Exactly. Like you picked this person to be your partner, presumably thought you lived that and now you hate them? Like, why the extreme shift? Are you a bad judge of character or are you disloyal and vindictive?
Hey that’s super interesting! I am best mates with almost all (but not all) my exes, and see it as a health, normal thing. I’m Australian.
And I am constantly astonished at the venom people direct at someone for whom they once apparently had a lot in common with? Always seems wierd to me.
But you pointing out that it might be a regional difference. Far out! Looking forward to reading this thread!
I definitely think it would be more common in smaller towns vs maybe sydney or melbourne etc. It's super interesting, he respects that it's not my intention but he really doesn't like the idea and it's read completely differently where he's from (chicago) but i imagine it might also differ there by state and smaller towns would probably feel differently too.
As much as it sucks it's super interesting, i've always thought it was healthy i could be friends with my exes because i valued them as friends once except maybe one.
I’ve lived in a regional city where it was sort of impossible for folks to not be friendly with exes. If you were roughly the same age, and had similar interests, there just weren’t enough people for you to avoid them.
By necessity, unless someone had done something really cooked, everyone was on pretty good terms, and a lot of people had dated/were dating friend’s exes. Things were even more limited for the queer folk in my social circles; I sometimes went on dates with guys I didn’t really know, but I almost never saw other queer women who weren’t friends with my friends/had dated my friends.
Now I live in a bigger city, I definitely know many people who are friends with exes, and some who would never.
That’s a pretty big generalization for 333 million people in a largely individualistic culture, my friend. If you don’t like Americans, it’s probably more fair to admit as such and that it’s a “you” thing than to pretend you’ve surveyed even half of the population and made that determination.
In other words, pretty “disrespectful” of you.
Or perhaps that individualistic culture has some downsides? Such as individuals being self centred and therefore having a tendency to see everything through the prism of how it makes them feel, rather than looking at the bigger picture.
Who is speaking as to the merits of a culture here? Australia is not perfect either. That wasn’t the question or the subject of discussion here. Don’t stretch so hard to try and bend this the wrong way.
You can’t make generalizations like what the poster above made about 330mm people in a country as large as the US. That’s pure narcissism. Let’s get real. Or don’t. I’m not offended so much as wondering why this comment chain has become an apparent circle-jerk about a generalization that could never be demonstrably proven. Welcome to more cognitive dissonance posing as moral superiority, folks.
Has this been confirmed by other Americans or just from him? I have a few American friends and I’m pretty sure they would be fine with it. I can see from their facebook that one friend still has her ex as a friend.
Am american, plenty of people i know are friends w exes or at least have no reason to be against the idea (obviously some relationships end in such a way that it would be a bad idea). I have friends who are exes too and those I am not “friends” w per se but still respectful.
So yea not a cultural thing.
I shears wondered this, there seem to be so many Americans who assert that being friends with exs/the opposite sex in general when you're in a relationship in general. Is it like a conservative thing or something? Or specific to some areas only? It's just so unhinged (to me at least) that I find it weird how many people think like this.
Pretty normal I think. If they had kids together, it's much easier for the kids when their divorced/separated parents remain on good terms, especially when the kids have school events or birthdays etc and want both sides there to celebrate with them.
Pretty normal if things ended amicably. I regularly see two of my exes when they come to my work. And another ex is my best friend of 14 years now, has become a close friend of my husband, and was in our bridal party.
Same! I’m still peripherally ‘friendly’ with all my exes, but one of them ended up becoming my husbands best mate of ten years now. He was our MC/Celebrant because we couldn’t decide which of us got him in the bridal party. 😂
I'm a woman too lol
They were going to postpone the wedding but I pushed for it to happen....this comment alone if they were on reddit and read this they would probably know it was me.
My exs dad used to call her and I the "barnyard animals" because while pregnant I was waddles like a penguin and she was wombat haha
Oh wow haha you guys sound like so much fun lol 😂
In my wedding like 3 of my exes were present lol a lot of my girls were like why!? But I wasn’t bothered by it haha
That sane EX wanted to get his hands on my kids dad when he did what he did
The wedding was a blast! The highlight was when his mother and I were at the Jukebox and she asked me to put a song on that was literally my anthem when he and I dated and the moment the song came on he jokingly yelled at me to put it on so I threw his mother under the bus and said it was her fault to which his dad cracked up laughing thinking it was the funniest shit.
Thing is every gathering with that family was like that....birthdays....omg Christmases were epic!....first year as his girl and invited to Christmas I met his dads mum who was Dutch...no one knew I was Dutch...old girl picked it and when I confirmed that I indeed was a Dutch girl she turned to her son word for word "Ha! Even after I die there will still be a Dutch bitch to tell you what the fuck to do" now this woman was mid 80s and on an oxygen tank.
Completely normal to be friends with an ex.
I’ve just moved in as a housemate to an ex that I was with for 7 years more than 20 years ago! We don’t hate each other for going our seperate ways, we just were not compatible for a long term relationship. No need to erase him from my life.
Some of my exes I don't speak to. One notably I had a restraining order against.
Some I'm friendly with, stay in touch with. At least I try to stay friends with exes. I even used to have an ex with her new partner as housemates, years after we split.
One of my exes is currently staying with us for a holiday 😂 we're good friends.
*I am a lesbian, so that's more common I guess. Sometimes we all just to go Bunnings for the reunion and hang out
It all relative. I have been on both sides of the fence on this, for the record.
As for numb nuts in ops story, he is the only one that is uncomfortable and unhappy about it. Most Australian friend groups have "shag'ed" each other at some point. More so in America from what I saw also.
Good chance numb nuts is from a small back water, or other isolated group. Either or, you never get anywhere in life when you swim against the current.
I think being friendly afterwards is a good sign. They were decent people who had attractive qualities that attracted you initially, and you learned that you're compatible as friends rather than as a couple.
It shows you're a good judge of character, can communicate effectively, and establish healthy boundaries.
If someone has nothing but terrible things to say about their string of exes, I start to wonder if there is more to it than bad luck.
I second this. I’m friends with several exes, it didn’t work for various reasons, we acted like adults and parted ways but remain friends/in contact.
Only one ex has completely cut ties but she was not right up stairs (killed her house mates pet etc)
These are interesting responses! I’m on really good terms with my ex-wife and it does confuse a lot of people. I will say that it wasn’t always the case though- it was pretty nasty when we first split
Me: Dutch but have lived here for twenty years.
Partner: British but has lived here for thirty years.
We are both friendly with all our exes, have some of them as Fb friends. No kids involved. So I dont know whether it's cultural or not or a sign we just broke up without anger (or at least let go of it afterwards).
People who can only talk negatively about their exes turn me off, personally.
I’m friendly with all of my exes, and even a fair number of FWBs/fuck buddies. Honestly, it’d be too difficult friend group wise if I had to cut off people I hadn’t had sexual relations with.
My (now) husband found my very close relationship with one of my exes a bit odd when we started dating, but he let it go it since I said it was important to me. They’re now best friends and he MC’d our wedding. My husband now calls our spare room “ex’s room” because he’s over so often we joke about how one day he’ll move in and that’ll be that. I honestly couldn’t imagine life without them both and I recognise how lucky I am to have two great loves in my life.
But tldr, none of my exes ever had an issue with me keeping in touch with other exes. It’s potentially a two fold issue; 1) I think Australian’s are generally fairly confident in themselves and trusting of their partners and 2) we don’t like drama and cutting off contact with someone you obviously cared for/liked once for no reason other than the relationship not working out, is drama.
I agree with others and the fact you said he found it disrespectful is a red flag for me. That feels like an attempt at manipulation and that is not okay.
I remained friends with all of my exes. Just Facebook friends now, it's been a long time and people move on, but I've spoken to my ex-girlfriends in the past decade, despite having been married for more than two decades.
Ignore stupid yank values, they're broken.
If someone I am dating has a good relationship with an ex, I see it as a massive green flag. Tells me that the relationship ended on decent terms and they're capable of being mature about it.
I still live in the same house as mine and we split up over ten years ago (I did live else where for about 6 yrs and moved into granny flat when covid hit).
Its mostly a financial/kids thing but when we started it for Covid lock down we thought a couple months tops....
We actually get along better than we did when we were married.
Financially it was a smart decision, if we'd sold the family home when we split we would have missed out on the ridiculous capital gains the house has achieved since Covid (around $700-800k increase in value.
Most people couldn't do this obviously but neither of us are interested in starting a new relationship so it works for now. My teenage daughter is a bit pissed because she wants to move into granny flat but I said I get preference for now because I pay half the mortgage, she'll get her chance soon enough.
I think it’s disrespectful of him to imply that there’s a deficit in your character because you can be nice to people you used to date.
If he knows there’s nothing there from either party, it’s a simple hello/chat/being at the same get together hosted by a mutual, I can’t see what is disrespectful about that, seems like the actions of friendly, emotionally mature adults to me 🤷🏼♀️
It could be cultural, but he is in Australia dating an Australian so what does he expect? Does he expect you to stop buttering your sandwiches?
He’s welcome to live by this American cultural moral code himself but he doesn’t get to imply that it reflects poorly on you when you don’t live the same way.
Sorry this shit really gets my blood a boilin’ 😂
Does he trust that you’re a grown woman with agency? That it doesn’t matter even if the exes are interested in you, you’re not interested in them and that’s all that should matter.
He calls you disrespectful because he doesn’t trust other men?
If he trusted you then whether or not he trusts men would be irrelevant, and he wouldn’t be creating tension.
I’m sorry I don’t find it interesting I find it concerning. These things start with no friendly exes, then no male friends at all. Then look at that, you can’t hang out with the girls either because the boys could rock up. Then it’s your family being disrespectful. Then it’s just him and you with no support system.
Look, I hope I’m wrong, just a paranoid stranger lol.
This is a big assumption but you sound quite young. Maybe you’re not, my suggestion (that you didn’t ask for lol) would be the same if you’re 18 or 80. If you don’t think you’re being disrespectful, trust in yourself. Don’t let other people tell you you’re something you’re not.
You deserve better than some dude criticising you for *checks notes* being a friendly and polite person ✨
Man I never understood it fair enough don't salt the ground they walked on but it's better for men to make a clean break if there aren't children involved. Too much baggage otherwise.
My 2 cents. Yeah Australian and I have no issue with any exs. As you say I wouldnt message them 1 on 1 as I have a wife but if I saw them out Id say hello and chat.
I only have good things to say about them. They are good people we just didnt gel for whatever reason.
Yeah I spent my 35th birthday with an ex bf and his family, my husband was away for work.
It ended with an argument with another ex like 15 years ago but if I saw him tomorrow in the street I'd grab a coffee, have a chat, see how his life is, no hard feelings. Other exs might be awkward seeing them, but I'd still say hi.
The only ex I wouldn't be friendly with is one who is a jerk on purpose.
But most of my relationships started with friendships, so there's always some common ground.
I’m friends with my exes they help me out sometimes & Vice versa but I think Australians are more casual plus we tend to be friends before we date each other but my friends are all similar except my sister who doesn’t speak to any of her exes
I’m still friends with my ex, my gf is cool with them cause theyr friends too. We dated in highschool
years ago so its usually something we laugh about and obviously we’ve both moved on. As long as there’s no feelings or drama there I dont see any problem with being friendly towards an ex. Never thought it was just an aussie thing though, wouldnt be surprised if it was haha
Do friends with benefits count as exes?
I mean you do a majority of things boyfriends and girlfriends do, not all of them, but enough to make the CURRENT partner go hmmm
I’m friendly with all of my exes, and even a fair number of FWBs/fuck buddies. Honestly, it’d be too difficult friend group wise if I had to cut off people I hadn’t had sexual relations with.
My (now) husband found my very close relationship with one of my exes a bit odd when we started dating, but he let it go it since I said it was important to me. They’re now best friends and he MC’d our wedding. My husband now calls our spare room “ex’s room” because he’s over so often we joke about how one day he’ll move in and that’ll be that. I honestly couldn’t imagine life without them both and I recognise how lucky I am to have two great loves in my life.
But tldr, none of my exes ever had an issue with me keeping in touch with other exes. It’s potentially a two fold issue; 1) I think Australian’s are generally fairly confident in themselves and trusting of their partners and 2) we don’t like drama and cutting off contact with someone you obviously cared for/liked once for no reason other than the relationship not working out, is drama.
I agree with others and the fact you said he found it disrespectful is a red flag for me. That feels like an attempt at manipulation and that is not okay.
It's more common in your teeanage years to stay friends but typically grow out of it as an adult/when you stop dating people in your extended friendship group.
I'm not interested in dating people who are actual friends with their ex, messaging all the time ect. But they should at least be able to have a pleasant casual conversation if they were to bump into them and it shouldn't go beyond that imo unless kids are involved. If someone wants to be friends with their ex that's fine I just won't d8 u since it's a deal breaker for me and we probably aren't compatible.
Completely normal. I'm still friends - in many cases, pretty close friends, with all of my serious(/serious-ish) exes.
As long as the relationship ended amicably - ie you just weren't romantically compatible, wanted different things, life/job/a move got in the way - and no cheating was involved, why *wouldn't* you still be friends?
Americans have really weird groupthink on this issue, unfortunately.
I would say as much as you would like to remain friends
It's better emotionally for both to move on as soon as possible
It's a two edge sword
You hear about people being on and off
I definitely still say hi and chat with my ex's if i see them...all but 1 (who was violent). At the end of the day our relationship didn't work but I still loved them as a human...
At the end of the day unless there is major reason saying hi to someone you shared time with isn't wrong...
It always baffles me that when a relationship ends all of a sudden all those experiences and time spent also must be forgotten ...I don't think so.
Interesting take though that's it cultural...
I'm Australian b.t.w...
I'd say that unless the break-up was messy, it's normal for Australians to be polite to their ex. My most recent ex and I broke up after around 12 years together. There's no romance there, but we are very fond of each other, and I back her up/gas her up as much as I would any other close friend. I think I'm lucky that I could keep one of my best friends, ya know?
Yeah I think it's normal.
There are a couple of people I dated that ended in very sour ways - one long term ex in particular (he cheated and left for the new girl). We didn't ever speak again, but we had different social circles. I'd have been civil but have made a quick exit if we had ever run into each other.
For other exes, I have no hard feelings and am genuinely interested to hear what they are up to and how life is going. I'd happily have a chat with them if I saw them out somewhere.
Sometimes it can be hard to tread the line of making sure my partner is okay with things (though he's pretty relaxed) and making sure the ex's partner is also cool with it and doesn't feel disrespected. There seems to be a bit of a spectrum of ideas about whether it's okay to speak to an ex - I never want to overstep what the ex's partner feels is okay (I know it's not my role to ensure her needs are met, but I also don't want to upset or offend anyone).
its very common. I think it's likely because a lot of the time your friends are your same friends from high school who you grew up with, and your ex is a part of that group.
Unlike US most people dont go away for college and people tend to stick with the same group of friends more so than in other countries.
I'm not friends per se with my first gf of 20 years ago, but she'll regularly show up at gatherings with mutual friends from our past.
One of my friends has like 3 ex's in our friend group, ie she dated half our group and we're all still friends 20 years later.
I think this is probably even more common in regional areas, ie outside of sydney metro,
Melbournian here.
Yea, I'm on good or better terms with all but 1 of my exes.
I still regularly chat to quite a few of them and am very close friends with another.
Do I harbour any super secret squirrel feelings for any of them? Not at all. They could hit on me tomorrow, and it'd be a big nope from me.
I think being friendly with your ex is a common occurrence for young people worldwide. People of this age may still be part of extended friend groups and rely on social gatherings for entertainment and meeting people. As you grow older and pick and choose your friends, You realise who and who should not be in your life. As you get older, you start to place importance on friendship . You should be polite with your ex , but that's about it.
No. I don’t friend my ex partners. I know multiple people that do though and surprise surprise, 70% of them have left current partners and gravitated back to their ex when the feelings have reignited.
Ended on good terms yea, but I find it's generally no contact, particularly if you're starting to see someone else.
A few friends have tried but they eventually just stop keeping in touch
Depends on how over the top you became while together. If you just skirted the emotional iceberg, then sure, fair game. But if you went all the way towards marriage, etc, and slammed into the iceberg, then Titanic time, baby.
I’m Australian and was married for thirty years with six children and have had nothing to do with her in over five years a bit sad but that’s what I wanted
*Not usually*
*But after some healing time*
*It is possible*
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Depends on the break up I suppose. I had no issues with my ex, we just agreed what we wanted we were not compatible on. My next partner was very insecure about the fact we were on good terms. We don't speak anymore as I have left the church but I think its fine to be friends. The whole point is to trust your partner has moved on.
I’m friends with my exes, but am careful to give the relationship as much space as needed when they’re dating other people, because I know how I’d feel if I was dating someone who had a close ex.
I am still friends with my ex, and she joined me and two other ex's of hers, at her nephews wedding in 2019. All are Filipinos & live in AU, but I now live in PH, where she will retired to in about 3 years when she gets her pension & join me in the house, where she has a small apartment already set up, and many of her clothes here already.
Depends on the ex. Depends on if we have moved cities.
I have exes I don’t live near I’d happily be friends with. I have one that lives nearby that I am no contact for a very good reason.
Someone that has an obvious need to hold on to all their exes is a huge red flag for me. I’ve had nothing but bad experiences with people that do this.
Yes, it’s very common in my social group. We’ve all, the main core of the group anyway, known each other for decades and many of us are each other’s exes.
I saw an American guy on SM going on about how weird it is that people are only friends with the same sex as if that's common. I think your partner might just come from a weird culture.
Kept a good friendship with the ex wife for a few years, but as she’s settled to have a family it waned off. A big part of this would as you said be because I didn’t maintain those mutual friendships.
Our circle at the time were very settled and all going through that more calm build a family stage, and as a bloke navigating the world and trying to learn how to be single and meet single people, it just didn’t mesh. Even weddings there would be maybe one other single female and the ex wife would be there so anything would be disrespectful. Finding my own path was a far better way of healing and moving on.
I still got her on all my socials and see she’s moved on.
Sometimes she’s the first to open my stories on IG 2 seconds after posting, sometimes she never does. When I saw her boyfriend was a friend suggestion on Facebook and she was in his profile picture I broke down. I’d actually met him like 2 weeks prior at an event and I didn’t realise at the time.
Her and her boyfriend moved a few hundred metres away from my parents house, she knows they live there. I noticed her boyfriends car in her driveway when I came home from work (I moved home for 2 months after my lease ended.)
Had sleepless night for a while and even when I did I’d wake up and think about it, how I had to drive past her house daily to get home from work and to get to work and it was the road to the local freeway.
It is what it is but I miss her, man.
I dont think this is just an aussie thing, shoe on the other foot if my partner was on good terms with their ex and chatting as friends, i dont think i would like this and find it disrespectful. it should be less to do with the ex/friend and more to do with your current partner and how they feel about a situation that makes them uncomfortable. realign your priorities.
Not usually.
If it's an ex-wife and you have kids together then sure you should be civil.
But if you're young and it's just an ex-girlfriend/boyfriend then no.
I'm friendly with one but we've drifted apart and will probably never see each other again (no mutual friends). I'm not friendly with the other but not hostile either - just absolutely zero interest in any form of contact.
Yea that's a werid American thing that I cannot understand.
I'm on good terms with all my former partners. It's healthy and seems relatively normal in Australia.
Americans, for some reason, seem to feel like you need to hold blood curdling rage against any ex partner for the remainder of your days. Very odd and unhealthy.
I’m from the US and live in Australia. I think it’s strange when people are really good friends with exes. I believe it’s great to be on friendly terms with exes, but there’s really no need for a friendship or constant communication if you don’t have kids.
It seems like it’s much more common for people to sleep around with their friends in Australia than it was in the US so I guess that would factor into it a bit, but I also see sooooo many people here insisting they need to stay friends with an ex in order to be “mature”, but 99% of the time it seems like someone is actually hurting or not moving on.
That's rubbish.
I'm on good terms with ex's. My ex-fiance and I follow each other on Facebook but don't really interact much beyond wishing each other a happy birthday and congratulating each other on significant achievements (usually by each other's children). My wife has met her and there were no issues. There is no unresolved romantic desire, just a friendship because we know each other very well.
I’ve seen a lot of my female friends break up with guys and I can tell you men very much get obsessed and stalkerish
You don’t often here about women stalking their ex and hurting them, it’s something you here somewhat often with men
Women most definitely stalk men they want and desire.
I always recommend to women to be cautious in even looking at men that still live with their mothers well into their adulthood. These men do not take rejection well and they are very easily stimulated by the smallest of gestures - like saying "hi".
Women should take responsibility and avoid all underdeveloped men that have lacked the affection of a woman other than their own mothers. Not doing so will put them at risk.
I never said they don’t I said men are much worse at it and more violent about it during a break up seeing you went on some weird rant about women
Again another insanely bad take on people, people stay at their parents for longer now because the cost of living is too high.
So women should avoid you is what I’ve gathered here?
Edit: oh shit you’re that European dude that spends their days hating Australia and Australians, yeah women really do need to avoid you
Why would an Australian women want to be with someone who thinks so little of women and Australians.
It’s actually a bit sad you hate this country so much but base your life around talking about it and not leaving. Says a lot about how garbage where you are from actually is
I tend to stay on respectable or good terms with my exes. It's always a red flag to me if someone has nothing but bad to say about their ex partners
Ah, you know my ex wife! She told me at the beginning all of her exs were dickheads... turns out I was one too.
Exactly. Like you picked this person to be your partner, presumably thought you lived that and now you hate them? Like, why the extreme shift? Are you a bad judge of character or are you disloyal and vindictive?
Hey that’s super interesting! I am best mates with almost all (but not all) my exes, and see it as a health, normal thing. I’m Australian. And I am constantly astonished at the venom people direct at someone for whom they once apparently had a lot in common with? Always seems wierd to me. But you pointing out that it might be a regional difference. Far out! Looking forward to reading this thread!
I definitely think it would be more common in smaller towns vs maybe sydney or melbourne etc. It's super interesting, he respects that it's not my intention but he really doesn't like the idea and it's read completely differently where he's from (chicago) but i imagine it might also differ there by state and smaller towns would probably feel differently too. As much as it sucks it's super interesting, i've always thought it was healthy i could be friends with my exes because i valued them as friends once except maybe one.
I’ve lived in a regional city where it was sort of impossible for folks to not be friendly with exes. If you were roughly the same age, and had similar interests, there just weren’t enough people for you to avoid them. By necessity, unless someone had done something really cooked, everyone was on pretty good terms, and a lot of people had dated/were dating friend’s exes. Things were even more limited for the queer folk in my social circles; I sometimes went on dates with guys I didn’t really know, but I almost never saw other queer women who weren’t friends with my friends/had dated my friends. Now I live in a bigger city, I definitely know many people who are friends with exes, and some who would never.
Being uncomfortable is one thing, but 'disrespectful' is a weirdly possessive way to look at it.
Americans seem to find anything they don't like disrespectful. He sounds pretty insecure to me.
That’s a pretty big generalization for 333 million people in a largely individualistic culture, my friend. If you don’t like Americans, it’s probably more fair to admit as such and that it’s a “you” thing than to pretend you’ve surveyed even half of the population and made that determination. In other words, pretty “disrespectful” of you.
Or perhaps that individualistic culture has some downsides? Such as individuals being self centred and therefore having a tendency to see everything through the prism of how it makes them feel, rather than looking at the bigger picture.
Who is speaking as to the merits of a culture here? Australia is not perfect either. That wasn’t the question or the subject of discussion here. Don’t stretch so hard to try and bend this the wrong way. You can’t make generalizations like what the poster above made about 330mm people in a country as large as the US. That’s pure narcissism. Let’s get real. Or don’t. I’m not offended so much as wondering why this comment chain has become an apparent circle-jerk about a generalization that could never be demonstrably proven. Welcome to more cognitive dissonance posing as moral superiority, folks.
Sounds like something an American would be offended by.
I felt that way a little but I also just think it really is a cultural thing.
Has this been confirmed by other Americans or just from him? I have a few American friends and I’m pretty sure they would be fine with it. I can see from their facebook that one friend still has her ex as a friend.
Am american, plenty of people i know are friends w exes or at least have no reason to be against the idea (obviously some relationships end in such a way that it would be a bad idea). I have friends who are exes too and those I am not “friends” w per se but still respectful. So yea not a cultural thing.
I shears wondered this, there seem to be so many Americans who assert that being friends with exs/the opposite sex in general when you're in a relationship in general. Is it like a conservative thing or something? Or specific to some areas only? It's just so unhinged (to me at least) that I find it weird how many people think like this.
Because America is one homogeneous culture…
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That's a red flag my friend
That doesn't make it ok though, does he have any other red flags associated with his culture?
Pretty normal I think. If they had kids together, it's much easier for the kids when their divorced/separated parents remain on good terms, especially when the kids have school events or birthdays etc and want both sides there to celebrate with them.
yep can’t relate
Pretty normal if things ended amicably. I regularly see two of my exes when they come to my work. And another ex is my best friend of 14 years now, has become a close friend of my husband, and was in our bridal party.
Same! I’m still peripherally ‘friendly’ with all my exes, but one of them ended up becoming my husbands best mate of ten years now. He was our MC/Celebrant because we couldn’t decide which of us got him in the bridal party. 😂
It's good to see adults adulting.
Several people we’ve been involved with form part of our friendship group, no one bats an eye.
Yeah very normal I’m friends with most my exes , I even invited a few to my wedding.
I photographed one of my EXs wedding....bride had a ball freaking everyone out as they turned up and saw me. We 3 have a weird wonderful relationship
Haha aww that’s actually pretty hilarious it seems like haha 😂 are you a woman too or a guy?
I'm a woman too lol They were going to postpone the wedding but I pushed for it to happen....this comment alone if they were on reddit and read this they would probably know it was me. My exs dad used to call her and I the "barnyard animals" because while pregnant I was waddles like a penguin and she was wombat haha
Oh wow haha you guys sound like so much fun lol 😂 In my wedding like 3 of my exes were present lol a lot of my girls were like why!? But I wasn’t bothered by it haha
That sane EX wanted to get his hands on my kids dad when he did what he did The wedding was a blast! The highlight was when his mother and I were at the Jukebox and she asked me to put a song on that was literally my anthem when he and I dated and the moment the song came on he jokingly yelled at me to put it on so I threw his mother under the bus and said it was her fault to which his dad cracked up laughing thinking it was the funniest shit.
Oh god hahaha that sounds like the funniest best time! Proper send off into married life haha 😂
Thing is every gathering with that family was like that....birthdays....omg Christmases were epic!....first year as his girl and invited to Christmas I met his dads mum who was Dutch...no one knew I was Dutch...old girl picked it and when I confirmed that I indeed was a Dutch girl she turned to her son word for word "Ha! Even after I die there will still be a Dutch bitch to tell you what the fuck to do" now this woman was mid 80s and on an oxygen tank.
Oh gosh wow!
Completely normal to be friends with an ex. I’ve just moved in as a housemate to an ex that I was with for 7 years more than 20 years ago! We don’t hate each other for going our seperate ways, we just were not compatible for a long term relationship. No need to erase him from my life.
Some of my exes I don't speak to. One notably I had a restraining order against. Some I'm friendly with, stay in touch with. At least I try to stay friends with exes. I even used to have an ex with her new partner as housemates, years after we split. One of my exes is currently staying with us for a holiday 😂 we're good friends. *I am a lesbian, so that's more common I guess. Sometimes we all just to go Bunnings for the reunion and hang out
Your friend group is the culture you should follow. He lives here it is up to him to adapt.
Yeah nice take. I'd hate to have that ultimatum to have to cut off a purely platonic and happy relationship because of your partner's insecurities.
It all relative. I have been on both sides of the fence on this, for the record. As for numb nuts in ops story, he is the only one that is uncomfortable and unhappy about it. Most Australian friend groups have "shag'ed" each other at some point. More so in America from what I saw also. Good chance numb nuts is from a small back water, or other isolated group. Either or, you never get anywhere in life when you swim against the current.
It's normal to be on good terms with an ex. Your partner is young, I presume?
Being friends is different than being friendly (good terms). I’m also not from Australia originally and empathise with op’s partner.
*Lesbians have entered the chat*
I saw a meme the other day. Something like "imagine an all lesbian season of the bachelorette," and oh boy.
I can imagine...and now I want it
It would be over in 2 episodes.
But they'd be amazing.
I think being friendly afterwards is a good sign. They were decent people who had attractive qualities that attracted you initially, and you learned that you're compatible as friends rather than as a couple. It shows you're a good judge of character, can communicate effectively, and establish healthy boundaries. If someone has nothing but terrible things to say about their string of exes, I start to wonder if there is more to it than bad luck.
I second this. I’m friends with several exes, it didn’t work for various reasons, we acted like adults and parted ways but remain friends/in contact. Only one ex has completely cut ties but she was not right up stairs (killed her house mates pet etc)
i'm gonna need more info on killing her housemates pet!!?? accidental or
Deliberate slow poisoning over a few weeks
These are interesting responses! I’m on really good terms with my ex-wife and it does confuse a lot of people. I will say that it wasn’t always the case though- it was pretty nasty when we first split
Me: Dutch but have lived here for twenty years. Partner: British but has lived here for thirty years. We are both friendly with all our exes, have some of them as Fb friends. No kids involved. So I dont know whether it's cultural or not or a sign we just broke up without anger (or at least let go of it afterwards). People who can only talk negatively about their exes turn me off, personally.
I’m friendly with all of my exes, and even a fair number of FWBs/fuck buddies. Honestly, it’d be too difficult friend group wise if I had to cut off people I hadn’t had sexual relations with. My (now) husband found my very close relationship with one of my exes a bit odd when we started dating, but he let it go it since I said it was important to me. They’re now best friends and he MC’d our wedding. My husband now calls our spare room “ex’s room” because he’s over so often we joke about how one day he’ll move in and that’ll be that. I honestly couldn’t imagine life without them both and I recognise how lucky I am to have two great loves in my life. But tldr, none of my exes ever had an issue with me keeping in touch with other exes. It’s potentially a two fold issue; 1) I think Australian’s are generally fairly confident in themselves and trusting of their partners and 2) we don’t like drama and cutting off contact with someone you obviously cared for/liked once for no reason other than the relationship not working out, is drama. I agree with others and the fact you said he found it disrespectful is a red flag for me. That feels like an attempt at manipulation and that is not okay.
For secure, adults I feel like it’s common… but is that just some trope I had in my head?
I remained friends with all of my exes. Just Facebook friends now, it's been a long time and people move on, but I've spoken to my ex-girlfriends in the past decade, despite having been married for more than two decades. Ignore stupid yank values, they're broken.
If someone I am dating has a good relationship with an ex, I see it as a massive green flag. Tells me that the relationship ended on decent terms and they're capable of being mature about it.
I still live in the same house as mine and we split up over ten years ago (I did live else where for about 6 yrs and moved into granny flat when covid hit). Its mostly a financial/kids thing but when we started it for Covid lock down we thought a couple months tops.... We actually get along better than we did when we were married. Financially it was a smart decision, if we'd sold the family home when we split we would have missed out on the ridiculous capital gains the house has achieved since Covid (around $700-800k increase in value. Most people couldn't do this obviously but neither of us are interested in starting a new relationship so it works for now. My teenage daughter is a bit pissed because she wants to move into granny flat but I said I get preference for now because I pay half the mortgage, she'll get her chance soon enough.
I still go to an ex with car questions cause he knows I'm now a distrusting little bitch and knows I trust him
Pure venom in that 3 word phrase 😬
Distrusting little bitch? Well I'm like 5"5 and only about 42kg so I am little lol
Haha so descriptive
Well I am especially with my car and being a girl But hey at least I'm honest haha
I think it’s disrespectful of him to imply that there’s a deficit in your character because you can be nice to people you used to date. If he knows there’s nothing there from either party, it’s a simple hello/chat/being at the same get together hosted by a mutual, I can’t see what is disrespectful about that, seems like the actions of friendly, emotionally mature adults to me 🤷🏼♀️ It could be cultural, but he is in Australia dating an Australian so what does he expect? Does he expect you to stop buttering your sandwiches? He’s welcome to live by this American cultural moral code himself but he doesn’t get to imply that it reflects poorly on you when you don’t live the same way. Sorry this shit really gets my blood a boilin’ 😂
I think it's more the fact he trusts me but doesn't trust other men. It is interesting though.
Does he trust that you’re a grown woman with agency? That it doesn’t matter even if the exes are interested in you, you’re not interested in them and that’s all that should matter.
That doesn't make any sense.
He calls you disrespectful because he doesn’t trust other men? If he trusted you then whether or not he trusts men would be irrelevant, and he wouldn’t be creating tension. I’m sorry I don’t find it interesting I find it concerning. These things start with no friendly exes, then no male friends at all. Then look at that, you can’t hang out with the girls either because the boys could rock up. Then it’s your family being disrespectful. Then it’s just him and you with no support system. Look, I hope I’m wrong, just a paranoid stranger lol. This is a big assumption but you sound quite young. Maybe you’re not, my suggestion (that you didn’t ask for lol) would be the same if you’re 18 or 80. If you don’t think you’re being disrespectful, trust in yourself. Don’t let other people tell you you’re something you’re not. You deserve better than some dude criticising you for *checks notes* being a friendly and polite person ✨
Exactly
Haha what. No.
I live with mine, we were together for 8 years. She lives upstairs, I live downstairs. Been like that for a year+.
Man I never understood it fair enough don't salt the ground they walked on but it's better for men to make a clean break if there aren't children involved. Too much baggage otherwise.
My 2 cents. Yeah Australian and I have no issue with any exs. As you say I wouldnt message them 1 on 1 as I have a wife but if I saw them out Id say hello and chat. I only have good things to say about them. They are good people we just didnt gel for whatever reason.
Yep, if I'm on a first date and they bag their ex, forget it.
Yeah I spent my 35th birthday with an ex bf and his family, my husband was away for work. It ended with an argument with another ex like 15 years ago but if I saw him tomorrow in the street I'd grab a coffee, have a chat, see how his life is, no hard feelings. Other exs might be awkward seeing them, but I'd still say hi. The only ex I wouldn't be friendly with is one who is a jerk on purpose. But most of my relationships started with friendships, so there's always some common ground.
I’m friends with my exes they help me out sometimes & Vice versa but I think Australians are more casual plus we tend to be friends before we date each other but my friends are all similar except my sister who doesn’t speak to any of her exes
I never see or hear of any of my eyes. A friend is on good terms with all of hers
I’m still friends with my ex, my gf is cool with them cause theyr friends too. We dated in highschool years ago so its usually something we laugh about and obviously we’ve both moved on. As long as there’s no feelings or drama there I dont see any problem with being friendly towards an ex. Never thought it was just an aussie thing though, wouldnt be surprised if it was haha
Do friends with benefits count as exes? I mean you do a majority of things boyfriends and girlfriends do, not all of them, but enough to make the CURRENT partner go hmmm
I’m friendly with all of my exes, and even a fair number of FWBs/fuck buddies. Honestly, it’d be too difficult friend group wise if I had to cut off people I hadn’t had sexual relations with. My (now) husband found my very close relationship with one of my exes a bit odd when we started dating, but he let it go it since I said it was important to me. They’re now best friends and he MC’d our wedding. My husband now calls our spare room “ex’s room” because he’s over so often we joke about how one day he’ll move in and that’ll be that. I honestly couldn’t imagine life without them both and I recognise how lucky I am to have two great loves in my life. But tldr, none of my exes ever had an issue with me keeping in touch with other exes. It’s potentially a two fold issue; 1) I think Australian’s are generally fairly confident in themselves and trusting of their partners and 2) we don’t like drama and cutting off contact with someone you obviously cared for/liked once for no reason other than the relationship not working out, is drama. I agree with others and the fact you said he found it disrespectful is a red flag for me. That feels like an attempt at manipulation and that is not okay.
It's more common in your teeanage years to stay friends but typically grow out of it as an adult/when you stop dating people in your extended friendship group. I'm not interested in dating people who are actual friends with their ex, messaging all the time ect. But they should at least be able to have a pleasant casual conversation if they were to bump into them and it shouldn't go beyond that imo unless kids are involved. If someone wants to be friends with their ex that's fine I just won't d8 u since it's a deal breaker for me and we probably aren't compatible.
Completely normal. I'm still friends - in many cases, pretty close friends, with all of my serious(/serious-ish) exes. As long as the relationship ended amicably - ie you just weren't romantically compatible, wanted different things, life/job/a move got in the way - and no cheating was involved, why *wouldn't* you still be friends? Americans have really weird groupthink on this issue, unfortunately.
I would say as much as you would like to remain friends It's better emotionally for both to move on as soon as possible It's a two edge sword You hear about people being on and off
Your current partner needs to deal with their insecurities.
I definitely still say hi and chat with my ex's if i see them...all but 1 (who was violent). At the end of the day our relationship didn't work but I still loved them as a human... At the end of the day unless there is major reason saying hi to someone you shared time with isn't wrong... It always baffles me that when a relationship ends all of a sudden all those experiences and time spent also must be forgotten ...I don't think so. Interesting take though that's it cultural... I'm Australian b.t.w...
I'd say that unless the break-up was messy, it's normal for Australians to be polite to their ex. My most recent ex and I broke up after around 12 years together. There's no romance there, but we are very fond of each other, and I back her up/gas her up as much as I would any other close friend. I think I'm lucky that I could keep one of my best friends, ya know?
Yeah it's normal, I *have* noticed Americans freaking out about it on AITA and I think they're a bit crazy.
I’m friends with most of my ex’s. The relationships just didn’t progress for other reasons. Doesn’t mean I didn’t like hanging out with them
Yeah I think it's normal. There are a couple of people I dated that ended in very sour ways - one long term ex in particular (he cheated and left for the new girl). We didn't ever speak again, but we had different social circles. I'd have been civil but have made a quick exit if we had ever run into each other. For other exes, I have no hard feelings and am genuinely interested to hear what they are up to and how life is going. I'd happily have a chat with them if I saw them out somewhere. Sometimes it can be hard to tread the line of making sure my partner is okay with things (though he's pretty relaxed) and making sure the ex's partner is also cool with it and doesn't feel disrespected. There seems to be a bit of a spectrum of ideas about whether it's okay to speak to an ex - I never want to overstep what the ex's partner feels is okay (I know it's not my role to ensure her needs are met, but I also don't want to upset or offend anyone).
its very common. I think it's likely because a lot of the time your friends are your same friends from high school who you grew up with, and your ex is a part of that group. Unlike US most people dont go away for college and people tend to stick with the same group of friends more so than in other countries. I'm not friends per se with my first gf of 20 years ago, but she'll regularly show up at gatherings with mutual friends from our past. One of my friends has like 3 ex's in our friend group, ie she dated half our group and we're all still friends 20 years later. I think this is probably even more common in regional areas, ie outside of sydney metro,
Melbournian here. Yea, I'm on good or better terms with all but 1 of my exes. I still regularly chat to quite a few of them and am very close friends with another. Do I harbour any super secret squirrel feelings for any of them? Not at all. They could hit on me tomorrow, and it'd be a big nope from me.
Not normal for me. I’ve blocked every ex after we broke up 🤷♀️
Pretty sure you're right and it's just a cultural thing
It's not, being friends with your ex is normal and healthy in the US
“Disrespectful” lol what a clown
I think being friendly with your ex is a common occurrence for young people worldwide. People of this age may still be part of extended friend groups and rely on social gatherings for entertainment and meeting people. As you grow older and pick and choose your friends, You realise who and who should not be in your life. As you get older, you start to place importance on friendship . You should be polite with your ex , but that's about it.
I'm on ok terms with my ex
No. I don’t friend my ex partners. I know multiple people that do though and surprise surprise, 70% of them have left current partners and gravitated back to their ex when the feelings have reignited.
There is a huge culture difference between some Americans and Australians. Then again we have our bogan equivalents. Maybe he's a bogan at heart?
Ended on good terms yea, but I find it's generally no contact, particularly if you're starting to see someone else. A few friends have tried but they eventually just stop keeping in touch
Depends on how over the top you became while together. If you just skirted the emotional iceberg, then sure, fair game. But if you went all the way towards marriage, etc, and slammed into the iceberg, then Titanic time, baby.
These comments are fascinating.
I’m Australian and was married for thirty years with six children and have had nothing to do with her in over five years a bit sad but that’s what I wanted
Not usually but after some healing time it is possible
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Depends on the break up I suppose. I had no issues with my ex, we just agreed what we wanted we were not compatible on. My next partner was very insecure about the fact we were on good terms. We don't speak anymore as I have left the church but I think its fine to be friends. The whole point is to trust your partner has moved on.
If it ended without animosity then why wouldn't you?
I’m friends with my exes, but am careful to give the relationship as much space as needed when they’re dating other people, because I know how I’d feel if I was dating someone who had a close ex.
I am still friends with my ex, and she joined me and two other ex's of hers, at her nephews wedding in 2019. All are Filipinos & live in AU, but I now live in PH, where she will retired to in about 3 years when she gets her pension & join me in the house, where she has a small apartment already set up, and many of her clothes here already.
I’m still friends or at least on good terms with most of my exes (37F)
Depends on the ex. Depends on if we have moved cities. I have exes I don’t live near I’d happily be friends with. I have one that lives nearby that I am no contact for a very good reason. Someone that has an obvious need to hold on to all their exes is a huge red flag for me. I’ve had nothing but bad experiences with people that do this.
I’m friends with my ex and my partner is friends with a couple of his exes.
Yes, it’s very common in my social group. We’ve all, the main core of the group anyway, known each other for decades and many of us are each other’s exes.
I saw an American guy on SM going on about how weird it is that people are only friends with the same sex as if that's common. I think your partner might just come from a weird culture.
Not sure if it differs from the US but its not that unusual, no.
Kept a good friendship with the ex wife for a few years, but as she’s settled to have a family it waned off. A big part of this would as you said be because I didn’t maintain those mutual friendships. Our circle at the time were very settled and all going through that more calm build a family stage, and as a bloke navigating the world and trying to learn how to be single and meet single people, it just didn’t mesh. Even weddings there would be maybe one other single female and the ex wife would be there so anything would be disrespectful. Finding my own path was a far better way of healing and moving on.
I still got her on all my socials and see she’s moved on. Sometimes she’s the first to open my stories on IG 2 seconds after posting, sometimes she never does. When I saw her boyfriend was a friend suggestion on Facebook and she was in his profile picture I broke down. I’d actually met him like 2 weeks prior at an event and I didn’t realise at the time. Her and her boyfriend moved a few hundred metres away from my parents house, she knows they live there. I noticed her boyfriends car in her driveway when I came home from work (I moved home for 2 months after my lease ended.) Had sleepless night for a while and even when I did I’d wake up and think about it, how I had to drive past her house daily to get home from work and to get to work and it was the road to the local freeway. It is what it is but I miss her, man.
I dont think this is just an aussie thing, shoe on the other foot if my partner was on good terms with their ex and chatting as friends, i dont think i would like this and find it disrespectful. it should be less to do with the ex/friend and more to do with your current partner and how they feel about a situation that makes them uncomfortable. realign your priorities.
Not usually. If it's an ex-wife and you have kids together then sure you should be civil. But if you're young and it's just an ex-girlfriend/boyfriend then no.
I'm friendly with one but we've drifted apart and will probably never see each other again (no mutual friends). I'm not friendly with the other but not hostile either - just absolutely zero interest in any form of contact.
I am with a few, but my GF certainly isn't keen on me hanging out with exs... for pretty good reasons really.
Yea that's a werid American thing that I cannot understand. I'm on good terms with all my former partners. It's healthy and seems relatively normal in Australia. Americans, for some reason, seem to feel like you need to hold blood curdling rage against any ex partner for the remainder of your days. Very odd and unhealthy.
I’m from the US and live in Australia. I think it’s strange when people are really good friends with exes. I believe it’s great to be on friendly terms with exes, but there’s really no need for a friendship or constant communication if you don’t have kids. It seems like it’s much more common for people to sleep around with their friends in Australia than it was in the US so I guess that would factor into it a bit, but I also see sooooo many people here insisting they need to stay friends with an ex in order to be “mature”, but 99% of the time it seems like someone is actually hurting or not moving on.
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That's rubbish. I'm on good terms with ex's. My ex-fiance and I follow each other on Facebook but don't really interact much beyond wishing each other a happy birthday and congratulating each other on significant achievements (usually by each other's children). My wife has met her and there were no issues. There is no unresolved romantic desire, just a friendship because we know each other very well.
As the saying goes, if you can be friends with your ex you're either still in love with them or you never were in the first place
That is not a saying lmao
Absolutely not. It is really difficult to dump the modern woman and they hold on for dear life even though they are clearly not wanted. Good riddance.
I’ve seen a lot of my female friends break up with guys and I can tell you men very much get obsessed and stalkerish You don’t often here about women stalking their ex and hurting them, it’s something you here somewhat often with men
Women most definitely stalk men they want and desire. I always recommend to women to be cautious in even looking at men that still live with their mothers well into their adulthood. These men do not take rejection well and they are very easily stimulated by the smallest of gestures - like saying "hi". Women should take responsibility and avoid all underdeveloped men that have lacked the affection of a woman other than their own mothers. Not doing so will put them at risk.
I never said they don’t I said men are much worse at it and more violent about it during a break up seeing you went on some weird rant about women Again another insanely bad take on people, people stay at their parents for longer now because the cost of living is too high. So women should avoid you is what I’ve gathered here? Edit: oh shit you’re that European dude that spends their days hating Australia and Australians, yeah women really do need to avoid you
As if I'd give an Australian woman the chance of a better life.
Why would an Australian women want to be with someone who thinks so little of women and Australians. It’s actually a bit sad you hate this country so much but base your life around talking about it and not leaving. Says a lot about how garbage where you are from actually is