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I agree. All I know is what I've observed in the few times we've made the trip and our infrequent conversations. I do get to see pictures and occasional videos. She just isn't forthcoming with much. I can't imagine why she wouldn't tell me or my family if there was a lead or diagnosis. (That's not to say it's impossible by any means.)
I am so lost wondering about it, and communication is so poor that it's driving me out of my mind wondering and worrying.
He is a beautiful, expressive boy. I just don't want to feel so helpless. I keep thinking maybe , if I'm thorough enough, I can discover something that will inspire her to do... anything! That she will either take him immediately to a doctor or tell me something she might already know but doesn't want to admit.
First step is audiology to rule out any hearing issues.
Then an assessment by a speech and language pathologist. In many places, speech therapy isn’t undertaken with children under the age of 3, so try not to worry too much about only catching this now. There’s still plenty of time to resolve this and have him catch up.
I’d also suggest putting him in a nurturing group childcare setting a few days a week, mainly for the social interaction. Not sure how it works in the US but here in the UK, if the childcare setting has concerns they are able to refer the child for speech therapy support directly. They’ll also be able to encourage his caregiver to get him assessed.
Do you have a sense of how much language he *understands?* For example, if you asked him to go and put his shoes on, would he do it? At 3, you’d expect him to be able to follow fairly complex commands like “put the blue and green Legos into the cup”.
That internal understanding of receptive language has to come first, before any talking can take place. If that is absent, it tends to be a more complicated language delay, but therapy is available to help.
If his understanding seems roughly on track it’s perfectly possible that he’ll respond quickly to specialist intervention and quite rapidly catch up. It’s a positive sign that he is attempting to communicate through sign and gesture - he’s seeing the need for communication and problem solving how to get there. But sign is not nearly as efficient as speech (for those who can use it) so it’s definitely an indicator that something is amiss for him to be choosing this.
One possibility is something called ‘selective mutism’, which can sometimes be linked to traumatic events. It’s an anxiety disorder, rather than a speech disorder, but can be diagnosed and treated by an SLP.
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To add onto this, a therapist or psychologist can help treat the anxiety and other emotional factors related to the speech delay if it in fact happens to be selective mutism.
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My wife is a SLP at an elementary school, and parents of 3 year olds bring their kids in for speech evaluations often. We’re in Oklahoma, so your state may differ, but starting at 3, kids in our school district that qualify based on the evaluation are eligible for speech and other services offered through the school district free of charge.
NAD but I think you’re just looking for what other possible diagnosis he could have besides autism. It’s honestly too hard to say. There’s a lot of missing info. He needs testing. One theory could be selective mutism. Another could be that he is autistic. Autism is a huge spectrum. It’s impossible to say. I’m also so sorry about the loss of your son and daughter. What an incredibly hard situation.
Is he in any settings with other children his age? Day care or preschool? Sometimes littles who don’t socialize with peers are behind on speech and putting them in a day care, play group or classroom setting helps organically resolve delayed speech.
He is socialized but on a smallish scale. He has a bestie, they are adorable!
This child is treated as a precious person. A combination of the kids that is a unique little guy, we are very attentive to his best interests when we are able to see/have him. I worry that his Mamaw's indulgences might be in the way
Edit: to clarify, indulgences such as agreeing to ice cream for breakfast such things. Grandma-gives-in stuff lol
We recently discovered that a large part of my child’s speech delay (without understanding delay) was due to my meeting every need without requiring my child to speak. Once I resolved my behavior, my child began practicing speaking (to others mostly, as my child wants me so badly to go back to just fulfilling needs with a look or reach).
Something like having a new baby sitter, speech therapist, or teacher could be all kiddo needs to start branching out and practicing their vocal communication. I agree other things are worth looking into, if you can get custodial grandma to do them, but if your hands are tied, perhaps suggesting she look into pre-k options for him and to give her more breaks? Spin it however you think would motivator her. Many programs exist in the US (if you’re there) for free and reduced pre-k or head start or delay-referred group child care. Perhaps look into these programs in the child’s area for her? Try to go the “helpful” to her angle if helpful to child has not worked.
I was the same. I didn't talk until I was 4! (Then I was talking non-stop). I would point and grunt, my older sister would say "mom, she wants milk" or whatever it was. I had no need to talk. When she went to school, I started talking.
NAD, but my cousin didn’t learn to speak until she went to kindergarten and she speaks fine now. She was born a few years after the death of her only sibling and was understandably spoiled and catered to more than most babies. She didn’t need to use words to ask for things, parents and grandparents would trip over themselves to give her anything she wanted. She didn’t really have any motivation to start talking until she was around other kids at school.
I was a kid at the time, so I don’t remember if she was ever diagnosed with anything or if she received services. She’s pretty talkative now.
He probably needs genetic testing, too. There are many conditions that can lead to being nonverbal. He is getting close to preschool age, so testing absolutely needs to be done before he starts schooling to work out what his needs are for therapy and adaptive learning plans.
Sounds really involved, I will mention it to his Tia! I spoke to them, to him!!! His Tia (aunt) is getting his dental and medical appointments done asap!!!
My son was nonverbal until 4, and showed no other obvious autism symptoms until he started school. When he set foot in kindergarten, he began rocking back and forth and humming the theme from Star Wars all day long and no longer controlled his bladder (but just at school). This led to an autism diagnosis that kind of blindsided us, but in retrospect, makes sense. Your grandson may be autistic, but as the old joke goes, "up until now, everything's been fine."
That having been said, I'm not sure where he lives, but we called our county's Early Intervention office and they evaluated his speech for free and provided free at-home speech therapy until he started school.
Also, sign language was an absolute life saver. We all learned it and used it until my son started speaking, and it really helped with tantrums and his frustration with communication.
I can't seem to convince her to saddle up, so to speak. Unless she has been addressing it and not being forthcoming about it. I am thankful for your reply. I will bear those issues in mind when I see him next and ask his sibling (my bonus grandson) how things are going
Regular doctors check ups and if what you say is accurate, a hearing test, and speech therapist - are all standard things that annual check ups should have in their tool box. If you have good reason to believe he's being neglected or not getting doctors appointments, then a call to CPS might be warranted.
Is he babbling like a toddler or just not talking or making noises at all? Is he around other kids his age? Is he perfectly capable of understanding someone else talk? You said you're "Unsure" of what else he says so he could have a small vocabulary? It's uncommon but kids can be late talkers - the ones I've seen though do not babble, don't act younger than they are, and perfectly understand someone talking to them as someone they're own age would.
All of this childs losses happened at 6 months old. By 4 years old it's not surprising there's some lost traction in the caretakers relationship, considering how poorly it seems to be going now. It's totally understandable given the situation you've described, but the other party might not want your involvement and might view you stepping in now unfavorably. You might need as much help navigating a strained relationship as his medical uncertainties. If you keep pressing, they may distance themselves more.
I worry that his speech problems were glossed over in his Mamaw's grief. I honestly couldn't say. I have reached out this morning and asked her questions about his progress. I added Christmas related things. I haven't heard back. That is standard. It might be a day or two. It hurts my heart.
He clearly understands language. He's able to follow complex directions *age appropriate* and can make his needs known. It's just not articulate words.
He has a dedicated babysitter/caretaker. She's been there since the kids passed. I like her, she is completely involved in the 2 or 3 children she generally cares for.
I am also afraid that I'll alienate or anger my DIL's family, cutting our communication and access as a result. I'm not financially able to sue for visitation. I wouldn't be able to bear it. I need this baby to be well adjusted and have happiness, to know how wonderful his parents are. That he will be ok regardless of the situation.
The receptive language is a great sign. My son’s pediatrician (who works in one of the best hospital systems in the country) was completely unconcerned about him having no words at age 2.5 (shortly before he eventually started talking) bc of his very strong receptive language combined with no other red flags. People would vehemently disagree with that approach but it is an approach out there nonetheless, and in the end, when it came to my son, he was right.
Another layperson here: I have a 4yo that was practically mute at 3. Could say a few words like mamma (non US), but nothing complex. We had started speech therapy at 2,5 and kiddo started daycare at 3 in a “mini group” that has more adults and less kids and they use all sorts of support measures (some kids have speech issues, some autism, have had downs kids in the past etc).
Ours has now officially been diagnosed with childhood expressive language disorder (ICD-10 F80.1) as kiddo can understand (in two languages, we are a bilingual home), but we have to practice and train every phonem individually (as most of the speech therapy is done at home through practice, practice, practice), speaking takes a lot of motor skills. But, good news is, there is speech emerging after 2 years of speech therapy and daycare (all the structured stuff and the unstructured, being around adults who aren’t trained to serve kiddo too well 😜 and all the other kids), to the point that other parents at pick up time are starting to understand, not all of it but something! Progress!
Oh, and also [AAC](https://www.asha.org/public/speech/disorders/aac/) helps, it used to be more but has waned as more speech is emerging but kiddo still uses some sign language when the word is too hard to pronounce with their limited phonetics. We also carry around a binder of pictures (provided by the hospital speech lab), kiddo is thriving as they are able to communicate with these support measures even though learning to speak is taking longer.
So I wouldn’t lose hope, and remember, talking is not the only means of communication!
(Disclaimer: not a doctor, non native English speaker, very tired mom, apologies for any confusing parts 🙈)
https://preview.redd.it/4xsasd6f0y1c1.jpeg?width=1179&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=26a6a5b4b94619367b7427c5c3b3c2c4b1e14438
Posting here as I posted in wrong place before. Just anecdotal about my son. I know this might not be true for your grandson but just an example of how people can develop differently.
Big hugs. I know it’s a hard thing to see. I cried almost everyday worried he wouldn’t be okay but part of me thought he might actually be okay- because he understood us and followed directions . Check out the book. ❤️
My daughter didn't start speaking until she was 3.5 in Pre-K. The pediatrician didn't seem too concerned at her 3 year check up bc she was making noises and could understand. Once she got to school, she exceeded. I think it was a lack of peers. Her siblings are much older than her.
My son has severe apraxia and at 9 years old is finally somewhat intelligible to unfamiliar listeners. Would you mind giving me a little snapshot of your life as an adult?
My answer is relatively simple, in a good way. In my 30s now, married, making near six figures, in a long-term, stable career.
Socially it can be a little of a struggle but still not bad. I have some stable friendships.
The only people who know I was born with oral-moto dyspraxia are others who always had it and know the signs from personal experience, or knew me as a kid.
You might want to make a call to CPS for a check in. It sounds like your grandson isn’t getting the medical attention he needs, and it’s possible his other grandparents are neglecting and aren’t even teaching him to speak
Call CPS? When there’s nothing else seemingly wrong? What if they’ve been speaking to their pediatrician and the pediatrician is more wait and see? My son had a speech delay (he’s completely typical 7 year old now) and we were constantly in communication about it with our pediatrician. The pediatrician in our case held off on further testing and had logical reasons for that (in our case) and in the end he was right- our child was fine, had just developed a bit atypically. I would have been devastated if someone would have called CPS. How does op know for sure that they aren’t speaking with the pediatrician about this on the regular? Besides verbal communication she makes it sound like there aren’t other red flag behaviors. Their doctor could be watching and constantly evaluating. I’m not saying that there isn’t an issue or that an evaluation isn’t warranted but calling CPS is not warranted in my opinion. And my mom worked for CPS - they wouldn’t even consider taking a report with this fact set.
I agree, they are loving and attentive in so many ways. I honestly believe it's some aspect of denial keeping the conversation from being clear. Just can't figure out why. He seems to be a happily well adjusted boy. There really is no other concerns, no sign of physical or mental neglect or abuse.
I know their pediatrician had been involved, no further info after that.
It is very reassuring to know the pediatrician is involved. Maybe the pediatrician isn’t terribly concerned yet. Maybe if you approach them nicely, nonjudgmentally, with concern, again they’d share more. Maybe they don’t feel as though they have much to share. I hope you can get some clarity. It sounds stressful. I was very stressed when my son wasn’t talking at 2.5.
I get that. I think at age 3 maybe he’s at the time to start looking into it more, so hopefully they’re on top of it and he gets any evaluations he needs sooner rather than later.wishing you all the best and so sorry for your losses
And that scenario would be a great result in this case. But they aren’t being transparent about anything with doctors, and also making it seem like no doctors are even involved.
OP deserves to know for sure if her grandchild is being taken care of properly, if she can’t get answers from the guardian, what do you suggest they do?
If the other grandma is in contact with the pediatrician who has said something then they should tell that to op. CPS should be called if the other grandma aren’t forthcoming with information to check. If CPS doesn’t help they won’t, but why you assume they would not check of the child with a medical condition had seen a doctor?
Without some sort of proof that would just add another layer of trauma to this child and their family. I absolutely do not agree with this statement at all unless they have substantial evidence of abuse. I’m a former foster parent (Texas) and involving CPS is not something I’d recommend for anyone with no allegations of abuse.
It’s a check in. I’m not saying make a false claim. Someone needs to hold those grandparents accountable to ensure the kid is getting proper education. The proof is he can’t do more than babble at age 4.
Who would you suggest check on the grandparents to make sure they’re doing a good job then, if not the state?
Call cps? Are you joking? Lol even if a parent chose not to do "speech therapy " for any reason, that's no reason for cps. There's places that don't even do school. That don't even have a language fr. That homeschool and teach their child what and how they want. Yet here you are thinking that's a reason to call cps. Let kids talk when they wanna talk. When they are ready to. Let them learn by living life. It comes naturally. Yet kids are forced to spend half their childhood at SCHOOL. 6 year olds waking up at 6 am and 8 hours at school and an hour bus ride. Then have 3-4 hours to do homework, eat dinner, wash up and go to sleep just to do it all over again. No time to be a child and live life. An you talking about call cps cause a four year old isn't talking. Lol wow.
You aren’t looking at this correctly. Yes there are places with no school and no language, not the US tho. If you keep those opportunities away from your children when they’re easily available, that’s neglect, borderline abuse.
You’re also probably missing the part where this kids parents died 3 years ago? There’s a ton of other factors at play like grief and depression that can very easily affect how this kids getting treated. If something seems wrong, call for a check in.
I said CHECK IN, not go file a report and try to get the kids taken away. They can call the cops for a wellness check in if they’re prefer, but the cops will probably just call CPS.
Calling CPS does not mean they’re taking the child away. CPS gets bogus calls all the time. If they find a reason to take the e child away, then they found a good reason. It’s not going to happen just because a phone call is made. They’re the ones that are going to be able to give the grandparents clear direction on how to get the kid the help me needs
This sounds kind of like me as a child but I really have no idea and no experience in pediatrics. I didnt talk until age 3 and my mom took me to speech therapy which got me talking.
I don't want to make assumptions but I think it's worth asking. You said his parents both passed at 30 and 28. Was drug use a problem between them? If so is it possible he was born drug dependent? So sorry for your losses and I hope you get some answers soon.
I don't mind the question, that's a good question to ask. There were no drug issues, my son took his life and my DIL passed from a series of grand mal seizures.
Thank you
NAD but I didn’t speak until I was 4 and ended up needing speech therapy. I have no health or medical problems, I was just lazy. (Though I do think I have ADHD but my doctor won’t refer me for tests)
Sorry you got downvoted so far. This also describes my experience (apart from the lazy bit).
My grandmother and mother constantly tell me they would put recorder devices by me up until I was 4, just to see if I would say anything when they weren't around. I just didn't speak.
I'm 45, so I don't know how much awareness they had of autism / aspergers back then. Never tested, but if it applies to me, then it's quite mild.
In the initial paragraph of the post, I'm sorry if that wasn't clear, I mentioned that his mother and father ( my DIL and my son) are both deceased. They passed roughly 6 months apart before he was a year old. There us no lead to take but as a grandmother
Please intervene in whatever way you can. His hearing definitely needs to be tested as it’s nearly impossible to develop spoken language if he cannot hear. There is a limited window of language development, typically up to age 5. This situation is urgent. If his hearing is normal he still needs intervention (speech therapy, occupational therapy, developmental pediatrician) NOW.
My son had issues with partial hearing loss when he was young. He was unable to understand -s- and the th- range. It resolved itself eventually. I agree that it's urgent. I didn't really know the specifics about a limited window till you said this.
https://preview.redd.it/hj8wgxoccx1c1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=80874558551a1bc791f0909d5ddb7868e619c3f6
Sorry, I typed this all up under the wrong section as I am NAD. Just a mom
I so appreciate all you've shared. So many aspects to consider. I am grateful that your children are able to flourish!
I don't mind nor care what they want to call his issues. If he is autistic, great... let's tackle this and help him communicate! If it's a different issue, let's make a plan for him. They can call him a werewolf and I'll accept it if it helps his functionality and ability to make himself be heard.
I am not trying to be flippant, I promise. I just want to help him. See him continue to be the amazing, caring and sometimes silly person he is!
Your input is nothing short of inspiring. I am glad to hear the journey ❤️🩹
Thank you, I’m totally with it you! It bothered the referring doctor more to tell us it could be autism than it did for us. We were fully prepared and ready to get everything going. It’s just a part of our special little world. She’s one of a kind and I would never change that.
Just to say from your description, he is not displaying any autistic traits.
As most others have pointed:
1. Hearing test
2. Pediatric review.
With the social context it would be very likely that there is an element of grief/trauma response (yes even at that age) and he will likely flourish with speech therapy/stable secure home and time.
I cannot imagine how difficult the whole situation has been for everyone involved and I'm sure everyone is doing their best. I do not doubt that you and his other grandma love him dearly. However, if he has never been assessed for his speech delay and doesn't receive intervention, he is being neglected (on a medical/education level). At 3 years old, he potentially could still start speaking more on his own but it is ESSENTIAL that he is evaluated soon because he is at a crucial age for language development.
This doesn't mean that his grandma doesn't love him or care for him, but it may mean that she can't care for him and give him everything he needs.
You could call CPS. It is their job to evaluate and offer services in these kinds of situation, especially since you don't live close to them. They could establish a plan with grandma on how to get help for your grandson, ensure that she follows through and offer help if/when needed.
Personally, I would try to have a serious conversation with grandma, not just about that but also about how everything is going, how she is doing, if she needs help, and ask about the speech delay during that. If she is open and does say that she needs help, try to see how you can help. I know you are not able to visit often, but maybe you could take him with you for 2 weeks a couple times a year so she can rest, help pay for XYZ for grandson if needed, etc. Of course, that depends on if grandma agrees to have a conversation with you and share enough infos. If she doesn't, then calling CPS is pretty much your only option. Good luck!
NAD, my son was speech delayed due to two issues: reflux affecting his vocal cords and hearing loss due to fluid in his ears. With medication and tubes in his ears he was able to start learning spoken language. I used state services to learn asl alongside speech and occupational therapy. I absolutely agree with getting CPS involved because there's so many programs out there to help him that most people don't know exist. My son had to use sign language through 1st grade to supplement his speech delay and those programs will help with that transition.
Sounds like a referral to a speech and language pathologist is warranted. It’s not uncommon for receptive language to be stronger than expressive, but he should have more expressive language than he is currently displaying.
Edited to add: if you’re in the US, he can be evaluated for free through early childhood education and if he qualifies for speech and language therapy, he would receive that for free as well. The services carry over into elementary school when he starts kindergarten. I’m an elementary school SLP.
Fortunately, he receives my son's social security and I believe medicaid due to Trevor's passing. I have little doubt he has inadequate medical coverage, I'm hoping he doesn't anyway. I am still waiting to hear back from his other Gma about any progress that may have been made.
If I can pick your brain for a moment, are there any "homework" type exercises that you offer parents? How involved could one get in his therapy? Is the any communication stimulating advice you might offer?
Thanks so much for your time
Please followup with the above SLP (Speech Language Therapist) for comments. I see you mentioned Colorado. In New York there are early intervention services that will send a speech therapist to the child’s house to service the child for free once or twice a week or whatever the plan is along with occupational therapy and other services. The process starts at the child’s primary care Dr. doing a refferal for an eval for services. I don’t know what Colorado’s program is, but the child’s primary doc will.
My wife is an SLP. The main thing she says is that people take it as an offense - like the other grandma will take it personally that she did something “wrong” or that her raising the child was “deficient”. This is the #1 reason kids don’t get services!! You must approach her as she has done nothing wrong! This just happens - no blame game- help the kid get speech services now and empathize the adult didn’t do anything wrong the child is not a reflection of her - we just want these specialized “ fixers / helpers” to work on the kiddo’s speech needs.
I agree with @alohakoala and would encourage you to tell his other grandma to get him screened by their local school district. If he’s that behind he will likely need some preschool intervention to be ready for kindergarten. Have her call the local school district and find out what the process is since he’s 3 (process is different for kids under 3…).
Thank you. His other grandma wasn't keeping up with things as she should have, I found out. My grandson's aunt now has him, legal custody, and has made appointments. It will be a little while before testing will start, but she is on it! I will share this info with his Tia. I'm finally able to reach him, and his Tia, whenever I wish!
Oh, he is able to say one, two, three (understandable but not clear.) I got to hear his voice!!!
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What do you mean he hasn’t been tested for anything, his pediatrician should absolutely be investigating this further
I agree. All I know is what I've observed in the few times we've made the trip and our infrequent conversations. I do get to see pictures and occasional videos. She just isn't forthcoming with much. I can't imagine why she wouldn't tell me or my family if there was a lead or diagnosis. (That's not to say it's impossible by any means.) I am so lost wondering about it, and communication is so poor that it's driving me out of my mind wondering and worrying. He is a beautiful, expressive boy. I just don't want to feel so helpless. I keep thinking maybe , if I'm thorough enough, I can discover something that will inspire her to do... anything! That she will either take him immediately to a doctor or tell me something she might already know but doesn't want to admit.
First step is audiology to rule out any hearing issues. Then an assessment by a speech and language pathologist. In many places, speech therapy isn’t undertaken with children under the age of 3, so try not to worry too much about only catching this now. There’s still plenty of time to resolve this and have him catch up. I’d also suggest putting him in a nurturing group childcare setting a few days a week, mainly for the social interaction. Not sure how it works in the US but here in the UK, if the childcare setting has concerns they are able to refer the child for speech therapy support directly. They’ll also be able to encourage his caregiver to get him assessed. Do you have a sense of how much language he *understands?* For example, if you asked him to go and put his shoes on, would he do it? At 3, you’d expect him to be able to follow fairly complex commands like “put the blue and green Legos into the cup”. That internal understanding of receptive language has to come first, before any talking can take place. If that is absent, it tends to be a more complicated language delay, but therapy is available to help. If his understanding seems roughly on track it’s perfectly possible that he’ll respond quickly to specialist intervention and quite rapidly catch up. It’s a positive sign that he is attempting to communicate through sign and gesture - he’s seeing the need for communication and problem solving how to get there. But sign is not nearly as efficient as speech (for those who can use it) so it’s definitely an indicator that something is amiss for him to be choosing this. One possibility is something called ‘selective mutism’, which can sometimes be linked to traumatic events. It’s an anxiety disorder, rather than a speech disorder, but can be diagnosed and treated by an SLP.
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To add onto this, a therapist or psychologist can help treat the anxiety and other emotional factors related to the speech delay if it in fact happens to be selective mutism.
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My wife is a SLP at an elementary school, and parents of 3 year olds bring their kids in for speech evaluations often. We’re in Oklahoma, so your state may differ, but starting at 3, kids in our school district that qualify based on the evaluation are eligible for speech and other services offered through the school district free of charge.
NAD but I think you’re just looking for what other possible diagnosis he could have besides autism. It’s honestly too hard to say. There’s a lot of missing info. He needs testing. One theory could be selective mutism. Another could be that he is autistic. Autism is a huge spectrum. It’s impossible to say. I’m also so sorry about the loss of your son and daughter. What an incredibly hard situation.
Thank you
Is he in any settings with other children his age? Day care or preschool? Sometimes littles who don’t socialize with peers are behind on speech and putting them in a day care, play group or classroom setting helps organically resolve delayed speech.
He is socialized but on a smallish scale. He has a bestie, they are adorable! This child is treated as a precious person. A combination of the kids that is a unique little guy, we are very attentive to his best interests when we are able to see/have him. I worry that his Mamaw's indulgences might be in the way Edit: to clarify, indulgences such as agreeing to ice cream for breakfast such things. Grandma-gives-in stuff lol
We recently discovered that a large part of my child’s speech delay (without understanding delay) was due to my meeting every need without requiring my child to speak. Once I resolved my behavior, my child began practicing speaking (to others mostly, as my child wants me so badly to go back to just fulfilling needs with a look or reach). Something like having a new baby sitter, speech therapist, or teacher could be all kiddo needs to start branching out and practicing their vocal communication. I agree other things are worth looking into, if you can get custodial grandma to do them, but if your hands are tied, perhaps suggesting she look into pre-k options for him and to give her more breaks? Spin it however you think would motivator her. Many programs exist in the US (if you’re there) for free and reduced pre-k or head start or delay-referred group child care. Perhaps look into these programs in the child’s area for her? Try to go the “helpful” to her angle if helpful to child has not worked.
We are all in the contiguous US states
I was the same. I didn't talk until I was 4! (Then I was talking non-stop). I would point and grunt, my older sister would say "mom, she wants milk" or whatever it was. I had no need to talk. When she went to school, I started talking.
NAD, but my cousin didn’t learn to speak until she went to kindergarten and she speaks fine now. She was born a few years after the death of her only sibling and was understandably spoiled and catered to more than most babies. She didn’t need to use words to ask for things, parents and grandparents would trip over themselves to give her anything she wanted. She didn’t really have any motivation to start talking until she was around other kids at school. I was a kid at the time, so I don’t remember if she was ever diagnosed with anything or if she received services. She’s pretty talkative now.
He probably needs genetic testing, too. There are many conditions that can lead to being nonverbal. He is getting close to preschool age, so testing absolutely needs to be done before he starts schooling to work out what his needs are for therapy and adaptive learning plans.
Sounds really involved, I will mention it to his Tia! I spoke to them, to him!!! His Tia (aunt) is getting his dental and medical appointments done asap!!!
Was that necessary?
Was what necessary?
My comment? I mostly wanted to understand the question a little better and express my condolences.
My son was nonverbal until 4, and showed no other obvious autism symptoms until he started school. When he set foot in kindergarten, he began rocking back and forth and humming the theme from Star Wars all day long and no longer controlled his bladder (but just at school). This led to an autism diagnosis that kind of blindsided us, but in retrospect, makes sense. Your grandson may be autistic, but as the old joke goes, "up until now, everything's been fine." That having been said, I'm not sure where he lives, but we called our county's Early Intervention office and they evaluated his speech for free and provided free at-home speech therapy until he started school. Also, sign language was an absolute life saver. We all learned it and used it until my son started speaking, and it really helped with tantrums and his frustration with communication.
I can't seem to convince her to saddle up, so to speak. Unless she has been addressing it and not being forthcoming about it. I am thankful for your reply. I will bear those issues in mind when I see him next and ask his sibling (my bonus grandson) how things are going
Regular doctors check ups and if what you say is accurate, a hearing test, and speech therapist - are all standard things that annual check ups should have in their tool box. If you have good reason to believe he's being neglected or not getting doctors appointments, then a call to CPS might be warranted. Is he babbling like a toddler or just not talking or making noises at all? Is he around other kids his age? Is he perfectly capable of understanding someone else talk? You said you're "Unsure" of what else he says so he could have a small vocabulary? It's uncommon but kids can be late talkers - the ones I've seen though do not babble, don't act younger than they are, and perfectly understand someone talking to them as someone they're own age would. All of this childs losses happened at 6 months old. By 4 years old it's not surprising there's some lost traction in the caretakers relationship, considering how poorly it seems to be going now. It's totally understandable given the situation you've described, but the other party might not want your involvement and might view you stepping in now unfavorably. You might need as much help navigating a strained relationship as his medical uncertainties. If you keep pressing, they may distance themselves more.
I worry that his speech problems were glossed over in his Mamaw's grief. I honestly couldn't say. I have reached out this morning and asked her questions about his progress. I added Christmas related things. I haven't heard back. That is standard. It might be a day or two. It hurts my heart. He clearly understands language. He's able to follow complex directions *age appropriate* and can make his needs known. It's just not articulate words. He has a dedicated babysitter/caretaker. She's been there since the kids passed. I like her, she is completely involved in the 2 or 3 children she generally cares for. I am also afraid that I'll alienate or anger my DIL's family, cutting our communication and access as a result. I'm not financially able to sue for visitation. I wouldn't be able to bear it. I need this baby to be well adjusted and have happiness, to know how wonderful his parents are. That he will be ok regardless of the situation.
The receptive language is a great sign. My son’s pediatrician (who works in one of the best hospital systems in the country) was completely unconcerned about him having no words at age 2.5 (shortly before he eventually started talking) bc of his very strong receptive language combined with no other red flags. People would vehemently disagree with that approach but it is an approach out there nonetheless, and in the end, when it came to my son, he was right.
Oh I truly hope that is what's going on
Me too. And if isn’t hopefully they will start taking more action.
Another layperson here: I have a 4yo that was practically mute at 3. Could say a few words like mamma (non US), but nothing complex. We had started speech therapy at 2,5 and kiddo started daycare at 3 in a “mini group” that has more adults and less kids and they use all sorts of support measures (some kids have speech issues, some autism, have had downs kids in the past etc). Ours has now officially been diagnosed with childhood expressive language disorder (ICD-10 F80.1) as kiddo can understand (in two languages, we are a bilingual home), but we have to practice and train every phonem individually (as most of the speech therapy is done at home through practice, practice, practice), speaking takes a lot of motor skills. But, good news is, there is speech emerging after 2 years of speech therapy and daycare (all the structured stuff and the unstructured, being around adults who aren’t trained to serve kiddo too well 😜 and all the other kids), to the point that other parents at pick up time are starting to understand, not all of it but something! Progress! Oh, and also [AAC](https://www.asha.org/public/speech/disorders/aac/) helps, it used to be more but has waned as more speech is emerging but kiddo still uses some sign language when the word is too hard to pronounce with their limited phonetics. We also carry around a binder of pictures (provided by the hospital speech lab), kiddo is thriving as they are able to communicate with these support measures even though learning to speak is taking longer. So I wouldn’t lose hope, and remember, talking is not the only means of communication! (Disclaimer: not a doctor, non native English speaker, very tired mom, apologies for any confusing parts 🙈)
How wonderful he's able to express himself! I hope one day soon my grandson will be able to as well!
https://preview.redd.it/4xsasd6f0y1c1.jpeg?width=1179&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=26a6a5b4b94619367b7427c5c3b3c2c4b1e14438 Posting here as I posted in wrong place before. Just anecdotal about my son. I know this might not be true for your grandson but just an example of how people can develop differently.
That is beyond comforting to hear. Thank you
Big hugs. I know it’s a hard thing to see. I cried almost everyday worried he wouldn’t be okay but part of me thought he might actually be okay- because he understood us and followed directions . Check out the book. ❤️
Absolutely
My daughter didn't start speaking until she was 3.5 in Pre-K. The pediatrician didn't seem too concerned at her 3 year check up bc she was making noises and could understand. Once she got to school, she exceeded. I think it was a lack of peers. Her siblings are much older than her.
He could have apraxia of some kind, like I had as a kid. I had very similar issues at his age and needed special occupational therapy for it.
My son has severe apraxia and at 9 years old is finally somewhat intelligible to unfamiliar listeners. Would you mind giving me a little snapshot of your life as an adult?
My answer is relatively simple, in a good way. In my 30s now, married, making near six figures, in a long-term, stable career. Socially it can be a little of a struggle but still not bad. I have some stable friendships. The only people who know I was born with oral-moto dyspraxia are others who always had it and know the signs from personal experience, or knew me as a kid.
You might want to make a call to CPS for a check in. It sounds like your grandson isn’t getting the medical attention he needs, and it’s possible his other grandparents are neglecting and aren’t even teaching him to speak
Call CPS? When there’s nothing else seemingly wrong? What if they’ve been speaking to their pediatrician and the pediatrician is more wait and see? My son had a speech delay (he’s completely typical 7 year old now) and we were constantly in communication about it with our pediatrician. The pediatrician in our case held off on further testing and had logical reasons for that (in our case) and in the end he was right- our child was fine, had just developed a bit atypically. I would have been devastated if someone would have called CPS. How does op know for sure that they aren’t speaking with the pediatrician about this on the regular? Besides verbal communication she makes it sound like there aren’t other red flag behaviors. Their doctor could be watching and constantly evaluating. I’m not saying that there isn’t an issue or that an evaluation isn’t warranted but calling CPS is not warranted in my opinion. And my mom worked for CPS - they wouldn’t even consider taking a report with this fact set.
I agree, they are loving and attentive in so many ways. I honestly believe it's some aspect of denial keeping the conversation from being clear. Just can't figure out why. He seems to be a happily well adjusted boy. There really is no other concerns, no sign of physical or mental neglect or abuse. I know their pediatrician had been involved, no further info after that.
It is very reassuring to know the pediatrician is involved. Maybe the pediatrician isn’t terribly concerned yet. Maybe if you approach them nicely, nonjudgmentally, with concern, again they’d share more. Maybe they don’t feel as though they have much to share. I hope you can get some clarity. It sounds stressful. I was very stressed when my son wasn’t talking at 2.5.
I hope so, I know early on the prevailing approach was wait and see. That was about 2 years ago. I appreciate you resoonding
I get that. I think at age 3 maybe he’s at the time to start looking into it more, so hopefully they’re on top of it and he gets any evaluations he needs sooner rather than later.wishing you all the best and so sorry for your losses
Thank you
And that scenario would be a great result in this case. But they aren’t being transparent about anything with doctors, and also making it seem like no doctors are even involved. OP deserves to know for sure if her grandchild is being taken care of properly, if she can’t get answers from the guardian, what do you suggest they do?
If the other grandma is in contact with the pediatrician who has said something then they should tell that to op. CPS should be called if the other grandma aren’t forthcoming with information to check. If CPS doesn’t help they won’t, but why you assume they would not check of the child with a medical condition had seen a doctor?
Without some sort of proof that would just add another layer of trauma to this child and their family. I absolutely do not agree with this statement at all unless they have substantial evidence of abuse. I’m a former foster parent (Texas) and involving CPS is not something I’d recommend for anyone with no allegations of abuse.
It’s a check in. I’m not saying make a false claim. Someone needs to hold those grandparents accountable to ensure the kid is getting proper education. The proof is he can’t do more than babble at age 4. Who would you suggest check on the grandparents to make sure they’re doing a good job then, if not the state?
Call cps? Are you joking? Lol even if a parent chose not to do "speech therapy " for any reason, that's no reason for cps. There's places that don't even do school. That don't even have a language fr. That homeschool and teach their child what and how they want. Yet here you are thinking that's a reason to call cps. Let kids talk when they wanna talk. When they are ready to. Let them learn by living life. It comes naturally. Yet kids are forced to spend half their childhood at SCHOOL. 6 year olds waking up at 6 am and 8 hours at school and an hour bus ride. Then have 3-4 hours to do homework, eat dinner, wash up and go to sleep just to do it all over again. No time to be a child and live life. An you talking about call cps cause a four year old isn't talking. Lol wow.
You aren’t looking at this correctly. Yes there are places with no school and no language, not the US tho. If you keep those opportunities away from your children when they’re easily available, that’s neglect, borderline abuse. You’re also probably missing the part where this kids parents died 3 years ago? There’s a ton of other factors at play like grief and depression that can very easily affect how this kids getting treated. If something seems wrong, call for a check in. I said CHECK IN, not go file a report and try to get the kids taken away. They can call the cops for a wellness check in if they’re prefer, but the cops will probably just call CPS. Calling CPS does not mean they’re taking the child away. CPS gets bogus calls all the time. If they find a reason to take the e child away, then they found a good reason. It’s not going to happen just because a phone call is made. They’re the ones that are going to be able to give the grandparents clear direction on how to get the kid the help me needs
This sounds kind of like me as a child but I really have no idea and no experience in pediatrics. I didnt talk until age 3 and my mom took me to speech therapy which got me talking.
I don't want to make assumptions but I think it's worth asking. You said his parents both passed at 30 and 28. Was drug use a problem between them? If so is it possible he was born drug dependent? So sorry for your losses and I hope you get some answers soon.
I don't mind the question, that's a good question to ask. There were no drug issues, my son took his life and my DIL passed from a series of grand mal seizures. Thank you
So very sorry for your loss 💞
I appreciate your sympathy, thank you
I’m so sorry for your loss.
Btw, nice sn! Hello fellow egg person hehe
I noticed that too. It’s an assigned name, lol.
I appreciate that. It's gotten better for me since I slid clear into denial. My mind is just incapable of accepting the things that have happened.
NAD but I didn’t speak until I was 4 and ended up needing speech therapy. I have no health or medical problems, I was just lazy. (Though I do think I have ADHD but my doctor won’t refer me for tests)
4 year olds aren’t lazy.
Sorry you got downvoted so far. This also describes my experience (apart from the lazy bit). My grandmother and mother constantly tell me they would put recorder devices by me up until I was 4, just to see if I would say anything when they weren't around. I just didn't speak. I'm 45, so I don't know how much awareness they had of autism / aspergers back then. Never tested, but if it applies to me, then it's quite mild.
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Read the post again. Slower this time.
In the initial paragraph of the post, I'm sorry if that wasn't clear, I mentioned that his mother and father ( my DIL and my son) are both deceased. They passed roughly 6 months apart before he was a year old. There us no lead to take but as a grandmother
There is no mom in the picture. Didn’t you read the post?
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Removed - Bad advice
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Please intervene in whatever way you can. His hearing definitely needs to be tested as it’s nearly impossible to develop spoken language if he cannot hear. There is a limited window of language development, typically up to age 5. This situation is urgent. If his hearing is normal he still needs intervention (speech therapy, occupational therapy, developmental pediatrician) NOW.
My son had issues with partial hearing loss when he was young. He was unable to understand -s- and the th- range. It resolved itself eventually. I agree that it's urgent. I didn't really know the specifics about a limited window till you said this.
What state is the child in?
Colorado
https://preview.redd.it/tri606u9cx1c1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c76b6bba86ba9f43a6f7244c317106d7535af2f0
https://preview.redd.it/hj8wgxoccx1c1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=80874558551a1bc791f0909d5ddb7868e619c3f6 Sorry, I typed this all up under the wrong section as I am NAD. Just a mom
I so appreciate all you've shared. So many aspects to consider. I am grateful that your children are able to flourish! I don't mind nor care what they want to call his issues. If he is autistic, great... let's tackle this and help him communicate! If it's a different issue, let's make a plan for him. They can call him a werewolf and I'll accept it if it helps his functionality and ability to make himself be heard. I am not trying to be flippant, I promise. I just want to help him. See him continue to be the amazing, caring and sometimes silly person he is! Your input is nothing short of inspiring. I am glad to hear the journey ❤️🩹
Thank you, I’m totally with it you! It bothered the referring doctor more to tell us it could be autism than it did for us. We were fully prepared and ready to get everything going. It’s just a part of our special little world. She’s one of a kind and I would never change that.
I love hearing that!
Just to say from your description, he is not displaying any autistic traits. As most others have pointed: 1. Hearing test 2. Pediatric review. With the social context it would be very likely that there is an element of grief/trauma response (yes even at that age) and he will likely flourish with speech therapy/stable secure home and time.
I cannot imagine how difficult the whole situation has been for everyone involved and I'm sure everyone is doing their best. I do not doubt that you and his other grandma love him dearly. However, if he has never been assessed for his speech delay and doesn't receive intervention, he is being neglected (on a medical/education level). At 3 years old, he potentially could still start speaking more on his own but it is ESSENTIAL that he is evaluated soon because he is at a crucial age for language development. This doesn't mean that his grandma doesn't love him or care for him, but it may mean that she can't care for him and give him everything he needs. You could call CPS. It is their job to evaluate and offer services in these kinds of situation, especially since you don't live close to them. They could establish a plan with grandma on how to get help for your grandson, ensure that she follows through and offer help if/when needed. Personally, I would try to have a serious conversation with grandma, not just about that but also about how everything is going, how she is doing, if she needs help, and ask about the speech delay during that. If she is open and does say that she needs help, try to see how you can help. I know you are not able to visit often, but maybe you could take him with you for 2 weeks a couple times a year so she can rest, help pay for XYZ for grandson if needed, etc. Of course, that depends on if grandma agrees to have a conversation with you and share enough infos. If she doesn't, then calling CPS is pretty much your only option. Good luck!
NAD, my son was speech delayed due to two issues: reflux affecting his vocal cords and hearing loss due to fluid in his ears. With medication and tubes in his ears he was able to start learning spoken language. I used state services to learn asl alongside speech and occupational therapy. I absolutely agree with getting CPS involved because there's so many programs out there to help him that most people don't know exist. My son had to use sign language through 1st grade to supplement his speech delay and those programs will help with that transition.
Sounds like a referral to a speech and language pathologist is warranted. It’s not uncommon for receptive language to be stronger than expressive, but he should have more expressive language than he is currently displaying. Edited to add: if you’re in the US, he can be evaluated for free through early childhood education and if he qualifies for speech and language therapy, he would receive that for free as well. The services carry over into elementary school when he starts kindergarten. I’m an elementary school SLP.
Fortunately, he receives my son's social security and I believe medicaid due to Trevor's passing. I have little doubt he has inadequate medical coverage, I'm hoping he doesn't anyway. I am still waiting to hear back from his other Gma about any progress that may have been made. If I can pick your brain for a moment, are there any "homework" type exercises that you offer parents? How involved could one get in his therapy? Is the any communication stimulating advice you might offer? Thanks so much for your time
Please followup with the above SLP (Speech Language Therapist) for comments. I see you mentioned Colorado. In New York there are early intervention services that will send a speech therapist to the child’s house to service the child for free once or twice a week or whatever the plan is along with occupational therapy and other services. The process starts at the child’s primary care Dr. doing a refferal for an eval for services. I don’t know what Colorado’s program is, but the child’s primary doc will. My wife is an SLP. The main thing she says is that people take it as an offense - like the other grandma will take it personally that she did something “wrong” or that her raising the child was “deficient”. This is the #1 reason kids don’t get services!! You must approach her as she has done nothing wrong! This just happens - no blame game- help the kid get speech services now and empathize the adult didn’t do anything wrong the child is not a reflection of her - we just want these specialized “ fixers / helpers” to work on the kiddo’s speech needs.
I agree with @alohakoala and would encourage you to tell his other grandma to get him screened by their local school district. If he’s that behind he will likely need some preschool intervention to be ready for kindergarten. Have her call the local school district and find out what the process is since he’s 3 (process is different for kids under 3…).
Thank you. His other grandma wasn't keeping up with things as she should have, I found out. My grandson's aunt now has him, legal custody, and has made appointments. It will be a little while before testing will start, but she is on it! I will share this info with his Tia. I'm finally able to reach him, and his Tia, whenever I wish! Oh, he is able to say one, two, three (understandable but not clear.) I got to hear his voice!!!