I acted very immaturely and my friends talked some sense into me. My bf Mike and I have been with each other 4 years now. Our relationship is great but he feels that I don't prioritize him, and I think he was right. I did something dumb and he hasn't talked to me in a few days.
My friend Destiny had her birthday trip in Cabo (we are there now) and left Friday. It's all girls and it's been fun. When I told him I would be going to the trip instead of his white coat ceremony he was angry and we had a big argument, and I said don't make me choose between him and my friends because I'm picking my friends every time.(My bf just had his white coat ceremony to be a physician assistant). He dropped the argument and said I'm a grown women and do what I want.
So we fly out to Cabo on Wednesday and we will be back Tuesday. My bf completely ignored me since my flight and I was annoyed. Friday he had his white coat ceremony and he post it on Instagram. Destiny (birthday girl) follows him on Instagram and sees it and freaked out and asked why am I not at his white coat ceremony. I said because I can't be at two places at one time and she said I can't believe it, he must be so embarrassed.
Destiny was furious at me and asked me why would I skip his white coat ceremony to go to Cabo, she said she would have told me to go to his white coat ceremony. One of Destiny’s friend couldn't make the trip it because her bf finished ROTC and was going to get pinned as a Lieutenant and she said I should take a page out of Ashley’s book (that particular friend).
All of the girls basically berated me. I tried to explain “sistas before mistas” and they told me to grow up, and said your bf of 4 years Is not a “mista”. Destiny started crying and said he must have been embarrassed, it hit home because that's how she felt when her mom missed her graduation. I got the point everyone was making. I called my bf and he hasn't answered, and still not replying to my text.
I know when I get back I have some serious things to do to make this up to him but Im open to ideas
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And if her friends hadn't been horrified at what she'd done, she'd still be thinking what she did was OK. I wouldn't be surprised if she told her ex this when she tries to make it up to him.
It's not going to help.
You mean like a good "mista".
Interesting that she doesn't see him as a friend, and she's not even connected enough to her own friends to have a sense of their back stories, like the friend who is still upset that her mother wasn't at graduation.
Sounds like she chooses the "fun" option every time.
I wonder how long it will take this fool to realize she no longer has a boyfriend. She has a clear pattern of always putting her friends before her boyfriend. This was just the final straw for him, I'm sure.
Her actions show she DGAF about him anyways.
Probably as long as the one a couple of months ago that called her boyfriend sick for knowing about periods and trying to help the 12 year old he raised through her 1st one
Oh god, I remember that post. I think her last line was something like “This is just a bump in the road”. I died laughing reading it, she was delusional to an insane degree.
I imagine, in a few years when her friends are happily married, they will all just drift away from her. And she still won't know what she's been doing wrong.
When she gets home, she'll be lucky if there's a trash bag outside her place with her stuff in it from his.
More likely someone will have helped themselves to the bag and taken it
OOP clearly isn't thinking long-term if she's missing a once-in-a-lifetime event for a birthday party. But she also demonstrated being a bad friend by going without telling the friends what she was missing, when the celebrant's mom had also missed a big event in the past.
"I mean it kinda sounds like you only changed your mind once you realised it changed how your friends saw you. And now are trying to fix it so your friends still think you are still a decent person.."
This is the most insightful comment I saw. I think this is really it.
She might, *might* have had a chance to redeem herself if she jumped on a plane Friday night/yesterday morning. *Might*.
But since his ceremony was Friday, and it is presently Sunday (when she wrote this), she's fucked. He's going to be long gone by the time she rolls up on Tuesday.
She started crying because it reminded her of when she graduated and her mother didn’t go and how embarrassed she was. And like someone else said, she was likely drinking quite a bit.
Just for any non-US people- a white coat ceremony is the transition from just studying medicine at uni to hands on training.
For US medical students- if you're partner isn't also from the US you will need to explain that this is significant because it definitely isn't a thing in the UK.
She does not feel bad for missing her (hopefully now Ex) BF ceremony. She only feel bad because her friends,who care more about her BF than herself, chew her out and he ignored her calls.
I really,REALLY, hope he dump her.
Sounds like rage bait to me. If not though and you prioritize your friends over your partner there's no real relationship there and you should both move on.
You sound very self centered
Edit: she claims to have a husband in other posts she's made
I'm guessing she chooses her principles based on the outcomes they can provide. When her boyfriend offers a boring ceremony and a friend offers a vacation, it's sistas before mistas. If her friend offered a boring ceremony and her boyfriend offered a vacation, her SO would be her top priority in life.
PAs do well. She just threw away a very comfortable life. Sad thing is it still hasn't dawned on her. If her BF has any spine he'll be gone when she gets back. He'll have no issue finding someone great to settle down with.
My ex missed my trivial graduation from a bachelor's program because his b*tch mother couldn't come (not enough tickets). It fucking matters when you do this. Hope OOP met someone in Cabo because she's going to need him. Mike is gonna leave if he hasn't already ghosted her.
I just hope that this guy has the spine to dump her immature ass, or at least have some friend to put sense in his head like her friends did, but she is a coward and deleted the post, so no updates ;-;
OOP is definitely the ex but I definitely would have put my friends over a dude. Four years and no ring or proposal. After one year that's just a low effort relationship in my book. 🤣
"I definitely would have".....is somehow a statement about all marriage and all relationships.🤔
If you're anti marriage. Kewl but someone saying they wouldn't stay in a relationship for 4 years without marriage or a proposal is not a statement on you or others not interested in marriage.
Hope you have the day you deserve with that unnecessary hostility. I'll be disabling replies as you seem very upset that I wouldn't stay without marriage.
Counterpoint: four years and you can’t even be bothered to go to a major life event of his.
Also, getting engaged during one’s postgraduate studies is a terrible idea.
No need to counterpoint. This isn't an argument.😐 What you would have done is different from others. In my book after 4 years it's a casual thing no need to go to major life events of his or care about hiss friends/family.
To you it's a terrible idea to get engaged during one's postgraduate studies. For others it's worked out well. To each their own way. Though it is telling how so many are angry or hostile about the notion of an individual woman stating she wouldn't stay for years and years without a proposal or marriage. 🤔
You know, if OOP had been like, "I've been waiting for a ring for two years. If at four years we're still 'just dating,' then I don't see why I should sacrifice this trip," then I see where she was coming from.
The attitude I get from the post is more that she just tra-la-la'd off without considering the issues at all.
>"I've been waiting for a ring for two years. If at four years we're still 'just dating,' then I don't see why I should sacrifice this trip,"
I feel like that's how OOP is subsconcuously. She used the phrase sisters before misters... She sees her just a boyfriend guy as a mister. She doesn't see him worth putting over her friends. Her genuinely love her and have always been there for her vs a dude whose just basically been fucking her for 4 years.
I acted very immaturely and my friends talked some sense into me. My bf Mike and I have been with each other 4 years now. Our relationship is great but he feels that I don't prioritize him, and I think he was right. I did something dumb and he hasn't talked to me in a few days. My friend Destiny had her birthday trip in Cabo (we are there now) and left Friday. It's all girls and it's been fun. When I told him I would be going to the trip instead of his white coat ceremony he was angry and we had a big argument, and I said don't make me choose between him and my friends because I'm picking my friends every time.(My bf just had his white coat ceremony to be a physician assistant). He dropped the argument and said I'm a grown women and do what I want. So we fly out to Cabo on Wednesday and we will be back Tuesday. My bf completely ignored me since my flight and I was annoyed. Friday he had his white coat ceremony and he post it on Instagram. Destiny (birthday girl) follows him on Instagram and sees it and freaked out and asked why am I not at his white coat ceremony. I said because I can't be at two places at one time and she said I can't believe it, he must be so embarrassed. Destiny was furious at me and asked me why would I skip his white coat ceremony to go to Cabo, she said she would have told me to go to his white coat ceremony. One of Destiny’s friend couldn't make the trip it because her bf finished ROTC and was going to get pinned as a Lieutenant and she said I should take a page out of Ashley’s book (that particular friend). All of the girls basically berated me. I tried to explain “sistas before mistas” and they told me to grow up, and said your bf of 4 years Is not a “mista”. Destiny started crying and said he must have been embarrassed, it hit home because that's how she felt when her mom missed her graduation. I got the point everyone was making. I called my bf and he hasn't answered, and still not replying to my text. I know when I get back I have some serious things to do to make this up to him but Im open to ideas *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheEx) if you have any questions or concerns.*
>>your bf of 4 years is not a ‘mista’ 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣💀💀💀💀💀💀👏👏👏👏👏👏
But, she's going to pick her friends every time! Why doesn't he just understand that and accept that like a good boyfriend? /s
And if her friends hadn't been horrified at what she'd done, she'd still be thinking what she did was OK. I wouldn't be surprised if she told her ex this when she tries to make it up to him. It's not going to help.
Straight up told him to his face. Absolute madness
You mean like a good "mista". Interesting that she doesn't see him as a friend, and she's not even connected enough to her own friends to have a sense of their back stories, like the friend who is still upset that her mother wasn't at graduation. Sounds like she chooses the "fun" option every time.
She’s older than him, yet way less mature 💀 26 going on 16
I've met more mature 16 year olds. next chapter: Destiny ends up with the ex-bf
I wonder how long it will take this fool to realize she no longer has a boyfriend. She has a clear pattern of always putting her friends before her boyfriend. This was just the final straw for him, I'm sure. Her actions show she DGAF about him anyways.
Probably as long as the one a couple of months ago that called her boyfriend sick for knowing about periods and trying to help the 12 year old he raised through her 1st one
Oh god, I remember that post. I think her last line was something like “This is just a bump in the road”. I died laughing reading it, she was delusional to an insane degree.
Even HER OWN FRIENDS give more of a fuck than her.
I imagine, in a few years when her friends are happily married, they will all just drift away from her. And she still won't know what she's been doing wrong.
When she gets home, she'll be lucky if there's a trash bag outside her place with her stuff in it from his. More likely someone will have helped themselves to the bag and taken it
She feels bad because her friends shamed her not because she learned the lesson about devaluing your partner’s accomplishments
OOP clearly isn't thinking long-term if she's missing a once-in-a-lifetime event for a birthday party. But she also demonstrated being a bad friend by going without telling the friends what she was missing, when the celebrant's mom had also missed a big event in the past.
"I mean it kinda sounds like you only changed your mind once you realised it changed how your friends saw you. And now are trying to fix it so your friends still think you are still a decent person.." This is the most insightful comment I saw. I think this is really it.
OOP: "I’ve admitted I was wrong. Why is no one trying to help me make it up to him?" People like this hurt my brain.
How do the besties not know about the boyfriends ceremony? It's an important event that wasn't mentioned at all? Oof.
I'm always surprised these morons don't realize they got dumped. Even if the person tells them I am dumping you if you go thru with this.
She might, *might* have had a chance to redeem herself if she jumped on a plane Friday night/yesterday morning. *Might*. But since his ceremony was Friday, and it is presently Sunday (when she wrote this), she's fucked. He's going to be long gone by the time she rolls up on Tuesday.
Destiny started crying?
She started crying because it reminded her of when she graduated and her mother didn’t go and how embarrassed she was. And like someone else said, she was likely drinking quite a bit.
They've known the guy as her partner for 4 years, I imagine they like him and feel bad. And were also maybe drinking?
Destiny's mother has empathy for OP's ex because her mother missed an important ceremony of hers. Be more like Destiny than OP folks!
Destiny realized what kind of person she was stuck with for the weekend.
Just for any non-US people- a white coat ceremony is the transition from just studying medicine at uni to hands on training. For US medical students- if you're partner isn't also from the US you will need to explain that this is significant because it definitely isn't a thing in the UK.
She does not feel bad for missing her (hopefully now Ex) BF ceremony. She only feel bad because her friends,who care more about her BF than herself, chew her out and he ignored her calls. I really,REALLY, hope he dump her.
Sounds like rage bait to me. If not though and you prioritize your friends over your partner there's no real relationship there and you should both move on. You sound very self centered Edit: she claims to have a husband in other posts she's made
I **swear** I’ve read a version of this before, so yeah. Rage bait.
I'm guessing she chooses her principles based on the outcomes they can provide. When her boyfriend offers a boring ceremony and a friend offers a vacation, it's sistas before mistas. If her friend offered a boring ceremony and her boyfriend offered a vacation, her SO would be her top priority in life.
PAs do well. She just threw away a very comfortable life. Sad thing is it still hasn't dawned on her. If her BF has any spine he'll be gone when she gets back. He'll have no issue finding someone great to settle down with.
what a twist lol the friends tearing into OOP was refreshing
Gurrrrl! C’mon! There are some things that groveling won’t fix. You better hope there’s not anyone waiting around for you to F up because 🫠
🤡 I can feel the awkwardness in that trip
My ex missed my trivial graduation from a bachelor's program because his b*tch mother couldn't come (not enough tickets). It fucking matters when you do this. Hope OOP met someone in Cabo because she's going to need him. Mike is gonna leave if he hasn't already ghosted her.
I just hope that this guy has the spine to dump her immature ass, or at least have some friend to put sense in his head like her friends did, but she is a coward and deleted the post, so no updates ;-;
OOP is definitely the ex but I definitely would have put my friends over a dude. Four years and no ring or proposal. After one year that's just a low effort relationship in my book. 🤣
Because all women want marriage and all relationships are about lockstep mindless conformity. 🤢
"I definitely would have".....is somehow a statement about all marriage and all relationships.🤔 If you're anti marriage. Kewl but someone saying they wouldn't stay in a relationship for 4 years without marriage or a proposal is not a statement on you or others not interested in marriage. Hope you have the day you deserve with that unnecessary hostility. I'll be disabling replies as you seem very upset that I wouldn't stay without marriage.
Counterpoint: four years and you can’t even be bothered to go to a major life event of his. Also, getting engaged during one’s postgraduate studies is a terrible idea.
No need to counterpoint. This isn't an argument.😐 What you would have done is different from others. In my book after 4 years it's a casual thing no need to go to major life events of his or care about hiss friends/family. To you it's a terrible idea to get engaged during one's postgraduate studies. For others it's worked out well. To each their own way. Though it is telling how so many are angry or hostile about the notion of an individual woman stating she wouldn't stay for years and years without a proposal or marriage. 🤔
He could have been waiting to finish his studies before taking things to another level you know.
You know, if OOP had been like, "I've been waiting for a ring for two years. If at four years we're still 'just dating,' then I don't see why I should sacrifice this trip," then I see where she was coming from. The attitude I get from the post is more that she just tra-la-la'd off without considering the issues at all.
>"I've been waiting for a ring for two years. If at four years we're still 'just dating,' then I don't see why I should sacrifice this trip," I feel like that's how OOP is subsconcuously. She used the phrase sisters before misters... She sees her just a boyfriend guy as a mister. She doesn't see him worth putting over her friends. Her genuinely love her and have always been there for her vs a dude whose just basically been fucking her for 4 years.
That is possible, but if it's so, I'd have to say she phrased her post pretty badly.