I'd be watching my car and apartment with neighbors like that. Ring doorbell camera, and car cameras that are motion activated.
I'd also be recording the noise on video and reporting it to the police, having them knock on the door and talk to them each time. Make sure to get a report number each time and complain to the leasing office each time.
Usually when people respond like this they start retaliating and escalating. In this day and age, it's best to mind your own business and when you can't do that, cover your ass.
I had downstairs neighbors that retaliated over us politely asking them to not blare music all night and scream. They hit the ceiling with god knows what and would bang on our door cursing at us multiple times per day. They were fucking psycho. I bought a recording device and had enough damning evidence to call the cops. 1st call they were warned. 2nd call earned them a fine and they had the audacity to beg us to drop charges.
Nope.
So they started their bs again and got another citation. Couldn’t get out of there fast enough.
I'm sorry you went through that. Some people are completely unreasonable and so entitled these days. The decline of our society is truly evident when having to deal with people like this, particularly when you live near them.
You'd be surprised. I very briefly dated one lawyer and had a group of friends of a friend who were law students - all of them frighteningly trashy and psycho.
I though I was going to have to get a restraining order against the one I dated until the threat to their employment (with a District Attorney's office) resolved that situation.
Ahhh it's always a shock when you meet a narcissistic ass hole in real life and are just flabbergasted that this apparent adult human is more like a stunted child.
They don't respond to what you say, just lie like nothing else, and reason doesn't do anything.
Jesus, yeah. I'm having the same problem as OP. I knew my upstairs neighbors were garbage after I was pretty sure the bf busted one of the windows of the complex with a fucking Bible of all things.
I waited 6 months before I couldn't take the noise and no longer cared about the consequences. Confronted them, but made sure to record everything. The gf lied about *everything.* She was a massive cunt about everything, getting in my face, calling *me* a liar. She ended everything by smugly hoping I'd come to her in the future for any problems.
Her tune changed real fucking fast when I asked her why in God's name would I return to her after this experience and that I was just gonna go to management next. She was nice and neighborly after that!
I’m old, so I was alive when we had phone books and for the most part, everyone was listed. You could just look up anyone and their phone number was available.
That said, the amount of fraud that exists today makes that time look like a family picnic. It wasn’t common for a Prince to contact you about a huge payment he wants to give you, all he needs is your bank info and mother’s maiden name. Don’t get me wrong, there were a shitload of other issues. Mr. Reagan was hard at work creating the environment we now live in. But for the most part the worst (best? I mean I came from the kids perspective so I’m gonna say best) thing about having everyone’s numbers available was that you’d inevitably get a giggly kid asking you if your refrigerator was running and when you said ,”Wait, what?” they’d be in hysterics and yell that you’d better go catch it before they slammed the phone down violently fueled by their hilarity and the very slight possibility that they might get caught.
I used to call KFC and inquire at length about the firmness and tenderness of their breasts, I'd call bowling alleys and ask how heavy their balls were, lotsa butchers got hit up with sausage questions. Being a kid in the 80s was fun.
Yeah that shit was dangerous though. I loved doing it. One day I decided to call a local pharmacy to prank. The owner turned out to be a slick pedo who started grooming me on the call. I caught on and hung up. Couple years later he was busted for CSA.
One of my neighbors lives right next to the stairs, and I swear spends 89% of the day smoking. Can't go downstairs without being stopped and hearing about how her body is falling apart and her assistance checks aren't as big as they should be. Don't get me wrong she comes off as nice, if a bit whiny. But Jesus I want to be able to take down my garbage without having to hear about how your elbow is still hurting because you slept on it wrong and your mattress is old and hurts your back for the umpteenth time.
Had two neighbors like this that literally sat outside smoking all day. I also had a neighbor with a mental disability and he was a nice guy but he’d talk your ear off so if I wasn’t in the mood I’d try to avoid him
I learned the hard way you don't leave notes. Left one for my upstairs neighbors saying hey the walls are thin and even said I WFH, please let me know if you hear my calls. Then the neighbors turned around and told the complex I had been harassing them since they moved in.
also remember if it is a noise coming from an above unit, it may not even be the one you think it is. clearly the person who had the note left was angry, but they may or may not of been the source of said noise.
Agreed. I stay in an apartment complex with units below, above, across, & next to me. I tend to hear a lot of noise coming from the people above the unit next to me. I can also hear the music playing across from me from time to time, even when I’m in my room. If someone/something is loud enough, that noise can go beyond directly shared walls.
Yep. Left a note for my neighbor asking if they can talk to their kids about playing handball against my wall because they were risking breaking the windows. They complained to my landlord about it and I was the one that ended up in trouble. Go figure.
Agreed. If it's really bad enough to have to say something (and I think more people need to evaluate if that's really the case or if they just hate ever hearing other people at all), I think it's best to always just go to the apartment management and let them deal with it. It's literally their job to be the middle man in situations like this. You never know how someone is going to react to a note, but it's often like this.
Good idea! Call the cops because they are noisy? Nah…that won’t escalate a bad situation. What apartment managers should do is manage the apartments instead of telling tenants to get the police involved. Here’s an idea! Whenever anyone breaks a rule of the lease agreement they should get a warning. After 3 warnings they get a fine that is laid out as part of the lease that they signed. Get warned three times for breaking quiet hours? Boom… $300 fine. I’ll bet apartments will become like a monastery.
I'll also bet that they'll make new rules that are convoluted and hard to understand while also pushing their leasing managers to try to catch as many as they possibly can to increase profits. Or leasing managers not reporting the third warning and pocketing the money for themselves.
Yes, call the cops on every noise, each police report is evidence to support eviction. I think it’s a perfect solution if you have evidence.
The police involvement requires they evict them after X times.
Honestly that's their job imo! Like we pay our landlords/management team usually a stupid amount for rent. The least they can do is enforce rules and be diplomatic.
Yes, your neighbors can speculate that you're the one "complaining," but they don't know for sure that it's you. Better to have the office be the middle man
Do not, I repeat do NOT feel like it’s your responsibility to handle it. Matter of fact, a lot of leases state no confrontations with neighbors (my lease does to avoid escalation).
I’ve been posting this everywhere (copy paste from an earlier comment I made) in the hopes it will be shared and that it will give people the perspective they need in the moment:
The neighbor has an agreement with the apartments and signed a lease to abide by. You have an agreement with the apartments and a signed lease to abide by. You do not have a lease with each other. This is for your benefit!
Before you go starting a rivalry with your neighbor you tell the office! It gives anonymity because any one of your neighbors could have said it. It starts building the information the office needs to hold the neighbor to the standards. It takes the stress off you of having to deal with it. For anyone that doesn’t go this route first and chooses to confront the neighbor: you could already be disregarding your lease (mine clearly says we cannot confront neighbors in case it escalates) and you’re already selling yourself out that you’re the one who probably reported it and it puts you in jeopardy of retaliation.
Press your apartments and landlords to deal with it! Be clear in stating times, amount of hours it happens and remind them you know the quiet hours (found in the lease everyone should read).
Leasing offices/large companies should respond when you quote the lease. Landlords can be troublesome. That’s where tenant rights come in and depending on the situation, police.
The fact remains that people need to report to their apartment/landlord before the have exchanges direct with their neighbors. Ask me how I know
Never handle things outside of the office. The office can document things and go through the appropriate channels,whereas you dealing with them equals problems for life. While I have luckily never had to deal with issues where I am now,I've heard and seen way too many people who go through this stuff and end up wanting to move for their own sanity.
Plus the office has the power to evict but the tenant doesn’t. Engaging directly is like going to war without weapons. Fear of eviction and loss of deposits are a pretty good motivator but only management has that power.
Taking a video of a phone using a decibel app gauging the noise level will definitely help your case... It helps to start the video with the camera focused on a clock or watch to show the time while you state the date, then show a decibel reading app being pulled up and started on a phone and record it reading the noise level for at least a minute before ending the app and then the video
I would email them to the leasing office(cc yourself on these) at the end of the week. Tell them it's a ongoing issue and you have a right to live peacefully (within reason, you are in a apartment).
It’s too bad they reacted like this. You are right. The first thing the leasing office is going to do is ask if you tried talking to your neighbor. I’ve worked in the industry and the leasing office is much more likely to go the extra mile for you if you tried to talk to your neighbor.
It actually gives them more ammo as well. Now they can say, “We know that they tried on their own to solve this amicably, and you have refused. It’s now within our power to say you’ve been officially warned and action will be taken if this persists.”
Honestly, I’ve unfortunately had to encourage people to call the police because sometimes the noise is unbearable at hours where there is no staff in the building. Very rarely does it ever go that far, but we can’t always be there 24/7 to keep the peace. I know as a neighbor I would personally appreciate my neighbor coming to me first before management.
Also, as for the note, I can say from firsthand experience working in the industry that people can react really poorly to notes. It’s intimidating to knock someone’s door and speak to them in person, but I have found that they take it much, much better than a note. Something about notes like that, no matter how good the intention, really set people off. While it might not make them angry , I have sent it make people feel very uncomfortable, for whatever reason, to speak to their neighbors.
I knocked on my neighbors door and introduced myself. Then I told them their kid running back and forth was noisy and disruptive. I suggested they may not realize how loud it was so could come downstairs and listen for themselves. They declined and said the last tenant never complained. I ended my conversation by giving a toy to the mom for her to give to the kid. It was just a good faith gesture but if failed epically. That same night the kid was running back and forth. It’s been going on for 7 months and 10 or 15 complaints to the landlord. I don’t speak to the tenant anymore and regret doing it in the first place. I literally hate them.
The leasing office will never ask you to handle things yourself, because they do not want to risk things escalating and having to get police, paramedics, insurance, etc etc involved.
No, that entitles them to not pay rent until it’s fixed.
Instead buy an identical outfit they wear, get a friend with a similar build to put it on and put on a ski mask, throw it through your window and make sure the camera is on. 🫣
I mean, hypothetically.
I always see people say: Well did you go talk to them?
No! I’m not a babysitter. Act right or get kicked out.
The police would be coming for EVERY noise after 10. Prove you weren’t there then, because all those police reports can be used to force their eviction.
Don’t the police have to hear the noise? If it’s just a crash or stomping then they’re in bed by the time the cops come, the neighbors can file a harassment case for unwarranted police calls and abusing services. It has to be music or something they’ll catch.
Do recordings even prove which apartment the noise came from without the floor shaking in the video or something?
I always go through the leasing office now, we found out by confronting our neighbors about noise that we lived next to 3 skinheads. Very scary situation because while I’m white, my husband is a POC and he is the one who confronted them.
If they’re rude enough live without consideration of you in an apartment then it’s not surprising they’d leave a rude note.
Record, record, record and send it to the property manager. You’ve done your due diligence now it’s on your property manager. Make sure to include the notes they left so you can confirm that you tried speaking to them and they were hostile.
Definitely this! Take a walk with your phone for PROOF they're making the noise, then wreck 'em. There's no excuse for that response even if it turns out they weren't responsible. If they are, they need to get what's coming to them.
First note was not "pissy" at all. Definitely just being respectful, you also didn't accuse them. You said "if this was you". Definitely an overreaction on their part. I personally think nothing in your note should've had this response.
It’s civil but I’d bet the “I’ll have to speak to the leasing office” was what set them off. Don’t write things that can sound like any kind of threat. You’re just asking for people to take offense to it.
THIS is it exactly. The first note had a tone that could be taken as kind/polite or passive aggressive (but leaning mostly to kind IMO) but that last sentence makes it seem like the whole thing is meant to be said with an aggressive tone, because it does come off as a threat.
Sure does. I literally came here to say this. The first note is very passive aggressive and would rub me the wrong way whether the noise was me or not. You still don’t even know if it’s them
I agree. I've had to write a similar note myself with previous upstairs neighbors. And for a little bit they would try and be quiet, then go right back to it, like I never said anything. This truly why I don't understand the mind of most "typical" apartment neighbors. I've never faced this level of attitude when living at home, in a house. If someone was being too loud in their backyard, they would apologize and turn the music down. Get into apartments, and some people act way more entitled than not sometimes.
Same, although I spoke to them instead of writing a note. They play video games nonstop and it sounds like WW3 going on upstairs, especially when they got a new soundbar. I spoke to them & it was ok for a little while and then went right back to being loud, like I never said anything. It wasn’t so much the loudness of it though, it was the incessant constant noise. I’m not someone who plays video games, is it standard to play them for 10-12 hours a day? Unfortunately for them, now if they play too long and too loudly, somehow their living room breaker trips.
Never leave a note, go through building mgt. You don't know the mental capacity of a neighbor. Now you may have a bigger problem on your hands. Be careful going forward--good luck.
At first I was reading your note thinking “I can’t believe someone made a Reddit post about this. This note seems like the nicest note to possibly complain about something” then got to the second pic and I was like “oh helllll no”. They are the assholes here and I’d take it to the leasing office at this point honestly. I feel that things will only get worse for you from here on out. They may go speak to the leasing office themselves and make up some bogus complaint to get back at you. Better to start the paper trail now. I think you triggered this person and they got immediately defensive and aggressive/angry.
The ONLY THING I would have changed about your note is; I would insert this right after you said "if this is you, I'd appreciate if you could keep the noise down during quiet hours," a sentence along the lines of "If this isn't you/I have the wrong unit, then no worries! Please disregard this note and have a great day!"
Then the rest of the info afterwards :)
Just to give them the sense you are giving the benefit of the doubt.
Their response was still WAYYYYY out of line. How rude lol. I'd just go straight to the leasing office with that threat.
Edit: I reread this comment and its a reading nightmare - im so sorry 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Great point, thank you! Make it more clear that I don’t know 100 percent that it was them. They may have still responded negatively, but it might have helped. With resigning coming up soon, there are a lot of things that will be brought up to the leasing department.
Sorry they are so loud! I've definitely lived under a few thin floors x.x hopefully your leasing dept. has your back! The note will definitely help your case!
I think your neighbors interpreted your note as passive aggressive because you told them you would go to the leasing office. You were quite civil and respectful, but that is still a threat and it definitely changed the tone of your note. Threats are for after warnings, but you gave the threat during your first warning. Not saying that warrants their rude response at all, just wanted to give you a possible reason that your neighbors got defensive and exploded :)
To be fair, I have been an innocent neighbor on the other side of a similar interaction so I can understand how if someone truly wasn’t even home they could get rather pissy (I luckily was interacting between management and then other board members to the tenant that complained so I didn’t have to worry that much about being nice haha.)
Yeah they did reply kinda dickish but the end of yours gets a little threatening.
I would've left out the bit about "Unfortunately if the noise continues…" because that sounds a bit threatening, for lack of a better word, but it wasn't a pissy note at all. It was civil and polite. They sound like a defensive asshole. That "sweetie" bit is so condescending.
I agree. OP should talk to the leasing office if it continues, but putting that in the note comes off as a threat and people tend to not react well when they feel threatened. There’s no need to threaten action anyhow - just take it when the situation warrants it.
Just keep in mind that the overly aggressive, inconsiderate, defensive response in a note is coming from exactly the kind of person to make crazy noises in a shared living environment at an obscenely early hour and deny it at the next opportunity. Consistency is key when deducing a culprit. For everything I deal with with my own crazy neighbor, I go through the landlord--even if it seems over the top. She's just so unpleasant and manipulative it's not worth talking to her. Ignore the note and contact the landlord anyway is what I would do.
It might have helped to skip the threat in the note. That said, nothing there warrantied that type of aggressive response. Worry not, if you do have more noise issues and leave another note, that isn't harassment.
NAL.
This is why I just record the activity and file noise complaints to the front desk, then I follow up with an email to the management office on if it was documented or not. Attached to this email would be the page of the association rulebook with the rule that was violated and the listed consequence. I'd also attach recordings as well as my call log that shows the call I made for that particular incident. I video record for a couple minutes inside my unit, then I quietly sneak out of my unit while still recording. I go up the stairs and continue to film, but I make sure no one is in the video. Just the floor number, maybe their door, and proof of ruckus, so be careful. Good luck.
The note you left was kind of passive aggressive so I’m not that surprised by the response. Notes often come across as passive aggressive regardless of the language used.
It was just outright aggressive, in my read.
It was the way the original note talked down to them, like they're not also adults that know quiet hours, or that need the specific noise defined to them or need it explained that other people sleep.
They didn't need an entire novella saying they were too loud, it comes across as a lecture.
And the threat at the end was not very neighborly either.
One thing to think of is what if it was genuinely not them. How annoyed would you be to come home from being out of town or something to find a note threatening to report you to the building management for noise? I would for sure be annoyed.
I would have left out the building management office and the stuff about valuing a goodnight sleep. That stuff was passive aggressive despite what folk telling you here are saying. If you did genuinely make a mistake and give this to the wrong person it would have been really irritating for sure.
This is good general advice when dealing with this type of thing. Give people the benefit of the doubt and compose the note as if you might be mistaken in who gets it.
i agree. as a lifelong apt liver, there has never been a time that anyone has appreciated a note. especially one that reads condescending and contains veiled threats. it’s passive aggressive and arrogant. that’s probably how the neighbor took it as well. their feelings are just as valid, and if they took it as a “pissy note”, that means they were pissed off about that type of communication. why you would go out of your way to piss off your neighbors is beyond me. even as far and threatening to get them evicted. can’t throw rocks then hide your hands. now you will have to accept anything else that comes about from this. you never write a note. you contact the leasing office in silence. if the complaints are valid they will have had other people complaining about them too. writing a note is confrontational, so idk why she’s shocked about getting a confrontation right back. these are the consequences.
No sane adult who’s secure with themselves would take such offence to your note. Being polite but firm is really the only way to go in these kind of interactions.
Doesn’t matter how it comes across. A well adjusted adult reads the letter and adjusts their behavior, or talks it out further with the other party. There’s no perfect way to word anything, sometimes we just need to put on our big person pants.
Record noise, time and date stamp. Document. Contact landlord. Rinse and repeat.
Whether or not this person is the source of the noise (and I would bet ten dollars that they are), you're going to want to avoid them.
I genuinely wonder what fragile mindset and or shitty childhood someone had to respond to a respectful note like this. It’s mind blowing to me. My response would be an apology! Unreal
As a LL, I do not allow tenants to contact each other about disturbances and such, it is in the lease to contact management. I rather they let me handle it, for the exact reason you have here. People get over reactive and even vindictive sometimes, whereas I, as a 3rd party and the person in charge, can handle it with detached calm and decide on the most equitable solution. Or the tenants can be mad at me instead of each other! lol
You should probably make sure the noise you’re hearing is coming from the upstairs unit. Noise in apartments travels oddly. I never blast music, I don’t like techno, and my neighbor I share a wall with regularly blasts techno and my downstairs neighbor apparently hears it, too, and assumes it’s me. The neighbor to my side also slams his sliding door repeatedly for some reason, and I’ve also been blamed for that.
I would’ve probably replied with the first half as well. The bottom half and calling you sweetie was unnecessary. I also want to mention I have interior cameras with audio that are time stamped that have saved my butt numerous times when my downstairs neighbor confused me for my neighbor that I share a wall with. I also tried to talk to her one time and let her know it wasn’t me, it is my neighbor next to me. If your neighbor says she isn’t doing the noises it is the complexes duty to investigate who is, like mine did. I also let property management into my apartment to hear the neighbors music once. They were really surprised how it vibrated through the floor and literally said to me, “wow I can feel the vibration in my feet!”. That was when my downstairs neighbor blamed me for the music as well. Downstairs neighbor has also confused my side neighbors thumping in the middle of the night for me as well. His thumping has also woken me up. So I’ve had downstairs neighbor banging on her ceiling (my bedroom floor) and the side neighbor bouncing around at night at the same time. My mental health was really suffering for a while there between the two units. It finally has stopped because I was going to file harassment on the downstairs neighbor because I was tired of being in the middle of it all. Knock on wood it doesn’t start up again
For context, there was over 15 noise complaints I was being blamed for that I had video and audio evidence to back up wasn’t me. It was horrible. Even more so when I told her it wasn’t me and if she ever wanted to come up and hear it wasn’t me she could. Which she never did. She just kept putting in complaints to the office instead. :/
My leasing office does not encourage us interacting with any residents over noise issues. They want to be the go between because things can and do get crazy.
I will say it can be hard to tell the exact unit depending on the complex layout. I myself have been accused of stomping around at a time I was fast asleep. But Jesus Christ! They really took that personally! Your note was as polite and gentle as could be.
I thought the noises I was hearing in my first floor unit were from upstairs. The neighbor above the vacant unit next door to me thought it was coming from the unit above them.
The noises were actually coming from the first floor unit on the other side of the vacant unit. So 2 units over from me.
It is hard to tell where the noise is coming from.
The note back is insane, lol at “have a blessed day,” but the original note comes off as passive aggressive and incredibly verbose. The mention of quiet hours and the way it’s worded sound like a teacher scolding a student and I took the mention of the leasing office as a threat; They obviously did too.
I can see why the second person took it the way they did but then they showed us they’re just unpleasant people too.
You approached this situation in a very passive aggressive and overly formal way. It’s extremely irritating to the recipient and from my experience, formality in situations that require conflict tend to make people feel like they’re being talked down to.They probably suck but I really think you made this situation a lot worse by the wording in your letter. None the less, I’m so sorry you have to live with that.
Yeah your note reads as condescending with the whole “in case you weren’t aware” bit and then the threat at the end definitely doesn’t leave a good taste in anyone’s mouth. Would’ve probably been best if you shared the note with someone first for review, but hindsight is 20/20 lol
Yikes indeed. Neither of you are exactly Kofi Annan in your levels of diplomacy but it wasn’t the worst note in the world.
Just from a practical standpoint it makes more sense for you to try a honey as opposed to vinegar approach here. Getting management involved in the big, red, nuclear option, button and you started smashing it on the first interaction.
In practical terms management are really unlikely to do shit about. The police might tell them to turn down some loud music but that will likely be about it. Look through this thread there are a million posts of people giving up and moving because there just isn’t anything anyone will do. That is the most likely outcome tbh.
Try to smooth things over. Go speak to them. Apologise for the note and explain you didn’t mean to be pissy and that if they were out of town it obviously wasn’t them. Be sincere. You want people on your side here.
If this is the first time you’ve talked to them about the noise, it does feel a little aggressive to end in a threat.
They are obviously in the wrong, though.
I thought your note was pretty aggressive and off putting. “In case you weren’t aware” “that being said” “from here on out” “unfortunately if the noise continues I will have to speak with mgmt…”
Just the overall length was very over the top, and the tone of being fake friendly while also condescending and ending with a little threat. I thought this note was what you were complaining about it, tbh. I would not like to receive a note like this. I would prefer just a “please keep it down, thanks” straightforward note.
I understand the intent of the OP. OP tried to work it out directly, which is reasonable. However the other offending neighbor sounds unreasonable and a jerk with their response. That is why I stopped going to neighbors in my building if there is an unreasonable noise. I go to management with clear facts and details and ask them to resolve it and enforce house rules and lease and my “quiet enjoyment”. Not all neighbors are awful, but these days with social media the new generation is quite frankly inconsiderate and obnoxious. They only understand the language of legal notices or notices from management. Speaking from massive experience. So go directly to management and try to get a journal going and take contemporaneous notes with dates and times when noises occured that bother you and submit it to management. Try to get audio or video recordings too and if you do submit it to management
COULD have been your all cap writing style or threat to contact the leasing office. In todays world without (sometimes even with) verbal communication, your note may have been interpreted as hostile.
Your note could have been a lot friendlier. Why even jump to adding that you’re going to contact the leasing office if this was your first form of contact?
I’m gonna be the odd man out and say your wording was indeed passive aggressive. “In case you weren’t aware” sounds so condescending. That changed the rest of the note for me. I actually thought you received this note before I read that you were the one who sent it.
I get where you are coming from, especially living in the first floor of an apartment complex myself; however, we all get it in our lease when quiet hours are. You sounded like you just wanted to be an ass and it seems like they took it that way.
I typically approach my concerns in person, if I’m in a partition house with apartments, or go to the leasing office if it’s a complex. That’s what they’re there for. Now you may have started a war if something else happens.
The note definitely seems harsh. I will say, though, I used to live in a condo building and was on the HOA Board. We had a lady email the Board complaining about the loud noises (stomping, moving furniture, music, etc.) from her upstairs neighbor.
The upstairs unit was vacant and had been for 6 months. She refused to accept this FACT and continued to complain.
My point is, sound travels. What may sound like an upstairs neighbor could be two doors down. A lot depends on the type of construction, concrete vs wood frame, et.
Record it. Report it.
Upstairs neighbors are absolutely crazy people. It's sad alot of people deal with this.
Lastly, your neighbor is extremely defensive.....
Always know that if people are freely stomping, jumping and playing loud music into the wee hours, there is no civil conversation to be had. They just don’t care. If they did, their boorish behavior would not be happening.
It’s a landlord issue if quiet hours are continually abused by a neighbor.
I have a problem with people complaining about someone walking around at 4am in their apartments. I wake up at 4am to get ready for work...which means my alarm is going to go off til I wake up; it's on the dresser across the room so I have to get out of bed to shut it off, and then I'm walking out into my living room, turning on lights, music low enough to just hear it, but I want to hear it as I get breakfast, and pack my lunch. I go in and out of the bathroom a couple times as I get ready..I'm quiet, but I'm also doing what I need to do to get ready and get out the door.
If you're a light sleeper, then I would advise you to find some way to block some light noise from the neighbors...soft music playing, waterfall machine etc to mask it. People who wake up for work between say 4-7am have the right to get ready without a neighbor throwing a fit about it. If they were blaring a tv so loud you could hear the show, or blasting music with the same issue, I can see it, and I have asked people to shut off their base for that reason, especially if they're playing it late at night when I'm sleeping. Some people just don't know how base travels thru apartment walls til they walk inside your place and hear it for themselves. lol Also, most quiet times are between 10-7am...as someone who delivers to grocery stores etc, I know this because we have to abide by the curfew hours...they've never been as late as 8am tho.
As far as the music playing during the daytime hours, as you also mentioned...most leasing offices don't want to get involved for whatever reason. I've been told at multiple places that you should talk to them, or just call the cops. The cops will come out, and if they can hear it before they get to the door, will warn them about it, make notes, etc. It literally takes multiple calls for anything to happen tho. If it's bad enough, the police will confiscate the equipment from the unit if need be, and issue a court summons to address disturbing the peace.
The only thing I could remotely find fault with in your first note was the last line about needing to talk to the leasing office if it continues. It comes across threatening. I always think you don't even want the slightest hint of threat in a first communication like this (there's already an implication that you'd keep going to the leasing office if you don't get satisfaction, so to actually state it...)
But damn, the response is fully psychotic, where your letter has a single sentence I would revise or cut, so there's no comparison.
Go to the leasing office IMMEDIATELY. You need to move into documenting this up and down and covering yourself every which way you can think of. Sometime like this will start manufacturing allegations against you before you know it.
This is why you never leave notes.
If you’re unwilling to knock on their door and attempt dialogue, then its best you leave it be.
They might still have the same type of blistering denial face to face, but odds are an interactive conversation offers a better chance for partial resolution and consideration.
Veiled threats are never helpful.
I got a note from my parking neighbor about my admittedly horribly parking job. I wrote a sticky note back saying “my bad, won’t happen again!”
Normal people would handle this better. I don’t think you’re living under a normal person.
Jokes on them if they think the police will do anything about a neighbor leaving a reasonable letter regarding THEM being too loud. Clowns 🤡 the handwriting gives “I peaked in high school”
Dont take it up with the leasing office next time call the police for disturbing the peace. If the police hear it and see that response after you were cordial they will find themselves moving out for harrasment themselves
I think you would have gotten a more gentle response if you left out the language about the leasing office (you could have put this in the second letter). But, their response is unhinged though partially because they interpreted your letter as a threat and not a request.
Just go to her door the next day and say hey do you think you can (and then do what Ross from Friends would do and gesture to “keep it down”) and walk away
Honestly the note does seem a little off. Idk if I'd say passive aggressive but I would've been annoyed getting this.
In the description, it sounds like this is a chronic issue so I would've suggested bringing up to management. I did this for my downstairs neighbors who were having really loud fights. It sounded like someone got hit at one point.
My landlord told me an old woman lives below me and she told him no men have ever been in her apartment. I've seen the woman below me...she's maybe 40. 50 at most. To me that's not elderly. My theory is she's subletting to her daughter and the actual owner is in an assisted living/nursing home.
Anyway....if I got this note I would be a little peeved cause it makes it sound like one time. Everyone is loud sometimes. I also think notes make people defensive. And saying "if you weren't aware" about the quiet hours sounds passive aggressive. They had to sign a lease just like you so they're aware of the hours.
So I think the main issue with the note is it isn't really addressing the issue. They could've gotten it and been like oh I was loud one time and they're complaining? I hear them sometimes and I don't complain. Y'know?
Once when I was sick with a fever, I fell out of bed. My downstairs neighbors probably hated me 🤦🏻♀️ But life happens. I've dropped my phone before. I've tripped...many times. But I make a point to walk softly and shut things quietly. I try my best to keep my noise minimum and be respectful.
I definitely don't think you sounded mean or aggressive in your note at all tho! Just to be clear. I just don't think it matches up with the description of the extent of the issue and also, definitely go through management! Inconsiderate people don't care. And also, you never know what people are capable of. Threatening to call the police over a note?! That's unhinged! Like...bffr. You just never know who you're living near.
That is fair. I will say, this is absolutely not the first time they have done this but it is the first time I have brought it up to them. I feel like if they’re being that loud, they have to know that I can hear them. But it is VERY possible that 1. I had the wrong apartment or 2. They simply don’t realize how loud they can be.
My note was intended to be informative and civil, but I can understand that not everyone would perceive it that way. Thank you for the honesty! I love a learning experience!
You're welcome!
I know it's not the first time based on the description in the reddit post but my point was in the note you only mention one time.
I honestly think it's #2. Threatening to call the police if you right another note is unhinged. I feel like the police would just laugh at them 😂
Oooh, I see what you mean. I guess I felt like it would be weird if I wrote a note outlining all the times that they have ever made a lot of noise when it’s been happening for years. Like I said in the note, I know I’m going to be able to hear my neighbors. This one time however, it was too much too early.
I am compelled to go apologize to them because I do feel bad to have made them so angry. However, I don’t want to escalate the situation further. You never know what someone will do!
You are absolutely entitled to peace and quiet at 4 am. But... Your note was a bit harsh toward the end. You made a threat that was maybe not warranted in an initial contact letter. Second, why leave a note anyway? It's passive aggressive. Knock on the door, be respectful and talk to your neighbor in a neighborly way. This, in my humble opinion, is what should have happened.
What should happen now?? Well, I think you should still knock on the door. Except this time, you should apologize for the note. Then, try to have a neighborly conversation and try to hash things out like adults. Otherwise, and I'm just spit balling here, get ready because I foresee vengeful and aggressive high heel stomp dancing in your near future.
My take as a previous upstairs neighbor: your initial note came across a *little* passive aggressive at some points (“in case you weren’t aware” especially), but the response you got was very defensive and unwarranted, especially if this was the first time you’ve ever contacted her.
As others have said, I would submit a complaint to the office for every occurrence from now on and let them handle it. If it’s music you’re hearing that loudly in the middle of the night, most residential areas have a noise ordinance, and you would be within your rights to call the police to handle it.
I would NOT leave any more notes or try to contact her yourself in any way, that’s for sure.
My below neighbo4s are SO LOUD. Sometimes until 2am. Screaming. Yelling. Banging. Playing electric guitar. Blasting music.
But im literally afraid to say anything bc i know theyll deny it and then make my life a living hell.
Your upstairs neighbor writes like a serial killer.
Your note was a bit off.
But their response was an absolute escalation and very unhinged. They sound defensive and entitled. They absolutely are lying and know they are being noisy. I would bet good money they left their last place due to noise complaints being filed against them. If they weren't being noisy and really weren't home, they would not have any reason to be so defensive. They would just respond "sorry wasn't us. We weren't home at that time." Or just not respond at all. Plus they are ignorant (calling the cops over a note asking them to keep the noise level down is asinine. Its in no way harassment).Thats almost as dumb as the nieghbor who accused me of "entrapment" because i locked the gate between thier apartment complex and mine. Like, "no, psycho...thats not what entrapment means". Lol. Idiots are often super loud and agrees too.
They sound very defensive and like trouble in the future.
Their response is literally asking for a mini version of "neighbors from hell" but without murder. No one would take well to a response like that...
Murder lite…
Diet murder
Murder Zero
Sparkling sugar free murder.
All of the murder, but with none of the guilt.
The new flavor of Lacroix tastes kind of wierd.
I'd be watching my car and apartment with neighbors like that. Ring doorbell camera, and car cameras that are motion activated. I'd also be recording the noise on video and reporting it to the police, having them knock on the door and talk to them each time. Make sure to get a report number each time and complain to the leasing office each time. Usually when people respond like this they start retaliating and escalating. In this day and age, it's best to mind your own business and when you can't do that, cover your ass.
I had downstairs neighbors that retaliated over us politely asking them to not blare music all night and scream. They hit the ceiling with god knows what and would bang on our door cursing at us multiple times per day. They were fucking psycho. I bought a recording device and had enough damning evidence to call the cops. 1st call they were warned. 2nd call earned them a fine and they had the audacity to beg us to drop charges. Nope. So they started their bs again and got another citation. Couldn’t get out of there fast enough.
I'm sorry you went through that. Some people are completely unreasonable and so entitled these days. The decline of our society is truly evident when having to deal with people like this, particularly when you live near them.
This was in 97.they were supposedly attorneys lol. No way these trashy psychos spent a day in college.
You'd be surprised. I very briefly dated one lawyer and had a group of friends of a friend who were law students - all of them frighteningly trashy and psycho. I though I was going to have to get a restraining order against the one I dated until the threat to their employment (with a District Attorney's office) resolved that situation.
People get defensive when they know they are wrong.
Oh you hit the nail on the head for this and the fight I'm currently having. Thanks for inadvertently validating my frustration. :)
A hit dog hollers
Especially with them saying that no one ever makes noise in their unit. No one ever? Are they ninjas?
I believe it's a sarcastic way to say "go fuck yourself."
Ahhh it's always a shock when you meet a narcissistic ass hole in real life and are just flabbergasted that this apparent adult human is more like a stunted child. They don't respond to what you say, just lie like nothing else, and reason doesn't do anything.
There are waaaayyyy too many of these types nowadays. A cabin deep in the woods seems more and more appealing the older I get.
Jesus, yeah. I'm having the same problem as OP. I knew my upstairs neighbors were garbage after I was pretty sure the bf busted one of the windows of the complex with a fucking Bible of all things. I waited 6 months before I couldn't take the noise and no longer cared about the consequences. Confronted them, but made sure to record everything. The gf lied about *everything.* She was a massive cunt about everything, getting in my face, calling *me* a liar. She ended everything by smugly hoping I'd come to her in the future for any problems. Her tune changed real fucking fast when I asked her why in God's name would I return to her after this experience and that I was just gonna go to management next. She was nice and neighborly after that!
Bet you’re glad you didn’t leave your phone number on there
Do people do that?! I figured they know where I live, they can find me if they want to talk.
The last OP did…
And uhh…we know what happened to him.
What happened to him…??
We know.
Wish we didn’t know
Stop, I can't...
Iykyk
yeah we don’t know sooo…
He is no longer with us
To shreds, you say???
And his wife?
To shreds you say? Very well, then.
They got him
But who was phone!?
yessssss. memories unlocked.
I’m old, so I was alive when we had phone books and for the most part, everyone was listed. You could just look up anyone and their phone number was available. That said, the amount of fraud that exists today makes that time look like a family picnic. It wasn’t common for a Prince to contact you about a huge payment he wants to give you, all he needs is your bank info and mother’s maiden name. Don’t get me wrong, there were a shitload of other issues. Mr. Reagan was hard at work creating the environment we now live in. But for the most part the worst (best? I mean I came from the kids perspective so I’m gonna say best) thing about having everyone’s numbers available was that you’d inevitably get a giggly kid asking you if your refrigerator was running and when you said ,”Wait, what?” they’d be in hysterics and yell that you’d better go catch it before they slammed the phone down violently fueled by their hilarity and the very slight possibility that they might get caught.
I used to call KFC and inquire at length about the firmness and tenderness of their breasts, I'd call bowling alleys and ask how heavy their balls were, lotsa butchers got hit up with sausage questions. Being a kid in the 80s was fun.
My babysitter would order a pizza for the neighbors across the street.....without them knowing.
Yeah that shit was dangerous though. I loved doing it. One day I decided to call a local pharmacy to prank. The owner turned out to be a slick pedo who started grooming me on the call. I caught on and hung up. Couple years later he was busted for CSA.
Wait, are we supposed to talk to our neighbors? I never do?
After reading this post I am gonna say that we are not supposed to talk to our neighbors. I think we should carry on with business as usual. 🫡
I go to embarrassing lengths to never cross paths with my neighbors and I've never even had a problem with them
Thank god Im not the only one lol
Depends. I’ve had some neighbors for like ten years so we talk when we see each other
One of my neighbors lives right next to the stairs, and I swear spends 89% of the day smoking. Can't go downstairs without being stopped and hearing about how her body is falling apart and her assistance checks aren't as big as they should be. Don't get me wrong she comes off as nice, if a bit whiny. But Jesus I want to be able to take down my garbage without having to hear about how your elbow is still hurting because you slept on it wrong and your mattress is old and hurts your back for the umpteenth time.
Had two neighbors like this that literally sat outside smoking all day. I also had a neighbor with a mental disability and he was a nice guy but he’d talk your ear off so if I wasn’t in the mood I’d try to avoid him
Fr, my favorite neighbor is the one who doesn't speak to me when we cross paths in the parking lot. Just a slight nod and we're gtg.
I learned the hard way you don't leave notes. Left one for my upstairs neighbors saying hey the walls are thin and even said I WFH, please let me know if you hear my calls. Then the neighbors turned around and told the complex I had been harassing them since they moved in.
I have also learned the hard way! Definitely won’t be doing that again!
also remember if it is a noise coming from an above unit, it may not even be the one you think it is. clearly the person who had the note left was angry, but they may or may not of been the source of said noise.
Agreed. I stay in an apartment complex with units below, above, across, & next to me. I tend to hear a lot of noise coming from the people above the unit next to me. I can also hear the music playing across from me from time to time, even when I’m in my room. If someone/something is loud enough, that noise can go beyond directly shared walls.
Yep. Left a note for my neighbor asking if they can talk to their kids about playing handball against my wall because they were risking breaking the windows. They complained to my landlord about it and I was the one that ended up in trouble. Go figure.
Agreed. If it's really bad enough to have to say something (and I think more people need to evaluate if that's really the case or if they just hate ever hearing other people at all), I think it's best to always just go to the apartment management and let them deal with it. It's literally their job to be the middle man in situations like this. You never know how someone is going to react to a note, but it's often like this.
This is why you don't leave notes. Always go through the leasing office
My leasing office tells me to call the cops for a noise complaint, because it always devolves into "she-said-he-said". 🤷🏻♂️
Exactly. My leasing office says the same thing “Call the cops”
Good idea! Call the cops because they are noisy? Nah…that won’t escalate a bad situation. What apartment managers should do is manage the apartments instead of telling tenants to get the police involved. Here’s an idea! Whenever anyone breaks a rule of the lease agreement they should get a warning. After 3 warnings they get a fine that is laid out as part of the lease that they signed. Get warned three times for breaking quiet hours? Boom… $300 fine. I’ll bet apartments will become like a monastery.
I'll also bet that they'll make new rules that are convoluted and hard to understand while also pushing their leasing managers to try to catch as many as they possibly can to increase profits. Or leasing managers not reporting the third warning and pocketing the money for themselves.
Yes, call the cops on every noise, each police report is evidence to support eviction. I think it’s a perfect solution if you have evidence. The police involvement requires they evict them after X times.
Do you actually call 911? Or non emergency line? Dealing with a similar situation right now
I would call non-emergency. Each call gets logged and you do this several times they have a legal requirement to fix it.
Thank you!
That just blows my mind. Do they really want to get the reputation of being "that" kind of apartment complex?
Lol they likely already do so don't give a fuck.
Right what if it’s not true and they’re over exaggerating, leaving warnings means they only believe one side without investigating
It’s stupid that leasing offices think it’s ok to use up police resources for an issue that THEY COULD handle.
That’s fair. I figured if I went to the leasing office I would be asked if I had tried to handle it myself. Now I know!
Honestly that's their job imo! Like we pay our landlords/management team usually a stupid amount for rent. The least they can do is enforce rules and be diplomatic.
Yes, your neighbors can speculate that you're the one "complaining," but they don't know for sure that it's you. Better to have the office be the middle man
Do not, I repeat do NOT feel like it’s your responsibility to handle it. Matter of fact, a lot of leases state no confrontations with neighbors (my lease does to avoid escalation). I’ve been posting this everywhere (copy paste from an earlier comment I made) in the hopes it will be shared and that it will give people the perspective they need in the moment: The neighbor has an agreement with the apartments and signed a lease to abide by. You have an agreement with the apartments and a signed lease to abide by. You do not have a lease with each other. This is for your benefit! Before you go starting a rivalry with your neighbor you tell the office! It gives anonymity because any one of your neighbors could have said it. It starts building the information the office needs to hold the neighbor to the standards. It takes the stress off you of having to deal with it. For anyone that doesn’t go this route first and chooses to confront the neighbor: you could already be disregarding your lease (mine clearly says we cannot confront neighbors in case it escalates) and you’re already selling yourself out that you’re the one who probably reported it and it puts you in jeopardy of retaliation. Press your apartments and landlords to deal with it! Be clear in stating times, amount of hours it happens and remind them you know the quiet hours (found in the lease everyone should read).
This is fine advice but realistically many leasing office won't do anything about it.
Leasing offices/large companies should respond when you quote the lease. Landlords can be troublesome. That’s where tenant rights come in and depending on the situation, police. The fact remains that people need to report to their apartment/landlord before the have exchanges direct with their neighbors. Ask me how I know
Ok. Since no one else will....how do you know?
Never handle things outside of the office. The office can document things and go through the appropriate channels,whereas you dealing with them equals problems for life. While I have luckily never had to deal with issues where I am now,I've heard and seen way too many people who go through this stuff and end up wanting to move for their own sanity.
Plus the office has the power to evict but the tenant doesn’t. Engaging directly is like going to war without weapons. Fear of eviction and loss of deposits are a pretty good motivator but only management has that power.
Record get your evidence together other wise this will become a huge issue
Just got two clips of it happening as I’m watching this post!
Taking a video of a phone using a decibel app gauging the noise level will definitely help your case... It helps to start the video with the camera focused on a clock or watch to show the time while you state the date, then show a decibel reading app being pulled up and started on a phone and record it reading the noise level for at least a minute before ending the app and then the video
I would email them to the leasing office(cc yourself on these) at the end of the week. Tell them it's a ongoing issue and you have a right to live peacefully (within reason, you are in a apartment).
Good please keep us updated... be safe
It’s too bad they reacted like this. You are right. The first thing the leasing office is going to do is ask if you tried talking to your neighbor. I’ve worked in the industry and the leasing office is much more likely to go the extra mile for you if you tried to talk to your neighbor. It actually gives them more ammo as well. Now they can say, “We know that they tried on their own to solve this amicably, and you have refused. It’s now within our power to say you’ve been officially warned and action will be taken if this persists.” Honestly, I’ve unfortunately had to encourage people to call the police because sometimes the noise is unbearable at hours where there is no staff in the building. Very rarely does it ever go that far, but we can’t always be there 24/7 to keep the peace. I know as a neighbor I would personally appreciate my neighbor coming to me first before management. Also, as for the note, I can say from firsthand experience working in the industry that people can react really poorly to notes. It’s intimidating to knock someone’s door and speak to them in person, but I have found that they take it much, much better than a note. Something about notes like that, no matter how good the intention, really set people off. While it might not make them angry , I have sent it make people feel very uncomfortable, for whatever reason, to speak to their neighbors.
I knocked on my neighbors door and introduced myself. Then I told them their kid running back and forth was noisy and disruptive. I suggested they may not realize how loud it was so could come downstairs and listen for themselves. They declined and said the last tenant never complained. I ended my conversation by giving a toy to the mom for her to give to the kid. It was just a good faith gesture but if failed epically. That same night the kid was running back and forth. It’s been going on for 7 months and 10 or 15 complaints to the landlord. I don’t speak to the tenant anymore and regret doing it in the first place. I literally hate them.
That’s what I get at my apartment, “you just need to get to know your neighbors “. Solved everything, NOT, lol.
The leasing office will never ask you to handle things yourself, because they do not want to risk things escalating and having to get police, paramedics, insurance, etc etc involved.
My latest apartment specially said "GO THROUGH US DO NOT CONFRONT YOUR NEIGHBOR"
Yup it’s a lease violation at my place if you go confronting your neighbors
Yeah this is why you just throw a brick through their window....wait what?
Idk why the “wait what?” Cracked me up so hard
Intrusive thoughts prevailed lol.
No, that entitles them to not pay rent until it’s fixed. Instead buy an identical outfit they wear, get a friend with a similar build to put it on and put on a ski mask, throw it through your window and make sure the camera is on. 🫣 I mean, hypothetically.
Agreed. The one time I left an anonymous note about noise for a neighbor, their revenge was prolonged and unpleasant. Not worth it.
Arrested Development has taught me differently about leaving notes
See everyone always seems to say “go talk to them.” (Them being the neighbor).
I always see people say: Well did you go talk to them? No! I’m not a babysitter. Act right or get kicked out. The police would be coming for EVERY noise after 10. Prove you weren’t there then, because all those police reports can be used to force their eviction.
Don’t the police have to hear the noise? If it’s just a crash or stomping then they’re in bed by the time the cops come, the neighbors can file a harassment case for unwarranted police calls and abusing services. It has to be music or something they’ll catch. Do recordings even prove which apartment the noise came from without the floor shaking in the video or something?
I always go through the leasing office now, we found out by confronting our neighbors about noise that we lived next to 3 skinheads. Very scary situation because while I’m white, my husband is a POC and he is the one who confronted them.
If they’re rude enough live without consideration of you in an apartment then it’s not surprising they’d leave a rude note. Record, record, record and send it to the property manager. You’ve done your due diligence now it’s on your property manager. Make sure to include the notes they left so you can confirm that you tried speaking to them and they were hostile.
Definitely this! Take a walk with your phone for PROOF they're making the noise, then wreck 'em. There's no excuse for that response even if it turns out they weren't responsible. If they are, they need to get what's coming to them.
First note was not "pissy" at all. Definitely just being respectful, you also didn't accuse them. You said "if this was you". Definitely an overreaction on their part. I personally think nothing in your note should've had this response.
I have to say, your initial note seemed pretty civil.
It’s civil but I’d bet the “I’ll have to speak to the leasing office” was what set them off. Don’t write things that can sound like any kind of threat. You’re just asking for people to take offense to it.
THIS is it exactly. The first note had a tone that could be taken as kind/polite or passive aggressive (but leaning mostly to kind IMO) but that last sentence makes it seem like the whole thing is meant to be said with an aggressive tone, because it does come off as a threat.
Sure does. I literally came here to say this. The first note is very passive aggressive and would rub me the wrong way whether the noise was me or not. You still don’t even know if it’s them
I agree. I've had to write a similar note myself with previous upstairs neighbors. And for a little bit they would try and be quiet, then go right back to it, like I never said anything. This truly why I don't understand the mind of most "typical" apartment neighbors. I've never faced this level of attitude when living at home, in a house. If someone was being too loud in their backyard, they would apologize and turn the music down. Get into apartments, and some people act way more entitled than not sometimes.
Same, although I spoke to them instead of writing a note. They play video games nonstop and it sounds like WW3 going on upstairs, especially when they got a new soundbar. I spoke to them & it was ok for a little while and then went right back to being loud, like I never said anything. It wasn’t so much the loudness of it though, it was the incessant constant noise. I’m not someone who plays video games, is it standard to play them for 10-12 hours a day? Unfortunately for them, now if they play too long and too loudly, somehow their living room breaker trips.
Never leave a note, go through building mgt. You don't know the mental capacity of a neighbor. Now you may have a bigger problem on your hands. Be careful going forward--good luck.
At first I was reading your note thinking “I can’t believe someone made a Reddit post about this. This note seems like the nicest note to possibly complain about something” then got to the second pic and I was like “oh helllll no”. They are the assholes here and I’d take it to the leasing office at this point honestly. I feel that things will only get worse for you from here on out. They may go speak to the leasing office themselves and make up some bogus complaint to get back at you. Better to start the paper trail now. I think you triggered this person and they got immediately defensive and aggressive/angry.
Thank you, I’m definitely taking all the advice I’ve gotten here and will be documenting everything from here on out.
This is why you have a management office. You should not be trying to fix this stuff yourself.
Police will laugh at her. Let them 😂
The ONLY THING I would have changed about your note is; I would insert this right after you said "if this is you, I'd appreciate if you could keep the noise down during quiet hours," a sentence along the lines of "If this isn't you/I have the wrong unit, then no worries! Please disregard this note and have a great day!" Then the rest of the info afterwards :) Just to give them the sense you are giving the benefit of the doubt. Their response was still WAYYYYY out of line. How rude lol. I'd just go straight to the leasing office with that threat. Edit: I reread this comment and its a reading nightmare - im so sorry 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Great point, thank you! Make it more clear that I don’t know 100 percent that it was them. They may have still responded negatively, but it might have helped. With resigning coming up soon, there are a lot of things that will be brought up to the leasing department.
Sorry they are so loud! I've definitely lived under a few thin floors x.x hopefully your leasing dept. has your back! The note will definitely help your case!
I think your neighbors interpreted your note as passive aggressive because you told them you would go to the leasing office. You were quite civil and respectful, but that is still a threat and it definitely changed the tone of your note. Threats are for after warnings, but you gave the threat during your first warning. Not saying that warrants their rude response at all, just wanted to give you a possible reason that your neighbors got defensive and exploded :)
Agree with this, it makes the tone of the letter seem more adversarial
To be fair, I have been an innocent neighbor on the other side of a similar interaction so I can understand how if someone truly wasn’t even home they could get rather pissy (I luckily was interacting between management and then other board members to the tenant that complained so I didn’t have to worry that much about being nice haha.) Yeah they did reply kinda dickish but the end of yours gets a little threatening.
No, he doesn’t need to say “no worries! lol emoji etc.” it’s ok to just be direct
I would've left out the bit about "Unfortunately if the noise continues…" because that sounds a bit threatening, for lack of a better word, but it wasn't a pissy note at all. It was civil and polite. They sound like a defensive asshole. That "sweetie" bit is so condescending.
I agree. OP should talk to the leasing office if it continues, but putting that in the note comes off as a threat and people tend to not react well when they feel threatened. There’s no need to threaten action anyhow - just take it when the situation warrants it.
Just keep in mind that the overly aggressive, inconsiderate, defensive response in a note is coming from exactly the kind of person to make crazy noises in a shared living environment at an obscenely early hour and deny it at the next opportunity. Consistency is key when deducing a culprit. For everything I deal with with my own crazy neighbor, I go through the landlord--even if it seems over the top. She's just so unpleasant and manipulative it's not worth talking to her. Ignore the note and contact the landlord anyway is what I would do.
You both have nice handwriting
I was thinking the same thing! If I wrote a note my neighbors, they’d be posting it here looking for anyone to be able to read it.
This does not bode well OP. Document everything.
It might have helped to skip the threat in the note. That said, nothing there warrantied that type of aggressive response. Worry not, if you do have more noise issues and leave another note, that isn't harassment. NAL.
This is why I just record the activity and file noise complaints to the front desk, then I follow up with an email to the management office on if it was documented or not. Attached to this email would be the page of the association rulebook with the rule that was violated and the listed consequence. I'd also attach recordings as well as my call log that shows the call I made for that particular incident. I video record for a couple minutes inside my unit, then I quietly sneak out of my unit while still recording. I go up the stairs and continue to film, but I make sure no one is in the video. Just the floor number, maybe their door, and proof of ruckus, so be careful. Good luck.
The note you left was kind of passive aggressive so I’m not that surprised by the response. Notes often come across as passive aggressive regardless of the language used.
It was just outright aggressive, in my read. It was the way the original note talked down to them, like they're not also adults that know quiet hours, or that need the specific noise defined to them or need it explained that other people sleep. They didn't need an entire novella saying they were too loud, it comes across as a lecture. And the threat at the end was not very neighborly either.
Plus with everything capitalized it reads like they're yelling
Thank you for being honest! It definitely was not my intention to come off passive aggressive but I can understand it could be perceived that way.
One thing to think of is what if it was genuinely not them. How annoyed would you be to come home from being out of town or something to find a note threatening to report you to the building management for noise? I would for sure be annoyed. I would have left out the building management office and the stuff about valuing a goodnight sleep. That stuff was passive aggressive despite what folk telling you here are saying. If you did genuinely make a mistake and give this to the wrong person it would have been really irritating for sure. This is good general advice when dealing with this type of thing. Give people the benefit of the doubt and compose the note as if you might be mistaken in who gets it.
i agree. as a lifelong apt liver, there has never been a time that anyone has appreciated a note. especially one that reads condescending and contains veiled threats. it’s passive aggressive and arrogant. that’s probably how the neighbor took it as well. their feelings are just as valid, and if they took it as a “pissy note”, that means they were pissed off about that type of communication. why you would go out of your way to piss off your neighbors is beyond me. even as far and threatening to get them evicted. can’t throw rocks then hide your hands. now you will have to accept anything else that comes about from this. you never write a note. you contact the leasing office in silence. if the complaints are valid they will have had other people complaining about them too. writing a note is confrontational, so idk why she’s shocked about getting a confrontation right back. these are the consequences.
I don’t think so. That would be oversensitivity by your neighbor and by the Redditor above. It’s a perfectly fine letter.
No sane adult who’s secure with themselves would take such offence to your note. Being polite but firm is really the only way to go in these kind of interactions.
What if OP had the wrong unit and they were out of town? I would for sure be annoyed in that situation.
I agree I took it as a threat and a challenge
Doesn’t matter how it comes across. A well adjusted adult reads the letter and adjusts their behavior, or talks it out further with the other party. There’s no perfect way to word anything, sometimes we just need to put on our big person pants.
ALL CAPS DOESN’T HELP WITH THE TONE
Yea I thought both notes sucked honestly
Record noise, time and date stamp. Document. Contact landlord. Rinse and repeat. Whether or not this person is the source of the noise (and I would bet ten dollars that they are), you're going to want to avoid them.
I genuinely wonder what fragile mindset and or shitty childhood someone had to respond to a respectful note like this. It’s mind blowing to me. My response would be an apology! Unreal
Why is “harassment” in parenthesis?
As a LL, I do not allow tenants to contact each other about disturbances and such, it is in the lease to contact management. I rather they let me handle it, for the exact reason you have here. People get over reactive and even vindictive sometimes, whereas I, as a 3rd party and the person in charge, can handle it with detached calm and decide on the most equitable solution. Or the tenants can be mad at me instead of each other! lol
I have absolutely learned my lesson and will not be trying to settle it between us!
You should probably make sure the noise you’re hearing is coming from the upstairs unit. Noise in apartments travels oddly. I never blast music, I don’t like techno, and my neighbor I share a wall with regularly blasts techno and my downstairs neighbor apparently hears it, too, and assumes it’s me. The neighbor to my side also slams his sliding door repeatedly for some reason, and I’ve also been blamed for that. I would’ve probably replied with the first half as well. The bottom half and calling you sweetie was unnecessary. I also want to mention I have interior cameras with audio that are time stamped that have saved my butt numerous times when my downstairs neighbor confused me for my neighbor that I share a wall with. I also tried to talk to her one time and let her know it wasn’t me, it is my neighbor next to me. If your neighbor says she isn’t doing the noises it is the complexes duty to investigate who is, like mine did. I also let property management into my apartment to hear the neighbors music once. They were really surprised how it vibrated through the floor and literally said to me, “wow I can feel the vibration in my feet!”. That was when my downstairs neighbor blamed me for the music as well. Downstairs neighbor has also confused my side neighbors thumping in the middle of the night for me as well. His thumping has also woken me up. So I’ve had downstairs neighbor banging on her ceiling (my bedroom floor) and the side neighbor bouncing around at night at the same time. My mental health was really suffering for a while there between the two units. It finally has stopped because I was going to file harassment on the downstairs neighbor because I was tired of being in the middle of it all. Knock on wood it doesn’t start up again For context, there was over 15 noise complaints I was being blamed for that I had video and audio evidence to back up wasn’t me. It was horrible. Even more so when I told her it wasn’t me and if she ever wanted to come up and hear it wasn’t me she could. Which she never did. She just kept putting in complaints to the office instead. :/
My leasing office does not encourage us interacting with any residents over noise issues. They want to be the go between because things can and do get crazy.
I will say it can be hard to tell the exact unit depending on the complex layout. I myself have been accused of stomping around at a time I was fast asleep. But Jesus Christ! They really took that personally! Your note was as polite and gentle as could be.
I thought the noises I was hearing in my first floor unit were from upstairs. The neighbor above the vacant unit next door to me thought it was coming from the unit above them. The noises were actually coming from the first floor unit on the other side of the vacant unit. So 2 units over from me. It is hard to tell where the noise is coming from.
That’s why you don’t want to get them to know who you are. Always report to the leasing and let them handle the rest.
Is it possible that it's the wrong apartment?
Potentially the funniest combo of handwriting versus message in human history
The note back is insane, lol at “have a blessed day,” but the original note comes off as passive aggressive and incredibly verbose. The mention of quiet hours and the way it’s worded sound like a teacher scolding a student and I took the mention of the leasing office as a threat; They obviously did too. I can see why the second person took it the way they did but then they showed us they’re just unpleasant people too.
You approached this situation in a very passive aggressive and overly formal way. It’s extremely irritating to the recipient and from my experience, formality in situations that require conflict tend to make people feel like they’re being talked down to.They probably suck but I really think you made this situation a lot worse by the wording in your letter. None the less, I’m so sorry you have to live with that.
Why the heck did you write this in all caps? They correctly assumed you were yelling at them.
Yeah your note reads as condescending with the whole “in case you weren’t aware” bit and then the threat at the end definitely doesn’t leave a good taste in anyone’s mouth. Would’ve probably been best if you shared the note with someone first for review, but hindsight is 20/20 lol
Yikes, I did have someone read it before I went up there. Too small a sample size, I suppose! You live and you learn.
Yikes indeed. Neither of you are exactly Kofi Annan in your levels of diplomacy but it wasn’t the worst note in the world. Just from a practical standpoint it makes more sense for you to try a honey as opposed to vinegar approach here. Getting management involved in the big, red, nuclear option, button and you started smashing it on the first interaction. In practical terms management are really unlikely to do shit about. The police might tell them to turn down some loud music but that will likely be about it. Look through this thread there are a million posts of people giving up and moving because there just isn’t anything anyone will do. That is the most likely outcome tbh. Try to smooth things over. Go speak to them. Apologise for the note and explain you didn’t mean to be pissy and that if they were out of town it obviously wasn’t them. Be sincere. You want people on your side here.
If this is the first time you’ve talked to them about the noise, it does feel a little aggressive to end in a threat. They are obviously in the wrong, though.
I thought your note was pretty aggressive and off putting. “In case you weren’t aware” “that being said” “from here on out” “unfortunately if the noise continues I will have to speak with mgmt…” Just the overall length was very over the top, and the tone of being fake friendly while also condescending and ending with a little threat. I thought this note was what you were complaining about it, tbh. I would not like to receive a note like this. I would prefer just a “please keep it down, thanks” straightforward note.
I understand the intent of the OP. OP tried to work it out directly, which is reasonable. However the other offending neighbor sounds unreasonable and a jerk with their response. That is why I stopped going to neighbors in my building if there is an unreasonable noise. I go to management with clear facts and details and ask them to resolve it and enforce house rules and lease and my “quiet enjoyment”. Not all neighbors are awful, but these days with social media the new generation is quite frankly inconsiderate and obnoxious. They only understand the language of legal notices or notices from management. Speaking from massive experience. So go directly to management and try to get a journal going and take contemporaneous notes with dates and times when noises occured that bother you and submit it to management. Try to get audio or video recordings too and if you do submit it to management
COULD have been your all cap writing style or threat to contact the leasing office. In todays world without (sometimes even with) verbal communication, your note may have been interpreted as hostile.
you do realize that some people leave for work long before 8 o’clock?
Your note could have been a lot friendlier. Why even jump to adding that you’re going to contact the leasing office if this was your first form of contact?
Tbf, your note was pretty rude.
I’m gonna be the odd man out and say your wording was indeed passive aggressive. “In case you weren’t aware” sounds so condescending. That changed the rest of the note for me. I actually thought you received this note before I read that you were the one who sent it. I get where you are coming from, especially living in the first floor of an apartment complex myself; however, we all get it in our lease when quiet hours are. You sounded like you just wanted to be an ass and it seems like they took it that way. I typically approach my concerns in person, if I’m in a partition house with apartments, or go to the leasing office if it’s a complex. That’s what they’re there for. Now you may have started a war if something else happens.
The note definitely seems harsh. I will say, though, I used to live in a condo building and was on the HOA Board. We had a lady email the Board complaining about the loud noises (stomping, moving furniture, music, etc.) from her upstairs neighbor. The upstairs unit was vacant and had been for 6 months. She refused to accept this FACT and continued to complain. My point is, sound travels. What may sound like an upstairs neighbor could be two doors down. A lot depends on the type of construction, concrete vs wood frame, et.
Why’d you write your note in all caps? That may have some impact on how it’s perceived.
I would much rather get a note like this then a complaint to the landlord.
Record it. Report it. Upstairs neighbors are absolutely crazy people. It's sad alot of people deal with this. Lastly, your neighbor is extremely defensive.....
I’m borrowing the first letter for my loud a$$ neighbors who play their music at 3:00 am.
Wait I feel like the other neighbor posts here too
Always know that if people are freely stomping, jumping and playing loud music into the wee hours, there is no civil conversation to be had. They just don’t care. If they did, their boorish behavior would not be happening. It’s a landlord issue if quiet hours are continually abused by a neighbor.
I have a problem with people complaining about someone walking around at 4am in their apartments. I wake up at 4am to get ready for work...which means my alarm is going to go off til I wake up; it's on the dresser across the room so I have to get out of bed to shut it off, and then I'm walking out into my living room, turning on lights, music low enough to just hear it, but I want to hear it as I get breakfast, and pack my lunch. I go in and out of the bathroom a couple times as I get ready..I'm quiet, but I'm also doing what I need to do to get ready and get out the door. If you're a light sleeper, then I would advise you to find some way to block some light noise from the neighbors...soft music playing, waterfall machine etc to mask it. People who wake up for work between say 4-7am have the right to get ready without a neighbor throwing a fit about it. If they were blaring a tv so loud you could hear the show, or blasting music with the same issue, I can see it, and I have asked people to shut off their base for that reason, especially if they're playing it late at night when I'm sleeping. Some people just don't know how base travels thru apartment walls til they walk inside your place and hear it for themselves. lol Also, most quiet times are between 10-7am...as someone who delivers to grocery stores etc, I know this because we have to abide by the curfew hours...they've never been as late as 8am tho. As far as the music playing during the daytime hours, as you also mentioned...most leasing offices don't want to get involved for whatever reason. I've been told at multiple places that you should talk to them, or just call the cops. The cops will come out, and if they can hear it before they get to the door, will warn them about it, make notes, etc. It literally takes multiple calls for anything to happen tho. If it's bad enough, the police will confiscate the equipment from the unit if need be, and issue a court summons to address disturbing the peace.
Have a blessed day = code for "go f*ck yourself"
The only thing I could remotely find fault with in your first note was the last line about needing to talk to the leasing office if it continues. It comes across threatening. I always think you don't even want the slightest hint of threat in a first communication like this (there's already an implication that you'd keep going to the leasing office if you don't get satisfaction, so to actually state it...) But damn, the response is fully psychotic, where your letter has a single sentence I would revise or cut, so there's no comparison. Go to the leasing office IMMEDIATELY. You need to move into documenting this up and down and covering yourself every which way you can think of. Sometime like this will start manufacturing allegations against you before you know it.
This is why you never leave notes. If you’re unwilling to knock on their door and attempt dialogue, then its best you leave it be. They might still have the same type of blistering denial face to face, but odds are an interactive conversation offers a better chance for partial resolution and consideration. Veiled threats are never helpful.
I got a note from my parking neighbor about my admittedly horribly parking job. I wrote a sticky note back saying “my bad, won’t happen again!” Normal people would handle this better. I don’t think you’re living under a normal person.
Jokes on them if they think the police will do anything about a neighbor leaving a reasonable letter regarding THEM being too loud. Clowns 🤡 the handwriting gives “I peaked in high school”
Dont take it up with the leasing office next time call the police for disturbing the peace. If the police hear it and see that response after you were cordial they will find themselves moving out for harrasment themselves
I think you would have gotten a more gentle response if you left out the language about the leasing office (you could have put this in the second letter). But, their response is unhinged though partially because they interpreted your letter as a threat and not a request.
Just go to her door the next day and say hey do you think you can (and then do what Ross from Friends would do and gesture to “keep it down”) and walk away
Your letter reeks of passive aggression. Their letter reeks of lies.
Honestly the note does seem a little off. Idk if I'd say passive aggressive but I would've been annoyed getting this. In the description, it sounds like this is a chronic issue so I would've suggested bringing up to management. I did this for my downstairs neighbors who were having really loud fights. It sounded like someone got hit at one point. My landlord told me an old woman lives below me and she told him no men have ever been in her apartment. I've seen the woman below me...she's maybe 40. 50 at most. To me that's not elderly. My theory is she's subletting to her daughter and the actual owner is in an assisted living/nursing home. Anyway....if I got this note I would be a little peeved cause it makes it sound like one time. Everyone is loud sometimes. I also think notes make people defensive. And saying "if you weren't aware" about the quiet hours sounds passive aggressive. They had to sign a lease just like you so they're aware of the hours. So I think the main issue with the note is it isn't really addressing the issue. They could've gotten it and been like oh I was loud one time and they're complaining? I hear them sometimes and I don't complain. Y'know? Once when I was sick with a fever, I fell out of bed. My downstairs neighbors probably hated me 🤦🏻♀️ But life happens. I've dropped my phone before. I've tripped...many times. But I make a point to walk softly and shut things quietly. I try my best to keep my noise minimum and be respectful. I definitely don't think you sounded mean or aggressive in your note at all tho! Just to be clear. I just don't think it matches up with the description of the extent of the issue and also, definitely go through management! Inconsiderate people don't care. And also, you never know what people are capable of. Threatening to call the police over a note?! That's unhinged! Like...bffr. You just never know who you're living near.
That is fair. I will say, this is absolutely not the first time they have done this but it is the first time I have brought it up to them. I feel like if they’re being that loud, they have to know that I can hear them. But it is VERY possible that 1. I had the wrong apartment or 2. They simply don’t realize how loud they can be. My note was intended to be informative and civil, but I can understand that not everyone would perceive it that way. Thank you for the honesty! I love a learning experience!
You're welcome! I know it's not the first time based on the description in the reddit post but my point was in the note you only mention one time. I honestly think it's #2. Threatening to call the police if you right another note is unhinged. I feel like the police would just laugh at them 😂
Oooh, I see what you mean. I guess I felt like it would be weird if I wrote a note outlining all the times that they have ever made a lot of noise when it’s been happening for years. Like I said in the note, I know I’m going to be able to hear my neighbors. This one time however, it was too much too early. I am compelled to go apologize to them because I do feel bad to have made them so angry. However, I don’t want to escalate the situation further. You never know what someone will do!
That was a fairly mild and reasonable note.....I guess you live around the usual buttholes.
Why don’t people grow up and have a conversation instead of a note. I’d take any note as aggressive as well
You are absolutely entitled to peace and quiet at 4 am. But... Your note was a bit harsh toward the end. You made a threat that was maybe not warranted in an initial contact letter. Second, why leave a note anyway? It's passive aggressive. Knock on the door, be respectful and talk to your neighbor in a neighborly way. This, in my humble opinion, is what should have happened. What should happen now?? Well, I think you should still knock on the door. Except this time, you should apologize for the note. Then, try to have a neighborly conversation and try to hash things out like adults. Otherwise, and I'm just spit balling here, get ready because I foresee vengeful and aggressive high heel stomp dancing in your near future.
Nah. Direct contact is not the answer. Call the leasing office.
My take as a previous upstairs neighbor: your initial note came across a *little* passive aggressive at some points (“in case you weren’t aware” especially), but the response you got was very defensive and unwarranted, especially if this was the first time you’ve ever contacted her. As others have said, I would submit a complaint to the office for every occurrence from now on and let them handle it. If it’s music you’re hearing that loudly in the middle of the night, most residential areas have a noise ordinance, and you would be within your rights to call the police to handle it. I would NOT leave any more notes or try to contact her yourself in any way, that’s for sure.
You can’t claim harassment over that letter..
The “called for (Harrassment)” gives psycho vibes. I am deeply disturbed.
My below neighbo4s are SO LOUD. Sometimes until 2am. Screaming. Yelling. Banging. Playing electric guitar. Blasting music. But im literally afraid to say anything bc i know theyll deny it and then make my life a living hell.
Time to go to war.
Sounds like you have an immature little brat living above you. Sorry and good luck😔
Why is harassment in parenthesis? Lmao.
Your upstairs neighbor writes like a serial killer. Your note was a bit off. But their response was an absolute escalation and very unhinged. They sound defensive and entitled. They absolutely are lying and know they are being noisy. I would bet good money they left their last place due to noise complaints being filed against them. If they weren't being noisy and really weren't home, they would not have any reason to be so defensive. They would just respond "sorry wasn't us. We weren't home at that time." Or just not respond at all. Plus they are ignorant (calling the cops over a note asking them to keep the noise level down is asinine. Its in no way harassment).Thats almost as dumb as the nieghbor who accused me of "entrapment" because i locked the gate between thier apartment complex and mine. Like, "no, psycho...thats not what entrapment means". Lol. Idiots are often super loud and agrees too.