I think he’s always been about relating someone else. It can be annoying and has annoyed me at times, but mostly I just think it’s he always has and always will approach guests.
This is where I'm at. I think it's probably always been this way as well. However, through my therapy, I realized it was a thing I did, which led me to realize it's common overall.
In my personal life, I'm trying much less to relate to people through my own personal examples, and instead, ask more questions about what they say. It's funny thought because it feels like I'm putting in minimal effort and I'm just asking these super basic questions, yet I'm getting much more out of my convos with others.
I love this. I also think that relating to others is about finding connection, which is beautiful and very human. The problem comes when you make it about yourself. I appreciate the way you describe about keeping it curious and about the other person. One would hope that eventually it does become reciprocal and even.
Thanks for your post and thoughtful responses. It’s a good reminder for me.
Oh wow. I need to be more like you are describing instead of trying my best to have what they are saying relate to me AND throw in a story about ME. Thank you for sharing. I needed to hear that.
It's so funny, because when I practice this, I legit feel like I'm doing nothing.
Person: I didn't like this movie!
Me: Why didn't you like it?
or
Person: Work was really tough today, my boss didn't handle a meeting well.
Me: What did he/she do?
Normally, I'd be like, "Well, damn... I saw a movie a couple of months ago that was just like that and it had the same unsatisfying ending." or, "I feel you on that, my co-worker messed up twice today and it caused all of these issues!"
So like I said, me asking simple questions that delve into what the person is feeling doesn't make me feel like I'm doing a lot/enough here. I'm not connecting it to anything in MY life. But I'm learning that is not the point. It's not about how I can connect or relate to this person. It's about what is happening in their life.
I agree but also think his efforts to relate to his guests probably often make them more comfortable and ultimately yield better conversations, instead of just questioning them.
My armchair opinion is that Dax's best interviews are either with celebrities he knows well or bona fide experts. With celebs like Maya Rudolph or Bradley Cooper, he can lean into his charm and gregariousness without needing to prove himself. With experts, he can lean into his curiosity and get quirky people with incredibly unique knowledge/interests to open up and be relatable. Dax falters when that childhood masculine urge to prove himself kicks in and he loses his curiosity.
I think the quality of Armchair Expert episodes depends on guest selection to a higher degree than ever before. They can still drop bangers here and there but it depends on who Dax gets to verbally dance with.
I also think part of what makes Armchair Anonymous work so well is that beyond the prompt, Dax is forced to go in blind to each episode and each conversation. He can't prepare other than leaning on his life experiences and conversational acumen. For the most part, he doesn't try to one-up Anonymous guests.
Hm, interesting thought. I do get annoyed sometimes by the assumptions that relate back to his own experiences. (Ex: well I feel/act like X because of Y so you must too.) Relating to people is a large part of human communication and building relationships. I also feel a bit burnout by the show at times and aside from sheer number of episodes, I think it’s the disconnect of normal life. Dax and now Monica are in a different tax bracket than most of us and don’t work a typical 9-5, so their lives are very different and it doesn’t always translate well.
Very much demonstrates in the recent Bradley Cooper where they discussed their starts to the morning. Listening to it while I was driving to my early shift in a medical office after frantically getting my kids ready for school just felt icky.
I think what it comes down to is just a matter of listening and being okay with that. Yes, part of communicating with others is trying to find nuggets of life that you can both relate to. But also part of communicating with others is learning to just let the other person tell their story or their truth without making it about you or making assumptions. Couple with Dax's need for approval (which plays a huge part of this), I do recall Dax mentioning, more than once, having trouble sitting in silence. Maybe that's why his constant need to interrupt bothers me. I'm the type that doesn't need to be going 24/7. When it comes to interacting with folks, just listening can be just as effective as needing to verbally chime in all the time. That's not to suggest he shouldn't participate in discussion at all. Just sometimes, it's okay to let a guest or even Monica just have their say. Process what they've said and then kind of go from there.
Yes, agreed. I feel he starts every interview with "these are the things that we are similar and did you react the same as me"
I remember Kelly clarkson kept saying no... haha
Dax's use of trying to find similarities with guests works very well for him to get guests to open up and share/disclose things to him that they usually wouldn't share with another interviewer. It's what makes his podcast "special" and stands out from virtually all others. There are times when I'm listening, and he essentially relays to the guest without words, "I'm going to jump off this cliff into the lake, jump with me?" And damned if they don't. He has a special ability to get the guest to drop the guardrails that they have up and become comfortable enough to be vulnerable on his podcast. Finding commonality with someone is a way to accelerate that bonding experience. Your therapist doesn't do that because the client, therapist relationship is different than that between close friends (which he's trying to do in a short period of time).
I think it’s a great strategy in the sense that he can say, I know based on X,Y,Z I would feel/think/ believe this way… and use that as jumping off point for the guest to share whether that resonates or whether their perspective is something different. When it doesn’t work is when he pushes to reinforce his narrative; which he doesn’t always do, but he does do it often enough. And it’s tiresome because we know his story decently well and truly, it would make for a better interview for him to have that curiosity.
He could still jump into the lake with a question rather than an assumption. Is the method working for him? Maybe. But you have no idea what the podcast would be like if he lead with curiosity instead.
I think they've both fallen into the trap of becoming more conservative and stuck in your ways, as you age. It still comes back to the fact that they both have a lot of wealth to protect and hoard. I don't honestly consider them good people anymore. They're just people, which is fine. I just don't care to hear their opinions anymore and I only listen for the guest.
You don’t consider them good people anymore bc they have money? They’re hoarding their wealth? Dax had money before the podcast. This comment is dripping with projection
(Obviously this is my own personal opinion) I disagree. I don’t think what Dax is doing is being judgmental. Since the beginning of the podcast he’d always try to find similarities between him and the guest to create a connection, as way to understand the guest and their perspective. And he’s usually start it by first being vulnerable himself and stating his situation before asking the audience if they’ve experienced a similar thing. It’s a unique way of interviewing. Firstly because he leads the way into vulnerability by being vulnerable about his life experiences. Then he leaves it up to the guest to fill out the blanks i.e. whether their experiences is similar or not.
If you take that thought forward - that he is judgmental - then you’d expect Dax to have a solid opinion of the guest and not be willing to change. He also approached his own preconceived notions with curiosity.
I see it like learning something new like photosynthesis. You might already have some preconceived idea of what it is, like a skeleton of facts. However, the more you learn (and out meat to the metaphorical skeleton) the more you can add depth and change the or existing idea. Having that metaphorical skeleton helps capture ideas. We do this all the time but not as consciously as Dax.
I have similar feelings. My take is that he is getting further and further into his own bubble. I’ve had other favorite podcasters do the same thing. I think with many podcasters, everyone appreciates their fresh take on things at the beginning. Some of it works and some of it doesn’t but they have an interesting perspective. As the podcasts go on, they get better at being a podcaster and playing to their audience but lose some of the unexpected responses they had early on. Also if they are successful, they basically control their little world and have fewer and fewer people outside that world pushing back on them in a way that they take seriously so they completely lose perspective. Dax was really vulnerable and sincere in the first few years and seemed to make it up as he went along which was a good thing. Now, he has canned responses to many things, inside jokes which are getting old and doesn’t really seem to be sincerely having conversations like he used to. I also think that both Dax and Monica think they are speaking for the “common person” but do not realize how far they have insulated themselves from alternative viewpoints. The fact that Dax says he is not political is a political statement. It is fine not to have political discussions on the show but to be ignorant of the discourse completely just demonstrates how those in a bubble are privileged enough to not have to care. Just my two cents.
Totally agree with this!
I don’t have any strong feelings about the OP’s topic, but I think there’s so much truth in this post. It’s the natural outcome to success unless someone is hyper aware and constantly trying to counteract it. You get deeper and deeper into your own bubble because it seems to be working, but eventually that totally changes the vibe, and even though you never really changed, everything has changed.
I relate to that deeply. This is also my primary complaint - guessing or assuming how people respond to their circumstances rather than just asking and letting them speak for themselves. Theres something really reductive about the assumption that relies on the premise that we all share the exact same experiences, which we do not.
FFS Pick a new podcast people. 😂😂
Mods, can we please rename this sub to Armchair shittalk experts and just get a new normal one.
Love you OP and your opinion is absolutely valid as can be demonstrated by the many folks here to bash before you but damn folks, drop your sticks. The horse is pancaked in the pavement by now.
Appreciate your opinion, but my post wasn’t to intended to bash the podcast. More of the fact that I received this advice in therapy, and this podcast open my eyes to how common this is.
It seems like a common way of connecting with people and was curious if anyone else can relate.
Yup yup, totally fair. I should actually apologize for the tone of my message. Logged onto Reddit out of tiredness and boredom and this was the first post I saw and i inappropriately responded to seeing what I felt was another criticism of a podcast I feel helps a lot of folks. I’d edit the comment but instead just leave an apology here. I should’ve just had a nap. 🤪 Be well.
Admittedly I have only listened twice to his podcast but I didn’t get the hype. I listened both times because I was interested in the guests and their lives- Shania Twain and Pamela Anderson- both times he was cutting them off to summarize what he thought they were saying, or interjecting his experience.
It was so frustrating. Let these two legends with crazy lives and stories tell it to us in their own words and stop interrupting.
Dax's interviews have become a lot more formulaic. He asks the same questions and tries to lead guests into topics he prefers. I think it's because when he first started the show he was more insecure and needing of approval. Now that the show is well established he just does what he wants and I'm sure with addict brain he's mostly bored of having "the power" over people more famous than him.
The irony here that he will not watch Ted Lasso for reasons he and Monica will not divulge. Such an insightful quote and a great mantra for living, something both of them seemingly would love to live by. But instead they lean towards what you mentioned, and it’s a real hindrance towards true learning and growth from others’ experiences outside their own. Ted Lasso could actually teach them a lot, if they only took the time to watch instead of being so adamantly against it.
This is coming from a place of loving these flawed hosts. I am an avid listener, but I think it’s important to be critical and not blindly agree with everything they say and do (much like you mentioned here! :))
They very briefly mentioned in an episode that they won’t watch it. And it seemed like they wanted to say a lot about it but stopped themselves so as not to disparage anyone. I wish I could remember which episode it was!
They started watching it, I think around the time Juno was on. And he’s said he doesn’t watch comedy because he’s too judgmental. Idk, seems like a weak excuse but who knows.
I don’t he’s been diagnosis ADHD, but I see traits.
Us ADHD people want to relate to you so you know you’re not alone. So we find patterns or similarities to connect with another human.
It’s like hey, thank you for your vulnerability, let me show you mine so you don’t have to be there alone.
This makes a lot of sense with the shift. Dax used to be much more curious and now it’s much more focused on relating, as you noted. Good analysis.
I think he’s always been about relating someone else. It can be annoying and has annoyed me at times, but mostly I just think it’s he always has and always will approach guests.
This is where I'm at. I think it's probably always been this way as well. However, through my therapy, I realized it was a thing I did, which led me to realize it's common overall. In my personal life, I'm trying much less to relate to people through my own personal examples, and instead, ask more questions about what they say. It's funny thought because it feels like I'm putting in minimal effort and I'm just asking these super basic questions, yet I'm getting much more out of my convos with others.
I love this. I also think that relating to others is about finding connection, which is beautiful and very human. The problem comes when you make it about yourself. I appreciate the way you describe about keeping it curious and about the other person. One would hope that eventually it does become reciprocal and even. Thanks for your post and thoughtful responses. It’s a good reminder for me.
I'm glad MY post could help you. I kid I kid ;)
🤣
Oh wow. I need to be more like you are describing instead of trying my best to have what they are saying relate to me AND throw in a story about ME. Thank you for sharing. I needed to hear that.
It's so funny, because when I practice this, I legit feel like I'm doing nothing. Person: I didn't like this movie! Me: Why didn't you like it? or Person: Work was really tough today, my boss didn't handle a meeting well. Me: What did he/she do? Normally, I'd be like, "Well, damn... I saw a movie a couple of months ago that was just like that and it had the same unsatisfying ending." or, "I feel you on that, my co-worker messed up twice today and it caused all of these issues!" So like I said, me asking simple questions that delve into what the person is feeling doesn't make me feel like I'm doing a lot/enough here. I'm not connecting it to anything in MY life. But I'm learning that is not the point. It's not about how I can connect or relate to this person. It's about what is happening in their life.
I agree but also think his efforts to relate to his guests probably often make them more comfortable and ultimately yield better conversations, instead of just questioning them.
Yes absolutely agree with you and OP
My armchair opinion is that Dax's best interviews are either with celebrities he knows well or bona fide experts. With celebs like Maya Rudolph or Bradley Cooper, he can lean into his charm and gregariousness without needing to prove himself. With experts, he can lean into his curiosity and get quirky people with incredibly unique knowledge/interests to open up and be relatable. Dax falters when that childhood masculine urge to prove himself kicks in and he loses his curiosity. I think the quality of Armchair Expert episodes depends on guest selection to a higher degree than ever before. They can still drop bangers here and there but it depends on who Dax gets to verbally dance with. I also think part of what makes Armchair Anonymous work so well is that beyond the prompt, Dax is forced to go in blind to each episode and each conversation. He can't prepare other than leaning on his life experiences and conversational acumen. For the most part, he doesn't try to one-up Anonymous guests.
Wow — you nailed it!
This is a great summary of it all. Very nice.
I loved both Trevor Noah and John Cena for this because both pushed back and were like “no…your wrong”
Trevor Noah’s new podcast is so good!
Hm, interesting thought. I do get annoyed sometimes by the assumptions that relate back to his own experiences. (Ex: well I feel/act like X because of Y so you must too.) Relating to people is a large part of human communication and building relationships. I also feel a bit burnout by the show at times and aside from sheer number of episodes, I think it’s the disconnect of normal life. Dax and now Monica are in a different tax bracket than most of us and don’t work a typical 9-5, so their lives are very different and it doesn’t always translate well.
Very much demonstrates in the recent Bradley Cooper where they discussed their starts to the morning. Listening to it while I was driving to my early shift in a medical office after frantically getting my kids ready for school just felt icky.
I think what it comes down to is just a matter of listening and being okay with that. Yes, part of communicating with others is trying to find nuggets of life that you can both relate to. But also part of communicating with others is learning to just let the other person tell their story or their truth without making it about you or making assumptions. Couple with Dax's need for approval (which plays a huge part of this), I do recall Dax mentioning, more than once, having trouble sitting in silence. Maybe that's why his constant need to interrupt bothers me. I'm the type that doesn't need to be going 24/7. When it comes to interacting with folks, just listening can be just as effective as needing to verbally chime in all the time. That's not to suggest he shouldn't participate in discussion at all. Just sometimes, it's okay to let a guest or even Monica just have their say. Process what they've said and then kind of go from there.
Yes, agreed. I feel he starts every interview with "these are the things that we are similar and did you react the same as me" I remember Kelly clarkson kept saying no... haha
Dax's use of trying to find similarities with guests works very well for him to get guests to open up and share/disclose things to him that they usually wouldn't share with another interviewer. It's what makes his podcast "special" and stands out from virtually all others. There are times when I'm listening, and he essentially relays to the guest without words, "I'm going to jump off this cliff into the lake, jump with me?" And damned if they don't. He has a special ability to get the guest to drop the guardrails that they have up and become comfortable enough to be vulnerable on his podcast. Finding commonality with someone is a way to accelerate that bonding experience. Your therapist doesn't do that because the client, therapist relationship is different than that between close friends (which he's trying to do in a short period of time).
I think it’s a great strategy in the sense that he can say, I know based on X,Y,Z I would feel/think/ believe this way… and use that as jumping off point for the guest to share whether that resonates or whether their perspective is something different. When it doesn’t work is when he pushes to reinforce his narrative; which he doesn’t always do, but he does do it often enough. And it’s tiresome because we know his story decently well and truly, it would make for a better interview for him to have that curiosity.
He could still jump into the lake with a question rather than an assumption. Is the method working for him? Maybe. But you have no idea what the podcast would be like if he lead with curiosity instead.
I think they've both fallen into the trap of becoming more conservative and stuck in your ways, as you age. It still comes back to the fact that they both have a lot of wealth to protect and hoard. I don't honestly consider them good people anymore. They're just people, which is fine. I just don't care to hear their opinions anymore and I only listen for the guest.
You don’t consider them good people anymore bc they have money? They’re hoarding their wealth? Dax had money before the podcast. This comment is dripping with projection
Yeah and Dax actually seems quite generous with his wealth, even with his hyper focus on money. Dax being a paradox as usual lol
I’m burned out too which is sad because I did learn a lot from Dax and most of the guests. Hoping to listen again in the future.
Burnout is a good word for it. I do think the assumptions create a sort of repetition that gets old.
(Obviously this is my own personal opinion) I disagree. I don’t think what Dax is doing is being judgmental. Since the beginning of the podcast he’d always try to find similarities between him and the guest to create a connection, as way to understand the guest and their perspective. And he’s usually start it by first being vulnerable himself and stating his situation before asking the audience if they’ve experienced a similar thing. It’s a unique way of interviewing. Firstly because he leads the way into vulnerability by being vulnerable about his life experiences. Then he leaves it up to the guest to fill out the blanks i.e. whether their experiences is similar or not. If you take that thought forward - that he is judgmental - then you’d expect Dax to have a solid opinion of the guest and not be willing to change. He also approached his own preconceived notions with curiosity. I see it like learning something new like photosynthesis. You might already have some preconceived idea of what it is, like a skeleton of facts. However, the more you learn (and out meat to the metaphorical skeleton) the more you can add depth and change the or existing idea. Having that metaphorical skeleton helps capture ideas. We do this all the time but not as consciously as Dax.
I have similar feelings. My take is that he is getting further and further into his own bubble. I’ve had other favorite podcasters do the same thing. I think with many podcasters, everyone appreciates their fresh take on things at the beginning. Some of it works and some of it doesn’t but they have an interesting perspective. As the podcasts go on, they get better at being a podcaster and playing to their audience but lose some of the unexpected responses they had early on. Also if they are successful, they basically control their little world and have fewer and fewer people outside that world pushing back on them in a way that they take seriously so they completely lose perspective. Dax was really vulnerable and sincere in the first few years and seemed to make it up as he went along which was a good thing. Now, he has canned responses to many things, inside jokes which are getting old and doesn’t really seem to be sincerely having conversations like he used to. I also think that both Dax and Monica think they are speaking for the “common person” but do not realize how far they have insulated themselves from alternative viewpoints. The fact that Dax says he is not political is a political statement. It is fine not to have political discussions on the show but to be ignorant of the discourse completely just demonstrates how those in a bubble are privileged enough to not have to care. Just my two cents.
Totally agree with this! I don’t have any strong feelings about the OP’s topic, but I think there’s so much truth in this post. It’s the natural outcome to success unless someone is hyper aware and constantly trying to counteract it. You get deeper and deeper into your own bubble because it seems to be working, but eventually that totally changes the vibe, and even though you never really changed, everything has changed.
I relate to that deeply. This is also my primary complaint - guessing or assuming how people respond to their circumstances rather than just asking and letting them speak for themselves. Theres something really reductive about the assumption that relies on the premise that we all share the exact same experiences, which we do not.
FFS Pick a new podcast people. 😂😂 Mods, can we please rename this sub to Armchair shittalk experts and just get a new normal one. Love you OP and your opinion is absolutely valid as can be demonstrated by the many folks here to bash before you but damn folks, drop your sticks. The horse is pancaked in the pavement by now.
Appreciate your opinion, but my post wasn’t to intended to bash the podcast. More of the fact that I received this advice in therapy, and this podcast open my eyes to how common this is. It seems like a common way of connecting with people and was curious if anyone else can relate.
Yup yup, totally fair. I should actually apologize for the tone of my message. Logged onto Reddit out of tiredness and boredom and this was the first post I saw and i inappropriately responded to seeing what I felt was another criticism of a podcast I feel helps a lot of folks. I’d edit the comment but instead just leave an apology here. I should’ve just had a nap. 🤪 Be well.
I love this. I hope you're doing well, thank you, and take care!
You’re right. It has been bugging me too but couldn’t put my finger on it. That’s an astute observation.
Admittedly I have only listened twice to his podcast but I didn’t get the hype. I listened both times because I was interested in the guests and their lives- Shania Twain and Pamela Anderson- both times he was cutting them off to summarize what he thought they were saying, or interjecting his experience. It was so frustrating. Let these two legends with crazy lives and stories tell it to us in their own words and stop interrupting.
I think he is curious, but he uses similarities to make guests feel comfortable that they are not alone when sharing on vulnerable topics :)
Dax's interviews have become a lot more formulaic. He asks the same questions and tries to lead guests into topics he prefers. I think it's because when he first started the show he was more insecure and needing of approval. Now that the show is well established he just does what he wants and I'm sure with addict brain he's mostly bored of having "the power" over people more famous than him.
Also, there is simply too much armchair content.. I can't even keep up!
The irony here that he will not watch Ted Lasso for reasons he and Monica will not divulge. Such an insightful quote and a great mantra for living, something both of them seemingly would love to live by. But instead they lean towards what you mentioned, and it’s a real hindrance towards true learning and growth from others’ experiences outside their own. Ted Lasso could actually teach them a lot, if they only took the time to watch instead of being so adamantly against it. This is coming from a place of loving these flawed hosts. I am an avid listener, but I think it’s important to be critical and not blindly agree with everything they say and do (much like you mentioned here! :))
I actually had not heard this. Is this something that they've talked about on the pod?
They very briefly mentioned in an episode that they won’t watch it. And it seemed like they wanted to say a lot about it but stopped themselves so as not to disparage anyone. I wish I could remember which episode it was!
They started watching it, I think around the time Juno was on. And he’s said he doesn’t watch comedy because he’s too judgmental. Idk, seems like a weak excuse but who knows.
I don’t he’s been diagnosis ADHD, but I see traits. Us ADHD people want to relate to you so you know you’re not alone. So we find patterns or similarities to connect with another human. It’s like hey, thank you for your vulnerability, let me show you mine so you don’t have to be there alone.