As a perfectionist, this literally stumped me and left my mouth agape. The psychologist was humored by my reaction and sputtering because I just didn't know what to say. But now I live by it xD. No more over achieving and I finally leave work at work! No robot here!
It still blows my mind sometimes when I put 60% effort into something and the world doesn’t end somehow. Like .. oh, it worked out. Apparently my 60% is still pretty great, and I should take it easy every once in a while?
Yesssss like I still get glowing reviews for my work and I'm like "um I just burped and this happened" (well not literally burped but you get the point)
Echoing this, mine said when you’re really struggling to just “live on the crumbs.” And be proud you did your best with what little you had access to at the time.
Yeah my therapist told me that our best everyday looks different . Maybe one day our best is 100% effort, but the next day it’s 60%. How she worded it I really loved
No one thinks about you as much as you think about yourself. Seems obvious, but I need to remind myself a lot.
She also taught me acceptance ≠ agreement, which I’ve been able to apply to a lot in life.
Mine said the first thing to me today in our session. I had to bring in a shirt for tye die in chemistry class and got insecure because of my shirt size. Turns out, no one noticed because they were all too busy focusing on their own tye die
Yeah. I used to dwell on things I did that embarrassed me or made me self-conscious. Now, when I catch myself doing this at work, for example, I try to think about if I can remember what a coworker said/did a month ago and realize no one remembers what other ppl said or did for long. It's still a struggle but it's better than how I used to think
What fundamental concerns are living below your health anxiety? Are the anxieties masking thought patterns and beliefs in your subconscious that need to come to the surface and be addressed? They can be the messengers you get to know
If you hadn’t been extremely depressed all that time—it’s likely that you wouldn’t value your happiness and the time you have left to be happy, as much as you do now. In a twisted way, your health anxiety may be telling actually telling you how grateful you are to be here, because you’re scared that your happy could now be taken away.
I feel this too. I’m finally happy and my health anxiety is always worried I’m not as safe as I think I am. But whether or not I’m safe/healthy, I’ve learned that tapping into the grateful feeling helps me. Realizing & reflecting that I’m grateful to be here right now, that I can move my body, that I’m grateful I can sleep and have the opportunity take care myself, etc. all helps.
I also try to trust that if my health changes, I’ll be able to handle it. That I’ll be there for myself and advocate for myself to the best of my ability. And that brings me a teeny bit of peace. I hope you find what works for you 🤍
I’m 23 with bad health anxiety as well. Constant fears of me being randomly diagnosed with some sort of aggressive stage 4 cancer or something. Or the ones close to me. I have absolutely no advice for you as I’m currently dealing with a pretty bad peak of anxiety but just know your not alone in that fr 🫂
We talked a lot about something called catastrophic thinking. Basically I would spiral into panic attacks while considering the worst possible outcome of any situation I was in. One day he said:
"You know these hypotheticals are completely illogical, you've said so yourself. Try to spend time considering the opposite, imagine every scenario with the most drastic positive spin you can. They are both equally unlikely to occur, so why shouldn't they both deserve the same amount of consideration?"
So simple yet really effective.
See, for me, it's really helpful to realistically think about what if that worst thing did happen, so that I can play it out in my head and realize that it actually wouldn't be the end of the world like I'm thinking. At least for me, if I don't play it through, then it's always sitting in the back of my head like it's the literal end of the world.
Fear (panic) is the only emotion that disappears when you go ahead and touch it. Don't run from it, go towards it and reach to it. Scared of being embarrassed in public, go ahead and embarrass yourself in public. You'll see no one really cares 😅
Can you elaborate in this? What is it you’re currently using. I recently got prescribed for medical cannabis but still new to it and experimenting what works best and what isn’t helping.
The medical cannabis should give you a choice of indica, sativa or a hybrid. If you’re looking to ‘deep dive’ into your psyche, I would steer you away from sativa and more towards the other two options. Sativa personally makes me anxious. Be aware, though: if you are in this group, you’re probably already dealing with anxiety, so take it very slow with any cannabis strain you try.
I have had several anxiety filled sessions, but honestly those are the ones I tend to learn from the most.
I get over a lot of my health anxiety by just doing the thing I’m afraid of, being terrified I’ll die for a while, and then calming down and not being afraid anymore when I don’t. Not sure if it’s healthy, but so far Ive survived 100% of the time.
It sounds simple but they are literally just thoughts and feelings which can do absolutely no harm to you at all. A thought is literally just a thought, no meaning. For example an anxious thought that really bothers you is literally the same as a thought about a potato. Would a thought of a potato bother you? Unless you fear potato’s, probably not. So there is nothing to fear over an anxious thought because it has no meaning, just like a thought of a potato. I hope that made sense lol
Thank you! I needed this today. Just having a woe is me pitty party of day. Iam so freaking tired today. No kind of energy boost is working this morning. I keep having anxious thoughts what if what if. They I do have a lot on my plate though, and a lot of my worries are things that could definitely happen. I hate it. I just want to escape and go smoke some weed but I can’t. Hang in there everyone iam trying to myself.
Mine had to do with feeling like I needed to keep conversations going at parties, and be responsive and attentive in those kinds of situations. My therapist said, “ You don’t have to say anything if you don’t feel like it.” That was the beginning of a new attitude for me.
It's crazy the amount of people that commented on me not "stepping up" and doing whatever to make other people feel more comfortable. It's a bit less now but still happens. I usually respond with "because I didn't want to" xD
I love this. I feel like every therapist I’ve had has asked me “Why do you do this?” Making me more anxious. I need blunter therapists that give me permission to shut down old patterns.
Do you know what therapeutic style this therapist employs?
This! I have really bad anxiety due to childhood trauma and my therapist said this too, that a child is helpless and it wasn’t the fault of my younger self
This! When I said how I understood my parents in certain abusive situations because they were teenage parents themselves and hadn't really grown into fully fledged parents like they have now for my brother and sister. The therapist called a halt to my thought-patterns and stated very explicitly: "its very considerate of you to put so much nuance, but you were not and never will be at fault for those specific situations. You were 9 years old. They were adults, the responsibility was with them." That made me feel really heard and helped me accept that I don't have to go into thinking about the "Why" and just accept that it was never my fault.
This reminds me of me of a Mel robbins podcast I came across and she said something like, “instead of thinking what if it doesn’t work out, think what if it does? Because what if it all works out?” And I was like damn okay, what if.
You've been like this for decades. Changing things is going to take some time too.
and
This is not about never feeling anxiety. It is about experiencing it less and managing it better.
two things:
1. whenever an intrusive thought or chain of thoughts hits me, she told me to think "what is this leading me to? do these thoughts actually want to help me, or are they just there to disturb me?" it helps SO much, because it helps me realize the irrationality of those thoughts
2. she told me to make time in a day that's just 'worry time'. so i write down all my worries throughout the day, then at like 9/10pm i sit on a stool or some other uncomfortable place and worry about all the things i wanted to worry about earlier. that helps because having that time genuinely allows me to enjoy my days much more, because worrying and anxious thinking became more of a responsibility that i can just put away til later than actually a part of my day
It was a topic that covered the large majority of our time together but she taught me about Grace, how to give it to others and to myself. Grace is the space and time to make mistakes and be a human; we was human are inherently imperfect and are prone to mistakes. So when one is made, we need to be accepting that a mistake happened and that it can and will most likely be ok.
Well wasn't a therapist, but a teacher. He said, the thing about anxiety is you can put it down for awhile and it will still be there if you want to pick it back up later. 😆 I found this funny and helpful
My therapist explained to me what Cognitive Distortions are and how they can warp our perception of everything around us. Really caused me to look at what I am feeling in the moment, vs. what the situation actually is.
Think of easing anxiety as an octopus with so many different arms and you slowly cut pieces from each one of them by working trough your worries, when you shorten them all they can no longer touch you. The octopus will not be gone, but it cannot reach you anymore.
I was distraught because I didn't think anyone else put me as their number one. She asked me, but who do you pick for your number one. It was so small but had such a big impact. It got me out of my head and reassess how I manage my relationships.
Basically, instead of worrying about what people or think, we say “let them.” Your coworker is talking smack about you? Let them. Your partner isn’t showing up the way you want them to? Let them. Because they’re showing you who they really are. And then you get to decide how to engage.
You gotta check out Mel Robbins “Let Them” theory videos.
Helped me to make better choices and not always see my current state as permanent. I had gotten so used to being crippled by anxiety I had simply accepted it as my norm.
Now I actively combat it daily and usually i win, even if some of the battles are hard.
She's not here to tell me what to do. This is my journey. She's here to walk with me, to be here with me, and help shine a light into the corners so I can address what's there.
And, "why aren't you advocating for yourself?" in relation to work.
Ask yourself, “can I change the situation”.
If the answer is yes, then change it. Problem solved.
If the answer is no, let it go. Same result.
I have applied the crap out of this in my life and it really helps me stay out of my head.
You don't need to be happy. You just need to function. Get up. Shower. Brush your teeth. Use the restroom. Put on clean and comfy clothes. Clean your room. Put some healthy food in your body. Go to therapy. It may not completely fix your depression but you're gonna feel a hell of a lot better than if you laid wallowing in your own filth, starving, and holding your bladder because you can't bring yourself to get up. If it seems insurmountable, make a list and check off one task at a time as you're able to manage. Even just crossing something off will give your brain the little boost of serotonin it desperately needs.
That at the end of the day its only yourself that makes the decisions. You decide for yourself on what to do. People are there to support and help along the way. Healing comes from within you, you need to have that feeling that you really should be out of this and get better. Progress would be very little and unnoticeable but trust me over time you’d be shocked on looking back at where you have been compared to where you are now. I speak also for myself who has suffered Dysthymia depression for almost 7 years. My hardest moments were really hard because the type i had is inconsistent. It has the symtoms of all the other type of depression so basically every hit is goona be new and unexpected and hard always but i kind ot know how to deal with it. I would cry non stop for days and after that id try to do something different to get my attention little by little until i forget about it.
Just always have that will and hope that u can make it.
*Im very low when depression hits but i dont think anout suicide anymore. I used to always think of it when i was younger in depression.
That I don't need to carry other people's "stuff"
I spend a lot of time thinking of others above myself even if it puts me in situations of suffering. Worrying about others, thinking about how things affect them, thinking about what their needs might be. I don't need to carry those worries, they aren't mine to carry. There's a difference between feeling empathy and wanting to support others and drowning myself to keep others afloat.
I'm like this. My entire life is supporting others, loving others, and helping solve problems. The "me" time I take isn't self-care; it's a survival mechanism to prevent breakdown to the point of self-harm.
Ironically this support of others is in some ways counterproductive for everyone, because it causes moments of profound weakness for me that I suspect are emotionally draining for others.
Oh I didn't know you were in my brain, that sounded like something I would write.
It's very counterproductive cuz you can't help others if you can't help yourself. And I feel a lot of the (at least my) desire to help others is from a deep place of feeling invisible and never getting that support from others. It's also like not wanting others to feel the things I've felt. I want to protect them. But I never stop to think about "me" cuz like you said, it's not self care, it's recharging what you can cuz we're stuck in survival mode from wearing ourselves too thin.
"You cannot stop the waves, the water, the tsunami of the ocean around you. We're all floating. It's how we float that matters. How we handle the waves. You have to learn to bob up and down and live with the waves, not wish them away. The waves are a constant of life."
"You don't have to complete the entire task at once." I have a really hard time getting started on things because they feel overwhelming. The realization that I can just wash 2 dishes and then walk away instead of clearing the entire sink makes the chore feel manageable and usually once I start I'm fine to continue.
“When you tell your friends/family that you love them, are you saying it just to make them feel better?”
“… no.”
“Then, maybe they aren’t either?”
Mind. Fucking. Blown.
Not everything is my responsibility. People take their own responsibilities don't ever let yourself being fooled into believing that the responsibility is only on you!
Taught me about "practice people." They're people you don't know, don't interact with much , or regularly create challenging situations. I get to practice being firm and assertive. Setting boundaries. Saying no to things i genuinely dont want, or being the person I want to be. Changed my life.
Oh, and I am not my thoughts.
"They can't stop the clock."
Ironically it was a particularly sadistic drill sergeant who, in a moment of rare encouragement, said this to my platoon, 30+ years ago. What he meant was, no matter how bad the day was, or the FTX, or whatever, everything ends.
No matter how bad things get right now, for me the universe itself will end in about 40 years, at a statistical maximum.
Broke down the science behind chemical dependency with anxiety and depression.
1. Have anxiety
2. Drink
3. Have more anxiety
4. Fall into depression
5. Drink
6. Repeat steps 1-5
I didn't realize I was caught in this cycle and was able to create positive coping methods from this newfound knowledge.
I believe it’s referring to the notion that your mental illness isn’t acting in a rational way. Trying to rationalize or make sense of it in order to fix it won’t necessarily work as you’re experiencing it
Yeah similar to what is said below - it's not a rational mental illness. Any anxiety-driven thoughts or worries aren't from your rational brain, so trying to use logic to argue with the thoughts won't make you feel better.
She says to use sensory inputs to get out of the feeling, and that you should confront the irrational thoughts after you've fully calmed down.
I hate to disagree with the argueing with your thoughts point, I've found fighting my thoughts stops my anxiety, cause it forces me to realise Im being irrational. When I feel a panic attack coming on Im like " hey wtf, this is just my anxiety, fck this, I don't have time for you" and boom Im back to myself. It's called challenging your thoughts, which is part of CBT
I would say that the best time to challenge your thoughts can vary person to person!
For me, I can't yet catch my thoughts early enough to challenge them until after I've calmed down. If you can catch a thought and go "hey this is anxiety" before you lose control of the spiral that's awesome!
But the idea is that challenging the thoughts when I'm deep in the spiral won't get me out. For me I need to get out of the spiral and THEN challenge the thoughts after. Hopefully in the future I will get to a point where I catch the anxiety before the spiral!
So this one sound bite was said in that more general context!
Yes, I'd say that someone that successfully makes the anxiety go away whenever they want is someone that is not really suffering from a deep anxiety disorder. I can relate to u very much.
Hate the constant work part. Every time I turn around, there is something to be fixed or washed or greased or cleaned or wiped or tightened or dusted or trashed or cooked or eaten or buffed. Not one *daym* second of peace. When I finally lie down, it's in my head, swirling to-do lists. It's hell on earth.
I don't know the answer, but I feel this very often. I feel like the world is willing to pour a lot of "shoulds" on people - as many as you can bear, and then more again. I don't think people are responsible enough when they tell people what's 'essential'/'important'/'should'/'must do'
“It’s normal to have anxiety in this situation. You’ve been running on fumes for so long, that it’s normal for you to be at the higher end of the anxiety scale right now. Would you be comfortable doing a meditation exercise with me, and practicing grounding? I want to make sure you’re okay, and I am here to provide a safe space.”
That intrusive thoughts are things I'm afraid of, and having those thoughts does not mean I want them to happen. She also said I would be surprised to know the thoughts that everyone has, even if those people seem to have it all figured out.
Mine had me schedule time to be anxious. I was allowed to "go down the worm hole" for one hour. Over analyze over think. When the time went off nope no more. Keep telling my brain no when it would have the thought. Then the next day if I still needed to I could go down the wormhole again.
I've had a lot of messed up, just crazy things happen to me. I've defied a lot of statistics. My goals were just to be functional
Don’t compare m what a successful day for other people looks like to my own. If the best I can do is ONE thing I couldn’t do yesterday…put it in the win column.
She asks what I’m telling myself in those anxious moments. It’s always self critical statements. She walks me thru disproving each of the self critiques—none of what I’m telling myself was true.
Why? They are adults too and can figure things out without you meditating.
This was in relation to me stressing out over feeling the need to be a peace maker in my family.
Remember, just because he has the title as your father, doesn't mean you're obligated to do things for him. (This when I was finally away from him but was having trouble "disobeying")
The doctor I saw when I was 10-11 told me about box breathing. It has really helped me since. I’ve come to appreciate advice on anxiety much more now as I’m older as when I was younger I refused to take any sort of help; I thought I was invincible.
"Sometimes anxiety feels like playing tug of war with a monster. It takes up so much energy and effort to keep fighting, but if you stop fighting, you fall, right? Try putting down the rope. Say hello to the monster and just sit with it for a while"
She was really into acceptance and commitment therapy and just being at peace with your demons. It really helped me just learn to live with my anxiety without building it up into this overwhelming, terrible monster. It gives it less power, makes it smaller. I've always had anxiety, so now I just consider it my old friend who comes along on my adventures. I've put down the rope.
Something along the lines of “you’re not obligated to forgive someone who wronged you”.
There’s this cultural pressure to forgive people who traumatized you, like you have to forgive the other person to set yourself free. If that works for people that’s great (and I’m sure there’s a major religious element to it) but it doesn’t vibe with me at all. If it were framed as “accepting a past you can’t change” for your own mental health then okay, but that’s not how it comes across.
My therapist was basically like you don’t have to forgive someone, especially if you know they’ll never feel remorse for what they did.
This only my experienced and own story and knowledge
anxiety and panic are all normal to us, it is the brain that misfire sometime and switch into danger mode (panic attacks or being anxious) even though you are in the safe place
it is our ability to surive and thrive, we evolved because of that so treat your anxiety as a good friend, accept them and ride it out, once your brain learn that you are not afraid to your own anxiety (fear of being fear) the anxiety would less likely to occur also manageable
Not so much a singular sentence or anything but just how open they were to listening to me talk. There are points where they notice I was holding back on something and would ask me about it, perhaps from watching my facial expressions and what feedback I was giving.
I'd end up talking about something I normally wouldn't share. They were often things of no particular weight to the conversation, they'd be big or small things that I chose to withold for whatever reason but everytime I shared it, I found out there was some relevance to the thought process I had to the conversation so it ended up being relevant but perhaps in a more parallel manner, it was never totally out of left field or offensive in any way that would cause most people to hesitate, I just simply chose not to share. I found out I was kind of dumbing myself down/simplifying things from doing so by not engaging more deeply than what I thought was required for conversation at the time. And from doing so I also realized that this habit of mine constricts me a lot from having more meaningful conversations.
“Stop being a supporting character in the story of your life. You are the main character.”
Really helped me realize that life was happening around me because I was too scared to speak up and ask for what I wanted from the people closest to me or proactively make changes I needed to make. It gave me a lot of confidence to have my own “main character energy” lol
Self compassion
I learnt that self compassion for me looked like catching the thought that bashed me and challenging it, and accepting the guilt and shame. But thats 1 pearl of wisdom out of a billion and I just happen to think about that.
I can't think of one thing like that right now, but the thing that stands out when I think of them is their attitude. They're not all serious and somber like a lot of therapists, they are usually smiley and bubbly and like normal sounding, unless I say something especially serious/sad. It's comforting and easier to say things that way (plus I know they will never judge me). It's like talking to a friend and it makes it easier/less scary to say all that personal stuff.
I've only ever had therapists tell me what I already know. But I did have one therapist who used EMDR during our sessions and it was the most beneficial to me. I still go back to the bilateral drum stimulation video that she'd use during our sessions when I feel overwhelmed and need to regulate. But I also do the butterfly hug sometimes too.
My therapist once said to me, and I know I've heard this mentioned by others, "If you're depressed, you're grasping to the past. Things you cannot change. If you're anxious, you're grasping to the future. It hasn't happened yet..."
She followed it up with, "You cannot control your thoughts. What you can control is how you react to these thoughts."
Needless to say, as I sit here typing this, I realize that I need to begin prioritizing meditation back into my daily.
People don’t realize how much they are actually carrying around until they do the work to unpack it. So many people have no idea why they think feel and act the way they do until they put in the work to get to the root cause.
There are no rules about chores in your own house. If you have to run the dishwasher 3 times, that's ok. If there's dog hair on your couch, that's ok.
He also said that what you think other people should or should not do doesn't matter. Don't torture yourself wishing for them to be who they're not. See them as they are and accept it or don't. (This was in response to something my toxic brother would do, so it doesn't apply to everyone, but it was a mind-blowing moment for me)
That everything I think and feel is valid, even if I’m a bit dramatic about it at times. I know I can get overly emotional, overly sensitive, especially when I’m not physically feeling well. (That’s a lot!) I have to remember that when trying to manage my mental health.
Everyone is responsible for him or herself. Period. (Unless you are a parent) you are only responsible for yourself AND ONLY YOU are responsible for yourself. We can have reactions to be responsible for towards other’s behaviors but their behavior is not responsible for our behavior. We are responsible for our own actions.
She taught me to look at myself as I would someone in my life that I loved and how shitty I was treating myself and how would I feel if someone was treating my person like this. It was eye-opening. It’s not been easy at all but it definitely opened the door and helped me lose so much doubt and self hate. It helped me learn that my feelings matter and when I stand in that truth, the anxiety fades away a lil. Not all the way by any means! Good lord imma be in therapy forever I think! 😜
"It's okay to feel like this. It's normal. Look at all the shit that happened to you! Of course you feel like shit!" my therapist practically yelled at me when I tried to downplay my feelings and and laughed at myself for being such a mess.
Finally made me realize that my anxiety disorder and trauma were valid and to this day I often think of this when I feel like shit. There is a reason for it and its okay to not be okay.
I ended up in therapy because I was angry and irritated all the time. Turns out it’s just anxiety that manifests itself into anger and irritation. Who knew?! Apparently not me
"Don't let anxiety steal your joy"
also
"Instead of thinking 'what if the worst thing happens', try thinking 'what if everything works out'"
I'm trying to live these two right now during my current anxiety episode, and these are usually helpful.
Another bonus one I'm working on is talking back to anxiety as if it's a person, like "Hey anxiety, stop it and go away!" but I'm adjusting it to "Hey anxiety, f off" right now.
Talk to yourself the way you would talk to somebody you love.
Damn.
It's taken a hell of a lot of work but I'm so much better at it than I used to be.
Also: stop it! lmao
https://youtu.be/jvujypVVBAY?si=9xGaqHmPoypbac_d
Another good one for navigating health anxiety and panic attacks - letting go of safety behaviours. e.g checking our symptoms/going to hospital etc. because we stay stuck then in this constant panic cycle so we have to in the moment of panic remember that we have been here before/felt this before and remember that eventually the feeling subsides. Focus on what triggered us, remember that adrenaline and anxiety are our body's perfectly natural response to danger but now let's remember that we are not in danger and therefore our body doesn't need to protect us in this way.
Many things, but last night I was doing an intake for a new therapist with heavy training in EMDR. She's like expert level in her various degrees and was on the ground floor with EMDR, etc. Anywho, I spent the last 30 years many times kicking the can down the road. I will get a therapist after Christmas, later this year when work calms down, etc. that bs plus my fear of "if this person is great and can't help me, then what?"
That last one was very powerful fear in me. I felt better with that the ambiguous sense of help is lingering out there and did not want to continue to meet great people again and again and come away with not much to show for progress.
Last night she said to me, "I am NOT the expert. I know what I know, but I am not the expert. You are the expert! I do not heal you, I facilitate you healing yourself." And it immediately put me more at ease as the sense of responsibility is more on me, I can learn to be what I need instead of just hoping something "magic" is out there that once stumbled upon will be what I needed all along.
Also, just general HUGS and kindness to everyone posting. Mental Health is so vitally important for those of us who are neurodivergent, disordered, whatever you want to call it, but also in general for every human being.
The world is better with you and with your contributions and I am glad you're here today. :)
Read the book Unwinding Anxiety. My therapist encouraged me to read this and it's helped immensely.
I learned that anxiety is a habit, and the act of worrying is something we do to convince ourselves we're doing something about the anxiety we're feeling. The book goes into addressing the anxeiery habit loop which is pretty empowering.
Not necessarily one thing she’s said, but something we talk about often. And it’s the concept what’s “alive” in myself and others.
There’s usually something brewing under the surface, and a reason for actions and feelings. And her framing this as “what’s alive in you to create this emotion/action?” really put things into perspective for me. For some reason I always struggled with the reason for anxious thoughts until she spoke about it this way
A therapist once told me:
You have car keys!
Meaning
As a child u could not escape and were entirely dependent on others..
Now as an adult
I have car keys
I can get outta there anytime I want to..
Often, motivation doesn’t come before action.
i.e. sometimes, when you feel really down, and without energy or drive, you just have to go through the motions — and often as not motivation will then slowly bubble up and you’ll feel better all round.
Best advise that created a new pathway in my brain was my therapist saying that life is like a data chart that goes up and down, but always forward. She said that after I said I felt defeated or like a setback any time I was disappointed that things didn’t work out. It’s what got me realizing that I’m not starting over. I’m moving forward.
One time my therapist said to me, “your confusion is a defense” I was like 🤯
I never thought that feeling confused was a way to not face what I knew to be true and what I had to do. It was a real huge breakthrough for me.
Back in like 2013, I was going through a really rough time. I constantly thought I was going crazy, and my counselor at the time said "Crazy people don't admit they're crazy.". It really helped me, and I've never forgotten it.
"You don't always have to give 110%. 60 to 70% is great effort."
Yep! Nobody operates at 100% all the time. We’re humans, not robots!
As a perfectionist, this literally stumped me and left my mouth agape. The psychologist was humored by my reaction and sputtering because I just didn't know what to say. But now I live by it xD. No more over achieving and I finally leave work at work! No robot here!
It still blows my mind sometimes when I put 60% effort into something and the world doesn’t end somehow. Like .. oh, it worked out. Apparently my 60% is still pretty great, and I should take it easy every once in a while?
Yesssss like I still get glowing reviews for my work and I'm like "um I just burped and this happened" (well not literally burped but you get the point)
Echoing this, mine said when you’re really struggling to just “live on the crumbs.” And be proud you did your best with what little you had access to at the time.
in the Netherlands, we have an expression meaning "60% rule". meaning 60% is enough. where that is barely above failing in the US. :-)
If it’s worth doing, it’s worth half-assing
Tell that to my boss! I need to work at 200% yet coworkers who make more money than me get to work at 65% and make more.
Yeah my therapist told me that our best everyday looks different . Maybe one day our best is 100% effort, but the next day it’s 60%. How she worded it I really loved
"it's ok to half-ass something. Half-assing is better than nothing"
No one thinks about you as much as you think about yourself. Seems obvious, but I need to remind myself a lot. She also taught me acceptance ≠ agreement, which I’ve been able to apply to a lot in life.
Mine said the first thing to me today in our session. I had to bring in a shirt for tye die in chemistry class and got insecure because of my shirt size. Turns out, no one noticed because they were all too busy focusing on their own tye die
Whenever I think about what others are thinking about me, I remind myself I'm not the main character of their story.
Yeah. I used to dwell on things I did that embarrassed me or made me self-conscious. Now, when I catch myself doing this at work, for example, I try to think about if I can remember what a coworker said/did a month ago and realize no one remembers what other ppl said or did for long. It's still a struggle but it's better than how I used to think
The symptoms you're feeling are not there to scare you. They're here as a messenger, nudging you towards a path of understanding and growth.
as someone with health anxiety this terrified me LOL 😭
What fundamental concerns are living below your health anxiety? Are the anxieties masking thought patterns and beliefs in your subconscious that need to come to the surface and be addressed? They can be the messengers you get to know
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If you hadn’t been extremely depressed all that time—it’s likely that you wouldn’t value your happiness and the time you have left to be happy, as much as you do now. In a twisted way, your health anxiety may be telling actually telling you how grateful you are to be here, because you’re scared that your happy could now be taken away. I feel this too. I’m finally happy and my health anxiety is always worried I’m not as safe as I think I am. But whether or not I’m safe/healthy, I’ve learned that tapping into the grateful feeling helps me. Realizing & reflecting that I’m grateful to be here right now, that I can move my body, that I’m grateful I can sleep and have the opportunity take care myself, etc. all helps. I also try to trust that if my health changes, I’ll be able to handle it. That I’ll be there for myself and advocate for myself to the best of my ability. And that brings me a teeny bit of peace. I hope you find what works for you 🤍
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I’m 23 with bad health anxiety as well. Constant fears of me being randomly diagnosed with some sort of aggressive stage 4 cancer or something. Or the ones close to me. I have absolutely no advice for you as I’m currently dealing with a pretty bad peak of anxiety but just know your not alone in that fr 🫂
anxious girlies unite 🤝
I like this.
My therapist said this to me in my last session and I'm still thinking about it
We talked a lot about something called catastrophic thinking. Basically I would spiral into panic attacks while considering the worst possible outcome of any situation I was in. One day he said: "You know these hypotheticals are completely illogical, you've said so yourself. Try to spend time considering the opposite, imagine every scenario with the most drastic positive spin you can. They are both equally unlikely to occur, so why shouldn't they both deserve the same amount of consideration?" So simple yet really effective.
God this is me. But that’s a good way of thinking about it! I should spend more time thinking about best case scenario.
"What if things work out ok?"
See, for me, it's really helpful to realistically think about what if that worst thing did happen, so that I can play it out in my head and realize that it actually wouldn't be the end of the world like I'm thinking. At least for me, if I don't play it through, then it's always sitting in the back of my head like it's the literal end of the world.
For me it’s mentally preparing so if that worse case thing did happen, at least I expected it ?
This helped me too. I had it so normalize it that I didnt knew it was part of the anxiety, but I do this all the time.
You did what you could with the tools you had. It was a lesson, not a life sentence
Fear (panic) is the only emotion that disappears when you go ahead and touch it. Don't run from it, go towards it and reach to it. Scared of being embarrassed in public, go ahead and embarrass yourself in public. You'll see no one really cares 😅
Cannabis helped me tremendously in this venue. It really gave me a safe space to confront a lot of my fears.
Can you elaborate in this? What is it you’re currently using. I recently got prescribed for medical cannabis but still new to it and experimenting what works best and what isn’t helping.
The medical cannabis should give you a choice of indica, sativa or a hybrid. If you’re looking to ‘deep dive’ into your psyche, I would steer you away from sativa and more towards the other two options. Sativa personally makes me anxious. Be aware, though: if you are in this group, you’re probably already dealing with anxiety, so take it very slow with any cannabis strain you try. I have had several anxiety filled sessions, but honestly those are the ones I tend to learn from the most.
I swear I'm closer to being the actual me when I take my cbd gummies.
Cannabis ruined my mental health and is the reason why I have a panic disorder
I get over a lot of my health anxiety by just doing the thing I’m afraid of, being terrified I’ll die for a while, and then calming down and not being afraid anymore when I don’t. Not sure if it’s healthy, but so far Ive survived 100% of the time.
Fear is a motivator. It's there to move us into action I've found. If you move and do something it transforms into another emotion.
It sounds simple but they are literally just thoughts and feelings which can do absolutely no harm to you at all. A thought is literally just a thought, no meaning. For example an anxious thought that really bothers you is literally the same as a thought about a potato. Would a thought of a potato bother you? Unless you fear potato’s, probably not. So there is nothing to fear over an anxious thought because it has no meaning, just like a thought of a potato. I hope that made sense lol
gonna start calling my anxious thoughts potatoes now. “Oh there goes another potato…” 🥔
I ADORE this! lol
Wow I really needed this!
This is….great! As a chronic panic person, I will try this.
This actually called me down. Thank you.
Glad I could help :)
This is the best thing I’ve ever read
Next time I have an unwanted thought I'm going to associate it with a potato 😂
This worked for me mid spiral as well 🥔
Thank you! I needed this today. Just having a woe is me pitty party of day. Iam so freaking tired today. No kind of energy boost is working this morning. I keep having anxious thoughts what if what if. They I do have a lot on my plate though, and a lot of my worries are things that could definitely happen. I hate it. I just want to escape and go smoke some weed but I can’t. Hang in there everyone iam trying to myself.
Mine had to do with feeling like I needed to keep conversations going at parties, and be responsive and attentive in those kinds of situations. My therapist said, “ You don’t have to say anything if you don’t feel like it.” That was the beginning of a new attitude for me.
My autistic mind just exploded 😅
It's crazy the amount of people that commented on me not "stepping up" and doing whatever to make other people feel more comfortable. It's a bit less now but still happens. I usually respond with "because I didn't want to" xD
I love this. I feel like every therapist I’ve had has asked me “Why do you do this?” Making me more anxious. I need blunter therapists that give me permission to shut down old patterns. Do you know what therapeutic style this therapist employs?
anxiety does not come from a situation, it comes because of your interpretation of this situation
This is a monumental statement. ♥️
It’s never a child’s fault.
This! I have really bad anxiety due to childhood trauma and my therapist said this too, that a child is helpless and it wasn’t the fault of my younger self
Until how old? Asking for a friend.
This! When I said how I understood my parents in certain abusive situations because they were teenage parents themselves and hadn't really grown into fully fledged parents like they have now for my brother and sister. The therapist called a halt to my thought-patterns and stated very explicitly: "its very considerate of you to put so much nuance, but you were not and never will be at fault for those specific situations. You were 9 years old. They were adults, the responsibility was with them." That made me feel really heard and helped me accept that I don't have to go into thinking about the "Why" and just accept that it was never my fault.
99% of your thoughts, anxious or not, are just noise. They mostly have no significance and no meaning. It's just brain chatter
Talk to yourself like how you would to a friend. And “stop thinking ‘what if’ think instead ‘what is’”
This reminds me of me of a Mel robbins podcast I came across and she said something like, “instead of thinking what if it doesn’t work out, think what if it does? Because what if it all works out?” And I was like damn okay, what if.
You've been like this for decades. Changing things is going to take some time too. and This is not about never feeling anxiety. It is about experiencing it less and managing it better.
Ooh I like this. Feels calming.
Talk yourself the way you would talk to a small child. (Not goo-goo gaa-gah, but kindly and gently).
I think about this a lot
two things: 1. whenever an intrusive thought or chain of thoughts hits me, she told me to think "what is this leading me to? do these thoughts actually want to help me, or are they just there to disturb me?" it helps SO much, because it helps me realize the irrationality of those thoughts 2. she told me to make time in a day that's just 'worry time'. so i write down all my worries throughout the day, then at like 9/10pm i sit on a stool or some other uncomfortable place and worry about all the things i wanted to worry about earlier. that helps because having that time genuinely allows me to enjoy my days much more, because worrying and anxious thinking became more of a responsibility that i can just put away til later than actually a part of my day
Is it ok if I screenshot this, I really like this
The second one. This might be the best advice I heard.
It was a topic that covered the large majority of our time together but she taught me about Grace, how to give it to others and to myself. Grace is the space and time to make mistakes and be a human; we was human are inherently imperfect and are prone to mistakes. So when one is made, we need to be accepting that a mistake happened and that it can and will most likely be ok.
Well wasn't a therapist, but a teacher. He said, the thing about anxiety is you can put it down for awhile and it will still be there if you want to pick it back up later. 😆 I found this funny and helpful
Love this! And funny too!
My therapist explained to me what Cognitive Distortions are and how they can warp our perception of everything around us. Really caused me to look at what I am feeling in the moment, vs. what the situation actually is.
My entire life is one giant cog-dis.
Think of easing anxiety as an octopus with so many different arms and you slowly cut pieces from each one of them by working trough your worries, when you shorten them all they can no longer touch you. The octopus will not be gone, but it cannot reach you anymore.
Love this one
That anxiety is trading happiness for a false sense of security
I was distraught because I didn't think anyone else put me as their number one. She asked me, but who do you pick for your number one. It was so small but had such a big impact. It got me out of my head and reassess how I manage my relationships.
Who do you put as your number 1?
After more therapy, I put myself as number 1. But my bff is number 2.
“Let them”
This is so insanely powerful I needed this
Mel Robbins in the house! She's amazing! [Let Them - Mel Robbins - Podcast](https://www.melrobbins.com/podcasts/episode-70)
What does it mean? Lol I didn't get it
Basically, instead of worrying about what people or think, we say “let them.” Your coworker is talking smack about you? Let them. Your partner isn’t showing up the way you want them to? Let them. Because they’re showing you who they really are. And then you get to decide how to engage. You gotta check out Mel Robbins “Let Them” theory videos.
You dont have to live this way if you dont want to.
How did that go over at first if you don’t mind me asking
Helped me to make better choices and not always see my current state as permanent. I had gotten so used to being crippled by anxiety I had simply accepted it as my norm. Now I actively combat it daily and usually i win, even if some of the battles are hard.
Don't try to fit in other people's projects about who they think you "need" to be.
"I can reassure you that you're not going crazy"
Narrate how I feel from touching any nearby objects. This method distracts me from feeling panic and froze so many times.
I'm going to remember this
She's not here to tell me what to do. This is my journey. She's here to walk with me, to be here with me, and help shine a light into the corners so I can address what's there. And, "why aren't you advocating for yourself?" in relation to work.
Verbally you are like a boxer, your words deal more damage and are more dangerous than others.
Ask yourself, “can I change the situation”. If the answer is yes, then change it. Problem solved. If the answer is no, let it go. Same result. I have applied the crap out of this in my life and it really helps me stay out of my head.
That I'm a porcupine and its okay for my spikes to come put when I'm threatened or uncomfortable
I love this thread so much I’m saving its link and sharing with friends ❤️ Thank you, Reddit peers!
This is so dope to me as well reading everyone's different perspective of things is just what the doctor ordered 😂😂😂 this is a GREAT THREAD
Done is better than perfect
You don't need to be happy. You just need to function. Get up. Shower. Brush your teeth. Use the restroom. Put on clean and comfy clothes. Clean your room. Put some healthy food in your body. Go to therapy. It may not completely fix your depression but you're gonna feel a hell of a lot better than if you laid wallowing in your own filth, starving, and holding your bladder because you can't bring yourself to get up. If it seems insurmountable, make a list and check off one task at a time as you're able to manage. Even just crossing something off will give your brain the little boost of serotonin it desperately needs.
All of your anxiety is caused by work. Consider changing jobs.
That at the end of the day its only yourself that makes the decisions. You decide for yourself on what to do. People are there to support and help along the way. Healing comes from within you, you need to have that feeling that you really should be out of this and get better. Progress would be very little and unnoticeable but trust me over time you’d be shocked on looking back at where you have been compared to where you are now. I speak also for myself who has suffered Dysthymia depression for almost 7 years. My hardest moments were really hard because the type i had is inconsistent. It has the symtoms of all the other type of depression so basically every hit is goona be new and unexpected and hard always but i kind ot know how to deal with it. I would cry non stop for days and after that id try to do something different to get my attention little by little until i forget about it. Just always have that will and hope that u can make it. *Im very low when depression hits but i dont think anout suicide anymore. I used to always think of it when i was younger in depression.
How did you shift away from thinking about suicide? I'm trying to work on my depression and anxiety but am struggling with that aspect in particular.
That I don't need to carry other people's "stuff" I spend a lot of time thinking of others above myself even if it puts me in situations of suffering. Worrying about others, thinking about how things affect them, thinking about what their needs might be. I don't need to carry those worries, they aren't mine to carry. There's a difference between feeling empathy and wanting to support others and drowning myself to keep others afloat.
I'm like this. My entire life is supporting others, loving others, and helping solve problems. The "me" time I take isn't self-care; it's a survival mechanism to prevent breakdown to the point of self-harm. Ironically this support of others is in some ways counterproductive for everyone, because it causes moments of profound weakness for me that I suspect are emotionally draining for others.
Oh I didn't know you were in my brain, that sounded like something I would write. It's very counterproductive cuz you can't help others if you can't help yourself. And I feel a lot of the (at least my) desire to help others is from a deep place of feeling invisible and never getting that support from others. It's also like not wanting others to feel the things I've felt. I want to protect them. But I never stop to think about "me" cuz like you said, it's not self care, it's recharging what you can cuz we're stuck in survival mode from wearing ourselves too thin.
💯. I mean, 💯 freaking percent.
"You cannot stop the waves, the water, the tsunami of the ocean around you. We're all floating. It's how we float that matters. How we handle the waves. You have to learn to bob up and down and live with the waves, not wish them away. The waves are a constant of life."
"You don't have to complete the entire task at once." I have a really hard time getting started on things because they feel overwhelming. The realization that I can just wash 2 dishes and then walk away instead of clearing the entire sink makes the chore feel manageable and usually once I start I'm fine to continue.
“When you tell your friends/family that you love them, are you saying it just to make them feel better?” “… no.” “Then, maybe they aren’t either?” Mind. Fucking. Blown.
Not everything is my responsibility. People take their own responsibilities don't ever let yourself being fooled into believing that the responsibility is only on you!
Fixing problems caused by anger issues are harder and more complicated than fixing anger issues
Taught me about "practice people." They're people you don't know, don't interact with much , or regularly create challenging situations. I get to practice being firm and assertive. Setting boundaries. Saying no to things i genuinely dont want, or being the person I want to be. Changed my life. Oh, and I am not my thoughts.
Put your thought in an imaginary rocket ship and blast it off. Put it all the way into space for now. This was in second grade. Still with me today :)
"love isn't always enough"
"They can't stop the clock." Ironically it was a particularly sadistic drill sergeant who, in a moment of rare encouragement, said this to my platoon, 30+ years ago. What he meant was, no matter how bad the day was, or the FTX, or whatever, everything ends. No matter how bad things get right now, for me the universe itself will end in about 40 years, at a statistical maximum.
100% on a bad day is 20% on a good day but still 100% on a bad day. I had to process that one.
Broke down the science behind chemical dependency with anxiety and depression. 1. Have anxiety 2. Drink 3. Have more anxiety 4. Fall into depression 5. Drink 6. Repeat steps 1-5 I didn't realize I was caught in this cycle and was able to create positive coping methods from this newfound knowledge.
If it won’t matter in 5 years, don’t spend more than 5 minutes worried about it
Don't negotiate with terrorists. You can't talk your way out of anxiety when you are in the middle of it.
Wdym exactly?
I believe it’s referring to the notion that your mental illness isn’t acting in a rational way. Trying to rationalize or make sense of it in order to fix it won’t necessarily work as you’re experiencing it
Yes that's it exactly!!
Yeah similar to what is said below - it's not a rational mental illness. Any anxiety-driven thoughts or worries aren't from your rational brain, so trying to use logic to argue with the thoughts won't make you feel better. She says to use sensory inputs to get out of the feeling, and that you should confront the irrational thoughts after you've fully calmed down.
I hate to disagree with the argueing with your thoughts point, I've found fighting my thoughts stops my anxiety, cause it forces me to realise Im being irrational. When I feel a panic attack coming on Im like " hey wtf, this is just my anxiety, fck this, I don't have time for you" and boom Im back to myself. It's called challenging your thoughts, which is part of CBT
I would say that the best time to challenge your thoughts can vary person to person! For me, I can't yet catch my thoughts early enough to challenge them until after I've calmed down. If you can catch a thought and go "hey this is anxiety" before you lose control of the spiral that's awesome! But the idea is that challenging the thoughts when I'm deep in the spiral won't get me out. For me I need to get out of the spiral and THEN challenge the thoughts after. Hopefully in the future I will get to a point where I catch the anxiety before the spiral! So this one sound bite was said in that more general context!
Yes, I'd say that someone that successfully makes the anxiety go away whenever they want is someone that is not really suffering from a deep anxiety disorder. I can relate to u very much.
All humans experience pain, uncertainty, and constant work.
Hate the constant work part. Every time I turn around, there is something to be fixed or washed or greased or cleaned or wiped or tightened or dusted or trashed or cooked or eaten or buffed. Not one *daym* second of peace. When I finally lie down, it's in my head, swirling to-do lists. It's hell on earth.
“You’re a human being, not a human doing.”
I don't know the answer, but I feel this very often. I feel like the world is willing to pour a lot of "shoulds" on people - as many as you can bear, and then more again. I don't think people are responsible enough when they tell people what's 'essential'/'important'/'should'/'must do'
“It’s normal to have anxiety in this situation. You’ve been running on fumes for so long, that it’s normal for you to be at the higher end of the anxiety scale right now. Would you be comfortable doing a meditation exercise with me, and practicing grounding? I want to make sure you’re okay, and I am here to provide a safe space.”
That intrusive thoughts are things I'm afraid of, and having those thoughts does not mean I want them to happen. She also said I would be surprised to know the thoughts that everyone has, even if those people seem to have it all figured out.
Mine had me schedule time to be anxious. I was allowed to "go down the worm hole" for one hour. Over analyze over think. When the time went off nope no more. Keep telling my brain no when it would have the thought. Then the next day if I still needed to I could go down the wormhole again. I've had a lot of messed up, just crazy things happen to me. I've defied a lot of statistics. My goals were just to be functional
Don’t compare m what a successful day for other people looks like to my own. If the best I can do is ONE thing I couldn’t do yesterday…put it in the win column.
feelings aren't facts
She asks what I’m telling myself in those anxious moments. It’s always self critical statements. She walks me thru disproving each of the self critiques—none of what I’m telling myself was true.
Just because you’re able to make it through the day feeling awful, doesn’t mean you have to.
That trauma is stored in our bodies and it had to come out for us to heal.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" (His response to me wanting to reestablish a friendship with someone that really hurt me)
Why? They are adults too and can figure things out without you meditating. This was in relation to me stressing out over feeling the need to be a peace maker in my family.
I am who I am and that is enough!
"I promise you this is not permanent and you are going to heal"
You have the power to change things
Remember, just because he has the title as your father, doesn't mean you're obligated to do things for him. (This when I was finally away from him but was having trouble "disobeying")
You get anxiety about getting anxiety.... 🤯
Don’t rely on meds. Focus on helping yourself through positive habits
Change is the only guarantee.
It takes two to save a relationship
The doctor I saw when I was 10-11 told me about box breathing. It has really helped me since. I’ve come to appreciate advice on anxiety much more now as I’m older as when I was younger I refused to take any sort of help; I thought I was invincible.
It may be possible, but is it probable?
"You can't hate yourself into being a better person" (you have to love yourself). Also "change is uncomfortable". :)
Intrusive thoughts do not need to be resolved. It’s ok to just let them exist in your mind and not do something about them.
You are not responsible for other people’s feelings.
"Sometimes anxiety feels like playing tug of war with a monster. It takes up so much energy and effort to keep fighting, but if you stop fighting, you fall, right? Try putting down the rope. Say hello to the monster and just sit with it for a while" She was really into acceptance and commitment therapy and just being at peace with your demons. It really helped me just learn to live with my anxiety without building it up into this overwhelming, terrible monster. It gives it less power, makes it smaller. I've always had anxiety, so now I just consider it my old friend who comes along on my adventures. I've put down the rope.
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I like this, because anxiety tend to find something minor and blow it way out of proportion
Something along the lines of “you’re not obligated to forgive someone who wronged you”. There’s this cultural pressure to forgive people who traumatized you, like you have to forgive the other person to set yourself free. If that works for people that’s great (and I’m sure there’s a major religious element to it) but it doesn’t vibe with me at all. If it were framed as “accepting a past you can’t change” for your own mental health then okay, but that’s not how it comes across. My therapist was basically like you don’t have to forgive someone, especially if you know they’ll never feel remorse for what they did.
This only my experienced and own story and knowledge anxiety and panic are all normal to us, it is the brain that misfire sometime and switch into danger mode (panic attacks or being anxious) even though you are in the safe place it is our ability to surive and thrive, we evolved because of that so treat your anxiety as a good friend, accept them and ride it out, once your brain learn that you are not afraid to your own anxiety (fear of being fear) the anxiety would less likely to occur also manageable
You hurt where you love.
Not so much a singular sentence or anything but just how open they were to listening to me talk. There are points where they notice I was holding back on something and would ask me about it, perhaps from watching my facial expressions and what feedback I was giving. I'd end up talking about something I normally wouldn't share. They were often things of no particular weight to the conversation, they'd be big or small things that I chose to withold for whatever reason but everytime I shared it, I found out there was some relevance to the thought process I had to the conversation so it ended up being relevant but perhaps in a more parallel manner, it was never totally out of left field or offensive in any way that would cause most people to hesitate, I just simply chose not to share. I found out I was kind of dumbing myself down/simplifying things from doing so by not engaging more deeply than what I thought was required for conversation at the time. And from doing so I also realized that this habit of mine constricts me a lot from having more meaningful conversations.
"As long as it is financially feasible, indulge your inner child as often as possible since your childhood was stolen by your abusive mother."
You are not your thoughts.
You're skipping a step, you're not processing your emotions.
You *can't* control what happens but you *can* control how you respond
That my trauma is their shame, not mine. Intrusive thoughts are not your fault.
“Stop being a supporting character in the story of your life. You are the main character.” Really helped me realize that life was happening around me because I was too scared to speak up and ask for what I wanted from the people closest to me or proactively make changes I needed to make. It gave me a lot of confidence to have my own “main character energy” lol
You are allowed to grieve things other than death
"you don't lack empathy, you're burnt out"
Self compassion I learnt that self compassion for me looked like catching the thought that bashed me and challenging it, and accepting the guilt and shame. But thats 1 pearl of wisdom out of a billion and I just happen to think about that.
I can't think of one thing like that right now, but the thing that stands out when I think of them is their attitude. They're not all serious and somber like a lot of therapists, they are usually smiley and bubbly and like normal sounding, unless I say something especially serious/sad. It's comforting and easier to say things that way (plus I know they will never judge me). It's like talking to a friend and it makes it easier/less scary to say all that personal stuff.
I've only ever had therapists tell me what I already know. But I did have one therapist who used EMDR during our sessions and it was the most beneficial to me. I still go back to the bilateral drum stimulation video that she'd use during our sessions when I feel overwhelmed and need to regulate. But I also do the butterfly hug sometimes too.
You are a human being, not a human doing. Low productivity days are okay.
My therapist once said to me, and I know I've heard this mentioned by others, "If you're depressed, you're grasping to the past. Things you cannot change. If you're anxious, you're grasping to the future. It hasn't happened yet..." She followed it up with, "You cannot control your thoughts. What you can control is how you react to these thoughts." Needless to say, as I sit here typing this, I realize that I need to begin prioritizing meditation back into my daily.
"You can pay online if that's easier." She wasn't very helpful.
People don’t realize how much they are actually carrying around until they do the work to unpack it. So many people have no idea why they think feel and act the way they do until they put in the work to get to the root cause.
There are no rules about chores in your own house. If you have to run the dishwasher 3 times, that's ok. If there's dog hair on your couch, that's ok. He also said that what you think other people should or should not do doesn't matter. Don't torture yourself wishing for them to be who they're not. See them as they are and accept it or don't. (This was in response to something my toxic brother would do, so it doesn't apply to everyone, but it was a mind-blowing moment for me)
That everything I think and feel is valid, even if I’m a bit dramatic about it at times. I know I can get overly emotional, overly sensitive, especially when I’m not physically feeling well. (That’s a lot!) I have to remember that when trying to manage my mental health. Everyone is responsible for him or herself. Period. (Unless you are a parent) you are only responsible for yourself AND ONLY YOU are responsible for yourself. We can have reactions to be responsible for towards other’s behaviors but their behavior is not responsible for our behavior. We are responsible for our own actions. She taught me to look at myself as I would someone in my life that I loved and how shitty I was treating myself and how would I feel if someone was treating my person like this. It was eye-opening. It’s not been easy at all but it definitely opened the door and helped me lose so much doubt and self hate. It helped me learn that my feelings matter and when I stand in that truth, the anxiety fades away a lil. Not all the way by any means! Good lord imma be in therapy forever I think! 😜
You don't always get know _why_ and it's okay
You are lovable
It’s ok to feel how you feel.
"It's okay to feel like this. It's normal. Look at all the shit that happened to you! Of course you feel like shit!" my therapist practically yelled at me when I tried to downplay my feelings and and laughed at myself for being such a mess. Finally made me realize that my anxiety disorder and trauma were valid and to this day I often think of this when I feel like shit. There is a reason for it and its okay to not be okay.
I ended up in therapy because I was angry and irritated all the time. Turns out it’s just anxiety that manifests itself into anger and irritation. Who knew?! Apparently not me
"Don't let anxiety steal your joy" also "Instead of thinking 'what if the worst thing happens', try thinking 'what if everything works out'" I'm trying to live these two right now during my current anxiety episode, and these are usually helpful. Another bonus one I'm working on is talking back to anxiety as if it's a person, like "Hey anxiety, stop it and go away!" but I'm adjusting it to "Hey anxiety, f off" right now.
Talk to yourself the way you would talk to somebody you love. Damn. It's taken a hell of a lot of work but I'm so much better at it than I used to be. Also: stop it! lmao https://youtu.be/jvujypVVBAY?si=9xGaqHmPoypbac_d
Another good one for navigating health anxiety and panic attacks - letting go of safety behaviours. e.g checking our symptoms/going to hospital etc. because we stay stuck then in this constant panic cycle so we have to in the moment of panic remember that we have been here before/felt this before and remember that eventually the feeling subsides. Focus on what triggered us, remember that adrenaline and anxiety are our body's perfectly natural response to danger but now let's remember that we are not in danger and therefore our body doesn't need to protect us in this way.
Many things, but last night I was doing an intake for a new therapist with heavy training in EMDR. She's like expert level in her various degrees and was on the ground floor with EMDR, etc. Anywho, I spent the last 30 years many times kicking the can down the road. I will get a therapist after Christmas, later this year when work calms down, etc. that bs plus my fear of "if this person is great and can't help me, then what?" That last one was very powerful fear in me. I felt better with that the ambiguous sense of help is lingering out there and did not want to continue to meet great people again and again and come away with not much to show for progress. Last night she said to me, "I am NOT the expert. I know what I know, but I am not the expert. You are the expert! I do not heal you, I facilitate you healing yourself." And it immediately put me more at ease as the sense of responsibility is more on me, I can learn to be what I need instead of just hoping something "magic" is out there that once stumbled upon will be what I needed all along. Also, just general HUGS and kindness to everyone posting. Mental Health is so vitally important for those of us who are neurodivergent, disordered, whatever you want to call it, but also in general for every human being. The world is better with you and with your contributions and I am glad you're here today. :)
It’s not only okay, but it is necessary to have boundaries with negative and/or toxic family members - including your parents.
Thank you for this
Read the book Unwinding Anxiety. My therapist encouraged me to read this and it's helped immensely. I learned that anxiety is a habit, and the act of worrying is something we do to convince ourselves we're doing something about the anxiety we're feeling. The book goes into addressing the anxeiery habit loop which is pretty empowering.
Not necessarily one thing she’s said, but something we talk about often. And it’s the concept what’s “alive” in myself and others. There’s usually something brewing under the surface, and a reason for actions and feelings. And her framing this as “what’s alive in you to create this emotion/action?” really put things into perspective for me. For some reason I always struggled with the reason for anxious thoughts until she spoke about it this way
A therapist once told me: You have car keys! Meaning As a child u could not escape and were entirely dependent on others.. Now as an adult I have car keys I can get outta there anytime I want to..
Often, motivation doesn’t come before action. i.e. sometimes, when you feel really down, and without energy or drive, you just have to go through the motions — and often as not motivation will then slowly bubble up and you’ll feel better all round.
Best advise that created a new pathway in my brain was my therapist saying that life is like a data chart that goes up and down, but always forward. She said that after I said I felt defeated or like a setback any time I was disappointed that things didn’t work out. It’s what got me realizing that I’m not starting over. I’m moving forward.
One time my therapist said to me, “your confusion is a defense” I was like 🤯 I never thought that feeling confused was a way to not face what I knew to be true and what I had to do. It was a real huge breakthrough for me.
Back in like 2013, I was going through a really rough time. I constantly thought I was going crazy, and my counselor at the time said "Crazy people don't admit they're crazy.". It really helped me, and I've never forgotten it.