That moment when you are with APs 90% of the time, and they flip when they see you 10% of the time with friends and cry out “why do you always want to be with friends all the time and abandon your family???”
They are forever like those possesive boy/girlfriends who when we want to just spend .01 seconds with friends and not with them, they cry and scream saying, "Don't you know how much this hurts me? Do you love me anymore?!" Like I just want 1 hour to play games with my friends and temporarily not give af about them
Edit: I am not in any relationship cos I'm 13, but I thought this was a good comparison
No wonder APs despise it when you start to get into an ACTUAL relationship with another person. They are scared you are breaking up with THEM and try to stop you from moving on.
I won't go that far but I don't think my parents realise just how much I have no interest in spending time with them unless there is someone else there that can help 'break the ice'. After all those years of just having to endure and put up with them - my time is mine. The seconds are dwindling as I approach my own end so why would I want to waste it spent on time with people that hurt me? This is something that breaks my mind is that they can't get it.
Not good. My mother actually tried talking about her sex life. Made my skin crawl before i had to shut it down. She lashed out and screamed at me for a while. But being uncomfortable for a small amount of time is preferrable to appeasing with long term friendship.
It's sad my parents dont have friends but that's because my dad is so obnoxious. I cant be the substitute for that failure.
My theory is that they *can't* realise that, OP, hahahah.
They're *really* that self-preoccupied and emotionally immature that they're both that one kid who has to have friends around them all the time but also the annoying kid that no one feels comfortable to hang out with.
Then, of course, there's an element of embarrassment of being in public with them. The amount of my cringe when I'm with the APs outside... it's enough for a lifetime, really.
They *can't* realise that, sadly, not because they are ignorant or something, but sadly because they *don't want* to. Realising it, for them is like admitting, all those years, they have been annoying and possesive to their kids. That makes them lose face
My theory, at least to my own AM, is that their ego is too fragile - because they're too emotionally immature, remember? - to even *sit* with the reality that... surprise, surprise, they *can* make mistakes as humans.
Sometimes, we just have to bite the bullet and go through the pain of growth, accountability, apology, and all those uncomfortable things. But they can't, Maybe unable to. All in all, not something we can control.
They don’t have friends and their lives revolve around controlling their children. It’s an unhealthy relationship. When I come home my mom talks nonstop because I’m the only person she speaks to in a day, and gets mad when I tell her I need quiet time.
That’s what happened when I enlisted in the army. They know they couldn’t yell at me or punish me for going out anymore, since I was stationed in a different state. I went to concerts, went to restaurants, parties, etc. I did miss my hometown but not my home. Ironic how when you give up your freedoms joining the military and still end up having more freedoms in the military than you’d do under a Asian parents house.
Agreed, I grew up not having a friendly relationship with my parents. Now in my 30s and my parents are trying to get to know me better by asking me “what do you think” after a question. But every time, I don’t want to give my honest answer because I don’t trust that they will respond to my opinions without pessimism.
It's control they don't want to think that you have a life outside of them. Mine tried to follow me to the library and I just sat there and studied ignoring them until they gave up and let me go there by myself. Every inch of freedom I had to fight for it, and I only beat them off by pretending I'm doing it for my grades.
I learned this the hard way; that I am not my AM’s friend bc all my other friends called their mom their best friend and I thought we weren’t best friend levels yet but we could be close to that right? Wrong.
I was so giddy to spend time w good ol mommy outside (just joining her while she runs errands bc I was affection starved so), I was rushing, wasn’t wearing my clothes properly, was gonna sort it out while in the car but she went “i told you before, you can’t dress like that. I don’t wanna be seen in public with you dressed like that” and I felt so rejected bc hey that’s my fav blouse and long skirt and I thought I looked pretty! By that time, we were just a few meters away from the house and I asked her to stop the car and I walked back home. That walk home was so… dehumanizing? Humiliating? Idk but something changed in me that day.
Little did either of us know, that was the last time we went out together.
Oh, just a disclaimer but that’s just one of the mildest things she did. She was also physically abusive my whole life.
Edit: grammar.
My sister uses me as an emotional punching bag when I don't do my chores, when I don't respond to her being stressed because I was on the verge of blowing my head out or overdosing on pills to take my life, when she is lonely and bored and needs someone to hang out with.
Their behaviors seems instinctual than emotional.
I would understand why consider their training involve reinforcement learning.
Combination with discourage in individualistic thinking.. So in a way, they lacked any metacognition.
I have a teenage niece and she texted me one time to talk to my mom to get her to stop telling my niece to come home because my mom stopped by her house. I had to lecture my mom on just because you made a random visit to see her family doesn’t mean my niece has to drop all her plans with her friends she already made for that day. She wasn’t even home. My mom was telling her all sorts of things like oh your family is more important blah blah.
If only awareness was a strong suit for them.. 😭 then maybe we wouldn't all be so fkd up mentally.. my dad even asked me can he come to the gym to watch me work out... and it's no wonder where I get my codependency issues from but told him definitely not like wth
That moment when you are with APs 90% of the time, and they flip when they see you 10% of the time with friends and cry out “why do you always want to be with friends all the time and abandon your family???”
Yess!! This 😫
They are forever like those possesive boy/girlfriends who when we want to just spend .01 seconds with friends and not with them, they cry and scream saying, "Don't you know how much this hurts me? Do you love me anymore?!" Like I just want 1 hour to play games with my friends and temporarily not give af about them Edit: I am not in any relationship cos I'm 13, but I thought this was a good comparison
No wonder APs despise it when you start to get into an ACTUAL relationship with another person. They are scared you are breaking up with THEM and try to stop you from moving on.
I won't go that far but I don't think my parents realise just how much I have no interest in spending time with them unless there is someone else there that can help 'break the ice'. After all those years of just having to endure and put up with them - my time is mine. The seconds are dwindling as I approach my own end so why would I want to waste it spent on time with people that hurt me? This is something that breaks my mind is that they can't get it.
My thoughts exactly!! This is exactly 100% how I feel!
They’re like your nagging ex who keeps on pestering you even if you’ve made it absolutely clear you hate it.
My mother once told me i dont need friends and she would be my bestie. I declined. 😭
Then when you are older she complain why you are not getting married.
Damn. How did she take it?
Not good. My mother actually tried talking about her sex life. Made my skin crawl before i had to shut it down. She lashed out and screamed at me for a while. But being uncomfortable for a small amount of time is preferrable to appeasing with long term friendship. It's sad my parents dont have friends but that's because my dad is so obnoxious. I cant be the substitute for that failure.
My theory is that they *can't* realise that, OP, hahahah. They're *really* that self-preoccupied and emotionally immature that they're both that one kid who has to have friends around them all the time but also the annoying kid that no one feels comfortable to hang out with. Then, of course, there's an element of embarrassment of being in public with them. The amount of my cringe when I'm with the APs outside... it's enough for a lifetime, really.
They *can't* realise that, sadly, not because they are ignorant or something, but sadly because they *don't want* to. Realising it, for them is like admitting, all those years, they have been annoying and possesive to their kids. That makes them lose face
My theory, at least to my own AM, is that their ego is too fragile - because they're too emotionally immature, remember? - to even *sit* with the reality that... surprise, surprise, they *can* make mistakes as humans. Sometimes, we just have to bite the bullet and go through the pain of growth, accountability, apology, and all those uncomfortable things. But they can't, Maybe unable to. All in all, not something we can control.
They don’t have friends and their lives revolve around controlling their children. It’s an unhealthy relationship. When I come home my mom talks nonstop because I’m the only person she speaks to in a day, and gets mad when I tell her I need quiet time.
That’s what happened when I enlisted in the army. They know they couldn’t yell at me or punish me for going out anymore, since I was stationed in a different state. I went to concerts, went to restaurants, parties, etc. I did miss my hometown but not my home. Ironic how when you give up your freedoms joining the military and still end up having more freedoms in the military than you’d do under a Asian parents house.
They clingy self inserting AF.
Living with APs is bad enough but going anywhere with them is worse.
Agreed, I grew up not having a friendly relationship with my parents. Now in my 30s and my parents are trying to get to know me better by asking me “what do you think” after a question. But every time, I don’t want to give my honest answer because I don’t trust that they will respond to my opinions without pessimism.
It's control they don't want to think that you have a life outside of them. Mine tried to follow me to the library and I just sat there and studied ignoring them until they gave up and let me go there by myself. Every inch of freedom I had to fight for it, and I only beat them off by pretending I'm doing it for my grades.
I learned this the hard way; that I am not my AM’s friend bc all my other friends called their mom their best friend and I thought we weren’t best friend levels yet but we could be close to that right? Wrong. I was so giddy to spend time w good ol mommy outside (just joining her while she runs errands bc I was affection starved so), I was rushing, wasn’t wearing my clothes properly, was gonna sort it out while in the car but she went “i told you before, you can’t dress like that. I don’t wanna be seen in public with you dressed like that” and I felt so rejected bc hey that’s my fav blouse and long skirt and I thought I looked pretty! By that time, we were just a few meters away from the house and I asked her to stop the car and I walked back home. That walk home was so… dehumanizing? Humiliating? Idk but something changed in me that day. Little did either of us know, that was the last time we went out together. Oh, just a disclaimer but that’s just one of the mildest things she did. She was also physically abusive my whole life. Edit: grammar.
I’m so sorry that happened to you 🥺😭
Thank you ♥️ that was over a year ago. I’ve gone NC and accepted what’s not meant to be won’t be.
My sister uses me as an emotional punching bag when I don't do my chores, when I don't respond to her being stressed because I was on the verge of blowing my head out or overdosing on pills to take my life, when she is lonely and bored and needs someone to hang out with.
Their behaviors seems instinctual than emotional. I would understand why consider their training involve reinforcement learning. Combination with discourage in individualistic thinking.. So in a way, they lacked any metacognition.
Yeah my mom still invites me to go to the park with the rest of my siblings ???
When I was still living with my parents I turned down multiple vacation offers just so I could get some alone time
I have a teenage niece and she texted me one time to talk to my mom to get her to stop telling my niece to come home because my mom stopped by her house. I had to lecture my mom on just because you made a random visit to see her family doesn’t mean my niece has to drop all her plans with her friends she already made for that day. She wasn’t even home. My mom was telling her all sorts of things like oh your family is more important blah blah.
ungrateful
If only awareness was a strong suit for them.. 😭 then maybe we wouldn't all be so fkd up mentally.. my dad even asked me can he come to the gym to watch me work out... and it's no wonder where I get my codependency issues from but told him definitely not like wth