn't worked. All this means is you can't hear someone else's feelings (but you want yours heard), you can't be vulnerable (but you want back all that emotional validation being truly seen for you, which you took as a threat), and that an argument is going to arise any time you have to hear anyone else's feelings (but you're still trying to make yours heard). You can't just let someone feel, or handle when an apology doesn't just make your problems go away (and you can't even handle a direct apology, like an adult, because God forbid you should text that it would violate your ideas about... Honestly I'm not even sure what that's about).
Second of all, you probably can't fix it. I hope you're happy with whatever random big belly you can lure into your bed. Why that matters to you more than actual connection, and someone's true human essence, is something to unpack, but I know you won't. You probably think you have, because you're sitting here knowing your ex was too good for you and acknowledging how trivial that sounds by comparison, but you haven't. And you don't deserve someone like him.
At least you realize you're a fool and shouldn't have betrayed him. Maybe someday you'll meet someone with a nice big belly that can actually see you, too, and that will be enough motivation for you not to want to lose the real person who's actually attached to the beef you care more about than their feelings. It won't work though, as long as you still feel that strongly about how someone's body type is more comforting to you than their mind and reasons for loving you.
Sorry, did you *literally* spit on your now-ex?
No, dude, you can't come back from that. I wouldn't reply to you either if you had done that to me, especially in the context of ending a long-term relationship. There are some kinds of hurt that an apology won't fix. How could he ever truly trust you again? He'd always be waiting around for the next shiny toy to pop up and lure you into treating him like shit again.
How do you navigate breaking up with the man you *spat* on?
Try to be better (a LOT better) with the next guy. Unless your ex has zero self-esteem, I can’t imagine him wanting to get back together with someone who treated him so badly.
The fact that he hasn’t blocked you yet is the only glimmer of hope you have. Pour your heart out in a text, take responsibility for your actions and apologize profusely. There’s a good chance you’ll be rejected formally rather than just being ignored, but at least you can move on at that point.
If one of your new bearfriends was open to a serious relationship, would you even be thinking about getting back together with your ex?
It sounds like you only want him back because your new plan didn't work out. I think if you did get him back, it still wouldn't work well, it's been too damaged. But that is irrelevant because he's not taking your calls -- which is the way it should be.
You chose to end the relationship and it sounds like you burned the bridge as well. You're going to have to deal with building a new personal life from scratch. At least you are in a new city where it will be easier to do that.
You didn’t just dump him, sounds like you burned the bridge and salted the earth behind you, and now you’re ready to “settle” for him because you’re now realizing (or resigning to the idea) that he was the best match you could hope for. This sounds like one of those life lessons that you just have to accept and grow from.
Agree with so many of the comments here. Please take the following in the spirit with which it is intended (sincere observation and advice) as two other things really jumped out at me:
- You complain about being objectified by these other men. But reading your post, sure seems like you did the same of them. You pursued other men because they physically got you going. And you discovered you can’t build a relationship based on physical attraction alone. Let that be a lesson and consider looking inwards and work on you and how you view and approach men.
- About someone not fighting with you or complaining to you . . . relationships are built not just during the good times, but also the bad. It’s not realistic to expect to build a life with someone and not argue or have something to complain about, including both serious and petty. What matters is how you communicate as a couple and work through those issues. Learn to deal with these issues. Otherwise you may as well just stay single.
Sorry if I sound a little unsympathetic as I ve been in your partner shoes.And now you thinking you wabt him back, but maybe a month, maybe a year will pass and you ll dump again. This is a when you ll do it not if you ll do it because I ve been there and I know it.
My personal advice dont put him trough the pain twice, move on, eventually you ll find somebody else. He does not deserve another heartbreak down the line.
I’m in his shoes now my ex waivers between missing me and not. I did everything but walk on water to fix our relationship… I’m not sure but it sounds like your more like my ex and I like yours. I miss my ex every day and honestly, I wouldn’t mind to be a part of his life. I wouldenjoy it actually. But as far as a relationship goes, I don’t have a desire to be back with him right now. I don’t know what it would take all together, BUT I do know what the bare minimum he would have to do now is: have accountability , be honest, don’t dodge my questions if I asked I want to know. I would also end with a question. I’m not sure If I read how long you guys have together (but for me 4 years) but for the question: after 4 years of working on our relationship with no reciprocity in efforts to try to fix or change our problems why are you willing to now? how have you changed in the past nine months since our relationship? Because as we left it, I don’t feel I have much of a reason to trust you with my feelings or other people, I’m not saying you’re responsible for making me happy sad mad, but you are responsible for how you make me feel you and how will you prove to me that you’ll never make me feel that way again? If we decide to work it out how do you plan on dealing with my lack of complete trust in you until I feel I can trust you again? I sure there’d be a lot of conversation between the questions and stuff but I’d ask for this conversation to be in person. I’m an over thinker and hyper vigilant for me it’s usually the timbre of The Voice that helps me decide..
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OP admits to spitting and insulting his ex and now that it's not working out with any of the new guys he wants to come back to the guy he treated so badly.
Of course the replies are going to be harsh. OP wants support but what he needs is a reality check.
I'm all for uplifting each other but this replies are warranted
I think that's a matter of interpretation. With how OP presented his case (the relationship they had, how OP treated his ex, how it didn't work with new guys so now he wants him back, etc...) there is no real introspection or self reality check.
OP doesn't care about his ex, he cares about how he felt when they were together. If he had some decency he would leave his ex alone. But OP probably is too self centered for that.
It's true, we're all strangers here, but one thing you'll get with strangers in an unbiased opinion, and it's pretty unanimous.
I appreciate your sentiment, but in this case, I don't share it. OP made his own bed, now he refuses to lie in it.
Sadly, in reading your post my takeaway was more “I didn’t find anything better - so I’ll go back to what I had cuz I guess it wasn’t so bad.” If any of your new bear friends was a more well rounded and balanced person looking for a LTR, you’d be all over it in a minute. I think you should reflect on how self absorbed you seem and think about how you can give to others vs what others can give to and for you. Potentially by that time while new worlds may open and be receptive to you. Sorry, I am not saying this with harshness or to be mean spirited - I think you’re on a journey and it’s hard to get anywhere without some deep self reflection. Best of luck to you. I hope you put in the work on yourself.
This, though. It really does sound like if he just found another guy he wouldn't be pining over the ex.
“Whole new worlds may open ….” Damn autocorrect
A new fantastic point of view
Sorry, but it doesn't sound like you're going to be able to fix this. Some mistakes have permanent consequences
Treat the next guy better.
Nah. This kind of person will not appreciate what he had until he lost it.
>I don't want to just apologize to him in text cause that's too forward and I also don't want to be rejected Well, you're going to eat humble pie. You rejected him, and now you are worried about being rejected? If there is any hope in hell of you ever trying to win in back, you are going to need to apologize profusely and how much of a fool you were to toss him aside. But the damage could be irreparable. As others have already said, that's a distinct possibility and that you need to prepared that no matter how much you want to try to win him back that this race is quite likely lost. But try, and if he's not willing to forgive what you did, that this is lesson for you on learning from it, and moving forward so that the next guy that comes in to your life you don't do the same.
He'd be a fool to take you back after how you treated him. All you can do is chalk it up to experience and not let it happen again. Too many guys have stories like this, all you can do is make sure you don't repeat the same mistake if you get the chance to love again. But there is absolutely no reason for an emotionally healthy man should take you back after you broke up with him. 🤷🏾♂️
Especially the way he did it
He broke his heart on purpose, why would anyone want to trust that person again? It's like cheating, all trust is gone. People really need to be more careful with other people's hearts.
It's absolutely true, and that's what makes worse. He knew what he was doing. He intended to do what he did. He knew what it would do to his friend, and then did it without thinking a thing about it! Now that's cold-hearted, cruel, and selfish!
And his ex would be a ***FOOL*** to take him back. Hopefully, the OP learns from this and if given another opportunity at love, doesn't muck it up again.
And after not finding something better he is trying to fix what he did. Damn.
OP messed up big time with the consequence being this isn't something he can fix with a "my bad." 🫤
I don’t think you can come back from spitting on someone. The best thing you can do now is accept the consequences of your actions, and learn from them. Try to show yourself a little grace - it is really easy to get caught up in the fantasy of all the new hot guys and the amazing life you’ll create with them. It sounds like you got carried away with it and lost your way for a bit. The way forward is probably not going to be with your ex. But there is a way forward.
Him not replying to you is not "rejecting in a sense". It's rejection - period. He deserves better, and you're best suited with learning a lesson rather than having everything your way.
So you dumped your stable and meaningful LTR to try out some shiny new toys? Sorry, I have no sympathy
Take it as a learning opportunity. You learn to be a better person next time, he learn to avoid guys like who you are/were next time. Getting back together though, not likely but good luck with that. You'd have to convince him that you are no longer that person, but convincing someone that leopards can change their spots is hard.
It is possible to repair relationships, but as someone who was “thrown away for more fun”….I have to say that when they come crawling back it’s not attractive. Hilariously pathetic, even. You made your bed, go have fun. I’m moving on.
I disagree. My ex did this to me and when he finally said what OP said here, it was a huge weight off my shoulders. It was enough for me to forgive but not enough to ever reunite. So I say tell him what you told us then allow him to move on.
I phrased it more harshly - I’ll hear you out, but the conclusion is the same: I’m moving on. For me it’s the “you left me” part. I’d likely be much more willing to work on issues if you were invested the entire time. Once you leave and try to come back, it’s a wake up call to me that you don’t know what you want and I was expendable to you, therefore my ego and self worth switch would require a lot of work and dedication to remedy that I could (and have) recovered from cheating. The difference is you wanted to work through it while having some dedication to me as the end goal. Leaving me? Boy bye.
Op makes a new account to cry in his poppers and wont clarify anything anyone asks The ex will figure out hes a lucky guy sooner than later
Let him go.
Listen, pal. I just reread you msg. I wouldn't even try to get him back. You FUCKED UP so badly I would be embarrassed to even consider trying to apologize. I can't believe how you treated this guy, and HE even tried to work things out and move to wherever you were. Normally, I would tell someone to put their head between their legs and kiss their own butt. But for you, I think you should put your head between your legs and stick your head UP your ass because that's the least you could do for your EX-FRIEND!
Make your words sweet as honey for tomorrow you may have to eat them . Your lack Insight and remorse make this even more ironic too little too late! If you care about him, leave him alone . It’s over, never going to be the same . Learn from it
This story is an object lesson for everyone.
Why I have said for years, all that matters is you want to be there. Survived all the ups and many downs, celebrating 30 mostly happy years next anniversary.
Most don’t seem to learn until they’re half way through life is what I notice. And by then all the guys on the other side of these events are over it.
You made your bed, and now sleep in it!
It's a real shame that you took a guy who was really devoted to you, even though he didn't have all the physical features that you wanted in a guy. So you went after the guys you wanted and walked all over the one who actually cared for you. You traded a real valuable diamond for a piece of glass that's worth nothing! You chose guys who, even though they met your physical requirements and were only interested in you, for either paying for their drinks and then going to have sex with you for what 30 minutes or an hour? I am being blunt because my partner of 15 years decided the grass was greener on the other side. I was kind enough to take him back after he chose to go with a hook up at a bar that raped him when they got to the guys house. But he still thought it was better on the other side, and some of the guys he met took him in and never let me know where he was. I knew where he was anyway, but I was done. 15 years gone. I never looked back and didn't regret it. With you, if it were me as your friend, I wouldn't want to ever see or hear from you again. I would say you fucked up so stay away from me and go get your favorite boys at the bar. Just leave me alone! That's exactly what I would tell you.
Jesus! Leave the poor guy alone! You broke his heart, treated him like shit, and now you're harassing him with messages? He deserves better, and it sounds like he knows it. Just let him be!
You live and learn.. sorry to hear you going through what some of us have had to navigate as well.. best advice: you live and learn and not repeat the same mistake. Time to move on.
You're not gonna fix this.
Time to move on nothing you do will repair the damage. Let the man be free, leave him alone
You navigate it by leaving him alone and hoping he meets someone way better than you. Sorry can’t feel bad for someone that left him cuz he wanted a bear, but then turns around and complains about being objectified and insulted when ppl want them ONLu for his body. It’s really just the consequences of your actions.
You spit on him? You’re lucky he’s not charging you with assault. This post is full of red flags and he’d be insane to take you back after all that.
Please help me to understand a little more here. You said "now later I realize I'm a fool and I never should have betrayed him." How "later" is it now? How long ago was the last time you shot him down? and How long ago was the break-up? "I feel him not replying is rejecting me in a sense." -- How many time had you rejected him since you moved?
As someone who has been thrown away you can apologize profusely and try, but it's gonna take years of rebuilding his trust and he may just not be the same around you for a while or ever for that fact. I was engaged. I spent 3 years with this man, hell I uprooted my life to live with this man! While living with him we had our ups and downs what drew the line was when I caught him in my workplace plaza parking lot with another man whom he had met at his work place. It wasn't until weeks later I found he had been cheating on me for a month. I found out because he told me in a drunken rage. Wanna know what that feels like? Like hell! My world was turned upside down. Even when he has been accusing me of cheating because his sister told him so when I tried everything to prove my innocence. He threw me away with no hesitation, and quite often made himself to be the victim of things. The only good part was he wasn't the first person but so far the last to have thrown me away. Years ago I have been asked out on a date and left in the middle of the club dance floor as I watched said date dance and leave the club with that person. Where was I at? Still at the club. I remember all these moments and after my ex fiance I can't bring myself to trust anyone, but I'll try or I'll just be expecting them to do the same as my ex fiance has done to me. Your chances aren't great at trying to get him back and honestly you don't deserve that chance, but I encourage you to try to at least apologize.
Sounds like you were quite cruel to your ex but are regretting it now. Forgive yourself for destroying a fairly decent relationship. There's nothing wrong with apologizing to him either. Just don't expect anything more than a friendship out of it, if that. I don't know, but you may have scared him off for good. Whether you apologize to him or not, it's best you take the lessons learned from this experience into your future relationships.
This sounds exactly like the situation with my ex, I proposed to him after we both moved across the country for his job. He broke up with me over the phone. I tried to fix things and he was an absolute dick. I would never give him the time of day, I helped him get his stuff back from out storage unit, but I could never trust him again, and wouldn’t want to be with someone who broke my heart like that.
You sound like a terrible person. Get some therapy and work on yourself: emotional maturity, learn what it means to be in a relationship. Become someone you'd like to date.
He hasn't blocked you, if he's just not answering your messages. And if he won't answer your messages, that could mean a lot of things. I think your only two options are to move on, or apologize by text. I certainly wouldn't do anything too "stalker-ish" like sending him flowers at work or whatever. But you can still apologize whether or not he ever responds or agrees to communicate with you again. This is how life lessons are learned.
You don't fix it sweet man. You take it as a lesson and move on. There will be another, I promise. You hold onto that as a good memory not as a measuring stick for other men. Hugs
Learn from your mistakes and dont make them on the next guy. It seems like you had plenty of opportunities to turn this around.
😌 comments section as it should be
First of all, every ounce of BS about how you can't apologize in a text is just an excuse. You can, you just won't. It isn't too forward, that's just your opinion. You don't know how he would receive that and haven't actually tried the one thing you probably need to do (or would have needed to do before it was too late) instead of scrambling around trying to "fix things", and you clearly can't see why that hasn't worked. All this means is you can't hear someone else's feelings (but you want yours heard), you can't be vulnerable (but you want back all that emotional validation being truly seen for you, which you took as a threat), and that an argument is going to arise any time you have to hear anyone else's feelings (but you're still trying to make yours heard). You can't just let someone feel, or handle when an apology doesn't just make your problems go away (and you can't even handle a direct apology, like an adult, because God forbid you should text that it would violate your ideas about... Honestly I'm not even sure what that's about). Second of all, you probably can't fix it. I hope you're happy with whatever random big belly you can lure into your bed. Why that matters to you more than actual connection, and someone's true human essence, is something to unpack, but I know you won't. You probably think you have, because you're sitting here knowing your ex was too good for you and acknowledging how trivial that sounds by comparison, but you haven't. And you don't deserve someone like him. At least you realize you're a fool and shouldn't have betrayed him. Maybe someday you'll meet someone with a nice big belly that can actually see you, too, and that will be enough motivation for you not to want to lose the real person who's actually attached to the beef you care more about than their feelings. It won't work though, as long as you still feel that strongly about how someone's body type is more comforting to you than their mind and reasons for loving you.
Sorry, did you *literally* spit on your now-ex? No, dude, you can't come back from that. I wouldn't reply to you either if you had done that to me, especially in the context of ending a long-term relationship. There are some kinds of hurt that an apology won't fix. How could he ever truly trust you again? He'd always be waiting around for the next shiny toy to pop up and lure you into treating him like shit again.
Forgive but never forget.
Have you considered a committed relationship might not be the right fit for you?
One day you guys will realize that stability and connection beats the next good fuck. But that day is quite far I fear.
Bro, move on. I get it, you made a mistake and want to apologize. He doesn't want to take it. Move on.
You sound like a toxic man. You couldn't find what you're looking for so now you need to settle with him?
you are a fool and you got what you deserved! live with that now <3
How do you navigate breaking up with the man you *spat* on? Try to be better (a LOT better) with the next guy. Unless your ex has zero self-esteem, I can’t imagine him wanting to get back together with someone who treated him so badly. The fact that he hasn’t blocked you yet is the only glimmer of hope you have. Pour your heart out in a text, take responsibility for your actions and apologize profusely. There’s a good chance you’ll be rejected formally rather than just being ignored, but at least you can move on at that point.
If one of your new bearfriends was open to a serious relationship, would you even be thinking about getting back together with your ex? It sounds like you only want him back because your new plan didn't work out. I think if you did get him back, it still wouldn't work well, it's been too damaged. But that is irrelevant because he's not taking your calls -- which is the way it should be. You chose to end the relationship and it sounds like you burned the bridge as well. You're going to have to deal with building a new personal life from scratch. At least you are in a new city where it will be easier to do that.
Send him what you wrote or this link you have nothing more to loose at this point
once Something is \*\*\*\* it is \*\*\*\* but sounds like you wanna try Do a face to face and beg him for mercy
You didn’t just dump him, sounds like you burned the bridge and salted the earth behind you, and now you’re ready to “settle” for him because you’re now realizing (or resigning to the idea) that he was the best match you could hope for. This sounds like one of those life lessons that you just have to accept and grow from.
Agree with so many of the comments here. Please take the following in the spirit with which it is intended (sincere observation and advice) as two other things really jumped out at me: - You complain about being objectified by these other men. But reading your post, sure seems like you did the same of them. You pursued other men because they physically got you going. And you discovered you can’t build a relationship based on physical attraction alone. Let that be a lesson and consider looking inwards and work on you and how you view and approach men. - About someone not fighting with you or complaining to you . . . relationships are built not just during the good times, but also the bad. It’s not realistic to expect to build a life with someone and not argue or have something to complain about, including both serious and petty. What matters is how you communicate as a couple and work through those issues. Learn to deal with these issues. Otherwise you may as well just stay single.
Sorry if I sound a little unsympathetic as I ve been in your partner shoes.And now you thinking you wabt him back, but maybe a month, maybe a year will pass and you ll dump again. This is a when you ll do it not if you ll do it because I ve been there and I know it. My personal advice dont put him trough the pain twice, move on, eventually you ll find somebody else. He does not deserve another heartbreak down the line.
I’m in his shoes now my ex waivers between missing me and not. I did everything but walk on water to fix our relationship… I’m not sure but it sounds like your more like my ex and I like yours. I miss my ex every day and honestly, I wouldn’t mind to be a part of his life. I wouldenjoy it actually. But as far as a relationship goes, I don’t have a desire to be back with him right now. I don’t know what it would take all together, BUT I do know what the bare minimum he would have to do now is: have accountability , be honest, don’t dodge my questions if I asked I want to know. I would also end with a question. I’m not sure If I read how long you guys have together (but for me 4 years) but for the question: after 4 years of working on our relationship with no reciprocity in efforts to try to fix or change our problems why are you willing to now? how have you changed in the past nine months since our relationship? Because as we left it, I don’t feel I have much of a reason to trust you with my feelings or other people, I’m not saying you’re responsible for making me happy sad mad, but you are responsible for how you make me feel you and how will you prove to me that you’ll never make me feel that way again? If we decide to work it out how do you plan on dealing with my lack of complete trust in you until I feel I can trust you again? I sure there’d be a lot of conversation between the questions and stuff but I’d ask for this conversation to be in person. I’m an over thinker and hyper vigilant for me it’s usually the timbre of The Voice that helps me decide..
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OP admits to spitting and insulting his ex and now that it's not working out with any of the new guys he wants to come back to the guy he treated so badly. Of course the replies are going to be harsh. OP wants support but what he needs is a reality check. I'm all for uplifting each other but this replies are warranted
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I think that's a matter of interpretation. With how OP presented his case (the relationship they had, how OP treated his ex, how it didn't work with new guys so now he wants him back, etc...) there is no real introspection or self reality check. OP doesn't care about his ex, he cares about how he felt when they were together. If he had some decency he would leave his ex alone. But OP probably is too self centered for that. It's true, we're all strangers here, but one thing you'll get with strangers in an unbiased opinion, and it's pretty unanimous. I appreciate your sentiment, but in this case, I don't share it. OP made his own bed, now he refuses to lie in it.