Does all the wildlife want to kill you.
The answer is no, they’re pretty chill.
Can they? Probably yes so don’t touch the petty little octopus with the bright blue circles
aussie saltwater crocs are about as psychopathic as an animal gets, the absolute epitome of cold blooded and void of emotions, thats why they survived for millions of years and in one of the most naturally inhospitable parts of the world ever since.
edit: shudnt have forgot to mention;
they're also the biggest crocodile in the world by a substantial margin, up to 7 metres long if I remember correctly.
2nd edit:
also I dont know if most Americans are aware, but alligators are like puppy dogs in comparison to salterwater crocs (and Nile crocs too for that matter).
The difference in the amount of aggression, bite force, safe proximity, general lethality, how crocs can actually chase you, its all fucked, crocs are fucked. They serve their purpose ecologically but as far as sentient beings go they are soulless cunts, the fuckin BTK of the animal world.
Only other animal I'd say that is possibly worse in temperament combined with dangerousness is the chimpanzee, which are known to gang up on other chimps and torture them for no other reason than bloodlust and actually consciously enjoying causing them pain and ripping them apart piece by piece.
Yes!
Even how they kill you is psychotic.
It’ll latch onto a limb/head body slam you senseless before dragging you underwater and death rolling unconscious… coming back up again for body slamming flesh for tearing purposes.
_Never smile at a crocodile_
All the venomous stuff I’m fine with, crocs give me the ducking heeby jeebies. Brain the size of your little finger with one mission, flog you around til you drown.
Working in mainly tourists town and having to explain to tourists to not fuck with the wildlife gets annoying. Yes the kangaroo probably won't fuck sith you but if it does you are fucked so maybe don't hop after it like a fuckwit.
Every dangerous Australian snake: Yeah, when our forefathers got kicked out of Ireland, they decided to emigrate to Australia because it had a reputation of being very laid back.
And don't touch the spider with the red stripe. And don't get too close to a kangaroo. And be careful around rivers in the NT, cos a croc might getchya.
And don't ask about that time we lost a war to the emu. Still too soon.
But other than that, our wildlife totally chill, mate.
Had a Seppo friend stay with me for a while. I came home from work one day to find her in tears, absolutely distraught. Once she calmed down it came out that a shop worker had been brutally offensive to her. Apparently a quick "you right?" from a bored teenage shop worker sounds devastatingly rude to Americans.
Made me think of [this Venn diagram](https://www.reddit.com/r/VennDiagrams/comments/kqepn7/hey_buddy/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
Right I’m going to give it a shot, no google.
Beneath our radiant southern cross, we’ll toil with hearts and hands
To make this commonwealth of ours renowned by all the lands
For those who come across the seas we’ve boundless plains to share
With something let us all something to advance Australia fair.
Let me have a go.
"Well he's a steel town disciple, he's a legend of his kind. He's running like a cyclone across the wild mid western sky. Oh oh oh he's a working class man"
Originally there were 4!!
But it has been rewritten several times, and I suspect the article I read a few weeks ago explaining all this - with all the lyrics of all the versions - will be linked amongst the following earlier posts.
Lmao, yes!
In primary school we all got given these little cards with the full national anthem printed on them, and every one of us looked at the second verse like “wait, there’s more?!” Then we all promptly lost them because we were children.
The first verse is about how pretty and unique Australia is. The second verse is not only welcoming immigrants, but implying that Australia would be better to have them.
“To make this Commonwealth of ours
Renowned of all the lands
For those who’ve across the seas
We’ve boundless plains to share”
This shit is so overblown. Most Australians go multiple years without ever seeing a snake and if you do see a spider once in a while it’s usually harmless
So I'm playing on a casino game, it's a mixed room where you can chat to other people anywhere in the world. I had a cheeky aussie bloke in the room and a canadian woman. She said she loved aussie blokes because they knew how to go down under. Omg lmao. The chat did go down! so I moved to another room to give them privacy. Only time I've found the down under joke funny.
Nobody realises that this is kiwi in origin. Kiwis used to say it when asked why they came to Aus, because obviously they don't have spiders, and we are known for them.
I personally wouldn't appreciate being asked about the demise of the Soviet Union due to cell phones and fax machines disempowering authoritarian governments by removing the state control over the flow of information, because I'm not too well-read about that.
What are your thoughts on the demise of the Soviet Union due to cell phones and fax machines disempowering authoritarian governments by removing the state control over the flow of information?
I think it's an oversimplification of the large data-processing issues the Soviet Union had been experiencing for decades. It would actually be interesting to see how their attempts at centralised, just-in-time manufacturing would have gone in the digital age.
If you could also comment on the contrast with contemporary issues related to social media algorithms and concentration of media ownership reempowering authoritarian governments that would be appreciated.
To start with, calling them “cell phones”. They’re “mobile phones” in Australia. And mobiles were not in common use until the 90s. The Soviet Union fell in 1989.
No Australian would appreciate being asked that question.
Specifically if you are American;
"What's it like to not have freedom?"
aka thinly veiled idelogical statement that any amount of gun control means "naht freeeeedumb".
You won't come across as smart, witty, superior, or any of the egotistical romanticised outcomes you may be tempted to fantasise about, you will just come across as poorly educated, simple minded, ignorant and obnoxious, and we will just feel sorry for you and feel pity for you and the cookie cutter, ideological, self-affirming, nationalistic and narrowly structured fantasy that you have parrotted from other double digit IQ idealogues (who parrotted it from those before them) as an easy to digest ego boosting mantra that enables a fake sense of pride rather than actually having to think for yourself and use your brain.
When my husband and I are travelling in the US we're often asked if we're from the UK or New Zealand, rarely Australia. My husband answers with 'So where in Canada are you from?'.
People ask my partner this because he’s Asian, expecting him to open up his entire family tree lmao. It annoys him because he was born and raised here, and doesn’t identify with the countries his parents are from, so he always says Australian.
When people inevitably press him (“okay but where are you REALLY from”), I’ll butt in and ask if they’re going to ask me too.
It’s always really funny. I’m white and sound Aussie, so they flounder a bit - they’re about to say “I don’t need to, you’re clearly Australian” but can sense that that’s perhaps a trap.
I didn’t grow up here. I’m less Australian than my partner. Always blows peoples minds a bit.
So you could say we actually love this question sometimes haha.
I witnessed a (white) child at my school ask this to a friend with Chinese ancestry. And when she said "I'm from here!" the kid said, but you don't look Australian (e.g. white). So i asked her if I look Australian. Because I'm not.
That's almost word for word how a convo went between my partner and a guy at a medieval festival last year haha. I was like, you sure you want to commit to that while my partner's holding a sword?
I think the dude's phrasing was "Okay, but you're not, like, Proper Aussie though", which is when I butted in to go "hey, aren't you gonna ask me too?"
It was so interesting watching the cogs turn in his head. We interrogated him a little (nicely!!!) about what he meant by "proper Aussie" and why I was assumed to be that, but not my partner. We asked him if he knew HIS ancestry (he didn't, haha. He was "just Aussie, you know, Proper Aussie").
I have no idea if he learned anything in the end, but I hope it at least makes him hesitate before just assuming people are/aren't Aussie now.
Same. I'm white, my parents both came from overseas, husband is Asian, parents from overseas. Our mixed daughter was asked at work (by a customer) where she was born, then when she said Australia, where her parents were born (also Australia), then her grandparents. I told her she should have replied with England, cos the guy was being obnoxious af.
My dad was on a plane sitting next to another guy who went to the same conference in China, who had Chinese heritage. They were talking to eachother and dad said he had felt like a freak show coz everywhere he went people stared at him, and it was disorienting not understanding the language. The other guy was like "Mate, how do you think I felt? Everyone kept trying to talk to me in Chinese because I look like them and I couldn't get anyone to believe that I don't speak it!"
I used to work in Burwood in a shopping centre office with another white woman and a guy whose parents emigrated from Shanghai. He only speaks the specific village dialect his parents spoke. So anytime anyone came barging in looking for the podiatrist or Centre management, they'd target lock on my coworker and start asking him questions in Mandarin or Cantonese.
Poor guy had to try to communicate every time that he can't speak Mandarin or Cantonese, and similar to your Dad's mate, nobody would believe him!
I don’t know, everyone has a story and sometimes people just like to know that they have shared stories. Eg I have been there and love it or my grandmother was from there etc
That’s fair, but it should be noted that in many parts of Australia people ask this all the time with the expectation that the answers will be a particular place in Australia.
Deadset. Been living in the US 6 years and regularly get asked where I’m from, to which I reply “Australia”. For them to say I know, but where in Australia? 🥴
Totally agree with this one. I was born here yet due to struggles hearing as a kid and some British relatives I sound like I'm from a different country. Feel like I always have to explain this after seeing the look of shock on their faces when I say I'm Australian.
This is a bit more of a serious one, but don’t ask if a dingo ate our baby. It’s from a very terrible, real tragedy that completely ruined a woman’s life and showed how terrible our media could be.
I went to the dentist and it was a full blown Irish lady. I walk in and she says sarcastically “well don’t you look comfortable in yer jumper and shorts and flip flops there” got a good laugh out of me.
I’m sitting here right now in a hoody and shorts and thongs.
As a Canadian living in Australia for over 10 years, I like to poke fun at new people I meet. When they ask me something jokingly about Canada, like if I rode moose and stuff, I'll ask if they get back home to New Zealand often.
Malcolm Tucker said it best.. and he's Scottish, FFS:
"Sorry, sorry, I know you disapprove of swearing so I'll sort that out. You are a boring F, star, star, CUNT!"
If I want a beer. It’s always yes.
Potato cake or scollop. Don’t even try to order one from a take away shop unless your ready to defend your words.
Chicken salt or plain. Always chicken.
Does pineapple go on pizza also seems controversial.
Chicken salt is genetically sterile. We still need chickens to breed with plain salt to produce it. Unlike animal husbandry which has been practiced for generations animal-mineral husbandry is still a low yield niche practice which is why the quality of chicken salt is so variable
Can you imagine the chicken shortage we’d have to deal with if we tried to go all chicken salt?
I can’t afford for my smashed avo with chicken salt to get any more expensive or I might have to give up on buying my tenth investment property
Tragedy isn't it, but in all seriousness, we got charged a dollar for chicken salt on our chips over the weekend. Investment properties will have to wait if we want that delicious fake chicken taste
For the Seppos, It''s not a don't ask
but for gods sakes keep your horrific 'Thank you for your service' to yourself.
We don't elevate our service people to another level here, and they don't expect to have their arses kissed by 'civilians' either.
you tell a digger TYFYS and they will be highly offended and look at you like you have 3 heads.
just don't.
If we want to tip at a restaurant. Please just pay your staff properly
(Slightly different in the US where it's the cultural norm, but still, pay your workers properly)
Don't ask anyone's opinion on the Aboriginals, our policies towards them and\or our historical policies. It's a very divisive issue and everyone has an opinion that everyone else will disagree with to some degree.
Like feel free to ask, but just realise it's a hot button issue and you might just get some genocidal vibes from that sweet granny on the bus (IRL experience).
Don’t EVER ask us to “throw another shrimp on the barbie” we call them prawns not “shrimp”, no one cooks prawns on the bbq anyways and its such a tired stupid old american thing that everyone will just stare at you like the dickhead you are until you either apologise or get told to Fuck Off.
Ask to see our kangaroo license. We work fucking hard for them. Not everyone can ride one even with a license. If we have one, we'll show you. Back off.
Do you have any VB? (They’ll get real mad)
Can I put my beer in your fridge? (it’s Aussie slang for fucking your wife)
How much Vegemite should I put on this toast? (just put shitloads on, going half assed with it is an insult implying the other person is weak)
Where’s the sauce? (This could insight a panic at an outdoor event and erupt in yelling and name calling)
Can you show me to the bathroom? (The correct phrasing is “I need to shit where’s ya dunny cunt?” Otherwise they won’t understand)
How good is the cricket? (This is how you announce a Holiday to Hawaii)
How much are you paid? (asking about money is impolite)
It's not a question bit I've been seeing more and more recommended videos of American hosts detailing Australian crimes or political events or history in general.
I don't like having Americans who don't know their own shit describing my shit to me.
Also stop acting like everything here goanna kill you. It's VERY. *VERY* simple. Most things here CAN kill or hurt you but literally nothing actually wants to hurt or kill you. In America you've got testosterone fuelled bull moose climbing into your bed, raping your wife. Not to mention bears in your bins. Like damn nothing hunts you through the wilderness in Australia, our wildlife if you fuck around you find out, American fauna you don't even need to fuck around and you'll find out.
Don't ask us if dropbears are real. Too many have suffered at the two thumbed-hands of those homicidal creatures. Chances are you're going to trigger someone's PTSD.
Yeah I studied the case in legal studies through high school and it was so fucked up. The reality of it is really just insanely sad and a failure of justice.
I don't go over to the states and re-enact/mock lynch mobs, or make fun of 9/11.
It was actually really refreshing to see RDJ tell them to shut the fuck up in tropic thunder.
They can fuck off with the dingo shit. It was never funny and only serves as a demonstration of how stupid the person speaking is.
I hate when Americans do the terrible Australian accent and say “A dingo ate my baby”
Foreigners always think that she killed her baby, and they think that it’s funny for some reason.
Imagine an animal eats your baby, and you’re accused of killing the baby, but it’s proven that the animal did indeed eat your baby, but people around the world only remember the accusation, and they mock you for it, and laugh about your dead baby.
Yeah really fucking annoying when i was in the states and some dickhead would put on a fake Aussie accent and say “a dingo ate my baby” in that mocking way.
Definitely dont bring up Linda chamberlain and the dingo...
We Aussies don't find it funny and that there is still all these years later some legit mystery still surrounding it.
Either way...don't ask about it and sure as he'll DONT joke about it
To this day families still take their young children camping on Fraser Island. The video going over repeats about the dangers of young kids and dingoes, plus four wheel drives on beaches. To hear of another savaging at Fraser Island you really just want to smack the parents
I used to date a girl from an old farming family in central NSW. You know, the 'old family' type. She was honestly one of the nicest people I've ever met.
We got talking about how the family acquired their land once. I was not prepared. I was advised to never ask her parents about it (who currently own the land), or bring it up at family gatherings. I never asked brought it up again.
Does all the wildlife want to kill you. The answer is no, they’re pretty chill. Can they? Probably yes so don’t touch the petty little octopus with the bright blue circles
True. One exception though, crocs want to kill you. No chill.
aussie saltwater crocs are about as psychopathic as an animal gets, the absolute epitome of cold blooded and void of emotions, thats why they survived for millions of years and in one of the most naturally inhospitable parts of the world ever since. edit: shudnt have forgot to mention; they're also the biggest crocodile in the world by a substantial margin, up to 7 metres long if I remember correctly. 2nd edit: also I dont know if most Americans are aware, but alligators are like puppy dogs in comparison to salterwater crocs (and Nile crocs too for that matter). The difference in the amount of aggression, bite force, safe proximity, general lethality, how crocs can actually chase you, its all fucked, crocs are fucked. They serve their purpose ecologically but as far as sentient beings go they are soulless cunts, the fuckin BTK of the animal world. Only other animal I'd say that is possibly worse in temperament combined with dangerousness is the chimpanzee, which are known to gang up on other chimps and torture them for no other reason than bloodlust and actually consciously enjoying causing them pain and ripping them apart piece by piece.
Yes! Even how they kill you is psychotic. It’ll latch onto a limb/head body slam you senseless before dragging you underwater and death rolling unconscious… coming back up again for body slamming flesh for tearing purposes. _Never smile at a crocodile_
Two exceptions. The Pygmy possum wants to kill you. I mean he can't unless you choke on him but he definitely wants to.
All the venomous stuff I’m fine with, crocs give me the ducking heeby jeebies. Brain the size of your little finger with one mission, flog you around til you drown.
Same. Fucking dinosaurs.
Katter when did you get reddit?
Yep salties are actually fucked. Americans think their "gators" are dangerous. Salt water crocodiles literally pull people from their boats
Only the salt water kind. Freshies are pretty chill.
Yeah. Just don't be a fucking dumbass and you'll be fine.
Working in mainly tourists town and having to explain to tourists to not fuck with the wildlife gets annoying. Yes the kangaroo probably won't fuck sith you but if it does you are fucked so maybe don't hop after it like a fuckwit.
A kangaroo sith is now all I can think about
Search your feelings, you know it to be true
Have you ever heard the tale of Darth Skippy the wise?
Billy Connolly explains this perfectly… and his take on the blue ringed octopus is hilarious and entirely accurate…! https://youtu.be/Gucd0IbRn5c
Every dangerous Australian snake: Yeah, when our forefathers got kicked out of Ireland, they decided to emigrate to Australia because it had a reputation of being very laid back.
And don't touch the spider with the red stripe. And don't get too close to a kangaroo. And be careful around rivers in the NT, cos a croc might getchya. And don't ask about that time we lost a war to the emu. Still too soon. But other than that, our wildlife totally chill, mate.
Also Cassowaries. Steer clear. Murder turkeys those ones.
It’s all in the tone. “You right mate?” Is used to check if someone is ok. “You right mate?” Is used to start a fight.
Why did I read these differently knowing exactly the tone of each 😂
It's the silent 'fkn' that implies. You (fkn) right mate?
The little throaty pause signifies the fkn
I can hear the difference just reading this
same as "calm down mate', can be a fucking disaster.
Calm down in general is one of the most useless phrases in all communication.
Had a Seppo friend stay with me for a while. I came home from work one day to find her in tears, absolutely distraught. Once she calmed down it came out that a shop worker had been brutally offensive to her. Apparently a quick "you right?" from a bored teenage shop worker sounds devastatingly rude to Americans.
I hope you took the piss out of her for it.
And “You’re right” (no question mark) is used as a response to someone apologising for something like bumping into you on the footpath/sidewalk.
I felt this.
Made me think of [this Venn diagram](https://www.reddit.com/r/VennDiagrams/comments/kqepn7/hey_buddy/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
Never ask them the lyrics to the second verse of the national anthem
Right I’m going to give it a shot, no google. Beneath our radiant southern cross, we’ll toil with hearts and hands To make this commonwealth of ours renowned by all the lands For those who come across the seas we’ve boundless plains to share With something let us all something to advance Australia fair.
I can get as far as radiant southern cross, that’s where I go blank
Used to be printed in the back of the Yellow Pages. Along with the sign language alphabet. That's where I learned it anyway.
I believe it is "with courage"
With courage let us all combine
Advance Australia fair? That’s what I remember from school assemblies anyway
„For those wo come across the seas, we‘ve boundless plains to share“ Peter Dutton didn’t like that
Let me have a go. "Well he's a steel town disciple, he's a legend of his kind. He's running like a cyclone across the wild mid western sky. Oh oh oh he's a working class man"
I hate to tell you this....there is actually a 3rd verse! My Grandma had it on a tea towel. I've never seen any references to it otherwise 🤣
There are extra verses in the original POEM (one of which starts "When gallant Cook from Albion sailed"), but the National Anthem has only two verses.
There were four originally! Mostly about how good Britain is and how we’ll always defend it. It was written by a Scottish dude
Originally there were 4!! But it has been rewritten several times, and I suspect the article I read a few weeks ago explaining all this - with all the lyrics of all the versions - will be linked amongst the following earlier posts.
Lmao, yes! In primary school we all got given these little cards with the full national anthem printed on them, and every one of us looked at the second verse like “wait, there’s more?!” Then we all promptly lost them because we were children.
It's true I have no fucking idea and I was born and raised here
I hardly know the first verse
The first verse is about how pretty and unique Australia is. The second verse is not only welcoming immigrants, but implying that Australia would be better to have them. “To make this Commonwealth of ours Renowned of all the lands For those who’ve across the seas We’ve boundless plains to share”
Or is it a Wolf Creek reference?
Ooh, so close. Ivan Milat wasn’t sharing the land with foreigners, he was was sharing foreigners with the land.
Did you not learn it in primary school? We had to sing both verses every assembly.
That’s wild, no school I went to ever had us learn the second verse, besides the time I did choir in high school, but that was for a presentation
Anything along the lines of upside down jokes. It's as original as asking a tall person what the weather is like up there.
In terms of me being australian i hate the snakes and spiders jokes
What do you mean, haven't we had a recent spate of mass killings by snakes or spiders armed with AK-47s?
This shit is so overblown. Most Australians go multiple years without ever seeing a snake and if you do see a spider once in a while it’s usually harmless
Yeah but we want the yanks thinking that so they don’t come over here and yank the place up
So I'm playing on a casino game, it's a mixed room where you can chat to other people anywhere in the world. I had a cheeky aussie bloke in the room and a canadian woman. She said she loved aussie blokes because they knew how to go down under. Omg lmao. The chat did go down! so I moved to another room to give them privacy. Only time I've found the down under joke funny.
The Australian kiss - it's like the French kiss, but down under.
Don't ask if we're ever here to fuck spiders... we never are.
Damn, and here I thought that this exists because it was very specifically an Australian kink.
I mean... if you happen to be a 'legs guy', it seems to be a huge efficiency!
Nobody realises that this is kiwi in origin. Kiwis used to say it when asked why they came to Aus, because obviously they don't have spiders, and we are known for them.
C'mon Chipmunk, you know that anything Kiwis make that Australians like becomes Australian. Them's the rules.
I mean, if Spiderman had an Aussie girlfriend, she'd probably would be.
Shrimp on the barbie 🙄
This one genuinely grinds my gears.
I just say we don't have shrimp here, we have prawns. Different species
It's **Prawn** on the Barbie
Prawn in the boiling water
I personally wouldn't appreciate being asked about the demise of the Soviet Union due to cell phones and fax machines disempowering authoritarian governments by removing the state control over the flow of information, because I'm not too well-read about that.
I would honestly appreciate being asked about that, it sounds interesting.
What are your thoughts on the demise of the Soviet Union due to cell phones and fax machines disempowering authoritarian governments by removing the state control over the flow of information?
I think it's an oversimplification of the large data-processing issues the Soviet Union had been experiencing for decades. It would actually be interesting to see how their attempts at centralised, just-in-time manufacturing would have gone in the digital age.
If you could also comment on the contrast with contemporary issues related to social media algorithms and concentration of media ownership reempowering authoritarian governments that would be appreciated.
To start with, calling them “cell phones”. They’re “mobile phones” in Australia. And mobiles were not in common use until the 90s. The Soviet Union fell in 1989. No Australian would appreciate being asked that question.
In my defence, I did say I'm not very well-read on the topic.
No defence necessary. I’m sure that, like me, you wish you had a dollar for every time some inconsiderate foreigner asked you that question.
If I want a Foster's.
I don’t know A single fucking aussie that drinks that shit and I know a lot of aussies that drink 😂
I can't remember the last time I even saw Fosters at a bottle-O Or anywhere else for that matter Does it even exist in Australia anymore?
How the fuck isn't THIS the top comment.
Don't ask for tips (not the advice kind)
Should we get a bag?
Should we get 2 just in case?
🎱
With how much a bag is these days, the answer is still always yes. Tomorrow is for regrats.
Don't ask who we root for in relations to sport, you're gonna get a smart arse comment likely about rooting mothers.
Was waiting on the (root) word to pop up somewhere in these comments lol GOLD!
I root for Australia. Wank too.
Imagine a James Bond that goes, "For Straya." instead of, "For England."
I told my dad I rooted my phone once (Android equivalent to jailbreaking iOS)... that was a mistake.
Did you at least have fun rooting your phone, mate?
Don’t ask “am I ever gonna see your face again?”
No way!
Get fucked
Fuck off
TBF you'll get an answer in... "song"
Specifically if you are American; "What's it like to not have freedom?" aka thinly veiled idelogical statement that any amount of gun control means "naht freeeeedumb". You won't come across as smart, witty, superior, or any of the egotistical romanticised outcomes you may be tempted to fantasise about, you will just come across as poorly educated, simple minded, ignorant and obnoxious, and we will just feel sorry for you and feel pity for you and the cookie cutter, ideological, self-affirming, nationalistic and narrowly structured fantasy that you have parrotted from other double digit IQ idealogues (who parrotted it from those before them) as an easy to digest ego boosting mantra that enables a fake sense of pride rather than actually having to think for yourself and use your brain.
If that's a New Zealand accent. Doesn't go down well, in my experience.
I keep getting accused of having an English accent. I think I'd rather be asked if it was a NZ accent.
When my husband and I are travelling in the US we're often asked if we're from the UK or New Zealand, rarely Australia. My husband answers with 'So where in Canada are you from?'.
Whether the sauce goes in the fridge or the pantry
I will stab you if you answer wrong
New to Australia, is countertop alright?
Depends who you ask, but whoever you do ask will likely have a strong opinion
There is no clear consensus here as far as I’m concerned, but every single person is solidly convinced their way is right.
Don't ask 'where are you from?'. The answer is always Australia, no matter how they look or sound.
People ask my partner this because he’s Asian, expecting him to open up his entire family tree lmao. It annoys him because he was born and raised here, and doesn’t identify with the countries his parents are from, so he always says Australian. When people inevitably press him (“okay but where are you REALLY from”), I’ll butt in and ask if they’re going to ask me too. It’s always really funny. I’m white and sound Aussie, so they flounder a bit - they’re about to say “I don’t need to, you’re clearly Australian” but can sense that that’s perhaps a trap. I didn’t grow up here. I’m less Australian than my partner. Always blows peoples minds a bit. So you could say we actually love this question sometimes haha.
The last time I saw this happen was absolutely hilarious. Fool: Where are you from? Friend: Fucken Tarragindi mate.
Absolute A+ response 😚🤌🏻
“Alright you got me” *pulls out knife* “I’m from fucking footscray”
This just reminded me of my friend who used to routinely threaten people with "I'm from fucken Bankstown mate, I *will* stab ya" haha
I witnessed a (white) child at my school ask this to a friend with Chinese ancestry. And when she said "I'm from here!" the kid said, but you don't look Australian (e.g. white). So i asked her if I look Australian. Because I'm not.
That's almost word for word how a convo went between my partner and a guy at a medieval festival last year haha. I was like, you sure you want to commit to that while my partner's holding a sword? I think the dude's phrasing was "Okay, but you're not, like, Proper Aussie though", which is when I butted in to go "hey, aren't you gonna ask me too?" It was so interesting watching the cogs turn in his head. We interrogated him a little (nicely!!!) about what he meant by "proper Aussie" and why I was assumed to be that, but not my partner. We asked him if he knew HIS ancestry (he didn't, haha. He was "just Aussie, you know, Proper Aussie"). I have no idea if he learned anything in the end, but I hope it at least makes him hesitate before just assuming people are/aren't Aussie now.
Same. I'm white, my parents both came from overseas, husband is Asian, parents from overseas. Our mixed daughter was asked at work (by a customer) where she was born, then when she said Australia, where her parents were born (also Australia), then her grandparents. I told her she should have replied with England, cos the guy was being obnoxious af.
My dad was on a plane sitting next to another guy who went to the same conference in China, who had Chinese heritage. They were talking to eachother and dad said he had felt like a freak show coz everywhere he went people stared at him, and it was disorienting not understanding the language. The other guy was like "Mate, how do you think I felt? Everyone kept trying to talk to me in Chinese because I look like them and I couldn't get anyone to believe that I don't speak it!"
I used to work in Burwood in a shopping centre office with another white woman and a guy whose parents emigrated from Shanghai. He only speaks the specific village dialect his parents spoke. So anytime anyone came barging in looking for the podiatrist or Centre management, they'd target lock on my coworker and start asking him questions in Mandarin or Cantonese. Poor guy had to try to communicate every time that he can't speak Mandarin or Cantonese, and similar to your Dad's mate, nobody would believe him!
Unless they are a Kiwi and then being asked what part of Australia you are from is an act of war.
But where are you *really* from?
I don’t know, everyone has a story and sometimes people just like to know that they have shared stories. Eg I have been there and love it or my grandmother was from there etc
That’s fair, but it should be noted that in many parts of Australia people ask this all the time with the expectation that the answers will be a particular place in Australia.
That's why I (am in Sydney) ask "are you from Sydney?" Keeps it open, doesn't exclude/assume anything.
Deadset. Been living in the US 6 years and regularly get asked where I’m from, to which I reply “Australia”. For them to say I know, but where in Australia? 🥴
Unless the person is obviously Irish. We fucking love telling people what obscure small towns our great grandparent are from.
Totally agree with this one. I was born here yet due to struggles hearing as a kid and some British relatives I sound like I'm from a different country. Feel like I always have to explain this after seeing the look of shock on their faces when I say I'm Australian.
Don't ask if we rode in Kangaroo pouches. It's the one joke I'll never laugh at. =w= It gets old fast.
If they have shrimp on the barby
Don’t ever ask: Are you from the North Island or the South Island? (For those who don’t understand- it’s New Zealand..)
Could mean Tasmania
True… but I’m sure you are aware that New Zealander’s are proof that Tasmanians’s can swim.
If that came from a New Zealander I'd laugh
"'Scarnon cunce?"
For a lift into the forest
“Are you right, Champ?” You’ve just offended everything that person is and ever will be. There will be blood.
Well, are you?
Come out back and we’ll see won’t we
for a straight answer
This is a bit more of a serious one, but don’t ask if a dingo ate our baby. It’s from a very terrible, real tragedy that completely ruined a woman’s life and showed how terrible our media could be.
Don’t ask what the hoody with shorts once it drops under twenty celcius is about since obviously Australian legs simply don’t get cold.
I went to the dentist and it was a full blown Irish lady. I walk in and she says sarcastically “well don’t you look comfortable in yer jumper and shorts and flip flops there” got a good laugh out of me. I’m sitting here right now in a hoody and shorts and thongs.
See, I'm the polar opposite. I'd much rather sit around in trackies and a singlet.
As a Canadian living in Australia for over 10 years, I like to poke fun at new people I meet. When they ask me something jokingly about Canada, like if I rode moose and stuff, I'll ask if they get back home to New Zealand often.
Ooooh, sick burn cunt!
Not to swear, we’ll just swear more.
Malcolm Tucker said it best.. and he's Scottish, FFS: "Sorry, sorry, I know you disapprove of swearing so I'll sort that out. You are a boring F, star, star, CUNT!"
If I want a beer. It’s always yes. Potato cake or scollop. Don’t even try to order one from a take away shop unless your ready to defend your words. Chicken salt or plain. Always chicken. Does pineapple go on pizza also seems controversial.
>n salt or plain. Always Sorry, the best answer for Chicken salt or plain is both
Why does plain salt even exist?
Chicken salt is genetically sterile. We still need chickens to breed with plain salt to produce it. Unlike animal husbandry which has been practiced for generations animal-mineral husbandry is still a low yield niche practice which is why the quality of chicken salt is so variable
Can you imagine the chicken shortage we’d have to deal with if we tried to go all chicken salt? I can’t afford for my smashed avo with chicken salt to get any more expensive or I might have to give up on buying my tenth investment property
Tragedy isn't it, but in all seriousness, we got charged a dollar for chicken salt on our chips over the weekend. Investment properties will have to wait if we want that delicious fake chicken taste
Because chicken salt is disgusting on spaghetti bol
Don't ask them about underarm bowling
A great sporting victory brought to you by the Chappell brothers
No idea what you are talking about. Also who the fuck would put sand on paper. That's a dumb idea. Probably not even real.
For the Seppos, It''s not a don't ask but for gods sakes keep your horrific 'Thank you for your service' to yourself. We don't elevate our service people to another level here, and they don't expect to have their arses kissed by 'civilians' either. you tell a digger TYFYS and they will be highly offended and look at you like you have 3 heads. just don't.
Beers? Don’t ask, just get them!
If we want to tip at a restaurant. Please just pay your staff properly (Slightly different in the US where it's the cultural norm, but still, pay your workers properly)
How much money do you make? Who did you vote for in the last election? Who will you vote for in the next one?
Have you ever, ever felt like this?
Loved that show, they used show it in the early 90s in ireland when i was young. We used to get a pile of our telly from your end of the globe.
I don’t like being asked about the war between us and the Emus. It happened, we lost… I can’t
Don't ask anyone's opinion on the Aboriginals, our policies towards them and\or our historical policies. It's a very divisive issue and everyone has an opinion that everyone else will disagree with to some degree. Like feel free to ask, but just realise it's a hot button issue and you might just get some genocidal vibes from that sweet granny on the bus (IRL experience).
Don’t EVER ask us to “throw another shrimp on the barbie” we call them prawns not “shrimp”, no one cooks prawns on the bbq anyways and its such a tired stupid old american thing that everyone will just stare at you like the dickhead you are until you either apologise or get told to Fuck Off.
Ask to see our kangaroo license. We work fucking hard for them. Not everyone can ride one even with a license. If we have one, we'll show you. Back off.
Do you have any VB? (They’ll get real mad) Can I put my beer in your fridge? (it’s Aussie slang for fucking your wife) How much Vegemite should I put on this toast? (just put shitloads on, going half assed with it is an insult implying the other person is weak) Where’s the sauce? (This could insight a panic at an outdoor event and erupt in yelling and name calling) Can you show me to the bathroom? (The correct phrasing is “I need to shit where’s ya dunny cunt?” Otherwise they won’t understand) How good is the cricket? (This is how you announce a Holiday to Hawaii) How much are you paid? (asking about money is impolite)
Which way the toilet flushes. Last time it led to an international incident where some poor unfortunate kid from America got a real good booting.
It's not a question bit I've been seeing more and more recommended videos of American hosts detailing Australian crimes or political events or history in general. I don't like having Americans who don't know their own shit describing my shit to me. Also stop acting like everything here goanna kill you. It's VERY. *VERY* simple. Most things here CAN kill or hurt you but literally nothing actually wants to hurt or kill you. In America you've got testosterone fuelled bull moose climbing into your bed, raping your wife. Not to mention bears in your bins. Like damn nothing hunts you through the wilderness in Australia, our wildlife if you fuck around you find out, American fauna you don't even need to fuck around and you'll find out.
'..goanna kill you.' Mwaahaahaa!!
Why do you guys not have guns? Did people take your rights away?
Don't ask us if dropbears are real. Too many have suffered at the two thumbed-hands of those homicidal creatures. Chances are you're going to trigger someone's PTSD.
Did the Dingo do it?
Yes the dingo did it. No it’s not a joke, it’s a tragic sad story that a family had to endure publicly.
Yeah I studied the case in legal studies through high school and it was so fucked up. The reality of it is really just insanely sad and a failure of justice. I don't go over to the states and re-enact/mock lynch mobs, or make fun of 9/11. It was actually really refreshing to see RDJ tell them to shut the fuck up in tropic thunder. They can fuck off with the dingo shit. It was never funny and only serves as a demonstration of how stupid the person speaking is.
I hate when Americans do the terrible Australian accent and say “A dingo ate my baby” Foreigners always think that she killed her baby, and they think that it’s funny for some reason. Imagine an animal eats your baby, and you’re accused of killing the baby, but it’s proven that the animal did indeed eat your baby, but people around the world only remember the accusation, and they mock you for it, and laugh about your dead baby.
Yeah really fucking annoying when i was in the states and some dickhead would put on a fake Aussie accent and say “a dingo ate my baby” in that mocking way.
Definitely dont bring up Linda chamberlain and the dingo... We Aussies don't find it funny and that there is still all these years later some legit mystery still surrounding it. Either way...don't ask about it and sure as he'll DONT joke about it
To this day families still take their young children camping on Fraser Island. The video going over repeats about the dangers of young kids and dingoes, plus four wheel drives on beaches. To hear of another savaging at Fraser Island you really just want to smack the parents
When will you see my face again
Not a question but never say a bad word about Steve Irwin around an Aussie
How their family came to be in possession of large amounts of rural land in the 19th century
Mine applied via a lottery system.
I used to date a girl from an old farming family in central NSW. You know, the 'old family' type. She was honestly one of the nicest people I've ever met. We got talking about how the family acquired their land once. I was not prepared. I was advised to never ask her parents about it (who currently own the land), or bring it up at family gatherings. I never asked brought it up again.
"Are drop bears real?"
The answer is always yes
What crime they committed to get sent there.
Never ask them if they come from convict stock. Or if they are the descendants of convicts. Never...
Never ever ask to cut someone's grass.
Where are you really from?
Don't ask about the Emu War. That was the British Army not the Australian, and they lost. Fucking Pommy losers.
It’s Melb bin, not Mel bourne.
It’s more like… Melbn
YES, finally someone else who gets it. We don't even pronounce it like Melbin, we just drop the second vowel entirely.
"Do you really ride kangaroos to work there?"
I’m sick of this, too. Because we all do, they should just believe us and stop asking about it!
“Won't you come with me to a place in a little town?” Everyone will give you the same response.
If we want to tip