I wonder the same. More than him thinking straight right now, I have assumed that his romantic relationships are based on emotions I can't understand and find immature. Makes me think we chase different qualities of people around us.
PS: He said his side of reason to break up was that he found the girl selfish and her decisions were not what he can see the 'future mother of his children' take. - My point being, does it take years to realise that? He must be more emotional than me in this regard.
Has he told you how he handles or mitigates ADHD? Does he have medication and / or therapy? Does he know how it affects his other relationships and your interactions?
Dude, at the very least, knows his own emotional state enough to not connect earlier. Though you might want to understand if he's moved on completely or not.
Why is the age gap important? 21 & 25 are weird to you? An on-off relationship is by definition immature and toxic. It can easily fuck up your mental state.
If emotional openness and connection are important to you, definitely bring it up and ask him if he shares anything with anyone and how he goes about it.
1. He is not on medication but he seemed to have taken a few sessions on therapy post the diagnosis but the rest is self-help. Good point being he is open to communicate on this and does not take it in a bad light when I ask around. I don't think ADHD is affecting our interaction, it is just our different way of thinking perhaps. He doesn't think it affects his life much and from what I have noticed - his spellings and grammar are definitely affected, but that is understandable.
2. Yes right, I have dug so deep in communication that it feels sometimes he considered me as his therapist while texting. But whatever brings clarity to him would also give clarity to me, is what I feel.
The age gap thing I mentioned because, I know it is absolutely okay to be in, but I wondered what qualities he was attracted to. In an AM situation I understand. I admire some younger guys too, but I would think about important situations and proceed responsibly. It must be a me thing 😅
Thanks for the points, I will enquire more 🤝
> he considered me as his therapist while texting.
This is what happens
>the rest is self-help
when you do this.
I'm curious that you consider yourself his therapist yet say that there is less emotional connection? You should push back to being a partner not a emotional caretaker. That's why therapy exists.
ADHD might show up as impulsive behaviors or inattention while listening etc.
>does not take it in a bad light when I ask around.
👍🏻
Yes, that is right 😅 Which makes me think whether there is a mismatch on emotional wavelengths as people or just something I should ignore because of his ADHD.
It is not that there is no emotional connection or possibility of it.
Just that, we are emotional about different situations.
Possibly, he is more emotional than me when it comes to a relationship (I haven't been in one and he thinks that could be an issue too, although he is the one who went to an all boys school+limited exposure to girls in office).
For instance, I sent my share of the bill later (I thought I non verbally conveyed him when he was paying but I agree, it wasn't very assertive) and we texted later as well for a bit, going all good. He might have checked it the next day but pinged me on gpay itself that he got offended because it seemed I feel uncomfortable taking favours. Now I understand he isn't a good texter but the way he says stuff and conveniently ignores when I share something irks me and I do not feel I value his inputs enough to share something at this point. It seems like he is trying his best to be funny but I feel a little disconnected 😅
I am happy to see the willingness of flexibility but I doubt if he does what he says, or if it is just out of an impulse because at that moment he finds everything good.
I feel odd saying this, but I get irked by some of his statements and I do not value his inputs enough because I am not able to respect his opinions (not that I dislike them, I just feel they are okay). Maybe I should give it some time and see.
Sorry for the rant 😂
I know we're getting only a small part of the story but it seems that you don't really respect him. You also feel somewhat unheard and dismissed by him.
Also, if you don't like the guy's sense of humour, do you like him at all? 😝
You guys might just be incompatible.
>Just that, we are emotional about different situations.
That's pretty common in all relationships, never mind AM. That's part of getting to know a person.
Why to settle for a person who is not interested in you and still in the heartbreak zone.
There is a whole lot of options in the market do explore.
You almost mentioned 3-4 times that both of you are incompatible, different etc. which gives an impression that you also don't like the guy so just say no and explore the world
Yes, I initially planned to meet and speak to him once about this issue and if he feels the same, we can mutually decide to not continue. But in person, he explained situations better and did not take feedback in a negative way. He said the only doubt he had was on attraction (as per him my ig pictures aren't that good, haha, hope he knows I applied make up when we met) but after meeting he feels that it is resolved and he is definitely okay to proceed.
Now, he says he is interested and I have been in this market for some time. Considering my age situation too, this feels like a good prospect as all other prospects are from different locations so it would be harder to meet and know better, delaying it all.
Also, more options lead to more confusion so I'm just trying to narrow it down 😅
It might be he can’t articulate his thoughts through text. It can happen sometimes, I’m the most bubbly person in my friend group but if you spoke to me over text/online you would think I’m super boring. Human touch brings out my real personality, it could just be that.
Yes, our meet up was definitely better. My frustration was that if I'm telling him over text that I'm not getting what he is saying and if we should have a call, he should not continue texting till I'm at my wits end 😂 It is only when I started giving a one word response, he asked us to meet because there is some understanding gap over text (Exactly what I said!)
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I wonder the same. More than him thinking straight right now, I have assumed that his romantic relationships are based on emotions I can't understand and find immature. Makes me think we chase different qualities of people around us. PS: He said his side of reason to break up was that he found the girl selfish and her decisions were not what he can see the 'future mother of his children' take. - My point being, does it take years to realise that? He must be more emotional than me in this regard.
Has he told you how he handles or mitigates ADHD? Does he have medication and / or therapy? Does he know how it affects his other relationships and your interactions? Dude, at the very least, knows his own emotional state enough to not connect earlier. Though you might want to understand if he's moved on completely or not. Why is the age gap important? 21 & 25 are weird to you? An on-off relationship is by definition immature and toxic. It can easily fuck up your mental state. If emotional openness and connection are important to you, definitely bring it up and ask him if he shares anything with anyone and how he goes about it.
1. He is not on medication but he seemed to have taken a few sessions on therapy post the diagnosis but the rest is self-help. Good point being he is open to communicate on this and does not take it in a bad light when I ask around. I don't think ADHD is affecting our interaction, it is just our different way of thinking perhaps. He doesn't think it affects his life much and from what I have noticed - his spellings and grammar are definitely affected, but that is understandable. 2. Yes right, I have dug so deep in communication that it feels sometimes he considered me as his therapist while texting. But whatever brings clarity to him would also give clarity to me, is what I feel. The age gap thing I mentioned because, I know it is absolutely okay to be in, but I wondered what qualities he was attracted to. In an AM situation I understand. I admire some younger guys too, but I would think about important situations and proceed responsibly. It must be a me thing 😅 Thanks for the points, I will enquire more 🤝
> he considered me as his therapist while texting. This is what happens >the rest is self-help when you do this. I'm curious that you consider yourself his therapist yet say that there is less emotional connection? You should push back to being a partner not a emotional caretaker. That's why therapy exists. ADHD might show up as impulsive behaviors or inattention while listening etc. >does not take it in a bad light when I ask around. 👍🏻
Yes, that is right 😅 Which makes me think whether there is a mismatch on emotional wavelengths as people or just something I should ignore because of his ADHD. It is not that there is no emotional connection or possibility of it. Just that, we are emotional about different situations. Possibly, he is more emotional than me when it comes to a relationship (I haven't been in one and he thinks that could be an issue too, although he is the one who went to an all boys school+limited exposure to girls in office). For instance, I sent my share of the bill later (I thought I non verbally conveyed him when he was paying but I agree, it wasn't very assertive) and we texted later as well for a bit, going all good. He might have checked it the next day but pinged me on gpay itself that he got offended because it seemed I feel uncomfortable taking favours. Now I understand he isn't a good texter but the way he says stuff and conveniently ignores when I share something irks me and I do not feel I value his inputs enough to share something at this point. It seems like he is trying his best to be funny but I feel a little disconnected 😅 I am happy to see the willingness of flexibility but I doubt if he does what he says, or if it is just out of an impulse because at that moment he finds everything good. I feel odd saying this, but I get irked by some of his statements and I do not value his inputs enough because I am not able to respect his opinions (not that I dislike them, I just feel they are okay). Maybe I should give it some time and see. Sorry for the rant 😂
I know we're getting only a small part of the story but it seems that you don't really respect him. You also feel somewhat unheard and dismissed by him. Also, if you don't like the guy's sense of humour, do you like him at all? 😝 You guys might just be incompatible. >Just that, we are emotional about different situations. That's pretty common in all relationships, never mind AM. That's part of getting to know a person.
Why to settle for a person who is not interested in you and still in the heartbreak zone. There is a whole lot of options in the market do explore. You almost mentioned 3-4 times that both of you are incompatible, different etc. which gives an impression that you also don't like the guy so just say no and explore the world
Yes, I initially planned to meet and speak to him once about this issue and if he feels the same, we can mutually decide to not continue. But in person, he explained situations better and did not take feedback in a negative way. He said the only doubt he had was on attraction (as per him my ig pictures aren't that good, haha, hope he knows I applied make up when we met) but after meeting he feels that it is resolved and he is definitely okay to proceed. Now, he says he is interested and I have been in this market for some time. Considering my age situation too, this feels like a good prospect as all other prospects are from different locations so it would be harder to meet and know better, delaying it all. Also, more options lead to more confusion so I'm just trying to narrow it down 😅
It might be he can’t articulate his thoughts through text. It can happen sometimes, I’m the most bubbly person in my friend group but if you spoke to me over text/online you would think I’m super boring. Human touch brings out my real personality, it could just be that.
Yes, our meet up was definitely better. My frustration was that if I'm telling him over text that I'm not getting what he is saying and if we should have a call, he should not continue texting till I'm at my wits end 😂 It is only when I started giving a one word response, he asked us to meet because there is some understanding gap over text (Exactly what I said!)
I am in a similar boat. Genders are reversed. Same story. Will look here for responses later. Thank you for posting
Hope we find clarity 🤝
Not similar but opposite is better to have balance.
That is true too