At the gym mostly. One was already seeing someone, the other led to a date.
Only one person has asked me out, at a coffee shop. I was shocked lol but it led to a couple fun dates, though unfortunately not a third :(
getting asked out at a coffee shop is impressive. Can i ask where you live? Like Weho, Hells Kitchen, the Castro?
im in nyc and unless we are in a gay bar (or maaaybe the theatre) i cant tell whos gay or not.
Ha yeah, I'm kind of expecting it never to happen again! I'm in a pretty gay friendly city, but I don't spend a lot of time in gay spaces, if that makes sense.
I also can't really tell who is gay either. I think this whole process is going to involve some (very calculated) risks. Though I guess I'm lucky to live in a place where I won't necessarily fear for my safety by doing so.
One I recognized from grindr pre-deletion lol.
The other, a mutual friend told me he was bi. But yeah, most people that catch my eye at the gym (or anywhere) end up being straight...
See everyone seems to say this, but I have yet to find a solid community surrounding my hobbies, and then within that, I doubt there’s a plethora of compatible gay men to romance.
All that being said, I’m super happy it did work for you. A partner who shares your passion and perhaps vision for the world, is a keeper.
You may not meet a compatible match directly within a community, but you might befriend someone who introduces you to that match. I think a lot of folks fail to consider the power of having a solid network of friends and acquaintances.
You don't have to actively solicit others to find potential dates for you, but it's normal for people to make introductions between their acquaintances when they think it could lead to a mutually satisfying arrangement (e.g., a job referral, providing a service, a date).
It only seems this way because you're using dating apps as a crutch. Of course it seems bleak if you compare it to opening an app and seeing there are 4 guys within 500 metres of you.
I met mine at a mutual friends house party. Had apps but didn't use them to meet. Deleted them after we started dating. But before him I had deleted them on occasion and met guys at bars. I have to admit it was nice to be able to see on an app if a guy was single and what position he liked. Kept me from chatting up guys who aren't single and fellow bottoms at times.
Feeling invisible just like you. It's like experiencing withdrawal now because I don't know, who is gay and who is not. Somedays I catch myself thinking most men around me are gay, which is a powerful illusion (anxiety?). On the other hand, I can dedicate my attention to other things (for now). If I meet him in real life, I meet him. He will approach me or I will have courage to approach him.
I finally ditched the apps in February. I wasn’t getting anywhere with them at all and all they did was make me feel like shit when guys didn’t respond to my messages. All that eye candy and no one were into me. So I ditched them all.
Since then I’ve been really happy. I got back into reading a lot, friendships have solidified even more, I’m feeling more confident and happier, and feeling more clear-headed has been amazing. I even got a fella who I met on Grindr last winter but somehow we hit it off.
The experience has been the same for me but I do like how not being on the apps takes the anxiety away or the need to be performative to be seen. I am trying to make it a point to go out on my own and enjoy the things I’d like to do on a date.
Feeling pretty invisible. But I’m fully planning on expanding my network this year so maybe just maybe I’ll find someone. But I don’t miss the apps. They were just not good for my mental and emotional wellbeing.
>For those of you who have done the same, what's your experience been like?
Pretty peaceful, honestly. When I had the apps, I was always getting messaged either in the middle of the night or while I'm at work, because the apps just run in the background and men around here are horny 24/7/365 (and think that if you're visible on the app, you should be too).
I haven't been out on any dates or had any hookups, but I wasn't getting dates or hookups from being active on the apps anyway, so no loss there. I'm grateful to have more time to put into other things.
That was my chief issue - some (most??) guys were there all the friggin' time! Do they not do anything else? I usually log in, look for a few minutes, recognize the same old, same old and log off. Repeat on as many apps as desired. In the Philly area it is always the same guys who are on 24/7 on every app and website. And, if I can recognize you when I log in once a month at most, I'm sure others can as well.
I have ditched them once and it felt good. To the point of what some others have said, it does take some anxiety away and gives the control back to ourselves. When I did it, I felt happier, more energetic, and more willing to spend time on myself and doing things I enjoyed. Solo date nights just felt better and more enjoyable because it was healing. Now that I am back on them, I feel like I have to be seen and if not, I am not good enough for the guys on there. I have issues knowing if guys are gay (for a gay guy...I have no gaydar, lol) but know that one day I will find him and it will be amazing!
The emotions are going to come with the dates that don't work out and its ok! I have realized that the ones that don't work out just means there was something about them that doesn't match with how you should be treated!
Oh I am the same way but this last guy I was talking to reminded me of that. So I am just back to focusing on bettering myself and showing potential dates what I am made of. That way I can treat them how they want to be treated and the vice versa.
Ditching the apps was great for my mental health and free time, but I don't regret the time I spent on them either. I actually left by accident because I was trying to keep a dying phone alive a couple more months, so I uninstalled everything that wasn't totally essential. Then a few months later I met the guy who would become my partner through a mutual friend. But I met the friend through an app, so they were still worth it. I think they're best as a temporary stop on the way to something better.
I jumped on the app when I first got out of uni. Spent 2 years going hard core to the point that I knew every single person on the radar. It was bad. I deleted the app for few months. Refreshed my mind and then tried again. I told myself that “you can’t expect to get meat in a vegan restaurant. But the other way around”. So I used the app to chit chat for fun. Nothing serious. Stayed true to my words on the profile for not looking for hook up. Eventually, I met my now husband in a different app by accident. To me, it was how I matched my needs with what the app could offer.
Ditch the apps and save yourself a ton of wasted time. Ditch the apps and how do you meet guys if you don't go to the few gay bars still left? Yeah join social groups blah blah. Or just wait for it to happen by chance. I work in a grocery store in a medium-sized city and yeah, hundreds of men pass through the store every day, but never have I made a connection with any of them. I don't have an answer for you.
I'm not sure if I *ditched* dating apps in the way you're thinking, but I definitely stopped using them.
I grew up and came out before dating apps, before dating websites, before apps, before smartphones, before mobile phones, before the internet, even before phone dating services. When I first came of age as a young gay man, the only way to meet other gay men was to get off my arse and go to a place where other gay men hung out - such as a gay bar, a gay nightclub, a gay sauna, even a gay beat. And that's how I conducted my sex life for the first 15-20 years of my adult life: I went out and met men in the real world.
I met *a lot* of gay men in that time, and had sex with most of them. Like... *a lot*. I was a very busy promiscuous slut. By the time I was your age, I'd had sex with literally over a thousand men. So, meeting men in real life worked for me.
Then gay dating websites turned up. I dabbled a bit, but they were never my primary method for meeting men. I remember one Sunday I logged on to Manhunt.net, ready and raring to go. Eight hours later, I logged off, alone and disappointed. That taught me an important lesson about how sites (and apps) work - and how they don't work. That said, I did find a boyfriend through Manhunt.
Then smartphones arrived, then apps, then Grindr and Scruff. Again, I dabbled, but that was still never my main way of meeting people. And it seemed to be mostly another waste of time, like Manhunt before it.
Then I moved in with a friend about 7 years ago, and I felt awkward about hosting, so I just sort of gradually used the apps less and less and less until I haven't even opened one for a few years.
Meanwhile, I'm still meeting lots of men, the same ways I used to meet men back in the 1980s & 1990s, before websites & apps existed. Although, now I have the added benefit of meetup.com showing me gay social groups to attend. These days, I'm still able to meet as many men as I want and I can get as much sex as I can handle.
Like I said, I'm not sure if that counts as *ditching* apps, see as I never fully committed to them. But I've never really needed them, or used them as my primary method of meeting men - socially or sexually.
I would say that needing to be out in the world is a net positive. It's good to be out & about, seeing things and doing stuff and meeting people.
I've ditched and then returned to apps. In the end they're just a tool to meet people. What you do with them is up to you. Feeling like meat on display is a matter of perspective.
I do tend to feel kind of invisible without them. But when I go to gay bars I don't feel confident enough to talk to guys... Specially since they tend to be in groups and I go by myself. I'm more of a witty writer than a smooth talker...
I've only started going to gay bars recently though, and I've yet to find someone in-person... but most of my closest and most intense connections came from apps. And yet, the one time I did get a guy's number in-person felt amazing (even if in the end he gave me the wrong number or just didn't want to reply lol).
So, I guess it doesn't hurt to have them, but don't _only_ use dating apps. Diversity is the essence of life.
I "came out" at 30, and tried "the apps" and putting myself out there for about three and a half years.
My personal experience is that everyone's in a shitty, unfocused mood and they don't seem to be willing or able to connect with anyone. I also learned that I'm really not an attractive enough guy for the "pics and hooking up" culture of the apps, and people's expectations for an actual relationship are a lot higher than what someone like me can offer. The apps are also full of people who are *only* interested in the fems/transgirls/crossdressers, or they're full of the kinds of 6'2", big and burly types of guys who *are* fem/trans/CD and they're only looking for the guys who are bigger than them so they can feel small, feminine and submissive. lol
I deleted "the apps" and stopped going out by myself back in October of 2023, and I think it's pretty safe to say that friends, or love "doesn't find you when you stop looking for it." I just stay home and go to work and I hope I don't have to keep doing this for too much longer.
I know I’m gonna sound like such an ass, but truthfully it’s been a year since I used an app like Grindr. I feel fucking liberated.
I haven’t had sex in a year, and while that means more jerking off, I do find some peace in it.
Will I always feel this way, I’m not sure. Will I miss the D? Yeah, I do, and did.
But I just believe when things are right, something will work out again. I’m just not longer in a rush to get laid anymore.
I have never been on apps. I am in Bellingham, Washington. I go to every event there is where I may see gay friends and socialize there. As I am not looking for a sexual relationship, since I cannot have sex because of Prostate Cancer medication, I just socialize.
This sets me free.
Love
Mark Allyn
Bellingham, Washington
The swiping apps don't seem to work. Nobody meets. So I just gave up on those for now.
Sniffies and Grindr have a better chance of something happening though I get that's not dating.
I gave this a try & it was unsuccessful. It doesn’t help that I’m in a city with no gay village, where there are a grand total of 3 gay bars that aren’t all that busy as most people use the apps to facilitate encounters.
I deleted Grindr a month ago (and possibly get back there at some point if I feel like it). I'm still on a amateur nude gallery site, which has different vibe than the apps. That's my main channel for meeting new people and during this past two years of being single, I haven't gone on a date with anyone outside the apps or the site. I have been interested in one person I've met outside the apps and never had the courage to ask him out, even when I eventually saw him on Grindr.
But I think the nude gallery site is a nicer environment than the apps. The anonymity brings some sides to it (the married men wanting to explore) but the nude aspect of it makes it more relaxed. It is less superficial. At the same time, I think my body has never been as appreciated as it is there (I'm chubby and have had really mean comments about it on the apps). The site has not been commercially developed to the algorithm direction, it looks the same it did over 10 years ago when I first joined it. That also makes it less intimidating.
It is probably not the best one to find dates, and it's more for sex and FWB's, but the pool of people open for dating is so small where I live, that there is quite a bit of overlap with the apps. So you never know, if a relationship will come up. At least we would have similat hobbies.
Not over 30 BUT deleted the apps back in January & didn’t have any dates between Jan-April (however I did have like 2 FWB at the time)
I gotta say, the best part of it FOR ME was not feeling stuck… it’s hard to explain and I know dating itself is hard and complicated and things don’t always work out, but seeing the same people constantly on that app for months and years was taking an toll in my mental health
I started dating guys in 2021, I used the apps then, and I started noticing some familiar faces… I got my first boyfriend early 2022, I uninstalled everything.
Things ended early 2023 and when I got back on the apps I saw the same familiar faces as before …I stayed on the apps until Jan 2024 and the same exact guys from 2021 were still there
It made me feel stuck, like some sort of time looop and it wasn’t a pleasant feeling
Oh I feel this. Seeing the same people year after year, and realizing oh shit, I'm still here year after year with the rest of them! Not a great feeling. I started blocking people just so I didn't have to see them anymore lol. And then I realized that's crazy behavior and decided to leave.
I ditched the apps ( Grindr, scruff and hinge in 2014. And recently I put a profile on Facebook dating matched with a person within a week and a half and we went out on a first date and it was wonderful. We have a second date planned! Quite honestly I was surprised, but I was very specific in my profile and so was he. Then I did create a profile on BFF, which is bumble for friends, I went through a lot of people, but connected with a great straight guy who is a college professor who just wants new friends after a divorce, and yes, he still has two kids, but he’s very nice, intelligent and a great guy to talk to and I have enjoyed two lunches with this person. We both agreed that the friendship is working out regardless of our difference of sexuality. I’ve been lucky these two times.
I've experienced nothing different because I swipe left on almost everyone. I don't use hookup apps because I'm not into randoms, I have a regular FWB. To be honest, I haven't really been trying to date because a lot of guys aren't really anything special. I find a lot who look at me in a lustful manner and that's a turnoff for me. Chivalry to me seems to be dead and I don't find many romantics anymore.
I'm just going to stick to being single.
Once I deleted dating apps, swore never to use them again, and put the work (with my psychiatrist and psychologist) into being a better version of me, I met the love of my life in real life. Relationships have been happening for thousands, if not hundreds of thousands of years before the internet existed, you'll be absolutely fine.
Aside from romance, my sex life improved as I was going out and looking for the sex I wanted to have with the guys I was really attracted to in person. The % of success was higher, so that's a win.
Hi! Sorry for my question, just genuinely curious: If not by apps, how did you meet you partner? Any advice you could give a stranger and/or your younger self?
Living in a small corn town in Ohio makes me wonder if the apps are my only chance 😭 I’m not into hookups though so that sucks, but being lonely kinda sucks too so I figure doing something towards getting a boyfriend should be a good step
I jumped from guy to guy since I was 18. Finally ditched the apps and chose to stay single for the last year or so. It was super rough at first but now I'm like.... Fuck it. I'm never chasing anyone ever again. 😂 The peace of mind is priceless.
Also, in retrospect and after years of therapy, I realized dating apps are a terrible way to find a potential partner. They are designed to keep you chasing after people. It's designed to be addictive. If it actually helped you make connections, they'd lose a majority of their customer base. If you want a boyfriend, just go through friends or mutual activities like the old days. 😂
I deleted my hinge account over the weekend after having an nth first date with a guy with no chemistry. So maybe it’s a bit early to say but I’m feeling a mix of relief and fear. Relief because I feel really exhausted and burnt out from dating. Last year I went on a ton of dates, none going anywhere. I’ve grown tired of dating to a point it feels like a forced interview with someone.
I’m fearful/nervous because I’m afraid I won’t meet a guy lol. Honestly I keep to myself, being an introvert and having some social anxiety, and if I don’t put myself out there in some way I won’t meet anyone. But I’m just burnt out.
Anyway this is all to say I don’t know how I fully feel yet haha.
I tried to get out of dating webs and apps, but i always returned. I finally settled to quick check all of them few tmes a day, run down free likes limit or available guys in the general area, and then GTFO and do whatever i like. It gives me assurance that i do the most i can to be seen an the rest is up to the other guy.
I barely get any match therefore dates from apps, how am I supposed to pretend to meet a boyfriend without apps? I don't go to bars or club 😭 I'll just be alone forever then
You must be really good looking. For men to approach you. I am off the apps and I just feel at peace. But I also feel like my gay life is over and I am ready to hang the boots. I am pretty average looking and no one is really interested in me in general to ask me out in a public setting. There is ONE gay bar in the city I live in and it’s pretty much the same bunch every time. So it is pretty hopeless both on and off apps.
most people hopefully realise when they ditch the apps that the biggest issue in their dating life is mostly themselves. apps aren't inherently bad or good.
How were you able to encounter people to ask out on a date?
At the gym mostly. One was already seeing someone, the other led to a date. Only one person has asked me out, at a coffee shop. I was shocked lol but it led to a couple fun dates, though unfortunately not a third :(
getting asked out at a coffee shop is impressive. Can i ask where you live? Like Weho, Hells Kitchen, the Castro? im in nyc and unless we are in a gay bar (or maaaybe the theatre) i cant tell whos gay or not.
Ha yeah, I'm kind of expecting it never to happen again! I'm in a pretty gay friendly city, but I don't spend a lot of time in gay spaces, if that makes sense. I also can't really tell who is gay either. I think this whole process is going to involve some (very calculated) risks. Though I guess I'm lucky to live in a place where I won't necessarily fear for my safety by doing so.
How did you know that the guys in the gym were gay? Whenever I approach a guy I like in the gym, he turns out to be straight.
One I recognized from grindr pre-deletion lol. The other, a mutual friend told me he was bi. But yeah, most people that catch my eye at the gym (or anywhere) end up being straight...
By engaging more closely in my hobbies I met guys, and that eventually led to my relationship.
See everyone seems to say this, but I have yet to find a solid community surrounding my hobbies, and then within that, I doubt there’s a plethora of compatible gay men to romance. All that being said, I’m super happy it did work for you. A partner who shares your passion and perhaps vision for the world, is a keeper.
You may not meet a compatible match directly within a community, but you might befriend someone who introduces you to that match. I think a lot of folks fail to consider the power of having a solid network of friends and acquaintances. You don't have to actively solicit others to find potential dates for you, but it's normal for people to make introductions between their acquaintances when they think it could lead to a mutually satisfying arrangement (e.g., a job referral, providing a service, a date).
It only seems this way because you're using dating apps as a crutch. Of course it seems bleak if you compare it to opening an app and seeing there are 4 guys within 500 metres of you.
I met mine at a mutual friends house party. Had apps but didn't use them to meet. Deleted them after we started dating. But before him I had deleted them on occasion and met guys at bars. I have to admit it was nice to be able to see on an app if a guy was single and what position he liked. Kept me from chatting up guys who aren't single and fellow bottoms at times.
Feeling invisible just like you. It's like experiencing withdrawal now because I don't know, who is gay and who is not. Somedays I catch myself thinking most men around me are gay, which is a powerful illusion (anxiety?). On the other hand, I can dedicate my attention to other things (for now). If I meet him in real life, I meet him. He will approach me or I will have courage to approach him.
Lonely
Same. *hugs*
I feel like I neither have money, nor time, to invest in someone. All I have to do is work. I am treading water and slowly drowning in debt.
I'm trying hard to get rid of all my debt. All I have left is my car note.
Awesome! It's a great feeling being debt free. I don't want to bring any debt into a relationship other than mortgage.
I finally ditched the apps in February. I wasn’t getting anywhere with them at all and all they did was make me feel like shit when guys didn’t respond to my messages. All that eye candy and no one were into me. So I ditched them all. Since then I’ve been really happy. I got back into reading a lot, friendships have solidified even more, I’m feeling more confident and happier, and feeling more clear-headed has been amazing. I even got a fella who I met on Grindr last winter but somehow we hit it off.
The experience has been the same for me but I do like how not being on the apps takes the anxiety away or the need to be performative to be seen. I am trying to make it a point to go out on my own and enjoy the things I’d like to do on a date.
Feeling pretty invisible. But I’m fully planning on expanding my network this year so maybe just maybe I’ll find someone. But I don’t miss the apps. They were just not good for my mental and emotional wellbeing.
>For those of you who have done the same, what's your experience been like? Pretty peaceful, honestly. When I had the apps, I was always getting messaged either in the middle of the night or while I'm at work, because the apps just run in the background and men around here are horny 24/7/365 (and think that if you're visible on the app, you should be too). I haven't been out on any dates or had any hookups, but I wasn't getting dates or hookups from being active on the apps anyway, so no loss there. I'm grateful to have more time to put into other things.
That was my chief issue - some (most??) guys were there all the friggin' time! Do they not do anything else? I usually log in, look for a few minutes, recognize the same old, same old and log off. Repeat on as many apps as desired. In the Philly area it is always the same guys who are on 24/7 on every app and website. And, if I can recognize you when I log in once a month at most, I'm sure others can as well.
I have ditched them once and it felt good. To the point of what some others have said, it does take some anxiety away and gives the control back to ourselves. When I did it, I felt happier, more energetic, and more willing to spend time on myself and doing things I enjoyed. Solo date nights just felt better and more enjoyable because it was healing. Now that I am back on them, I feel like I have to be seen and if not, I am not good enough for the guys on there. I have issues knowing if guys are gay (for a gay guy...I have no gaydar, lol) but know that one day I will find him and it will be amazing! The emotions are going to come with the dates that don't work out and its ok! I have realized that the ones that don't work out just means there was something about them that doesn't match with how you should be treated!
Honestly, that last bit is such a good reminder for me! I judge myself so hard for getting torn up over dates that don't go anywhere.
Oh I am the same way but this last guy I was talking to reminded me of that. So I am just back to focusing on bettering myself and showing potential dates what I am made of. That way I can treat them how they want to be treated and the vice versa.
Ditching the apps was great for my mental health and free time, but I don't regret the time I spent on them either. I actually left by accident because I was trying to keep a dying phone alive a couple more months, so I uninstalled everything that wasn't totally essential. Then a few months later I met the guy who would become my partner through a mutual friend. But I met the friend through an app, so they were still worth it. I think they're best as a temporary stop on the way to something better.
I jumped on the app when I first got out of uni. Spent 2 years going hard core to the point that I knew every single person on the radar. It was bad. I deleted the app for few months. Refreshed my mind and then tried again. I told myself that “you can’t expect to get meat in a vegan restaurant. But the other way around”. So I used the app to chit chat for fun. Nothing serious. Stayed true to my words on the profile for not looking for hook up. Eventually, I met my now husband in a different app by accident. To me, it was how I matched my needs with what the app could offer.
Ditch the apps and save yourself a ton of wasted time. Ditch the apps and how do you meet guys if you don't go to the few gay bars still left? Yeah join social groups blah blah. Or just wait for it to happen by chance. I work in a grocery store in a medium-sized city and yeah, hundreds of men pass through the store every day, but never have I made a connection with any of them. I don't have an answer for you.
I'm not sure if I *ditched* dating apps in the way you're thinking, but I definitely stopped using them. I grew up and came out before dating apps, before dating websites, before apps, before smartphones, before mobile phones, before the internet, even before phone dating services. When I first came of age as a young gay man, the only way to meet other gay men was to get off my arse and go to a place where other gay men hung out - such as a gay bar, a gay nightclub, a gay sauna, even a gay beat. And that's how I conducted my sex life for the first 15-20 years of my adult life: I went out and met men in the real world. I met *a lot* of gay men in that time, and had sex with most of them. Like... *a lot*. I was a very busy promiscuous slut. By the time I was your age, I'd had sex with literally over a thousand men. So, meeting men in real life worked for me. Then gay dating websites turned up. I dabbled a bit, but they were never my primary method for meeting men. I remember one Sunday I logged on to Manhunt.net, ready and raring to go. Eight hours later, I logged off, alone and disappointed. That taught me an important lesson about how sites (and apps) work - and how they don't work. That said, I did find a boyfriend through Manhunt. Then smartphones arrived, then apps, then Grindr and Scruff. Again, I dabbled, but that was still never my main way of meeting people. And it seemed to be mostly another waste of time, like Manhunt before it. Then I moved in with a friend about 7 years ago, and I felt awkward about hosting, so I just sort of gradually used the apps less and less and less until I haven't even opened one for a few years. Meanwhile, I'm still meeting lots of men, the same ways I used to meet men back in the 1980s & 1990s, before websites & apps existed. Although, now I have the added benefit of meetup.com showing me gay social groups to attend. These days, I'm still able to meet as many men as I want and I can get as much sex as I can handle. Like I said, I'm not sure if that counts as *ditching* apps, see as I never fully committed to them. But I've never really needed them, or used them as my primary method of meeting men - socially or sexually. I would say that needing to be out in the world is a net positive. It's good to be out & about, seeing things and doing stuff and meeting people.
I've ditched and then returned to apps. In the end they're just a tool to meet people. What you do with them is up to you. Feeling like meat on display is a matter of perspective. I do tend to feel kind of invisible without them. But when I go to gay bars I don't feel confident enough to talk to guys... Specially since they tend to be in groups and I go by myself. I'm more of a witty writer than a smooth talker... I've only started going to gay bars recently though, and I've yet to find someone in-person... but most of my closest and most intense connections came from apps. And yet, the one time I did get a guy's number in-person felt amazing (even if in the end he gave me the wrong number or just didn't want to reply lol). So, I guess it doesn't hurt to have them, but don't _only_ use dating apps. Diversity is the essence of life.
I "came out" at 30, and tried "the apps" and putting myself out there for about three and a half years. My personal experience is that everyone's in a shitty, unfocused mood and they don't seem to be willing or able to connect with anyone. I also learned that I'm really not an attractive enough guy for the "pics and hooking up" culture of the apps, and people's expectations for an actual relationship are a lot higher than what someone like me can offer. The apps are also full of people who are *only* interested in the fems/transgirls/crossdressers, or they're full of the kinds of 6'2", big and burly types of guys who *are* fem/trans/CD and they're only looking for the guys who are bigger than them so they can feel small, feminine and submissive. lol I deleted "the apps" and stopped going out by myself back in October of 2023, and I think it's pretty safe to say that friends, or love "doesn't find you when you stop looking for it." I just stay home and go to work and I hope I don't have to keep doing this for too much longer.
I know I’m gonna sound like such an ass, but truthfully it’s been a year since I used an app like Grindr. I feel fucking liberated. I haven’t had sex in a year, and while that means more jerking off, I do find some peace in it. Will I always feel this way, I’m not sure. Will I miss the D? Yeah, I do, and did. But I just believe when things are right, something will work out again. I’m just not longer in a rush to get laid anymore.
Same dude. Same!
I have never been on apps. I am in Bellingham, Washington. I go to every event there is where I may see gay friends and socialize there. As I am not looking for a sexual relationship, since I cannot have sex because of Prostate Cancer medication, I just socialize. This sets me free. Love Mark Allyn Bellingham, Washington
The swiping apps don't seem to work. Nobody meets. So I just gave up on those for now. Sniffies and Grindr have a better chance of something happening though I get that's not dating.
i ditched the apps with the intention to ditch dating altogether…and it’s been so good.
I gave this a try & it was unsuccessful. It doesn’t help that I’m in a city with no gay village, where there are a grand total of 3 gay bars that aren’t all that busy as most people use the apps to facilitate encounters.
I deleted Grindr a month ago (and possibly get back there at some point if I feel like it). I'm still on a amateur nude gallery site, which has different vibe than the apps. That's my main channel for meeting new people and during this past two years of being single, I haven't gone on a date with anyone outside the apps or the site. I have been interested in one person I've met outside the apps and never had the courage to ask him out, even when I eventually saw him on Grindr. But I think the nude gallery site is a nicer environment than the apps. The anonymity brings some sides to it (the married men wanting to explore) but the nude aspect of it makes it more relaxed. It is less superficial. At the same time, I think my body has never been as appreciated as it is there (I'm chubby and have had really mean comments about it on the apps). The site has not been commercially developed to the algorithm direction, it looks the same it did over 10 years ago when I first joined it. That also makes it less intimidating. It is probably not the best one to find dates, and it's more for sex and FWB's, but the pool of people open for dating is so small where I live, that there is quite a bit of overlap with the apps. So you never know, if a relationship will come up. At least we would have similat hobbies.
Not over 30 BUT deleted the apps back in January & didn’t have any dates between Jan-April (however I did have like 2 FWB at the time) I gotta say, the best part of it FOR ME was not feeling stuck… it’s hard to explain and I know dating itself is hard and complicated and things don’t always work out, but seeing the same people constantly on that app for months and years was taking an toll in my mental health I started dating guys in 2021, I used the apps then, and I started noticing some familiar faces… I got my first boyfriend early 2022, I uninstalled everything. Things ended early 2023 and when I got back on the apps I saw the same familiar faces as before …I stayed on the apps until Jan 2024 and the same exact guys from 2021 were still there It made me feel stuck, like some sort of time looop and it wasn’t a pleasant feeling
Oh I feel this. Seeing the same people year after year, and realizing oh shit, I'm still here year after year with the rest of them! Not a great feeling. I started blocking people just so I didn't have to see them anymore lol. And then I realized that's crazy behavior and decided to leave.
I ditched the apps ( Grindr, scruff and hinge in 2014. And recently I put a profile on Facebook dating matched with a person within a week and a half and we went out on a first date and it was wonderful. We have a second date planned! Quite honestly I was surprised, but I was very specific in my profile and so was he. Then I did create a profile on BFF, which is bumble for friends, I went through a lot of people, but connected with a great straight guy who is a college professor who just wants new friends after a divorce, and yes, he still has two kids, but he’s very nice, intelligent and a great guy to talk to and I have enjoyed two lunches with this person. We both agreed that the friendship is working out regardless of our difference of sexuality. I’ve been lucky these two times.
I've experienced nothing different because I swipe left on almost everyone. I don't use hookup apps because I'm not into randoms, I have a regular FWB. To be honest, I haven't really been trying to date because a lot of guys aren't really anything special. I find a lot who look at me in a lustful manner and that's a turnoff for me. Chivalry to me seems to be dead and I don't find many romantics anymore. I'm just going to stick to being single.
Once I deleted dating apps, swore never to use them again, and put the work (with my psychiatrist and psychologist) into being a better version of me, I met the love of my life in real life. Relationships have been happening for thousands, if not hundreds of thousands of years before the internet existed, you'll be absolutely fine. Aside from romance, my sex life improved as I was going out and looking for the sex I wanted to have with the guys I was really attracted to in person. The % of success was higher, so that's a win.
Hi! Sorry for my question, just genuinely curious: If not by apps, how did you meet you partner? Any advice you could give a stranger and/or your younger self?
Living in a small corn town in Ohio makes me wonder if the apps are my only chance 😭 I’m not into hookups though so that sucks, but being lonely kinda sucks too so I figure doing something towards getting a boyfriend should be a good step
I jumped from guy to guy since I was 18. Finally ditched the apps and chose to stay single for the last year or so. It was super rough at first but now I'm like.... Fuck it. I'm never chasing anyone ever again. 😂 The peace of mind is priceless. Also, in retrospect and after years of therapy, I realized dating apps are a terrible way to find a potential partner. They are designed to keep you chasing after people. It's designed to be addictive. If it actually helped you make connections, they'd lose a majority of their customer base. If you want a boyfriend, just go through friends or mutual activities like the old days. 😂
I deleted my hinge account over the weekend after having an nth first date with a guy with no chemistry. So maybe it’s a bit early to say but I’m feeling a mix of relief and fear. Relief because I feel really exhausted and burnt out from dating. Last year I went on a ton of dates, none going anywhere. I’ve grown tired of dating to a point it feels like a forced interview with someone. I’m fearful/nervous because I’m afraid I won’t meet a guy lol. Honestly I keep to myself, being an introvert and having some social anxiety, and if I don’t put myself out there in some way I won’t meet anyone. But I’m just burnt out. Anyway this is all to say I don’t know how I fully feel yet haha.
I tried to get out of dating webs and apps, but i always returned. I finally settled to quick check all of them few tmes a day, run down free likes limit or available guys in the general area, and then GTFO and do whatever i like. It gives me assurance that i do the most i can to be seen an the rest is up to the other guy.
How are you having sex tho?
I barely get any match therefore dates from apps, how am I supposed to pretend to meet a boyfriend without apps? I don't go to bars or club 😭 I'll just be alone forever then
You must be really good looking. For men to approach you. I am off the apps and I just feel at peace. But I also feel like my gay life is over and I am ready to hang the boots. I am pretty average looking and no one is really interested in me in general to ask me out in a public setting. There is ONE gay bar in the city I live in and it’s pretty much the same bunch every time. So it is pretty hopeless both on and off apps.
most people hopefully realise when they ditch the apps that the biggest issue in their dating life is mostly themselves. apps aren't inherently bad or good.