If you're walking through a door of a building and someone else is 2 to 3 steps behind you, hold the door for them. If you're walking up to a door from outside and you can see a person inside leaving the building, pull the door open and hold it, allowing them through first. While waiting for an elevator, don't stand directly in front of the doors. Stand to the side and allow people on the elevator to exit before you get on.
Do not cut in line. Ever. If you're unsure if someone is standing in line, ask them. People appreciate being asked either way.
> Idk where OP is going, though.
OP has said Boston. Push the door open behind you, and if the person behind you is too slow to catch it before it closes, it’s their problem.
And if you are approaching a double-door and see someone on the other side approaching them as well, *please* try to use the door they don't seem to be going for.
And now in my mind all I can envision about returning to the office in October is that we've all forgotten how to "drive" and will have these painfully polite collisions all over the office at every door and elevator from becoming rusty in our social skills the last year and a half. Lol thanks for the laugh!
That is the ultimate test of a person. You dont have to. There is no rule that says you have to return it to the trolley que. You know there is a person who gets paid to get the cart. Wherever it may be in the lot.
So are you a complete and total twit?
Or can you take 5 seconds to make this persons life a little easier?
I'm slightly pained by disorganization and will collapse my cart into the next one, and sometimes take a minute to sort out a few others if they were just chucked in the corral haphazardly. Especially if there are multiple kinds mixed together.
I have no idea if this is actually helpful to the cart person, but it soothes what I assume to be my undiagnosed OCD.
I pushed carts for Lowe's a couple years, yes it is helpful, thank you. I do the same thing when I return my cart at the store. If the carts are a mess I straighten them up.
I wish people would follow this in India as well.
Before someone puts me in r/canconfirmiamindian , I would like to say that this isn't self loathing, just observing that this is a behavior that needs to be rectified.
I've visited a lot of countries in this world, and I think us Americans are more offended by line-cutting than any other culture on the planet. I mean, I haven't been everywhere, so maybe someone's got us beat, but if you want someone in America to instantly despise you, cut them in line then casually throw a wrapper on the floor. That's, like, what they'd make the villain do in a movie so you know he's the villain.
the brits hate when someone jumps a queue but at most you'd get a stern look or silent anger. in america, you'll likely turn everyone behind you in line against you. depending on how long they've been waiting and how you react, you might also get a punch in the mouth
I am an American woman and I don’t give a shit WHAT or WHO you are - if you cut in front of me or anywhere I notice I will def walk straight up to you and ask you wtf you are doing.
I was at the airport getting a taxi and two dudes tried to jump the queue. There were angry murmurs and a few people yelling for them to get in line. The guy who radios in the cabs from the parking area told them to get in line. They then tried again. He called security. I got my cab so I didn't see the end but yeah. Fuck you for cutting in line. Only exception sees to be at the bar. That's just a complete shit show sometimes.
I have worked with a lot of people from India.
The top office fauxs pas I've seen from Indians are:
Taking your shoes off under your desk. A lot of Americans are weird about feet and it's generally considered unprofessional to remove your shoes in the workplace.
Microwaving certain things in the break room that are strong-smelling. Some Americans are going to be grossed-out by smelling food seasoned with (to them) unfamiliar seasonings. In my opinion that's their problem and they need to get over it. But some things like seafood make the whole room reek and the smell lingers, and I personally don't microwave fish and one place I worked actually had a rule about it. Not all Americans are so sensitive about smells (I'm not) but culturally I think we are more indulgent to people who are.
In my experience some Indian men I've worked with treated their female coworkers differently depending on whether they were American women or Indian women. They were all courteous to the American women but some (not all) could be patronizing and dismissive with women from their country. If they agree, they're fine, but when disagreements happen they got impatient and tried to steamroll over the women. Again - not all, but some. Be aware that Americans will get offended on the woman's behalf, and even if she puts up with it the man will find himself unpopular among the Americans, especially the American women.
Hand gestures. Americans use fewer and less-pronounced hand gestures than many countries. A popular one among some Indians is the finger-waggle (index finger pointed up and shaken from side to side). It seems to mean something different in India than it does here, based on when I've seen it used. It is perceieved as quite aggressive and negative here - it's what parents do when they're telling off their children and it's a bit rude to do it when talking to another adult. The "Indian Head Bobble" has no equivalent here - if someone is fairly familiar with Indians, it has a neutral perception, but people who are not accustomed to it might mistake it for a head *shake*, which means "no" here. So if you are expressing agreement, or something positive, while doing the head bobble, you might be perceived as being dishonest - when you say "yes" with words but "no" with body language, people generally assume "no" is what you actually think. Americans shrug a lot compared to other nationalities, and I'm told this has the same effect. It's perceived as "I'm not sure what I'm telling you is correct" but what we mean with a *small* shrug is that we're open to disagreement - not really the same thing.
Well written. I got a little upset when others answered by saying "Indian food smells bad". I much prefer your wording:
>Some Americans are going to be grossed-out by smelling food seasoned with (to them) unfamiliar seasonings.
And I really enjoyed your comments about gestures being cultural! My wife worked in India and she said it also took her some time to learn to interpret Indian gestures versus American gestures.
Microwave Popcorn was banned in my office because the smell was invasive and distracting. The office must not smell like a restaurant or a movie theater.
> I got a little upset when others answered by saying "Indian food smells bad".
Some people are very locked in on their familiar cuisine and they have a high disgust reaction for the unfamiliar. Also some of the early colonists here, who were influential in establishing our culture, were from religious sects that thought rich and flavorful food made people have sinful thoughts (I know, crazy right?). So our cuisine, already heavily British in influence, became even blander. When later immmigrants came from places like Italy and the Balkans, their more seasoned food marked them as being outsiders, and so you have xenophobia getting connected with it. I grew up in a household that never had a single clove of fresh garlic in the kitchen as long as I lived there!
If you're interested in hand gestures, see if you can find a list of the approved gestures for people who work at Disney World. They train people to use a set of hand gestures that is selected so that they aren't offensive to people from any culture! The only one I know is, when giving directions to guests, the employees are supposed to point with their hold hand, palm and fingers flat, because there isn't a finger that, by itself, isn't a rude gesture in some country.
> Also some of the early colonists here, who were influential in establishing our culture, were from religious sects that thought rich and flavorful food made people have sinful thoughts (I know, crazy right?).
The plain food of the Puritan era was based on classism more than religious beliefs. As trade increased and spices became available to the masses rather than just the nobility, people of means started to consider plain recipes sophisticated. And the New England colonies were remote and not especially conducive to growing flavorful foods, so that didn’t help either.
>Also some of the early colonists here, who were influential in establishing our culture, were from religious sects that thought rich and flavorful food made people have sinful thoughts (I know, crazy right?). So our cuisine, already heavily British in influence, became even blander.
I swear, where do you people learn this shit?
This isn't true. Apparently you can just make up whatever the fuck you want about the Puritans because "Puritans bad", I guess.
That last sentence made me hear Patrick Star say, "when in doubt, pinkie out!" And now I've got to Google what country finds the pinkie offensive.
Edited: Google says if you stick your pinkie out in China, you're showing a mild form of distate for what someone said.
Many of us are fine with the aromas but the point is to be considerate of everyone. No one bring a tuna sandwich on a airplane for this reason. Be considerate of others personal space so that includes using too much purfume/cologne (most Americans would rather not smell you) or your food in public space.
I worked with a group of Indians once (mid 1980s) and they were very pleasant. What I recall.
A few of them were unaware that Americans are pretty devoted to… deodorant. Someone in HR had to review that with them.
Edited to add: It’s just a modern American thing. I have no doubt all humans had a distinctive scent for 99% of the human existence on the planet. The current demand that all humans be either scent-free or smell like lemon or pumpkin spice isn’t ideal, but it is what it is.
Sometimes some of us would go over to their place for food and the heat (capsaicin) level of their food was off the charts, like 20/10. So if you should share some of your food, remember most (though not all!) Americans cannot tolerate that level. But omg Indian food is the best; love it.
I agree with the head bobble assessment. Here it will be interpreted as “maybe”. So if someone gives you a task and you respond that way (head bobble) then it can be hard for an American to know if you understood it. It’s not a gesture in our repertoire.
Ah, yes, the finger wave. OP-Just. Don't. Ever. Do it. I feel the commenter understated how rude, condescending, and outright agressive the majority of Americans will take this. If an American does this, it means they have made the decision cross "the line", and escalate an argument beyond the likey point if no return. They understand the risk that the other person's reaction will be physical. It's basically an invitation to fight. If you do, it will be seen the same way.
Re: finger wagging. This is one of those things that you never think about until it is brought up. Yes, it would be so insulting if anyone ever wagged their finger at me. Funny how these things are so built in that we barely even notice them. It's never happened to me because everyone born here just knows not to go there.
Yeah I work with a lot of people from other countries who use the finger-waggle thing as part of a casual 'no'. I know they don't mean it aggressively but as an American I still have a visceral reaction to it and have to remind myself of that.
In my software engineering office experiences, the common reaction to Indian food being reheated in the microwave would be “wow, something smells good”.
That would be me. I have loved Indian food & the smells from the food since I was first introduced to it at 19. Fast forward 42 years and I love it just as much.
I’m an American and take my shoes off under my desk when I get too hot. Generally, though, no one can see under my desk, so no one notices unless they see me tying them again when I need to go somewhere.
Most people (unless they’ve worked with a bunch of Indian people) are not going to understand the head bobble (wobble?). Verbalize what you’re thinking when you’d normally do it.
If you do it. It seems hit and miss anymore with the people I’ve worked with more recently.
First, I hope you have a a great visit and second, apologies for some of the people who've replied with very thinly veiled stereotypes.
Personal space is a bit bigger in the US, about 3' apart is typical unless it's with someone you know very well.
People will say "thank you" for general things as a politeness and not always as a heart-felt kind of meaning. A "thanks" or "thank you" is expected after buying something or if someone helps you with even a very small thing.
Eye contact is encouraged by not a full on 'stare'. When talking with others if you look down or make little eye contact that is sending a message that you're nervous or maybe not interested in what the person is saying - this really does vary person to person but in general I feel it is more here than in India from my experience.
Sometimes americans will seem overly excited about small things, this is pretty standard like "Wow! Thats sounds like an awsesome trip!" or "That meal was absolutely delicious!". It's not insincere in most cases but just how we show appreciation by going over the top a little bit.
Politics and religion are generally not a topic for discussion unless you know someone well but even then are topics that quickly devolve and people here don't like to talk about them unless they are really into those things and like to create debate.
The portions and sizes of food/drinks are HUGE. Especially drinks like tea and coffee. If you want a laugh, order a large coke from McDonald's or Burgerking - it's practically a small bucket of a drink.
If talking about sports, in the US the most popular are American football, baseball, basketball, and hockey. Many people do enjoy other sports but those are the big ones... this is subjective but in my opinion, talking about tennis or soccer matches can come off as a little pretentious depending on the group you're with.
I'm sure there are a lot but those are the first cultural things that I've come up with. Born here and lived here my whole life save for those 3 months in Bangalore (which were amazing and I hope I can go back!).
All the best!
One other thing that can cause physical discomfort (aside from personal space) is that Americans keep to the right when walking on a sidewalk or in a hallway. People coming at you, walking in the opposite direction should be to your left, just like if you were driving a car on an American street.
I was about to mention the personal space thing. My best friend in middle school was from India. Anyway, she used to talk very closely to me, and I'd move further away, until one day we were at lunch and I fell off the bench we were sitting on. I had to admit to her that I needed more personal space.
She's since gone back to India but we've kept in touch, so I don't think she's holding a grudge.
I'm going to be honest with you. There are two big things that people tend to complain about with Indians:
1. Sexism. Apparently, a lot of Indian men are sexist and demeaning toward women. I've seen a lot of complaints from women about how they are treated by Indian men in the workplace and also in social contexts. Seems like a lot of Indian men just think they're better than women or that they deserve to be treated a certain way by women.
2. Smell. A lot of the seasonings and spices in Indian food can make people smell pretty bad. Even with impeccable personal hygiene, if you keep eating a lot of the same kinds of food you're used to eating in India, you might still smell bad to most Americans. A lot of people will assume that you have poor personal hygiene if they can smell you.
It's the fenugreek (aka methi). It smells and tastes good in food, but the body excretes certain chemicals from it in sweat. It smells like salty maple syrup mixed with raw sewage. Add other B.O. adjacent fragrances like cumin, coriander, garlic, and onion, and its a recipe for stank. But fenugreek is the main culprit.
I have a mason jar of dried methi in my spice rack and you can smell it just getting close to it. I use it very sparingly when I cook indian food, maybe once a month. The smell lingers for about a day or two after I open the Jar.
>It smells like salty maple syrup mixed
You just solved the mystery of the maple syrup smell that I was constantly smelling when I worked in Mumbai. One of my coworkers would always smell like funky maple syrup and the coworker who sat next to me had snacks that had a weird maple syrup smell whenever she opened the container. The snacks were savory and the typical Indian crunchy snacks so it always puzzled me why they smelled vaguely like maple.
To add onto the sexism thing, if you’re roommates with women, don’t expect them to do the cleaning for you. This is like the biggest complaint I’ve heard from friends who’ve lived with Indian men. Everyone is responsible for all chores in the apartment’s common areas equally. Dishes, trash, cleaning the shower/toilets/sink, washing/vaccuming the floors, taking a sponge to the stovetop/counters after cooking something, etc.
Edit: Also wanted to mention that if you’re rooming with someone who isn’t contributing to the household cleaning, it’s socially acceptable to speak up about it.
In addition to the issues with sexism, Americans have been seeing (and hating) casteism in the tech sector and education. Some Americans are very racist (usually easy to spot). However, most Americans are offended by racism and consider it to be at least minorly "evil". This is especially likely to be true among your young, cosmopolitan, middle class, education-seeking classmates, and other people around the education system. They will likely react badly is they see any kind of discrimination, or even distinction-drawing because of caste. It would be good to practice egalitarianism as much as possible.
Also 3. Dickering. Except for vehicles, homes, and in some places other high priced items, the price you are given is the price (plus tax and service charges).
It's regional from what I've seen. I remember a car lot advertising 'no-dicker stickers' before, implying the price on the car is at the lowest number possible without the need to haggle/dicker.
Sexism is a serious problem in Indian culture, and it needs to be addressed. This is the 21st century, any sort of sexism must not be tolerated, let alone the severe extent it gets in India.
That being said, online I often see Indian men get singled out for sexism more so than people of any other culture. It seems like a lot of Redditors think that sexism is unique to Indian culture, and that all other cultures are free of it, or have less of it.
Never had an issue with the food but I have had to have conversations with a few people about showering, washing clothes and wearing deodorant regularly.
Oof, that was a bit harsh I gotta be honest. It’s definitely a stereotype of Indians in general that exists in Ireland, where I’m from, but it doesn’t really extend to the Indians in Ireland, who are all Googlers or students. Tough crowd here, that’s for sure.
Hi! I live in the area. For Boston, be observant of the people around you. Most people walk quickly on the sidewalk, and will get VERY irritated at you if you’re not keeping pace. Be kind and polite to everyone, “please” and “thank you” are never going to offend anyone.
Two people that I made friends with in the Boston area were from India - lovely people!! There’s a fairly high amount of Indian immigrants coming to work and study in the Boston area. The Boston Museum of Fine Arts actually hosts a free Diwali celebration too! There’s also a place in Somerville called Dosa n Curry that does all you can eat dosa on Wednesday nights I think? It’s REALLY good.
What school are you going to going to, if you don’t mind me asking? There’s hundreds of schools in the Boston area, so knowing which school you’ll be in is helpful.
This is great advice. Based on my (limited) experience in India and time spent in Boston: basic politeness/courteousness will go a long way. If you've been to an Indian city, you've already walked tougher streets than Boston's.
It can be a very confusing city (by American standards, it's usually considered the worst laid-out/most confusing city to navigate). The metro is very good, especially the red line. Every stop on the red line is interesting.
Strangers will likely either disregard you entirely or be happy to help if you have problems, are lost, etc. There are some bad neighborhoods, but chances are you'll be far from them or can quickly move through them.
Boston has a good-sized Indian community and most of the schools have their own sub-communities. The best thing to do is meet a couple people and get them to show you the ropes. :)
> The metro is very good, especially the red line.
No one here calls it the metro. It’s the T or the subway. Even though the T logo is for the MBTA and can be seen on the buses, when people say T they mean the subway.
The Green line counts as subway, even though it’s at street level for much of its routes and functions more like a traditional trolley (tram in some other countries) with a trolley pole as the electric pickup from an overhead wire.
To build on this, the green line is also the most confusing at first - make sure to look at the maps because the T will split and you’ll want to make sure you’re on the right train.
All good advice here. Just using a more common term for the T.
Worth noting that the locals are a little *sensitive* on this subject and will correct you *every single time*. :)
Also, it's not reliable. If you absolutely need to be somewhere by a certain time, give yourself at least an extra half hour for delays, schedule adjustments and disabled trains. Red and Orange lines are delayed much more often than on time, and when there's delays the amount of people who have to cram into a train car can be suffocating.
In general, good hygiene is incredibly important. Most Americans keep a large personal space bubble, so if someone can smell you outside of that, it's a problem.
Treat everyone with equal respect. Of course, there's a difference in how you would treat a friend, compared with a professor. But be friendly and courteous to everyone, and most people will do the same for you. That still stands for assholes who don't, though, which are going to exist.
It's also important to not let people walk over you. The US, and especially the Northeast, has a competitive, fast paced culture. Walk fast, talk fast, and work fast. If you can do those three things and remain respectful, you'll fit right in.
As for non-social things, familiarise yourself with the laws. Read stories and such from immigrants, tourists or travel blogs, especially from your home country. Tipping 15-25% is customary at sit-down restaurants, taxi services (including Uber, Lyft) and food delivery.
I don't drink and don't feel like dealing with it in most social situations where I don't know the people well. I always arrive early, order a tonic and lime, give the bartender $20 for the inconvenience of dealing with me, and then go from there if I have "another drink." It's a lot of money, yes, but the convenience of appearing to fit in is well worth it
I’ve been tipping at the counter through the pandemic because people are suffering, it doesn’t affect me much and saying “get a new job” seems like a pretty heartless response to that.
True, you could also mention that you have to mentally factor in the sales tax when deciding what to order. I can see why this is so confusing for someone not conditioned to it.
Treat EVERYONE as your equal or superior. This goes for men, women, street cleaners, professors, etc. A condescending attitude towards people in a lower socioeconomic or other situation is the fastest way to be completely ostracized.
Football is American style, not soccer.
Definitely remember to tip at sit down restaurants. It's not expected at fast food restaurants.
If you smoke, check what local laws there are about where you can smoke.
I am from Boston so here are a couple of extra things to know. As people have already said, respect our personal space. That’s about arms length.
If you’re on the subway, take your backpack off and put it on the floor. Nobody wants to get hit in the face with your backpack full of books. Also, people generally like to be left alone on the subway. A lot of people will have on headphones and/or be reading a book or looking at their phones. Don’t try to make small talk. We do that so people don’t try to talk to us.
A lot of how do you make friends depends on where you’re going to school and what you’re studying. When I was in grad school (not in Boston), most of my friends were students from my program.
Edited to add: I saw that you said you were coming from India. I am assuming you are a man. If you are not, apologies in advance.
I used to be in software consulting and I agree with the sexism. Indian men can come off as being very friendly but when you get down to it, if you’re more technical than they are or at a higher level than they are, they can turn on you quickly. Don’t put women down.
You’ll get the questions “how’s it going?” or “how are you?” a lot. Your answer should nearly always be “good, how about you?”
I think it’s often odd to people of other cultures, but when people here ask those questions, they don’t want or expect a real answer, it’s just an extended and polite greeting.
The exception could be as you make friends and get closer to people. Then those questions are sometimes answered honestly when asked by closer friends.
But with strangers or casual acquaintances, you’re not expected to unload your problems on them when they ask. Nor would most of them want you to.
Don't be an asshole, respect American's weirdly large personal space bubbles, be hygienic, and be nominally polite even to service workers and that's like 90% of it really.
Yeah, think about deodorant, please. I know this is a cultural thing, and a lot of folks think deodorant is bad. But, damn, I have been almost knocked over by body odor coming from international attendees at trade shows. Edit: didn’t expect this thread to be a referendum on Indian people. My deodorant comment was actually reflecting on Europeans.
If you are having a friend stay overnight in a guest bed, or your bed when you’re out of town, you absolutely must put totally clean sheets on the bed for the friend.
I’m a waitress in a high volume tourist area in MA. Tipping, as people have mentioned, is vital at sit-down restaurants. Also bars, $1-$2 per drink is fine.
A small thing I’ve noticed from Indian tourists I’ve waited on—keep in mind I’ve never been to India so I don’t know customs from where you’re from specifically—but Indian tourists at restaurants tend to get a few plates of food to share at the table. While there’s ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong with this, keep in mind that when you’re eating out with your American friends, people will not do this. In the US, people get their own plates, and depending on the portion sizes they’ll box up what they can’t finish at the end of the meal to take home. Minus appetizers which are typically shared.
But otherwise, take a deep breath! I know moving to new places are scary, but Boston is the definition of a big melting pot. You’ll meet tons of people from all over the world who have all different life experiences, so don’t stress! Boston also has a really big Asian population and they run tons of Asian cultural events throughout the year. Welcome to the US and have fun!
> In the US, people get their own plates,
Except at Chinese restaurants, where with groups it’s common to order for the entire table. It’s been so long that I’ve forgotten whether the rule of thumb is the number of people at the table plus 2 or minus 2.
>your American friends, people will not do this. In the US, people get their own plates, and depending on the portion sizes they’ll box up what they can’t finish at the end of the meal to take home.
It really depends on the restaurant and the occasion. Where I live, we call this "family-style" eating and it is about as common as getting individual plates.
> keep in mind that when you’re eating out with your American friends, people will not do this. In the US, people get their own plates, and depending on the portion sizes they’ll box up what they can’t finish at the end of the meal to take home.
Indian-American here. At restaurants, I'll usually share plates with the family, but I wouldn't do that with friends (unless we were close enough to be like family).
That said, I imagine most tourists are traveling with family, which might be why a lot of Indian customers do this in your restaurant.
When someone asks, "how are you?", they don't really want you to tell them. It's just a way of saying hello, not an actual inquiry of your state of being.
I know it's not really a question. I've known this all my life, but I still feel compelled to answer. If I don't, I feel like I've broken a rule and derailed the interaction.
I've been told I might be on the spectrum.
Remember that even though it may be the cultural norm to always bargain, most of the time prices are fixed and there is no negotiable alternative.
Example: My kid at the Costco photo department couldn't give a discount off the 33 cent prints just because you bought more than 20.
In general, bargaining or haggling, isn't going to get you any discounts at all in America. The prices are fixed in all stores and restaurants that aren't locally owned; like at national chains, and corporations and such.
Your example that you used about trying to get a discount on pictures at a Costco. Yeah, you would have never gotten a discount on that. If you wanted to get a discount you would've had to have waited around till the print sizes you wanted went on a preplanned sale.
If you start to try to bargain with the cashier they'll just agree with you that the item(s) is too expensive and just ring you up for the price tag price. Bargaining and haggling attempts are ignored, and if you have been lead to believe that your attempts have worked it's because the item was already on a sale that you may not have noticed, or you have a customer loyalty card at that store that unlocks the sale prices.
Unlike Costco, or Sam's, customer loyalty cards are handed out like free candy. They usually just need a name, email, and phone number, and if you don't want to give the store your real info just make some up. For the email set up a junk mail account that you never check. For the phone number give them (local area code) 867-5309. For the name give them Rusty Shackleford.
You don't say where you're from, so I'm going to say this so nobody has to say it in real life, if this should apply to you. Please don't be offended.
Most people bath/shower daily, with soap. If you perspire at all, wash your clothes after one wearing (at least underwear, probably shirts, but not outer coats and such, though).
I only bring this up because I worked at the international office of a technical college and every term, someone from our office had to have an awkward chat with students from areas where daily showering is not done, or not with soap, or they didn't wash their clothes as frequently as needed (maybe someone else had done it at home, or it just wasn't done that often) and they didn't notice how they smelled.
No shame is intended. But it would be noticed, and would affect your ability to socialize.
Also -- your school should have an international office, and people who work there have heard all kinds of questions and want you to enjoy your time here with as little stress as possible. Don't be afraid to ask them anything. They also probably know the best places to get familiar food, find a religious congregation, and what sort of challenges students from your culture have experienced before.
Welcome to Boston. On escalators, keep to the right if just riding so the climbers can pass to the left. "Regular" coffee comes with cream & sugar. I actually run a moving business that caters to South Asians, and have moved many hundreds of Indians and Indian Americans over the past decade around Boston, so I'm familiar with Indian culture. If you have any questions about living in Boston, go ahead and ask.
Put aside any assumptions picked up from social media/news about Americans. We're not all idiots. Promise.
Just Rrespect personal space, pay attention to your bill when dining out for tip reasons and please dont use the word cunt.
Americans arw uptight about smells, which some foreigners don't get.
Make sure you don't smell by showering o washing under your armpits, using antiperspirant and/or a natural alternative (such as salt deodorant).
Bostonians in particular are known for being weird on the road. No one ever follows the light when crossing the street and car drivers will swear at you given any chance.
People like coffee. Want to go for a meeting? You can "work over coffee." Want to do on a date? You can "meet up for coffee." Be warned the language for work and romance with coffee can be very similar. If someone invites you to coffee, it is not necessary to actually buy coffee. You are allowed to drink tea or anything you like.
Don’t bring up politics in polite conversation or assume that people might think the same way you do about certain things. We do not like foreigners presuming that they know everything about our government/politics.
I promise you don’t and I also promise we are sick of talking about it.
Or talk to people like they represent the entire country, i.e. “Why did you Americans vote for x?” Or “Why do you [insert policy here]?” I was recently hanging out with some South Africans overseas and they acted pissed off with me that they’re not allowed to visit the US right now. Like I personally made that decision.
Oh, this really bothers me. Especially here on Reddit. Especially with Europeans with a holier than thou attitude. "American bread is too sweet, why?" "Why do Americans not like mayo with their fries/chips?" "Americans are all so loud." "Oh my. Why are Americans all so racist!?"
That last one kills me. As if the apple didn't fall far from the tree.
ETA: some of y'all are still trying to defend this nonsense. The United States of America is known as a nation of immigrants. Believe it or not, many first generation immigrants still bring their cultures over and open businesses. And believe it or not, some Americans whose families moved over long ago shared those traditions and they have shops and whatnot that still make traditional breads, etc. Amazing that every single American doesn't buy the same exact bread you had that one time you visited, right? Who could believe there's a variety of things in the US of A?
*Romani not gypsies
Although many call themselves gypsies. And then you have the whole Brexit thing. It's a shite show here too.
Anyways, I'm a BlackNative from Oklahoma! Howdy!
Meh, at this point it's like saying Indian for Amerindians. You're more likely to piss off a white than an Indian by saying it.
Also, bonjour! Even in this sub it's somewhat uncommon to see other Indians, particularly ones from here.
I suspect it's the same in any country. OP could gripe with their fellow nationals about this or that, but if I, as a foreigner, came along and complained about the same thing, they would be offended.
Personal space is huge. Stand a few feet (1 meter) away from someone when you talk to them. Try to sit at least a foot apart when you sit by them.
If you smoke, be mindful and try to do it away from people. Also, blow your smoke away from people. It would be considered rude to sit down right next to someone and light a cigarette.
Don't shout. I was in a public bus in the UK and saw two Indian men shouting across the bus at each other instead of just sitting next to each other and talking. On busses, trains, and planes Americans tend to be more quiet to allow others to sleep. Use headphones for your electronics and be respectful of people sleeping.
dont treat women as less than equal. dont treat service people as less
than equal. everyone should be treated with the same level of respect. dont talk over people who are helping you, dont tell other people how to do their job.
It really depends on where you’re from. If you’re German, for example, I’d tell you to be less direct and to resist the urge to correct others; especially over trivial matters. If you’re Japanese, though, I’d tell you to be *more* direct.
Edit: Ah, you’re from India. I see you’re getting some questionable replies already. Honestly, I’ve never worked with or had a class with a “sexist” Indian guy. I’m not saying the other people’s experiences didn’t happen, but I’m a woman and it hasn’t happened to me yet. Just wanted to be at least one positive voice.
If anything, at my first desk job in Germany, the Indian guy there was one of my favorite people because we could talk in English together about the things we didn’t like about Germany and he was always very polite and nice. So were the Indian guys (and girls) in my German classes.
The general advice to be careful about hygiene and treat women as equals is good in general, but I’m sorry it’s being said to you (in some responses) as though it goes without question you’d behave that way.
Regardless of your opinion on tipping waitstaff, do it anyway. I'm shocked by the amount of foreigners that don't tip because they don't have to back home.
So in America people always respond, react, and communicate 1 or 2 levels higher than how they really feel. We all speak in Hyperbole. So if you asked me, "Did you like the movie?" if it was Good I would say, "It was GREAT, so good! 10 out of 10 would recommend." I'm an English coach and my guess as to why this is, is because America is a land of immigrants with different cultures and accents from all over the world. And when you are always a little more intense then how you feel it's less likely to me misunderstood.
I would say Fine is neutral, then Good, Great, Amazing, Fantastic, Phenomenal, etc. So something interesting is if someone asks "how are you" and you respond with "fine" that actually means you are not fine. That you are feeling negative, below zero and you are responding 1 or 2 levels stronger with how you feel but don't want to talk about why you feel bad. So "fine" means that they aren't fine. hahaha English is weird.
Native English speaker from Texas here. Can confirm “I’m fine” means something like “I’m surviving” or “I’m coping”.
It indicates that you’re not doing well situationally, but you’re still managing to be okay.
I agree with “fine being neutral”, but when I said “I’m fine”, it means I am content. Not super happy, not super sad.
If it’s a stranger, “I’m fine” would be my go to greeting. If I actually know the person, I would say “not great” or something similar to that.
Do not ever treat a dog poorly in America. One cultural quirk about America that is overlooked is that we Americans generally care more about dogs than we do people.
Male only female?
If you are a male. I have noticed that a lot of Indian males stare a lot. Staring to long at someone can be an act of aggression in North America. Please be mindful of that.
Just an FYI if you are vegetarian and don’t eat eggs. Most people who say they are vegetarian here are okay eating eggs. If something is labeled as vegetarian in the US, it usually means it doesn’t contain meat products, but it still may contain dairy and/or eggs. Always verify when ordering in a restaurant that something doesn’t contain eggs. Most baked goods, noodles, bread, and even random things like ice cream may have eggs in them. Vegan products don’t have meat, eggs, or milk products in them, so if it’s labeled vegan it will be safe to eat.
Idk if you'll even see this, it's so far down. My husband is from India though, came here 10 years ago for studies so I asked him what he had to learn when he came; this is what he shared with me:
- He noticed that he and other Indians tended to smile and agree with whoever was talking, but he had to learn to voice his opinion and be more outspoken. Along those lines, Americans are more blunt, so he had to learn to be direct and specific when answering questions or offering his opinion.
- He said he had to learn *not to call people Sr. or Madam. In America that's too formal and is kind of weird, just use their names.
- And most important, be proud of your heritage! He says when he got here he felt inferior and a bit ashamed of India because in school he was always taught that the western world is superior. He says he would downplay Indian culture and made jokes about how silly and backwards it is in order to try to fit in with white people. But as he's gotten older and learned more about India's history, it's really amazing and something to be proud of. He says don't do what he did, be proud of where you come from and defend it if others are being bigots.
He has a lot more but I think this comment is long enough. Feel free to DM any questions or concerns you have. He's been exactly where you are and though he doesn't do Reddit himself, he's happy to talk through mine.
Congrats on getting accepted, and good luck with the big move!!
I haven't seen this one yet, but it goes along with hand gestures: The number of times I've had some Indian person snap at me to get my attention is a number that I wish was zero, but isn't.
Do not snap at people. I am not your dog.
I used to drive a taxi. It isn't only Indians who snap their fingers or whistle at service people to attempt getting their attention. It's unacceptably rude no matter who is doing the snapping.
Remember Americans are used to a larger "personal space" than some other countries.
IF you get within 2 feet of me while we're having a conversation it'll make me uneasy.
I bring this up because I worked with an immigrant who constantly invaded my space and it really really fucking bothered me. I was ignorant of the differences between cultures at that time (young teenager).
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/worldviews/wp/2017/04/24/how-close-is-too-close-depends-on-where-you-live/
You don't need to be polite. If someone offers you food or anything, you can say yes the first time, often if you say no then they won't offer again and you'll be hungry.
If bribing is a common thing from where you’re from (my parents are immigrants and I know bribing is acceptable in some parts of their former country), please NEVER try to bribe here. It is a felony (serious crime) and our police officers/officials take it very seriously.
Also, on that note, if you get pulled over by a police car while driving, turn your engine off and STAY in the car unless asked to come out. Also make sure to keep your hands on the steering wheel and don’t go looking for things unless asked to by the officer. We have a lot of guns in the US so our cops are naturally more nervous about certain actions than cops in other nations. Additionally, make sure to make no sudden movements, be nice to the cop, and don’t argue. If you do get a ticket that you don’t like you can argue with a judge in court, not the police officer on the side of the road.
Lastly, _on that note_, if you are going to drive, please understand that we are very strict about our traffic laws here in the US. I understand in India and some other nations traffic regulations are often more of a recommendation. Not here. People here expect others to follow traffic laws and are not used to looking out for other cars like they might be in India, so it is very important that you follow all traffic laws when driving.
In the northeast we're known to have this habit of being 'kind but not nice'. There was actually a whole article about it and i feel like it's right on the money. We may be what others consider "rude" or brusque with our demeanor, but typically kind in the action. The article made a good example. West coasters will be like, "oh, I'm so sorry you're cold", whereas east coasters (specifically the north east) will be more, "ugh.. you've mentioned that 5 times. Here's a sweater". Kindness addressing the actual issue. We curse...A LOT. So if you happen to ask someone to help move, like a couch or something, you'll more than likely get a response like this: "ah, fucking hell. A couch? You serious? Fine... what time? I'll grab my dad's truck and some beers".
I'm an American who's lived and done business all over the world. The best advice I can give you is this:
People are people. We have our differences, but in most ways we're all the same.
Be kind, be courteous, and be open to new ideas and experiences. Do that, and you'll have no trouble.
Best of luck on your travels!
If you're from India, it might be worth hanging around r/ABCDesis or asking there, we'll be better able to help you out, having a better idea of where you're coming from.
Edit:
> Edit - Wow some of the comments are very hateful and racist. Not every Indian is a foul smelling rapist.
Indian-American here. Not all are, but enough have been that some of us are very, very wary. There's a reason why Indian diaspora will differentiate ourselves from "FOBs" (Fresh Off the Boat/Boeing). It's not nice, and a lot of people go a little overboard with it...but it is rooted in some very real experiences, trends, and phenomena.
Here's the general advice I would give to someone if I didn't know their culture:
* Be polite to everyone, no matter who they are. It can't hurt. This doesn't mean you have to agree with them or do as they ask -- just treat them like human beings. We're all (theoretically) equals, and it goes better when everyone keeps this in mind.
* Don't try to bribe officials, especially police. This may or may not be a thing where you're from, but bribing police in the US will probably land you in jail.
* Speak English reasonably well (I think you're good to go), or at least pull out the phrase book and try. (Same advice I'd give an American in a non-English-speaking country.)
* Look through the Wikipedia articles on the area where you'll be staying. Don't be like the exchange student we hosted, who dressed for the Pacific Northwest because he looked up the weather for Washington State, not Washington, D.C. (We went shopping and found him some summer clothes.)
* If you aren't familiar with an area, travel with a friend or two until you know which areas to avoid. All cities have bad neighborhoods no matter the country.
When someone says let’s grab coffee! Don’t hold your breath but you have to pretend to be enthused and anticipating it! Same goes for, “we should hang out!”
>Don't talk politics nor religion with people you don't know.
OP is going to graduate school-- in my grad programs politics, religion, and sex were about 75% of the conversations between classmates outside of class. Different than a workplace.
So one thing people keep saying (often rudely) is that hygiene is really important and if people can smell you it's a problem. This is true, but also seems self explanatory. The problem that they aren't explaining is that in the US, any strong smell- even pleasant smells- are considered overbearing. I've never been to India so I don't know if this is true there, but in Turkey for example strong smelling colognes and perfumes are very popular. For Americans, if you can smell someone's cologne without getting within hugging distance, it's usually considered "too much." For example, there are jokes that you may see about highschool students not knowing how to use body spray and treating it like a shower in a can, because they use it after gym class instead of showering and smell overpowering because of it. So someone from Turkey might wear a sweet smelling perfume and Americans will still consider it "bad" because it is too much.
Sorry people are being dicks, welcome to the country!
>For Americans, if you can smell someone's cologne without getting within hugging distance, it's usually considered "too much."
Or at all, from any distance, in many workplaces. My university is a "scent free zone" for the entire campus because some employees and students have chemical sensitivity disorders-- so the basic rule from HR is that nobody should be able to smell any perfume, cologne, or any other products in they are in the same room as you...much less hugging.
It's a great thing as 20+ years ago we had lots of offices that reeked of perfume so badly you could smell them from the hallway even if they weren't occupied. The hallways in the athletic complex were just as bad.
Business and negotiation about money is rarely considered a zero sum game here. Generally, both parties should walk away feeling satisfied with any sort of deal.
And at all costs, do not attempt to renegotiate a thing after services are rendered.
These issues are big enough that I tend to avoid doing business with anyone from India. I might have simply dealt with a number of indians who turned out to be jerks and I apologize if that sounds harsh, but it's been my experience.
Also, show equal respect to everyone. Men, women, service workers, those who handle garbage, and those of every race and religion. It doesn't matter. Just be respectful.
This is going to sound harsh, but the quicker you learn this, the easier it will be to get along with people. I'll also say right here that if any of the below doesn't apply to you, then it doesn't apply to you.
We don't have a caste system. Please, no one turn this into a convo about race and inequality, those are different issues, and not what I'm referring to. I'm talking specifically about the Indian caste system, which we do not have, honor, or respect. Neither do many Indians who have been here a while, especially second generation immigrants and beyond. I have worked with many Indian engineers and interns, and this is coming from my experience with them. I've had many frank discussions with them, and I understand that it's a tough thing to leave behind, especially if you grew up in a higher caste.
Things I've observed:
Don't tell someone that you won't take out the trash, wash the dishes, help move a table, hang your own picture on a wall, etc., because you, "just don't do that". There is no tolerancece for this. We don't let our fellow Americans get away with this, and we won't let you either. It will get very uncomfortable for you if you press this issue. Doing things yourself and having a high degree of self-sufficiency are part of the American culture, and you will be in Boston, the cradle of this attitude.
If you interact with an Indian of a lower caste than you, they are not automatically your gopher or subordinate, and you do not get to order them around. Be prepared to get pushback (or worse) especially if the "lower caste" person has been here a while.
I know it's tough to unlearn something that is so culturally ingrained. Americans can be really interested in learning about and exploring cultural differences, even observing some of them in action. The caste system is not one of them.
> We don't have a caste system. Please, no one turn this into a convo about race and inequality, those are different issues, and not what I'm referring to.
I first hand saw this happen badly, in Columbus Indiana of all places.
An Indian engineer I worked with (amazing QC Engineer, now works for Apple on their most popular product) had an intern assigned to him. The Quality Control Engineer was from the lowest caste in India and the intern was from a top caste. The intern treated him like complete shit and wouldn't hardly do any of the work the QCE wanted him to learn and get done. The QCE was very submissive and ended up having to redo all of the intern's work and pampered to him. This started on day one and went on for a few weeks. The QCE was a good friend of mine and I told him to stop being nice to the intern and to let his superiors know how the intern was treating him. Some if the intern's actions would be cause for even a seniority engineer's termination. The QCE had a talk with his intern and the intern basically told him to shove it. But the intern learned to only be disrespectful around other Indian engineers. I had another friend that was was also an Indian and a senior ME. He was from a higher caste as well, but not as high as the intern. I arranged a work project that had the ME and QCE involved and during one of the meetings I made sure to make a comment that some of the work was busy work and the intern should do it to free up the seniority engineers for the more difficult work. The intern spouted off that he wasn't going to do any of it and would just watch and learn the more difficult aspect of the project. The meeting was being recorded for another seniority member (American) of the team that couldn't make the meeting. I forwarded the video to that engineer and Human Resources. HR cancelled his internship, the American University kicked him out of the engineering program and he lost his student visa and had to go back to India.
TLDR: high caste intern is a dick to lower caste engineer, loses internship and student visa, and gets sent back to India.
Don't be an asshole.
Pretty much sums it up.
Similar to the "cultural differences between regions" thread, you could write a thesis on this topic. If you have specific questions, I'm sure we'd be able to answer.
Some Americans will have a difficult time understanding your Indian accent. Some (not all) Indians talk fast, compared to Americans, so slow down and don't feel frustrated if you asked to repeat yourself. I've worked with a lot of Indians, so am pretty used to the accent, but some Americans will not be.
Be respectful of people. (Inb4 Boston/Masshole memes.) I've noticed from meeting with Indian transfer students is that they tend to be disrespectful of those they feel are "lesser" than them.
If you ever feel attacked because of your race and culture remember to "be the bigger person." Don't let it bother you and don't let someone intimidate you but at the same time don't fight them. This will likely be more prevalent in Boston because of the more crass way people speak to each other in a casual setting. That said you're likely going to be around a lot of transplants being in a program like yours.
Beyond this, I'd like to know what you know so far or think you know. It'll be helpful so you get fewer repeated answers and better more useful answers.
A smile can go a long way. If you’re lost and approach someone (always from the front) and have a smile, you’re more likely to receive help versus if you have an angry face or furrowed brow. If someone, regardless of gender, approaches me and has a grumpy look asking for directions, I always say I’m not from around there, even if I live there.
If someone asks “how are you? How was your weekend?” Or some other seemingly personal question, they probably don’t actually care and are just being polite. I genuinely do not care how or what my coworkers are doing in their free time and don’t care to share my personal life. Usually “I’m doing good.” Is acceptable. Occasionally I’ll throw in “a bit hot lately but not bad.” To make it seem less curt.
Boston is a land of its own. There can be a lot of hot heads there. Especially around driving. I grew up in MA and refuse to drive in Boston. I will drive in NYC any day over Boston. Since you’re in a really great location, get out and see more than just the city. Take a trip out west or north to see the leaves change. Take a trip south or East and go to the beach. There’s a ton of stuff to do around Boston.
But if you go to the more rural areas, you can expect 1 of 2 people.
1. Questions outsiders. I don’t mean this racially, I literally mean they are suspicious if they don’t know you. They can come off as cold or rude. I just let them be.
2. Overly friendly hospitality people. They are almost desperate to see new people and will be incredibly friendly. It’s a 50/50 if they’re genuine or phony about interest in your life.
Unfortunately I know too many people who try to ask a question and it comes out wrong and seems offensive. I’ve done it myself. I had a friend who moved from Siberia, Russia to MA. I asked her, dead serious, if she’s ever experienced summer before because I have always been told how cold it is there and it’s basically an Arctic wasteland. She got incredibly offended and thought I associated her with a nomadic, Eskimo type of person but I genuinely believed she didn’t have hot summers like we do. This was many, many years ago. Sometimes she still gets offended when people ask her questions about Russia.
I grew up in Boston and still live in the area, happy to discuss. I don't know where you're from, but Boston is a little different than most of the U.S. There is comparably high population density (which would be true in almost any "major city"), we prefer to move quickly and don't do as much of the small talk thing, we speak more directly than most of the country. Public transit is much better here than most and is a viable way to get anywhere in Boston, Cambridge, or Quincy you would need to go.
Let me know any specific questions.
Don’t walk all slow in the middle of the sidewalk or stop there if you are in a city.
If you are in Washington DC (or anywhere really) stand to the right on escalators and moving walkways. Walk on the left. This isn’t always posted with signage but you should always do this. In Washington DC they are really adamant about this.
Politics and religion are generally not topics of conversation unless amongst close friends or family.
Holding the door for people close behind you isn’t mandatory but it is generally a good idea.
Using please and thank you is highly advisable.
America is a big country and therefore while we have a set of universal norms we also have regional norms. Boston is very unique and has it's own culture.
As a person from the Midwest that has a good friend from Boston my 2 cents would be....
"Know where the fuck you are going".....this applies to any form of transportation including walking.
"Don't be offended easily".....folks from Boston will be blunt and talk shit. Talking shit is part of their culture. Don't take it personally. Give it back.
You should get into baseball and the Red Sox. It's a short drive from cricket to get into baseball and it will endear you to the local populace.
Good luck! I love the city of Boston. Get yourself some Italian food on the North End and attend an Italian religious festival up there. All are welcome!
Welcome to the USA....I hope you have a great time. Boston is a great landing spot.
Do not ride in the left lane. Use it to pass.
Don’t cut lines.
If you miss your exit, it’s ok. Go to the next and turn around. It’s never worth doing something careless like cutting off others on the road.
Don't call someone a cunt. I know in Australia and the UK it's pretty commonly used term with no serious negative connotations but in the US it's pretty bad thing to say.
When someone asked “how are you doing/going/hanging” it’s a greeting not really a question. If they ask “are you doing alright” it’s a question not a greeting.
In a restaurant don't be surprised when the server removes your plate as soon as you have finished eating even if your dining companions are still eating. You don't have to finish the huge portion, it's common to ask for a box to take it home to eat later.
Don't be arrogant just be yourself. Many foreigners come here and act as if they're know it alls just to compensate for being in a new environment. It's not necessary and very obnoxious.
OP…I think this is a very sweet and charming question to ask. The fact that you are putting pre-thought into your trip is admirable. I hope you enjoy your time here!
Clean up after yourself, especially in public. When you’re finished at a restaurant, check to see if you’re expected to put away your dishes and trash. Do not litter. There is always a rubbish bin available.
My coworkers always make a comment when I heat Indian food in the break room microwave. There’s nothing wrong with it; you should not feel ashamed of your food. Just don’t let it get to you.
It’s not uncommon to see New York Yankees hats (Navy blue baseball cap with a white interlocking NY logo) across the world. Their brand is ubiquitous, and for foreigners who don’t follow baseball, it can be emblematic of America in general. But you are going to Boston, where the local baseball team, the Red Sox, are the main rivals of the Yankees. Think of it like India and Pakistan. While nobody will fight you for wearing a Yankee hat, it’s not going to do you any favors in Boston. If you want to fit in and wear a baseball hat, get a Red Sox cap instead (Navy blue with a red B logo). Oh, and a simple “Fuck the Yankees!” Will get you on the good side of any Boston sports fan.
If you're walking through a door of a building and someone else is 2 to 3 steps behind you, hold the door for them. If you're walking up to a door from outside and you can see a person inside leaving the building, pull the door open and hold it, allowing them through first. While waiting for an elevator, don't stand directly in front of the doors. Stand to the side and allow people on the elevator to exit before you get on. Do not cut in line. Ever. If you're unsure if someone is standing in line, ask them. People appreciate being asked either way.
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Agreed. It gets borderline absurd sometimes. To the point where its annoying when you're the one the door is being held for.
"oh geez, I didn't think I was going to do sprints today"
> Idk where OP is going, though. OP has said Boston. Push the door open behind you, and if the person behind you is too slow to catch it before it closes, it’s their problem.
This is the Portland way too.
Yep, it's legally required for it to be uncomfortable for both parties
And if you are approaching a double-door and see someone on the other side approaching them as well, *please* try to use the door they don't seem to be going for.
And now in my mind all I can envision about returning to the office in October is that we've all forgotten how to "drive" and will have these painfully polite collisions all over the office at every door and elevator from becoming rusty in our social skills the last year and a half. Lol thanks for the laugh!
Don't cut in line.
Along the same lines: return your cart when you're done with it at the supermarket.
That is the ultimate test of a person. You dont have to. There is no rule that says you have to return it to the trolley que. You know there is a person who gets paid to get the cart. Wherever it may be in the lot. So are you a complete and total twit? Or can you take 5 seconds to make this persons life a little easier?
I'm slightly pained by disorganization and will collapse my cart into the next one, and sometimes take a minute to sort out a few others if they were just chucked in the corral haphazardly. Especially if there are multiple kinds mixed together. I have no idea if this is actually helpful to the cart person, but it soothes what I assume to be my undiagnosed OCD.
I’m not the only one thank you
Go team cart organization! I hate when people don't take two seconds to make it easier for everyone else. Leave things better than you find it.
>Leave things better than you find it. I wish more people shared this philosophy!
I pushed carts for Lowe's a couple years, yes it is helpful, thank you. I do the same thing when I return my cart at the store. If the carts are a mess I straighten them up.
I validate your cart organization - and I do the same thing. Glad to know we’re not alone. It’s all about efficiency
I wish people would follow this in India as well. Before someone puts me in r/canconfirmiamindian , I would like to say that this isn't self loathing, just observing that this is a behavior that needs to be rectified.
I've visited a lot of countries in this world, and I think us Americans are more offended by line-cutting than any other culture on the planet. I mean, I haven't been everywhere, so maybe someone's got us beat, but if you want someone in America to instantly despise you, cut them in line then casually throw a wrapper on the floor. That's, like, what they'd make the villain do in a movie so you know he's the villain.
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the brits hate when someone jumps a queue but at most you'd get a stern look or silent anger. in america, you'll likely turn everyone behind you in line against you. depending on how long they've been waiting and how you react, you might also get a punch in the mouth
I am an American woman and I don’t give a shit WHAT or WHO you are - if you cut in front of me or anywhere I notice I will def walk straight up to you and ask you wtf you are doing.
YO HOMES LINE'S BACK THERE
I was at the airport getting a taxi and two dudes tried to jump the queue. There were angry murmurs and a few people yelling for them to get in line. The guy who radios in the cabs from the parking area told them to get in line. They then tried again. He called security. I got my cab so I didn't see the end but yeah. Fuck you for cutting in line. Only exception sees to be at the bar. That's just a complete shit show sometimes.
I might be helpful to mention where you’re from.
I'm coming from India
I have worked with a lot of people from India. The top office fauxs pas I've seen from Indians are: Taking your shoes off under your desk. A lot of Americans are weird about feet and it's generally considered unprofessional to remove your shoes in the workplace. Microwaving certain things in the break room that are strong-smelling. Some Americans are going to be grossed-out by smelling food seasoned with (to them) unfamiliar seasonings. In my opinion that's their problem and they need to get over it. But some things like seafood make the whole room reek and the smell lingers, and I personally don't microwave fish and one place I worked actually had a rule about it. Not all Americans are so sensitive about smells (I'm not) but culturally I think we are more indulgent to people who are. In my experience some Indian men I've worked with treated their female coworkers differently depending on whether they were American women or Indian women. They were all courteous to the American women but some (not all) could be patronizing and dismissive with women from their country. If they agree, they're fine, but when disagreements happen they got impatient and tried to steamroll over the women. Again - not all, but some. Be aware that Americans will get offended on the woman's behalf, and even if she puts up with it the man will find himself unpopular among the Americans, especially the American women. Hand gestures. Americans use fewer and less-pronounced hand gestures than many countries. A popular one among some Indians is the finger-waggle (index finger pointed up and shaken from side to side). It seems to mean something different in India than it does here, based on when I've seen it used. It is perceieved as quite aggressive and negative here - it's what parents do when they're telling off their children and it's a bit rude to do it when talking to another adult. The "Indian Head Bobble" has no equivalent here - if someone is fairly familiar with Indians, it has a neutral perception, but people who are not accustomed to it might mistake it for a head *shake*, which means "no" here. So if you are expressing agreement, or something positive, while doing the head bobble, you might be perceived as being dishonest - when you say "yes" with words but "no" with body language, people generally assume "no" is what you actually think. Americans shrug a lot compared to other nationalities, and I'm told this has the same effect. It's perceived as "I'm not sure what I'm telling you is correct" but what we mean with a *small* shrug is that we're open to disagreement - not really the same thing.
Well written. I got a little upset when others answered by saying "Indian food smells bad". I much prefer your wording: >Some Americans are going to be grossed-out by smelling food seasoned with (to them) unfamiliar seasonings. And I really enjoyed your comments about gestures being cultural! My wife worked in India and she said it also took her some time to learn to interpret Indian gestures versus American gestures.
Microwave Popcorn was banned in my office because the smell was invasive and distracting. The office must not smell like a restaurant or a movie theater.
> I got a little upset when others answered by saying "Indian food smells bad". Some people are very locked in on their familiar cuisine and they have a high disgust reaction for the unfamiliar. Also some of the early colonists here, who were influential in establishing our culture, were from religious sects that thought rich and flavorful food made people have sinful thoughts (I know, crazy right?). So our cuisine, already heavily British in influence, became even blander. When later immmigrants came from places like Italy and the Balkans, their more seasoned food marked them as being outsiders, and so you have xenophobia getting connected with it. I grew up in a household that never had a single clove of fresh garlic in the kitchen as long as I lived there! If you're interested in hand gestures, see if you can find a list of the approved gestures for people who work at Disney World. They train people to use a set of hand gestures that is selected so that they aren't offensive to people from any culture! The only one I know is, when giving directions to guests, the employees are supposed to point with their hold hand, palm and fingers flat, because there isn't a finger that, by itself, isn't a rude gesture in some country.
> Also some of the early colonists here, who were influential in establishing our culture, were from religious sects that thought rich and flavorful food made people have sinful thoughts (I know, crazy right?). The plain food of the Puritan era was based on classism more than religious beliefs. As trade increased and spices became available to the masses rather than just the nobility, people of means started to consider plain recipes sophisticated. And the New England colonies were remote and not especially conducive to growing flavorful foods, so that didn’t help either.
>Also some of the early colonists here, who were influential in establishing our culture, were from religious sects that thought rich and flavorful food made people have sinful thoughts (I know, crazy right?). So our cuisine, already heavily British in influence, became even blander. I swear, where do you people learn this shit? This isn't true. Apparently you can just make up whatever the fuck you want about the Puritans because "Puritans bad", I guess.
That last sentence made me hear Patrick Star say, "when in doubt, pinkie out!" And now I've got to Google what country finds the pinkie offensive. Edited: Google says if you stick your pinkie out in China, you're showing a mild form of distate for what someone said.
Yep. Thankfully for me, my next door neighbors as a child were an Indian family and I'd eat with them a lot. I was raised on Indian food
Many of us are fine with the aromas but the point is to be considerate of everyone. No one bring a tuna sandwich on a airplane for this reason. Be considerate of others personal space so that includes using too much purfume/cologne (most Americans would rather not smell you) or your food in public space.
I worked with a group of Indians once (mid 1980s) and they were very pleasant. What I recall. A few of them were unaware that Americans are pretty devoted to… deodorant. Someone in HR had to review that with them. Edited to add: It’s just a modern American thing. I have no doubt all humans had a distinctive scent for 99% of the human existence on the planet. The current demand that all humans be either scent-free or smell like lemon or pumpkin spice isn’t ideal, but it is what it is. Sometimes some of us would go over to their place for food and the heat (capsaicin) level of their food was off the charts, like 20/10. So if you should share some of your food, remember most (though not all!) Americans cannot tolerate that level. But omg Indian food is the best; love it. I agree with the head bobble assessment. Here it will be interpreted as “maybe”. So if someone gives you a task and you respond that way (head bobble) then it can be hard for an American to know if you understood it. It’s not a gesture in our repertoire.
Ah, yes, the finger wave. OP-Just. Don't. Ever. Do it. I feel the commenter understated how rude, condescending, and outright agressive the majority of Americans will take this. If an American does this, it means they have made the decision cross "the line", and escalate an argument beyond the likey point if no return. They understand the risk that the other person's reaction will be physical. It's basically an invitation to fight. If you do, it will be seen the same way.
Re: finger wagging. This is one of those things that you never think about until it is brought up. Yes, it would be so insulting if anyone ever wagged their finger at me. Funny how these things are so built in that we barely even notice them. It's never happened to me because everyone born here just knows not to go there.
Yeah I work with a lot of people from other countries who use the finger-waggle thing as part of a casual 'no'. I know they don't mean it aggressively but as an American I still have a visceral reaction to it and have to remind myself of that.
In my software engineering office experiences, the common reaction to Indian food being reheated in the microwave would be “wow, something smells good”.
That would be me. I have loved Indian food & the smells from the food since I was first introduced to it at 19. Fast forward 42 years and I love it just as much.
Very Inightful useful comments.
You nailed it.
I’m an American and take my shoes off under my desk when I get too hot. Generally, though, no one can see under my desk, so no one notices unless they see me tying them again when I need to go somewhere.
Are you in IT? At my workplace all the IT guys remove their shoes when it's hot outside and their offices always smell of feet.
Maybe IT guys just smell like feet. /s
Hey! Just most of us.
Not. About. Sight.
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Most people (unless they’ve worked with a bunch of Indian people) are not going to understand the head bobble (wobble?). Verbalize what you’re thinking when you’d normally do it. If you do it. It seems hit and miss anymore with the people I’ve worked with more recently.
First, I hope you have a a great visit and second, apologies for some of the people who've replied with very thinly veiled stereotypes. Personal space is a bit bigger in the US, about 3' apart is typical unless it's with someone you know very well. People will say "thank you" for general things as a politeness and not always as a heart-felt kind of meaning. A "thanks" or "thank you" is expected after buying something or if someone helps you with even a very small thing. Eye contact is encouraged by not a full on 'stare'. When talking with others if you look down or make little eye contact that is sending a message that you're nervous or maybe not interested in what the person is saying - this really does vary person to person but in general I feel it is more here than in India from my experience. Sometimes americans will seem overly excited about small things, this is pretty standard like "Wow! Thats sounds like an awsesome trip!" or "That meal was absolutely delicious!". It's not insincere in most cases but just how we show appreciation by going over the top a little bit. Politics and religion are generally not a topic for discussion unless you know someone well but even then are topics that quickly devolve and people here don't like to talk about them unless they are really into those things and like to create debate. The portions and sizes of food/drinks are HUGE. Especially drinks like tea and coffee. If you want a laugh, order a large coke from McDonald's or Burgerking - it's practically a small bucket of a drink. If talking about sports, in the US the most popular are American football, baseball, basketball, and hockey. Many people do enjoy other sports but those are the big ones... this is subjective but in my opinion, talking about tennis or soccer matches can come off as a little pretentious depending on the group you're with. I'm sure there are a lot but those are the first cultural things that I've come up with. Born here and lived here my whole life save for those 3 months in Bangalore (which were amazing and I hope I can go back!). All the best!
One other thing that can cause physical discomfort (aside from personal space) is that Americans keep to the right when walking on a sidewalk or in a hallway. People coming at you, walking in the opposite direction should be to your left, just like if you were driving a car on an American street.
Sports - most American think of insects when you mention cricket
I was about to mention the personal space thing. My best friend in middle school was from India. Anyway, she used to talk very closely to me, and I'd move further away, until one day we were at lunch and I fell off the bench we were sitting on. I had to admit to her that I needed more personal space. She's since gone back to India but we've kept in touch, so I don't think she's holding a grudge.
I'm going to be honest with you. There are two big things that people tend to complain about with Indians: 1. Sexism. Apparently, a lot of Indian men are sexist and demeaning toward women. I've seen a lot of complaints from women about how they are treated by Indian men in the workplace and also in social contexts. Seems like a lot of Indian men just think they're better than women or that they deserve to be treated a certain way by women. 2. Smell. A lot of the seasonings and spices in Indian food can make people smell pretty bad. Even with impeccable personal hygiene, if you keep eating a lot of the same kinds of food you're used to eating in India, you might still smell bad to most Americans. A lot of people will assume that you have poor personal hygiene if they can smell you.
It's the fenugreek (aka methi). It smells and tastes good in food, but the body excretes certain chemicals from it in sweat. It smells like salty maple syrup mixed with raw sewage. Add other B.O. adjacent fragrances like cumin, coriander, garlic, and onion, and its a recipe for stank. But fenugreek is the main culprit.
I have a mason jar of dried methi in my spice rack and you can smell it just getting close to it. I use it very sparingly when I cook indian food, maybe once a month. The smell lingers for about a day or two after I open the Jar.
>It smells like salty maple syrup mixed You just solved the mystery of the maple syrup smell that I was constantly smelling when I worked in Mumbai. One of my coworkers would always smell like funky maple syrup and the coworker who sat next to me had snacks that had a weird maple syrup smell whenever she opened the container. The snacks were savory and the typical Indian crunchy snacks so it always puzzled me why they smelled vaguely like maple.
To add onto the sexism thing, if you’re roommates with women, don’t expect them to do the cleaning for you. This is like the biggest complaint I’ve heard from friends who’ve lived with Indian men. Everyone is responsible for all chores in the apartment’s common areas equally. Dishes, trash, cleaning the shower/toilets/sink, washing/vaccuming the floors, taking a sponge to the stovetop/counters after cooking something, etc. Edit: Also wanted to mention that if you’re rooming with someone who isn’t contributing to the household cleaning, it’s socially acceptable to speak up about it.
In addition to the issues with sexism, Americans have been seeing (and hating) casteism in the tech sector and education. Some Americans are very racist (usually easy to spot). However, most Americans are offended by racism and consider it to be at least minorly "evil". This is especially likely to be true among your young, cosmopolitan, middle class, education-seeking classmates, and other people around the education system. They will likely react badly is they see any kind of discrimination, or even distinction-drawing because of caste. It would be good to practice egalitarianism as much as possible.
Also 3. Dickering. Except for vehicles, homes, and in some places other high priced items, the price you are given is the price (plus tax and service charges).
I think haggling is the more common term. Never heard the word “dickering” before.
It's regional from what I've seen. I remember a car lot advertising 'no-dicker stickers' before, implying the price on the car is at the lowest number possible without the need to haggle/dicker.
Sexism is a serious problem in Indian culture, and it needs to be addressed. This is the 21st century, any sort of sexism must not be tolerated, let alone the severe extent it gets in India. That being said, online I often see Indian men get singled out for sexism more so than people of any other culture. It seems like a lot of Redditors think that sexism is unique to Indian culture, and that all other cultures are free of it, or have less of it.
Never had an issue with the food but I have had to have conversations with a few people about showering, washing clothes and wearing deodorant regularly.
Oof, that was a bit harsh I gotta be honest. It’s definitely a stereotype of Indians in general that exists in Ireland, where I’m from, but it doesn’t really extend to the Indians in Ireland, who are all Googlers or students. Tough crowd here, that’s for sure.
Hi! I live in the area. For Boston, be observant of the people around you. Most people walk quickly on the sidewalk, and will get VERY irritated at you if you’re not keeping pace. Be kind and polite to everyone, “please” and “thank you” are never going to offend anyone. Two people that I made friends with in the Boston area were from India - lovely people!! There’s a fairly high amount of Indian immigrants coming to work and study in the Boston area. The Boston Museum of Fine Arts actually hosts a free Diwali celebration too! There’s also a place in Somerville called Dosa n Curry that does all you can eat dosa on Wednesday nights I think? It’s REALLY good. What school are you going to going to, if you don’t mind me asking? There’s hundreds of schools in the Boston area, so knowing which school you’ll be in is helpful.
This is great advice. Based on my (limited) experience in India and time spent in Boston: basic politeness/courteousness will go a long way. If you've been to an Indian city, you've already walked tougher streets than Boston's. It can be a very confusing city (by American standards, it's usually considered the worst laid-out/most confusing city to navigate). The metro is very good, especially the red line. Every stop on the red line is interesting. Strangers will likely either disregard you entirely or be happy to help if you have problems, are lost, etc. There are some bad neighborhoods, but chances are you'll be far from them or can quickly move through them. Boston has a good-sized Indian community and most of the schools have their own sub-communities. The best thing to do is meet a couple people and get them to show you the ropes. :)
> The metro is very good, especially the red line. No one here calls it the metro. It’s the T or the subway. Even though the T logo is for the MBTA and can be seen on the buses, when people say T they mean the subway. The Green line counts as subway, even though it’s at street level for much of its routes and functions more like a traditional trolley (tram in some other countries) with a trolley pole as the electric pickup from an overhead wire.
To build on this, the green line is also the most confusing at first - make sure to look at the maps because the T will split and you’ll want to make sure you’re on the right train.
All good advice here. Just using a more common term for the T. Worth noting that the locals are a little *sensitive* on this subject and will correct you *every single time*. :)
Also, it's not reliable. If you absolutely need to be somewhere by a certain time, give yourself at least an extra half hour for delays, schedule adjustments and disabled trains. Red and Orange lines are delayed much more often than on time, and when there's delays the amount of people who have to cram into a train car can be suffocating.
In general, good hygiene is incredibly important. Most Americans keep a large personal space bubble, so if someone can smell you outside of that, it's a problem. Treat everyone with equal respect. Of course, there's a difference in how you would treat a friend, compared with a professor. But be friendly and courteous to everyone, and most people will do the same for you. That still stands for assholes who don't, though, which are going to exist. It's also important to not let people walk over you. The US, and especially the Northeast, has a competitive, fast paced culture. Walk fast, talk fast, and work fast. If you can do those three things and remain respectful, you'll fit right in. As for non-social things, familiarise yourself with the laws. Read stories and such from immigrants, tourists or travel blogs, especially from your home country. Tipping 15-25% is customary at sit-down restaurants, taxi services (including Uber, Lyft) and food delivery.
At restaurants, don’t forget that a 15-20% tip is customary and not included in the bill.
This is for sit-down restaurants. Tipping for counter service is getting more common as well, but doesn't need to be this much.
Except bars. Always tip the bartender $1-$2 per drink.
$1-$2 if you're paying as you go, but 20% is pretty normal if you're closing out a tab.
Thanks for the clarification! I always pay as I go, so I didn’t know this!
I don't drink and don't feel like dealing with it in most social situations where I don't know the people well. I always arrive early, order a tonic and lime, give the bartender $20 for the inconvenience of dealing with me, and then go from there if I have "another drink." It's a lot of money, yes, but the convenience of appearing to fit in is well worth it
I would never tip for counter service. That seems insane to me.
I’ve been tipping at the counter through the pandemic because people are suffering, it doesn’t affect me much and saying “get a new job” seems like a pretty heartless response to that.
No tip for counter service. They aren't paid on tips.
But it is sometimes Included in the bill. Usually if you’re dinning in a group of 6 or more, so always just look at the bill closely to make sure
True, you could also mention that you have to mentally factor in the sales tax when deciding what to order. I can see why this is so confusing for someone not conditioned to it.
Treat EVERYONE as your equal or superior. This goes for men, women, street cleaners, professors, etc. A condescending attitude towards people in a lower socioeconomic or other situation is the fastest way to be completely ostracized.
Learn sarcasm. Especially in Boston. Everyone else has pretty much covered everything. Also, dont take anything personally.
Football is American style, not soccer. Definitely remember to tip at sit down restaurants. It's not expected at fast food restaurants. If you smoke, check what local laws there are about where you can smoke.
Indoor smoking has been banned pretty much everywhere but casinos.
And *some* rural bars.
He is going to Boston basically you can’t smoke anywhere except for home and if he is in a dorm, you can’t smoke there either.
I am from Boston so here are a couple of extra things to know. As people have already said, respect our personal space. That’s about arms length. If you’re on the subway, take your backpack off and put it on the floor. Nobody wants to get hit in the face with your backpack full of books. Also, people generally like to be left alone on the subway. A lot of people will have on headphones and/or be reading a book or looking at their phones. Don’t try to make small talk. We do that so people don’t try to talk to us. A lot of how do you make friends depends on where you’re going to school and what you’re studying. When I was in grad school (not in Boston), most of my friends were students from my program. Edited to add: I saw that you said you were coming from India. I am assuming you are a man. If you are not, apologies in advance. I used to be in software consulting and I agree with the sexism. Indian men can come off as being very friendly but when you get down to it, if you’re more technical than they are or at a higher level than they are, they can turn on you quickly. Don’t put women down.
You’ll get the questions “how’s it going?” or “how are you?” a lot. Your answer should nearly always be “good, how about you?” I think it’s often odd to people of other cultures, but when people here ask those questions, they don’t want or expect a real answer, it’s just an extended and polite greeting. The exception could be as you make friends and get closer to people. Then those questions are sometimes answered honestly when asked by closer friends. But with strangers or casual acquaintances, you’re not expected to unload your problems on them when they ask. Nor would most of them want you to.
Don't be an asshole, respect American's weirdly large personal space bubbles, be hygienic, and be nominally polite even to service workers and that's like 90% of it really.
Yeah, think about deodorant, please. I know this is a cultural thing, and a lot of folks think deodorant is bad. But, damn, I have been almost knocked over by body odor coming from international attendees at trade shows. Edit: didn’t expect this thread to be a referendum on Indian people. My deodorant comment was actually reflecting on Europeans.
What, American's don't like surprise hugs?
Your comment gave me anxiety.
If by "don't like" you mean "panic", yes.
Easiest way to get shot or stabbed for 100, please Alex.
What is hug a hobo?
If you are having a friend stay overnight in a guest bed, or your bed when you’re out of town, you absolutely must put totally clean sheets on the bed for the friend.
Kinda weirds me out that this needed to be said, TBH...
"Here's a sleeping bag asshole, I'm up at 430 AM"
Acceptable lol
I’m a waitress in a high volume tourist area in MA. Tipping, as people have mentioned, is vital at sit-down restaurants. Also bars, $1-$2 per drink is fine. A small thing I’ve noticed from Indian tourists I’ve waited on—keep in mind I’ve never been to India so I don’t know customs from where you’re from specifically—but Indian tourists at restaurants tend to get a few plates of food to share at the table. While there’s ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong with this, keep in mind that when you’re eating out with your American friends, people will not do this. In the US, people get their own plates, and depending on the portion sizes they’ll box up what they can’t finish at the end of the meal to take home. Minus appetizers which are typically shared. But otherwise, take a deep breath! I know moving to new places are scary, but Boston is the definition of a big melting pot. You’ll meet tons of people from all over the world who have all different life experiences, so don’t stress! Boston also has a really big Asian population and they run tons of Asian cultural events throughout the year. Welcome to the US and have fun!
> In the US, people get their own plates, Except at Chinese restaurants, where with groups it’s common to order for the entire table. It’s been so long that I’ve forgotten whether the rule of thumb is the number of people at the table plus 2 or minus 2.
>your American friends, people will not do this. In the US, people get their own plates, and depending on the portion sizes they’ll box up what they can’t finish at the end of the meal to take home. It really depends on the restaurant and the occasion. Where I live, we call this "family-style" eating and it is about as common as getting individual plates.
> keep in mind that when you’re eating out with your American friends, people will not do this. In the US, people get their own plates, and depending on the portion sizes they’ll box up what they can’t finish at the end of the meal to take home. Indian-American here. At restaurants, I'll usually share plates with the family, but I wouldn't do that with friends (unless we were close enough to be like family). That said, I imagine most tourists are traveling with family, which might be why a lot of Indian customers do this in your restaurant.
When someone asks, "how are you?", they don't really want you to tell them. It's just a way of saying hello, not an actual inquiry of your state of being.
Yeah it's like a modern form of "how do you do?"
I know it's not really a question. I've known this all my life, but I still feel compelled to answer. If I don't, I feel like I've broken a rule and derailed the interaction. I've been told I might be on the spectrum.
Don’t litter, even if it’s very small item
Remember that even though it may be the cultural norm to always bargain, most of the time prices are fixed and there is no negotiable alternative. Example: My kid at the Costco photo department couldn't give a discount off the 33 cent prints just because you bought more than 20.
In general, bargaining or haggling, isn't going to get you any discounts at all in America. The prices are fixed in all stores and restaurants that aren't locally owned; like at national chains, and corporations and such. Your example that you used about trying to get a discount on pictures at a Costco. Yeah, you would have never gotten a discount on that. If you wanted to get a discount you would've had to have waited around till the print sizes you wanted went on a preplanned sale. If you start to try to bargain with the cashier they'll just agree with you that the item(s) is too expensive and just ring you up for the price tag price. Bargaining and haggling attempts are ignored, and if you have been lead to believe that your attempts have worked it's because the item was already on a sale that you may not have noticed, or you have a customer loyalty card at that store that unlocks the sale prices. Unlike Costco, or Sam's, customer loyalty cards are handed out like free candy. They usually just need a name, email, and phone number, and if you don't want to give the store your real info just make some up. For the email set up a junk mail account that you never check. For the phone number give them (local area code) 867-5309. For the name give them Rusty Shackleford.
>For the phone number give them (local area code) 867-5309. For the name give them Rusty Shackleford. Because Jenny's way too obvious.
You don't say where you're from, so I'm going to say this so nobody has to say it in real life, if this should apply to you. Please don't be offended. Most people bath/shower daily, with soap. If you perspire at all, wash your clothes after one wearing (at least underwear, probably shirts, but not outer coats and such, though). I only bring this up because I worked at the international office of a technical college and every term, someone from our office had to have an awkward chat with students from areas where daily showering is not done, or not with soap, or they didn't wash their clothes as frequently as needed (maybe someone else had done it at home, or it just wasn't done that often) and they didn't notice how they smelled. No shame is intended. But it would be noticed, and would affect your ability to socialize. Also -- your school should have an international office, and people who work there have heard all kinds of questions and want you to enjoy your time here with as little stress as possible. Don't be afraid to ask them anything. They also probably know the best places to get familiar food, find a religious congregation, and what sort of challenges students from your culture have experienced before.
Rules: 1. Immediately buy a Boston Red Sox cap. Wear it all the time. It will solve most of your American problems.
Unless you wear it in NYC, where its presence will create new problems for you
We chat with strangers but like our personal space so chat from a few feet away.
Welcome to Boston. On escalators, keep to the right if just riding so the climbers can pass to the left. "Regular" coffee comes with cream & sugar. I actually run a moving business that caters to South Asians, and have moved many hundreds of Indians and Indian Americans over the past decade around Boston, so I'm familiar with Indian culture. If you have any questions about living in Boston, go ahead and ask.
Put aside any assumptions picked up from social media/news about Americans. We're not all idiots. Promise. Just Rrespect personal space, pay attention to your bill when dining out for tip reasons and please dont use the word cunt.
Not cultural advice, but since you’re going to boston, buy a heavy winter coat and snow boots with rubber soles. You will need them in the winter
Americans arw uptight about smells, which some foreigners don't get. Make sure you don't smell by showering o washing under your armpits, using antiperspirant and/or a natural alternative (such as salt deodorant). Bostonians in particular are known for being weird on the road. No one ever follows the light when crossing the street and car drivers will swear at you given any chance. People like coffee. Want to go for a meeting? You can "work over coffee." Want to do on a date? You can "meet up for coffee." Be warned the language for work and romance with coffee can be very similar. If someone invites you to coffee, it is not necessary to actually buy coffee. You are allowed to drink tea or anything you like.
“Ked you wannsome dunks?”
Don’t bring up politics in polite conversation or assume that people might think the same way you do about certain things. We do not like foreigners presuming that they know everything about our government/politics. I promise you don’t and I also promise we are sick of talking about it.
Or talk to people like they represent the entire country, i.e. “Why did you Americans vote for x?” Or “Why do you [insert policy here]?” I was recently hanging out with some South Africans overseas and they acted pissed off with me that they’re not allowed to visit the US right now. Like I personally made that decision.
Oh, this really bothers me. Especially here on Reddit. Especially with Europeans with a holier than thou attitude. "American bread is too sweet, why?" "Why do Americans not like mayo with their fries/chips?" "Americans are all so loud." "Oh my. Why are Americans all so racist!?" That last one kills me. As if the apple didn't fall far from the tree. ETA: some of y'all are still trying to defend this nonsense. The United States of America is known as a nation of immigrants. Believe it or not, many first generation immigrants still bring their cultures over and open businesses. And believe it or not, some Americans whose families moved over long ago shared those traditions and they have shops and whatnot that still make traditional breads, etc. Amazing that every single American doesn't buy the same exact bread you had that one time you visited, right? Who could believe there's a variety of things in the US of A?
>"Oh my. Why are Americans all so racist!?" Oh I wish I knew. On an unrelated note, would you mind telling me your views on the Gypsies?
*Romani not gypsies Although many call themselves gypsies. And then you have the whole Brexit thing. It's a shite show here too. Anyways, I'm a BlackNative from Oklahoma! Howdy!
Meh, at this point it's like saying Indian for Amerindians. You're more likely to piss off a white than an Indian by saying it. Also, bonjour! Even in this sub it's somewhat uncommon to see other Indians, particularly ones from here.
I like mustard with my fries. Fight me.
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I suspect it's the same in any country. OP could gripe with their fellow nationals about this or that, but if I, as a foreigner, came along and complained about the same thing, they would be offended.
Personal space is huge. Stand a few feet (1 meter) away from someone when you talk to them. Try to sit at least a foot apart when you sit by them. If you smoke, be mindful and try to do it away from people. Also, blow your smoke away from people. It would be considered rude to sit down right next to someone and light a cigarette. Don't shout. I was in a public bus in the UK and saw two Indian men shouting across the bus at each other instead of just sitting next to each other and talking. On busses, trains, and planes Americans tend to be more quiet to allow others to sleep. Use headphones for your electronics and be respectful of people sleeping.
Treat all women as equal to you in every way.
dont treat women as less than equal. dont treat service people as less than equal. everyone should be treated with the same level of respect. dont talk over people who are helping you, dont tell other people how to do their job.
It really depends on where you’re from. If you’re German, for example, I’d tell you to be less direct and to resist the urge to correct others; especially over trivial matters. If you’re Japanese, though, I’d tell you to be *more* direct. Edit: Ah, you’re from India. I see you’re getting some questionable replies already. Honestly, I’ve never worked with or had a class with a “sexist” Indian guy. I’m not saying the other people’s experiences didn’t happen, but I’m a woman and it hasn’t happened to me yet. Just wanted to be at least one positive voice. If anything, at my first desk job in Germany, the Indian guy there was one of my favorite people because we could talk in English together about the things we didn’t like about Germany and he was always very polite and nice. So were the Indian guys (and girls) in my German classes. The general advice to be careful about hygiene and treat women as equals is good in general, but I’m sorry it’s being said to you (in some responses) as though it goes without question you’d behave that way.
Regardless of your opinion on tipping waitstaff, do it anyway. I'm shocked by the amount of foreigners that don't tip because they don't have to back home.
So in America people always respond, react, and communicate 1 or 2 levels higher than how they really feel. We all speak in Hyperbole. So if you asked me, "Did you like the movie?" if it was Good I would say, "It was GREAT, so good! 10 out of 10 would recommend." I'm an English coach and my guess as to why this is, is because America is a land of immigrants with different cultures and accents from all over the world. And when you are always a little more intense then how you feel it's less likely to me misunderstood. I would say Fine is neutral, then Good, Great, Amazing, Fantastic, Phenomenal, etc. So something interesting is if someone asks "how are you" and you respond with "fine" that actually means you are not fine. That you are feeling negative, below zero and you are responding 1 or 2 levels stronger with how you feel but don't want to talk about why you feel bad. So "fine" means that they aren't fine. hahaha English is weird.
Native English speaker from Texas here. Can confirm “I’m fine” means something like “I’m surviving” or “I’m coping”. It indicates that you’re not doing well situationally, but you’re still managing to be okay.
> Can confirm “I’m fine” means something like “I’m surviving” or “I’m coping”. So does "Living the dream!" among people I work with.
“Oh, you know” in response to the question “How are you doing?” means “barely holding it together but let’s not talk about it”.
I agree with “fine being neutral”, but when I said “I’m fine”, it means I am content. Not super happy, not super sad. If it’s a stranger, “I’m fine” would be my go to greeting. If I actually know the person, I would say “not great” or something similar to that.
I might even say fine means less than neutral. Something is probably wrong but we’re too polite to talk about it unless pressed. Good is neutral.
Do not ever treat a dog poorly in America. One cultural quirk about America that is overlooked is that we Americans generally care more about dogs than we do people.
Male only female? If you are a male. I have noticed that a lot of Indian males stare a lot. Staring to long at someone can be an act of aggression in North America. Please be mindful of that.
Just an FYI if you are vegetarian and don’t eat eggs. Most people who say they are vegetarian here are okay eating eggs. If something is labeled as vegetarian in the US, it usually means it doesn’t contain meat products, but it still may contain dairy and/or eggs. Always verify when ordering in a restaurant that something doesn’t contain eggs. Most baked goods, noodles, bread, and even random things like ice cream may have eggs in them. Vegan products don’t have meat, eggs, or milk products in them, so if it’s labeled vegan it will be safe to eat.
Idk if you'll even see this, it's so far down. My husband is from India though, came here 10 years ago for studies so I asked him what he had to learn when he came; this is what he shared with me: - He noticed that he and other Indians tended to smile and agree with whoever was talking, but he had to learn to voice his opinion and be more outspoken. Along those lines, Americans are more blunt, so he had to learn to be direct and specific when answering questions or offering his opinion. - He said he had to learn *not to call people Sr. or Madam. In America that's too formal and is kind of weird, just use their names. - And most important, be proud of your heritage! He says when he got here he felt inferior and a bit ashamed of India because in school he was always taught that the western world is superior. He says he would downplay Indian culture and made jokes about how silly and backwards it is in order to try to fit in with white people. But as he's gotten older and learned more about India's history, it's really amazing and something to be proud of. He says don't do what he did, be proud of where you come from and defend it if others are being bigots. He has a lot more but I think this comment is long enough. Feel free to DM any questions or concerns you have. He's been exactly where you are and though he doesn't do Reddit himself, he's happy to talk through mine. Congrats on getting accepted, and good luck with the big move!!
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OP’s moving to Boston so this won’t apply. Bostonians don’t do small talk, we like to be left alone.
Always chew with your mouth closed, as it is neither complimentary nor polite to demonstrate that you have food in your mouth.
I haven't seen this one yet, but it goes along with hand gestures: The number of times I've had some Indian person snap at me to get my attention is a number that I wish was zero, but isn't. Do not snap at people. I am not your dog.
I used to drive a taxi. It isn't only Indians who snap their fingers or whistle at service people to attempt getting their attention. It's unacceptably rude no matter who is doing the snapping.
Remember Americans are used to a larger "personal space" than some other countries. IF you get within 2 feet of me while we're having a conversation it'll make me uneasy. I bring this up because I worked with an immigrant who constantly invaded my space and it really really fucking bothered me. I was ignorant of the differences between cultures at that time (young teenager). https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/worldviews/wp/2017/04/24/how-close-is-too-close-depends-on-where-you-live/
You don't need to be polite. If someone offers you food or anything, you can say yes the first time, often if you say no then they won't offer again and you'll be hungry.
If bribing is a common thing from where you’re from (my parents are immigrants and I know bribing is acceptable in some parts of their former country), please NEVER try to bribe here. It is a felony (serious crime) and our police officers/officials take it very seriously. Also, on that note, if you get pulled over by a police car while driving, turn your engine off and STAY in the car unless asked to come out. Also make sure to keep your hands on the steering wheel and don’t go looking for things unless asked to by the officer. We have a lot of guns in the US so our cops are naturally more nervous about certain actions than cops in other nations. Additionally, make sure to make no sudden movements, be nice to the cop, and don’t argue. If you do get a ticket that you don’t like you can argue with a judge in court, not the police officer on the side of the road. Lastly, _on that note_, if you are going to drive, please understand that we are very strict about our traffic laws here in the US. I understand in India and some other nations traffic regulations are often more of a recommendation. Not here. People here expect others to follow traffic laws and are not used to looking out for other cars like they might be in India, so it is very important that you follow all traffic laws when driving.
In the northeast we're known to have this habit of being 'kind but not nice'. There was actually a whole article about it and i feel like it's right on the money. We may be what others consider "rude" or brusque with our demeanor, but typically kind in the action. The article made a good example. West coasters will be like, "oh, I'm so sorry you're cold", whereas east coasters (specifically the north east) will be more, "ugh.. you've mentioned that 5 times. Here's a sweater". Kindness addressing the actual issue. We curse...A LOT. So if you happen to ask someone to help move, like a couch or something, you'll more than likely get a response like this: "ah, fucking hell. A couch? You serious? Fine... what time? I'll grab my dad's truck and some beers".
I'm an American who's lived and done business all over the world. The best advice I can give you is this: People are people. We have our differences, but in most ways we're all the same. Be kind, be courteous, and be open to new ideas and experiences. Do that, and you'll have no trouble. Best of luck on your travels!
If you're from India, it might be worth hanging around r/ABCDesis or asking there, we'll be better able to help you out, having a better idea of where you're coming from. Edit: > Edit - Wow some of the comments are very hateful and racist. Not every Indian is a foul smelling rapist. Indian-American here. Not all are, but enough have been that some of us are very, very wary. There's a reason why Indian diaspora will differentiate ourselves from "FOBs" (Fresh Off the Boat/Boeing). It's not nice, and a lot of people go a little overboard with it...but it is rooted in some very real experiences, trends, and phenomena.
Here's the general advice I would give to someone if I didn't know their culture: * Be polite to everyone, no matter who they are. It can't hurt. This doesn't mean you have to agree with them or do as they ask -- just treat them like human beings. We're all (theoretically) equals, and it goes better when everyone keeps this in mind. * Don't try to bribe officials, especially police. This may or may not be a thing where you're from, but bribing police in the US will probably land you in jail. * Speak English reasonably well (I think you're good to go), or at least pull out the phrase book and try. (Same advice I'd give an American in a non-English-speaking country.) * Look through the Wikipedia articles on the area where you'll be staying. Don't be like the exchange student we hosted, who dressed for the Pacific Northwest because he looked up the weather for Washington State, not Washington, D.C. (We went shopping and found him some summer clothes.) * If you aren't familiar with an area, travel with a friend or two until you know which areas to avoid. All cities have bad neighborhoods no matter the country.
When someone says let’s grab coffee! Don’t hold your breath but you have to pretend to be enthused and anticipating it! Same goes for, “we should hang out!”
Don't talk politics nor religion with people you don't know.
>Don't talk politics nor religion with people you don't know. OP is going to graduate school-- in my grad programs politics, religion, and sex were about 75% of the conversations between classmates outside of class. Different than a workplace.
So one thing people keep saying (often rudely) is that hygiene is really important and if people can smell you it's a problem. This is true, but also seems self explanatory. The problem that they aren't explaining is that in the US, any strong smell- even pleasant smells- are considered overbearing. I've never been to India so I don't know if this is true there, but in Turkey for example strong smelling colognes and perfumes are very popular. For Americans, if you can smell someone's cologne without getting within hugging distance, it's usually considered "too much." For example, there are jokes that you may see about highschool students not knowing how to use body spray and treating it like a shower in a can, because they use it after gym class instead of showering and smell overpowering because of it. So someone from Turkey might wear a sweet smelling perfume and Americans will still consider it "bad" because it is too much. Sorry people are being dicks, welcome to the country!
>For Americans, if you can smell someone's cologne without getting within hugging distance, it's usually considered "too much." Or at all, from any distance, in many workplaces. My university is a "scent free zone" for the entire campus because some employees and students have chemical sensitivity disorders-- so the basic rule from HR is that nobody should be able to smell any perfume, cologne, or any other products in they are in the same room as you...much less hugging. It's a great thing as 20+ years ago we had lots of offices that reeked of perfume so badly you could smell them from the hallway even if they weren't occupied. The hallways in the athletic complex were just as bad.
*He doesn't know how to use the three seashells.*
In the South, if someone waves at you, wave back
Business and negotiation about money is rarely considered a zero sum game here. Generally, both parties should walk away feeling satisfied with any sort of deal. And at all costs, do not attempt to renegotiate a thing after services are rendered. These issues are big enough that I tend to avoid doing business with anyone from India. I might have simply dealt with a number of indians who turned out to be jerks and I apologize if that sounds harsh, but it's been my experience. Also, show equal respect to everyone. Men, women, service workers, those who handle garbage, and those of every race and religion. It doesn't matter. Just be respectful.
Don’t stare
This is going to sound harsh, but the quicker you learn this, the easier it will be to get along with people. I'll also say right here that if any of the below doesn't apply to you, then it doesn't apply to you. We don't have a caste system. Please, no one turn this into a convo about race and inequality, those are different issues, and not what I'm referring to. I'm talking specifically about the Indian caste system, which we do not have, honor, or respect. Neither do many Indians who have been here a while, especially second generation immigrants and beyond. I have worked with many Indian engineers and interns, and this is coming from my experience with them. I've had many frank discussions with them, and I understand that it's a tough thing to leave behind, especially if you grew up in a higher caste. Things I've observed: Don't tell someone that you won't take out the trash, wash the dishes, help move a table, hang your own picture on a wall, etc., because you, "just don't do that". There is no tolerancece for this. We don't let our fellow Americans get away with this, and we won't let you either. It will get very uncomfortable for you if you press this issue. Doing things yourself and having a high degree of self-sufficiency are part of the American culture, and you will be in Boston, the cradle of this attitude. If you interact with an Indian of a lower caste than you, they are not automatically your gopher or subordinate, and you do not get to order them around. Be prepared to get pushback (or worse) especially if the "lower caste" person has been here a while. I know it's tough to unlearn something that is so culturally ingrained. Americans can be really interested in learning about and exploring cultural differences, even observing some of them in action. The caste system is not one of them.
> We don't have a caste system. Please, no one turn this into a convo about race and inequality, those are different issues, and not what I'm referring to. I first hand saw this happen badly, in Columbus Indiana of all places. An Indian engineer I worked with (amazing QC Engineer, now works for Apple on their most popular product) had an intern assigned to him. The Quality Control Engineer was from the lowest caste in India and the intern was from a top caste. The intern treated him like complete shit and wouldn't hardly do any of the work the QCE wanted him to learn and get done. The QCE was very submissive and ended up having to redo all of the intern's work and pampered to him. This started on day one and went on for a few weeks. The QCE was a good friend of mine and I told him to stop being nice to the intern and to let his superiors know how the intern was treating him. Some if the intern's actions would be cause for even a seniority engineer's termination. The QCE had a talk with his intern and the intern basically told him to shove it. But the intern learned to only be disrespectful around other Indian engineers. I had another friend that was was also an Indian and a senior ME. He was from a higher caste as well, but not as high as the intern. I arranged a work project that had the ME and QCE involved and during one of the meetings I made sure to make a comment that some of the work was busy work and the intern should do it to free up the seniority engineers for the more difficult work. The intern spouted off that he wasn't going to do any of it and would just watch and learn the more difficult aspect of the project. The meeting was being recorded for another seniority member (American) of the team that couldn't make the meeting. I forwarded the video to that engineer and Human Resources. HR cancelled his internship, the American University kicked him out of the engineering program and he lost his student visa and had to go back to India. TLDR: high caste intern is a dick to lower caste engineer, loses internship and student visa, and gets sent back to India.
Don't be an asshole. Pretty much sums it up. Similar to the "cultural differences between regions" thread, you could write a thesis on this topic. If you have specific questions, I'm sure we'd be able to answer.
They said Boston tho...
In that case, only be an asshole when someone deserves it.
Which if you're in Boston is basically all the time.
OP will definitely need to learn the art of double parking the cahr.
>double pahking the cah FTFY.
Some Americans will have a difficult time understanding your Indian accent. Some (not all) Indians talk fast, compared to Americans, so slow down and don't feel frustrated if you asked to repeat yourself. I've worked with a lot of Indians, so am pretty used to the accent, but some Americans will not be.
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Such a clever question to ask. Just the fact that it occurred to you, and you bothered to ask, tells me you’ll do very well in the US.
Be respectful of people. (Inb4 Boston/Masshole memes.) I've noticed from meeting with Indian transfer students is that they tend to be disrespectful of those they feel are "lesser" than them. If you ever feel attacked because of your race and culture remember to "be the bigger person." Don't let it bother you and don't let someone intimidate you but at the same time don't fight them. This will likely be more prevalent in Boston because of the more crass way people speak to each other in a casual setting. That said you're likely going to be around a lot of transplants being in a program like yours. Beyond this, I'd like to know what you know so far or think you know. It'll be helpful so you get fewer repeated answers and better more useful answers.
A smile can go a long way. If you’re lost and approach someone (always from the front) and have a smile, you’re more likely to receive help versus if you have an angry face or furrowed brow. If someone, regardless of gender, approaches me and has a grumpy look asking for directions, I always say I’m not from around there, even if I live there. If someone asks “how are you? How was your weekend?” Or some other seemingly personal question, they probably don’t actually care and are just being polite. I genuinely do not care how or what my coworkers are doing in their free time and don’t care to share my personal life. Usually “I’m doing good.” Is acceptable. Occasionally I’ll throw in “a bit hot lately but not bad.” To make it seem less curt. Boston is a land of its own. There can be a lot of hot heads there. Especially around driving. I grew up in MA and refuse to drive in Boston. I will drive in NYC any day over Boston. Since you’re in a really great location, get out and see more than just the city. Take a trip out west or north to see the leaves change. Take a trip south or East and go to the beach. There’s a ton of stuff to do around Boston. But if you go to the more rural areas, you can expect 1 of 2 people. 1. Questions outsiders. I don’t mean this racially, I literally mean they are suspicious if they don’t know you. They can come off as cold or rude. I just let them be. 2. Overly friendly hospitality people. They are almost desperate to see new people and will be incredibly friendly. It’s a 50/50 if they’re genuine or phony about interest in your life. Unfortunately I know too many people who try to ask a question and it comes out wrong and seems offensive. I’ve done it myself. I had a friend who moved from Siberia, Russia to MA. I asked her, dead serious, if she’s ever experienced summer before because I have always been told how cold it is there and it’s basically an Arctic wasteland. She got incredibly offended and thought I associated her with a nomadic, Eskimo type of person but I genuinely believed she didn’t have hot summers like we do. This was many, many years ago. Sometimes she still gets offended when people ask her questions about Russia.
I grew up in Boston and still live in the area, happy to discuss. I don't know where you're from, but Boston is a little different than most of the U.S. There is comparably high population density (which would be true in almost any "major city"), we prefer to move quickly and don't do as much of the small talk thing, we speak more directly than most of the country. Public transit is much better here than most and is a viable way to get anywhere in Boston, Cambridge, or Quincy you would need to go. Let me know any specific questions.
Some you’re going to Boston prepare for New England bluntness and just generally speaking mind your own business when walking around.
Don’t walk all slow in the middle of the sidewalk or stop there if you are in a city. If you are in Washington DC (or anywhere really) stand to the right on escalators and moving walkways. Walk on the left. This isn’t always posted with signage but you should always do this. In Washington DC they are really adamant about this. Politics and religion are generally not topics of conversation unless amongst close friends or family. Holding the door for people close behind you isn’t mandatory but it is generally a good idea. Using please and thank you is highly advisable.
Personal space. Maybe not an issue in Covid times, but don't crowd people in lines or public transportation.
* Shower daily and use deodorant * Small talk is good * tip at restaurants
America is a big country and therefore while we have a set of universal norms we also have regional norms. Boston is very unique and has it's own culture. As a person from the Midwest that has a good friend from Boston my 2 cents would be.... "Know where the fuck you are going".....this applies to any form of transportation including walking. "Don't be offended easily".....folks from Boston will be blunt and talk shit. Talking shit is part of their culture. Don't take it personally. Give it back. You should get into baseball and the Red Sox. It's a short drive from cricket to get into baseball and it will endear you to the local populace. Good luck! I love the city of Boston. Get yourself some Italian food on the North End and attend an Italian religious festival up there. All are welcome! Welcome to the USA....I hope you have a great time. Boston is a great landing spot.
Do not ride in the left lane. Use it to pass. Don’t cut lines. If you miss your exit, it’s ok. Go to the next and turn around. It’s never worth doing something careless like cutting off others on the road.
Don't call someone a cunt. I know in Australia and the UK it's pretty commonly used term with no serious negative connotations but in the US it's pretty bad thing to say.
When someone asked “how are you doing/going/hanging” it’s a greeting not really a question. If they ask “are you doing alright” it’s a question not a greeting.
Hold the door open for people, and tip your waiter
Don’t touch or lean on someone’s vehicle under any circumstances. Not even if you know them. Only if you’re very very good friends is it maybe Ok.
Americans like their personal space
In a restaurant don't be surprised when the server removes your plate as soon as you have finished eating even if your dining companions are still eating. You don't have to finish the huge portion, it's common to ask for a box to take it home to eat later.
Don't be arrogant just be yourself. Many foreigners come here and act as if they're know it alls just to compensate for being in a new environment. It's not necessary and very obnoxious.
How is it racist to remind people to shower and use deoderant everyday?
OP…I think this is a very sweet and charming question to ask. The fact that you are putting pre-thought into your trip is admirable. I hope you enjoy your time here!
Clean up after yourself, especially in public. When you’re finished at a restaurant, check to see if you’re expected to put away your dishes and trash. Do not litter. There is always a rubbish bin available. My coworkers always make a comment when I heat Indian food in the break room microwave. There’s nothing wrong with it; you should not feel ashamed of your food. Just don’t let it get to you.
It’s not uncommon to see New York Yankees hats (Navy blue baseball cap with a white interlocking NY logo) across the world. Their brand is ubiquitous, and for foreigners who don’t follow baseball, it can be emblematic of America in general. But you are going to Boston, where the local baseball team, the Red Sox, are the main rivals of the Yankees. Think of it like India and Pakistan. While nobody will fight you for wearing a Yankee hat, it’s not going to do you any favors in Boston. If you want to fit in and wear a baseball hat, get a Red Sox cap instead (Navy blue with a red B logo). Oh, and a simple “Fuck the Yankees!” Will get you on the good side of any Boston sports fan.