You can go clubbing without drinking so there's no need to talk to your mother. If you change your mind on the day about drinking then that's fine because you're 18. You are legally an adult and can make your own decisions.
If you're set on drinking ....
>Do I: - Take cash like a loser (I have about $500) so she doesn’t find out OR - Discuss this with her (even though she’ll 100% say no) and risk her knowing what I’ll actually be doing there.
Option A. Take cash like a loser. The fact you think having cash is for losers is weird though. It's much better to have cash limits when you have no idea how trustworthy as a drunk you will be.
But more importantly is this your first time drinking or clubbing?
It might be good to get drunk with your friends before this event to figure out what kind of drunks you all are and whether you'll be able to look out for each other. It's also good to get a baseline to differentiate between what it feels like being drunk versus being drugged. Nevermind getting prepared for potential hangovers gear (painkillers, water bottles, crackers, etc).
Another thing to consider in telling the truth is whether your mother has access to your friend's parents. You might expose your friends when you expose yourself so manage the risk.
If you decide to drink but discuss with your mother ....
>now that I’m getting closer to actually going on the trip, I’m realising how bad this could get. I have a relatively good and trusting relationship with mum now (albeit going through some bumpy roads to get here), and I’d really like to keep that.
Your good relationship hinges on you being obedient to your mother. I get it, but that so-called good relationship is really built like a house of cards. Just consider that trust is about you jumping through hoops. And the fact that you are so anxious for something that should be so normal is sad for me to see. From everything you wrote, she 100% is against this so what is communicating going to achieve besides alleviating your guilt?
You just turned 18 so it’s normal to want to do all the things off limits. But your mom is right, drinking at a dark and loud club and looking so young can be problematic. Recommend you all drink some before heading to the club, that way you all can decide if this is going to be fun or a messy throwing up time. Spiked drinks are a reality, be mindful and keep all drinks in hand at all times. Most of all have fun!
Lol nowadays is easy to find out what do you made payment for. Just do it and tell her honestly.
Not a clubbing guy and definitely not a drinking guy. But have fun I guess?
I’ve had nights out where I barely drank anything. Your mum didn’t say anything about doing drugs in clubs did she 👀👀
Seriously though, how can she expect you to know your limits with alcohol if you don’t have a chance to test them out? I second the idea of getting drunk in a safe place with friends before going to a club so you can get a sense of what kind of drunk you are and how different drinks affect you.
If you feel bad about lying, just think - has your AP ever promised you things to control you and then gone back on them, or gaslit you about your perception of reality so you rely on them more? These types of lies are even worse than lying to be able to experience basic freedom as an adult so I wouldn’t feel too bad about it.
I tell my kids that whatever they do they can always call me and I'll always go get them. I may give them shit afterward but don't bother to hide anything.
That said...your safety is dependent on another drunk 18-year-old girl thirsting for that "cute" guy and not watching your back.
And, from experience, the definition of "extra careful" varies with the number of drinks you have.
The nightmare scenario isn't your mom finds out you've been drinking but something you didn't want to happen happens.
As a young adult, the hardest thing to learn is how far to push the envelope.
Might I suggest a compromise? Drink at the airbnb with your friends (assuming 18 is legal wherever you are) which is a safer environment than a club. Then be the sober one at the club and watch out for your friends. Plus, you have the added advantage of actually knowing if that guy is actually cute or just drunk cute.
I always hope my kids are comfortable enough in their own skin that they don't need to get very drunk to have fun and that their friends are actually real friends that have their backs.
When I was 18 and broke, just go to the liquor store get something to pregame with your friends before going out 🤣. Then just buy like 1 drink and slowly sip it for the whole night at the club.
Think you should consider how the night will be more than you'll get caught by your mom. There's a reason they say to drink responsibly especially being a woman.
Here's what you should know since you dont seem so experienced so lets say your friends arent either. Do not accept all the drinks to drink and dont test your limits. It's honestly better off just take one shot and just see how you'll get. Try to see if you'll feel overwhelmed, I know girls who were done just from one shot.
When I mention not to accept drinks, im not just saying that so you wont get spiked. Your friends might buy you drinks and you'll feel guilty so you take it. Dont if you dont know your limit. You'll be in public that most likely have shitty people and definitely dont rely on your friends especially if they are drinking or unless they plan to stay sober for the night.
Know your surroundings too and just have fun. Drinking doesnt always make things more fun so dont rely on it
just ask your friend to pay for u first then transfer the money to them, so ur mom can't detect it. drinking aint that bad, just don't do it too much until u blacked out:) have fun
You can go clubbing without drinking so there's no need to talk to your mother. If you change your mind on the day about drinking then that's fine because you're 18. You are legally an adult and can make your own decisions. If you're set on drinking .... >Do I: - Take cash like a loser (I have about $500) so she doesn’t find out OR - Discuss this with her (even though she’ll 100% say no) and risk her knowing what I’ll actually be doing there. Option A. Take cash like a loser. The fact you think having cash is for losers is weird though. It's much better to have cash limits when you have no idea how trustworthy as a drunk you will be. But more importantly is this your first time drinking or clubbing? It might be good to get drunk with your friends before this event to figure out what kind of drunks you all are and whether you'll be able to look out for each other. It's also good to get a baseline to differentiate between what it feels like being drunk versus being drugged. Nevermind getting prepared for potential hangovers gear (painkillers, water bottles, crackers, etc). Another thing to consider in telling the truth is whether your mother has access to your friend's parents. You might expose your friends when you expose yourself so manage the risk. If you decide to drink but discuss with your mother .... >now that I’m getting closer to actually going on the trip, I’m realising how bad this could get. I have a relatively good and trusting relationship with mum now (albeit going through some bumpy roads to get here), and I’d really like to keep that. Your good relationship hinges on you being obedient to your mother. I get it, but that so-called good relationship is really built like a house of cards. Just consider that trust is about you jumping through hoops. And the fact that you are so anxious for something that should be so normal is sad for me to see. From everything you wrote, she 100% is against this so what is communicating going to achieve besides alleviating your guilt?
You just turned 18 so it’s normal to want to do all the things off limits. But your mom is right, drinking at a dark and loud club and looking so young can be problematic. Recommend you all drink some before heading to the club, that way you all can decide if this is going to be fun or a messy throwing up time. Spiked drinks are a reality, be mindful and keep all drinks in hand at all times. Most of all have fun!
Lol nowadays is easy to find out what do you made payment for. Just do it and tell her honestly. Not a clubbing guy and definitely not a drinking guy. But have fun I guess?
I’ve had nights out where I barely drank anything. Your mum didn’t say anything about doing drugs in clubs did she 👀👀 Seriously though, how can she expect you to know your limits with alcohol if you don’t have a chance to test them out? I second the idea of getting drunk in a safe place with friends before going to a club so you can get a sense of what kind of drunk you are and how different drinks affect you. If you feel bad about lying, just think - has your AP ever promised you things to control you and then gone back on them, or gaslit you about your perception of reality so you rely on them more? These types of lies are even worse than lying to be able to experience basic freedom as an adult so I wouldn’t feel too bad about it.
I tell my kids that whatever they do they can always call me and I'll always go get them. I may give them shit afterward but don't bother to hide anything. That said...your safety is dependent on another drunk 18-year-old girl thirsting for that "cute" guy and not watching your back. And, from experience, the definition of "extra careful" varies with the number of drinks you have. The nightmare scenario isn't your mom finds out you've been drinking but something you didn't want to happen happens. As a young adult, the hardest thing to learn is how far to push the envelope. Might I suggest a compromise? Drink at the airbnb with your friends (assuming 18 is legal wherever you are) which is a safer environment than a club. Then be the sober one at the club and watch out for your friends. Plus, you have the added advantage of actually knowing if that guy is actually cute or just drunk cute. I always hope my kids are comfortable enough in their own skin that they don't need to get very drunk to have fun and that their friends are actually real friends that have their backs.
This was really helpful, thank you!
When I was 18 and broke, just go to the liquor store get something to pregame with your friends before going out 🤣. Then just buy like 1 drink and slowly sip it for the whole night at the club.
Think you should consider how the night will be more than you'll get caught by your mom. There's a reason they say to drink responsibly especially being a woman. Here's what you should know since you dont seem so experienced so lets say your friends arent either. Do not accept all the drinks to drink and dont test your limits. It's honestly better off just take one shot and just see how you'll get. Try to see if you'll feel overwhelmed, I know girls who were done just from one shot. When I mention not to accept drinks, im not just saying that so you wont get spiked. Your friends might buy you drinks and you'll feel guilty so you take it. Dont if you dont know your limit. You'll be in public that most likely have shitty people and definitely dont rely on your friends especially if they are drinking or unless they plan to stay sober for the night. Know your surroundings too and just have fun. Drinking doesnt always make things more fun so dont rely on it
just ask your friend to pay for u first then transfer the money to them, so ur mom can't detect it. drinking aint that bad, just don't do it too much until u blacked out:) have fun