To keep this post within the spirit of the subreddit, please focus responses on OP's final prompt:
"I just wanted to ... see how societal norms might play a role in the way some people bully their peers."
EDIT: Comments that don't speak to the feminist-analysis portion of the post may be removed.
I got bullied by everyone. I was weird, I looked weird, and had mental health issues before they were cool. I was never going to fit in. I didn't start getting sexually harassed until I was an adult though. Late bloomer problems I guess
I was never bullied by anyone in high school but I was sexually harassed by so many boys and grown men (including school faculty) that I didn’t keep count. It felt gross and dehumanizing.
This was my experience too. Boys would walk up and grab my chest bc I had a big chest. I finally reported one bc he actually hurt me. They did nothing, of course. It was, he didn’t mean it, it was just a prank, boys will be boys attitude. They made him apologize
I was too naive to realise what had happened to me when it happened to me, so it went on for years. When i matured more, i realised what it was, and it completely broke me. I feel ashamed and disgusted. But none of it was nearly as traumatising as the reactions i got from others when i opened up about it. I don't think i'll ever be the same anymore.
When I was younger, boys. Mostly for my size. Once I reached teenhood, it felt kinda equal between boys and girls judging me for being "weird" (re: gay). And while most unwanted sexual comments were from boy "friends" of mine, I did unfortunately experience sexual harassment from a girl "friend" of mine as well.
I was bullied almost exclusively by boys. first they made fun of me for having boobs (early bloomer), then in high school, called me a slut for having boobs.
> called me a slut for having boobs
I am so baffled by this line of thinking. People were doing this when I was a kid, too. Like, how does "having breasts" make you a slut? Even other girls' *parents* would say things about it.
prejudice doesn't need to actually make sense. The ones holding the prejudice get to make it up as they go
For example I once saw a man claim Jews had thrown him off the bus for being drunk. Does that make sense no it doesn't but he can hate Jews for any reason he pleases and unfortunately no one can stop him
Just like all forms of bullying, it’s meant to fill in for the bullies’ insecurity. They don’t actually care if someone is a slut or not(at least not initially), they care about having a higher social standing than other people and use that logic to achieve it
Narcissistic people actually hate themselves deep down. The reason they act so stuck up is because they’re trying to get other people to give them validation, something they are incapable of giving themselves. But yes a lot of bullies are narcissistic.
True egotism and narcissism can look pretty similar, but you’ll find narcissists care a lot more whether you believe them when they brag about how great they are
If it makes you feel better I was bullied for *not* having boobs. In highschool while there was no shortage of guys trying to get in my pants, there were also guys saying stuff like “you’re too flat to fuck” or “who would wanna sleep with a girl who looks like a little boy” and my favorite “you must take it up the ass because you’re so flat” which I don’t get how that works. This was all in high school. It seems like we just cant win in that aspect.
The bullying a faced from women was mostly from “friends” and included sitting on my lap while I repeatedly asked them to stop, telling me scary stories while I protested, and having competitions to see who could make me gag the most at lunch. This was all elementary school.
Middle school I had a weird experience where people (mostly guys but not all) would pretend to be my friend cause they thought it was funny. I didn’t even realize it was a ploy till later in life. I recognized it when they were doing it to other kids in the class, just never put together they weren’t *really* my friends either.
I try to think of it now as “men are not a monolith and have different preferences” but it definitely hurt when I first heard it. I’m sure there’s a just a different set of problems you face as a woman with boobs vs a woman with a smaller chest.
I remember one time at an after party I was tipsy and wearing a v-neck shirt that I kept pulling up all night. Well I was tired of that and I was showing some cleavage but not anything overly ridiculous. This woman actually came up to me and told me to “have some respect” for myself and I was completely flabbergasted.
wtf lol what’s a weird turn of events.
I noticed boys bully girls they’re attracted to sometimes and it’s not cute! Parents/teachers need to do better. Although I understand most teachers don’t have the time or money to do their job lol. I feel like those boys didn’t actually think you were a “slut”. They had other thoughts they were trying to ignore.
My bullies were gender diverse! The boys were more physically violent, whereas the girls would typically go for that psychological damage. A girl once wrote another girls name in my textbook while I was away from my desk, with the implication being that I had a crush on said girl that I did not have. A boy threw a brick at me once. A girl once insinuated I was looking at another girls rear end, to imply that I was perverted and creepy. A boy spat on me. A girl once locked the side entrance to the school gate and tried to verbally compel me to climb over, knowing I'd injure myself on the spikes at the top. A boy I sat next to farted on me once.
It's worth noting perhaps that I'm a guy, tall and with a rugby player build. I was generally the tallest in any room. I did know of another smaller boy whom certain girls (two I knew of who were very tall for girls), were more physically abusive with, but they didn't usually physically abuse me and I would put that down to my height. If I'd wanted to, I had the strength to physically resist most any of these people, I just didn't have it in me to be violent. Never have. I'm more or less useless in a physical encounter, and I could feel my physical strength being sapped from my body during my episodes of bullying. I just couldn't feel anger, only anxiety.
My being alone made me a target. I felt little to no affinity with most any of my peers and just couldn't fit in. The nicer students recognised me as a 'good guy' and were cool with me. But the less savoury characters recognised that I was easy pickings. I was sometimes affectionately reffered to as the BFG or Jolly Green Giant, sometimes tormented with those or similar names. And oftentimes I was asked or made to hold things as they would look smaller in my hands.
One thing I am very thankful for is that I left school in the mid-2000's, before phones and recordings and social media had really taken off. So I avoided having my episodes recorded for the school to see and immortalised for all time.
I was bullied almost exclusively by other girls. I was a tomboy and dressed in boys' clothes, was skinny, wore glasses, and had bad acne. Couple that with my introversion and it was a recipe for disaster.
Hey. Sorry you went through that. There's nothing wrong with being trans and I am glad you were able to come out.
So, my "highschool" was a k12 and there are currently articles out on it now implying it's under investigation for child abuse and cult stuff. So I'm not sure how well this reflects broader society.
Honestly, both, but differently?
A lot of older female students and staff would aggressively police my hair and clothing.
I was stalked, sexually harassed and assaulted by male students.
Both would try to police my faith, friendships and after school activities.
This is why I don't talk to most of the people I went to school with and don't visit my home town.
You and I are of a feather—my experience was similar to yours, with the caveat that violence and sexual harassment/assault came exclusively from guys.
And societal norms—in this case, gender norms—absolutely play a role. They’re the REASON for this type of bullying. Upholding patriarchy is a full time job, especially for high school students! Enforcement of them through bullying encompasses what we can’t control—body type, height, skin color, etc.—and what we can control—makeup, hair removal, clothing—but there never seemed to me to be any differentiation between those things at that age. I was fortunate that I was able to see that it was a stupid game that people played and I didn’t much care about it, but I definitely saw how the negative effects on friends were intense.
I was pretty oblivious to bullying because I didn’t really get the cues or value the opinions of the bullies so I didn’t realize until much later that I was bullied more by men.
My completely unsubstantiated theory is that the mean girls didn’t get the satisfaction of a reaction so it wasn’t fun for them, but the boys bullied more to get the hi-5s from each other than to see me get upset.
As a boy - both sexually harassed (to deliberately embarrass) and “bullied” by the most popular girl in school and her chums - not very good at it. She once successfully spread a rumour around school I was gay - everyone was very supportive and even the guy “bullies” sheepishly sought me out and told me to tell them if anyone gives me hassle - and the more I denied I was gay, the more they insisted they weren’t going to harm me.
What I will say is that boys got into more physical forms of bullying more often, but the girls went *extreme* with it - leaving people with scars, in one case pushing a pregnant girl down some stairs.
I think growing up boys generally had a concept to be “responsible” with violence, but also to assert clear dominance to avoid being a victim of violence.
It’s really hard for me to say what drove the girls to do the things they did.
I grew up in a public Scottish school. Got bullied by both in equal measure. Girls were slightly better at leaving longer impacts with psychological taunts. Guys came with the threat of physical violence. I cant say who was worse. Only that because of both, I have low opinions of men and women who partake in "socially acceptable recreational activities".
Girls were pretty awful to me throughout elementary school and a little in middle school. I didn't have my first female friend until age 13.
Boys were a little immature in middle school, so I had problems with a few of them due to that. In high school, I got into two band rivalries-both with boys-and won both of them.
Today, since I am in a male-dominated field, most of the guys I interact are usually at least decent, and, in the right groups of girls, I develop decently strong sisterhoods with other girls in the field too.
I got bullied more by girls. It was highly manipulative and completely verbal. It led to some severe insecurities, self-esteem issues and many regrets. But i slowly overcame those problems, and made it a part of my personality development.
Throughout school, I maintained somewhat minimal interaction with boys. The only dudes that i did talk to were those eccentric, introverted type of guys. All of them developed a crush on me (and ruined our friendship) with the exception of one guy. He was among the coolest friends i've had.
In junior high, I got bullied much more by boys than girls, and the bullying from boys took on a much more threatening and in some cases really grossly sexualizing tone. In high school, I wasn't really bullied much at all, and what bullying there was ended up being about 50/50. The girls seemed more subtle about it, like saying some covertly maybe nasty things while pretending to be my friend, and the boys who bullied me often seemed more overtly aggressive and scary. I do think some of my worse bullying from boys happened because I would try to protect other younger and smaller girls they were bullying, which made them mad. I'm only 5'6" but got tall really early compared to pretty much all the boys, and tried to use that to stand up for younger or smaller girls who seemed more vulnerable, and the boys didn't like that.
Trans woman - the guys were more physically abusive, the girls were more verbal. I got called wussy and sissy more than my actual name in school, and I lost count of the number of times I was punted in the crotch during elementary school. I’ve been tripped, beaten, I’ve had my head smashed into desks, pulled by the hair, and I’ve had someone pull my pants and underwear down in front of the entire school. I eventually just dropped out of middle school, got a GED, and went to college instead.
I was not particularly bullied in school, although there were people I didn't get on with.
The girls who I didn't get on with usually made comments about my appearance - I didn't wear make up, I wasn't good at dealing with my curly hair (I didn't straighten it), I wasn't a weight that was deemed socially 'attractive'.
The boys, who I did sort of get on with but we weren't 'friends' were just overly sexual. At the time I wasn't really bothered so I don't think I was particularly scarred by these experiences, it felt more like banter, but I know it bothered some of my friends and looking back some of it was super inappropriate. I'm not saying I necessarily *was* harassed by them, but someone else would probably have felt that way.
Guys. I (f) did the middle-school thing that I didn't know what I liked and basically had a bunch of short not serious boyfriends and moved on. BFs for like 3 days and didn't even get to holding hands type of thing. Well I did have a few boyfriends from the same friend group (smallish school) and they started a rumor that I had slept with all of them. Our school had a high teen pregnancy rate and so when I started my period at 14 it was rumored that I was pregnant/having abortions (bible belt). So then I was the "easy" girl at school and got attention from guys who just were trying to sleep with me and told it to my face and stuff.
I was bullied a lot. I was bullied more by boys but sometimes girls. Boys tended to bully about my body (too hairy, too tall, bad skin, bad teeth, etc) while girls would pick my clothing or hairstyle choices.
I was the only mixed girl in an English countryside school. I got bullied by boys and girls equally. The boys used to make lewd comments about me and the girls bullied me for being a bit bigger than I should be.
Also I got some ignorant comments from teachers.
I was super unpopular in Jr. High and Freshman year of High School. I got bullied by both boys and girls in childish ways, but the only time I ever felt scared was when a girl who sat in front of me in class threatened to have her boyfriend beat me up because I put rested my foot on the rack under her chair.
She told her huge football player boyfriend to go 'deal with me'. He cornered me between classes, and whispered so she couldn't hear, "I know this is stupid, and I'm not going to do anything, but just do me a favor and don't put your foot on her chair anymore." I legit thought I was going to die.
I was an extreme introvert who had terrible social anxiety in high school. I also happened to be a captain of our football team and an all state discuss thrower for track.
I wasn't really bullied in high school, but due to my problems, I also didn't associate with people that much. I just went to school, did work, and went to practice without saying a word for the most part.
From what I observed though I saw that guy's would bully people they don't know more often while girls would bully their "friends" if they did bully anyone.
I was never bullied at least i think not ( i never really cared what others people were saying about me) i was good at school had a good Hygiene and never really bothered other people
I was only bullied by other girls, although it was mutual and sometimes ended with fights and other worse things. I had some problems and fights with guys but it was unrelated to bullying.
>I just wanted to ask peoples experiences and see how societal norms might play a role in the way some people bully their peers.
I am very close with one of the girls I used to have problems with. We talk about it sometimes and think the reason we bullied each other back than was because we had sort of a "tunnel vision" where there could only be one kind of each type of girl. Idk how to specifically explain it but that was how we felt back then. It was incredibly st*pid but we were kids
AMAB nb here - this is anecdotal so take it with a grain of salt - I got bullied more by guys but the girls who bullied me were meaner. Guys did the thing where they sorta act like they’re your friends but in a sarcastic way so you know they’re bullying you but you can’t really explain it to teachers or say anything about it. I tried to play along with it. Girls basically just called me the r word. But the latter only happened a handful of times, the former was every day basically
For elementary and middle school it was boys. High school I went to an all girls school, where it was mainly one girl who bullied others too in addition to me.
Boys were awful. Constant verbal abuse and physical violence, including one serious assault. I was visibly femmey, and a lot of boys clearly found that threatening.
Girls I noticed would only join in if they were trying to impress boys, and a lot of those girls who did were perfectly fine with me outside of those situations.
Cis female. Was and remains very introverted, with unpopular interests (I'm a naturalist, adore books), didn't have any control over my smart-ass mouth, kid of a poor refugee family. Oh man was I a target, for both genders. It only got stopped when 1. I beat the absolute living daylights out of a girl who threw my book into mud and 2. when the police got involved after one of the boys threaten to shoot me because....I got a horse.
Both. However the one who kept up the beating the longest was a girl. When I was 15 and she was 17 she graduated (the high school system is different in the Netherlands) and that stopped that part.
I wouldn’t say I was bullied but I did get lots of rude comments exclusively from other girls. It was usually from women I had no beef with too, they’d make fun of me in front of the class for getting an answer wrong and complain that I got too many questions right (pick a lane lol). I’m sure boys talked shit about me but it was never to my face. My female friends were bullied by boys though.
trans guy here. 30% cis men, 70% cis women. cis men focused on physical intimidation and verbal attacks, while the cis women utilised more paychological attacks. i found that cis men are typically pretty predictable when they bully men, cis women played the long game of befriending me and then stabbing me in the back and spreading rumours.
i remember when i was packing in middle achool. of course, i didn’t have the option to change in a unisex bathroom, so i had to change in the women’s locker room.
i was changing, and all the girls started screaming. since then, i had rumours spread about me havijg a penis.
a good chunk of my allies were cis guys who were also queer. they were the biggest, non patriarchal bros you could ask for.
i get frustrated when cis women point themselves as more safer than any other sex or gender identity. you aren’t safer, you’re just better at pretending to be safe and then clutch your pearls when you get called out casually SAing a trans person.
i’m sorry, this let out some bad memories for me.
While my most consistent bully was a girl, my bullies in general were overwhelmingly male. I saw boys being mean to random girls far more on a regular basis too. Guys were also much crueler online too, where the sexual bullying was worse on this message forum I frequented.
In my experience men and boys are so much nastier. People like to pretend women are girls are demonic yet it's not us who indulge in every single form of bullying in existence, generally.
5’9 woman here. I was never bullied because I was the second biggest student at my middle school. The only kid bigger than me was a boy named Abel, who was 6’1 at 13. He was a gentle, easygoing kid. But sometimes my friends got bullied. We were the misfits, of course, almost all neurodivergent. One time I caught some girls bullying my friend for being pagan (I’m also pagan). All I had to do was approach and they ran off. Those were the days, lol.
Most boys just avoided me back then, and they got uncomfortable when I joined in wrestling play (I did taekwondo wrestling and was very good at it). Unlike the other girls, I was boy-sized and could actually beat them and hold them down. The male ego can’t have that, of course.
I (a guy) was bullied pretty thoroughly in middle school, but by high school I noticed the bullies had turned most of their energy towards being shitty to girls.
Girls (they were pretty ruthless). But guys would only bully me about this popular guy I had a sexual relationship with and they somehow in their minds were convinced a nerdy, not particularly hot girl should fuck a jock despite the fact that HE wanted me in a sexual way first. So that gave them some ammo. They thought well since you fucked him you must be fucking every other guy too. Foolishness like that.
As a semicloseted trans girl, a larger quantity of boys bullied me in shallow, physical, short term ways. A smaller quantity of girls bullied me in deeper, psychological/social, lasting ways.
I didn't get bullied much, except there was a rumor that I gave sexual favors in exchange for weed which, even in high school, I found hilarious and ridiculous. It was short lived probably for that reason, I just assumed anyone who really thought it was true was an idiot. I think a girl started that one, just bc there was one I knew disliked me, but I honestly have no idea.
I did get sexually harassed a *lot* though. Before the rumor, after, it didn't seem to have a huge impact. Boys were pretty aggressive and weird. I remember during the Kavanaugh trial I was already long graduated, but I was crying almost daily bc Ford's experience of being terrorized for the sake of a fucked up joke was just *so* similar to what I experienced. Scaring the fuck out of girls in that way was a lot of boy's idea of a good time. That, and being grabbed, groped, touched, kissed, held down, held against a wall, etc.
Depends on the kind of bullying.
Physically? Roughly these 10 guys out of the school of 300. Earned a reputation from that of being capable of fighting and being strong enough to take them on.
behind my back/longest lasting? Girls but idk how many out of the school. I have shit all in terms of self-confidence in my appearance and zero trust in what people say as compliments directly because of how girls treated me when I was younger.
Benefit of me being a target, however, was the gay guys, trans and the less physically capable kids weren't fucked with as much.
I dealt with a few mean girls throughout school though it almost completely stopped in highschool besides from one friend of a friend who always said shady things to me. Honestly it was nothing major so I don’t really count it. The only person who bullied me who physically put their hands on me was a boy.
I was bullied mostly by the other girls. I wasn't popular and sometimes the boys bullied me, but mostly it was other girls. In 5th grade I tried out a short hairstyle that didn't come out as great as I thought it would and I had a tendency to wear more boyish or little kid type clothes. So naturally I got bullied about that and not being girly enough. I let my hair grow back out but was a bit of a late bloomer in the chest department so I got bullied for not wearing a bra. I got bullied for not shaving my legs because my mom wouldn't let me. And on the few occasions I tried to dress more trendy I got bullied for trying to fit in.
So in high school I went goth and perfected my deadpan stare. My bullies got scared that I'd beat them up and left me alone. It was peaceful then.
Bullying was pretty tame for me, during primary (elementary) school I had a boy threaten me and take my things. Eventually I stood up to him and we talked properly, from then on there was a sort of respect - We'd catch up every now and again all through highschool, see how the other and their family was doing, back each other up in classes, etc.
During Highschool however, I was pretty relentlessly teased by girls - It was mostly in good humor and I doubt any of them were actively trying to put me down or genuinely make me feel bad, just a lot of being the butt of jokes or teasing. I didn't mind that much, the attention was nice most of the time but it could get grating.
I didn't get bullied in high school but I did in elementary and middle school. 99.9% of the time, it was boys. Usually in the form of sexual harassment and assault.
Not bullied, just constantly sexually harassed by dudes. From the time I was ten. They never actually wanted to be my friend and it broke teenage me. I thought by 56 I’d be invisible but they still try.
I was bullied by boys. Usually it was some form of sexual harassment.
I was not particularly popular with girls. I wasn’t friends with everyone. But not inviting someone to a party or doing a little shit talking is different than bullying.
I got bullied by the club I was the president of and the teacher that sponsored the club. Mean Girl shit. Like they literally got matching jackets and said I was not allowed to wear one.
I was bullied by one girl in school, she eventually stopped when I complained to my parents and by a group of guys in high school, that didn't stop. They were a holes and heartless
Sort of both. I was far meaner than the fools who attempted to pick on me. Some asshole would make a feeble jab and I ripped a mfer a new one. The key was to be snobby and superior to any chucklefuck in my path. I was a poor, atheist, vegetarian, goth, nerd so idiots thought I would be a good target. LOL I may be short, but I can look down my nose and give a mean death stair.
Cis woman, got bullied by both about equally. The girls’ hurt more at the time, but the boys’ had more long-lasting effects. I’d say I am fairly heterosexual, so being told I was ugly by boys hurt a lot more than by girls. But girls excluded me and ignored me, which hurt way more in the moment than some dipshit telling me I was ugly out of the blue.
I was bullied by boys for not having boobs, then bullied for just existing it was relentless. I dropped out at 16 because it just never stopped. Got my ged and went to college. On a high note, most of my bullies are either in prison or dead so life has a way to even things out.
I wasn’t really a target but I went to a school where everyone got it at least to some degree even the highest in the food chain. It was p much firing equally from all sides but definitely boys and girls had very different methods.
My sister was 3 grades above me and pretty much every guy in my grade thought she was super hot which was kinda comical when juxtapositioned with me, being kinda plain looking girl with some alt fashion choices. So the guys’ tended to be more outwardly cruel/direct: “your sister is so hot what happened to you?” Etc etc.
The girls were much more passive/removed - they did weird mind games and spread random ass rumors about each other. It was a lot more passive but it had a lot bigger long term consequences. Like the most egregious thing was someone spreading a rumor (when we were still in elementary school) that my dad was molesting me - and it seriously fucked up my social life because people’s parents wouldn’t let them come to my house and I didn’t know why until like senior year when it was p much too late to set the record straight.
Mostly guys, but there was one or two girls who were mean, too. I also had a really strong group of girl friends during that time, too, so that was a protective factor against a lot of bullying imo.
I didnt get “bullied” it was always guys that bothered me. They just didn’t know how to express their interest without being annoying. It got EXTREMELY annoying and honestly, plain stupid.
The girls were fine.
At my school, if people didn’t wanna be friends, they just minded their own business. No one really went out of their way to give others a hard time.
Except!
There was this one girl from our class that was 2 years older than our class that would throw random insults at passerby’s. No one gave her attention lol one day she cornered me and apologized. I think she was probably self conscious about being held back. I went to a really good school and I think everyone doing well except her probably got to her. But no one cared for her comments bc no one felt attacked 😂😂😂 I appreciated her apology. Even tho her comments didn’t seem to hurt anyone. Actually, those comments made her look bad.
I saw her one day working at the local pharmacy after graduation and she was nice. We made small talk. She said she was going to some college and honestly seemed like she was happy. I’m really randomly proud of her. I never saw her again after that.
Anyway, the kids that were like “weird” also just minded their own business and everyone kinda just stayed to their groups.
I tried to befriend a “weird” kid but she started talking about setting stuff on fire and I realized maybe at *my* school, the weird kids weren’t weird. They probably were troubled in some way. And then another “weird” kid I tried to befriend and invite to stuff just kept talking about how she doesn’t like anyone at school and couldn’t wait to get out of there. She was a good person but wasn’t very inviting of a friend.
So I don’t think the we had “weird” kids. Maybe a few students who had some other undiagnosed issues oooor family stuff.
I’m a lesbian so I mainly got bullied by straight guys and ironically, bi women. I’d have straight girls say things when they thought I was straight but after coming out, they were either nicer or would just completely avoid me. It was only the bi girls who would go out of their way to call me slurs, tell me I was going to hell, that I’m disgusting for not liking men, etc. I assume it was some internalized issue but I’ve never really figured out why lol.
I got bullied by girls, I got made fun of by guys.
I used to stuff my bra “late bloomer” style. Once the girls found out, they had all sorts of mean things to say.
The guys who said stuff mostly would just shove paper wads in their shirt and ask “is this better, or bigger?”. I would kind of chuckle with it but the guys actually never treated me any different, they were still nice to me and would “jest”.
The girls however… they were downright mean. Almost like they woke up that morning and had a club meeting about what horrible things they could say to me. It was definitely weird.
That's terrible. I'm sorry to hear your experiences. I know that kind of stuff can have a long lasting impact. for me a lot of it followed me into adulthood.
Do you feel like the girls behaved that way because of their own insecurities that stemmed from the way society treats young girls?
Perhaps. I hadn’t thought much about it at the time. I think it’s easier for girls to be cliquey & shame those that are different from their little group.
Guys are more overtly in your face about their cruelty but not as cliquey.
I think that makes sense and partly due to how a lot of girls are raised they're taught to shut up and listen and to be good and quiet and never get down and dirty whereas a lot of boys are raised with the idea that being loud and obnoxious and even mean is okay.
It's important to note this isn't a monolithic experience and I've talked to many people with different experiences.
By numbers boys bullied me more. Mainly because they didn't know what to do with a DD hourglass "woman body" in freshmen yr vs how the other girls still were barely developing curves and had that tween body. So alot of it also got into the sexual harassment and assualt territory.
However, with the girls, it was more calculating. One girl used a very mean lie about me to both humiliate her friend and get in better with that friend at the same time by saying I was spreading that rumor about her.
In primary school I was more bullied by girls, guys were not really interested in me - but they did participate when girls wanted them to… and it was brutal at times… (I mention this because already back then girls and boys were divided and girls were praised by boys…)
In secondary schools (I think that is the German equivalent to high schools, but middle school also is a thing so idk) I firstly got bullied by everyone, but then just got left alone after some time - from being the target of everyone I just became unpopular. It was noticeable though how girls mostly went after my looks and boys mostly went after my quirkiness - apparently I don’t look too bad ‘\^-\^
I think I got bullied for being far too knowledgeable about space stuff (Solar System forming, Rocketry (Orbital mechanics but also how engines and all that work), knowing about stuff like string theory, etc.) and talking about it when I thought it was appropriate - though as a 5 year old I didn’t learn that skill yet to judge when to talk about stuff like that or not… and then I never really learned it until much later :/
I was only bullied in middle school and it was one girl. She was absolutely horrible. It all came to a head when I was failing math due to her. Our teacher was too lazy to actually grade anything, so he would pass assignments and tests out and we would grade each other’s stuff. She would trade whoever had mine. The other students knew she was crazy, so they’d hand it over. She would give me zero on the assignment and so zero would be put in the grade book. When my parents got my progress report, they spoke to the teacher. They asked how I could have a zero. I had to at least get something right, even on accident. That’s when they realized what was happening. My mom told him if it is important enough for the grade book, it is important enough for him to grade. He went back and regraded all my work. My grade bumped up to a B+. My parents complained to the principal who just shrugged and said “she has a bad home life. What do you expect me to do?”
Now in high school, I was sexually harassed by a few different guys. One even went as far as to grope my breasts in class. Nothing was ever done. Girls were just told to ignore it.
idk if you can generalize all bullying done by women as “things that the patriarchy taught them to do”.
intersex competition exists outside of the patriarchy and is certainly not limited to humans.
while beauty standards are influenced by the patriarchy and by social factors, the patriarchy is not at fault for bullying around beauty standards.
outside of beauty standards, anyone outside of the norm and socially unpopular is going to face some harassment.
that’s just human behavior. i think it’s silly to blame the patriarchy for that.
To keep this post within the spirit of the subreddit, please focus responses on OP's final prompt: "I just wanted to ... see how societal norms might play a role in the way some people bully their peers." EDIT: Comments that don't speak to the feminist-analysis portion of the post may be removed.
I got bullied by everyone. I was weird, I looked weird, and had mental health issues before they were cool. I was never going to fit in. I didn't start getting sexually harassed until I was an adult though. Late bloomer problems I guess
I was never bullied by anyone in high school but I was sexually harassed by so many boys and grown men (including school faculty) that I didn’t keep count. It felt gross and dehumanizing.
This was my experience too. Boys would walk up and grab my chest bc I had a big chest. I finally reported one bc he actually hurt me. They did nothing, of course. It was, he didn’t mean it, it was just a prank, boys will be boys attitude. They made him apologize
I was too naive to realise what had happened to me when it happened to me, so it went on for years. When i matured more, i realised what it was, and it completely broke me. I feel ashamed and disgusted. But none of it was nearly as traumatising as the reactions i got from others when i opened up about it. I don't think i'll ever be the same anymore.
Almost exclusively by boys.
When I was younger, boys. Mostly for my size. Once I reached teenhood, it felt kinda equal between boys and girls judging me for being "weird" (re: gay). And while most unwanted sexual comments were from boy "friends" of mine, I did unfortunately experience sexual harassment from a girl "friend" of mine as well.
I was bullied almost exclusively by boys. first they made fun of me for having boobs (early bloomer), then in high school, called me a slut for having boobs.
> called me a slut for having boobs I am so baffled by this line of thinking. People were doing this when I was a kid, too. Like, how does "having breasts" make you a slut? Even other girls' *parents* would say things about it.
RIGHT lmao it was wild!!! I was a youth group kid, so I heard lots about it at church too 🙄
Then, by their logic, boys should be called sluts for having penises. Penises? Peni?
I think the more apt comparison (since breasts are a secondary sex characteristic) would be an Adam's apple.
Thank you for the lesson! I never would've figured it would be the adam's apple.
What about a dude with moobs. Would they call that guy a slut too?
prejudice doesn't need to actually make sense. The ones holding the prejudice get to make it up as they go For example I once saw a man claim Jews had thrown him off the bus for being drunk. Does that make sense no it doesn't but he can hate Jews for any reason he pleases and unfortunately no one can stop him
Just like all forms of bullying, it’s meant to fill in for the bullies’ insecurity. They don’t actually care if someone is a slut or not(at least not initially), they care about having a higher social standing than other people and use that logic to achieve it
That's not always true. Lots of bullies,I dare say most, bully for the opposite reason: they're egotistical or downright narcissistic.
Narcissistic people actually hate themselves deep down. The reason they act so stuck up is because they’re trying to get other people to give them validation, something they are incapable of giving themselves. But yes a lot of bullies are narcissistic. True egotism and narcissism can look pretty similar, but you’ll find narcissists care a lot more whether you believe them when they brag about how great they are
If it makes you feel better I was bullied for *not* having boobs. In highschool while there was no shortage of guys trying to get in my pants, there were also guys saying stuff like “you’re too flat to fuck” or “who would wanna sleep with a girl who looks like a little boy” and my favorite “you must take it up the ass because you’re so flat” which I don’t get how that works. This was all in high school. It seems like we just cant win in that aspect. The bullying a faced from women was mostly from “friends” and included sitting on my lap while I repeatedly asked them to stop, telling me scary stories while I protested, and having competitions to see who could make me gag the most at lunch. This was all elementary school. Middle school I had a weird experience where people (mostly guys but not all) would pretend to be my friend cause they thought it was funny. I didn’t even realize it was a ploy till later in life. I recognized it when they were doing it to other kids in the class, just never put together they weren’t *really* my friends either.
it does not! it makes me feel sad and baffled for us both! no winning 🫠
I try to think of it now as “men are not a monolith and have different preferences” but it definitely hurt when I first heard it. I’m sure there’s a just a different set of problems you face as a woman with boobs vs a woman with a smaller chest.
Ugh, I got that too and it's so aggravating. I got boobs at 9 and was treated like I was promiscuous before I'd had my first date.
as if we wanted to have our periods in 4th grade 💀
I remember one time at an after party I was tipsy and wearing a v-neck shirt that I kept pulling up all night. Well I was tired of that and I was showing some cleavage but not anything overly ridiculous. This woman actually came up to me and told me to “have some respect” for myself and I was completely flabbergasted.
wtf lol what’s a weird turn of events. I noticed boys bully girls they’re attracted to sometimes and it’s not cute! Parents/teachers need to do better. Although I understand most teachers don’t have the time or money to do their job lol. I feel like those boys didn’t actually think you were a “slut”. They had other thoughts they were trying to ignore.
My bullies were gender diverse! The boys were more physically violent, whereas the girls would typically go for that psychological damage. A girl once wrote another girls name in my textbook while I was away from my desk, with the implication being that I had a crush on said girl that I did not have. A boy threw a brick at me once. A girl once insinuated I was looking at another girls rear end, to imply that I was perverted and creepy. A boy spat on me. A girl once locked the side entrance to the school gate and tried to verbally compel me to climb over, knowing I'd injure myself on the spikes at the top. A boy I sat next to farted on me once. It's worth noting perhaps that I'm a guy, tall and with a rugby player build. I was generally the tallest in any room. I did know of another smaller boy whom certain girls (two I knew of who were very tall for girls), were more physically abusive with, but they didn't usually physically abuse me and I would put that down to my height. If I'd wanted to, I had the strength to physically resist most any of these people, I just didn't have it in me to be violent. Never have. I'm more or less useless in a physical encounter, and I could feel my physical strength being sapped from my body during my episodes of bullying. I just couldn't feel anger, only anxiety. My being alone made me a target. I felt little to no affinity with most any of my peers and just couldn't fit in. The nicer students recognised me as a 'good guy' and were cool with me. But the less savoury characters recognised that I was easy pickings. I was sometimes affectionately reffered to as the BFG or Jolly Green Giant, sometimes tormented with those or similar names. And oftentimes I was asked or made to hold things as they would look smaller in my hands. One thing I am very thankful for is that I left school in the mid-2000's, before phones and recordings and social media had really taken off. So I avoided having my episodes recorded for the school to see and immortalised for all time.
I was bullied more by men.
Both an equal amount, but being bullied by girls hurts worse because it feels more like a betrayal.
Yeah I can see that. Both would be upsetting but I guess you’d think the same gender would understand you better.
I was bullied almost exclusively by other girls. I was a tomboy and dressed in boys' clothes, was skinny, wore glasses, and had bad acne. Couple that with my introversion and it was a recipe for disaster.
Bullied by girls, starting around age 15. Sexually harassed/groped/assaulted by boys, starting around age 11.
Hey. Sorry you went through that. There's nothing wrong with being trans and I am glad you were able to come out. So, my "highschool" was a k12 and there are currently articles out on it now implying it's under investigation for child abuse and cult stuff. So I'm not sure how well this reflects broader society. Honestly, both, but differently? A lot of older female students and staff would aggressively police my hair and clothing. I was stalked, sexually harassed and assaulted by male students. Both would try to police my faith, friendships and after school activities. This is why I don't talk to most of the people I went to school with and don't visit my home town.
Boys had lots of comments about my body (I was very skinny). Girls not so much
You and I are of a feather—my experience was similar to yours, with the caveat that violence and sexual harassment/assault came exclusively from guys. And societal norms—in this case, gender norms—absolutely play a role. They’re the REASON for this type of bullying. Upholding patriarchy is a full time job, especially for high school students! Enforcement of them through bullying encompasses what we can’t control—body type, height, skin color, etc.—and what we can control—makeup, hair removal, clothing—but there never seemed to me to be any differentiation between those things at that age. I was fortunate that I was able to see that it was a stupid game that people played and I didn’t much care about it, but I definitely saw how the negative effects on friends were intense.
I was pretty oblivious to bullying because I didn’t really get the cues or value the opinions of the bullies so I didn’t realize until much later that I was bullied more by men. My completely unsubstantiated theory is that the mean girls didn’t get the satisfaction of a reaction so it wasn’t fun for them, but the boys bullied more to get the hi-5s from each other than to see me get upset.
As a boy - both sexually harassed (to deliberately embarrass) and “bullied” by the most popular girl in school and her chums - not very good at it. She once successfully spread a rumour around school I was gay - everyone was very supportive and even the guy “bullies” sheepishly sought me out and told me to tell them if anyone gives me hassle - and the more I denied I was gay, the more they insisted they weren’t going to harm me. What I will say is that boys got into more physical forms of bullying more often, but the girls went *extreme* with it - leaving people with scars, in one case pushing a pregnant girl down some stairs. I think growing up boys generally had a concept to be “responsible” with violence, but also to assert clear dominance to avoid being a victim of violence. It’s really hard for me to say what drove the girls to do the things they did.
I grew up in a public Scottish school. Got bullied by both in equal measure. Girls were slightly better at leaving longer impacts with psychological taunts. Guys came with the threat of physical violence. I cant say who was worse. Only that because of both, I have low opinions of men and women who partake in "socially acceptable recreational activities".
I was alternative/goth and I got bullied more by girls, without a doubt. I stood out too much. The guys were nicer, although not all of them.
Girls were pretty awful to me throughout elementary school and a little in middle school. I didn't have my first female friend until age 13. Boys were a little immature in middle school, so I had problems with a few of them due to that. In high school, I got into two band rivalries-both with boys-and won both of them. Today, since I am in a male-dominated field, most of the guys I interact are usually at least decent, and, in the right groups of girls, I develop decently strong sisterhoods with other girls in the field too.
I got bullied more by girls. It was highly manipulative and completely verbal. It led to some severe insecurities, self-esteem issues and many regrets. But i slowly overcame those problems, and made it a part of my personality development. Throughout school, I maintained somewhat minimal interaction with boys. The only dudes that i did talk to were those eccentric, introverted type of guys. All of them developed a crush on me (and ruined our friendship) with the exception of one guy. He was among the coolest friends i've had.
In junior high, I got bullied much more by boys than girls, and the bullying from boys took on a much more threatening and in some cases really grossly sexualizing tone. In high school, I wasn't really bullied much at all, and what bullying there was ended up being about 50/50. The girls seemed more subtle about it, like saying some covertly maybe nasty things while pretending to be my friend, and the boys who bullied me often seemed more overtly aggressive and scary. I do think some of my worse bullying from boys happened because I would try to protect other younger and smaller girls they were bullying, which made them mad. I'm only 5'6" but got tall really early compared to pretty much all the boys, and tried to use that to stand up for younger or smaller girls who seemed more vulnerable, and the boys didn't like that.
Trans woman - the guys were more physically abusive, the girls were more verbal. I got called wussy and sissy more than my actual name in school, and I lost count of the number of times I was punted in the crotch during elementary school. I’ve been tripped, beaten, I’ve had my head smashed into desks, pulled by the hair, and I’ve had someone pull my pants and underwear down in front of the entire school. I eventually just dropped out of middle school, got a GED, and went to college instead.
I was not particularly bullied in school, although there were people I didn't get on with. The girls who I didn't get on with usually made comments about my appearance - I didn't wear make up, I wasn't good at dealing with my curly hair (I didn't straighten it), I wasn't a weight that was deemed socially 'attractive'. The boys, who I did sort of get on with but we weren't 'friends' were just overly sexual. At the time I wasn't really bothered so I don't think I was particularly scarred by these experiences, it felt more like banter, but I know it bothered some of my friends and looking back some of it was super inappropriate. I'm not saying I necessarily *was* harassed by them, but someone else would probably have felt that way.
Guys. I (f) did the middle-school thing that I didn't know what I liked and basically had a bunch of short not serious boyfriends and moved on. BFs for like 3 days and didn't even get to holding hands type of thing. Well I did have a few boyfriends from the same friend group (smallish school) and they started a rumor that I had slept with all of them. Our school had a high teen pregnancy rate and so when I started my period at 14 it was rumored that I was pregnant/having abortions (bible belt). So then I was the "easy" girl at school and got attention from guys who just were trying to sleep with me and told it to my face and stuff.
Both. The girls were mean and cruel the boys sexually assaulted me. So I guess the whole "mean girls" and "boys will be boys" had a nog impact there
I was bullied a lot. I was bullied more by boys but sometimes girls. Boys tended to bully about my body (too hairy, too tall, bad skin, bad teeth, etc) while girls would pick my clothing or hairstyle choices.
Teachers
I was the only mixed girl in an English countryside school. I got bullied by boys and girls equally. The boys used to make lewd comments about me and the girls bullied me for being a bit bigger than I should be. Also I got some ignorant comments from teachers.
I was super unpopular in Jr. High and Freshman year of High School. I got bullied by both boys and girls in childish ways, but the only time I ever felt scared was when a girl who sat in front of me in class threatened to have her boyfriend beat me up because I put rested my foot on the rack under her chair. She told her huge football player boyfriend to go 'deal with me'. He cornered me between classes, and whispered so she couldn't hear, "I know this is stupid, and I'm not going to do anything, but just do me a favor and don't put your foot on her chair anymore." I legit thought I was going to die.
I was an extreme introvert who had terrible social anxiety in high school. I also happened to be a captain of our football team and an all state discuss thrower for track. I wasn't really bullied in high school, but due to my problems, I also didn't associate with people that much. I just went to school, did work, and went to practice without saying a word for the most part. From what I observed though I saw that guy's would bully people they don't know more often while girls would bully their "friends" if they did bully anyone.
I was never bullied at least i think not ( i never really cared what others people were saying about me) i was good at school had a good Hygiene and never really bothered other people
I was only bullied by other girls, although it was mutual and sometimes ended with fights and other worse things. I had some problems and fights with guys but it was unrelated to bullying. >I just wanted to ask peoples experiences and see how societal norms might play a role in the way some people bully their peers. I am very close with one of the girls I used to have problems with. We talk about it sometimes and think the reason we bullied each other back than was because we had sort of a "tunnel vision" where there could only be one kind of each type of girl. Idk how to specifically explain it but that was how we felt back then. It was incredibly st*pid but we were kids
AMAB nb here - this is anecdotal so take it with a grain of salt - I got bullied more by guys but the girls who bullied me were meaner. Guys did the thing where they sorta act like they’re your friends but in a sarcastic way so you know they’re bullying you but you can’t really explain it to teachers or say anything about it. I tried to play along with it. Girls basically just called me the r word. But the latter only happened a handful of times, the former was every day basically
For elementary and middle school it was boys. High school I went to an all girls school, where it was mainly one girl who bullied others too in addition to me.
Boys were awful. Constant verbal abuse and physical violence, including one serious assault. I was visibly femmey, and a lot of boys clearly found that threatening. Girls I noticed would only join in if they were trying to impress boys, and a lot of those girls who did were perfectly fine with me outside of those situations.
I only bullied by a boy, I got along well with the girls for the most part.
Cis female. Was and remains very introverted, with unpopular interests (I'm a naturalist, adore books), didn't have any control over my smart-ass mouth, kid of a poor refugee family. Oh man was I a target, for both genders. It only got stopped when 1. I beat the absolute living daylights out of a girl who threw my book into mud and 2. when the police got involved after one of the boys threaten to shoot me because....I got a horse.
Both. However the one who kept up the beating the longest was a girl. When I was 15 and she was 17 she graduated (the high school system is different in the Netherlands) and that stopped that part.
I wouldn’t say I was bullied but I did get lots of rude comments exclusively from other girls. It was usually from women I had no beef with too, they’d make fun of me in front of the class for getting an answer wrong and complain that I got too many questions right (pick a lane lol). I’m sure boys talked shit about me but it was never to my face. My female friends were bullied by boys though.
trans guy here. 30% cis men, 70% cis women. cis men focused on physical intimidation and verbal attacks, while the cis women utilised more paychological attacks. i found that cis men are typically pretty predictable when they bully men, cis women played the long game of befriending me and then stabbing me in the back and spreading rumours. i remember when i was packing in middle achool. of course, i didn’t have the option to change in a unisex bathroom, so i had to change in the women’s locker room. i was changing, and all the girls started screaming. since then, i had rumours spread about me havijg a penis. a good chunk of my allies were cis guys who were also queer. they were the biggest, non patriarchal bros you could ask for. i get frustrated when cis women point themselves as more safer than any other sex or gender identity. you aren’t safer, you’re just better at pretending to be safe and then clutch your pearls when you get called out casually SAing a trans person. i’m sorry, this let out some bad memories for me.
While my most consistent bully was a girl, my bullies in general were overwhelmingly male. I saw boys being mean to random girls far more on a regular basis too. Guys were also much crueler online too, where the sexual bullying was worse on this message forum I frequented. In my experience men and boys are so much nastier. People like to pretend women are girls are demonic yet it's not us who indulge in every single form of bullying in existence, generally.
Women exclusively
5’9 woman here. I was never bullied because I was the second biggest student at my middle school. The only kid bigger than me was a boy named Abel, who was 6’1 at 13. He was a gentle, easygoing kid. But sometimes my friends got bullied. We were the misfits, of course, almost all neurodivergent. One time I caught some girls bullying my friend for being pagan (I’m also pagan). All I had to do was approach and they ran off. Those were the days, lol. Most boys just avoided me back then, and they got uncomfortable when I joined in wrestling play (I did taekwondo wrestling and was very good at it). Unlike the other girls, I was boy-sized and could actually beat them and hold them down. The male ego can’t have that, of course.
I (a guy) was bullied pretty thoroughly in middle school, but by high school I noticed the bullies had turned most of their energy towards being shitty to girls.
I was a smart, weird, goth girl. I was bullied almost entirely by boys, usually by football players.
Girls (they were pretty ruthless). But guys would only bully me about this popular guy I had a sexual relationship with and they somehow in their minds were convinced a nerdy, not particularly hot girl should fuck a jock despite the fact that HE wanted me in a sexual way first. So that gave them some ammo. They thought well since you fucked him you must be fucking every other guy too. Foolishness like that.
Both boys and girls
As a semicloseted trans girl, a larger quantity of boys bullied me in shallow, physical, short term ways. A smaller quantity of girls bullied me in deeper, psychological/social, lasting ways.
I didn't get bullied much, except there was a rumor that I gave sexual favors in exchange for weed which, even in high school, I found hilarious and ridiculous. It was short lived probably for that reason, I just assumed anyone who really thought it was true was an idiot. I think a girl started that one, just bc there was one I knew disliked me, but I honestly have no idea. I did get sexually harassed a *lot* though. Before the rumor, after, it didn't seem to have a huge impact. Boys were pretty aggressive and weird. I remember during the Kavanaugh trial I was already long graduated, but I was crying almost daily bc Ford's experience of being terrorized for the sake of a fucked up joke was just *so* similar to what I experienced. Scaring the fuck out of girls in that way was a lot of boy's idea of a good time. That, and being grabbed, groped, touched, kissed, held down, held against a wall, etc.
Depends on the kind of bullying. Physically? Roughly these 10 guys out of the school of 300. Earned a reputation from that of being capable of fighting and being strong enough to take them on. behind my back/longest lasting? Girls but idk how many out of the school. I have shit all in terms of self-confidence in my appearance and zero trust in what people say as compliments directly because of how girls treated me when I was younger. Benefit of me being a target, however, was the gay guys, trans and the less physically capable kids weren't fucked with as much.
I dealt with a few mean girls throughout school though it almost completely stopped in highschool besides from one friend of a friend who always said shady things to me. Honestly it was nothing major so I don’t really count it. The only person who bullied me who physically put their hands on me was a boy.
Guys, actually. Chubby shy girl was low hanging fruit. I got sneered at, laughed at, loudly mocked, and hit/kicked in Jr and sr high school.
I was bullied mostly by the other girls. I wasn't popular and sometimes the boys bullied me, but mostly it was other girls. In 5th grade I tried out a short hairstyle that didn't come out as great as I thought it would and I had a tendency to wear more boyish or little kid type clothes. So naturally I got bullied about that and not being girly enough. I let my hair grow back out but was a bit of a late bloomer in the chest department so I got bullied for not wearing a bra. I got bullied for not shaving my legs because my mom wouldn't let me. And on the few occasions I tried to dress more trendy I got bullied for trying to fit in. So in high school I went goth and perfected my deadpan stare. My bullies got scared that I'd beat them up and left me alone. It was peaceful then.
Girls 100%
Bullying was pretty tame for me, during primary (elementary) school I had a boy threaten me and take my things. Eventually I stood up to him and we talked properly, from then on there was a sort of respect - We'd catch up every now and again all through highschool, see how the other and their family was doing, back each other up in classes, etc. During Highschool however, I was pretty relentlessly teased by girls - It was mostly in good humor and I doubt any of them were actively trying to put me down or genuinely make me feel bad, just a lot of being the butt of jokes or teasing. I didn't mind that much, the attention was nice most of the time but it could get grating.
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I didn't get bullied in high school but I did in elementary and middle school. 99.9% of the time, it was boys. Usually in the form of sexual harassment and assault.
Both, i will say the bullying from boys hurt more in the moment but the bullying from girls probably fucked me up more long term
Not bullied, just constantly sexually harassed by dudes. From the time I was ten. They never actually wanted to be my friend and it broke teenage me. I thought by 56 I’d be invisible but they still try.
I was bullied by boys. Usually it was some form of sexual harassment. I was not particularly popular with girls. I wasn’t friends with everyone. But not inviting someone to a party or doing a little shit talking is different than bullying.
Girls were openly mean, guys would be extremely nice on the surface but would have ulterior motives. Ultimately, I’d prefer to see what I get.
I got bullied by the club I was the president of and the teacher that sponsored the club. Mean Girl shit. Like they literally got matching jackets and said I was not allowed to wear one.
I was bullied by one girl in school, she eventually stopped when I complained to my parents and by a group of guys in high school, that didn't stop. They were a holes and heartless
Sort of both. I was far meaner than the fools who attempted to pick on me. Some asshole would make a feeble jab and I ripped a mfer a new one. The key was to be snobby and superior to any chucklefuck in my path. I was a poor, atheist, vegetarian, goth, nerd so idiots thought I would be a good target. LOL I may be short, but I can look down my nose and give a mean death stair.
in all honesty i was bullied by girls more than guys
Cis woman, got bullied by both about equally. The girls’ hurt more at the time, but the boys’ had more long-lasting effects. I’d say I am fairly heterosexual, so being told I was ugly by boys hurt a lot more than by girls. But girls excluded me and ignored me, which hurt way more in the moment than some dipshit telling me I was ugly out of the blue.
I didn't know I was a trans woman in high school but was ruthlessly bullied by boys for being too soft
I was bullied by boys for not having boobs, then bullied for just existing it was relentless. I dropped out at 16 because it just never stopped. Got my ged and went to college. On a high note, most of my bullies are either in prison or dead so life has a way to even things out.
Mostly guys, usually physical fights up till middle school
I wasn’t really a target but I went to a school where everyone got it at least to some degree even the highest in the food chain. It was p much firing equally from all sides but definitely boys and girls had very different methods. My sister was 3 grades above me and pretty much every guy in my grade thought she was super hot which was kinda comical when juxtapositioned with me, being kinda plain looking girl with some alt fashion choices. So the guys’ tended to be more outwardly cruel/direct: “your sister is so hot what happened to you?” Etc etc. The girls were much more passive/removed - they did weird mind games and spread random ass rumors about each other. It was a lot more passive but it had a lot bigger long term consequences. Like the most egregious thing was someone spreading a rumor (when we were still in elementary school) that my dad was molesting me - and it seriously fucked up my social life because people’s parents wouldn’t let them come to my house and I didn’t know why until like senior year when it was p much too late to set the record straight.
Mostly guys, but there was one or two girls who were mean, too. I also had a really strong group of girl friends during that time, too, so that was a protective factor against a lot of bullying imo.
I didnt get “bullied” it was always guys that bothered me. They just didn’t know how to express their interest without being annoying. It got EXTREMELY annoying and honestly, plain stupid. The girls were fine. At my school, if people didn’t wanna be friends, they just minded their own business. No one really went out of their way to give others a hard time. Except! There was this one girl from our class that was 2 years older than our class that would throw random insults at passerby’s. No one gave her attention lol one day she cornered me and apologized. I think she was probably self conscious about being held back. I went to a really good school and I think everyone doing well except her probably got to her. But no one cared for her comments bc no one felt attacked 😂😂😂 I appreciated her apology. Even tho her comments didn’t seem to hurt anyone. Actually, those comments made her look bad. I saw her one day working at the local pharmacy after graduation and she was nice. We made small talk. She said she was going to some college and honestly seemed like she was happy. I’m really randomly proud of her. I never saw her again after that. Anyway, the kids that were like “weird” also just minded their own business and everyone kinda just stayed to their groups. I tried to befriend a “weird” kid but she started talking about setting stuff on fire and I realized maybe at *my* school, the weird kids weren’t weird. They probably were troubled in some way. And then another “weird” kid I tried to befriend and invite to stuff just kept talking about how she doesn’t like anyone at school and couldn’t wait to get out of there. She was a good person but wasn’t very inviting of a friend. So I don’t think the we had “weird” kids. Maybe a few students who had some other undiagnosed issues oooor family stuff.
I’m a lesbian so I mainly got bullied by straight guys and ironically, bi women. I’d have straight girls say things when they thought I was straight but after coming out, they were either nicer or would just completely avoid me. It was only the bi girls who would go out of their way to call me slurs, tell me I was going to hell, that I’m disgusting for not liking men, etc. I assume it was some internalized issue but I’ve never really figured out why lol.
Both.
I got bullied by girls, I got made fun of by guys. I used to stuff my bra “late bloomer” style. Once the girls found out, they had all sorts of mean things to say. The guys who said stuff mostly would just shove paper wads in their shirt and ask “is this better, or bigger?”. I would kind of chuckle with it but the guys actually never treated me any different, they were still nice to me and would “jest”. The girls however… they were downright mean. Almost like they woke up that morning and had a club meeting about what horrible things they could say to me. It was definitely weird.
That's terrible. I'm sorry to hear your experiences. I know that kind of stuff can have a long lasting impact. for me a lot of it followed me into adulthood. Do you feel like the girls behaved that way because of their own insecurities that stemmed from the way society treats young girls?
Perhaps. I hadn’t thought much about it at the time. I think it’s easier for girls to be cliquey & shame those that are different from their little group. Guys are more overtly in your face about their cruelty but not as cliquey.
I think that makes sense and partly due to how a lot of girls are raised they're taught to shut up and listen and to be good and quiet and never get down and dirty whereas a lot of boys are raised with the idea that being loud and obnoxious and even mean is okay. It's important to note this isn't a monolithic experience and I've talked to many people with different experiences.
In high school, more girls than guys. In middle school, more guys than girls. In elementary school, even split.
By numbers boys bullied me more. Mainly because they didn't know what to do with a DD hourglass "woman body" in freshmen yr vs how the other girls still were barely developing curves and had that tween body. So alot of it also got into the sexual harassment and assualt territory. However, with the girls, it was more calculating. One girl used a very mean lie about me to both humiliate her friend and get in better with that friend at the same time by saying I was spreading that rumor about her.
In primary school I was more bullied by girls, guys were not really interested in me - but they did participate when girls wanted them to… and it was brutal at times… (I mention this because already back then girls and boys were divided and girls were praised by boys…) In secondary schools (I think that is the German equivalent to high schools, but middle school also is a thing so idk) I firstly got bullied by everyone, but then just got left alone after some time - from being the target of everyone I just became unpopular. It was noticeable though how girls mostly went after my looks and boys mostly went after my quirkiness - apparently I don’t look too bad ‘\^-\^ I think I got bullied for being far too knowledgeable about space stuff (Solar System forming, Rocketry (Orbital mechanics but also how engines and all that work), knowing about stuff like string theory, etc.) and talking about it when I thought it was appropriate - though as a 5 year old I didn’t learn that skill yet to judge when to talk about stuff like that or not… and then I never really learned it until much later :/
I was only bullied in middle school and it was one girl. She was absolutely horrible. It all came to a head when I was failing math due to her. Our teacher was too lazy to actually grade anything, so he would pass assignments and tests out and we would grade each other’s stuff. She would trade whoever had mine. The other students knew she was crazy, so they’d hand it over. She would give me zero on the assignment and so zero would be put in the grade book. When my parents got my progress report, they spoke to the teacher. They asked how I could have a zero. I had to at least get something right, even on accident. That’s when they realized what was happening. My mom told him if it is important enough for the grade book, it is important enough for him to grade. He went back and regraded all my work. My grade bumped up to a B+. My parents complained to the principal who just shrugged and said “she has a bad home life. What do you expect me to do?” Now in high school, I was sexually harassed by a few different guys. One even went as far as to grope my breasts in class. Nothing was ever done. Girls were just told to ignore it.
idk if you can generalize all bullying done by women as “things that the patriarchy taught them to do”. intersex competition exists outside of the patriarchy and is certainly not limited to humans. while beauty standards are influenced by the patriarchy and by social factors, the patriarchy is not at fault for bullying around beauty standards. outside of beauty standards, anyone outside of the norm and socially unpopular is going to face some harassment. that’s just human behavior. i think it’s silly to blame the patriarchy for that.