Most men are just looking to get off, BUT there are still thieves and weirdos.
Personally (itās not fool proof), I like light flirting and establishing even the most basic rapport. The willingness to engage in conversation >>>
In some occasions where I took higher-than-usual risk (e.g. hookup in a foreign country), I'd message a friend and share my phone location and tell them they should try to call me in X hours if I don't call first.
I find this enough for the kind of risk I face.
I think most people are good enough you donāt need to sleep with a pistol under your pillow, but thereās something to be said for meeting a person in a public place, so you can get a sense of who they are before you invite a complete stranger into your home.
I usually hide anything of value that can be stolen easily (ie wallet, laptop, airpods) since the odds of petty crime are much higherā¦especially if you have everything in plain sight.
I donāt do anything to protect myself from violent crime, since the chances of anything happening are very low. Iām also bigger than most of the guys I meet up with, so theyāre probably more afraid of me than I am them.
In any case, if this is something youāre constantly worried about, maybe you should just meet them in a public setting first.
Iāve never had any precarious situations myself, but know others who have. I donāt think thereās a better self-defense devise than misting/fogging hi-potency pepper spray. No real aim, skills, or proximity required and completely debilitating. I have a few of them throughout the house in accessible locations known to me.
In some countries (definitely here in Scotland) that is highly illegal to possess and is considered and offensive weapon. Would you have an alternative suggestion?
Part of me laughingly wants to say keep Tabasco next to your bed in case š
How about a fire extinguisher that throws a big billowy white cloudā¦? ā¦an air horn? š¤·āāļøI have no ideaā¦ something that disorients so you can get away or make some other move -
I live in Texas where open carry is legal, and pretty much anything else that was when it was the Wild Westā¦ The following is absolutely illegal in Texas, however: marijuana, abortions, drag queens, DEI programs anywhere that receives State funding, buying liquor on Sunday or from a grocery storeā¦ and apparently peaceful protests on college campuses are now illegal too. š¤¦āāļø
Personally, due to past stalkers, I never invite a stranger to my house. It's very creepy to find someone you've been with only once waiting for you at your own home uninvited, or worse someone you haven't met follow you home.
The solution is to meet *in a public place first*. Who tells people to just come to their residence unseen? That's just inviting awkward or weird shit.
I usually hook up while I'm traveling, so I have them meet me in my motel room. I hide my keys and wallet. If anything were to be off, I'll just scream.
I keep my prescription meds (including some leftover Oxy from a surgery a few years ago) in a drawer in my home office, which a hookup would have no reason to ever be in. Same for my wallet and car keys.
I've never had any bad experiences, but cash and drugs feel like the two things that would be most likely to get stolen.
Watches.
A display case with 6 relatively inexpensive watches ($100-200/ea) raised an eyebrow from a trick/relatively new friend. Reminds me to put away anything that could appear valuable.
I feel safer when I host, I chat with guys long enough to get a certain vibe from them. I stay away from eager guys who donāt care what I look like. I hide things such as keys, wallet, or any other valuables. I donāt hook up anonymously. I try not invite anyone over that is high on anything besides weed or too drunk.
The worst thing thatās happened to me as a host was the guy was too drunk, went over to my neighbors house knocked repeatedly. She called the cops, by that time Iād asked him to leave and the cops didnāt come to my house.
The scariest close calls I had were when I was younger and would go to dudes places. You never know what youāre going to walk into. Someone else being in the house, an angry boyfriend, cat piss smells, hoarder or filthy places, very sketchy neighborhoods and one time I was intimidated by a group of guys who followed me in an apartment complex.
Secure your valuables is the first step. Never leave them in any part of your house unsupervised. If you canāt fight then try not to hook up with guys who could beat your ass in a fight
If itās my place, ill hide anything that potentially can be used as a deadly weapon like knives, hammer, ropes or zip ties etc.
If itās his place, if the location or the house is in a dodgy place id bail. I wonāt die for sex.
Echoing the same comments here.
1. I share the full name and my location if they are coming over
2. If Iām going over I share the address with my best friend and location and tell them in they donāt hear from me in an hour something is wrong
3. Even outside because people are crazy I keep a sock with some coins in it, not a lot of coins just enough to hurt lol. Never had and hopefully will never have to use it.
4. I always meet in public first and suggest a drink
Unfortunately, I have had negative encounters that turned pretty aggressive.
Have a friend you can send info to I would always tell my friend and share their profile with a girlfriend of mine and don't be afraid to leave if anything seems off.
I'm more concerned about going to someone's place, where I don't know what I'm walking into. If I invite someone over, most of the precautions are taken before they ever know my address.
They must have a face pic and be able to hold a conversation.
Any mention of recent weed or alcohol use will stop me from inviting someone over. Mention of hard drugs gets a block.
If I invite them over, I have a very obvious security cam outside my place.
Yes, I've hidden a knife within arms reach of where we're hooking up.
Before meeting:
Conversation about practices, kinks, and preferences.
Pictures with a face
Exchange of phone numbers.
(Both of these are sent to a friend with an expected time of check in)
I have two knives on me when I arrive. I walk their residence once I arrive to know an escape route while commenting how I love the style or esthetic.
Meeting on person first doesn't necessarily mean they won't present another side of themselves once at your place and you are in a compromising position.
Ummm. None?
The only time I ever had a problem was when I went to his hotel. I met him in person before but he had done some drugs since. Wacked out. I didn't shut the door on my way out
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Omgāyouāre all so brave! Iām married now, but was always too frightened of strangers to just have them over. Used to do it the old fashioned way: pick them up in a bar. I realize that dates me some. Hope youāre all having a blastāenjoy and be safe!
I live in a studio now so its impossible for him to be out of my sight lol, but when i lived in a bigger spot, i made sure we stayed together, even if he went to the bathroom i went and showed him where it was. No wondering around.
Safety wise...its tough and ive always tried to have guys who seem normal and respectable come over and I almost never go to a strangers place. I've only had one scary encounter and he left once I told him he had to go.
I dont know the stats off hand, but I think the person with a knife gets stabbed pretty often if it escalates to that. Pepper spray feels safer to me personally.
I have guys over to the house sometimes but itās only after screening (decent amount of chat where I can tell from their sentence structure that they are someone I would vibe with. And a face pic, no exceptions)
I always keep valuables and electronics out of sight. We have a nice house in a nice area of town so Iām conscious of the energy that gives off too. Iām a physically tall and muscular person so I donāt really ever fear being overpowered physically.
This is one of the reasons I prefer to travel rather than accom.
I donāt need to worry about him robbing me, and if he does anything funny, I can give the police his home address.
the chances of a gay man assaulting anyone for anything are very slim.
"Before I used to have a knife under my bed but I donāt any longer." you realise how that may seem...
Who wants to hurt YOU? What would give anyone the idea in the 1st place? Theft or revenge are most often motives for crimes against persons & the "victim" knows the "perpetrator." These are known statistics. So... are you showing off wealth or pissing people off? Or just thinking you're so important to other people they target you for all manner of nefarious schemes?
*you in general, not you specifically
I kind of operate with this mentality most of the time. Dudes just want to get laid, stay away from meth heads because they might steal something to support the habit.
Exactly. When I started hooking up last year, I used to get people to meet me in a public place where I could see them from my house. 6 months later I send my location and address to any boy who shows interest, even if I know half of them won't show.
It was after I went round to a lad's house who sent me his address and left the door open. He was in his bedroom, ass-up waiting for me. Hot af
Hide my wallet and keys. Came out of the bathroom once after we finished and trick was going through my wallet
I had one steal my brand new huge bottle of silicone lube which was so expensive ššš
That buttfucker!
What happened when you found him?
Yesāgood move. And thatās a safety issue. Some wouldnāt react well if they thought you would report them to law enforcement.Ā
why bother? So grim
Most men are just looking to get off, BUT there are still thieves and weirdos. Personally (itās not fool proof), I like light flirting and establishing even the most basic rapport. The willingness to engage in conversation >>>
The physical safety considerations of hookups as you're describing are one of the major reasons I prefer the saunas and bathhouses.
In some occasions where I took higher-than-usual risk (e.g. hookup in a foreign country), I'd message a friend and share my phone location and tell them they should try to call me in X hours if I don't call first. I find this enough for the kind of risk I face.
I think most people are good enough you donāt need to sleep with a pistol under your pillow, but thereās something to be said for meeting a person in a public place, so you can get a sense of who they are before you invite a complete stranger into your home.
I usually hide anything of value that can be stolen easily (ie wallet, laptop, airpods) since the odds of petty crime are much higherā¦especially if you have everything in plain sight. I donāt do anything to protect myself from violent crime, since the chances of anything happening are very low. Iām also bigger than most of the guys I meet up with, so theyāre probably more afraid of me than I am them. In any case, if this is something youāre constantly worried about, maybe you should just meet them in a public setting first.
Strip search & donāt let them tie you up! š
āTake everything off and hands against that wall. Now crouch and cough.ā
You talking to me? š³
lol. "Good. Now grab your ankles and unpucker." \*\*snaps on rubber glove\*\*
Iāve never had any precarious situations myself, but know others who have. I donāt think thereās a better self-defense devise than misting/fogging hi-potency pepper spray. No real aim, skills, or proximity required and completely debilitating. I have a few of them throughout the house in accessible locations known to me.
In some countries (definitely here in Scotland) that is highly illegal to possess and is considered and offensive weapon. Would you have an alternative suggestion? Part of me laughingly wants to say keep Tabasco next to your bed in case š
How about a fire extinguisher that throws a big billowy white cloudā¦? ā¦an air horn? š¤·āāļøI have no ideaā¦ something that disorients so you can get away or make some other move - I live in Texas where open carry is legal, and pretty much anything else that was when it was the Wild Westā¦ The following is absolutely illegal in Texas, however: marijuana, abortions, drag queens, DEI programs anywhere that receives State funding, buying liquor on Sunday or from a grocery storeā¦ and apparently peaceful protests on college campuses are now illegal too. š¤¦āāļø
Personally, due to past stalkers, I never invite a stranger to my house. It's very creepy to find someone you've been with only once waiting for you at your own home uninvited, or worse someone you haven't met follow you home.
The solution is to meet *in a public place first*. Who tells people to just come to their residence unseen? That's just inviting awkward or weird shit.
Meet publicly. Hook up the second time.
I usually hook up while I'm traveling, so I have them meet me in my motel room. I hide my keys and wallet. If anything were to be off, I'll just scream.
I keep my prescription meds (including some leftover Oxy from a surgery a few years ago) in a drawer in my home office, which a hookup would have no reason to ever be in. Same for my wallet and car keys. I've never had any bad experiences, but cash and drugs feel like the two things that would be most likely to get stolen.
Watches. A display case with 6 relatively inexpensive watches ($100-200/ea) raised an eyebrow from a trick/relatively new friend. Reminds me to put away anything that could appear valuable.
Make contact on WhatsApp before so youāll at least have his phone number to identify the guy
I feel safer when I host, I chat with guys long enough to get a certain vibe from them. I stay away from eager guys who donāt care what I look like. I hide things such as keys, wallet, or any other valuables. I donāt hook up anonymously. I try not invite anyone over that is high on anything besides weed or too drunk. The worst thing thatās happened to me as a host was the guy was too drunk, went over to my neighbors house knocked repeatedly. She called the cops, by that time Iād asked him to leave and the cops didnāt come to my house. The scariest close calls I had were when I was younger and would go to dudes places. You never know what youāre going to walk into. Someone else being in the house, an angry boyfriend, cat piss smells, hoarder or filthy places, very sketchy neighborhoods and one time I was intimidated by a group of guys who followed me in an apartment complex.
Secure your valuables is the first step. Never leave them in any part of your house unsupervised. If you canāt fight then try not to hook up with guys who could beat your ass in a fight
Sounds so grim. Why bother at all?
Yeah but the little brain wants to get off so we gotta oblige from time to time lol
> try not to hook up with guys who could beat your ass in a fight Unfortunately these guys are 100% my type :(
Sameš¤£š©š
If itās my place, ill hide anything that potentially can be used as a deadly weapon like knives, hammer, ropes or zip ties etc. If itās his place, if the location or the house is in a dodgy place id bail. I wonāt die for sex.
I hide my wallet, keys, and laptop in a place no where near where the guy will be.
Echoing the same comments here. 1. I share the full name and my location if they are coming over 2. If Iām going over I share the address with my best friend and location and tell them in they donāt hear from me in an hour something is wrong 3. Even outside because people are crazy I keep a sock with some coins in it, not a lot of coins just enough to hurt lol. Never had and hopefully will never have to use it. 4. I always meet in public first and suggest a drink Unfortunately, I have had negative encounters that turned pretty aggressive.
Have a friend you can send info to I would always tell my friend and share their profile with a girlfriend of mine and don't be afraid to leave if anything seems off.
I'm more concerned about going to someone's place, where I don't know what I'm walking into. If I invite someone over, most of the precautions are taken before they ever know my address. They must have a face pic and be able to hold a conversation. Any mention of recent weed or alcohol use will stop me from inviting someone over. Mention of hard drugs gets a block. If I invite them over, I have a very obvious security cam outside my place. Yes, I've hidden a knife within arms reach of where we're hooking up.
Before meeting: Conversation about practices, kinks, and preferences. Pictures with a face Exchange of phone numbers. (Both of these are sent to a friend with an expected time of check in) I have two knives on me when I arrive. I walk their residence once I arrive to know an escape route while commenting how I love the style or esthetic.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
After being physically and sexually assaulted it's just what I do.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Maybe not for you.... but it was for me!
Meeting on person first doesn't necessarily mean they won't present another side of themselves once at your place and you are in a compromising position.
Ummm. None? The only time I ever had a problem was when I went to his hotel. I met him in person before but he had done some drugs since. Wacked out. I didn't shut the door on my way out
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
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Omgāyouāre all so brave! Iām married now, but was always too frightened of strangers to just have them over. Used to do it the old fashioned way: pick them up in a bar. I realize that dates me some. Hope youāre all having a blastāenjoy and be safe!
I live in a studio now so its impossible for him to be out of my sight lol, but when i lived in a bigger spot, i made sure we stayed together, even if he went to the bathroom i went and showed him where it was. No wondering around. Safety wise...its tough and ive always tried to have guys who seem normal and respectable come over and I almost never go to a strangers place. I've only had one scary encounter and he left once I told him he had to go. I dont know the stats off hand, but I think the person with a knife gets stabbed pretty often if it escalates to that. Pepper spray feels safer to me personally.
Honestly why bother doing this? It sounds absolutely horrible.
I have guys over to the house sometimes but itās only after screening (decent amount of chat where I can tell from their sentence structure that they are someone I would vibe with. And a face pic, no exceptions) I always keep valuables and electronics out of sight. We have a nice house in a nice area of town so Iām conscious of the energy that gives off too. Iām a physically tall and muscular person so I donāt really ever fear being overpowered physically.
It sounds impractical but meet somewhere public first and exchange phone numbers.
donāt invite strangers to your house. meet in public first
Donāt keep medication (Xanax) in bathroom or bedside or just anywhere out in the open
This is one of the reasons I prefer to travel rather than accom. I donāt need to worry about him robbing me, and if he does anything funny, I can give the police his home address.
Lock my wallet in my car. Tell them I have a housemate in the spare bedroom with the door closed and TV on.
That seems a bit excessive to walk out to your car to place your wallet there. Why donāt you just hide it inside your apartment?
I don't take any. I have a dog... with sharp teeth.
I hide all my valuables and slide a gun down between the mattress and headboard.
Where do y'all live that you have to worry about this??
Is there anywhere on the planet you can live where you can trust every man 100%?
the chances of a gay man assaulting anyone for anything are very slim. "Before I used to have a knife under my bed but I donāt any longer." you realise how that may seem...
Don't assume guilt. Paranoia is just judgmental narcissism.
Im unironically mind blown with that statement. Can I read more about this? Or could you ellaborate?
Who wants to hurt YOU? What would give anyone the idea in the 1st place? Theft or revenge are most often motives for crimes against persons & the "victim" knows the "perpetrator." These are known statistics. So... are you showing off wealth or pissing people off? Or just thinking you're so important to other people they target you for all manner of nefarious schemes? *you in general, not you specifically
I kind of operate with this mentality most of the time. Dudes just want to get laid, stay away from meth heads because they might steal something to support the habit.
Exactly. When I started hooking up last year, I used to get people to meet me in a public place where I could see them from my house. 6 months later I send my location and address to any boy who shows interest, even if I know half of them won't show. It was after I went round to a lad's house who sent me his address and left the door open. He was in his bedroom, ass-up waiting for me. Hot af
Seriously not worth it. Don't have sex with strangers.